A Lesson in Cruelty (2018) Movie Script

Got somethin' for ya'.
Set in on the desk.
I don't wanna catch your germs.
At your service.
A bit old for a bike messenger.
I'm only 35.
At 35, I was worth over
eight million dollars.
I had seven large luxury buildings,
and two massive boats.
Messengering weren't my first choice.
What were your first choice?
Playin' ball.
Let that be a lesson to you.
You should've spent
less time shooting hoops
and having your dick in the hole,
and more time studying math.
That'd be what my mother said,
but she said it a little nicer.
That's the problem with moms.
They sugarcoat everything.
Fathers, they lay out the
cold hard truth about life.
Well, I ain't got a father.
Lucky for you.
Mine was an asshole.
Envelope got more germs than pad.
Beware of the ides of March.
It's a birthday card.
They're gonna hold me a birthday party.
I thought nobody knew or even cared.
"The 40th anniversary
of the birth of the man
"we most love to hate."
"We envy his success, power, and wealth."
I knew it.
It's the feeling you get when
everything is goin' your way
Smelling good lookin'
fresh I'm livin' it
To whistle for ladies to look my way
Something so phenomenal soon
as I walk through the doorway
Guess I got enough I'll
be there every second
Every minute I could do this all day
Everything is movin'
flowin' singin' I got it
Feelin' like on top
of the world shoutin'
Sing I got it
I got it
Sing it whoo
If you feel and know you got it
Let the whole world
know sing it out loud
Say I got it
I got it
Yeah on top of the world
On top of the world
On top of the world
It feels great if
you got it gotta get it
I'm ready let's go
On top of the world
On top of the world
On top of the world
It feels great if
you got it gotta get it
I'm ready let's go
On top of the world
Yeah I'm on top top
See my life's been
good I won't flop flop
Yeah I'm movin' too
quick I can't stop stop
With my girls in the car drivin' drop
Yes, payday!
"Your pay has been adjusted to reflect
"the occasions you were late."
Move it, Christine!
My boss docks my pay if I'm
one second late, let's go.
Move it!
I lost my shoe again.
You're late again, Mary.
You too, Krystal!
Yes, bank teller 0356.
My condolences for your father, sir.
I enjoyed working with...
What is it?
I live in a gang-infested neighborhood,
and I've been tryin' to move out,
but I can't afford the
rent in the good areas.
If I made a little bit more...
Sir, I got hit by a stray
bullet on my way to work today.
Just like in the movies.
Yeah, the movies.
But if not for the thick new set
of bank policies and
procedures you gave us to read,
then I'd have a bullet
in my spine, you know.
You're welcome.
I saved your life.
Yeah, you saved my life.
So, hurry back to get your
cash drawer ready, #0356.
Issue a press release stating
that my new bank policies
are reducing gang violence.
Yes, sir.
Cafe caramel, sugar-free, kosher soy,
extra whip, extra shot, extra hot...
Extra high maintenance.
My name is Sid, not Kid.
Sorry, sir, but it says Kid on the cup.
But C-I-D would be Cid, as in cider.
You're absolutely right.
Drink is ready for Cid.
"Celebrate the 40th
anniversary of the man
"we most love to hate."
I know...
Every man of stature
needs a letter opener.
The cream was too cold!
It must first sit out for five minutes
after being removed from the refrigerator!
I'm sorry, Mr. Hassole,
I'll remember next time.
This is not the first
time you've made coffee!
What have I told you about the dress code?
Short skirts and shaved legs.
Fix it!
It's perfect.
I'll be your sponsor for
your work visa, Natasha.
Oh, thank you!
Thank you, sir!
Under three conditions.
Rule number one, I'm a leg man,
so short skirts even during the winter.
Rule number two, whenever
you feel the wind
blow through your hair,
it's time to shave your legs.
And rule number three, stay single.
You are not stuck working for him.
Marry an American and
you become a citizen.
And what will become of
my parents and two children,
all of whom live with
me and that I support?
No, marry me, Natasha.
You'll be happy waking
up in my arms everyday.
Rule number three...
I must remain single.
We'll see about that Julian.
I know people in Washington.
My bucket list is almost complete.
Birthday party.
Being the envy of everyone I know.
Now, to my to-do list.
Nailing Natasha.
