Accident (1967) Movie Script
1
William.
Anna!
Don't!
You're standing on his face!
You can walk.
I'm going to telephone.
Can you walk?
Yes, I'm... I'm afraid so.
Thank you.
Were you driving?
Don't worry.
Drink it.
In there.
Er, sit, sit down.
No, it's... it's all right.
Yours is the only house
for some distance.
So he must've been coming
to see you.
He was.
You were expecting?
Yes.
Sorry.
Did you know him well?
He was my pupil.
He was your pupil at the university?
Yes.
He wanted to talk to me
about something.
You found...
You found the car at 1:45am.
He was going to a party
and then coming on to me.
It looks as though
he was pretty drunk.
There was whisky all over the car.
I don't know what it was all about.
I mean, I-I don't know what he wanted
to t-t-t-talk to me about.
He probably wanted my advice
about something.
Don't!
You... you haven't spoken to her?
No.
Just seen her?
I've just seen her walking about.
A little.
And you like the... the look of her?
Yes. I do.
- What am I supposed to do about it?
- Nothing at all.
Oh, good.
I'd just like to know
what you think of her, that's all.
You realise I'm... I'm her tutor?
Naturally.
I also realise you're my tutor.
And as her tutor her moral welfare
must be my first consideration.
Ah! You mean that besides being
her tutor, you're also her protector?
Move round
so I can get out of here.
You know, I mean,
I refuse to encourage
or countenance male lust
as directed against
any of my women students.
- Well said!
- Thank you.
Anyway, what's her name,
for God's sake?
Hm? Her name? Her name?
Oh, I remember her name.
It's Anna von Graz und Leoben.
- German?
- Austrian.
Come on!
What do you think of her?
I don't think.
I thought thinking was your job.
Well, not about that.
You're not past it, are you?
Already?
It's her!
- She's coming for her second tutorial.
- You didn't tell me.
She's talking to the goat.
They speak German.
That'll keep you busy.
Why don't you wait?
I'll introduce you. Hm?
No. Not now. Really.
You intend to go it alone, do you?
Uh-huh.
- Without an introduction?
-That's right.
Philosophy is a process of enquiry only.
It doesn't attempt to find
specific answers to specific questions.
She loves her dad.
She hasn't eaten anything today.
- Hello, Ted.
- Hello.
What has she eaten?
Some milk pudding for lunch.
That's all right.
Hey, Clarissa, come on.
Come on.
And then what?
There you are.
How many moons has Jupiter got?
I don't know.
- How many moons?
- 12 moons.
Yes.
Do you want to get the book
about the elephants? Off you go.
I've got a new, um...
new pupil.
Oh?
- She's an Austrian princess.
- Is she?
How do you know she's a princess?
She's got a very long name.
Has she got golden hair?
Erm... no.
- Then she's a fake.
- I've found it I think!
She's very sunburnt.
Down you get.
Then she's definitely not a princess.
She is a princess!
I knew I found it.
Come on.
Up you come, madam.
You sit over here.
There in the corner with me.
There we are.
- Now, who's going to start?
- You start.
All right. Where?
Erm...
There!
Has she made advances to you?
Oh, no. I'm too old.
You're not too old for me.
I know that. Now, come on.
Who's going to start?
- Me?
- She can't read!
And I'm not too old for you.
Well, write me an essay
on what the problem is.
Or rather on what the problem
seems to you to be.
Will you?
"A statistical analysis
of sexual intercourse among students
"at Colenso University,
Milwaukee showed...
"...that 70% did it in the evening.
"29.9% between two and four
in the afternoon.
"And 0.1% during a lecture
on Aristotle."
I am surprised to hear
that Aristotle is on the syllabus
in the state of Wisconsin.
"Bus driver found in student's bed."
But was anyone found
in the bus driver's bed?
Did you ever hear the story
of my predecessor Provost Jones
and the stepladder?
It's a bizarre story.
It'll amuse you.
Provost Jones and his good lady
decided one day
to buy a stepladder...
Stephen!
Hello.
I didn't know that you two had met.
- We have, haven't we?
- Uh-huh.
Jump in.
- Me?
- Come on. We're going up river.
I...
Ow!
You look very dignified.
I feel wet.
- You don't look wet!
- I don't look wet?
Nobody looked at you as though you
were wet. They thought you were normal.
I'm getting old.
Don't you understand? Old.
It's my muscles.
The muscles.
No judgement.
No judgement of distance.
It's all gone. Vanished!
I thought 40 was the prime of life.
I mean, I-I-wouldn't say you looked old.
You've still got a pretty good figure.
I tell you what, why don't you do
an hour's squash every morning?
Do you the world of good.
If you're gonna be a farmer,
why the hell are you reading philosophy?
To talk to the cows.
It's nice knowing you.
Really, you know.
You're not a bad fellow for...
a philosophy tutor.
I haven't got many friends.
- That's because you're an aristocrat.
- Oh?
All aristocrats were made to be...
- What?
- Killed.
Of course.
They're immortal.
Do you like her?
Yes.
Why don't you bring her to my house
for the day?
On Sunday.
Great.
- Come for lunch.
- Marvellous.
- Well, shall I ask her?
- No.
No, I will.
This might interest you.
It expresses
a different point of view altogether.
By Charley Hall. Do you know him?
- Yes, I think...
- The archaeologist.
- Yes, I've met him.
- He writes novels as well.
And appears on the television.
- Does he?
- A very versatile man.
Read it. I don't think much of it
but you might.
Here.
Thanks.
Would you like to come
to my house on Sunday for lunch?
That would be lovely.
You could meet my wife
and the children.
Yes.
Perhaps William could bring you.
