Urban Myths (2017) s01e01 Episode Script

("If You Gotta Go, Go Now" by Bob Dylan plays) Sorry sir, can I ask you to remove your hood? And your glasses.
Where have you travelled from? Nowhere and nowhere.
Really it's neverending.
Right.
Today, -where have you come from today? Today? - Today.
-That's a good question.
Well it's been such a long flight, ma'am.
I think today might've been yesterday.
Yesterday is just a memory.
Malibu.
I've come from Malibu.
Is that where you live? When I'm there, -yeah.
What's the purpose of your visit? I was invited over by my friend.
- Dave.
-Oh, was nice of Dave.
Yes, that's what I thought.
How do you know Dave? Same way most people 'know him', know him.
He's a Eurythmic.
-A what? -A song and dance man.
Like me.
Right.
"Zimmerman".
Yes, ma'am.
-Robert Zimmerman.
- Yes, ma'am.
Isn't there somebody famous called Robert Zimmerman? Well, if there is I guess I would've heard of him.
Enjoy your stay.
Say 'hello' to Dave.
I'll be sure to give him your regards.
He's a nice man.
Where to, mate? I've got the address here somewhere.
(Chaos is a friend of Mine) It's not that.
I think I can remember it.
Crouch End Hill ? Crouch Hill Road End.
Some of those words in all of that order, or all of those words in some of that order, or none of those words, -but let's keep some kind of order here.
I'll tell you what, boss, let's get you up that way and we can work out exactly where you wanna be dropped.
- Hey, don't I kn -Hey, don't I know you? -That's what I was gonna ask.
-I got there first.
You look familiar, what's your name? Ariel Lloyd.
Alright.
I was thinking of someone else.
You're him, aren't you? I get that a lot.
You're thinking of someone else, too.
Maybe the same 'someone else'.
Or maybe someone else.
This is Crouch End.
Wasn't your mate any more specific? Being specific isn't his strongest suit.
-Well, what about here? -Here is better than nowhere.
I should know, -I've been nowhere.
Look, here or not? Here or not? Here -Why not? No, you're definitely him.
That's good to know.
("On The Road Again" by Bob Dylan plays) (Not a word of goodbye, not even a note) (DAVE, No 145 CROUCH HILL, CROUCH END, LONDON, ENGLAND) - Hi.
- Hi, can I help you? Well, I'm hoping you can.
I'm sorry, I'm not interested in whatever it is you're selling.
- What are you selling? - I'm not sure I can remember.
- Sorry? - Whatever it is i'm selling, I think I sold it a long time ago.
OK, thank you.
-What? -Reviewing the situation, I think I could've been clearer in my attentions.
-I'm really not interested in -I'm looking for Dave.
Oh, he just popped out! You should've said you where after Dave! Well, excuse me, ma'am, but I believe I just did.
Right, -and you are ? Yes, I am.
I'm Bob! You are? Yes, I am.
I'm Ange.
It's a really nice to make your acquintance, Ange.
Likewise, Bob.
He shouldn't be long.
Do you wanna come in and wait in the front room? I don't wanna be any trouble.
-Well, don't be any trouble then.
- I won't be any trouble.
-Ah, and shoes off.
("Nashville Skyline Rag" by Bob Dylan plays) Make yourself at home.
Make myself a what? Make yourself at home.
Well, that's very kind.
I would, but at home I like to weld.
- Weld? - Weld.
Ornate iron gates out of junk metal.
Mainly.
Right.
But here I guess I'll just catch up with some TV.
- Yes, you do that.
Why, thank you, I will.
Take a seat.
-Cup of tea? - Only if it's no trouble.
It's no trouble, I'll do a pot.
-Thank you, Ange.
-Welcome, Bob.
Where's the remote control for the TV? Dave will have hidden it.
He's always hiding it, you know what he's like.
Typical Dave.
("Red Hot" by Billy Lee Riley plays) All right, Bob?! Dave really knows how to hide a remote control! I couldn't turn the TV on so I thought I'd play some records.
