3 Times a Charm (2011) Movie Script
( instrumental music
playing )
( printer whirring )
- MORNING, SIS.
- MORNING.
ONE...
TWO...
- THREE.
-( Emma screams )
I APOLOGIZED.
- WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT,
MY KIDNEY?
- YES.
BUT YOU SMELL MUCH BETTER.
( sniffs )
MINTY.
MOM.
( sniffs )
I KIND OF LIKE IT.
JEREMY,
GET YOUR BACKPACK.
( sniffs )
( sighs )
I'M SO SICK OF HIS
STUPID LITTLE JOKES.
YOU'RE AN EASY TARGET.
THIS IS MY FAULT?
EMMA, YOU'VE GOTTA LEARN
TO FIGHT YOUR OWN BATTLES.
STICK UP
FOR YOURSELF.
HOW?
YOU'LL FIGURE IT OUT.
( sniffs )
WANNA STAY HOME?
I CAN'T.
I HAVE MY PAPER.
YOU'RE SO RESPONSIBLE.
MWAH!
I LOVE THAT.
- ( soft chatter, shushing )
- Boy: KEEP YOUR EYES CLOSED.
-I AM NOT PLAYING
WITH YOU, EMMA.
- Kids: CONGRATULATIONS!
- WHAT?
- CONGRATULATIONS.
YOU'RE OUR NEW EDITOR.
- OH, WOW!
- All: YAY!
THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.
- IT'S NOT GOOD?
- Boy: IS THIS A MINT CAKE?
- IT DOESN'T TASTE MINTY.
IT JUST SMELLS MINTY.
- SHUT UP.
I GOT JOEY
A CAKE YESTERDAY
TO CELEBRATE OUR
THIRD ANNIVERSARY.
YOU JUST MET HIM
LAST MONTH.
HOW ARE YOU CELEBRATING
YOUR THIRD ANNIVERSARY?
IT'S THREE WEEKS.
HE GOT ME THREE ROSES, TOO.
HE'S REALLY ROMANTIC.
AND CUTE. YOU THINK
HE'S CUTE, DON'T YOU?
UH, I DON'T KNOW.
WE-- WE HAVEN'T MET HIM.
OH, YEAH.
( stammering )
YOU GUYS ARE DEFINITELY
GONNA HAVE TO MEE HIM SOMETIME.
Woman:
OKAY, LET'S GE DOWN TO BUSINESS.
SO EMMA HAS TURNED IN
HER LAST ARTICLE.
NICE WORK.
AND I'M REALLY GLAD
THAT THE REST OF YOU
HAVE TURNED IN
YOUR FIRST ARTICLES,
BUT THERE ARE STILL
A FEW OF YOU LEFT.
HOW ARE WE COMING ALONG?
I DO ART.
I'M AN ACTOR.
I DON'T KNOW WHY
I'M WRITING ABOU WHAT HAPPENS
IN THE CAFETERIA.
I DON'T, WON'T,
CAN'T EAT THAT FOOD.
GEORGE, I PICKED YOU
FOR THIS ARTICLE
SPECIFICALLY BECAUSE
OF YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT FOOD.
PLUS, YOU ALREADY WROTE
16 ARTICLES ABOUT "RENT."
- ( camera clicks )
- FINE, BUT I JUST--
I DON'T WANNA HAVE
TO EAT ANY OF IT.
- CELESTE.
- YEAH?
-PHOTOS?
- EVERYONE HIDES FROM ME.
HIDES? WHY?
( beeps, clicks )
I SEE.
- OH, THAT'S A GOOD ONE.
- HMM.
PAUL AND SANDY,
SPORTS?
IT'S NOT EVEN
FOOTBALL SEASON.
WHY ARE THEY
ALWAYS TRAINING?
Sandy:
AND IT'S JUS SO POINTLESS.
MAYBE 0.11% MAKES I TO PLAY PROFESSIONALLY,
SO US DOING THE STORY
JUST CONTRIBUTES
TO THE DELUSION
OF GRANDEUR
AND SETS THEM UP
FOR DISAPPOINTMENT,
DEPRESSION.
VERY NOBLE OF YOU,
BUT I NEED YOU TO
COVER SPORTS.
MAYBE WE COULD EACH
DO OUR OWN THING?
PAUL, YOU CAN'T GO
IN THE GIRLS' LOCKER ROOM.
AND SHE CAN' GO IN THE BOYS'.
I NEED YOU TWO
TO COVER SPORTS.
WHAT HE'S TRYING TO SAY
IS HE DOESN'T WAN TO WORK WITH ME.
Paul:
I DIDN'T SAY THAT.
I-- I JUST SAID THAT I--
I'M NOT CRAZY
ABOUT WORKING WITH
YOU EITHER, OKAY?
BUT YOU DON'T SEE ME
WHINING ABOUT IT LIKE
A LITTLE OLD LADY.
OKAY, WELL, IF YOU HAVE
ANY CONCERNS ABOU YOUR ASSIGNMENTS,
YOU CAN DISCUSS THEM
WITH YOUR EDITOR.
( all talking at once )
( chatter continues )
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.
LISTEN UP, OKAY?
THE YEAR-END ISSUE
COMES OUT TOMORROW
AT THE END OF SCHOOL,
WHICH MEANS
THAT YOUR ARTICLES
HAVE TO BE PRINTED
BY LUNCH TOMORROW.
THIS IS THE JOB.
IF YOU CAN'T DO
WHAT YOU'RE ASSIGNED,
THEN YOU MAY CONSIDER
RESIGNING.
EVERYONE CLEAR ON THIS?
- YES.
- George: ALL RIGHT, FINE.
GOOD.
"WHO? WHAT?
WHERE? WHEN? WHY? HOW?"
THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS.
SO GET TO WORK
ON YOUR STORIES.
AND I NEED IT BY?
- Kids: TOMORROW MORNING.
- YOU DON'T HAVE TO
KEEP SAYING THAT.
- WE KNOW THAT.
- GOOD.
WHAT'S UP?
( boys chuckling )
- WHOA!
-( bell rings )
- GEORGE, DID YOU
TRY THE CAKE?
- OF COURSE NOT.
WHITE SUGAR
AND WHITE FLOUR
ARE THE WORST THINGS
YOU CAN PUT IN YOUR BODY.
IT'S LIKE POISON.
YOU MIGHT AS WELL
EAT STRYCHNINE.
( sighs )
EMMA, IF YOU'RE GONNA
SURVIVE AS EDITOR,
YOU REALLY NEED
TO SET SOME BOUNDARIES
WITH THE PEOPLE
THAT ARE WORKING
UNDER YOU.
I HAVE BOUNDARIES.
- MM-HMM.
- I LIKE HELPING.
WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE
TO BE A DICTATOR,
BUT YOU DO HAVE
TO DEMAND RESPECT.
THANKS, MRS. K.
EMMA, I THINK YOU'RE
GONNA BE A FINE EDITOR.
HERE. THANKS.
OH!
OH!
( choir singing )
WHOA!
YOU KNOW,
I WAS GOING TO WRITE
THE SPORTS ARTICLE
"CHRIS DUVALL GETS
FULL FOOTBALL SCHOLARSHIP,"
BUT I AM TERRIBLY,
TERRIBLY BUSY.
SO IF YOU WANNA
SPLIT THE BYLINE...
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- I'M WORKING.
I THOUGHT PAUL
WAS COVERING SPORTS.
SAID HE'D SPLI THE BYLINE.
OH, WHO ARE YOU
INTERVIEWING?
COACH MATHIS?
NOPE.
YOU'RE INTERVIEWING
CHRIS DUVALL?
- YEAH.
- BUT YOU LOVE HIM.
- ( Emma clears throat )
- HEY, COACH SAID SOMEBODY
WANTED TO INTERVIEW ME.
- YOU MUST BE PAUL.
- I AM.
I MEAN PAUL
COULDN'T MAKE IT.
I'M EMMA.
DO YOU GO
TO SCHOOL HERE?
WE HAVE AMERICAN HISTORY
WITH MRS. KAUFMAN.
OH. GOD, I HATE
THAT CLASS.
- YOU'RE ALSO IN THE SAME
GEOMETRY CLASS.
- I--
- AND LUNCH.
- ( coughs )
- ARE YOU NEW HERE?
- I, UH--
- SHE LIVES ACROSS
THE STREET FROM YOU.
- THANK YOU, GEORGE.
- DON'T YOU HAVE SOMETHING
YOU SHOULD BE DOING?
- NO.
OH, YES, YES,
I-- I DO.
I, UM--
BYE, CHRIS.
DOES IT SMELL MINTY
IN HERE TO YOU?
MUST BE THE LOCKER ROOM
DEODORIZER.
OH, OKAY.
SO?
YOU HAVE
QUESTIONS FOR ME?
OH, YEAH, RIGHT.
UH, QUESTIONS.
EMMA, MOM TOLD ME
TO TELL YOU-- HEY.
SHE HAS PICTURES
OF YOU WITH CANDLES
ALL AROUND THEM.
HE'S CHALLENGED,
MENTALLY.
IT-- IT'S SAD, REALLY.
DIDN'T TAKE
HIS MEDICATION TODAY.
GO TELL MOM YOU NEED
A DOUBLE DOSE OF YOUR PILLS
SO YOU DON'T ACT SO GOOFY.
HEY, PEPPERMINT PATTY,
MOM TOLD ME TO TELL YOU
SHE'D PICK US UP
AFTER SCHOOL.
CHRIS, I'VE GOTTA
TALK TO YOU.
- UH, I'M SORRY,
I GOTTA GO.
- OH, SURE.
JUST TELL ME HOW IT FEL WHEN YOU GOT A FULL
SCHOLARSHIP.
UH... GOOD.
AWESOME. GREAT QUOTE
FOR THE PAPER.
I THINK I CAN FIGURE
THE REST OUT.
SEE YOU, CHRIS.
( sighs )
Mrs. Kaufman:
SO NOW I WANT TO SEE
WHAT YOU'VE LEARNED FROM ME.
I HAVE YOUR REVIEW SHEETS
FOR TOMORROW'S FINAL EXAM.
NICE PICTURE.
SEE ME AFTER CLASS.
100 MULTIPLE CHOICE
QUESTIONS
COVERING EVERYTHING
FROM WINTER BREAK.
( bell rings )
Mrs. Kaufman:
OKAY, STUDY HARD.
I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
CHRIS, I DON'T KNOW
IF YOU HAVE SENIORITIS
OR THERE'S
SOMETHING ELSE
GOING ON...
YOU'RE HELPING PAUL OUT?
I'M YOUR BEST FRIEND.
- NO, I'M JUST-- I--
- I CAN'T DO SPORTS.
- SANDY.
- YOU KNOW THIS.
IT'S JUST A WHITE MALE
POWER BASE FORCING
A SELECT FEW
IDEALIZED GENETIC MISFITS
TO BATTLE FOR PROFI WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY
FORCING A SUBSERVIENT SOCIETY
- TO FEEL BAD ABOUT--
- OKAY, GOT IT.
- I'LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO.
- YES! ( laughs )
SO, YOU GUYS REMEMBER
HOW IT WAS RAINING
ALL LAST WEEK?
WELL, I WENT ON
A LITTLE DATE.
AND DO YOU KNOW
WHAT JOEY DID?
I'M SURE YOU'RE
GONNA TELL US.
HE PUT HIS JACKE OVER A PUDDLE
SO I DIDN'T HAVE
TO GET MUD ON MY SHOES.
ISN'T THAT SWEET?
SANDY, HOW WAS
THE SPANISH FINAL?
OH, JOEY...
( speaking Spanish )
SO ROMANTICO.
YOU'D BETTER
TAKE THIS FROM ME.
- Emma: YOU BROUGHT SUSHI
FOR LUNCH AGAIN?
- SO?
IT'S SLIMY
AND SMELLS BAD.
SO DO MOST OF THE PEOPLE
AT THIS SCHOOL.
I DON'T SEE WHAT'S SO BAD
ABOUT SCHOOL LUNCHES.
HAVE YOU SEEN WHAT GOES ON
BACK THERE IN THE KITCHEN?
- I DON'T STALK LUNCH LADIES.
- YOU SHOULD.
THERE'S THIS
ONE LADY BACK THERE
WHO HAS THIS MOLE
THAT JUST HANGS THERE
LIKE IT'S GONNA FALL OFF.
WHEN SHE MOVES,
IT JIGGLES.
I MEAN, SERIOUSLY,
IT'S JUST A MATTER OF TIME
BEFORE SOME KID ENDS UP
WITH OLD-LUNCH-LADY MOLE
IN HIS CHICKEN TACO.
I GUESS THAT'S WHERE
THEY GOT GUACA-MOLE FROM.
- I'M DONE.
- EW.
- ME, TOO.
- THAT'S SO NASTY.
DUDE, WHAT'S WRONG
WITH YOU?
( laughing )
SWEET.
( laughing )
( sighs )
EMMA, I CAN'T DO THIS.
IT'S SO GROSS.
YOU ALREADY FINISHED
YOUR ARTICLE
AND YOU'RE GONNA ACE
YOUR HISTORY FINAL
TOMORROW.
I'M ALSO CO-WRITING
THE SPORTS WITH PAUL
AND SANDY.
PLEASE, HOW HARD
CAN THAT BE?
COME ON,
YOU'RE THE EDITOR.
IT'S YOUR JOB
TO PICK UP THE SLACK.
- YEAH. YEAH, SURE.
- ( squeals ) YAY!
THANK YOU,
THANK YOU!
LOVE YOU.
MEAN IT. BYE!
SO, HOW WAS
SCHOOL TODAY?
MM-MM. MM-MM.
OH, NO.
WE GOT ANOTHER CALL
FROM MR. STOCK ABOU JEREMY'S BEHAVIOR.
DAD, THE GUY
HAS IT IN FOR ME.
THAT'S NOT EXACTLY HOW
MR. STOCK EXPLAINED
WHAT HAPPENED.
Mr. Stock:
CLASS, IT HAS COME
TO MY ATTENTION
THAT WE HAVE
A BUDDING ARTIS IN OUR MIDST.
JEREMY,
WOULD YOU PLEASE STAND UP
AND TURN YOUR DESK OVER?
MY-- MY DESK?
YES, THIS THING YOU'VE BEEN
SITTING IN ALL YEAR.
YOUR LECTURE
ON NATIONALISM
REALLY GOT TO ME.
- ( class laughing )
- CLEAN IT UP.
AND DON'T EVER CHEW GUM
IN MY CLASS AGAIN.
YES, SIR.
I WAS SHOWING MY SUPPOR FOR THE TROOPS.
I'M A VICTIM
OF CIRCUMSTANCE.
THEY SUGGES THAT WE GET JEREMY
PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING
AND MEDICATION.
TEACHERS DON'T THINK
ANYTHING IS FUNNY.
MY FRIENDS LIKE MY JOKES.
YOUR FRIENDS
DON'T FILL OU YOUR REPORT CARDS.
- SO, WHAT DO WE DO?
- ( exhales )
-TELEVISION?
- NO.
-MOVIES?
-NOPE.
- THE MALL?
- GONE.
HONEY, ISN'T THERE
SOMETHING
THAT WE CAN TAKE
AWAY FROM HIM?
IT'S OKAY, DAD.
YOU'LL COME UP
WITH SOMETHING.
( chuckles )
G-GO STAND
IN THE CORNER.
- WHAT?
- YOU GO STAND OVER THERE.
AND I WOULD SUGGEST,
IF YOU DON'T WANNA SPEND
YOUR WHOLE SUMMER THERE,
YOU STAR BEHAVING YOURSELF
BEFORE SCHOOL ENDS.
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED
TO DO HERE?
I DON'T KNOW.
WHY DON'T YOU THINK ABOU HOW YOU WOULD FEEL
IF SOMEBODY MADE
A FOOL OUT OF YOU?
WELL, ONLY SUCKERS FALL
FOR PRACTICAL JOKES.
YOU KNOW WHAT--
THERE IS A TIME
AND A PLACE FOR JOKES,
AND THERE IS A TIME
AND A PLACE TO BE SERIOUS.
AND SCHOOL IS A TIME
AND A PLACE TO BE SERIOUS.
( sighs )
AND HOW ABOUT YOU, EMMA?
EMMA...
GET RID OF THE NOTEBOOK.
HUH? WHAT WERE YOU SAYING?
WELL, YOU'RE SO QUIET.
I MEAN, DID EVERYTHING
GO OKAY AT SCHOOL TODAY?
IT WAS OKAY.
I JUST HAVE
A LOT OF WORK TO DO.
WELL, WE WANT YOU
TO KNOW WE ARE SO PROUD
OF ALL THE EFFOR YOU'VE PUT INTO YOUR
SCHOOLWORK THIS YEAR.
THANKS, DAD.
YEAH, SURE, BABY,
WE ARE DEFINITELY
ON FOR NEXT WEEKEND.
- Woman: I thought
you said this weekend.
- OH, THIS WEEKEND?
OH, JEEZ.
YOU KNOW, I'M SORRY.
I HAVE GOT SO MUCH
I GOTTA DO.
YEAH, I'M TOO BUSY.
I'M-- GOSH, UH,
I'LL CALL YOU,
THOUGH, OKAY?
-Okay.
- ALL RIGHT. YEAH,
I'LL TALK TO YOU SOON.
-Okay. Bye.
- OKAY. BYE-BYE.
- WAS THAT CONNIE?
- NOPE.
- GINGER?
- NO.
- THAT WAS MARILYN.
- ( both laugh )
YOU ALWAYS GOTTA
KEEP ONE WARMED UP
IN THE BULL PEN, SON.
YOU NEVER KNOW
WHEN YOUR STARTER'S
GONNA LOSE HER STUFF.
- RIGHT?
- RIGHT.
- UM... DAD?
-HMM?
UH, I'M FAILING
MY HISTORY CLASS.
YOU DO WHATEVER YOU
GOTTA DO TO PASS
THAT CLASS, SON.
ONLY WAY I GOT THROUGH
GEOMETRY IN HIGH SCHOOL
WAS BY GETTING
THE SMARTEST KID
IN THE CLASS
TO TAKE THE TES FOR ME.
I SWITCHED THE TESTS
AND I PASSED THE CLASS.
YOU'RE SAYING THA I SHOULD CHEA ON THE TEST?
I'M SAYING YOU CAN' AFFORD NOT TO GRADUATE.
LIFE IS LIKE FOOTBALL.
YOU DO WHAT YOU
GOTTA DO TO WIN.
- RIGHT?
- RIGHT.
( cell phone chiming )
I GOTTA TAKE THIS.
BEVERLY.
- HEY, HONEY.
-Hey, so are you
still coming over?
NO, YEAH,
WE ARE DEFINITELY
ON FOR THIS WEEKEND.
Oh, great!
Call me later.
- MOM!
-( can clatters )
WHAT?! WHAT?
OH, UM, WOULD IT BE OKAY
IF I BORROWED THE CAR
TO GO TO THE STORE?
IT'S GETTING
A LITTLE LATE, HON.
OH, I-- I FORGOT TO GE A LITTLE THANK YOU GIF FOR MRS. K.
ALL RIGHT, JUST COME
HOME RIGHT AFTER.
OKAY. THANKS.
OH, HI, CHRIS.
HI. HI!
OH, HEY, UMA.
EMMA.
EMMA. RIGHT.
SORRY.
HAVE A GOOD ONE.
HEY, EMMA,
CAN I TALK TO YOU
FOR A SECOND?
YES. SURE.
I MEAN, SURE.
S'UP?
UM, I HAVE A PROBLEM.
- DON'T LAUGH, OKAY?
- OKAY.
I'M FAILING HISTORY.
YEAH, I SAW YOU LEAVE
KAUFMAN'S CLASS EARLIER.
YOU DIDN'T LOOK HAPPY.
YEAH, THIS STUFF,
IT JUST DOESN' CLICK WITH ME.
I MEAN, I COULD MEMORIZE
A WHOLE PLAYBOOK IN ONE NIGHT.
BUT HISTORY-- I MEAN,
WHO CARES WHAT HAPPENED
200 YEARS AGO, RIGHT?
WASN'T IT SANTAYANA
WHO SAID "THOSE WHO FAIL
TO LEARN FROM HISTORY
ARE DOOMED TO REPEAT IT"?
NO, I THINK
HE PLAYED GUITAR.
NOT SANTANA.
SANTAYANA WAS
A PHILOSOPHER WHO--
YOU'RE RIGHT.
WHO CARES ABOUT A BUNCH
OF OLD DEAD GUYS?
SO, YOU WANT ME
TO TUTOR YOU?
UM, NO, NO.
