A Bad Moms Christmas (2017) Movie Script

My name is Amy Mitchell,
and this year I've ruined Christmas.
Christmas is the absolute absolute of the year
most stressed time.
One million things have to be achieved.
And everything must be done perfectly,
otherwise you do not forgive yourself -
- and it does not even make children.
I feel
as the world's worst mother.
Let me start over again
I've always loved Christmas.
The best time of year.
Mostly I love
to be with the family.
For all I want ...
what any mother wants is -
- The kids are having a wonderful Christmas.
But Christmas is also
Crazy hard work.
You must buy gifts for everyone
you've ever met.
I gave the coffee maker a scented candle.
Why did I do that?
You have to decorate the house,
Which I'm Miserable.
I do what I can, Charmaine!
You must join
in the children's Christmas concerts, which are ...
Yes ... And then there are all the Christmas parties
just too much.
Oh God. Is it hummernissehuer?
Is it the new variety? Fuck, therefore.
Then you have to cook, clean,
Enter gifts.
It's crazy.
There is never enough time.
Hi Mom.
- Hi. How did the match go?
Well. Bulls won.
- Congratulations. Hey darling.
The house looks amazing.
- Thanks. There is still a lot of work.
Is there anything I can do?
- Can you fix the Christmas lights?
I can easily do that.
The fuse must only be replaced.
It's sexy.
You will be rewarded tonight.
- Remember it.
Your dad is amazing.
I thought you hated him?
- Why do you say that?
Home with us last week
did you scream him in the bedroom?
No, honey. It was a war of war.
- You did not sound happy.
And you hit the wall
and shouted the f word.
I can not really remember that,
that i did
But you did.
You screamed:"Too bad!"
"God damn!"
- Okay.
Your father and I
just played a fun grown-up.
You played it seven times.
- Six and a half.
But let's not talk more about it.
Okay? Fantastic.
Oh no ...
- What is it?
My mother is coming to Christmas.
God damn.
Thank you for helping to decorate the tree.
Let's just hang them on the tree.
Who has hung it brown?
front of the tree?
It looks like a pub.
That's why the mother moves it from behind.
Do not drink the water.
We are human beings.
Is Santa, Mother?
- At least he does.
Are you lying?
- Make it stop.
What else have you lied about?
Hey darling.
- Hi Dad.
Nice tree.
Should I give the twins food?
Thank you.
Merry Christmas, Kiki!
- Mother?
Oh boy.
Would not you come on friday?
- I took a previous flight.
Three days earlier?
The guest room is not ready.
"I'm just asleep with you.
Normally I sleep with my husband.
- Do you want to see my blouse?
I love that picture.
You just had your little breasts.
One at least.
Let's drop my breasts.
- And then came the second. Thank God.
Keeks! If you're a little smart,
Can you have a blouse like Christmas?
Oh no ...
Kiki Dee, I can not wait -
- spend all my waking hours
with you for the next three weeks.
Do you smell my hair?
- Yes.
If I'm going to grow
a pussy more today, I'm going to black.
Why should all American women
Have hairless kisses for Christmas?
Others to be waxed?
Goddamn. 50 pillows more.
Whose turn is it?
No, you can not
look right now, your yeti.
Let's see.
You there ... Betty White.
Now I'm curious. Come with me.
What's up, that lady?
Mother?! What did you hollow hell?
Holy shit.
You have not said you came to Christmas.
Is it Christmas?
- Is not that why you are here?
Yes, that's obviously why. Merry Christmas.
You do not see one day older.
You are so sexy. Just look at them.
Thanks. You look a bit older,
but you look good.
Is it three years since last?
Is it?
I do not fully control the year.
Why do you wear pajamas?
I work in a spa.
Do you have a job?
- Yes.
I try to be more responsible.
- You have always been so weird.
What do you really want?
- What do you mean?
You come only,
when you need money.
I stopped playing.
I just wanted to see my daughter for Easter.
So let's celebrate it.
Thunder Down Under player
at the airport. Shall we not see them?
Male strippers?
With my mother?
For Christmas?
I can not say that no!
Let's take some dillers.
Jaxon flips when he sees you.
- Do you still have that kid?
How old is he now?
- 15-17 years.
Have your parents
never been here for christmas
No. Is there enough food?
- Are you serious?
I'm just doing a quiche.
- It'll be fine, honey.
No, my mother is
the most critical person in the world.
When I was six,
I made a birthday card.
It came back with comments.
- Sick.
She is perfect and impossible to satisfy.
Why are you trying so hard?
That's what daughters spend their lives on.
Mothers are using theirs to skide on us.
That's just how it is.
But I'm not bye, Beyonc.
It's you for me. I love you.
- You too.
Do you think she likes me?
- No.
Sorry for the delay.
Hank runs like a fool.
Merry Christmas, Grandmother and Grandpa!
- Merry Christmas, Dad.
Here are some Xboxs.
- We can not get that for mom. Thanks.
Good day mrs Redmond. Jessie.
Nice to meet you.
Wear the bags on top.
Hi Mom.
- Amy. You look pale.
It's a new face cream.
- Well, you're not dying.
Where is the tree?
- I have not had time.
