Afonya (1975) Movie Script
Mosfilm
- Watch it!
- Cut!
Cut!
What do you want, comrade?
- Wha..?
- What do you want?
- Afonya.
- Who's Afonya?
Borschov. I've been waiting
for him for 2 hours!
Plow the land I will!
Till the land I will!
CLOSED FOR MAINTENANCE
Siphon block broke down.
No end of hassle now!
Have to get my pay before 15.00.
It's a quarter to.
Borschov! I'll add up sewage
maintenance for you!
Sure thing. I'm in no mood
to beaver away for free.
And the fountain!
- Haven't got one.
- What about matches?
- I don't smoke.
- Too bad for you.
- One kick less.
- Borschov!
- Do you have a conscience?
- I've loads of conscience.
Time is what I don't have.
AFONYA
Starring Leonid Kuravlev
Cast:
Katya - Yevgenia Simonova
Kolya - Yevgeny Leonov
Fidget - Savely Kramarov
Elena - Nina Maslova
Fedul - Borislav Brondukov
BUILDING ADMINISTRATION:
UTILITIES MANAGEMENT No2
CASHIER DESK
Borschov! Come back after 16.00.
Milya Christoforovna, please!
Need to take him for an injection.
He sticks with me like an orphan.
- What orphan?
- My nephew.
They sent him here from the village
for medical treatment.
- What's with him?
- Don't know.
Nobody knows. The poor little dot
can't stop shaking.
There he is!
Fedulov!
Fedulov!
- She spotted me. What'd ya want?
- Get back to work!
Doesn't he have
a legal lunch break?
He's been on lunch break
since 10 a.m.!
- Get back to work this very minute!
- Told ya we'd better go to 'Daisy'.
Coming!
A Georgy Danelia film.
This table free?
Gee, it's damn hot.
That roach?
Caspian.
Fresh?
Be my guest.
Gimme yours.
- I can't.
- Why not?
I'm allergic to it. It's a health
problem.
- I get skin rash.
- 10 grams.
- I can't!
- One drop?
- I said I can't!
- Half a drop.
For the smell of it.
Right into the snowstorm
We will daringly dash!
And onward we will drive
our sleigh...
You happy with your life?
Can't blame it.
What about yourself?
- Na.
- Too bad.
Why?
I take a philosophical approach
to it.
Philosophically I'm not too happy
with it either.
White geese paddled to Marusya...
Shoo, geese! Fly on...
Dig this!
BORSCHOV - PLUMBING MECHANIC
I've been hanging here into
my second week.
Come on in!
How about playing some good old
dominoes?
Where do you think you're going?
Gonna wipe my feet.
No need to!
Hello there. I'm Kolya.
Who's that?
Meet my friend Kolya.
I'm asking you: who is that?
What is your surname?
- I forgot.
- You have to remember.
- I can't.
- See how you end up?
You bring home god knows who.
What if he's an easy rider?
Or a wanted criminal?
Did you check his papers?
Mister!
I want to see your passport.
Borschov, I've been waiting
for you for 3 hours.
You've been hanging around
hell knows where.
Scam!
What now...
Kolya's gone...
God!
Alcoholic.
What's wrong with downing
a shot on pay day!
Pay day my ass!
I bought you perfume.
'Moscow'.
Not there.
I clearly remember buying it.
You drank it up. With Kolya.
You've ruined my life, Borschov!
- Here we go again...
- Yes... Yes...
'Here we go again'.
I've wasted 2 years of my life
on you.
Thought we'd get married
and live like all normal people do.
I... Hiccup, hiccup,
for Fedot you stick up,
then jump on to Jacob,
then on to Mike,
then to anyone you like.
You are a bastard, Borschov.
Bastard.
Get back here!
I said, get back here!
She thought..!
- What's the next stop?
- 'Profsoyuznaya'.
Belikov.
Feel my forehead. Am I running
a fever?
It's room temperature.
Murad, you feel it.
You need to cut down on your
drinking. My uncle Abdullah is 76.
Last year he won 3rd class in chess.
What do I care about this
Abdullah of yours.
Say, uncle Pasha, can I borrow
They paid out the wage advance
only yesterday.
- Need to run to the polyclinic.
- No way.
Cm'on, I quit.
Hey everyone!
We've a group of technical school
apprentices here!
Come in, feel yourselves at home.
But don't forget you're visiting.
Oh, it's only Borschov.
The rest are nice people basically.
I'll allocate you to your sections,
and our mechanics will show
what you theoretically know.
Not a bad rhyme.
Avdeyev and Buryak.
Your tutor will be Belikov.
He'll teach you to lose wrenches.
God! Rakhimov takes Kim,
Krivonos and Bubnov.
Uncle Pasha Shevchenko takes
Vasilyev, Ivanov and Sedin.
Hello.
- Well, good luck!
- The hell with it!
Well, get to know each other better.
Where're my guys?
Guys. Not so fast!
Don't get to know each other
better!
Lyudmila Ivanovna, and what about
me?
- What about you?
- Any students for me?
No students left. They ran out.
What'd you mean, ran out?
There's 8 of them.
Makes 2 for each of us.
- That's not what I think.
- Why?
Because.
Sure, if a person went wrong once, -
he's in for a life-long thrashing.
You work your guts out -
and you don't get no students.
Lyudmila Ivanovna...
I've been Lyudmila Ivanovna
for 40 years now. So?
All right. No students it shall be.
- But what matters is the truth.
- What truth?
Look at yourself in the mirror!
give you more than 26!
You two beer fans?
When it gets hot.
Heat or no heat -
don't even think about it at work!
My apprentice students.
Boy, it's hot!
Borschov!
You still here?! There's been
an accident. They called 3 times!
Albert Petrovich! How's it going?
Can't blame it.
They've forced these students
on me here. Have to teach'em.
Stop! This way.
What's this here?
- A tap.
- I can see that. What kind?
- It's to water.
- Good. It's a watering tap!
And what comes out of this tap?
- Water.
- Sure as hell it's not beer.
A spurt of water as thin as a match
ends up in a leakage of
Comrade mechanic!
- Over here! The 9th floor!
- On my way!
Wait a second, Afanasy Nikolayevich.
I'll wind the tap closed.
Wait! This is Belikov's sector.
He's got his own students.
Cm'on!
Semyon! Start the elevator!
Need to get to the 9th floor!
Can't do that.
Come back after lunch.
Outrageous! He's been fixing it
for 3 days.
Right, we'll come back after lunch.
Afanasy Nikolayevich, water's
flooding the apartment up there.
- Wrench!
- I only twisted it slightly, and...
'Twisted it'! Wrench! Hurry up!
Give him the wrench!
All I needed is this pain
in the ass.
Where do you work anyways,
Archimedes?
In the planetarium.
What if I'd tried to twist one
of your microscopes?
- A catastrophe.
- See what I mean? Cm'on, wiseguys.
Well, grandpa, I turned off your
water main.
And don't you attempt to open
the main tap.
When'll you open it?
Hell knows. There're no 'o' rings
at the warehouse.
- What am I supposed to do?
- Think!
You're an astronomer, aren't you?
- Maybe you could get one someplace?
- Where would I get it?
- I'm no Magic Gold Fish.
- I'll be much obliged.
Get me my magic case, Vova.
Think I had something like that
in store. Just one.
My own personal one.
Cost me 2.80. It's made in Japan.
There.
- Sly dog!
- Who, me?
We'd rather like milk soup
and potato cutlets.
You talk too much.
Well hey there!
- You work here now?
- 81 kopecks.
These are on me.
Them my students.
Hello.
It'll be 2 rubles 43 kopecks.
Why aren't you a foreman yet?
They won't make you?
Who, me? They offered me a thousand
times. But what do I need it for?
Your ambitions are completely
atrophied.
- Wha..?
- You've no urge to become famous.
How can a foreman be famous?
He's no cosmonaut or hockey
player.
A foreman has heaps of work
and a fixed salary.
Whereas I'm paid piece rate.
- Plus overwork.
- Plus tips.
Archimedes! He can use
his brains alright.
Here's for the movie tickets.
Thanks.
No thanks. And I'll give you back
- You so rich, eh?
- Can't say we're poor.
You think I'm poor?
- I let them go.
- What'd you mean, you let them go?
They learned fast.
Clever guys.
Borschov, wait!
- Do you realize you...
- Hello.
- Hello.
- Hello.
- You never get tired of joking.
- Who's joking?
Why do you hang around here?
I let you go, so off you go.
We ask to be transferred to another
specialist.
We refuse to work with Borschov.
- Why?
- It's a matter of principle.
Principle my ass! It is I who refuse
to work with you!
What do I need you for? Same
salary, and an extra pain in my ass.
Afanasy!
Hey there!
- Can I stay with you?
- What?
It's only for a while.
She threw me out.
Be my guest.
Gave me one bed set.
Said I could come for the second one
after she picks it from the laundry.
I rented this folding bed.
Afanasy! Do you have macaroni?
- Macaroni.
- No.
I bought 3 packs. Highest quality.
- Step inside.
- Afanasy, do you snore?
I don't know.
Well I do! But it's no big deal.
You go ahead and punch me
on the side.
Gotcha.
So I moved in.
- Don't we have a TV-set?
- Nope.
Why don't we rent one?
They're cheap.
Go ahead and do that.
- Where'd I put it?
