49 Miles More (2026) Movie Script
1
[logo chimes]
[logo buzzes]
- Good morning, my name is Max.
I'm calling from reliable.
Is that Mrs. Terry speaking?
Yeah, but if you could.
[phone beeping]
[buttons beeping]
Good morning, my name is Max.
I'm calling from Reliable.
Do you have any time to talk
about your insurance
premium today?
Hello?
- 10 letters,
beginning with an M.
Dull. Tedious.
Repetitive.
- It's monotonous.
- Oh, thank you.
M...
- Grape?
- No, thanks, I've just eaten.
- Bit of an early lunch.
So, how do you think
it's going today, champ?
- Fine.
- Yeah?
- Scale of 1 to 10.
- Maybe a six.
- A little lower.
- Four?
Three?
Two?
- It's a one.
- Yeah, look.
- I like you, Max, but this...
- No, I understand
It's just,
I've been going through
quite a lot at the moment.
- Ssh.
I'm your boss,
not your therapist.
- Right.
- I know how you feel.
- Phone call after phone call,
after phone call.
And believe me,
I hate answering the phone.
But you know what I hate more?
Poverty.
I know you might be feeling
anxious today,
and here's my advice.
Don't worry about it.
It might not be tomorrow,
or the week after, or the month
after or year after
but play your cards right.
Work hard enough.
You could be this side
of class two.
All you need to do,
pick up the phone.
We are called Reliable,
and we need you to be...
- Reliable.
- Consider this
a verbal warning.
- Got it.
I just wanted to remind you
about that holiday
that I booked off tomorrow.
- I remember.
- Great. Thank you.
- The thing is,
I wanted to go on holiday.
I really do.
I deserve it.
Nearly.
- But I already booked it off.
- Oh, I don't make the rules.
I'll cut you a deal.
Five more sales.
I'll see you on Friday.
Hmm?
[playful music]
You got it, big boy.
[TV on in background]
[sighs]
[phone vibrating]
- Yo.
[indistinct]
- Hey, mate.
- Oh. Colin's joining.
[barking]
- Hey, mate.
Samaroony is joining.
- Yo!
- Hey, man.
[barking]
- Order! Order, order!
Who is excited
for tomorrow night?
- I am buzzing.
Yeah, dude.
- Come on, bruv.
- Perfect, now I've put together
an hour-by-hour itinerary
for the next two days so that
absolutely nothing can go wrong.
- Man, you're a top lad.
- Hundred, Broski.
- So 3 p.m.
meet at the B&B.
I've sent you all the address.
Max, please just pay
me back this time.
Pre's, shortly after,
while getting ready.
Now the pub, 4:30, no later.
Colin, that does mean you.
A couple pints,
porky scratchings, out by six,
table's booked for seven,
courtesy
of the great mother Fung.
- Cheers!
Mother Fung and that!
- And then, gentlemen and
gentleman
I have booked us
a very VIP table
at the Devil's Gooch for 11 p.m.
until the early hours.
Can I get a b, b, b, bosh?
- Bosh!
- Bosh!
I don't remember the last time
I went to the Devil's Gooch.
Yes.
- And then to finish it off,
suits on in the morning,
meet at the beach for 10. a.m...
- 10 a.m.?
= What?
[Max] Bit early isn't it?
- Yeah, maybe a bit, mate.
I can't see myself
being too alive
after an evening
in the Devil's Gooch.
- 2 p.m...
- Perfect.
It's what he would have wanted.
- Oh, and, uh, last thing,
Bagsy not picking up Doug.
- Bagsy not picking up.
- Bagsy not picking up Doug.
- Nah, I'm not even the closest.
- Sorry, mate, that's how bagsy
works, isn't it?
- Oh for f...
Hello, Mrs. Fung.
I'm here to collect Doug.
- Yo.
- You bring him back 6 p.m.
tomorrow, sharp.
- Absolutely.
- In one piece.
- Of course.
- And as much as a scratch...
- Yep. I promise.
[speaking foreign language]
[playful music]
- No excessive drinking,
no silly games, no drugs.
- You don't need to worry,
Mrs. Fung.
He'll be safe with me.
We should probably get going.
Don't want to hit rush hour.
Oh.
Thank you for booking the meal,
by the way.
- Oh, yeah.
Yeah, Max.
Max? Max!
Max! Yo, yo!
Watch this.
Yeah. Watch this.
[gong sounds]
- It's 10 a.m.
- And?
- And those are my beers.
- Is it?
- Mate,
your mum literally just...
[indistinct] Your mum... kapow.
Allow it, bro.
Yeah, I've left the house.
I'm on holiday.
It's the continental way.
[laughing]
- Fair.
To be honest, I'm surprised I
didn't cover you in bubble wrap
before we left.
[phone vibrating]
Fuck off, Julian.
- Beer?
- No, Doug, I'm driving.
I'll have one when we get there.
Oh, yeah, fairs, fairs,
fairs, fairs fairs.
[chuckles]
- Right, two hours, 17,
98 miles.
- Not... a hundred miles?
Brother!
That's a long fucking road, bro.
That's a fucking road trip.
That's a fucking road
trip right there.
You don't know about
that road trip, innit!
Yeah.
- You done?
- No! Ah!
[laughs] I'm so happy.
R-O-A-D-T-R-I-P.
Yeah!
I'm done.
- Right.
[Doug sighs]
Right.
Right, bro.
Bet you let me DJ.
[jazzy music]
[tyre pops]
Big arsehole!
- For fuck's sake, man.
Stupid fucking tire!
- Duct tape.
[playful music]
- Why?
- Duct tape can fix anything.
- No, Doug!
- No, no, no.
I swear, yeah.
I once fixed my nan's teapot,
yeah,
and she didn't even notice.
- She probably did, mate.
- No, I swear.
- Doug, there is absolutely no
way she wouldn't have noticed.
I'm gonna call someone.
[playful music continues]
- Oi, make sure
they bring duct tape.
[Max] Just go stretch your legs
or something.
- Hmm.
- It's a big arsehole.
- Ask him about the duct tape.
- What?
- Duct tape.
- No, dude.
- Why?
- Shut up.
- You shut up!
Please.
- So, uh,
what are you thinking, then?
A bit of duct tape do the job?
[chuckles]
[laughs]
[all laughing]
- Did you hear that?
Duct tape.
[all laughing]
- Yeah.
- No.
- Right.
- You're looking
at a brand new tire
at the very least.
- I mean, it sounds, uh...
How much are you thinking?
- 150, 250, 300 with a call out.
- Well, you know,
it doesn't have to be brand new,
does it?
Could just be brand new to me.
- I'm afraid not, pal.
I don't keep any used ones
on the van.
And legally, I can't leave the
vehicle by the side of the road
and run back to the garage
and get one.
Health and safety, you see?
- Right.
- Bro,
I've got a sticky plaster.
- Okay. So, um...
300. That's.
- Well, it's either that
or I tow it.
I work on commission,
so money's not exactly good...
Decisions, decisions.
- Bro. Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.
This is the universe talking
to us right here, right now.
You fully just asked me
if I wanted
to stretch my legs earlier.
And, and look at us now with
no option but leg stretching.
We're gonna walk.
- Do you know what?
Just, just tow it.
- Gotcha.
Give me a second,
I'll bring out the paperwork.
- Yes, yes, yes, yes!
Fuck off! Bro.
Road trip on foot, Oh,
bro, I love nature, man.
- What's going on, dad?
- Fuck off, you cunt!
- All right.
- You excited?
- Yeah.
- Hey, bro, it's all right, man.
We'll get there.
It's an adventure.
- Right? If I could just have
your signature at the bottom.
[clears throat]
- Hang on.
400 to tow it?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, but.
- You either pay 300 now,
and I replace the tyre,
or I tow it, replace the tyre
at the garage,
and you pay 400 on collection.
- But...
- I don't make the rules.
- Come on, Max, chop, chop.
- Thanks.
Fine, I'll just grab
the bags then.
Why don't we just try and call
a taxi or something, Doug?
- What?
What about road trip on foot?
- Well, it's 50 mile walk, mate.
- And?
- What do you mean, and?
It's a 50 mile walk.
Five, zero.
- 50 miles, 50 chickens.
Look, bro,
just give me the big map.
- Okay, but 50 miles,
50 chickens
doesn't make any sense.
Thank you.
Uh, give me a hand here.
Right. So we are here, yeah?
we're trying to get to here,
and that is.
What, you telling me
you can't walk this far?
- How do you..?
- Uh, uh, ssh...
- Shortcut cut ting.
Boom, through here.
Which makes it.
Come on, man.
- For fuck's sake, dude.
- Oh, yeah!
[bottle rattling]
[Doug clears throat]
Yeah. This way, innit.
Max.
you know, yeah, that if
you really believe in yourself,
you can talk to birds?
[Max] Yeah?
[Doug] Yeah, bro, watch.
[Doug caws]
- What type of bird is that?
- Pigeon.
Probably sleeping.
- No signal.
- Nice. We are one with nature.
- Let me see the map, quick.
- Uh, nope.
- Dude, let me see the map.
- Yo, bro, don't you trust me?
Remember back in uni
before the accident?
Man did that
orientation course innit.
- Yeah, which you failed.
- Yeah.
But before that,
I was basically Bear Grylls.
- I don't know about that one, dude.
- Hey. Yo, bro.
What? How does that man to
navigate the shire, the shire,
when he has Smeigel
chatting shit behind his back?
Support me.
I'm your friend.
- Oh, mate, yeah, fine.
Lead the way, Frodo.
- Hmm.
I will.
[playful music continues]
Oh.
Yo, Max, look.
It's the other side.
I knew it, I knew it,
I did it, bro.
I'm Ray Mears.
- Who's that?
- Bro, exactly, come on.
Ooh.
See? Progress.
[chuckles] All right,
so from right here...
- Isn't that your empty
beer bottle from earlier?
- Huh?
- Yeah, that's mine.
Not a drop
- Fuck's sake.
- What?
- You,
thinking you're fucking
Dora the Explorer
with your shitty backpack
and your shitty map
and your shitty duct tape,
and your stupid stick.
- That's not very nice.
- We're in the middle
of fucking nowhere.
My car has been towed.
We're gonna be late.
I'm probably gonna get fired
on Friday.
And to top it off,
I've got a blister.
- Do you want a plaster?
- No, I don't want your shitty
plaster, Doug.
I just want to get there.
- Car.
- No, we haven't got
a fucking car.
- No, no, no, car, look.
[horn beeps]
- Excuse me, excuse me!
Help! Help!
Please help us!
We're a long way!
Help!
[dramatic music]
Oh my God,
thank you so much for stopping.
- Little bit lost are we?
- My car broke down.
I don't suppose you'd mind...
- Well, I'm not going very far,
but you're welcome to join.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
Go on, in you get.
Hey, not the stick.
Not the stick, Doug.
Leave the stick, dude.
And the beer.
Just...
That's it.
Thank you so much.
You're a lifesaver.
- Oh,
I wouldn't go as far as that.
- Nice lady.
- Um,
I would offer to pay you, but.
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
This is out of the goodness
of my heart.
Melvin.
- Max.
- Seatbelts on, everyone.
- Yeah.
- So, where are you headed?
- Uh, Orford.
- Oh, very nice.
- Yeah, I, uh, I grew up there.