The little people are working,
and why you must ask?
It's because they always wanna be like me.
The people that I know in Washington...
They work for the people
that he knows in Washington.
Slavery is not illegal if
you know what you're doing.
And Julian does.
Let that be a lesson to you.
You have made your bed, Natasha.
Return to your self-imposed hell,
and sleep in it.
Are you done?
Almost, Julian.
It's Mr. Hassole.
Sorry, Mr. Hassle.
Sorry, Mr. Hassle.
Not Hassle, Hassole.
Asshole not Hassole!
God dammit, you see what you made me do?
Sorry, sorry, Mr. Hasshole, okay.
I'm late!
You can't blame me this time.
Shut up.
I'm sorry, it's just I'm nervous
about my boss' birthday party.
Yeah, okay, Mom, sure.
I'll be back in a couple of hours.
Party's in the hotel,
so I won't be far away.
If you need me, just shoot me a text.
Okay, Mom, have fun.
See you soon.
You stay here.
My workers are throwin' me an envy party
to celebrate my success.
And my 40th birthday.
Any tips for me, Senor?
So, that I might find my success one day?
Get into a time-machine,
and go back 40 years...
Be born white...
And finish high school.
Go to an Ivy League college,
screw over everyone that you know,
lie, cheat, and steal from everyone,
including the government,
and then maybe...
Maybe you can be like me.
That's a good tip, Senor.
Jesus was a freakin' hippie.
Help the poor, the meek, and
those who hunger and thirst?
Well, I hunger and thirsted too,
and I went out and got
my own food and drink.
Screw faith and love.
Money, connections, power,
it's the only way to
make it in this world.
There's no time for birthday parties, son.
So, what's our destination?
I can't tell you, Senor.
My specific instructions.
Dang! I thought you
might slip up and tell me.
It's the same place I bring my workers
for our bank Christmas parties.
So, it's a good one, no?
Good enough for them,
- but I deserve better.
- Indeed you do, Senor.
Let that be a lesson to you, homie.
A self-made man like myself,
we don't go around askin' for handouts.
Where's the meeting room?
Across the lobby, down the hallway,
last room on the left.
How did you know?
Mr. Hassole, you've
been hosting your bank
Christmas parties here
for the last 20 years,
and I've worked with you every time.
No, no, I would've remembered that face
and that hideous hairdo.
It looks like a glazed donut.
Thanks for the compliment.
It wasn't.
You truly are an
unforgettable individual.
I'm someone people never ever forget.
What I remember most about you
was there was always
something drastically wrong,
which caused you to withhold a tip,
and got me bumped back down to a maid.
Tipping is a reward for
exemplary service, not charity.
I don't have the brain capacity to dwell
on such tedious matters.
You obviously have the
ample capacity to do so.
Speaking of tipping,
your father was always a great tipper.
He's dead!
Now, will you please do your job,
and lead me to the meeting room.
Over the years, you have
taught me so many lessons.
Well, I'm just curious.
Has anyone ever taught you a lesson?
Excellent and interesting question,
But sadly, they have not.
However, I always keep
my eyes and ears open
because the lessons in life are many,
and one must never stop learning.
Indeed, Mr. Hassole, indeed.
You are wise beyond your years.
And so are...
No, that's not true.
You still got the touch, Julian.
You brought my dog, Brutus?
Who's a good boy, hey!
Do you work for me?
Yes, sir, I'm Joseph.
I brought your dog along for ya' special...
Hey, buddy, he's a good one, yes he is.
Everybody's here.
This is so exciting.
It's my first birthday party.
Congratulations, sir.
That's a very nice watch you have, sir.
- It was my late dad's.
- May he rest in peace.
More than likely he'll writhe in agony.
It was always about you, wasn't it Dad?
So, excuse me while I go and enjoy
the birthday party that
I've always deserved!
And you can't stop me because you're dead.
Take a look at my office.
You like it?
What about my secretary
with the big, you know?
I saw you checkin' her out.
What about this watch?
You like it?
- Speak up.
- I like it.
All this cool shit,
I didn't get from havin' birthday parties.
I got it from working hard.
Dead, dead!
You see, Dad, people do like me.
Absolutely not.
He said, "We're carrying you, sir."
Oh, well, that's cool.
I like people that know their place.
You guys may lift.