- What're you looking for?
- My necktie.
- I'll give you mine.
Claudia brought it from Sochi.
It's nice looking.
Where is... There it is!
Lay there calm and quiet.
Mount Ahun.
Against the setting Sun.
Here, Afanasy, wear it.
No, thanks.
Afanasy.
Don't worry, I won't be staying
long.
Soon as Mikhalych comes back from
vacation, I'll move to his place.
You from the telephone station?
- No. - You're Vasya from
the 3rd construction company!
- Right?
- No.
I'm Kolya, a plasterer.
You're the guy from Assol cafe
last night?
- That's me.
- I thought I saw you before.
- Why didn't you say so? Hello!
- Hello.
So it's a housewarming then?
Draw! One of us will have to go
get the booze.
- Oh, no!
- Why not?
I've got... allergy.
What?!
Allergy.
There, this one?
That's the one.
All right then. You make yourself
at home, and I'm off to a meeting.
Oh, it's you?
Hey. I was passing by and I thought
I'd drop by.
Well, you go on and head your way.
How can I help you?
Sorry, wrong address.
CLEANING DAY
Trofimych!
- Where's Fedul?
- On lunch break.
Don't you ever have lunch?
You're like some camel.
Camel yourself.
I need to talk to Sima Petrovna.
Where is she? Leopold here.
Got married? Long ago?
May I?
The lady's engaged, dude.
- What is your name?
- Claire.
- I'm Carl.
- Dude!
On this one it's dames that ask
men to dance.
What about yourself?
Are you a dame?
And that is strictly my personal
business.
You're no dame, you're an asshole.
What?
It's wonderful weather, don't
you think?
All right, we'll talk later.
Cockroach's tit!
Young lady! Do they have
a cafeteria here?
I don't know.
May I ask you for a dance?
- Me?
- Yes.
You may.
Looks like they don't have
a cafeteria.
I don't know.
I'm here for the first time.
I've arranged to come here with my
girlfriend, Pasha Stroganova,
paramedic from ward 3.
But she couldn't make it.
Good heavens!
There's our TU committee chairman!
Now I will have to dance with him
all night!
Sorry, pal.
- May I?
- Already taken, dude.
Ladies ask men.
One minute.
Soon I'll be old and grey-haired, -
Time to retire and write memoirs...
This is a hot dance.
That's him.
We can relax, have some tea,
listen to the radio.
The program for those who
do not sleep.
- What's your name?
- Lyudmila.
Well, I happen to be Ruslan.
Holy baloney! I forgot to call
our HR manager.
I won't take a minute.
Ruslanych! I've a plasterer staying
at my place.
Tell him to grab his pillow and
mattress and go into the bathroom.
Thanks.
Excuse me.
Hey, mister, can I have you
for a chat?
Working hours over.
- Chicken, eh?
- Who, me?
- Scared of you?
- Cm'on then?
Cm'on.
So who's an 'asshole'?
They let you out?
Hazel-eyes!
What re you doing here?
- I thought...
- You thought what?
- I was worried.
- Worried? Are you a street cleaner?
- Why?
- Why'd you have to call the police?
Now they'll report me to my boss.
All right, bye now.
I'm really sorry!
- Where'd you live?
- Old city.
Old city. How will you get home?
Buses don't run at this time
of night.
Boiled water.
Spoon.
Tea.
Sugar?
Sugar.
Drink it, or you'll catch pneumonia.
What's your name, hazel-eyes?
Katya.
I'm Dormidont.
- Yevlampiyevich.
- No you're not. You're Afanasy.
The country knows its heroes
by name!
How do you know me?
You played volleyball with my
brother. Snegirev. Remember him?
- The dark haired lad?
- No, he's got brown hair.
He was in the reserve team.
Don't know anyone from
the reserve.
He moved to Irkutsk.
Got married. Has 3 kids.
Good for him. Blimey!
It's past 2.00.
Gotta go grab some sleep.
You can sleep in the room,
and I'll stay here.
- I'll bring the folding bed.
- Oh no, I'll go home.
The rain's over. Almost.
- I'd see you home, but...
- Oh no, no need to.
As you like. Chao.
I'll give you a ring. Sometime.
- What? What time is it?
- Wakey, wakey, company!
Sit.
Eat.
Did you hit the door jamb
or something?
No. It was an airplane.
What airplane?
TU-134.
It was landing, I got a bit absent
there, and - bang!
My Volodya used to have a haircut
exactly like yours.
He comes back - I'll have to
keep an eye on him.
- So you have kids?
- Two.
Volodya and Lena, my girl.
We need to buy a third fork.
- Go ahead.
- You have to get married, Afanasy.
What ever for? So I get thrown
out of my house like you?
Don't generalize.
Mine is an individual separate
case.
A family is a cell that forms
a society,
It is the foundation of a state.
Hello!
Hey there, hazel-eyes!
How're you doing?
- I'm fine.
- That's my girl! Keep it up!
Wait! What're you doing here?
Afanasy.
I work as an ambulance nurse.
Where I work - they were
distributing circus tickets.
They have Himalayan bears
riding bicycles.
I took 2 tickets. Want to come?
- When?
- Tonight.
Tonight I can't. Have to get ready
for the world politics class.
I'm conducting the politics
class tomorrow.
What's your number?
No. Ours is a different number.
I'll remember. 50 - that's one shot
of Vodka, one more shot, and 2.
- Still I'll write it down for you.
- Whatever.
Such is life, Katyusha.
It's all work, social extra-work
activities, self-education.
And no personal life.
Soon as I'm free - I'll give you
a call.
Comrades!
We received another signal
from the militia.
And once again it's about
Borschov.
With your permission I'll read it
to you.
- Go ahead, shoot.
- Afonya!
Come out to the stage.
- Let the good folks see you.
- Coming!
On April 2 this year,
while on vacation at
the 'Gorny Orel' resort home,
employee of your organization
Borschov,
being in a drunken state,
was arrested by the local
militia
for jumping and bathing in
the fountain in the city square.
We advise you to discuss
Borschov's unworthy conduct
and administer a public reprimand.
Chief of local militia dept of
the city of Ja...
Jarobaidy. Captain Tshardzh...
Tshardzhbridzhi Badzhibayev.
Well, comrades.
Any questions to Borschov?
Show some initiative, comrades!
Why'd you jump into the fountain?
Was it so hot?
- It was because of a woman.
- She was drowning?
No. There was a bunch of us.
And she said: 'Bet Voldemar won't
jump into the fountain!'
- So I jumped.
- Why you? Why is it always you?
That Voldemar fellow should've
jumped.
That's what she called me.
Oh, so I see. Still it's not good,
Borschov.
We gave you a discount on your
voucher, - and you!
- That's not good.
- Can't agree more.
Well, comrades.
Borschov recognizes the fact
of his disorderly conduct.
Any suggestions?
Fyodorov!
I suggest we issue a warning notice,
and all go home.
Good idea. Today they're showing
the 6th episode.
I've already got a 'warning notice'.
I don't have the 'severe reprimand'.
Oh, keep quiet, I know that.
Comrades. Borschov already has
a 'warning notice'.
He hasn't got a 'severe reprimand'.
Any suggestions?
- Who is it?
- The Pope in person!
- Who?
- It's the plumber! Open up.
Hello. Our tap roars like a tiger.
You don't have to do that.
I'll mess up your floor.
Done. It doesn't roar any more.
- You can use it safely.
- Thank you.
No problem.
If you need me, just call.
I'm A. N. Borschov.
A. N. Borschov!
You intend to go barefoot?
That's what overwork does
to you.
My boy's got 3 conditions.
Will have to feed the little
sponger all summer.
Life's no easy thing.
What time is it?
Young lady, what time is it please?
- 20 past 17.00.
- 20 past 17.00.
- So where is he?
- He promised to be here at 17.00.
One moment.
Wanna be the third party?
- What?
- Wanna be third?
- What?
- Oh, go home!
Afonya! I don't like people
like him!
Unpunctual.
Shit!
Afanacy, do you happen to know
the UN decision on Honduras?
You and... who N?
I've a feeling I live in a cave.
- Borschov!
- I'm not in.
I'm away on field works.
Complete isolation.
Afonya!
Hey, friend, call Afonya for us,
will ya!
He's not in.
Where is he?
- He went away.
- Went away?
He's on fieldworks.
- I don't fancy the likes of him.
- And who's that?
- And who're you?
- Me?
A relative... Distant.
Spare us a ruble, relative.
Afonya owes me a ruble.
- 2.
- Two!
A. N. Borschov?
- May I come in?
- Please do.
Done. You can use it now.
How much do I owe you?
Nothing.
The lack of client complaints -
is the best reward for a job
well done. All the best.
Eventually we can replace the sink
too.
Borschov! What do you say?
What is it?
Need to cut!
- What about a pipe strap?
- No good.
Call the emergency brigade!
They are fixing a sewer accident
in block 17. You know that.
That's none of my concern.
I finished my shift.
You're the forewoman -
you figure it out.
Good man, what about us?
We can't eat, can't drink,
can't wash our laundry.
water.
Is this not water? Good enough
for drinking and washing.
You can use it as a swimming pool,
grandpa!
Am I right? And I'm done for today.
See you tomorrow. Chao!
- What's your apartment, grandpa?
- 27.
So I've replaced the sink in this
one too.