A bit of a shithole,
actually, but...
- Oh.
Special occasion?
- Um, I mean,
I suppose
you could call it that.
[dramatic music ends]
[handbrake clicks]
- Well, this is me.
- Uh.
- Thank you.
- Great. Thanks.
- Well, I told you I wasn't
going far.
[chuckles]
[Doug laughs]
- Orford, that's, uh,
quite far, isn't it?
- Yeah, 50 miles.
- 49.8.
- I'd offer to call
a taxi for you,
but they don't really
come out this way.
- Right? Um,
I know this is a bit
of a long shot,
but I don't suppose
that there's any way
that you could drive us...
- If I had my license, I would.
Till then, I stick to a strict
one mile radius from the house.
Less likely to get caught
that way, you see.
- Well, thank you anyway.
- Suppose I could give
you my son's old bike, though.
[chuckling]
- Yes please.
[electronic music plays]
I've got a dirt bike, bitch
You don't like what you see?
You can suck my dick
I'm gonna ride my bike
Gonna ride it sick
And I'll ride your face
till you taste my shit
Like I got a dirt bike, son
Gonna ride my bike,
then I'll ride your mum
Wait, hold up a sec, Doug.
[Doug imitating motorbike]
Oh, sorry.
Fuck, yeah, dude, got a signal.
- Oh, nice.
[phone vibrating]
- Wait. Hold up a sec, Doug.
Mike's calling me.
[phone vibrating]
[indistinct]
[laughs]
Hey, mate.
- Hey, you picked up Doug okay?
- Yo, we saying bro.
I've missed you so much, man.
- Yeah, he's here.
- Perfect, uh,
where are you guys at?
I've got a I've got Colin
and Sammy here.
- Yo.
- Hey, boys.
Um, to be honest,
I don't have a clue.
- What do you mean,
what happened?
- Oh, mate,
uh, cars a write-off.
Fucking nightmare.
- Shit, uh, is Doug okay?
- Yeah, he's all good.
- You all good?
- Yeah. I'm fine, mate.
Don't worry about me.
- All right.
What's your ETA?
- Um.
To be honest, mate,
I'm gonna have to get back
to you on that one.
I don't have a clue.
Don't bother waiting
for us, though.
- Oh, no.
Oh!
Are you, are you sure?
- Yeah, I'm fine mate.
It is what it is.
- Well, keep me posted.
- Yeah. Nice one, Mike,
catch you in a bit, mate.
[Doug imitating motorbike]
Doug.
- Drifting. Drifting.
Doug!
- What?
- Come here.
[Doug imitating motorbike]
- Do you want to play a game?
- Yes, I do actually.
It's called
listen to Max very closely.
- Oh.
Oh,
- Listening?
We
are fucked.
We are really,
really fucked, okay?
Unless me and you come up
with a solid plan.
Right now, we are fucked.
Okay?
We've got no car,
we've got no taxi,
we've got no bike,
we've got nothing, mate.
We have to walk.
[scoffs]
- That's what I've been saying, bro.
- Yeah, I know.
Just give me the map.
- Nah, man.
- Doug, give me the map.
- No!
- Give me the map.
- No, no, please...
- Just give me the fucking map!
Right.
This is the plan.
So
[mystical music]
we need to get to Orford
by 2 p.m. tomorrow.
[Doug] Mhm.
[Max] We started in London,
drove 50 miles
and broke down here.
Now, the only way
we will make it on time
is by taking a shortcut.
[Doug] Uh-huh.
[Max] Now, using the sun,
this way is west,
so we want to head this way.
[Doug] Science team, I like it.
[Max] We go through the forest,
cross the stream,
over the hill and we
should get there before,
well, that doesn't matter.
We've got snacks,
water, 60% phone battery.
[Doug] Cool.
[Max] We're going to be fine.
We just need
to stick to the plan.
Got it?
- Got it.
Ready?
- Ready.
- One for the road.
- It's the continental way.
Oh!
Mmm.
I forgot how good crisps are,
bro
- Yeah, just don't eat them
all, please, mate.
- Oh, I won't.
What else did you bring?
- Uh, I've got mini sausages.
Uh, got a bit of choc.
Got an apple in there.
- Oh, bro, I 'm begging,
can I have the apple.
- Go for it, dude.
It's in the big bit.
- Oh! Oh, yes, a fat one, still.
[chuckling]
[crunching]
Mmm.
Max.
Real talk, yeah.
What is the largest animal you
reckon you can beat in a fight?
- I don't know, dude.
Like...
a swan?
- Swan? See, yeah?
I can beat a whale.
- Dude, there is
absolutely no way
you could beat a whale
in a fight.
- Oh, yeah? Yeah?
Hold this.
Yeah!
Salmon. Right hand.
Here fishy, fishy
Here it is. Bring it out!
Drag the tail out.
[boing sound]
Smashing man's head innit.
Get the apple,
throw it at the head.
- Right.
- Dodge, dodge, oh!
Fin, fin.
Tail, tail, eye, eye.
And then, uh, get some rice
and just badoosh,
and then smack it,
smack it, smack it,
and then just [shouting]
ha!
You know what I mean?
- Right.
A couple of things to dissect.
Firstly, whales only eat krill,
so that doesn't make any sense.
Secondly,
what the fuck was that?
And thirdly, you said, right,
what is the largest animal
you could beat in a fight?
Not what is the largest animal
you can drag out of the water.
Do a 360 spin, smack it over
the head, throw an apple at it.
Like what?
- Right.
I'm definitely gonna, like,
fuck it over, though.
- All right, yeah.
Whatever. Doug.
- No, Max I can.
- Yeah?
- I can, Max I can yeah,
I did it.
I, I slapped it and it died.
- It is absolutely outrageous
that you're even
saying this right now.
- What? I'm telling the truth.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Wait, hold on a second.
[water trickling]
Did you hear that?
- What?
- Water?
- Oh.
- Dude. We're close.
I'll tell you what.
I am not too bad
at this whole orientating thing.
- It's actually quite fun.
- See, bro?
See, bro, I knew you start
to enjoy yourself, man.
[Max chuckles]
- Got any more of these?
- Nah, man. Finished.
- Shame.
It's getting louder,
though, isn't it?
- Huh?
- Stream.
It's quite a loud stream.
- Dude, I'm bare sticky,
innit, mate,
I'm gonna take my top off, innit?
- Nah, Doug, I beg of you, mate,
please don't.
- No, no, no, I have to, bro.
It's a bit hot, man.
- Dude...
- I'm doing it.
[playful music]
[water flowing]
- We could probably go around.
- Nope, nope, nope.
You said stick to the plan,
so we stick to the plan.
What's the plan?
It's pretty fast.
And you know I'm
not the best swimmer.
You know, I'm more of a floater.
To be honest.
You might have to carry me
across the river, man.
If that's all right with you?
[water flowing]
All right.
Look, look, look, look, look.
Max, look, ssh.
Look, it's a beaver.
We're saved.
Bro, I've watching bare
documentaries here.
Beavers, all they do all day,
every day.
Eat trees, cross rivers, build
dams, eat trees, cross rivers,
build dams.
This beaver probably crossed
this exact river
a million times innit.
All we gotta do is see
where it goes and follow it.
Look ssh, it's going in,
it's going in, it's going in.
[animal squealing]
Might have been a badger.
Do you reckon
the badgers all right?
- No.
- Probably had a family.
- Yeah.
- I think we would
have been fine, though.
- Doug, you're about
as buoyant as that rock.
[water plops]
[Max chuckles]
- Yep.
- Ah, man.
I'll tell you what,
I've got an idea.
We could build a raft.
I don't think it'll be too hard.
We could find some dead wood
lying about or something,
- Boat?
No, we'll build a raft,
it'll be easier.
If we follow the current down,
we'll end up somewhere
roughly near Orford.
Tie it together with like vines.
I don't know
where I'd find vines.
- Boat.
- No.
- Yes. Okay.
We're trying to build a boat.
- No, no boat.
Boat.
- That's convenient.
- No, man, it's the universe.
[upbeat music]
Bro, this is exactly
what life's about, man.
I'm with my best friend,
chilling in the ocean.
Fresh air, Badgers.
Fresh water.
- Yeah. Can you just keep hold
of the bags, please, mate.
- Oh, yeah, sorry, sorry, sorry.
- Dude.
[laughing
I can't believe we're
on a we're on a fucking...
we're on a boat!
[laughing]
It's a bit mental, isn't it?
- Yeah, I'm just happy to be
here, man.
- Yeah, me too, mate.
Sorry for, um,
getting a bit stressy earlier.
- Yo. Yo, Max.
It's chill.
Don't worry, man.
Fish, Max, fish.
- Fish fish, fish.
- Doug, stop moving.
Stop moving now!
Just stay still.
Hey, Max, look,
I can be a fish innit.
A salmon, I'm a salmon.
- I'm a Salmon.
- Doug.
- Can you please
just stay still, man?
Just stay still!
Stay still!
No!
Look,
the longer we stay in the boat,
the less we have to walk.
Okay? Just relax.
Though we probably
should get a move on.
I think the boat's
deflating again.
- Huh?
- The boat is deflating.
- Oh.
It's fine.
I've got plaster.
- The puncture's on the
underside of the boat.
- Yeah.
- Let me do it, dude.
Dude, let me.
[Doug shouting]
Doug, Doug, Doug, Doug.
Fuck, dude!
Stay there!
Fucking hell!
[Doug shouting]
Fuck it!
- I'm good.
- I'm good.
I'm coming to you, Doug.
[Doug gasping]
Okay.
[shouting indistinctly]
- Yeah.
I'm good!
- I told you to stop moving,
Doug!
[Doug gasping]
Fuck!
You're okay, though, yeah?
You're not hurt?
- It's chill, it's chill.
- No, Doug, it's not chill.
Not everything
can be chill all the time.
Man, I nearly lost you there,
- Oh.
You didn't
- No, but that's not the point,
is it, man?
Why do you never listen to me?
Just. Oh.
- Sorry.
- You might not realise this,
okay, but actually,
a lot of people
really, really,
really fucking care
about you, Doug.
Okay?
- Sorry.
- Just...
help me to help you get there
in one piece.
Just listen to me, man.
[gentle music]
Do you want a hug?
Come here.
Come here.
[Doug sobbing]
You're okay.
You're okay.
Okay.
- Sorry. Sorry.
- It's fine.
- Sorry.
- It's fine.
Oh, I'm an idiot.
- Yeah.
You are an idiot.
But you're my idiot.
Okay?
[gentle music continues]
Let's just grab the bag and go.
[chuckles]
Where's the bags?
[Max sighs]
It's okay.
[indistinct]
[Doug] Excuse me.
- Max?
- Doug!
Just leave me alone.
I'm hungry.
[Doug clears throat] Max!
- What, Doug?
- Lion or panda? Pick.
- I don't care.
Lion.
- Yeah. Good choice bro.
Do you know what
your problem is, Max?
- What?
- Every morning you wake up,
you go to work.
You work really, really hard.
Typing, typing, typing.
You make money,
and then afterward, you go
outside and you buy things.
That makes you happy
because you're sad from working.
What the fuck, man?
- What?
- You only live once, bro.
- Doug, your solution to my
shitty little life is YOLO.
