A New Life (1998) Movie Script

What the hell
are you doing here?
Give me those shoes. Hey, hey!
You didn't have to
come in today.
I got 'til 11 o'clock.
Give me my shoes.
Get yourself a cup of coffee,
collect your thoughts.
No need to collect
my goddamn thoughts.
This is not necessary, Steve.
I can handle it myself.
Would you get back to the floor?
Hey, I'm just trying to help.
Screw you. Screw you.
Up your ass. Up your ass.
Audrey, call Rasha.
Tell him we'll try to
buy in 50,000 within range.
And I don't know
if I can buy it all today.
Okay. He's not patient,
I can't get him his prices,
you know?
Right, right.
Why don't you go home?
I don't need a psychotherapist.
Just be a clerk, okay?
Steve? Yeah?
I heard. I'm sorry.
Graykirk's still ahead 3/4.
Sorry you have to go
through this deal.
I'm in a daze, I'm telling you.
It's the worst. I know.
Fifteen top.
Sell 5,000 right ahead.
An 1/8 for 10,000.
1/8 and a quarter, 10,000.
Right, Steve,
just sign right here.
Why are you doing this?
I'm cruel to you, right?
I'm mean to you.
I make your life miserable.
Is that right?
I don't want to
go through this again.
It doesn't make any sense to me.
What am I, a bad person? Come on, Steve.
No, I love this woman.
She's throwing me out.
Does that make sense to you?
I'm asking you,
does that make sense?
Come on.
Give me the pen.
I also don't understand
why she gets
half my Knicks tickets.
I'm a little thick,
I just don't get that.
One week you have them,
the next week she has them.
She doesn't like basketball.
Who's Larry Bird,
who's Magic Johnson?
If you want the tickets,
you can have them.
I don't want the damn tickets.
This isn't about money.
What do you want from me?
Just tell me what you want.
I come home late.
What is that, a crime?
I don't answer questions
while I'm reading the paper.
Well, I'm sorry,
I can't talk and read
at the same time.
I'm not a ventriloquist.
Just sign it, please.
This marriage
has really been over
since Judy went away to college.
Thank you.
Bye, Steve.
I'll walk you outside.
I'll talk to you tonight.
Thank you.
I'll call you later.
I love your work.
Are you going back to school?
I'm starting classes
on Wednesday.
Good. I hope you enjoy it.
What are you studying?
I'm getting a degree
in special education.
I'm going to teach
deaf children.
You know, you're very smart.
If you want to help
deaf children,
you could be a doctor.
I don't want to be a doctor.
I want to teach.
You couldn't do that
and stay with me?
You have to break up
a marriage for this?
What marriage?
You left the house
at 7 in the morning,
you didn't come home
'til the 11 o'clock news
which you watched.
You played tennis on Saturday,
golf on Sunday.
What marriage
are we talking about?
That was business.
You know that.
The golf was with clients.
Oh, my mistake.
Look, I...
I'm gonna say goodbye here,
all right?
Do you want to
shake hands or what?
Yeah, sure.
Nice knowing you.
How was it?
Oh, could have been worse.
He could have bitten somebody.
Well, look,
we're gonna celebrate.
Here's to your new life.
What if I'm making
this incredible mistake?
What if I'm ruining my life
and my daughter's?
She's grown up.
And so are you.
I've never lived alone before.
I went right from college
to marriage.
It's not so bad.
It can be fun.
And I think
it would be good for you.
I mean, it's important
to know how to be alone.
Oh, come on,
give yourself a little time,
you're gonna meet somebody.
You'll fall in love.
Oh, yeah?
You've been divorced
for two years.
All I keep hearing from you
are these horror stories.
Don't be negative.
Now, come on, we've got
to be scientific here.
I have this chart in my lab,
and every time I do a sampling
of the male population, I plot
him on "X" and "Y" axes.
I thought you did
charts on mice.
I'm systematic,
mice on one side,
men on the other.
Now, come on.
Here's to your new life.
Come on.
What the hell am I? Some piece
of garbage you throw away
when you're finished with it?
What the hell are you
beating up on yourself for?
I'm not beating up on myself.
Maurice, where are
those little pizza things?
On the way,
Mr. Giardino. I'm starving here.
You see anybody
coming with pizzas?
They're coming, 12 seconds.
They'll be here in... here, $20,
Twelve seconds,
starting now. I'm not hearing 12 minutes.
These guys are full of shit.
What's the rush?
Relax, you'll live longer.
I'm beating up on myself
'cause I'm pissed.
Hey, hey, don't put
that crap all over.
I'm not gonna eat that. This is yours,
over here.
I get one piece?
Geez, you're a real pig.
No wonder she threw you
out of the house.
Let me tell you something.
I've been a good husband.
I don't deserve this.
You know how lucky you were?
Don't you remember
what I went through
before Elvira let me go?
Stevie, it's all
out there for you.
Blondes, brunettes,
but you can't walk around
looking like that.
Like what?
You know who likes
white facial hair?
Women who are sexually
attracted to Santa Claus.
Touch it up a little, something.
Get some new clothes, get hip.
Hip? You said hip in 1942.
Yeah, well,
they're saying it again,
but they ain't gonna
say it about you
if you look like Father
Christmas's older brother.
Maurice, bring me some more
of these pizza things
only put it over here
where he can't get at it
with his goddamn roach powder.
Oh, 'scuse me, are you here
for Introduction
to American Sign Language?
Yeah, could you help me?
I have an Education course
scheduled at this hour.
Do you teach this class
at any other time today?
No, no, no, I'm a student.
Oh, sorry.
Holy cow!
Are you as confused as I am
about these new tax laws?
Thank goodness you can buy...
Have more fun in bed
Have more fun in bed
cribs, playpens and high chairs.
Carriages, strollers
and don't forget our...
Holy cow!
Come on in to Klein Sleep
And have more fun in bed
Klein Sleep sells more...
Hi, how you doing?
Hi, how you doing?
My name is Steve. How about you?
Classical name.
I love the classics.
Can I buy you a drink?
It's gonna be a great evening.
So you follow basketball much?
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, relax,
you're not a sports fan,
that's all right.
It's okay.
You have a favorite author?
You know it's possible
I misread the signals.
I'm sorry. I'm not
used to this, all right?
Tell you what, I think
we're both a little nervous.
Can I ask you something,
why do you keep hitting me?
Why? You want to know why?
This is why.
This is why.
Stop the cab!
Pull over by the water.
You're getting out.
Why didn't you tell me
you were male?
What did you expect me to do,
blurt it out all at once?
No, I don't think
you should blurt it out.
I think you should hang a
fuckin' sign around your neck.
What the hell is this?
Hey, what are you doing?
Get back in the car.
Get out of here.
Get in the phone booth.
Aw, shit!
Oh, God. Take off your clothes
and leave the money
in the pockets.
Okay, just relax. Take it easy.
Take it easy, all right.
Just leave me a quarter to
make a phone call, all right?
Move! All right, okay.
All right, don't shoot,
don't shoot.
All right. I never had
my clothes stolen before
and I'm very nervous.
Hey, to hell with you
and your problems.
Look what I've got to go
through to earn a living.
I'm allergic to make-up,
my toes are getting deformed
from wearing these shoes
and I got assholes like you
trying to feel me up.
Believe me, that was a mistake.
Save it. Here.
I'll buy your shoes
for a quarter.
And the watch.
See, now, these,
I didn't steal, heh?
I'm not as bad as
you thought I was, heh?
No, you're a very decent guy,
Don't call me Sybil.
What do you want from me?
You got my clothes, all right?
Get out of here. Go!
Goddamn son of a bitch.
Come on, be home, be home.
