28 Hotel Rooms (2012) Movie Script
Lift your leg up.
Is this seat taken?
What's good to eat here?
The chocolate explo...
explosion cake. It sounds...
That sounds good.
Or-Or not.
What do you think?
You look good.
- What are you doing here?
- Oh, I'm just doing press for my book.
I'm doing a tour. Yeah.
Crazy time, actually.
I was at this party last night with
all these famous people there.
Prince played at it, which
was pretty... pretty cool.
Oh.
What are you doing here?
Just work.
What is it that you do again?
What...
Analytical processing.
Ah.
Data mining.
It's really more, uh,
predictive analysis.
Do you speak English?
Where's home again
for you?
- Seattle.
- Right. Seattle.
You?
New York.
- You ready sir?
- Hey. Uh...
I'm gonna get that
chocolate explosion cake.
And, uh... You know what?
Make it two.
One for the lady over there.
- None for me, thanks.
- No... Get it...
No, one is... that's fine.
One is fine.
Okay. We could split
it, if you want.
- Hey.
- Hey.
I gotta get down to the lobby.
Someone's picking me up at 9:00.
Sorry. Did I wake you?
No, no.
It's-It's fine.
It's fine.
I left my number for you. If
you're, you know, in New York.
If you wanna give me
a shout.
I'm never gonna call you.
Okay.
Have a good day.
You okay?
Yeah, yeah.
I broke up with my girlfriend.
Not for you, obviously.
Why did I... I didn't...
I don't know
why I just said that.
Well, I'm married now.
Yeah, I figured.
Hey, how was your wedding?
You have fun?
Were there... Were a lot
of people at the...
a lot of people
at the wedding?
Grandmas, grandpas?
You have a band
or a deejay?
You like to dance?
What's your name again?
You said you weren't gonna call me.
You lied. Why did you call me?
Was it the penis?
It's handsome.
It's a handsome penis.
Is that why?
That's it.
Why did you call?
What? Tell me something
about yourself.
Like what?
Anything.
You wanna know
my favorite color?
You like your work?
Yes. I love it.
What?
Come on.
You wanna know... You wanna
know my favorite color?
No, I don't wanna know
your favorite color.
Tell me... Tell me... What would
you... Just stop talking.
Do you have a...
you have a middle name?
Mm-hmm. Yes, I do.
Are you gonna tell me?
No. You're just gonna keep
turning off the light?
Yeah. What are you gonna do?
I'm gonna...
I'm gonna break the fuckin'
lamp over your head.
All right.
All right.
You get one question.
One.
Hold on.
I'm thinking.
Only one?
Don't push it.
No, no. I get one question. I get
one que... Well, time's running out.
Turn the light out.
Turn it off?
Turn it off.
Goin' off.
When's your
next conference?
Do you have any brothers
and sisters?
Are your mom and dad
still together?
Are you a Democrat
or a Republican?
Have you ever seen
a Ronald Reagan film?
Do you like vanilla
or chocolate?
Vanilla? Chocolate?
Would you rather be eaten by a
shark or die in an earthquake?
Shark.
Would you rather have
a superpower...
I didn't even finish
what I was about to say.
Would you have... rather have
a superpower to fly...
or to turn me
into a buffalo?
See ya.
I, uh...
I read your book.
- Oh, yeah?
- It surprised me.
It's just a book.
It's not just a book.
It's a best seller.
It's in every airport.
Yes, it is.
Yes, it is.
I really liked it.
Good.
You're a very good writer.
Yes, I am.
I'm not just saying that.
No, I know.
I'm good.
No, thank you.
Thank you. I appreciate it.
That's very nice of you.
I, uh...
Um, I met someone.
I have a girlfriend.
It's not a serious thing.
I just wanted to be honest with you,
if that, uh... I don't know the rules.
We keep on doing this, and you're
gonna have to leave her for me.
Maybe you should
leave him for me.
Oh, my God. I gotta go.
What am I doing here?
Have a good flight.
See ya.
Oh, my...
Oh, shit.
Alarm.
Uh... It's not worth it. It's not worth it.
Don't do it. Don't do it.
Don't... Don't do it! What...
That's what I'm talkin' about.
I used to be in, like, a
special ed, um... I'm serious.
Like a special ed...
math class. And uh...
Like, was this last year? It
kind of scarred me forever.
And there was this one kid,
Timmy Eckensterner.
And he was a total fucking
freak of nature.
And there was this wonderful
girl, Mariana Steins.
She was born with a hole in her heart.
How do you re... What?
Yeah. She-She was, like, a little
thing with an Afro, and she was...
She was a neighbor,
Mariana Steins.
Did she survive, or did she die
from her heart? She survived.
She's-She's still going.
She's a wonderful human being.
But the kids made fun of her
and then made fun of me,
'cause I was hanging out
with her, you know.
Who was the first person
you ever kissed?
Christian Iveson.
Iveson? Braces. He had braces.
I did not.
Did he stick his tongue in your mouth?
Mm-mmm.
No. He was pretty wimpy.
What about the first time
you had sex?
Mmm.
How old were you?
Eighteen.
College.
All my friends... Uh...
They all had already had sex.
So I also felt pressure,
'cause I was, like...
like the only person, you know,
who, like, hadn't done it yet.
When was... Who broke your
heart the first time?
Ashley Luden.
She would never sleep with me.
And I really wanted to make...
I was... "Wow, we've been dating a long time. I
want this to be the first girl I sleep with.
This is gonna be special."
And then she broke up with me...
and fucked half the school.
Really. She did.
No!
Yeah. It was like... I don't know. I
turned Ashley into a complete slut.
Where-Where was that Ashley?
Where was that Ashley?
You ever have an experience
with a girl?
Mm-mmm.
No?
I did with a guy.
You did?
Yeah. When I was a kid.
We'd play, like, G.I. Joes.
And then...
And then I'd get shot, and he'd
nurse me with a blow job, you know.
Wow.
Yeah. But I could... I was so
young, I couldn't even come.
I got a blow job. This is... This
is not gonna make you like me.
You have, like,
the blow job chronicles.
"The Blow Job Chronicles."
"My first blow job...
started with a boy."
I'm a king in Monaco,
so fuck everybody.
I'm the king of the most
serene republic of San Marino.
I'm the king of Liechtenstein.
Do you wanna be
my princess?
I've never been crowned at all.
Excuse me.
I've never been crowned at all.
Oh, terrific.
Can we get
two more of these, please?
Bring the pain. I don't
think you feel any pain.
Drink up.
- What part of the hotel is this?
- What floor are we on?
Wake up!
Go!
They're comin' after us!
Run. Look at me. Look at this.
Come on. Let's go. Run!
Run!
Oh, my...
Can you feel the pain now?
Oh, God, get up. Okay.
Come on. Come on.
- This way, this way!
- You're gonna get it. Come on.
What should we do?
No, where... Where?
What? Is this...
Oh, my God.
Come on, get it.
Get in.
I love your feet.
If... When I see
a beautiful woman,
and I look down and I see ugly
feet, I get very turned off.
And vice versa.
