119.MP4 (2025) Movie Script
Titty!
- Okay.
- All right, so it's recording.
- Okay.
- So, like, this card that's in here
will probably be more than what you need.
You're probably not going to run out, but,
there is another one
of the little cards,
and it's just it pops in out of the side.
Okay, well, it tell me when it's out?
Oh, yeah. You'll see it
flashing. Whatever.
- Okay.
- There's also, this is this whole
thing is a battery, like, that's a battery.
And so when it flashes
that it needs another battery,
I have like this whole
other battery that's charged.
- Okay.
- It's in there.
So you'll just pop that one out.
Pop that one on.
- Okay.
Yeah, I the the thing is, like, I,
when I'm writing and stuff,
I need to like the, the
flow of just like ideas.
And so I don't want to just hit
record and be like, this is my idea.
I want it to just have it on top of it.
If I think of stuff
while I'm writing or chatting with people
that I'm like, okay, it's on film.
So I can, keep it.
I mean, I don't think,
I don't think you're going to like,
run out, like there's no way you can
you're you're going to be here overnight.
- Yes.
- You could probably just like it's recording now.
You probably just not even touch it.
Okay. And, so if I have my sleep
apnea, then I can just see that finally
You have sleep apnea?
I don't know, I wake up and I like I feel
like I'm choking, but a lot of times it's
just the acid from all of the
pickles I eat before I go to sleep.
So I don't know if it's sleep
apnea or if it's like Gerd,
but it would be kind of cool to see, like,
Why do you eat a lot of
pickle before you go to sleep?
- Because they're really good.
- Okay.
So yeah. All right.
I'm just trying to think of
anything else that I need to tell you.
Okay.
So in the morning, what are you doing?
Like, what time do you
have to check out tomorrow?
11 and I are to be at
work till after noon, so.
Okay. Well, just, I guess just text
me because I'm already going to be at work.
Okay? And I'll just, like,
configure everything up for me, I guess.
Okay.
You know, I'll send you
the dress and everything.
Cool. Yeah.
My body clock will wake me up at eight.
Anyway, so something really important.
And this is what I like about this camera.
Okay.
While it's recording to that card,
I've also got you connected to Wi-Fi.
And so, like, it's
actually capturing to the cloud as well.
Okay. Yeah. Yeah.
That's really. Yes.
Thank you. So it's oh man. No.
Because these things are like
what they call like action cameras.
This is the type of camera
you would take with you like on vacation
or to the top of the, the
Swiss Alps or wherever.
Volcano. Yeah, yeah. So,
you don't want to lose that footage
because you dropped the camera, right?
Or if I accidentally, like,
pressed it off or on, like, I,
I sometimes will do dumb stuff like that.
So I'm just going to leave it and know
that it's going to the great beyond for me.
- Yeah.
- Access later. - Yeah.
So like
like where you can, like,
I don't even know what
what does a comedian do to have
when they have a retreat like this.
Well, this is my first tech because see,
like I won like I was at drag bingo
and I won one night and I was thinking,
well, why?
Why would I go to a hotel in my own town?
But I thought, okay,
this is actually perfect
because when I'm in my
house, I want to like, nest
and like do all the little chores.
But if I go somewhere, then
I can have that time to just focus on it
and I get a little manic
at night, which is why
I have to take my bipolar medication.
So I will.
I will choose wisely
when to take that when I'm done writing.
But I tend to have my
best ideas at night and,
when I'm like, chatting with friends.
And so I'm just going to keep this rolling
so that I can see my mannerisms
and see what I come up with.
Because when I sit down to write,
I just can't like it doesn't come out.
I just have to be, like dancing around.
And then it just comes and then
I can record it and I can know for my set,
like what works and what doesn't
physically and verbally against it.
All right. So I'm just trying it out.
I've never done it before,
but we'll see if this helps.
So you think you'll
like watch it back. And
I mean, I'll definitely have to like,
fast forward, like, when I get the file
to the moments that, you know,
I was actually coming up with ideas versus
if I'm like, shower ING or something.
But that's another good
thing about keeping it on
and having it upload, because I don't have
to worry about start stop, start stop.
Well, the worse.
And this is another reason why I love it,
is because like remembering
to hit record, like if at first I'm like,
okay, we can see the red light is on.
That's how you know
you're recording, right?
But when you're starting and stopping.
I have done it before where I get back
and I'm like oh man
I didn't hit
record like that is the thing. Yeah.
And then you have footage of you going like
oh yeah.
- It's like a road now
- That's not what I said.
Yeah. So yeah,
that's kind of the, the idea.
And then I might even like do personal
time stamps if I know we started this
at such and such time and I had a stroke
of genius at 1115 or whatever.
Okay.
Well, I mean, I'll just, I mean,
are you comfortable with, like, copying
what's on the card
yourself onto your laptop, or do
you want me to, like, for it to you?
I've put on Google Drive.
Probably. I'll just cry
because I brought my laptop.
Because I'll do some, like,
I'll write on documents on there
while I'm thinking, and I'll just.
Then you'll need there's
this little adapter that's in there.
And you'll note because it looks like
a, like a big SD card.
Okay. And this is a they call a micro SD.
So you just slide it into the biggest card
and then put it right to laptop okay.
Or business. Excellent.
Is there anything else
that you I can't really get.
Yeah. Go go go to that.
Then I'm with you. Okay?
Okay. No. You're good, you're good.
