A Super Progressive Movie (2026) Movie Script

Disclaimer:
Thank you.
In the beginning, there was nothing.
Except aboriginals, obviously.
And for billions and
billions and
billions of years,
they lived in peace and harmony.
They were so advanced and sophisticated.
They had trade and agriculture
and 100%
renewable energy.
And they even had flying cars
and almond cappuccinos.
Yeah, it was
all great and perfect
and very progressive in every single way.
Until the white fella came and screwed it all up.
For the next 200 years,
Australia was ruled by the colonizers.
Everything sucked, but sovereignty
was never
ceded.
And a few lone aboriginals
forged a radical new alliance
with the gay,
the trans, the non-binary,
Feminist influences on TikTok,
the disabled, the neurodivergent,
the asexuals, the unemployed students,
the queers, the second generation immigrants,
and of course,
the fat.
And together, they call
themselves the progressive.
And so began the culture war.
They fought on the internet.
They fought on the streets.
They fought all the time and got up early
every day
to win battles of ideas with
logical and coherent arguments.
But it wasn't enough.
So the progressives came together and crafted
a master weapon.
They poured all their grievances,
their trauma, their lived experiences
into one
vessel.
The victimhood.
The most powerful weapon in the whole world.
It was so powerful that
Aguero could deflect
all criticism
with total moral authority.
And you could also
fly and shoot rainbows and stuff.
The colonisers didn't stand a chance
against the progressives
armed with their precious
victims.
The culture war was fought
and the colonisers
met their
end.
And so the culture war was won.
And that's the very true
story of how Australia became the
progressive paradise it is today.
Where everyone lives in peace and love
under an eternal rainbow that never goes
out.
And I should know.
I'm the Prime Minister.
Elbow!
The good progressives of Australia have voted
me the most retarded person on the planet
for six consecutive terms.
And this is my beautiful
daughter, Princess Stacey.
I'm a woman.
And she's not just one of the most
feminine and sexy women in the world,
she's also very strong and very brave.
Thanks, Dad.
But don't think for a second that
we've got any real power in society.
Oh no, only Aboriginals can be the true sovereigns
and the blackest and most indigenous
person in the world is Murrays.
He's one-sixteenth Aboriginal
and very much in charge.
You see, after the culture war was won,
we got to work decolonising,
rebuilding society from the ground up,
starting with the really important stuff,
like renaming our capital city,
Melbourne, from its disgusting coloniser name
back to its original Aboriginal name.
Nah, isn't that cool and not tokenistic at all?
In fact, we changed
everything back to their
original Indigenous names,
like the Cooler Breezy and Whatabiganana.
Here in NAMM, only us radicals are left.
And working with AI,
Aboriginal Intelligence,
we've been able to restore
NAMM to a truly modern and progressive city.
We don't just have medical trauma centres,
we have generational trauma centres as well.
This is a world where you
can be whatever you want.
where you can choose from thousands of genders,
with the Department of Pronouns
releasing more every day,
where you can do whatever you want,
regardless of your skills,
abilities or sexual proclivities.
This is a world where
everyone is
loved and accepted
and equal,
where everything is acceptable,
inclusive and diverse,
with equity and tolerance and buzzwords,
because this is
a world
that's not just progressive,
this is a world that's super progressive.
Oh, great!
Another day in progressive paradise.
Good morning, Nam.
Good morning, Rainbow.
Good morning, fellow white straight males.
Good morning, rats.
Good morning, moles.
Good morning, human remains.
Good morning, Lance.
Oi, no optimism.
That's toxic positivity.
I'm sorry.
Now, rise and shine,
you privileged white bastards.
It's time for your morning apology.
Oh, yes.
I love begging for forgiveness.
Oh, what a great start to the day.
Three bloggers already this morning, fellas.
Mmm, a cake white comeuppance.
I'm sick of cleaning up shit.
Ah, come on.
It's the least we can do
for all those centuries of
shitting on everyone else.
Hey, treat us like slaves.
Well, someone has to carry the burden of
all the labour exploitation of the past.
It's like we're animals, too.
I'm starting to think these
people might be racist.
Come on, it's impossible to be
racist against white people.
And what's even better,
after a long day begging for forgiveness,
trying to heal the sins of our history,
we get to do it all again tomorrow,
fellas.
We really are people.
I mean, gee whiz,
look at how beautiful the rainbow looks tonight.
Guys?
Dear rainbow, I wish that someday...
I'll make up for
all the crimes that I didn't commit,
or benefit from.
And that maybe,
one day, I can be more than just an oppressor.
Oi!
Who's whipping upon the rainbow here?
Who dares scream of a better life?
What do you think,
you're the main character or something,
do you?
You're the lowest rung of society.
What sort of
stupid movie would put you as the main character?
I don't know.
A super aggressive movie?
That's right.
Great Australia would never fund a film with you
as the protagonist.
You're a white, cisgendered, straight male.
You're a fag.
You'll always be a fag.
You don't deserve any narrative privileges.
No audience sympathy.
No plot armour.
No conveniently timed space.
Did you just look at my vagina?
That's sexual harassment.
You perverted chauvinistic pig.
Oh, no, no, no.
I wasn't looking at you at all.
Why not?
Am I invisible to you or something?
That's erasure.
This is the most beautiful woman in the world.
How dare you deny her?
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to upset you, princess.
Why do you men have to make it all about you?
You just can't accept that the patriarchy's
over, can you?
The reason I'm having trouble regulating my emotions
right now is because I have my period, okay?
Oh, I had no idea.
What do you mean you had no idea?
The princess is obviously menstruating.
Are you calling me a liar?
You know what?
I think it's just best if I shut my big,
dumb, white mouth.
What a shock.
Another man refusing to speak up about oppression.
Silence is violent.
That's not just a microaggression.
That's a macroaggression.
I should have you hung.
Hung?
Wait, I think you mean hanged?
Are you seriously about to
mansplain to me right now?
Mansplaining is a very toxic crime.
You know what we do to mansplainers, don't you?
Yeah.
Go on, tell me.
Wouldn't that be mansplaining itself?
Oh my God, look how scared he is.
I was just joking, you weirdo.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
That was very funny, Princess.
I nearly choked on my hormones.
Oh, it was just a joke.
Then why didn't you effing laugh?
You didn't laugh at a woman's joke.
Seize him.
I'm going for a run.
For not laughing at a woman's very funny joke,
the defendant is charged with misogyny
in the
first degree.
He is a white, straight, cisgendered male.
I rest my case, Your Honour.
Well, I've heard enough.
I presume he's super guilty.
Please, I'm not a misogynist.
Let me prove it to you.
Objection, Your Honour.
The defendant is trying to defend themselves.
This is not the time or place for
facts and evidence,
peace.
This is a feelings-based court.
And I feel like you're guilty.
Not so fast.
This better be good.
I'm gay and retarded, Your Honour.
I'll allow it.
Now, may I please have a moment
to confer with my client, please?
Dude, what the hell are you doing?
Hey, I thought you were gay and retarded.
I'm not actually gay and retarded.
I'm just pretending.
What?
Why would you do that?
Because I'm a white guy just like you.
These people are nuts.
They hate us.
But you can't be an offender
if you're also a victim.
I can't do that.
I can't just pretend.
Of course you can.
Everybody's doing it.
Well, anyone that wasn't lucky enough to actually
be born with a debilitating disease or disability.
Like, look at Michelle over there.
You're not going to believe this.
She's actually a dude.
I can't just lie and say that I'm oppressed.
What if they check?
What, and challenge your existence?
Come on, Pete.
Hurry up.
One moment, please, Your Honour.
See how easy it is?
So everyone's pretending?
I could have sworn that
judge was actually retarded.
Oh no, he's very retarded.
Lucky bastard.
But for the rest of us, we're all just pretending.
It's how the stupid progressive world works, Pete.
So what are you going to pretend to be?
Depressed?
Autistic?
Furry, maybe?
Alright, I'm bored.
Can I just bang the hammer and say guilty, please?