If I see great feet,
and then I look up and see an ugly
woman, I might be extremely turned on.
Oh, oh, oh.
What? No, it's gonna...
You... It's good, it's
good, it's good. What?
You don't like that?
No, it's good.
This nail is so small that it's...
It looks so sad, this nail.
But you have to... Don't you
feel for the underdog a little?
I do. Like, "poor little guy"?
It's odd that you have...
you have no nail there.
It's kind of...
it's kind of freakish.
It's gettin' kinda scary.
Shut up and paint it.
Is it that you... Did you
dance when you were a kid?
Yeah.
You did?
Mm-hmm.
Like ballet?
Mm-hmm.
Really?
Did you do modern dance? Mm-hmm.
Jazz?
Mm-hmm.
Did you ever break-dance?
Mm-mmm.
Barefoot Polynesian hula?
Mm-hmm.
- I'm so bad at this.
- Mm-hmm.
What do you even like
about me?
Could you tell me?
Yeah, sure.
Okay.
Do it.
You want me to...
You want me to tell you
what I like about you?
Yeah.
Um...
What do you mean? List.
Like-Like make the list.
Like a top ten list? Yeah.
That's impossible to do.
I can't sum it all up.
It's not impossible.
Um, I think you're
a very smart woman,
which isn't saying much
compared to me.
But it's good. Very good.
Um...
You're beautiful. That
goes without saying. Sexy.
I love your eyes.
Great eyes. Um... I
love your moles.
Um...
Your...
The way you-you walk.
Look good doing it.
Um...
I feel...
really ugly.
Just... a horrible person.
But then...
I like you.
I go to sleep.
When... When I wake up, I...
I can't concentrate at work
I can't...
I love him.
I love him.
I think.
I don't know what to think.
Yeah.
I know.
I know.
What do you like
about me?
Something. Good.
See? It's hard.
It's not easy.
I like your laugh.
I like when you cry too. But I... I don't like
when you're sad, but I like when you cry.
There something...
How about both at once?
When you laugh and cry?
You like that?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I love that.
You do it... And when you laugh
your nostrils kind of flare.
They're-They're almost, like,
breathing. Right now.
It... It's beautiful.
That might be my number one.
Oh, God.
Bye.
Bye.
Don't go.
Yeah, let's live here.
Take another flight. I can't. He's picking
me up from the airport. I gotta go.
Bye.
Bye.
I love you.
Now would be a good time to express
your feelings, reciprocal or otherwise.
Yes.
Yes?
I love you.
That's why I'm here.
That's why I'm doing this.
What are we doing?
We're...
I don't know.
You tell me.
I don't know.
I'd like to know.
We could keep meeting.
You mean cheating.
Yeah. I suppose.
Well, let's call it what it is.
I wanna keep doing this.
I'm happy.
No, I'm happy.
Okay. Yeah, well, I'm still
working through that section.
Okay. That-That's
awesome, Lauren. Bye.
So?
So, he loved it.
I told you. He's a genius. No, he loves
everything though. That's his way.
He's very...
He's always very kind.
No, no, no... I'm telling
you, this is the one.
This is the one. It's better than the first one.
Come on. Trust me. I know.
- I hope you're right.
- I know I'm right.
And I read it.
To my second book.
Yeah.
You look beautiful.
So do you.
In a manly way.
Give me a kiss.
Give me a kiss.
Listen.
I want a kiss.
Hey. Look over there.
Hey, what's that?
It's the Empire State Building.
We're gonna climb that tonight.
We're goin' nuts tonight.
We're gonna eat.
We're gonna eat light.
We're gonna have a nice dessert.
We're gonna get drunk on wine.
And then we're gonna
fuckin' dance.
Seriously. I'm giving you a fuckin' New York tour.
It's starting tonight.
Starting tonight. No, I have...
I've had dinners with...
so many people from New York
at work, these offices, I...
You got recognized today. It's...
That's so rare. It never happens.
I know. And yet...
I mean, you know...
It's not safe.
I understand. I don't think you should feel paranoid.
New York's a big city.
I don't think anyone's gonna recognize you.
If they recognize you...
If they recognize it, we can be friends. We
can be friends walking around New York city.
I know. Look, I have an idea.
You're not gonna be sorry.
Just give it a chance.
Does it involve food?
- It's gonna be great.
- Better be, like, the greatest idea ever,
'cause I'm really,
really into my idea.
It's...
It's totally amazing, because the fact that
they gave me more than one team this time...
means that they see me
as somebody who, um...
It's good. It's just,
it's really, really good.
And it means I have the power to
actually do something for once.
The only problem is Aaron.
Fucking Aaron is gonna try to
fuck things up for me as usual,
'cause he's always jealous.
Now, if we merge,
then I'll end up being in a
position to run those teams too.
So... I'm cold.
I can handle him.
Now I just gotta kick ass.
Then I can pick my projects.
Only wanna answer to Charlie.
That's all I wanna do anyway.
Am I talking too much.
I'm talking too much.
No.
Are you okay?
Yeah. No, I'm fine.
Is this you stoned?
You get all paranoid and distant?
I'm fine.
I had a thing.
With her?
No.
You can tell me about her. No, it's not her.
It's just... It's nothing.
What?
My book got killed.
Like really killed.
The reviews were...
It was like I murdered
their children or something.
You know what? You just gotta move on.
It's your second book, you know.
"Move on."
Move on to what?
It's... No one's gonna
read my book now.
Well, I think it's good.
Nobody gives a shit.
I mean, no one cares.
You know, I wanna do something
in my life.
I wanna... I want...
You know? I want...
Come on, you're just stoned.
Come on.
I want what I do to matter.
What I do matters.
And I don't wanna
just move widgets around.
You mean, like, ensuring the continuing
growth of major corporations?
Hey, without you, who'd exploit the
people, rape the land and make billions?
That's not very funny.
Actually, it is.
I'm paid fairly
for the work I do.
What?
High school teachers barely
exist over the poverty line.
Maybe I deserve more.
Maybe...
Maybe my contribution to the health of
this nation is actually worth more.
Dollars, right?
It's all about dollars.
Yeah. Actually, it is.
You don't create anything. I mean, you
don't... You just move numbers around.
Mmm.
Right?
I create efficiency,
which creates wealth.
For what?
For money.
If you do it for the money,
then you're just a whore.
I do it just for the money.
Seriously.
Wow. Look at you,
you bourgeois pig.
Look at you,
commie bastard.
Seriously.
Seriously?
- Yeah.
- Okay. Seriously, I think that life is fucking short.
And we're animals, and we have
to fucking fight for our food,
and the weak die,
and the strong survive.
Wow. Who are you?
And what are you doing
in my room?
What are you doing?
What do you think I'm doing?
You're leaving?
Not everyone gets to just lay around and
have their fucking feelings all day long.
Okay? And, you know, gets to sort of turn
everything that they think or they see...
into some meaningful reflection of life
that makes the world a better place.
It's just a book.
"The best part of this"...
"The best part of this self-loathing
travesty of a novel is its length.
At 139 pages,
at least one only has
to suffer through it briefly."