But if I spill my wine
on you, it's your fault.
If you guys are expecting a tip,
you're gonna be waiting all night.
Off with you now.
Yeah, you do that, little thing.
I knew they were gay.
Make yourself useful and go officiate.
The black one, of course,
they're better at everything.
Better at everything that
doesn't require brains.
Now, this is more like it.
Oh yeah.
Don't be a tease, take
it all off, veiled bitch.
What the hell is that?
They're called stretch marks.
Put it back on.
Something you get when
you bring a beautiful
child into this world.
No child is worth that.
That sucked the beauty right off of you.
You're an idiot.
For a true emperor...
We have exotic entertainers
from all over the world
you are sure to enjoy.
Sid! You two are dressed alike.
Are you a couple?
Don't look at me with those eyes.
What's behind the tent?
Let me guess.
Bombs are for
killing lots of people.
But in this case, killing just
you would make it worth it.
Touche, Arab bitch, touche.
Enough with the small talk.
Show me what's behind the curtain.
No, it is forbidden.
Forbidden my ass!
Nobody says no to Julian C. Hassole!
She's gonna blow!
Guess I need a pallet cleanser.
You may proceed.
Than none was for a party,
then all were for the state,
then the great man helped the poor,
and the poor man loved the great.
The lands were fairly portioned,
then spoils were fairly sold,
the Romans were like brothers
in the brave days of old.
Now, Roman is to Rome, and
more hateful than a foe.
For the Tribunes beard the high...
And the fathers grind the low.
No! Great emperor!
That death nail was so well acted.
This is the greatest day of my life.
Maybe he can change.
Speech, speech!
Speech, speech!
Speech, speech!
That's the purpose for a throne.
So that Caesar can look
down upon his many subjects.
And he's back.
As I look down upon you all...
I remember things that I
probably should have forgotten,
like your names.
But, there's Mary Come Lately.
I call her that because
she always comes in late.
You may learn some day, Mary.
Never more than five minutes late,
and I always make up the time.
So, what is it, like
thousands of dollars
that you've lost for not being on time?
It's my daughter,
she's afraid of the dog.
How about instead of
bitching and moaning
about it all the time,
that you be apart of the solution?
Place a blindfold over your daughter.
Put headphones on her with loud music.
And then lead her to the car.
Problem is solved.
That sounds like a sensible solution.
Who asked you?
I'll try his suggestion.
God gave us a brain to use it, right?
Jordan, my man!
That's the first time he
actually referred to me
by my name and not my teller number.
He just calls you that because
you remind him of Michael Jordan.
What? No, that's crazy.
How's life in the hood?
Must be dodgin' them bullets real good.
No, one did get me, two weeks ago.
That's why I had to
miss those days at work
without pay, of course.
Let that be a lesson to you...
I know, you told me,
I gots to run faster.
That and don't live near black people.
Indeed, so many tragic
moments in our lives...
Or should I say your lives.
Let me see if I can find someone
with whom I can relate a happy story.
No luck.
Of course, I have a tendency to dwell
upon the bad things in life.
Like you there.
That's it.
We had a a business deal together, right?
What was it again?
I was laid off.
That was two years ago.
But I can't seem to find another job.
Have you been reading the paper?
Last Sunday, it contained
17,122 help wanted ads.
I couldn't make my mortgage payment,
- so you repossessed my house.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What you meant to say
was that the bank did.
No, you did.
Your underling advised
a reduction in payments,
but you overruled him, saying, huh,
"Let that be a lesson to you, Richard.
"Don't bite off more than you can chew."
What a valuable lesson.
That's how we learn.
By failing.
No doubt you're in the better place now.
My wife left me, and
now I live in a trailer!
So, you're absolutely correct.
If I want to go to a
better place, as you say,
I just release the parking
brake and I go there.
You gave me my freedom.
And no more ball and chain.
I remember you quite well, Violet.
It's Fran.
Eh, it's been a while.
But the last time you were in my office,
I was giving you a big fat bonus.
Finally, an upbeat story.
Close, Mr. Hasshole.
I've got good news!
The incentive bonus pool is
the highest it's ever been.
Big money, big money, big money.
Receiving one's bonus is contingent
upon meeting one's goals.
And you failed to meet your goal.
Better luck next year.