Ah, yes!
I'll ask him.
Hello.
And how are you?
All right.
- What are they up to?
- Oh, they're all right.
Have you had any rest
with all this racket?
- Yes.
- Hm?
I've asked some people over on Sunday.
Is that all right, hm?
- What people?
- Well, y-you know, William.
Hm?
Oh, and... this girl, Anna von Graz.
- You know, that girl.
- The princess?
Yes.
She's William's girlfriend.
Well, what do you think?
I'm not very good
at mixing with royalty.
Well, she's not really a princess.
Don't be so silly!
I'm not silly!
Just for lunch, that's all.
I can easily put them off.
Hm...
What are you doing?
- Putting on my dressing gown.
- Hm.
Ted! Clarissa! Tea time!
Dad!
- What are you doing up there?
- Playing.
Come on. Come down, Tarzan.
You get yourself into
the most impossible places.
Come on, Fly.
Hello, Anna.
- William here?
- He's inside!
Anna!
Yes, coming!
What are you doing here?
Just passing,
so I thought I'd drop in.
- Passing?
- Yeah, just passing.
Just... erm... floating by.
Hey!
Come on, Ted!
Come on!
Come on! Kick it!
Fly, come on!
- Hello.
- Hello, William.
- Charley's here.
- We know!
- Is he staying for lunch?
- Of course.
Mm.
Water.
Can I do anything?
Hey!
What are you writing now?
A novel.
I'd like to write a novel.
- You would, eh?
- But I can't.
It's child's play.
All you need is a starting point.
- Oh?
- Here, for instance.
- Where?
- Here. On this lawn.
What are we all up to?
We're going to Granny's on Tuesday.
Are you going for a long time?
We're going for three weeks.
Mummy's going to have a baby, you see.
When you're going to have a baby,
you see,
you've got to have lots of rest.
Of course.
Describe to me what we're all doing.
Rosalind's lying down.
Stephen's weeding the garden.
Anna's making a daisy chain.
We're... having this conversation.
Good.
But then you could go further.
Rosalind is pregnant.
Stephen... is having an affair
with a girl at Oxford.
He's reached the age where he can't
keep his hands off girls at Oxford.
What?
But he feels guilty, of course.
So he makes up a story.
What story?
This story.
What are you talking about?
Oh!
These files are terrible.
Flies? There aren't any flies!
They're Sicilian horse files
from Corsica.
Have you heard our conversation?
Yes.
Yes!
Out!
Hurry up!
Right. Oh!
Anna! That's mine!
Ooh!
Your serve.
Oh!
- Fault!
- Oh, my God!
Limonade!
Well, will you stay for supper?
- Yes.
- Cheers.
We came to see Rosalind,
and she's lying in a heap.
- You what?
- She's lying in a heap!
Thought you said
she was Uriah Heep!
She is, but she's lying in one too!
What are you doing?
Making tea.
I've just asked them to stay for dinner.
Dinner?
No. Supper.
Cold supper.
Are they staying?
I don't know.
But I'll do it.
I'll do the supper.
Kettle.
Have you any brothers or sisters?
One sister.
- Is she beautiful?
- Very.
Come for a walk, hm?
I'm so comfortable.
It's so lovely here.
Yes, it is.
I think I'll go for a walk.
I'll come too.
- Are you fond of William?
- Why do you ask?
Are there many dons like you?
Certainly not.
- Mind, there's a spider's web.
- It won't hurt me.
Shall we go back now?
Yes.
- Oh, hello.
- Hello.
How are you?
Fine.
How's Laura?
Great.
All right, you know.
I don't know, really.
I haven't seen her.
I've been pretty busy, you know.
One thing and another.
- You look terrible.
- Me?
I feel wonderful.
Well, this'll kill you.
There.
I know.
Will you stay for supper?
I'd love to,
but I don't know about William.
He'll stay.
Have you seen William?
No.
How are you getting on?
Fine.
What do you mean?
What does Rosalind think about it?
What does Rosalind think about what?
- Have you seen Anna?
- No.
- You're staying for supper, aren't you?
- We ought to go.
It's all arranged.
Where are the children?
They're not back yet.
They went out to tea.
I didn't know that.
- How's the supper?
- Nearly there.
Oh, I think it's nearly ten years.
Whisky?
Cheers.
Who made that soup?
I didn't make any soup.
Your wife.
Your beautiful wife
made that damn soup.
It was beautiful soup!
My wife is beautiful too,
isn't she, Rosalind?
Yes.
She's as beautiful as that soup.
She's rich and intelligent
and beautiful.
And we have three kids.
Don't forget that.
And she understands me and...
And?
And we're all old friends,
him and his wife and me and my wife.
Don't forget that.
And he's more successful than me
because he appears on television.
- Do you talk on television?
- What do you think I do?
Play the flute?
- What do you talk about?
- You name it... and I'll talk about it.
He talks... about archaeology...
...astrology...
Anthropology,
sociolog... sociologgigy...
Sociology.
Codology.
And sex.
In that order.
He suits the medium.
You mean, you think
that I don't suit the medium?
They wouldn't let you
within ten miles of the medium!
I have an appointment.
With your producer.
Next week.
With my producer?
Your producer!
- With old Bill Smith?
- We're going home now.
Asked to see me.
You're... going to appear
on my television show.
And I will run you out of town, kid.
- Stephen, he wants to drive back.
- Who does?
William!
Do you hear me?
I'll drive you home.
Impossible!
He's drunk!
- I'll drive.
- You haven't got a licence.
- William, can I drive?
- No, you'll have to stay.
I will drive.
We'd better stay.
- Well, I'll drive!
- No, you won't!