Not just a book.
- Why wouldn't you? Do you love her?
- Mm-hmm.
- Of course I love her.
- Then do it.
You want me to do it.
I don't want you to do anything. Yes, you do.
You want me to do it.
No. I want you
to do what you feel.
Yeah, you know why?
Why?
Because you want an out,
that's why.
No.
Yes.
I'm saying, if you love
her, if that's true,
then you should ask her.
Why aren't we together?
We are together.
Why aren't we living together?
Oh, you mean,
like, "together" together.
Really, like,
the house and chimney,
and the picket fence
and the doggies.
Let's see. Um...
You have a husband.
You have a girlfriend. Yes. Right.
I forgot. There's that.
Husband. Girlfriend. Husband.
I'm serious.
Get a divorce.
- You want me to get a divorce?
- Yes.
Are you serious? You want
me to get a divorce? Yes.
Because you're getting married.
And I think that you should.
Is anybody doing it
buffalo-style?
How's things goin' down there? Your lives
turning out just the way you thought it would?
What? Your lives turning out just
the way you thought it would?
Whoo!
I know. It's a fucking puzzle.
Help me put it together.
Shh.
How was it? Did you have
a-a band or a deejay?
Uh, we had a deejay.
Were there a lot
of people there?
Like 70 something, 75.
Oh, yeah?
- It was at night, right? Isn't that what you said?
- Yeah, it was a beautiful night.
It actually was supposed
to be bad weather, but...
It sounds corny, but it was
kind of a magical day.
You know, I-I don't... know
how much I believe in it,
the whole thing as an institution, but
I actually had a fucking great time.
Mm-hmm.
I never get her anything or... I buy her
presents, but I take her to the store,
and I ask her, you know, pick out whatever
she likes, and she hates that, so...
I surprised her with this.
I got her... I gave her
my grandmother's ring.
Which was... It really meant a lot to
me, 'cause I love my grandmother.
She-She passed away
a couple years ago.
She just... She went nuts.
She loved it, you know?
What?
You mad?
No.
- You asked.
- I know. I shouldn't have.
We could never be married, you and I.
Oh, yeah?
No.
Why not?
Well, you hate the way I stay up late
and keep you up late at night working.
What about how early I have to get up?
And how early I fall asleep?
There you go. That's annoying. You
go to bed at 8:30 at night, Grandma.
- You hate how I am cold and withholding.
- No.
- Come on.
- Mmm, I don't.
Little bit. Here's the thing.
I share a lot with you,
and I tell you a lot about what's going
on with me, and at this point in our...
whatever we are, whatever this
is, I-I... I probably overshare,
but I tell you a lot
about what's going on with me.
You, I don't know.
It's a mystery, so...
Every now and then, it would be nice to
know what the fuck you were thinking.
You're right.
We could never be married.
You're mad now?
No, I'm fine.
You always like to fucking rewrite history.
That's-That's what you do.
And then you act. You replay it
back in your own fucking way,
and you always paint me out
to be the fucking asshole.
Do you not? Well, you're
being an asshole.
I like spending time with you, I'm sorry.
I like, fucking, spending time with you.
You do. That's all I want to do.
Okay. I don't know. I just...
I just wanna know you're there for me too.
I know, I know. It's just...
when I'm outside, when I'm
alone, when I'm away from you,
and I wanna spend
some time with you,
and I text you, and I try to find
you, and then you're not anywhere...
I know it sounds like I'm being a pussy.
You know what my life is like!
I know... You know
what my life is like!
I know it sounds like I'm being
a fucking pussy, but for me...
I can't give you more than I'm giving you.
I can't give you more than that.
I'm not asking that. All I'm asking
for is a fucking... a text message!
A fucking text message!
I'm not asking for anything
that fucking important!
Okay?
I'm in it too! I'm in it too, okay?
I'm in it too.
Don't make me out to be
a fucking asshole.
I just don't know how...
How?
To be in this room
with you.
I don't know how to be
in this room with you.
I mean, I... You know what I mean?
Like, I want to see you.
I'm here for you.
I came here for you.
But I don't know how... Right
now I don't feel like...
you want me here.
I don't feel like I should be here.
I don't know...
I don't know how to, like,
want to be here with you.
I don't feel like you want to be... I
mean, I know you're saying that, but I...
I want to be with you. I feel
like you want to kill me.
I don't want to kill you.
I want you fully...
I want you...
I want to walk outside.
I want to walk outside.
I want to be outside,
walking with you.
I don't want to be
in a fucking hotel.
I'm tired. I can't open the fucking...
Can you open the windows here?
Can you even open
the fucking windows here?
You'd fucking jump out.
That's why.
No, I'm not gonna... I'm not gonna jump out.
I want some fucking air.
Okay.
I can open 'em?
Open your eyes.
I'm on the porch.
It's, uh...
It's small, but cozy.
My house.
It's our house.
And it's me,
and we... our three kids are
playing out in the yard,
and-and-and-and
I'm reading the paper.
Got my coffee.
Got you.
We have a little shed
so I can do my pottery.
You do pottery?
I'm very good.
Really?
Yes.
You are?
Yes, I am.
Don't laugh at me.
Okay, we'll get a shed.
And we're surrounded by trees.
Lots of trees...
and a vegetable garden.
I always wanted a chicken coop.
Let's get a chicken coop.
That you feed.
That we make the kids feed.
Hey, guys!
Mom wants you to feed
the chicken coop.
Okay. I'm not gonna
touch the chickens.
I just wanted a coop.
The kids can feed 'em.
You okay?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's a nice thought.
We don't have to have the chicken
coop if it makes you upset.
No, no, no, no. We have a house.
We have a porch. Pottery shed.
Got your fucking chickens. Yeah. We eat
vegetables from the fucking garden.
Yeah. Then fuck.
Or make love.
Sweet...
Sweet, gentle lovemaking.
I'm gonna kill her.
Gonna kill her,
but...
She... She writes critics...
anonymously... the ones
that kill me, you know.
She dissects their critique.
She... She defends me.
We leave them,
and we're together.
Really together.
I mean...
Oh, fu...
That's...
I'm gonna raise the baby
with him... with my husband.
I'm gonna have the baby...
I'm gonna have a-a family.
With him.
You're gonna have
a family with him?
I wish it could be yours.
I... I gotta...
I gotta get some air.
Gonna take a walk.
It's really cold.
I didn't pack for that.
Did you?
What?
This... No?
I got coffee... I got, uh,
French roast, whole milk.
I don't drink coffee
anymore.
My stomach.
I didn't think
I'd ever see you again.
I don't think I can stay.
I don't want to stay.
I shouldn't have
married him.
This room is small.
I want make it work
for my daughter.
The color.
My parents had a...
Makes it look smaller.
A horrible divorce.
I'm not gonna do that to her.
I can't do that to her.
What's her name?
Emma.
That's nice.
That's nice.
Hey. Hey. It's me.
Um...
Look, I know we...
we have...
I know we haven't talked, but I
just want you to know I'm really...
I'm thinking about you,
and I... I'm... I'm...
