7 Days to Hell (2025) Movie Script
1
[engine rumbling]
[rock music]
[J.J.] Lost my mind
and killed a man.
Thought I was Marlon Brando.
Method acting got
the best of me.
And most of the casting
director's head.
Ended up in bed
with the wrong kind of woman.
If you could
call her a woman at all.
She sliced me and ate me up.
And now I'm in hell.
It's hot.
And I'll do anything
to get out.
No, no!
-No, no, no. No more.
-[whipping]
No, no, no, no, no,
stop whipping me!
Have you had enough J.J.?
Reminds me of our first date
when I had you all tied up.
No, no, no, no, no.
please, please, please,
I'll do anything.
I wanna make a deal.
I wanna make a deal.
Hm, do you want to make
a deal, J.J.?
Yeah, I want to make a deal.
I'll do anything.
Untie him.
What?
I said, untie him.
Hellena wants to see him.
[eerie music]
Uh, oh, whoa.
Come on.
Well, well, well.
If it isn't J.J.
What do you want?
I'm busy.
I want to get out of here.
I want to make a deal.
[laughs]
I don't make deals with losers.
Hellena, J.J.'s not a loser.
Don't be mean.
Lucy, what the hell
is the matter with you?
J.J.?
Come on.
Capone, Dillinger, Clyde Barrow.
I mean, these are real men.
[laughs]
Anybody but this guy.
He's cute, and I like him.
I like his hat
and his little boxer shorts.
He's the one.
The one I've been waiting for.
Thank you, baby.
Aw.
J.J.
Lucy likes you,
and God knows why.
I'll tell you what, darling.
I'm feeling a little generous.
You have seven days
to perform seven deeds.
Bring me seven souls.
You fuck up,
which I'm sure you will,
and your ass fries.
Pull it off, and you're free.
Do we have a deal?
You got a deal.
-You got a deal.
-[Hellena] Mmm.
[laughs maniacally]
Yeah, you got a deal.
You better believe it.
[upbeat rock music]
[coughing]
Oh, shit.
[sighs]
[laughs]
Oh, man.
Whoo!
Okay.
I'm back, baby.
I'm back.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, I missed you, baby.
Yeah.
Not a bad deal, J.J.
Not a bad deal.
[laughs]
Oh, it gets even better.
Better.
[phone ringing]
["Toccata and Fugue
in D Minor" by Bach]
Yeah, hello?
Ready for your
first deed, cutie?
Kill a rat.
Kill a rat, huh?
Yeah, that'd be easy.
You got 30 minutes.
Clock's ticking.
Tick, tock, tick, tock.
Tick, tock.
[Hellena laughing]
All right.
All right, J.J., come on now.
Think, baby.
I know, Scales and Tails.
They'll have a rat.
[indistinct]
[phone ringing]
Scales and Tails,
how may I help you?
Yeah, I'm looking for a rat.
[Pat] Oh, let me see
if we have any. Please hold.
Uh, we have literally one left.
Hold him for me.
Okay, I'll be on the way.
We don't do holds.
Don't you worry, pal.
I'm gonna make
it worth your while.
Sorry, first come, first served.
That's our policy
at Scales and Tails.
Hey, don't
tap on the glass, please.
[car starting]
[engine revving]
[rock music]
Here's your pet rat.
Snaky's gonna love you.
Uh, we don't normally
sell those rats for consumption.
Um, I know.
Okay.
Hey, um, we're closing.
Yeah, you can't come in here.
What are you-- Whoa!
-[J.J.] Where's the rat?
-Okay.
-[J.J.] Where's the rat?
-We just-- Oh!
We just sold it!
-[yelling]
-Where's the rat?
The goth girl in a black dress.
Which way did she go?
She's right there.
You didn't have to be so mean.
[crying]
[J.J.] Hey, hey!
-[screams]
-Give me the rat.
[tires screeching]
I'm sorry, buddy.
It's you or me.
And I don't
want to go back to hell.
So it's gonna be you.
Oh, shit.
Goddamn.
Oh, man.
You look just like Louie.
Our little
pet rat when I was seven.
Oh, shit.
I'm gonna
have to do you in, buddy,
because I don't
want to go back to hell.
I'm gonna have to do you in.
[man] Shut up, you fucking rat!
You fucking rat!
Wait a minute.
Rat.
Maybe it's that kind of rat.
Maybe the devil
means that kind of rat.
Hold on, buddy.
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
Please don't.
You ratted us out,
you piece of shit!
Please, I got a bad ticker.
-[man] Oh, bad ticker, huh?
-Yeah.
Let me take care of that.
[yelps]
Step aside, boys!
Who the hell are you?
The exterminator.
You guys scram.
Go on, get out of here.
Three seconds to spare.
[laughs]
[phone ringing]
Yeah, hello?
Good job, J.J.
Good job.
I didn't think
you were smart enough
to figure out which rat
I was talking about.
Yeah, well, I did.
Reach to your left pocket, pal.
Turn that hundred bucks
into five grand.
Without killing anyone.
You have until midnight.
Good luck.
You're gonna need it.
Lucy, get out of here.
[hissing]
Louie.
Louie, where are you, buddy?
Huh.
[gentle piano music]
Bless me,
Father, for I have sinned.
What is the nature
of your sin, my son?
I, um...
I killed a rat.
Well, animals
are God's creatures, my son.
Say five Hail Marys and ask
for Jesus' forgiveness
in your heart.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, it wasn't
a pet rat, Father, no.
It was a human,
and I shot him in the head.
Repeat after me.
My God, I am sorry
for my sins with all my heart.
My God, I am sorry
for my sins with all my heart.
In choosing to do wrong
and failing to do good,
I have sinned against you.
In choosing to do wrong
and failing to do good,
I have sinned against you.
I firmly intend to sin no more
and avoid whatever
leads me to sin.
I firmly intend to sin no more
and avoid whatever
leads me to sin.
Lord Jesus,
Son of God, have mercy on me.
Lord Jesus,
Son of God, have mercy on me.
And accept God's will.
No.
No, I'm afraid
I can't do that, Father.
See, I, uh, I made
a deal with the devil.
[ominous music]
[door opening]
[door closing]
[rock music]
[phone ringing]
J.J., my brother
from a different mother.
How you doing?
[J.J.] I need some
action tonight, okay?
Some Hold 'Em.
Well, I got a card
game going on tomorrow.
No, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Not tomorrow, okay?
Tonight, all right?
Right now.
Cash game.
Why do you only call me
when you really need something?
Hey, come on, man.
Help me out, okay?
We're supposed to be family.
All right, all right, all right.
Hold your horses.
Hold your horses there, cowboy.
Hold your horses.
Speaking of, you still wearing
that hat that I gave you?
You know what?
There's a game going
on in the valley tonight.
High stakes.
I think I can get you in.
Let me text you the address.
J.J., did you get the address?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got it.
Okay.
Tell him Don Leon sent you.
That'll get you in.
Oh, and do me one favor, J.J.
No matter how tempting it is,
stay away from the back room.
Stay away from
the back room action.
Please, do me that favor.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-[dial tone]
-Hello?
[motor rumbling]
I'm here for the game.
Don Leon sent me.
[bouncer] Hold on.
Hey, I have a guy
dressed as a crazy cowboy.
Okay.
Are you packing?
-[J.J.] Yeah.
-[bouncer] Hand this over.
Okay, you're good to go.
Good evening, sir, and how
much will you be buying in for?
Give me 100.
$100,000.
All right,
$1,000 chips all right?
No, no, no, no.
One $100 chip.
$100.
Are you kidding?
Do you know who you're
sitting down with tonight?
It's all I need.
Yep.
Well, good luck.
Welcome to the table.
Thank you.
How do you know Don Leon, J.J.?
We go way back.
We're practically family.
Oh, shit.
No shit.
Let's see some cards, huh?
Absolutely.
Yeah, do it.
I've seen better, but not bad.
$200.
I raise you $1,000.
$1,000, huh?
You must have something
pretty good, but you know what?
I've always liked cowboys.
I'm all in.
Shit. Fold.
Well, when I see
a lucky one, I know one.
Fold.
Pocket Rockets.
Let's see what the damage is.
All right.
[J.J.] Come on, cowboys.
[laughs]
Nice hand, J.J.
I got lucky on the river.
[gunshot]
What the hell's going
on in the other room there?
High stakes in the other room.
Oh, yeah?
What's the game?
What's the bet?
What's the stakes?
The roulette.
[J.J.] Roulette, huh?
What's the buy-in?
Your life.
[gunshot]
You know, I think
I'll stick to Hold 'Em.
[laughing]
Know what I'm saying?
A smart kid.
-Let's see some more cards.
-[gunshot]
[exhales]
You know, uh...
You know, I'm a little
short-stacked here, uh...
I think I might
want in on the roulette.
Feeling lucky?
[J.J.] I was born lucky, baby.
I have a new player
who wants to join the game.
Is there room?
Get him.
At the poker table with me.
I see why Don likes the kids.
You got balls.
Made of brass.
If you don't see each other,
it's nice knowing you.
Oh, we'll see each other again.
Don't you worry about that.
[folks cheering]
-[gunshot]
-[host] Oh!
Oh!
That's what you
came here to see!
[crowd member] It's always them!
They always win!
Who wants to play?
You want to play?
All right.
Country boy, huh?
That's right.
Country boy's all in.
[host] All in.
$650.
[crowd exclaiming]
Any bets, any bets, any bets?
More money!
All right, I'll take your money,
I'll take your money,
I'll take your money!
Big money, real bets, huh?
You want to make some money?
You want to make some money?
$10K on Ming.