- Well, then Charley can drive.
- Oh, to hell!
Look here.
Come on, boy.
You are slightly drunk.
You may stay.
Why the bloody hell
do you want us to bloody well stay?
Come on now.
Will you excuse me?
But of course, my dear fellow.
They're staying.
Which room is everybody in?
How the hell should I know?
Splendid day.
It gives me great pleasure
to know that you enjoyed
your day with us.
Good night.
Good night.
Anna?
Rosalind.
Darling.
What?
I love you.
Mm.
Reception.
Yes, I see. Thank you.
I'm afraid Mr Smith isn't here.
Will you see Mr Bell?
Er... all right.
Turn right as you go out.
One flight down to the annexe.
- It's the fifth door on the left.
- Thank you.
You can't miss it.
Hello. I'm Bell.
Remember me? I'm Bell.
- Erm...
- I was up at Oxford.
Oh, yes, of course.
How are you?
Bill Smith's iII. He's in hospital.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- I've got to see him. Got that file?
- I don't actually know him.
- You don't know him?
What did he want you for?
Do you know?
- Well, I think...
- Do you ever see Francesca?
- Who?
- Francesca. The provost's daughter.
The daughter of the provost.
Ah, yes.
No, I don't.
You knew her well.
I've been married for some years.
Well done.
Ah, yes. Bill was thinking of you
for the panel.
I've got to see him in a minute.
He's very iII.
- What's the matter with Bill?
- He's in hospital.
Mr Bill's secretary...
I think he was thinking of me for...
He was perfectly all right yesterday.
We had a drink together.
- I don't believe it.
- I don't know what his plans were.
What happened to him?
Perhaps I can let you know.
He collapsed last night.
Look, why don't you come and see him?
I'm going there now to see him.
- What time are you going?
- I'm going now.
All right. Sorry about this.
Give my love to Francesca.
- I haven't see her.
- Are you going straightaway?
I'm going right away! Now!
'Hello?'
'Hello?
'Hello?'
Francesca?
'I was in my bath
when you phoned.
'You haven't changed at all.
Not at all.'
'Wonderful to see you.'
'I was in my bath
when you phoned.'
'Well, it must be... ten years?'
'Ten years?
'It can't be.
'Must be.'
'It must be.'
'It is.'
'You don't look a day older.'
'Oh, really?
I'm ten years older.
'How's your wife?'
'It's a beautiful dress
and a beautiful coat.
'You look marvellous.'
'I'm in consumer research.
Did you know?
'It's fascinating.'
'Do you remember
those times in the car? Do you?
'Well, do you?'
'Of course I remember.
'I remember.
'I'm supposed to be on a diet.
I'm too fat.
'So then you have three?
'Three children.
Good gracious!'
'You're not fat.'
'I'm very happy.
'My life is happy.
'Have I changed?'
'You're the same.'
'The same as I was?
'The same as I was then?'
'The same.'
Hello.
I've just come from London.
I know.
To see the television people.
Did you see them?
I'm hungry.
I'm going to make an omelette.
We don't want any.
Shall I cook?
Can you?
Give me a cigarette.
I wrote to you.
The letter is in the hall.
You didn't get it.
I left early.
Get the letter.
There it is.
Another one for you.
From my wife.
A personal letter.
From her to you.
Open it.
De-da, de-da, de-da, de-da...
Ah.
"So I just want to beg you
that while...
"...still being understanding,
sympathetic, et cetera...
"...you don't necessarily show to him
"you think it's the great thing
of his life.
"You might even hint
that sooner or later,
"you'll be bored to death by her.
"I believe this, of course,
"but naturally I'm in a wrong position
even to hint.
"I always...
"...wondered what this would be like
if and when it happened.
"But I must say it beats everything.
"Love, Laura.
Don't say I wrote this
for heaven's sake."
I thought you didn't want any.
- I didn't.
- Then why are you eating it?
Mind your own damn bloody business!
- What are you doing?
- Making the bed.
No need to do that.
A woman comes in every morning.
I can do it.
Leave it!
Please.
Hello?
Hello? Yes?
This is Palling 146.
We are going.
Yes.
Taxi. Now! To go into Oxford.
You might as well stay.
- It's very late.
- Straight away, OK?
Bye.
Anna?
I've got a taxi.
It's on its way.
Shut the door, for God's sake.
It was her idea.
She knew Rosalind was away.
She said you wouldn't mind.
I don't mind.
Nothing to do with me.
It's your bloody house!
Anyway, I wrote to you.
You didn't get the damn letter.
- When did it start?
- What?
Weeks ago. Weeks.
We used to go to her room
in the afternoon.
Didn't even have a lock on the door.
Anyone could have come in.
Someone did come in once.
A girl.
Can you imagine?
Anyway, I'm sleeping at college
most of the time now.
I can't take her there, can I?
Where can I damn well take her?
I thought she and William were...
close friends.
They are. They're just friends.
Means nothing.
She's not a whore.
I don't know what to do, you see.
I can't have enough of her.
I don't know what to do.
Where's your car?
Laura's got it.
I will see Rosalind tomorrow
at her mother's.
And I'm going to William's house.
I've been invited down.
You can bring her here
for the weekend.
Thanks.
It's the children, you see.
I'm never there.
They're missing me.
The taxi's waiting!
Coming!
This is your dressing gown.
- Can I ask you a question?
- What?
How did you get in tonight?
Through the lavatory window.
You're getting old for that, aren't you?
- Yes, I am.
- Here's a key.
Thanks.
One more question.
What?
Last Sunday night,
when you all stayed...
...did you sleep with her here?
Of course I did.
Did you see anyone in London?
No.
What happened
about the television people?
