Abe & Phil's Last Poker Game (2017) Movie Script
Hello, there.
Welcome.
Mr. Grollman, let me
introduce the Mandelbaums.
Good morning.
Please come in.
- Take a seat, please.
- Sit over there.
Richard Grollman.
- Pleasure.
- Thank you.
Mr. and Mrs. Mandelbaum.
Please, I... I'm a
"doctor," not a "mister."
Doctor. Of course.
Well, it is an important day
for both you and for us.
We want to make your settling in
to Cliffside Manor
as comfortable as possible.
Well, I think of it more
as an unfortunate day
than an important one.
What kind of a doctor
were you?
I specialized in cardiac
and GI disease,
and before that
I was an internist.
Internal medicine has changed
over the years.
Tell me about it.
Do you have any questions,
Mrs. Mandelbaum?
Uh, no blanks
or statements.
So, all of your
clothes are labeled?
Yes, our
names are on everything.
Good. Uh, let's start
with valuables.
Uh, uh, we both
have gold rings.
Do you ever
take those off?
- No.
- Good.
Um, anything else?
Yes, my wife
has a fur coat.
That's not allowed,
Mr. Mandelbaum.
It's Dr. Mandelbaum.
I'm not a "mister,"
and I could not bring her
without the fur coat.
- It makes her happy.
- I understand, Mr. Mandelbaum...
Dr. Mandelbaum...
but we can't be responsible
for a fur coat.
I don't care, okay?
Okay, I'll make a note.
Abe?
- Abe? Abe?
- Oh, God.
- Oh, God.
- Abe, where am I?
Molly! Molly, everything's okay.
Everything's fine.
This is our new home.
All is well.
I love you.
I love you very much.
It's all right.
Here, Molly.
That's good.
This is a good chair.
Here.
- Hi.
- Phil Nicoletti.
Dr. Abe Mandelbaum.
- This is my wife, Molly.
- Hello, Molly. How are you?
So, what brings you here
to this home, Phil?
You got a half hour?
Cataracts, diabetes,
sleep apnea,
stenosis of the back,
four slipped discs, cancer.
Well, I'm sorry to hear that.
What am I going to say?
I'm passing through?
I'm on vacation?
- Well, you're looking good.
- Abe,
there are three ages in life,
I think: You're young,
you're middle aged,
and "you're looking good."
How about you, Abe?
What brings you here?
My wife.
She's...
I couldn't keep her home
anymore.
- And you?
- Oh, I'm okay.
I've had... I had,
um, you know,
heart trouble a little bit
and a minor stroke.
I'm okay.
Can I help you?
What's happening here?
I think she's dying.
Somebody come over here!
I think she's dying.
Damn it!
Come over here!
- - Oh, my God.
Take care of the doctor.
Jesus Christ.
Abe, honey.
Abe.
- Abe!
- Baby.
Come on.
Oh! Oh, there you are.
Molly...
Oh, I was scared.
- What happened?
- It's okay.
Debbie, you think maybe
you can get him some water?
Okay.
- Abe...
- Yeah?
That woman died.
They took her away.
- Abe, what happened to you?
- I guess I passed out.
I...
I hate it when people die.
Vacant look in their eye...
I mean, you just never
get used to it.
I saw it once.
I never want to
see it again.
- Who are you?
- Oh, I'm Angela.
Curly Bryant.
I'm 84.
I've been here two years.
I like it.
- Who you got here, Curly?
- I don't know.
- You're his granddaughter?
- Oh, uh, no.
I'm a new nurse here.
I was a boxer
at the Elliot Street Gym.
Golden Gloves champion.
- Oh, wow.
- He was a janitor.
Got hit in the head
too many times.
I'm Jennilee Dublan.
Curly's my boyfriend.
Can't be too picky. There
aren't many eligible men here.
Mr. Grollman?
Hello, Doctor.
What was it
you wanted to discuss?
Well, uh, my wife, Molly,
has a fur coat,
and I'd like you to see
to it that your staff
realizes that she has
the right to keep it.
You need to sign
a waiver.
We're not liable
for the coat.
Any other questions?
What prompted you to want to be
director of this place?
I... hate old people.
I've lost some hearing.
I think...
you either said,
"I hate old people"
or "I ate old people,"
but either way,
it doesn't make a lot of sense.
I said,
"I hate old people."
Well...
Is this some kind of a joke?
Why would
I tell you a joke?
Look what happened to you
the other day at lunch.
Your wife has permission
to keep her coat.
Uh, thank you.
Where did
you work before?
Um, at
a children's hospital.
Folks here on the fourth floor
might as well be babies.
Feed 'em, clean 'em, put 'em
in wheelchairs in the hall,
then back in bed
and lift up the side rails.
How long have
you worked here?
Four years, but I only work
on the fourth floor
a few months of the year.
And how big is the floor?
How many men?
Twenty-four people,
six men.
Time to clean Billy.
Want to try
or watch me first?
Um, I'll watch.
One thing
you got to know is,
you're going to want to
breathe through your mouth.
Billy! You may feel
some pressure, okay?
All right.
There we go.
Now, if you get
there before I do
Coming for
to carry me home
Tell all my friends
That I'll be coming too
Coming for to carry me home
Swing low, sweet chariot
Coming for to carry me home
These two old guys are in a
restaurant, and they're reading about
how the college kids run naked
through the classrooms.
And one guy says to the other,
he says, "That's a good idea.
We got nothing else to do.
Let's do it."
So they go balls-ass naked,
running through the rest home.
They pass two old women,
and one of them says,
"Did you see what just passed?"
And the other says, "Yes, and did
you see what they were wearing?"
She said, "Yes,
and it needed ironing."
Aw, come on,
it's a great joke.
It's a joke.
I'm not sure it's great.
Are you suggesting
that you and I
run through
this place naked?
It would take us too long
to get our clothes off.
They would probably
tie us to our beds.
Yeah.
Oh.
I... I remember a joke,
a dirty joke.
- You?
- Yeah.
- A dirty joke?
- Yeah.
Shame all over you.
Go for it.
Okay. This guy...
is an old guy, and there's
a knock on his door,
and he opens the door,
and there's a woman there
wearing a short mini skirt
and a low blouse,
and she's got piles of
makeup on, and she says,
"I'm here to give
you a present."
And he says,
"What's the present?"
And she says,
"Super sex."
And he says, "Super sex?"
And she...
Doc! Doc! Quick!
No! Oh, look at the mess
you've made here!
Oh, God.
I think we're going
to have to sedate her.
No! No meds!
- Get away from me!
- I know what she needs!
Molly! Molly!
Oh!
Let's put your coat on.
Oh!
Oh!
She's okay.
- Hello.
- Hi.
You're not supposed
to be smoking here.
Yeah, I'm not sure
if I really care.
What's the matter?
Nothing.
Well,
something's the matter.
I mean, you're pacing,
you're smoking, you're...
I mean,
something must be wrong.
I'm all right.
I'm Abe Mandelbaum.
I'm Angela.
Donadio, my last name.
It's a pleasure
meeting you.
Abe...
come over here.
- What?
- Abe, I wanna clink on you.
No, wait, wait, wait.
Let me just
put my arms around you.
It's late, it's late,
it's late.
It's time to sleep,
my darling.
Oh.
Oh, come on, Abe.
No. No, I...
It's time to sleep.
I can't do it anymore.
You know that.
- It doesn't work.
- Try, Abe.
Try for me, huh?
Okay, I...
I'll help you, Molly.
Oh, my darling.
I love you, Abe.
I love you.
Oh.
Oh, Abe, don't cry.
Don't cry.
No.
It's all right,
my darling.
I love you.
So, have a family?
No. Uh, I was never married,
so I got no kids.
Nobody to come and see me. There's
a lot of people in here like that.
The things that gave me
pleasure in my life
were baseball, poker,
and fucking.
But not in that order.
Why don't you finish telling me that joke
you were telling me? Sounds interesting.
- What?
- The one where the beautiful woman knocks on the door
and says, "I have
a birthday present for you."
Yeah. Okay.
Uh, she says, "I've got
a present for you,"
and he says,
"What's the present?"
And she says, "Super sex,"
and she pinches his cheek.
And he says,
"Super sex?"
And he thinks for a minute,
and then he says,
"I'll take the soup."
That's so funny, it hurts.
I wish it didn't apply to me.
Yeah.
It's been five years
since I've had an erection.
It all began
when Molly became sick.
Ah, you know,
she may be losing her mind,
but not her desire.
I'm the one who's failing.
So you can't get it up anymore.
That's been my problem for years.
Oh, yeah, I loved sex.
Nothing I like better
than a good fuck.
My record making a woman come
is nine times.
Nine times.
How many women
have you slept with?
A few hundred.
- No!
- Yeah.
You want names?
Don't tell me that you can
remember all their names.
- Every name.
- What?
I had a system.
Every time I'd screw a woman,
I'd put her name on the list,
and then I would recite
the list to myself
two or three times a week
before going to sleep.
It was like counting sheep.
My God.
The last one
was named Gloria.
She was a beautiful woman.
And I knew I was in trouble,
because...
I only got hard once, right,
and then I couldn't
get hard again.