I THINK IT'S TOO LATE
FOR THAT.
LOOK, EMMA, IF I DON' PASS THIS CLASS,
THEN I WON'T GRADUATE
AND I'LL LOSE
MY FOOTBALL SCHOLARSHIP
AND I DON'T GE TO GO TO COLLEGE
BECAUSE OF ONE
STUPID LITTLE TEST.
- JUST ONE.
- WOW.
YEAH.
AND YOU'RE-- YOU'RE
ONLY A JUNIOR
TAKING THIS CLASS
WITH US SENIORS, RIGHT?
OH, WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE
IF I TAKE IT THIS YEAR,
I CAN TAKE FRENCH LI NEXT YEAR AND, UM...
- YEAH.
- WE COULD SWITCH TESTS.
YOU PUT MY NAME ON YOURS,
AND I'LL PUT YOUR NAME
ON MINE.
YOU WANT ME TO CHEAT?
I KNOW.
I KNOW.
YOU'RE A GOODY-GOODY.
NOT THAT MUCH
OF A GOODY-GOODY.
I KEPT THE GLASSES
AFTER A 3-D MOVIE.
WOW, AND THE F.B.I.
DIDN'T SHOW UP AND
ARREST YOU?
I MAILED THEM BACK.
OKAY,
YOU'RE RIGHT.
- I AM A GOODY-GOODY.
- YOU'RE CUTE.
- REALLY?
- YEAH.
LOOK, I'M SORRY.
I-- I REALLY--
I WOULDN'T ASK
YOU TO DO THIS,
BUT I DON'T REALLY
HAVE ANYBODY ELSE.
MRS. K. IS
MY FAVORITE TEACHER
AND SHE RUNS
THE SCHOOL NEWSPAPER.
NOBODY READS THE PAPER.
I'M THE NEW EDITOR.
I LOVE THE PAPER,
PERSONALLY.
BUT YOU'RE NOT HURTING HER;
YOU'RE JUST GONNA HELP ME.
I DON'T WANNA
FAIL MY FINAL.
WELL, WHO SAYS
I'M GONNA FAIL IT?
OKAY, FINE,
YOU'RE RIGHT.
I'LL PROBABLY FAIL IT.
BUT THIS ONE TES DECIDES WHETHER I GO
TO COLLEGE OR NOT.
IT'S ONE TEST.
IT DOESN'T HURT YOU,
BUT IT COULD TOTALLY
SAVE ME.
I DON'T KNOW.
PLEASE?
JUST THINK ABOUT IT?
YOU'RE MY LAST HOPE.
JUST THINK ABOUT IT.
PLEASE?
( gasping )
( coughing )
OH. OH, GOD.
OH, GOD.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
OH, I--
I JUST CAN'T SEEM
TO CATCH MY BREATH.
- OH, GOD.
- OH! OH, NO. UM...
MAYBE WE SHOULD
CALL AN AMBULANCE.
NO.
TA-DA!
YOU DID IT.
- HUH?
- THAT WAS A TEST.
HONESTLY, AN AMBULANCE
COULD BE HERE IN MINUTES.
OR THE POLICE--
I COULD CALL THEM
AND THEY'D BE HERE
IN SECONDS.
OH, NO NEED,
EMMA NEUMAN.
DO I KNOW YOU?
OTHERS JUST WALKED BY
AS IF I DIDN'T EVEN EXIST.
BUT YOU, YOU WHO ARE
SO TROUBLED
STILL STOPPED,
STILL TRYING TO HELP
EVERYONE.
YEAH, OKAY.
WELL, IF YOU'RE
GONNA BE ALL RIGHT,
I HAVE TO GO AND GRAB
A COUPLE THINGS
AND GET HOME
OR MY MOM WILL WORRY.
EMMA, I KNOW YOU HAVE
A TOUGH DECISION TO MAKE
REGARDING CHRIS.
WHO ARE YOU?
YOU CAN CALL
ME THE BEAUTIFUL
PARKING LOT PIXIE.
OR BARBARA.
JUST BARBARA IS FINE.
HOW DO YOU KNOW
ABOUT CHRIS?
YOU EVER HEARD
THAT EXPRESSION
"IF I KNEW THEN
WHAT I KNOW NOW,
I WOULD HAVE DONE
THINGS DIFFERENTLY"?
WELL...
- A NECKLACE?
- A NECKLACE.
YOU REALLY
DON'T HAVE TO.
IT WILL HELP
WITH YOUR PROBLEM.
TRY IT ON.
IT'S MAGIC.
- I DON'T BELIEVE
IN MAGIC.
- OH, NO?
WELL, THEN HOW DO YOU
EXPLAIN THAT ONE MINUTE
WE'RE HERE IN FRON OF THE GROCERY STORE
TALKING,
AND THE NEXT MINUTE
YOU'RE... HERE?
- UH, WHERE?
- OH, SHOOT, SORRY.
( echoing )
UH, MY SCHOOL GYM?
YEAH.
I DIDN'T KNOW
WHERE ELSE TO TAKE US.
- WE HAVE TO TALK.
- THIS IS CRAZY.
I MUST BE HAVING SOME
SORT OF CRAZY DREAM.
- I'VE GOT TO WAKE UP.
- IT'S OKAY.
LOOK, PLEASE DON'T BE AFRAID.
I'M HERE TO HELP YOU.
EMMA, YOU'RE GONNA
BE GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY
TO SEE THREE POSSIBLE
SCENARIOS WITH CHRIS.
THREE?
I THOUGHT THERE
WERE ONLY TWO--
HELP HIM CHEA OR NOT.
SWEETIE,
DURING THE COURSE
OF OUR LIVES
WE MAKE MILLIONS
OF DECISIONS
THAT CREATE
A CHAIN OF EVENTS.
SOME END UP GOOD
AND SOME NOT SO GOOD.
( necklace rattles )
HOW DOES IT WORK?
THREE CHARMS,
THREE CHANCES.
YOU MIGHT MAKE
THE RIGHT CHOICE
THE FIRST TIME
OR MAYBE THE THIRD.
BUT NO MATTER
WHAT YOU DECIDE,
THERE WILL BE
CONSEQUENCES.
AND BY THE WAY,
SANTAYANA WAS RIGHT--
LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES
SO YOU DON'T REPEAT THEM.
WHAT DID MOM PU IN THAT CHICKEN?
( screams )
AH!
JEREMY!
UGH!
THERE IS NO WAY.
- HEY, MOM.
- GOOD MORNING.
WELL, YOU LOOK
PRETTY TODAY.
THAT'S A NICE NECKLACE.
WHERE'D YOU GET IT?
UH, SANDY GAVE IT TO ME.
( screaming )
- ( giggling )
- OH, MY GOD.
OH-- OH, HONEY.
- OH. WHAT--?
- WHAT?
YOU LOOKED TIRED.
I THOUGHT A GOOD SHOWER
WOULD WAKE YOU UP.
I'LL KILL YOU.
NO-- WELL-- NO.
NO, DON'T--
DON'T KILL HIM.
Sandy:
CELESTE IS
DRIVING ME CRAZY.
YOU CAN'T HAVE
ONE CONVERSATION
WITHOUT JOEY BEING
BROUGHT INTO IT.
IT'S HER FIRS RELATIONSHIP.
SHE'S HAPPY.
PFFT. I DON'T NEED
A GUY TO BE HAPPY.
- YOU OKAY?
- STAYED UP LATE
FINISHING THE ARTICLES.
AND THERE WAS
A WET T-SHIRT CONTEST?
JEREMY IS AN IDIOT.
AREN'T YOU SICK
OF CELESTE TALKING
ABOUT JOEY ALL THE TIME?
I MEAN, WE'VE NEVER
EVEN SEEN THE GUY.
EH, I TUNE HER OUT.
MY FATHER TOLD ME
IT'S A SKILL
EVERY GUY NEEDS
TO DEAL WITH WOMEN.
Sandy:
OOH, LOOK WHO'S HERE.
Paul:
UGH, ONE MORE DAY
AND I NEVER HAVE TO
SEE THAT JERK AGAIN.
JEALOUS?
ASK ME IN 10 YEARS
WHEN I'M A SUCCESSFUL
PLASTIC SURGEON
MAKING SEVEN FIGURES
AND HE'S TAKING CARE
OF MY POOL.
HE ISN'T THAT BAD.
( sighs )
I'M AMAZED
AT HOW GOOD LOOKS
CAN BLIND GIRLS FROM...
SEEING REALITY.
HEY, APRIL.
YOU NEED ME TO
HELP YOU STUDY FOR
YOUR BIOLOGY FINAL?
- NO.
- YOU KNOW, WITH YOU
BEING A SENIOR
AND ME BEING
JUST A JUNIOR,
- SOME PEOPLE MIGH CALL YOU A COUGAR.
- EW, NO.
- HEY, WHERE ARE
YOU GOING?
- NICE.
I CANNOT BELIEVE
CHRIS DUVALL WANTS
TO CHEAT WITH YOU.
YOU MAKE IT SOUND DIRTY
WHEN YOU SAY IT LIKE THAT.
- IT'S CHEATING.
- BUT IT'S CHEATING
WITH CHRIS DUVALL.
( mouths words )
SO, CAN YOU
HELP ME OUT?
I'LL DO IT.
THANK YOU.
- IT'S JUST ONE TEST.
- YEAH, ONE TEST.
RIGHT.
Mrs. Kaufman:
EXCELLENT WORK
ON THIS ARTICLE.
OH, I ALMOST FORGOT.
- THANK YOU
FOR EVERYTHING.
- THANK YOU.
YOU'RE PRETTY GREA YOURSELF, YOU KNOW?
AND YOU KNOW WHAT--
I'M REALLY PROUD
THAT YOU GOT EVERYONE'S
ARTICLES IN BY DEADLINE.
I'M EXPECTING GREAT THINGS
FROM YOU THIS YEAR.
IS EVERYTHING OKAY?
YOU SEEM
PREOCCUPIED LATELY.
OKAY, HOW DO YOU KNOW
IF A GUY LIKES YOU?
LIKE, LIKE LIKES YOU,
NOT JUST WANTS
SOMETHING FROM YOU?
OH, UM...
OH, NO, NO, NOT THAT.
I MEAN--
NO, NO, NO.
IT'S OKAY, IT'S OKAY.
- NO, I MEANT, UM...
- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
ALL RIGHT, LISTEN.
SOME GUYS CAN WIN AWARDS
FOR ACTING SINCERE,
BUT THEY CAN ONLY KEEP UP
THAT ACT FOR SO LONG.
TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS.
TAKE IT SLOW AND DO
WHAT'S RIGHT FOR YOU.
THANKS, MRS. K.
- SURE. ANYTIME.
-( bell rings )
Mrs. Kaufman:
ALL RIGHT, REMOVE
EVERYTHING FROM YOUR DESK.
PASS THEM BACK.
AND WHEN YOU
RECEIVE THEM,
YOU MAY BEGIN.
YOU HAVE 90 MINUTES.
( sighs )
( applause and cheering )
I'D LIKE
TO THANK AMERICA.
I'D LIKE TO THANK
THE NFL.
BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY,
I'D LIKE TO THANK
MY FIANCEE...
EMMA NEUMAN.
WITHOUT HER,
I'D HAVE NEVER GRADUATED
FROM HIGH SCHOOL
AND PROBABLY'D BE
CLEANING THE POOLS
OF RICH PLASTIC SURGEONS.
( echoing )
I LOVE YOU, EMMA.
HEY, HOW DID I DO?
THERE WASN'T A QUESTION
ON THAT TEST I DIDN'T KNOW.
AWESOME.
HOW DID I DO?
UH...
- THAT BAD?
- I'M SORRY.
I REALLY-- I TRIED,
BUT-- THANK YOU.
AND, EMMA, LOOK, I'VE BEEN
DOING A LOT OF THINKING--
CHRIS, RACHEL COOPER'S
HAVING HER YEAR-END PARTY
TONIGHT AT HER HOUSE.
EVERYONE IS GOING
TO BE THERE.
WELL, MAYBE
NOT EVERYONE.
YOU LOOK A LITTLE BUSY.
I-- I GOTTA GO.
OKAY.
- ( Paul grunting )
- THERE. PULL!
- Emma: HEY!
- HAY'S FOR HORSES.
- LEAVE HIM ALONE.
- EMMA, STOP.
OH, YOU'RE SO BIG AND STRONG
PICKING ON THE LITTLE GUY.
EMMA, STOP.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
- SHE'S JUST TIRED.
- WE'RE JUST PLAYING.
- GET IN THERE.
- ( grunting )
OH!
( groaning )
I WAS JUST PLAYING.
( groaning continues )
PAUL, WAIT.
WAIT.
GET OFF ME.
- WHAT?
- NOTHING, WONDER WOMAN.
PLEASE GO SAVE
ANOTHER HELPLESS WIMP.
I JUST HELPED YOU.
NO, YOU DIDN'T.
YOU MADE THINGS WORSE.
DID YOU HAND THIS IN?
YOUR ARTICLE
ON THE CAFETERIA?
- YEAH. WHY?
- IT'S WRONG.
I'D NEVER BE
THIS POSITIVE
ABOUT THE FOOD.
- WHAT?
- IT DOESN'T HAVE
MY FLAIR, YOU KNOW.
IT DOESN'T HAVE
MY JOIE DE VIVRE.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
HOW DO YOU THINK YOU DID
ON THE BIOLOGY EXAM?
- IT WAS HARD.
- REALLY? I THOUGH IT WAS PRETTY EASY.
THAT'S WHAT JOEY
SAID ABOUT CELESTE.
- ( squeals )
- I'M HAPPY IT WAS
SO EASY FOR YOU.
WHAT DID I SAY WRONG NOW?
BY HER SAYING IT WAS HARD
AND YOU SAYING IT WAS EASY,
YOU MAKE HER LOOK STUPID.
I WAS JUST BEING HONEST.
I THOUGHT WOMEN LIKED HONESTY.
HEY, IS IT TOO LATE
TO GET THAT ARTICLE BACK?
WHY? I HANDED
IT IN ALREADY.
OH, I WAS GONNA
MAKE SOME CHANGES.
- OH, THAT REMINDS ME, CAN I--?
- ( camera clicks )
UGH! OKAY.
Man over P.A.:
Emma Neuman, please report
to the front office.
Emma Neuman,
the front office.
- WHAT DID SHE DO?
- WHAT IS THAT ABOUT?
SHE'S IN TROUBLE.
- I BET SHE'S PREGNANT.
- ( laughter )
DO YOU SEE ANYTHING WRONG
WITH THIS EXAM?
ARE YOU IN THE HABI OF MISSPELLING YOUR
OWN NAME?
OH, MY GOD.
SO WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE
MAKING A FEDERAL CASE
OUT OF THIS, ANYWAY?
I MEAN, THE KID MADE
A MISTAKE, RIGHT?
HAVEN'T EITHER OF YOU
EVER MADE AN ERROR IN
JUDGMENT BEFORE?
THAT'S NO THE POINT AT ALL.
OH, WELL, THE POIN IS YOU TELL A KID
ALL THAT MATTERS
IS THIS TEST.
THEN WHEN HE FINALLY
FINDS A WAY TO PASS IT,
YOU'RE MAD
'CAUSE HE DIDN' DO IT YOUR WAY.
LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING--
THAT KID IS A HELL
OF A QUARTERBACK.
IN A COUPLE OF YEARS,
HE'S GONNA MAKE MORE MONEY
IN ONE MONTH THAN THE BOTH
OF YOU COMBINED, OKAY?
WOW, REALLY?
HE TALKED A STUDEN INTO CHEATING FOR HIM.
DOESN'T THA BOTHER YOU AT ALL?
I DON'T HAVE TIME
FOR THIS, OKAY?
I GOTTA GE BACK TO WORK.
CAN WE PLEASE JUS CUT TO THE CHASE?
MRS. K.,
I CAN EXPLAIN.
I'VE HEARD EVERYTHING
I NEED TO KNOW.
- EMMA...
- MOM?
EMMA, PLEASE WAIT OUTSIDE.
I'M SORRY, MRS. K.
I REALLY AM. I--
I JUST DIDN' WANT CHRIS TO LOSE
HIS SCHOLARSHIP.
I DON'T FREAKIN'
BELIEVE YOU TOLD THEM.
AND I DON'T FREAKIN'
BELIEVE YOU DON'T KNOW
HOW TO SPELL MY NAME.
AND I DON'T FREAKIN'
BELIEVE THAT--
WAIT, WHAT?
YOU SPELLED
MY NAME WITH A "W"
INSTEAD OF A "U."
- THAT'S HOW WE GOT CAUGHT.
- YOUR NAME HAS A "U" IN IT?
- W-WHY?
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WHY?
( sighs )
I CAN'T BELIEVE
I WAS SO STUPID,
LISTENING TO
A MORON LIKE YOU.
( sighs )
PLEASE WORK. PLEASE WORK.
PLEASE WORK. PLEASE WORK.
PLEASE WORK.
( necklace rings )
I KNOW WHO NEEDS WHAT,
THE WHERE, THE WHEN--
I JUST DON'T KNOW WHY.
( chatter )
- CONGRATULATIONS!
- WHAT?
Mrs. Kaufman:
CONGRATULATIONS.
YOU'RE OUR NEW EDITOR.
- OH, WOW.
- ( camera clicks )
( cheering )
I GOT JOEY
A CAKE YESTERDAY
TO CELEBRATE OUR
THIRD ANNIVERSARY.
UM, I THOUGHT YOU JUS MET HIM LAST MONTH.
- IT'S OUR THREE-WEEK
ANNIVERSARY.
- OH.
OKAY, LET'S GE DOWN TO BUSINESS.
SO EMMA HAS TURNED IN
HER LAST ARTICLE.
NICE WORK.
THERE ARE STILL
A FEW OF YOU LEFT.
HOW ARE WE COMING ALONG?
WHY?
WHY DO I BOTHER
WORKING SO HARD?
WHY SHOULDN'T I BE HAPPY?
SO, US DOING THE STORY,
IT JUST MERELY CONTRIBUTES...
- I CAN DO THIS.
-...TO THEIR DELUSIONS
OF GRANDEUR
AND IT SETS THEM UP
FOR TOTAL DISAPPOINTMENT.
I CAN DO THIS!
George:
HMM?
UH, RIGHT, YES.
UM, IF YOU HAVE ANY CONCERNS
ABOUT YOUR ASSIGNMENT,
YOU CAN DISCUSS THEM
WITH YOUR EDITOR.
ALL RIGHT, LISTEN UP.
THE YEAR-END ISSUE
COMES OUT TOMORROW
AT THE END OF SCHOOL,
SO I NEED YOUR ARTICLES
BY LUNCH TOMORROW.
THIS IS THE JOB.
IF YOU CAN'T DO
WHAT YOU'RE ASSIGNED,
THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULD
CONSIDER RESIGNING.
ARE WE CLEAR ON THIS?
- Kids: YEAH.
- OKAY.
I COULDN'T HAVE
SAID IT BETTER MYSELF.
AND TAKE YOUR GARBAGE
WHEN YOU LEAVE.
WHAT'S HER DEAL?
( sighs )
REALLY?
FAKE VOMIT.
ARE YOU TWO LITTLE IDIOTS
FOUR YEARS OLD?
I TOLD YOU,
NO ONE LIKES
FAKE VOMIT ANYMORE.
SHUT UP, KENNY.
IT'S A CLASSIC.
YOU DON'T KNOW FUNNY.
OH, I KNOW FUNNY.
( indistinct chatter )
YOU KNOW, I WAS GOING
TO DO THE SPORTS ARTICLE
"CHRIS DUVALL GETS
FULL FOOTBALL SCHOLARSHIP,"
BUT I AM TERRIBLY,
TERRIBLY BUSY.
SO IF YOU WANNA
SPLIT THE BYLINE...
NOPE, I WOULD
JUST SCREW IT UP.
- OH, YOU SURE?
- YEAH, SEE YOU LATER.
UH... OKAY.
SHOOT.
Mrs. Kaufman:
I HAVE YOUR REVIEW SHEETS
FOR TOMORROW'S FINAL EXAM.
NICE PICTURE.
SEE ME AFTER CLASS.
100 MULTIPLE CHOICE
QUESTIONS
COVERING EVERYTHING
SINCE WINTER BREAK.
- EMMA, I CAN' DO MY ARTICLE.
- YES, YOU CAN.
- BUT I DON'T--
- YOU DO.
- BUT I WON'T--
- YOU WILL.
NICE TALKING TO YOU.
SO, YOU KNOW HOW IT WAS
RAINING LAST WEEK?
WELL, I WENT ON A DATE.