- Sign here. It won't leak now.
- It didn't before.
It would have.
It was tin-plate.
I've changed it for a cast iron -
to last for ages.
Well thank you, but...
You can't spread
'thank you' over your bread.
Chao.
Done.
You can use it now.
I don't know how to thank you
enough.
That's nothing.
- You know who you are?
- Who?
You're Gena the Crocodile.
As handsome as him?
No. As generous.
With time I could
install a Finnish basin in your
bathroom.
- Ivan! What are you doing?
- See for yourself.
Picking mushrooms.
I see. 'And I play my harmonica
for passersby to see...'
- Hey there, hazel-eyes!
- Hello.
- How's life?
- Fine.
That's my girl. Keep it up!
So what's new?
Ivan! That's no way to do it!
It's leaning. You should use
a plumbrule.
Why don't you come over here
and help. Consultant.
I can't. I've no time.
So how's life? Tell me.
Afanasy.
Where I work paramedic Fedoseeva
had just had twins.
- No kidding!
- Yes. A boy and a girl.
The girls and I went to buy her
a baby pram.
When we came back,
they said someone called me.
- I thought, maybe it was you.
- Me? No, I didn't call.
I went away on fieldworks.
Only just come back.
- I thought it might have been you.
- No...
Just look at them!
Can't do anything right. Funny.
They're doing it for themselves!
And I thought it was you.
Give me your hand. Clench
your fist.
Say: beep!
Louder.
Hello! It's Gena the Crocodile
speaking.
There, so I called you.
I don't seem to be feeling well.
I'd better go lie down.
Read some papers.
Maybe you need medicine?
No. I prefer
Homemade remedies to medicine.
Soon as I get better, I'll call you.
At the vocational school
I used to sing in a choir.
They were going to send me
to a music school.
I had a 1st degree in volleyball
too.
They recommended me
for a master's degree.
I could be a couch by now.
Would travel worldwide.
If I hadn't quit, that is.
What's the use...
Claudia travelled to Hungary. I've
been asking her - she saw nothing.
Went on a shopping spree, bought
a wig. That made her happy.
- For you?
- For herself.
Afanasy, are your parents alive?
No. My mother died when I was one,
father was killed in the war.
You grew up in an orphanage?
No. My aunt looked after me.
- She alive?
- Auntie Frosya?
She's alive all right. That's her.
- And that's you?
- Right.
You're funny.
She used to call me Magic Horse.
A good-looking woman.
Half our village was crazy about
her. Only she was a one man woman.
Her fianc was killed in the Finnish
war - and that was it for her.
She must have grown older by now.
Haven't seen her since I went
to serve in the army.
Remind me to send her a postcard,
will you?
I moved here, and I didn't send her
my new address.
Look!
There's a comet.
It's only an airplane.
Afanasy!
If they'd offered you a planet with
any kind of life you choose, -
what would you choose?
I'd like one with free beer.
I'd choose one just like ours.
Only without wars, hotbeds
of tension....
So that people would live in peace
and accord, and not abuse each other
for trifling causes.
Give you an example.
There's this guy Vasya Solovyev -
our tasksetter.
Him and I spent 2 hours standing
in line to buy fresh bloodworm.
We finally got it, prepared it, -
and she threw it out into the sewer.
Who, Solovyev?
The bloodworm.
Broke our fishing rods too.
No.
I tell you, we haven't achieved
all-round sociability.
Tired, Afonya?
Yes.
- Hello, children.
- Hello, father.
Do you do your homework?
They do.
You have to study. You can't get
nowhere without education today.
There you go.
- Borschov! Drop by the office.
- What?
Vladimir Nikolayevich wants to see you.
What for?
There's been a report from
the militia.
You're charged with organizing
a fight in a dance hall.
When do you have the time for
all this, Borschov?
Jumping into fountains, fighting
in dance halls?
Comrades,
does anyone have questions
to Borschov?
Show some initiative, comrades.
We're wasting our own time.
- Your turn to make a speech.
- Comrades! On what topic?
- Pipes.
- Comrades!
For 3 months 1-inch pipes have been
lying useless in the yard,
and Voronkov doesn't give a damn.
And it's winter soon.
Get your sleigh ready in
the summer...
- Where would I get the workers?
- Voronkov!
Don't sidetrack the meeting!
What do you suggest on the Borschov
case?
Now about Borschov.
What about Borschov?
I think he deserves an honorable
mention.
- Afonya? Whatever for?
- For a noble attitude to women.
Vladimir Ivanovich, let's not keep
the meeting waiting!
Borschov? Maybe an honorable
mention?
A mention?
What for?
Comrades! This way we won't
be through until next morning.
It's such a trifling issue,
and we are wasting so much time.
Go ahead, Vostryakova.
And no more jokes.
I'm not in the mood.
What is happening with us?
Our comrade is going downhill,
and we are laughing.
Goes downhill? He goes dancing!
- You see what I mean.
- Quiet!
Quiet, comrades! Go on, Lyudmila
Ivanovna.
- Go on!
- What?
- Suggest a community sanction.
- What for?
We have to respond to the signal.
That's the thing. No one really
cares what happens to Borschov.
We all want to run home to watch TV.
Meanwhile, before our very eyes,
a working man is turning into
a hooligan and a drunkard.
- He's a disgrace to look at.
- Don't look.
I can't avoid it. Yesterday
he left the scene of an accident.
without water. He left ruthlessly.
I didn't sign up for working
overtime.
All you can think of -
is get a tip from the tenant
and get stoned.
You're a Neanderthal man!
- A who?
- A Neanderthal!
I'm Fantomas.
Borschov!
Can you prove by facts that Borschov
accepted cash from tenants?
What other facts do you need?
Look at him scoffing at us!
Satisfied, as fat as butter,
the world-beater!
I don't need to sit on a diet.
I'm not eager to get married.
At 42.
What?
Really now...
What shall we do with you,
Borschov?
I suggest we give Borschov
the sack.
For what?
For everything.
Because of your likes normal people
can't live in peace.
My sister's husband Fedul,
your pal, squandered away all
his dough on booze.
He beats up his wife, his son.
Yet you still want to make a man
out of him.
I suggest that we fire Borshov.
Which way is better: like this,
or like this?
Don't crumple it. Claudia brought
it from Riga for me.
Hey there! Nice weather, ein't it?
Why're you so jolly today?
No special reason.
I've been promoted to a management
position.
I'm away on fieldworks.
Hello.
- Is the tenant home?
- He went away on fieldworks.
- Long ago?
- That's right.
I saw him in the window just now.
Oh really? That's strange.
Perhaps he slipped past me
unnoticed. Come in.
Oh, you've come back then!
I've been in the kitchen.
Must've missed you.
Afanasy, when did you come back?
- Yesterday.
- Really?
Excuse me.
Well, Borschov, so you've decided
to keep your head down?
Why? I simply decided
to take a break.
- Don't I have the right?
- Of course you do.
- Made in Leningrad?
- Saratov.
Look at that. They've finally
mastered the tricks of the trade.
- Taking a break, eh?
- That's right, sir.
My woman sais: Go up to Afonya,
talk to him.
After today's meeting he's bound
to go on drinking bout.
So you've come to lecture me?
Why lecture? Thought I'd drop by
for no reason.
Don't you have a TV set?
Nope. No radio either. And I don't
subscribe to newspapers.
- That's my boy, a hero.
- No, you are the heroes.
Demoted a 4th degree mechanic to
an odd-jobber, and are happy now.
Nobody's happy.
You've got to understand:
the people want to help you.
Help me? Why does everyone
want to help me?
I don't barge into people's lives,
I let everyone live.
I won't care if they walk on their
heads.
- They do just that.
- So what do I care?
Care for some macaroni with
cheese?
No, thank you, I've already
had dinner.
- How about some tea?
- That I might.
Thank you.
You know what's your worst
quality, Borschov?
You are indifferent.
What's so bad about that?
I'm indifferent. Kolya here
is henpecked.
You are beetle-browed.
We are all different. So what?
I read in a book,
that you shouldn't as much fear
traitors and murderers, -
because all they can do is betray
or kill, -
as those indifferent.
It's with their silent connivance
that all crimes are committed.
Same old story. What do all of you
want from me?
Am I any worse than all the rest?
Don't others take tips or drink?
Do all of them have wings?
Why don't you leave the others
alone? Think about yourself.
Look at yourself!
Comrade, you are wrong there.
Every individual first of all
has to think about the society,
and only then - about himself
and his place in it.
Your philosophy will lead us
nowhere.
This is what I say, Borschov.
In building 4 you had replaced
a Finnish sink
with a rusty old one.
If by tomorrow you won't put it
back in place,- you will be fired.
All philosophy aside.
A. N. Borschov? Hello.
Hello.
You are a magician, A. N. Borschov.
- Ellen, what floor?
- 7.
Lena, do you have the keys?
Yes. Ivan, I want you to meet
A. N. Borschov in person.
Oh, Gena the Crocodile!
Nice to meet you. Orlov.
- Borschov.
- Look at the sink he brought us.
Wonderful. How much do
we owe you?
A.N. Borschov works for free.
He's an altruist.
Altruists can do with money too.
They have wives too. That enough?
- Do we go or don't we, bros?
- We sure do.
There's some more. And we'll
install it tomorrow, right?
I'll be working at home. Thank you.
