A Prince and Pauper Christmas (2022) Movie Script

Oh, for crying out loud.
- Agent Maxwell, well,
fancy seeing you here.
- I thought I told
you to lay low.
Or did you forget you were
supposed to be undercover?
- No harm in ordering
an overpriced drink
while I wait, is there?
- You can order a drink
from the mini fridge.
Now we need to get
back up to the room.
Let's go.
Let's go.
- Wow, you're feisty.
- I just love your pin.
- Oh, thank you.
It's a cardinal.
- And your sweater.
I just have to say, can
I get a better look?
Wow, your sweater is beautiful.
- Thank you.
Are you here for the
gala on Christmas Day?
- Oh, afraid not.
- Oh, I happen to be on
the inviting committee.
- You don't say.
- Here, a couple of invitations
in case you change your mind.
It's for a good cause.
- Wow, thank you so
much, you sweet lady.
- Mm-hm.
- We'll catch the next one.
What are you doing?
What part of laying low
don't you understand?
- Don't be such a
scrooge, Agent Maxwell.
Come on, Christmas gala.
Listen to this.
"The Prince of Jakovia
cordially invites you
to ensure that all
children of the world
have a very merry Christmas."
- Yeah.
- Is Jakovia even a real place?
Prince Alexander.
- Oh dear.
were you thinking?
- Well, I was simply
performing my princely duties,
you know, mingling
with the subjects.
- Mingling, is that
what we're calling it?
- I'd classify it as snogging.
- I'll not have it.
You're a prince, not a pauper.
I'm not getting any
younger, Alexander.
Sooner or later the people
of our great country
will look to you for leadership,
and you'll be expected
to lead with wisdom,
compassion, maturity,
and less mingling.
I need to know that you are
ready for the responsibility.
- I am, Father, I am.
- Excellent.
As luck would have it, the
Jakovia Childcare Foundation
has a Christmas fundraiser
this weekend across the pond.
It's the perfect
opportunity for you
to present a more, shall I
say, responsible appearance.
- I don't know.
Are you banishing me
from the kingdom, Father?
- I've sent your
butler, Grady, ahead
to make the necessary
and to ensure that the
trip is a successful one.
- No, you sent him
there to babysit me.
- Need I remind you
that your behavior
reflects upon our
country, the monarchy,
and most importantly of
all, your late mother.
After all, she was born there.
- And if I decline?
- Then I would have no
choice but to displace you
in the line of succession.
- I will not
disappoint you, Father.
- Well then, I suggest
you start packing.
The royal jet
leaves in one hour.
- As you wish.
Bad news,
we're out of iced lattes,
sparkling coconut water,
and designer cola.
- There's plenty of eggnog.
- I hate eggnog.
- Oh, come now, where's
your holiday spirit?
- Holiday spirit?
Anything that tastes the same
fresh and sour isn't for me.
Besides, for what I'm doing,
should be able to
order whatever I want.
And you know what, the surf
and turf, that's looking good.
- Pull this off and I'll upgrade
you to the Maine lobster.
How about that?
All right, let's
get his earpiece in.
- Where do I put this?
Oh boy.
- Tough crowd.
- All right, relax,
just like we practiced.
- Yeah, easy for you to say.
You don't have to go in there.
- Well, there is a lot
at stake here, Patrick.
And I'm not just talking
about your dinner.
- Hm.
- You all right?
Let's go ahead and do a check.
Go ahead, say something.
- Something.
- Great.
You're gonna knock 'em dead.
- Yeah.
More worried about
them knocking me dead.
- They wouldn't have
called the meeting
if you weren't one of the
best thieves in the business.
- That's right, I am, aren't I?
- Yeah, just channel
that confidence
you displayed earlier
in the hotel lobby.
- What are you, what
are you talking about?
- When you charmed
that sweet lady
and then swiped her
diamond tennis bracelet.
- What can I say?
Stealing treasure
is my pleasure.
- Okay.
Remember, confidence.
- Yeah.
Suite 702.
Got it.
- Right, pick up
the pace, Patrick.
You're not going to
get a colonoscopy.
- Metaphorically I am.
- And remember, no
matter what happens,
do not respond to me.
- Sorry.
Yeah, I forgot.
- You just did it again.
Okay, remember, confidence.
- Confidence, confidence.
- Stand tall. Waltz in.
- All right, so who do I talk to
about using my very
particular set of skills?
- Easy does it, Liam Neeson.
- Your very particular
set of skills?
- What can I say, stealing
treasure is my pleasure.
See that?
- Yeah.
Looks like someone sees you.
Someone who will likely lead
us further up the food chain.
Play along.
Maybe our mystery guest
will reveal themselves.
- So we gonna do this or what?
- Very good, sir.
So tell me about your
most recent score.
- Show him the bracelet
in your pocket.
Tell him how you got it.
- As a matter of
fact, I just took this
off a lady in the
elevator today.
- You're a pickpocket.
- This is a $90,000 bracelet.
- And you won't mind leaving it.
- Don't even think about it.
We have to return it.
- Oh, you're gonna have to
hire me first if you want it.
- Good answer.
just, not laughing.
- Yes.
We'll be in touch.
- No, I said the red one.
- It is only
natural for a father
to consider the reputation
of his only son.
Responsibility isn't a death
sentence, Your Highness.
- I know, it just
sounds so boring.
- Then allow me to point out,
American women adore royalty.
- Do they?
Just look at
your mother and father.
- Oh, no, no, no.
Grady, that was different.
- How so?
- Because they met doing
a humanitarian mission.
They bonded over
their compassion for
the less fortunate.
- So you believe she would've
been equally enamored
with your father if
instead of a prince
he were, you know?
- A pauper?
You know, I'm beginning to think
that maybe being a pauper
might actually be more fun.
- Well.
- All right, Grady.
Let us find an American
woman to adore me.
Please tell me we're not
bringing the crown jewels.