Make yourself comfortable.
Hats from coffee. If you needed.
Yeah. I'm just going to get a.
I need to actually get hyperreal.
I was here with your, like, go ahead.
Scan the space.
Well.
Well, I'm leaving. Okay. Thank you again.
If for some reason
everything's, like, funky, just text me.
You know, I'm probably
going to be up late, so.
Okay.
Will do!
See you tomorrow.
It's my comedy.
So much humor.
A tiny little box.
Some of this.
Yeah.
I'm going to be talking.
Out loud to myself.
I better get used to that because.
I have to, Monologue for
Chris Christmas vacation.
Clark Griswold says
when he, gets the jelly.
The months club.
Strike, I memorize it.
Maybe I should just say
this for my set tomorrow.
Same cheap, lying, no good, rotten
for flushing, lowlife, snake
licking, dirt eating, inbred, overstuffed,
ignorant, bloodsucking, dog kissing,
brainless, dick less, helpless, heartless,
fat ass, bug eyed, stiff legs, body lived,
worm headed, sick of monkey shit he is.
Hallelujah. Holy shit.
It's brilliant.
That's the category that I want to.
Come.
You don't get tired.
What?
I know I start.
Hey. Yeah.
I'm here trying to get motivated.
I've gotten very sleepy now that I've.
Yeah.
Yes. And the mania
will begin around tonight.
So the oysters?
Yeah.
I'm trying it out.
It could be like,
hours of just stupid. But
all my stuff happens when
I'm, like, walking around.
So I'm going to go on
live on, I guess, Instagram or something.
I'm going to see if
anybody has any, like, bits
they want to do
or like roofing or whatever. And.
Yeah. Got the set up so I don't
have to worry about like on off on off.
It's not bad.
I think I might actually like
record some of my older jokes.
It's just so I can watch them back and be
like, how can I rearrange these or whatever?
So it's like my own little stage.
Okay, I'll call you in the morning.
Okay.
I love you.
Bye!
Okay.
That is a poem.
Sometimes I don't know what this means.
This card just says squatter's rights.
I don't know what that means.
I don't go, and what the fuck?
The best, set I ever had
was when I was a ghost.
And I was performing at a burlesque show,
and I made, like, $100,
and I realized that it was
because I was like, dead women.
Everybody who lives that.
I'm a bad girl.
I'm bad at money management.
It's a good one, Liner.
And here's one of my favorites.
I love going to graveyards during Covid
because everyone
stays six feet away from me.
Yeah, some of this is just nonsense.
Or like, very specifically topical.
I don't know,
I probably need to do some like Jazzercise
or something.
Okay.
Let's see.
All right. We've hit the part
of the evening where I am,
like, needing my second wind.
And so
I'm just going to like.
I don't know, I guess
I'll poke around at stuff in the room
and, like, try to riff on it.
Like, as an exercise, I guess.
Like, there's this picture
on the wall of, like,
some chemical equation,
and I don't I never took chemistry,
so I don't know what it means.
And that's not funny,
but the whole point is just poking around
and figuring out what's going on. So,
There's a book in
there, and it's not a Bible.
Let's learn a little about where we are.
Shall we?
So again, I got this place,
gift night.
So. It's lovely.
It's old.
I don't know much
about it, but I don't know.
This might get the juices flowing.
This was the only room
available for tonight.
There's a concert going on, and,
some, like nerd convention
or something, and,
everywhere was booked in this hotel
except for this room.
So trying to figure out,
like somebody died in here,
Okay.
So I'm going to do
this in my British accent.
As practice.
Practice?
History village opened this terrible,
History village opened
on September 25th, 1974.
It was a motel, restroom,
entertainment office,
shopping complex.
How interesting.
Blah blah blah blah blah.
Oh wait.
No, I'll do my, my Real Housewives voice.
How about this? Yes.
This hotel was reopened in 2014.
Hi. Rent and property mismanagement.
That's just the Tuesday.
I don't know what all these words mean.
Oh, okay.
This is fun.
Maybe I can just do
my whole set on this
information, but where we are,
was originally incorporated in 1850,
and it burned down in 1853.
The work here was grueling.
Bricks and stuff.
I do like a nice brick.
There's a lot of ads on here.
Okay, okay.
Shadow people.
I'm used to seeing them.
Well, when I was addicted to Adderall.
See? Okay.
I already have, like, terrible vision,
so I wouldn't be surprised
if I saw shadow people.
Where my eye sees stuff
out of the corner of my eye.
Okay.
Who's fucking with me.
These aren't the only strange things
that have not been noticed.
Six months on the job.
The person who this articles about.
The writer cited room 119 of the hotel
as a hotspot for paranormal activity.
Back in the days of landlines.
Oh, we have a landline, children.
A landline is a phone
that's connected to the walls.
Back in the days of landlines, the
front office would repeatedly receive calls
from the empty hotel room
at night, an occurrence that
other coworkers have confirmed.
There's also something
amiss with the rooms.
Lights
describe them as being off
when she comes into work,
and then being on when
she leaves, or vice versa.
Usually, however, they come on at night.
Well, that's because you need to see.
Well, that explains why it
was the only room available.
Okay, well, maybe, ghost of whatever will,
possess my body and make me funny.
We can only pray.
A lot in these Covid jokes.
Okay.
Let me.
You okay?
Okay.
I'll leave so my two
followers will find me and say.
Hey. That's.