And, uh, she was
a sweet soul.
She was trying to help me.
She used a feather.
She put syrup on my dick
and licked it off.
Am I being
too graphic for you?
- No, no, no.
- Yeah?
And then, uh,
nothing worked,
nothing could happen,
and I was so embarrassed,
I just...
- You know what I did?
- What?
I put my head in her lap...
and I cried like a baby.
Hey, nothing wrong
with crying, Phil.
You know, Abe,
if I had had a gun that day,
I would have shot myself.
It was so much
a part of me.
I went to the doctor, and they
discovered the diabetes.
I tried those pills
they have these days,
but they didn't do shit.
And there I was,
a 54-year-old Italian man...
with sweet blood
and a soft dick.
Row, row, row your boat
gently down the stream
Merrily, merrily,
merrily merrily
Life is but a dream
Row, row, row your boat
- Gently down the stream
- One more.
Merrily, merrily,
merrily merrily
Life is but a dream
Hey, there.
I haven't seen you
around lately.
It's good to see you
without a cigarette.
Oh.
Yeah, well, smoking is
the least of my problems.
What kind of problems?
Okay.
I'm adopted.
My adoptive father died
when I was in high school,
and six months ago,
my adoptive mother
passed away.
And... since then,
I've just felt like
an orphan all over again,
and I started having
these nightmares.
What kind of nightmare?
That I'm trapped
in this giant house,
and I can't get out.
I just keep going
from one room to another.
I'm 35. You know,
I'm not married.
I'm an only child.
I can't stay trapped
inside this house forever.
Yeah, what kind
of cancer was it?
Colon.
I took a crap one day.
There was blood, and right away
they were cutting me up.
- But it never metastasized.
- No.
According to them,
the results are negative,
but I developed cataracts
and now I don't see very well.
- Oh. Mind if I take a look?
- No, not at all.
Oh, yeah.
I can see your cataracts.
- Yeah.
- Anything else?
- Uh, no, no.
- Oh.
I'm glad you're here.
Hello, Sadie.
- Want to get together? We can get busy later.
- Stop it.
- She doesn't even know what the fuck I'm talking about.
- Stop it. Stop it.
Hi, Sister Elizabeth?
I really need your help.
I told you the last time
you were here, Angela.
I checked on the adoption records,
but I couldn't find anything.
Yeah, something happened
since the last time we spoke.
I received a note.
Do you know who sent this?
I have no idea.
Well, what are
you going to do?
Well I went to visit
Cliffside Manor,
and then...
I took a job there.
Do you think
that's crazy?
It's not crazy
if you really want to find him.
Who am I, Sister?
I... I'm afraid
I'm just a mistake.
Come sit.
You are who you are,
no matter how
you were conceived.
You are many things,
Angela,
but you are not a mistake.
I'm just worried
that this is a bad idea.
I know you don't think I should
be looking for my birth parents,
but I... I feel like
I have no choice.
How am I supposed to know
who I am
if I don't know
where I came from?
Follow your heart, Angela.
I can't stop thinking
about that note, you know?
I mean, who wrote it?
Was it my mother?
And...
I just keep looking at
all of these men's faces
and wondering if one
of them is my father.
I don't know
how else to ask you,
but, um,
did you ever...
Angela, I think
I've told you before.
Molly and I
could not have children.
We tried. And tried.
Now, that is
a nice picture.
You've got to be kidding.
Well, here.
Try again.
How's everyone doing here?
How's the drawing going?
- Oh, I'm-I'm Abe Mandelbaum.
- I'm Sheryl.
- Hello, Sheryl.
- Hello, Abe.
Maybe you want
to draw something.
Why not?
What?
What do you think?
Why are you
drawing this?
Well, I like drawing houses.
Are you making fun
of me?
No.
Look, young lady,
I happen to be a doctor,
and I happen to know that
my drawing is infantile.
And I thought you were here to
help people and not mock them.
I didn't mean to mock you.
I didn't mean to hurt you.
Well, okay, then.
Let's forget about
the pictures.
Who... Who are you?
I'm a volunteer.
I like being with old folks.
- Eh, it's no fun being old.
- I know. I hate it too.
Yeah, but you're...
you're not old.
- I'm 54.
- I'm 83.
My face is...
getting awful,
but none of the plastic surgeons
will operate.
What's to operate on?
Well, the pits on my face.
They're very painful.
You don't have pits
on your face.
I do.
It's just, you can't see them,
but I can feel them.
Oh.
I used to be a singer,
but my voice
isn't good anymore.
Are you married?
Divorced.
Children?
Yeah, I have one,
but I don't see him much.
Are you married?
You know, I'm curious
about that.
- What's in there?
- Photographs.
Oh.
When I was 16,
I went to Florida
to visit my uncle,
and one day a man with
a big camera around his neck
asked if he could
take my picture.
He said
I was so beautiful that
he could take pictures
of me forever.
- Wow.
- Hmm.
And then he took me
to California to make me a star.
I took modeling
and singing lessons,
but nothing ever came of it.
You know.
And now...
my face is changing.
I look so old.
No, you don't.
You don't look old.
You look beautiful.
You want to see
my photographs?
- Yes, I'd love to.
- Okay.
Wow.
- Long time ago.
- Mm-hmm.
Wow.
These are beautiful.
But I'll tell you
something...
You are still beautiful.
- Really?
- Really.
I like you.
I like you.
I like being with you.
What's the matter?
What is it?
Uh, nothing.
I'm fine.
I have to go now, Abe.
Let's talk
again soon, okay?
Yeah, I'd love to.
Oh, my God.
Molly? You won't believe
what happened to me.
I have a surprise
for you.
Oh, God!
Oh, God.
Oh, Phil!
You're not going to believe
what happened to me.
You got laid.
I'm sorry.
I got a one-track mind.
Well you're
in the right ball park.
- What ball park?
- Well, I mean, women. Getting laid.
- You got laid?
- No.
- You almost got laid?
- No.
- You were with a woman?
- Yes.
Well, what good is it?
You can't do anything.
- But I did.
- You did what?
I got hard.
You got hard?
- Yeah.
- So did you stick it in her?
The whole point to have it
is to stick it in her, Doctor.
- That's what it's for.
- But I didn't have the chance.
So what did you do?
Play with yourself?
- Yes, on my bed.
- Oh, Jesus fucking Christ.
Hey, hey, hey. Don't take this
away from me. It's all I've got.
Look, if you get a hard-on, you're
supposed to stick it in a woman.
- That's what a hard-on is for.
- I just think you're jealous.
Jealous?
You know, go fuck yourself.
- Fuck you! Hey!
- No, fuck you!
You're just an old man who
wants to be called "Doctor."
I'm old, yes,
but I am a doctor
and I know you're
going to be dead soon, you...
Oh, Jesus.
What do you mean?
I'm sorry.
I saw it in your eyes.
They're jaundiced.
That means your cancer
has moved to your liver.
I'm so sorry.
Just... don't make fun of me.
Don't make fun of me.
Goddamn it!
Gotcha.
I'm going to report you
to the administration.
The administration
takes due note.
What are you drinking?
- You really wanna know?
- I do.
Deal the cards,
and I'll tell you.
So, there's a doctor
in Switzerland,
injects cells from fetal lambs
to stop aging.
He's treated
famous people...
Winston Churchill,
Charlie Chaplin.
News flash.
They're both dead.
But they lived
to a ripe, old age.
Is that that fetal shit
you're drinking?
Mmm. No.
Similar idea, though.
Human cancer cells.
I am so the fuck
out of here.
Cancer cells live forever,
and by integrating them
with normal cells,
they can halt
the aging process.
You know that you're going
to get cancer, right?
No, they can't cause cancer.
They're in an incomplete form.
I've been taking them
for six months.
Never felt better.
Well, that is interesting.
- Abe Mandelbaum... you know, the doctor.
- Yeah.
He looked at me
and told me that
my cancer had spread.
So, let me ask you...
what if I took
some of that stuff?
It could serve
a dual purpose for you.
It could stop the aging process,
but second,
it can act as a vaccine,
help your body kill
its own cancer cells.
So you're telling me that you
have a treatment for old age
that cures cancer
on the side?
Crazier things
have happened.
Well, I'm a gambling man.
Pfft!
Set me up.
Movement...
is what creates life.
Ready?
Ten, nine,
eight...
Clap. Seven, six,
five, four,
three, two, and one.
All right, everybody's
looking good. Very good.
How does that feel?
Good?
I'm sorry, Phil.
Um, can I talk to you
for a minute?
Of course.
- Ladies, will you excuse me?
- I'm sorry, ladies.
- Yeah?
- The reason I got a job here
is because I got a note
that my father
is at Cliffside.
Uh, I'm adopted,
and I'm searching
for my birth father.
And I wanted to ask you...
No.
I was never married.
I never had any children.
I mean, it's certainly
possible,
but it's unlikely,
honey.
I wish you were
my daughter.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
And thanks for your time.
Oh, anytime, every day.
Jeez.
How are you doing, Phil?
Hi, Abe.
I guess I'm all right.
Mind if I come in?
No.
I'm really sorry. I...