I believe my
client has
a point of personal privilege,
Your Honour.
Will you please...
Go on, Pete.
Save yourself.
Act like a victim.
No.
I'm not going to pretend.
I'm guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty.
I sentence the defendant to death.
To death?
Hold on to your COVID masks, everybody.
It's time to kill Pete.
Live on the ABC.
Brought to you by Fun Finder.
The official gender fluid of social justice.
Pour yourself a new pronoun today.
I'm your host,
Sally Beaver Snatch,
and I'm having a panic attack
right this very minute.
I'm sorry.
Stop.
Thanks, Sally.
I'm down here and
I also suffer from mild anxiety and
I'm highly sensitive to loud noises.
I'm okay.
An incredibly diverse crowd
has gathered here today
for what is going to be one of our
most satisfying executions ever.
Even the kids are getting into a murderous frenzy.
And of course,
keeping the crowd entertained
in the meantime are our
super sexy and healthy cheerleaders.
And good to see everyone sitting back,
relaxing, chucking down a few booster shots.
Vaccines here.
Yeah, vaccines.
Vaccines here.
Let's take a look in the Royal Box now.
All hail our progressive leader,
Prime Minister Albo.
And there's his daughter,
Princess Daisy, looking stunning and brave.
She really is one of the most
beautiful biological females in Narns.
And of course,
the original custodians of time and space,
the aboriginals are in the house.
And now, before we bring out this
white piece of shit and kill him,
if I may just take a brief 20,
25 minutes to quickly acknowledge
the traditional owners of the land.
Billions and billions of years ago, the most...
Always was, always will be.
Alrighty, folks, what do you reckon?
Should we kill this
white Nazi gum factor's pig
in the name of the rainbow?
Any final words?
All my life I've tried to be progressive.
I've grown up believing that I'm
too privileged to be treated equally
and that I deserve to be enslaved
and beaten up and shat on every day.
But as I look out onto this crowd of
all you loving and compassionate people,
violently cheering for my death,
I'm starting to think that maybe this
isn't a progressive paradise after all.
But what would I know?
I'm just a dumb white guy.
My opinion doesn't matter.
Kill me!
Huh?
The rainbow flicker,
just as we're about to kill Pete.
Maybe it's a sign of some kind.
Daddy, why the rainbow flicker?
I don't know,
honey, but I'm sure
all the progressives here
will act calmly and rat-try.
We're all gonna die!
We're all gonna die!
Ah, shit.
Widespread panic.
Lance, prepare everyone for
looting and riots, please.
Yes, sir.
Daddy, what's going on?
Just as the elders foretold.
It is now again.
Oh, good.
Uncle Murray's here.
Oh, black and white one.
Please tell us what to do.
We don't have much time.
Follow me and bring the white boy.
Uncle Murray, what happened to the rainbow?
What's going on?
We're all in grave danger.
Only the chosen one can save us now.
You speak of the prophecy.
What's the prophecy?
Shut up, white boy!
We're here.
Where's here?
The end of the race.
Whoa.
Move it, white boy.
We need to hurry up.
It's literally the end of the world.
They're going to be here any minute.
Who's nearly here?
Colonists.
The colonizers.
We defeated them in the culture war.
Everyone knows that.
It's time for some truth-telling.
The progressives didn't win the culture wars.
We lost.
Bad.
Look, it wasn't even close.
We started cutting kids' dicks off,
lured ourselves to roads,
growing soup on panties,
setting Teslas on fire,
flying private jets to climate change conferences,
forcing people to use paper straws.
It was ridiculous.
It didn't make any sense.
But I thought we were stronger
and fought harder than them.
Nah, we were weak as piss.
We talked to be gay,
but we were really just a
bunch of purple-haired pussies.
But I thought we had the ultimate weapon.
What happened to the victimhood?
We lost it.
The Victor Wood was so powerful,
everyone wanted to have a turd.
Progressives started pointing each
other over who deserves a promotion.
The Victor Wood was torn apart.
And the chaos was lost forever.
We lost our Victor Wood.
We lost the culture war.
Daddy, I don't believe him.
You have to believe him, honey.
He's 116th Aboriginal.
Now, consider this your trigger warning,
because what's in here will really
knock you off your milk crate.
After we embarrassed ourselves
with the culture war,
we had no choice but to run away and hide.
But then what?
How is the whole world a
progressive paradise then?
Well, that's the thing, Princess.
This ain't a progressive paradise.
This is a progressive bubble.
Come on, I gave you the trigger, warden.
We live in a bubble.
What's out there?
The real world.
A dangerous and racist
place that no progressive has ever survived.
And this rainbow here is a shield.
We call it the virtue signal.
And it's protected us.
Until now.
What happens if the rainbow goes out?
Without our virtue signal,
this is no longer a safe space.
These will be good songs, you dog.
I get that this is all a myth, but fuck me.
This is the echo chamber,
a closed ideological feedback loop
that powers the virtual scene.
And its core is this,
the last shred of the victimhood.
Up until now,
the bubble's been empowered by
a mere shred of the victimhood.
But we're going to need more than that
if we're going to stop the colonisers
and save our progressive bubble.
And down here I've discovered the answers,
left to me by my ancestors.
Take a look at these aboriginal paintings.
Whoa!
I'll give you one million dollars for it.
What?
No!
This is a bunch of don'ts and squiggles.
These are the Aboriginal paintings.
Oh, I see.
This is the prophecy
of the only person that can save us.
The chosen one
who'll venture out into the real world
and reclaim the victimhood
from its ancient resting place
and wield its awesome power
and save the world from the oppressive colonisers
to become the coolest,
wokest, most compassionate person ever.
And they'll even get their own show on the ABC.
So where would the chosen one find the victimhood?
Don't rush me.
The elders concealed its
location here in this pane
in a way that only a wise
old Aboriginal man could
decipher.
And I figured it out.
Wow.
How'd you do it?
Simple.
All I had to do was connect the dots.
Behold, the victimhood can be found here.
All the room.
Of course.
The only place a white man can never set foot.
That's so smart.
Well, of course.
The elders were super smart.
They saw all this coming.
And they foretold that when
the rainbow begins to fade,
then the white man will soon
return to colonize our progressive paradise
once again.
But a chosen one will come forth and save us.
And it can be only one.
The ultimate minority.
The one true victim.
The super progressive.
And he is here,
amongst us, right this very minute.
Alright.
Well, I didn't ask to be the Chosen One,
but I'll do it.
I'll accept the call to adventure.
Oh my god, that's so cringe.
The Chosen One can't be a white guy!
You're not the main character!
You're such a dumb, stupid idiot.
Everyone knows Uncle Murray's the chosen one.
That's been obvious since the carriage.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Of course it's not me.
That's stupid.
I'm so confused.
What am I even doing here?
I needed someone to carry me bags.
Oh, great.
That's everything I need to
single-handedly save the bubble.
Now come on, white boy.
It's time for us to step into the real world.
You know, we built this bridge long ago.
But up until now, no one's ever gotten over it.
Good luck, Murray.
I think this mission's missing one thing.
Female representation.
Stacey, no, please don't go.
The real world's a dangerous place.
I don't respect women out there.
You could get murdered or raped or worse,
not paid as much as men.
Don't worry about me, Daddy.
I'd worry about the real world.
They've never seen a woman like me before.
Les, you're my best social justice warrior
and my weakest man.
I need you to look after my Princess Daisy.
Oh, but sir,
I wouldn't dare undermine her female agency.
This has nothing to do with her.
He's a convicted misogynist.
I don't trust his purpose.
I want you to make
sure he keeps his eyes and hands off my
sexy daughter.
Oh, but sir,
that sounds like patriarchal overreach.
Hey, I'm the Prime Minister, and that's an order.
Now, give me your jacket.
It'll blow your cover.
The second they see you in that,
they'll know you're a lefty
progressive from Narns.
How's this?
Perfect.
And I want this research and export back alive.
Oh, thanks, Your Highness.
So he can kill you when you get back.
Oh, okay.
Well, go on.