AND DO YOU KNOW
WHAT JOEY DID?
I'M SURE YOU'RE
GONNA TELL US.
AS LONG AS HE DIDN'T PU HIS JACKET OVER A PUDDLE,
'CAUSE THA WOULD BE SO CORNY.
JOEY LIKES
BLACK BEANS.
HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN
WHAT GOES ON BACK THERE
IN THAT KITCHEN?
GEORGE, I'M EATING.
- NO, SERIOUSLY, HAVE YOU
SEEN THE WOMAN WITH THE--
- GEORGE, I DON'T CARE.
TODAY I WANNA ENJOY
MY LUNCH STRESS-FREE.
Jeremy:
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED
TO DO HERE?
WHY DON'T YOU TRY TO THINK
ABOUT HOW YOU MIGHT FEEL
IF SOMEBODY TRIED
TO MAKE A FOOL OUT OF YOU?
WHOA, ONLY SUCKERS FALL
FOR PRACTICAL JOKES.
YOU KNOW WHAT--
THERE IS A TIME
AND A PLACE FOR JOKES,
AND THERE'S A TIME
AND A PLACE TO BE SERIOUS.
AND SCHOOL-- THAT IS
THE TIME AND THE PLACE
TO BE SERIOUS.
- AND HOW ABOUT YOU, EMMA?
-( clock chiming )
GREAT. AWESOME.
REALLY, REALLY GOOD.
OKAY, SO YOU'RE GOOD, THEN.
CAN YOU PASS THE CHICKEN?
THREE, TWO, ONE.
- MOM, MOM!
-( can clatters )
WHAT?! WHAT?
WOULD IT BE OKAY
IF I BORROWED THE CAR
TO GO TO THE STORE?
IT'S GETTING
A LITTLE LATE, HON.
I FORGOT I WANTED TO BUY
MRS. K. A LITTLE
THANK YOU GIFT.
ALL RIGHT,
JUST BE HOME--
BYE-BYE.
YO, CHRIS.
- OH, HEY--
- EMMA.
- EMMA.
- MM-HMM.
HEY.
WHY CAN'T I BE HAPPY, TOO?
HEY, EMMA, CAN I TALK
TO YOU FOR A SECOND?
- E-EMMA?
- YES!
YES. I MEAN CONTINUE.
UM, I HAVE A PROBLEM.
DON'T LAUGH, OKAY?
YOU'RE FAILING HISTORY.
YOU KNOW THAT?
UH, EVERYONE KNOWS.
WHAT? THEY DO?
THIS STUFF, IT--
IT JUST DOESN' CLICK WITH ME.
I MEAN, I COULD MEMORIZE
A WHOLE PLAYBOOK IN ONE NIGHT.
BUT HISTORY-- WHO CARES
WHAT HAPPENED 200 YEARS AGO?
SANTAYANA SAID,
"THOSE WHO FAIL
TO LEARN FROM HISTORY
ARE DOOMED TO REPEAT IT."
- I THOUGHT THAT HE PLAYED--
- NOT SANTANA, SANTAYANA.
OH.
WELL, I DON' KNOW WHAT TO DO,
'CAUSE KAUFMAN
SAID IF I DON'T GE AN "A" ON THE FINAL,
THEN I WON' PASS HER CLASS.
WHAT'S YOUR AVERAGE?
I HAVE A 99.
SO IF I BOMB ONE TEST,
IT'S NOT GONNA KILL ANYONE,
IF THAT'S WHAT YOU MEAN.
- BUT YOU'RE A--
- GOODY-GOODY?
SURE, I AM, AND I KNOW
THAT YOU THINK IT'S CUTE
AND THAT YOU DON'T KNOW
WHO TO GO TO OR WHAT TO DO.
I SWEAR I WOULDN' ASK YOU TO DO THIS, BUT--
SO HERE'S THE DEAL--
I'LL HELP YOU OUT,
BUT WE'RE GONNA
DO IT MY WAY.
AND AFTERWARDS,
WE'RE GONNA CELEBRATE.
YEAH, YEAH, SURE.
RACHEL COOPER
IS HAVING A PARTY
ON FRIDAY, A BIG ONE.
- YOU'RE SURE?
- DUH. EVERYONE'S
GONNA BE THERE.
I WANNA GO, AND YOU'RE
GONNA TAKE ME.
OKAY.
THAT SOUNDS FAIR.
GREAT. I'LL TALK
TO YOU LATER.
AND START READING
THE SCHOOL PAPER.
OKAY.
WHAT JUST HAPPENED?
( humming )
( giggles )
UM, HELLO?
I DON'T KNOW
HOW THIS WORKS.
I DON'T KNOW
IF YOU KNOW ME YE OR IF I HAVE
TO BE NICE TO YOU
ALL OVER AGAIN.
THAT'S NICE.
BARBARA, I THINK
I'M GONNA DO I RIGHT THIS TIME.
BARBARA?
- BARB--
- WHO?
I'M NOT GONNA
CALL YOU THAT.
FINE. BEAUTIFUL
PARKING LOT PIXIE.
( laughs )
YOU ARE SUCH
A SWEET GIRL.
COME HERE.
SO, EMMA, ARE YOU GONNA
GIVE IT ANOTHER SHOT?
- I HAVE TO.
- WHAT HAPPENED?
WE BOTH GOT AN "F"
ON THE FINAL.
CHRIS FAILED THE CLASS.
HE'S PROBABLY GONNA LOSE
HIS FOOTBALL SCHOLARSHIP.
IT'S GOING
ON MY PERMANENT FILE
AND MRS. K. ASKED ME TO RESIGN
FROM THE SCHOOL NEWSPAPER.
- OH.
- SHE SAID SHE CAN'T WORK WITH
SOMEONE SHE CAN'T TRUST.
SO WHAT NOW?
WE'RE GONNA
DO THINGS MY WAY.
IF CHRIS IS GONNA
USE ME, THAT'S FINE.
I'LL USE HIM, TOO.
EMMA, CHRIS ISN' A BAD KID.
HE'S MISGUIDED
AND CONFUSED.
HIS FATHER BELIEVED
THAT YOU DO
ALMOST ANYTHING
YOU CAN TO SUCCEED.
BUT SUCCESS ISN' ALWAYS MEASURED BY
FAME AND FORTUNE.
SO, AM I DOING I RIGHT THIS TIME?
I DON'T KNOW,
SWEETHEART.
WE'LL JUST HAVE TO SEE.
-( thuds )
- AH!
- HI, HONEY.
- HEY, MOM.
- JUST JUICE AND TOAST.
- OH, OKAY.
MM.
YOU GOTTA RINSE OU YOUR GLASS.
YOU KNOW HOW DAD HATES I WHEN YOU DON'T DO THAT.
- MORNING, DAD.
- HEY, GOOD MORNING, EM.
YOU GOTTA RINSE OU YOUR GLASS.
YOU SHOULD REALLY
RINSE OUT YOUR GLASS.
OH, I'M SO SORRY.
I'M REALLY IN A RUSH.
Dad:
OH, IT'S OKAY.
I'LL DO IT.
- Jeremy: NO, DAD--
- OH!
( stammering )
OH, MY--
OH-- OH!
WHAT?
JEREMY.
Sandy:
JOEY DID THIS
AND JOEY DID THAT.
IT'S HER
FIRST RELATIONSHIP.
SHE'S HAPPY.
- PFFT. I DON'T NEED
A RELATIONSHIP TO BE HAPPY.
- YEAH, YEAH.
STOP PRETENDING
YOU DON'T LIKE PAUL.
IT'S TOTALLY OBVIOUS.
- WHAT? UH, NO.
- HEY-OH!
UH, AREN'T YOU
SICK OF CELESTE
TALKING ABOUT JOEY
ALL THE TIME?
EH, I TUNE HER OUT.
MY FATHER TOLD ME
IT'S A SKILL
EVERY GUY NEEDS
IN DEALING WITH WOMEN.
EMMA.
SHE TUNED YOU OUT.
BE RIGHT BACK.
UGH, ONE MORE DAY
AND I NEVER HAVE TO
SEE THAT JERK AGAIN.
- JEALOUS?
- ( scoffs )
DID YOU THINK ABOU WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT?
YEAH.
UH, LET'S DO IT.
- IT'S JUST ONE TEST.
- RIGHT.
- RIGHT.
- RIGHT.
OKAY.
SO, EMMA GONNA
DO IT FOR YOU?
THE TEST? YEAH,
SHE SAID SHE WOULD.
FOR A BRAIN,
SHE'S KIND OF HOT.
YEAH, BUT SHE'S
KIND OF PUSHY, TOO.
SURPRISED ME.
BUT I GUESS I JUS GOTTA PASS THIS TEST,
YOU KNOW?
AHA!
AHHHH!
- EMMA, EMMA.
- WHAT'S UP?
I WAS JUST IN THE BATHROOM,
AND CHRIS AND TRENT CAME IN--
- THEY DIDN'T DUCT TAPE YOU
TO THE TOILET AGAIN?
- NO.
- ANOTHER ATOMIC WEDGIE?
- NO.
NOW THAT CHRIS AND I
ARE GETTING CLOSE,
I CAN TALK TO HIM
AND TELL THE OTHER GUYS
TO STOP PICKING ON YOU.
CHRIS IS JUST USING YOU.
I'VE GOT IT COVERED.
HE ONLY CARES ABOUT YOU
HELPING HIM PASS HISTORY.
LOOK, I CAN'T DEAL
WITH THIS WHOLE
JEALOUS ROUTINE.
I'M NOT JEALOUS OF CHRIS.
I'M TRYING TO WATCH YOUR BACK.
YOU WATCH YOUR BACK
AND I'LL WATCH MINE, OKAY?
I GOTTA GET TO CLASS.
YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO?
YEAH, DO THE TES AND THEN WAIT FOR
YOUR SIGNAL.
GOOD. SWITCH THE TEST FIRST,
THEN PUT YOUR OWN NAME ON IT.
WHY DON'T I JUST PU YOUR NAME ON MY TEST?
- HOW DO YOU
SPELL MY NAME?
- E-M-A...
- OKAY, WE'LL SWAP TESTS.
- MM-HMM.
ALL RIGHT,
YOU HAVE 90 MINUTES.
Mrs. Kaufman:
EMMA.
YOU'VE DONE SO MUCH
FOR ME THIS YEAR,
I JUST WANTED TO GIVE YOU
A LITTLE THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
I'M REALLY LOOKING FORWARD
TO WHAT YOU'RE GONNA BRING
TO THE NEWSPAPER
NEXT YEAR.
IS EVERYTHING OKAY?
EVERYTHING-- EVERYTHING
IS PERFECT... I THINK.
( bell rings )
- HOW'D I DO?
- YOU GOT YOUR "A."
WOW, YOU'RE PRETTY GOOD
AT BEING SNEAKY.
SHE DIDN'T EVEN
SEE THAT COMING.
AND I-- I TRIED TO GET YOU
A DECENT GRADE, I SWEAR.
OKAY.
WELL, THANK YOU.
AND THAT PARTY'S
GONNA BE A BLAST,
I PROMISE.
IT'LL BE
TOTALLY WORTH IT.
Trent:
THIS DUDE WAS LIKE "AHA"
WHILE WE WERE IN THE BATHROOM.
- EMMA?
- HEY, BABY.
DID YOU HEAR
ABOUT RACHEL'S PARTY?
YOU HAVE TO LET ME KNOW...
- AAH AAH! HEY, EMMA,
DID YOU NEED ME TO--
- NOPE.
- BUT I CAN--
- NOPE, STAY HERE
AND HAVE FUN.
-( fabric tears )
- OH, NARDS! AAH!
( exhales )
( sniffing )
- IS IT PIZZA DAY?
- YOU GOT THAT RIGHT.
- I'M KINDA HUNGRY.
- LET'S GO.
I CAN'T.
I CAN'T DO THIS.
- WHAT IS THAT?
- THE REST OF MY UNDERWEAR.
Girls: EW.
WELL, IT ACTUALLY
WORKED OUT NICELY.
YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN
THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES
WHEN THEY REALIZED
THE UNDERWEAR GAVE OU AND THEY WERE
TOUCHING BARE BUTT.
PLEASE STOP.
I'VE HAD MY QUOTA
FOR BAD VISUALS FOR TODAY.
- SO, THEY STOPPED
PICKING ON YOU?
-OH, NO.
THEY STILL SHOVED ME
IN THE JANITOR'S CLOSET.
ALL RIGHT,
I MIGHT AS WELL GRAB
YOUR ARTICLES RIGHT NOW.
I TOLD MRS. K.
I COULD HANDLE THIS.
SO YOU DID YOUR
ARTICLES, RIGHT?
GEORGE?
I CAN'T GO NEAR
THAT CAFETERIA FOOD
WITHOUT FAINTING.
EVERY TIME
I WRITE SOMETHING,
SHE CRUMBLES IT UP
AND THROWS I IN THE GARBAGE.
BECAUSE THAT'S
WHERE IT BELONGS.
SANDY, PLEASE TELL ME
YOURS IS FINISHED.
UH, I WAS... CHOKING,
AND THEN THERE WAS
THIS NUN WHO WAS ON FIRE,
-SO THEN I COULDN'T--
- IT'S NOT FUNNY!
OUT OF ALL
THE INCOMPETENT...
YOU GUYS COULDN'T GE PAST YOUR INSECURITIES
FOR FIVE MINUTES
TO DO THIS ONE THING?
THIS ONE STUPID
LITTLE THING?
YOU'RE WORTHLESS.
I COULD HAVE WRITTEN
ALL THESE ARTICLES
LAST NIGHT.
OH, OH, YEAH.
JOEY AND I HAVE
BEEN REALLY BUSY
THE LAST FEW DAYS.
OH, STOP WITH YOUR
IMAGINARY BOYFRIEND.
( squeaks )
WH--?
NO ONE HAS EVER
SEEN HIM.
WELL, HE JUST--
HE NEVER GETS
TO HANG OUT.
- HE'S SHY, THAT'S ALL.
- SHY OR INVISIBLE?
( sniffling )
Man over P.A.:
Will Jeremy Neuman please
report to the front office?
WHAT? NO WAY.
I DID EVERYTHING RIGHT.
WHY ARE THEY CALLING ME?
THEY SAID "JEREMY,"
GENIUS.
( Celeste crying )
OH.
Celeste:
SHE'S SO MEAN.
- HELLO, MRS. NEUMAN.
- HELLO AGAIN, PRINCIPAL BURKE.
- PLEASE.
- JEREMY.
WHAT DID YOU DO?
SOMEONE POKED A DRIBBLE HOLE
IN MR. STOCK'S COFFEE CUP.
WHEN HE PICKED IT UP,
IT FELL APAR AND HOT COFFEE
POURED ALL OVER HIM.
SOUNDS LIKE YOU.
IF I DID IT,
IT WOULDN'T HAVE
FELL APART.
THE DRIBBLE HOLE
WAS TOO BIG.
THAT'S NOT HELPING.
WHY WON'T ANYONE
BELIEVE ME?
BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS
DO STUFF LIKE THIS.
AND I ALWAYS
TAKE CREDIT FOR IT.
TRUE, BUT I DON'T KNOW
WHY YOU HAVE TO DO
ALL THESE STUPID
PRACTICAL JOKES
TO GET ATTENTION.
OF COURSE YOU DON'T.
YOU'RE PERFECT.
AND NO MATTER WHAT I DO,
I'M STILL THE BAD ONE,
THE BAD STUDENT,
THE BAD KID.
SO FINE, I'M AN IDIOT.
- SO WHO DID IT?
- KENNY.
- WHY?
- HE WAS TRYING
TO ONE-UP ME.
BUT HE SCREWED IT UP
AND LET ME TAKE THE BLAME.
YOU DON'T CARE.
JUST GO AWAY.
- JEREMY.
- GO AWAY!
FINE.
( breathes deeply )
- Emma: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- HEY, EMMA.
I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING
TO THE PARTY THIS WEEKEND.
UH, YEAH.
YEAH, I SAID
I'D TAKE YOU.
BUT YOU SAID
I WAS CUTE.
NO, I DIDN'T.
- YES, YOU DID.
- WHEN?
AT THAT-- OH, GOD,
I'M AN IDIOT.
I COMPROMISED
MY VALUES TO SAVE YOU
BECAUSE YOU WERE
SO PATHETIC AND DESPERATE.
I'M DESPERATE?
YOU WANT ME TO TAKE YOU
TO SOME PARTY SO, WHAT,
YOU CAN BECOME POPULAR?
YOU DON' EVEN KNOW WHO I AM.
YOU'RE JUST USING ME.
- YOU WERE USING ME.
- THIS WHOLE THING WAS
YOUR STUPID IDEA.
NO, IT WASN'T.
WAIT.
YOU'RE CRAZY.
( squealing )
EMMA, IS THERE SOMETHING
YOU WANT TO TELL ME?
I JUST GRADED
THE FINAL EXAMS
AND I'M SURPRISED.
YOU FAILED IT.
WAS THAT CHRIS DUVALL
YOU WERE TALKING TO?
HE'S A JERK.
SO YOU GUYS
AREN'T FRIENDS?
NO. I CAN'T STAND HIM.
HMM, SO I GUESS HE DID
REALLY WELL, THEN.
GOOD FOR HIM.
HMM.
I GUESS I SHOULD BE
PROUD OF HIM.
HE HASN'T GOTTEN
GRADES LIKE THA SINCE FRESHMAN YEAR.
YOU HAD HIM BEFORE?
OH, YEAH, I'VE KNOWN
CHRIS FOR A LONG TIME.
I USED TO BE FRIENDS
WITH HIS MOM.
HE LIVES
ACROSS THE STREE WITH HIS DAD.
REALLY? HMM.
I KNOW HE GREW UP
WITH HIS MOM
AND THEY HAD
A REALLY CLOSE
RELATIONSHIP.
BUT THEN
HIS MOM PASSED AWAY
A FEW YEARS AGO.
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
YEAH, HE MOVED IN
WITH HIS FATHER
AND HE JUST REALLY
CHANGED AFTER THAT.
I TRIED HELPING,
AND, YOU KNOW, I DID--
I DID WHAT I COULD.
ANYWAY, LET'S LOOK
AT YOUR ARTICLES.
OH, NO.
MRS. K.,
THEY'RE NOT FINISHED.
WHAT? YOU MEAN
NONE OF THEM?
WELL, MINE IS.
NO, NO, NO. EMMA,
THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE.
YOU ARE THE EDITOR.
YOU WANTED THIS JOB.
NOW WE DON' HAVE A PAPER.
- I KNOW, BUT GEORGE--
- NO, NO, NO. THIS IS
YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.
- I KNOW, BUT SANDY--
- YOU FAILED THE TEST.
YOU DON'T HAVE
THE ARTICLES IN.
I DON'T LIKE
THIS SIDE OF YOU.
I'M-- I'M SORRY.
DON'T APOLOGIZE TO ME.
YOU ARE ONLY
FAILING YOURSELF.
I KNOW WHY MY FRIENDS
ARE DOING THESE THINGS.
NOW I KNOW WHY I CAN' JUST MAKE MYSELF HAPPY.
( sighs )
ONE MORE CHANCE.
ONE MORE CHANCE
TO GET THIS RIGHT.
( necklace rings )
THIS IS MY LAST CHANCE.
PLEASE DON'T LET ME
SCREW THIS ONE UP.
All:
CONGRATULATIONS!
Mrs. Kaufman:
CONGRATULATIONS.
YOU'RE OUR NEW EDITOR.
- OH, WOW.
- ( camera clicks )
AH, YAY!
I GOT JOEY
A CAKE YESTERDAY
TO CELEBRATE
OUR THIRD ANNIVERSARY.
IT'S OUR THREE-WEEK
ANNIVERSARY.
- IT'S KIND OF A BIG DEAL.
- Sandy: HMM.
Mrs. Kaufman:
OKAY, LET'S GET DOWN
TO "BIZNESS."
AM I SAYING THAT RIGHT?
- Paul: MORE EMPHASIS
ON THE "Z."
- HOW?
HOW AM I GONNA DO THIS?
HOW AM I GONNA--?
HOW?
WELL, OKAY.
AS THE NEW EDITOR,
YOU GOTTA HELP GUIDE THEM
WITH THEIR NEWS STORIES,
- BUT IT'S UP TO THEM
TO DO THE WORK.
- OKAY, GOT IT.
SO GEORGE NEEDS TO FINISH
WHAT'S COOKING IN THE KITCHEN.
SANDY AND PAUL
NEED TO FINISH SPORTS.
- AND CELESTE, UH--
- ( camera clicks )
- OH, THAT IS ADORABLE!
