Agent Mr. Chan (2018) Movie Script

Sweetie, you haven't finish your drink
Uncle Yu!
Come on, drink up!
Oh, you are the man!
No, not at all
Just one word from my daughter
and instantly, you set up such a huge place
for her wedding party
- Fok
- Yes?
It's a good thing I'm not in your line of work
- Why's that?
- Otherwise, I'd have you get me a gun
- For what?
- To shoot that jerk in the head
Uncle Yu,
right now I think you need an ICBM instead
I'm so happy!
Aw, go on over!
-L'm so happy
- I dreamt of getting married here
when I was a kid
Sexy DOV
Sexy DOV?
Sexy DOV'-!
You're awake?
You carried and raised your daughter,
then gave her to me
Gimme one hour
and I'll give you back a baby
You're crazy!
Let's...let's make babies!
Give me...
three minutes!
My sugar, honey, baby...
Heung, I'm about to tell you something
you're not going to expect
Say no more, I'm begging you
Whenever you talk, it makes me so high!
Be very calm, very calm, my dear
Especially in English!
We've been together for three weeks,
but every single moment feels like first love!
Listen clearly
Go on, go on!
lam a SPY
My husband is a spy!
Your godfather is a very dangerous arms dealer
I'm here to steal
his miniaturized nuclear warhead
Thank you for your contribution to world peace
You were serious?
You were just using me?
It's for world peace
So we're...
not getting married?
Without world peace,
it's hard for me to have a relationship
A spy!
There's a spy here!
Excuse me.
For the bride, from the groom
It's a surprise.
Play it now
Agent Chan is strong,
and resourceful
He's a world-famous,
international, special agent
There's a SPY!
There's a SPY!
To complete his assignment,
Mr Chan tricked your emotions
The agency apologizes on behalf of Mr Chan
and hopes you
have not suffered emotional or bodily harm
I won't let you get away with this!
What did he give you?
Even the mustache was fake
That's how most men are
"Three days later"
It's okay, don't worry
How long have you been here?
About five minutes
I like your umbrella, Mr Chan
You've got taste
It's fireproof, bulletproof, and...
works as a sword
It can also be a shield
All of them
This is the miniaturized nuclear
warhead you sent
As you might say,
it's not worth the cost of repair
There's bound to be some damage during transit
You're sure it wasn't intentional?
I did indeed accidentally
inadvertently on purpose break it,
but such a convenient nuclear warhead
wouldn't be good to drop on any country,
Mr Chan, what we need is obedience
and devotion
I am devoted to world peace
Then you aren't devoted to any nation!
If the whole agency
hadn't pleaded for you, liver chops,
you'd be dead already!
Take off all your equipment,
liver chops!
I think you're too excited.
You want to call me chopped liver,
not liver chops
Don't answer back, you bastard!
And, and...
Thank you both for your history of service
From this day forth,
in your vernacular,
"dump the crabs"
and watch yourself
Dumping the crabs means to watch yourself?
Well, the dumped crabs
are alive,
when you pick them up,
you have to watch yourself
So what do we do now?
We may be out of the agency,
but the world still has many who...
need us to solve problems
If we don't even have a car,
does that count as a problem?
Hey! The owner is here!
He's right here!
Mister, is this car yours?
You, sir!
Which department told you to take my car?
If you would, please take your keys and move it
The keys were just burnt up
Sir, I was just fired
On the outside, I may appear very calm,
but deep inside,
I'm extremely agitated
This gangster wants to scare us!
You guys in your uniforms...
What are you doing there, playing Spider-Man?
Just in time, officer
Without any paperwork,
these guys were going to take my car
Hands in the air! Face forward!
Turn around and slowly get on your knees!
"Probationary Inspector of Police"
"Inspector of Police"
"Senior Inspector of Police"
Morning, Madam!
Keep your eye on this one
He has 263 jaywalking citations,
516 parking infractions,
672 counts of public indecency,
and untold numbers of dumping violations
Jaywalking? Show me your ID!
Don't run! Stop
"Appointed as the Commissioner of Police"
Finally free
No one can resist
Ice fire, man and woman
Free for all
Open your eyes
Never give up
Give me courage
A human story
"Agent Chan is dismissed"
Scarifice like fireworks
DANG! Secretary for Security
What's your name, political assistant?
Last name's Tai
Your hair is very dry
For dull skin
Cracked lips
Do you mind not being such a pain?
You may not accept me now,
but you'll grow to appreciate me
Practice your smile a little
Welcome to the
international arts festival opening ceremony
First, let's have Finance Secretary Tsang
give the opening address
Let's walk together
Sir, it's time for the speech
after the ballet performance
Are you okay, sir?
I'm a little dizzy
I've got this
What's this?
What happened?