Get, get, get, get, get.
Hurry up.
I need those bags.
Sure is a lot of weight.
What do you think of that, Jimmy?
Think of all the emotional
baggage I'm about to carry.
I think you'll be all right, mate.
Yeah, sure.
Yeah, of course.
I'll be fine.
No!
Here!
Thanks, Lance!
No, not you!
Pass me the bags, you idiot!
No!
My hormones!
Quick!
Pass us the bags!
Good one, Pete!
That was everything!
You idiot, Pete.
Now we're all
going to die out here because of you.
You fool.
How am I supposed to suppress all my
toxic masculinity without my hormones?
Oh, my God.
I broke a nail.
I'm going to bloody kill you.
Huh?
Is that my fault?
Oh, good one, Pete, you stupid idiot.
Way to ruin the whole mission.
Welcome to the real world, everybody.
This is not a fair place out here.
Bad things happen to people like us.
Oh, no, it's not my fault.
Now, even though Pete's lost all the maps,
food and shelter critical for our survival,
luckily, I'm an Aboriginal.
This is my land.
And I can
use my special Aboriginal
powers to track my way to Uluru
and find the victimhood.
Because my connection to country
is not only deep and sacred,
it's completely unquestionable.
Alright?
Now follow me.
It's time for us to leave
the safety of our bubble.
We're going to walk about.
Uncle Murray!
That was fast!
Did you get the victimhood, Murray?
Actually, all the elders are
telling me it's this way.
Follow me.
Come on.
Murray!
Where are you going, Murray?
Sir, take a look at this.
Oh, no.
This can't be good.
We have to tell the Prime Minister.
Now.
Prime Minister, there's been an ideological spill.
Go on.
Four progressives.
They've left the bubble.
Elbow.
They seem to be headed north, into the outback.
Let's go pay them a little visit, shall we?
We've been walking all day.
Stupid vegan leather shoes.
My feet are killing me.
Your feet hurt.
Try walking in heels all day.
Oh, you think that's painful?
Imagine walking in the footsteps of your
ancestors on the very sacred land that was
stolen from them.
Each step, a cruel reminder.
Oh, and in thongs.
Does anyone want my shoes?
They've got a pretty good sole.
Oh, no, they do not.
Yeah, ooh, I think I'd rather the blisters.
What makes you think anyone would
want to walk a mile in your shoes?
Oh, yeah.
Sorry, everyone.
I can't keep going.
I'm starving, Uncle Murray.
How long until we get to Uluru?
About 2,000 kilometres.
What?
No, we can't survive without food till then.
What are we going to do?
We'll hunt our own food.
Hell, we've got nothing.
None of us know how to hunt.
We're screwed.
Don't ever question my
ability to live off the land.
I'm sorry, Uncle Murray.
It must be all this testosterone
coursing through my veins.
It's making me angry and hungry.
He's hungry.
He's becoming a typical male.
He needs to eat before he
turns into a real monster.
Well, I guess
once again a black fella's gonna
have to labour for the whites!
Oh, the wind got it.
Oh, that was the wind.
Did you see that gust of wind?
Oh, that was awesome, Murray.
I'll go get it.
I thought boomerangs came back by themselves.
What would you know?
Shut your mouth.
Not all boomerangs come back.
It's a throwing stick.
Not a buddy toy.
Oh, I found it.
Oi, put that down.
That's cultural appropriation.
Mm, protein.
Oh, how good for being cooked over an open flame.
I thought you were vegan.
Nah, no point being vegan in the real world.
Oh, I'm stuffed.
Oh, good work, Pete, for once.
Yeah, not too bad for a dumb white male.
Yeah, thanks a lot, Pete.
It was really great to
watch you steal my boomerang
and my culture.
Thousands of years of spiritual
engineering just to watch you wave
it around willy-nilly like a toy.
I really am sorry,
Murray, but hey,
at least I started the fire all by myself.
Yeah, I guess all that practice
setting us black fellas'
beds on fire really paid off,
didn't it?
I guess so.
You know, I wish... Oh,
man, it's so weird not
seeing a rainbow in the sky,
eh?
I really thought it was real.
Rainbows are real!
And don't you think that they're just
some sort of multicoloured arc of light?
So then, what are they?
Gather round.
Let Uncle Murray tell you a little story.
In the dream time,
long before people walked the land,
a great creature slept beneath the earth.
She was the Rainbow Serpent.
Wow, the Rainbow Serpent.
Sounds like a really cool gay snake.
It's not a gay snake!
It's my people's most sacred creature!
Wait, why is that music still playing?
My people!
Murray, wait!
My brothers!
Bloody hell, Barry, the teddy's gone out again.
Oh, no worries, Keithy, I got it.
Got his gold, mate.
Oh, yeah, she's hubbub now.
Uncle Murray, what's wrong?
Get out!
Oh, bloody hell Barry,
this generator's parked completely.
Oh, I'm sorry Keithy,
it was working before I left.
These aren't my Aboriginal brothers.
They're bush pigs.
Bush pigs?
Boggarts, bigots.
The most dangerous animals out there.
How can you tell?
Look, that is the world's most racist flag.
And our enemies ride under it.
That's a 79 Land Cruiser.
I reckon I can hotwire it.
Princy, you know how to hotwire a car?
Don't doubt me.
I'm a woman.
I'll figure it out.
Stop bickering, you two.
Just shut up and steal the car.
I don't know.
It feels wrong to steal.
Stealing from white people
is completely justified.
All right, Princess, go get the car.
We'll wait here for your signal.
I've got to help her.
Stacey, wait.
So what do we do, Uncle Murray?
Do you white people ever shut up?
You're going to blow our cover.
Well, well, well.
Look what we have here.
Good one, Pete.
Take a look what I found rustling in the bushes.
Bring them a bit closer, Barry.
Let me get a good look at them.
Sorry, boys.
Eyesight's not what it used to be.
Name's Keith.
You've already met Barry.
G'day, fellow campers.
G'day, fellas.
Everyone calls me Hygie,
because I'm always on the source.
Can I get you guys a beer or what?
Yeah, mate.
So long as it's not any of that Japanese piss.
Righto.
What was that?
A bit of casual racism.
We need to act as racist as possible.
If they think we're a couple of fellow bush pigs,
we'll be fine.
Here you go, boys.
A couple of Australian beers.
Oh, thanks, mate.
Ah, jeez.
To being a white Australian male.
Let's put the emphasis on white.
Lance, what are you doing here?
I don't know.
I just came to see if you needed help.
I don't need your help.
Ugh, locked.
I'm going to have to break
through the glass ceiling.
Great idea.
Here, quick.
Stand on my shoulders.
Never.
Anyway, you boys hungry?
I've got some chow mein on the go.
Mmm, yum!
Yeah, after this guppy, I will, yeah.
It's a test.
These people hate immigrants.
So what do you say, fellas?
Can I interest you in some chow mein?
Oh, no thanks.
We don't eat that immigrant shit.
But my wife made this chow mein.
Oh, yeah, right.
As if your wife's a Chinese immigrant.
My wife's Filipino.
And I love her very much.
Good work, Pete.
You're a natural.
I can't get up.
It's like the whole world's rigged against me.
Here, let me get between your legs
and I'll help you get to the top.
I'm not going to spread my legs for you.
Get off me.
Princess, what are you doing to me?
Lance, did you just... That's gross.
This great country's a melting pot of culture.
Now, if you want to have a nuanced
conversation about population growth,
let's have it.
But if you want to talk down
about our pan-Pacific neighbours,
you can walk off my campsite right now.
All righty.
Pointy, I never took you as a xenophile.
Poor Maria's going to be devastated.
Oh, come on, Keithy.
You know me, mate.
I'm no bigot.
Just going for a piss, mate.
I'm sorry.
I don't know what came over me.
You shouldn't have done that.
I couldn't help it.
Oh, no.
Look.
Right, I've got an idea.
Ah, you know what?
I need to piss as well, actually.
Deep into the bushes.
I'm very shy.
No, no, no.