Last bets, last bets?
Last bet here?
No more bets.
Ming never loses.
[tense music]
[gun clicks]
[crowd cheering]
Two bullets now!
Who wants to make money?
Let's see, two bullets!
Two bullets, place your bets!
[crowd member]
Just put more money down.
See if the cowboy is lucky.
No more bets.
[gun cocking]
[gun clicks]
[crowd cheering]
Lucky this time.
For now.
We have three bullets!
50-50 chance!
-Who's placing your bets?
-$1,000 on Ming.
I'm betting
on the guy with the hat.
Oh, feeling lucky tonight.
More money, more money, come on,
who wants to make money?
I know you want to make money.
We're gonna take that guy.
You're crazy.
Obvious, it's
what you love about me.
Any more bets?
[crowd member] Yee-haw!
[gun cocking]
[gun clicks]
Four bullets.
[cocks gun]
[gun clicks]
[crowd exclaiming]
[crowd member] Lucky!
He's getting lucky.
Not as lucky as Ming.
Because we got...
Five bullets!
I lost $1,000.
[gun clicks]
[crowd exclaims]
He survived five bullets.
Hey, I think I'm just--
You're in the game, finish it.
Wait a minute, man,
it's past midnight.
Finish the game,
make him finish the game.
Let's see who can
make it past six bullets.
$5,000 to one.
Ready for a show?
[crowd member] Make some money!
$5,000 to one,
come on, you can't win.
[J.J.] Damnit.
Good luck.
Well, I guess this
is what happens when you...
trust the devil.
Should've known better.
[phone ringing]
Wait, hold on!
[crowd shouting]
Yeah?
I'm looking right at him.
-All right.
-[crowd member] Come on, man.
Yeah, yeah, hello?
Good job, J.J.
You continue to impress me.
I thought you double-crossed me.
Oh, come on.
You can trust me.
I would've
called you sooner,
but my cell phone ran
out of battery.
I had to call you
on the rotary dial.
My God, you made some
serious money tonight, baby.
Hey, uh, Lucy?
[Lucy] Yes, Hellena?
What's the name
of that gal that killed
your last boyfriend
with a butter knife?
Which one?
That loser professor
you were dating.
Oh, you're talking about Heidi.
He wasn't the only
man that she killed.
She's killed, like,
39 and a half men.
Well, she's been busy.
That's it, J.J.
Find Heidi
and bring her soul to me.
You've got until midnight.
Adios.
[crowd member] Yeah,
are we still betting?
What the fuck is going on?
Cowboy wins!
[cheering]
[crowd chanting] Cowboy!
Cowboy!
You're the man!
You're the man!
[engine rumbling]
J.J., it's Lucy.
Call me.
[funky upbeat music]
Hey, handsome.
Looking for a good time?
Hey, uh, you know where I can
find a twisted dyke named Heidi?
No.
But I know where you can
find some dirty pig, sugar.
Now, where would that be?
At the po-po station.
They got a whole
bunch of them over there.
[oinks]
All right, come here, come here.
What's this for?
Looking cute.
[squeals]
Come back this evening.
I want a ride in that Cadillac.
[phone ringing]
[Don] Oh, Jesus.
What, JJ? What?
You know, the one thing
I asked you to do and you did.
I told you,
don't go in the back room
and then you go
and you play Russian roulette.
-You're lucky to be alive.
-Hey, come on, man.
You know, I just
need some information
on a twisted dyke named Heidi.
Now, I know you
can make some phone calls
and find out for me, okay?
We're supposed to be family.
JJ, who do you think I am?
You think you can call
me 24-7 with these demands?
I have no idea
who you're talking about.
Listen, you asked me
to pull some strings and I did.
Listen.
I'm sorry, man.
I gotta feed my cat.
[purring]
Son of a bitch.
I'm gonna rock your world.
-Oh.
-Hm!
I'm gonna eat you like
a barbecue
of rotisserie chicken.
-Ah!
-Hmm, voicemail.
[Lucy] J.J., it's Lucy.
Call me.
Lucy.
All right, Lucy.
Redial.
[phone rings]
Hi, J.J.
Lucy, what do you want?
You know I like you.
And Hellena would kill me if
she knew I was talking to you.
Have you found Heidi?
What do you think?
Look, she has a nightclub in
Van Nuys called The Back Door.
Oh, that's very original.
I thought so, too.
She's there every
night from 10 p.m. on.
Yeah, thanks, doll.
[Hellena] Lucy!
Back Door, here we come.
[upbeat music]
You're so tired of me talking
about the weather
Losing sight of
when we were happy together
If this is the end
How will I begin again
If this is the end
Excuse me.
I'm so sorry to bother you.
I'm looking for my boyfriend.
Have you seen him
in here lately?
No.
[woman] Are you sure?
Can you please look closer?
No.
I'm sorry.
Thank you.
If this is the end
What'll it be, cowboy?
I'm gonna have me
some Oglesby Reserve.
You got it.
Wanna pretend
No, no, no.
You save the shot glass
for yourself, girl.
I'll take the whole bottle.
Come here.
You know where I can find Heidi?
[bartender] The way
you're dressed, darling.
She'll find you.
[sighs]
Tina, where did you
find this tall drink of water?
I don't think we've
been introduced, stranger.
I'm Heidi.
Well, now,
the pleasure's all mine.
Oh, such a gentleman.
Where on planet
are you from, stranger?
Well, I be from...
planet Louisville.
You see, it's in the,
uh, Kentucky solar system.
Oh, fast horses, fast money,
and even faster women.
Not to mention
the best bourbon in the world.
Tina, set us up with a round.
What's your pleasure?
Um, I didn't get your name.
Name's Jonathan Jones,
but my, uh, close friends,
they call me J.J.
Are we friends already, J.J.?
If this is the end
Well, I'd say
when a little filly like you
comes running up in here,
buying me a drink,
I'd say we're becoming friends.
[applause]
Well, I was kind of hoping we
could be more than just friends.
Oh, yeah.
[laughs]
That's what I'm talking about.
Oh, it's hot.
What's the matter?
You see something you like?
You have no idea
what I'm thinking
about doing to you.
Oh, big boy.
Follow me.
You have no idea
what I'm gonna do to you.
Come here, baby.
[Heidi moaning]
Mmm!
Seriously, Heidi, again?
Get the hell out of here, bitch!
Can't you see I'm busy?
Fucking whore.
[moaning]
[indistinct lyrics]
Oh, that is quite
a piece of Louisville lumber
you have there.
Yeah, I've never been
known to disappoint a lady yet.
[moans]
This is gonna feel
so good, big boy.
[indistinct lyrics]
Show me what you got.
[J.J. groans]
[gunshot]
[screams]
I've been lost for words
[grunting]
[gunshot]
[J.J.] Hasta la vista, Heidi.
Run away from your mind
Run away from your head
What the hell
happened out there?
There's a big mess out
there next to the dumpster.
You better clean it up.
[screaming]
[Hellena] Hey, baby.
Who is this?
You've got one guess.
[Lucy] Is that J.J.? Is he okay?
Lucy, mind your own business.
I want to talk to him.
[Hellena] You've talked
to him enough.
Hey, what's going on?
You know damn well
what's going on, J.J.
Don't play innocent with me.
Lucy tipped you off
where to find Heidi.
Hey, she called me.
I didn't call her.
Look, I'm gonna be
very generous with you
and even let this one go.
Matter of a fact, I'm gonna
reward you with the next one.
Kill a cop and bring him to me.
You've got
until high noon tomorrow.
Piece of cake.
Oink, oink.
Yeah, devil's food.
Oink, oink.
Wow.
[calm choral music]
Bless me, Father.
For I have sinned again.
This time I killed a woman.
Why have you
not turned yourself in?
I didn't come here
to answer questions, Father.
I came here to confess my sins.
Until you turn yourself
in and accept Jesus
into your heart, there
is nothing I can do for you.
Now, you must turn yourself in.
You must accept his will.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
It's not that easy, Father.
I was in hell, and I made a deal
with the devil to get out.
The devil has no
power over you, my son.
Those who are powerless
over themselves
must feel the wrath of God.
Now leave, and don't come back.
Pow, pow, pow.
[laughing]
Hey, pretty lady!
How you doing tonight?
[woman muttering]
Fight harder,
it makes it more fun.
Hey, let her go.
Fuck you gonna do about it,
you Kid Rock lookin'
motherfucker?
[gunshot]
Motherfucker, fuck you!
Baby, baby, you okay?
I coulda handled him.
Yeah, it sure looked like it.
Come on, come on.
I got a guy.
All right, come on,
now get in the car.
-Fuck you!
-Here, here.
You might need
this sometime now, come on.
You can take a shower in
my bathroom if you would like.
And for $200 more,
you can come in me next time.
Where's the stash?
There's no stash,
Bobby, you're my first today.
-Where's the stash?
-It's in my purse!
Ronnie!
Ronnie, get
in here, quick, please!
[yelling indistinctly]
[crying]
You're gonna
be here when I get back.
[woman] Okay.
And you keep your mouth shut.
Okay.
-Did you hear me?
-Yes.
You're gonna
keep your mouth shut?
Yes!
Do you want
me to shut it for good?
That's a good girl.
I'm not done with you yet.
I'll be back.
[ominous music]
[engine revving]
[laughing]
Got his dick wet!
[woman 2] What's your name?
That's what I'm talking
about, baby girl.
Oh, yeah, sunshine.
Oh!
I ain't ever going home.
[laughing]
God, look at you.
God damn it!
My mouth is dry.
[man] Hey, where's the cash?
Shut your fucking mouth!
My mouth is dry.
Grab me a beer.