It's December 19th. Even the Jews
have one now. We'll buy one tomorrow.
Do you have any food?
I have not eaten for three days.
I have made all your favorite food.
- Wonderful. You sent the children to the kitchen.
that you can also get discount jewelery.
The plan is that we see the Nutcracker
Thursday and singing Christmas songs on Friday.
You are getting divorced from the baritone,
so we have to find a replacement -
- if we are to win
song contest this year.
When I lived here,
we won it nine times.
A shame, you dropped that tradition.
"I've just been busy.
Not to go to the fitness center.
To celebrate that I'm in Chicago again,
I would like to have a big Christmas party here.
What do you say at Christmas Eve?
- No, it's not possible.
We can invite my old friends,
eat sushi -
- and get Kenny G to stand for the music.
He is no longer so expensive.
It sounds like a big job.
- I have already invited everyone.
- Yes. We will be 184.
- Why have you not sent Christmas cards?
I did not get it right.
- What is happening to you?
- It's Christmas. That's all that big.
I know.
- You can not soothe it.
I'm not so, mother.
- Yes, I can see that.
I am not.
- You smolder, smolder, smolder.
I'm not smearing.
- Not that ugly language.
Your hair is nice.
- Do you think?
You look like you do not
do your best. I love you.
I can not have Christmas with my mother.
It's like living with Saddam Hussein.
My mother only comes,
because she wants to steal my TV.
My mother and I have to buy Christmas tree tonight.
A seven-hour long march in town.
My daughter wants her
a happy princess doll.
I have been looking everywhere,
but I can not find one.
Where is she?
Where is the happy princess?
It's just a doll,
but Christmas will kill me this year.
Please just shut up.
I do not power it in sober condition.
- Me neither.
Should we drink us stiff?
- Yes, sgu. Came.
Do you know what makes me crazy?
- genital warts?
No, Carla.
I'm tired of the pressure we put
on our own to make Christmas perfect.
Christmas must be fun.
- Yes!
Why do I have to take care of gifts?
to everyone in my family?
Just because I'm a girl? It's 2017!
Kent can even buy gift for his mother.
I do not like her. She is shooting
blamed for their cuddles on the children.
Do you know what I do with my son?
I go into his room -
- pull something down and pack it in.
He does not even notice it.
He has got the same
baseball glove nine times.
What are you getting?
- I'm looking for gifts for months.
But I only get
Coupons for free massage.
Where is it unfair.
- I got zip-close bags of my son.
I think,
I'm packing them for him this year.
I am one big stress club
from November to New Year.
I would like to enjoy Christmas again.
- Yes.
So let's do it.
- Hvabehar?
Have not we learned anything at all?
I'm disappointed with our wooden clover.
We are mothers.
When there is a headwind, what do we do?
We hide in the bathroom.
- No, we do not.
We get up and fight against.
So if Christmas
must be our way this year -
- Christmas will be our way.
No more perfect presents and decorations.
Nothing is perfect anymore.
Let's regain Christmas.
"We open up for the big pule bar!
Excuse me?
- It sounded better inside my head.
We caught the point.
- Cheers to reclaim Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Tastings. So what?
Now it will be much better.
Merry Christmas.
- Whose turn is it?
Which one of them is best for the pillow?
Listen, folks.
I'm full and horny.
I repeat:Full and horny.
Wait a minute. I still have to
buy christmas tree with my mother
Now I got a foolish idea.
Look here.
Then there is popcorn.
Are you ready? Look here.
How cozy, mom.
- That's how Christmas should be.
Yes, we can not just drop
all that messy?
Well, that would be nice.
Jessie, come over to us for Christmas.
We will not have to worry about it.
Get up, Dad. We will be there.
Is it okay?
Yes, I would love that.
- Me too.
Good evening ...
What the hell is that?
It is our new Christmas tree.
Do you like it?
No, Amy. That's horrible.
What is the best thing about your home?
I preferred to enjoy Christmas
rather than rushing around for a tree.
You are mom Mothers spread joy.
That's the essence of being a mother.
And the horror of a tree
does not spread joy.
I really like it.
- Thanks.
Who are you? Why do you speak?
- Mom, you've met Jessie.
The conversation bores me, but if you think,
you have to destroy Christmas for all of us -
- Can you think again.
Good night, dear children.
Here are gift cards for Itunes.
Mom, stop giving them gifts.
Have you seen the decoration? There are small shoes.
Hank, I'll leave you soon
at the nearest baby hatch.
Have you had a nice evening?
- Yes.
You taste of grape juice.
- I just got a Welch.
Bless you.
- Hello there.
What are you doing here?
- I want to see you falling asleep as always.
But you go straight to it.
Have you done it every night?
Blue Blood,
I'm just so happy to see,
that you have a lively sex life, honey
It is important that you and Kent buns.
And Kent, I'm so glad,
that you can get an erection again.
And Kiki.
He is much bigger than your father.
Thank you mom. Go before my husband
never again will grow sex with me.
Your dad loved getting the nudge clumps.
- Be quiet.
I'm looking into you for a while.
- Do not.
You must talk to her.
- I know.
There must be limits for her.
Our border.
I just want to hurt her.
And after my father died,
am I her only family.