- Your father
insisted, I'm afraid.
I'm sure he longs
for the day when the monarch
would sit atop the
golden throne as well.
- And have a safe flight.
And I will see you at the
airport when you land.
- All right, I'll see you soon.
Looks like
I'm off to California.
- Excellent work, Agent Maxwell.
Please keep me posted.
- Thank you, sir.
- Yeah.
Something else on your mind?
- Is it true that Agent
Hadley is retiring?
- Sydney.
- You know I've
closed more cases
than anyone else in this office.
- And your hard
work is appreciated.
- But?
- But the bureau looks at
more than just numbers.
- Sir?
- To be a good
supervising agent,
you have to manage
personalities as well as data.
- You know this job
is in my blood, sir.
My father was-
- Your father would
agree with me.
He gave me this my first
Christmas of the job.
- Sounds like Dad.
- Yeah, he was an
amazing mentor,
but he was also a good friend.
Your dad could think
outside the box,
you know, big picture stuff.
Your dad had people skills.
- I have people skills.
- Huh.
When was the last time
you took time off?
I'm not saying
no, but I'm saying
it would be helpful if
you showed a little range.
You bring down Hugo, come
back in, and we'll discuss it.
- Should be heading back.
- Mm-hmm.
I believe I promised our
CI a Maine crustacean.
- So I'd say we're done, huh?
- No, they're gonna call back
and schedule another meeting.
Presumably with whoever
was on the other
side of that snowman.
- Oh, so I have to go back in?
- Do I need to remind you
that I'm the only thing
standing between
that filet mignon
and a tray full of chipped
beef at a prison cafeteria?
- I could run.
- Try it and I'll
jingle your bells so bad
you'll never be able to ride
in a one-horse open
sleigh ever again.
- Is that supposed
to be a threat?
- Just save me a bite.
Thank you.
- You're itinerary,
Your Highness.
- Oh my.
Could our schedule
any more packed?
- May remind you, your
father sent you here
specifically to ensure the
success of the Christmas gala.
- And it will be a huge success.
But, Grady, surely
there's some time
that we can make to
enjoy the local culture.
- Do be careful with that case.
Its contents are irreplaceable.
- Uh, um.
- Well then, Father
shouldn't have insisted
on bringing such dated trinkets.
- Those trinkets
just happen to be two
of the most iconic symbols
of the Jakovian monarchy.
- A scepter? Seriously?
- Don't worry.
The case will be safe
in the hotel vault.
- Oh, that makes me
feel so much better.
- Here, while you two take
care of the crown jewels,
I'm gonna grab a
quick bite to eat.
- Wait a minute, was he
kidding about the jewels, or?
- The vault.
- Right this way.
- Good morning, Agent Nolan.
- Agent Maxwell.
- How's our guest doing?
- Still sleeping.
- And you've been
here the whole time?
- Yes.
I did step away for a phone
call, but only for a moment.
- Oh no.
Only for a moment, hm?
What do you think you're doing?
- Oh, hello.
I'm having breakfast.
I'm famished.
- How's that even possible?
- Well I do have
quite the appetite.
- Of course you do.
Look, I don't know where you
got this outfit or the accent,
but this is certainly not
keeping a low profile.
I need you upstairs in my suite.
- You need me in your suite?
- Yes, right away.
- Wow, Grady really
wasn't kidding.
- Who's Grady?
He's here.
- He who?
- Just get upstairs
and get comfy.
I'll be up in a minute.
- I'll be needing a key card.
- Here.
Give me this.
- Oh, my croissant.
- You can order more when
you get upstairs. Go.
- As you wish.
- Who do you think
you're looking at?
- Yoo-hoo!
- He's in the lobby.
- Quick, I need a place to hide.
- Got your back, sir.
- Target's on the move.
I'm headed back upstairs.
What do you think you're doing?
- Getting comfy.
Join me.
- That's them.
- That's whom?
- The call we've
been waiting for.
- It is.
- Yes. Why aren't you
answering your phone?
- Dear, my phone.
I'm afraid I left it-
- On the table. Hurry.
- I'm sorry.
I'm a bit confused.
- He wants to meet with you.
- Who wants to meet with me?
- The boss.
- Your boss?
- Your boss.
Oh, for crying
out loud, Patrick,
it's not rocket science.
Just find out when and
where they wanna meet.
- Um, Patrick?
this is Patrick.
When would you like to meet?
What'd you have
for dinner last night?
- Grilled duck and
garlic roasted potatoes.
- You're not Patrick.
- Oh, thank heavens.
No, I'm not Patrick.
- So who are you then?
His twin?
Is this payback
for arresting him?
- Arrest?
No, I assure you I'm
no relation to Patrick.
- Huh.
Then who are you?
- I'm Alexander.
And now that I think
about it, I do believe
I ran into your Patrick in
the lobby earlier today.
Yes, there is a slight
smidge of resemblance.
- Smidge of resemblance?
You're his doppelganger.
- Hm.
- No, I don't want champagne.
- Suit yourself.
If you
could do me a quick favor.
Next time you see this Patrick,
if you wouldn't mind
getting my watch back.
It's my father's.
- This is great. Great.
No, this is awesome.
I lost my informant, my case,
and after my boss
catches wind of this,
likely my entire career
in law enforcement.
- Excuse me?
Is it really all that grim?
- Do you have any idea
what was riding on this?
Do you have any
idea what it's like
to constantly live in
your father's shadow?
To be held to some
impossible standard
only to have it all
just be washed away?
- Well yes.
Yes, actually, I do.
- Really?
- Tell you what, since I
happen be the doppelganger
of this Patrick, allow
me to be your Patrick.
Is that funny?
- I don't even know you.
I couldn't put you in
such a dangerous position.
- Dangerous position?
Is that was all this is?
That is so exciting.
Are we undercover?
- No, Patrick is undercover.
- I could be him.