- No, not YOLO,
Jesus, like,
like YOLO, bitches.
Deeper.
Like YOLO.
- Great.
Cheers, Doug.
Hello?
- Oh, hello.
- I wasn't talking to you.
[indistinct]
You good, yeah?
[Max] Hello?
Is anybody there?
We're friendly.
That's weird.
Oh.
I'm starving.
[Doug] Oh.
Huh? No one's home.
Oh, no.
It's a bear.
Yes! Uh, claw the tent.
Um, it attacked last night.
Yes, it came from, um,
uh, let me just...
[Doug sniffing]
Right there.
All right then,
where's the bodies?
Huh?
Where are the bodies?
- They were chased by the bear.
Yes, they...
They ran to the river.
The river.
They got on the boat.
Tried to escape from the bear.
The bear attacked him
in the river.
The clawed the hole in the boat.
They tried fighting with oars.
It was very dramatic.
[growls]
They...
They died.
You don't get bears in England,
though, Doug.
- That's what they tell you.
[tense music]
- All right then.
I'm going to see what I can nick
from in here.
- Oh, yeah.
[groaning]
- Anything?
[retching]
Oh!
Good lord!
- Poor guy.
He's probably
with the Badgers now.
[playful music]
[indistinct]
- Yes!
- What?
- Lunch.
- Um.
- There's fucking loads
in there, too.
- Yo! Yo, Max.
- Berries.
[playful music continues]
- Can you stop, bruv?
It's cool, it's cool, it's cool.
You, you, you,
you, you eating it?
Yeah, drink, drink
the whole bottle, you know?
You have no idea what's in that,
and you're just
drinking it innit.
It's mad.
- Mhm.
[indistinct]
[Max] Dude, I actually can't
believe I ate all those berries.
[Doug] You a hungry, boy, huh?
[Max] Yeah.
- Um, are we nearly there?
- Dunno, mate, I can't even
really see the map anymore.
[Doug scoffs]
- Should have brought a torch.
- Yeah, I did, it was my phone.
- Oh, yeah.
Yeah, how many miles
do you think we've walked today?
- Uh, maybe 15.
- That's,
that's pretty good, man.
You got your steps in.
- Yeah. I'm gonna need
to stop soon, though.
- No, no we don't.
Let's keep walking, man.
I love night time.
So peaceful. The owls.
Stars.
- Doug.
- Mhm?
- It's night time.
I can't see the map.
I have no idea
where we're going.
- [scoffs] Bro.
You just feel it.
[playful music continues]
- Sometimes, Doug, I feel like
I want to punch you in the face.
[Doug chuckles]
[Max sighs]
- Oh, yeah.
- I think I've got heat stroke.
- You are a bit pink, man.
- Yeah.
- Oh.
Why don't we build a shelter?
- That's actually a good idea.
- Right?
- You ever built
a shelter before?
- Nah. Have you?
- No.
- Oh.
- I thought you were Ray Mears
or Bear Grylls or something.
- Yeah, I am, but no, It's not
Bob the builder, innit?
[owl hoots]
- Yeah. Fair enough.
- Yeah.
Well, why don't we just, um,
stay here?
- Yeah, yeah.
Great idea, yeah. Brilliant.
You have that bit of mud there,
and I'll have that bit
of mud there.
- Perfect. Amazing, yes.
- No, Doug.
- Huh?
- We're not staying here.
[bird calling]
- All right.
I spy with my eyes
something beginning with...
All right, it's a hard
one I've done, though.
D.
[percussive music]
- Darkness.
- Yeah.
- Everything's dark, Doug.
- 11-4 to you.
Right. Come on.
[sighs]
Last round.
- I don't want to play anymore.
- Why?
Dude, you're good at this game.
- Dude, it's cold, just...
- Bro, just, just...
Just have a leaf, Max, come on.
[percussive music continues]
All right, your go, come on.
You spy.
[Max's stomach rumbles]
- Right, Doug.
Either
I've got a new game.
- Yeah? New game?
- Yeah.
- What's it called?
- Uh, it is called, uh,
Let's try start a fire.
You go find sticks.
- Okay. Yeah, yeah.
Okay, um...
What are the rules?
- No rules. No rules.
Uh, just go find
as many sticks as possible.
- Okay, I like it.
Yeah. Let's go.
- Uh, no, wait,
there is one rule.
Uh, you have to go that way,
and I have to go that way.
- Okay, I like it, but, um.
Uh, Max, time limit, time limit.
- Five minutes?
- Five minutes, five minutes.
All right, cool.
One stick.
Two sticks.
Three.
[gasps] 5,6,7.
Yeah, I'm gonna win.
[laughs]
Oh my God.
Now that's a fucking stick, man.
Max is gonna love this stick.
[chuckles]
[Max grunting]
[Max] Oh!
- Max?
Max? Max!
Max! Max!
I'm coming, bro!
[Max] Fucking hell!
- Max!
[Max grunting]
Max, are you okay?
[Max] Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. I'm fine.
I'm fine. Just, uh.
Just fuck off.
- I got the sticks.
[Max] Great, great.
Uh. Find more.
[Max laughs]
- Yo, you sure you're okay?
[Max grunting]
[Max] Yeah. [groaning]
Oh!
[squelching noises]
[Max groans]
Oh!
So hot!
[farting noises]
[Max groans]
[farting noises]
[Max] Ah!
[laughs]
[farting noises]
Come on, Max, get it out!
[Max grunting]
[farting noises]
Oh!
- Uh, yo, you all right, yeah?
Um, you got a sock?
[Max] What?
- Um.
Sorry. Uh,
have you got a sock?
- Why? [long farting noise]
- Uh,
you know, for when you're done,
because...
[farting noises]
[Max] Turn off the tap!
- Anyway, bro, um...
I'm gonna start the fire, bro.
Just, you know, just...
give me a shout if you need,
uh...
Yeah, bro.
I love you, bro.
Love, man.
[farting noise]
[insects chirping]
- Good job you had that lighter
in your bag from last year.
- Yeah.
[chuckles]
Could you not
tell the guys about...
- No, my lips are sealed.
- Thanks, man.
[fire crackling]
- Max, um...
Thank you
for picking me up.
- Don't mention it, dude.
[insects chirping]
- It's really nice to, um...
spend, some time with you again.
I miss you.
Sorry for being a bit selfish.
- You're not. You're just...
- I just always want
to have fun.
All the time.
You know?
Life isn't fun all the time,
though, is it?
- Yeah.
- I'm really proud of...
you and the boys.
You know,
you guys got jobs, got a flat.
You can swim.
[chuckles]
You, you had a girlfriend
and you had a car.
But, hey.
- Thanks, Doug.
- You know what I'm saying, man.
- Yeah.
I know.
- I'm so proud of you, man.
I, um...
I just wish I could...
go back in time and,
you know, maybe.
[phone chiming]
Hey Max! The phone.
- Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
[phone vibrating]
- Okay, boy? Yay!
- Hey, mate.
- Hey, where are you?
[Doug] We're by a log.
- I'm by log.
- A Log?
- Dude, it doesn't matter.
- [chuckles] What log?
- It doesn't fucking matter.
Look, I think we're
a bit fucked here, mate.
- Ah! So are we.
Um, mate,
I'm actually glad you called.
We're, uh,
we're really missing you.
[Mike sniffing]
- Dude. Did you just..?
- What?
- It's one fucking night, Mike.
Can you not just give it a rest?
- Hey, come on, live a little.
[Colin groaning]
[Colin sniffing]
[groaning]
Oh,
- [laughs] Where are you, mate?
- I'm by a log.
- Why the fuck are you by a log?
- It doesn't matter,
man, look...
- You missed
the best night ever.
Like the food?
Amazing.
- Colin. Listen to me, okay.
- No. no, seriously, mate,
- We're gonna need some help.
- It was amazing.
Okay?
And I ordered you the fish.
I put it in a doggy bag.
- Colin. Listen to me.
We are lost.
[Colin laughing]
- Lost?
Lost?
Where are you?
- I don't fucking know, dude.
We're lost!
- Hi lost, I'm Sammy.
- Hi, yes.
[boys singing Karma Chameleon]
Sammy could really do with
some assistance here, mate.
Um, if I send you my location,
do you think you could sort
something for me and Doug?
We come and go
Sammy?
Sammy?
Brilliant.
[Doug sighs]
[fire crackling]
Battery's dead.
- Are they having fun?
- Yeah.
- Definitely not as much fun as
I'm having right now, though.
- Good. I'm glad.
- I think we're doing fine.
You're feeling better now,
though, yeah?
- Yeah.
Thinking back, it probably
was all those berries.
[Doug scoffs]
- You did eat three bottles
of them.
- I did eat three bottles
of them.
- Ooh. Feel so dehydrated.
- I'm not surprised, bro.
I mean, your insides fell out
of your anus.
[Max chuckles]
Did you want me to..?
- To what?
- Like, piss.
Not like man wants to just,
you know,
seen Bear Grylls
do it a few times.
Like hydration.
- I think I'll live.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.
I'm just saying, like, you know,
if you, if you need anything,
bro, I, I got you, man.
I, I got your back, bro.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah. Cool.
You know, I actually do.
It's a bit fucking weird,
you know?
- Yeah.
- Survival thing.
Survival thing.
Exactly, yeah, that's it.
Survival.
[gentle music]
It's a bit mad how they drink
piss, innit, to survive.
- Yeah.
- Like mad, innit?
Like you have to be bare
thirsty, bro.
Piss.
fucking hell, man,
people are crazy.
But the will to live is strong.
- You know, I was thinking about
what you said the other day.
Doug,
my boss is a cunt.
Hmm.
Come home every day
to an empty house.
I eat microwave meals,
and I just sit
and fester on the sofa.
[gentle music continues]
Every morning I wake up
and there's just this little
thought in the back
of my head that...
Doesn't matter.
[fire crackles]
- That's, that's deep.
That's quite deep.
- Yeah.
- Sorry.
- No.
- Do you know what else I was
thinking about?
- What?
[exhales]
- Do you think that North
Star always points north?
- Yeah.
Otherwise it would be called
the sometimes, North star.
- Ah.
Yeah.
Yeah, right.
Of course,
[chuckling]
Man.
- We should probably
get some sleep.
- Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, man.
- Night.
- Good night, bro.
- You're done now.
[Doug sighs]
[fire crackling]
- You got a pillow?
Oh.
Oh, right.
[Doug grunting]
Oh. Good morning
World.
[Doug laughing]
And one.
- Morning, mate.
- Ah! Good morning.
- How long have you been up?
- Like a few hours, man,
I can't really sleep, bro.
I've got a lot of energy,
so I thought I'd start
working out, you know?
- Nice.
[birds chirping]
[Doug grunting]
- Oh, for fuck's sake, Doug.
- What?
- Why have you got
your sausage out?
- Huh?
Bro, I'm sweating, man,
it's hot.
- Yeah, well, can you not?
- All right.
Jeez. Just...
I won't.
[stick thuds]
[playful music]
- Right.
So, time is.
Uh.
About 8:30, I'd say.
So, that means that...
Orford
should be just over...
there.
It's quite...
- Tall.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Hmm.
- At what point does a hill
become a mountain?
- Now.
[Max sighs]
Probably take
another route round.
- What? Nah, bro,
let's go up the mountain.
- Doug.
Look at it.