I lost my temper,
and I should never have told you
the way I did
that you had cancer.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry too.
I had no business
making fun of you.
Hey, I deserved it.
But I'm gonna
make up for it.
- What are you gonna do?
- Something for both of us.
- What?
- I'm gonna shtup Sheryl.
I'm gonna actually
have sex with her.
Who is Sheryl?
Sheryl is the woman I met in the
activities room that got me hard.
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah!
Dr. Mandelbaum!
Man of science,
esteemed man of letters,
is gonna fuck Sheryl!
You're gonna get her alone?
- Alone.
- And then you're gonna be harder than you've ever been?
- Harder than I've ever been!
- Aching, can't wait to get in?
Aching and throbbing
and can't wait to get in!
- Get on top of her.
- And I'll get on top of her!
- You'll stick it in.
- And I'll stick it in!
- She loves it!
- And she loves it!
- And you do it...
- For both of us!
Hi, Dr. Abe.
Here I am.
Are you happy to see me?
You don't know how much.
It was funny...
I feel like
I'm 15 years old.
That's jailbait for me.
Abe, I can feel you.
You're big.
I haven't felt this good
in a long time.
In fact, I'd love to do
something with it.
Really?
Really.
With whom?
With you.
Come on.
In your condition?
Yes, in my condit...
I'm feeling great.
I'm feeling great.
- You're not serious, are you?
- I'm very serious.
Hi, Abe.
What's up?
Well, Sheryl has agreed
to sleep with me.
Really?
- Yeah, but I'm...
- That's fantastic.
Well, I'm having
second thoughts.
Abe, come on. You promised.
This is for both of us.
You gotta! Okay?
I don't have a place to do it
in, so I'm gonna call it off.
Welcome to Phil's
palace of wonders.
Here?
- Okay.
- Okay.
- I'll let you know when.
- Let me know. I'll be out of here.
Coraggio.
- What?
- Courage.
Oh, yeah. Okay.
Go, Abe!
Jeez, you are something.
I arranged
a special room for us.
It's called
the Phil Nicoletti Room.
And we can even...
even watch television,
if we want to,
from the bed.
When was the last time
you had sex?
- A long time ago.
- Mm.
How about you?
It was a year ago.
Do you think
it's a little strange?
I mean, you being here
with me now? I mean...
No, I don't think
it's strange,
'cause I like you, Abe.
You're kind,
and you understand me, and,
I don't know,
I feel safe with you.
- Here, you got that?
- I've got it.
I'll take off...
Ah, that feels good.
Okay. Yeah.
What?
I can't come on top.
You go on top, okay?
Oh.
All right.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Faster, Abe.
It's got to be faster.
No, harder.
Abe, Abe.
Faster. Abe.
Come on.
Come on.
Come... Oh, come on.
Abe?
Abe?
Seriously?
Okay, we're going to have
a little "shake it up" time.
Can anybody help me
pass these out?
That would be good.
We're going to do
a little rhythm section,
and, uh, get some...
I call these
the "hoochie coochies."
- Hoochie coochies?
- Yeah, and you can...
Oh, she's already
volunteering right there.
Okay, good. There's
another one and another one.
How was it?
Oh, uh,
it was wonderful.
Absolutely wonderful.
Really?
Would I lie to you?
Ha!
You are hot shit, Abe!
Ah, I want to hear
all the details!
How was her orgasm?
- What do you mean?
- Her orgasm.
You know, a woman has an orgasm.
How was it?
Did she say anything
to you during it, like,
"This is so great. I love
your dick," or whatever?
I'm not sure.
Well, I mean like,
"This is great.
You're a great fuck."
Something? Nothing?
I'm not sure.
Okay. Let's establish
something here
before I drop dead
this minute, okay?
You were rock hard,
you were inside her.
- Yeah.
- But that's all you remember?
- Isn't that enough?
- Well...
- Hey, Curly.
- I'm lost.
Have you seen Jennilee?
He's always lost.
They shouldn't let him
walk around alone.
There you are.
Let's go to my room.
What are they gonna do?
Get busy?
Jesus Christ,
am I the only man in this joint
that isn't getting laid?
Yeah, if you could just
make sure she gets that.
Yeah, I'll take it.
Hello.
Can I help you?
Yes, I'm here to see
my great uncle.
- What's his name?
- Uh...
Phil... Phil Nicoletti,
room 104.
Come in.
Hello, Phil?
Your uh, niece is here.
Hi there.
Come on in.
How's Mom?
Come on in.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- How are you?
- Yeah, good.
I'm just going to
put this here.
Sure.
Yeah.
Uh, okay.
Oh, God.
Okay, sorry.
You don't seem
too comfortable.
Sorry. I've just never been
in somewhere like this before.
- Okay.
- Okay, sorry, my...
The zipper too.
Oh, my God.
It's just...
Well, you know, um, uh...
Oh, yeah, okay.
Go a little faster.
Okay, stop.
Stop trying. Stop.
- Sorry. I, uh...
- It's not your fault.
Not your fault.
Sit down.
Come on, sit down.
I guess the goddamn
cancer cells didn't work.
Not worth shit.
Abe...
Abe, my-my coat.
Fix it.
Oh, my coat!
My coat!
My coat...
My coat!
- I want my coat!
- Shh!
No!
It's mine...
Much better. Good.
Good girl.
You're okay.
You're fine.
You're fine.
Hi, Abe.
Hi.
Hey, what's the matter?
It's Molly. I...
What happened to her?
They stole her fur coat.
She had a fur coat here?
Yeah. I couldn't bring her
without it.
They had to medicate her.
I...
Do you want
to talk about it?
You know, one day
in the activities room...
- Mm-hmm.
- ...I met this woman.
- Sheryl is her name.
- Mm-hmm.
And uh, uh,
that's when it happened.
What?
What happened?
- I got an erection.
- What? Oh, my God!
Don't laugh.
I haven't had an erection
since Molly got sick.
I mean, I felt young, and
I felt excited. I was...
Well, that's good.
Why does that
have to be a secret?
That wasn't a secret.
Oh, what's the secret?
The secret was...
I slept with Sheryl.
What?
We had sex.
But the sad thing is,
I-I failed.
You um, you couldn't
keep your...
No, I was hard as a rock.
I was like a teenager
looking at pictures
in a magazine.
But I c...
I couldn't finish.
I...
I collapsed.
And when I came to,
she was gone.
Well,
at least you didn't have
a heart attack.
Small consolation.
If I were to die right now,
I think it would...
it would be a relief.
When I was little, um,
I used to believe
that when you died,
you just dreamt about all the great
things that happened in your life.
So... then when you
died in your dream,
you just woke up
into another dream,
and you just kept
living your life
over and over
and over again.
That sounds pretty nice.
What do you think happens
when you die?
Nothing.
Does that scare you?
Let's not talk
about death, okay?
Okay.
How would you like
to be adopted?
I don't think I would.
I mean, like you, I'd probably
do a little searching...
I'm not talking
about me.
I'm talking about you.
I'm gonna adopt you.
What?
Well, how does one
go about getting
adoption papers
for an old person like me?
- I don't know.
- I'll tell you what.
What?
Forget the adoption papers.
You take Phil and me
out of this establishment
for one day
to have some fun!
All right.
You guys are sprung.
Up. Everybody up.
Get up, get up.
Oh, say, can you see
By the dawn's early light
What so proudly we hailed
Go Sox!
You bums!
It's television.
They can't hear you.
Yeah, but they're still bums.
Go on, tell 'em.
- What?
- Go ahead, tell 'em!
Bums! You're bums!
You're bums!
- Angela, your turn.
- Go Sox! You're bums!
I'm glad to be out,
aren't you?
God, that fucking place
drives me crazy.
Oh! Yes!
Yes! Yes!
High five!
High five!
That is the magnificence
of baseball.
- Seventh-inning stretch.
- Okay.
Take me out to the ball game
Take me out to the crowd
Buy me some peanuts
and Cracker Jacks
I don't care
if I never get back
And it's root, root, root
for the home team
If they don't win,
it's a shame
For it's one, two,
three strikes, you're out
At the old ball game
Da, da, da
- We should get back to Cliffside.
- Yeah, I think so.
Phil?
Hmm?
What?
We gotta get back
to Cliffside.
Oh, no.
I don't want
to go there. No.
Well, you know, I'd rather
not go back right now too.
Where do you want to go?
Anywhere else.
- How's Phil?
- Oh, he fell right to sleep.
I like your place.
Oh, thanks.
I'm working on it.
Are these your parents?
Oh, yeah, the picture
near the chair?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, that's them.
That's the last picture
of the two of them together.
Ah, thank you.
I was just thinking
about a...
a nurse I used to know.
You remind me
of her, actually.
I actually haven't
thought about her in years.
Well, what was her name?
Patricia.
I don't think I've even
said her name out loud
in God knows how long.
What... what makes you
think about her now?
I don't know.
Maybe...
thinking about the hospital...
I don't know...
Don't know.
She made a big mistake
in a medication dose
on one of my patients.
That was
a long time ago.
I haven't talked about her
to anybody
for a very long time.
When did this happen?
Years ago.
One day she vanished.
I never knew
where she went.