So I fear that even the smallest
rejection breaks her heart.
She saw my stubbik, Kiki.
- Yes.
My Goodness. What f ...
What the hell ...?
The French chickens
7.5 cm to the left. Yes.
What are you doing?
- You do not even decorate the house properly.
Why should it be dressed?
By making Christmas special,
Do you show the children that you love them?
Should your children maybe
feeling worthless and unhealthy?
In Christmas we surrender ourselves to create
a magical world for the children.
You are not in pajamas
and eat carrots.
I can not even like caramels.
- Then tighten up.
What do you say to the march, kids?
It is awesome.
- Show mother.
Here you will love Amy.
Run the procession. Switches.
I'll show you the app.
You have installed speakers.
- Just wait.
What has this cost?
- Children's happiness has no price.
But it was expensive.
- Mother, yes.
Now comes the big finale!
Was it real real fowl?
Yes. They are not able to survive.
They died in an hour.
Here's your breakfast look.
- Sorry what?
I love you Grandma.
- Just like kids.
Grab the birds down again.
And let's paint them white.
Can not they look a little more happy,
when they fly? It's Christmas.
Has your mother embellished your house?
That's not possible at all.
Leave her.
Can she also handle me?
The problem is that I am 34 years old,
and my mother still decides.
So take the fight up.
- Exactly.
I can teach you karate, but she
Continue until you knock her.
You must not meet my mother.
- She is 62 years old.
Then you have to go
a serious niggle with her.
It sounds more legal.
What about your father?
He is so sweet, but under the fool.
He would never defend me.
Sweetheart. It is hard.
- Mothers are just weird.
How is Christmas with your mother?
- Well, that's fine.
That is, she's got her hair
cut and colored like mine.
But is not it very normal?
Do your mothers have the same hairstyle as you?
Every time i think
I'm furthest out of our three
- then you open your mouth, Kiki -
- and I just think so:
No, I'm fine.
We bring the kids to Sky Zone.
Do you want to join?
I have quarantine, but ...
No, I'm taking good care of it.
- Unfortunately.
My mother has forced us to
to see the Nutcracker.
I love that.
- Not the sugary version.
The original lasts five hours.
In Russian, where a lot of people die.
- Then drop it.
She would make my life so bad for me.
It is easier to bring along.
Would not we regain Christmas this year?
I was so full that I do not remember,
if I said it or dream about it.
I'm late for it.
Do you know what I've been doing?
Merry Christmas.
The cock broke.
Throw it out.
- Now I'm going.
What then, that lady?
- Mother. What are you doing here?
I'm waiting for my daughter
gives me a free manicure.
Free manicure? Fine.
I do not have to grow your pussy.
- Maybe next time.
So what? Do you have a girlfriend?
I have had some fathers from school,
but it will be so cumbersome.
And Christmas is the best time of year
to be single
When I see the pairs
her in the mall -
- holding hands
- Has matching scarves
and feed each other with sandwiches -
- and looking at jewelry ...
Stop. You just sound so lonely.
The wild life does not fit everyone.
I am the epitome of the wild life.
I woke up in a park this morning.
Carla, I found root fruit chips
in your kitchen.
It's for the knight.
They are wildly healthy.
They are good for the heart.
- You love much of his son, what?
Of course. Most people
love their children, mom.
Maybe. I can not keep up with it
in the latest parent trends.
How are you feeling?
I've actually had a better time.
There is something exciting,
as i need money for ...
Then it came.
You do it every time.
You show up asking for money
and play it all up.
You travel again and come back,
and stupid me give you more.
It is a completely legal
business opportunity.
How much do you need?
- Little. 5000th
Between 5000 and 10,000. Not more than 15,000.
- I'm considering it.
What a lot of beautiful cases,
You have here. Stylish place.
I should have taken my bag.
Why should we see
the Russian Nutcracker?
Because it's original.
Not the Disney version
with dance and joy.
Does it really last for five hours?
- Yes, and you will love it.
Just listen to the beautiful music.
This song is called
'When Boris is killed'.
It sounds like they are shouting at us.
- Can not we do any fun?
The theater is on the right.
- We're not going to the theater.
Where are we going?
- Wait and see.
Welcome to Sky Zone. Three kids?
- Yes!
No, we all have to join.
No, we will not. Here smells of diapers.
Then you came, Amy.
Where am I glad you are here?
My mother kills me,
but it is worth it all.
Hi, I'm Carla's mother.
- Isis! Nice to meet you.
Hello. You must be Amy's mother. Carla.
Jaxon, mother needs more splashes.
My son, Jaxon.
- It's my mother, Isis.
Ruth, as in Ruth Bader Ginsberg.
Isis, as in the terrorist organization.
It's my mother, Sandy.
- I've heard so much about you, Amy.
You really have the same haircut.
Hi, my name is Ruth. Amy's mother.
- Jessie. We followed the car.
Who does any Christmas present?
Hi, Ruth.
I took a churro with you.
Here's fun. Such places
I did not come as a child.
No, God free me.
- We broke things in the air in the quarry.
How nice. Where are you from?
I am from Ottawa, Canada.
My husband wanted more time in it,
so we moved to Bismarck, North Dakota.
I was only 18 when I got Kiki.