Man, this is a great collection.
Yeah, I'm not sure he'd be happy with you playing them.
Nah, it's fine.
When he invited me over, he said he had some great music to play me.
Although, he didn't tell me he had an original Billy Lee Riley.
This record tears out your backbone and kind of makes you feel grateful that it did, -all at the same time.
Don't ya think? It is a great record, yeah, although I prefer "No Name Girl".
"The girl I love ain't got no name" "But I love her just the same" "She's a little peculiar but it is not no sin" "She never know where she going but she know where she's been" Oh man, he was the real deal.
Your tea's -I'm still a bit nervy about you touching Dave's records.
Please be careful with 'em, you know what he's like.
I thought I did, but judging by these he's a cooler cat than I'd imagined.
Judas.
-That you? - Hey? Who else is it gonna be? 've you bought another pair of shoes? Bob's here.
- Who? - Your mate.
- Who? - Your mate, Bob.
The welder.
I haven't got a welder mate called Bob.
Well, you have 'cause he's in the front room.
-Definitelty 'Bob'? -Definitelty Bob.
Hey.
Where's Dave? ("To Be Alone With You" By Bob Dylan plays) I'm Dave.
Hi, Dave.
It is rapidly becoming apparent to me that you may be a different Dave.
Different? Well, I guess what I'm saying is that you're not the only Dave, are you? No, I'm not.
I didn't think so.
Are you Bob? Well, some say I am, some say I'm not.
I prefer not to get involved.
-Right.
-But if I am Bob I'm not the only Bob.
Just like you.
That's you, though, -right? That guy? I was just looking at that guy.
You know I used to know that guy? Great guy.
Folk singer.
Tea? Uh, yes, please.
Where have you been? Me? When? Just now.
Ange said you'd popped out.
I was on a call.
-I had a calling once.
- It was a false alarm.
Mine, too.
Yeah, I'm a plumber.
I'm a song and dance man.
Nice to meet you.
I know who you are.
You do? -I wouldn't be so sure.
-But you are him, though -aren't you? Him? Yes.
But then so are you.
Sugar? -'Ey? -Sorry, let me say it again.
Yes, but then so are you.
Sugar? Two, please.
Take a seat.
- Make yourself at home.
-Ta, yeah.
-I've got so many questions I wanna ask you.
-I don't think you have.
-I definitely have.
-No, you don't want to speak to me, you want to speak to him.
And he don't want to be spoken to.
That's why I'm here.
There are no questions you can ask that I can give answers to.
There are no questions you can ask that I haven't been asked before.
And I don't think I ever really answered a single one.
People don't really wanna ask me questions.
They just want to be friends with him.
And I can see why.
He seems pretty cool, most of the time.
But he's not here.
I'm here.
In your front room.
Drinking your tea.
So, hey We're already friends.
A good point.
Hey, Dave.
I got an idea.
-What's that? - How would you feel if I ask the questions? If you like but I don't think I can tell you anything you'd want to know Oh, you'd be surprised Let's try, shall we? Ok.
- Are you ready? - Yep.
Dave where'd you hid the remote control? -What? -For the TV.
Ange said you'd hidden it.
I couldn't find it anywhere.
Well, you promise you won't tell her? Hey, I'm the one asking the questions, remember? Oh yeah, sorry.
It's in the plant pot.
And there it is.
That is a great hiding place.
I'm gonna remember that for when I get home.
Right, what 'C' is the name of the 'brash' waitress in the Cheers bar? Carla.
- Yes, Lenora? - Carla.
It's 'Carla', you're right.
Well done! Ah see, so you'll answer his questions.
-He's called Bob, right? - Bob Holness.
It would be remiss of me not to answer another Bob.
Besides, I'm a big fan of Rhea Pearlman who plays Carla.
Did you know she's married to Danny DeVito? And a bit of incidental information: Did you know that Rhea Pearlman, who plays Carla, is married to Danny DeVita? There you are.