Okay.
It's not working.
Whatever. Hi.
We are telling your followers
you started in that video.
So, anybody out there?
I'm so unfunny.
That I can't even get an
audience in a haunted room to.
Oh, okay.
Hello.
Hello.
How are you?
I have one fan.
Somebody must be doing something
better with their Thursday.
Yeah, I'm just a bit of writer's block,
so I just wanted to, like,
you know, shoot the shit a little.
I actually have tomorrow,
and I'm currently at a,
like, mini writing retreat.
Then I'm tired and cranky.
And, the hotel,
is on foundry.
The old one.
The really old one.
The haunted.
Well, I mean, if you're in, like,
southern town, aren't they all haunted?
I don't know, there's an article.
Some website that I just read
where it says that this
very room is haunted,
but things always get like
you used to get stoned, and,
I would convince myself
that my house is haunted
because I would plug in my address,
and it was one of those websites
that was like, no matter what
you put, it's going to be haunted.
And I freaked out.
I just woke my parents up when I was
stoned and I was like, don't do that.
Yes. Are you all fucking with me?
Yeah.
That was the only one that was available.
It's nice. It's on the ground
floor. It's in the corner.
I don't understand, really comfortable bed.
What's the deal?
Have you been in here before?
Okay, well, I can sleep
through anything on my,
but older medication, so we'll have to see.
We'll see about that.
Spooky.
What do you say?
Why does everyone seem to know about this?
Except for me?
Okay, I came on here.
They'll get, like, comedy ideas, I guess.
I guess I can just rip off of the.
Okay, well, I'm ready here.
I'm on the bed. Like, I guess I'm doomed.
I'm already doomed
because I have, like, pages
of shitty comedy that I need to,
workshop.
So I guess if I'm really not funny, then
I'll be dead by morning.
Oh my God, it's three.
Yes, that is very fluffy.
Oh, that's these old jokes.
It was
worth.
Okay. Well I can't because
it, it's whole place is infested
with like tiny children and blazers
and they're all like
fucking around, like throwing each other
against the walls and bowling.
There's no other rooms.
I have to suffer for my art.
Okay.
I was like this chick.
I live near frat row,
right down from Delta.
Delta? Smack that.
I live in the hottest college
town in America and a six in Athens.
But 11 in the county.
Join my county over.
Oh my God.
Hi. Hi, everyone. Hi.
Okay, I haven't read that book.
Is it by,
famed comedian Tina
Fey, and I haven't read it.
Okay.
I don't, I, I mean, I like scary movies.
I just
Okay, yeah. Just being, Okay, whatever.
I'll go along with that last night.
Okay. What? Why?
How is there, like, blood
coming from the ceiling
every night?
Looks pretty good.
Yes. They died last year.
Does anyone else have any insight
on why I should switch rooms?
Because I'm currently in a writer's room.
It just seems nice.
Okay, I know I appreciate you telling me
the information.
Okay.
Okay.
I never got a possession charge
because I did all my drugs
too fast.
Yes, I search parties.
The fuck?
Okay.
Did you fucking see that?
Okay.
Then we'll just going to leave it on.
It's fine.
Whatever. And.
There's always an explanation for the
unknown.
I'm Rod Serling.
You've just entered into a hellhole
where 18 year olds
rule the roads, and screaming
is just part of your night.
You're in Athens, Georgia,
aka the Twilight Zone.
Okay. So.
I'm not fucking around this, okay?
I don't even up.
I don't even use a hairdryer, so.
Okay.
I'm glad I have this for posterity,
because something is wrong
with the lights or something. I'm.
I'm going to sleep with this now.
Okay? This is my. This is my soap
rifle, my
weapon for whatever is happening here,
which is probably
just somebody fucking with me
that knows I'm in room one nine.
Whatever.
Okay, so I know this is on the cloud,
so if anyone anyone's like
looking at it with me.
I'm on.
Right.
Hello.
So. Hello.
Hey, I know I said I'd
call you in the morning.
Yeah, it is weird.
I mean, I'm not going to like.
I think it's just somebody
that's fucking with me, honestly.
But I just wanted to, like.
Okay, well, if you're
off work early enough,
you can come by.
Yeah, it's room 119.
It's at the end.
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay. I.
I'm not letting this stop me.
Ghost, can you hold like,
tell me if this is funny or not?
I guess just give me an
indication of if you like it.
And if at this point, I
better just get used to it.
Okay?
Already did that one.
I do stand up because when I sit down,
my sciatica flares up.
I guess you didn't like that one.
That's fine.
Not that funny.
That's
Do you hear that?
I'm keeping this on.
Hello.
Who is it?
Okay.
Please, um
Don't hurt me, please.
Freeze!
Okay.
Okay.
Just tired.
Okay.
What do you call a ravioli?
With
A dinner?
The party starting.
I have to get ready.
I'm going to get ready for the party,
and I'm going to take a shower.
I have to get clean.
I have to put my makeup on.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay, I'm going to shower,
and I'm going to keep this camera on
in case anything else happens.
Because I'm going to share this.
And if one of you is
fucking with me, then I will
figure it out. So.
There we go.
Okay.
Okay.
Right.
Okay.
I am taking a shower.
Okay.
All right.
If this is the last time.
I mean, I'm not trying to be morbid.
I'm just Maybe I'm trying to be funny.
I don't know, I'm psyching myself up.
I just need to take a shower.