Good bye.
Why isn't brother Borschov joining
us? A. N. Borschov, come on in.
He's got work to do. Good bye,
Gena the Crocodile.
Oh my darling, oh my darling,
You stop leaning on your dove!
Oh my dove, oh my dove,
I'm so terribly in love!
There you go, my friend.
One more time, mother!
Up!
Cut the yelling, cut the scolding,
I won't hide and I won't run,
I am young, my heart is yearning,
I just wanna have some fun!
Katyusha, there's someone asking
for you.
- Oh!
- Hello.
You receive guests?
- What kind of jam do you prefer?
- Any kind.
There's blueberry jam.
I made it myself. Want some?
I do.
We've honey too. Mother brought
some from Kuban. You like honey?
- Where is your mother now?
- She's on her shift.
She works as a train conductor.
Don't you worry, Afanasy.
Everything's going to be just fine!
What's important is that you're
a good man,
and all mistakes can be corrected.
You should come to your senses.
If I'd known you would come -
I'd make a mushroom pie.
Katerina.
Would you marry me?
Would you?
For that you have to love me,
don't you?
Afanasy.
If you like,
on Saturday we could go sailing.
Where I work this paramedic,
Shagar,
has a 2nd degree in yachting sport.
I'll ask him, and he'll take us
for a ride.
Would you like that?
Next summer we can sail along
the Yenisei river.
Go camping.
I saw it on TV - beautiful nature,
rapids.
We might as well.
Afanasy.
You have a wrinkle,
right on your nose bridge.
It's like a little ray.
One over here too.
We're getting old.
No.
It's because you like to laugh.
When someone's funny and jolly,
they have wrinkles around
the eyes.
Jolly. I sure feel like jumping
with joy.
Afanasy, I was thinking.
Where I work there's this girl,
Sonya Ryabinkina,
she was also judged by
the collective.
But it was her own fault.
She was rude with doctors.
She never wore her cap when
on shifts.
Never took part in social extra-work
activities.
But then she came to her senses.
Now you wouldn't recognize her.
She's always polite. Wears her
white cap at all times.
She even started writing poems
for the wall newspaper.
About influenza, encephalitic...
Main thing is to come to one's
senses. Right?
It's five o'clock.
I have to be going, Katyusha.
Have to meet my aunt.
My aunt is coming to visit
from the village.
Afanasy, would you like me to
come with you?
No, Katyusha. It's cold outside.
Katyusha, was I very drunk
last night?
You see, we kinda celebrated
Yevdokimov's retirement...
Afanasy.
They're sending me to Afrika.
They've built a new hospital there
With up-to-date equipment.
Anna Ivanovna, Ryabinkina and me.
Now I don't know whether I should
go or not.
Katya. What shift are you working
today?
- The second shift.
- I'll give you a call, right?
Deal, hazel-eyes?
Afonya!
Afonya, bosom buddy!
- Afonya!
- He's not in.
- Afonya!
- I'm telling you, he's not in.
And who are you?
Go get some sleep. You're drunk!
Why won't you stay for some more?
We'll buy us a TV set.
I can't.
Afanasy, I told you I can't.
My son's coming back from the army.
What example will I show him?
So I'll apologize. No big deal.
There's no harm in it for me.
There, let's sit for the road.
Maybe I should get married?
I don't know.
I really don't know, Afanasy.
A man has to decide his own life.
- Wait, let's talk some more.
- I can't. Have to go.
I still need to drop my things
at home on my way to work.
You forgot your hat.
No problem. It's my contribution.
Afanasy, I wrote down
my address for you.
Drop by my place sometime.
- Promise!
- I will.
Best when Claudia is not at home.
She saw your portrait and...
Well, you know.
Thank you, Afanasy.
Thank you for everything.
Good bye.
Good luck!
Hello, aunt Frosya.
Hello, Magic Horse!
I'm making you a shirt to wear
on September 1.
For that you've ruined your
only dress!
It's no use anyway.
Relative!
Relative!
Gimme a ruble, relative!
Afonya owes me a ruble.
Katyusha, we're here.
What's wrong with you?
- Lena, did they discharge Fedoseeva?
- Not yet.
Katyusha!
- Someone called you.
- Who?
A man.
Hey there, rabbits!
He's not in, young lady. He left.
- Where to?
- To a village.
- Oh, on fieldworks?
- He left for good.
How?
Hello.
Hello.
Hello!
Hello there.
Afonya!
Afonya! Let's go home!
- I'm talking to you!
- Be right there.
I've been hearing it since
this morning.
Hurry up!
Coming.
What, you fancy my steel stallion?
Want to swap?
I give you my horse, you give me
your cap.
Fidget?
Boar?
Wait...
Wait, wait.
Turn your side to me.
In the darkest forest,
in the darkest forest...
Magic Horse!
- Magic Horse!
- Fidget.
Ask to be dismissed of my own
free will - coma -
papers to be sent to Borschov -
coma -
I give up my apartment.
A. N. Borschov.
Thank you, Nadyusha.
You plan to work here?
- Maybe.
- Not maybe. For sure!
You know who this is? Professor
of plumbing engineering!
By the way, he's single.
Give us a smile, Lescheva.
You know what teeth she's got?
She can bite a nail in half!
Yelizaveta! Magic Horse is back!
My bosom buddy.
- Hello.
- Hello!
- Don't be late!
- Don't worry! He doesn't drink.
- He's got allergy!
- What?
Allergy!
We'll go fishing. I bought a bike.
Only it's hush-hush for Yelizaveta.
While she's in Fedot's henhouse.
- I will plow...
- I will plow...
- I will till the land!
- I will till the land!
- Ivan Ivanov! Remember him?
- You bet.
Every morning Ivan Ivanov
takes his stupid pants off!
Every night the same old man
puts his pants back on again.
Wait till I get you!
Cockroach's tit!
To think how many years I've sent
down the drain in the city!
- Now we'll start from scratch!
- You bet!
- In the darkest forest!
- In the darkest forest!
When?
It's been over a year now.
I thought you knew.
We sent you a telegram.
Didn't you receive it?
I don't understand.
I'll go get the key.
Hope I'm not interfering.
Who're you?
I'm Egor Leschev. You don't
remember me?
Uncle Egor.
Come in, uncle Egor. Sit down.
Oh, no. I've just dropped by
for a sec.
That's how it is, uncle Egor.
So I've come back.
Well, come into possession
of the inheritance.
This is Frosya's archive.
I kept it just in case.
Papers for the house.
Account book. She saved 87 rubles
in your name.
Bonds.
Letters written by Kolya,
your father.
Thank you.
His death notice.
Your letters.
Read'em, they're good letters.
Frosya wrote them to herself.
- How?
- Very simple.
She would write a letter, slip it
into a mailbox in Leshevka village,
then receive it at this end,
and read it to us.
Everyone knew, of course,
but didn't show it.
She loved you.
She sure did. She passed away
right here, by the window.
Never got tired of waiting for you.
The number!
- The number?
- Give me the phone number.
- Hospital.
- What hospital?
I need the phone number.
A shot of Vodka - that's 50, 5-0,
and then...
Nadyusha, the client forgot
the number.
Forgetful fellow.
Will you give it a try through
the register-office?
A personal favor.
Thank you, Nadyusha.
The address! Quick!
- Mine?
- Of your fianc.
It's near a monastery.
A 2-storey house.
Do you at least know her name?
- I do.
- Well?
Snegireva Yekaterina.
Nadyusha, sweetie! Try to find her
for me. City hospital.
First 4 digits are: 50-50.
Name Snegireva Yekaterina.
I'm waiting.
- Will she find her?
- She will.
Hello. Yes.
- She's out.
- Where is she?
Where is she, if you please?
I see. Thank you.
She left.
Once a daring maple
In a maple grove
With a stunning birch
Fell hopelessly in love...
Attention! Departure of flight
number 302
Verhnye Yamki - Petrozavodsk
is delayed due to...
Touch me and caress me
With your tender branch.
Now I stand here dying
For your loving touch.
Answer me, my darling,
I love you so much.
But the dashing whirlwind
Heard the song of love,
He sent thunder coming
On the maple grove.
And the feeble maple
Lost the fearful fight,
Just his farewell love song
Lingers in the night.
I want to change my ticket.
Again?
How I dream to build a castle,
A splendid crystal castle,
For my very lovely princess,
I'd become the good magician
that would work for you.
Cause it's only in a fairytale,
Yes it's only in a fairytale,
That thing happen
Like you want them to.
It is only in a fairytale
That all your dreams come true.
May I see your passport, young man?
Ticket please?
You were going to fly to Murmansk,
then to Petrozavodsk.
Now - Cherepovets?
- So is it all the same to you?
- Looks like it.
Who are we running away from?
From myself.
You can run away from yourself,
but not from the militia.
Follow me, mister.
Transit flight Zavyalovsk -
Cherepovets has just landed.
Passengers are requested
to board.
Mister! Follow me.
What's the problem anyway?
This is not your passport,
young man.
Whose is it?
Look here.
Now here.
Well?
Do you find any resemblance?
How about - like this?
My apologies.
Afanasy!
Someone called.
I thought it might have been you.
Script - Alexander Borodyansky
Directed by Georgy Danelia
Camera - Sergei Vronsky
Production designer -
Boris Nemechek
Music - M. Veinberg
Translation - Elena Baskakova
- Watch it!