It's fucking massive!
- So?
- Well, dude, we are so close.
The last thing I want to
do is get stuck up a mountain.
- Please.
- No Doug,
let's just go round.
- Think of the views, bro.
What? You're telling me you
don't want to see that mad view?
[dramatic music]
- Rock, paper, scissors.
[dramatic western-style music]
- 1-2-3. Shoot, yeah?
- All right.
It's gotta be fair, though.
No cheating.
Can't do that thing.
- No cheating.
No thing.
- Ready?
- Oomph.
Yes.
[making quirky noises]
- Doug...
- It helps me focus.
- Okay.
[making quirky noises]
I like it. Serious thing.
- All right.
Ready?
[both] One. Two. Three. Shoot!
[sheep bleats]
[ breathing heavily]
[Doug] You, Max, Max, Max, Max.
Yeah, so, you know, yesterday?
[Max] Yes, I know yesterday.
[Doug] No, no, no,
but, you know,
when I said
that you were a Smiegle, that.
[Max] I remember, yeah.
[Doug] Right, so,
I've been thinking.
Me and you.
Me and you.
Shrek and donkey.
[Max] Right. [chuckles]
[Doug] Right, so obviously
I'm Shrek and you're Donkey,
[Max] So, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa.
Absolutely not.
I'm not Donkey.
[Doug] What?
What, you think I'm donkey?
[Max] Yes! Dude.
[Doug] No!
[Max] Right.
Are you or are you not
my noble steed?
[Doug] The fuck is that?
[Max] My best friend, dude.
You know, the person
that I can rely on the most?
The person
who always makes me happy.
[Doug] Okay.
[Max] The person
with the nicest smile.
[Doug] Oh, jeez, yeah, okay.
No, I, okay, right.
Yeah, all right,
I'm donkey, and,
you know, you are smelling
a bit swampy, so, you're Shrek.
Yeah.
Uh, so, uh, what do you reckon?
Like, half an hour?
[Max] To what?
[Doug] To the top.
[Max] To the top?
Mate, you must be joking.
I don't know, I reckon.
[breathing heavily]
[Doug] Come on.
Oh, come on, man.
- You was right.
Was about half an hour.
- Max, look at this.
- What?
- Just come here, man.
[Max gasping]
- Oh! It's beautiful.
- You know, Max.
It's these moments
that I feel really alive.
[gentle music]
- Doug,
look.
Holy shit, dude.
That's it. We made it! Orford!
- [gasps] Let's go!
- Yes, Bro!
- Yes!
Yes. Yes!
Yes! Oh!
- Good job.
- Oh my God.
I can't believe I...
We did it!
- Yeah! Yeah!
Me and you, man.
[alarm blaring]
- Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,
fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
- Fuck, fuck, fuck.
- Why? Fuck!
- Fuck it!
Fuck.
[upbeat music]
[water running]
[upbeat music continues]
[toothbrush buzzing]
[music ends]
[seagulls squawking]
[gentle music]
- That's it.
- That's it.
[laughing]
- Yeah!
[laughing]
- Wait, hold on a second, Doug.
Need to, uh, sort my shirt.
- Jesus.
[laughing]
Need an iron?
- A bit of duct tape do the job.
- Fixes everything.
- [laughs] Yeah.
- Come on, bro, I got you
Jeez.
Bro, give you a hand here.
- Thanks, man.
- It's all right.
[gentle music continues]
Yo, Max,
Do we have to go?
- What do you mean?
I thought you were excited
to see everyone.
- Yeah, yeah.
Going home after, all right.
I just...
kind of want
to stay out a bit longer,
- Doug, your mum would quite
literally hang me by my nuts
if I didn't get you back
by 6 p.m. today.
- You know that,
- I know.
- Is...
I just don't want
to wait another year.
- No, I know.
Yeah, yeah, I know,
I know.
- But you look good.
[gentle music continues]
- Come on, Doug.
[music swells]
[all cheering]
[Mike] Come here, mate.
Come here.
What are you saying?
You all right?
Where the fuck have you been?
- Mate. Don't even start.
- Yeah. Mike said
that you crashed your car.
- Yeah, kinda.
- Care to elaborate? Or...
- Not really.
- So you just walked?
- Yeah. Pretty much.
- I mean, you look like shit.
[laughing]
- Thank you very much, mate.
I tried.
- How was it?
- Yeah, it was all right.
- And, uh, how's Doug?
- Still dead.
[chuckling]
- Classic.
[laughing]
Shall we, um?
[gentle music]
[bottles clinking]
- Cheers, mate.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
- Doug.
Missing you a lot, man.
You know, I still say I laugh
about those nights
in the halls, you know,
arguing over the biggest animals
we could beat in a fight.
Swear you came up
with some bullshit, you know?
I took your advice.
I quit that shit job I had.
I don't know what
I was thinking, man.
Anyway, I'm much happier now.
I just...
wish you were here
to share it with me.
Love you always, man.
[Colin clears throat]
- What are you saying, bro?
Um,
it's been a while.
Um. Shit.
Uh, yeah.
Lots to catch up on, actually.
Got big news.
Well, uh, for all of you.
I'm gonna be a dad.
- That'll be fun, bro.
Yeah.
[laughing]
- Holy shit, bro!
Fucking hell!
[laughing]
- Yeah, yeah.
I, um, I just wanted to have
all the lads together, so, um.
So. Yeah.
Uh, and it's a boy.
So...
we're gonna call him Doug.
Yeah. So, um,
I, I hope he isn't as much of
a handful as you were.
Uh, um.
Anyway, uh,
next year I'll bring him along
and you can say hello.
So...
Cheers, mate.
- Great.
I've gotta follow that, have I?
[Colin chuckles]
Cheers.
Oh.
What is new with Mike?
Hey, Doug.
Uh.
Ah, fuck.
I wear a hat now.
Sometimes.
Um.
Oh, I still use
your mum's Netflix,
so, uh, thanks for that.
[Mike chuckles]
I really wish you weren't dead.
You know, would have would
have made this a lot easier.
Oh, fuck off.
Fuck off!
Fuck off you cunt.
Fuck! Ah!
You...
You, Doug, were the shittest,
most childish fucking
late, dick of a mate I've
ever met in my life, bro.
Wouldn't have had it any other
way.
[gentle music continues]
Max.
- You know what?
He knows how I feel.
- Cop out.
[all chuckling]
[all laughing]
- Pub?
- Yes.
- Doug's got to be back by six.
- Just one?
One for the road.
- Any of you going
to drive me back?
- Well, it's...
It's far, isn't it?
- Yeah, I know, Mike.
I walked it.
[laughing]
- Anyone?
- Um.
- I'll chip in for a taxi.
- Great.
[laughing]
Great.
Nice one.
Oh!
Melvin?
- Who the fuck is Melvin?
- Just give me a second.
- Who the fuck is Melvin?
[chuckling]
- Melvin?
- Hello,
what are you doing here?
Small world.
- Yeah, not when you walk it.
- Oh, yes.
How did that go?
- Hmm.
What are you doing here?
- Well, funnily enough,
it must have been the universe
or something.
I waved you off on your way,
walked back
through my front door,
and right there on the mat,
my license.
You couldn't write it.
I went outside
to chase after you,
but you looked like
you were having so much fun.
I thought I'd just let you get
on with it.
And seeing as you spoke
so highly of Orford,
I thought I'd come
and see it for myself.
Oh.
Sandwich?
[Max] Thanks.
[gentle music continues]
I don't suppose
you could give me a lift home?
[engine starts]
[gentle music continues]
[knocking on door]
Hello, Mrs. Fung.
Sorry, um.
We had a lot of fun.
Yeah, he, uh,
we had a little bit of trouble.
I'm really sorry.
Mrs. Fung.
Your son was the most inspiring,
silly, fun loving,
just best friend to me.
And I really loved him.
- Goodbye, Max.
- Okay.
[gentle music]
- Ten letters, discontent.
- I'm quitting.
See you around, Winnie.
- Bye.
- Hi, Julian.
- Oh, grape?
- Not now.
Um, I just wanted
to let you know
that I'm not going
to be in tomorrow
or the day after that,
or the week after that,
or the month after that.
So...
I wish you all the best.
Champ.
[gentle music]
[Mrs. Fung] Dear Max,
I'm sad while writing this.
I understand
that this will be hard to hear.
You are no longer welcome
in our household
and I request that you do
not contact us anymore.
This has not been an easy
decision.
We understand
that you have lost a friend,
but we have lost our son.
Nothing will change that.
Please let us grieve in peace
for the final time.
Goodbye, Max.
I hope life treats you better
than it did Doug.
Life is pleasant.
Death is peaceful.
It's the transition
that is troublesome.
Mrs. Feng.
- You could definitely
fuck up a dolphin.
[gentle music continues]
[laughing]
[sobbing]
Love you, mate.
[sighs]
[gentle music continues]
Hold me close
Like when you
sang me lullabies
To make me less afraid
of the dark at night
But you were there
when I'd wake up
Darling, close your eyes
Smile
and think of the sunshine
Go outside and play
So it's time to cry
No one tells us to wake up
We played this long
game before
One more, one more
[Doug sobbing]
[Doug] I'm gonna have to play
the bloopers.
Yes, I'm gonna
play the bloopers.
Yes!
Okay, guys,
I'm gonna play the bloopers.
Play the bloopers!
[playful music]
[laughing]
- Why have you got
your sausage out?
[laughing]
I said it different that time,
and I surprised myself.
[laughs]
That's what I mean.
Why have you got
your sausage out
Do you want me to, uh...
[laughing]
[Max] Get it out. Get it?
[laughing]
- I'm not surprised, bro.
Like you fell out of your anus.
[making animal noises]
[farting noise]
[laughing]
[making animal noises]
[laughing]
Woof, woof.
Bark, bark, bark, bark.
[laughing]
- Here we go.
We're getting a bit
delirious now.
[playful music continues]
Oh!
[laughing]
What's left, bruv?
Everything's out.
- Why have you got
your sausage out?
[laughs]
- You reckon the badger's okay?
- Nope.
Oh.
Fuck sake, Doug.
Why have you got
your sausage out?
[laughs]
I can't do it.
- Act professional.
I mean, bro,
I'm not surprised, man.
[laughing]
Oh, no.
No, no.
[Director] I'm so sorry.
We're gonna be late.
- No, no, no, no.
Do what is all right, Rhys?
- Yeah.
- It has to be next take,
I'm not surprised, bro.
Like.
[laughs]
Well, guys, I can't even...
[Max] Did eat three
bottles of them
I feel so dehydrated.
[laughs]
Right. Do you know what it is?
Wait.
Can everyone just look away?
[Max] I have to look away
from him.
- You know what it is?
We need to break out
of this one, dude
[Director] No, we don't,
we can't.
The sun is coming up.
- I know, I know, I know,
I didn't get up and sit down.
That's it, that's it.
[Director] You can literally
see the sun come up.
We have about 15 minutes, guys.
- Sorry.
[Max] It's so difficult
under these pressures.
[laughing]
[indistinct]
[laughing]
[Director] Guys, I don't want
to stay here tomorrow.
Please do it!
- Your inside fell out
of your anus.
Sorry. It's not funny.
But you're feeling better now,
though, yeah?
Yeah.
Thinking get back. It probably
was all those berries.