Come on, you boys sit down right where you are.
We need to have a little chat about immigration.
You know, when you think about it,
we're all technically
immigrants on this great island.
Well, that's right,
Barry, except for the Aboriginals,
of course.
Oh, don't even get me started on them,
bunch of filthy Abos.
Isn't that right, Murray?
What?!
Our indigenous folk are a
treasure to this country.
All right, Keith, be ready for some cheer.
I'm in, mate.
Hey, big boy.
I will not tolerate this sort
of bigotry on my council.
Murray, help me.
Get him, Keithy.
Get in.
Oi!
They're stealing me Land Cruiser!
And they're bigots!
Get them!
Go!
Good jobin', Princess!
Peter nearly got us killed!
Me?
I was just being racist like you told me to!
But I don't know,
those guys didn't seem that racist!
Of course they were racist!
They're Australians!
And I told you to be casually racist!
I didn't give you permission to start throwin'
around ABO like that!
The A word?
That's the most offensive slur of them all.
How dare you?
Okay, I'm sorry,
but Princess, couldn't you be driving?
Hey, don't worry about her.
She's a woman.
She's a good driver.
Yeah, actually, women are much
safer drivers than men anyway.
Ah, Princess.
See, women can drive.
Oh, hang on.
Murray, are you okay?
Ah, me back!
That's trying to get me back real bad!
Oh, I'm sorry, guys.
That's totally my fault.
I didn't even see us there completely
stationary in the middle of the road.
Oh, you all right?
Yeah, I'm all right, I think.
I'm not okay.
I'm fading.
I can see me ancestors.
They're calling to me.
Don't go towards the light, Murray.
We need you.
Oh, no.
Murray's hurt.
Let me take a look at him.
I was a medic in the army.
Uncle Murray, you okay?
Oh, no.
That's a bad one.
That's real bad.
Come on, fella.
Come back to me.
Breathe.
That guy's nuts.
You look okay to me, Uncle Murray.
I can't see any bumps or scratches.
Get your white colonial hairs off me.
Come on, buddy.
Don't you die on me.
Yeah, well, good news is,
looks like I was able to save your friends,
though.
He's just having a bit of
a hop around in the bush.
But, oh, gee,
I've done a real number on your car,
haven't I?
I tell you what, why don't I give you the lift?
I'll take you wherever you're going.
We're going to Uluru.
Pete, Uluru?
Oh, that's about 2,200
kilometres off course for me.
Oh, but you know what?
A promise is a promise.
I'll drive you to Uluru.
I think we should go with him.
Why, Kel, in case you haven't noticed,
Pete, I'm black.
He won't take me.
Look, the
Bushpigs weren't that racist.
Maybe this guy isn't racist either.
Maybe Australians aren't as racist as we think.
All Australians are automatically racist.
Everyone knows that.
And look at this guy.
He's a cooker.
Off his head.
Off me head?
Nah, mate, I haven't touched
a gear for about 15 years.
Ah, it's these cataracts that
make you look a little off
your rocker,
you see.
Two inches in both eyes.
I think he's half-blind.
Pete's right, Uncle Murray.
If he's half blind,
he won't know you're a black fella.
Plus, if he's disabled,
maybe he knows the weight of the victimhood.
Just because he's half blind
doesn't mean he's on our team.
The term's actually legally blind,
but I can see well enough to know when
I'm in the presence of a beautiful woman.
The lady.
I think we should go with him.
I agree with Princess Daisy.
I'll take us all the way to Uluru.
It's the least I can do.
Murray?
No!
Oh, my back!
Come on, you lot!
Why don't you jump in
my 120-ton road train fully loaded with 100,000
litres of highly flammable petroleum fuel?
All right, fine.
We'll go with his cooker.
But don't you say a word.
If he finds
out I'm black and we're a bunch of progressives,
we're all dead.
We heard one from out the door.
She said, Bill, the air fryer's not spying on you.
Yeah, well, who's the cooker now?
Yeah, we thought what?
We're nowhere near Uluru.
Look, it's right in the middle.
It's going to take us three days to get there.
Put that down.
That's colonial propaganda.
Oh, come on, Murray.
It's just a map.
Exactly.
Lines drawn by thieves.
Oh, yeah, I forgot.
We were just navigating with sticks.
You guys all right back there?
I really have a story about totaling your car.
I'll make it up to you.
End of the day, shit happens.
You gotta keep on truckin'.
That's my motto.
Yeah, well, that's easy to say when you're
the one that's caused all the damage.
Yeah, Murray's right.
You can't just ignore the past.
Yeah, nah, past is no use to me, mate.
Just gotta focus on what's ahead of ya.
Whoop!
What was that?
Guess that was just a bit of shit happening.
Just got to keep on trucking, eh, Bill?
Hey, now that's a good saying.
Someone should make that a sticker.
Yeah, well, just keep your eyes on the road.
Yeah, right, eh?
So any of yous ever driven your
way through Australia before?
Nah, we've been living in a bubble.
Hey!
Nah, happens to the best of us.
Easy to isolate yourself in one spot, eh?
The world has a habit of
shrinking up on you sometimes.
Not out here, but the open road.
This is the real Australia.
Welcome to the greatest country on Earth.
Again, welcome to my own country.
Well, the hurt
is that
they say they don't take me
as a noble.
They had apologized
for things that happened
one hundred
years before.
Don't welcome me to
my old
country or it
will fall
apart.
And I don't need a ceremony to tell me I belong.
I've always been waiting Hey,
hey, coming over again
Why, if it isn't the evil
Pauline Heggs, my archenemy.
Elbow, please explain why four of
your citizens just walked out of your
magical rainbow
bubble thing.
Those citizens are of no concern to you.
They've illegally immigrated into Australia.
So-called Australia.
Call it whatever you like.
Where are they going?
Pauline, you have nothing to threaten me with.
We are perfectly safe here inside our bubble.
Activate the backup power supply!
On it, Arvo!
It's not working!
Quick, Jim!
Throw more money at it!
But we've totally run out
of everyone else's money!
Where are the four of them going?
They're going to find the victimhood.
The victimhood?
You speak of the prophecy.
That's right.
And you'll never find it.
The victimhood rests where no
white man can ever set foot.
All the way?
Uh, no.
Oh, that's so dumb.
We must find them before they reach it.
Well, good luck, boys.
You'll never catch them.
back but it won't hold for long.
What if she gets there first?
Don't worry, Murray won't rest until he finds it.
You reckon they sell tampons?
Maybe.
I need the big ones.
You coming, Uncle Murray?
Oh, yeah, sure.
Wait for me.
Can't wait to be racially profiled
and have the cops called on me.
I don't know.
I'm starting to think maybe
the real world ain't so bad.
Yeah, easy for you to say, you white dog.
Go on, get.
Okay.
Do you want me to get you anything?
Yeah, the victimhood?
The thing we're supposed to be here for?
All right, I'll have a look.
Oh, and a chocolate milk.
Ah, that's better.
Whoa, you feel that?
That's a 5G tower.
Quick, crack this off.
See, the foil actually stops the 5G from
passing through the blood-brain barrier.
Huh?
I know I sound like a crooker,
but I'm telling you,
it's legit.
I read about it on Facebook.
Hey, where'd you go?
I'd rather die.
Murray, you did it.
See, it's not so bad, eh?
Yeah, I guess.
All you need to do is make a comment.
I want to see your bobs and butt chin.
He couldn't find any victimhoods,
unfortunately, but I found some chalky milk.
Hang on.
Who's she on the phone to?
And then that little bubba dump
will definitely show you her bobs.
Quick.
Murray, what are you doing?
He's calling the cops on me.
I knew it.
I'm being racially profiled.
This place is racist.
Really?
Are you sure?
Yeah, look.
Choco babies.
French kids.
Eskimo pies.
Two cheese.
Oh, no, you're right.
This place is racist.
And homophobic.
Look, golden gay time.
This place is messed up.
We've got to get out of here.
Yeah, let's go, quick.
Sanjay.
Oh, no, police.