- You just happen to be
at the wrong place
at the wrong time.
- No, no, no, I happen to be
at the right place
at the right time.
And I happen to have
a perfect opportunity
to save a damsel in distress.
- Damsel.
Let's get one thing
straight, Alexander.
I'm no damsel.
Got it?
- Yes, perfectly clear.
I stand corrected.
The way that I see it is
you only have two options,
and only one of them allows
you to keep your job.
- No, no, this is nuts.
I can't put you, a stranger,
into a room full of criminals.
It's nuts.
- Pardon me if I may.
I was a commander in the
Royal Jakovian regiment.
I can handle myself.
Plus I'm a quick study.
- Jakovia, huh?
- So you're here for
the Christmas gala?
- Yes, as a matter
of fact, I am.
I'm a special agent, the
head of the royal security.
Your clock is ticking.
And I'm sorry,
what is your name?
- Sydney Maxwell.
Agent Maxwell.
- Agent Maxwell, appears
you're in some deep trouble.
What have you got to lose?
Let's get you wired.
- This is definitely
some good fine chocolate.
You know what I'm saying?
Come on, these are awesome.
Thank you very much, Uncle
Cliff, for your rum balls.
Did you know they're
actually made with real rum?
- No.
Here, man.
You know what?
Cheers to never having to
see Agent Jingle again.
- Cheers to that, bro.
- Man.
Mm, mm. You know what?
Seriously, thank you.
Thank you for rescuing
me, didn't you?
- Of course.
You know, you're not so
bad for a king or whatever.
- Yeah, the king of rum balls.
- Rum balls.
- Okay, remember.
- You'll feed me information
through an earpiece,
but I never acknowledge.
- And?
- Convince whoever's
in charge to hire me
so I can make my way up the
organizational structure.
- And?
- Your supervisor
will be listening.
So as far as anyone at
the bureau is concerned,
from here on out I am Patrick.
I told you I was a quick study.
Don't worry, we'll be fine.
- Okay, easy on the American.
We're in position.
- Proceed.
I thought it was
I've arrived.
- Okay, look around the room.
- Nice decorations.
- See that snowman?
It's a hidden camera.
You're being watched.
- So am I gonna get to meet
the wizard behind the curtain
or is this just gonna
be a waste of my time?
The great and
powerful Oz in the flesh.
- Patrick Kelly.
Yeah, I've been watching you.
- I noticed.
- So tell me, are you as
good as Vin tells me you are?
- Better.
- Yeah? Well, I hope so.
'Cause if you want a
job in our organization,
you're gonna have to earn it.
- A challenge.
- Man's quick, Vinny.
So you familiar with
Dimitri Dragovich?
Who isn't?
- European criminal,
extortion, racketeering.
Has a passion for
fine arts and jewelry.
Hugo used to work for him.
- Your old boss.
- Very good.
Anyway, Dimitri's hosting
a holiday party tonight
in his estate in Montecito.
- Hm, let me guess.
You want me to steal
something from him.
That is a first edition
of "A Christmas Carol"
printed in London by
Chapman & Hall in 1843
with a fine Riviere
binding and inner gilt.
Signed by Charles
Dickens himself.
- There's only one in existence.
- Thought you said this
was gonna be a challenge.
- It's one of Dimitri's
most prized possessions.
- It's funny, I didn't take you
as a collector of
fine literature.
- I want to give it to my
Mammina for a Christmas present.
All right,
let's say I do this for you.
Then what?
- You just see to it that
my Mammina gets that book,
and we'll talk.
- Can I bring a
date to Dimitri's?
- What are you doing?
- After all, it is a party.
- Earpiece on.
- Oh.
- You did good in there.
How'd you know so much
about that book anyway?
- I minored in classic
literature at Oxford.
- Hm.
And the suggestion for
a date, good thinking.
- Well, I figured it
wouldn't be a good idea
to go into Dimitri
Dragovich's inner sanctum
without some kind of backup.
- You're not going into
anyone's inner anything.
- But why not?
You saw how well I did in
there, and that was bloody fun.
- Because I'm on thin
ice enough as it is.
I'm not gonna risk your
life and my career.
- I'm the only one
who knows that book.
You know what's funny?
You might be a better
Patrick than Patrick.
- Sounds like we
have a date then.
- How many times
must I tell that boy
to hold onto his phone?
Your Highness, are you here?
Your Highness?
Your Highness!
You're the adoring American?
I'm actually
- Help me get the prince
back to the suite.
- Oh.
- Your Highness, you're awake.
- What? Where am I?
- Your suite.
- My suite?
- Alexander, you've
really done a number
on yourself this time.
And what's with the accent?
- Alexander?
- Come, have some tea.
I brought it from home.
- Home?
- Camomile, Jakovia's finest.
- Oh look, I think there
must be some mistake.
- No mistake, Your Highness.
- Why do you keep
calling me Your Highness?
- Look, I know you and
your adoring American
were having a good time.
But it's really past time
for games, don't you think?
We have a full agenda
and the decorator will
be here any moment.
So eat up.
- Okay, look, I don't
think you know who I am.
- I figured you'd be hungry.
So I ordered one of everything.
- Look, I already
told you, all right.
I am your Royal Highness,
Prince Alexander of Jakovia.
- All of this just
sounds delightful.
Wouldn't you say, Your Highness?
Your Highness?
- Hm?
Yeah, what his said.
- Thank you for your time.
I think you'll find
the preparations
will go a lot smoother if
you actually pay attention.
- Do we really have
to do this all day?
- The caterer will be
coming by in 20 minutes.
- If you can go down
to the gift shop,
there is one thing that
will help me pay attention.
- When I first heard
your plan, Agent Maxwell,
I was skeptical,
but I was wrong.
Your father would be
very proud of you.
- Thank you, sir.
- What is an eight letter
word for Christmas?
Starts with a Y.
- Yuletide.
- Oh yes. Perfect,
perfect, perfect.