She never looked me up.
And, uh...
Well, it's probably
for the best.
Molly, there's something
I need to tell you.
Remember that woman
that I told you about
who was searching
for her father?
W-woman? Father?
Years ago, I had
a brief affair with a nurse
- who vanished and...
- Affair?
Yes, Molly, but it was
a long time ago.
Affair, Abe?
Yes.
Well,
it's possible
that she had a child.
Child?
Yes, my child.
Never found it.
Never found it, Abe.
Close under the grass.
This is called "five-card draw."
Each participant
gets five cards.
The person
with a strong hand
can make the first bet.
I think I can open.
Uh, five chips.
- Okay, um...
- You have to put in five.
- Good.
- Five.
Five. Okay.
What do you got?
Uh, I got a straight.
Oh!
Three tens.
A pair of aces.
Whoa, wait. Hey, Phil,
I'm not sure if that's...
You know, I should've
had second thoughts
about playing poker
with you.
Yeah, you've
fallen into the same pit
that many have fallen in.
Nobody can beat me.
Two of a kind.
There you see it. Full house.
Aces over jacks.
I win again.
Royal flush.
Hey, he's got
all the chips.
I beat everybody. I always
beat everybody. Nobody beats me.
Look, I'm getting tired.
I would like
to go to my room.
Would you help me, Angela?
I want to talk to you.
- Yeah.
- I'll see you later, Abe-y.
Okay.
- Thanks, honey.
- Yeah.
Uh, I got something
to tell ya.
What is it?
I'm your father.
Uh, say that again?
I am your father.
I'm confused.
You came looking
for your father.
Came looking here.
You found him.
I hope you're not mad at me.
Why didn't you tell me
the first time that I asked you?
I don't know.
I just,
I'm no good at handling
anything like this,
and I always run away
from everything.
Jerk.
I had an affair
with your mother,
and she was married to
a serviceman who was overseas.
She had the baby
and gave it up
for adoption
before he came back,
and I never saw her again.
What was her name?
Maria Picardi.
How do you know for sure
that I am your daughter?
It all fits.
The age.
You came here to find me.
You're obviously Italian.
Do you know
who wrote the note?
I don't know that.
Do you know who handled
the adoption?
Then that way
I could find my mother.
I don't.
Oh, my God.
Angela?
- Yeah?
- I'm dying.
There's very little
time left.
I want you
to take this.
It's yours.
I have no one else
to give it to.
Where did you get
all of this money?
I made a lot of money
in my life,
and a lot of my money
came in cash.
I couldn't even put it
into the bank.
I can't.
I can't take your money.
Oh, you can't tell me that.
Don't do that.
Give me a chance to make it up.
I gave you nothing.
Just give me a chance
maybe in some little way,
to make it up to you
that I wasn't around.
Just a little bit.
Okay, take a big
deep breath and hold it.
Let it go.
Deep breath again.
Okay, that's good.
Okay.
Now I'll just
check your eyes.
All right.
- What's the verdict, Doctor?
- Well, the good news is,
Grollman's treatment hasn't
caused any bad side effects.
I'm no doctor, but...
I feel
it can't be good.
Well, you're
going to be all right.
So I'm not gonna die, Abe?
I didn't say that.
But don't worry
about me, Abe.
I'm taking care of myself. I
found someone to look after me.
What do you mean?
Angela.
She's my daughter.
Wait a...
Yeah. We met.
I told her all of my secrets.
I gave her all of my money.
Is she really your daughter?
She's my daughter.
I gave her all my money.
I'm talking flesh-and-blood
daughter, daughter!
How the hell would I know that she's
my flesh-and-blood daughter, daughter?
You know how many women
I've screwed?
I figured somewhere along the
way, I must've had a child.
Did she ask you any questions
about her mother
or about the conditions
of the adoption?
Yes.
I made it all up
so she'd believe it,
just like
when you're bluffing
and you didn't pull
the inside straight.
Are you serious?
This isn't
a poker game, Phil.
I've got a confession
to make.
I had a... a wild hope
that she was my daughter.
How the hell could
she be your daughter?
Years ago,
I had an affair with a nurse.
She might have had a child
that she put up for adoption
without my knowledge,
that's how.
You can't take her
away from me, Abe.
It's all I've got.
Of course not.
I would never do that.
I've got no family,
I've got no children,
and I don't
want to die alone.
I'm here for you, Phil.
I am.
Thanks, Abe.
Oh, God.
You know, Abe? It feels like
we've known each other
longer than this little time
we've spent here.
You know, maybe when...
when you get old,
time slows down
the way...
the way it did when
we were kids, you know?
We're two old men, Abe.
There's no escaping that.
So many things
we can't do anymore,
so little
to look forward to,
yet we still try
to live our lives,
scared to death of dying,
trying to stay young
with some crazy ideas.
But you know what, Abe?
We're still the same
as they are,
no matter how young they are,
because we're friends.
Goddamn it,
we're better than they are.
- You know what I say to them, Abe?
- What do you say to them?
Fuck 'em, I say.
I say, fuck 'em!
- Fuck 'em.
- Fuck 'em all.
- Fuck 'em all!
- Yeah.
I'm really tired.
I have to rest
a little bit now.
Thank you, Doctor.
Don't call me "doctor."
- Mr. Grollman.
- Doctor.
I have a proposition
for you.
What's your proposition?
You have
a nurse working here
who is adopted,
and she's searching
for her biological parents.
Now she recently got
a note that said
her father is living here,
so I'd like to help her.
I'd like to take samples
from all the men here
for DNA testing.
There's no way
I can do that.
Besides, we'd need
permission for the samples.
Well, they're
just throat swabs. I mean...
The answer is no, Doctor.
If that's
why you came here,
you can leave now.
Let me ask you
a question.
Did you have
to get permission
to give cancer cells
to people?
Cancer cells
are immortal.
Drinking them
will vaccinate
with immortal factors
and prevent aging.
Someone has
to do something.
You can see what it's
like to get old.
Is that why you say
you hate old people?
I don't hate the people.
I hate watching them
get old.
The cells are safe.
They're in
an incomplete form,
made by a professor
at the medical center.
I was a scientist in his lab
before I came here.
My experiments failed.
I had to leave.
Well, I think that, uh,
if people found out
what you were doing,
you'd also have
to leave Cliffside.
Make it happen,
Mr. Grollman.
This won't hurt.
Just open your mouth wide.
I'm just going to get
the inside of your mouth.
Very good.
All right.
Very good. Thank you.
I have to...
figure out how I'm going to
give that money back to Phil.
No, you can't do that.
I promised him
I wasn't going to tell you.
No, I... I have
to give it back to him,
because...
I'm not sure that
I'm gonna be here anymore.
What are you saying?
It's time for me
to stop my search
and to leave.
No, no.
You can't do that.
You are on the verge of
finding out who your father is.
Wh-what are you
talking about?
I wanted to surprise you,
but because of me,
Grollman has allowed
DNA tests
on all the men
at this facility.
Is that why they did
a throat swab on me?
Yes.
You had no right
to do that.
Well, I thought
that's what you wanted.
It's not
your choice to make.
I thought I was
doing you a favor.
Oh, God.
I know that you thought
that you were helping.
Tell Dr. Mandelbaum
that the results are in.
Abe...
I think
it's all over.
Fuck 'em all.
Fuck 'em all!
Phil...
Oh, Angela,
my beautiful daughter.
I'm so glad
I was able to do
something for you.
I'm heading for that
big poker game.
I hope you take good cards.
Don't worry.
I can always cheat.
He was my friend.
He could have been
my father.
Here it is.
No more search.
No more nightmares.
Now you'll know
if Phil was your father
or if I was your father
or someone on the fourth floor
is your father.
I gotta tell you,
I'm nervous.
I'm not nervous, Abe.
- Wh-what happened to me?
- You had a heart attack.
- How's Molly?
- She's fine.
We told her where you are
and that you're getting
good care.
How are you?
Any regrets?
No.
How's he doing?
I think he's doing okay.
Grollman.
I must really be sick.
- Did he give you the envelope?
- I tore it up.
Look what you put me through,
Dr. Mandelbaum.
You're not
a bad guy, Grollman.
I'm really sorry
that your c-cancer
treatments didn't work.
You know,
I don't hate what happens
to old people.
I'm glad I got to be old.
I love life.
Thank you.
I'll, uh, leave you to it.
Thank you. Thank you.
Are you in pain?
No. No pain.
Just happy.
Very happy.
You're gonna make it, Abe.
No.
No.
No, Angela.
My life's over,
and nothing
can save it.
All the happiness,
all the pain,
all the years...
Everything is
at its final place.
Nothing can...
Nothing can change
the balance anymore.
I'm here with you.
I love you so much.
Angela, I love you.
I love you too, Abe.
Take care of Molly
for me, please,
and-and look for...
P-Patricia Rossi.
I'm on my way to meet Phil
for...
for a big poker game.
Hi, Molly.
Hi.
How are you feeling?
Oh, it... it's a day.
Actually um,
I have something
for you.
Oh!
Would you like to try it on?
Oh!
Does it fit?
- Oh...
- It looks beautiful.
Oh!