I'm tired.
I need some caffeine and a shower.
Oh, you guys okay?
So. Turn podcast. Yes.
I can do this.
Would you like to take a shower?
Okay.
It's fine.
It's just tired.
Okay, I'm going to do it.
I'm taking a shower.
Weird entity Okay.
Well,
This is the hill I'm dying on.
Because I will live in a
box on a hill when I die.
When will JonBenet become a musical?
Everything else is.
Everyone talks about
Amber heard, but nobody asks
if Amber listened.
It's topical.
Okay.
I don't want to go in the bathroom
oooh but I have to pee
Pee, shower.
If I'm not that you will see it.
Okay?
I'm going to get silly again
because I freaked out.
I'm not freaked out. It's okay.
It's all good. It's all good.
We are back.
We're going to be okay.
I'm going to be okay. I'm gonna be okay.
I just have to wash my face.
I just have to wash my face.
I just need to wash my face and get all.
Everything off.
There we go.
My makeup looks really good.
I can't go to bed with this on my face.
I have to take a shower.
I have to take a shower.
I can take a shower.
I know how to do it.
Hello? Hey.
Come with me.
Yeah.
I can fit another in the shower.
Come on.
Let's go.
Oh! Hey.
Hey. I know you might be wondering
why I'm still here.
I'm not leaving because
this is a free stay.
And my toilet is currently,
not hooked up to the plumbing at my house,
so I'm going to stay here.
And necessity, I'm here.
Okay?
I can handle this. I.
Went to the Lizzie Borden bed
and breakfast and survived.
So why should I survive?
That's right. Yeah, that'll be fine.
I'm just being dumb.
I'm so tired.
I've worked, like, ten days in a row.
And this is content too, because, like,
even if it's not funny,
well, it is funny
because the horrors of humanity are funny.
And it
When I'm trying to be
funny, I'm never funny.
So now when I'm trying to be serious,
maybe I'll be funny
because it's a funny situation that I'm in
that I'm like, stuck here.
I mean, I'm not stuck here.
You drive away, but it's
just like such a good deal.
And I want to have the
free breakfast in the morning.
Okay.
I'm just cut.
I mean, you know, cut, fake cut.
But this is for the YouTube channel, and
I'm hoping I can maybe, like, get a weird,
extra group of viewers or whatever.
But, yeah, I'm just,
I'm talking myself into being crazy again.
So I need to do probably is.
Something insane, which is,
try to go to bed and then
wake up early in the morning.
Like, okay, it okay, I
will try to give it about
30 more minutes of
writing time.
I don't know, talking time.
I guess it doesn't matter anyway.
There shouldn't be like
five people on my show.
That's supposed to be relaxing.
And it is relaxing. I promise.
Okay until next thing.
Let's just see me, okay?
In here. I have my glasses on now.
Is that red stuff?
Is that red?
Might just be a zit or.
Okay.
It's mood lighting, relaxing.
Well
Right
Hmm. Somebody
living at the hotel
hung himself in the stairwell.
But that was never true.
I was kind of curious,
and I went to the library to find books
and local history to
learn about the property.
Fair share of weirdness.
Art. Bumping and stomping
and walking noises.
Fuck!
What the fuck just happened?
What is this?
Okay, I feel like I'm going a little crazy.
I can't focus.
Okay I'm gonna set my alarm for.
1:30 a.m..
I just need, like, a power nap.
Like
I just was insane.
I just feel like my brain
is melting right now.
Spirits?
Can you please help me with this lamp?
Okay. Hey.
One hour
One hour.
Good evening.
Thank you for coming tonight.
So good to see you.
Okay.
Are you ready to hear some jokes?
What do you call it
When a man
falls down the stairs and dies?
Well? What do you call it?
I don't know either.
But I know I saw it happen.
Right outside my window.
Laugh!
You can laugh.
There is a man outside
with a jacket and gray hair.
He was walking back and forth
I asked him if he would help me.
And he said, no.
That's the night That I died.
You can laugh.
It's funny
I promise
I don't mind.
You know,
it's not so bad once
you get to the other side.
It's kind of itchy a little at first.
And then it gets very warm.
And then once the blood stops,
It gets quiet.
Shadow puppets.
It's just the intestine twisting around.
Oh, you don't like that?
I'm sorry, if I have offended you.
I guess you just don't have
a good sense of humor.
Oh, that?
That stain never goes out.
I live in here.
I don't really need anything.
Except company, I suppose.
That's why you're all here.
It's like going to sleep.
Go on.
We have a have a show every night.
It's not just me.
It's you too.
You can laugh.
You're still here.
What keeps you coming back?
For more?
It's not the jokes.
It's not the
Is it that you've heard about this room?
What have you heard about it?
Don't keep it from me.
I've had about enough
of crowd work.
The joke isn't working.
I tried to rewrite it, and it doesn't
work.
He always knows.
Do you want to see something
really funny?
I saved the best for last.
You know why you're really here.
No. No.
You don't get any more of me.
You know why? Mmmm.
Because... women... aren't... funny!
We're just bodies
and faces...
and hair.
One of us is leaving this
room tomorrow morning.
And it's going to be me.
It's going to be me this time.
I'll be at your show.
No one wants to see a woman.
Try to be funny anyway,
no one will be there.
You'll be okay here.
There's an audience in the corner.
They'll laugh at you.
I made a joke!
I'm going to go write it down
so that I don't forget it.