Yeah? Mel, wake up!
I'm awake, I'm awake. What?
I got robbed. I'm underneath
the Manhattan Bridge.
He took everything.
He got my clothes,
he got my shoes, my watch.
Oh, my God, where?
Pike Slip.
Go get my clothes.
Okay, okay, yeah, okay.
Um, wait here.
I can't believe your timing.
I was in bed with a loan
officer from Chemical Bank.
Give me those.
And what is it
with these clothes?
Looks like
the cast of Miami Vice
crawled into your closet
and died.
He took my new shoes.
All right, all right.
Here. The bottoms were still shiny.
Fine, fine. Come on. And my watch.
Don't talk. Dress!
She was a blonde
with a downy lip.
Do you have any idea
how incredibly aroused I get
by a woman with a downy lip?
You should have been here
Mine needed a shave.
I can't believe it.
He took everything,
he took my cigarette lighter.
Pike Slip?
Who goes to Pike Slip?
I didn't go to Pike Slip,
he took me to Pike Slip.
I thought I was getting laid.
Down, up, down, up and up.
I can't go on a blind date.
Come on, it's been
a couple of months.
You've got to take the plunge.
Anyway, it's just dinner.
I'm getting hot
just thinking about it.
You sound like
you love what you do.
I love it.
I have always been
interested in soft drinks.
They're neat, they are clean,
you don't need a showroom,
they repeat.
They are an ideal product.
Was your family
in that business?
My father never did anything.
I hated him.
My mother was no bargain either.
I don't have a single relative
that I like.
They're users.
What I like about you
is I feel like I trust you.
You're not gonna
betray me, are you?
You must have had
a really rough childhood.
I don't let it get to me.
I don't let anything get to me.
If I'm not happy,
it's my own fault.
Look, as long as we've gotten
personal like this,
I have a list of all the people
that I've been intimate with
over the past eight years.
Can I ask to see yours
the next time we meet?
Dad? Is that you?
I almost didn't recognize you.
I can't believe you.
You look really weird.
I love those shoulders.
What have you got in there?
A box of Kleenex? Ha, ha.
How you doing? What's in the bowl?
Rice and goulash.
We pictured you sitting at home
eating pizza and peanuts and
we don't want you to starve.
That's great. Thank you.
if you're on your way out,
we can leave it
with the doorman.
Yeah, Mel's coming to get me.
We've got a, you know,
a business dinner.
Oh, well, we just
came by to say hello
and thought I'd just bring you
up to date.
We'll call you tomorrow.
What? Up to date on what?
I'll call you tomorrow.
What? What is it? Aw, come on, tell him.
We're having a baby.
Ahhhh! Ha-ha-haahhhh!
Isn't that something? Whoa.
I knew we shouldn't
tell him in the street.
When? When? About the middle of June.
Ahhh, that's great.
Yo, Stevie, let's go.
Mel, Judy's having a baby.
Little Judy!
I don't believe it, little Judy.
Billy, wonderful, wonderful.
Listen, we've got
a couple of clients waiting.
Oh, yeah, okay.
We'll have dinner
this week, huh?
We'll celebrate. I'll
leave this with the...
Yeah, okay,
I'll call you tomorrow, okay?
All right, bye. That's great, great.
Friends of his is having a baby.
Tina, Sherry, this is Steve.
Come with me. MEL: What?
Where do you think...
Where you going?
What are you doing? Excuse us.
Come here.
What are you doing?
I don't think
I should go tonight.
What are you talking
about? It feels indecent.
You've been trying
to do something indecent
for six months now.
These girls are only
a couple of years older
than my daughter.
I'm sorry,
it's the best I can do.
Everyone at
the Beth Isreal Old Age Home
was busy tonight.
Get in the car. Some other time.
What's the rush?
What's the rush?
Listen, listen to me,
listen to me.
You've been divorced, rejected,
you're entitled to have
a little fun.
What are you waiting for?
An official telegram
from the Pope?
Get in the car.
- Hey, food's here.
- Dig in, dig in.
So what part of the music
business are you girls in?
Yeah, I wanted to sing
when I started out,
but you're always on the road.
You get these skuzzy guys
hitting on you all the time.
I got to go to the john.
Me too.
See, what'd I tell you?
They're nice girls.
You don't think it's funny
they have to keep going
to the bathroom?
What? You got to have a girl
with a perfect bladder?
This one had white powder
on her upper lip.
I don't think
they're serving sugar donuts
in the ladies' room.
Don't ruin this.
These girls are open-minded
and convivial.
Modern progressive women.
Don't get ethical;
It inhibits
their sexual creativity.
Whatcha gonna do
With my lovin'?
Please don't make me
Wait here, I'm just
walking her to the door.
Want to come up
for a cup of tea?
Cup of tea?
Yeah, sure.
That'd be great, sure.
It's a lot of stairs,
but I don't mind.
It keeps me in shape.
Yeah, it's great, great.
Oh, this is Shirley,
my roommate.
Hello. How do you do?
Have a seat.
I've got fennel tea, linden tea,
hibiscus flowers
and rosehip tea.
What's the matter?
Uh, I get a spasm sometimes.
It's all right, it's okay.
Take off your jacket. No, I'm fine.
It's all right, it's all right.
No, take off your jacket. No,
no, no, no, no, no, no.
I shouldn't move,
no, I shouldn't move.
I know what I'm doing. No. I know,
but it's the...
Lay down. Oh, God. Ohh.
What are you doing?
You know, I think
it's your sacroiliac.
I know what it is
and it shouldn't be moved.
I know what to do. Listen, I...
This goes here.
Oh, don't.This goes here.
Does it feel better now?
Oh, God, no.
You know what?
I think you're too tense.
Well, I'm a little tense.
You need to relax a little bit.
You know?
Maybe we should wait a minute.
I think we should wait a minute.
You're gonna have to
put this on, honey.
Uh, listen, my back
feels a lot better.
I think I'd better get home.
You're going? Yeah, I think so.
I had a great time.
Thanks. See you shortly.
Tina, it was great meeting you.
That's it, come on, come on,
hit it up, will you?
Come on.
Watch it, watch it, watch it.
Hey! Why didn't you duck?
Lightning reflexes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're great, you're wonderful.
What's the matter?
You're so morose.
Do you ever miss being married?
Why would I miss it?
You don't miss
being loved by somebody,
somebody who will make you
French toast
on a Sunday morning?
Somebody you can talk to
at night when you can't sleep?
I've always had someone
to talk to at night.
That's why my wife wouldn't
make me French toast.
You're a very shallow person,
you know that?
What, having some woman make
fried bread for you is deep?
Ah, damn it, I'm not happy.
I want to get happy.
What are you making such a big
deal about happiness for?
Look at me.
I trade all day against guys
who would cut my heart out
for an 1/8.
I drink too much,
I eat rich food,
I make love to women
half my age.
You think I'm happy?
That's the advantage
of being shallow.
Sorry I'm late.
I got all jammed up.
What would you like?
I already ordered.
I don't know, anything,
it doesn't matter.
Your hair looks nice.
It's just a rinse.
I don't know
if I'm gonna keep it.
I don't know,
let me have a cutty sark
and a steak or something.
So what are we... Our special today
is a lovely trout almondine.
Meat. Very well done.
A piece of burnt meat, okay?
Burnt meat? Fine. Okay.
So what are we
talking over here?
Has it been a problem for you,
meeting new people?
I thought maybe we could
help each other out.
Like what, go on
double dates together?
No. It's worse than that.
Donna knows some women
who want to meet men
and they don't want to go
to bars or dating services.
So, what do they do?
Oh, you're gonna hate this.