You took away my bonus,
claiming I didn't meet my sales quota.
Well, had you?
I was on target to exceed my quota,
- but my son became ill...
- Wait, wait, hold up now!
Let me stop you right there?
Did you meet your quota?
I was 1% from it.
A quota is a quota.
No exceptions.
What? Because you got yourself knocked up.
Let that be a lesson to you!
Don't go makin' babies
unless you are 100% sure
you can afford them without
government assistance.
Come on, now, someone share
a nice Hallmark memory of me.
Okay, well, then allow
me to share an example
of how I helped all of you.
Cue some music, boys.
This is gonna be heartfelt.
September 15th, 2008, Lehman
Brothers filed for bankruptcy.
That day employees hugged
colleagues traumatized,
as they carried boxes of their belongings
outside of their offices.
You guys were terrified and nervous,
expecting the same, of course, I wasn't.
I had a two million dollar
golden parachute waiting on me.
But what did I do?
I took the bank's jet and
flew out to Washington.
And I spoke to Congress,
and I told 'em, I said,
"We're too big to fail.
"Think about all the lives
that would be ruined."
And those idiots in Congress bought it!
And all of you kept your jobs!
Of course, I was hopin'
to be without a job
two million dollars richer.
Okay, now it's your turn
to tell me a happy story
about how I helped all of you.
Well, I must say, you're
throwin' me this wonderful party.
That's the nicest thing
anybody's ever done, thank you.
You're welcome.
Speak up, share those touching moments!
No need to wait until my
funeral to get up there
and share your heart out.
Now is the time to shed
your tears upon me.
We have gifts for you.
I think the presents will
speak for themselves.
Right you are, old buddy.
I'm happy to see that
you bare no ill feelings
about the Board of Directors
replacing you with me.
Now, give me those
presents you took your time
and meager incomes to get for me.
How much longer?
I'm starving.
It's been sent.
I'm gonna go get some food.
Take it down a notch!
Mr. Hasshole.
It's pronounced Hassole! Dammit!
What is it, Chang?
It's pronounced Xiang.
- Xiang.
- Chang.
- Xiang.
- Chang.
- Xiang.
- Chang.
- Xiang.
- Chang.
Dammit, I cannot hear the difference!
It means sweet smelling.
Hmm, first time I ever
heard of garlic and onions
referred to as sweet smelling.
Me no likey.
Me think you will likey this.
Hmm, okay, if this is a gift certificate
for me love you long time,
I'm gonna have to decline.
I adhere strictly to the bank's policies
on non-discrimination
and sexual harassment.
Every king must have his bodyguard.
Allow me.
That's some paperweight.
It actually looks like it
could really hurt someone.
Kind of like your breath, my God.
So sorry.
Get it off of me!
Get it off of me!
What's the magic word?
Please, please remove your martial arts
weapon from my foot!
Muthafuckin' asian whore!
Let that be a lesson to you.
We Chinese say...
"One person's disaster is
another person's delight."
Fuckin' crazy bitch.
Come Monday, you're out of here.
Do your job, and keep those crazies away!
Yes, sir.
Natasha, I was hopin'
that you would be my gift.
The thing you fantasize
about the most...
Your own rule number one.
Your legs.
Guys, help me up.
Happy birthday, Julian.
Here are my lovely legs around
your neck as you fantasize,
- they're so soft!
- Ow!
Ow! Rule number two!
Shave your legs.
Russian razor burn!
Russian razor burn!
Make it stop!
Make it stop!
Guys, set me down.
Don't worry, I'll help.
Shit! It's hot!
What the hell are you doing?
Someone would put
vodka on towel, so sorry.
But it stop bleeding.
Finally, a man.
These bitches are crazy, right, John?
- What bitches?
- I meant in general.
What woman isn't though?
Your mother was nice.
She left my father and I.
That sounds like a bitch to me.
Julian, I knew your father
as a self-avowed prick,
and you his prick protege.
It was too much for her.
You brought me a tennis racket.
Yes, well, it was your father's.
You and your father made
quite the doubles team.
Although, you cheated a bit too much.
I didn't think you noticed.
Everyone notices how you cheat, Julian.
Yet, I continue to get away with it.
I'll tell you what, John...
You can keep that tennis racket.
He was your friend, not mine.
I just came from the funeral home,
said my final goodbye.