And, cut!
- Okay.
- All right, so it's recording.
- Okay.
- So, like, this card that's in here
will probably be more than what you need.
You're probably not going to run out, but,
there is another one
of the little cards,
and it's just it pops in out of the side.
Okay, well, it tell me when it's out?
Oh, yeah. You'll see it
flashing. Whatever.
- Okay.
- There's also, this is this whole
thing is a battery, like, that's a battery.
And so when it flashes
that it needs another battery,
I have like this whole
other battery that's charged.
- Okay.
- It's in there.
So you'll just pop that one out.
Pop that one on.
- Okay.
Yeah, I the the thing is, like, I,
when I'm writing and stuff,
I need to like the, the
flow of just like ideas.
And so I don't want to just hit
record and be like, this is my idea.
I want it to just have it on top of it.
If I think of stuff
while I'm writing or chatting with people
that I'm like, okay, it's on film.
So I can, keep it.
I mean, I don't think,
I don't think you're going to like,
run out, like there's no way you can
you're you're going to be here overnight.
- Yes.
- You could probably just like it's recording now.
You probably just not even touch it.
Okay. And, so if I have my sleep
apnea, then I can just see that finally
You have sleep apnea?
I don't know, I wake up and I like I feel
like I'm choking, but a lot of times it's
just the acid from all of the
pickles I eat before I go to sleep.
So I don't know if it's sleep
apnea or if it's like Gerd,
but it would be kind of cool to see, like,
Why do you eat a lot of
pickle before you go to sleep?
- Because they're really good.
- Okay.
So yeah. All right.
I'm just trying to think of
anything else that I need to tell you.
Okay.
So in the morning, what are you doing?
Like, what time do you
have to check out tomorrow?
11 and I are to be at
work till after noon, so.
Okay. Well, just, I guess just text
me because I'm already going to be at work.
Okay? And I'll just, like,
configure everything up for me, I guess.
Okay.
You know, I'll send you
the dress and everything.
Cool. Yeah.
My body clock will wake me up at eight.
Anyway, so something really important.
And this is what I like about this camera.
Okay.
While it's recording to that card,
I've also got you connected to Wi-Fi.
And so, like, it's
actually capturing to the cloud as well.
Okay. Yeah. Yeah.
That's really. Yes.
Thank you. So it's oh man. No.
Because these things are like
what they call like action cameras.
This is the type of camera
you would take with you like on vacation
or to the top of the, the
Swiss Alps or wherever.
Volcano. Yeah, yeah. So,
you don't want to lose that footage
because you dropped the camera, right?
Or if I accidentally, like,
pressed it off or on, like, I,
I sometimes will do dumb stuff like that.
So I'm just going to leave it and know
that it's going to the great beyond for me.
- Yeah.
- Access later. - Yeah.
So like
like where you can, like,
I don't even know what
what does a comedian do to have
when they have a retreat like this.
Well, this is my first tech because see,
like I won like I was at drag bingo
and I won one night and I was thinking,
well, why?
Why would I go to a hotel in my own town?
But I thought, okay,
this is actually perfect
because when I'm in my
house, I want to like, nest
and like do all the little chores.
But if I go somewhere, then
I can have that time to just focus on it
and I get a little manic
at night, which is why
I have to take my bipolar medication.
So I will.
I will choose wisely
when to take that when I'm done writing.
But I tend to have my
best ideas at night and,
when I'm like, chatting with friends.
And so I'm just going to keep this rolling
so that I can see my mannerisms
and see what I come up with.
Because when I sit down to write,
I just can't like it doesn't come out.
I just have to be, like dancing around.
And then it just comes and then
I can record it and I can know for my set,
like what works and what doesn't
physically and verbally against it.
All right. So I'm just trying it out.
I've never done it before,
but we'll see if this helps.
So you think you'll
like watch it back. And
I mean, I'll definitely have to like,
fast forward, like, when I get the file
to the moments that, you know,
I was actually coming up with ideas versus
if I'm like, shower ING or something.
But that's another good
thing about keeping it on
and having it upload, because I don't have
to worry about start stop, start stop.
Well, the worse.
And this is another reason why I love it,
is because like remembering
to hit record, like if at first I'm like,
okay, we can see the red light is on.
That's how you know
you're recording, right?
But when you're starting and stopping.
I have done it before where I get back
and I'm like oh man
I didn't hit
record like that is the thing. Yeah.
And then you have footage of you going like
oh yeah.
- It's like a road now
- That's not what I said.
Yeah. So yeah,
that's kind of the, the idea.
And then I might even like do personal
time stamps if I know we started this
at such and such time and I had a stroke
of genius at 1115 or whatever.
Okay.
Well, I mean, I'll just, I mean,
are you comfortable with, like, copying
what's on the card
yourself onto your laptop, or do
you want me to, like, for it to you?
I've put on Google Drive.
Probably. I'll just cry
because I brought my laptop.
Because I'll do some, like,
I'll write on documents on there
while I'm thinking, and I'll just.
Then you'll need there's
this little adapter that's in there.
And you'll note because it looks like
a, like a big SD card.
Okay. And this is a they call a micro SD.
So you just slide it into the biggest card
and then put it right to laptop okay.
Or business. Excellent.
Is there anything else
that you I can't really get.
Yeah. Go go go to that.
Then I'm with you. Okay?
Okay. No. You're good, you're good.
Make yourself comfortable.