Okay, they have a party where
each woman invites a man,
a friend or somebody
they used to be married to,
and she introduces him
to everybody else.
Like a swap meet?
You know, you might find
somebody very interesting.
People do this?
I knew you'd hate this.
No, all right, fine.
You want to try it,
what the hell.
I'll try it. Fine.
Here's the address.
It's an artist loft
in Tribeca, Friday at 8.
Did you ever think
as long as we lived,
we'd have a conversation
like this?
Not in a million years.
Who did you bring?
I brought that guy
right over there, tall, dark.
See the one? MAN: Yeah, I see, I see.
Yeah, I brought him
and I brought
my other boyfriend too.
Two? Which one's the other one?
He's a little chubbier.
Now, see, this one over here...
Hi, I'm Jackie Giardino.
Hi, I'm Dr. Dave Salisman.
Hello, Dr. Dave.
Steve, I want you
to meet Eleanor Pederman.
Hello. Nice to meet you.
Maybe you know her law firm,
Bender & Sachs?
Steve's on Wall Street.
Oh, who are you with?
I have a seat on
the American Exchange.
Well, you're not obsessed,
are you?
What do you mean obsessed?
I've met a couple of traders.
Well, they were like
compulsive gamblers.
Oh, ho. I see.
Well, and I hear
they're all like that.
$50 says you're wrong.
Was that a joke?
Well, what do you do?
God, this is nice.
Paul Bunyan's hat rack.
I like them.
They have all these different
shapes and angles.
It all seems to balance.
So does a scale.
They're fun, strong-looking.
Please, the Polish army
is strong-looking.
I wouldn't want it standing
around in my living room.
I don't know, I just love
the human form.
Maybe it's because I'm a doctor.
Hi, Dr. Dave Salisman.
Hi, Doc.
Don't you love the human form?
Mostly on humans.
Oh, don't tell me,
your friend's the sculptor.
No. I'm the sculptor.
Actually I see someone over
here who is alone
and I think
she needs some company.
Pardon me.
Hope you didn't bring him.
No, I actually brought him,
that's my ex-husband.
- Parasite.
- Where do you get your money?
You get your money
from people's misery.
Divorces, you get it
from when people die.
I help people invest
and the reason
they want to invest,
they want to be part
of the economy.
And we got a liquid economy
because of what I do
down on Wall Street.
This is the longest
bull market in history.
I understand that... It doesn't matter
whether the market goes up
or whether it goes down,
people... look, I don't even
want to talk about it.
You don't know what
you're talking about, okay?
No, you don't listen.
It was nice meeting you.
You're not leaving?
Oh, yes, I really
have got to go.
Listen, you're here
'cause you finished
with this guy, right?
So let him make
an ass of himself.
What do you care?
I know I'm being foolish
and I'm getting
these awful gigantic hives.
Look, I'm sorry. No, listen, here.
I'm having an opening next
week and this is my new show.
This is official. Will you come?
Jim Page? Yeah, well, that's my name,
but my family and people
who love me call me Doc.
Thanks, Jim. Let me tell you something.
Your alimony...
Your job is done already
by a computer.
Will you listen to me?
Pay attention to what
I'm talking about, will you?
You don't listen.
You don't listen.
I'm sorry, I really have to go.
You know,
I really do love your work.
I really do.
I want you to know that.
I'll see you next week, right?
Yes. Bye.
Bye. STEVE: But you don't listen.
In my job...
You got everything
written down in the computer
and you charge
the same amount of money.
Goodbye. Nice talking to you.
Can't you deal with a woman?
This is...
I had a hell of a time.
I love these people
who have no idea
what happens on the Street
and then they have
all these theories.
Where are you going?
Oh, I embarrassed you, right?
You're ashamed of me, huh?
We made a mistake coming here.
Let's just forget about it.
Let me tell you something.
I'm who I am.
If your friends don't like it,
the hell with them.
Oh, I love the spirit
of accommodation you have.
Oh, yeah? Yeah, I love it.
Let me tell you something.
I accommodated you for
26 years, don't forget that.
Uh, excuse me? We're divorced.
I don't have to have
this fight anymore.
I turned myself
inside out for you.
I jumped through hoops for you.
What hoops?
In the car, in the kitchen,
in the bedroom.
What do you mean,
in the bedroom?
You sure you're ready
for the truth?
What hoops?
When we did it. How we did it.
If we did it.
You think back through all the
time we've been married.
Think about it.
You never ever wanted me
when I wanted you,
that whole time.
Think about it.
Because most of the time
you didn't want me.
You wanted sex.
You were who I wanted it with.
You never just wanted
to have sex, right,
you always make love
to my whole person, right?
When you wanted to screw,
we screwed.
See if this can sink in, okay?
Making love does not start
when you take your clothes off.
It starts when
you talk to me at dinner
or on the terrace fertilizing
my nasturtiums with me.
That's how you get me going.
Not by putting down
the Wall Street Journal,
grabbing my tits and sticking
your tongue in my mouth.
You never just sat and talked.
You never ever wanted
to just cuddle.
I hate that word. I hate it.
Children cuddle.
Teddy bears cuddle.
I'm a grown man.
I see a desirable woman,
I get an erection.
You see a couple of cantaloupes,
you get an erection.
Yes, yes.
But to please you, I cuddled.
Oh, for 15 seconds.
From them on, you were
climbing all over me.
What did you want,
a husband or a penpal?
I'm not gonna let you
put down our sex life.
If there was something wrong
with the way we made love,
then I sure misinterpreted
a lot of moans and groans.
Let me tell you something,
what is this,
Entertainment Tonight?
Go buy a TV set.
Go upstairs, get out of here.
Let me tell you something.
I desired you
more than you desired me,
that's what it was.
I ached for you,
but you were never there.
I tell you one thing, though,
I'm real happy
we had this little talk
'cause I'm beginning
to miss you a lot less.
To hell with her.
To hell with all of them.
From now on, I'm devoting myself
to food, alcohol and tennis.
Devote yourself
to watching the ball.
He's got a very tricky serve.
Pay attention.
Don't worry about me. I'm fine.
Are you all right? I'm fine, I'm fine.
Come on, let's play another set.
No, no.
Come on. I got a lot of carnal
energy to displace here.
Come on. Mel, hit with me,
come on, Barry, let's play.
I'm sorry.
I got surgery this morning.
One more.
We played. That's enough.
Steve, three sets is enough,
all right.
- Mel, hit with me.
- Let's play.
All right. Come on.
But we'll take it easy.
Little warm down.
As long as I can hit
a nice backhand,
make a good trade,
what do I need with women?
Hey! Easy. I said easy.
To hell with 'em.
I don't need 'em.
I'll live on the edge.
I'll live on adrenalin
and Chateau Lafite.
Steve, what is it?
What happened?
God, it's his heart.
No, I'm all right,
I'm all right.
It's okay. He looks pale.
Do you have a pain
in your chest?
No, no, it's not a pain.
It's like there's a little
Volkswagon sitting on it.
Myocardial infarction.
How do you know what he's got?
He's the doctor.
I know, I know. Don't move.
The slightest movement
could kill you.
I'm all right. It's nothing.
It's anguish.
Don't move, don't move.
Here, give him some air.
Take his pulse.
Why do you think
I'm holding his wrist?
Look, it could just be anxiety.
A man does not fall down
and turn white
because of anxiety.
Take him to a hospital.
Give him an angiogram.
What are you? Crazy?
That's an operation.
Ah, simple procedure,
little tube in your groin,
up the vein, in your heart,
you're home the same day.
Will you get out of here?
I'll call you
if I want a butcher.
Slowly, slowly.
I'm gonna take you
to the hospital.