And then Dirk died.
A long and painful death.
But a beautiful day we die all.
Lonely and scared.
Where are you from, Ruth?
- Chicago.
The city of light. Bismarck was called
"the old white city".
You are weird.
Did you have a good upbringing in Chicago?
- No. My mother was awful.
She even hit me because I
was wearing a peep toe-shoe on a boat.
It was that time.
- Two months ago.
Amy thinks I'm strict, but she
I do not know what I had to go through.
Like the age of 15, I got holes in my ears,
and she called me a luder.
She sent me to a boarding school in Croatia.
She is tough.
Where are you from, Isis?
- I did not know my parents.
I used just all my talents.
- It sounds abominable.
I was roadie for REO Speedwagon
for 15 years.
Cigarettes are forbidden, Isis.
- It's not a cigarette. Here you go.
Here you go. You must do that yourself.
Where do you go to church Christmas Eve?
'Church of eternal mother'.
The city's best worship service.
Nice, we'll see you there.
How nice to meet new friends.
Do you want to play the chief ball?
- It does not make grandmothers.
What the hell did she say?
- That mother-in-law does not ...
Yes. But we do.
- I am in.
It was a pure parody.
Was it fun? Would you like to laugh
If I changed your heart pills?
Amy will obviously ruin Christmas.
I have to make myself more worried.
- Or you can stop the war.
Do you think I enjoy it?
I do not.
I just want to give my grandchildren
The wonderful Christmas they deserve.
Your first Christmas without their father
Must be perfect, so they know everything is alright.
But a half-hearted Christmas will destroy them.
They smoke into a vicious spiral
of anxiety, depression and drugs.
They really looked forward to it.
- They had enjoyed the Nutcracker more.
My Christmas is enchanting and magical.
Amy's Christmas is lazy and petty.
My way is better,
and my way always wins.
When it's all about the kids.
As Amy's mother, I'm forced
to push her to be a good mother.
One beautiful day she will thank me
in a touching voice in front of a large audience.
Have you finished my pajamas?
- Yes, Ruth. It is still hot.
I'm sorry to get you on.
You curl my pajamas.
- I make your toothbrush ready.
Oh god, no more fisser.
Hello. Are you Carla?
You bet. Who are you?
- Ty Swindel. Intimate Waxing.
It sounds good.
Hop on to the bunk, Ty Swindel.
Have you grown the clumps before?
- Yes, I'm stripping.
Then the undercarriage
should always be welcoming.
I just remove the towel,
so I can lubricate the grown up ...
For satan too, where is it big.
It looks like a traffic rule!
People are always a little scared.
Not at all.
I just have to spend a lot more wax.
A moment.
Where do you usually grow?
- In Cleveland. That's where I'm from.
It is a lie. I'm from Edgewater.
- I'm from Tremont!
What a little world. Where sour.
- Yes, sir.
Can you just lift your penis?
Well. What are you doing in Chicago, Ty?
- Sexy Santa Claus competitions.
Lovely. This hurts a bit.
How did you dance?
I'm a firefighter.
- Of course.
I once came out
to a fire in a strip club.
The owner came and said:
"You there. You have a giant cock."
And I have that.
The rest of the story we know.
Such a nice story.
- Thanks.
This is scary.
Christmas stands for the door.
Do you have plans with your boyfriend?
I wish I had a boyfriend.
Women see me like a sex object
and goes when we have had sex.
But even though I dance in a g-string,
Do I also have feelings, right?
I know it well.
Where are you easy to talk to.
I can be honest. It's great.
I feel the same way, Ty.
Swing your feet behind your head,
so I can get behind the clinker.
Let's get them away.
it may seem a little staggering ...
... but do you want to
for the competition tonight?
I have a code about
not to go out with the customers.
Of course, and you should.
I'm joking. I have no code.
I'm growing your asshole.
I would love to
She is fun and beautiful.
It is a rare combination.
It is here too.
So do we have a deal tonight?
- We have that.
Should I spread the balls for you?
- Thanks.
No one has offered to do before.
I spread balls for you at any time.
Who sent you, Ty Swindel?
What made you come today, Kiki?
"My mother and I are very close.
And we want to be ...
- Closer.
We want to be more independent.
- Closer.
Tell about your relationship with your daughter.
Oh, that's my favorite subject.
I got Kiki when I was 18 years old.
When I got her chest up, I said:
"You will be my best friend forever."
Is it forever normal?
- We do not use the word 'normal'.
Well, but we have always been very close,
because we are almost as old.
But then my husband died,
and we became crazy close.
We went to the school ball together.
- Wow!
Okay, Kiki, how are you?
with all that closeness?
Excellent. Who does not want to be
slyngveninde with his mother?
I love my mother.
But sometimes she is a little too much.
What? When?
As you looked at,
that Kent and I bred sex the other day.
Oh God.
Is it wrong to keep track of your life?
- No, I just need some air.
I do not know what's going on.
Why do you overcome me like this?
I'm just saying that we could benefit from,
that some limits were set.
I have cancer.
My Goodness. What shape?
Heart ... cancer.
Cardiac Cancer.
- In the 12th stage.
So maybe you can find some kindness
in your non-cancerous heart before I die?