Nothing. Wasn't any good.
You look wonderful.
I feel it. I feel great.
- I wish you could stay.
- So do I.
Still, you'll have a good time
at William's house, won't you?
With all those lords and ladies.
What's the matter?
- Hello, Laura.
- Hello, Stephen.
The door was open.
How are you?
Fine.
What are you doing?
Charley's not here.
I got your letter.
I'm just doing the garden.
When I got back from London...
...Charley and Anna were there.
Charley and Anna?
Yeah.
- Together in the house?
- Mm.
I was... I got back late a bit drunk.
I was astonished.
Why were you drunk?
Oh, I had dinner with Francesca.
You remember.
You remember Francesca?
Yes.
I just gave her a ring, you know.
It was quite pleasant.
He's sleeping with her, is he?
Hm? Who?
Charley. With Anna.
Yeah, of course.
How pathetic!
- What do you mean?
- Poor, stupid, old man.
- He's not old!
- Stupid bastard!
Does Laura know?
Yes.
And what about the children?
Has he told them?
- Do you want me to come?
- Yes.
It's just that I'm trying to tell you.
Do you want some coffee?
No, I don't want any coffee.
Listen...
This, this thing...
...i-i-it's nothing.
It'll all f-f-f.... fall flat.
He says he's in love with her.
Love. Everyone thinks
they're in love.
Do you?
I've never heard of anything
so bloody puerile, so banal!
What's banal about it?
Poor, stupid little bitch.
You just calling people stupid.
What's the use of...?
Well, they are. Except Laura.
She's stupid too.
You chucked them out, I hope.
- Don't worry about it.
- I'm not.
I think I'll pop in and see Laura.
It's on my way.
Give her my love.
I wanted to meet your father.
I'm sorry.
Anna was coming down but she's got
some of her family over or something.
Ah.
I've never thanked you
for introducing us.
I didn't.
Haven't you ever played
this game before?
No.
Tradition.
We all played it at school.
Oh.
You'll enjoy it. It's fun.
This is the ball.
You see?
I think you should go in goal.
- Where is it?
- Down there by that door.
I have a funny feeling
this is a murderous game.
Not at all.
Isn't it true that every aristocrat
wants to die?
I don't.
What do I do in goal?
Defend it.
- How?
- Any way you like.
- Can't I just watch?
- No.
You're a house guest.
You must play.
Only the old men watch.
And the ladies.
- You want one?
- No, thank you, Provost. No.
- Don't you smoke?
- Pipe.
- Ah.
- Come on!
And again!
Come on!
Owzat?
Hard luck.
He really is a magnificent athlete,
that boy.
Yes.
He's a natural.
That boy.
I was quite good myself. I...
But not altogether in the same class.
Stephen, were you any good?
No.
I... saw Francesca
when I was in London.
- Your daughter.
- Ah.
- How is she?
- Very well.
She sent you her love.
Ah, please give her mine
when you see her again.
Oh, I don't know
when I shall be seeing her again.
Hello.
Have a nice weekend?
Yes. Thank you
for your hospitality.
I'm getting married.
Oh. Who to?
William.
Ah.
Have you told him?
Well, congratulations.
I wonder
if you could tell Charley for me.
Will you let me know what he says?
Hello.
- Well played.
- Thanks!
Look, I want to come and see you.
Have a word with you.
Can I come tonight after this party?
It'll be a bit late.
- Yes, sure. What's the trouble?
- No trouble. No trouble at all.
- You coming?
- I don't want her!
I want a man-to-man talk!
Well, we can talk when she's in bed.
She can sleep in the spare room.
- Can't you?
- That would be nice.
OK. We'll see you later.
Come on!
It's all right.
Did anyone know
you were with him?
You can hear, can't you?
Did anyone know
you were coming here with him?
Was he supposed to have
dropped you off at your room?
He's dead.
You had an accident.
You crashed.
You were driving, weren't you?
Someone may see you.
Right.
Your handbag.
Hello?
Yes.
Oh, have you?
Oh, I was asleep.
I... I didn't hear it.
Yes.
Ah.
I see.
She's all right.
Yes.
Er... I-I-I-I'll get dressed right away
and get... get over.
Thank you.
Oh, I-I-I'm sorry
that I-I didn't hear the t...
No one will see you.
They phoned you.
You weren't there.
I was asleep.
I didn't hear.
He can't breathe.
It's difficult for him to breathe.
Did you see?
But he is breathing.
They're helping him.
- He isn't dead?
- No.
Stephen!
Stephen?
Er... I just heard about William.
You found him.
Yes.
Does she know?
I don't know.
It must have been terrible for you.
Look, erm...
You can leave this to me, if you like.
No. It's all right.
Anna?
What are you doing?
- You've heard what's happened?
- Yes.
Sorry.
What happened? Was he drunk?
They say there was whisky
all over the car. Was there?
I didn't notice.
But you found him.
How did you hear about it?
What are you doing?
Why are you packing?
I'm going home.
Why?
Why are you going home?
They were going to be married.
- Rubbish!
- He told me.
It's rubbish! Look, I know it's...
...terrible but...
There's no reason
for you to go home.
Why don't you leave her alone?
How did she hear about it? I've just
heard about it from the provost.
Wake up.
I haven't slept. Sorry.
I'm a bit tired.
What's the matter with her?
She didn't care anything about him.
Nothing.
What is she going home for?
It's ridiculous!
There's nothing to keep her here.
She loves me.
What are you talking about?
My taxi should be here.
- Have you got a flight?
- Yes, I've booked a flight.
Why don't you stay for the funeral?
- Is this all?
- Yes.
I'll take it down.
Goodbye.