[laughs]
[logo chimes]
[logo buzzes]
- Good morning, my name is Max.
I'm calling from reliable.
Is that Mrs. Terry speaking?
Yeah, but if you could.
[phone beeping]
[buttons beeping]
Good morning, my name is Max.
I'm calling from Reliable.
Do you have any time to talk
about your insurance
premium today?
Hello?
- 10 letters,
beginning with an M.
Dull. Tedious.
Repetitive.
- It's monotonous.
- Oh, thank you.
M...
- Grape?
- No, thanks, I've just eaten.
- Bit of an early lunch.
So, how do you think
it's going today, champ?
- Fine.
- Yeah?
- Scale of 1 to 10.
- Maybe a six.
- A little lower.
- Four?
Three?
Two?
- It's a one.
- Yeah, look.
- I like you, Max, but this...
- No, I understand
It's just,
I've been going through
quite a lot at the moment.
- Ssh.
I'm your boss,
not your therapist.
- Right.
- I know how you feel.
- Phone call after phone call,
after phone call.
And believe me,
I hate answering the phone.
But you know what I hate more?
Poverty.
I know you might be feeling
anxious today,
and here's my advice.
Don't worry about it.
It might not be tomorrow,
or the week after, or the month
after or year after
but play your cards right.
Work hard enough.
You could be this side
of class two.
All you need to do,
pick up the phone.
We are called Reliable,
and we need you to be...
- Reliable.
- Consider this
a verbal warning.
- Got it.
I just wanted to remind you
about that holiday
that I booked off tomorrow.
- I remember.
- Great. Thank you.
- The thing is,
I wanted to go on holiday.
I really do.
I deserve it.
Nearly.
- But I already booked it off.
- Oh, I don't make the rules.
I'll cut you a deal.
Five more sales.
I'll see you on Friday.
Hmm?
[playful music]
You got it, big boy.
[TV on in background]
[sighs]
[phone vibrating]
- Yo.
[indistinct]
- Hey, mate.
- Oh. Colin's joining.
[barking]
- Hey, mate.
Samaroony is joining.
- Yo!
- Hey, man.
[barking]
- Order! Order, order!
Who is excited
for tomorrow night?
- I am buzzing.
Yeah, dude.
- Come on, bruv.
- Perfect, now I've put together
an hour-by-hour itinerary
for the next two days so that
absolutely nothing can go wrong.
- Man, you're a top lad.
- Hundred, Broski.
- So 3 p.m.
meet at the B&B.
I've sent you all the address.
Max, please just pay
me back this time.
Pre's, shortly after,
while getting ready.
Now the pub, 4:30, no later.
Colin, that does mean you.
A couple pints,
porky scratchings, out by six,
table's booked for seven,
courtesy
of the great mother Fung.
- Cheers!
Mother Fung and that!
- And then, gentlemen and
gentleman
I have booked us
a very VIP table
at the Devil's Gooch for 11 p.m.
until the early hours.
Can I get a b, b, b, bosh?
- Bosh!
- Bosh!
I don't remember the last time
I went to the Devil's Gooch.
Yes.
- And then to finish it off,
suits on in the morning,
meet at the beach for 10. a.m...
- 10 a.m.?
= What?
[Max] Bit early isn't it?
- Yeah, maybe a bit, mate.
I can't see myself
being too alive
after an evening
in the Devil's Gooch.
- 2 p.m...
- Perfect.
It's what he would have wanted.
- Oh, and, uh, last thing,
Bagsy not picking up Doug.
- Bagsy not picking up.
- Bagsy not picking up Doug.
- Nah, I'm not even the closest.
- Sorry, mate, that's how bagsy
works, isn't it?
- Oh for f...
Hello, Mrs. Fung.
I'm here to collect Doug.
- Yo.
- You bring him back 6 p.m.
tomorrow, sharp.
- Absolutely.
- In one piece.
- Of course.
- And as much as a scratch...
- Yep. I promise.
[speaking foreign language]
[playful music]
- No excessive drinking,
no silly games, no drugs.
- You don't need to worry,
Mrs. Fung.
He'll be safe with me.
We should probably get going.
Don't want to hit rush hour.
Oh.
Thank you for booking the meal,
by the way.
- Oh, yeah.
Yeah, Max.
Max? Max!
Max! Yo, yo!
Watch this.
Yeah. Watch this.
[gong sounds]
- It's 10 a.m.
- And?
- And those are my beers.
- Is it?
- Mate,
your mum literally just...
[indistinct] Your mum... kapow.
Allow it, bro.
Yeah, I've left the house.
I'm on holiday.
It's the continental way.
[laughing]
- Fair.
To be honest, I'm surprised I
didn't cover you in bubble wrap
before we left.
[phone vibrating]
Fuck off, Julian.
- Beer?
- No, Doug, I'm driving.
I'll have one when we get there.
Oh, yeah, fairs, fairs,
fairs, fairs fairs.
[chuckles]
- Right, two hours, 17,
98 miles.
- Not... a hundred miles?
Brother!
That's a long fucking road, bro.
That's a fucking road trip.
That's a fucking road
trip right there.
You don't know about
that road trip, innit!
Yeah.
- You done?
- No! Ah!
[laughs] I'm so happy.
R-O-A-D-T-R-I-P.
Yeah!
I'm done.
- Right.
[Doug sighs]
Right.
Right, bro.
Bet you let me DJ.
[jazzy music]
[tyre pops]
Big arsehole!
- For fuck's sake, man.
Stupid fucking tire!
- Duct tape.
[playful music]
- Why?
- Duct tape can fix anything.
- No, Doug!
- No, no, no.
I swear, yeah.
I once fixed my nan's teapot,
yeah,
and she didn't even notice.
- She probably did, mate.
- No, I swear.
- Doug, there is absolutely no
way she wouldn't have noticed.
I'm gonna call someone.
[playful music continues]
- Oi, make sure
they bring duct tape.
[Max] Just go stretch your legs
or something.
- Hmm.
- It's a big arsehole.
- Ask him about the duct tape.
- What?
- Duct tape.
- No, dude.
- Why?
- Shut up.
- You shut up!
Please.
- So, uh,
what are you thinking, then?
A bit of duct tape do the job?
[chuckles]
[laughs]
[all laughing]
- Did you hear that?
Duct tape.
[all laughing]
- Yeah.
- No.
- Right.
- You're looking
at a brand new tire
at the very least.
- I mean, it sounds, uh...
How much are you thinking?
- 150, 250, 300 with a call out.
- Well, you know,
it doesn't have to be brand new,
does it?
Could just be brand new to me.
- I'm afraid not, pal.
I don't keep any used ones
on the van.
And legally, I can't leave the
vehicle by the side of the road
and run back to the garage
and get one.
Health and safety, you see?
- Right.
- Bro,
I've got a sticky plaster.
- Okay. So, um...
300. That's.
- Well, it's either that
or I tow it.
I work on commission,
so money's not exactly good...
Decisions, decisions.
- Bro. Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.
This is the universe talking
to us right here, right now.
You fully just asked me
if I wanted
to stretch my legs earlier.
And, and look at us now with
no option but leg stretching.
We're gonna walk.
- Do you know what?
Just, just tow it.
- Gotcha.
Give me a second,
I'll bring out the paperwork.
- Yes, yes, yes, yes!
Fuck off! Bro.
Road trip on foot, Oh,
bro, I love nature, man.
- What's going on, dad?
- Fuck off, you cunt!
- All right.
- You excited?
- Yeah.
- Hey, bro, it's all right, man.
We'll get there.
It's an adventure.
- Right? If I could just have
your signature at the bottom.
[clears throat]
- Hang on.
400 to tow it?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, but.
- You either pay 300 now,
and I replace the tyre,
or I tow it, replace the tyre
at the garage,
and you pay 400 on collection.
- But...
- I don't make the rules.
- Come on, Max, chop, chop.
- Thanks.
Fine, I'll just grab
the bags then.
Why don't we just try and call
a taxi or something, Doug?
- What?
What about road trip on foot?
- Well, it's 50 mile walk, mate.
- And?
- What do you mean, and?
It's a 50 mile walk.
Five, zero.
- 50 miles, 50 chickens.
Look, bro,
just give me the big map.
- Okay, but 50 miles,
50 chickens
doesn't make any sense.
Thank you.
Uh, give me a hand here.
Right. So we are here, yeah?
we're trying to get to here,
and that is.
What, you telling me
you can't walk this far?
- How do you..?
- Uh, uh, ssh...
- Shortcut cut ting.
Boom, through here.
Which makes it.
Come on, man.
- For fuck's sake, dude.
- Oh, yeah!
[bottle rattling]
[Doug clears throat]
Yeah. This way, innit.
Max.
you know, yeah, that if
you really believe in yourself,
you can talk to birds?
[Max] Yeah?
[Doug] Yeah, bro, watch.
[Doug caws]
- What type of bird is that?
- Pigeon.
Probably sleeping.
- No signal.
- Nice. We are one with nature.
- Let me see the map, quick.
- Uh, nope.
- Dude, let me see the map.
- Yo, bro, don't you trust me?
Remember back in uni
before the accident?
Man did that
orientation course innit.
- Yeah, which you failed.
- Yeah.
But before that,
I was basically Bear Grylls.
- I don't know about that one, dude.
- Hey. Yo, bro.
What? How does that man to
navigate the shire, the shire,
when he has Smeigel
chatting shit behind his back?
Support me.
I'm your friend.
- Oh, mate, yeah, fine.
Lead the way, Frodo.
- Hmm.
I will.
[playful music continues]
Oh.
Yo, Max, look.
It's the other side.
I knew it, I knew it,
I did it, bro.
I'm Ray Mears.
- Who's that?
- Bro, exactly, come on.
Ooh.
See? Progress.
[chuckles] All right,
so from right here...
- Isn't that your empty
beer bottle from earlier?
- Huh?
- Yeah, that's mine.
Not a drop
- Fuck's sake.
- What?
- You,
thinking you're fucking
Dora the Explorer
with your shitty backpack
and your shitty map
and your shitty duct tape,
and your stupid stick.
- That's not very nice.
- We're in the middle
of fucking nowhere.
My car has been towed.
We're gonna be late.
I'm probably gonna get fired
on Friday.
And to top it off,
I've got a blister.
- Do you want a plaster?
- No, I don't want your shitty
plaster, Doug.
I just want to get there.
- Car.
- No, we haven't got
a fucking car.
- No, no, no, car, look.
[horn beeps]
- Excuse me, excuse me!
Help! Help!
Please help us!
We're a long way!
Help!
[dramatic music]
Oh my God,
thank you so much for stopping.
- Little bit lost are we?
- My car broke down.
I don't suppose you'd mind...
- Well, I'm not going very far,
but you're welcome to join.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
Go on, in you get.
Hey, not the stick.
Not the stick, Doug.
Leave the stick, dude.
And the beer.
Just...
That's it.
Thank you so much.
You're a lifesaver.
- Oh,
I wouldn't go as far as that.
- Nice lady.
- Um,
I would offer to pay you, but.
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
This is out of the goodness
of my heart.
Melvin.
- Max.
- Seatbelts on, everyone.
- Yeah.
- So, where are you headed?
- Uh, Orford.
- Oh, very nice.
- Yeah, I, uh, I grew up there.