- Cut!
Cut!
What do you want, comrade?
- Wha..?
- What do you want?
- Afonya.
- Who's Afonya?
Borschov. I've been waiting
for him for 2 hours!
Plow the land I will!
Till the land I will!
CLOSED FOR MAINTENANCE
Siphon block broke down.
No end of hassle now!
Have to get my pay before 15.00.
It's a quarter to.
Borschov! I'll add up sewage
maintenance for you!
Sure thing. I'm in no mood
to beaver away for free.
And the fountain!
- Haven't got one.
- What about matches?
- I don't smoke.
- Too bad for you.
- One kick less.
- Borschov!
- Do you have a conscience?
- I've loads of conscience.
Time is what I don't have.
AFONYA
Starring Leonid Kuravlev
Cast:
Katya - Yevgenia Simonova
Kolya - Yevgeny Leonov
Fidget - Savely Kramarov
Elena - Nina Maslova
Fedul - Borislav Brondukov
BUILDING ADMINISTRATION:
UTILITIES MANAGEMENT No2
CASHIER DESK
Borschov! Come back after 16.00.
Milya Christoforovna, please!
Need to take him for an injection.
He sticks with me like an orphan.
- What orphan?
- My nephew.
They sent him here from the village
for medical treatment.
- What's with him?
- Don't know.
Nobody knows. The poor little dot
can't stop shaking.
There he is!
Fedulov!
Fedulov!
- She spotted me. What'd ya want?
- Get back to work!
Doesn't he have
a legal lunch break?
He's been on lunch break
since 10 a.m.!
- Get back to work this very minute!
- Told ya we'd better go to 'Daisy'.
Coming!
A Georgy Danelia film.
This table free?
Gee, it's damn hot.
That roach?
Caspian.
Fresh?
Be my guest.
Gimme yours.
- I can't.
- Why not?
I'm allergic to it. It's a health
problem.
- I get skin rash.
- 10 grams.
- I can't!
- One drop?
- I said I can't!
- Half a drop.
For the smell of it.
Right into the snowstorm
We will daringly dash!
And onward we will drive
our sleigh...
You happy with your life?
Can't blame it.
What about yourself?
- Na.
- Too bad.
Why?
I take a philosophical approach
to it.
Philosophically I'm not too happy
with it either.
White geese paddled to Marusya...
Shoo, geese! Fly on...
Dig this!
BORSCHOV - PLUMBING MECHANIC
I've been hanging here into
my second week.
Come on in!
How about playing some good old
dominoes?
Where do you think you're going?
Gonna wipe my feet.
No need to!
Hello there. I'm Kolya.
Who's that?
Meet my friend Kolya.
I'm asking you: who is that?
What is your surname?
- I forgot.
- You have to remember.
- I can't.
- See how you end up?
You bring home god knows who.
What if he's an easy rider?
Or a wanted criminal?
Did you check his papers?
Mister!
I want to see your passport.
Borschov, I've been waiting
for you for 3 hours.
You've been hanging around
hell knows where.
Scam!
What now...
Kolya's gone...
God!
Alcoholic.
What's wrong with downing
a shot on pay day!
Pay day my ass!
I bought you perfume.
'Moscow'.
Not there.
I clearly remember buying it.
You drank it up. With Kolya.
You've ruined my life, Borschov!
- Here we go again...
- Yes... Yes...
'Here we go again'.
I've wasted 2 years of my life
on you.
Thought we'd get married
and live like all normal people do.
I... Hiccup, hiccup,
for Fedot you stick up,
then jump on to Jacob,
then on to Mike,
then to anyone you like.
You are a bastard, Borschov.
Bastard.
Get back here!
I said, get back here!
She thought..!
- What's the next stop?
- 'Profsoyuznaya'.
Belikov.
Feel my forehead. Am I running
a fever?
It's room temperature.
Murad, you feel it.
You need to cut down on your
drinking. My uncle Abdullah is 76.
Last year he won 3rd class in chess.
What do I care about this
Abdullah of yours.
Say, uncle Pasha, can I borrow
They paid out the wage advance
only yesterday.
- Need to run to the polyclinic.
- No way.
Cm'on, I quit.
Hey everyone!
We've a group of technical school
apprentices here!
Come in, feel yourselves at home.
But don't forget you're visiting.
Oh, it's only Borschov.
The rest are nice people basically.
I'll allocate you to your sections,
and our mechanics will show
what you theoretically know.
Not a bad rhyme.
Avdeyev and Buryak.
Your tutor will be Belikov.
He'll teach you to lose wrenches.
God! Rakhimov takes Kim,
Krivonos and Bubnov.
Uncle Pasha Shevchenko takes
Vasilyev, Ivanov and Sedin.
Hello.
- Well, good luck!
- The hell with it!
Well, get to know each other better.
Where're my guys?
Guys. Not so fast!
Don't get to know each other
better!
Lyudmila Ivanovna, and what about
me?
- What about you?
- Any students for me?
No students left. They ran out.
What'd you mean, ran out?
There's 8 of them.
Makes 2 for each of us.
- That's not what I think.
- Why?
Because.
Sure, if a person went wrong once, -
he's in for a life-long thrashing.
You work your guts out -
and you don't get no students.
Lyudmila Ivanovna...
I've been Lyudmila Ivanovna
for 40 years now. So?
All right. No students it shall be.
- But what matters is the truth.
- What truth?
Look at yourself in the mirror!
give you more than 26!
You two beer fans?
When it gets hot.
Heat or no heat -
don't even think about it at work!
My apprentice students.
Boy, it's hot!
Borschov!
You still here?! There's been
an accident. They called 3 times!
Albert Petrovich! How's it going?
Can't blame it.
They've forced these students
on me here. Have to teach'em.
Stop! This way.
What's this here?
- A tap.
- I can see that. What kind?
- It's to water.
- Good. It's a watering tap!
And what comes out of this tap?
- Water.
- Sure as hell it's not beer.
A spurt of water as thin as a match
ends up in a leakage of
Comrade mechanic!
- Over here! The 9th floor!
- On my way!
Wait a second, Afanasy Nikolayevich.
I'll wind the tap closed.
Wait! This is Belikov's sector.
He's got his own students.
Cm'on!
Semyon! Start the elevator!
Need to get to the 9th floor!
Can't do that.
Come back after lunch.
Outrageous! He's been fixing it
for 3 days.
Right, we'll come back after lunch.
Afanasy Nikolayevich, water's
flooding the apartment up there.
- Wrench!
- I only twisted it slightly, and...
'Twisted it'! Wrench! Hurry up!
Give him the wrench!
All I needed is this pain
in the ass.
Where do you work anyways,
Archimedes?
In the planetarium.
What if I'd tried to twist one
of your microscopes?
- A catastrophe.
- See what I mean? Cm'on, wiseguys.
Well, grandpa, I turned off your
water main.
And don't you attempt to open
the main tap.
When'll you open it?
Hell knows. There're no 'o' rings
at the warehouse.
- What am I supposed to do?
- Think!
You're an astronomer, aren't you?
- Maybe you could get one someplace?
- Where would I get it?
- I'm no Magic Gold Fish.
- I'll be much obliged.
Get me my magic case, Vova.
Think I had something like that
in store. Just one.
My own personal one.
Cost me 2.80. It's made in Japan.
There.
- Sly dog!
- Who, me?
We'd rather like milk soup
and potato cutlets.
You talk too much.
Well hey there!
- You work here now?
- 81 kopecks.
These are on me.
Them my students.
Hello.
It'll be 2 rubles 43 kopecks.
Why aren't you a foreman yet?
They won't make you?
Who, me? They offered me a thousand
times. But what do I need it for?
Your ambitions are completely
atrophied.
- Wha..?
- You've no urge to become famous.
How can a foreman be famous?
He's no cosmonaut or hockey
player.
A foreman has heaps of work
and a fixed salary.
Whereas I'm paid piece rate.
- Plus overwork.
- Plus tips.
Archimedes! He can use
his brains alright.
Here's for the movie tickets.
Thanks.
No thanks. And I'll give you back
- You so rich, eh?
- Can't say we're poor.
You think I'm poor?
- I let them go.
- What'd you mean, you let them go?
They learned fast.
Clever guys.
Borschov, wait!
- Do you realize you...
- Hello.
- Hello.
- Hello.
- You never get tired of joking.
- Who's joking?
Why do you hang around here?
I let you go, so off you go.
We ask to be transferred to another
specialist.
We refuse to work with Borschov.
- Why?
- It's a matter of principle.
Principle my ass! It is I who refuse
to work with you!
What do I need you for? Same
salary, and an extra pain in my ass.
Afanasy!
Hey there!
- Can I stay with you?
- What?
It's only for a while.
She threw me out.
Be my guest.
Gave me one bed set.
Said I could come for the second one
after she picks it from the laundry.
I rented this folding bed.
Afanasy! Do you have macaroni?
- Macaroni.
- No.
I bought 3 packs. Highest quality.
- Step inside.
- Afanasy, do you snore?
I don't know.
Well I do! But it's no big deal.
You go ahead and punch me
on the side.
Gotcha.
So I moved in.
- Don't we have a TV-set?
- Nope.
Why don't we rent one?
They're cheap.
Go ahead and do that.
- Where'd I put it?
- What're you looking for?