Do you like it?
Hi, Mom.
Welcome.
Mr. Grollman, let me
introduce the Mandelbaums.
Good morning.
Please come in.
- Take a seat, please.
- Sit over there.
Richard Grollman.
- Pleasure.
- Thank you.
Mr. and Mrs. Mandelbaum.
Please, I... I'm a
"doctor," not a "mister."
Doctor. Of course.
Well, it is an important day
for both you and for us.
We want to make your settling in
to Cliffside Manor
as comfortable as possible.
Well, I think of it more
as an unfortunate day
than an important one.
What kind of a doctor
were you?
I specialized in cardiac
and GI disease,
and before that
I was an internist.
Internal medicine has changed
over the years.
Tell me about it.
Do you have any questions,
Mrs. Mandelbaum?
Uh, no blanks
or statements.
So, all of your
clothes are labeled?
Yes, our
names are on everything.
Good. Uh, let's start
with valuables.
Uh, uh, we both
have gold rings.
Do you ever
take those off?
- No.
- Good.
Um, anything else?
Yes, my wife
has a fur coat.
That's not allowed,
Mr. Mandelbaum.
It's Dr. Mandelbaum.
I'm not a "mister,"
and I could not bring her
without the fur coat.
- It makes her happy.
- I understand, Mr. Mandelbaum...
Dr. Mandelbaum...
but we can't be responsible
for a fur coat.
I don't care, okay?
Okay, I'll make a note.
Abe?
- Abe? Abe?
- Oh, God.
- Oh, God.
- Abe, where am I?
Molly! Molly, everything's okay.
Everything's fine.
This is our new home.
All is well.
I love you.
I love you very much.
It's all right.
Here, Molly.
That's good.
This is a good chair.
Here.
- Hi.
- Phil Nicoletti.
Dr. Abe Mandelbaum.
- This is my wife, Molly.
- Hello, Molly. How are you?
So, what brings you here
to this home, Phil?
You got a half hour?
Cataracts, diabetes,
sleep apnea,
stenosis of the back,
four slipped discs, cancer.
Well, I'm sorry to hear that.
What am I going to say?
I'm passing through?
I'm on vacation?
- Well, you're looking good.
- Abe,
there are three ages in life,
I think: You're young,
you're middle aged,
and "you're looking good."
How about you, Abe?
What brings you here?
My wife.
She's...
I couldn't keep her home
anymore.
- And you?
- Oh, I'm okay.
I've had... I had,
um, you know,
heart trouble a little bit
and a minor stroke.
I'm okay.
Can I help you?
What's happening here?
I think she's dying.
Somebody come over here!
I think she's dying.
Damn it!
Come over here!
- - Oh, my God.
Take care of the doctor.
Jesus Christ.
Abe, honey.
Abe.
- Abe!
- Baby.
Come on.
Oh! Oh, there you are.
Molly...
Oh, I was scared.
- What happened?
- It's okay.
Debbie, you think maybe
you can get him some water?
Okay.
- Abe...
- Yeah?
That woman died.
They took her away.
- Abe, what happened to you?
- I guess I passed out.
I...
I hate it when people die.
Vacant look in their eye...
I mean, you just never
get used to it.
I saw it once.
I never want to
see it again.
- Who are you?
- Oh, I'm Angela.
Curly Bryant.
I'm 84.
I've been here two years.
I like it.
- Who you got here, Curly?
- I don't know.
- You're his granddaughter?
- Oh, uh, no.
I'm a new nurse here.
I was a boxer
at the Elliot Street Gym.
Golden Gloves champion.
- Oh, wow.
- He was a janitor.
Got hit in the head
too many times.
I'm Jennilee Dublan.
Curly's my boyfriend.
Can't be too picky. There
aren't many eligible men here.
Mr. Grollman?
Hello, Doctor.
What was it
you wanted to discuss?
Well, uh, my wife, Molly,
has a fur coat,
and I'd like you to see
to it that your staff
realizes that she has
the right to keep it.
You need to sign
a waiver.
We're not liable
for the coat.
Any other questions?
What prompted you to want to be
director of this place?
I... hate old people.
I've lost some hearing.
I think...
you either said,
"I hate old people"
or "I ate old people,"
but either way,
it doesn't make a lot of sense.
I said,
"I hate old people."
Well...
Is this some kind of a joke?
Why would
I tell you a joke?
Look what happened to you
the other day at lunch.
Your wife has permission
to keep her coat.
Uh, thank you.
Where did
you work before?
Um, at
a children's hospital.
Folks here on the fourth floor
might as well be babies.
Feed 'em, clean 'em, put 'em
in wheelchairs in the hall,
then back in bed
and lift up the side rails.
How long have
you worked here?
Four years, but I only work
on the fourth floor
a few months of the year.
And how big is the floor?
How many men?
Twenty-four people,
six men.
Time to clean Billy.
Want to try
or watch me first?
Um, I'll watch.
One thing
you got to know is,
you're going to want to
breathe through your mouth.
Billy! You may feel
some pressure, okay?
All right.
There we go.
Now, if you get
there before I do
Coming for
to carry me home
Tell all my friends
That I'll be coming too
Coming for to carry me home
Swing low, sweet chariot
Coming for to carry me home
These two old guys are in a
restaurant, and they're reading about
how the college kids run naked
through the classrooms.
And one guy says to the other,
he says, "That's a good idea.
We got nothing else to do.
Let's do it."
So they go balls-ass naked,
running through the rest home.
They pass two old women,
and one of them says,
"Did you see what just passed?"
And the other says, "Yes, and did
you see what they were wearing?"
She said, "Yes,
and it needed ironing."
Aw, come on,
it's a great joke.
It's a joke.
I'm not sure it's great.
Are you suggesting
that you and I
run through
this place naked?
It would take us too long
to get our clothes off.
They would probably
tie us to our beds.
Yeah.
Oh.
I... I remember a joke,
a dirty joke.
- You?
- Yeah.
- A dirty joke?
- Yeah.
Shame all over you.
Go for it.
Okay. This guy...
is an old guy, and there's
a knock on his door,
and he opens the door,
and there's a woman there
wearing a short mini skirt
and a low blouse,
and she's got piles of
makeup on, and she says,
"I'm here to give
you a present."
And he says,
"What's the present?"
And she says,
"Super sex."
And he says, "Super sex?"
And she...
Doc! Doc! Quick!
No! Oh, look at the mess
you've made here!
Oh, God.
I think we're going
to have to sedate her.
No! No meds!
- Get away from me!
- I know what she needs!
Molly! Molly!
Oh!
Let's put your coat on.
Oh!
Oh!
She's okay.
- Hello.
- Hi.
You're not supposed
to be smoking here.
Yeah, I'm not sure
if I really care.
What's the matter?
Nothing.
Well,
something's the matter.
I mean, you're pacing,
you're smoking, you're...
I mean,
something must be wrong.
I'm all right.
I'm Abe Mandelbaum.
I'm Angela.
Donadio, my last name.
It's a pleasure
meeting you.
Abe...
come over here.
- What?
- Abe, I wanna clink on you.
No, wait, wait, wait.
Let me just
put my arms around you.
It's late, it's late,
it's late.
It's time to sleep,
my darling.
Oh.
Oh, come on, Abe.
No. No, I...
It's time to sleep.
I can't do it anymore.
You know that.
- It doesn't work.
- Try, Abe.
Try for me, huh?
Okay, I...
I'll help you, Molly.
Oh, my darling.
I love you, Abe.
I love you.
Oh.
Oh, Abe, don't cry.
Don't cry.
No.
It's all right,
my darling.
I love you.
So, have a family?
No. Uh, I was never married,
so I got no kids.
Nobody to come and see me. There's
a lot of people in here like that.
The things that gave me
pleasure in my life
were baseball, poker,
and fucking.
But not in that order.
Why don't you finish telling me that joke
you were telling me? Sounds interesting.
- What?
- The one where the beautiful woman knocks on the door
and says, "I have
a birthday present for you."
Yeah. Okay.
Uh, she says, "I've got
a present for you,"
and he says,
"What's the present?"
And she says, "Super sex,"
and she pinches his cheek.
And he says,
"Super sex?"
And he thinks for a minute,
and then he says,
"I'll take the soup."
That's so funny, it hurts.
I wish it didn't apply to me.
Yeah.
It's been five years
since I've had an erection.
It all began
when Molly became sick.
Ah, you know,
she may be losing her mind,
but not her desire.
I'm the one who's failing.
So you can't get it up anymore.
That's been my problem for years.
Oh, yeah, I loved sex.
Nothing I like better
than a good fuck.
My record making a woman come
is nine times.
Nine times.
How many women
have you slept with?
A few hundred.
- No!
- Yeah.
You want names?
Don't tell me that you can
remember all their names.
- Every name.
- What?
I had a system.
Every time I'd screw a woman,
I'd put her name on the list,
and then I would recite
the list to myself
two or three times a week
before going to sleep.
It was like counting sheep.
My God.
The last one
was named Gloria.
She was a beautiful woman.
And I knew I was in trouble,
because...
I only got hard once, right,
and then I couldn't
get hard again.
And, uh, she was
a sweet soul.