We're to help the fat Mr Ma on the 26th floor
to keep his wife from catching him in the act
On the 16th floor, where the skinny Dr Fung is,
we are to notify his wife
to catch him in the act
we are to notify his wife
to catch him in the act
That's the deal
So we're catching one, releasing another
Recycle and reuse
One location with two jobs
We save time and save on gas
Good boy, Genius
Call Mrs Fung so she can catch him
Yes, sir
Wow, that got a response
Look, once I open the door,
you go in and beat her up
Mrs Fung speaks mandarin?
Oh, shit!
I mixed their names up!
Time to dump the crabs
Oh! Watch yourself!
I've finally got him now!
That dog!
Let's see what he does about it
Cna't take that
Get out!
Tell Mr Ma to meet me by the back staircase
He's not picking up!
Then call an ambulance
There's no time! They switched elevators!
Do these secondhand things still work?
Your wife's on her way up! Get dressed!
Just get your shoes on. Don't leave anything
No one's here?
That's not possible
Can't go any further!
I can't!
I've got the goods on him now, look!
Shhh! Get on
What's wrong?
There was a noise
My wife's chasing us, of course there's noise!
No, from below!
It's Dr Fung's wife!
What's his specialty?
Seems you're in luck
I know you concerned about your image, Mr Ma
But next time you want a prostate exam,
going to a hospital would be more thorough
What are you doing here, training?
What are you doing here?
Outta the way!
Getting checkups in a hotel?
Nobody would believe that!
- Why not?
- Today I'm gonna see
just what kind of evil thing
you've gotten up into!
Spread your legs! Raise them up!
Lemme see!
Would you like to have world peace?
I want world peace every day
Hey, stop pushing for world peace
with the clients!
Would I need to 'camp out' for world peace?
You must watch your step
This staircase has such character
Out of your whole house,
I like this staircase the most
Hi, landlady, enough?
I had the most memorable time
of my life, my dear
Don't you go anywhere for the next six weeks
Only six weeks?
Eight weeks, then
I'll visit you at your restaurant
Thanks for the hard work,
having to use your sex appeal
to pay the rent again
You take the good with the bad
Just remember,
my relationship with her isn't just about rent
There's water, electric, gas, management fees,
and even the odd sausage
Be thankful
Don't be so glum
If we were still with the agency,
Arcaba would've long been gone
Why would we be catching cheaters?
That's no way to see it
Without local peace,
how can there be world peace?
Most importantly,
cheaters give us business
So shouldn't we...
pop some champagne to celebrate?
What's the use of local peace or world peace
if you're not at peace yourself?
The police chief is paying
you so much attention,
soon we won't even have water to drink
The one I drink is called "Don"
This one is called "Don Dom"
Where did you find this?
Through online bidding.
3 for 100. You gonna drink it?
Regarding the previous day at the arts festival
with finance secretary Tsang...
Mr Tsang took the stage to share in the fun
by showing his skill
There is no further need for speculation
Say what you need from over there
The secretary's going to jump
The secretary's going to jump?
Is he having some more fun?
- That's all for today's statements
- Tell us a little more!
Don't get any closer! Back off!
You come down first
Be careful
I've put you in a real bind this time
KC, if you had me come up,
you're probably not going to jump
You have to help me this time
Help me clear my name!
"Twentieth Anniversary of Broken Promises"
KC, I can't help in an official capacity,
but I can do some digging on the down-low
Catch me if you can!
Is all this so necessary?
It's been twenty years!
Here should be fine,
I can't even get a GPS lock
How could somebody hate for such a long time?
Out of love
That's true.
Every time she sees me,
the first thing she says is marriage
Anyway, starting right now,
don't say anything,
eat your rations,
and don't start a fire
Captain, we found two illegals!
Easy! It's my ID...just my ID
Dispatch, this is sergeant 4776, over
Two illegals.
They may have stolen Hong Kong IDs, over
Sir, our clogs suspect
these two sexually assaulted them
Isn't that a bit much?
Arrest him!
Yes, sir!
Mr Chan,
let's get married!
When will you be done screwing with me, Chief?
If there has to be a time limit,
then ten thousand light years
As I understand it,
light years measure distance
I hate people like you...
not one serious thing to say
You clearly hate me. You'd love to strangle me
Yet you're pretending to
joke about light years and distances?
I beg your pardon, my dear
He's using English again!
So what is it I can do
that can shorten those light years?
Are you begging me?
Yes, of course I'm begging you
Did you hear what happened
with the finance secretary?
I get it
What do you get?
Well, he made a fool of himself in public
and you're his niece, right?
And he's always supported you,
so personally and professionally,
you have a responsibility
to help him set things right
Trouble is, if you publicly
use police authority,
people will say you're playing favorites
and begging me
Solve it in ten days
Whatever you need, short of weapons,
you'll have it
One credit card with no limit
That all, then?
Erase ten thousand light years
It's already been twenty years, Heung
Back then, I honestly didn't expect
you were a virgin
Thank you, Mr Chan!