What?
I thought they were defunded.
Not out here.
They're well-funded.
The second he sees that I'm a black fella,
he's going to put me in custody and kill me.
Where are they, Sanjay?
I'm going to kill somebody.
That's it.
I'm dead.
Help me, Robo-Sturford.
If you can hear me, Robo-Sturford.
Come on, Pete, think.
Here, quick, put this on.
Watch, I'm black.
I don't burn.
No, here.
Here they are.
Ibuprofen.
I've got a stinking headache.
I was going to kill someone.
Evening, officer.
Slip, slop, slap.
Way to go, buddy.
Pete, you did it.
You're a genius.
With this disguise, I can go anywhere.
I dare you, old Greg.
It'll go.
I thought I could spell bacon.
You guys know each other?
Yeah, me and Greg, we grew up together.
We should grab a couple of beers.
There's a pub next door.
I'd love to,
but I promise these guys I'll take them to Uluru.
We could go a beer or two.
Right, fellow white Australians?
Yeah.
What's with the emphasis on white?
What?
Would you look at that?
Doors really do just open
for white folks, don't they?
G'day, sir.
Sir?
I guess white skin's all the ID I need.
Money just falls in your lap
when you're a white
fella.
What can I get you, mate?
I'm allowed to drink alcohol, am I?
I'll get ten beers, thanks.
You're the boss.
I'm the boss?
Wow.
It's so good to see Murray
finally able to relax, eh?
Jesus, I think you're really loving
those cheesy balls, aren't you?
I'm starving.
I'm about to get my period.
Are you calling me fat?
Oh, I don't feel so good.
Moose swings, food cravings, sick all the time.
Women, am I right, fella?
She sounds like she's pregnant.
Pregnant?
Yeah, good one, Bill.
Maybe she is.
Oh, my God.
Princess, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to call you fat.
Well, I am.
Look at me.
I'm supposed to be kick-ass, not a fat-ass.
I'm going to run it off.
Now move it.
I think you're pregnant.
That's impossible.
No, it's not.
Remember when I was on top of you at the campsite?
As if your seed was strong
enough to get me pregnant.
Occupied.
There's a man in a woman's toilet.
There better not be.
Yeah, well, my feet's stronger now
because I don't have my hormones.
Get out of here, you pervert.
Why am I becoming such a red-blooded moon?
You saved me.
I'm sorry, Princess.
I know you could have taken him yourself.
You saved both of us.
Wait, what if someone sees us?
Let the cookers watch.
No, no, no, no, no.
Why don't the three of us go back to the truck?
I love alcohol.
Cheers, Pete.
All righty.
I've got to go
drop a few Aboriginal kids off at the pool.
I'll be back.
Righty.
See you, Greg.
Whoa, that was a little racist.
Don't worry about it.
He's allowed to say that.
I don't think anyone's allowed to say that.
Hey, now, listen.
Me and old Greg, we fought for that, right?
You fought?
Yeah, we fought.
In the culture war.
You're one of the bad guys.
You should have seen what they did to us.
We had a whole unit warped
out for a single choice.
Sometimes, we still hear the notifications.
Oi, where'd you go?
Oi, bartender!
I'm white over here.
Uncle Murray, we've got a big problem.
Peter, you white dog.
Let me buy you a drink.
No, no, no, no, no.
We've got to get out of here.
Oh, come on, Peter.
I'm having fun for once.
Whiten up.
Get us 15 beers.
Oi, I was here first.
What the hell you were?
I was here first.
13 billion years before you were.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Give me all the grog.
I want everything you've got.
Murray, you're drunk.
That's a racist stereotype.
No, Murray.
I need you to focus.
No more alcohol.
Oh, you cut me off.
You insinuate that I've got a problem.
You can't just introduce me
to alcohol and then take it away.
Murray, listen to me, please.
I've got a massive problem.
I am not a problem.
You are.
That's right, you white maggots.
I'm black.
Get out of here.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right.
Kick out the black fella.
Always blame the black fella.
Look, Murray, this shit happens, all right?
I forgive you.
Forgive me?
You're not the victim here.
I'm the victim.
Always was, always will be.
Murray, keep it down.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Silence the black fella.
No.
Bill fought in the culture wars.
He's evil.
Of course he's evil.
You know how I knew that?
I saw his skin colour.
All you white fellas at the stage,
you're all evil.
Murray...
I'm not evil.
Yes, you are.
It's in your DNA.
You'll never be more than just an oppressor.
You're off the team.
What's all the commotion?
Long story.
Yeah, it's about 200 years long.
Want me to start from the beginning?
Come on, you two, get in the truck.
We're going to Uluru.
Actually, we've decided to stay here.
What?
We're pregnant.
Oh, wow.
Stacey's going to keep this one.
And we're going to get a house.
Maybe get a minivan.
Oh, yeah.
Just what the world needs.
More white scum.
Murray, that's a little mean.
Oh, yeah.
Here we go.
The pylon.
Let's all cancel Murray.
The big bad black fella.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't need you.
I never needed you.
You're a bunch of toxins.
Useless.
Evil dogs anyway.
I'll go and get the victim of myself.
I'm the chosen one.
I'm the one true victim.
Well, well, well.
You're all a bunch of lefty
progressives, aren't you?
Get back.
He fought in the culture wars.
He's a baddie.
Yeah, I fought in the culture wars.
I fought for the progressives.
You're a progressive?
But you said you fought for freedom of speech.
Yeah, that was considered
progressive back in my day.
No, you're lying.
Greg said something very racist.
What did Greg say?
All right, I adopted Aboriginal children.
Who's ready to go to the
pool for swimming lessons?
Yay!
Thanks, Daddy.
Oh, look.
It's that Murray fella.
Oh, man.
I feel pretty stupid.
Ah, don't worry about it.
Happens to every lefty at some point.
So why'd you lot leave the bubble anyway?
We're on a quest to find the victimhood.
No.
The victimhood was lost long ago.
Murray thinks it's in Uluru.
Oh, no.
We're all in grave danger.
The Japs.
Of course.
Leave me alone.
Stop harassing me.
Murray.
It's me, Craig.
You want to lift into town?
Jump in the back with the kiddos.
Kiddos?
Hi, Murray.
What are you doing with them?
Oh, they've got a lesson to learn,
don't you, kids?
Yes, Dad.
Oh, yeah.
They're going to get taught
a thing or two tonight.
You stole them kids.
What do you mean?
These are my kids, mate.
No, they are not.
A victimhood feeds on grievance.
Once it takes hold,
it hollows you out until there's nothing left.
Also, it turns you into a real dickhead.
Alrighty kiddos, we're going on a road trip.
To Uluru.
What about Daddy?
Don't worry about Daddy.
You're with Uncle Murray now.
I think we should go back for Daddy.
Don't worry about him.
He's part of the system.
What system?
The one that keeps us blackfellas down.
Daddy says we're not supposed
to classify people by race.
We're all just people.
Oh, is that what he says?
We're all just people?
Yeah, that's exactly what they want you to think.
Well, how about your Uncle Murray give
you a bit of a history lesson, eh?
Billions and billions of years.
We have to stop Murray before
he reaches the victimhood.
God help us all.
He won't get far.
He's on foot.
Bill!
Bill!
Bill!
I was dropping the kids off at the pool,
and then they were stolen.
Murray, he took the cruiser.
This is bad.
Everyone, into the truck.
That's the very true story of
what happened to our people.
I hate Australia.
I hate colonialism.
I hate white people.
Yeah, that's right.
Don't worry, children.
Today, we get our revenge.
Hoo-roo, officers!
Before I open up the boom gate,
I just wanted to say welcome to Uluru!
Ahh!
We'll welcome us to our own country as dogs!
We've got to be careful.
He might already be under its spell.
First it feels good.
It wraps you up.
It comforts you.
It tells you that none of this is your fault.
You get to be really mean.
Everyone has to love you
and call you the good guy.
But you become addicted to all the sympathy,
the pity, the apologies.
The victimhood starts to cling to you.