- My necktie.
- I'll give you mine.
Claudia brought it from Sochi.
It's nice looking.
Where is... There it is!
Lay there calm and quiet.
Mount Ahun.
Against the setting Sun.
Here, Afanasy, wear it.
No, thanks.
Afanasy.
Don't worry, I won't be staying
long.
Soon as Mikhalych comes back from
vacation, I'll move to his place.
You from the telephone station?
- No. - You're Vasya from
the 3rd construction company!
- Right?
- No.
I'm Kolya, a plasterer.
You're the guy from Assol cafe
last night?
- That's me.
- I thought I saw you before.
- Why didn't you say so? Hello!
- Hello.
So it's a housewarming then?
Draw! One of us will have to go
get the booze.
- Oh, no!
- Why not?
I've got... allergy.
What?!
Allergy.
There, this one?
That's the one.
All right then. You make yourself
at home, and I'm off to a meeting.
Oh, it's you?
Hey. I was passing by and I thought
I'd drop by.
Well, you go on and head your way.
How can I help you?
Sorry, wrong address.
CLEANING DAY
Trofimych!
- Where's Fedul?
- On lunch break.
Don't you ever have lunch?
You're like some camel.
Camel yourself.
I need to talk to Sima Petrovna.
Where is she? Leopold here.
Got married? Long ago?
May I?
The lady's engaged, dude.
- What is your name?
- Claire.
- I'm Carl.
- Dude!
On this one it's dames that ask
men to dance.
What about yourself?
Are you a dame?
And that is strictly my personal
business.
You're no dame, you're an asshole.
What?
It's wonderful weather, don't
you think?
All right, we'll talk later.
Cockroach's tit!
Young lady! Do they have
a cafeteria here?
I don't know.
May I ask you for a dance?
- Me?
- Yes.
You may.
Looks like they don't have
a cafeteria.
I don't know.
I'm here for the first time.
I've arranged to come here with my
girlfriend, Pasha Stroganova,
paramedic from ward 3.
But she couldn't make it.
Good heavens!
There's our TU committee chairman!
Now I will have to dance with him
all night!
Sorry, pal.
- May I?
- Already taken, dude.
Ladies ask men.
One minute.
Soon I'll be old and grey-haired, -
Time to retire and write memoirs...
This is a hot dance.
That's him.
We can relax, have some tea,
listen to the radio.
The program for those who
do not sleep.
- What's your name?
- Lyudmila.
Well, I happen to be Ruslan.
Holy baloney! I forgot to call
our HR manager.
I won't take a minute.
Ruslanych! I've a plasterer staying
at my place.
Tell him to grab his pillow and
mattress and go into the bathroom.
Thanks.
Excuse me.
Hey, mister, can I have you
for a chat?
Working hours over.
- Chicken, eh?
- Who, me?
- Scared of you?
- Cm'on then?
Cm'on.
So who's an 'asshole'?
They let you out?
Hazel-eyes!
What re you doing here?
- I thought...
- You thought what?
- I was worried.
- Worried? Are you a street cleaner?
- Why?
- Why'd you have to call the police?
Now they'll report me to my boss.
All right, bye now.
I'm really sorry!
- Where'd you live?
- Old city.
Old city. How will you get home?
Buses don't run at this time
of night.
Boiled water.
Spoon.
Tea.
Sugar?
Sugar.
Drink it, or you'll catch pneumonia.
What's your name, hazel-eyes?
Katya.
I'm Dormidont.
- Yevlampiyevich.
- No you're not. You're Afanasy.
The country knows its heroes
by name!
How do you know me?
You played volleyball with my
brother. Snegirev. Remember him?
- The dark haired lad?
- No, he's got brown hair.
He was in the reserve team.
Don't know anyone from
the reserve.
He moved to Irkutsk.
Got married. Has 3 kids.
Good for him. Blimey!
It's past 2.00.
Gotta go grab some sleep.
You can sleep in the room,
and I'll stay here.
- I'll bring the folding bed.
- Oh no, I'll go home.
The rain's over. Almost.
- I'd see you home, but...
- Oh no, no need to.
As you like. Chao.
I'll give you a ring. Sometime.
- What? What time is it?
- Wakey, wakey, company!
Sit.
Eat.
Did you hit the door jamb
or something?
No. It was an airplane.
What airplane?
TU-134.
It was landing, I got a bit absent
there, and - bang!
My Volodya used to have a haircut
exactly like yours.
He comes back - I'll have to
keep an eye on him.
- So you have kids?
- Two.
Volodya and Lena, my girl.
We need to buy a third fork.
- Go ahead.
- You have to get married, Afanasy.
What ever for? So I get thrown
out of my house like you?
Don't generalize.
Mine is an individual separate
case.
A family is a cell that forms
a society,
It is the foundation of a state.
Hello!
Hey there, hazel-eyes!
How're you doing?
- I'm fine.
- That's my girl! Keep it up!
Wait! What're you doing here?
Afanasy.
I work as an ambulance nurse.
Where I work - they were
distributing circus tickets.
They have Himalayan bears
riding bicycles.
I took 2 tickets. Want to come?
- When?
- Tonight.
Tonight I can't. Have to get ready
for the world politics class.
I'm conducting the politics
class tomorrow.
What's your number?
No. Ours is a different number.
I'll remember. 50 - that's one shot
of Vodka, one more shot, and 2.
- Still I'll write it down for you.
- Whatever.
Such is life, Katyusha.
It's all work, social extra-work
activities, self-education.
And no personal life.
Soon as I'm free - I'll give you
a call.
Comrades!
We received another signal
from the militia.
And once again it's about
Borschov.
With your permission I'll read it
to you.
- Go ahead, shoot.
- Afonya!
Come out to the stage.
- Let the good folks see you.
- Coming!
On April 2 this year,
while on vacation at
the 'Gorny Orel' resort home,
employee of your organization
Borschov,
being in a drunken state,
was arrested by the local
militia
for jumping and bathing in
the fountain in the city square.
We advise you to discuss
Borschov's unworthy conduct
and administer a public reprimand.
Chief of local militia dept of
the city of Ja...
Jarobaidy. Captain Tshardzh...
Tshardzhbridzhi Badzhibayev.
Well, comrades.
Any questions to Borschov?
Show some initiative, comrades!
Why'd you jump into the fountain?
Was it so hot?
- It was because of a woman.
- She was drowning?
No. There was a bunch of us.
And she said: 'Bet Voldemar won't
jump into the fountain!'
- So I jumped.
- Why you? Why is it always you?
That Voldemar fellow should've
jumped.
That's what she called me.
Oh, so I see. Still it's not good,
Borschov.
We gave you a discount on your
voucher, - and you!
- That's not good.
- Can't agree more.
Well, comrades.
Borschov recognizes the fact
of his disorderly conduct.
Any suggestions?
Fyodorov!
I suggest we issue a warning notice,
and all go home.
Good idea. Today they're showing
the 6th episode.
I've already got a 'warning notice'.
I don't have the 'severe reprimand'.
Oh, keep quiet, I know that.
Comrades. Borschov already has
a 'warning notice'.
He hasn't got a 'severe reprimand'.
Any suggestions?
- Who is it?
- The Pope in person!
- Who?
- It's the plumber! Open up.
Hello. Our tap roars like a tiger.
You don't have to do that.
I'll mess up your floor.
Done. It doesn't roar any more.
- You can use it safely.
- Thank you.
No problem.
If you need me, just call.
I'm A. N. Borschov.
A. N. Borschov!
You intend to go barefoot?
That's what overwork does
to you.
My boy's got 3 conditions.
Will have to feed the little
sponger all summer.
Life's no easy thing.
What time is it?
Young lady, what time is it please?
- 20 past 17.00.
- 20 past 17.00.
- So where is he?
- He promised to be here at 17.00.
One moment.
Wanna be the third party?
- What?
- Wanna be third?
- What?
- Oh, go home!
Afonya! I don't like people
like him!
Unpunctual.
Shit!
Afanacy, do you happen to know
the UN decision on Honduras?
You and... who N?
I've a feeling I live in a cave.
- Borschov!
- I'm not in.
I'm away on field works.
Complete isolation.
Afonya!
Hey, friend, call Afonya for us,
will ya!
He's not in.
Where is he?
- He went away.
- Went away?
He's on fieldworks.
- I don't fancy the likes of him.
- And who's that?
- And who're you?
- Me?
A relative... Distant.
Spare us a ruble, relative.
Afonya owes me a ruble.
- 2.
- Two!
A. N. Borschov?
- May I come in?
- Please do.
Done. You can use it now.
How much do I owe you?
Nothing.
The lack of client complaints -
is the best reward for a job
well done. All the best.
Eventually we can replace the sink
too.
Borschov! What do you say?
What is it?
Need to cut!
- What about a pipe strap?
- No good.
Call the emergency brigade!
They are fixing a sewer accident
in block 17. You know that.
That's none of my concern.
I finished my shift.
You're the forewoman -
you figure it out.
Good man, what about us?
We can't eat, can't drink,
can't wash our laundry.
water.
Is this not water? Good enough
for drinking and washing.
You can use it as a swimming pool,
grandpa!
Am I right? And I'm done for today.
See you tomorrow. Chao!
- What's your apartment, grandpa?
- 27.
So I've replaced the sink in this
one too.
- Sign here. It won't leak now.