Thank you
Sir, you can't park on the double yellow
Sir, you can't park here.
License and ID, please
Thank you
Sir! You really...
Thank you
Dispatch, this is Inspector Fong!
I've sighted a submarine! I need backup!
Copy! Invisible fighters is ready!
Hong Kong has submarines?
I need a sub!
I need a sub, color to follow!
Good afternoon, sir
Good afternoon
ls it hot here,
or is it just you?
Oh, thank you, Mr Chan
You so welcome. Okay
Oh, Mr Chan, that's not necessary
We all know who you are
Nice to hear that
It's he here?
Mr Chan, it's so nice to have you back
Shaken and stirred, please
What can I do for you?
I need those accessories
I'm afraid I can't help you.
You've lost your license to kill
I nearly forgot
But if you show me how you did it
Did What?
Stole my gun twenty years ago
What gun?
This gun...
You mean this gun?
You bloody bastard
Well, it's been a pleasure
Good afternoon
Get down...go over there
Get down...
Chief, whatever's wrong, we can talk about it!
You took my black card
and blew 3 million in 3 days!
Investigations require money!
Who do you think I am?
You mean womanizing and living it up!
I used that 3 million for equipment!
What you were sharing with me just then,
please tell it to the chief
I said
Sammi feels that eating meat is cruel,
so she's long wanted to be a vegetarian
To me, this movie will be a great challenge
When it's done, I hope everyone will like it
What have you done?!
Roast pig offerings?!
A family of six!
A father, mother,
brothers and sisters!
Oh, pig mother...
Don't die, pig mother!
You guys have to bring her back!
What's wrong?
Call an ambulance!
I'll save you!
Where are the feet?
Where are the feet?
Right here
Call an ambulance!
Call an ambulance
Call an ambulance...
After Sammi,
it was the finance secretary's turn
What happened?
After the secretary, it was Chilam's turn
Release that innocent child!
He's my son!
Let's go!
Boss, your ride is ready to go!
Look out, look out!
Sorry, no photos
Chilam has always liked dressing as Ultraman
Last year, during a television interview,
he said that as a kid,
he loved pretending he was Ultraman
Three Fridays,
three different celebrity incidents
That means this Friday
something might happen again
This is no longer concerns you two. Leave!
Thank you so much
Then they weren't going crazy,
just letting out what they normally hide
As if the finance secretary
is usually a cross-dresser?
You can't judge a book by its cover
Without checking it out, how would you know?
Am I wrong?
During all the shots
she fired,
you were quite calm
She was only using a self-defense gun
It's only for scaring people
Made in the Ukraine.
It even has different effects
You can't judge a book by its cover
"Financial Secretary's official residence"
Any news?
The secretary hasn't come out for days
The taste and smell is about right
It just lacks color
This chef is quite liberal with the MSG
The soup is ready, Mr Secretary!
Which agency are you from?
Not an international one
Whichever one doesn't matter
How you handle things, that's mostly about luck
It's the same for reporters
You're in luck tonight.
Have some soup
When you're here,
you follow my rules
I don't like the heat, Mr Secretary
Drink the soup and soon
I'll give you something good
Oh, what a waste!
Such a waste, Mr Secretary
Not a problem.
There's an entire bowl
What is it?
Does my appearance frighten you?
No. It has nothing to do...
with your looks
Still not having any?
It's getting cold
Sir, I'm used to...
adding some alcohol in my soup, Do you mind?
Help yourself
I like to flavour things with a bit of mint
Great, great
And healthy!
Eat up
I'm really not hungry!
Come with me
All of this is my prized collection
I've always considered myself
a successful person,
with fame and status
Yet I'm not brave enough
to wear my favourite clothes outside
How successful would you say I am?
One last question, Mr Secretary
Who do you think is the most likely to
mess with you?
I've only ever had friends, never enemies
Alright, enough questions
Take care, friend
It's been a real honour
Thank you
ls it that I have a stuffy nose?
It's like there's been a gassy smell all night
If it smells gassy, then it's gas
He turned on gas to kill himself
and you couldn't smell it?
Are you agent or not?
The money's all gone.
The secretary's in a coma
You found nothing!
You're only good at swindling women, no?
we actually have three targets right now
The three targets are
connected with the three victims
You say they're suspects?
Where's your proof?
We didn't say they were suspects
We said they are targets
Police catch suspects
Spies catch targets,
drag them back for a coerced confession,
proof will naturally be found,
which turns them into suspects
I pulled every connection
I had to get this setup here
The world's most advanced
"Ultra-tactile mind reality"
Explain it to the chief
Put simply, it uses human brainwaves for VR
Thanks to anesthesia,
these three are knocked out,
so their senses make them think
they're in a virtual world,
unable to separate fact from fiction
Are you working or playing around?
if I don't play with them,
how will I get information from them?
I'm over here
I know that
Now what?
You'll need anesthesia, too, right?