A bit of a shithole,
actually, but...
- Oh.
Special occasion?
- Um, I mean,
I suppose
you could call it that.
[dramatic music ends]
[handbrake clicks]
- Well, this is me.
- Uh.
- Thank you.
- Great. Thanks.
- Well, I told you I wasn't
going far.
[chuckles]
[Doug laughs]
- Orford, that's, uh,
quite far, isn't it?
- Yeah, 50 miles.
- 49.8.
- I'd offer to call
a taxi for you,
but they don't really
come out this way.
- Right? Um,
I know this is a bit
of a long shot,
but I don't suppose
that there's any way
that you could drive us...
- If I had my license, I would.
Till then, I stick to a strict
one mile radius from the house.
Less likely to get caught
that way, you see.
- Well, thank you anyway.
- Suppose I could give
you my son's old bike, though.
[chuckling]
- Yes please.
[electronic music plays]
I've got a dirt bike, bitch
You don't like what you see?
You can suck my dick
I'm gonna ride my bike
Gonna ride it sick
And I'll ride your face
till you taste my shit
Like I got a dirt bike, son
Gonna ride my bike,
then I'll ride your mum
Wait, hold up a sec, Doug.
[Doug imitating motorbike]
Oh, sorry.
Fuck, yeah, dude, got a signal.
- Oh, nice.
[phone vibrating]
- Wait. Hold up a sec, Doug.
Mike's calling me.
[phone vibrating]
[indistinct]
[laughs]
Hey, mate.
- Hey, you picked up Doug okay?
- Yo, we saying bro.
I've missed you so much, man.
- Yeah, he's here.
- Perfect, uh,
where are you guys at?
I've got a I've got Colin
and Sammy here.
- Yo.
- Hey, boys.
Um, to be honest,
I don't have a clue.
- What do you mean,
what happened?
- Oh, mate,
uh, cars a write-off.
Fucking nightmare.
- Shit, uh, is Doug okay?
- Yeah, he's all good.
- You all good?
- Yeah. I'm fine, mate.
Don't worry about me.
- All right.
What's your ETA?
- Um.
To be honest, mate,
I'm gonna have to get back
to you on that one.
I don't have a clue.
Don't bother waiting
for us, though.
- Oh, no.
Oh!
Are you, are you sure?
- Yeah, I'm fine mate.
It is what it is.
- Well, keep me posted.
- Yeah. Nice one, Mike,
catch you in a bit, mate.
[Doug imitating motorbike]
Doug.
- Drifting. Drifting.
Doug!
- What?
- Come here.
[Doug imitating motorbike]
- Do you want to play a game?
- Yes, I do actually.
It's called
listen to Max very closely.
- Oh.
Oh,
- Listening?
We
are fucked.
We are really,
really fucked, okay?
Unless me and you come up
with a solid plan.
Right now, we are fucked.
Okay?
We've got no car,
we've got no taxi,
we've got no bike,
we've got nothing, mate.
We have to walk.
[scoffs]
- That's what I've been saying, bro.
- Yeah, I know.
Just give me the map.
- Nah, man.
- Doug, give me the map.
- No!
- Give me the map.
- No, no, please...
- Just give me the fucking map!
Right.
This is the plan.
So
[mystical music]
we need to get to Orford
by 2 p.m. tomorrow.
[Doug] Mhm.
[Max] We started in London,
drove 50 miles
and broke down here.
Now, the only way
we will make it on time
is by taking a shortcut.
[Doug] Uh-huh.
[Max] Now, using the sun,
this way is west,
so we want to head this way.
[Doug] Science team, I like it.
[Max] We go through the forest,
cross the stream,
over the hill and we
should get there before,
well, that doesn't matter.
We've got snacks,
water, 60% phone battery.
[Doug] Cool.
[Max] We're going to be fine.
We just need
to stick to the plan.
Got it?
- Got it.
Ready?
- Ready.
- One for the road.
- It's the continental way.
Oh!
Mmm.
I forgot how good crisps are,
bro
- Yeah, just don't eat them
all, please, mate.
- Oh, I won't.
What else did you bring?
- Uh, I've got mini sausages.
Uh, got a bit of choc.
Got an apple in there.
- Oh, bro, I 'm begging,
can I have the apple.
- Go for it, dude.
It's in the big bit.
- Oh! Oh, yes, a fat one, still.
[chuckling]
[crunching]
Mmm.
Max.
Real talk, yeah.
What is the largest animal you
reckon you can beat in a fight?
- I don't know, dude.
Like...
a swan?
- Swan? See, yeah?
I can beat a whale.
- Dude, there is
absolutely no way
you could beat a whale
in a fight.
- Oh, yeah? Yeah?
Hold this.
Yeah!
Salmon. Right hand.
Here fishy, fishy
Here it is. Bring it out!
Drag the tail out.
[boing sound]
Smashing man's head innit.
Get the apple,
throw it at the head.
- Right.
- Dodge, dodge, oh!
Fin, fin.
Tail, tail, eye, eye.
And then, uh, get some rice
and just badoosh,
and then smack it,
smack it, smack it,
and then just [shouting]
ha!
You know what I mean?
- Right.
A couple of things to dissect.
Firstly, whales only eat krill,
so that doesn't make any sense.
Secondly,
what the fuck was that?
And thirdly, you said, right,
what is the largest animal
you could beat in a fight?
Not what is the largest animal
you can drag out of the water.
Do a 360 spin, smack it over
the head, throw an apple at it.
Like what?
- Right.
I'm definitely gonna, like,
fuck it over, though.
- All right, yeah.
Whatever. Doug.
- No, Max I can.
- Yeah?
- I can, Max I can yeah,
I did it.
I, I slapped it and it died.
- It is absolutely outrageous
that you're even
saying this right now.
- What? I'm telling the truth.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Wait, hold on a second.
[water trickling]
Did you hear that?
- What?
- Water?
- Oh.
- Dude. We're close.
I'll tell you what.
I am not too bad
at this whole orientating thing.
- It's actually quite fun.
- See, bro?
See, bro, I knew you start
to enjoy yourself, man.
[Max chuckles]
- Got any more of these?
- Nah, man. Finished.
- Shame.
It's getting louder,
though, isn't it?
- Huh?
- Stream.
It's quite a loud stream.
- Dude, I'm bare sticky,
innit, mate,
I'm gonna take my top off, innit?
- Nah, Doug, I beg of you, mate,
please don't.
- No, no, no, I have to, bro.
It's a bit hot, man.
- Dude...
- I'm doing it.
[playful music]
[water flowing]
- We could probably go around.
- Nope, nope, nope.
You said stick to the plan,
so we stick to the plan.
What's the plan?
It's pretty fast.
And you know I'm
not the best swimmer.
You know, I'm more of a floater.
To be honest.
You might have to carry me
across the river, man.
If that's all right with you?
[water flowing]
All right.
Look, look, look, look, look.
Max, look, ssh.
Look, it's a beaver.
We're saved.
Bro, I've watching bare
documentaries here.
Beavers, all they do all day,
every day.
Eat trees, cross rivers, build
dams, eat trees, cross rivers,
build dams.
This beaver probably crossed
this exact river
a million times innit.
All we gotta do is see
where it goes and follow it.
Look ssh, it's going in,
it's going in, it's going in.
[animal squealing]
Might have been a badger.
Do you reckon
the badgers all right?
- No.
- Probably had a family.
- Yeah.
- I think we would
have been fine, though.
- Doug, you're about
as buoyant as that rock.
[water plops]
[Max chuckles]
- Yep.
- Ah, man.
I'll tell you what,
I've got an idea.
We could build a raft.
I don't think it'll be too hard.
We could find some dead wood
lying about or something,
- Boat?
No, we'll build a raft,
it'll be easier.
If we follow the current down,
we'll end up somewhere
roughly near Orford.
Tie it together with like vines.
I don't know
where I'd find vines.
- Boat.
- No.
- Yes. Okay.
We're trying to build a boat.
- No, no boat.
Boat.
- That's convenient.
- No, man, it's the universe.
[upbeat music]
Bro, this is exactly
what life's about, man.
I'm with my best friend,
chilling in the ocean.
Fresh air, Badgers.
Fresh water.
- Yeah. Can you just keep hold
of the bags, please, mate.
- Oh, yeah, sorry, sorry, sorry.
- Dude.
[laughing
I can't believe we're
on a we're on a fucking...
we're on a boat!
[laughing]
It's a bit mental, isn't it?
- Yeah, I'm just happy to be
here, man.
- Yeah, me too, mate.
Sorry for, um,
getting a bit stressy earlier.
- Yo. Yo, Max.
It's chill.
Don't worry, man.
Fish, Max, fish.
- Fish fish, fish.
- Doug, stop moving.
Stop moving now!
Just stay still.
Hey, Max, look,
I can be a fish innit.
A salmon, I'm a salmon.
- I'm a Salmon.
- Doug.
- Can you please
just stay still, man?
Just stay still!
Stay still!
No!
Look,
the longer we stay in the boat,
the less we have to walk.
Okay? Just relax.
Though we probably
should get a move on.
I think the boat's
deflating again.
- Huh?
- The boat is deflating.
- Oh.
It's fine.
I've got plaster.
- The puncture's on the
underside of the boat.
- Yeah.
- Let me do it, dude.
Dude, let me.
[Doug shouting]
Doug, Doug, Doug, Doug.
Fuck, dude!
Stay there!
Fucking hell!
[Doug shouting]
Fuck it!
- I'm good.
- I'm good.
I'm coming to you, Doug.
[Doug gasping]
Okay.
[shouting indistinctly]
- Yeah.
I'm good!
- I told you to stop moving,
Doug!
[Doug gasping]
Fuck!
You're okay, though, yeah?
You're not hurt?
- It's chill, it's chill.
- No, Doug, it's not chill.
Not everything
can be chill all the time.
Man, I nearly lost you there,
- Oh.
You didn't
- No, but that's not the point,
is it, man?
Why do you never listen to me?
Just. Oh.
- Sorry.
- You might not realise this,
okay, but actually,
a lot of people
really, really,
really fucking care
about you, Doug.
Okay?
- Sorry.
- Just...
help me to help you get there
in one piece.
Just listen to me, man.
[gentle music]
Do you want a hug?
Come here.
Come here.
[Doug sobbing]
You're okay.
You're okay.
Okay.
- Sorry. Sorry.
- It's fine.
- Sorry.
- It's fine.
Oh, I'm an idiot.
- Yeah.
You are an idiot.
But you're my idiot.
Okay?
[gentle music continues]
Let's just grab the bag and go.
[chuckles]
Where's the bags?
[Max sighs]
It's okay.
[indistinct]
[Doug] Excuse me.
- Max?
- Doug!
Just leave me alone.
I'm hungry.
[Doug clears throat] Max!
- What, Doug?
- Lion or panda? Pick.
- I don't care.
Lion.
- Yeah. Good choice bro.
Do you know what
your problem is, Max?
- What?
- Every morning you wake up,
you go to work.
You work really, really hard.
Typing, typing, typing.
You make money,
and then afterward, you go
outside and you buy things.
That makes you happy
because you're sad from working.
What the fuck, man?
- What?
- You only live once, bro.
- Doug, your solution to my
shitty little life is YOLO.
- No, not YOLO,
Jesus, like,
like YOLO, bitches.