It grows heavy.
You can't take it off.
God help us all if that angry
little fella finds the victim.
There she is.
Come on, Adam, you're a gatekeeper.
Now get back out there.
G'day, folks.
Hands off the gatekeepers.
Oh, no.
They're already inside.
Quick, let's go.
No, stop.
We can't go in there.
Why not?
We've got to save Murray and your kids.
Nah, it's too culturally insensitive.
Ah, bugger.
Greg's right.
Only black fellas can go in all the room.
Huh?
But it's just a rock.
Ooh.
Ah, I wouldn't say that.
Ah, look at it.
It's a very big, very old rock.
I wouldn't get caught dead in there.
Not with my white face.
I can't believe I ever thought
you guys weren't progressives.
Come on, Lance.
Stay deep.
We can't, Pete.
It's the one place a white man
can never set foot, remember?
We'll get cancelled.
Yeah, well, I'm already cancelled.
And it's about time a white fella
used his racism for good.
Hit it, Phil.
That's something your main character might do.
I thought I was the main character.
Kids, what happened to you?
You okay?
Stop homing.
Could I push your dog, brother?
He's not your brother.
He might look like a black fella,
but he's a white dog.
I'm sorry, Murray.
I thought I was using my racism for good.
Stylist!
It's too late, Pete.
Behold, I've found the victimhood.
And now that I've wielded its awesome power,
it's time for your final apology.
I don't think that's the real victimhood.
Of course it's the real victimhood.
I found it here under all the roof.
Just as the prophecy foretold.
I don't know.
It looks like an old hoodie someone left here.
Cyrus!
I'm still trying to get the hang of it.
Murray, it's not real.
Don't deny my victimhood, Pete.
Whoa, what was that?
Oh no, quick.
We've got to plug up that leak.
I know.
My tampons.
They're big and absorbent.
No, Stacey.
You're pregnant.
This is a job for a man.
I'm getting real tired of
your patriarchal overreach.
I'm going to move the truck before
we fill all the room up with petrol.
Oh, come on, old girl.
Shit's happening.
I'm going to keep talking.
Ah, she's bugging.
Let's...
Murray, that smells like petrol.
We've got to get out of here.
Oh, yeah.
Blackfellas and their petrol, eh?
Another race of stereotype.
No, Murray.
Look.
The kids are going to slip through the cracks.
I'll save them.
I can fly.
No!
Murray!
No!
No!
Here, I got you.
Go, kids.
Get out of here.
This is hell.
Murray, the kids are in trouble.
I need to help them.
Yeah, but what about me?
Oh, I'm stuck.
Just pull yourself up.
I can't.
I can't let go of the victimhood.
Oh, it's not real.
It's a cheap knock-off.
It's probably made in China.
How dare you deny my trauma?
This was forced by my ancestors.
Help!
Murray, I can't help you
if you won't help yourself.
I've got to save these kids.
Oh, go on then.
Be a hero.
Just leave me here to die.
I'm sorry, Murray.
What, you're not actually going
to leave me here to die, are you?
All right, Bill, it's time for some bush mechanic.
Well, I guess I'll just stand
here and look pretty, then.
Pete!
Daddy!
Kids!
We're going back in for work.
Huh?
Holy pantsies.
We've got to move.
Lance, Bill!
Oh, Lance, your spurs are sweaty.
They aren't useless.
Useless?
It's a mistake.
Made in China?
Pete was right.
Ah!
Pete?
You came back?
Yeah.
It was the right thing to do.
Ew.
Whatever.
Come on, let's get out of here.
Whoa, whoa!
Ah!
We're alive!
Guys, he's alive!
Where's Pete?
Pete?
Ah, he didn't make it.
But I'd like to think he's just in the
big RSL in the
sky now.
No, you can't be.
I don't know,
a big RSL in the sky makes
me feel better about death.
Anyway, you're alive.
I'll wait till Pauline Anthony's about this.
Pauline Anthony, where?
Hello, Murray.
Ah!
Where are me legs?
Oh yeah, be careful, mate.
You got no legs.
I'm a legless aboriginal.
Oh, there he is.
Off to the dream time.
Where's Pete?
Pete, Pete, Pete.
Murray?
Murray!
He didn't come back.
Oh, ouch!
You just hit your head so hard!
Huh?
Oh, and after all you've been through.
You're the Rainbow Servant.
Yes, of course it's me.
Oh, Pete, you're so smart and sexy.
You really are gay.
I knew it.
Of course you knew it.
No one ever believes you, do they?
Why don't you slip into
something more comfortable?
Oh, the victimhood.
Yes.
Why don't you try it on?
They think it was bad news.
Oh, stop it!
You know what's bad news?
The way you've been treated your whole life.
From the day you were born, you weren't swaddled.
You were shackled, lashed, shamed.
Yeah, but that's okay.
I deserve it.
After all the unforgivable things
my ancestors did.
They were a bunch of evil colonizers.
No, look.
Your ancestors were convicts.
Just like you.
Really?
Yeah, see?
Look what your ancestors went through.
I had no idea.
Looks to me like you've had everyone else's
history ran down your throat and never your own.
That sucks.
Where's your scholarships and special handouts?
How come no one looks like you
in the commercials anymore?
Hey, yeah.
Wait, no, no, no.
This is where I tried to save Uncle Murray from.
Yeah, that's right.
Uncle Murray.
You tried to save him, didn't you?
What a shame he left you for dead.
He did?
Oh no, look.
He doesn't even seem sad about it.
Everyone else seems really stoked you're dead.
I thought we were best friends.
Oh my god, I'm so sorry.
That totally sucks.
Come on, Pete.
Put on the victimhood.
It's not bad if you deserve it.
If you deserve it,
you might be the biggest victim I've ever seen.
Yeah, I am a victim.
Yes.
Good boy, Pete.
Take it.
Take it.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Well, there goes the virtue signal.
Oh, we're screwed.
Nothing's going to stop Pauline Anson now.
Throw another statue on the barricade.
Maybe we'll get a few more
seconds before she colonises it
all.
Your Highness, maybe the good
progressive people will put up a fight.
Oh, yeah, sure, Penny.
Maybe we can ask the keyboard warrior
to put up an online petition or something.
That'll stop her.
You stupid bitch!
I have returned.
Ha!
It's just Pete, everybody.
False alarm.
Who?
Pete.
Remember, we were going to
execute him the other day.
Vaguely.
Hey, it's just a nobody, aren't you, Pete?
It's just a big, stupid, dumb nobody.
Now, hand over the victimhood.
I am the chosen one.
Shut up, Pete.
You can't be the chosen one.
You're white.
You are an appropriate decompression.
How dare you?
How dare you, Greta!
I've been oppressed my entire life.
Enslaved, sentenced to death,
and most recently I was penetrated by a gay snake!
Oh my god!
I'm so sorry!
Please, forgive me!
All of you need to check your privilege,
for I am the one true victim.
I hear you.
I'm sorry.
Thank you for sharing your truth.
I apologise for everything always.
All hail the one true victim.
All hail Pete.
Hail Pete.
Hail Pete.
Hail Pete.
Hail Pete.
People of Narm,
today we acknowledge the one true victim,
Pete.
Henceforth, there shall be no criticism of Pete.
He is forever perfect and great and correct.
He is so pure
that he shall never be
portrayed as a villain again.
We must believe
all Pete's
and put little
Pete emojis in our bios.
And from now on,
this land will be known
as the sovereign state of Petoria,
where Pete's life matters and no one else's.
Hey man, what about Greg's life?
Anti-Pete speech laws are now in full effect,
and every day
will be International Pete Recognition Day,
and all the TV shows and the movies
must be directed and star a Pete,
and can only be about Pete
and Pete-related struggles.
For Pete's sake,
we do this,
not because we feel guilty,
but because we love Pete,
we adore Pete,
and we are utterly addicted to Pete,
because we are pedophiles!
Hail the one true victim!
Hail Pete!
Good morning, Murray.
How are you feeling?
Yeah, pretty good, actually.