No, I have undergone specialized self-hypnosis
Here goes,
Ten, Nine, Eight
Go for it!
Couldn't you let me count some more
before calling out?
For real?
We're all set. Let's do it!
What is this place?
This should be...Hell
What's all that?
This gear is actually still
in the development stage
The sensory portion isn't finished,
so we have to make up for it manually,
meaning if they're bitten by
a mosquito in that world,
we'll have to pinch them in the real world
You are so dead!
Don't worry, everyone
Just by looking around, I know this is a dream
You can't feel pain in a dream. Let's test it
Go ahead
It's Hell! It's Hell!
- What's up?
- Over here
Look at me
I can't see anything
Let's pinch each other
This place is evil.
Pinching nipples
hurts your face
If it hurts so much, this ought to be Hell
You try it
Got it!
Did you have to hit so hard?
He's just a mole!
And that's why it has to seem real!
Do someone else
You can go again
What's going on up ahead, tubby?
Nothing. It looks good.
You go, I'll take up the rear
You go ahead
But I'm blind
The deceased named Chau Hung,
Li Bo, Cheung Chi, Chan Ho Yan...come with me!
Why did you bring in a girl like this?
It's VR, Chief,
don't think too much about it
Besides, no man can stop himself
from speaking the truth to her
Look at him
Once you cross this tunnel,
you can be reborn anew,
but you must speak your life's greatest sin
I'll go first! One time,
I stole from a beggar
and then bought a Happy Girls poster
You like Happy Girls, too?
So do I...
What is Happy Girls?
Happy Girls is a
girl group popular in geek circles
They're a big hit right now
One time, when I was working with Happy Girls,
I stole some of their hair
and brought it to Thailand
Stole their hair?
What did you do in Thailand?
Some voodoo, of course
After that, I could
Could what?
Could do this?
Get that for her. Let's go, let's go!
That's it, like that!
You touched it!
This old man can't handle it!
They're really into it!
Why'd you poke me?
I didn't
Hey, Chief...
I'm actually a chef
My specialty is making
and eating Happy Girls abalone
I'll just help myself
I'm sorry
You bunch of perverts
Go ahead and touch
Stamp it out!
Are you crazy?!
You lowlifes deserve what you get!
You bunch take those trifling things...
as real confessions?
Why does she seem so terrifying?
Give Hatano Yui back to us!
I will give you one more chance!
Speak your life's worst crimes!
you will never be reincarnated!
Never reincarnated?
Never reincarnated!
No! No!
I'll do it!
I was unhappy with my boss,
so I drugged him
Well, I did give Sammi something
I also gave a little to Chilam
We wouldn't dare do it again
Every time the secretary ate my food,
he said it was lacking
It pissed me off,
so I put some in to make a fool of him
I didn't expect him to kill himself!
Then where did you get these drugs?
Who gave it to you!
Right, you speak up!
I don't know
You don't know?
Ox-head! Horse-face!
Bummed body bend!
"Bummed body bend"
O-R-Z, which means to prostrate oneself
It is time for punishment
No, don't!
Seriously, don't!
Are you out of your mind?
Hey, why are you awake?
Get back in there!
Why am I awake? The way you're kicking,
forget hypnosis, I would wake from hibernation
If you don't speak up,
the next one will wind up like him!
I was about to say it,
but you're really too harsh
Getting pushed around down here
same as up there...
Even when you submit,
you still get pushed around!
One, two, three
"Let's go sing karaoke"
"Let's go fly away"
"Any time of year, let's go and see the world"
"Sharing eternal love,"
"even in death I won't leave you"
This song's called
It's from Happy Girls!
Oh shit, the system's hung!
What's wrong with them?
The road's forked. Which way?
There are chicks over there!
They'll be in there, running non-stop
until their brains are out of juice
Three or four days
What are you staring at?
Maybe two or three days
Well, the system's not yet stable
You know that bummed body bend
You even know that song
You're one of those geeks, too?
The only clue we have right now is that
they all coincidentally like
that so-called Happy Girls group
And by chance, in two days
there's a so-called Dream-Girl Fest
A what-fest?
The Dream-Girl Fest is
an annual convention for male geeks
Each year, a different web-famous girl-group
puts on a show
This year, it will be
the most popular one, Happy Girls!
Lots of geeks, just to get near their idols,
line up to buy tickets two months in advance!
Their tickets are harder
to get than for comedy shows!
Are you insane?
You're not just a geek
You're a virgin, right?
The world's least trustworthy people
are virgins,
because they're always thinking about
how to lose their virginity
They'll sell anyone out for that,
with no hesitation
Can I still trust you?
Hey, there's no need to be so angry
You here to train the virgin boys...
and girls?
Are you Goldfinger?
The name's Roger
But when women see me, they call me 'More!'
Roger Moore
Beat it, old man!
Roger Mo-lest
Such an apt name
The more wandering hand
eventually got Parkinson's
Nevermind that, it's time to take my medication
He's too old to get it up,
but still acts so dirty
But it's directed at you.