Now you sure this
guy's gonna be able
to get the book for you?
- What can I say?
He's a master of deception.
- Christmas animal,
seven letters.
- Mm, Christmas
animal, seven letters?
- Caribou.
- Are you listening
to my conversation?
- Yes, no, maybe just a little.
- One second, sir.
- Oh, oh my.
- Yello.
- Grady, is that you?
- Um,
- But you sound different.
- Sorry, I have
food in my mouth.
- Okay, right.
Listen, I only have a moment.
I've met an American.
Her name is Sydney.
- Did you say Sydney?
- Yes.
She's an FBI agent
and I'm assisting her
with a bit of a ruse.
We're going undercover at
a Christmas party tonight.
So I have no idea what
time I'll be back.
- Don't worry.
Take your time.
- Wonderful.
Oh, also you should know,
the person I'm impersonating,
he stole my watch, just in case
you try to run the tracker.
- Oh, good to know.
- Good.
Oh, I'm gonna need a
suit and some toiletries
so I can get cleaned up.
- Your Highness, your
bag, it was lost.
- It was?
- They said you could
get everything you need
at the gift shop downstairs.
- Grady, good thinking.
- Have fun.
- Right. Cheerio.
I sent Grady
to the gift shop.
- Everything okay at
the old home office?
- Well, it will be, provided
we actually pull this off.
- We'll be fine.
- Okay, well, we still
have to get you cleaned up.
- Oh, unfortunately it seems
some of my luggage went missing.
But it's all right.
I've been informed that
the gift shop downstairs
should have
everything we require.
- Yeah, you know, like, mm.
- His Royal Highness
has requested something
called a rum ball.
- Mm-hm.
- Okay, toiletries, toiletries.
Oh, bingo.
- Thank you for doing
this, Agent Maxwell.
I'm gonna grab a snack.
- Sure. Okay.
- Hey, hey, you know what?
My headache, it's gone.
- What about your rum balls?
- Everything is fine.
I'm, I'm really,
I'm, I'm, I'm okay.
I'm great.
Let's go back upstairs
and order some lobster.
- Why are you speaking American?
Because this highness
wants to blend in.
Let's, let's go back upstairs.
All right.
- All set?
- I believe I have everything.
- All right, well
we need to get you
some appropriate clothing.
- I saw some in the
window out front.
- Okay, let's go.
Well, we didn't do too bad.
- Yes, I think so.
Agent Maxwell, are you coming?
- Yes, coming.
Are you okay?
- Your radiance,
it's breathtaking.
- I'm sure it's just the heels.
Here, let me.
- How did you learn
how to do this so well?
Boyfriend? Husband?
- Father.
There you go.
- Let's have a look.
There's one more thing.
I noticed a bird
motif on your bag
and then I saw you, well,
looking at this.
- I can't accept that.
I'm an agent.
You're my informant.
- Nonsense.
Technically I'm
not your informant.
Please, allow me.
- I love cardinals.
It's very sweet and thoughtful.
Thank you.
- Beautiful.
let's go steal a
Dickens, shall we?
This is my first
undercover assignment.
How exciting.
- Here comes Dimitri
and his wife Valerie.
- Dimitri.
- Patrick.
Good to see you again.
- You too. Valerie.
- And who have we here?
- This is my girlfriend, Sydney.
- Nice to meet you, Sydney.
And what do you do?
- I'm a librarian.
- Oh, well, you have
to see our collection
of first edition literature.
- Mm.
- That sounds lovely.
Oh, Monet.
I saw the original
at the National Gallery
in London last year.
What a remarkable recreation.
- Or is the recreation the
one on display in London?
- You mean?
- You see?
Impressed already.
Please take all the time you
like to admire our collection.
Just remember, my husband
has armed security.
A joke.
- Right, a joke.
The looks on your
But seriously, don't touch.
- Wouldn't dream of it.
Show time.
You think we're being watched?
- Well we most certainly are.
Kiss me.
- What?
- We're standing
under mistletoe.
- And?
- Kiss me.
- What are you doing?
- Jamming all the recording
devices in the room.
For a moment there I forgot
you weren't actually Patrick.
- What makes you think I
don't know how to pick a lock?
Hm. Can I borrow your necklace?
- Sure.
And one of these.
When I was at Eton, we were
playing pranks on each other.
I had to break into
my flatmate's room
glue everything in place.
Won't you do the honors?
Well it may not be the
Monet, but it'll do.
- Here.
now with celebrity news.
It is definitely not 1999,
but that doesn't stop
this well-known prince
from partying like it is.
The notorious playboy
prince, Prince Alexander,
who is in town to host a
benefit Christmas gala-
- You're a prince.
At the
famous Stevens Hotel
was spotted partying
on down with the locals
at a popular nightspot in
downtown Santa Barbara.
- We really need to get going.
Jakovian's King Claude
could possibly be retiring soon.
The question on
everybody's mind is,
could this perpetual party
boy be the future of Jakovia?
Prince Alexander
charmed his way-
- Remind you of anyone?
- I've got an idea.
Where's Patrick?
- What the dickens?
- Oh.
- Will you just wait a moment?
- How could you not tell
me you were a prince?
- My birthright should have
no bearing on the situation.
- You don't get it.
You, the prince of Jakovia,
could have been hurt,
and it would've been
my responsibility.
- No, my life has no greater
value than anybody else's.
Every single person
on this planet
should be regarded
as equally valuable.
And I had no idea that your
Patrick was impersonating me.
And moreover,
Grady, of all people.
How could he not
know the difference?
- Who's Grady?
- He's my butler.
He's been with me
since I was born.
Am I that much of
a superficial lout
that he doesn't know me?
- To be fair, today has been a
bit unusual, don't you think?
- I have to admit it.
His impersonation of
me, it was spot on.
- Maybe it's time we get
you back to being you.
- No, no, and what if I don't
want to go back to being me?