I know you didn't,
you know...
I know this isn't what we were planning,
and I just want to talk to you.
I think I'm... I think I'm
really ready to just...
just, you know,
be friends with you, or...
or just I want you in my life
in some shape or form, so I...
I want to talk to you more
about everything.
So just give me a call
if-if... when you can.
Okay. Don't... Don't forget
to erase this message.
I'll see you later.
Surprise.
What are you doing here?
I was at the reading.
You were?
Mm-hmm.
I didn't see you there.
Yeah, I know. I was hiding.
I was at the back.
Can I come in?
Oh, yeah. Please, come
in, come in, come in.
We moved.
I'm in Portland, Maine now.
Can't believe it. She wanted
to get out of the city,
and I was bitching and
moaning, but now I'm happy.
We got a great garden,
and, uh... Yeah.
Stop calling me.
You got my messages?
Yeah. Stop calling me.
Stop calling me.
Stop calling me.
Stop calling me.
I know. I miss you too.
That's... It's just...
Two more cities
and I'm home, okay?
So don't freak out
before I get there.
Okay. Go to sleep.
I gotta... I gotta rest.
I gotta wake up and do it
all again in the morning.
I love you.
I love you so much.
Okay. Good night.
When Emma came out...
When we were in the hospital,
I saw all these roses.
On her head. All over.
Like... Like hair...
But-But roses. I was
like, "Oh, my God. Look.
She's so amazing. She
has roses on her head."
It was blood.
I was severely medicated.
I'm an English teacher.
Really?
Yeah. I took a...
I took a job at a college.
I...
I actually like it.
I actually...
I'm actually pretty good at it.
I bet you are.
And I leave there,
and I feel...
at peace.
Is Emma's dad... Is-Is...
Is he good... good...
good dad?
She doesn't want kids.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. The...
The plane was fucking delayed.
I'm sorry.
Mmm.
Hi.
Mmm. Hi.
Mmm. Oh.
You need to brush your teeth.
Okay.
Did you get my text?
Mm-mmm.
You didn't get it?
I fell asleep.
I mean, we get on the plane,
and we wait
for about an hour.
Then we have to get off. And they sat me
in between these two enormous people,
and they're eating fucking Chinese
food the whole time, and...
Do I smell like Chinese food?
Hey.
Sex.
Best sex of your life,
right now, right here.
I'm gonna do it anyway. Is that okay?
I'll be quick.
I'm taking as much work
as I can home now, but...
Yeah.
Now she's not napping, so...
You know, you pay someone else to raise
your kid, or you do it yourself,
but it's like when I'm home I
feel like I should be at work,
and then when I'm at work, I
feel like I should be at home.
I'm just tired all the time.
I bet.
You forgive me?
Yeah, I forgive you.
For what? Sleeping?
You were tired.
Of course I forgive you.
Are you writing?
It'll come.
It will come.
What time's your flight?
What time is it?
I gotta go in 10 minutes.
No. You're kidding.
Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, my God.
I'm so sorry.
I totally ruined it. Oh, don't apologize.
It's fine.
No, it's not. You didn't come all this
way just for some $40 orange juice.
I came all this way 'cause I
like to sleep next to you.
I love those bony hips.
I'm the one
that should be apologizing...
'cause I entered you last night
without your permission.
- Oh, you did?
- Did you feel me enter...
Was that what that was?
Because I felt something.
You felt something?
Like-Like... Like what?
An earthquake?
No. No, I thought... It was like
a mosquito bite or something.
Did you say mosquito?
Is that a dick joke?
Don't you have to pack
or something?
You all ready to go?
Want me to call you a cab?
How does my penis
compare to your husband's?
What'd you guys do
for dinner?
Again? No, no, no.
It's okay.
Wait, is that Emma crying?
Yeah, I hear that.
What happened?
You did not.
No, it's not funny at all.
Put her on.
Hi, honey.
Are you okay?
He's not hiding in the closet.
I promise.
He's not gonna break into
your room at night. I'm sure.
Because he's not a terrorist.
He's a linguist.
He's a very nice man.
And... Okay.
All right.
Can I talk to Daddy?
Don't tell her that Noam Chomsky
is hiding in the closet, okay?
Okay.
No, no, no. That's fine.
All right. I'll call you
tomorrow when I land.
I love you too.
Bye.
Yeah.
Hey. Hey. You got my message
about changing rooms.
Yeah. Listen, listen, um...
Where's your luggage?
I can't stay. I have, like, five minutes.
I can't, um...
Uh...
He's here.
Who's here? My husband.
He's... He's here.
He wanted to come. It was like a
last-minute thing. He just said,
"You know, just, uh, come with you
as, like, a romantic little...
like, 'without Emma' getaway
right after the conference,"
so I'm gonna have the conference
tomorrow, and then we're, uh...
we're vacationing here
in... in this hotel.
So he's here right now.
Okay.
Say something.
Let's tell him the truth.
I... I-I...
I mean, this is a great opportunity.
Let's just go down... What room?
- I can't do that right now.
- I'm gonna do it with you. I'm gonna help you.
No, I... We're gonna go
down there together,
and we're gonna tell him the truth.
I can't...
I'll do it with you. What room are you in?
I can't. I'm telling you.
I can't do this right now.
I can't leave him right now.
Please.
Can we talk about this? I want
to talk about this with you...
This is so stupid. This is so stupid.
I can't do this right now.
I can't do this right now. Yeah. I know.
You can't do this right now.
What are you... Don't do this.
What are you doing?
Stupid.
Okay? I just... I can't...
Get the hotels.
I want to be with you.
Right, I get the hotels. I get the hotels.
I get you for a day.
I get you for two days. If I'm
lucky, I get you for three days.
You knew this is how
it was gonna be.
I'm so fuckin' tired of not
having you when I want you.
If I want to have you,
I want to have you.
I'm not... I don't want
to share you anymore.
I'm not leaving him.
I thought you knew that.
Do me a favor
and don't send me, uh,
any more text messages
or voice mails.
Don't tell me how much you love me and
how much you miss me and want to see me.
Just don't do that anymore. That's what you want?
That's really what you want?
Yeah.
Go ahead. Get out.
This is what it is, right?
Go back to your husband.
I don't want to... I don't want
to do this anymore, okay?
- I don't want to do this anymore.
- This is the situation.
It's not the situation
that I fuckin' wanted, okay?
- You know what? Just get the fuck out of my room. Leave.
- Just stop. Stop.
Get the fuck out... I'm gonna
fucking kill you. Don't touch me.
I'm the fuckin'...
Get off me.
Stop it. You're hurting me.
I'll fucking kill you.
I am gonna fucking kill...
Let me go!
Get out of my life!
Stay the fuck out of...
Stay the fuck out of my life,
you cunt!
You fucking cunt!
I love you.
Let's go through it again.
Okay.
Six months.
Six months.
Six months. Six months,
we're together.
In six months,
we're together.
April 12. Chicago.
April 12. Chicago.
Okay.
No backing down.
No backing down.
We have to be strong.
Fucking... kick-ass.
Fucking Superman strong.
Hey.