That's still a kind of approval
You're all perverts!
Chief...l'll say something and you be the judge
This geek will die
at the hands of woman, sooner or later
He's a geek, how would he get a woman?
Those aren't women, they're dream-girls
The festival has lots of them!
There, you heard it
Chief, I strongly urge you,
as soon as possible, to find a geek like him,
have him infiltrate that social circle,
and look into these 'Happy Girls'
I guarantee you'll get results
Great. I'm assigning you to go in
Chief, my training has always been...
to attract women,
not to frighten them
You're well aware of that
If you don't know how, learn!
Here, learn from him!
Yes, Madam
"The clothes make the man"
Looking the part is the most important
Tristan and Isolde?
Or is this Siegfried!
I'm the instructor today!
How about I not teach or do anything!
Sorry, Sir
It was reflexes
Sorry, Sir
It was reflexes
Why hike these up,
afraid my belly will get cold?
Bite down
Now suck
Your gaze is still too strong
Basically can't see a thing
I worked on this all night
Make your head work with it
That's it. Add some slouch
Slouch, not hunch!
Right! This is the look
you're keeping until it's done
and the mission is complete
So the look is about right,
but it's what inside that matters most
For failed geeks, it's about perversion
But for proper geeks, it's mindset
What's with you?
I can't take having women see me like this
One glance and that's it?
I've gotten those my whole life!
You don't understand. You've never looked cool!
You don't know
That's why I brought you here today!
You must accept that you're a geek!
That is your mission!
Get to shop 329 and bring back a freebie!
Cover up a bit
Sorry, excuse me!
Something wrong, sir?
This geeked-out enough?
So out, you can't go back!
Let's eat
As spies have their private Clubhouses,
so too do geeks have their lairs
And this is it
This is the 'Angel's Kiss' that you ordered
And this is the 'Puppy Love' that you ordered
Thank you
The servers may not be idols,
but they're still off-limits!
Yes, Sir
Our three suspects
are all Happy Girls fans,
so we're targeting
Happy Girls for investigation
It should be these two
You think they're potential suspects?
One is young One is wild
Seventy...eighty percent,
that covers the spectrum of idol worshippers
That's pretty accurate
In this group, aside from Yuki,
the most popular one is Angela
That's out of line!
Geeks must completely respect their idols!
Dream-girls belong to the masses and the stage!
Geeks must support them, heart and soul,
and must not have any incorrect delusions!
Should a dream-girl
have a private word with you
OT remembers your name,
that already exceeds what she ought to bestow!
So, you must always, always remember
that, aside from shaking hands,
there can be absolutely
no bodily contact with an idol!
Shame the wandering hand!
Yuki's online!
Wow, over a hundred thousand viewers!
I'm exhausted! You have to give me
some encouragement
You go, Yuk.!
Alright! Cheer me on!
Let's run through it once more, okay?
The account's dry!
What do we do?
If you do not mind...
you may use this card
Happy Girls...forever
Happy Girls!
Happy Girls!
One drop of kindness,
Call me "Sunset Samurai"
How may we address you, sir?
Call me...
See, as in 'the future'
How about a little team spirit!
Yuki, Yuki! Forever baby!
Wow, lots of people are sending me gifts!
Especially Allan, and "Sunset"
Between Yuki and me,
it is finally not just a past memory
Yuki...still remembers me
one of you knew to use
that most radioactive Uranium-238
to describe Yuki!
It's simply too moving
Using H2O for Angela is also very appropriate!
We didn't write those
That's Old Ding's usual seat
He's a loyal Happy Girls fan
and sits there every night
But he hasn't been by for three months
Not in three months? I need to use the toilet
- He suddenly stopped going online
- Hi
- Worst case...
- Do you ever take customers' numbers?
He quit the club
Not mine...Old Ding's
- Impossible
- Quitting is a disgrace!
Shame the wandering hand!
Lam Siu Ding
Jumped from his Ho Man Tin apartment
on the 15th of last month,
Aged 32 by the time of his death
Formerly a researcher
at the Swiss Q&B Pharmaceuticals
Primarily working on antidepressants
Returned to Hong Kong
two years ago and switched to sales
After that, he suffered depression
Due to depression, he resigned six months ago
why would he write 'Hydrogen' every few days?
Hydrogen, the element!
Hang on, see that?
Not hydrogen!
It's 'Hy-do-gen'
There's no 'R'
Hydogen could be a drug he invented
After taking it,
you'd get very high, very extreme
and do the things you really wanted to do
Like the finance secretary did
High... to... the limit
Then on the last page of his diary,
he said he himself was Hy-do-gen
- What's that mean?
- That's right
That means he may have taken the drug himself
And he had depression
So he took the Hy-do-gen
and then killed himself
And so someone stole his drugs
Not necessarily. He could have given it
We're almost there,
but first thing's first...