Where the fuck?
There you go, b-b-boss.
Jesus, it's so
hard to find good help.
[man] Hey, where's the cash?
You're lucky you're my brother.
Where's the money at, fucker?
Oh, yeah, yeah, I-- I got it.
Spit it the fuck out, come on.
[man] Give me some money here.
Little brother.
-I got you--
-Surprise!
There's your fucking money.
Oh, fuck you.
Yeah, that's
what I'm going to be doing later
to you, motherfucker.
Yeah, right.
[smooth jazz music]
[ominous music]
[groaning]
Oh! Oh, shit.
Oh, God. Oh, fuck.
Are you okay?
Oh, damn.
It was nightmare, baby.
Jesus. That was a bad one.
[distant motor revving]
[gentle guitar music]
You, uh, you really know
where I can find a dirty cop?
Funny you should ask.
My girlfriend's seeing one.
Can we talk about
something else?
Yeah, sure.
You're not from
around here, are you?
Well, now, how'd you guess that?
[Charlotte giggling]
Texas?
Uh-uh.
I'm from Kentucky.
Oh, right, Kentucky.
What brought you to
this crazy town?
I'm in hell.
For the devil.
Does not exactly look like
you might think
the devil would look.
But the devil's got
a couple of friends down there.
And anyway,
um, I didn't like it much
down there, so I made
a deal with the devil,
and I got to collect
seven souls in seven days,
or spend the rest of
my eternity burning in hell.
For real?
So, uh, could you tell me
a little bit
about you, Charlotte?
Well, my real name's
Emily Wilson, not Charlotte.
Hm.
I grew up in Oakland.
My mom raised me,
but we didn't really get along.
My high school boyfriend
got me pregnant,
and I moved out here
to be a model,
ended up stripping,
and now I'm on the streets.
Well, uh,
what happened to your baby?
-Lost my baby.
-How?
Let's change the subject.
So...
you seriously want
to find a dirty cop?
Yeah.
Serious as a heart attack.
Can I trust you?
Mm. Oo-ee.
I'm either falling in love,
or I've done completely
lost my damn mind.
Okay.
I'm gonna call my girlfriend.
[intense music]
[phone ringing]
Your call has been forwarded
to an automatic--
She's probably with a client.
Let me try her again.
[phone ringing]
You call has been forwarded
to an automatic
voice message system,
310-6666...
Something's wrong.
Jenny always picks up.
I hope she didn't get
herself in trouble
with that cop she's dating
and get herself arrested.
Where's she staying?
Flamingo Motel.
All right, get dressed.
We're going over there.
[J.J.]
Which room is she in, baby?
-[Emily] Number 4.
-All right, come on, let's go.
Oh, my God!
Jenny! Jenny!
No!
-She's dead!
-Oh, shit.
No! No!
Got 'em both. Got 'em both.
-Baby, baby, baby, come here.
-Jenny!
Come here.
Come here, baby.
-Baby, ba--
-No!
Hey, hey, hey, look.
Look at me. Baby, baby.
Baby, come on.
I'm gonna fix it, okay?
I'm gonna fix it.
I got a plan.
[eerie music]
It's him. He's coming.
Okay, okay, hold on, hold on.
Hold on.
Tuck away, tuck away behind me.
This son of a bitch.
All right, you son of a bitch.
You like that, huh?
You like that, huh? Come here.
[Emily screaming]
Yeah.
That's what you get, fucker.
[Bach's "Toccata and Fugue
in D Minor" playing]
[J.J.] Yeah, hello?
You know, I thought about
having you kill an actual pig,
but, uh,
Lucy talked me out of it.
She thinks pigs are cute.
That's cute, yeah.
Isn't it?
Well, apple doesn't
fall far from the tree, J.J.
Hmm.
[growling]
So, you, uh,
call yourself an actor, huh?
That's what
it says on my union card.
Well, then you're
gonna love your next role.
Let's see if you could do
a better job impersonating
a police officer
than the unfortunate
slug you just plugged.
You're gonna need to
convince me you can uphold
the law and bring me
the leader of Satan's disciples.
He, by the way, loves cops.
Especially on vintage bikes.
All right, listen up, Kentucky.
I'm gonna make this
very easy
for you and even
tell you where he is.
Got a pen?
No, no, I can remember.
666 Signal Hill.
Did you write that down?
I don't need to.
I told you, I can remember.
All right, pal.
I'm gonna need
someone to ride with.
Don't let me down.
Now, don't you worry about that.
Uh-huh.
Now, baby,
I told you I had a plan.
All right, baby. Take my keys.
Keys to my apartment.
I'm gonna need you to
go there,
and I'm gonna
need you to wait for me.
Where are you going?
I'm going to take care of
a crazy motorcycle gang, okay?
Don't you worry about it.
I want to go with you.
No, baby, it's not safe.
Just go there and
you wait for me, baby, okay?
I love you.
Wait for me. I'll be back.
[distant siren]
[faint chatter]
[police annoincements]
What do you think
happened to his uniform, Harold?
I don't know.
But I'm kind of glad
this guy bought it.
Hm. Why's that?
Detectives Cain and Abel
told me he's the one that's been
impersonating the police
officer and killing hookers.
I think he might have
been a member of
the infamous Satan's Disciples
motorcycle gang.
Well, I guess he had
it coming to him, then.
Saved the taxpayers some dough.
[ominous music]
Where the hell's Clutch?
I don't know, boss.
Said he went around
the corner or something.
He'd better get here quick.
Fucking starving.
-Cable.
-Yeah, boss.
How about you give me
another cold one?
Ten-four, Eleanor.
Fucking Leroy!
You just called me Eleanor?
What'd I tell you about
calling me a woman's name?
Sorry, boss.
No, it's not sorry, boss.
It's yes, Leroy, sir.
Sorry, Leroy, sir.
Take this.
That's a lot better.
Look.
Next motherfucking whore
that disrespects me,
is gonna
be real fucking sorry.
Yes, sir.
[Clutch]
Boss! Boss!
Where the hell you been, Clutch?
[stammering]
[Clutch groaning]
Will you take it easy on him?
You know he only stutters
when you make him nervous.
Get your panties out of a knot.
I mean, hell,
you're making me nervous.
This is between me and Clutch.
Understand?
Yes, Leroy, sir.
Clutch, where's my hamburger?
Or did you eat that, too?
It-- it's in my s-s-saddlebag.
Th-th-th-th-th...
Go get it!
[cackling] Idiots!
I'm around fucking idiots!
All I wanted
was my fucking hamburger.
Boss, he never
forgets your lunch.
Something's really
gotta be bugging him.
Yeah.
No shit.
How about you pick up
that phone, call Bobby.
And bring
some of those hookers out.
We both need
to blow off a little steam.
-Am I right?
-You got it, boss.
-Yeah, this is Bobby.
-Uh-huh.
I'm either
drunk or with a hooker.
-Leave a message.
-Bobby's not answering.
Then call him again.
You got it, boss.
No, no, no, no.
Give me that phone.
Answering machine? Bobby!
There better be a good
reason for
you not picking up
the phone for me.
God damn it, Bobby!
[Chuck muttering]
God damn it!
What?
He's dead.
What'd you say?
He's dead, Leroy.
You're messing with me.
You're messing with me.
Hey, listen, please don't--
I'm not messing with you, Leroy.
I just heard it over the radio.
They found Bobby dead in
a hotel room with a hooker.
[stuttering]
That's not all, Leroy.
They said the cops
might be looking for us.
[Leroy roaring]
[motor revving]
Hey.
Looking for
the leader of the gang here.
What do you want?
I asked you a question.
I'm looking
for the leader of the gang.
[Leroy]
How can I help you, officer?
Well, well, well.
You must be
the leader of the gang.
Well, that depends.
Let's see your warrant.
Be in the saddlebag.
Yeah, that right there.
That's a nice bike, see.
Oh, yeah?
You want to know
something about it that I know?
[J.J.] Yeah, what's that?
That in 1975, the LAPD
decommissioned this bike.
And the only other
person to have this bike
was my brother Bobby.
Why did
you kill my brother Bobby?
-All yours.
-He wants to play, boys.
-Fucking silly bitch.
-[Cable] Get 'em, boss.
-Fuck you.
-Motherfucker.
Fucking kill him.
Fuck you.
-That's for Bobby.
-Yeah.
Ah, fuck you.
[smooth jazz music]
It's over, motherfucker.
Yeah.
Hey, Leroy. What you doing?
About to blow
this fucker's head off.
Jenny told me you boys
might want some company tonight.
Did you hear
what happened to Bobby?
Bobby?
Bobby?
Is there a fucking echo in here?
Bobby, my fucking brother.
He's fucking dead,
and he killed him.
What? Are you sure?
He took his fucking
badge and his fucking bike.
I'm so sorry, baby.
[J.J. Grunting]
You piece of shit.
Got you, Kentucky.
Boys, give me some space.
How you doing, sweetheart?
[Emily] Mm.
That's nice, sweetheart.
There you go. There you go.
That's it right there.
Hey. Hey, bitch.
Hey, I'm talking to you.
Eleanor.
The fuck did you just call me?
Give me a moment.
You son of a bitch.
I'll just fucking end you now,
motherfucker.
[Emily grunting]
You big motherfucker.
Goddamn...
["Toccata in Fugue and
D Minor" playing]
[grunting]
Oh. Yeah.
Bravo, bravo.
My God.
You're not
half bad an actor, J.J.
I mean, really.
You got a little
Bonnie and Clyde thing
going on there with Charlotte.
I like it.
Better not let
Lucy find out, though.
She won't like
you two timing on her.