- It didn't before.
It would have.
It was tin-plate.
I've changed it for a cast iron -
to last for ages.
Well thank you, but...
You can't spread
'thank you' over your bread.
Chao.
Done.
You can use it now.
I don't know how to thank you
enough.
That's nothing.
- You know who you are?
- Who?
You're Gena the Crocodile.
As handsome as him?
No. As generous.
With time I could
install a Finnish basin in your
bathroom.
- Ivan! What are you doing?
- See for yourself.
Picking mushrooms.
I see. 'And I play my harmonica
for passersby to see...'
- Hey there, hazel-eyes!
- Hello.
- How's life?
- Fine.
That's my girl. Keep it up!
So what's new?
Ivan! That's no way to do it!
It's leaning. You should use
a plumbrule.
Why don't you come over here
and help. Consultant.
I can't. I've no time.
So how's life? Tell me.
Afanasy.
Where I work paramedic Fedoseeva
had just had twins.
- No kidding!
- Yes. A boy and a girl.
The girls and I went to buy her
a baby pram.
When we came back,
they said someone called me.
- I thought, maybe it was you.
- Me? No, I didn't call.
I went away on fieldworks.
Only just come back.
- I thought it might have been you.
- No...
Just look at them!
Can't do anything right. Funny.
They're doing it for themselves!
And I thought it was you.
Give me your hand. Clench
your fist.
Say: beep!
Louder.
Hello! It's Gena the Crocodile
speaking.
There, so I called you.
I don't seem to be feeling well.
I'd better go lie down.
Read some papers.
Maybe you need medicine?
No. I prefer
Homemade remedies to medicine.
Soon as I get better, I'll call you.
At the vocational school
I used to sing in a choir.
They were going to send me
to a music school.
I had a 1st degree in volleyball
too.
They recommended me
for a master's degree.
I could be a couch by now.
Would travel worldwide.
If I hadn't quit, that is.
What's the use...
Claudia travelled to Hungary. I've
been asking her - she saw nothing.
Went on a shopping spree, bought
a wig. That made her happy.
- For you?
- For herself.
Afanasy, are your parents alive?
No. My mother died when I was one,
father was killed in the war.
You grew up in an orphanage?
No. My aunt looked after me.
- She alive?
- Auntie Frosya?
She's alive all right. That's her.
- And that's you?
- Right.
You're funny.
She used to call me Magic Horse.
A good-looking woman.
Half our village was crazy about
her. Only she was a one man woman.
Her fianc was killed in the Finnish
war - and that was it for her.
She must have grown older by now.
Haven't seen her since I went
to serve in the army.
Remind me to send her a postcard,
will you?
I moved here, and I didn't send her
my new address.
Look!
There's a comet.
It's only an airplane.
Afanasy!
If they'd offered you a planet with
any kind of life you choose, -
what would you choose?
I'd like one with free beer.
I'd choose one just like ours.
Only without wars, hotbeds
of tension....
So that people would live in peace
and accord, and not abuse each other
for trifling causes.
Give you an example.
There's this guy Vasya Solovyev -
our tasksetter.
Him and I spent 2 hours standing
in line to buy fresh bloodworm.
We finally got it, prepared it, -
and she threw it out into the sewer.
Who, Solovyev?
The bloodworm.
Broke our fishing rods too.
No.
I tell you, we haven't achieved
all-round sociability.
Tired, Afonya?
Yes.
- Hello, children.
- Hello, father.
Do you do your homework?
They do.
You have to study. You can't get
nowhere without education today.
There you go.
- Borschov! Drop by the office.
- What?
Vladimir Nikolayevich wants to see you.
What for?
There's been a report from
the militia.
You're charged with organizing
a fight in a dance hall.
When do you have the time for
all this, Borschov?
Jumping into fountains, fighting
in dance halls?
Comrades,
does anyone have questions
to Borschov?
Show some initiative, comrades.
We're wasting our own time.
- Your turn to make a speech.
- Comrades! On what topic?
- Pipes.
- Comrades!
For 3 months 1-inch pipes have been
lying useless in the yard,
and Voronkov doesn't give a damn.
And it's winter soon.
Get your sleigh ready in
the summer...
- Where would I get the workers?
- Voronkov!
Don't sidetrack the meeting!
What do you suggest on the Borschov
case?
Now about Borschov.
What about Borschov?
I think he deserves an honorable
mention.
- Afonya? Whatever for?
- For a noble attitude to women.
Vladimir Ivanovich, let's not keep
the meeting waiting!
Borschov? Maybe an honorable
mention?
A mention?
What for?
Comrades! This way we won't
be through until next morning.
It's such a trifling issue,
and we are wasting so much time.
Go ahead, Vostryakova.
And no more jokes.
I'm not in the mood.
What is happening with us?
Our comrade is going downhill,
and we are laughing.
Goes downhill? He goes dancing!
- You see what I mean.
- Quiet!
Quiet, comrades! Go on, Lyudmila
Ivanovna.
- Go on!
- What?
- Suggest a community sanction.
- What for?
We have to respond to the signal.
That's the thing. No one really
cares what happens to Borschov.
We all want to run home to watch TV.
Meanwhile, before our very eyes,
a working man is turning into
a hooligan and a drunkard.
- He's a disgrace to look at.
- Don't look.
I can't avoid it. Yesterday
he left the scene of an accident.
without water. He left ruthlessly.
I didn't sign up for working
overtime.
All you can think of -
is get a tip from the tenant
and get stoned.
You're a Neanderthal man!
- A who?
- A Neanderthal!
I'm Fantomas.
Borschov!
Can you prove by facts that Borschov
accepted cash from tenants?
What other facts do you need?
Look at him scoffing at us!
Satisfied, as fat as butter,
the world-beater!
I don't need to sit on a diet.
I'm not eager to get married.
At 42.
What?
Really now...
What shall we do with you,
Borschov?
I suggest we give Borschov
the sack.
For what?
For everything.
Because of your likes normal people
can't live in peace.
My sister's husband Fedul,
your pal, squandered away all
his dough on booze.
He beats up his wife, his son.
Yet you still want to make a man
out of him.
I suggest that we fire Borshov.
Which way is better: like this,
or like this?
Don't crumple it. Claudia brought
it from Riga for me.
Hey there! Nice weather, ein't it?
Why're you so jolly today?
No special reason.
I've been promoted to a management
position.
I'm away on fieldworks.
Hello.
- Is the tenant home?
- He went away on fieldworks.
- Long ago?
- That's right.
I saw him in the window just now.
Oh really? That's strange.
Perhaps he slipped past me
unnoticed. Come in.
Oh, you've come back then!
I've been in the kitchen.
Must've missed you.
Afanasy, when did you come back?
- Yesterday.
- Really?
Excuse me.
Well, Borschov, so you've decided
to keep your head down?
Why? I simply decided
to take a break.
- Don't I have the right?
- Of course you do.
- Made in Leningrad?
- Saratov.
Look at that. They've finally
mastered the tricks of the trade.
- Taking a break, eh?
- That's right, sir.
My woman sais: Go up to Afonya,
talk to him.
After today's meeting he's bound
to go on drinking bout.
So you've come to lecture me?
Why lecture? Thought I'd drop by
for no reason.
Don't you have a TV set?
Nope. No radio either. And I don't
subscribe to newspapers.
- That's my boy, a hero.
- No, you are the heroes.
Demoted a 4th degree mechanic to
an odd-jobber, and are happy now.
Nobody's happy.
You've got to understand:
the people want to help you.
Help me? Why does everyone
want to help me?
I don't barge into people's lives,
I let everyone live.
I won't care if they walk on their
heads.
- They do just that.
- So what do I care?
Care for some macaroni with
cheese?
No, thank you, I've already
had dinner.
- How about some tea?
- That I might.
Thank you.
You know what's your worst
quality, Borschov?
You are indifferent.
What's so bad about that?
I'm indifferent. Kolya here
is henpecked.
You are beetle-browed.
We are all different. So what?
I read in a book,
that you shouldn't as much fear
traitors and murderers, -
because all they can do is betray
or kill, -
as those indifferent.
It's with their silent connivance
that all crimes are committed.
Same old story. What do all of you
want from me?
Am I any worse than all the rest?
Don't others take tips or drink?
Do all of them have wings?
Why don't you leave the others
alone? Think about yourself.
Look at yourself!
Comrade, you are wrong there.
Every individual first of all
has to think about the society,
and only then - about himself
and his place in it.
Your philosophy will lead us
nowhere.
This is what I say, Borschov.
In building 4 you had replaced
a Finnish sink
with a rusty old one.
If by tomorrow you won't put it
back in place,- you will be fired.
All philosophy aside.
A. N. Borschov? Hello.
Hello.
You are a magician, A. N. Borschov.
- Ellen, what floor?
- 7.
Lena, do you have the keys?
Yes. Ivan, I want you to meet
A. N. Borschov in person.
Oh, Gena the Crocodile!
Nice to meet you. Orlov.
- Borschov.
- Look at the sink he brought us.
Wonderful. How much do
we owe you?
A.N. Borschov works for free.
He's an altruist.
Altruists can do with money too.
They have wives too. That enough?
- Do we go or don't we, bros?
- We sure do.
There's some more. And we'll
install it tomorrow, right?
I'll be working at home. Thank you.
Good bye.