Thanks, yeah.
Oh, wait, that's right.
I don't have any legs.
I want to go home.
You haven't left this room in weeks.
Let's go for a walk.
I've got no legs, you vile woman.
Leave me alone.
Come on, you.
Let's get you in your chair.
No, no.
I don't want to.
Come on.
I want to show you something.
What do you want to show me,
you right-wing nutjob?
Murray, you've been living in a bubble.
I want to show you the real Australia.
Welcome to Alice Springs.
So welcome me to my own country.
I thought Alice Springs was a hell hole.
Not anymore.
Now it's one of the greatest places on Earth.
Yeah, right.
Greatest place on Earth.
Then why is there a bloke just
winding around with a machete?
Guess it's still the stab
capital of the world, huh?
Actually, there's zero crime now.
And machetes are tools, not weapons.
Prime Minister, if this place is so great,
why the hell are you demolishing the settlement?
We don't need it.
Plus, we need to make room for the stock exchange.
That's being passed.
And the Alice Prince Opera House.
The Alice Springs Symphony
Orchestra is playing tonight.
Yeah, right.
Still got blackfellas drinking
in the middle of the day.
No, he's a sommelier,
a part of the striving
culinary scene here in Alice.
We've got some of the world's best chefs,
best restaurants and best cafes here.
I don't normally drink this lefty stuff,
but the short blackfellas make an
excellent almond cappuccino.
Thanks, Prime Minister.
Yeah, well, look at his butt.
He looks like he's on another planet.
Well, he has to.
He's adjusting to Earth's gravity after six years
in space with the Alice Springs Space Program.
Pretty cool what you can achieve
with sensible policies, hey?
Whoa, so you're saying that
out here,
everyone's equal.
The colour of your skin doesn't matter.
And even an Aboriginal guy like me could
one day walk on the moon.
That's exactly what I'm saying.
Yeah, except for the fact that
I don't have any
legs!
Prime Minister, we've got a situation.
It's the bubble.
Of course it's the bubble.
Oh yeah, that'd be right.
Just leave me here.
Report.
Hundreds of them migrating out of Melbourne.
I don't blame them.
Wait.
They're not just leaving.
They're infecting the country.
You're right.
They've infected the universities.
Reality is something we no longer observe.
It's something Pete has endured.
The National Airlines.
Ladies and gentlemen,
we'd like to acknowledge that all flights
take place in the context of Pete's suffering.
The Victorian Parliament is
apologising to Pete again.
We're sorry.
Pete's alive.
He found the victimhood
and now he's
taking over the world.
He is a coloniser.
The bubble's expanding.
The more support he builds,
the bigger it's getting.
If we don't stop him...
All of Australia
becomes one
big bubble.
What's going on?
It's the ABC.
My fellow Australians,
we're a country that talks about a fair go,
but we don't always face the hurt we're built on.
Tonight, I'm asking you to look properly.
This is Pete, the one true victim.
And for all his pain, he deserves our pity.
propaganda.
Turn it off!
I can't!
Don't look at the screen!
We need to stop him before it's too late.
I don't know, Prime Minister.
Don't you think he's suffered enough?
Murray, you know the bubble.
I need you to help me stop him.
Help me save Australia.
What's Australia ever done for me?
Australia's given me nothing but grief since
I was born.
And now on top of everything,
I don't have any legs.
And Pete gets to be the one true victim.
Give me a break.
Now if you'll excuse me,
I've got a pity party to get to.
Power's off.
Yeah, that'd be right.
Oh, of course.
Damn it!
Where else are we going to find someone
that knows the lay of the bubble?
There is another.
Private Lance reporting for duty, ma'am.
Don't call me ma'am.
I'm the Prime Minister.
Now pass me your bag.
No can do, Pauline.
I'm a man now.
I want my own bag.
Fine.
I don't care.
Permission to say goodbye
to my very pregnant wife?
Pregnant wife?
Progressives...
I'm going to go fight these commies down in Narm.
I know.
And I'm coming with you.
No, Stacey, you can't.
You're pregnant.
It's too dangerous.
I'm not afraid of danger.
See, Stacey, you need to
accept biological reality.
What am I supposed to do, huh?
Stay here, clean the house,
make sure there's a roast chook
on the table when you get back?
Yes, thank you.
That sounds amazing.
No, I want to go on the mission.
I can fly the chopper.
Come on, you don't know how to fly a helicopter.
I'll figure it out.
I can do anything.
I'm the female lead.
Come on, Stacey.
Start living in the real world.
I know you think I'm useless.
I heard what you said to Bill under the truck.
What are you talking about?
We were just a couple of men
talking about motor mechanics.
Stop gaslighting me.
Lance, it's time to go.
Coming, Pauline.
Coming, Pauline.
Oh, I see.
You've got the hots for her, don't you?
Oh, for the last time,
no, I'm not cheating on you with Pauline Hanson.
You're being hysterical.
You're so mean.
Stacey, listen, you're a woman.
You don't need to be flying
choppers and fighting wars like me.
We have different roles.
There's no shame in staying here.
I couldn't do it.
I don't know how to cook or clean.
I've never even used a vacuum.
You know, in many ways,
the real battle's fought here,
in the laundry,
in the kitchen.
That
That's where you belong.
Lance!
Trucker!
Now!
Wait for me, Pauline!
We've got to take down those shields.
Fire!
That did nothing!
Okay, that almost did something.
Looks like we're going to need something
really big to penetrate that.
Send in the nuke.
At your service, Prime Minister.
Who let the blind guy fly the nuke?
Alright girls, aim directly for the bubble.
Bubble?
What bubble?
Oh no, look!
Don't worry Pauline, I'll protect you.
Get off me!
Well, well, well.
Busted.
I knew you two were up to no good.
Nathan, it's not what it looks like.
We're done.
Forget the baby,
forget the house,
forget the minivan.
No, not the minivan, please.
Wait, who's flying the chopper?
Are you okay?
I can't feel the baby.
Oh, no.
I know exactly who to blame for this.
The patriarchy.
Look at me,
filled with all this violent testosterone.
I've become so dominating and oppressive.
Will you shut up?
We're in danger.
Yeah, you're not wrong, Pauline.
Be careful.
You're just a sex object to me now.
Who knows what I'll do?
No, you idiot.
You're not the danger.
Ah, yes.
Well done, you two.
You brought us Pauline Hanson.
Oh, wait until the all-powerful
Pete hears about this.
All hail the almighty Pete!
I'm so tired from shooting all
those people out of the sky.
Pete, you look awful.
No, he doesn't.
He looks great.
Pete always looks great.
He's the best.
Oh, that's so mean.
He's thick.
It's sucking the life out of him.
Oh, shut up, Pauline.
Stop telling it like it is.
Take her away.
Daddy, no.
Pauline's right.
Look at him.
He's weak.
What?
No, he's not.
He's strong.
How dare you speak to Pete like that?
After all he's been through.
After all you've put him through.
We all know the truth.
You enslaved Pete.
You whipped Pete.
You tried to cut Pete's balls off.
We've all harmed Pete.
All we can do is atone for eternity
and pity him
forever.
I'll just start the game again.
How can we bring a child into
this world
that's been so cruel to
people?
You're right.
Let's get an abortion.
Shit!
Us Peterborough elites love a child sacrifice!
Sir, what should we do with Pauline Hanson?
Something us lefties have wanted to do for a
very long time.
Prepare the gallows!
Tonight, we're going to execute Pauline Hanson.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
I'm sorry, Murray.
It looks like no one came to your pity party.
Do you want to stay for a while?
No, thanks.
Oh, get out of here, then!
You're pathetic.
Don't come back!
Yeah, right.
This is it, huh?
This is how I die.
What?
Is that... Yep, the big RSL in the sky.
Told ya.
Bill, you're dead?
Yeah, apparently I got hit
by a bubble or something.
Came out of bloody nowhere.
Wait, I'm dead?
I still don't have any legs.
Why don't I get a cool little ghost tale like you?
I don't know.
Hey, why don't we go ask one of your ancestors?