She was trying to help me.
She used a feather.
She put syrup on my dick
and licked it off.
Am I being
too graphic for you?
- No, no, no.
- Yeah?
And then, uh,
nothing worked,
nothing could happen,
and I was so embarrassed,
I just...
- You know what I did?
- What?
I put my head in her lap...
and I cried like a baby.
Hey, nothing wrong
with crying, Phil.
You know, Abe,
if I had had a gun that day,
I would have shot myself.
It was so much
a part of me.
I went to the doctor, and they
discovered the diabetes.
I tried those pills
they have these days,
but they didn't do shit.
And there I was,
a 54-year-old Italian man...
with sweet blood
and a soft dick.
Row, row, row your boat
gently down the stream
Merrily, merrily,
merrily merrily
Life is but a dream
Row, row, row your boat
- Gently down the stream
- One more.
Merrily, merrily,
merrily merrily
Life is but a dream
Hey, there.
I haven't seen you
around lately.
It's good to see you
without a cigarette.
Oh.
Yeah, well, smoking is
the least of my problems.
What kind of problems?
Okay.
I'm adopted.
My adoptive father died
when I was in high school,
and six months ago,
my adoptive mother
passed away.
And... since then,
I've just felt like
an orphan all over again,
and I started having
these nightmares.
What kind of nightmare?
That I'm trapped
in this giant house,
and I can't get out.
I just keep going
from one room to another.
I'm 35. You know,
I'm not married.
I'm an only child.
I can't stay trapped
inside this house forever.
Yeah, what kind
of cancer was it?
Colon.
I took a crap one day.
There was blood, and right away
they were cutting me up.
- But it never metastasized.
- No.
According to them,
the results are negative,
but I developed cataracts
and now I don't see very well.
- Oh. Mind if I take a look?
- No, not at all.
Oh, yeah.
I can see your cataracts.
- Yeah.
- Anything else?
- Uh, no, no.
- Oh.
I'm glad you're here.
Hello, Sadie.
- Want to get together? We can get busy later.
- Stop it.
- She doesn't even know what the fuck I'm talking about.
- Stop it. Stop it.
Hi, Sister Elizabeth?
I really need your help.
I told you the last time
you were here, Angela.
I checked on the adoption records,
but I couldn't find anything.
Yeah, something happened
since the last time we spoke.
I received a note.
Do you know who sent this?
I have no idea.
Well, what are
you going to do?
Well I went to visit
Cliffside Manor,
and then...
I took a job there.
Do you think
that's crazy?
It's not crazy
if you really want to find him.
Who am I, Sister?
I... I'm afraid
I'm just a mistake.
Come sit.
You are who you are,
no matter how
you were conceived.
You are many things,
Angela,
but you are not a mistake.
I'm just worried
that this is a bad idea.
I know you don't think I should
be looking for my birth parents,
but I... I feel like
I have no choice.
How am I supposed to know
who I am
if I don't know
where I came from?
Follow your heart, Angela.
I can't stop thinking
about that note, you know?
I mean, who wrote it?
Was it my mother?
And...
I just keep looking at
all of these men's faces
and wondering if one
of them is my father.
I don't know
how else to ask you,
but, um,
did you ever...
Angela, I think
I've told you before.
Molly and I
could not have children.
We tried. And tried.
Now, that is
a nice picture.
You've got to be kidding.
Well, here.
Try again.
How's everyone doing here?
How's the drawing going?
- Oh, I'm-I'm Abe Mandelbaum.
- I'm Sheryl.
- Hello, Sheryl.
- Hello, Abe.
Maybe you want
to draw something.
Why not?
What?
What do you think?
Why are you
drawing this?
Well, I like drawing houses.
Are you making fun
of me?
No.
Look, young lady,
I happen to be a doctor,
and I happen to know that
my drawing is infantile.
And I thought you were here to
help people and not mock them.
I didn't mean to mock you.
I didn't mean to hurt you.
Well, okay, then.
Let's forget about
the pictures.
Who... Who are you?
I'm a volunteer.
I like being with old folks.
- Eh, it's no fun being old.
- I know. I hate it too.
Yeah, but you're...
you're not old.
- I'm 54.
- I'm 83.
My face is...
getting awful,
but none of the plastic surgeons
will operate.
What's to operate on?
Well, the pits on my face.
They're very painful.
You don't have pits
on your face.
I do.
It's just, you can't see them,
but I can feel them.
Oh.
I used to be a singer,
but my voice
isn't good anymore.
Are you married?
Divorced.
Children?
Yeah, I have one,
but I don't see him much.
Are you married?
You know, I'm curious
about that.
- What's in there?
- Photographs.
Oh.
When I was 16,
I went to Florida
to visit my uncle,
and one day a man with
a big camera around his neck
asked if he could
take my picture.
He said
I was so beautiful that
he could take pictures
of me forever.
- Wow.
- Hmm.
And then he took me
to California to make me a star.
I took modeling
and singing lessons,
but nothing ever came of it.
You know.
And now...
my face is changing.
I look so old.
No, you don't.
You don't look old.
You look beautiful.
You want to see
my photographs?
- Yes, I'd love to.
- Okay.
Wow.
- Long time ago.
- Mm-hmm.
Wow.
These are beautiful.
But I'll tell you
something...
You are still beautiful.
- Really?
- Really.
I like you.
I like you.
I like being with you.
What's the matter?
What is it?
Uh, nothing.
I'm fine.
I have to go now, Abe.
Let's talk
again soon, okay?
Yeah, I'd love to.
Oh, my God.
Molly? You won't believe
what happened to me.
I have a surprise
for you.
Oh, God!
Oh, God.
Oh, Phil!
You're not going to believe
what happened to me.
You got laid.
I'm sorry.
I got a one-track mind.
Well you're
in the right ball park.
- What ball park?
- Well, I mean, women. Getting laid.
- You got laid?
- No.
- You almost got laid?
- No.
- You were with a woman?
- Yes.
Well, what good is it?
You can't do anything.
- But I did.
- You did what?
I got hard.
You got hard?
- Yeah.
- So did you stick it in her?
The whole point to have it
is to stick it in her, Doctor.
- That's what it's for.
- But I didn't have the chance.
So what did you do?
Play with yourself?
- Yes, on my bed.
- Oh, Jesus fucking Christ.
Hey, hey, hey. Don't take this
away from me. It's all I've got.
Look, if you get a hard-on, you're
supposed to stick it in a woman.
- That's what a hard-on is for.
- I just think you're jealous.
Jealous?
You know, go fuck yourself.
- Fuck you! Hey!
- No, fuck you!
You're just an old man who
wants to be called "Doctor."
I'm old, yes,
but I am a doctor
and I know you're
going to be dead soon, you...
Oh, Jesus.
What do you mean?
I'm sorry.
I saw it in your eyes.
They're jaundiced.
That means your cancer
has moved to your liver.
I'm so sorry.
Just... don't make fun of me.
Don't make fun of me.
Goddamn it!
Gotcha.
I'm going to report you
to the administration.
The administration
takes due note.
What are you drinking?
- You really wanna know?
- I do.
Deal the cards,
and I'll tell you.
So, there's a doctor
in Switzerland,
injects cells from fetal lambs
to stop aging.
He's treated
famous people...
Winston Churchill,
Charlie Chaplin.
News flash.
They're both dead.
But they lived
to a ripe, old age.
Is that that fetal shit
you're drinking?
Mmm. No.
Similar idea, though.
Human cancer cells.
I am so the fuck
out of here.
Cancer cells live forever,
and by integrating them
with normal cells,
they can halt
the aging process.
You know that you're going
to get cancer, right?
No, they can't cause cancer.
They're in an incomplete form.
I've been taking them
for six months.
Never felt better.
Well, that is interesting.
- Abe Mandelbaum... you know, the doctor.
- Yeah.
He looked at me
and told me that
my cancer had spread.
So, let me ask you...
what if I took
some of that stuff?
It could serve
a dual purpose for you.
It could stop the aging process,
but second,
it can act as a vaccine,
help your body kill
its own cancer cells.
So you're telling me that you
have a treatment for old age
that cures cancer
on the side?
Crazier things
have happened.
Well, I'm a gambling man.
Pfft!
Set me up.
Movement...
is what creates life.
Ready?
Ten, nine,
eight...
Clap. Seven, six,
five, four,
three, two, and one.
All right, everybody's
looking good. Very good.
How does that feel?
Good?
I'm sorry, Phil.
Um, can I talk to you
for a minute?
Of course.
- Ladies, will you excuse me?
- I'm sorry, ladies.
- Yeah?
- The reason I got a job here
is because I got a note
that my father
is at Cliffside.
Uh, I'm adopted,
and I'm searching
for my birth father.
And I wanted to ask you...
No.
I was never married.
I never had any children.
I mean, it's certainly
possible,
but it's unlikely,
honey.
I wish you were
my daughter.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
And thanks for your time.
Oh, anytime, every day.
Jeez.
How are you doing, Phil?
Hi, Abe.
I guess I'm all right.
Mind if I come in?
No.
I'm really sorry. I...
I lost my temper,
and I should never have told you
the way I did
that you had cancer.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry too.
