Weird Science s02e01 Episode Script

Hey, Gunther, what's taking so long? I'm coming.
Don't call me Gunther.
Why not? Gunther's going to get you more babes than Wyatt.
Gunther screams, speed metal, rock drummer.
Hey, can I use your computer? No way.
- I want to check out this new game.
- No.
Absolutely not.
Then "No" it is, Gunther.
WOMAN: Welcome to "Virtual Hooters.
" Warning: this program contains grap and requires a joystick.
- Are you touching my stuff? - No.
Where's your joystick? - What are you doing? - Nothing.
Oh This leather Catwoman suit is making me sweat.
If you'd like to take a shower with me, press F2 now.
I hate to see a woman sweat.
( Electronic Buzzing ) Something's wrong! Yeah, no hooters.
Where did you get this disk anyway? This looks like a virus.
It's stuck.
It's eating my hard drive! - Take it out.
- Just let me do it.
- Problem solved.
- But I had a special tool.
You better pray your disk didn't screw up Lisa's file.
Will you relax? Where is she? Don't tell me.
I never forget a face.
You okay? If you'd like to take a shower with me, press F2 now.
She's fine.
Now, where's that joystick? She's sick.
She doesn't know who she is or what she's doing.
- Because of the disk? - Yeah, your disk.
- You infected her with a virus.
- Maybe it's a 24-hour thing.
- It will get worse.
- Any good news? If I can locate the virus, and if I can debug the program then maybe she'll be all right but if I can't - What? - We may lose her.
You've got to stay in bed till we can fix the virus.
If you feel like throwing up, try to make it into Chett's room.
Can you see the TV okay? ( Sneezes ) What am I doing in bed? And why are you talking to me like a baby? - Lisa, you feel better? - I feel fine.
Why? - You blanked out.
- We were worried.
Oh, that's sweet.
( Sneezes ) If you'd like to unzip me with your teeth just press F2 now.
Maybe I better stay with her.
We'll be back soon.
Try to sleep.
You're very kind, miss.
- Where did you get that disk? - Lubec.
What do you say, guys? Jessica Rabbit video stills.
She's not naked.
She's just drawn that way.
You sold me a bogus disk.
I'll make sure someone does something about that.
- We need the original.
- I can't help you.
Maybe you'd like your customerso know you've been circulating a virus.
But I heard a dog's mouth was cleaner than a human's.
We're talking about a computer virus.
- Oh, right.
- I need the original disk now.
I don't have it.
Principal Scampi confiscated it.
# Tingly wet, fresh and clean # # Crack a smile with gum-tyne # TV MAN: Somewhere between danger and romance between love and treachery, there is One Life of Love.
- I don't see him, Brooke.
- Maybe he gave up.
Damien will never give up.
Do you believe me now, Brooke? Yes, Michael.
I believe everything.
Your amnesia.
Your bungled sex-change operation.
Your lactose intolerance.
I just hope that it isn't too late for us.
I'll protect you, Brooke.
Even Damien is no match for the power of our love.
I hope your love is stronger than a hollow-tipped bullet.
Damien! Michael! I'll always love you, Michael.
( Sobbing ) I'll always love you, Michael.
( Door Opening ) Michael! Oh, Michael! It's you.
You're alive.
- Sorry.
Wrong house.
- I thought you were dead.
( Sighing ) Who are you? And how long are you staying? Oh, no.
Amnesia! Oh, Michael.
It's me, Brooke.
Remember? The shootout at the wharf? You took a bullet for me.
- Okay.
- We have to get out of here now.
Damien will kill you if he sees you alive.
Let's back up.
You want me to go away with me? We can't waste a moment.
Gee I'm a little torn.
On the one hand, you're a babe.
On the other hand you're a complete psycho.
( Moaning ) I'll drive.
All right, then, when we get in there let me do the talking.
Don't you think we should beg as a team? No.
I don't.
You've done enough with your "Hooter Disk.
" It's always Gary's fault.
Gary broke the window.
Gary lost the remote.
Gary peed in the jacuzzi.
You peed in the jacuzzi? Gentlemen, you're up.