You heard what they
said on the news,
playboy prince,
perpetual party boy.
Is that really how my
legacy is gonna be defined?
- Well that's up to you.
I mean, we all get to choose
our own legacies, don't we?
- I don't know, Agent Maxwell.
Do we?
Come on, I'll take
you to my suite.
My real suite.
Then we can get this whole
thing sorted out proper.
Here we are.
- Patrick?
- Grady, it's Alexander.
- Your butler, I presume?
- Oh dear.
Grady, Agent Maxwell.
Agent Maxwell, Grady.
- Pleasure.
- Well the man can
sleep through anything.
- Yeah, I see that.
- Oh, well there's
no sign of Patrick.
- No, he's missing, of course.
- Wait a moment,
he stole my watch.
- And that's supposed
to be a good thing?
- Yes, because on
Grady's phone here.
We can do this.
It's not quite a glass
slipper, but it'll do.
- Whoa.
Look at that, it's Agent
Jingle and Patrick.
Hello, Patrick.
Are you having
fun being Patrick?
'Cause I'm having a
blast being the highness.
Rum ball?
- Prince playtime
is over, Patrick.
You're coming with me.
- Well you should probably
answer that, Patrick.
- Hello.
Yes, we have the book.
I'll meet you at the
restaurant in the lobby.
Hugo wants to meet.
- When?
Tomorrow morning, 8:00 am.
- Okay, that should be plenty
of time for Patrick to-
Sober up.
Uh-oh, somebody's
in trouble.
- Hey, Bob, do you
actually work here?
- I do.
- Would you like to
keep working here?
- I would.
- Great, zip it.
- Oh.
- Damn.
- Agent Maxwell,
we don't need him.
We don't.
We've gotten this
far, haven't we?
Can't believe I'm
still doing this.
- So this is what's
so important to Hugo.
Any idea what he
wanted this for?
- Says it's a present
for his mother.
- For his mother?
You know what I got my
mother for Christmas?
A toaster.
And not just any toaster,
this is an amazing,
incredible toaster
with a touchscreen
and everything.
Have you seen those?
Like you put a panini in
there and 30 seconds later
you got tasty, melty goodness.
- No, that sounds
incredible, sir.
But you know,
maybe his Mammina's
just really into rare books.
Assuming there even is
a Mammina to begin with.
Because I believe
this was just a test.
- So you think that he had
to steal this first edition
worth six figures
for one of the most
notorious gangsters
on the West Coast.
That's a test?
- Well the sooner
we hand this over,
the sooner we'll get to find
out exactly what he's after.
- You're right.
When will that be?
- This morning at
eight o'clock, sir.
- Good work. Good work.
- Thank you, sir.
- Thank you.
- Just to clarify, once
we do make the handoff,
we'll be able to get the
arrest warrant, right?
And Patrick will be finished?
- Patrick's finished when
Hugo leads us to his boss.
You know the assignment.
Get to the top of
the organization.
- No, I understand that, sir.
But have you ever
considered how much danger
you'd be putting him in?
- Since when do you
care about a criminal?
- I don't.
It's just, you know,
I know what a resource
he is to the agency.
- I appreciate your
concern, but to be honest,
there's dozens of other
crooks just like him.
expecting me in 10 minutes.
- I really don't
think you should go.
We should ask for more time.
Tell them you have a 24 hour bug
and you don't want
to get Hugo sick.
- Do you really think
that's enough time
to catch the royal highness up?
- 48?
- Sydney?
Look, I realize that I've
spent most of my life
coasting from one
shenanigan to another.
It's time that I actually
follow through on something.
And I want that something
to be in assisting you.
- You did it wrong.
- Um.
You've gotta
hide the wire better.
- My mother, she
used to read this
to my sister and me
every Christmas Eve.
- You don't read it anymore?
- No, no, not since she passed.
You know, she was
actually an American.
And Father, he met her at
a humanitarian mission.
Caused quite a
scandal in Jakovia.
- How long has it been?
- 10 years.
You know, it's funny.
Grady and I were
actually planning
on visiting her sister
while we were here.
Aunt Catherine.
- She lives nearby?
- About an hour away.
A province called Simi Valley.
I'm sorry.
I've just never heard anyone
refer to it as a
province before.
Don't worry.
You are not gonna miss
out on seeing your aunt.
We're gonna get Patrick
out of your life
and you back into yours.
- And that's precisely why
we need to complete
the assignment.
Besides, I think it's
time that I do something
my father's really proud of.
- I know the feeling.
- Yeah.
I need to go downstairs.
- Right.
Good luck.
- Yes.
Deck the hall with
boughs of holly
Fa la la la la, la la la la
'Tis the season to be jolly
Fa la la la la, la la la la
- Eight.
Don we now our gay apparel
- Like to cut it
close, don't you?
- Come on, Vincent.
Is that any way to treat
someone who comes bearing gifts?
You did bring me a
Christmas gift, didn't you?
You know I did.
- Well then, relax, huh?
Order a, what do you
call these again?
- Vanilla gingerbread latte.
- Best in Santa Barbara.
You can practically
taste Christmas.
- Sounds good.
- Hey, one of these
for my friend here.
So, my Mammina's gift?
While I tell of
Yuletide treasure
Fa la la la la, fa la la la
- Merry Christmas.
- Let's see.
Fa la la la la, fa la la la
Nicely done.
- Now that you have your book,
what do you have for me?
- Aren't you
forgetting something?
- What's that?
You have the book.
- Your signature phrase.
- My signature phrase.
We wish you a
Merry Christmas
- Yeah.
You know, the thing you
said in the hotel room?
The thing you always say
when you complete a job.
- Yeah, that thing.
- Stealing treasure
is my pleasure.
Say it.
Good tidings for Christmas
- That thing that I like to say.
- Yeah, I want to hear it too.
- Don't disappoint me now, kid.