I had no business
making fun of you.
Hey, I deserved it.
But I'm gonna
make up for it.
- What are you gonna do?
- Something for both of us.
- What?
- I'm gonna shtup Sheryl.
I'm gonna actually
have sex with her.
Who is Sheryl?
Sheryl is the woman I met in the
activities room that got me hard.
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah!
Dr. Mandelbaum!
Man of science,
esteemed man of letters,
is gonna fuck Sheryl!
You're gonna get her alone?
- Alone.
- And then you're gonna be harder than you've ever been?
- Harder than I've ever been!
- Aching, can't wait to get in?
Aching and throbbing
and can't wait to get in!
- Get on top of her.
- And I'll get on top of her!
- You'll stick it in.
- And I'll stick it in!
- She loves it!
- And she loves it!
- And you do it...
- For both of us!
Hi, Dr. Abe.
Here I am.
Are you happy to see me?
You don't know how much.
It was funny...
I feel like
I'm 15 years old.
That's jailbait for me.
Abe, I can feel you.
You're big.
I haven't felt this good
in a long time.
In fact, I'd love to do
something with it.
Really?
Really.
With whom?
With you.
Come on.
In your condition?
Yes, in my condit...
I'm feeling great.
I'm feeling great.
- You're not serious, are you?
- I'm very serious.
Hi, Abe.
What's up?
Well, Sheryl has agreed
to sleep with me.
Really?
- Yeah, but I'm...
- That's fantastic.
Well, I'm having
second thoughts.
Abe, come on. You promised.
This is for both of us.
You gotta! Okay?
I don't have a place to do it
in, so I'm gonna call it off.
Welcome to Phil's
palace of wonders.
Here?
- Okay.
- Okay.
- I'll let you know when.
- Let me know. I'll be out of here.
Coraggio.
- What?
- Courage.
Oh, yeah. Okay.
Go, Abe!
Jeez, you are something.
I arranged
a special room for us.
It's called
the Phil Nicoletti Room.
And we can even...
even watch television,
if we want to,
from the bed.
When was the last time
you had sex?
- A long time ago.
- Mm.
How about you?
It was a year ago.
Do you think
it's a little strange?
I mean, you being here
with me now? I mean...
No, I don't think
it's strange,
'cause I like you, Abe.
You're kind,
and you understand me, and,
I don't know,
I feel safe with you.
- Here, you got that?
- I've got it.
I'll take off...
Ah, that feels good.
Okay. Yeah.
What?
I can't come on top.
You go on top, okay?
Oh.
All right.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Faster, Abe.
It's got to be faster.
No, harder.
Abe, Abe.
Faster. Abe.
Come on.
Come on.
Come... Oh, come on.
Abe?
Abe?
Seriously?
Okay, we're going to have
a little "shake it up" time.
Can anybody help me
pass these out?
That would be good.
We're going to do
a little rhythm section,
and, uh, get some...
I call these
the "hoochie coochies."
- Hoochie coochies?
- Yeah, and you can...
Oh, she's already
volunteering right there.
Okay, good. There's
another one and another one.
How was it?
Oh, uh,
it was wonderful.
Absolutely wonderful.
Really?
Would I lie to you?
Ha!
You are hot shit, Abe!
Ah, I want to hear
all the details!
How was her orgasm?
- What do you mean?
- Her orgasm.
You know, a woman has an orgasm.
How was it?
Did she say anything
to you during it, like,
"This is so great. I love
your dick," or whatever?
I'm not sure.
Well, I mean like,
"This is great.
You're a great fuck."
Something? Nothing?
I'm not sure.
Okay. Let's establish
something here
before I drop dead
this minute, okay?
You were rock hard,
you were inside her.
- Yeah.
- But that's all you remember?
- Isn't that enough?
- Well...
- Hey, Curly.
- I'm lost.
Have you seen Jennilee?
He's always lost.
They shouldn't let him
walk around alone.
There you are.
Let's go to my room.
What are they gonna do?
Get busy?
Jesus Christ,
am I the only man in this joint
that isn't getting laid?
Yeah, if you could just
make sure she gets that.
Yeah, I'll take it.
Hello.
Can I help you?
Yes, I'm here to see
my great uncle.
- What's his name?
- Uh...
Phil... Phil Nicoletti,
room 104.
Come in.
Hello, Phil?
Your uh, niece is here.
Hi there.
Come on in.
How's Mom?
Come on in.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- How are you?
- Yeah, good.
I'm just going to
put this here.
Sure.
Yeah.
Uh, okay.
Oh, God.
Okay, sorry.
You don't seem
too comfortable.
Sorry. I've just never been
in somewhere like this before.
- Okay.
- Okay, sorry, my...
The zipper too.
Oh, my God.
It's just...
Well, you know, um, uh...
Oh, yeah, okay.
Go a little faster.
Okay, stop.
Stop trying. Stop.
- Sorry. I, uh...
- It's not your fault.
Not your fault.
Sit down.
Come on, sit down.
I guess the goddamn
cancer cells didn't work.
Not worth shit.
Abe...
Abe, my-my coat.
Fix it.
Oh, my coat!
My coat!
My coat...
My coat!
- I want my coat!
- Shh!
No!
It's mine...
Much better. Good.
Good girl.
You're okay.
You're fine.
You're fine.
Hi, Abe.
Hi.
Hey, what's the matter?
It's Molly. I...
What happened to her?
They stole her fur coat.
She had a fur coat here?
Yeah. I couldn't bring her
without it.
They had to medicate her.
I...
Do you want
to talk about it?
You know, one day
in the activities room...
- Mm-hmm.
- ...I met this woman.
- Sheryl is her name.
- Mm-hmm.
And uh, uh,
that's when it happened.
What?
What happened?
- I got an erection.
- What? Oh, my God!
Don't laugh.
I haven't had an erection
since Molly got sick.
I mean, I felt young, and
I felt excited. I was...
Well, that's good.
Why does that
have to be a secret?
That wasn't a secret.
Oh, what's the secret?
The secret was...
I slept with Sheryl.
What?
We had sex.
But the sad thing is,
I-I failed.
You um, you couldn't
keep your...
No, I was hard as a rock.
I was like a teenager
looking at pictures
in a magazine.
But I c...
I couldn't finish.
I...
I collapsed.
And when I came to,
she was gone.
Well,
at least you didn't have
a heart attack.
Small consolation.
If I were to die right now,
I think it would...
it would be a relief.
When I was little, um,
I used to believe
that when you died,
you just dreamt about all the great
things that happened in your life.
So... then when you
died in your dream,
you just woke up
into another dream,
and you just kept
living your life
over and over
and over again.
That sounds pretty nice.
What do you think happens
when you die?
Nothing.
Does that scare you?
Let's not talk
about death, okay?
Okay.
How would you like
to be adopted?
I don't think I would.
I mean, like you, I'd probably
do a little searching...
I'm not talking
about me.
I'm talking about you.
I'm gonna adopt you.
What?
Well, how does one
go about getting
adoption papers
for an old person like me?
- I don't know.
- I'll tell you what.
What?
Forget the adoption papers.
You take Phil and me
out of this establishment
for one day
to have some fun!
All right.
You guys are sprung.
Up. Everybody up.
Get up, get up.
Oh, say, can you see
By the dawn's early light
What so proudly we hailed
Go Sox!
You bums!
It's television.
They can't hear you.
Yeah, but they're still bums.
Go on, tell 'em.
- What?
- Go ahead, tell 'em!
Bums! You're bums!
You're bums!
- Angela, your turn.
- Go Sox! You're bums!
I'm glad to be out,
aren't you?
God, that fucking place
drives me crazy.
Oh! Yes!
Yes! Yes!
High five!
High five!
That is the magnificence
of baseball.
- Seventh-inning stretch.
- Okay.
Take me out to the ball game
Take me out to the crowd
Buy me some peanuts
and Cracker Jacks
I don't care
if I never get back
And it's root, root, root
for the home team
If they don't win,
it's a shame
For it's one, two,
three strikes, you're out
At the old ball game
Da, da, da
- We should get back to Cliffside.
- Yeah, I think so.
Phil?
Hmm?
What?
We gotta get back
to Cliffside.
Oh, no.
I don't want
to go there. No.
Well, you know, I'd rather
not go back right now too.
Where do you want to go?
Anywhere else.
- How's Phil?
- Oh, he fell right to sleep.
I like your place.
Oh, thanks.
I'm working on it.
Are these your parents?
Oh, yeah, the picture
near the chair?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, that's them.
That's the last picture
of the two of them together.
Ah, thank you.
I was just thinking
about a...
a nurse I used to know.
You remind me
of her, actually.
I actually haven't
thought about her in years.
Well, what was her name?
Patricia.
I don't think I've even
said her name out loud
in God knows how long.
What... what makes you
think about her now?
I don't know.
Maybe...
thinking about the hospital...
I don't know...
Don't know.
She made a big mistake
in a medication dose
on one of my patients.
That was
a long time ago.
I haven't talked about her
to anybody
for a very long time.
When did this happen?
Years ago.
One day she vanished.
I never knew
where she went.
She never looked me up.
And, uh...