Oh, I know!
William.
Anna!
Don't!
You're standing on his face!
You can walk.
I'm going to telephone.
Can you walk?
Yes, I'm... I'm afraid so.
Thank you.
Were you driving?
Don't worry.
Drink it.
In there.
Er, sit, sit down.
No, it's... it's all right.
Yours is the only house
for some distance.
So he must've been coming
to see you.
He was.
You were expecting?
Yes.
Sorry.
Did you know him well?
He was my pupil.
He was your pupil at the university?
Yes.
He wanted to talk to me
about something.
You found...
You found the car at 1:45am.
He was going to a party
and then coming on to me.
It looks as though
he was pretty drunk.
There was whisky all over the car.
I don't know what it was all about.
I mean, I-I don't know what he wanted
to t-t-t-talk to me about.
He probably wanted my advice
about something.
Don't!
You... you haven't spoken to her?
No.
Just seen her?
I've just seen her walking about.
A little.
And you like the... the look of her?
Yes. I do.
- What am I supposed to do about it?
- Nothing at all.
Oh, good.
I'd just like to know
what you think of her, that's all.
You realise I'm... I'm her tutor?
Naturally.
I also realise you're my tutor.
And as her tutor her moral welfare
must be my first consideration.
Ah! You mean that besides being
her tutor, you're also her protector?
Move round
so I can get out of here.
You know, I mean,
I refuse to encourage
or countenance male lust
as directed against
any of my women students.
- Well said!
- Thank you.
Anyway, what's her name,
for God's sake?
Hm? Her name? Her name?
Oh, I remember her name.
It's Anna von Graz und Leoben.
- German?
- Austrian.
Come on!
What do you think of her?
I don't think.
I thought thinking was your job.
Well, not about that.
You're not past it, are you?
Already?
It's her!
- She's coming for her second tutorial.
- You didn't tell me.
She's talking to the goat.
They speak German.
That'll keep you busy.
Why don't you wait?
I'll introduce you. Hm?
No. Not now. Really.
You intend to go it alone, do you?
Uh-huh.
- Without an introduction?
-That's right.
Philosophy is a process of enquiry only.
It doesn't attempt to find
specific answers to specific questions.
She loves her dad.
She hasn't eaten anything today.
- Hello, Ted.
- Hello.
What has she eaten?
Some milk pudding for lunch.
That's all right.
Hey, Clarissa, come on.
Come on.
And then what?
There you are.
How many moons has Jupiter got?
I don't know.
- How many moons?
- 12 moons.
Yes.
Do you want to get the book
about the elephants? Off you go.
I've got a new, um...
new pupil.
Oh?
- She's an Austrian princess.
- Is she?
How do you know she's a princess?
She's got a very long name.
Has she got golden hair?
Erm... no.
- Then she's a fake.
- I've found it I think!
She's very sunburnt.
Down you get.
Then she's definitely not a princess.
She is a princess!
I knew I found it.
Come on.
Up you come, madam.
You sit over here.
There in the corner with me.
There we are.
- Now, who's going to start?
- You start.
All right. Where?
Erm...
There!
Has she made advances to you?
Oh, no. I'm too old.
You're not too old for me.
I know that. Now, come on.
Who's going to start?
- Me?
- She can't read!
And I'm not too old for you.
Well, write me an essay
on what the problem is.
Or rather on what the problem
seems to you to be.
Will you?
"A statistical analysis
of sexual intercourse among students
"at Colenso University,
Milwaukee showed...
"...that 70% did it in the evening.
"29.9% between two and four
in the afternoon.
"And 0.1% during a lecture
on Aristotle."
I am surprised to hear
that Aristotle is on the syllabus
in the state of Wisconsin.
"Bus driver found in student's bed."
But was anyone found
in the bus driver's bed?
Did you ever hear the story
of my predecessor Provost Jones
and the stepladder?
It's a bizarre story.
It'll amuse you.
Provost Jones and his good lady
decided one day
to buy a stepladder...
Stephen!
Hello.
I didn't know that you two had met.
- We have, haven't we?
- Uh-huh.
Jump in.
- Me?
- Come on. We're going up river.
I...
Ow!
You look very dignified.
I feel wet.
- You don't look wet!
- I don't look wet?
Nobody looked at you as though you
were wet. They thought you were normal.
I'm getting old.
Don't you understand? Old.
It's my muscles.
The muscles.
No judgement.
No judgement of distance.
It's all gone. Vanished!
I thought 40 was the prime of life.
I mean, I-I-wouldn't say you looked old.
You've still got a pretty good figure.
I tell you what, why don't you do
an hour's squash every morning?
Do you the world of good.
If you're gonna be a farmer,
why the hell are you reading philosophy?
To talk to the cows.
It's nice knowing you.
Really, you know.
You're not a bad fellow for...
a philosophy tutor.
I haven't got many friends.
- That's because you're an aristocrat.
- Oh?
All aristocrats were made to be...
- What?
- Killed.
Of course.
They're immortal.
Do you like her?
Yes.
Why don't you bring her to my house
for the day?
On Sunday.
Great.
- Come for lunch.
- Marvellous.
- Well, shall I ask her?
- No.
No, I will.
This might interest you.
It expresses
a different point of view altogether.
By Charley Hall. Do you know him?
- Yes, I think...
- The archaeologist.
- Yes, I've met him.
- He writes novels as well.
And appears on the television.
- Does he?
- A very versatile man.
Read it. I don't think much of it
but you might.
Here.
Thanks.
Would you like to come
to my house on Sunday for lunch?
That would be lovely.
You could meet my wife
and the children.
Yes.
Perhaps William could bring you.
Ah, yes!