Hats from coffee. If you needed.
Yeah. I'm just going to get a.
I need to actually get hyperreal.
I was here with your, like, go ahead.
Scan the space.
Well.
Well, I'm leaving. Okay. Thank you again.
If for some reason
everything's, like, funky, just text me.
You know, I'm probably
going to be up late, so.
Okay.
Will do!
See you tomorrow.
It's my comedy.
So much humor.
A tiny little box.
Some of this.
Yeah.
I'm going to be talking.
Out loud to myself.
I better get used to that because.
I have to, Monologue for
Chris Christmas vacation.
Clark Griswold says
when he, gets the jelly.
The months club.
Strike, I memorize it.
Maybe I should just say
this for my set tomorrow.
Same cheap, lying, no good, rotten
for flushing, lowlife, snake
licking, dirt eating, inbred, overstuffed,
ignorant, bloodsucking, dog kissing,
brainless, dick less, helpless, heartless,
fat ass, bug eyed, stiff legs, body lived,
worm headed, sick of monkey shit he is.
Hallelujah. Holy shit.
It's brilliant.
That's the category that I want to.
Come.
You don't get tired.
What?
I know I start.
Hey. Yeah.
I'm here trying to get motivated.
I've gotten very sleepy now that I've.
Yeah.
Yes. And the mania
will begin around tonight.
So the oysters?
Yeah.
I'm trying it out.
It could be like,
hours of just stupid. But
all my stuff happens when
I'm, like, walking around.
So I'm going to go on
live on, I guess, Instagram or something.
I'm going to see if
anybody has any, like, bits
they want to do
or like roofing or whatever. And.
Yeah. Got the set up so I don't
have to worry about like on off on off.
It's not bad.
I think I might actually like
record some of my older jokes.
It's just so I can watch them back and be
like, how can I rearrange these or whatever?
So it's like my own little stage.
Okay, I'll call you in the morning.
Okay.
I love you.
Bye!
Okay.
That is a poem.
Sometimes I don't know what this means.
This card just says squatter's rights.
I don't know what that means.
I don't go, and what the fuck?
The best, set I ever had
was when I was a ghost.
And I was performing at a burlesque show,
and I made, like, $100,
and I realized that it was
because I was like, dead women.
Everybody who lives that.
I'm a bad girl.
I'm bad at money management.
It's a good one, Liner.
And here's one of my favorites.
I love going to graveyards during Covid
because everyone
stays six feet away from me.
Yeah, some of this is just nonsense.
Or like, very specifically topical.
I don't know,
I probably need to do some like Jazzercise
or something.
Okay.
Let's see.
All right. We've hit the part
of the evening where I am,
like, needing my second wind.
And so
I'm just going to like.
I don't know, I guess
I'll poke around at stuff in the room
and, like, try to riff on it.
Like, as an exercise, I guess.
Like, there's this picture
on the wall of, like,
some chemical equation,
and I don't I never took chemistry,
so I don't know what it means.
And that's not funny,
but the whole point is just poking around
and figuring out what's going on. So,
There's a book in
there, and it's not a Bible.
Let's learn a little about where we are.
Shall we?
So again, I got this place,
gift night.
So. It's lovely.
It's old.
I don't know much
about it, but I don't know.
This might get the juices flowing.
This was the only room
available for tonight.
There's a concert going on, and,
some, like nerd convention
or something, and,
everywhere was booked in this hotel
except for this room.
So trying to figure out,
like somebody died in here,
Okay.
So I'm going to do
this in my British accent.
As practice.
Practice?
History village opened this terrible,
History village opened
on September 25th, 1974.
It was a motel, restroom,
entertainment office,
shopping complex.
How interesting.
Blah blah blah blah blah.
Oh wait.
No, I'll do my, my Real Housewives voice.
How about this? Yes.
This hotel was reopened in 2014.
Hi. Rent and property mismanagement.
That's just the Tuesday.
I don't know what all these words mean.
Oh, okay.
This is fun.
Maybe I can just do
my whole set on this
information, but where we are,
was originally incorporated in 1850,
and it burned down in 1853.
The work here was grueling.
Bricks and stuff.
I do like a nice brick.
There's a lot of ads on here.
Okay, okay.
Shadow people.
I'm used to seeing them.
Well, when I was addicted to Adderall.
See? Okay.
I already have, like, terrible vision,
so I wouldn't be surprised
if I saw shadow people.
Where my eye sees stuff
out of the corner of my eye.
Okay.
Who's fucking with me.
These aren't the only strange things
that have not been noticed.
Six months on the job.
The person who this articles about.
The writer cited room 119 of the hotel
as a hotspot for paranormal activity.
Back in the days of landlines.
Oh, we have a landline, children.
A landline is a phone
that's connected to the walls.
Back in the days of landlines, the
front office would repeatedly receive calls
from the empty hotel room
at night, an occurrence that
other coworkers have confirmed.
There's also something
amiss with the rooms.
Lights
describe them as being off
when she comes into work,
and then being on when
she leaves, or vice versa.
Usually, however, they come on at night.
Well, that's because you need to see.
Well, that explains why it
was the only room available.
Okay, well, maybe, ghost of whatever will,
possess my body and make me funny.
We can only pray.
A lot in these Covid jokes.
Okay.
Let me.
You okay?
Okay.
I'll leave so my two
followers will find me and say.
Hey. That's.
Okay.
It's not working.