Deeper.
Like YOLO.
- Great.
Cheers, Doug.
Hello?
- Oh, hello.
- I wasn't talking to you.
[indistinct]
You good, yeah?
[Max] Hello?
Is anybody there?
We're friendly.
That's weird.
Oh.
I'm starving.
[Doug] Oh.
Huh? No one's home.
Oh, no.
It's a bear.
Yes! Uh, claw the tent.
Um, it attacked last night.
Yes, it came from, um,
uh, let me just...
[Doug sniffing]
Right there.
All right then,
where's the bodies?
Huh?
Where are the bodies?
- They were chased by the bear.
Yes, they...
They ran to the river.
The river.
They got on the boat.
Tried to escape from the bear.
The bear attacked him
in the river.
The clawed the hole in the boat.
They tried fighting with oars.
It was very dramatic.
[growls]
They...
They died.
You don't get bears in England,
though, Doug.
- That's what they tell you.
[tense music]
- All right then.
I'm going to see what I can nick
from in here.
- Oh, yeah.
[groaning]
- Anything?
[retching]
Oh!
Good lord!
- Poor guy.
He's probably
with the Badgers now.
[playful music]
[indistinct]
- Yes!
- What?
- Lunch.
- Um.
- There's fucking loads
in there, too.
- Yo! Yo, Max.
- Berries.
[playful music continues]
- Can you stop, bruv?
It's cool, it's cool, it's cool.
You, you, you,
you, you eating it?
Yeah, drink, drink
the whole bottle, you know?
You have no idea what's in that,
and you're just
drinking it innit.
It's mad.
- Mhm.
[indistinct]
[Max] Dude, I actually can't
believe I ate all those berries.
[Doug] You a hungry, boy, huh?
[Max] Yeah.
- Um, are we nearly there?
- Dunno, mate, I can't even
really see the map anymore.
[Doug scoffs]
- Should have brought a torch.
- Yeah, I did, it was my phone.
- Oh, yeah.
Yeah, how many miles
do you think we've walked today?
- Uh, maybe 15.
- That's,
that's pretty good, man.
You got your steps in.
- Yeah. I'm gonna need
to stop soon, though.
- No, no we don't.
Let's keep walking, man.
I love night time.
So peaceful. The owls.
Stars.
- Doug.
- Mhm?
- It's night time.
I can't see the map.
I have no idea
where we're going.
- [scoffs] Bro.
You just feel it.
[playful music continues]
- Sometimes, Doug, I feel like
I want to punch you in the face.
[Doug chuckles]
[Max sighs]
- Oh, yeah.
- I think I've got heat stroke.
- You are a bit pink, man.
- Yeah.
- Oh.
Why don't we build a shelter?
- That's actually a good idea.
- Right?
- You ever built
a shelter before?
- Nah. Have you?
- No.
- Oh.
- I thought you were Ray Mears
or Bear Grylls or something.
- Yeah, I am, but no, It's not
Bob the builder, innit?
[owl hoots]
- Yeah. Fair enough.
- Yeah.
Well, why don't we just, um,
stay here?
- Yeah, yeah.
Great idea, yeah. Brilliant.
You have that bit of mud there,
and I'll have that bit
of mud there.
- Perfect. Amazing, yes.
- No, Doug.
- Huh?
- We're not staying here.
[bird calling]
- All right.
I spy with my eyes
something beginning with...
All right, it's a hard
one I've done, though.
D.
[percussive music]
- Darkness.
- Yeah.
- Everything's dark, Doug.
- 11-4 to you.
Right. Come on.
[sighs]
Last round.
- I don't want to play anymore.
- Why?
Dude, you're good at this game.
- Dude, it's cold, just...
- Bro, just, just...
Just have a leaf, Max, come on.
[percussive music continues]
All right, your go, come on.
You spy.
[Max's stomach rumbles]
- Right, Doug.
Either
I've got a new game.
- Yeah? New game?
- Yeah.
- What's it called?
- Uh, it is called, uh,
Let's try start a fire.
You go find sticks.
- Okay. Yeah, yeah.
Okay, um...
What are the rules?
- No rules. No rules.
Uh, just go find
as many sticks as possible.
- Okay, I like it.
Yeah. Let's go.
- Uh, no, wait,
there is one rule.
Uh, you have to go that way,
and I have to go that way.
- Okay, I like it, but, um.
Uh, Max, time limit, time limit.
- Five minutes?
- Five minutes, five minutes.
All right, cool.
One stick.
Two sticks.
Three.
[gasps] 5,6,7.
Yeah, I'm gonna win.
[laughs]
Oh my God.
Now that's a fucking stick, man.
Max is gonna love this stick.
[chuckles]
[Max grunting]
[Max] Oh!
- Max?
Max? Max!
Max! Max!
I'm coming, bro!
[Max] Fucking hell!
- Max!
[Max grunting]
Max, are you okay?
[Max] Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. I'm fine.
I'm fine. Just, uh.
Just fuck off.
- I got the sticks.
[Max] Great, great.
Uh. Find more.
[Max laughs]
- Yo, you sure you're okay?
[Max grunting]
[Max] Yeah. [groaning]
Oh!
[squelching noises]
[Max groans]
Oh!
So hot!
[farting noises]
[Max groans]
[farting noises]
[Max] Ah!
[laughs]
[farting noises]
Come on, Max, get it out!
[Max grunting]
[farting noises]
Oh!
- Uh, yo, you all right, yeah?
Um, you got a sock?
[Max] What?
- Um.
Sorry. Uh,
have you got a sock?
- Why? [long farting noise]
- Uh,
you know, for when you're done,
because...
[farting noises]
[Max] Turn off the tap!
- Anyway, bro, um...
I'm gonna start the fire, bro.
Just, you know, just...
give me a shout if you need,
uh...
Yeah, bro.
I love you, bro.
Love, man.
[farting noise]
[insects chirping]
- Good job you had that lighter
in your bag from last year.
- Yeah.
[chuckles]
Could you not
tell the guys about...
- No, my lips are sealed.
- Thanks, man.
[fire crackling]
- Max, um...
Thank you
for picking me up.
- Don't mention it, dude.
[insects chirping]
- It's really nice to, um...
spend, some time with you again.
I miss you.
Sorry for being a bit selfish.
- You're not. You're just...
- I just always want
to have fun.
All the time.
You know?
Life isn't fun all the time,
though, is it?
- Yeah.
- I'm really proud of...
you and the boys.
You know,
you guys got jobs, got a flat.
You can swim.
[chuckles]
You, you had a girlfriend
and you had a car.
But, hey.
- Thanks, Doug.
- You know what I'm saying, man.
- Yeah.
I know.
- I'm so proud of you, man.
I, um...
I just wish I could...
go back in time and,
you know, maybe.
[phone chiming]
Hey Max! The phone.
- Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
[phone vibrating]
- Okay, boy? Yay!
- Hey, mate.
- Hey, where are you?
[Doug] We're by a log.
- I'm by log.
- A Log?
- Dude, it doesn't matter.
- [chuckles] What log?
- It doesn't fucking matter.
Look, I think we're
a bit fucked here, mate.
- Ah! So are we.
Um, mate,
I'm actually glad you called.
We're, uh,
we're really missing you.
[Mike sniffing]
- Dude. Did you just..?
- What?
- It's one fucking night, Mike.
Can you not just give it a rest?
- Hey, come on, live a little.
[Colin groaning]
[Colin sniffing]
[groaning]
Oh,
- [laughs] Where are you, mate?
- I'm by a log.
- Why the fuck are you by a log?
- It doesn't matter,
man, look...
- You missed
the best night ever.
Like the food?
Amazing.
- Colin. Listen to me, okay.
- No. no, seriously, mate,
- We're gonna need some help.
- It was amazing.
Okay?
And I ordered you the fish.
I put it in a doggy bag.
- Colin. Listen to me.
We are lost.
[Colin laughing]
- Lost?
Lost?
Where are you?
- I don't fucking know, dude.
We're lost!
- Hi lost, I'm Sammy.
- Hi, yes.
[boys singing Karma Chameleon]
Sammy could really do with
some assistance here, mate.
Um, if I send you my location,
do you think you could sort
something for me and Doug?
We come and go
Sammy?
Sammy?
Brilliant.
[Doug sighs]
[fire crackling]
Battery's dead.
- Are they having fun?
- Yeah.
- Definitely not as much fun as
I'm having right now, though.
- Good. I'm glad.
- I think we're doing fine.
You're feeling better now,
though, yeah?
- Yeah.
Thinking back, it probably
was all those berries.
[Doug scoffs]
- You did eat three bottles
of them.
- I did eat three bottles
of them.
- Ooh. Feel so dehydrated.
- I'm not surprised, bro.
I mean, your insides fell out
of your anus.
[Max chuckles]
Did you want me to..?
- To what?
- Like, piss.
Not like man wants to just,
you know,
seen Bear Grylls
do it a few times.
Like hydration.
- I think I'll live.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.
I'm just saying, like, you know,
if you, if you need anything,
bro, I, I got you, man.
I, I got your back, bro.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah. Cool.
You know, I actually do.
It's a bit fucking weird,
you know?
- Yeah.
- Survival thing.
Survival thing.
Exactly, yeah, that's it.
Survival.
[gentle music]
It's a bit mad how they drink
piss, innit, to survive.
- Yeah.
- Like mad, innit?
Like you have to be bare
thirsty, bro.
Piss.
fucking hell, man,
people are crazy.
But the will to live is strong.
- You know, I was thinking about
what you said the other day.
Doug,
my boss is a cunt.
Hmm.
Come home every day
to an empty house.
I eat microwave meals,
and I just sit
and fester on the sofa.
[gentle music continues]
Every morning I wake up
and there's just this little
thought in the back
of my head that...
Doesn't matter.
[fire crackles]
- That's, that's deep.
That's quite deep.
- Yeah.
- Sorry.
- No.
- Do you know what else I was
thinking about?
- What?
[exhales]
- Do you think that North
Star always points north?
- Yeah.
Otherwise it would be called
the sometimes, North star.
- Ah.
Yeah.
Yeah, right.
Of course,
[chuckling]
Man.
- We should probably
get some sleep.
- Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, man.
- Night.
- Good night, bro.
- You're done now.
[Doug sighs]
[fire crackling]
- You got a pillow?
Oh.
Oh, right.
[Doug grunting]
Oh. Good morning
World.
[Doug laughing]
And one.
- Morning, mate.
- Ah! Good morning.
- How long have you been up?
- Like a few hours, man,
I can't really sleep, bro.
I've got a lot of energy,
so I thought I'd start
working out, you know?
- Nice.
[birds chirping]
[Doug grunting]
- Oh, for fuck's sake, Doug.
- What?
- Why have you got
your sausage out?
- Huh?
Bro, I'm sweating, man,
it's hot.
- Yeah, well, can you not?
- All right.
Jeez. Just...
I won't.
[stick thuds]
[playful music]
- Right.
So, time is.
Uh.
About 8:30, I'd say.
So, that means that...
Orford
should be just over...
there.
It's quite...
- Tall.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Hmm.
- At what point does a hill
become a mountain?
- Now.
[Max sighs]
Probably take
another route round.
- What? Nah, bro,
let's go up the mountain.
- Doug.
Look at it.
It's fucking massive!