Why isn't brother Borschov joining
us? A. N. Borschov, come on in.
He's got work to do. Good bye,
Gena the Crocodile.
Oh my darling, oh my darling,
You stop leaning on your dove!
Oh my dove, oh my dove,
I'm so terribly in love!
There you go, my friend.
One more time, mother!
Up!
Cut the yelling, cut the scolding,
I won't hide and I won't run,
I am young, my heart is yearning,
I just wanna have some fun!
Katyusha, there's someone asking
for you.
- Oh!
- Hello.
You receive guests?
- What kind of jam do you prefer?
- Any kind.
There's blueberry jam.
I made it myself. Want some?
I do.
We've honey too. Mother brought
some from Kuban. You like honey?
- Where is your mother now?
- She's on her shift.
She works as a train conductor.
Don't you worry, Afanasy.
Everything's going to be just fine!
What's important is that you're
a good man,
and all mistakes can be corrected.
You should come to your senses.
If I'd known you would come -
I'd make a mushroom pie.
Katerina.
Would you marry me?
Would you?
For that you have to love me,
don't you?
Afanasy.
If you like,
on Saturday we could go sailing.
Where I work this paramedic,
Shagar,
has a 2nd degree in yachting sport.
I'll ask him, and he'll take us
for a ride.
Would you like that?
Next summer we can sail along
the Yenisei river.
Go camping.
I saw it on TV - beautiful nature,
rapids.
We might as well.
Afanasy.
You have a wrinkle,
right on your nose bridge.
It's like a little ray.
One over here too.
We're getting old.
No.
It's because you like to laugh.
When someone's funny and jolly,
they have wrinkles around
the eyes.
Jolly. I sure feel like jumping
with joy.
Afanasy, I was thinking.
Where I work there's this girl,
Sonya Ryabinkina,
she was also judged by
the collective.
But it was her own fault.
She was rude with doctors.
She never wore her cap when
on shifts.
Never took part in social extra-work
activities.
But then she came to her senses.
Now you wouldn't recognize her.
She's always polite. Wears her
white cap at all times.
She even started writing poems
for the wall newspaper.
About influenza, encephalitic...
Main thing is to come to one's
senses. Right?
It's five o'clock.
I have to be going, Katyusha.
Have to meet my aunt.
My aunt is coming to visit
from the village.
Afanasy, would you like me to
come with you?
No, Katyusha. It's cold outside.
Katyusha, was I very drunk
last night?
You see, we kinda celebrated
Yevdokimov's retirement...
Afanasy.
They're sending me to Afrika.
They've built a new hospital there
With up-to-date equipment.
Anna Ivanovna, Ryabinkina and me.
Now I don't know whether I should
go or not.
Katya. What shift are you working
today?
- The second shift.
- I'll give you a call, right?
Deal, hazel-eyes?
Afonya!
Afonya, bosom buddy!
- Afonya!
- He's not in.
- Afonya!
- I'm telling you, he's not in.
And who are you?
Go get some sleep. You're drunk!
Why won't you stay for some more?
We'll buy us a TV set.
I can't.
Afanasy, I told you I can't.
My son's coming back from the army.
What example will I show him?
So I'll apologize. No big deal.
There's no harm in it for me.
There, let's sit for the road.
Maybe I should get married?
I don't know.
I really don't know, Afanasy.
A man has to decide his own life.
- Wait, let's talk some more.
- I can't. Have to go.
I still need to drop my things
at home on my way to work.
You forgot your hat.
No problem. It's my contribution.
Afanasy, I wrote down
my address for you.
Drop by my place sometime.
- Promise!
- I will.
Best when Claudia is not at home.
She saw your portrait and...
Well, you know.
Thank you, Afanasy.
Thank you for everything.
Good bye.
Good luck!
Hello, aunt Frosya.
Hello, Magic Horse!
I'm making you a shirt to wear
on September 1.
For that you've ruined your
only dress!
It's no use anyway.
Relative!
Relative!
Gimme a ruble, relative!
Afonya owes me a ruble.
Katyusha, we're here.
What's wrong with you?
- Lena, did they discharge Fedoseeva?
- Not yet.
Katyusha!
- Someone called you.
- Who?
A man.
Hey there, rabbits!
He's not in, young lady. He left.
- Where to?
- To a village.
- Oh, on fieldworks?
- He left for good.
How?
Hello.
Hello.
Hello!
Hello there.
Afonya!
Afonya! Let's go home!
- I'm talking to you!
- Be right there.
I've been hearing it since
this morning.
Hurry up!
Coming.
What, you fancy my steel stallion?
Want to swap?
I give you my horse, you give me
your cap.
Fidget?
Boar?
Wait...
Wait, wait.
Turn your side to me.
In the darkest forest,
in the darkest forest...
Magic Horse!
- Magic Horse!
- Fidget.
Ask to be dismissed of my own
free will - coma -
papers to be sent to Borschov -
coma -
I give up my apartment.
A. N. Borschov.
Thank you, Nadyusha.
You plan to work here?
- Maybe.
- Not maybe. For sure!
You know who this is? Professor
of plumbing engineering!
By the way, he's single.
Give us a smile, Lescheva.
You know what teeth she's got?
She can bite a nail in half!
Yelizaveta! Magic Horse is back!
My bosom buddy.
- Hello.
- Hello!
- Don't be late!
- Don't worry! He doesn't drink.
- He's got allergy!
- What?
Allergy!
We'll go fishing. I bought a bike.
Only it's hush-hush for Yelizaveta.
While she's in Fedot's henhouse.
- I will plow...
- I will plow...
- I will till the land!
- I will till the land!
- Ivan Ivanov! Remember him?
- You bet.
Every morning Ivan Ivanov
takes his stupid pants off!
Every night the same old man
puts his pants back on again.
Wait till I get you!
Cockroach's tit!
To think how many years I've sent
down the drain in the city!
- Now we'll start from scratch!
- You bet!
- In the darkest forest!
- In the darkest forest!
When?
It's been over a year now.
I thought you knew.
We sent you a telegram.
Didn't you receive it?
I don't understand.
I'll go get the key.
Hope I'm not interfering.
Who're you?
I'm Egor Leschev. You don't
remember me?
Uncle Egor.
Come in, uncle Egor. Sit down.
Oh, no. I've just dropped by
for a sec.
That's how it is, uncle Egor.
So I've come back.
Well, come into possession
of the inheritance.
This is Frosya's archive.
I kept it just in case.
Papers for the house.
Account book. She saved 87 rubles
in your name.
Bonds.
Letters written by Kolya,
your father.
Thank you.
His death notice.
Your letters.
Read'em, they're good letters.
Frosya wrote them to herself.
- How?
- Very simple.
She would write a letter, slip it
into a mailbox in Leshevka village,
then receive it at this end,
and read it to us.
Everyone knew, of course,
but didn't show it.
She loved you.
She sure did. She passed away
right here, by the window.
Never got tired of waiting for you.
The number!
- The number?
- Give me the phone number.
- Hospital.
- What hospital?
I need the phone number.
A shot of Vodka - that's 50, 5-0,
and then...
Nadyusha, the client forgot
the number.
Forgetful fellow.
Will you give it a try through
the register-office?
A personal favor.
Thank you, Nadyusha.
The address! Quick!
- Mine?
- Of your fianc.
It's near a monastery.
A 2-storey house.
Do you at least know her name?
- I do.
- Well?
Snegireva Yekaterina.
Nadyusha, sweetie! Try to find her
for me. City hospital.
First 4 digits are: 50-50.
Name Snegireva Yekaterina.
I'm waiting.
- Will she find her?
- She will.
Hello. Yes.
- She's out.
- Where is she?
Where is she, if you please?
I see. Thank you.
She left.
Once a daring maple
In a maple grove
With a stunning birch
Fell hopelessly in love...
Attention! Departure of flight
number 302
Verhnye Yamki - Petrozavodsk
is delayed due to...
Touch me and caress me
With your tender branch.
Now I stand here dying
For your loving touch.
Answer me, my darling,
I love you so much.
But the dashing whirlwind
Heard the song of love,
He sent thunder coming
On the maple grove.
And the feeble maple
Lost the fearful fight,
Just his farewell love song
Lingers in the night.
I want to change my ticket.
Again?
How I dream to build a castle,
A splendid crystal castle,
For my very lovely princess,
I'd become the good magician
that would work for you.
Cause it's only in a fairytale,
Yes it's only in a fairytale,
That thing happen
Like you want them to.
It is only in a fairytale
That all your dreams come true.
May I see your passport, young man?
Ticket please?
You were going to fly to Murmansk,
then to Petrozavodsk.
Now - Cherepovets?
- So is it all the same to you?
- Looks like it.
Who are we running away from?
From myself.
You can run away from yourself,
but not from the militia.
Follow me, mister.
Transit flight Zavyalovsk -
Cherepovets has just landed.
Passengers are requested
to board.
Mister! Follow me.
What's the problem anyway?
This is not your passport,
young man.
Whose is it?
Look here.
Now here.
Well?
Do you find any resemblance?
How about - like this?
My apologies.
Afanasy!
Someone called.
I thought it might have been you.
Script - Alexander Borodyansky
Directed by Georgy Danelia
Camera - Sergei Vronsky
Production designer -
Boris Nemechek
Music - M. Veinberg
Translation - Elena Baskakova