We can do this.
Okay.
Okay.
Is this seat taken?
What's good to eat here?
The chocolate explo...
explosion cake. It sounds...
That sounds good.
Or-Or not.
What do you think?
You look good.
- What are you doing here?
- Oh, I'm just doing press for my book.
I'm doing a tour. Yeah.
Crazy time, actually.
I was at this party last night with
all these famous people there.
Prince played at it, which
was pretty... pretty cool.
Oh.
What are you doing here?
Just work.
What is it that you do again?
What...
Analytical processing.
Ah.
Data mining.
It's really more, uh,
predictive analysis.
Do you speak English?
Where's home again
for you?
- Seattle.
- Right. Seattle.
You?
New York.
- You ready sir?
- Hey. Uh...
I'm gonna get that
chocolate explosion cake.
And, uh... You know what?
Make it two.
One for the lady over there.
- None for me, thanks.
- No... Get it...
No, one is... that's fine.
One is fine.
Okay. We could split
it, if you want.
- Hey.
- Hey.
I gotta get down to the lobby.
Someone's picking me up at 9:00.
Sorry. Did I wake you?
No, no.
It's-It's fine.
It's fine.
I left my number for you. If
you're, you know, in New York.
If you wanna give me
a shout.
I'm never gonna call you.
Okay.
Have a good day.
You okay?
Yeah, yeah.
I broke up with my girlfriend.
Not for you, obviously.
Why did I... I didn't...
I don't know
why I just said that.
Well, I'm married now.
Yeah, I figured.
Hey, how was your wedding?
You have fun?
Were there... Were a lot
of people at the...
a lot of people
at the wedding?
Grandmas, grandpas?
You have a band
or a deejay?
You like to dance?
What's your name again?
You said you weren't gonna call me.
You lied. Why did you call me?
Was it the penis?
It's handsome.
It's a handsome penis.
Is that why?
That's it.
Why did you call?
What? Tell me something
about yourself.
Like what?
Anything.
You wanna know
my favorite color?
You like your work?
Yes. I love it.
What?
Come on.
You wanna know... You wanna
know my favorite color?
No, I don't wanna know
your favorite color.
Tell me... Tell me... What would
you... Just stop talking.
Do you have a...
you have a middle name?
Mm-hmm. Yes, I do.
Are you gonna tell me?
No. You're just gonna keep
turning off the light?
Yeah. What are you gonna do?
I'm gonna...
I'm gonna break the fuckin'
lamp over your head.
All right.
All right.
You get one question.
One.
Hold on.
I'm thinking.
Only one?
Don't push it.
No, no. I get one question. I get
one que... Well, time's running out.
Turn the light out.
Turn it off?
Turn it off.
Goin' off.
When's your
next conference?
Do you have any brothers
and sisters?
Are your mom and dad
still together?
Are you a Democrat
or a Republican?
Have you ever seen
a Ronald Reagan film?
Do you like vanilla
or chocolate?
Vanilla? Chocolate?
Would you rather be eaten by a
shark or die in an earthquake?
Shark.
Would you rather have
a superpower...
I didn't even finish
what I was about to say.
Would you have... rather have
a superpower to fly...
or to turn me
into a buffalo?
See ya.
I, uh...
I read your book.
- Oh, yeah?
- It surprised me.
It's just a book.
It's not just a book.
It's a best seller.
It's in every airport.
Yes, it is.
Yes, it is.
I really liked it.
Good.
You're a very good writer.
Yes, I am.
I'm not just saying that.
No, I know.
I'm good.
No, thank you.
Thank you. I appreciate it.
That's very nice of you.
I, uh...
Um, I met someone.
I have a girlfriend.
It's not a serious thing.
I just wanted to be honest with you,
if that, uh... I don't know the rules.
We keep on doing this, and you're
gonna have to leave her for me.
Maybe you should
leave him for me.
Oh, my God. I gotta go.
What am I doing here?
Have a good flight.
See ya.
Oh, my...
Oh, shit.
Alarm.
Uh... It's not worth it. It's not worth it.
Don't do it. Don't do it.
Don't... Don't do it! What...
That's what I'm talkin' about.
I used to be in, like, a
special ed, um... I'm serious.
Like a special ed...
math class. And uh...
Like, was this last year? It
kind of scarred me forever.
And there was this one kid,
Timmy Eckensterner.
And he was a total fucking
freak of nature.
And there was this wonderful
girl, Mariana Steins.
She was born with a hole in her heart.
How do you re... What?
Yeah. She-She was, like, a little
thing with an Afro, and she was...
She was a neighbor,
Mariana Steins.
Did she survive, or did she die
from her heart? She survived.
She's-She's still going.
She's a wonderful human being.
But the kids made fun of her
and then made fun of me,
'cause I was hanging out
with her, you know.
Who was the first person
you ever kissed?
Christian Iveson.
Iveson? Braces. He had braces.
I did not.
Did he stick his tongue in your mouth?
Mm-mmm.
No. He was pretty wimpy.
What about the first time
you had sex?
Mmm.
How old were you?
Eighteen.
College.
All my friends... Uh...
They all had already had sex.
So I also felt pressure,
'cause I was, like...
like the only person, you know,
who, like, hadn't done it yet.
When was... Who broke your
heart the first time?
Ashley Luden.
She would never sleep with me.
And I really wanted to make...
I was... "Wow, we've been dating a long time. I
want this to be the first girl I sleep with.
This is gonna be special."
And then she broke up with me...
and fucked half the school.
Really. She did.
No!
Yeah. It was like... I don't know. I
turned Ashley into a complete slut.
Where-Where was that Ashley?
Where was that Ashley?
You ever have an experience
with a girl?
Mm-mmm.
No?
I did with a guy.
You did?
Yeah. When I was a kid.
We'd play, like, G.I. Joes.
And then...
And then I'd get shot, and he'd
nurse me with a blow job, you know.
Wow.
Yeah. But I could... I was so
young, I couldn't even come.
I got a blow job. This is... This
is not gonna make you like me.
You have, like,
the blow job chronicles.
"The Blow Job Chronicles."
"My first blow job...
started with a boy."
I'm a king in Monaco,
so fuck everybody.
I'm the king of the most
serene republic of San Marino.
I'm the king of Liechtenstein.
Do you wanna be
my princess?
I've never been crowned at all.
Excuse me.
I've never been crowned at all.
Oh, terrific.
Can we get
two more of these, please?
Bring the pain. I don't
think you feel any pain.
Drink up.
- What part of the hotel is this?
- What floor are we on?
Wake up!
Go!
They're comin' after us!
Run. Look at me. Look at this.
Come on. Let's go. Run!
Run!
Oh, my...
Can you feel the pain now?
Oh, God, get up. Okay.
Come on. Come on.
- This way, this way!
- You're gonna get it. Come on.
What should we do?
No, where... Where?
What? Is this...
Oh, my God.
Come on, get it.
Get in.
I love your feet.
If... When I see
a beautiful woman,
and I look down and I see ugly
feet, I get very turned off.
And vice versa.
If I see great feet,
and then I look up and see an ugly
woman, I might be extremely turned on.