If we don't get that disk back I could lose all my computer files.
Including one special file that's taught us a lot about life.
Ah, yes.
I'm a tetris fan myself.
Boys, I appreciate your dilemma, but allow me to speak frankly.
I am but a cog.
Moments after I confiscated that disk it passed into the hands of another cog in turn passed it to any one of a million other cogs.
- You don't know where it is? - If I knew that, I'd be a much bigger cog.
WOMAN: If you want to see my tattoo dance, press F2 now.
( Beep ) We'll be safe here.
Damien would never risk shooting you in a public place.
Of course not.
Not our old friend Damien.
Now, help me out on this amnesia thing.
You and I are? - Lovers.
- Good answer.
And that means that we, uh "Rocked the casbah"? So many times, so many different places.
Hot tub? Mile-high club? First-class.
Have we ever done it in a restaurant full of a lot of people? Not yet.
Lisa? - She's gone! - Relax.
She's sick.
- She couldn't have gotten far.
- Oh.
Right.
She's only a magic genie capable of traveling through time and space.
- We'll split up.
- Great! You take time.
- I'll take space.
- Flip the computer on and off real fast.
It works on my hair dryer.
That's That's genius, right up there with jamming scissors in my hard drive.
- Why don't we just whack it with a shovel? - What's your problem? If we turn off the computer we might never get her back.
You wouldn't know that, 'cause you never listen.
- I listen.
- You're Useless.
Hey! That'll be you nickname.
You call me "Gunther" and I'll call you "Useless.
" One jumbo iced tea.
See that set of curves over there? She wants me.
She needs me.
She broke into my house just to be near me.
Yep.
She's crazy about me or maybe she's just crazy-- You know, one of those Black Widow ladies who pick some schmo out of the blue and lures them into her web with that sweet smile.
Then ( Making Sucking Sounds ) Next thing you know, she's feeding on your carcass - and you never saw it coming.
- Michael.
Coming, sweet-ums.
Let me see if I've got this straight.
Your stepmother has a love child by my dad before they escaped from prison? No.
During.
But don't worry.
You'll get your memory back.
You know what would really jog my memory? - A tongue bath.
- Michael, look at you.
You're not a tough guy.
It's just a mask.
You're trying to cover the pain you felt growing up in the barrio.
- In the barrio.
- Underneath, I know who you really are.
- You do? - You're kind and sensitive, selfless, peace-loving and wonderful with small forest animals.
- You see that in me? - You're everything I want, darling? - You're my perfect man.
- So it doesn't bother you that I'm unemployed collect guns and live with my parents? No.
It shows me that you love your family.
Brooke, I know that we've only known each other "for a lifetime.
" But I'm starting to think you're my perfect woman.
Then come away with me.
We can go to my father's private island and live in Paradise.
Together forever, safe from Damien.
Go away forever? I can't just up and blow down.
I have a life here.
But imagine it, Michael-- the two of us together.
Imagine it with me.
Paradise it is.
I've got to make to call.
( Shivering ) ( Sneezes ) ANNOUNCER: And now, we return to Where is she? Tell me where she is.
Where's Brooke? Huh? Oh, won't talk, huh? Well, maybe his will help your memory.
Brooke? Come on.
I can't just stand here, doing nothing.
You got to let me help.
The more you do nothing, the more you help, "Useless.
" - You ever beenin a fistfight, Wyatt? - ( Phone Ringing ) Lisa?! Lisa? CHETT: Do I sound lika a "Lisa" to you, bugwits? Chett.
A supermodel's taking me to her island Paradise.
We'll get it on for the rest of our lives.
I'll let Mom know.
Bye.
Seeing as I'll be away a while make sure you feed my gerbils to my snake.
"Feed gerbils to snake, going to island with supermodel.
" - Got it.
Bye! - You don't believe me, do you? - Michael, Damien saw me.
- Brooke, say hello to my little brother.
- Hello, little brother.
- ( Dial Tone ) Lisa?! Lisa?! What happend? Lisa?! I know where she is.
We've got to get out of here.
Damien's found us.
Damien, the illegitimate son of your mother's butler.