- Stealing treasure
is my pleasure.
- I like to say a lot of things.
- Yeah, well then
go ahead and say it.
- Yeah, it's my
signature phrase.
treasure is my pleasure.
That's right.
We wish you a
Merry Christmas
We wish you a
Merry Christmas
- Do you guys mind?
I'm working.
We wish you a
Merry Christmas
- My latte's getting
cold, Patrick.
- Sounded really good.
How long does it take?
- Forget about the latte.
You know what?
Not in the mood for
breakfast anymore.
Why don't we take our friend
here for a little walk?
- Darling, there you are.
I've been looking
everywhere for you.
- Hi, babe.
Well, I
was getting so lonely
in the room without you.
Stealing treasure
is my pleasure.
Say it.
- Stealing treasure
is my pleasure.
- Now what was so
hard about that?
- That's what you
wanted to hear?
- Yeah, of course that's
what I wanted to hear,
your signature phrase.
- As I said, I like to
say a lot of things.
- All right, we're
done here, all right?
I'll call you with the
details about the heist.
- Wait, there's another heist?
- The main event.
You didn't think we're
going through all of this
just for a book for
my Mammina, did you?
- No, of course not.
Of course not.
- Of course not.
Of course not.
Stealing treasure-
- Is my pleasure.
- Ah, this guy, I tell you.
I'll be in touch.
Looks like I
was the damsel this time.
- I got you.
- That could have
gone terribly wrong.
- I know.
Let's just get upstairs.
- Oh.
- Coming?
- And to think, the
most exciting thing
that had ever happened to me
was when I fell off
my father's yacht
when I was 14.
- That was too close.
- How long?
How long, Sydney, until
you think they'll call.
- It doesn't matter.
I'm just gonna rest
for a little bit
and then I'll find
Patrick, the real Patrick.
I could free you of this
mess once and for all.
- Mess?
The last 12 hours with
you have been the most fun
that I've ever had
in my entire life.
And sincerely, I
don't regret a single
- Finally.
- Well I got your note.
What's going on?
- You want to continue
to be me, don't you?
- I want to keep helping Sydney.
I don't get it.
You're you're not worried
about getting buried
in some cement parking lot
at a strip mall somewhere?
- Are you worried that
you'll get arrested
by the King's guard for
impersonating a prince,
get thrown in a dungeon,
and become rat food?
- Okay, I can help you.
We can help each other, right?
By being me, you get to spend
more time with Sydney and,
you know, I get
to enjoy some more
of the prince perks.
- If I agree, that's a big if,
you can't conduct yourself
like you did last night.
You to start behaving
with some kind of decorum.
- I was only behaving the
same way that you would.
- Oh.
That may be right.
Starting now, I,
and by I, I mean we,
just starting better,
'cause this event,
the cause, everything
it stands for,
it's so important to my father.
And I have to show
that I'm worthy of it.
- You know, you sound
just like your father.
- Well, huh.
You know of the king?
- The internet's
a beautiful place.
- Let's do this.
Now do you have any
idea who Hugo's boss is?
- Whoever he is, he's a much
bigger fish than Dimitri.
Dimitri, he's a shark.
- Oh, great.
- Well, what's that?
What are you doing?
You look all nervous.
- Well, I almost gave
myself away this morning.
Hugo was waiting for me to
say your little catchphrase.
- Oh, you mean
stealing treasure-
- Is my pleasure.
Yes, that one.
- If we're gonna pull this off,
you're gonna have to
get better at being me.
- Hm.
And you, my friend,
are gonna have to do
a much better job at being me.
Try saying this.
The rain in Spain falls
mainly in the plain.
- The rain in Spain
falls mainly in plains.
- Wow.
- Stealing treasure
is my pleasure.
- Uh, we're not,
we're not rapping.
- What?
- The rain in Spain falls
mainly in the plain.
- Stealing treasure
is my pleasure.
- Bam, that was it.
- Oh, sorry.
I guess I was more
tired than I thought.
- It's perfectly fine.
You needed the rest.
Now I have it on good authority
that this happens to be
the best vanilla gingerbread
latte in the entire city.
Try it.
- It's perfect.
You'll be happy to
know that I paid
our mutual friend a
little visit, the prince.
- And?
- And we both came
to the understanding
that it is in the best
interest of your assignment
to let me see this through.
- Oh wait, you and Patrick
came to an understanding?
- So what do you
say, Agent Maxwell?
Will you let me
see this through?
- Well being as I'm already
aboard the crazy train,
Might as well stay
on the crazy track.
But only for one more day.
We have to get you
back as prince in time
for your gala event
tomorrow night.
- Deal.
Oh, and speaking of which,
they're starting to
decorate the event hall.
May we take a look?
Discreetly, of course.
- I don't see why not.
We wish you a
Merry Christmas
We wish you a
Merry Christmas
We wish you a
Merry Christmas
- Uh-oh.
- What?
- Patrick and I met her in
the lobby the other day.
He flirted with her and
called her sweet, sweet lady.
So she gave us
invitations to this event.
- Well, I hope he at
least said thank you.
- He stole her bracelet.
- Hi again.
Oh, your jacket is adorable.
- Oh, thank you.
- And so good to see you
again, sweet, sweet lady.
- Well, I'll leave you
two love birds alone.
I have a tree that
needs trimming.
- Flawless.
- You're getting
pretty good at this.
- What can I say,
I'm a quick study.
When the snow starts
falling to the ground
- Um, care to join me
on the dance floor?
You know, to keep up the ruse.
It's the time the
world opens our heart
- I don't see why not.
So we're never
apart at Christmas
Santa is heading this way
Sure as the reindeer
guiding the sleigh
Bring us joy and good cheer
that can last us all year
If there's love
in our hearts
We're never apart
at Christmas.
- Oh.
- Yello.
Right away.
Hugo Mancini has requested
we join him in his suite.
- This is it.
- Vincent, buddy.