Oh, oh, oh.
What? No, it's gonna...
You... It's good, it's
good, it's good. What?
You don't like that?
No, it's good.
This nail is so small that it's...
It looks so sad, this nail.
But you have to... Don't you
feel for the underdog a little?
I do. Like, "poor little guy"?
It's odd that you have...
you have no nail there.
It's kind of...
it's kind of freakish.
It's gettin' kinda scary.
Shut up and paint it.
Is it that you... Did you
dance when you were a kid?
Yeah.
You did?
Mm-hmm.
Like ballet?
Mm-hmm.
Really?
Did you do modern dance? Mm-hmm.
Jazz?
Mm-hmm.
Did you ever break-dance?
Mm-mmm.
Barefoot Polynesian hula?
Mm-hmm.
- I'm so bad at this.
- Mm-hmm.
What do you even like
about me?
Could you tell me?
Yeah, sure.
Okay.
Do it.
You want me to...
You want me to tell you
what I like about you?
Yeah.
Um...
What do you mean? List.
Like-Like make the list.
Like a top ten list? Yeah.
That's impossible to do.
I can't sum it all up.
It's not impossible.
Um, I think you're
a very smart woman,
which isn't saying much
compared to me.
But it's good. Very good.
Um...
You're beautiful. That
goes without saying. Sexy.
I love your eyes.
Great eyes. Um... I
love your moles.
Um...
Your...
The way you-you walk.
Look good doing it.
Um...
I feel...
really ugly.
Just... a horrible person.
But then...
I like you.
I go to sleep.
When... When I wake up, I...
I can't concentrate at work
I can't...
I love him.
I love him.
I think.
I don't know what to think.
Yeah.
I know.
I know.
What do you like
about me?
Something. Good.
See? It's hard.
It's not easy.
I like your laugh.
I like when you cry too. But I... I don't like
when you're sad, but I like when you cry.
There something...
How about both at once?
When you laugh and cry?
You like that?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I love that.
You do it... And when you laugh
your nostrils kind of flare.
They're-They're almost, like,
breathing. Right now.
It... It's beautiful.
That might be my number one.
Oh, God.
Bye.
Bye.
Don't go.
Yeah, let's live here.
Take another flight. I can't. He's picking
me up from the airport. I gotta go.
Bye.
Bye.
I love you.
Now would be a good time to express
your feelings, reciprocal or otherwise.
Yes.
Yes?
I love you.
That's why I'm here.
That's why I'm doing this.
What are we doing?
We're...
I don't know.
You tell me.
I don't know.
I'd like to know.
We could keep meeting.
You mean cheating.
Yeah. I suppose.
Well, let's call it what it is.
I wanna keep doing this.
I'm happy.
No, I'm happy.
Okay. Yeah, well, I'm still
working through that section.
Okay. That-That's
awesome, Lauren. Bye.
So?
So, he loved it.
I told you. He's a genius. No, he loves
everything though. That's his way.
He's very...
He's always very kind.
No, no, no... I'm telling
you, this is the one.
This is the one. It's better than the first one.
Come on. Trust me. I know.
- I hope you're right.
- I know I'm right.
And I read it.
To my second book.
Yeah.
You look beautiful.
So do you.
In a manly way.
Give me a kiss.
Give me a kiss.
Listen.
I want a kiss.
Hey. Look over there.
Hey, what's that?
It's the Empire State Building.
We're gonna climb that tonight.
We're goin' nuts tonight.
We're gonna eat.
We're gonna eat light.
We're gonna have a nice dessert.
We're gonna get drunk on wine.
And then we're gonna
fuckin' dance.
Seriously. I'm giving you a fuckin' New York tour.
It's starting tonight.
Starting tonight. No, I have...
I've had dinners with...
so many people from New York
at work, these offices, I...
You got recognized today. It's...
That's so rare. It never happens.
I know. And yet...
I mean, you know...
It's not safe.
I understand. I don't think you should feel paranoid.
New York's a big city.
I don't think anyone's gonna recognize you.
If they recognize you...
If they recognize it, we can be friends. We
can be friends walking around New York city.
I know. Look, I have an idea.
You're not gonna be sorry.
Just give it a chance.
Does it involve food?
- It's gonna be great.
- Better be, like, the greatest idea ever,
'cause I'm really,
really into my idea.
It's...
It's totally amazing, because the fact that
they gave me more than one team this time...
means that they see me
as somebody who, um...
It's good. It's just,
it's really, really good.
And it means I have the power to
actually do something for once.
The only problem is Aaron.
Fucking Aaron is gonna try to
fuck things up for me as usual,
'cause he's always jealous.
Now, if we merge,
then I'll end up being in a
position to run those teams too.
So... I'm cold.
I can handle him.
Now I just gotta kick ass.
Then I can pick my projects.
Only wanna answer to Charlie.
That's all I wanna do anyway.
Am I talking too much.
I'm talking too much.
No.
Are you okay?
Yeah. No, I'm fine.
Is this you stoned?
You get all paranoid and distant?
I'm fine.
I had a thing.
With her?
No.
You can tell me about her. No, it's not her.
It's just... It's nothing.
What?
My book got killed.
Like really killed.
The reviews were...
It was like I murdered
their children or something.
You know what? You just gotta move on.
It's your second book, you know.
"Move on."
Move on to what?
It's... No one's gonna
read my book now.
Well, I think it's good.
Nobody gives a shit.
I mean, no one cares.
You know, I wanna do something
in my life.
I wanna... I want...
You know? I want...
Come on, you're just stoned.
Come on.
I want what I do to matter.
What I do matters.
And I don't wanna
just move widgets around.
You mean, like, ensuring the continuing
growth of major corporations?
Hey, without you, who'd exploit the
people, rape the land and make billions?
That's not very funny.
Actually, it is.
I'm paid fairly
for the work I do.
What?
High school teachers barely
exist over the poverty line.
Maybe I deserve more.
Maybe...
Maybe my contribution to the health of
this nation is actually worth more.
Dollars, right?
It's all about dollars.
Yeah. Actually, it is.
You don't create anything. I mean, you
don't... You just move numbers around.
Mmm.
Right?
I create efficiency,
which creates wealth.
For what?
For money.
If you do it for the money,
then you're just a whore.
I do it just for the money.
Seriously.
Wow. Look at you,
you bourgeois pig.
Look at you,
commie bastard.
Seriously.
Seriously?
- Yeah.
- Okay. Seriously, I think that life is fucking short.
And we're animals, and we have
to fucking fight for our food,
and the weak die,
and the strong survive.
Wow. Who are you?
And what are you doing
in my room?
What are you doing?
What do you think I'm doing?
You're leaving?
Not everyone gets to just lay around and
have their fucking feelings all day long.
Okay? And, you know, gets to sort of turn
everything that they think or they see...
into some meaningful reflection of life
that makes the world a better place.
It's just a book.
"The best part of this"...
"The best part of this self-loathing
travesty of a novel is its length.
At 139 pages,
at least one only has
to suffer through it briefly."
Not just a book.