There is still time if you wanna head over
and view his cremation.
And leave the only birthday
party of my entire life?
Show your respect
for all he did for you.
He asked you if you
wanted money and power,
you said yes, and he helped you attain it.
What the hell kind of
kid knows what he wants?
I'll tell you what, John.
If the party ends early enough...
Maybe I'll go down to the cremation.
That'd be nice, Julian.
To light the burner.
Happy 40th birthday, Julian.
That was a great speech.
You summed up what many of
us are feeling right now.
I'm glad.
You know, people hate to hear
about their own shortcomings.
But it's dealing with your problems
that is the first step
towards overcoming them.
Well said, well said.
You know I'm Jewish?
Like the yamaka and the
nose doesn't give it away?
I mean, come on, you celebrate
all of the Christian
holidays like the rest of us,
and then observe all
of the shalom ones too.
It's a bit excessive.
But who am I to judge?
Between you and me it may have contributed
towards your demotion.
We're running a business, not a synagogue.
You're absolutely right, as always.
But I've learned my
lesson on that, thank you.
I'm glad my advice has hit home.
Right, at the synagogue
this morning, Rabbi Goldberg...
Rabbi Goldberg?
Can you get anymore Jewish than that?
Rabbi Goldberg?
At this point, I would like
to excuse the entertainment.
Thank you very much for coming,
but we want to spend some
quality alone time with Julian.
I'm just kidding.
People are so overly sensitive these days.
It's okay, it's okay.
Carry on as you were.
The Rabbi Whoopi Goldberg.
He asked the gathering
the following hypothetical question:
"Raise your hand if, upon
finding a time machine,
"you would travel back to
Braunau am Inn, Austria-Hungary,
"April 20, 1889...
"and smother the newborn Adolf Hitler?"
It took a few seconds for the first
brave person to raise his hand,
but soon, others followed.
And eventually, the
entire synagogue agreed
that the life of the newborn infant,
no matter how innocent
it was at that point,
must be ended to stop him from turning
into the evil monster that
history will never forget.
Even the Rabbi raised his hand.
Are you done?
What the hell was your point?
You'll see.
You'll see.
It's beautiful, I
actually need one of those.
My sentiments exactly.
Evil must be erased from the world.
Happy birthday, Julian.
You're not here to
celebrate my birthday!
That's right you arrogant prick.
Yes, son.
You're right, Dad!
They hate me!
But why?
envious of your success,
and they think that they're punishing you.
They believe that they
are teaching you a lesson.
Let them have their fun.
Take your medicine.
When this all blows over, destroy them.
Wake up!
Feel our hate.
I lied for you in front of Congress.
You all kept your jobs!
Endless amounts of booze!
Right here in this very room!
I'm sorry!
I'm not Hitler!
Help me, help me!
Why? Because of the 20
tipless years of serving you?
Paybacks a bitch, isn't it?
What is it, Christine?
Oh, no, please continue, it's not like
we're in the middle of something here!
Shut if off!
Do you want your daughter to be a witness?
Get whatever you want.
I've gotta go.
Yes, I'm okay.
I fell.
Because I was distracted
by your stupid phone call!
Find him.
I got him!
I got the lesson douchebag!
Really, bro?
- You're both white, man.
- Can you pull it out, please?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Even you hate me, Brutus!
Help me!
Help me!
Help me!
What's wrong?
I dont know you.
Stay away from me.
Oh, okay.
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
I'm backing off, alright.
They won't harm me with this girl.
Why are you wearing that outfit?
It's my costume.
I know, you're an emperor,
one of those Pizza Pizza guys.
Little Caesar...
From Greece.
No, no, you haven't been
studying your history.
Caesar's not from Greece, he's from Rome.
No you're wrong, the
man said he was Greek.
Not the guy who served you,
the guy on the box.
Children are our future.
It's frightening.
Help me, I'm hurting.
No, you're mean like everybody else.
Don't, don't, don't,
they're tryin' to...
I'm not gonna...
But they're tryin' to kill...
Doesn't it hurt?
Please help me.
Because I'm in pain,
you stupid little girl!
I mean...
Go get some help!
Go get some help.
Let that be a lesson to you, Julian.
Karma is a bitch.
He has to
learn sooner or later.
If you want this, Julian,
you have to take it.