You know the old saying,
hell hath no fury. Right?
Am I right? [laughing]
Hundred percent.
Okay, listen, I'm liking
your performance skills here.
Now, let's see how much
Charlotte really likes you.
Let's see if you're
a match made in hell.
You still with me, darling?
J.J.?
Are you there?
J.J., I can't hear you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I'm here, I'm here.
Okay. Good.
I thought I lost you there
for a moment.
Bad reception down here.
Now, as I was saying, yes.
Here's what I need
you to do before midnight.
Are you ready?
Yeah, yeah, I'm ready.
I want you to convince
Charlotte to kill someone.
Make her kill and turn her out.
Make her bring
the next soul to me!
Oh, hell no. Damn it!
[upbeat country music]
[humming along]
Oh, shit.
Oh, baby.
Who was that?
Oh, you don't want to know.
Baby.
You ever hated someone so much,
you wanted to kill them?
Yeah.
-Okay.
-I've thought about it.
That's good. That's good.
All right, come on now.
[unsettling guitar music]
[birds calling]
Oh, damn.
[Emily] Yeah.
Oh...
You got anything to eat in here?
Uh, should be some eggs,
slab of bacon,
and some milk in the fridge,
if-- hasn't gone bad.
Okay.
Hell no.
Nasty.
That milk's gone sour.
[sighing]
Do you like me, JJ?
I'm serious. Answer me.
You are so guarded.
You never tell me
how you really feel.
[laughing] I--
I've got my reasons, baby.
Like what?
Let's just not get
into this right now, okay?
Do what now?
I don't want to fight
with you right now, baby, okay?
Fight?
Believe me, if we were fighting,
you would know it.
God damn it, J.J.
It's not easy for me
to share my feelings either.
I mean, I've told
you twice that I love you,
and you just stay all
bottled up, staring into space.
You don't say anything back.
What's wrong with you?
Look, I've never
been good at this, okay?
Good at what?
Relationships.
Is that what this is?
A relationship?
Look, baby,
now when you say you love me,
do you really mean it?
Do you think I would have
risked my life tonight,
saving your ass from
that crazy-ass motorcycle gang,
if I didn't fucking
love you, huh?
Yeah, and exactly
how did you know
where that motorcycle
gang was anyway, huh?
Would you just go in there and
have sex with all of them, huh?
I was worried sick about
you heading out last night.
And I had a bad feeling,
J.J., so I followed you.
I would never lie to you, J.J.
Well...
Actually,
I have lied to you once.
-[scoffing]
-Just once.
-Uh-huh.
-Once.
Once.
Okay.
[somber music]
Do you remember that time
when I told you that
it was my high school boyfriend
that got me pregnant?
It was someone else,
from a long time ago.
Who?
My mama was dating
a man when I was in high school.
It was a businessman,
much older than she,
who said he loved her,
and was going
to take care of her.
So she cleaned up her act,
and got off drugs,
and she would have
done anything for this man.
But that all changed one day
when I was coming home
from school.
You see, Mama had to
work a double that night,
and I was
at home all by myself,
and he showed up,
in his big, fancy car.
So I let him in,
and I told him
that Mama wasn't going
to be home till midnight.
And he said he knew that.
I said, well, if you know that,
then why did you come over?
And...
He put his arm around me,
and he said,
" 'Cause I wanted to see you,
alone."
I didn't know what to do.
And then what happened?
I don't know how Mama
found out what he did to me,
'cause I never told her,
but she did.
And when Mama found out I was
pregnant, oh, Mama lost it.
And one night,
I was coming home from school.
I found her in the bathtub.
With both her wrists slit.
And that night,
after the coroner
took Mama's body away,
he shows up,
kicks me so hard in my stomach,
I had a miscarriage.
And he says for me not
to say a word to anybody,
and for me
to keep my mouth shut,
and I have, until just now.
You know what needs to
be done, don't you, baby?
I can't kill anybody, J.J.,
not even this man.
It's just not right.
Baby, I don't need you to
do this just for yourself.
I need you to do this for us,
'cause if you really
love me the way you say you do,
you're going
to do this one thing.
And if you really love me,
then marry me.
[eerie wind whooshing]
[frogs croaking]
[bell tolling]
I killed four
more people, Father.
Oh, and they got
what they deserved, too.
Dead.
Yeah. And you know what?
I'm not going to be
turning myself in, neither.
Oh, no.
Because I got someone now,
someone who understands me,
someone I care about, someone
I care about more than myself,
and someone,
Father, who loves me.
And now she's going to have
to become
what I've become, a killer.
You listen to me, Father?
You listening to me?
I spoke to God, my son.
I must follow His will.
Give me that gun. [grunting]
Give me that gun.
Who needs forgiveness now,
father, huh?
Oh, yeah,
you better say your prayers.
[gunshots]
[heavenly choir singing]
[villainous laugh]
Oh, damn.
[wind blowing]
[Mendelssohn's "Wedding March"
playing]
Repeat after me, J.J.
I, Jonathan Jones.
I, Jonathan Jones.
Take you,
Emily Charlotte Wilson.
Take you,
Emily Charlotte Wilson.
[ominous music]
To be my wife, to have and
to hold from this day forward.
To be my wife, to have and
to hold, from this day forward.
For better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer.
For better and worse,
for richer, for poorer.
Bring me the property tax
report for the Archway Megaplex.
It's already right here, sir.
Hmm. And Julia?
Yes?
There's one more thing.
What's that?
Come here.
Make reservations for us at
the Charleston
-for this evening.
-Hmm?
In sickness and in health
To love and to cherish,
'til death do us part
In sickness and in health
To love and to cherish,
'til death do us part
My wife's out of town.
You mean your ex-wife, right?
[knocking at door]
[Julia] Mm-hmm.
I'll be right back.
[phone ringing]
Emily, repeat after me.
I, Emily Charlotte Wilson.
I, Emily Charlotte Wilson.
Take you, Jonathan Jones.
Take you, Jonathan Jones.
To be my husband, to have and
to hold, from this day forward.
To be my husband, to have and
to hold, from this day forward.
Well, well, well.
You actually picked
up the phone, Chauncey.
I'm shocked.
I thought you'd be
fucking your secretary.
What's this one's name?
I'm busy.
With what?
Gambling, or fucking hookers?
And what is it
that you do, actually?
[birds chirping]
[muffled screaming]
When I get back from my trip,
you and I, we're going to talk.
Divorce papers are in the mail.
[tense music]
For better, for worse.
For richer, for poorer.
For better, for worse.
For richer, for poorer.
In sickness and in health
To love and to cherish
'Til death do us part
In sickness and in health
To love and to cherish
'Til death do us part
[Chauncey]
Where's Julia?
Julia?
Oh, your personal assistant?
Yes. She said to give you this.
She's a little
tied up right now.
What are you doing in here?
What are you doing in here?
Funny.
I should have asked you
the same question 20 years ago.
What are you doing in here?
You don't remember me, do you?
J.J., place the ring on
Charlotte's finger, Emily.
[J.J.]
Here you go, baby.
Emily, place
the ring on J.J.'s finger.
[tense music]
Remember me now?
No.
Well, maybe this will help.
Open it.
[Chauncey scoffing]
Charlotte!
What are you doing here?
What do you want?
Mind if I smoke?
Thanks, but no thanks.
Cigars only.
Cuban.
My, my, my.
Someone's come up in the world.
I was never down,
'til I denigrated myself
with your mother.
Denigrating yourself, huh?
How about raping
me when I was underage?
I'll bet if we look up
the definition of the word
"denigrating,"
it doesn't say anything
about raping an underage
girl and getting her pregnant.
You know, I'm sorry about
what happened to your mother.
And as far as your...
rape allegations,
we both know they're false.
[chuckling]
You couldn't prove it anyway.
All right.
I'll tell you what, Charlotte.
Fifty...
thousand...
dollars.
Yeah.
Have a good life.
Not big enough, huh?
Okay. Okay.
One hundred...
thousand...
dollars.
Take it or leave it.
And if you want my best advice,
you better take it.
I'm not
interested in your money.
I want something else.
Relax.
[smooth jazz music]
Oh, yes...
Oh.
[chuckling] Oh.
Oh, oh...
Take off that silly hat
and look into my eyes.
[Chauncey laughing]
[rushing sound]
[Chauncey crying out]
[birds chirping]
By virtue of the power
vested in me from Graceland,
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
JJ, you may
kiss your lovely bride.
Come here, baby.
[cans clinking]
[majestic orchestral music]
["Toccata and Fugue
in D Minor" playing]
Yeah, hello?
What a performance
you both gave.
I actually had to
wipe away some tears.
Just don't tell anybody, though,
or I'll have to kill you.
Actually, Lucy will
probably kill you anyway.
She found out
you married Charlotte.
I guess you and Charlotte really
are a match made in hell, huh?
[sighing] Well, you reached
day seven, bud.
I can't believe
you came this far.
Now that you're
actually married and all,
I'm gonna give you some time
to enjoy the married life.
Trust me, it's not
all it's cracked up to be.
JJ, are you there?
Yep, I'm here.
Enjoy your honeymoon.
I'm not gonna
bother calling you anymore.
But Lucy does have a little
wedding gift waiting for you.
[cackling]
-[high-pitched whine]
-Huh?
[rapid beeping]
[Hellena]
You never trust the devil.
[Schubert's "Ave Maria"
playing]
[lyrics in Latin]
[bell tolling]
[ominous music]
Where am I?
What's going on?
[growling]
What's going on?
[speaking Spanish]
[speaking Spanish]
[speaking Spanish]
[menacing choral music]
[Hellena]
Until next time, J.J.