- Why wouldn't you? Do you love her?
- Mm-hmm.
- Of course I love her.
- Then do it.
You want me to do it.
I don't want you to do anything. Yes, you do.
You want me to do it.
No. I want you
to do what you feel.
Yeah, you know why?
Why?
Because you want an out,
that's why.
No.
Yes.
I'm saying, if you love
her, if that's true,
then you should ask her.
Why aren't we together?
We are together.
Why aren't we living together?
Oh, you mean,
like, "together" together.
Really, like,
the house and chimney,
and the picket fence
and the doggies.
Let's see. Um...
You have a husband.
You have a girlfriend. Yes. Right.
I forgot. There's that.
Husband. Girlfriend. Husband.
I'm serious.
Get a divorce.
- You want me to get a divorce?
- Yes.
Are you serious? You want
me to get a divorce? Yes.
Because you're getting married.
And I think that you should.
Is anybody doing it
buffalo-style?
How's things goin' down there? Your lives
turning out just the way you thought it would?
What? Your lives turning out just
the way you thought it would?
Whoo!
I know. It's a fucking puzzle.
Help me put it together.
Shh.
How was it? Did you have
a-a band or a deejay?
Uh, we had a deejay.
Were there a lot
of people there?
Like 70 something, 75.
Oh, yeah?
- It was at night, right? Isn't that what you said?
- Yeah, it was a beautiful night.
It actually was supposed
to be bad weather, but...
It sounds corny, but it was
kind of a magical day.
You know, I-I don't... know
how much I believe in it,
the whole thing as an institution, but
I actually had a fucking great time.
Mm-hmm.
I never get her anything or... I buy her
presents, but I take her to the store,
and I ask her, you know, pick out whatever
she likes, and she hates that, so...
I surprised her with this.
I got her... I gave her
my grandmother's ring.
Which was... It really meant a lot to
me, 'cause I love my grandmother.
She-She passed away
a couple years ago.
She just... She went nuts.
She loved it, you know?
What?
You mad?
No.
- You asked.
- I know. I shouldn't have.
We could never be married, you and I.
Oh, yeah?
No.
Why not?
Well, you hate the way I stay up late
and keep you up late at night working.
What about how early I have to get up?
And how early I fall asleep?
There you go. That's annoying. You
go to bed at 8:30 at night, Grandma.
- You hate how I am cold and withholding.
- No.
- Come on.
- Mmm, I don't.
Little bit. Here's the thing.
I share a lot with you,
and I tell you a lot about what's going
on with me, and at this point in our...
whatever we are, whatever this
is, I-I... I probably overshare,
but I tell you a lot
about what's going on with me.
You, I don't know.
It's a mystery, so...
Every now and then, it would be nice to
know what the fuck you were thinking.
You're right.
We could never be married.
You're mad now?
No, I'm fine.
You always like to fucking rewrite history.
That's-That's what you do.
And then you act. You replay it
back in your own fucking way,
and you always paint me out
to be the fucking asshole.
Do you not? Well, you're
being an asshole.
I like spending time with you, I'm sorry.
I like, fucking, spending time with you.
You do. That's all I want to do.
Okay. I don't know. I just...
I just wanna know you're there for me too.
I know, I know. It's just...
when I'm outside, when I'm
alone, when I'm away from you,
and I wanna spend
some time with you,
and I text you, and I try to find
you, and then you're not anywhere...
I know it sounds like I'm being a pussy.
You know what my life is like!
I know... You know
what my life is like!
I know it sounds like I'm being
a fucking pussy, but for me...
I can't give you more than I'm giving you.
I can't give you more than that.
I'm not asking that. All I'm asking
for is a fucking... a text message!
A fucking text message!
I'm not asking for anything
that fucking important!
Okay?
I'm in it too! I'm in it too, okay?
I'm in it too.
Don't make me out to be
a fucking asshole.
I just don't know how...
How?
To be in this room
with you.
I don't know how to be
in this room with you.
I mean, I... You know what I mean?
Like, I want to see you.
I'm here for you.
I came here for you.
But I don't know how... Right
now I don't feel like...
you want me here.
I don't feel like I should be here.
I don't know...
I don't know how to, like,
want to be here with you.
I don't feel like you want to be... I
mean, I know you're saying that, but I...
I want to be with you. I feel
like you want to kill me.
I don't want to kill you.
I want you fully...
I want you...
I want to walk outside.
I want to walk outside.
I want to be outside,
walking with you.
I don't want to be
in a fucking hotel.
I'm tired. I can't open the fucking...
Can you open the windows here?
Can you even open
the fucking windows here?
You'd fucking jump out.
That's why.
No, I'm not gonna... I'm not gonna jump out.
I want some fucking air.
Okay.
I can open 'em?
Open your eyes.
I'm on the porch.
It's, uh...
It's small, but cozy.
My house.
It's our house.
And it's me,
and we... our three kids are
playing out in the yard,
and-and-and-and
I'm reading the paper.
Got my coffee.
Got you.
We have a little shed
so I can do my pottery.
You do pottery?
I'm very good.
Really?
Yes.
You are?
Yes, I am.
Don't laugh at me.
Okay, we'll get a shed.
And we're surrounded by trees.
Lots of trees...
and a vegetable garden.
I always wanted a chicken coop.
Let's get a chicken coop.
That you feed.
That we make the kids feed.
Hey, guys!
Mom wants you to feed
the chicken coop.
Okay. I'm not gonna
touch the chickens.
I just wanted a coop.
The kids can feed 'em.
You okay?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's a nice thought.
We don't have to have the chicken
coop if it makes you upset.
No, no, no, no. We have a house.
We have a porch. Pottery shed.
Got your fucking chickens. Yeah. We eat
vegetables from the fucking garden.
Yeah. Then fuck.
Or make love.
Sweet...
Sweet, gentle lovemaking.
I'm gonna kill her.
Gonna kill her,
but...
She... She writes critics...
anonymously... the ones
that kill me, you know.
She dissects their critique.
She... She defends me.
We leave them,
and we're together.
Really together.
I mean...
Oh, fu...
That's...
I'm gonna raise the baby
with him... with my husband.
I'm gonna have the baby...
I'm gonna have a-a family.
With him.
You're gonna have
a family with him?
I wish it could be yours.
I... I gotta...
I gotta get some air.
Gonna take a walk.
It's really cold.
I didn't pack for that.
Did you?
What?
This... No?
I got coffee... I got, uh,
French roast, whole milk.
I don't drink coffee
anymore.
My stomach.
I didn't think
I'd ever see you again.
I don't think I can stay.
I don't want to stay.
I shouldn't have
married him.
This room is small.
I want make it work
for my daughter.
The color.
My parents had a...
Makes it look smaller.
A horrible divorce.
I'm not gonna do that to her.
I can't do that to her.
What's her name?
Emma.
That's nice.
That's nice.
Hey. Hey. It's me.
Um...
Look, I know we...
we have...
I know we haven't talked, but I
just want you to know I'm really...
I'm thinking about you,
and I... I'm... I'm...
I know you didn't,
you know...