I'll ask him.
Hello.
And how are you?
All right.
- What are they up to?
- Oh, they're all right.
Have you had any rest
with all this racket?
- Yes.
- Hm?
I've asked some people over on Sunday.
Is that all right, hm?
- What people?
- Well, y-you know, William.
Hm?
Oh, and... this girl, Anna von Graz.
- You know, that girl.
- The princess?
Yes.
She's William's girlfriend.
Well, what do you think?
I'm not very good
at mixing with royalty.
Well, she's not really a princess.
Don't be so silly!
I'm not silly!
Just for lunch, that's all.
I can easily put them off.
Hm...
What are you doing?
- Putting on my dressing gown.
- Hm.
Ted! Clarissa! Tea time!
Dad!
- What are you doing up there?
- Playing.
Come on. Come down, Tarzan.
You get yourself into
the most impossible places.
Come on, Fly.
Hello, Anna.
- William here?
- He's inside!
Anna!
Yes, coming!
What are you doing here?
Just passing,
so I thought I'd drop in.
- Passing?
- Yeah, just passing.
Just... erm... floating by.
Hey!
Come on, Ted!
Come on!
Come on! Kick it!
Fly, come on!
- Hello.
- Hello, William.
- Charley's here.
- We know!
- Is he staying for lunch?
- Of course.
Mm.
Water.
Can I do anything?
Hey!
What are you writing now?
A novel.
I'd like to write a novel.
- You would, eh?
- But I can't.
It's child's play.
All you need is a starting point.
- Oh?
- Here, for instance.
- Where?
- Here. On this lawn.
What are we all up to?
We're going to Granny's on Tuesday.
Are you going for a long time?
We're going for three weeks.
Mummy's going to have a baby, you see.
When you're going to have a baby,
you see,
you've got to have lots of rest.
Of course.
Describe to me what we're all doing.
Rosalind's lying down.
Stephen's weeding the garden.
Anna's making a daisy chain.
We're... having this conversation.
Good.
But then you could go further.
Rosalind is pregnant.
Stephen... is having an affair
with a girl at Oxford.
He's reached the age where he can't
keep his hands off girls at Oxford.
What?
But he feels guilty, of course.
So he makes up a story.
What story?
This story.
What are you talking about?
Oh!
These files are terrible.
Flies? There aren't any flies!
They're Sicilian horse files
from Corsica.
Have you heard our conversation?
Yes.
Yes!
Out!
Hurry up!
Right. Oh!
Anna! That's mine!
Ooh!
Your serve.
Oh!
- Fault!
- Oh, my God!
Limonade!
Well, will you stay for supper?
- Yes.
- Cheers.
We came to see Rosalind,
and she's lying in a heap.
- You what?
- She's lying in a heap!
Thought you said
she was Uriah Heep!
She is, but she's lying in one too!
What are you doing?
Making tea.
I've just asked them to stay for dinner.
Dinner?
No. Supper.
Cold supper.
Are they staying?
I don't know.
But I'll do it.
I'll do the supper.
Kettle.
Have you any brothers or sisters?
One sister.
- Is she beautiful?
- Very.
Come for a walk, hm?
I'm so comfortable.
It's so lovely here.
Yes, it is.
I think I'll go for a walk.
I'll come too.
- Are you fond of William?
- Why do you ask?
Are there many dons like you?
Certainly not.
- Mind, there's a spider's web.
- It won't hurt me.
Shall we go back now?
Yes.
- Oh, hello.
- Hello.
How are you?
Fine.
How's Laura?
Great.
All right, you know.
I don't know, really.
I haven't seen her.
I've been pretty busy, you know.
One thing and another.
- You look terrible.
- Me?
I feel wonderful.
Well, this'll kill you.
There.
I know.
Will you stay for supper?
I'd love to,
but I don't know about William.
He'll stay.
Have you seen William?
No.
How are you getting on?
Fine.
What do you mean?
What does Rosalind think about it?
What does Rosalind think about what?
- Have you seen Anna?
- No.
- You're staying for supper, aren't you?
- We ought to go.
It's all arranged.
Where are the children?
They're not back yet.
They went out to tea.
I didn't know that.
- How's the supper?
- Nearly there.
Oh, I think it's nearly ten years.
Whisky?
Cheers.
Who made that soup?
I didn't make any soup.
Your wife.
Your beautiful wife
made that damn soup.
It was beautiful soup!
My wife is beautiful too,
isn't she, Rosalind?
Yes.
She's as beautiful as that soup.
She's rich and intelligent
and beautiful.
And we have three kids.
Don't forget that.
And she understands me and...
And?
And we're all old friends,
him and his wife and me and my wife.
Don't forget that.
And he's more successful than me
because he appears on television.
- Do you talk on television?
- What do you think I do?
Play the flute?
- What do you talk about?
- You name it... and I'll talk about it.
He talks... about archaeology...
...astrology...
Anthropology,
sociolog... sociologgigy...
Sociology.
Codology.
And sex.
In that order.
He suits the medium.
You mean, you think
that I don't suit the medium?
They wouldn't let you
within ten miles of the medium!
I have an appointment.
With your producer.
Next week.
With my producer?
Your producer!
- With old Bill Smith?
- We're going home now.
Asked to see me.
You're... going to appear
on my television show.
And I will run you out of town, kid.
- Stephen, he wants to drive back.
- Who does?
William!
Do you hear me?
I'll drive you home.
Impossible!
He's drunk!
- I'll drive.
- You haven't got a licence.
- William, can I drive?
- No, you'll have to stay.
I will drive.
We'd better stay.
- Well, I'll drive!
- No, you won't!
- Well, then Charley can drive.