- NO, IT'S NOT.
OKAY, LET'S CLEAN UP
AND GET TO WORK.
HMM.
( gagging )
THAT IS AWESOME.
CLASSIC.
YOU TWO ARE
HILARIOUS TOGETHER.
- CAN I BORROW THIS?
- YEAH.
UM, SURE.
AWESOME.
FAKE VOMIT, YES.
WOW, SPIDER SENSE.
CHEERLEADER SENSE.
HOW'S YOUR ARTICLE COMING?
I WAS GOING TO DO
THE SPORTS ARTICLE
"CHRIS DUVALL GETS
FULL FOOTBALL SCHOLARSHIP,"
BUT I AM TERRIBLY,
TERRIBLY BUSY.
- I DON'T WANNA
SPLIT THE BYLINE.
- UM, OKAY.
SO I GUESS--
- LET'S GO.
- UM...
- HAVE ALL YOUR QUESTIONS
ABOUT THE SCHOLARSHIP?
- YEAH.
- AND THE SEASON.
- I GOT IT.
IT'S ALL THERE.
- DON'T BE NERVOUS.
I THINK HE'S A NICE GUY.
- I'M NOT.
- WHATCHA DOING?
- PAUL HAS AN INTERVIEW.
I'M JUST TAGGING ALONG.
EMMA, IT'S FINE.
I CAN DO IT LATER.
HI, CHRIS.
I'M EMMA NEUMAN
FROM THE SCHOOL PAPER.
- THIS IS PAUL.
- AND I'M GEORGE.
- HEY.
- NICE TO MEET YOU.
WELL, YOU KNOW
OUR SCHOOL PAPER
HAS A CIRCULATION
OF 20 PEOPLE EACH
SEMESTER.
DO I KNOW YOU?
YEAH, I THINK WE HAVE
SOME CLASSES TOGETHER.
- HISTORY, RIGHT?
- YEAH.
DOES IT SMELL
MINTY IN HERE?
MY LITTLE BROTHER
PUT TOOTHPASTE
IN MY SHAMPOO
THIS MORNING.
JUST CALL ME
PEPPERMINT PATTY.
- I LIKE THAT.
- ME, TOO.
WELL, I GOTTA GO.
YOU TWO GOOD HERE?
Chris:
YEAH.
- I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
- BYE.
THAT WAS AWESOME.
SO, YOU HAVE
SOME QUESTIONS FOR ME?
UH, YEAH,
RIGHT, YES.
CHRIS, I GOTTA
TALK TO YOU.
I GOTTA GO.
- ARE YOU GOING THIS WAY?
- UH, YEAH.
- COME ON.
- UH...
SO, NOW, ABOU THIS SCHOLARSHIP
THAT YOU GOT,
UM, I HEARD THAT IT--
I HEARD THAT IT WAS FROM--
Mrs. Kaufman:
YOU ALL HAVE BEEN
REALLY GREA -AND I'M REALLY
GONNA MISS YOU GUYS.
-( pen clatters )
BUT NOW I WANT TO SEE
WHAT YOU GUYS HAVE
LEARNED FROM ME.
THESE ARE YOUR REVIEW SHEETS
FOR YOUR FINAL EXAMS TOMORROW.
MULTIPLE CHOICE QUESTIONS
COVERING EVERYTHING
WE'VE DONE
SINCE WINTER BREAK.
PLEASE PASS TO THAT SIDE.
HE PUT HIS JACKE OVER A PUDDLE
SO I DIDN'T HAVE TO
GET MUD ON MY SHOES.
ISN'T THAT SWEET?
YOU'D BETTER
TAKE THIS FROM ME.
- SUSHI?
- SO?
YUCK, I WOULD NEVER
EAT ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
- WHAT? WHY?
- IT'S DISGUSTING.
HOW CAN YOU SAY THA IF YOU'VE NEVER
EVEN TRIED IT?
- COME ON, IT'S AMAZING.
- NO WAY.
JUST ONE BITE.
WHAT IF YOU LIKE IT?
FINE. DEAL.
WHAT?
( screams )
( sighs )
- DO IT.
- ( camera clicks )
FINE.
TATER TOTS
ARE GOD'S GIF TO HUMANITY.
- ( laughs )
- AND?
I'LL GET TO WORK.
- MINE!
- AAH!
AND HOW ABOUT YOU,
EMMA?
DAD, LET ME
ASK YOU SOMETHING.
- YOU'RE A GUY, RIGHT?
- YES.
AND THANK YOU
FOR NOTICING, SWEETIE.
- YOU LIKE FOOTBALL?
- I DO.
WHAT DO YOU LIKE
ABOUT IT?
I DON'T KNOW. IT'S JUST--
IT'S REALLY COOL.
I MEAN, THEY'RE OUT THERE
ON THE FIELD DOING BATTLE.
THEY'RE LIKE MODERN-DAY
GLADIATORS, WARRIORS.
BIG FAT ONES.
NOT ALL OF THEM.
THEY'RE WARRIORS, HONEY.
OKAY, COOL.
WARRIORS.
YEAH.
HOW DO I DO THIS?
HOW DO I DO THIS?
HOW DO I--?
- MOM, MOM!
-( can clatters )
WHAT?! WHAT?
SORRY.
I KEEP FORGETTING
ABOUT THAT PART.
CAN I BORROW THE CAR?
IT'S GETTING
A LITTLE LATE, HON.
I HAVE
THIS SCHOOL THING.
ALL RIGHT.
JUST DON'T BE LATE.
THANKS, MOM.
OH! OH.
( engine starts )
OH, HEY, CHRIS.
- OH, HEY.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
UH, I LIVE HERE.
NO WAY.
I LIVE RIGHT THERE.
HOW COME WE DIDN' KNOW THIS?
I DON'T KNOW.
I GUESS WE'RE BUSY.
YOU LOOK STRESSED.
YEAH, I AM
KIND OF STRESSED.
HISTORY TEST?
HOW'D YOU KNOW THAT?
I SAW YOU WALKING OU OF KAUFMAN'S CLASS EARLIER.
YEAH.
ACTUALLY, I'M NOT SURE
WHAT I'M GONNA DO ABOUT IT.
HMM.
GET IN.
HEY, LOOK, YOU SEEM
REALLY NICE, BUT--
I SAID GET IN.
OKAY.
YOU SAID IT YOURSELF--
YOU CAN MEMORIZE
AN ENTIRE PLAYBOOK
IN ONE NIGHT.
- I DID?
- YES, YOU DID.
WELL, CONGRATULATIONS.
YOU'RE IN
THE AMERICAN ARMY.
- BY MYSELF?
- NO. I BROUGHT A FRIEND.
( whistle trills )
APRIL 1775, 1775.
( British accent )
I'M TAKING YOU DOWN.
OH, YES.
I'M GOING TO TAX YOU
ALL I WANT.
ALL RIGHT, AMERICA,
YOU LOST TO THE BRITS
LAST GAME WHERE?
- UH...
- WHAT FIELD, SOLDIER?!
- UH, AT LEXINGTON.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
AND THEY WERE LED
BY FRANKIE SMITH.
LIEUTENAN FRANCIS SMITH.
SHUT UP, BRITAIN!
WHO WAS THEIR COACH?
- FRANKIE SMITH.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
SO THIS IS
THE SECOND GAME.
WHERE?
- CONCORD.
- EXCELLENT.
AND YOU'RE GONNA
PUSH THEM BACK,
PUSH THEM BACK,
WAY BACK,
ALL THE WAY TO...?
THE NORTH BRIDGE.
HIKE!
( Paul screaming )
CELESTE, HI.
I NEED MORE PEOPLE.
ALL RIGHT, SPORTS FANS,
IT'S A COLD AND SNOWY
DAY HERE IN...?
- VALLEY FORGE, 1777.
- RIGHT.
SO OUR PLAYERS ARE TIRED
AND NEED TO GET READY
FOR THE NEXT SEASON,
SO THEY HIRE
A NEW ATHLETIC TRAINER...
BARON VON STEUBEN.
- STEUBEN? STEUBEN.
- RIGHT.
- GET YOU READY
FOR COLLEGE.
- COACH.
HEY.
1776, HIKE.
NO, NO, NO,
NO, NO, NO.
GENERAL CORNWALLIS
WON THE BATTLE
OF BRANDYWINE
IN 1777, NOT 1776.
WHO WON THE BATTLE
OF BUNKER HILL?
- THE AMERICANS.
- ( whistle trills )
FLAG ON THE PLAY.
FLAG ON THE PLAY.
- FOUL. FOUL.
- WHAT?
THE BRITISH GAINED
MORE YARDS.
THE AMERICANS LOS FEWER SOLDIERS.
HOW CAN YOU SAY
THEY WON?
WE GOT MORE YARDS.
IS A PYRRHIC VICTORY
REALLY A WIN?
LOOK, LITTLE LADY--
- DON'T YOU "LITTLE LADY" ME.
- DON'T YOU "LITTLE LADY" ME.
Both:
DON'T YOU
"LITTLE LADY" ME.
- BATTLE OF RHODE ISLAND.
- Players: 1778.
GO DOWN
THE MIDDLE. YOU.
- Chris: HIKE!
- YOU. BLITZ!
THAT'S RIGHT,
THE BRITISH BLITZ.
- BUT THEY WERE
STOPPED BY...?
- Chris: THE FRENCH.
VIVA LA FRANCE!
( screaming )
I GIVE UP.
I GIVE UP.
THE BRITISH DID NOT GIVE UP.
THEY WON THE BATTLE.
B-BRITAIN GIVES UP.
BRITAIN GIVES UP.
BATTLE OF YORKTOWN,
LAST LAND BATTLE
OF THE REVOLUTIONARY WAR.
ALL RIGHT, GOOD.
OH, COME ON.
THIS ISN'T FAIR.
Coach Mathis:
MAN UP, SOLIDER.
THE AMERICANS
WERE OUTNUMBERED
11,800 TO 5,700.
THAT'S JUST SOLDIERS.
- AMERICANS ALSO
HAD A SMALL MILITIA.
- Coach Mathis: FINE.
GO FIND A MILITIA.
OOH, EMMA, EMMA, EMMA!
UM, JOEY COULD PLAY.
UH, OKAY.
JOEY'S ON CHRIS' TEAM.
THAT'S JOEY?
THAT'S JOEY?
- THAT'S JOEY.
- YO.
HIKE!
Celeste:
GO, JOEY,
GO, JOEY, GO
GO, JOEY,
GO, JOEY, GO
GO, JOEY,
GO, JOEY, GO!
GO, GO, GO,
GO, GO, GO,
GO, GO, GO.
- Celeste: YEAH!
- WHOO-HOO!
YOU'RE SO GOOD.
- OH!
- ( cheering )
BABY, YOU ARE SO GOOD.
- LOOK AT YOU.
- NO, NO, NO!
GENERAL CORNWALLIS,
YOU HAVE BEEN DEFEATED, SIR.
( laughing, chattering )
- THANK YOU.
- MAN, YOU WERE AWESOME.
- THANKS.
- I'LL SEE YA.
NICE MEETING YOU.
YES, I GOT THE BALL NOW.
WE'RE ALL READY TO GO.
HAD FUN WITH ALL
THIS SPORTS STUFF,
SPORT?
YEAH, BUT SHUT UP.
BUT YES.
- SEE YOU LATER, SPORT.
- BYE.
- COME ON.
- YEAH.
YOU'RE READY.
I DON'T KNOW.
YOU'RE READY.
THERE'S SO MUCH
OF THIS STUFF.
YOU JUST HAD TO FIND
SOMETHING TO RELATE IT TO.
DO YOU STILL
NEED A RIDE?
NO. NO, I'M GONNA--
I GOTTA DIGEST ALL THIS.
I'M GONNA JOG BACK.
BUT THANK YOU.
Barbara:
OH, EMMA.
- BARBARA?
- SO, THIRD AND FINAL TRY?
YEAH.
I'M SO NERVOUS.
I DID SOMETHING
REALLY DIFFERENT THIS TIME.
SO, IS THAT GOOD OR BAD?
I DON'T KNOW.
- DO YOU?
- I DON'T.
THAT'S WHAT MAKES I SO EXCITING.
IT WAS FUN,
BUT WHAT IF I DID
SOMETHING WRONG AGAIN?
OR WHAT IF I MESSED UP?
THERE'S NO
GOOD EXPERIENCES
OR BAD EXPERIENCES.
IT'S ALL PERSPECTIVE.
SO, HOW WILL
I KNOW IF I'M MAKING
THE RIGHT CHOICES?
YOU CAN'T TELL
THE FUTURE,
BUT YOU CAN LISTEN
TO YOUR HEART.
THAT'S ALL ANYONE CAN DO.
- I HOPE IT GETS EASIER.
- OH, IT DOES, ACTUALLY.
SURE, THE CHOICES
ARE DIFFERENT,
SOME MORE IMPORTAN THAN OTHERS,
BUT THAT'S WHA GROWING UP IS ABOUT--
COLLECTING THOSE EXPERIENCES
AND LEARNING FROM THEM.
THOSE WHO FAIL
TO LEARN FROM HISTORY...
ARE DOOMED
TO REPEAT IT.
OH, GOODBYE,
SWEETHEART.
- IT HAS BEEN FUN.
- GOODBYE?
OH, I MIGH LOOK IN ON YOU
FROM TIME TO TIME
'CAUSE I'M NOSEY.
THANK YOU.
NO. NO, NO, NO,
SWEETHEART.
THANK YOU.
WAIT.
WHY DID SHE THANK ME?
WHOA.
THANKS FOR
THE COBRA, JEREMY.
Jeremy:
YOU'RE WELCOME.
- Emma: HEY, MOM.
-HI. MORNING.
OH, THIS IS NICE,
VERY CONVENIENT.
THANK YOU.
THANKS FOR UPGRADING
THE SINK, JEREMY.
- Sandy: SPORTS FROM
THE SIDELINES.
- THANK YOU.
I'M STILL WORKING ON MINE.
I'LL GET IT TO YOU LATER.
COME ON.
YOU LOOK
SO PRETTY TODAY.
DO YOU MIND
IF WE GET SOME PICTURES
FOR THE SCHOOL PAPER?
- UM, YEAH. OKAY.
- OKAY.
( camera clicks )
- AW, ADORABLE.
- COME ON, GUYS.
- OKAY, READY?
ONE, TWO, THREE.
- ( camera clicks )
- OKAY, I GOTTA GO.
- OH.
- YOU GOT THIS?
- YEAH, THANK YOU.
- HI.
- OKAY, UM,
YOU'RE ANGRY.
( roaring )
- Celeste:
YOU'RE A SCREWDRIVER.
-( kids laughing )
Celeste:
PRICKLY PEAR!
( bell rings )
ALL RIGHT,
CLEAR EVERYTHING
OFF YOUR DESK.
I HOPE YOU GUYS
ARE READY
AND I HOPE YOU GUYS
HAVE STUDIED.
PASS THEM BACK.
AND WHEN YOU
RECEIVE THEM,
YOU MAY BEGIN.
YOU HAVE 90 MINUTES.
WAIT A MINUTE.
I KNOW THIS.
HOLY CRAP,
I KNOW THIS!
( class laughing )
ALL RIGHT,
QUIET, PLEASE.
( bell rings )
- SO?
- I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW.
I MEAN,
IT WENT BY SO FAST.
THERE WAS A BUNCH OF STUFF
I WASN'T SURE ABOUT--
CHRIS, RACHEL COOPER'S
HAVING A YEAR-END PARTY
AT HER HOUSE TONIGHT.
EVERYONE IS GOING
TO BE THERE.
I WILL SEE YOU LATER.
I HAVE TO BE SOMEWHERE.
UH...
PAUL, PAUL, COME HERE.
REALLY?
YOU SURE?
BE BOLD.
HEY, THERE,
FOOTBALL BUDDIES.
HI. HOW'S IT GOING, MAN?
I KIND OF THOUGH SINCE WE WERE PLAYING
LAST NIGHT...
YEAH, TOTALLY, TOTALLY,
BUT WE'RE ON A SCHEDULE.
YOU UNDERSTAND, RIGHT?
( laughs )
OOH! HE'S NOT WEARING
ANY UNDERWEAR.
THAT DUDE TOUCHED
MY BUTT, MY BARE BUTT!
- CALL "DATELINE."
- HE TRICKED ME.
DUDE, YOU LOOKED
LIKE YOU LIKED IT.
I THINK HE DID.
I REALLY DO.
HE WAS DOWN THERE
A LONG WHILE.
NO, NO, WHAT ARE YOU--
NO, NO!
OW! COME ON!
( crying )
DOESN'T FEEL TOO GOOD
TO BE IN THERE, DOES IT?
NO.
ALL RIGHT,
I'LL LET YOU OUT NOW.
COME ON, LET'S GO
GET SOME PIZZA.
OKAY.
"METHINKS THE LUNCH LADIES
HAVE TAKEN THE BASE TUBER
AND SPUN GOLD
FROM THE DEPTHS
OF ITS STARCHY BOWELS.
CRISP, YET YIELDING.
UNCTUOUS, YET LIGHT.
I TREMBLE TO THINK
OF THE TREASURES
THAT LAY BEHIND
EACH DEEP-FRIED BITE.
SING TO ME, MY TOT,
MON AMOUR,
PARFAITES FRITES.
SING ME YOUR SONG
OF GLORIOUS GOLDEN
PERFECTION."
THAT'S IT.
THAT WAS AWESOME.
- IT'S REALLY GOOD.
- IT WAS AMAZING.
( chattering )
OKAY, YOU NEED TO STOP
BUMBLING AROUND
AND REALIZE
SHE LIKES YOU.
- SHUT UP. SHE DOES NOT.
- DUDE, SHE TOTALLY DOES.
- MM-HMM.
- YOU THINK I SHOULD
ASK HER OUT?
- MOVIES.
- MOVIES. CLASSY.
- MM-HMM.
- OKAY.
OKAY, BREAK.
HEY, SANDY,
I WAS WONDERING
IF YOU MIGHT LIKE
TO GO TO THE MOVIES
WITH ME ON SATURDAY.
YOU MEAN
LIKE ON A DATE?
UM, YEAH, I GUESS SO.
OKAY,
UNDER ONE CONDITION--
YOU HAVE TO WEAR
UNDERWEAR.
- I TOLD YOU THAT.
THAT'S JUST WEIRD.
- ( giggles )
- OKAY, I PROMISE.
- ( both giggling )
- OH, MY GOSH!
- ( camera clicks )
OW.
- ( squishes )
- AHH!
( laughs )
( class laughs )
OH, I GOTCHA, JEREMY.
I GOTCHA.
( sighs )
WELL PLAYED, SIR.
WELL PLAYED.
HEY, I'VE GO THIS IDEA.
WE POKE A HOLE
IN MR. STOCK'S
COFFEE CUP.
NO, NOT TODAY,
MY FRIEND.
NOT TODAY.
( knocks )
( laughs )
-( bell rings )
- Mrs. Kaufman: SOMETHING
YOU WANT TO TELL ME?
UH, UM...
WHAT DID YOU DO?
ADMIT IT.
AT THIS POINT,
I HAVE NO IDEA.
YOU LEFT THIS
ON MY DESK.
YES, I THOUGH YOU WOULD LIKE IT.
I LOVE IT.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
SO, GEORGE IS
GETTING HIS ARTICLE IN.
THEY ARE PRINTING IT UP NOW.
AND WE'LL BE READY FOR
OUR LAST-DAY-OF-SCHOOL
EDITION.
WELL DONE.
HOW DOES IT FEEL
TO BE EDITOR?
TOOK A FEW TRIES,
BUT I'M FIGURING IT OUT.
GOOD FOR YOU.
WHAT'S UP?
YOU KNOW I WANT TO ASK
ABOUT CHRIS' GRADE.
UH-HUH, I THOUGHT SO.
I'VE SEEN YOU TWO
HANGING OUT.
- I'VE BEEN TUTORING HIM.
- UH-HUH.
HE JUST WANTED
MY HELP WITH THE TEST.
UH-HUH.
HE DOESN'T LIKE ME
LIKE THAT.
YOU SURE ABOUT THAT?
YOU'RE ALWAYS TEXTING.
YOU'RE LIKE
A 13-YEAR-OLD GIRL
WITH THAT THING.
I'M NOT TEXTING.
UM, IT'S MY MOM.
THAT'S YOUR MOM?
YEAH.
BARBARA?
SOMETIMES WE--
I TALK TO HER.
IT'S DUMB.
THAT'S NOT DUMB AT ALL.
- I WISH I HAD MET HER.
- I DO, TOO.