[cackling]
[engine rumbling]
[rock music]
[J.J.] Lost my mind
and killed a man.
Thought I was Marlon Brando.
Method acting got
the best of me.
And most of the casting
director's head.
Ended up in bed
with the wrong kind of woman.
If you could
call her a woman at all.
She sliced me and ate me up.
And now I'm in hell.
It's hot.
And I'll do anything
to get out.
No, no!
-No, no, no. No more.
-[whipping]
No, no, no, no, no,
stop whipping me!
Have you had enough J.J.?
Reminds me of our first date
when I had you all tied up.
No, no, no, no, no.
please, please, please,
I'll do anything.
I wanna make a deal.
I wanna make a deal.
Hm, do you want to make
a deal, J.J.?
Yeah, I want to make a deal.
I'll do anything.
Untie him.
What?
I said, untie him.
Hellena wants to see him.
[eerie music]
Uh, oh, whoa.
Come on.
Well, well, well.
If it isn't J.J.
What do you want?
I'm busy.
I want to get out of here.
I want to make a deal.
[laughs]
I don't make deals with losers.
Hellena, J.J.'s not a loser.
Don't be mean.
Lucy, what the hell
is the matter with you?
J.J.?
Come on.
Capone, Dillinger, Clyde Barrow.
I mean, these are real men.
[laughs]
Anybody but this guy.
He's cute, and I like him.
I like his hat
and his little boxer shorts.
He's the one.
The one I've been waiting for.
Thank you, baby.
Aw.
J.J.
Lucy likes you,
and God knows why.
I'll tell you what, darling.
I'm feeling a little generous.
You have seven days
to perform seven deeds.
Bring me seven souls.
You fuck up,
which I'm sure you will,
and your ass fries.
Pull it off, and you're free.
Do we have a deal?
You got a deal.
-You got a deal.
-[Hellena] Mmm.
[laughs maniacally]
Yeah, you got a deal.
You better believe it.
[upbeat rock music]
[coughing]
Oh, shit.
[sighs]
[laughs]
Oh, man.
Whoo!
Okay.
I'm back, baby.
I'm back.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, I missed you, baby.
Yeah.
Not a bad deal, J.J.
Not a bad deal.
[laughs]
Oh, it gets even better.
Better.
[phone ringing]
["Toccata and Fugue
in D Minor" by Bach]
Yeah, hello?
Ready for your
first deed, cutie?
Kill a rat.
Kill a rat, huh?
Yeah, that'd be easy.
You got 30 minutes.
Clock's ticking.
Tick, tock, tick, tock.
Tick, tock.
[Hellena laughing]
All right.
All right, J.J., come on now.
Think, baby.
I know, Scales and Tails.
They'll have a rat.
[indistinct]
[phone ringing]
Scales and Tails,
how may I help you?
Yeah, I'm looking for a rat.
[Pat] Oh, let me see
if we have any. Please hold.
Uh, we have literally one left.
Hold him for me.
Okay, I'll be on the way.
We don't do holds.
Don't you worry, pal.
I'm gonna make
it worth your while.
Sorry, first come, first served.
That's our policy
at Scales and Tails.
Hey, don't
tap on the glass, please.
[car starting]
[engine revving]
[rock music]
Here's your pet rat.
Snaky's gonna love you.
Uh, we don't normally
sell those rats for consumption.
Um, I know.
Okay.
Hey, um, we're closing.
Yeah, you can't come in here.
What are you-- Whoa!
-[J.J.] Where's the rat?
-Okay.
-[J.J.] Where's the rat?
-We just-- Oh!
We just sold it!
-[yelling]
-Where's the rat?
The goth girl in a black dress.
Which way did she go?
She's right there.
You didn't have to be so mean.
[crying]
[J.J.] Hey, hey!
-[screams]
-Give me the rat.
[tires screeching]
I'm sorry, buddy.
It's you or me.
And I don't
want to go back to hell.
So it's gonna be you.
Oh, shit.
Goddamn.
Oh, man.
You look just like Louie.
Our little
pet rat when I was seven.
Oh, shit.
I'm gonna
have to do you in, buddy,
because I don't
want to go back to hell.
I'm gonna have to do you in.
[man] Shut up, you fucking rat!
You fucking rat!
Wait a minute.
Rat.
Maybe it's that kind of rat.
Maybe the devil
means that kind of rat.
Hold on, buddy.
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
Please don't.
You ratted us out,
you piece of shit!
Please, I got a bad ticker.
-[man] Oh, bad ticker, huh?
-Yeah.
Let me take care of that.
[yelps]
Step aside, boys!
Who the hell are you?
The exterminator.
You guys scram.
Go on, get out of here.
Three seconds to spare.
[laughs]
[phone ringing]
Yeah, hello?
Good job, J.J.
Good job.
I didn't think
you were smart enough
to figure out which rat
I was talking about.
Yeah, well, I did.
Reach to your left pocket, pal.
Turn that hundred bucks
into five grand.
Without killing anyone.
You have until midnight.
Good luck.
You're gonna need it.
Lucy, get out of here.
[hissing]
Louie.
Louie, where are you, buddy?
Huh.
[gentle piano music]
Bless me,
Father, for I have sinned.
What is the nature
of your sin, my son?
I, um...
I killed a rat.
Well, animals
are God's creatures, my son.
Say five Hail Marys and ask
for Jesus' forgiveness
in your heart.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, it wasn't
a pet rat, Father, no.
It was a human,
and I shot him in the head.
Repeat after me.
My God, I am sorry
for my sins with all my heart.
My God, I am sorry
for my sins with all my heart.
In choosing to do wrong
and failing to do good,
I have sinned against you.
In choosing to do wrong
and failing to do good,
I have sinned against you.
I firmly intend to sin no more
and avoid whatever
leads me to sin.
I firmly intend to sin no more
and avoid whatever
leads me to sin.
Lord Jesus,
Son of God, have mercy on me.
Lord Jesus,
Son of God, have mercy on me.
And accept God's will.
No.
No, I'm afraid
I can't do that, Father.
See, I, uh, I made
a deal with the devil.
[ominous music]
[door opening]
[door closing]
[rock music]
[phone ringing]
J.J., my brother
from a different mother.
How you doing?
[J.J.] I need some
action tonight, okay?
Some Hold 'Em.
Well, I got a card
game going on tomorrow.
No, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Not tomorrow, okay?
Tonight, all right?
Right now.
Cash game.
Why do you only call me
when you really need something?
Hey, come on, man.
Help me out, okay?
We're supposed to be family.
All right, all right, all right.
Hold your horses.
Hold your horses there, cowboy.
Hold your horses.
Speaking of, you still wearing
that hat that I gave you?
You know what?
There's a game going
on in the valley tonight.
High stakes.
I think I can get you in.
Let me text you the address.
J.J., did you get the address?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got it.
Okay.
Tell him Don Leon sent you.
That'll get you in.
Oh, and do me one favor, J.J.
No matter how tempting it is,
stay away from the back room.
Stay away from
the back room action.
Please, do me that favor.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-[dial tone]
-Hello?
[motor rumbling]
I'm here for the game.
Don Leon sent me.
[bouncer] Hold on.
Hey, I have a guy
dressed as a crazy cowboy.
Okay.
Are you packing?
-[J.J.] Yeah.
-[bouncer] Hand this over.
Okay, you're good to go.
Good evening, sir, and how
much will you be buying in for?
Give me 100.
$100,000.
All right,
$1,000 chips all right?
No, no, no, no.
One $100 chip.
$100.
Are you kidding?
Do you know who you're
sitting down with tonight?
It's all I need.
Yep.
Well, good luck.
Welcome to the table.
Thank you.
How do you know Don Leon, J.J.?
We go way back.
We're practically family.
Oh, shit.
No shit.
Let's see some cards, huh?
Absolutely.
Yeah, do it.
I've seen better, but not bad.
$200.
I raise you $1,000.
$1,000, huh?
You must have something
pretty good, but you know what?
I've always liked cowboys.
I'm all in.
Shit. Fold.
Well, when I see
a lucky one, I know one.
Fold.
Pocket Rockets.
Let's see what the damage is.
All right.
[J.J.] Come on, cowboys.
[laughs]
Nice hand, J.J.
I got lucky on the river.
[gunshot]
What the hell's going
on in the other room there?
High stakes in the other room.
Oh, yeah?
What's the game?
What's the bet?
What's the stakes?
The roulette.
[J.J.] Roulette, huh?
What's the buy-in?
Your life.
[gunshot]
You know, I think
I'll stick to Hold 'Em.
[laughing]
Know what I'm saying?
A smart kid.
-Let's see some more cards.
-[gunshot]
[exhales]
You know, uh...
You know, I'm a little
short-stacked here, uh...
I think I might
want in on the roulette.
Feeling lucky?
[J.J.] I was born lucky, baby.
I have a new player
who wants to join the game.
Is there room?
Get him.
At the poker table with me.
I see why Don likes the kids.
You got balls.
Made of brass.
If you don't see each other,
it's nice knowing you.
Oh, we'll see each other again.
Don't you worry about that.
[folks cheering]
-[gunshot]
-[host] Oh!
Oh!
That's what you
came here to see!
[crowd member] It's always them!
They always win!
Who wants to play?
You want to play?
All right.
Country boy, huh?
That's right.
Country boy's all in.
[host] All in.
$650.
[crowd exclaiming]
Any bets, any bets, any bets?
More money!
All right, I'll take your money,
I'll take your money,
I'll take your money!
Big money, real bets, huh?
You want to make some money?
You want to make some money?
$10K on Ming.
Last bets, last bets?
Last bet here?