See you get an EKG
to work off the energy.
How about a stress test?
I had a stress test
at that party last night.
Don't listen to him.
The man is delirious.
Phil, get your car,
we'll take him
right to the hospital.
I'm not going to the hospital.
I'm taking a shower.
What are you talking about?
A shower?
At a time like this,
you take a shower?
If the man
wants to take a shower,
at least let him do it calmly.
He could be in cardiac arrest,
you're prescribing
soap and water?
Dr. Peterson says
your patient 405
has a very low white count.
Wants you to see him
as soon as you can.
Oh, I'm gonna
have to get somebody else
to work you up, Steve. Fine, fine.
Make sure
they do everything now.
Take some blood, sed rate... Over here.
Will you go down
to the Exchange?
Trading opens in 20 minutes.
I'll be there,
don't worry about it.
Alice, could you see
if Dr. Hutton can examine
Mr. Giardino?
Who's Dr. Hutton? A fine doctor.
What are you waiting for? Fine.
You be examined,
I'll go to the Exchange.
Will you... Go in there
and take off your clothes.
Do what the doctor says
and relax.
Whatever you do, relax.
Both of you relax, tachycardia
can be terrible for angina. Oh, really?
I'd never heard of that.
Mr. Giardino?
Hi, I'm Dr. Hutton.
Are you having
any chest pains now?
No, no.
Well, I'm just going to
listen to your heart.
Then I'll take
your blood pressure
and then we'll do
an electrocardiogram.
Just breathe normally.
Have you ever been diagnosed
as having an irregular
No, not that I can remember.
Any history of heart disease
in your family?
No, no.
How's your diet?
Chicken and fish.
You exercise regularly?
I play tennis
three times a week.
Well, you don't look like you're
in all that bad shape to me.
Dr. Hutton!
This guy's gonna code
any second.
Can you help us?
I'll be right back.
Is there a BP?
Hook up the monitor.
I've got the testings.
Let's get somebody in here
to ventilate.
He's got no oral airway.
Was he brought in by ambulance?
I'm not getting a BP.
VTAC. Start a line.
Give him 100 milligrams
of Lidocaine.
Charge the paddles.
Line's in.
Hands off. Now!
Sinus rhythm.
All right! Way to go.
Start a Lidocaine drip,
4 milligrams per minute
and do a 12VDKG.
What's his name?
Ed Hogan.
Eddie, can you hear me?
You had a problem
with your heartbeat.
You're going to be okay now.
You're in the hospital.
I'm Dr. Hutton.
You're gonna be fine.
They said it was urgent.
It is urgent. Doc called twice.
He wants to make sure
you go to his opening tonight
at the gallery.
Look, what's the point?
Do you realize
how much younger he is?
What do you care?
An attractive, adorable man
wants to see you again.
What did you go
to the party for?
Oh, nice.
What happened to foreplay?
Look, I'm nearly a grandmother.
This makes me
very uncomfortable.
Look, just go for a few minutes.
I mean, I don't know
if you got a look
at that cute little
behind of his or not, but...
His behind?
You know,
you spend your whole day
arranging dates
for horny rodents
and it's really
changing your values.
Go for 10 minutes.
I got to hang up now,
but give your mice
a cold shower.
How's it going?
Feeling any better?
It's nothing.
Nerves, aggravation.
Uh, you want me to do it?
Why would I want you to do it?
You could have paid
3/8 for that 25,000.
Stock trading all around you
and you're just standing there.
I wasn't standing.
I was thinking, all right.
Why didn't you let me
execute the order?
Relax, will you?
Now the market closed
and we blew it.
Leo, you got to help me out.
I owe a customer a report
on 25,000 Homotronics,
what do you say, huh?
Nah, can't help you.
Nah, come on,
the bell just rang,
you can still hear it.
Come on.
I was examined by Dr. Hutton
and I have to talk to her.
It's an emergency. Is she there?
Hello? It's Steve Giardino.
There's something wrong.
My heart races
and it skips beats
and I get distracted.
Mr. Giardino,
I couldn't find anything.
Maybe you've suffered
some kind of anxiety attack.
Sometimes when you're...
Well, yeah, yeah,
but it still bothers me.
Can I see you?
Can you come over
this afternoon?
Why don't we meet for
a drink and then, you know,
I'll go over
my whole history with you.
I don't usually make
saloon calls.
Look, I've had
a very traumatic change
in my life lately and...
Hmm, Barry told me
you were divorced a while ago.
Is that what you mean?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
About six months ago, yeah, so.
Well, that might be
contributing to this.
Look, I really don't think
I can help you.
I just want to talk.
It would mean
a great deal to me.
It would save my life,
that's what it would do.
Where would you want to meet?
How about the Oak Room?
Six o'clock.
Sure you're all right?
You don't look too good.
It's all right,
I'm seeing a doctor later.
You're not saying much.
Well, I'm going through
this very vulnerable time
right now
and when this beautiful,
intelligent woman
put her hand on my shoulder,
my heart turned over.
It was kind of funny
hearing it flopping around
like that.
Yeah, yeah, so, see,
I thought that if you were free,
I mean, if you weren't
married or anything
and Barry told me
that you weren't...
I thought that we could
go out on sort of a date.
Are you always this roundabout?
No, no, no.
I'm usually more direct.
According to my former wife,
something in the order
of a trainwreck.
I'm trying to do this right.
What did you have in mind?
I have tickets
to the Knicks tonight.
Do you want to go?
Sure. Hahh!
Hello. WOMAN: Hi.
I had a good time tonight.
I don't usually
scream like that.
Screaming is good.
It helps your appetite.
I used to scream a lot.
I was a real basketball freak
in high school.
Would you like to come up
for a cup of coffee?
Well, you're probably tired
and I have to get up early.
No, no. No, no, no, no,
coffee is good.
Let's have coffee. Good.
Listen, coffee's good.
This is my floor.
Here's the thing.
I don't know
how this works anymore
and it makes me nervous.
I'm gonna have to
do this step by step.
I definitely want
to have coffee with you.
I really, really would like
to have coffee with you,
but how would you feel
about dinner first?
You don't mean tonight, right?
It's 11 o'clock. No, no, tomorrow night.
I'll be at the hospital 'til 10.
And then on Saturday,
my best friend has a beach house
and I promised I'd visit.
Well... Why don't you come along?
No, I don't want
to get in the way.
No, it'd be fun.
Why don't you give me
a call tomorrow?
We'll work it out.
Okay. All right.
Uh, by the way, it was
just going to be coffee.
Perfect day. Fabulous.
I can't believe it.
What do you have in there?
Coffee? Coffee and cognac.
Why do you think
you can't sleep at night?
Ah, here we go.
What do you tell your patient?
Yeah, what do I tell my patient?
Did she examine you? Yeah.
Did she tell you not coffee? Yeah.
You are really a pisser.
If you're not in too deep,
I'd get out now.
Yeah, well, don't make me
out to be the crazy one.
I don't have
this neurotic compulsion
to swim in ice water.
First day of spring, he swims.
One year he went in
during a snow storm.
I'm gonna go down and see
if it's cold enough.
What is he, an old boyfriend?
No, he's my best friend.
How does he know
you don't sleep at night?
I told him.
What else do you tell him?
Everything. He's my best friend.
I think we're having
a generation problem here.
I thought you had to be
a generation apart for that.
It's perfect.
My fingers are paralyzed.
Ah, that's wonderful.
Go for it, go, go!
Aghh! It's cold!
Go, go, go. Ha, ha.
That's great.
What are you doing?
Gonna take a little dip.
Are you serious?
Yeah, why not?
You're really gonna go
in the water?
Yeah, yeah, why not?