-( bell rings )
-( chatter )
( instrumental music
playing )
playing )
( printer whirring )
- MORNING, SIS.
- MORNING.
ONE...
TWO...
- THREE.
-( Emma screams )
I APOLOGIZED.
- WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT,
MY KIDNEY?
- YES.
BUT YOU SMELL MUCH BETTER.
( sniffs )
MINTY.
MOM.
( sniffs )
I KIND OF LIKE IT.
JEREMY,
GET YOUR BACKPACK.
( sniffs )
( sighs )
I'M SO SICK OF HIS
STUPID LITTLE JOKES.
YOU'RE AN EASY TARGET.
THIS IS MY FAULT?
EMMA, YOU'VE GOTTA LEARN
TO FIGHT YOUR OWN BATTLES.
STICK UP
FOR YOURSELF.
HOW?
YOU'LL FIGURE IT OUT.
( sniffs )
WANNA STAY HOME?
I CAN'T.
I HAVE MY PAPER.
YOU'RE SO RESPONSIBLE.
MWAH!
I LOVE THAT.
- ( soft chatter, shushing )
- Boy: KEEP YOUR EYES CLOSED.
-I AM NOT PLAYING
WITH YOU, EMMA.
- Kids: CONGRATULATIONS!
- WHAT?
- CONGRATULATIONS.
YOU'RE OUR NEW EDITOR.
- OH, WOW!
- All: YAY!
THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.
- IT'S NOT GOOD?
- Boy: IS THIS A MINT CAKE?
- IT DOESN'T TASTE MINTY.
IT JUST SMELLS MINTY.
- SHUT UP.
I GOT JOEY
A CAKE YESTERDAY
TO CELEBRATE OUR
THIRD ANNIVERSARY.
YOU JUST MET HIM
LAST MONTH.
HOW ARE YOU CELEBRATING
YOUR THIRD ANNIVERSARY?
IT'S THREE WEEKS.
HE GOT ME THREE ROSES, TOO.
HE'S REALLY ROMANTIC.
AND CUTE. YOU THINK
HE'S CUTE, DON'T YOU?
UH, I DON'T KNOW.
WE-- WE HAVEN'T MET HIM.
OH, YEAH.
( stammering )
YOU GUYS ARE DEFINITELY
GONNA HAVE TO MEE HIM SOMETIME.
Woman:
OKAY, LET'S GE DOWN TO BUSINESS.
SO EMMA HAS TURNED IN
HER LAST ARTICLE.
NICE WORK.
AND I'M REALLY GLAD
THAT THE REST OF YOU
HAVE TURNED IN
YOUR FIRST ARTICLES,
BUT THERE ARE STILL
A FEW OF YOU LEFT.
HOW ARE WE COMING ALONG?
I DO ART.
I'M AN ACTOR.
I DON'T KNOW WHY
I'M WRITING ABOU WHAT HAPPENS
IN THE CAFETERIA.
I DON'T, WON'T,
CAN'T EAT THAT FOOD.
GEORGE, I PICKED YOU
FOR THIS ARTICLE
SPECIFICALLY BECAUSE
OF YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT FOOD.
PLUS, YOU ALREADY WROTE
16 ARTICLES ABOUT "RENT."
- ( camera clicks )
- FINE, BUT I JUST--
I DON'T WANNA HAVE
TO EAT ANY OF IT.
- CELESTE.
- YEAH?
-PHOTOS?
- EVERYONE HIDES FROM ME.
HIDES? WHY?
( beeps, clicks )
I SEE.
- OH, THAT'S A GOOD ONE.
- HMM.
PAUL AND SANDY,
SPORTS?
IT'S NOT EVEN
FOOTBALL SEASON.
WHY ARE THEY
ALWAYS TRAINING?
Sandy:
AND IT'S JUS SO POINTLESS.
MAYBE 0.11% MAKES I TO PLAY PROFESSIONALLY,
SO US DOING THE STORY
JUST CONTRIBUTES
TO THE DELUSION
OF GRANDEUR
AND SETS THEM UP
FOR DISAPPOINTMENT,
DEPRESSION.
VERY NOBLE OF YOU,
BUT I NEED YOU TO
COVER SPORTS.
MAYBE WE COULD EACH
DO OUR OWN THING?
PAUL, YOU CAN'T GO
IN THE GIRLS' LOCKER ROOM.
AND SHE CAN' GO IN THE BOYS'.
I NEED YOU TWO
TO COVER SPORTS.
WHAT HE'S TRYING TO SAY
IS HE DOESN'T WAN TO WORK WITH ME.
Paul:
I DIDN'T SAY THAT.
I-- I JUST SAID THAT I--
I'M NOT CRAZY
ABOUT WORKING WITH
YOU EITHER, OKAY?
BUT YOU DON'T SEE ME
WHINING ABOUT IT LIKE
A LITTLE OLD LADY.
OKAY, WELL, IF YOU HAVE
ANY CONCERNS ABOU YOUR ASSIGNMENTS,
YOU CAN DISCUSS THEM
WITH YOUR EDITOR.
( all talking at once )
( chatter continues )
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.
LISTEN UP, OKAY?
THE YEAR-END ISSUE
COMES OUT TOMORROW
AT THE END OF SCHOOL,
WHICH MEANS
THAT YOUR ARTICLES
HAVE TO BE PRINTED
BY LUNCH TOMORROW.
THIS IS THE JOB.
IF YOU CAN'T DO
WHAT YOU'RE ASSIGNED,
THEN YOU MAY CONSIDER
RESIGNING.
EVERYONE CLEAR ON THIS?
- YES.
- George: ALL RIGHT, FINE.
GOOD.
"WHO? WHAT?
WHERE? WHEN? WHY? HOW?"
THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS.
SO GET TO WORK
ON YOUR STORIES.
AND I NEED IT BY?
- Kids: TOMORROW MORNING.
- YOU DON'T HAVE TO
KEEP SAYING THAT.
- WE KNOW THAT.
- GOOD.
WHAT'S UP?
( boys chuckling )
- WHOA!
-( bell rings )
- GEORGE, DID YOU
TRY THE CAKE?
- OF COURSE NOT.
WHITE SUGAR
AND WHITE FLOUR
ARE THE WORST THINGS
YOU CAN PUT IN YOUR BODY.
IT'S LIKE POISON.
YOU MIGHT AS WELL
EAT STRYCHNINE.
( sighs )
EMMA, IF YOU'RE GONNA
SURVIVE AS EDITOR,
YOU REALLY NEED
TO SET SOME BOUNDARIES
WITH THE PEOPLE
THAT ARE WORKING
UNDER YOU.
I HAVE BOUNDARIES.
- MM-HMM.
- I LIKE HELPING.
WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE
TO BE A DICTATOR,
BUT YOU DO HAVE
TO DEMAND RESPECT.
THANKS, MRS. K.
EMMA, I THINK YOU'RE
GONNA BE A FINE EDITOR.
HERE. THANKS.
OH!
OH!
( choir singing )
WHOA!
YOU KNOW,
I WAS GOING TO WRITE
THE SPORTS ARTICLE
"CHRIS DUVALL GETS
FULL FOOTBALL SCHOLARSHIP,"
BUT I AM TERRIBLY,
TERRIBLY BUSY.
SO IF YOU WANNA
SPLIT THE BYLINE...
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- I'M WORKING.
I THOUGHT PAUL
WAS COVERING SPORTS.
SAID HE'D SPLI THE BYLINE.
OH, WHO ARE YOU
INTERVIEWING?
COACH MATHIS?
NOPE.
YOU'RE INTERVIEWING
CHRIS DUVALL?
- YEAH.
- BUT YOU LOVE HIM.
- ( Emma clears throat )
- HEY, COACH SAID SOMEBODY
WANTED TO INTERVIEW ME.
- YOU MUST BE PAUL.
- I AM.
I MEAN PAUL
COULDN'T MAKE IT.
I'M EMMA.
DO YOU GO
TO SCHOOL HERE?
WE HAVE AMERICAN HISTORY
WITH MRS. KAUFMAN.
OH. GOD, I HATE
THAT CLASS.
- YOU'RE ALSO IN THE SAME
GEOMETRY CLASS.
- I--
- AND LUNCH.
- ( coughs )
- ARE YOU NEW HERE?
- I, UH--
- SHE LIVES ACROSS
THE STREET FROM YOU.
- THANK YOU, GEORGE.
- DON'T YOU HAVE SOMETHING
YOU SHOULD BE DOING?
- NO.
OH, YES, YES,
I-- I DO.
I, UM--
BYE, CHRIS.
DOES IT SMELL MINTY
IN HERE TO YOU?
MUST BE THE LOCKER ROOM
DEODORIZER.
OH, OKAY.
SO?
YOU HAVE
QUESTIONS FOR ME?
OH, YEAH, RIGHT.
UH, QUESTIONS.
EMMA, MOM TOLD ME
TO TELL YOU-- HEY.
SHE HAS PICTURES
OF YOU WITH CANDLES
ALL AROUND THEM.
HE'S CHALLENGED,
MENTALLY.
IT-- IT'S SAD, REALLY.
DIDN'T TAKE
HIS MEDICATION TODAY.
GO TELL MOM YOU NEED
A DOUBLE DOSE OF YOUR PILLS
SO YOU DON'T ACT SO GOOFY.
HEY, PEPPERMINT PATTY,
MOM TOLD ME TO TELL YOU
SHE'D PICK US UP
AFTER SCHOOL.
CHRIS, I'VE GOTTA
TALK TO YOU.
- UH, I'M SORRY,
I GOTTA GO.
- OH, SURE.
JUST TELL ME HOW IT FEL WHEN YOU GOT A FULL
SCHOLARSHIP.
UH... GOOD.
AWESOME. GREAT QUOTE
FOR THE PAPER.
I THINK I CAN FIGURE
THE REST OUT.
SEE YOU, CHRIS.
( sighs )
Mrs. Kaufman:
SO NOW I WANT TO SEE
WHAT YOU'VE LEARNED FROM ME.
I HAVE YOUR REVIEW SHEETS
FOR TOMORROW'S FINAL EXAM.
NICE PICTURE.
SEE ME AFTER CLASS.
100 MULTIPLE CHOICE
QUESTIONS
COVERING EVERYTHING
FROM WINTER BREAK.
( bell rings )
Mrs. Kaufman:
OKAY, STUDY HARD.
I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
CHRIS, I DON'T KNOW
IF YOU HAVE SENIORITIS
OR THERE'S
SOMETHING ELSE
GOING ON...
YOU'RE HELPING PAUL OUT?
I'M YOUR BEST FRIEND.
- NO, I'M JUST-- I--
- I CAN'T DO SPORTS.
- SANDY.
- YOU KNOW THIS.
IT'S JUST A WHITE MALE
POWER BASE FORCING
A SELECT FEW
IDEALIZED GENETIC MISFITS
TO BATTLE FOR PROFI WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY
FORCING A SUBSERVIENT SOCIETY
- TO FEEL BAD ABOUT--
- OKAY, GOT IT.
- I'LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO.
- YES! ( laughs )
SO, YOU GUYS REMEMBER
HOW IT WAS RAINING
ALL LAST WEEK?
WELL, I WENT ON
A LITTLE DATE.
AND DO YOU KNOW
WHAT JOEY DID?
I'M SURE YOU'RE
GONNA TELL US.
HE PUT HIS JACKE OVER A PUDDLE
SO I DIDN'T HAVE
TO GET MUD ON MY SHOES.
ISN'T THAT SWEET?
SANDY, HOW WAS
THE SPANISH FINAL?
OH, JOEY...
( speaking Spanish )
SO ROMANTICO.
YOU'D BETTER
TAKE THIS FROM ME.
- Emma: YOU BROUGHT SUSHI
FOR LUNCH AGAIN?
- SO?
IT'S SLIMY
AND SMELLS BAD.
SO DO MOST OF THE PEOPLE
AT THIS SCHOOL.
I DON'T SEE WHAT'S SO BAD
ABOUT SCHOOL LUNCHES.
HAVE YOU SEEN WHAT GOES ON
BACK THERE IN THE KITCHEN?
- I DON'T STALK LUNCH LADIES.
- YOU SHOULD.
THERE'S THIS
ONE LADY BACK THERE
WHO HAS THIS MOLE
THAT JUST HANGS THERE
LIKE IT'S GONNA FALL OFF.
WHEN SHE MOVES,
IT JIGGLES.
I MEAN, SERIOUSLY,
IT'S JUST A MATTER OF TIME
BEFORE SOME KID ENDS UP
WITH OLD-LUNCH-LADY MOLE
IN HIS CHICKEN TACO.
I GUESS THAT'S WHERE
THEY GOT GUACA-MOLE FROM.
- I'M DONE.
- EW.
- ME, TOO.
- THAT'S SO NASTY.
DUDE, WHAT'S WRONG
WITH YOU?
( laughing )
SWEET.
( laughing )
( sighs )
EMMA, I CAN'T DO THIS.
IT'S SO GROSS.
YOU ALREADY FINISHED
YOUR ARTICLE
AND YOU'RE GONNA ACE
YOUR HISTORY FINAL
TOMORROW.
I'M ALSO CO-WRITING
THE SPORTS WITH PAUL
AND SANDY.
PLEASE, HOW HARD
CAN THAT BE?
COME ON,
YOU'RE THE EDITOR.
IT'S YOUR JOB
TO PICK UP THE SLACK.
- YEAH. YEAH, SURE.
- ( squeals ) YAY!
THANK YOU,
THANK YOU!
LOVE YOU.
MEAN IT. BYE!
SO, HOW WAS
SCHOOL TODAY?
MM-MM. MM-MM.
OH, NO.
WE GOT ANOTHER CALL
FROM MR. STOCK ABOU JEREMY'S BEHAVIOR.
DAD, THE GUY
HAS IT IN FOR ME.
THAT'S NOT EXACTLY HOW
MR. STOCK EXPLAINED
WHAT HAPPENED.
Mr. Stock:
CLASS, IT HAS COME
TO MY ATTENTION
THAT WE HAVE
A BUDDING ARTIS IN OUR MIDST.
JEREMY,
WOULD YOU PLEASE STAND UP
AND TURN YOUR DESK OVER?
MY-- MY DESK?
YES, THIS THING YOU'VE BEEN
SITTING IN ALL YEAR.
YOUR LECTURE
ON NATIONALISM
REALLY GOT TO ME.
- ( class laughing )
- CLEAN IT UP.
AND DON'T EVER CHEW GUM
IN MY CLASS AGAIN.
YES, SIR.
I WAS SHOWING MY SUPPOR FOR THE TROOPS.
I'M A VICTIM
OF CIRCUMSTANCE.
THEY SUGGES THAT WE GET JEREMY
PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING
AND MEDICATION.
TEACHERS DON'T THINK
ANYTHING IS FUNNY.
MY FRIENDS LIKE MY JOKES.
YOUR FRIENDS
DON'T FILL OU YOUR REPORT CARDS.
- SO, WHAT DO WE DO?
- ( exhales )
-TELEVISION?
- NO.
-MOVIES?
-NOPE.
- THE MALL?
- GONE.
HONEY, ISN'T THERE
SOMETHING
THAT WE CAN TAKE
AWAY FROM HIM?
IT'S OKAY, DAD.
YOU'LL COME UP
WITH SOMETHING.
( chuckles )
G-GO STAND
IN THE CORNER.
- WHAT?
- YOU GO STAND OVER THERE.
AND I WOULD SUGGEST,
IF YOU DON'T WANNA SPEND
YOUR WHOLE SUMMER THERE,
YOU STAR BEHAVING YOURSELF
BEFORE SCHOOL ENDS.
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED
TO DO HERE?
I DON'T KNOW.
WHY DON'T YOU THINK ABOU HOW YOU WOULD FEEL
IF SOMEBODY MADE
A FOOL OUT OF YOU?
WELL, ONLY SUCKERS FALL
FOR PRACTICAL JOKES.
YOU KNOW WHAT--
THERE IS A TIME
AND A PLACE FOR JOKES,
AND THERE IS A TIME
AND A PLACE TO BE SERIOUS.
AND SCHOOL IS A TIME
AND A PLACE TO BE SERIOUS.
( sighs )
AND HOW ABOUT YOU, EMMA?
EMMA...
GET RID OF THE NOTEBOOK.
HUH? WHAT WERE YOU SAYING?
WELL, YOU'RE SO QUIET.
I MEAN, DID EVERYTHING
GO OKAY AT SCHOOL TODAY?
IT WAS OKAY.
I JUST HAVE
A LOT OF WORK TO DO.
WELL, WE WANT YOU
TO KNOW WE ARE SO PROUD
OF ALL THE EFFOR YOU'VE PUT INTO YOUR
SCHOOLWORK THIS YEAR.
THANKS, DAD.
YEAH, SURE, BABY,
WE ARE DEFINITELY
ON FOR NEXT WEEKEND.
- Woman: I thought
you said this weekend.
- OH, THIS WEEKEND?
OH, JEEZ.
YOU KNOW, I'M SORRY.
I HAVE GOT SO MUCH
I GOTTA DO.
YEAH, I'M TOO BUSY.
I'M-- GOSH, UH,
I'LL CALL YOU,
THOUGH, OKAY?
-Okay.
- ALL RIGHT. YEAH,
I'LL TALK TO YOU SOON.
-Okay. Bye.
- OKAY. BYE-BYE.
- WAS THAT CONNIE?
- NOPE.
- GINGER?
- NO.
- THAT WAS MARILYN.
- ( both laugh )
YOU ALWAYS GOTTA
KEEP ONE WARMED UP
IN THE BULL PEN, SON.
YOU NEVER KNOW
WHEN YOUR STARTER'S
GONNA LOSE HER STUFF.
- RIGHT?
- RIGHT.
- UM... DAD?
-HMM?
UH, I'M FAILING
MY HISTORY CLASS.
YOU DO WHATEVER YOU
GOTTA DO TO PASS
THAT CLASS, SON.
ONLY WAY I GOT THROUGH
GEOMETRY IN HIGH SCHOOL
WAS BY GETTING
THE SMARTEST KID
IN THE CLASS
TO TAKE THE TES FOR ME.
I SWITCHED THE TESTS
AND I PASSED THE CLASS.
YOU'RE SAYING THA I SHOULD CHEA ON THE TEST?
I'M SAYING YOU CAN' AFFORD NOT TO GRADUATE.
LIFE IS LIKE FOOTBALL.
YOU DO WHAT YOU
GOTTA DO TO WIN.
- RIGHT?
- RIGHT.
( cell phone chiming )
I GOTTA TAKE THIS.
BEVERLY.
- HEY, HONEY.
-Hey, so are you
still coming over?
NO, YEAH,
WE ARE DEFINITELY
ON FOR THIS WEEKEND.
Oh, great!
Call me later.
- MOM!
-( can clatters )
WHAT?! WHAT?
OH, UM, WOULD IT BE OKAY
IF I BORROWED THE CAR
TO GO TO THE STORE?
IT'S GETTING
A LITTLE LATE, HON.
OH, I-- I FORGOT TO GE A LITTLE THANK YOU GIF FOR MRS. K.
ALL RIGHT, JUST COME
HOME RIGHT AFTER.
OKAY. THANKS.
OH, HI, CHRIS.
HI. HI!
OH, HEY, UMA.
EMMA.
EMMA. RIGHT.
SORRY.
HAVE A GOOD ONE.
HEY, EMMA,
CAN I TALK TO YOU
FOR A SECOND?
YES. SURE.
I MEAN, SURE.
S'UP?
UM, I HAVE A PROBLEM.
- DON'T LAUGH, OKAY?
- OKAY.
I'M FAILING HISTORY.
YEAH, I SAW YOU LEAVE
KAUFMAN'S CLASS EARLIER.
YOU DIDN'T LOOK HAPPY.
YEAH, THIS STUFF,
IT JUST DOESN' CLICK WITH ME.
I MEAN, I COULD MEMORIZE
A WHOLE PLAYBOOK IN ONE NIGHT.
BUT HISTORY-- I MEAN,
WHO CARES WHAT HAPPENED
200 YEARS AGO, RIGHT?
WASN'T IT SANTAYANA
WHO SAID "THOSE WHO FAIL
TO LEARN FROM HISTORY
ARE DOOMED TO REPEAT IT"?
NO, I THINK
HE PLAYED GUITAR.
NOT SANTANA.
SANTAYANA WAS
A PHILOSOPHER WHO--
YOU'RE RIGHT.
WHO CARES ABOUT A BUNCH
OF OLD DEAD GUYS?
SO, YOU WANT ME
TO TUTOR YOU?
UM, NO, NO.
I THINK IT'S TOO LATE
FOR THAT.