He's got a gun.
We have to hide.
In here! I can't go in there! Is what a ladies' room look like.
- Lisa's not here.
- She and Chett must have left.
How will we find them? My guess is, we follow him.
Excuse me! Anybody in there? Hold your breath.
Huh.
Not much privacy.
Lisa must be nearby.
Come on! ( Both Panting ) I can't go any further, Michael.
I don't see that Damien guy.
Positive.
He'll stop at nothing.
Oh, Michael! You know, that name is really starting to grow on me.
Promise me, Michael, that nothing will get in the way of our love.
If you promise you weren't yanking me about spending eternity making love on a beach.
Yank you? How could I yank you? I love you.
Well, well.
If it isn't Hill Valley's favorite couple.
- Lady and the chump.
- You calling me a chump, pal? ( Cocking Hammer ) Ooh, a nine-millimeter.
Nice little pop gun.
But you can't kill me now, now that I've found that love of my life.
- LISA: You mean that? - With killer squeezes like those? What am I, stupid? You may get off a shot or two but I'll have your head on a pole before the casings hit the ground.
- ( Cocking Hammer ) - Okay.
Take her.
Sorry, babe.
I'm out of here.
The only place you're going is hell.
But before I kill you, I'm going to tell you why.
- It all started at the hair academy.
- I know that guy.
That's Damien.
This is Hill Valley Wharf.
- And over there's the hair academy.
- What are you talking about? We're in the middle of a scene from the soap opera One Life to Love.
You watch soaps? When I was out with strep throat I turned it on.
- Bang! I was hooked.
- And as I watched you steal that golden coif award from me I vowed I'd see you dead.
I got to save Chett.
- I got an idea.
- Will you shut up? - I need a second to think.
- Maybe in the afterlife, you'll think twice bofore stealing another man's golden coif.
Wait! Don't shoot! What the? - Don't you recognize me? - Huh? It's me Gary your long-lost son.
- I don't have a son.
- Yes, you do.
You had an affair with my mother 15 years ago at that place near the thing, remember? Your mother was a jamaican princess? Uh no.
The other one.
- The wet nurse? - Yes! The wet nurse.
I spent my life looking for you an we're together I won't let you go to prison.
- Please, Dad, don't kill them.
- What if it's a trick? How do I knew you are my son? We have something in common.
The third nipple.
Son.
- Dad! - Son! This is the happiest day of my life.
- I didn't know you had a third nipple.
- It's a major pimple.
I don't feel very well.
We got to get her home.
She's getting worse.
Where are you cud-wads going with my woman? Brooke and I belong together.
She knows me better than any other woman.
We were going to spend eternity together in Paradise - If you still love me.
- Of course, I love you, Michael.
It's Chett, but it's okay.
We'll talk later, Chett.
Bye, Dad.
Bye, son.
( Lisa Sneezes ) - Can you fix her now? - I don't know.
I've isolated the virus but we won't know if she's okay until we shut Lisa down and reboot the computer.
( Sneezes ) - There is a chance we'll lose her.
- You're genius.
If anyone can save her, you can.
I'll wait outside so I won't screw things up.
Don't say that.
What you did back at the wharf? That was really great.
Really smart.
I never would have come up with that stuff.
You pretty much stood there like an idiot.
- I know.
- Like a useless idiot like a clueless, useless Okay.
I got it.
Thanks.
Lisa? You're going away for a while.
When you come back, - you'll feel better.
- Really? - We'll see you in a little bit.
- Love you, Daddy.
Love you, Mom.
Let's see if we can save her.
Why don't you do it? ( Sighs ) Here it goes.
Hi, guys.
I'm staving.
Anyone up for some pizza? BOTH: Yes! I'll always love you.
But you must understand.
My hearts belongs to Steve now.
Your are.
- My heart belongs to Steve.
- ( Gasps ) Oh, Michael! Excuse me.
( Laughter ) Would you happen to know how I can get the hell out of here? ( Sighs ) ANNOUNCER: Will Chett ever get the hell out of Hill Valley? Find out tomorrow on One life to Love.
Captioned by Grantman Brown