Good to see you.
- Patrick, over here.
It's for my Mammina.
What do you think?
- Impressive. Really impressive.
- Look, I apologize for
all the secrecy, you know,
but you have to understand
things from my perspective.
Just needed to know
I can trust you
before I let you
into my inner circle.
- No need to apologize.
Would've done the same thing
if I was in your position.
- Are you aware that there's
a royal Christmas gala
happening at the
hotel tomorrow night?
- Yeah, something
about the children.
Saw a sign in the lobby.
- And are you also aware that
the prince of Jakovia himself
will be in attendance?
- Hm, really?
A real prince.
Imagine that.
- And here's the kicker.
You, Patrick, you happen to be
a dead ringer for this prince.
- I am?
I know.
Confusing a guy like
you with royalty.
- Yeah, you know, now that
I actually say it out loud,
it does seem pretty
ridiculous, doesn't it?
- Wait, so all of
this is because
I just so happen to
look like the prince?
- You do happen to be
an exceptional thief.
But yeah, mostly because
you look like the prince.
- I don't understand,
what, what's the job?
What do you want me to do?
- I want you to go to the party.
I want you to make everyone
think that you're the prince.
And then you're gonna steal
the crown jewels of Jakovia.
- I'm assembling a
strike team for tomorrow.
They're gonna be ready
to take Hugo down
as soon as you
make the exchange.
- Of course, if
things go sideways-
- Is this about your CI again?
- It's just that jewels will
be out in the open, sir.
What's to keep them
from disappearing
if something goes wrong?
- That is the kind of risk
a supervising agent has to take.
Your dad knew that.
I'll tell you something else.
Your dad would be very proud
of you following his footsteps.
- Right.
Thank you, sir.
- Make sure Hugo
takes possession.
We're gonna take it from there.
- I will.
Thanks again.
- What'd he say?
They're gonna have
to wait to make the arrest
until after we've
completed the objective.
- You mean after I
hand over the jewels?
- Yes.
- I know I thumb my
nose up at tradition
and all the royal
pomp and circumstance,
but the crown and scepter,
they've been in my family,
in the kingdom for generations.
- I know, it's a big ask, but
we can't get Hugo without it.
- Why not? Why?
Tell me why not.
We have him talking
about it, don't we?
- That's conspiracy at best.
Five, 10 years max.
But we catch him with his
hand in the cookie jar,
he goes away for life.
- We're talking about betraying
the monarchy, my family.
- Yeah, I can't
ask you to do that.
- Oh.
So then what, what, what?
Patrick will do it?
- No, no.
We'll just have to
find another way.
I mean, you're right.
We have him on conspiracy.
There's gotta be some other
way we can connect the dots.
- And you think your
boss will go for that?
- He's gonna have to.
- What about your promotion?
- If I'm lucky, I'll
get to keep my job.
- I'll do it.
- Alexander.
- I said I'll do it.
But first let me
tell Grady the truth.
If I'm gonna betray my family,
I just want to do it
with some dignity.
- Ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas.
- Grady.
- We're going for a
ride, Your Highness.
Ho ho ho.
- Grady?
Hello, boys?
They are not here.
- Well, where could they be?
It's Christmas Eve.
- Oh no, lunch with
Aunt Catherine.
- Your mother's sister?
You're telling me Patrick,
the royal imposter
is on his way to lunch
with a woman he's never met
who's known you
your entire life?
- I'll navigate, you drive.
- Okay.
Just the two
I've been looking for.
- Oh, I'm afraid you've
caught us at a bad time.
We were just heading
- You took something
that belongs to me.
Who put you up to it?
Was it Hugo?
- I'm no rat.
- No worse, you're
just a common thief.
But since you stole from me-
- Us.
- You owe us.
- Did you know,
Patrick, that you bear
an uncanny resemblance
to the Prince of Jakovia?
- Yeah, I've been told I
have one of those faces.
- The prince is hosting
a Christmas gala
tomorrow night
here at the hotel.
Not only will he be there,
he'll be wearing this.
Now since my collection has
an empty case, thanks to you,
I figured this
would be a nice replacement.
- And if I say no?
- Oh, I wouldn't
worry about that.
After all-
- It's impossible to worry
when you're six feet under.
- So we're, we're
going to see family?
- And she is very
much looking forward
to sharing memories
with you, Your Highness.
- Memories.
So many memories.
Yeah, are there, you know,
are there any memories
in particular that
I should focus on?
- Christmas memories, I imagine.
- Right, Christmas.
- I'm sure your Aunt
Louise would be thrilled
if you make mention
of the acorn ornament
you made for her when
you were a little boy.
- Yes, I do remember that.
I made her a lovely
acorn ornament.
Well, thank you for the
reminder, Grady, thank you.
Oh, look, no one's home.
Let's go back to the hotel.
You're not going
anywhere, Your Highness.
- There they are.
- Here we are.
- Come and give your
auntie a big hug.
- Oh.
- Come on in.
Lunch is almost ready.
Grady's still on the call.
So he told us to
go ahead.
I'm so glad I was
able to persuade him
to take time out of
your busy schedule.
I made your favorite.
I used to make it for you
every time you came
to visit, remember?
- Well, yes, of course.
How can I forget?
- How about some fresh eggnog?
You haven't touched yours.
It's homemade.
- No, thank you.
I haven't really been, you
know, so big on the nog.
Not me, not today.
Not gonna happen.
Mm, it's so good.
Just like I remembered.
know, I'm just grateful
that I get to spend so much
time with you, Aunt Louise.
And, oh, look, I see you've
decorated the Christmas tree.
Any chance you've hung my
acorn ornament that I made you
when I was just a little boy?
- Of course I hung
your ornament.
Let me show you.
That's a pine cone.
- Where's the prince?
- What are you talking about?
- What have you done with him?
- I think we should wait
until Grady gets here.
Okay, hang on.