LOOK, EMMA, IF I DON' PASS THIS CLASS,
THEN I WON'T GRADUATE
AND I'LL LOSE
MY FOOTBALL SCHOLARSHIP
AND I DON'T GE TO GO TO COLLEGE
BECAUSE OF ONE
STUPID LITTLE TEST.
- JUST ONE.
- WOW.
YEAH.
AND YOU'RE-- YOU'RE
ONLY A JUNIOR
TAKING THIS CLASS
WITH US SENIORS, RIGHT?
OH, WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE
IF I TAKE IT THIS YEAR,
I CAN TAKE FRENCH LI NEXT YEAR AND, UM...
- YEAH.
- WE COULD SWITCH TESTS.
YOU PUT MY NAME ON YOURS,
AND I'LL PUT YOUR NAME
ON MINE.
YOU WANT ME TO CHEAT?
I KNOW.
I KNOW.
YOU'RE A GOODY-GOODY.
NOT THAT MUCH
OF A GOODY-GOODY.
I KEPT THE GLASSES
AFTER A 3-D MOVIE.
WOW, AND THE F.B.I.
DIDN'T SHOW UP AND
ARREST YOU?
I MAILED THEM BACK.
OKAY,
YOU'RE RIGHT.
- I AM A GOODY-GOODY.
- YOU'RE CUTE.
- REALLY?
- YEAH.
LOOK, I'M SORRY.
I-- I REALLY--
I WOULDN'T ASK
YOU TO DO THIS,
BUT I DON'T REALLY
HAVE ANYBODY ELSE.
MRS. K. IS
MY FAVORITE TEACHER
AND SHE RUNS
THE SCHOOL NEWSPAPER.
NOBODY READS THE PAPER.
I'M THE NEW EDITOR.
I LOVE THE PAPER,
PERSONALLY.
BUT YOU'RE NOT HURTING HER;
YOU'RE JUST GONNA HELP ME.
I DON'T WANNA
FAIL MY FINAL.
WELL, WHO SAYS
I'M GONNA FAIL IT?
OKAY, FINE,
YOU'RE RIGHT.
I'LL PROBABLY FAIL IT.
BUT THIS ONE TES DECIDES WHETHER I GO
TO COLLEGE OR NOT.
IT'S ONE TEST.
IT DOESN'T HURT YOU,
BUT IT COULD TOTALLY
SAVE ME.
I DON'T KNOW.
PLEASE?
JUST THINK ABOUT IT?
YOU'RE MY LAST HOPE.
JUST THINK ABOUT IT.
PLEASE?
( gasping )
( coughing )
OH. OH, GOD.
OH, GOD.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
OH, I--
I JUST CAN'T SEEM
TO CATCH MY BREATH.
- OH, GOD.
- OH! OH, NO. UM...
MAYBE WE SHOULD
CALL AN AMBULANCE.
NO.
TA-DA!
YOU DID IT.
- HUH?
- THAT WAS A TEST.
HONESTLY, AN AMBULANCE
COULD BE HERE IN MINUTES.
OR THE POLICE--
I COULD CALL THEM
AND THEY'D BE HERE
IN SECONDS.
OH, NO NEED,
EMMA NEUMAN.
DO I KNOW YOU?
OTHERS JUST WALKED BY
AS IF I DIDN'T EVEN EXIST.
BUT YOU, YOU WHO ARE
SO TROUBLED
STILL STOPPED,
STILL TRYING TO HELP
EVERYONE.
YEAH, OKAY.
WELL, IF YOU'RE
GONNA BE ALL RIGHT,
I HAVE TO GO AND GRAB
A COUPLE THINGS
AND GET HOME
OR MY MOM WILL WORRY.
EMMA, I KNOW YOU HAVE
A TOUGH DECISION TO MAKE
REGARDING CHRIS.
WHO ARE YOU?
YOU CAN CALL
ME THE BEAUTIFUL
PARKING LOT PIXIE.
OR BARBARA.
JUST BARBARA IS FINE.
HOW DO YOU KNOW
ABOUT CHRIS?
YOU EVER HEARD
THAT EXPRESSION
"IF I KNEW THEN
WHAT I KNOW NOW,
I WOULD HAVE DONE
THINGS DIFFERENTLY"?
WELL...
- A NECKLACE?
- A NECKLACE.
YOU REALLY
DON'T HAVE TO.
IT WILL HELP
WITH YOUR PROBLEM.
TRY IT ON.
IT'S MAGIC.
- I DON'T BELIEVE
IN MAGIC.
- OH, NO?
WELL, THEN HOW DO YOU
EXPLAIN THAT ONE MINUTE
WE'RE HERE IN FRON OF THE GROCERY STORE
TALKING,
AND THE NEXT MINUTE
YOU'RE... HERE?
- UH, WHERE?
- OH, SHOOT, SORRY.
( echoing )
UH, MY SCHOOL GYM?
YEAH.
I DIDN'T KNOW
WHERE ELSE TO TAKE US.
- WE HAVE TO TALK.
- THIS IS CRAZY.
I MUST BE HAVING SOME
SORT OF CRAZY DREAM.
- I'VE GOT TO WAKE UP.
- IT'S OKAY.
LOOK, PLEASE DON'T BE AFRAID.
I'M HERE TO HELP YOU.
EMMA, YOU'RE GONNA
BE GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY
TO SEE THREE POSSIBLE
SCENARIOS WITH CHRIS.
THREE?
I THOUGHT THERE
WERE ONLY TWO--
HELP HIM CHEA OR NOT.
SWEETIE,
DURING THE COURSE
OF OUR LIVES
WE MAKE MILLIONS
OF DECISIONS
THAT CREATE
A CHAIN OF EVENTS.
SOME END UP GOOD
AND SOME NOT SO GOOD.
( necklace rattles )
HOW DOES IT WORK?
THREE CHARMS,
THREE CHANCES.
YOU MIGHT MAKE
THE RIGHT CHOICE
THE FIRST TIME
OR MAYBE THE THIRD.
BUT NO MATTER
WHAT YOU DECIDE,
THERE WILL BE
CONSEQUENCES.
AND BY THE WAY,
SANTAYANA WAS RIGHT--
LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES
SO YOU DON'T REPEAT THEM.
WHAT DID MOM PU IN THAT CHICKEN?
( screams )
AH!
JEREMY!
UGH!
THERE IS NO WAY.
- HEY, MOM.
- GOOD MORNING.
WELL, YOU LOOK
PRETTY TODAY.
THAT'S A NICE NECKLACE.
WHERE'D YOU GET IT?
UH, SANDY GAVE IT TO ME.
( screaming )
- ( giggling )
- OH, MY GOD.
OH-- OH, HONEY.
- OH. WHAT--?
- WHAT?
YOU LOOKED TIRED.
I THOUGHT A GOOD SHOWER
WOULD WAKE YOU UP.
I'LL KILL YOU.
NO-- WELL-- NO.
NO, DON'T--
DON'T KILL HIM.
Sandy:
CELESTE IS
DRIVING ME CRAZY.
YOU CAN'T HAVE
ONE CONVERSATION
WITHOUT JOEY BEING
BROUGHT INTO IT.
IT'S HER FIRS RELATIONSHIP.
SHE'S HAPPY.
PFFT. I DON'T NEED
A GUY TO BE HAPPY.
- YOU OKAY?
- STAYED UP LATE
FINISHING THE ARTICLES.
AND THERE WAS
A WET T-SHIRT CONTEST?
JEREMY IS AN IDIOT.
AREN'T YOU SICK
OF CELESTE TALKING
ABOUT JOEY ALL THE TIME?
I MEAN, WE'VE NEVER
EVEN SEEN THE GUY.
EH, I TUNE HER OUT.
MY FATHER TOLD ME
IT'S A SKILL
EVERY GUY NEEDS
TO DEAL WITH WOMEN.
Sandy:
OOH, LOOK WHO'S HERE.
Paul:
UGH, ONE MORE DAY
AND I NEVER HAVE TO
SEE THAT JERK AGAIN.
JEALOUS?
ASK ME IN 10 YEARS
WHEN I'M A SUCCESSFUL
PLASTIC SURGEON
MAKING SEVEN FIGURES
AND HE'S TAKING CARE
OF MY POOL.
HE ISN'T THAT BAD.
( sighs )
I'M AMAZED
AT HOW GOOD LOOKS
CAN BLIND GIRLS FROM...
SEEING REALITY.
HEY, APRIL.
YOU NEED ME TO
HELP YOU STUDY FOR
YOUR BIOLOGY FINAL?
- NO.
- YOU KNOW, WITH YOU
BEING A SENIOR
AND ME BEING
JUST A JUNIOR,
- SOME PEOPLE MIGH CALL YOU A COUGAR.
- EW, NO.
- HEY, WHERE ARE
YOU GOING?
- NICE.
I CANNOT BELIEVE
CHRIS DUVALL WANTS
TO CHEAT WITH YOU.
YOU MAKE IT SOUND DIRTY
WHEN YOU SAY IT LIKE THAT.
- IT'S CHEATING.
- BUT IT'S CHEATING
WITH CHRIS DUVALL.
( mouths words )
SO, CAN YOU
HELP ME OUT?
I'LL DO IT.
THANK YOU.
- IT'S JUST ONE TEST.
- YEAH, ONE TEST.
RIGHT.
Mrs. Kaufman:
EXCELLENT WORK
ON THIS ARTICLE.
OH, I ALMOST FORGOT.
- THANK YOU
FOR EVERYTHING.
- THANK YOU.
YOU'RE PRETTY GREA YOURSELF, YOU KNOW?
AND YOU KNOW WHAT--
I'M REALLY PROUD
THAT YOU GOT EVERYONE'S
ARTICLES IN BY DEADLINE.
I'M EXPECTING GREAT THINGS
FROM YOU THIS YEAR.
IS EVERYTHING OKAY?
YOU SEEM
PREOCCUPIED LATELY.
OKAY, HOW DO YOU KNOW
IF A GUY LIKES YOU?
LIKE, LIKE LIKES YOU,
NOT JUST WANTS
SOMETHING FROM YOU?
OH, UM...
OH, NO, NO, NOT THAT.
I MEAN--
NO, NO, NO.
IT'S OKAY, IT'S OKAY.
- NO, I MEANT, UM...
- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
ALL RIGHT, LISTEN.
SOME GUYS CAN WIN AWARDS
FOR ACTING SINCERE,
BUT THEY CAN ONLY KEEP UP
THAT ACT FOR SO LONG.
TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS.
TAKE IT SLOW AND DO
WHAT'S RIGHT FOR YOU.
THANKS, MRS. K.
- SURE. ANYTIME.
-( bell rings )
Mrs. Kaufman:
ALL RIGHT, REMOVE
EVERYTHING FROM YOUR DESK.
PASS THEM BACK.
AND WHEN YOU
RECEIVE THEM,
YOU MAY BEGIN.
YOU HAVE 90 MINUTES.
( sighs )
( applause and cheering )
I'D LIKE
TO THANK AMERICA.
I'D LIKE TO THANK
THE NFL.
BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY,
I'D LIKE TO THANK
MY FIANCEE...
EMMA NEUMAN.
WITHOUT HER,
I'D HAVE NEVER GRADUATED
FROM HIGH SCHOOL
AND PROBABLY'D BE
CLEANING THE POOLS
OF RICH PLASTIC SURGEONS.
( echoing )
I LOVE YOU, EMMA.
HEY, HOW DID I DO?
THERE WASN'T A QUESTION
ON THAT TEST I DIDN'T KNOW.
AWESOME.
HOW DID I DO?
UH...
- THAT BAD?
- I'M SORRY.
I REALLY-- I TRIED,
BUT-- THANK YOU.
AND, EMMA, LOOK, I'VE BEEN
DOING A LOT OF THINKING--
CHRIS, RACHEL COOPER'S
HAVING HER YEAR-END PARTY
TONIGHT AT HER HOUSE.
EVERYONE IS GOING
TO BE THERE.
WELL, MAYBE
NOT EVERYONE.
YOU LOOK A LITTLE BUSY.
I-- I GOTTA GO.
OKAY.
- ( Paul grunting )
- THERE. PULL!
- Emma: HEY!
- HAY'S FOR HORSES.
- LEAVE HIM ALONE.
- EMMA, STOP.
OH, YOU'RE SO BIG AND STRONG
PICKING ON THE LITTLE GUY.
EMMA, STOP.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
- SHE'S JUST TIRED.
- WE'RE JUST PLAYING.
- GET IN THERE.
- ( grunting )
OH!
( groaning )
I WAS JUST PLAYING.
( groaning continues )
PAUL, WAIT.
WAIT.
GET OFF ME.
- WHAT?
- NOTHING, WONDER WOMAN.
PLEASE GO SAVE
ANOTHER HELPLESS WIMP.
I JUST HELPED YOU.
NO, YOU DIDN'T.
YOU MADE THINGS WORSE.
DID YOU HAND THIS IN?
YOUR ARTICLE
ON THE CAFETERIA?
- YEAH. WHY?
- IT'S WRONG.
I'D NEVER BE
THIS POSITIVE
ABOUT THE FOOD.
- WHAT?
- IT DOESN'T HAVE
MY FLAIR, YOU KNOW.
IT DOESN'T HAVE
MY JOIE DE VIVRE.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
HOW DO YOU THINK YOU DID
ON THE BIOLOGY EXAM?
- IT WAS HARD.
- REALLY? I THOUGH IT WAS PRETTY EASY.
THAT'S WHAT JOEY
SAID ABOUT CELESTE.
- ( squeals )
- I'M HAPPY IT WAS
SO EASY FOR YOU.
WHAT DID I SAY WRONG NOW?
BY HER SAYING IT WAS HARD
AND YOU SAYING IT WAS EASY,
YOU MAKE HER LOOK STUPID.
I WAS JUST BEING HONEST.
I THOUGHT WOMEN LIKED HONESTY.
HEY, IS IT TOO LATE
TO GET THAT ARTICLE BACK?
WHY? I HANDED
IT IN ALREADY.
OH, I WAS GONNA
MAKE SOME CHANGES.
- OH, THAT REMINDS ME, CAN I--?
- ( camera clicks )
UGH! OKAY.
Man over P.A.:
Emma Neuman, please report
to the front office.
Emma Neuman,
the front office.
- WHAT DID SHE DO?
- WHAT IS THAT ABOUT?
SHE'S IN TROUBLE.
- I BET SHE'S PREGNANT.
- ( laughter )
DO YOU SEE ANYTHING WRONG
WITH THIS EXAM?
ARE YOU IN THE HABI OF MISSPELLING YOUR
OWN NAME?
OH, MY GOD.
SO WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE
MAKING A FEDERAL CASE
OUT OF THIS, ANYWAY?
I MEAN, THE KID MADE
A MISTAKE, RIGHT?
HAVEN'T EITHER OF YOU
EVER MADE AN ERROR IN
JUDGMENT BEFORE?
THAT'S NO THE POINT AT ALL.
OH, WELL, THE POIN IS YOU TELL A KID
ALL THAT MATTERS
IS THIS TEST.
THEN WHEN HE FINALLY
FINDS A WAY TO PASS IT,
YOU'RE MAD
'CAUSE HE DIDN' DO IT YOUR WAY.
LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING--
THAT KID IS A HELL
OF A QUARTERBACK.
IN A COUPLE OF YEARS,
HE'S GONNA MAKE MORE MONEY
IN ONE MONTH THAN THE BOTH
OF YOU COMBINED, OKAY?
WOW, REALLY?
HE TALKED A STUDEN INTO CHEATING FOR HIM.
DOESN'T THA BOTHER YOU AT ALL?
I DON'T HAVE TIME
FOR THIS, OKAY?
I GOTTA GE BACK TO WORK.
CAN WE PLEASE JUS CUT TO THE CHASE?
MRS. K.,
I CAN EXPLAIN.
I'VE HEARD EVERYTHING
I NEED TO KNOW.
- EMMA...
- MOM?
EMMA, PLEASE WAIT OUTSIDE.
I'M SORRY, MRS. K.
I REALLY AM. I--
I JUST DIDN' WANT CHRIS TO LOSE
HIS SCHOLARSHIP.
I DON'T FREAKIN'
BELIEVE YOU TOLD THEM.
AND I DON'T FREAKIN'
BELIEVE YOU DON'T KNOW
HOW TO SPELL MY NAME.
AND I DON'T FREAKIN'
BELIEVE THAT--
WAIT, WHAT?
YOU SPELLED
MY NAME WITH A "W"
INSTEAD OF A "U."
- THAT'S HOW WE GOT CAUGHT.
- YOUR NAME HAS A "U" IN IT?
- W-WHY?
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WHY?
( sighs )
I CAN'T BELIEVE
I WAS SO STUPID,
LISTENING TO
A MORON LIKE YOU.
( sighs )
PLEASE WORK. PLEASE WORK.
PLEASE WORK. PLEASE WORK.
PLEASE WORK.
( necklace rings )
I KNOW WHO NEEDS WHAT,
THE WHERE, THE WHEN--
I JUST DON'T KNOW WHY.
( chatter )
- CONGRATULATIONS!
- WHAT?
Mrs. Kaufman:
CONGRATULATIONS.
YOU'RE OUR NEW EDITOR.
- OH, WOW.
- ( camera clicks )
( cheering )
I GOT JOEY
A CAKE YESTERDAY
TO CELEBRATE OUR
THIRD ANNIVERSARY.
UM, I THOUGHT YOU JUS MET HIM LAST MONTH.
- IT'S OUR THREE-WEEK
ANNIVERSARY.
- OH.
OKAY, LET'S GE DOWN TO BUSINESS.
SO EMMA HAS TURNED IN
HER LAST ARTICLE.
NICE WORK.
THERE ARE STILL
A FEW OF YOU LEFT.
HOW ARE WE COMING ALONG?
WHY?
WHY DO I BOTHER
WORKING SO HARD?
WHY SHOULDN'T I BE HAPPY?
SO, US DOING THE STORY,
IT JUST MERELY CONTRIBUTES...
- I CAN DO THIS.
-...TO THEIR DELUSIONS
OF GRANDEUR
AND IT SETS THEM UP
FOR TOTAL DISAPPOINTMENT.
I CAN DO THIS!
George:
HMM?
UH, RIGHT, YES.
UM, IF YOU HAVE ANY CONCERNS
ABOUT YOUR ASSIGNMENT,
YOU CAN DISCUSS THEM
WITH YOUR EDITOR.
ALL RIGHT, LISTEN UP.
THE YEAR-END ISSUE
COMES OUT TOMORROW
AT THE END OF SCHOOL,
SO I NEED YOUR ARTICLES
BY LUNCH TOMORROW.
THIS IS THE JOB.
IF YOU CAN'T DO
WHAT YOU'RE ASSIGNED,
THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULD
CONSIDER RESIGNING.
ARE WE CLEAR ON THIS?
- Kids: YEAH.
- OKAY.
I COULDN'T HAVE
SAID IT BETTER MYSELF.
AND TAKE YOUR GARBAGE
WHEN YOU LEAVE.
WHAT'S HER DEAL?
( sighs )
REALLY?
FAKE VOMIT.
ARE YOU TWO LITTLE IDIOTS
FOUR YEARS OLD?
I TOLD YOU,
NO ONE LIKES
FAKE VOMIT ANYMORE.
SHUT UP, KENNY.
IT'S A CLASSIC.
YOU DON'T KNOW FUNNY.
OH, I KNOW FUNNY.
( indistinct chatter )
YOU KNOW, I WAS GOING
TO DO THE SPORTS ARTICLE
"CHRIS DUVALL GETS
FULL FOOTBALL SCHOLARSHIP,"
BUT I AM TERRIBLY,
TERRIBLY BUSY.
SO IF YOU WANNA
SPLIT THE BYLINE...
NOPE, I WOULD
JUST SCREW IT UP.
- OH, YOU SURE?
- YEAH, SEE YOU LATER.
UH... OKAY.
SHOOT.
Mrs. Kaufman:
I HAVE YOUR REVIEW SHEETS
FOR TOMORROW'S FINAL EXAM.
NICE PICTURE.
SEE ME AFTER CLASS.
100 MULTIPLE CHOICE
QUESTIONS
COVERING EVERYTHING
SINCE WINTER BREAK.
- EMMA, I CAN' DO MY ARTICLE.
- YES, YOU CAN.
- BUT I DON'T--
- YOU DO.
- BUT I WON'T--
- YOU WILL.
NICE TALKING TO YOU.
SO, YOU KNOW HOW IT WAS
RAINING LAST WEEK?
WELL, I WENT ON A DATE.
AND DO YOU KNOW
WHAT JOEY DID?