I'm really sorry, Mom.
I did not know that.
I know.
Oh God.
Mother ...
- Oh, Keeks.
Oh kiki No. Keeks!
Okay, I do not have cancer.
- I knew it.
But if I had how
can you be so bad at your mother?
I'm not evil,
I try to talk about our relationship.
I have cancer again.
- It's not going to go.
And polio.
- It has been wiped out.
Pest, shingles, bird flu.
- Are you done?
A lazy eye.
- Mother. Can not we talk about our relationship?
I want to find a solution.
- Yes. Let's do it. Yes.
Do you mean it?
- Yes, we'll fix it.
Do you mean it?
- I just brush my nose and come back.
She's not coming back, right?
- No.
What's wrong with her?
- Do you really want to know?
Your mother was probably quite normal,
before she got you. But then you came.
And you did not sleep for half a year,
so she did not.
You did not eat and when you did,
did you giggle over her
It made her scarce. Also
you fell on the bike and broke your arm.
And then you were bullied at school
and dated him with a stick in his nose.
Everything made her a little more crazy.
And then you got married
and bought an overly expensive house.
And you have children who never say thank you.
They may not even read.
And all that made your mother completely crazy.
And now you come here and ask:
"Doctor, why is my mother so crazy"?
And the answer is:
It's your fault.
You've made her crazy.
So be nice to her,
because you've made her ball run.
We run the Christmas Singing Contest this year.
What are you wearing?
- If you want to win, it requires a theme.
Therefore, we all must be
a figure from 'A Christmas adventure'.
Dylan, you are Marley's spirit.
Jane, you are the spirit of today.
And Amy, you're Scrooge.
- Thank you mom.
That's how it matches your Christmas hat this year.
- I do not hate Christmas, Mom.
Here are the nodes.
I hope everyone can sing the songs.
Where are many songs.
Everyone in Westbury must vote,
so we must reach at least 300 houses this evening.
"We have gained strength. Come in!
Welcome to
Chicago All Saints Choir!
Do you want to cheat?
- It takes an effort to succeed.
Try it.
Good, let's go out to sing, but I
Do not take that ridiculous costume on.
Fuck it.
There are more singers.
Say your reply, Scrooge.
Do it now.
"Bah, humbug, my name is Ebenezer Scrooge.
I hate Christmas because I'm lazy. "
Do not you want to hear our song,
mr. Scrooge?
And let your heart be filled with heat.
One two three four.
What the hell is going on?
"Bah, Humbug, my name is Ebenezer Scrooge.
I hate Christmas because ... "
Before hell.
What the hell are you wearing?
My mother made me feel like that.
- You look lovely.
It's better than your normal clothes.
Come and see.
No, just stay there.
- Amy Mitchell as old, fat man.
I'll imagine Scrooge.
- Do not laugh. She is my girlfriend.
Now you are going to Instagram.
From this angle.
Can you make trutmund?
- I take my life straight away.
I put a filter on, so you do not
looks tired. Thanks for the visit!
You will never forget this.
- I know.
Did she have a broken cock on her face?
That was one big success.
This is not going to happen.
- Which?
I want to have a fun Christmas,
and you counteract me in everything.
It's an important Christmas for the kids.
You can not just stand up.
I do not either.
My kids asked for a fun Christmas,
and I promised them.
Yes, of course, because they say that,
they think you'd like to hear.
But inside they know,
that I am right, because I have.
I do not want to fight anymore.
Listen to this,
how we celebrate christmas this year
The kids and I
have to go to sleep all Christmas eve.
Afterwards we bake cookies
and see "Love Actually".
Silly movie.
- Christmas morning comes Jessie and Lori.
And we exchange three gifts.
- Who is Jessie?
So we sit in nightwear all day long,
Until my girlfriends come.
And then we order Chinese.
- Oh, horror.
There will be no smart parties,
no sushi, no camels.
And absolutely no Kenny G.
- He's a smooth jazz legend.
I have had enough of your Christmas parties.
This is my home and my life.
And if you want to be part of my family,
do you have to subordinate my rules.
Okay. We do it your way.
We are having a fun Christmas.
I hope you are satisfied.
- You do not mean it, but I am.
I contradicted her and she gave up.
- Where am I proud of you?
For the first time, we were equal.
Perhaps we get closer to each other.
Funny, Obama. She's still a bag.
Look away and she's doing a bomb attack.
Yes, but it was a big step.
So thank you for the encouragement.
Where am I proud of you?
- Thanks.
Do you know how to celebrate it?
See a lot of Santa Claus throw the clothes!
I love Santa.
And there are so many of them.
I do not want to whip up a mood,
but I'm on date with one of them.
It is a lie. Which one of them?
- Number two.
How did you meet?
- I intimidated him.
How romantic.
- Then you learn a lot about a man.
Some cry,
Others are really cool.
But, Ty, he was so calm.
It was like growing
Dalai Lama's Klunker.
How are you doing, Chicago?
Now you ladies have to tell me -
- Which of the sixth christmas men,
that's the sexiest?
Let's get started.
Santa, the bar is yours.
Ups, there was very white skin.
The audience has spoken, Santa's number one.
Thanks for the effort. Well done.