Whatever. Hi.
We are telling your followers
you started in that video.
So, anybody out there?
I'm so unfunny.
That I can't even get an
audience in a haunted room to.
Oh, okay.
Hello.
Hello.
How are you?
I have one fan.
Somebody must be doing something
better with their Thursday.
Yeah, I'm just a bit of writer's block,
so I just wanted to, like,
you know, shoot the shit a little.
I actually have tomorrow,
and I'm currently at a,
like, mini writing retreat.
Then I'm tired and cranky.
And, the hotel,
is on foundry.
The old one.
The really old one.
The haunted.
Well, I mean, if you're in, like,
southern town, aren't they all haunted?
I don't know, there's an article.
Some website that I just read
where it says that this
very room is haunted,
but things always get like
you used to get stoned, and,
I would convince myself
that my house is haunted
because I would plug in my address,
and it was one of those websites
that was like, no matter what
you put, it's going to be haunted.
And I freaked out.
I just woke my parents up when I was
stoned and I was like, don't do that.
Yes. Are you all fucking with me?
Yeah.
That was the only one that was available.
It's nice. It's on the ground
floor. It's in the corner.
I don't understand, really comfortable bed.
What's the deal?
Have you been in here before?
Okay, well, I can sleep
through anything on my,
but older medication, so we'll have to see.
We'll see about that.
Spooky.
What do you say?
Why does everyone seem to know about this?
Except for me?
Okay, I came on here.
They'll get, like, comedy ideas, I guess.
I guess I can just rip off of the.
Okay, well, I'm ready here.
I'm on the bed. Like, I guess I'm doomed.
I'm already doomed
because I have, like, pages
of shitty comedy that I need to,
workshop.
So I guess if I'm really not funny, then
I'll be dead by morning.
Oh my God, it's three.
Yes, that is very fluffy.
Oh, that's these old jokes.
It was
worth.
Okay. Well I can't because
it, it's whole place is infested
with like tiny children and blazers
and they're all like
fucking around, like throwing each other
against the walls and bowling.
There's no other rooms.
I have to suffer for my art.
Okay.
I was like this chick.
I live near frat row,
right down from Delta.
Delta? Smack that.
I live in the hottest college
town in America and a six in Athens.
But 11 in the county.
Join my county over.
Oh my God.
Hi. Hi, everyone. Hi.
Okay, I haven't read that book.
Is it by,
famed comedian Tina
Fey, and I haven't read it.
Okay.
I don't, I, I mean, I like scary movies.
I just
Okay, yeah. Just being, Okay, whatever.
I'll go along with that last night.
Okay. What? Why?
How is there, like, blood
coming from the ceiling
every night?
Looks pretty good.
Yes. They died last year.
Does anyone else have any insight
on why I should switch rooms?
Because I'm currently in a writer's room.
It just seems nice.
Okay, I know I appreciate you telling me
the information.
Okay.
Okay.
I never got a possession charge
because I did all my drugs
too fast.
Yes, I search parties.
The fuck?
Okay.
Did you fucking see that?
Okay.
Then we'll just going to leave it on.
It's fine.
Whatever. And.
There's always an explanation for the
unknown.
I'm Rod Serling.
You've just entered into a hellhole
where 18 year olds
rule the roads, and screaming
is just part of your night.
You're in Athens, Georgia,
aka the Twilight Zone.
Okay. So.
I'm not fucking around this, okay?
I don't even up.
I don't even use a hairdryer, so.
Okay.
I'm glad I have this for posterity,
because something is wrong
with the lights or something. I'm.
I'm going to sleep with this now.
Okay? This is my. This is my soap
rifle, my
weapon for whatever is happening here,
which is probably
just somebody fucking with me
that knows I'm in room one nine.
Whatever.
Okay, so I know this is on the cloud,
so if anyone anyone's like
looking at it with me.
I'm on.
Right.
Hello.
So. Hello.
Hey, I know I said I'd
call you in the morning.
Yeah, it is weird.
I mean, I'm not going to like.
I think it's just somebody
that's fucking with me, honestly.
But I just wanted to, like.
Okay, well, if you're
off work early enough,
you can come by.
Yeah, it's room 119.
It's at the end.
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay. I.
I'm not letting this stop me.
Ghost, can you hold like,
tell me if this is funny or not?
I guess just give me an
indication of if you like it.
And if at this point, I
better just get used to it.
Okay?
Already did that one.
I do stand up because when I sit down,
my sciatica flares up.
I guess you didn't like that one.
That's fine.
Not that funny.
That's
Do you hear that?
I'm keeping this on.
Hello.
Who is it?
Okay.
Please, um
Don't hurt me, please.
Freeze!
Okay.
Okay.
Just tired.
Okay.
What do you call a ravioli?
With
A dinner?
The party starting.
I have to get ready.
I'm going to get ready for the party,
and I'm going to take a shower.
I have to get clean.
I have to put my makeup on.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay, I'm going to shower,
and I'm going to keep this camera on
in case anything else happens.
Because I'm going to share this.
And if one of you is
fucking with me, then I will
figure it out. So.
There we go.
Okay.
Okay.
Right.
Okay.
I am taking a shower.
Okay.
All right.
If this is the last time.
I mean, I'm not trying to be morbid.
I'm just Maybe I'm trying to be funny.
I don't know, I'm psyching myself up.
I just need to take a shower.
I'm tired.