I'M SURE YOU'RE
GONNA TELL US.
AS LONG AS HE DIDN'T PU HIS JACKET OVER A PUDDLE,
'CAUSE THA WOULD BE SO CORNY.
JOEY LIKES
BLACK BEANS.
HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN
WHAT GOES ON BACK THERE
IN THAT KITCHEN?
GEORGE, I'M EATING.
- NO, SERIOUSLY, HAVE YOU
SEEN THE WOMAN WITH THE--
- GEORGE, I DON'T CARE.
TODAY I WANNA ENJOY
MY LUNCH STRESS-FREE.
Jeremy:
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED
TO DO HERE?
WHY DON'T YOU TRY TO THINK
ABOUT HOW YOU MIGHT FEEL
IF SOMEBODY TRIED
TO MAKE A FOOL OUT OF YOU?
WHOA, ONLY SUCKERS FALL
FOR PRACTICAL JOKES.
YOU KNOW WHAT--
THERE IS A TIME
AND A PLACE FOR JOKES,
AND THERE'S A TIME
AND A PLACE TO BE SERIOUS.
AND SCHOOL-- THAT IS
THE TIME AND THE PLACE
TO BE SERIOUS.
- AND HOW ABOUT YOU, EMMA?
-( clock chiming )
GREAT. AWESOME.
REALLY, REALLY GOOD.
OKAY, SO YOU'RE GOOD, THEN.
CAN YOU PASS THE CHICKEN?
THREE, TWO, ONE.
- MOM, MOM!
-( can clatters )
WHAT?! WHAT?
WOULD IT BE OKAY
IF I BORROWED THE CAR
TO GO TO THE STORE?
IT'S GETTING
A LITTLE LATE, HON.
I FORGOT I WANTED TO BUY
MRS. K. A LITTLE
THANK YOU GIFT.
ALL RIGHT,
JUST BE HOME--
BYE-BYE.
YO, CHRIS.
- OH, HEY--
- EMMA.
- EMMA.
- MM-HMM.
HEY.
WHY CAN'T I BE HAPPY, TOO?
HEY, EMMA, CAN I TALK
TO YOU FOR A SECOND?
- E-EMMA?
- YES!
YES. I MEAN CONTINUE.
UM, I HAVE A PROBLEM.
DON'T LAUGH, OKAY?
YOU'RE FAILING HISTORY.
YOU KNOW THAT?
UH, EVERYONE KNOWS.
WHAT? THEY DO?
THIS STUFF, IT--
IT JUST DOESN' CLICK WITH ME.
I MEAN, I COULD MEMORIZE
A WHOLE PLAYBOOK IN ONE NIGHT.
BUT HISTORY-- WHO CARES
WHAT HAPPENED 200 YEARS AGO?
SANTAYANA SAID,
"THOSE WHO FAIL
TO LEARN FROM HISTORY
ARE DOOMED TO REPEAT IT."
- I THOUGHT THAT HE PLAYED--
- NOT SANTANA, SANTAYANA.
OH.
WELL, I DON' KNOW WHAT TO DO,
'CAUSE KAUFMAN
SAID IF I DON'T GE AN "A" ON THE FINAL,
THEN I WON' PASS HER CLASS.
WHAT'S YOUR AVERAGE?
I HAVE A 99.
SO IF I BOMB ONE TEST,
IT'S NOT GONNA KILL ANYONE,
IF THAT'S WHAT YOU MEAN.
- BUT YOU'RE A--
- GOODY-GOODY?
SURE, I AM, AND I KNOW
THAT YOU THINK IT'S CUTE
AND THAT YOU DON'T KNOW
WHO TO GO TO OR WHAT TO DO.
I SWEAR I WOULDN' ASK YOU TO DO THIS, BUT--
SO HERE'S THE DEAL--
I'LL HELP YOU OUT,
BUT WE'RE GONNA
DO IT MY WAY.
AND AFTERWARDS,
WE'RE GONNA CELEBRATE.
YEAH, YEAH, SURE.
RACHEL COOPER
IS HAVING A PARTY
ON FRIDAY, A BIG ONE.
- YOU'RE SURE?
- DUH. EVERYONE'S
GONNA BE THERE.
I WANNA GO, AND YOU'RE
GONNA TAKE ME.
OKAY.
THAT SOUNDS FAIR.
GREAT. I'LL TALK
TO YOU LATER.
AND START READING
THE SCHOOL PAPER.
OKAY.
WHAT JUST HAPPENED?
( humming )
( giggles )
UM, HELLO?
I DON'T KNOW
HOW THIS WORKS.
I DON'T KNOW
IF YOU KNOW ME YE OR IF I HAVE
TO BE NICE TO YOU
ALL OVER AGAIN.
THAT'S NICE.
BARBARA, I THINK
I'M GONNA DO I RIGHT THIS TIME.
BARBARA?
- BARB--
- WHO?
I'M NOT GONNA
CALL YOU THAT.
FINE. BEAUTIFUL
PARKING LOT PIXIE.
( laughs )
YOU ARE SUCH
A SWEET GIRL.
COME HERE.
SO, EMMA, ARE YOU GONNA
GIVE IT ANOTHER SHOT?
- I HAVE TO.
- WHAT HAPPENED?
WE BOTH GOT AN "F"
ON THE FINAL.
CHRIS FAILED THE CLASS.
HE'S PROBABLY GONNA LOSE
HIS FOOTBALL SCHOLARSHIP.
IT'S GOING
ON MY PERMANENT FILE
AND MRS. K. ASKED ME TO RESIGN
FROM THE SCHOOL NEWSPAPER.
- OH.
- SHE SAID SHE CAN'T WORK WITH
SOMEONE SHE CAN'T TRUST.
SO WHAT NOW?
WE'RE GONNA
DO THINGS MY WAY.
IF CHRIS IS GONNA
USE ME, THAT'S FINE.
I'LL USE HIM, TOO.
EMMA, CHRIS ISN' A BAD KID.
HE'S MISGUIDED
AND CONFUSED.
HIS FATHER BELIEVED
THAT YOU DO
ALMOST ANYTHING
YOU CAN TO SUCCEED.
BUT SUCCESS ISN' ALWAYS MEASURED BY
FAME AND FORTUNE.
SO, AM I DOING I RIGHT THIS TIME?
I DON'T KNOW,
SWEETHEART.
WE'LL JUST HAVE TO SEE.
-( thuds )
- AH!
- HI, HONEY.
- HEY, MOM.
- JUST JUICE AND TOAST.
- OH, OKAY.
MM.
YOU GOTTA RINSE OU YOUR GLASS.
YOU KNOW HOW DAD HATES I WHEN YOU DON'T DO THAT.
- MORNING, DAD.
- HEY, GOOD MORNING, EM.
YOU GOTTA RINSE OU YOUR GLASS.
YOU SHOULD REALLY
RINSE OUT YOUR GLASS.
OH, I'M SO SORRY.
I'M REALLY IN A RUSH.
Dad:
OH, IT'S OKAY.
I'LL DO IT.
- Jeremy: NO, DAD--
- OH!
( stammering )
OH, MY--
OH-- OH!
WHAT?
JEREMY.
Sandy:
JOEY DID THIS
AND JOEY DID THAT.
IT'S HER
FIRST RELATIONSHIP.
SHE'S HAPPY.
- PFFT. I DON'T NEED
A RELATIONSHIP TO BE HAPPY.
- YEAH, YEAH.
STOP PRETENDING
YOU DON'T LIKE PAUL.
IT'S TOTALLY OBVIOUS.
- WHAT? UH, NO.
- HEY-OH!
UH, AREN'T YOU
SICK OF CELESTE
TALKING ABOUT JOEY
ALL THE TIME?
EH, I TUNE HER OUT.
MY FATHER TOLD ME
IT'S A SKILL
EVERY GUY NEEDS
IN DEALING WITH WOMEN.
EMMA.
SHE TUNED YOU OUT.
BE RIGHT BACK.
UGH, ONE MORE DAY
AND I NEVER HAVE TO
SEE THAT JERK AGAIN.
- JEALOUS?
- ( scoffs )
DID YOU THINK ABOU WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT?
YEAH.
UH, LET'S DO IT.
- IT'S JUST ONE TEST.
- RIGHT.
- RIGHT.
- RIGHT.
OKAY.
SO, EMMA GONNA
DO IT FOR YOU?
THE TEST? YEAH,
SHE SAID SHE WOULD.
FOR A BRAIN,
SHE'S KIND OF HOT.
YEAH, BUT SHE'S
KIND OF PUSHY, TOO.
SURPRISED ME.
BUT I GUESS I JUS GOTTA PASS THIS TEST,
YOU KNOW?
AHA!
AHHHH!
- EMMA, EMMA.
- WHAT'S UP?
I WAS JUST IN THE BATHROOM,
AND CHRIS AND TRENT CAME IN--
- THEY DIDN'T DUCT TAPE YOU
TO THE TOILET AGAIN?
- NO.
- ANOTHER ATOMIC WEDGIE?
- NO.
NOW THAT CHRIS AND I
ARE GETTING CLOSE,
I CAN TALK TO HIM
AND TELL THE OTHER GUYS
TO STOP PICKING ON YOU.
CHRIS IS JUST USING YOU.
I'VE GOT IT COVERED.
HE ONLY CARES ABOUT YOU
HELPING HIM PASS HISTORY.
LOOK, I CAN'T DEAL
WITH THIS WHOLE
JEALOUS ROUTINE.
I'M NOT JEALOUS OF CHRIS.
I'M TRYING TO WATCH YOUR BACK.
YOU WATCH YOUR BACK
AND I'LL WATCH MINE, OKAY?
I GOTTA GET TO CLASS.
YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO?
YEAH, DO THE TES AND THEN WAIT FOR
YOUR SIGNAL.
GOOD. SWITCH THE TEST FIRST,
THEN PUT YOUR OWN NAME ON IT.
WHY DON'T I JUST PU YOUR NAME ON MY TEST?
- HOW DO YOU
SPELL MY NAME?
- E-M-A...
- OKAY, WE'LL SWAP TESTS.
- MM-HMM.
ALL RIGHT,
YOU HAVE 90 MINUTES.
Mrs. Kaufman:
EMMA.
YOU'VE DONE SO MUCH
FOR ME THIS YEAR,
I JUST WANTED TO GIVE YOU
A LITTLE THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
I'M REALLY LOOKING FORWARD
TO WHAT YOU'RE GONNA BRING
TO THE NEWSPAPER
NEXT YEAR.
IS EVERYTHING OKAY?
EVERYTHING-- EVERYTHING
IS PERFECT... I THINK.
( bell rings )
- HOW'D I DO?
- YOU GOT YOUR "A."
WOW, YOU'RE PRETTY GOOD
AT BEING SNEAKY.
SHE DIDN'T EVEN
SEE THAT COMING.
AND I-- I TRIED TO GET YOU
A DECENT GRADE, I SWEAR.
OKAY.
WELL, THANK YOU.
AND THAT PARTY'S
GONNA BE A BLAST,
I PROMISE.
IT'LL BE
TOTALLY WORTH IT.
Trent:
THIS DUDE WAS LIKE "AHA"
WHILE WE WERE IN THE BATHROOM.
- EMMA?
- HEY, BABY.
DID YOU HEAR
ABOUT RACHEL'S PARTY?
YOU HAVE TO LET ME KNOW...
- AAH AAH! HEY, EMMA,
DID YOU NEED ME TO--
- NOPE.
- BUT I CAN--
- NOPE, STAY HERE
AND HAVE FUN.
-( fabric tears )
- OH, NARDS! AAH!
( exhales )
( sniffing )
- IS IT PIZZA DAY?
- YOU GOT THAT RIGHT.
- I'M KINDA HUNGRY.
- LET'S GO.
I CAN'T.
I CAN'T DO THIS.
- WHAT IS THAT?
- THE REST OF MY UNDERWEAR.
Girls: EW.
WELL, IT ACTUALLY
WORKED OUT NICELY.
YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN
THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES
WHEN THEY REALIZED
THE UNDERWEAR GAVE OU AND THEY WERE
TOUCHING BARE BUTT.
PLEASE STOP.
I'VE HAD MY QUOTA
FOR BAD VISUALS FOR TODAY.
- SO, THEY STOPPED
PICKING ON YOU?
-OH, NO.
THEY STILL SHOVED ME
IN THE JANITOR'S CLOSET.
ALL RIGHT,
I MIGHT AS WELL GRAB
YOUR ARTICLES RIGHT NOW.
I TOLD MRS. K.
I COULD HANDLE THIS.
SO YOU DID YOUR
ARTICLES, RIGHT?
GEORGE?
I CAN'T GO NEAR
THAT CAFETERIA FOOD
WITHOUT FAINTING.
EVERY TIME
I WRITE SOMETHING,
SHE CRUMBLES IT UP
AND THROWS I IN THE GARBAGE.
BECAUSE THAT'S
WHERE IT BELONGS.
SANDY, PLEASE TELL ME
YOURS IS FINISHED.
UH, I WAS... CHOKING,
AND THEN THERE WAS
THIS NUN WHO WAS ON FIRE,
-SO THEN I COULDN'T--
- IT'S NOT FUNNY!
OUT OF ALL
THE INCOMPETENT...
YOU GUYS COULDN'T GE PAST YOUR INSECURITIES
FOR FIVE MINUTES
TO DO THIS ONE THING?
THIS ONE STUPID
LITTLE THING?
YOU'RE WORTHLESS.
I COULD HAVE WRITTEN
ALL THESE ARTICLES
LAST NIGHT.
OH, OH, YEAH.
JOEY AND I HAVE
BEEN REALLY BUSY
THE LAST FEW DAYS.
OH, STOP WITH YOUR
IMAGINARY BOYFRIEND.
( squeaks )
WH--?
NO ONE HAS EVER
SEEN HIM.
WELL, HE JUST--
HE NEVER GETS
TO HANG OUT.
- HE'S SHY, THAT'S ALL.
- SHY OR INVISIBLE?
( sniffling )
Man over P.A.:
Will Jeremy Neuman please
report to the front office?
WHAT? NO WAY.
I DID EVERYTHING RIGHT.
WHY ARE THEY CALLING ME?
THEY SAID "JEREMY,"
GENIUS.
( Celeste crying )
OH.
Celeste:
SHE'S SO MEAN.
- HELLO, MRS. NEUMAN.
- HELLO AGAIN, PRINCIPAL BURKE.
- PLEASE.
- JEREMY.
WHAT DID YOU DO?
SOMEONE POKED A DRIBBLE HOLE
IN MR. STOCK'S COFFEE CUP.
WHEN HE PICKED IT UP,
IT FELL APAR AND HOT COFFEE
POURED ALL OVER HIM.
SOUNDS LIKE YOU.
IF I DID IT,
IT WOULDN'T HAVE
FELL APART.
THE DRIBBLE HOLE
WAS TOO BIG.
THAT'S NOT HELPING.
WHY WON'T ANYONE
BELIEVE ME?
BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS
DO STUFF LIKE THIS.
AND I ALWAYS
TAKE CREDIT FOR IT.
TRUE, BUT I DON'T KNOW
WHY YOU HAVE TO DO
ALL THESE STUPID
PRACTICAL JOKES
TO GET ATTENTION.
OF COURSE YOU DON'T.
YOU'RE PERFECT.
AND NO MATTER WHAT I DO,
I'M STILL THE BAD ONE,
THE BAD STUDENT,
THE BAD KID.
SO FINE, I'M AN IDIOT.
- SO WHO DID IT?
- KENNY.
- WHY?
- HE WAS TRYING
TO ONE-UP ME.
BUT HE SCREWED IT UP
AND LET ME TAKE THE BLAME.
YOU DON'T CARE.
JUST GO AWAY.
- JEREMY.
- GO AWAY!
FINE.
( breathes deeply )
- Emma: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- HEY, EMMA.
I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING
TO THE PARTY THIS WEEKEND.
UH, YEAH.
YEAH, I SAID
I'D TAKE YOU.
BUT YOU SAID
I WAS CUTE.
NO, I DIDN'T.
- YES, YOU DID.
- WHEN?
AT THAT-- OH, GOD,
I'M AN IDIOT.
I COMPROMISED
MY VALUES TO SAVE YOU
BECAUSE YOU WERE
SO PATHETIC AND DESPERATE.
I'M DESPERATE?
YOU WANT ME TO TAKE YOU
TO SOME PARTY SO, WHAT,
YOU CAN BECOME POPULAR?
YOU DON' EVEN KNOW WHO I AM.
YOU'RE JUST USING ME.
- YOU WERE USING ME.
- THIS WHOLE THING WAS
YOUR STUPID IDEA.
NO, IT WASN'T.
WAIT.
YOU'RE CRAZY.
( squealing )
EMMA, IS THERE SOMETHING
YOU WANT TO TELL ME?
I JUST GRADED
THE FINAL EXAMS
AND I'M SURPRISED.
YOU FAILED IT.
WAS THAT CHRIS DUVALL
YOU WERE TALKING TO?
HE'S A JERK.
SO YOU GUYS
AREN'T FRIENDS?
NO. I CAN'T STAND HIM.
HMM, SO I GUESS HE DID
REALLY WELL, THEN.
GOOD FOR HIM.
HMM.
I GUESS I SHOULD BE
PROUD OF HIM.
HE HASN'T GOTTEN
GRADES LIKE THA SINCE FRESHMAN YEAR.
YOU HAD HIM BEFORE?
OH, YEAH, I'VE KNOWN
CHRIS FOR A LONG TIME.
I USED TO BE FRIENDS
WITH HIS MOM.
HE LIVES
ACROSS THE STREE WITH HIS DAD.
REALLY? HMM.
I KNOW HE GREW UP
WITH HIS MOM
AND THEY HAD
A REALLY CLOSE
RELATIONSHIP.
BUT THEN
HIS MOM PASSED AWAY
A FEW YEARS AGO.
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
YEAH, HE MOVED IN
WITH HIS FATHER
AND HE JUST REALLY
CHANGED AFTER THAT.
I TRIED HELPING,
AND, YOU KNOW, I DID--
I DID WHAT I COULD.
ANYWAY, LET'S LOOK
AT YOUR ARTICLES.
OH, NO.
MRS. K.,
THEY'RE NOT FINISHED.
WHAT? YOU MEAN
NONE OF THEM?
WELL, MINE IS.
NO, NO, NO. EMMA,
THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE.
YOU ARE THE EDITOR.
YOU WANTED THIS JOB.
NOW WE DON' HAVE A PAPER.
- I KNOW, BUT GEORGE--
- NO, NO, NO. THIS IS
YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.
- I KNOW, BUT SANDY--
- YOU FAILED THE TEST.
YOU DON'T HAVE
THE ARTICLES IN.
I DON'T LIKE
THIS SIDE OF YOU.
I'M-- I'M SORRY.
DON'T APOLOGIZE TO ME.
YOU ARE ONLY
FAILING YOURSELF.
I KNOW WHY MY FRIENDS
ARE DOING THESE THINGS.
NOW I KNOW WHY I CAN' JUST MAKE MYSELF HAPPY.
( sighs )
ONE MORE CHANCE.
ONE MORE CHANCE
TO GET THIS RIGHT.
( necklace rings )
THIS IS MY LAST CHANCE.
PLEASE DON'T LET ME
SCREW THIS ONE UP.
All:
CONGRATULATIONS!
Mrs. Kaufman:
CONGRATULATIONS.
YOU'RE OUR NEW EDITOR.
- OH, WOW.
- ( camera clicks )
AH, YAY!
I GOT JOEY
A CAKE YESTERDAY
TO CELEBRATE
OUR THIRD ANNIVERSARY.
IT'S OUR THREE-WEEK
ANNIVERSARY.
- IT'S KIND OF A BIG DEAL.
- Sandy: HMM.
Mrs. Kaufman:
OKAY, LET'S GET DOWN
TO "BIZNESS."
AM I SAYING THAT RIGHT?
- Paul: MORE EMPHASIS
ON THE "Z."
- HOW?
HOW AM I GONNA DO THIS?
HOW AM I GONNA--?
HOW?
WELL, OKAY.
AS THE NEW EDITOR,
YOU GOTTA HELP GUIDE THEM
WITH THEIR NEWS STORIES,
- BUT IT'S UP TO THEM
TO DO THE WORK.
- OKAY, GOT IT.
SO GEORGE NEEDS TO FINISH
WHAT'S COOKING IN THE KITCHEN.
SANDY AND PAUL
NEED TO FINISH SPORTS.
- AND CELESTE, UH--
- ( camera clicks )
- OH, THAT IS ADORABLE!