Well, it's probably
for the best.
Molly, there's something
I need to tell you.
Remember that woman
that I told you about
who was searching
for her father?
W-woman? Father?
Years ago, I had
a brief affair with a nurse
- who vanished and...
- Affair?
Yes, Molly, but it was
a long time ago.
Affair, Abe?
Yes.
Well,
it's possible
that she had a child.
Child?
Yes, my child.
Never found it.
Never found it, Abe.
Close under the grass.
This is called "five-card draw."
Each participant
gets five cards.
The person
with a strong hand
can make the first bet.
I think I can open.
Uh, five chips.
- Okay, um...
- You have to put in five.
- Good.
- Five.
Five. Okay.
What do you got?
Uh, I got a straight.
Oh!
Three tens.
A pair of aces.
Whoa, wait. Hey, Phil,
I'm not sure if that's...
You know, I should've
had second thoughts
about playing poker
with you.
Yeah, you've
fallen into the same pit
that many have fallen in.
Nobody can beat me.
Two of a kind.
There you see it. Full house.
Aces over jacks.
I win again.
Royal flush.
Hey, he's got
all the chips.
I beat everybody. I always
beat everybody. Nobody beats me.
Look, I'm getting tired.
I would like
to go to my room.
Would you help me, Angela?
I want to talk to you.
- Yeah.
- I'll see you later, Abe-y.
Okay.
- Thanks, honey.
- Yeah.
Uh, I got something
to tell ya.
What is it?
I'm your father.
Uh, say that again?
I am your father.
I'm confused.
You came looking
for your father.
Came looking here.
You found him.
I hope you're not mad at me.
Why didn't you tell me
the first time that I asked you?
I don't know.
I just,
I'm no good at handling
anything like this,
and I always run away
from everything.
Jerk.
I had an affair
with your mother,
and she was married to
a serviceman who was overseas.
She had the baby
and gave it up
for adoption
before he came back,
and I never saw her again.
What was her name?
Maria Picardi.
How do you know for sure
that I am your daughter?
It all fits.
The age.
You came here to find me.
You're obviously Italian.
Do you know
who wrote the note?
I don't know that.
Do you know who handled
the adoption?
Then that way
I could find my mother.
I don't.
Oh, my God.
Angela?
- Yeah?
- I'm dying.
There's very little
time left.
I want you
to take this.
It's yours.
I have no one else
to give it to.
Where did you get
all of this money?
I made a lot of money
in my life,
and a lot of my money
came in cash.
I couldn't even put it
into the bank.
I can't.
I can't take your money.
Oh, you can't tell me that.
Don't do that.
Give me a chance to make it up.
I gave you nothing.
Just give me a chance
maybe in some little way,
to make it up to you
that I wasn't around.
Just a little bit.
Okay, take a big
deep breath and hold it.
Let it go.
Deep breath again.
Okay, that's good.
Okay.
Now I'll just
check your eyes.
All right.
- What's the verdict, Doctor?
- Well, the good news is,
Grollman's treatment hasn't
caused any bad side effects.
I'm no doctor, but...
I feel
it can't be good.
Well, you're
going to be all right.
So I'm not gonna die, Abe?
I didn't say that.
But don't worry
about me, Abe.
I'm taking care of myself. I
found someone to look after me.
What do you mean?
Angela.
She's my daughter.
Wait a...
Yeah. We met.
I told her all of my secrets.
I gave her all of my money.
Is she really your daughter?
She's my daughter.
I gave her all my money.
I'm talking flesh-and-blood
daughter, daughter!
How the hell would I know that she's
my flesh-and-blood daughter, daughter?
You know how many women
I've screwed?
I figured somewhere along the
way, I must've had a child.
Did she ask you any questions
about her mother
or about the conditions
of the adoption?
Yes.
I made it all up
so she'd believe it,
just like
when you're bluffing
and you didn't pull
the inside straight.
Are you serious?
This isn't
a poker game, Phil.
I've got a confession
to make.
I had a... a wild hope
that she was my daughter.
How the hell could
she be your daughter?
Years ago,
I had an affair with a nurse.
She might have had a child
that she put up for adoption
without my knowledge,
that's how.
You can't take her
away from me, Abe.
It's all I've got.
Of course not.
I would never do that.
I've got no family,
I've got no children,
and I don't
want to die alone.
I'm here for you, Phil.
I am.
Thanks, Abe.
Oh, God.
You know, Abe? It feels like
we've known each other
longer than this little time
we've spent here.
You know, maybe when...
when you get old,
time slows down
the way...
the way it did when
we were kids, you know?
We're two old men, Abe.
There's no escaping that.
So many things
we can't do anymore,
so little
to look forward to,
yet we still try
to live our lives,
scared to death of dying,
trying to stay young
with some crazy ideas.
But you know what, Abe?
We're still the same
as they are,
no matter how young they are,
because we're friends.
Goddamn it,
we're better than they are.
- You know what I say to them, Abe?
- What do you say to them?
Fuck 'em, I say.
I say, fuck 'em!
- Fuck 'em.
- Fuck 'em all.
- Fuck 'em all!
- Yeah.
I'm really tired.
I have to rest
a little bit now.
Thank you, Doctor.
Don't call me "doctor."
- Mr. Grollman.
- Doctor.
I have a proposition
for you.
What's your proposition?
You have
a nurse working here
who is adopted,
and she's searching
for her biological parents.
Now she recently got
a note that said
her father is living here,
so I'd like to help her.
I'd like to take samples
from all the men here
for DNA testing.
There's no way
I can do that.
Besides, we'd need
permission for the samples.
Well, they're
just throat swabs. I mean...
The answer is no, Doctor.
If that's
why you came here,
you can leave now.
Let me ask you
a question.
Did you have
to get permission
to give cancer cells
to people?
Cancer cells
are immortal.
Drinking them
will vaccinate
with immortal factors
and prevent aging.
Someone has
to do something.
You can see what it's
like to get old.
Is that why you say
you hate old people?
I don't hate the people.
I hate watching them
get old.
The cells are safe.
They're in
an incomplete form,
made by a professor
at the medical center.
I was a scientist in his lab
before I came here.
My experiments failed.
I had to leave.
Well, I think that, uh,
if people found out
what you were doing,
you'd also have
to leave Cliffside.
Make it happen,
Mr. Grollman.
This won't hurt.
Just open your mouth wide.
I'm just going to get
the inside of your mouth.
Very good.
All right.
Very good. Thank you.
I have to...
figure out how I'm going to
give that money back to Phil.
No, you can't do that.
I promised him
I wasn't going to tell you.
No, I... I have
to give it back to him,
because...
I'm not sure that
I'm gonna be here anymore.
What are you saying?
It's time for me
to stop my search
and to leave.
No, no.
You can't do that.
You are on the verge of
finding out who your father is.
Wh-what are you
talking about?
I wanted to surprise you,
but because of me,
Grollman has allowed
DNA tests
on all the men
at this facility.
Is that why they did
a throat swab on me?
Yes.
You had no right
to do that.
Well, I thought
that's what you wanted.
It's not
your choice to make.
I thought I was
doing you a favor.
Oh, God.
I know that you thought
that you were helping.
Tell Dr. Mandelbaum
that the results are in.
Abe...
I think
it's all over.
Fuck 'em all.
Fuck 'em all!
Phil...
Oh, Angela,
my beautiful daughter.
I'm so glad
I was able to do
something for you.
I'm heading for that
big poker game.
I hope you take good cards.
Don't worry.
I can always cheat.
He was my friend.
He could have been
my father.
Here it is.
No more search.
No more nightmares.
Now you'll know
if Phil was your father
or if I was your father
or someone on the fourth floor
is your father.
I gotta tell you,
I'm nervous.
I'm not nervous, Abe.
- Wh-what happened to me?
- You had a heart attack.
- How's Molly?
- She's fine.
We told her where you are
and that you're getting
good care.
How are you?
Any regrets?
No.
How's he doing?
I think he's doing okay.
Grollman.
I must really be sick.
- Did he give you the envelope?
- I tore it up.
Look what you put me through,
Dr. Mandelbaum.
You're not
a bad guy, Grollman.
I'm really sorry
that your c-cancer
treatments didn't work.
You know,
I don't hate what happens
to old people.
I'm glad I got to be old.
I love life.
Thank you.
I'll, uh, leave you to it.
Thank you. Thank you.
Are you in pain?
No. No pain.
Just happy.
Very happy.
You're gonna make it, Abe.
No.
No.
No, Angela.
My life's over,
and nothing
can save it.
All the happiness,
all the pain,
all the years...
Everything is
at its final place.
Nothing can...
Nothing can change
the balance anymore.
I'm here with you.
I love you so much.
Angela, I love you.
I love you too, Abe.
Take care of Molly
for me, please,
and-and look for...
P-Patricia Rossi.
I'm on my way to meet Phil
for...
for a big poker game.
Hi, Molly.
Hi.
How are you feeling?
Oh, it... it's a day.
Actually um,
I have something
for you.
Oh!
Would you like to try it on?
Oh!
Does it fit?
- Oh...
- It looks beautiful.
Oh!
Do you like it?
Hi, Mom.