I need some caffeine and a shower.
Oh, you guys okay?
So. Turn podcast. Yes.
I can do this.
Would you like to take a shower?
Okay.
It's fine.
It's just tired.
Okay, I'm going to do it.
I'm taking a shower.
Weird entity Okay.
Well,
This is the hill I'm dying on.
Because I will live in a
box on a hill when I die.
When will JonBenet become a musical?
Everything else is.
Everyone talks about
Amber heard, but nobody asks
if Amber listened.
It's topical.
Okay.
I don't want to go in the bathroom
oooh but I have to pee
Pee, shower.
If I'm not that you will see it.
Okay?
I'm going to get silly again
because I freaked out.
I'm not freaked out. It's okay.
It's all good. It's all good.
We are back.
We're going to be okay.
I'm going to be okay. I'm gonna be okay.
I just have to wash my face.
I just have to wash my face.
I just need to wash my face and get all.
Everything off.
There we go.
My makeup looks really good.
I can't go to bed with this on my face.
I have to take a shower.
I have to take a shower.
I can take a shower.
I know how to do it.
Hello? Hey.
Come with me.
Yeah.
I can fit another in the shower.
Come on.
Let's go.
Oh! Hey.
Hey. I know you might be wondering
why I'm still here.
I'm not leaving because
this is a free stay.
And my toilet is currently,
not hooked up to the plumbing at my house,
so I'm going to stay here.
And necessity, I'm here.
Okay?
I can handle this. I.
Went to the Lizzie Borden bed
and breakfast and survived.
So why should I survive?
That's right. Yeah, that'll be fine.
I'm just being dumb.
I'm so tired.
I've worked, like, ten days in a row.
And this is content too, because, like,
even if it's not funny,
well, it is funny
because the horrors of humanity are funny.
And it
When I'm trying to be
funny, I'm never funny.
So now when I'm trying to be serious,
maybe I'll be funny
because it's a funny situation that I'm in
that I'm like, stuck here.
I mean, I'm not stuck here.
You drive away, but it's
just like such a good deal.
And I want to have the
free breakfast in the morning.
Okay.
I'm just cut.
I mean, you know, cut, fake cut.
But this is for the YouTube channel, and
I'm hoping I can maybe, like, get a weird,
extra group of viewers or whatever.
But, yeah, I'm just,
I'm talking myself into being crazy again.
So I need to do probably is.
Something insane, which is,
try to go to bed and then
wake up early in the morning.
Like, okay, it okay, I
will try to give it about
30 more minutes of
writing time.
I don't know, talking time.
I guess it doesn't matter anyway.
There shouldn't be like
five people on my show.
That's supposed to be relaxing.
And it is relaxing. I promise.
Okay until next thing.
Let's just see me, okay?
In here. I have my glasses on now.
Is that red stuff?
Is that red?
Might just be a zit or.
Okay.
It's mood lighting, relaxing.
Well
Right
Hmm. Somebody
living at the hotel
hung himself in the stairwell.
But that was never true.
I was kind of curious,
and I went to the library to find books
and local history to
learn about the property.
Fair share of weirdness.
Art. Bumping and stomping
and walking noises.
Fuck!
What the fuck just happened?
What is this?
Okay, I feel like I'm going a little crazy.
I can't focus.
Okay I'm gonna set my alarm for.
1:30 a.m..
I just need, like, a power nap.
Like
I just was insane.
I just feel like my brain
is melting right now.
Spirits?
Can you please help me with this lamp?
Okay. Hey.
One hour
One hour.
Good evening.
Thank you for coming tonight.
So good to see you.
Okay.
Are you ready to hear some jokes?
What do you call it
When a man
falls down the stairs and dies?
Well? What do you call it?
I don't know either.
But I know I saw it happen.
Right outside my window.
Laugh!
You can laugh.
There is a man outside
with a jacket and gray hair.
He was walking back and forth
I asked him if he would help me.
And he said, no.
That's the night That I died.
You can laugh.
It's funny
I promise
I don't mind.
You know,
it's not so bad once
you get to the other side.
It's kind of itchy a little at first.
And then it gets very warm.
And then once the blood stops,
It gets quiet.
Shadow puppets.
It's just the intestine twisting around.
Oh, you don't like that?
I'm sorry, if I have offended you.
I guess you just don't have
a good sense of humor.
Oh, that?
That stain never goes out.
I live in here.
I don't really need anything.
Except company, I suppose.
That's why you're all here.
It's like going to sleep.
Go on.
We have a have a show every night.
It's not just me.
It's you too.
You can laugh.
You're still here.
What keeps you coming back?
For more?
It's not the jokes.
It's not the
Is it that you've heard about this room?
What have you heard about it?
Don't keep it from me.
I've had about enough
of crowd work.
The joke isn't working.
I tried to rewrite it, and it doesn't
work.
He always knows.
Do you want to see something
really funny?
I saved the best for last.
You know why you're really here.
No. No.
You don't get any more of me.
You know why? Mmmm.
Because... women... aren't... funny!
We're just bodies
and faces...
and hair.
One of us is leaving this
room tomorrow morning.
And it's going to be me.
It's going to be me this time.
I'll be at your show.
No one wants to see a woman.
Try to be funny anyway,
no one will be there.
You'll be okay here.
There's an audience in the corner.
They'll laugh at you.
I made a joke!
I'm going to go write it down
so that I don't forget it.
And, cut!