You know, I just really haven't
been myself today, you know?
And I think it's because
of the stress of the gala.
This has been so much fun.
I'm gonna go.
- Grady, I am so
sorry for everything
you've had to endure
this Christmas
and everything I've
put you through.
- I'm just glad you're
safe, Your Highness.
- Aunt Catherine.
- Catherine?
Her name's not Catherine.
You don't even know
your own aunt's name.
It's Louise.
It really is
Catherine, isn't it?
- Yes.
I almost forgot how much
you look like Mother.
- Not near as much as
you look like that guy.
- He looks like me.
- So, Grady, Aunt Catherine,
I'd like to introduce
you to someone.
This is Sydney.
- I'm ground zero for
this particular pickle.
- Fill us in over
eggnog cheesecake,
eggnog pudding and
eggnog cookies.
- Oh, I love eggnog.
I know.
- Ugh.
- Huh, I made this when I
was about six years old.
Grady, he helped me of course.
- He really cares
about you, doesn't he?
- Yes, he does.
And he means the world to me.
Unfortunately I don't,
I don't tell him enough.
Sometimes I, I
wonder what, what if,
what if I just walked
away from it all,
find a nice quiet
house in the country.
No palace, no kingdom.
Just a couple of bird feeders
for cardinals of course.
I just want you to know,
whatever happens tomorrow night
at the gala with Dimitri,
and Hugo, and the jewels,
just know that I,
um, just know that I,
I, I trust you.
- I trust you too.
- What do you say we
go catch some bad guys?
Almost ready?
- Ready.
- Ditto.
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh what fun it is to ride
in a one-horse open sleigh,
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh what fun it is to ride
in a one-horse open sleigh
- Show time.
- Mm-hm.
- I do suppose you know
which one is which?
- I was hoping you would.
- They've gotten too
good at this, I'm afraid.
- Practice makes perfect.
May I have
your attention, please.
- Duty calls.
- It is with great
pleasure and honor
that we welcome Prince
Alexander to California.
- Thank you.
Thank you for inviting me.
Thank you for hosting
such a very special event.
The Jakovia International
Childcare Foundation,
so near and dear
to my late mother.
Now my father and I honor
her memory and legacy
with our continued
support of the foundation.
So please accept with
our most humble gratitude
this check from the
kingdom of Jakovia.
- Thank you so very
much, Prince Alexander.
- We should leave.
- Excuse me.
leaving. Come on.
You really thought
you could double cross us?
Are you that insane?
- Only on Mondays.
- Give us the case.
Ho ho ho.
- You are so ho, ho, ho dead.
- Think again, Dimitri.
- FBI.
- You two have the
right to remain
ho, ho, ho silent.
Whoop, gotta run.
You got this Nolan?
- I got it.
- Merry Christmas.
- You got the jewels.
- I think your boss
will be pleased.
- Why don't you give
it to them yourself?
My Mammina.
- I've been so impressed
with you, Patrick.
- Well, I think you're
gonna be even more impressed
when you see the jewels.
You've just been
busted by Agent Jingle.
- Hands up.
Move, move.
- You have the right
to remain silent.
Anything you say can and
will be used against you
in a court of law.
You have a right to an attorney.
If you cannot afford one,
one will be appointed to you.
- All right, just cuff me.
- Let's go, Mancini.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Stealing treasure is
my pleasure.
- Put the bag down, Patrick.
- It's not gonna happen.
Get out of my way.
- No.
Stop it.
- Oh, you want to go?
Come on.
- You must be joking.
- Come on.
- Stop it, both of you.
- Yes.
- I'm Alexander.
- No, I'm Alexander.
He's Patrick.
- Come on, Patrick.
Let's leave the prince alone.
- Hmm.
- Patrick is in the suite.
- On it.
All right.
- Come on guys.
- Agent Maxwell.
- You're under arrest.
- I was gonna give you bloody
hell for choosing wrong.
- Oh, you're lucky
Patrick's a bad kisser.
Ow, stop it.
- It felt appropriate.
- Jewels are mine.
- Going downtown.
- Deputy Cushing.
- I just wanted to
say congratulations
and Merry Christmas.
- Thank you sir.
- It looks like Hugo's Mammina
is gonna get the book
thrown at her after all.
- Guess he should have
gone with the toaster.
- Ha-ha.
Which makes me think about
your Christmas present.
- Oh, that's not necessary.
- Merry Christmas.
- I'm Alexander.
- Looks a little
small for a toaster.
- Open it up.
You think your
government stops here?
No, I know everyone.
I'm gonna come after you.
I'm the son of the king.
- I don't know what to say.
- We'll have a big
hullaballoo after New Years.
But this is one gift
I did wanna wait on.
Your dad would be
very proud of you.
- Thank you, sir.
Best Christmas ever.
- Agent Maxwell.
- You're leaving?
- The gala is over.
It's time to focus
on transition.
- Right.
I forgot.
- And duty.
- It's funny.
Not too long ago you
were the playboy prince.
Now look at you,
about to be king.
- You know, I couldn't have
done it without your help.
- Sure you could.
Just might have taken
you a little bit longer.
You're gonna make a great king.
- Do you like to ski?
- I took lessons when I was 12.
- Because Jakovia,
it has one of the best
mountains in Europe and,
and I was thinking,
I was wondering
if you're not doing
anything for New Years-
- I'd love to.
Do you remember when
we were getting ready
for Dimitri's place
and I said that your
radiance was breathtaking?
- Of course I remember.
I remember every
moment with you.
- Well, you responded that
it was because of the heels.
It wasn't because of the heels,
it's because of the
woman that was in them.
You said it yourself.
Best Christmas ever.
I'd like to have a lifetime
of best Christmases with you.
- I would love that.
Merry Christmas, Alexander.
- Merry Christmas,
Agent Maxwell.
- I think you can call
me Sydney from now on.
- Merry Christmas, Sydney.