No more bets.
Ming never loses.
[tense music]
[gun clicks]
[crowd cheering]
Two bullets now!
Who wants to make money?
Let's see, two bullets!
Two bullets, place your bets!
[crowd member]
Just put more money down.
See if the cowboy is lucky.
No more bets.
[gun cocking]
[gun clicks]
[crowd cheering]
Lucky this time.
For now.
We have three bullets!
50-50 chance!
-Who's placing your bets?
-$1,000 on Ming.
I'm betting
on the guy with the hat.
Oh, feeling lucky tonight.
More money, more money, come on,
who wants to make money?
I know you want to make money.
We're gonna take that guy.
You're crazy.
Obvious, it's
what you love about me.
Any more bets?
[crowd member] Yee-haw!
[gun cocking]
[gun clicks]
Four bullets.
[cocks gun]
[gun clicks]
[crowd exclaiming]
[crowd member] Lucky!
He's getting lucky.
Not as lucky as Ming.
Because we got...
Five bullets!
I lost $1,000.
[gun clicks]
[crowd exclaims]
He survived five bullets.
Hey, I think I'm just--
You're in the game, finish it.
Wait a minute, man,
it's past midnight.
Finish the game,
make him finish the game.
Let's see who can
make it past six bullets.
$5,000 to one.
Ready for a show?
[crowd member] Make some money!
$5,000 to one,
come on, you can't win.
[J.J.] Damnit.
Good luck.
Well, I guess this
is what happens when you...
trust the devil.
Should've known better.
[phone ringing]
Wait, hold on!
[crowd shouting]
Yeah?
I'm looking right at him.
-All right.
-[crowd member] Come on, man.
Yeah, yeah, hello?
Good job, J.J.
You continue to impress me.
I thought you double-crossed me.
Oh, come on.
You can trust me.
I would've
called you sooner,
but my cell phone ran
out of battery.
I had to call you
on the rotary dial.
My God, you made some
serious money tonight, baby.
Hey, uh, Lucy?
[Lucy] Yes, Hellena?
What's the name
of that gal that killed
your last boyfriend
with a butter knife?
Which one?
That loser professor
you were dating.
Oh, you're talking about Heidi.
He wasn't the only
man that she killed.
She's killed, like,
39 and a half men.
Well, she's been busy.
That's it, J.J.
Find Heidi
and bring her soul to me.
You've got until midnight.
Adios.
[crowd member] Yeah,
are we still betting?
What the fuck is going on?
Cowboy wins!
[cheering]
[crowd chanting] Cowboy!
Cowboy!
You're the man!
You're the man!
[engine rumbling]
J.J., it's Lucy.
Call me.
[funky upbeat music]
Hey, handsome.
Looking for a good time?
Hey, uh, you know where I can
find a twisted dyke named Heidi?
No.
But I know where you can
find some dirty pig, sugar.
Now, where would that be?
At the po-po station.
They got a whole
bunch of them over there.
[oinks]
All right, come here, come here.
What's this for?
Looking cute.
[squeals]
Come back this evening.
I want a ride in that Cadillac.
[phone ringing]
[Don] Oh, Jesus.
What, JJ? What?
You know, the one thing
I asked you to do and you did.
I told you,
don't go in the back room
and then you go
and you play Russian roulette.
-You're lucky to be alive.
-Hey, come on, man.
You know, I just
need some information
on a twisted dyke named Heidi.
Now, I know you
can make some phone calls
and find out for me, okay?
We're supposed to be family.
JJ, who do you think I am?
You think you can call
me 24-7 with these demands?
I have no idea
who you're talking about.
Listen, you asked me
to pull some strings and I did.
Listen.
I'm sorry, man.
I gotta feed my cat.
[purring]
Son of a bitch.
I'm gonna rock your world.
-Oh.
-Hm!
I'm gonna eat you like
a barbecue
of rotisserie chicken.
-Ah!
-Hmm, voicemail.
[Lucy] J.J., it's Lucy.
Call me.
Lucy.
All right, Lucy.
Redial.
[phone rings]
Hi, J.J.
Lucy, what do you want?
You know I like you.
And Hellena would kill me if
she knew I was talking to you.
Have you found Heidi?
What do you think?
Look, she has a nightclub in
Van Nuys called The Back Door.
Oh, that's very original.
I thought so, too.
She's there every
night from 10 p.m. on.
Yeah, thanks, doll.
[Hellena] Lucy!
Back Door, here we come.
[upbeat music]
You're so tired of me talking
about the weather
Losing sight of
when we were happy together
If this is the end
How will I begin again
If this is the end
Excuse me.
I'm so sorry to bother you.
I'm looking for my boyfriend.
Have you seen him
in here lately?
No.
[woman] Are you sure?
Can you please look closer?
No.
I'm sorry.
Thank you.
If this is the end
What'll it be, cowboy?
I'm gonna have me
some Oglesby Reserve.
You got it.
Wanna pretend
No, no, no.
You save the shot glass
for yourself, girl.
I'll take the whole bottle.
Come here.
You know where I can find Heidi?
[bartender] The way
you're dressed, darling.
She'll find you.
[sighs]
Tina, where did you
find this tall drink of water?
I don't think we've
been introduced, stranger.
I'm Heidi.
Well, now,
the pleasure's all mine.
Oh, such a gentleman.
Where on planet
are you from, stranger?
Well, I be from...
planet Louisville.
You see, it's in the,
uh, Kentucky solar system.
Oh, fast horses, fast money,
and even faster women.
Not to mention
the best bourbon in the world.
Tina, set us up with a round.
What's your pleasure?
Um, I didn't get your name.
Name's Jonathan Jones,
but my, uh, close friends,
they call me J.J.
Are we friends already, J.J.?
If this is the end
Well, I'd say
when a little filly like you
comes running up in here,
buying me a drink,
I'd say we're becoming friends.
[applause]
Well, I was kind of hoping we
could be more than just friends.
Oh, yeah.
[laughs]
That's what I'm talking about.
Oh, it's hot.
What's the matter?
You see something you like?
You have no idea
what I'm thinking
about doing to you.
Oh, big boy.
Follow me.
You have no idea
what I'm gonna do to you.
Come here, baby.
[Heidi moaning]
Mmm!
Seriously, Heidi, again?
Get the hell out of here, bitch!
Can't you see I'm busy?
Fucking whore.
[moaning]
[indistinct lyrics]
Oh, that is quite
a piece of Louisville lumber
you have there.
Yeah, I've never been
known to disappoint a lady yet.
[moans]
This is gonna feel
so good, big boy.
[indistinct lyrics]
Show me what you got.
[J.J. groans]
[gunshot]
[screams]
I've been lost for words
[grunting]
[gunshot]
[J.J.] Hasta la vista, Heidi.
Run away from your mind
Run away from your head
What the hell
happened out there?
There's a big mess out
there next to the dumpster.
You better clean it up.
[screaming]
[Hellena] Hey, baby.
Who is this?
You've got one guess.
[Lucy] Is that J.J.? Is he okay?
Lucy, mind your own business.
I want to talk to him.
[Hellena] You've talked
to him enough.
Hey, what's going on?
You know damn well
what's going on, J.J.
Don't play innocent with me.
Lucy tipped you off
where to find Heidi.
Hey, she called me.
I didn't call her.
Look, I'm gonna be
very generous with you
and even let this one go.
Matter of a fact, I'm gonna
reward you with the next one.
Kill a cop and bring him to me.
You've got
until high noon tomorrow.
Piece of cake.
Oink, oink.
Yeah, devil's food.
Oink, oink.
Wow.
[calm choral music]
Bless me, Father.
For I have sinned again.
This time I killed a woman.
Why have you
not turned yourself in?
I didn't come here
to answer questions, Father.
I came here to confess my sins.
Until you turn yourself
in and accept Jesus
into your heart, there
is nothing I can do for you.
Now, you must turn yourself in.
You must accept his will.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
It's not that easy, Father.
I was in hell, and I made a deal
with the devil to get out.
The devil has no
power over you, my son.
Those who are powerless
over themselves
must feel the wrath of God.
Now leave, and don't come back.
Pow, pow, pow.
[laughing]
Hey, pretty lady!
How you doing tonight?
[woman muttering]
Fight harder,
it makes it more fun.
Hey, let her go.
Fuck you gonna do about it,
you Kid Rock lookin'
motherfucker?
[gunshot]
Motherfucker, fuck you!
Baby, baby, you okay?
I coulda handled him.
Yeah, it sure looked like it.
Come on, come on.
I got a guy.
All right, come on,
now get in the car.
-Fuck you!
-Here, here.
You might need
this sometime now, come on.
You can take a shower in
my bathroom if you would like.
And for $200 more,
you can come in me next time.
Where's the stash?
There's no stash,
Bobby, you're my first today.
-Where's the stash?
-It's in my purse!
Ronnie!
Ronnie, get
in here, quick, please!
[yelling indistinctly]
[crying]
You're gonna
be here when I get back.
[woman] Okay.
And you keep your mouth shut.
Okay.
-Did you hear me?
-Yes.
You're gonna
keep your mouth shut?
Yes!
Do you want
me to shut it for good?
That's a good girl.
I'm not done with you yet.
I'll be back.
[ominous music]
[engine revving]
[laughing]
Got his dick wet!
[woman 2] What's your name?
That's what I'm talking
about, baby girl.
Oh, yeah, sunshine.
Oh!
I ain't ever going home.
[laughing]
God, look at you.
God damn it!
My mouth is dry.
[man] Hey, where's the cash?
Shut your fucking mouth!
My mouth is dry.
Grab me a beer.
Where the fuck?