Don't let anyone get in your way.
I know, after I get this
money, connections, and power,
I'll find some of those
faith, hope, and love stuff
that you think is important.
That's good thinkin', son.
Don't worry, Mom, there's
plenty of time in the world
to find some of those touchy
felly things you like,
right Dad?
All the time in the world.
Now, come along, we
have a meeting to get to
that cannot start without the chairman.
Remember, son, the
greatest of these is power.
It ends here, Julian.
You've learned
everything that I've taught you.
I'm very proud of you, son.
Thanks, Dad.
He looks dead to me.
Great idea for a party, Sid.
It wasn't my idea.
Then who sent the invitations?
I thought you did.
Dad, that didn't look out.
Are you callin' me a liar?
I'm done with this.
Quitting? Then you're the
loser and I'm the winner again.
How am I supposed to win
against someone who cheats?
Figure it out!
The hell it was!
I meant, I'm done with the bank.
Is that one out too?
If I win this point, you
take over when I retire.
If I win, I leave the bank,
but I keep my trust fund.
So, what will you do as a worthless bum?
Settle down.
Live a normal life.
Ha! Girls hate you now with money.
You think they'll like you
more when you're broke?
Don't lie to a liar.
I dont know, travel and see the world.
You hate the world.
Too full of foreigners.
Face it, you're a Hassole.
Five generations of rich inbred pricks.
I don't wanna lie, cheat,
steal, and screw people over.
Then you'll be the one
cheated, stolen from,
lied to, and screwed
over by those in power.
Remember what I taught you.
Money, connections, power!
8 AM, Monday morning, got it?
Got it?
Got it! Got it! Got it!
- Julian, do you need...
- I don't need anybody's help.
I don't need anybody's help.
Well, Gaius, your last
wish has been fulfilled.
You've given our son the one
thing he always wanted...
A birthday party.
Now you may rest peacefully.
Extras, of your party invitations.
Your writing was beautiful.
Up until the very end.
Oh, tell Julian happy birthday for me.
- Does it hurt?
- Yes!
You know, I told you not
to call me at the party.
It's your fault I fell and hurt myself.
Don't you have to work today?
My boss has gone missing.
You don't seem too upset about it.
Well, you know, it's just
it may take a little while,
but people usually get
what's coming to them.
Like the Bible says.
- An eye for an eye.
- Exactly.
So, to be hated...
Or even murdered,
if that's what happens,
he must've done some pretty bad things.
Yeah, he sure did.
Did he kill somebody?
- Oh, heavens no.
- Did he steal from you?
Well, unless you count
the times he docked me
an hour's pay for being late
because you were afraid
of the little dog, Missy.
I'm sorry, Mom.
Did he break a law?
Look, he bent many laws.
I guess.
Then why are you so happy he's dead?
Because he was really mean!
Where are the bags?
Go and get 'em!
You don't have to be so mean about it!
You made me late because
of that dog, Missy.
Julian was a terrible boss.
He was really mean.
Let that be a lesson to you.
Karma's a bitch.
People go missing all the time.
Yeah, I don't feel too good, Mom.
You do feel warm.
Well, you better get to work.
You don't wanna be docked
another hour's pay.
No, I won't, Sid wouldn't...
You know, you're right,
Julian might be there.
But I don't wanna leave you alone.
Well, maybe at work I
can swing by in an hour
if I'm feeling better by then
so you can take me to school.
You sure?
Mom, I'll be right here...
I'm sorry about yesterday.
You know what you said about being mean?
I understand your boss is...
Or was mean.
But it rubs off, and it'll
get better now, right?
I hope so.
Probably telling us to take the day off.
"Until Mr. Hassole is found,
"HR and I think it's best to
keep his policies in place.
"Arrive by 8:30 or be docked
one hour's pay, chop chop."
Let that be a lesson to you, Mother.
Paybacks a bitch.
It certainly is.
I'm just goin' for a little stroll.
I'll be home soon.
The weather's been gorgeous.
What do you know, Dad, your ball girl.
- Milania.
- Still smokin' hot.
Damn right.
The weather's been gorgeous,
and just gonna go for a little stroll.
Somebody just grabbed my pussy.
No, I don't know if he was cute.
No, I didn't like it.
President Asshole?
President Hassle?