- So?
- Well, dude, we are so close.
The last thing I want to
do is get stuck up a mountain.
- Please.
- No Doug,
let's just go round.
- Think of the views, bro.
What? You're telling me you
don't want to see that mad view?
[dramatic music]
- Rock, paper, scissors.
[dramatic western-style music]
- 1-2-3. Shoot, yeah?
- All right.
It's gotta be fair, though.
No cheating.
Can't do that thing.
- No cheating.
No thing.
- Ready?
- Oomph.
Yes.
[making quirky noises]
- Doug...
- It helps me focus.
- Okay.
[making quirky noises]
I like it. Serious thing.
- All right.
Ready?
[both] One. Two. Three. Shoot!
[sheep bleats]
[ breathing heavily]
[Doug] You, Max, Max, Max, Max.
Yeah, so, you know, yesterday?
[Max] Yes, I know yesterday.
[Doug] No, no, no,
but, you know,
when I said
that you were a Smiegle, that.
[Max] I remember, yeah.
[Doug] Right, so,
I've been thinking.
Me and you.
Me and you.
Shrek and donkey.
[Max] Right. [chuckles]
[Doug] Right, so obviously
I'm Shrek and you're Donkey,
[Max] So, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa.
Absolutely not.
I'm not Donkey.
[Doug] What?
What, you think I'm donkey?
[Max] Yes! Dude.
[Doug] No!
[Max] Right.
Are you or are you not
my noble steed?
[Doug] The fuck is that?
[Max] My best friend, dude.
You know, the person
that I can rely on the most?
The person
who always makes me happy.
[Doug] Okay.
[Max] The person
with the nicest smile.
[Doug] Oh, jeez, yeah, okay.
No, I, okay, right.
Yeah, all right,
I'm donkey, and,
you know, you are smelling
a bit swampy, so, you're Shrek.
Yeah.
Uh, so, uh, what do you reckon?
Like, half an hour?
[Max] To what?
[Doug] To the top.
[Max] To the top?
Mate, you must be joking.
I don't know, I reckon.
[breathing heavily]
[Doug] Come on.
Oh, come on, man.
- You was right.
Was about half an hour.
- Max, look at this.
- What?
- Just come here, man.
[Max gasping]
- Oh! It's beautiful.
- You know, Max.
It's these moments
that I feel really alive.
[gentle music]
- Doug,
look.
Holy shit, dude.
That's it. We made it! Orford!
- [gasps] Let's go!
- Yes, Bro!
- Yes!
Yes. Yes!
Yes! Oh!
- Good job.
- Oh my God.
I can't believe I...
We did it!
- Yeah! Yeah!
Me and you, man.
[alarm blaring]
- Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,
fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
- Fuck, fuck, fuck.
- Why? Fuck!
- Fuck it!
Fuck.
[upbeat music]
[water running]
[upbeat music continues]
[toothbrush buzzing]
[music ends]
[seagulls squawking]
[gentle music]
- That's it.
- That's it.
[laughing]
- Yeah!
[laughing]
- Wait, hold on a second, Doug.
Need to, uh, sort my shirt.
- Jesus.
[laughing]
Need an iron?
- A bit of duct tape do the job.
- Fixes everything.
- [laughs] Yeah.
- Come on, bro, I got you
Jeez.
Bro, give you a hand here.
- Thanks, man.
- It's all right.
[gentle music continues]
Yo, Max,
Do we have to go?
- What do you mean?
I thought you were excited
to see everyone.
- Yeah, yeah.
Going home after, all right.
I just...
kind of want
to stay out a bit longer,
- Doug, your mum would quite
literally hang me by my nuts
if I didn't get you back
by 6 p.m. today.
- You know that,
- I know.
- Is...
I just don't want
to wait another year.
- No, I know.
Yeah, yeah, I know,
I know.
- But you look good.
[gentle music continues]
- Come on, Doug.
[music swells]
[all cheering]
[Mike] Come here, mate.
Come here.
What are you saying?
You all right?
Where the fuck have you been?
- Mate. Don't even start.
- Yeah. Mike said
that you crashed your car.
- Yeah, kinda.
- Care to elaborate? Or...
- Not really.
- So you just walked?
- Yeah. Pretty much.
- I mean, you look like shit.
[laughing]
- Thank you very much, mate.
I tried.
- How was it?
- Yeah, it was all right.
- And, uh, how's Doug?
- Still dead.
[chuckling]
- Classic.
[laughing]
Shall we, um?
[gentle music]
[bottles clinking]
- Cheers, mate.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
- Doug.
Missing you a lot, man.
You know, I still say I laugh
about those nights
in the halls, you know,
arguing over the biggest animals
we could beat in a fight.
Swear you came up
with some bullshit, you know?
I took your advice.
I quit that shit job I had.
I don't know what
I was thinking, man.
Anyway, I'm much happier now.
I just...
wish you were here
to share it with me.
Love you always, man.
[Colin clears throat]
- What are you saying, bro?
Um,
it's been a while.
Um. Shit.
Uh, yeah.
Lots to catch up on, actually.
Got big news.
Well, uh, for all of you.
I'm gonna be a dad.
- That'll be fun, bro.
Yeah.
[laughing]
- Holy shit, bro!
Fucking hell!
[laughing]
- Yeah, yeah.
I, um, I just wanted to have
all the lads together, so, um.
So. Yeah.
Uh, and it's a boy.
So...
we're gonna call him Doug.
Yeah. So, um,
I, I hope he isn't as much of
a handful as you were.
Uh, um.
Anyway, uh,
next year I'll bring him along
and you can say hello.
So...
Cheers, mate.
- Great.
I've gotta follow that, have I?
[Colin chuckles]
Cheers.
Oh.
What is new with Mike?
Hey, Doug.
Uh.
Ah, fuck.
I wear a hat now.
Sometimes.
Um.
Oh, I still use
your mum's Netflix,
so, uh, thanks for that.
[Mike chuckles]
I really wish you weren't dead.
You know, would have would
have made this a lot easier.
Oh, fuck off.
Fuck off!
Fuck off you cunt.
Fuck! Ah!
You...
You, Doug, were the shittest,
most childish fucking
late, dick of a mate I've
ever met in my life, bro.
Wouldn't have had it any other
way.
[gentle music continues]
Max.
- You know what?
He knows how I feel.
- Cop out.
[all chuckling]
[all laughing]
- Pub?
- Yes.
- Doug's got to be back by six.
- Just one?
One for the road.
- Any of you going
to drive me back?
- Well, it's...
It's far, isn't it?
- Yeah, I know, Mike.
I walked it.
[laughing]
- Anyone?
- Um.
- I'll chip in for a taxi.
- Great.
[laughing]
Great.
Nice one.
Oh!
Melvin?
- Who the fuck is Melvin?
- Just give me a second.
- Who the fuck is Melvin?
[chuckling]
- Melvin?
- Hello,
what are you doing here?
Small world.
- Yeah, not when you walk it.
- Oh, yes.
How did that go?
- Hmm.
What are you doing here?
- Well, funnily enough,
it must have been the universe
or something.
I waved you off on your way,
walked back
through my front door,
and right there on the mat,
my license.
You couldn't write it.
I went outside
to chase after you,
but you looked like
you were having so much fun.
I thought I'd just let you get
on with it.
And seeing as you spoke
so highly of Orford,
I thought I'd come
and see it for myself.
Oh.
Sandwich?
[Max] Thanks.
[gentle music continues]
I don't suppose
you could give me a lift home?
[engine starts]
[gentle music continues]
[knocking on door]
Hello, Mrs. Fung.
Sorry, um.
We had a lot of fun.
Yeah, he, uh,
we had a little bit of trouble.
I'm really sorry.
Mrs. Fung.
Your son was the most inspiring,
silly, fun loving,
just best friend to me.
And I really loved him.
- Goodbye, Max.
- Okay.
[gentle music]
- Ten letters, discontent.
- I'm quitting.
See you around, Winnie.
- Bye.
- Hi, Julian.
- Oh, grape?
- Not now.
Um, I just wanted
to let you know
that I'm not going
to be in tomorrow
or the day after that,
or the week after that,
or the month after that.
So...
I wish you all the best.
Champ.
[gentle music]
[Mrs. Fung] Dear Max,
I'm sad while writing this.
I understand
that this will be hard to hear.
You are no longer welcome
in our household
and I request that you do
not contact us anymore.
This has not been an easy
decision.
We understand
that you have lost a friend,
but we have lost our son.
Nothing will change that.
Please let us grieve in peace
for the final time.
Goodbye, Max.
I hope life treats you better
than it did Doug.
Life is pleasant.
Death is peaceful.
It's the transition
that is troublesome.
Mrs. Feng.
- You could definitely
fuck up a dolphin.
[gentle music continues]
[laughing]
[sobbing]
Love you, mate.
[sighs]
[gentle music continues]
Hold me close
Like when you
sang me lullabies
To make me less afraid
of the dark at night
But you were there
when I'd wake up
Darling, close your eyes
Smile
and think of the sunshine
Go outside and play
So it's time to cry
No one tells us to wake up
We played this long
game before
One more, one more
[Doug sobbing]
[Doug] I'm gonna have to play
the bloopers.
Yes, I'm gonna
play the bloopers.
Yes!
Okay, guys,
I'm gonna play the bloopers.
Play the bloopers!
[playful music]
[laughing]
- Why have you got
your sausage out?
[laughing]
I said it different that time,
and I surprised myself.
[laughs]
That's what I mean.
Why have you got
your sausage out
Do you want me to, uh...
[laughing]
[Max] Get it out. Get it?
[laughing]
- I'm not surprised, bro.
Like you fell out of your anus.
[making animal noises]
[farting noise]
[laughing]
[making animal noises]
[laughing]
Woof, woof.
Bark, bark, bark, bark.
[laughing]
- Here we go.
We're getting a bit
delirious now.
[playful music continues]
Oh!
[laughing]
What's left, bruv?
Everything's out.
- Why have you got
your sausage out?
[laughs]
- You reckon the badger's okay?
- Nope.
Oh.
Fuck sake, Doug.
Why have you got
your sausage out?
[laughs]
I can't do it.
- Act professional.
I mean, bro,
I'm not surprised, man.
[laughing]
Oh, no.
No, no.
[Director] I'm so sorry.
We're gonna be late.
- No, no, no, no.
Do what is all right, Rhys?
- Yeah.
- It has to be next take,
I'm not surprised, bro.
Like.
[laughs]
Well, guys, I can't even...
[Max] Did eat three
bottles of them
I feel so dehydrated.
[laughs]
Right. Do you know what it is?
Wait.
Can everyone just look away?
[Max] I have to look away
from him.
- You know what it is?
We need to break out
of this one, dude
[Director] No, we don't,
we can't.
The sun is coming up.
- I know, I know, I know,
I didn't get up and sit down.
That's it, that's it.
[Director] You can literally
see the sun come up.
We have about 15 minutes, guys.
- Sorry.
[Max] It's so difficult
under these pressures.
[laughing]
[indistinct]
[laughing]
[Director] Guys, I don't want
to stay here tomorrow.
Please do it!
- Your inside fell out
of your anus.
Sorry. It's not funny.
But you're feeling better now,
though, yeah?
Yeah.
Thinking get back. It probably
was all those berries.
[laughs]