There you go, b-b-boss.
Jesus, it's so
hard to find good help.
[man] Hey, where's the cash?
You're lucky you're my brother.
Where's the money at, fucker?
Oh, yeah, yeah, I-- I got it.
Spit it the fuck out, come on.
[man] Give me some money here.
Little brother.
-I got you--
-Surprise!
There's your fucking money.
Oh, fuck you.
Yeah, that's
what I'm going to be doing later
to you, motherfucker.
Yeah, right.
[smooth jazz music]
[ominous music]
[groaning]
Oh! Oh, shit.
Oh, God. Oh, fuck.
Are you okay?
Oh, damn.
It was nightmare, baby.
Jesus. That was a bad one.
[distant motor revving]
[gentle guitar music]
You, uh, you really know
where I can find a dirty cop?
Funny you should ask.
My girlfriend's seeing one.
Can we talk about
something else?
Yeah, sure.
You're not from
around here, are you?
Well, now, how'd you guess that?
[Charlotte giggling]
Texas?
Uh-uh.
I'm from Kentucky.
Oh, right, Kentucky.
What brought you to
this crazy town?
I'm in hell.
For the devil.
Does not exactly look like
you might think
the devil would look.
But the devil's got
a couple of friends down there.
And anyway,
um, I didn't like it much
down there, so I made
a deal with the devil,
and I got to collect
seven souls in seven days,
or spend the rest of
my eternity burning in hell.
For real?
So, uh, could you tell me
a little bit
about you, Charlotte?
Well, my real name's
Emily Wilson, not Charlotte.
Hm.
I grew up in Oakland.
My mom raised me,
but we didn't really get along.
My high school boyfriend
got me pregnant,
and I moved out here
to be a model,
ended up stripping,
and now I'm on the streets.
Well, uh,
what happened to your baby?
-Lost my baby.
-How?
Let's change the subject.
So...
you seriously want
to find a dirty cop?
Yeah.
Serious as a heart attack.
Can I trust you?
Mm. Oo-ee.
I'm either falling in love,
or I've done completely
lost my damn mind.
Okay.
I'm gonna call my girlfriend.
[intense music]
[phone ringing]
Your call has been forwarded
to an automatic--
She's probably with a client.
Let me try her again.
[phone ringing]
You call has been forwarded
to an automatic
voice message system,
310-6666...
Something's wrong.
Jenny always picks up.
I hope she didn't get
herself in trouble
with that cop she's dating
and get herself arrested.
Where's she staying?
Flamingo Motel.
All right, get dressed.
We're going over there.
[J.J.]
Which room is she in, baby?
-[Emily] Number 4.
-All right, come on, let's go.
Oh, my God!
Jenny! Jenny!
No!
-She's dead!
-Oh, shit.
No! No!
Got 'em both. Got 'em both.
-Baby, baby, baby, come here.
-Jenny!
Come here.
Come here, baby.
-Baby, ba--
-No!
Hey, hey, hey, look.
Look at me. Baby, baby.
Baby, come on.
I'm gonna fix it, okay?
I'm gonna fix it.
I got a plan.
[eerie music]
It's him. He's coming.
Okay, okay, hold on, hold on.
Hold on.
Tuck away, tuck away behind me.
This son of a bitch.
All right, you son of a bitch.
You like that, huh?
You like that, huh? Come here.
[Emily screaming]
Yeah.
That's what you get, fucker.
[Bach's "Toccata and Fugue
in D Minor" playing]
[J.J.] Yeah, hello?
You know, I thought about
having you kill an actual pig,
but, uh,
Lucy talked me out of it.
She thinks pigs are cute.
That's cute, yeah.
Isn't it?
Well, apple doesn't
fall far from the tree, J.J.
Hmm.
[growling]
So, you, uh,
call yourself an actor, huh?
That's what
it says on my union card.
Well, then you're
gonna love your next role.
Let's see if you could do
a better job impersonating
a police officer
than the unfortunate
slug you just plugged.
You're gonna need to
convince me you can uphold
the law and bring me
the leader of Satan's disciples.
He, by the way, loves cops.
Especially on vintage bikes.
All right, listen up, Kentucky.
I'm gonna make this
very easy
for you and even
tell you where he is.
Got a pen?
No, no, I can remember.
666 Signal Hill.
Did you write that down?
I don't need to.
I told you, I can remember.
All right, pal.
I'm gonna need
someone to ride with.
Don't let me down.
Now, don't you worry about that.
Uh-huh.
Now, baby,
I told you I had a plan.
All right, baby. Take my keys.
Keys to my apartment.
I'm gonna need you to
go there,
and I'm gonna
need you to wait for me.
Where are you going?
I'm going to take care of
a crazy motorcycle gang, okay?
Don't you worry about it.
I want to go with you.
No, baby, it's not safe.
Just go there and
you wait for me, baby, okay?
I love you.
Wait for me. I'll be back.
[distant siren]
[faint chatter]
[police annoincements]
What do you think
happened to his uniform, Harold?
I don't know.
But I'm kind of glad
this guy bought it.
Hm. Why's that?
Detectives Cain and Abel
told me he's the one that's been
impersonating the police
officer and killing hookers.
I think he might have
been a member of
the infamous Satan's Disciples
motorcycle gang.
Well, I guess he had
it coming to him, then.
Saved the taxpayers some dough.
[ominous music]
Where the hell's Clutch?
I don't know, boss.
Said he went around
the corner or something.
He'd better get here quick.
Fucking starving.
-Cable.
-Yeah, boss.
How about you give me
another cold one?
Ten-four, Eleanor.
Fucking Leroy!
You just called me Eleanor?
What'd I tell you about
calling me a woman's name?
Sorry, boss.
No, it's not sorry, boss.
It's yes, Leroy, sir.
Sorry, Leroy, sir.
Take this.
That's a lot better.
Look.
Next motherfucking whore
that disrespects me,
is gonna
be real fucking sorry.
Yes, sir.
[Clutch]
Boss! Boss!
Where the hell you been, Clutch?
[stammering]
[Clutch groaning]
Will you take it easy on him?
You know he only stutters
when you make him nervous.
Get your panties out of a knot.
I mean, hell,
you're making me nervous.
This is between me and Clutch.
Understand?
Yes, Leroy, sir.
Clutch, where's my hamburger?
Or did you eat that, too?
It-- it's in my s-s-saddlebag.
Th-th-th-th-th...
Go get it!
[cackling] Idiots!
I'm around fucking idiots!
All I wanted
was my fucking hamburger.
Boss, he never
forgets your lunch.
Something's really
gotta be bugging him.
Yeah.
No shit.
How about you pick up
that phone, call Bobby.
And bring
some of those hookers out.
We both need
to blow off a little steam.
-Am I right?
-You got it, boss.
-Yeah, this is Bobby.
-Uh-huh.
I'm either
drunk or with a hooker.
-Leave a message.
-Bobby's not answering.
Then call him again.
You got it, boss.
No, no, no, no.
Give me that phone.
Answering machine? Bobby!
There better be a good
reason for
you not picking up
the phone for me.
God damn it, Bobby!
[Chuck muttering]
God damn it!
What?
He's dead.
What'd you say?
He's dead, Leroy.
You're messing with me.
You're messing with me.
Hey, listen, please don't--
I'm not messing with you, Leroy.
I just heard it over the radio.
They found Bobby dead in
a hotel room with a hooker.
[stuttering]
That's not all, Leroy.
They said the cops
might be looking for us.
[Leroy roaring]
[motor revving]
Hey.
Looking for
the leader of the gang here.
What do you want?
I asked you a question.
I'm looking
for the leader of the gang.
[Leroy]
How can I help you, officer?
Well, well, well.
You must be
the leader of the gang.
Well, that depends.
Let's see your warrant.
Be in the saddlebag.
Yeah, that right there.
That's a nice bike, see.
Oh, yeah?
You want to know
something about it that I know?
[J.J.] Yeah, what's that?
That in 1975, the LAPD
decommissioned this bike.
And the only other
person to have this bike
was my brother Bobby.
Why did
you kill my brother Bobby?
-All yours.
-He wants to play, boys.
-Fucking silly bitch.
-[Cable] Get 'em, boss.
-Fuck you.
-Motherfucker.
Fucking kill him.
Fuck you.
-That's for Bobby.
-Yeah.
Ah, fuck you.
[smooth jazz music]
It's over, motherfucker.
Yeah.
Hey, Leroy. What you doing?
About to blow
this fucker's head off.
Jenny told me you boys
might want some company tonight.
Did you hear
what happened to Bobby?
Bobby?
Bobby?
Is there a fucking echo in here?
Bobby, my fucking brother.
He's fucking dead,
and he killed him.
What? Are you sure?
He took his fucking
badge and his fucking bike.
I'm so sorry, baby.
[J.J. Grunting]
You piece of shit.
Got you, Kentucky.
Boys, give me some space.
How you doing, sweetheart?
[Emily] Mm.
That's nice, sweetheart.
There you go. There you go.
That's it right there.
Hey. Hey, bitch.
Hey, I'm talking to you.
Eleanor.
The fuck did you just call me?
Give me a moment.
You son of a bitch.
I'll just fucking end you now,
motherfucker.
[Emily grunting]
You big motherfucker.
Goddamn...
["Toccata in Fugue and
D Minor" playing]
[grunting]
Oh. Yeah.
Bravo, bravo.
My God.
You're not
half bad an actor, J.J.
I mean, really.
You got a little
Bonnie and Clyde thing
going on there with Charlotte.
I like it.
Better not let
Lucy find out, though.
She won't like
you two timing on her.
You know the old saying,
hell hath no fury. Right?