Hey, Eric, look at this.
All right!
Come on!
Ha, ha, ha.
Go, Steve!
Ha, ha, all right!
Oh, God! I'm not gonna die.
I'm not gonna die.
I shouldn't still be shivering.
I should be warm by now.
You are warm. You have a fever.
I tried to go
to the bathroom before.
I fell down in the closet.
You'll be okay.
I think you've got
a little pneumonia.
Don't go away.
Come back. Come here.
I'm here.
You started to get small.
I'm right here.
Take these pills.
You know, I think
about your chin all the time.
I love your chin.
What do you think
to getting married?
I think it's a little
too soon to talk about that.
I'm much better.
Yes. More in control.
You are.
I'll be all right.
That was quick.
Are you going home to read
War and Peace before dinner?
I felt a small hive
starting here.
Again? Yes.
Come on in. I've got
something to show you.
Come in.
You're the only woman I know
with pet hives.
Now, do you remember
at the party
when you said that you felt
my work had a sense of balance?
Yes. Do you?
Right, because I've been
thinking about that.
Now, come on.
I want you to stand right there.
Now, I made this for you.
It balances.
You thought about me
when you made this?
I thought about you
when I wasn't making it too.
What do you have in mind here?
Well, I don't know.
Oh, there's a really big one
starting up my arm.
Why, is there a problem?
You're somewhat younger
than I am,
have you noticed?
You need to work on something.
You're too worried about
what other people think.
I'm gonna take you
to lunch tomorrow.
Are you free?
I can't.
No, no. I want you
to meet somebody.
Oh, there's a waiter there.
I think you ought to meet him.
I don't think we ought to
take this any further.
No, no, no. You listen to me.
Nothing I've ever done
in my life
has ever meant anything
unless it started in here.
I don't know how,
but somehow you got in here.
That's all I care about.
I mean, I don't care
what anyone thinks.
You come with me tomorrow,
I'll prove that.
Say you will.
Say you'll come.
Do you know this place?
No? Right.
You sit right there.
I'll be right back.
You're a waiter?
No, I'm a sculptor.
See, what's important
is how I look at it.
The way I look at it,
you're a beautiful,
intelligent woman,
who likes good art.
Maybe you're
a little too young for me,
but I don't mind.
You see anything you want?
Well, I'm thinking about that.
Did you see my face today?
I'm happy. I'm like a kid.
You're like someone
with brain damage.
Twice you tried to trade
at the wrong post.
This woman is incredible.
He's crazy. And he's fun.
And he brings me things.
Muffins, pastries,
always some kind of food.
Ha, ha, ha.
And he's sweet.
Is your father a doctor too?
No, he worked in a steel mill.
Big day for him
when I got into Columbia.
Right. Big day for all of us.
Were both your parents Italian?
No, my mother's Irish.
I'm Italian on my father's side.
My mother's family was German
and a little French
somewhere back there.
It opens from the front.
I leave you for two seconds
and you're asleep?
Come here.
I got some nice stuff for us.
Cold pizza, ice cream and beer.
It's 5 in the morning.
No wonder I'm zoning out.
You weren't asleep while
we were making love, were you?
Just during the slow parts.
What are you doing?
Do you ever have this
on ice cream?
What? Red pepper.
It's really good.
On ice cream? Oh, it's great.
Come here. Take some.
I don't think I'm hungry.
Mm, it's good. Mm.
Hey, hey, come on.
I don't mind you falling
asleep while I make love to you,
but not while I eat.
Come on, there's something
perverted about that.
And don't let me oversleep.
I'll drop you off at work
on my way downtown.
Then I'll pick you up again
right after work, okay?
Then I'll drop you off
again the next morning
and pick you up at night.
No, what were you like
when you were a kid?
Did you have heroes?
Yeah, in high school,
Mr. Callifarno.
He led the marching band
and he had this sexy deep
voice and soft eyes.
I learned to play the tuba
and came away
with a great pucker.
No, wait, wait,
was that the year
that you had scarlet fever?
How do you remember
all this stuff?
Well, I'm interested.
You know, I don't know
if this is calculated or what,
but you are definitely
getting to me.
You know what you can do
right now?
Get you home so you can study.
You've got a big exam tomorrow.
I've just never gone through
anything like this before,
you know?
He thinks that
every single thing that I do
is fascinating.
Ooh, that is a nice change.
Yeah, I used to beg Steve
to come up here with me
and he wouldn't even sit there
and read the paper while I dug.
And Doc comes up?
Oh, yeah.
He made me a salad
out of nasturtiums.
He couldn't just read the paper?
Oh, God, he's totally
unlike Steve.
He doesn't ignore me,
he doesn't...
He doesn't interrupt me,
he doesn't...
Oh, you know.
The way... do you know the way
Steve always used to grab at me
all the time?
He doesn't do that.
Hasn't there been anything?
There's been
a little kissing, a little...
Well, basically, that's it.
A little kissing and it's warm
and it's friendly
and it's filled with respect
and it's making me sick.
He definitely needs a signal.
Oh, I looked in his eyes.
I have let my hand sort of
linger on his thigh.
I mean, what do I need to do?
Get in the 6 o'clock news?
Excuse me.
Do you have a table
for one, please?
Oh, sure, how's that?
That looks nice.
What do you have that's good?
Well, everything's good.
What would you like?
I was thinking of something
hot, spicy.
Something stir-fried?
I don't know.
Something slow-cooked.
You know, something
that'll take all afternoon.
Do you have anything like that?
Oh, I've got to
get home and change.
Oh, I can't go to class
in the same outfit
I wore yesterday.
I'll loan you a sweater.
You'll look different.
Yeah, maybe.
Maybe if I wear a sweater,
nobody'll notice.
Or maybe I'll just skip class.
Have you seen
these freckles on your back?
These colors are incredible.
I'm gonna get a mirror.
You've got to see this.
I think I have to sleep now.
I love the way your hand
comes out of your wrist.
This is organically grown
and water decaffeinated.
Oh, I got to go home,
I haven't changed clothes
for three days.
You haven't worn them
for three days.
That's true. The hell with it.
I got it. Steady.
I'm gonna put this one
in the bedroom.
Let's just live with it
for a while.
What do you think?
I don't believe how big it is.
It is so huge.
Wow, listen, it looks
pretty good right here.
Let's just leave it out here.
Sure, why not?
Is everything all right?
Is she okay?
I'll be right over.
Judy just had a baby boy.
I don't know if you remember
or not,
but Judy was born
at 4 in the morning too.
No, no, I didn't.
4:07. Yeah?
Yeah. Oh, this is Steve.
Steve, hi, I'm Doc.
How are you? Congratulations.
Thank you. This is Kay.
Kay, how are you?
Jackie. Hi.
Hello, congratulations.
Thank you.
See, this is really weird,
but I had this feeling
the minute that the phone rang,
I said, Jackie, pick it up,
you've got a grandchild.
Oh, yeah?
This is a family visit, I'll
wait for you in the lobby.
Yeah, I'll wait down here too.
All right, now you give her
a kiss for me.
Tell her I did the tarot cards
on this, all right?
You know what I got?
The sun, the world,
the nine of cups.
Kid's got it made.
I hear from Judy he's a waiter.
During the day.
And his name is Doc?
You're laughing at his name?
Neil Simon is Doc.
Albert Schweitzer is Doc.
A psychic waiter is not Doc.
I don't think
it's any of your business
if I live with a guy
named Dopey or Sneezy.
You're living with him?
I notice you didn't come here
unaccompanied yourself
at 5 o'clock in the morning.
Just... Yeah, all right, all right.
You both came.
Did you see him?
He's got these tiny little
He is so beautiful.