- NO, IT'S NOT.
OKAY, LET'S CLEAN UP
AND GET TO WORK.
HMM.
( gagging )
THAT IS AWESOME.
CLASSIC.
YOU TWO ARE
HILARIOUS TOGETHER.
- CAN I BORROW THIS?
- YEAH.
UM, SURE.
AWESOME.
FAKE VOMIT, YES.
WOW, SPIDER SENSE.
CHEERLEADER SENSE.
HOW'S YOUR ARTICLE COMING?
I WAS GOING TO DO
THE SPORTS ARTICLE
"CHRIS DUVALL GETS
FULL FOOTBALL SCHOLARSHIP,"
BUT I AM TERRIBLY,
TERRIBLY BUSY.
- I DON'T WANNA
SPLIT THE BYLINE.
- UM, OKAY.
SO I GUESS--
- LET'S GO.
- UM...
- HAVE ALL YOUR QUESTIONS
ABOUT THE SCHOLARSHIP?
- YEAH.
- AND THE SEASON.
- I GOT IT.
IT'S ALL THERE.
- DON'T BE NERVOUS.
I THINK HE'S A NICE GUY.
- I'M NOT.
- WHATCHA DOING?
- PAUL HAS AN INTERVIEW.
I'M JUST TAGGING ALONG.
EMMA, IT'S FINE.
I CAN DO IT LATER.
HI, CHRIS.
I'M EMMA NEUMAN
FROM THE SCHOOL PAPER.
- THIS IS PAUL.
- AND I'M GEORGE.
- HEY.
- NICE TO MEET YOU.
WELL, YOU KNOW
OUR SCHOOL PAPER
HAS A CIRCULATION
OF 20 PEOPLE EACH
SEMESTER.
DO I KNOW YOU?
YEAH, I THINK WE HAVE
SOME CLASSES TOGETHER.
- HISTORY, RIGHT?
- YEAH.
DOES IT SMELL
MINTY IN HERE?
MY LITTLE BROTHER
PUT TOOTHPASTE
IN MY SHAMPOO
THIS MORNING.
JUST CALL ME
PEPPERMINT PATTY.
- I LIKE THAT.
- ME, TOO.
WELL, I GOTTA GO.
YOU TWO GOOD HERE?
Chris:
YEAH.
- I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
- BYE.
THAT WAS AWESOME.
SO, YOU HAVE
SOME QUESTIONS FOR ME?
UH, YEAH,
RIGHT, YES.
CHRIS, I GOTTA
TALK TO YOU.
I GOTTA GO.
- ARE YOU GOING THIS WAY?
- UH, YEAH.
- COME ON.
- UH...
SO, NOW, ABOU THIS SCHOLARSHIP
THAT YOU GOT,
UM, I HEARD THAT IT--
I HEARD THAT IT WAS FROM--
Mrs. Kaufman:
YOU ALL HAVE BEEN
REALLY GREA -AND I'M REALLY
GONNA MISS YOU GUYS.
-( pen clatters )
BUT NOW I WANT TO SEE
WHAT YOU GUYS HAVE
LEARNED FROM ME.
THESE ARE YOUR REVIEW SHEETS
FOR YOUR FINAL EXAMS TOMORROW.
MULTIPLE CHOICE QUESTIONS
COVERING EVERYTHING
WE'VE DONE
SINCE WINTER BREAK.
PLEASE PASS TO THAT SIDE.
HE PUT HIS JACKE OVER A PUDDLE
SO I DIDN'T HAVE TO
GET MUD ON MY SHOES.
ISN'T THAT SWEET?
YOU'D BETTER
TAKE THIS FROM ME.
- SUSHI?
- SO?
YUCK, I WOULD NEVER
EAT ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
- WHAT? WHY?
- IT'S DISGUSTING.
HOW CAN YOU SAY THA IF YOU'VE NEVER
EVEN TRIED IT?
- COME ON, IT'S AMAZING.
- NO WAY.
JUST ONE BITE.
WHAT IF YOU LIKE IT?
FINE. DEAL.
WHAT?
( screams )
( sighs )
- DO IT.
- ( camera clicks )
FINE.
TATER TOTS
ARE GOD'S GIF TO HUMANITY.
- ( laughs )
- AND?
I'LL GET TO WORK.
- MINE!
- AAH!
AND HOW ABOUT YOU,
EMMA?
DAD, LET ME
ASK YOU SOMETHING.
- YOU'RE A GUY, RIGHT?
- YES.
AND THANK YOU
FOR NOTICING, SWEETIE.
- YOU LIKE FOOTBALL?
- I DO.
WHAT DO YOU LIKE
ABOUT IT?
I DON'T KNOW. IT'S JUST--
IT'S REALLY COOL.
I MEAN, THEY'RE OUT THERE
ON THE FIELD DOING BATTLE.
THEY'RE LIKE MODERN-DAY
GLADIATORS, WARRIORS.
BIG FAT ONES.
NOT ALL OF THEM.
THEY'RE WARRIORS, HONEY.
OKAY, COOL.
WARRIORS.
YEAH.
HOW DO I DO THIS?
HOW DO I DO THIS?
HOW DO I--?
- MOM, MOM!
-( can clatters )
WHAT?! WHAT?
SORRY.
I KEEP FORGETTING
ABOUT THAT PART.
CAN I BORROW THE CAR?
IT'S GETTING
A LITTLE LATE, HON.
I HAVE
THIS SCHOOL THING.
ALL RIGHT.
JUST DON'T BE LATE.
THANKS, MOM.
OH! OH.
( engine starts )
OH, HEY, CHRIS.
- OH, HEY.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
UH, I LIVE HERE.
NO WAY.
I LIVE RIGHT THERE.
HOW COME WE DIDN' KNOW THIS?
I DON'T KNOW.
I GUESS WE'RE BUSY.
YOU LOOK STRESSED.
YEAH, I AM
KIND OF STRESSED.
HISTORY TEST?
HOW'D YOU KNOW THAT?
I SAW YOU WALKING OU OF KAUFMAN'S CLASS EARLIER.
YEAH.
ACTUALLY, I'M NOT SURE
WHAT I'M GONNA DO ABOUT IT.
HMM.
GET IN.
HEY, LOOK, YOU SEEM
REALLY NICE, BUT--
I SAID GET IN.
OKAY.
YOU SAID IT YOURSELF--
YOU CAN MEMORIZE
AN ENTIRE PLAYBOOK
IN ONE NIGHT.
- I DID?
- YES, YOU DID.
WELL, CONGRATULATIONS.
YOU'RE IN
THE AMERICAN ARMY.
- BY MYSELF?
- NO. I BROUGHT A FRIEND.
( whistle trills )
APRIL 1775, 1775.
( British accent )
I'M TAKING YOU DOWN.
OH, YES.
I'M GOING TO TAX YOU
ALL I WANT.
ALL RIGHT, AMERICA,
YOU LOST TO THE BRITS
LAST GAME WHERE?
- UH...
- WHAT FIELD, SOLDIER?!
- UH, AT LEXINGTON.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
AND THEY WERE LED
BY FRANKIE SMITH.
LIEUTENAN FRANCIS SMITH.
SHUT UP, BRITAIN!
WHO WAS THEIR COACH?
- FRANKIE SMITH.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
SO THIS IS
THE SECOND GAME.
WHERE?
- CONCORD.
- EXCELLENT.
AND YOU'RE GONNA
PUSH THEM BACK,
PUSH THEM BACK,
WAY BACK,
ALL THE WAY TO...?
THE NORTH BRIDGE.
HIKE!
( Paul screaming )
CELESTE, HI.
I NEED MORE PEOPLE.
ALL RIGHT, SPORTS FANS,
IT'S A COLD AND SNOWY
DAY HERE IN...?
- VALLEY FORGE, 1777.
- RIGHT.
SO OUR PLAYERS ARE TIRED
AND NEED TO GET READY
FOR THE NEXT SEASON,
SO THEY HIRE
A NEW ATHLETIC TRAINER...
BARON VON STEUBEN.
- STEUBEN? STEUBEN.
- RIGHT.
- GET YOU READY
FOR COLLEGE.
- COACH.
HEY.
1776, HIKE.
NO, NO, NO,
NO, NO, NO.
GENERAL CORNWALLIS
WON THE BATTLE
OF BRANDYWINE
IN 1777, NOT 1776.
WHO WON THE BATTLE
OF BUNKER HILL?
- THE AMERICANS.
- ( whistle trills )
FLAG ON THE PLAY.
FLAG ON THE PLAY.
- FOUL. FOUL.
- WHAT?
THE BRITISH GAINED
MORE YARDS.
THE AMERICANS LOS FEWER SOLDIERS.
HOW CAN YOU SAY
THEY WON?
WE GOT MORE YARDS.
IS A PYRRHIC VICTORY
REALLY A WIN?
LOOK, LITTLE LADY--
- DON'T YOU "LITTLE LADY" ME.
- DON'T YOU "LITTLE LADY" ME.
Both:
DON'T YOU
"LITTLE LADY" ME.
- BATTLE OF RHODE ISLAND.
- Players: 1778.
GO DOWN
THE MIDDLE. YOU.
- Chris: HIKE!
- YOU. BLITZ!
THAT'S RIGHT,
THE BRITISH BLITZ.
- BUT THEY WERE
STOPPED BY...?
- Chris: THE FRENCH.
VIVA LA FRANCE!
( screaming )
I GIVE UP.
I GIVE UP.
THE BRITISH DID NOT GIVE UP.
THEY WON THE BATTLE.
B-BRITAIN GIVES UP.
BRITAIN GIVES UP.
BATTLE OF YORKTOWN,
LAST LAND BATTLE
OF THE REVOLUTIONARY WAR.
ALL RIGHT, GOOD.
OH, COME ON.
THIS ISN'T FAIR.
Coach Mathis:
MAN UP, SOLIDER.
THE AMERICANS
WERE OUTNUMBERED
11,800 TO 5,700.
THAT'S JUST SOLDIERS.
- AMERICANS ALSO
HAD A SMALL MILITIA.
- Coach Mathis: FINE.
GO FIND A MILITIA.
OOH, EMMA, EMMA, EMMA!
UM, JOEY COULD PLAY.
UH, OKAY.
JOEY'S ON CHRIS' TEAM.
THAT'S JOEY?
THAT'S JOEY?
- THAT'S JOEY.
- YO.
HIKE!
Celeste:
GO, JOEY,
GO, JOEY, GO
GO, JOEY,
GO, JOEY, GO
GO, JOEY,
GO, JOEY, GO!
GO, GO, GO,
GO, GO, GO,
GO, GO, GO.
- Celeste: YEAH!
- WHOO-HOO!
YOU'RE SO GOOD.
- OH!
- ( cheering )
BABY, YOU ARE SO GOOD.
- LOOK AT YOU.
- NO, NO, NO!
GENERAL CORNWALLIS,
YOU HAVE BEEN DEFEATED, SIR.
( laughing, chattering )
- THANK YOU.
- MAN, YOU WERE AWESOME.
- THANKS.
- I'LL SEE YA.
NICE MEETING YOU.
YES, I GOT THE BALL NOW.
WE'RE ALL READY TO GO.
HAD FUN WITH ALL
THIS SPORTS STUFF,
SPORT?
YEAH, BUT SHUT UP.
BUT YES.
- SEE YOU LATER, SPORT.
- BYE.
- COME ON.
- YEAH.
YOU'RE READY.
I DON'T KNOW.
YOU'RE READY.
THERE'S SO MUCH
OF THIS STUFF.
YOU JUST HAD TO FIND
SOMETHING TO RELATE IT TO.
DO YOU STILL
NEED A RIDE?
NO. NO, I'M GONNA--
I GOTTA DIGEST ALL THIS.
I'M GONNA JOG BACK.
BUT THANK YOU.
Barbara:
OH, EMMA.
- BARBARA?
- SO, THIRD AND FINAL TRY?
YEAH.
I'M SO NERVOUS.
I DID SOMETHING
REALLY DIFFERENT THIS TIME.
SO, IS THAT GOOD OR BAD?
I DON'T KNOW.
- DO YOU?
- I DON'T.
THAT'S WHAT MAKES I SO EXCITING.
IT WAS FUN,
BUT WHAT IF I DID
SOMETHING WRONG AGAIN?
OR WHAT IF I MESSED UP?
THERE'S NO
GOOD EXPERIENCES
OR BAD EXPERIENCES.
IT'S ALL PERSPECTIVE.
SO, HOW WILL
I KNOW IF I'M MAKING
THE RIGHT CHOICES?
YOU CAN'T TELL
THE FUTURE,
BUT YOU CAN LISTEN
TO YOUR HEART.
THAT'S ALL ANYONE CAN DO.
- I HOPE IT GETS EASIER.
- OH, IT DOES, ACTUALLY.
SURE, THE CHOICES
ARE DIFFERENT,
SOME MORE IMPORTAN THAN OTHERS,
BUT THAT'S WHA GROWING UP IS ABOUT--
COLLECTING THOSE EXPERIENCES
AND LEARNING FROM THEM.
THOSE WHO FAIL
TO LEARN FROM HISTORY...
ARE DOOMED
TO REPEAT IT.
OH, GOODBYE,
SWEETHEART.
- IT HAS BEEN FUN.
- GOODBYE?
OH, I MIGH LOOK IN ON YOU
FROM TIME TO TIME
'CAUSE I'M NOSEY.
THANK YOU.
NO. NO, NO, NO,
SWEETHEART.
THANK YOU.
WAIT.
WHY DID SHE THANK ME?
WHOA.
THANKS FOR
THE COBRA, JEREMY.
Jeremy:
YOU'RE WELCOME.
- Emma: HEY, MOM.
-HI. MORNING.
OH, THIS IS NICE,
VERY CONVENIENT.
THANK YOU.
THANKS FOR UPGRADING
THE SINK, JEREMY.
- Sandy: SPORTS FROM
THE SIDELINES.
- THANK YOU.
I'M STILL WORKING ON MINE.
I'LL GET IT TO YOU LATER.
COME ON.
YOU LOOK
SO PRETTY TODAY.
DO YOU MIND
IF WE GET SOME PICTURES
FOR THE SCHOOL PAPER?
- UM, YEAH. OKAY.
- OKAY.
( camera clicks )
- AW, ADORABLE.
- COME ON, GUYS.
- OKAY, READY?
ONE, TWO, THREE.
- ( camera clicks )
- OKAY, I GOTTA GO.
- OH.
- YOU GOT THIS?
- YEAH, THANK YOU.
- HI.
- OKAY, UM,
YOU'RE ANGRY.
( roaring )
- Celeste:
YOU'RE A SCREWDRIVER.
-( kids laughing )
Celeste:
PRICKLY PEAR!
( bell rings )
ALL RIGHT,
CLEAR EVERYTHING
OFF YOUR DESK.
I HOPE YOU GUYS
ARE READY
AND I HOPE YOU GUYS
HAVE STUDIED.
PASS THEM BACK.
AND WHEN YOU
RECEIVE THEM,
YOU MAY BEGIN.
YOU HAVE 90 MINUTES.
WAIT A MINUTE.
I KNOW THIS.
HOLY CRAP,
I KNOW THIS!
( class laughing )
ALL RIGHT,
QUIET, PLEASE.
( bell rings )
- SO?
- I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW.
I MEAN,
IT WENT BY SO FAST.
THERE WAS A BUNCH OF STUFF
I WASN'T SURE ABOUT--
CHRIS, RACHEL COOPER'S
HAVING A YEAR-END PARTY
AT HER HOUSE TONIGHT.
EVERYONE IS GOING
TO BE THERE.
I WILL SEE YOU LATER.
I HAVE TO BE SOMEWHERE.
UH...
PAUL, PAUL, COME HERE.
REALLY?
YOU SURE?
BE BOLD.
HEY, THERE,
FOOTBALL BUDDIES.
HI. HOW'S IT GOING, MAN?
I KIND OF THOUGH SINCE WE WERE PLAYING
LAST NIGHT...
YEAH, TOTALLY, TOTALLY,
BUT WE'RE ON A SCHEDULE.
YOU UNDERSTAND, RIGHT?
( laughs )
OOH! HE'S NOT WEARING
ANY UNDERWEAR.
THAT DUDE TOUCHED
MY BUTT, MY BARE BUTT!
- CALL "DATELINE."
- HE TRICKED ME.
DUDE, YOU LOOKED
LIKE YOU LIKED IT.
I THINK HE DID.
I REALLY DO.
HE WAS DOWN THERE
A LONG WHILE.
NO, NO, WHAT ARE YOU--
NO, NO!
OW! COME ON!
( crying )
DOESN'T FEEL TOO GOOD
TO BE IN THERE, DOES IT?
NO.
ALL RIGHT,
I'LL LET YOU OUT NOW.
COME ON, LET'S GO
GET SOME PIZZA.
OKAY.
"METHINKS THE LUNCH LADIES
HAVE TAKEN THE BASE TUBER
AND SPUN GOLD
FROM THE DEPTHS
OF ITS STARCHY BOWELS.
CRISP, YET YIELDING.
UNCTUOUS, YET LIGHT.
I TREMBLE TO THINK
OF THE TREASURES
THAT LAY BEHIND
EACH DEEP-FRIED BITE.
SING TO ME, MY TOT,
MON AMOUR,
PARFAITES FRITES.
SING ME YOUR SONG
OF GLORIOUS GOLDEN
PERFECTION."
THAT'S IT.
THAT WAS AWESOME.
- IT'S REALLY GOOD.
- IT WAS AMAZING.
( chattering )
OKAY, YOU NEED TO STOP
BUMBLING AROUND
AND REALIZE
SHE LIKES YOU.
- SHUT UP. SHE DOES NOT.
- DUDE, SHE TOTALLY DOES.
- MM-HMM.
- YOU THINK I SHOULD
ASK HER OUT?
- MOVIES.
- MOVIES. CLASSY.
- MM-HMM.
- OKAY.
OKAY, BREAK.
HEY, SANDY,
I WAS WONDERING
IF YOU MIGHT LIKE
TO GO TO THE MOVIES
WITH ME ON SATURDAY.
YOU MEAN
LIKE ON A DATE?
UM, YEAH, I GUESS SO.
OKAY,
UNDER ONE CONDITION--
YOU HAVE TO WEAR
UNDERWEAR.
- I TOLD YOU THAT.
THAT'S JUST WEIRD.
- ( giggles )
- OKAY, I PROMISE.
- ( both giggling )
- OH, MY GOSH!
- ( camera clicks )
OW.
- ( squishes )
- AHH!
( laughs )
( class laughs )
OH, I GOTCHA, JEREMY.
I GOTCHA.
( sighs )
WELL PLAYED, SIR.
WELL PLAYED.
HEY, I'VE GO THIS IDEA.
WE POKE A HOLE
IN MR. STOCK'S
COFFEE CUP.
NO, NOT TODAY,
MY FRIEND.
NOT TODAY.
( knocks )
( laughs )
-( bell rings )
- Mrs. Kaufman: SOMETHING
YOU WANT TO TELL ME?
UH, UM...
WHAT DID YOU DO?
ADMIT IT.
AT THIS POINT,
I HAVE NO IDEA.
YOU LEFT THIS
ON MY DESK.
YES, I THOUGH YOU WOULD LIKE IT.
I LOVE IT.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
SO, GEORGE IS
GETTING HIS ARTICLE IN.
THEY ARE PRINTING IT UP NOW.
AND WE'LL BE READY FOR
OUR LAST-DAY-OF-SCHOOL
EDITION.
WELL DONE.
HOW DOES IT FEEL
TO BE EDITOR?
TOOK A FEW TRIES,
BUT I'M FIGURING IT OUT.
GOOD FOR YOU.
WHAT'S UP?
YOU KNOW I WANT TO ASK
ABOUT CHRIS' GRADE.
UH-HUH, I THOUGHT SO.
I'VE SEEN YOU TWO
HANGING OUT.
- I'VE BEEN TUTORING HIM.
- UH-HUH.
HE JUST WANTED
MY HELP WITH THE TEST.
UH-HUH.
HE DOESN'T LIKE ME
LIKE THAT.
YOU SURE ABOUT THAT?
YOU'RE ALWAYS TEXTING.
YOU'RE LIKE
A 13-YEAR-OLD GIRL
WITH THAT THING.
I'M NOT TEXTING.
UM, IT'S MY MOM.
THAT'S YOUR MOM?
YEAH.
BARBARA?
SOMETIMES WE--
I TALK TO HER.
IT'S DUMB.
THAT'S NOT DUMB AT ALL.
- I WISH I HAD MET HER.
- I DO, TOO.
-( bell rings )
-( chatter )
( instrumental music
playing )