- Oh, to hell!
Look here.
Come on, boy.
You are slightly drunk.
You may stay.
Why the bloody hell
do you want us to bloody well stay?
Come on now.
Will you excuse me?
But of course, my dear fellow.
They're staying.
Which room is everybody in?
How the hell should I know?
Splendid day.
It gives me great pleasure
to know that you enjoyed
your day with us.
Good night.
Good night.
Anna?
Rosalind.
Darling.
What?
I love you.
Mm.
Reception.
Yes, I see. Thank you.
I'm afraid Mr Smith isn't here.
Will you see Mr Bell?
Er... all right.
Turn right as you go out.
One flight down to the annexe.
- It's the fifth door on the left.
- Thank you.
You can't miss it.
Hello. I'm Bell.
Remember me? I'm Bell.
- Erm...
- I was up at Oxford.
Oh, yes, of course.
How are you?
Bill Smith's iII. He's in hospital.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- I've got to see him. Got that file?
- I don't actually know him.
- You don't know him?
What did he want you for?
Do you know?
- Well, I think...
- Do you ever see Francesca?
- Who?
- Francesca. The provost's daughter.
The daughter of the provost.
Ah, yes.
No, I don't.
You knew her well.
I've been married for some years.
Well done.
Ah, yes. Bill was thinking of you
for the panel.
I've got to see him in a minute.
He's very iII.
- What's the matter with Bill?
- He's in hospital.
Mr Bill's secretary...
I think he was thinking of me for...
He was perfectly all right yesterday.
We had a drink together.
- I don't believe it.
- I don't know what his plans were.
What happened to him?
Perhaps I can let you know.
He collapsed last night.
Look, why don't you come and see him?
I'm going there now to see him.
- What time are you going?
- I'm going now.
All right. Sorry about this.
Give my love to Francesca.
- I haven't see her.
- Are you going straightaway?
I'm going right away! Now!
'Hello?'
'Hello?
'Hello?'
Francesca?
'I was in my bath
when you phoned.
'You haven't changed at all.
Not at all.'
'Wonderful to see you.'
'I was in my bath
when you phoned.'
'Well, it must be... ten years?'
'Ten years?
'It can't be.
'Must be.'
'It must be.'
'It is.'
'You don't look a day older.'
'Oh, really?
I'm ten years older.
'How's your wife?'
'It's a beautiful dress
and a beautiful coat.
'You look marvellous.'
'I'm in consumer research.
Did you know?
'It's fascinating.'
'Do you remember
those times in the car? Do you?
'Well, do you?'
'Of course I remember.
'I remember.
'I'm supposed to be on a diet.
I'm too fat.
'So then you have three?
'Three children.
Good gracious!'
'You're not fat.'
'I'm very happy.
'My life is happy.
'Have I changed?'
'You're the same.'
'The same as I was?
'The same as I was then?'
'The same.'
Hello.
I've just come from London.
I know.
To see the television people.
Did you see them?
I'm hungry.
I'm going to make an omelette.
We don't want any.
Shall I cook?
Can you?
Give me a cigarette.
I wrote to you.
The letter is in the hall.
You didn't get it.
I left early.
Get the letter.
There it is.
Another one for you.
From my wife.
A personal letter.
From her to you.
Open it.
De-da, de-da, de-da, de-da...
Ah.
"So I just want to beg you
that while...
"...still being understanding,
sympathetic, et cetera...
"...you don't necessarily show to him
"you think it's the great thing
of his life.
"You might even hint
that sooner or later,
"you'll be bored to death by her.
"I believe this, of course,
"but naturally I'm in a wrong position
even to hint.
"I always...
"...wondered what this would be like
if and when it happened.
"But I must say it beats everything.
"Love, Laura.
Don't say I wrote this
for heaven's sake."
I thought you didn't want any.
- I didn't.
- Then why are you eating it?
Mind your own damn bloody business!
- What are you doing?
- Making the bed.
No need to do that.
A woman comes in every morning.
I can do it.
Leave it!
Please.
Hello?
Hello? Yes?
This is Palling 146.
We are going.
Yes.
Taxi. Now! To go into Oxford.
You might as well stay.
- It's very late.
- Straight away, OK?
Bye.
Anna?
I've got a taxi.
It's on its way.
Shut the door, for God's sake.
It was her idea.
She knew Rosalind was away.
She said you wouldn't mind.
I don't mind.
Nothing to do with me.
It's your bloody house!
Anyway, I wrote to you.
You didn't get the damn letter.
- When did it start?
- What?
Weeks ago. Weeks.
We used to go to her room
in the afternoon.
Didn't even have a lock on the door.
Anyone could have come in.
Someone did come in once.
A girl.
Can you imagine?
Anyway, I'm sleeping at college
most of the time now.
I can't take her there, can I?
Where can I damn well take her?
I thought she and William were...
close friends.
They are. They're just friends.
Means nothing.
She's not a whore.
I don't know what to do, you see.
I can't have enough of her.
I don't know what to do.
Where's your car?
Laura's got it.
I will see Rosalind tomorrow
at her mother's.
And I'm going to William's house.
I've been invited down.
You can bring her here
for the weekend.
Thanks.
It's the children, you see.
I'm never there.
They're missing me.
The taxi's waiting!
Coming!
This is your dressing gown.
- Can I ask you a question?
- What?
How did you get in tonight?
Through the lavatory window.
You're getting old for that, aren't you?
- Yes, I am.
- Here's a key.
Thanks.
One more question.
What?
Last Sunday night,
when you all stayed...
...did you sleep with her here?
Of course I did.
Did you see anyone in London?
No.
What happened
about the television people?