I know this isn't what we were planning,
and I just want to talk to you.
I think I'm... I think I'm
really ready to just...
just, you know,
be friends with you, or...
or just I want you in my life
in some shape or form, so I...
I want to talk to you more
about everything.
So just give me a call
if-if... when you can.
Okay. Don't... Don't forget
to erase this message.
I'll see you later.
Surprise.
What are you doing here?
I was at the reading.
You were?
Mm-hmm.
I didn't see you there.
Yeah, I know. I was hiding.
I was at the back.
Can I come in?
Oh, yeah. Please, come
in, come in, come in.
We moved.
I'm in Portland, Maine now.
Can't believe it. She wanted
to get out of the city,
and I was bitching and
moaning, but now I'm happy.
We got a great garden,
and, uh... Yeah.
Stop calling me.
You got my messages?
Yeah. Stop calling me.
Stop calling me.
Stop calling me.
Stop calling me.
I know. I miss you too.
That's... It's just...
Two more cities
and I'm home, okay?
So don't freak out
before I get there.
Okay. Go to sleep.
I gotta... I gotta rest.
I gotta wake up and do it
all again in the morning.
I love you.
I love you so much.
Okay. Good night.
When Emma came out...
When we were in the hospital,
I saw all these roses.
On her head. All over.
Like... Like hair...
But-But roses. I was
like, "Oh, my God. Look.
She's so amazing. She
has roses on her head."
It was blood.
I was severely medicated.
I'm an English teacher.
Really?
Yeah. I took a...
I took a job at a college.
I...
I actually like it.
I actually...
I'm actually pretty good at it.
I bet you are.
And I leave there,
and I feel...
at peace.
Is Emma's dad... Is-Is...
Is he good... good...
good dad?
She doesn't want kids.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. The...
The plane was fucking delayed.
I'm sorry.
Mmm.
Hi.
Mmm. Hi.
Mmm. Oh.
You need to brush your teeth.
Okay.
Did you get my text?
Mm-mmm.
You didn't get it?
I fell asleep.
I mean, we get on the plane,
and we wait
for about an hour.
Then we have to get off. And they sat me
in between these two enormous people,
and they're eating fucking Chinese
food the whole time, and...
Do I smell like Chinese food?
Hey.
Sex.
Best sex of your life,
right now, right here.
I'm gonna do it anyway. Is that okay?
I'll be quick.
I'm taking as much work
as I can home now, but...
Yeah.
Now she's not napping, so...
You know, you pay someone else to raise
your kid, or you do it yourself,
but it's like when I'm home I
feel like I should be at work,
and then when I'm at work, I
feel like I should be at home.
I'm just tired all the time.
I bet.
You forgive me?
Yeah, I forgive you.
For what? Sleeping?
You were tired.
Of course I forgive you.
Are you writing?
It'll come.
It will come.
What time's your flight?
What time is it?
I gotta go in 10 minutes.
No. You're kidding.
Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, my God.
I'm so sorry.
I totally ruined it. Oh, don't apologize.
It's fine.
No, it's not. You didn't come all this
way just for some $40 orange juice.
I came all this way 'cause I
like to sleep next to you.
I love those bony hips.
I'm the one
that should be apologizing...
'cause I entered you last night
without your permission.
- Oh, you did?
- Did you feel me enter...
Was that what that was?
Because I felt something.
You felt something?
Like-Like... Like what?
An earthquake?
No. No, I thought... It was like
a mosquito bite or something.
Did you say mosquito?
Is that a dick joke?
Don't you have to pack
or something?
You all ready to go?
Want me to call you a cab?
How does my penis
compare to your husband's?
What'd you guys do
for dinner?
Again? No, no, no.
It's okay.
Wait, is that Emma crying?
Yeah, I hear that.
What happened?
You did not.
No, it's not funny at all.
Put her on.
Hi, honey.
Are you okay?
He's not hiding in the closet.
I promise.
He's not gonna break into
your room at night. I'm sure.
Because he's not a terrorist.
He's a linguist.
He's a very nice man.
And... Okay.
All right.
Can I talk to Daddy?
Don't tell her that Noam Chomsky
is hiding in the closet, okay?
Okay.
No, no, no. That's fine.
All right. I'll call you
tomorrow when I land.
I love you too.
Bye.
Yeah.
Hey. Hey. You got my message
about changing rooms.
Yeah. Listen, listen, um...
Where's your luggage?
I can't stay. I have, like, five minutes.
I can't, um...
Uh...
He's here.
Who's here? My husband.
He's... He's here.
He wanted to come. It was like a
last-minute thing. He just said,
"You know, just, uh, come with you
as, like, a romantic little...
like, 'without Emma' getaway
right after the conference,"
so I'm gonna have the conference
tomorrow, and then we're, uh...
we're vacationing here
in... in this hotel.
So he's here right now.
Okay.
Say something.
Let's tell him the truth.
I... I-I...
I mean, this is a great opportunity.
Let's just go down... What room?
- I can't do that right now.
- I'm gonna do it with you. I'm gonna help you.
No, I... We're gonna go
down there together,
and we're gonna tell him the truth.
I can't...
I'll do it with you. What room are you in?
I can't. I'm telling you.
I can't do this right now.
I can't leave him right now.
Please.
Can we talk about this? I want
to talk about this with you...
This is so stupid. This is so stupid.
I can't do this right now.
I can't do this right now. Yeah. I know.
You can't do this right now.
What are you... Don't do this.
What are you doing?
Stupid.
Okay? I just... I can't...
Get the hotels.
I want to be with you.
Right, I get the hotels. I get the hotels.
I get you for a day.
I get you for two days. If I'm
lucky, I get you for three days.
You knew this is how
it was gonna be.
I'm so fuckin' tired of not
having you when I want you.
If I want to have you,
I want to have you.
I'm not... I don't want
to share you anymore.
I'm not leaving him.
I thought you knew that.
Do me a favor
and don't send me, uh,
any more text messages
or voice mails.
Don't tell me how much you love me and
how much you miss me and want to see me.
Just don't do that anymore. That's what you want?
That's really what you want?
Yeah.
Go ahead. Get out.
This is what it is, right?
Go back to your husband.
I don't want to... I don't want
to do this anymore, okay?
- I don't want to do this anymore.
- This is the situation.
It's not the situation
that I fuckin' wanted, okay?
- You know what? Just get the fuck out of my room. Leave.
- Just stop. Stop.
Get the fuck out... I'm gonna
fucking kill you. Don't touch me.
I'm the fuckin'...
Get off me.
Stop it. You're hurting me.
I'll fucking kill you.
I am gonna fucking kill...
Let me go!
Get out of my life!
Stay the fuck out of...
Stay the fuck out of my life,
you cunt!
You fucking cunt!
I love you.
Let's go through it again.
Okay.
Six months.
Six months.
Six months. Six months,
we're together.
In six months,
we're together.
April 12. Chicago.
April 12. Chicago.
Okay.
No backing down.
No backing down.
We have to be strong.
Fucking... kick-ass.
Fucking Superman strong.
Hey.
We can do this.
Okay.
Okay.