-Great Bobs think alike.
-Yeah.
That Bob called him "Danny DeVita".
He did, -you win.
What, are you off, Bob? No.
Too much tea.
Right Upstairs, first on the left.
Thankin' you kindly.
Dave? Are you and your mate gonna be long? I've honestly no idea.
It's just we did say we're gonna nip to Wickes before it shuts.
Alright, yeah.
Would you mind if we did that tomorrow? But your sister's coming over tomorrow, dummy.
Right, yeah.
It's just that he's, uh Yeah? He's, uh He's what, Dave? -Never mind - No, go on.
It's just that he's come quite a long way to visit.
Well, I guessed you hadn't seen him for a while.
'Cause you couldn't even remember who he was when you got in.
I wasn't really expecting him.
-Alright, fair enough.
You boys catch up.
-But we'll definitely go to Wickes on Saturday, deal? -Deal.
Anymore tea, Bob?! As good as your tea is, Ange, I think I've had my fill! Well, let me know if you change your mind! -I will!.
- I can do another pot! Ok! Thank you! So, how long have you and Ange been married? No, we're not married.
-You're not? -Nah.
Why not, Dave? Never got round to it.
Well, how well do you know her, Dave? -Pretty well.
- Ok.
What's her favourite Billy Lee Riley record? Easy, -'No Name Girl'.
That's a great record.
Great record.
I don't know much but I know a good woman when I see one, Dave.
You should make an honest woman of the 'no name girl'.
-I'll keep that in mind.
-You do that.
Alright, Bob you keep asking all questions, so I think it's only fair I should get one back.
We struck a deal, Dave.
I know, but you have drunk us out of tea.
That's good tea.
Ange knows how to make a brew.
She sure does.
You're a lucky man.
I am.
Ok before I go, you can have one question on account of Ange's tea.
But it better be good.
It is.
And I can't have been asked that before.
No, you haven't.
Ok, Dave.
Hit me.
Bob What the hell are you doing in my living-room? That's a good question.
Thank you.
I was invited over to visit by my friend Dave.
He's a Eurythmic, you know? - Dave Stewart? - Yeah, Dave Stewart.
He lives here.
Well, not here as it turns out, but you know that.
Yeah, I-I can confirm that Dave Stewart doesn't live in my house.
So Dave invites me to drop in, he lives somewhere 'round these parts as it turns out I got the wrong 'parts'.
I asked for Dave and Ange said he'd popped out.
So here I was waiting for Dave.
And then I got home.
And then you got home you.
I can help you track down Dave Stewart if you like.
There's no need.
I came to see Dave.
And Dave I saw.
Just like you he's not the only Dave.
No, he isn't.
Does that answer your question? It does, thank you.
Right.
I'm gon' put an egg in my shoe.
-'n' beat it.
Oh, I getcha, yeah Um, Bob.
Yeah? Would you sign this for me before you go? But you already had your question, Dave.
-Yeah, I know - I could sign it, but I don't think he'd be to happy about it.
I don't think he'd mind.
He was quite a serious young buck.
But hey, he was so much older then.
You got me there.
-Was great to meet you.
Yeah.
You, too, Dave.
And I gotta good feeling we're gonna meet again.
'On the avenue'.
You bet.
(To my friend Dave Love Bob Dylan) Oh, you off, Bob? Yes, I am.
"Farewell, Angelina.
" Thank you for your hospitality.
I hope I wasn't any trouble.
You weren't any trouble.
Good, because I know you don't want any trouble.
No, I don't.
Take care, Dave.
-And you, Bob.
-I always do.
- See you soon, Bob.
- Yes, Ange.
I hope so.
Oh, Ange Yes, love? He hides the remote in the plant pot.
Well, he seems like a nice man.
A bit odd but nice.
How do ya know him again? Ange there's something I've been meaning to ask you.
Where to, mate? Back to Malibu, I guess.
Airport, please.
("Like A Rolling Stone" By Bob Dylan plays)