And let's welcome you
to Santa Claus number two.
Take it off!
He is really good at stripping.
- Where does he have kind eyes?
I pierce him tonight.
Make a child on me,
Santa Claus number two!
I'm crazy about his panties.
You good god.
I think I'm in love.
I really think,
he is the only one.
Is that your mother?
Yes, sgu.
Mom, what are you ... What?
Look at that.
- She's dancing with everyone.
I do not mind it at all.
His face is down in her teats.
Mom, we've talked about it there!
It's my mom.
- Your mother?
It is a pleasure.
You have a lovely daughter.
One should not see his mother
lick one's lover's nipples.
Mom, what are you doing?
Not one who seized me.
Normally people catch one.
I brought some ice cream to you.
Thank you, Ty.
We had to meet after the show -
- and I've looked forward to it.
Do you still want to?
Oh, Ty ...
With pleasure.
- Well.
But it's shown my mother's third
concussion this month ...
That was a lot.
- I'd better keep an eye on her.
But ...
I'm going to Cleveland tomorrow.
But may I call,
Next time I'm in town? Can i do that
With pleasure.
- Well.
I can grow your klunker for free.
- How are you?
I'm looking forward to that, Carla.
And that will make me laugh too.
It's a deal.
- And ...
Oh, sorry.
I thought you would ....
Merry Christmas, Carla.
- Merry Christmas, Ty.
Then it's bedtime, little tax children.
Today I will sing
'My heart will go on' -
- of the double Grammy winner,
Cline Dion.
What is it?
Is everything okay with you and mom?
- You have been scared a lot.
Come and put yourself.
Your mother and I just disagree
about some little things -
- as important as Christmas is,
the role of mother, wife and educator.
But otherwise everything is in the most beautiful order.
You should not be worried.
I know it's your first Christmas
since divorce.
It's probably a bit strange, right?
- Yes it is.
Firstly, love both
your mother and you are very high.
And whatever happens,
I will always be there for you.
For you are my grandchildren,
and I love you all over the world.
And so does grandfather Hank. He has
a chicken brain, but a big heart.
Do you feel better now?
- Yes. It's great to have you here.
Yes, we miss you.
I miss you too.
Grandchildren are the greatest gift.
Apropos Gifts ...
What about some Iphones?
Get ready to go to bed,
Then I will sing for you for hours.
Think people are falling for that shit.
Somebody's coming.
- Merry Christmas!
Do you want to donate some cans
to the homeless?
I just bought all this.
- She has cans.
It is ...
- Look here, mom. Wine.
Thank you for the generous donation.
"The children will be so happy.
It was a good catch.
- Yes, there were some good cases.
To flee the rich for their purchases
brings a lot of good Christmas presents.
Yes, also for me.
- I miss you.
I miss you too. Where sour.
Maybe we should see something more.
- Do you mean it?
Yes. When we were in there there jumped
together with ...
What is his name right now?
- My son, Jaxon?
I saw you beat each other
with those there are foam bars.
Maybe I should get to know him.
- We would like to see you much more.
Yeah okay.
By the way ... I have thought about the money,
you asked me.
I'm a giant idiot,
but it's Christmas and you're my mother.
Fuck it. It's a loan.
You asked for more, but I have no more.
- Thank you very much.
I promise to pay them back.
Now I get along.
Hello to you and merry christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
Do you want to donate your cans?
- We gather for the homeless.
I just bought all this.
- But this is important.
What the hell is that?
- Fennel.
Thank you very much for that.
- Pis, the director is coming.
Where did we have the car, mom?
- Happy Hanukkah.
They stole all my things.
We will take it with you, not?
It is Christmas Eve,
so everyone must open a single gift.
Kiki! Open min. Open my first.
I begin. Apparently.
What is it?
- It's a key ... to my new house!
What are you talking about?
After the therapy, I felt we were slipping
apart, so I move closer.
Okay. Where do you move?
To the neighboring house.
- What?
Will you be my neighbor?
It was not for sale, but I gave
a cash bid, and now we are neighbors.
Hello, neighbor.
- Oh God ...
We can dig a tunnel between the houses.
Kent, get the kids out.
- Yes, come, we'll go.
Mother and grandmother are going to talk together.
It will be ugly.
You can not live next door.
- Why not?
I need air.
It's too close.
I have diabetes.
- Get up, Mom.
Sit down.
I may have gallstones.
Now it is enough. We must talk about this.
I am an adult woman,
It needs a life separate from you.
And you also need a life,
It is separate from my. Sorry.
I do not want a life separate from you.
You are my favorite person.
It affects my marriage
and family and my mental state.
And you have to -
- to let me down.
But what should I do of myself?
- I do not know. Get some friends.
You've always wanted to see Wayne Newton
in Vegas before he dies. Do it.
Just it's without me.
Without you ...
Why are you doing this to me?
- I did not want to ... Mother.
And I do not actually think,
I can let the sale go back.
Was not it just fun to toboggan?
"I still have snow in my pants.
I am looking forward to coming home
and jump in the pajamas.
See, there is a party.
- Yes, get up.
What a lot of people.
Wait a minute.
It is you who holds a party.
Is it a camel?