He looks so good.
You won't believe it.
Thanks for coming.
Oh, you've got to go down
and see him.
She looks beautiful.
Doesn't she?
Mmm, aaahhh.
No, no, no, no, no.
What are you doing?
Don't do that. No, no.
Oh, don't do that.
Oh, oh, that's good. It's good.
Ah, leave it this way.
I like it. No.
I want to see you
the way you really are.
Oh, good,
I'll go to the dentist,
have him take the caps
off my teeth.
Leave it. I like it.
All right, what the hell.
Yeah, probably be seeing
a lot of it.
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
I thought
we ought to get married.
Oh, good.
Ahhhh! Ha-ha-haahhhh!
Judy, he's wonderful.
Sweetie! Ah, isn't he pretty.
I think he needs to be changed.
Can I do it? Oh, sure.
Oh, yes, Steve, come on.
We're gonna change the baby.
I saw the baby
being changed before.
We're not going to see it.
We're going to do it.
Aren't we, we're gonna
take good care of my guy.
My baby guy.
Come on.
There, sweetheart.
Aw, he's so cute.
Hand me the diaper.
Hello, sweetheart.
Oh, gosh,
what a good guy you are.
Of course I want one.
Well, I can't, I can't.
I'm too old to go
through that again.
Too old.
I am. I'm too old.
You play tennis
three times a week.
You're too feeble
to lift a baby?
Kay, come on.
Before a kid of ours
even got out of high school,
I'd be 70 years old.
I mean, how long do you think
I'm gonna be around for?
Don't you think
I've thought of that?
I'm a doctor.
I know what I can
probably expect with you.
You drink, you smoke,
you eat junk.
Yeah, so?
So when you go,
you may not just pass away
in your sleep.
You may have a stroke first
and I'll have to nurse you
for two or three years
while you fade away.
But I love you
and the way I see it,
love is responsibility.
You don't know what it's like.
It takes over
your whole life, you know.
Fatigue, night nursing,
the constant worry
about diaper rash and roseola.
The next time we have sex
will be in the year 2004.
If you get lucky.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Why is everybody
trying to pressure this man
into having a baby?
He doesn't want one,
he doesn't want one.
End of discussion.
All Steve has to do is
contribute a few spermatozoa.
He already gave.
The man has a grown daughter.
Everybody has an opinion
about my spermatozoa.
Yeah. This is important stuff.
This is the issue of his loins.
What makes you people think
this is any of your business?
the issue of my loins.
What is this? Hey, I'm on your side.
It's not up for discussion.
There are only two opinions
that count on this subject.
Not two. One. Hers.
You know, she's got
a biological clock
ticking inside of her.
Oh, please,
I got a biological clock too.
It's called decrepitude.
He's right. Look at this.
This is an old man.
What are you talking, old man...?
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
I want to hear from Kay.
What do you want?
I guess I want
more meaning in my life.
I love my work
and I wouldn't give it up
for anything,
but I don't want to give up
having a baby either.
Listen to me.
I never had any kids
and I don't miss it.
Kids tie you down.
You can't just take off
when you got kids.
Kids are a pain in the ass.
You know, maybe women look
at this differently, Mel.
Women and other humans.
Somebody read a book.
Oh, excuse me
for having a brain.
Listen to me,
all the books in the world...
You can't know what...
If this isn't
going to lead to a baby,
then I have to know now.
I don't have a couple of years
I can play with.
How can you just
walk away from me?
How can you tell me
I have to give this up?
It may not mean anything
to your friend, Mel,
but it means a lot to me.
All right, let's do it.
Let's do it.
If we have a family, it can't
be like your last one.
You have to be there with me.
Of course I will. Every step of the way.
Will you listen to me?
I want to be with you
every minute of the day.
I'm jealous of your patients.
Look, the answer is yes.
I want you and I want
everything you want.
Let's neck.
So in joining
you good people together,
we're enjoying
an exercise in hope.
You two are igniting
in all of us
the hope that life together
is possible,
and caring for someone else
is possible.
Kay, do you take Steve
to be your husband?
To love him and cherish him
in sickness and in health?
In good times and bad?
For as long as you both
shall live?
I do.
Steve, do you take Kay
to be your wife?
To love her and cherish her
in sickness and in health?
In good times and bad?
So long as you both shall live?
I do.
Well, then, in the eyes
of everyone here,
and the State of New York,
you're husband and wife.
Okay, enough, enough!
Next, next.
Listen, I hope he didn't
make too much noise.
He made it wonderful.
Oh, thank you. Congratulations.
Thank you. Kay.
Hey, am I happy for you guys.
Ah, thank you, Mel.
You look lovely,
absolutely radiant.
She hates me.
Woman cannot stand me.
She's just a little
pissed at you, that's all.
She'll get over it.
Don't worry about it.
Is this a tough day for you?
Oh, no, I love Kay.
She's terrific.
Did she tell you, you know,
what our plans are?
She's pregnant, I know.
She told me.
So how do you feel about that?
I think it's great.
I mean, I'm gonna have
a kid and everything,
but do you feel all right,
Listen, can I ask you a favor?
Yeah, what?
Spend some time
with this one, okay?
Come on, let's eat. Come on.
I just want to
look at your face.
Does this bother you?
It's just a little hard
reading up in the air like this.
Oh, here, just...
Are you all right there?
That's great.
When you take a break,
can we work on the terrace?
I love to watch you dig.
What's the matter?
Can I get you something?
No, it's okay.
You just keep talking.
Forget that it's your first day.
Up here, you're in charge, okay?
Now you don't think of
yourself as a teacher's aide,
you act like you've been
doing this for years.
All right? Don't make me nervous, okay?
All right, here we go.
Little kiss for good luck.
All right, go get 'em.
This is it. Go get 'em, kiddo.
This is your day.
This is yours.
You're gonna be great.
Good luck.
I'll be waiting here
when you get out.
I want a full report.
Now, try to get a seat
near an exit.
I want you back safe.
You're making me nervous.
I packed you a little
picnic lunch.
I stuck it right here
at the top of your bag.
Don't come in.
Will you call me every day?
I'll try.
I mean, if they're gonna have
me talking sign language
morning 'til night.
You know, there's no place
here that you can do it?
You have to go to D.C.? No, there isn't.
Yes, yes, yes.
The best in the field's there.
Now go.
All right, bye.
I love you. Love you too.
Oh, excuse me,
can I squeeze in there please?
Sure, no problem.
You're going to Washington?
Oh, it's a great city.
It's very historic.
Lots of monuments, yeah.
Is this your first time there?
Boy, did I get you.
Did you suspect anything?
I had a week coming to me
so I took it now.
But listen,
I won't be in the way.
I'll be at the motel
during the day.
Whenever you're through
at night,
8, 9 o'clock at night,
I'll be waiting for you.
Is this great?
I can hardly believe it.
- Hey, look at this, huh?
- What do you think?
I can't believe it.
Where did you get a gondola?
Well, I said it was
an Italian lunch.
I even got some of this
dried yak dung
for Steve to sprinkle
all over a ziti. Come on.
We'll have a little lunch,
ride around the lake.
The idea is to get acquainted.
We're family now.
You're married to this guy,
you're married to me.
Mary, you want to sit here?
Is that all right?
It's Mary, right?
It's Mara, Mara, help your wife.
She falls in that water,
she'll decompose.
What happened?
She's all right now.
Here we go.
What happened?
Once around the lake.
He used to run around the car
and help me out.
Now when he drops me off
at the hospital,
he slows down and sort of
ejects me out of my seat.
Come on, when have I ever
done anything like that?
In 46 days
we've been married, 11 times.
She counts everything.