They're all in there.
My ancestors?
My brothers.
Murray!
Oh, look, everyone.
Murray's here.
Hello, Murray.
Jolly good to see you all, chap.
Oh, well, Murray.
Who do you want to talk to first?
There.
Take me to that one.
Have a look at that.
Coming up after the break,
we're going to be heading
down to the PCG where we'll be
executing Pauline Hanson
live on the
ABC.
Yep, that's your fault.
My fault?
I didn't do anything.
Exactly.
You did nothing.
And now have a look at your mate.
The victimhood's killing him.
And Aunty Pauline's the only
one that can free him of it.
Once they kill her, it's game over.
Yeah, yeah, righto.
Let me guess.
This is the part where I'm meant to
have this big character change moment
and suddenly become a hero.
Well, I'm not.
I'm just a legless aboriginal.
Damien, stop!
You think our mob
survived 65,000 years acting like victims?
I thought it was billions of years.
Cut it out!
We're not victims, we're survivors.
We endured the harshest country on earth.
Yeah, well I've got some very
traumatic news for you, mate.
It's not our country anymore.
Course it is!
Our people worked these lands.
The stations, the railways, the stock rooms.
We fought wars for a country we
didn't even have equal rights in.
We didn't complain, we contributed.
Because we were resilient.
Not resentful?
Yeah, well, it's not fair.
History's not fair.
There's no point dwelling on it.
Throwing a bloody pity party for yourself.
Pathetic.
You know, you might have gotten away with that
sort of stuff in your little bubble thing,
but not out here.
It doesn't pass the pub test.
What am I supposed to do about it then?
You know, there's an ancient Aboriginal saying.
When shit happens, just keep trucking.
Yeah, that's a good saying.
Someone should make that a sticker.
Alrighty, let's kill Pauline Hanson
right after this commercial break.
You going to stay knocked out, Murray?
Or are you going to make
your ancestors proud for once
and get back up and save the day?
Yeah, yeah, I've learned my lesson.
I'm not going to be a victim anymore.
I'm going to be a hero.
Oh, wait, that's right.
I'm dead.
Come on, mate, you might be a Legolasnap original.
I ain't dead yet.
Well, I think I've dragged
this execution out long enough.
For crimes against Pete Pauline Hanson,
you are sentenced to ten.
Look at her, couldn't even show her face.
Ha ha!
And with you out of the picture,
there's nothing that can
stop Pete from becoming the
one true victim
forever!
Huh?
Hurry!
Get back!
Just in time to watch me kill Paul Lane Hanson!
Elbow, wake up!
Snap out of it!
What?
Murray, what's going on?
We were wrong.
Pauline Hanson's not the most
evil person in the world.
What?
Really?
No way.
Yes way.
It's the victimhood that's bad.
And she's the only one that can rescue Pete.
We need to untie her.
Oh, okay, jeez.
Oh, I'm so stupid.
What a dumb fool I am.
It's nearly over, Pete.
I've just got to crawl over here
and rescue Pauline and then...
I'm afraid I can't let you do that,
Murray.
Oh, my...
I snapped you out of it.
Oh, he's just pretending.
I'm a liar, Murray.
It's a trick I learned long ago.
I can't have that
pecky Pauline Hanson taking
away Pete's victimhood.
I need him to be my perpetual victim.
But he's going to suffer forever.
Exactly, don't you see?
His suffering is my redorse.
The more dependent he is,
the more powerful I become.
It's the victimhood industrial complex.
You're evil.
No, it's your evil.
You've been hanging around those tookers too long.
Why would you want to take
away someone's victimhood?
That's evil.
Now look into the little rainbow thing, Murray.
That's right, Murray.
Pity him.
Feel the pity take hold of you.
Please, I feel so sorry.
Piss off!
Those cook has taught me a thing or two!
You're a fool!
Why are you protecting Pauline Hanson?
She hates you!
She hates all unprogressives!
No, she doesn't!
She just hates the victimhood
and the identity politics that fetishizes it!
I've seen the real world,
and out there,
people aren't dwelling on the trauma of the past.
They're optimistic about what the future holds.
And hey, isn't that what being
a progressive is all about?
That's a beautiful speech, Murray!
Let me give you a hand!
Could have all worked out for you,
Murray, but I know.
You just had to get stuffed in by Pauline Hanson
and her stupid ideology,
didn't you?
Well, hold on to your tinfoil hat,
you right-wing nutjob,
and watch what I'm about to
do to your political hero.
Wait.
I failed you.
I killed Pauline Hanson!
I killed Pauline Hanson!
Ha ha!
Behold!
The head of the nastiest bitch
in all of Australian politics!
Hey!
She's alive!
She's alive!
Oh no!
No, no, no, no, no!
It's over, Pauline!
He's weaponising the victimhood.
What are you going to do about it,
you legless Aboriginal?
It's time for you to finally shut up, boy.
Eat the rainbow,
you stupid... I might be a legless Aboriginal,
but I've still got me boomerang arm.
Oh, no.
Now I'm brain dead.
I've been saying that for years.
Pete.
All right, let's free him of the victimhood.
I'm sorry, sir.
You don't know what came over me.
I know exactly what came over me,
and I'm glad he did.
I don't want to see you
holding a vacuum ever again.
Deal.
Now, what do you say we go get that minivan, eh?
Murray, you okay?
Yeah, mate, it's just a scratch.
I've got a sock.
Oh, Murray, I'm so sorry.
I accept your apology.
Now, come here.
I... I... I accept your apology too, Murray.
Don't rush me.
I wasn't apologising.
I lost me arms and legs trying to save you.
I literally went out on a limb for you.
Oh, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.
And I'd do it again.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Nice reconciliation, shoes fans.
Now I'm the biggest victim.
I grew up in public housing.
I inherited a bad economy.
I have a wife.
Did I hit something?
Ha, ha.
That a girl, Stacey.
What?
What did I hit?
Oh, I'm such a bad driver.
Now that's satisfying female representation.
Shut up and give me some of
that patriarchal overage.
Get a room, you two.
No, this is a love grant.
Oh, I've got to get out of Melbourne.
And that's the very true story of how
Australia became the greatest place on earth.
Again.
I love Australia.
We all do, kids.
We all do.
Who's ready to go to the
pool for swimming lessons?
Yay!
Thanks, Daddy!
Right after we stopped the evil
elbow from destroying the country,
we all decided to stop living in a bubble.
We kept the victimhood in a museum
where people could learn
about it as a part of history,
but it can't infect anyone ever again.
And without the victimhood floating around,
we got to clean this place up.
We stopped forcing everyone to
love society's most oppressed
and started celebrating Australian heroes again.
Have a look at old Bill.
What a hero.
I missed him.
But I just know he's looking
down on us from that big
RSL in the sky.
Ah!
Who said that?
We got rid of the generation of trauma centres
and we turned them into maternity wards.
Melbourne's so safe,
so affordable and so livable,
it's the perfect place to raise a family.
Isn't that right, Stacey and Lance?
We're actively trying for number three.
Yeah, anything's possible here in Melbourne.
You can go from the bottom
rung of society and make it
all the way to the top.
That's right, little old Pete's
the Mayor of Melbourne now.
On day one, he freed the slaves.
Keeping the prisons
for only
society's kids and
young men.
Those that have done horrific
damage to our country,
along with murderers and rapists and such.
Yep, Melbourne's thriving.
Actually, all of Australia's thriving.
Thanks to Prime Minister Pauline Harrison,
Australia's become the world's
most dominant superpower.
Pretty cool what you can achieve
with sensible policies, eh?
Look, Australia's not perfect.
We still have problems to solve.
We're solving together.
Because we're one people.
One nation.
We're Australians.
And yeah, we might disagree at times.
But there's one thing we can all agree on.
Australia's the greatest place on earth.
Always was.
Always will be.
You will respect my words.
I'm the original.
I was born this way.
It's in my DNA.
We don't got a body code,
let's be We don't got a body code,
let's be Yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah,
Thank you.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.