Am I right? [laughing]
Hundred percent.
Okay, listen, I'm liking
your performance skills here.
Now, let's see how much
Charlotte really likes you.
Let's see if you're
a match made in hell.
You still with me, darling?
J.J.?
Are you there?
J.J., I can't hear you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I'm here, I'm here.
Okay. Good.
I thought I lost you there
for a moment.
Bad reception down here.
Now, as I was saying, yes.
Here's what I need
you to do before midnight.
Are you ready?
Yeah, yeah, I'm ready.
I want you to convince
Charlotte to kill someone.
Make her kill and turn her out.
Make her bring
the next soul to me!
Oh, hell no. Damn it!
[upbeat country music]
[humming along]
Oh, shit.
Oh, baby.
Who was that?
Oh, you don't want to know.
Baby.
You ever hated someone so much,
you wanted to kill them?
Yeah.
-Okay.
-I've thought about it.
That's good. That's good.
All right, come on now.
[unsettling guitar music]
[birds calling]
Oh, damn.
[Emily] Yeah.
Oh...
You got anything to eat in here?
Uh, should be some eggs,
slab of bacon,
and some milk in the fridge,
if-- hasn't gone bad.
Okay.
Hell no.
Nasty.
That milk's gone sour.
[sighing]
Do you like me, JJ?
I'm serious. Answer me.
You are so guarded.
You never tell me
how you really feel.
[laughing] I--
I've got my reasons, baby.
Like what?
Let's just not get
into this right now, okay?
Do what now?
I don't want to fight
with you right now, baby, okay?
Fight?
Believe me, if we were fighting,
you would know it.
God damn it, J.J.
It's not easy for me
to share my feelings either.
I mean, I've told
you twice that I love you,
and you just stay all
bottled up, staring into space.
You don't say anything back.
What's wrong with you?
Look, I've never
been good at this, okay?
Good at what?
Relationships.
Is that what this is?
A relationship?
Look, baby,
now when you say you love me,
do you really mean it?
Do you think I would have
risked my life tonight,
saving your ass from
that crazy-ass motorcycle gang,
if I didn't fucking
love you, huh?
Yeah, and exactly
how did you know
where that motorcycle
gang was anyway, huh?
Would you just go in there and
have sex with all of them, huh?
I was worried sick about
you heading out last night.
And I had a bad feeling,
J.J., so I followed you.
I would never lie to you, J.J.
Well...
Actually,
I have lied to you once.
-[scoffing]
-Just once.
-Uh-huh.
-Once.
Once.
Okay.
[somber music]
Do you remember that time
when I told you that
it was my high school boyfriend
that got me pregnant?
It was someone else,
from a long time ago.
Who?
My mama was dating
a man when I was in high school.
It was a businessman,
much older than she,
who said he loved her,
and was going
to take care of her.
So she cleaned up her act,
and got off drugs,
and she would have
done anything for this man.
But that all changed one day
when I was coming home
from school.
You see, Mama had to
work a double that night,
and I was
at home all by myself,
and he showed up,
in his big, fancy car.
So I let him in,
and I told him
that Mama wasn't going
to be home till midnight.
And he said he knew that.
I said, well, if you know that,
then why did you come over?
And...
He put his arm around me,
and he said,
" 'Cause I wanted to see you,
alone."
I didn't know what to do.
And then what happened?
I don't know how Mama
found out what he did to me,
'cause I never told her,
but she did.
And when Mama found out I was
pregnant, oh, Mama lost it.
And one night,
I was coming home from school.
I found her in the bathtub.
With both her wrists slit.
And that night,
after the coroner
took Mama's body away,
he shows up,
kicks me so hard in my stomach,
I had a miscarriage.
And he says for me not
to say a word to anybody,
and for me
to keep my mouth shut,
and I have, until just now.
You know what needs to
be done, don't you, baby?
I can't kill anybody, J.J.,
not even this man.
It's just not right.
Baby, I don't need you to
do this just for yourself.
I need you to do this for us,
'cause if you really
love me the way you say you do,
you're going
to do this one thing.
And if you really love me,
then marry me.
[eerie wind whooshing]
[frogs croaking]
[bell tolling]
I killed four
more people, Father.
Oh, and they got
what they deserved, too.
Dead.
Yeah. And you know what?
I'm not going to be
turning myself in, neither.
Oh, no.
Because I got someone now,
someone who understands me,
someone I care about, someone
I care about more than myself,
and someone,
Father, who loves me.
And now she's going to have
to become
what I've become, a killer.
You listen to me, Father?
You listening to me?
I spoke to God, my son.
I must follow His will.
Give me that gun. [grunting]
Give me that gun.
Who needs forgiveness now,
father, huh?
Oh, yeah,
you better say your prayers.
[gunshots]
[heavenly choir singing]
[villainous laugh]
Oh, damn.
[wind blowing]
[Mendelssohn's "Wedding March"
playing]
Repeat after me, J.J.
I, Jonathan Jones.
I, Jonathan Jones.
Take you,
Emily Charlotte Wilson.
Take you,
Emily Charlotte Wilson.
[ominous music]
To be my wife, to have and
to hold from this day forward.
To be my wife, to have and
to hold, from this day forward.
For better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer.
For better and worse,
for richer, for poorer.
Bring me the property tax
report for the Archway Megaplex.
It's already right here, sir.
Hmm. And Julia?
Yes?
There's one more thing.
What's that?
Come here.
Make reservations for us at
the Charleston
-for this evening.
-Hmm?
In sickness and in health
To love and to cherish,
'til death do us part
In sickness and in health
To love and to cherish,
'til death do us part
My wife's out of town.
You mean your ex-wife, right?
[knocking at door]
[Julia] Mm-hmm.
I'll be right back.
[phone ringing]
Emily, repeat after me.
I, Emily Charlotte Wilson.
I, Emily Charlotte Wilson.
Take you, Jonathan Jones.
Take you, Jonathan Jones.
To be my husband, to have and
to hold, from this day forward.
To be my husband, to have and
to hold, from this day forward.
Well, well, well.
You actually picked
up the phone, Chauncey.
I'm shocked.
I thought you'd be
fucking your secretary.
What's this one's name?
I'm busy.
With what?
Gambling, or fucking hookers?
And what is it
that you do, actually?
[birds chirping]
[muffled screaming]
When I get back from my trip,
you and I, we're going to talk.
Divorce papers are in the mail.
[tense music]
For better, for worse.
For richer, for poorer.
For better, for worse.
For richer, for poorer.
In sickness and in health
To love and to cherish
'Til death do us part
In sickness and in health
To love and to cherish
'Til death do us part
[Chauncey]
Where's Julia?
Julia?
Oh, your personal assistant?
Yes. She said to give you this.
She's a little
tied up right now.
What are you doing in here?
What are you doing in here?
Funny.
I should have asked you
the same question 20 years ago.
What are you doing in here?
You don't remember me, do you?
J.J., place the ring on
Charlotte's finger, Emily.
[J.J.]
Here you go, baby.
Emily, place
the ring on J.J.'s finger.
[tense music]
Remember me now?
No.
Well, maybe this will help.
Open it.
[Chauncey scoffing]
Charlotte!
What are you doing here?
What do you want?
Mind if I smoke?
Thanks, but no thanks.
Cigars only.
Cuban.
My, my, my.
Someone's come up in the world.
I was never down,
'til I denigrated myself
with your mother.
Denigrating yourself, huh?
How about raping
me when I was underage?
I'll bet if we look up
the definition of the word
"denigrating,"
it doesn't say anything
about raping an underage
girl and getting her pregnant.
You know, I'm sorry about
what happened to your mother.
And as far as your...
rape allegations,
we both know they're false.
[chuckling]
You couldn't prove it anyway.
All right.
I'll tell you what, Charlotte.
Fifty...
thousand...
dollars.
Yeah.
Have a good life.
Not big enough, huh?
Okay. Okay.
One hundred...
thousand...
dollars.
Take it or leave it.
And if you want my best advice,
you better take it.
I'm not
interested in your money.
I want something else.
Relax.
[smooth jazz music]
Oh, yes...
Oh.
[chuckling] Oh.
Oh, oh...
Take off that silly hat
and look into my eyes.
[Chauncey laughing]
[rushing sound]
[Chauncey crying out]
[birds chirping]
By virtue of the power
vested in me from Graceland,
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
JJ, you may
kiss your lovely bride.
Come here, baby.
[cans clinking]
[majestic orchestral music]
["Toccata and Fugue
in D Minor" playing]
Yeah, hello?
What a performance
you both gave.
I actually had to
wipe away some tears.
Just don't tell anybody, though,
or I'll have to kill you.
Actually, Lucy will
probably kill you anyway.
She found out
you married Charlotte.
I guess you and Charlotte really
are a match made in hell, huh?
[sighing] Well, you reached
day seven, bud.
I can't believe
you came this far.
Now that you're
actually married and all,
I'm gonna give you some time
to enjoy the married life.
Trust me, it's not
all it's cracked up to be.
JJ, are you there?
Yep, I'm here.
Enjoy your honeymoon.
I'm not gonna
bother calling you anymore.
But Lucy does have a little
wedding gift waiting for you.
[cackling]
-[high-pitched whine]
-Huh?
[rapid beeping]
[Hellena]
You never trust the devil.
[Schubert's "Ave Maria"
playing]
[lyrics in Latin]
[bell tolling]
[ominous music]
Where am I?
What's going on?
[growling]
What's going on?
[speaking Spanish]
[speaking Spanish]
[speaking Spanish]
[menacing choral music]
[Hellena]
Until next time, J.J.
[cackling]