Yep. It's a camel.
I'll kill her.
What the hell?
What did she do at my house?
Kenny G. is in my living room.
Mother ...
You lied to me.
It was for the family's best.
- Here's all I hate at Christmas.
And it's going out.
- Relax.
We can not throw Kenny G. out.
He is a national treasure.
Then I do it myself.
- You do not dare.
Wait and see.
You there. Out of my house.
What are you talking about?
- Skrid, Kenny G.
I get my money, right?
- Have no idea. Take your whistle and dirt.
It's not a whistle, your bag.
- I do not care. Thanks for today.
Thank you for coming. Also you, friends.
I do not know any of you.
Please leave my house.
Sushi chef. You must also go.
- Stop. It's embarrassing for the family.
That's what it's all about, not?
Now it makes sense. The perfect decoration,
Christmas tree and all that in my garden.
It was all for your own sake.
You just want to hear that you are amazing.
I do not know what you mean.
- Remember your Louis Vuitton bag!
All this should disappear.
The gift bags, the curtains, the floor
and the Christmas tree. It just gotta go out.
No, it's from Paris!
- Then see here.
Say goodbye to the tree.
The bullets were antique.
- It's horrible. The snow is untrue.
Do you know what it cost?
- I do not care.
They were from Titanic.
- I do not care.
There was ice from the Moon.
It was moonlight, your sticky bag.
Release the wicked tree.
I promised my children
to avoid such a christmas!
Everyone loves such a Christmas.
- No, they do not.
Holy shit.
And now you go.
I have found myself in your shit all my life.
I can not go anymore.
You're going out of my house
and out of my life forever.
You do not mean that.
- Yes, I mean it.
It's Christmas ...
- Get lost.
Did you ever throw out your grandmother?
How long have you been here?
- How can you do that?
It's the best for us.
- No, that's the best for you.
We love grandmother.
- She is part of the family.
You do not just throw people away.
- First father and now grandmother.
Who's next time? Will it be us?
- I could not find that.
Why do you always destroy everything?
- Well done.
Children. Children ...
That's how it went.
How did I break Christmas.
I regretted my mother so much -
- I forgot the only thing
that means something.
I forgot my children.
The worst is,
I did not even break Christmas.
I destroyed my family.
Mother. It is Christmas Eve.
Where should we order food?
Mother? Mother?
Good day.
Thank you for inviting me.
- I did not do it.
What about kellinger?
- Goodbye, Isis. Isis is here.
Hi, Isis.
- Hi.
I did not believe,
you were the churchgunner-type.
I have something I have to control.
And all the hostels are closed.
So, you two.
I really need
moral support today.
Do you know what I mean?
- No.
My daughter says she needs "air"
but what does it mean at all?
My daughter has just asked me
disappear forever.
- Because I push her.
She can not tolerate it.
My mother was twice as hard,
and I've been amazing.
But apparently not everyone
just as strong as me.
My daughter did not throw me out -
- but she became furious over,
that I had bought the house next door.
Did you buy the next door?
- Did you ask her first?
No, that would be a surprise.
- Maybe it was just over the top.
It's very sick.
I love her. You only visit Carla,
when you need money.
I will also come when I
for example, saving me to someone.
Admit you're a degenerate ludomaniac
without education and with extensions.
It's my own hair,
and you are a terrible mother.
It's Jesus' birthday ...
You think you are so perfect,
but you are the worst mom of all of us.
So next.
But you are one of the mothers,
that's perfect -
- holding smart parties,
can cook and have all your teeth.
But you are miserable for all that applies.
I can see that, even though I'm skewed.
You know nothing about me.
Why did your daughter smear you?
Then you got it.
"I've done ugly things against Carla.
And she never threw me out.
So take it and roll it well together
and plug it up obliquely.
Well then.
We have expressed
some strong emotions here tonight.
Hold on, Sandy.
- Javel.
I've heard what happened.
Can you make it?
I do not know.
May I ask you a question?
- Yes.
How do you handle it?
- Which?
Living with Mom?
She is so controlling and vain.
She has created the perfect version
by herself so she can look down on others.
Darling, your mother is not vain.
She is wearing princess clothes
at least once a month.
You probably do not think, but she is
the most unsafe woman I've met.
My mother? Ruth?
- Yes.
- Yes.
She shows it only to me but below
the surface is a scared girl -
whose mother never loved her
You know grandmother.
Your mother can never do anything good enough.
She pours her down every single day.
That's why it's so important for your mother,
that everything is perfect.
Not because she is vain.
But when someone praises her Christmas tree -
- Does she feel a short moment,
that she is valuable.
That she is good at something.
That she is loved.
- Why is that about me?
Do you know what she is most?
unsure about Being a mother.
She has said countless times to me:
"Have I been a good mother to Amy?
Have I broken it all? "
Does she really ask about it?
- She loves you more than anything else.
She's just ... a pretty insane way
to put it on.
We have been married for 36 years -
- and she's unbearable even on a good day.
But I love her more today,
because I know her true me.
And if you can get yourself to
to forgive her -
- and get to know her as I do,
would you like to discover -
- that she is a funny, sweet
and beautiful person inside.
Did you say "sweet"?