Nothing. Wasn't any good.
You look wonderful.
I feel it. I feel great.
- I wish you could stay.
- So do I.
Still, you'll have a good time
at William's house, won't you?
With all those lords and ladies.
What's the matter?
- Hello, Laura.
- Hello, Stephen.
The door was open.
How are you?
Fine.
What are you doing?
Charley's not here.
I got your letter.
I'm just doing the garden.
When I got back from London...
...Charley and Anna were there.
Charley and Anna?
Yeah.
- Together in the house?
- Mm.
I was... I got back late a bit drunk.
I was astonished.
Why were you drunk?
Oh, I had dinner with Francesca.
You remember.
You remember Francesca?
Yes.
I just gave her a ring, you know.
It was quite pleasant.
He's sleeping with her, is he?
Hm? Who?
Charley. With Anna.
Yeah, of course.
How pathetic!
- What do you mean?
- Poor, stupid, old man.
- He's not old!
- Stupid bastard!
Does Laura know?
Yes.
And what about the children?
Has he told them?
- Do you want me to come?
- Yes.
It's just that I'm trying to tell you.
Do you want some coffee?
No, I don't want any coffee.
Listen...
This, this thing...
...i-i-it's nothing.
It'll all f-f-f.... fall flat.
He says he's in love with her.
Love. Everyone thinks
they're in love.
Do you?
I've never heard of anything
so bloody puerile, so banal!
What's banal about it?
Poor, stupid little bitch.
You just calling people stupid.
What's the use of...?
Well, they are. Except Laura.
She's stupid too.
You chucked them out, I hope.
- Don't worry about it.
- I'm not.
I think I'll pop in and see Laura.
It's on my way.
Give her my love.
I wanted to meet your father.
I'm sorry.
Anna was coming down but she's got
some of her family over or something.
Ah.
I've never thanked you
for introducing us.
I didn't.
Haven't you ever played
this game before?
No.
Tradition.
We all played it at school.
Oh.
You'll enjoy it. It's fun.
This is the ball.
You see?
I think you should go in goal.
- Where is it?
- Down there by that door.
I have a funny feeling
this is a murderous game.
Not at all.
Isn't it true that every aristocrat
wants to die?
I don't.
What do I do in goal?
Defend it.
- How?
- Any way you like.
- Can't I just watch?
- No.
You're a house guest.
You must play.
Only the old men watch.
And the ladies.
- You want one?
- No, thank you, Provost. No.
- Don't you smoke?
- Pipe.
- Ah.
- Come on!
And again!
Come on!
Owzat?
Hard luck.
He really is a magnificent athlete,
that boy.
Yes.
He's a natural.
That boy.
I was quite good myself. I...
But not altogether in the same class.
Stephen, were you any good?
No.
I... saw Francesca
when I was in London.
- Your daughter.
- Ah.
- How is she?
- Very well.
She sent you her love.
Ah, please give her mine
when you see her again.
Oh, I don't know
when I shall be seeing her again.
Hello.
Have a nice weekend?
Yes. Thank you
for your hospitality.
I'm getting married.
Oh. Who to?
William.
Ah.
Have you told him?
Well, congratulations.
I wonder
if you could tell Charley for me.
Will you let me know what he says?
Hello.
- Well played.
- Thanks!
Look, I want to come and see you.
Have a word with you.
Can I come tonight after this party?
It'll be a bit late.
- Yes, sure. What's the trouble?
- No trouble. No trouble at all.
- You coming?
- I don't want her!
I want a man-to-man talk!
Well, we can talk when she's in bed.
She can sleep in the spare room.
- Can't you?
- That would be nice.
OK. We'll see you later.
Come on!
It's all right.
Did anyone know
you were with him?
You can hear, can't you?
Did anyone know
you were coming here with him?
Was he supposed to have
dropped you off at your room?
He's dead.
You had an accident.
You crashed.
You were driving, weren't you?
Someone may see you.
Right.
Your handbag.
Hello?
Yes.
Oh, have you?
Oh, I was asleep.
I... I didn't hear it.
Yes.
Ah.
I see.
She's all right.
Yes.
Er... I-I-I-I'll get dressed right away
and get... get over.
Thank you.
Oh, I-I-I'm sorry
that I-I didn't hear the t...
No one will see you.
They phoned you.
You weren't there.
I was asleep.
I didn't hear.
He can't breathe.
It's difficult for him to breathe.
Did you see?
But he is breathing.
They're helping him.
- He isn't dead?
- No.
Stephen!
Stephen?
Er... I just heard about William.
You found him.
Yes.
Does she know?
I don't know.
It must have been terrible for you.
Look, erm...
You can leave this to me, if you like.
No. It's all right.
Anna?
What are you doing?
- You've heard what's happened?
- Yes.
Sorry.
What happened? Was he drunk?
They say there was whisky
all over the car. Was there?
I didn't notice.
But you found him.
How did you hear about it?
What are you doing?
Why are you packing?
I'm going home.
Why?
Why are you going home?
They were going to be married.
- Rubbish!
- He told me.
It's rubbish! Look, I know it's...
...terrible but...
There's no reason
for you to go home.
Why don't you leave her alone?
How did she hear about it? I've just
heard about it from the provost.
Wake up.
I haven't slept. Sorry.
I'm a bit tired.
What's the matter with her?
She didn't care anything about him.
Nothing.
What is she going home for?
It's ridiculous!
There's nothing to keep her here.
She loves me.
What are you talking about?
My taxi should be here.
- Have you got a flight?
- Yes, I've booked a flight.
Why don't you stay for the funeral?
- Is this all?
- Yes.
I'll take it down.
Goodbye.
Oh, I know!