Let's go sing karaoke
Let's go fly away
Any time of year, let's go and see the world
Sharing eternal love,
even in death I won't leave you
Won't leave you,
will not leave you!
Your forehead's bleeding!
How does that feel?
So right So subtle Don't stop
The bleeding stopped. You should be fine
I'm good! It's okay! Thank you!
Well that's good. I should get ready
You can exit the stage area over there
Thank you
- Thank you
- Don't mention it
Don't be angry. It wasn't intentional
Silly, we're a team,
why would I be angry?
I really didn't tell them to buy only my photos
Also...l didn't know
they were your followers first
Excuse me, I want to make a call
What's that mean?
I need to pee!
Sorry, there weren't any more seats
So handsome!
"With big, bold steps to see the world,"
"You do what you do best"
"Strange is fine when you're strange,"
"Strange is your way of life,"
"You only stand at the front"
What's wrong?
- Why won't you believe me?
- What?
I didn't lie! I didn't lie!
Why won't you believe me?
I didn't...
Don't believe me!
Thank you!
Thank you for saving Angela!
Where did my contact go?
What is he trying to do?
Get her outta here!
Cover up a bit
Sorry about that
These were taken years ago,
before we had cell phones
Where's that?
The Mediterranean Sea
Isn't that closed off?
How did you get in?
You're really smart!
Lots of girls think
the Mediterranean is just a hair style
Thank goodness you were there!
I feared something happened to you
What could happen to him?
There's no need to worry
How did you escape?
I just got lucky, is all
You really look the part
What part?
A geek.
But I know you're secret agents
I appreciate all the trouble
Well, since you know who I am,
I might as well start with some questions
So here's what actually happened...
When the guitar string broke,
she originally wanted to keep singing,
but suddenly it seemed she heard another voice,
and she actually really
wanted to apologize to Yuki,
and so that's how it all went down,
So, let me ask...
Did you eat or drink anything out
of the ordinary today?
I just had a glass of water in the makeup room
She and Yuki share that makeup room
Do you have some kind
of disagreement with Yuki?
It started with Lam Siu Ding
I don't recall which event it started from
He just kept sending me gifts
Then Yuki found out he bought just my photos
and not hers,
so she said I was poaching her fans
Now I understand
Thank you so much, Angela
If I need further information,
I'll ask your spokesperson
Let's go
But I haven't had my coffee
You haven't had dinner, either
Do you have to take so long?
I'm going to find proof
and clear Angela of suspicion!
You're really man's best friend
Did you take the wrong key?
Why is it taking so long?
Hey, they're dead
They're not all dead!
They're all dead. It was in the papers!
You're the damn geezer
who saved the damn bitch today!
Go in! Get inside!
Why did you save the bitch and not me today?
What kind of benefits did she give you? slept with her
Am I right?
That means you're not one of hers
That means you can be one of mine
I know what it is you men want
As long as you'll help me,
I let you take delivery now...
and pay later!
Let go!
I didn't expect your passive
to be so aggressive!
Those geeks only know how to jerk off
You're different.
Not only can you jerk it, you can also fight!
I'm different from that bitch
I do what I say I'll do!
Quiet down, bitch!
You son of a...
Who's calling me a bitch!
You again, old man!
You damn old man!
I broke my broom!
UP yours!
UP! Yours!
- I'll stick it up your rear!
- That easy to be angry?
And you! Why is your belt so hard to undo!
I've never seen such a difficult belt!
Do you know how much I've put into Happy Girls?
I put in a lot before I got to where I am!
When that bitch arrived,
I lost everything!
Come on, let's do it!
Let's keep going! Let's go!
Hmm, if she had the Hydogen,
everyone above and below would be dead
What's on your hand?
I'm having it really rough
Give me all the Hydogen
I'll make you feel really good
Not her
I'm depressed...
and she pulls this kind of thing
I wouldn't give her the Hydogen
Damn, what a waste of time
I'm having it really rough
Don't be like that
Everyone goes through hard times
I'm having trouble, too
But I just don't tell anyone
This one.
She opened up
I'm a depressed guy...
it makes sense
She gave her heart, I gave the drugs
We both had it bad
Professor Ma!
Good morning, girls!
Had breakfast, yet?
How might I be able to assist you, Chief?
Yes, Principal, what we wanted to ask today...
Oh, bugger, I forgot her Chinese name
That, uh, Angela...the internet star
Good morning, class
Good morning, sir
Find anything?
Hurry UP!
Soon. I'll have something soon
Ah, found it!
Here she is, Lam Chu Chu
But she didn't have an English name back then
She graduated from here
Enough! I must know today!
YoYo, what are you talking about?
Stop pretending, Ma Kwok Shing!
Stephy, it's none of your business!
How many times have I told you!
I'm not going to keep waiting and waiting!
Today, you're clearing things up!
I want you to make it clear!