Don't marry a doctor.
You could starve to death
while she measures out 2 cc's
of oil, 1 cc of vinegar
and 1.2 grams of garlic
for your salad.
How come I never noticed that
before we got married?
Before we got married,
you made the salad.
Never give men what they want,
it ruins their appetite.
Have a frittata, sweetheart.
Let me tell you a few things
about this guy you married.
Steve's been my partner
for 18 years
and I can say this
from the bottom of my heart,
the man is a selfish pig.
But he's got the heart
of a stallion.
He'll work till he drops.
Sun goes down in L.A.,
he's trading in Tokyo.
Sun comes up in England,
he's on the London Exchange.
The man never stops.
I'm bombing here, I'm dying.
He's a great family man.
He cries at baby pictures.
We have an agreement.
When the sun sets in Chicago,
he doesn't follow it to Tokyo.
Somebody else can stay up
all night with the Japanese.
He comes home.
I can do this without you.
I just thought it would be
better for both of us
if we went through it together.
Yeah, sure,
I missed this kind of thing
with my first kid.
And this guy's into
this sort of thing
and he thought
you should come too.
Yeah, good, fine.
Look, don't worry
about how long it takes.
I got a paper.
I'll be fine out here.
Just take your time.
Steve, I want you
to come in with me.
What do you mean?
Until the doctor comes?
I mean, until it's over.
Oh, this is a very,
very good image, here.
Look, oh, look,
you can see the hand.
Can you see that?
There it is. There it is.
Oh, you can see
the fingers wiggling.
Look, it's very good.
This is very clear.
Oh, you can see the face.
See the orbits
for the eyes, the mouth.
Oh, and look,
you can see the heart.
Can you see that? The heart?
Can you see the heart beating?
Yeah, yeah.
Stop it there.
What you're gonna feel...
is just a little pressure,
a little punch, okay?
What I want you to do
is take a deep breath for me
and hold it.
That's right.
Just hold, hold, hold.
You can let it out now.
There. Do you feel anything?
It's all right.
Make sure
you're not near the fetus.
No, no, I'm watching it
on the screen.
Can you tell what sex it is?
Do you want to know? No.
Is that... is this
pretty much over?
Just a few more seconds.
Nice, nice, nice.
There. All done.
Ahh, thank you.
Don't worry, babe,
you're gonna be fine.
He did great. That looks great.
Try not to walk me
into a truck, okay?
Okay. Just relax.
You'll only be out of control
for a couple more seconds.
Now there's gonna be a step.
Right. Turn around.
What's that?
I bought myself a present.
Well, you're not
gonna ride on that?
In traffic?
Yeah, this saves me
an hour a day.
You wanted to see me more.
Now you will.
Here, just put this on
and get on.
I'm gonna give you a ride.
Now, don't lean or anything
and just don't try to help,
just sit back and relax
and try and keep your feet
on these platforms here.
Just sit there, all right?
All right.
But this is not a bicycle.
I mean, you steer
with your whole body,
not just your hands, right? Yes, I know.
And easy on the brakes.
I don't want to go flying
over the handlebars.
Look, I know you're trying
to be helpful, okay?
Believe me, I know that
and I love you for it,
but I had one of these
when I was a teenager.
I'm fine. Yeah. You sit, I drive, okay?
Drive. Okay, sweetheart.
Easy on the gas!
Stay in control.
I know what I'm doing.
Don't lean on...
Oh, my God, we're
on the sidewalk now.
It's okay, I'm all right.
No worry. Not hurt.
You okay? You all right?
Why did you stick your feet out?
Because you were gonna
kill yourself, that's why.
Jackie, you cannot
ride around on this thing.
Oh, boy, this is really
getting claustrophobic.
Now, listen, let's just...
Let's skip dinner, okay?
Uh? Let's go to a movie?
Want to? And let's have popcorn.
I have to study tonight.
All right, you study. I'll cook.
What about curried eggplant?
If I want eggplant,
I'll make it.
Something's bothering you,
isn't it?
Something's bothering me?
You watch every move
that I make,
and you haven't noticed
that I am going crazy?
I can't breathe!
You're constantly watching me
and questioning me
and examining me.
That's what you do
when you care about someone.
No, that's what you do
when you take a hostage.
I feel like such an idiot.
It never occurred to me
and it was staring me
right in the face.
He's a control freak.
Am I bothering you?
Go ahead, I'm working.
And that's why he waited
so long to make love to me.
He was getting me warmed up
like one of his eggplant
I can't go.
This is an ordinary
Lamaze class.
I can't do it without you.
My first wife went through
this whole thing without me.
That was then.
It was then and it was great.
I bought the cigars
and drove her to the hospital.
The only thing that made me
sick was the cigar.
Unlike this pregnancy,
which is like sitting through
Friday the 13th for nine months.
Look, I've got to
level with you,
I don't know if I can be there
when you give birth.
I don't want to see
blood and pain
and little arms and legs
coming out of your body.
It's like an exercise class.
What's gonna make you sick?
Stretching, breathing,
what's gonna make you sick?
Okay, dads, help mother up and
we'll talk about the things
we'll be doing
the next few weeks.
Don't go, don't leave me.
What's the matter?
My back. I can't move.
I'm paralyzed.
Let me help you. No, no, no, no, no.
You'll hurt yourself,
you'll hurt the baby.
Don't... I can do it. I'm fine.
I'll just, I'll be all right.
I just got to get
in the right position.
After class, I can show you
the pelvic tilt.
It may help your back.
Good. That's very nice.
That'll be fine.
Well, the more you know
regarding labor and birth,
the less anxious you'll be.
So we'll talk in detail
about anatomy and physiology,
how to push the baby out,
Cesarean birth, complications.
I'll be right back.
I'll take you of a tour of
the labor and delivery rooms
and we'll discuss techniques
for pain management,
role of the coach,
coping strategies.
You all right? Just wanted some stale air.
You look upset.
I don't think I'm gonna be able
to tour the hospital with you.
By then, you'll be
an old hand at this.
You'll know what happens
when the water breaks,
you'll know what to do
during an emergency.
Those are the exact two things
I don't want to know.
You can't do that here
and you promised you'd cut
down during my pregnancy.
I didn't know your pregnancy
was gonna be so stressful.
Okay. I'm ready.
Oh, are we
celebrating something?
Well, that depends
on how you feel.
About what?
About getting married.
I think we ought to
talk about it.
Are you serious?
I've been thinking about it.
I threw the yarrow sticks.
Yarrow sticks?
Yeah, you remember,
the I Ching,
the Book of Changes,
the Chinese divination, right?
So I throw the sticks,
I open the book,
and what do you think it says?
The mountain above,
the lake below.
I'm very excited about this.
Are you okay?
You sounded funny on the phone.
He asked me to marry him.
Some Chinese guy who's been
dead for 2,000 years
thinks it's a great idea.
What do you think?
I don't think I would live
through the honeymoon.
He never leaves me alone.
I can't study.
I can't take a trip.
I got to leave a goodbye note
to go to the bathroom.
That would drive me crazy.
You know, after Steve moved out,
there were certain things
about living alone
that I really started to like.
I mean, I know
that this sounds stupid,
I like to read while I eat.
I like going without dinner
if I'm not hungry.
Sometimes, I like to just
sit and think.
I just don't think I...
I don't think I want to
marry anybody right now.
I need a rest.
There's just so many things
I want to do
and I don't have time
for all this stuff.
So are you gonna leave him?
I can't keep leaving
these people.
Look at these hives.
Oh, listen, I have tried,
I really have.
I just... I wish I had
a little time to myself.
So take it.
I will.
I'm gonna take
some time to myself.