- Okay, a fun and beautiful person.
Yes ...
Do you know where she is?
- It's Christmas Eve.
Hi! Sandy, Kiki's mother.
- Yes, nice to meet you again.
Imagine that you all three are here.
What are you doing here, Amy?
I came to say sorry for
that I threw you out
You are my mother and it was a bit rough.
- You must say that.
Your psycho-aunt. She apologized,
and now you must do the same.
How do we speak people together?
In principle, I'm too sorry about it.
It was beautiful. Now you tell her so,
what you are sad
You can.
I might not have to
have kept a secret party with you
You have hit a sea of bad
Decisions also in this Christmas, but ...
... for the tiny share of guilt,
there is mine -
- I would like to apologize.
I know it was hard for you to say.
- It was actually.
And ...
I want you to know
that I understand why you are such.
And I need you to know -
that i love you
What does it mean?
I do not think you're worthless.
I think you are absolutely amazing.
- Why do you say that?
And whatever others say ...
... I think you are a wonderful mother.
Do you mean it?
- Yes.
I loved my childhood.
You gave me everything,
what I needed.
You always pressed me
to do better.
Were you perfect?
- Yes.
But that's none of us.
But you just know ...
... that you made it amazing.
It's the cutest,
someone ever told me.
And I actually think,
you are a very wonderful mother
Your children are happy, sweetheart,
and they love you so much.
- I wish ...
I wish I was the same
close to you as you are on your children.
We can still still be.
I'm not good at this, Amy.
But I love you so much.
You too.
You're all done.
Relationship between mother and daughter
is very complicated.
But now they have found each other.
Yes. I know.
Should you have a sip?
So, so.
Is it already midnight?
- Yes.
We have to save Christmas.
"I've been waiting for my whole life.
Hopefully she likes cakes.
Mom, it's so far out.
It's over! Beware!
Christmas Day
My Goodness. Where is that beautiful?
Merry Christmas.
- Where have you bumped, mom.
I got some help.
Merry Christmas, children.
- Grandmother.
Open your presents.
You get 'The Walking Dead' Season 1-6.
- Was it necessary?
Thank you, grandmother. Oh boy.
Merry Christmas!
- Merry Christmas, honey.
Merry Christmas, Ruth.
- Merry Christmas, Jesus.
My name is Jessie.
What kind of broad shoulders, what, Amy?
That's enough. Come with you.
Thank you for almost learning his name.
- I love you.
Merry Christmas, Kiki.
- Merry Christmas, Mom.
Do you like my Kiki head pajamas?
In a way.
- Thanks.
I want you to know
that I have put the next door for sale.
Thank you, I'm really happy.
I know I can be a little crazy,
and that you need air.
That's why I bought the house.
It was just for fun.
I bought the house further down.
No, I'm moving up on your loft.
Quite seriously, Mom. Where are you going to live?
I'm going back to Bismarck,
where I belong
But I ...
I really miss your father for Christmas.
So do I.
So do I.
Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas, Mom.
Mother, see what I got from Santa Claus.
A used baseball glove.
- I've had a similarity.
Is it Santa's?
- Barely. He arrived yesterday evening.
May I enter?
I know I have not been
the world's best mom.
But you -
- Have really fallen lucky.
And Carla, I just want to ...
I want to be more like you.
So I stopped playing.
On horses.
And I will pay every penny back,
which I borrowed from you.
Do you mean it?
"Yes, I've got a job.
Are you taking me on me?
- I am responsible for the children's safety.
How can they find it?
I do not even know,
how I managed the drug test.
And with that salary
We are probably settled in about 245 years.
Does that mean that you ...
... stay here for some time?
If that's okay with you, yes yes.
Mother ...
I have always wanted that.
I'll be as long as
as you want me.
Mom, I've also got
a pack of zip closure bags.
You good god.
Chinese food for Christmas.
I feel like a Jew.
- It's just me.
No, honey. It's Ruth's husband.
- Pyt. Hank deserves a little Christmas jew.
Imagine, we get Chinese for Christmas dinner,
and my mother loves it.
Think that my mother does not have
a blouse with my face on.
We did it. We regained Christmas.
I could not have done it without you.
I love you, ladies.
- You too.
Hello. Is Carla here?
Ty Swindel.
How did you find me?
I was just looking for you.
- Hi.
There is so much I would like to say.
- Say it.
It might be better to say that
with the dance's universal language.
Shut up.
What about a dance?
- Christmas dance.
Oh, Ty ...
It's beautiful, Ty.
God damn.
Turn her over. Just turn her over.
Okay. Now we have seen enough.
It was amazing. Thank you very much.
Go for it.
- Do not Cry.
He is so hot.
That is my son. It's Jaxon.
- Good to meet you.
I'll carry you in there.
- I love you.
We must leave if we are to reach the plane.
- Which plane?
Have not I said that? Isis, Ruth
and I'll celebrate New Year's in Las Vegas.
And we'll see Wayne Newton,
before he dies
Do you have to go to Vegas together?
- Yes.
We are best friends now.
- We are new friends.
Best friends.
- New friends.
Merry Christmas everyone.
Yes, Merry Christmas, everyone.
Hank, get our bags.
Merry Christmas everyone!