But this was her second school
She transferred here during Form 4
From which school, may I ask?
Yiu Wah. Yiu Wah Girl's Middle School
Stop running!
Professor Ma taught here for over ten years
He was always a good teacher
He had the students' love and respect
Students in his classes had the best grades
Those girls were all best friends, too
Too bad
This is how she looked in Form 1,2, and 3
And this is how she looked in Form 4
See any difference?
First, she was simpler, then later became pure
Wow, I was worried you'd say she was shorter
and then grew taller
It seems she was
clearly a bit happier in Year 4
Perfect score
Why did you take so long?
Poor you...wet as a drowned rat
Hey, what are you doing here, huh?
No licking!
Okay, okay...
Since when does dog drool taste like that?
Someone finally made a discovery today
They came to investigate me, to cheat me
And so I fooled them
You cheat me, I fool you
ls that fun?
We cheat one another
because we are all underlings
Those on top are fooled by ones even higher,
until at last, everyone is fooling themselves
Hydogen will make everyone be themselves
Hydogen will destroy all the lies
Hydogen will change everything!
Hydogen! Hydogen!
Chief, our initial verification shows
that before the incident occurred,
each student drank this
Why are they all destroyed?
Because Sergeant Chan took and drank them,
but after drinking, he...
Just say it!
Yes, Madam!
After drinking, he suddenly became howling mad,
tried to sexually assault
an attending female officer,
tearing up her skirt, but his assault failed
He swung around and bopped the soda machine
with his rear, 'bom born bom'
Of course we tried to stop him,
but couldn't hold him down
After crashing into these drinks,
he zipped out of the area
We still have yet to find him
This stuff's potency is hardly trivial
Lock the place down right now.
Don't let Sergeant get out!
Yes, Chief!
Is that Sergeant right there?
Sergeant, what are you doing here?
Are you alright?
What will he do on Hydogen?
Say it! What does he most want to do?!
Catch Arcaba!
Restrain him. Restrain him!
What am I doing here?
You really don't remember?
Were you really so high?
What an interesting reaction!
I must have a marvelous inner world
Tell me what happened
Thank you
- Don't hold the train up!
- White Dragon!
- Pung 'White dragon'!
- Damn,
I bet your bedroom moans aren't that loud!
Been waiting for
this little birdie a while, eh?
Yes! I'll be grabbing you! Pung!
Your pair is always popping out!
of course she's loud,
Mr Lai buys ginseng for her every day!
Here, undies. Put any on today?
Mr Lai wouldn't have time to put any on
Midday and look how dead asleep he is!
Is it because your nightly moaning's too loud?
If he'd get up,
my screaming would be heard in Shenzhen!
Someone's thinking about a special agent!
once it gets dark, I really miss him
Red middle', I'm taking it!
Why take ginseng?
Taking special agents are even better, eh?
Special agent, special agent...
- Take it, take it, take it
Help yourself
Long time no see
I left without saying goodbye
I've come today just to apologize
What say I play a few rounds
with you as the apology?
In the gap
You're so smart!
Full set!
Thank you for accepting my apology
I'm blowing you cheaters up!
How is it?
Okay, good
Long time no see, Sofia
I regret that I once left you without a word
It's because I was a secret agent,
so it was hard to tell you
I hope you can accept this flower
as an apology
Thank you for accepting my apology
Come on, dad!
We all had things happen way back when
What's done was then... don't be mad with momma,
overthinking too much...other
It's past tense!
You know what I'm saying? Oh, daddy!
Congrats, Lady Kwan!
You morons! Do you want to die?!
- Ming!
- Alright
Great Kwan, Lady Kwan
Happy silver anniversary now,
and a gold next year
What are you rambling on about gold next year?
-It's the thought...
- What if we divorce next year, eh?
Divorce who? You trying to jinx me?
Go jabber somewhere else, you chatterboxes
Strider? Glider?
What the hell are you doing here?
Is this party for you? Get lost!
We know how Lady Kwan likes to reminisce,
so we went to Club Brazil
especially to get her sisters
They were still working!
We came just to celebrate
your 25th year off the job!
We in the Kwan clan
don't care who's been a hooker
What we care about is who torments women!
Yeah! have you been?
I once used you for the sake of world peace,
tricking you into prostitution...
to support my comfortable lifestyle
for over half a year
Today, I make my apology
Honey, you said your kid brother
had liver disease,
your older brother was retarded,
your father paralyzed,
and so you became a hooker! So you lied to me?
No! I didn't lie to you!
My father really was paralyzed!
A twisted ankle! That's a kind of paralysis
Yes, twisted ankles are a kind of paralysis
Oh, so your lover has come
Natasha, you accept...
And you accept his marriage proposal!
Proposal? Of course, there's no proposal!
What can you say about it, you cuckold!
You call me a cuckold? Try saying that again!
Michelle, you became a man because of me,
You're a woman?
He's actually a woman?
will you accept my apology?