Just got to get over
this scratching thing.
You'll labor
in one of these rooms
along this hallway.
And you'll stay here
until you've dilated
approximately 10 centimeters
and push until the baby's head
is crowning.
At that point, we'll move you
down to the delivery room.
Dads will come with you
and give you support.
Okay, folks, follow me.
Come on.
I'll meet you down
in the parking lot.
Just make it to the end
of the hall.
It's not that bad.
No, it's a little worse
than you think.
Why is this
such a problem for you?
Look, I love you, all right?
I'd give my arm for you.
I'd give my eyes,
my entire head and shoulders,
but I am not walking
down this hallway.
That's all.
I'll see you in the parking.
That's it. Keep the breathing
slow and relaxed.
That's great.
Try to keep it even.
You're at your 30-second peak.
Don't force it.
Just keep it relaxed.
Okay, we're coming up
to 45 seconds.
That's it.
Just slow, even breaths.
Can you make it
for the last hour?
Okay. See you at home.
Just do me a favor, all right?
Don't short a stock
while it's on the way up.
That's nuts.
It went up 30 points
in four hours.
There's no stock in the
world's not gonna
fall after that.
Don't worry,
we'll get it back tomorrow.
What the hell is bugging you?
I'm making her miserable.
This thing with the baby
is just...
Geez, doesn't she know
how much I love her?
Listen, I'm telling you
this from the heart.
Let her know you love her.
Give her a few bucks.
Let her buy a nice dress.
Oh, I'm a grandfather.
I'm gonna have a baby.
Geez, I'm gonna have an infant.
You're getting excited
about nothing.
How am I gonna...
How am I gonna do this?
Listen to me, women know
what to do about babies.
Babies are a woman's thing.
You'll do what you can.
She'll do the rest.
That's the way it used to be.
Things haven't changed
that much, believe me.
Hey, I know a little bit
about women, right?
I'm going home. What?
I'm going home, that's what,
that's what, I'm going home.
All right, come on,
we'll go inside,
we'll have a drink.
No, no, I don't
like to drink alone.
Forget it.
What did... hey, come on,
what did I say?
Goodnight. Have fun, have fun.
I don't know, maybe I'm corny,
but I think there's
such a thing as destiny.
What about you,
what do you think?
Is there such a thing
as destiny?
What are you doing?
This place is a mess.
I put your stuff in a pile.
You put it where you want it.
I had it where I wanted it.
You want your shorts
on the coffee table?
I was using them as a coaster.
You're pissed about
the Lamaze thing, aren't you?
I had a crisis,
an emergency, all right?
I had a man with chest pains
at 6 o'clock.
I got him into the CCU
and I still made it to class.
Okay, I missed one lesson
in breathing.
I already knew how to breathe.
Now I know how to breathe
lying on the floor
with my elbow up my ass.
You're not going to be there
when I have the baby, are you?
I told you I might not.
You didn't even try.
I didn't try?
I watched that doctor stick
a needle in your stomach.
I went to the hospital,
listened to women
getting tortured.
Do you think
I found that interesting?
Not everything in life
is entertaining.
You bet I'll be screaming
and I want you with me.
You know what the problem is?
You got this quirk
in your personality.
You like blood so you think
everybody else does.
I like blood?
No, that's fine,
it makes you a good doctor,
but you got to realize
normal people don't like
to hold somebody else's heart
in their hands.
I'm not asking you
to hold somebody's heart,
I'm asking you to help me
give birth to our baby
and it's making you sick.
I'm not the one with
the personality problem, pal.
Come on, look.
I said some stupid things
last night.
I said some stupid things
last night.
You're not getting
an argument from me.
Aw, come on. Hey! Hey!
Come on, hey,
I love you, come on.
Come back.
Do you have a minute?
I've got a 9 o'clock class.
All right, okay,
it's not important.
No, no, come on up. Come on.
Well, it's hard to say this.
My second marriage is starting
to have some problems.
I'm sorry to hear that.
And you're having a baby,
aren't you?
Yeah, yeah.
She thinks I ought to be more
involved, but I, you know,
be a part of the delivery
and that kind of thing and...
Look, it isn't fair for me to
drag you through all of this.
I just thought
maybe you could, I don't know,
I thought maybe you'd be able
to help me figure out
what I'm doing wrong.
To tell you the truth,
I don't really think
I understand
what she wants from me.
Well, it's probably
not very complicated.
She probably wants to know
you're listening
and that she's
at the top of your list.
Guess I was never very good
at that, was I?
Oh, I don't know.
I think maybe
I needed that too much.
Just knowing I was loved.
Well, I don't want to make
you late for your class.
It's funny how our lives
have turned out, isn't it?
I'll see you.
Watch your head.
I'm late, I'm sorry.
Give me a market on Bretassa.
Hey, sorry I'm late.
Okay, so you're here.
Good for you.
What happened to your face?
I had an accident in a taxi.
I'm on my way. Is it okay?
She's in labor. Go give her a kiss from me.
Go, go.
Wait, wait, wait.
I need money for a cab.
Here, here, here.
You know, I envy you,
having a life together,
memories to share.
Fifty dollars says
the baby has blue eyes.
Give me that.
Tell her to lie on her side,
it's better for the baby.
Hey, hey, out!
How you doing?
I'm okay.
How close are your contractions?
Pretty close.
What, like about
10 minutes apart?
More like a minute.
Why didn't you call me?
All right, look,
go with the breathing, okay.
Just relax
and breathe in and out.
You'll be ready to push soon.
I'll check you again
in a couple of minutes.
Okay, thanks.
Just relax, baby.
Easy, take it easy. Easy.
Don't blank out, all right.
Open your mouth, breathe.
I love you, babe.
I love you, Kay.
Ohh, it's coming. What?
The baby's coming.
Nurse! Hello?
Come here, come on.
The baby's coming.
Check this woman.
Take it easy.
Okay, let's go.
Keep looking at me.
Look me in the eye.
Keep breathing.
I don't like this.
Just keep breathing. I love you.
Do you hear me? Do you hear me?
I love you.
I think I'm gonna throw up.
That's good. It's a good sign.
Things are going
just the way they ought to.
Oh, God, you're dumb.
Aghh, aghh.
Okay, I want you to take
a deep breath in,
hold it and push down hard.
Push, push, baby, push.
Push. Push.
Come on, Kay, push.
You're going through
a tremendous amount
of pressure soon
and then I'll ask you
to stop pushing and pant.
Should she stop now,
stop pushing?
No, no, keep pushing. No.Aghh, aghh.
No, keep pushing, keep pushing.
Don't be afraid, all right?
Don't be afraid. Oh, get it... get it out.
Concentrate. You can do it.
Come on, stay in it, stay in it.
Baby's head's coming,
baby's head's coming.
It's out now, it's out now.
It's coming, it's coming,
coming, the baby's coming.
Pant, pant, pant.
The baby's head's coming.
It's coming.
That's it, that's it.
Now, just gently,
gently push for the shoulder.
That's good.
And you've got a baby girl.
Isn't she pretty?
You did it, babe.
You did it.
Daddy, would you like
to cut the cord?
Here you are.
And you can cut right between
those two clamps on the cord.
Oh, it's so great. Great.
Take care of yourself, okay?
I will.
Right, so buy 15,000.
Yeah, yeah.
I'll be in at 10 o'clock.
I've just got to wait
for the nurse.
She's good,
I just gave her a bottle.
No, not yet.
No, she'll burp,
she just hasn't burped yet,
that's all.
For how much?
$50 if she doesn't burp
in the next minute.
All right, wait a minute, wait,
I'll put the phone by her mouth.
You owe me $50.
You lost.
I said...