You two make such a ruckus
Ruckus? What ruckus?
You hit me?
You'd hit Kwan Kung?
Beat him!
Hold it!
Is this coming to apologize?
You came to cause trouble!
This is my silver anniversary.
Are you trying to get me divorced?
That's right!
I became a nun to get away from you!
I thought it wasn't enough...
and turned myself into a man
Now you come to cause me more trouble!
What world peace?
You've made a mess of everything!
How might you two accept my apology?
Jump in the ocean!
Afterwards, don't ever come back up!
Wow, so cool!
Wow, so many things happened interesting
You apologized to everyone
Why not to me?
That is a very good question
And I've thought a long time about it
I think the main reason
is that other women are weaklings,
while you are strong
You can handle anything
If I pushed you into the ocean right now,
I wouldn't feel a need to apologize
because you wouldn't die, right?
If I smashed a bottle over your head,
It would hurt. But you'd be fine.
You're tough!
Honey...l'm so sorry!
Do you know why I'm angry?
I was bad! I deserve to die! I'm sick!
I should never again...
play these things that cost no nothing
I've said it a thousand times,
those that cost nothing are the most expensive
I've played around,
but you don't see me having issues
What's wrong?
Honey...thank you
Don't make me have to clean up after you again
Honey...l love you
Why is it so unfair?
Don't let it get to you
I did so much for him
And yet it was just me
and so many girls getting hurt
Such a hypocrite can be so happy!
Scum like him will get their due!
They won't! This world is just that unfair!
That's not true! Lots of people support you!
They care about you
Just forget it
Thank you
If I don't stay in a first class room,
I will reserve the right to sue the government
Thank you
Sir, wait!
You're not, are you?
Don't try to stop me!
No matter what,
I'm teaching this scumbag a lesson!
Angela told you to do this!
She did not!
It's his crime that must be punished!
You'd better give him the antidote.
His head's about to fall off!
That's exactly what I want to happen!
Give it
I won't!
Give it to me
I won't!
Give it
I won't! more antidote
Serves you right! That serves...
Then now what!
You want to keep the hand or keep your life?
Do it!
Here goes
Wait, can you give me
something to bite down on?
That's right, this will really hurt
Do it!
Come on!
Hold on. Three, two...
If you have that pen, then so would I
Well you didn't have to stick it in so hard
His color is different from yours, no?
Does it look a little darker?
Hurry up and stick him again
I'm really sorry about that, Professor Ma
Take care
You're so clumsy, someone could get hurt
Oh, it's you
You don't seem scared. You even closed the door
Why is Angela online?
You know, because of you,
Genius almost lost a hand
You're not here to hurt me?
I'm here to protect you
There's no sound!
I know you're just a victim
Don't! Don't!
He's making her strip! Call the police!
I'm calling! I'm calling!
you've already taken
whatever revenge you needed
You think I did it for personal reasons?
Have you ever considered that
if everyone could be themselves
the whole world would change
No, no! I have to call Rooster.
We'll help Angela!
Angela! We're coming!
I've taken Hydogen, too
What's he know how to lip-read!
Uh, your head
You know,
when I'm clear-headed,
what I love doing most
is handling big, international matters
Actually, when I first saw you,
I lost sleep every night
But after I took Hydogen,
I had lovely dreams every night
I began wanting most...
I began wanting most...
Wanting what?
To apologize to the women I hurt
in all truth, was to have sex with you?!
Isn't that a good thing?
I wanted to apologize to them
But did I consider
if they wanted me to apologize to them?
I'm not alone in this
And I can't get in touch with them
When I wake up tomorrow,
all of Hong Kong...boom
Everything will be different
Besides, you can't arrest me
Angela, Angela...
You sleazeball! Get him!
Calm down
Stop! Stop!
Get out and save him!
Move, go away.
Thanks so much
You were even able to win me back,
yet you attempt to rape that young woman?
Isn't that rather disgraceful?
You're a smart one, Chief
How do girls even mature these days?
By men deceiving them
There wasn't enough time to uncover everything
She doesn't even know
herself how many followers she has
You can't catch them all.
You can only lure them in
do you have any interest
in contributing to world peace?
Wishing you prosperity and wealth
Do you have any real use for this thing?
If you have nothing else to add,
I won't hold you up
I'm sure you're very tired
I'm not tired.
It will be daybreak in a few hours
I want to have a few words with Miss Lam
Angela, I'd like to apologize
Mr Chan was actually one of our moles
He never considers any consequences
Murder, destruction, he'd do anything
Hello! Either come get it or get lost!
Don't look!
He's dead! He's dead!
Quiet. Quiet,
everyone! You're all quiet
Tell them to leave
Get out, are you deaf!
You scared?
You're not scared enough!
I'm terrified!
You scared?
Lend me your phone
The kidnapper also wants
a drop-off set up in front of the mall
Greetings, geeks.
It's me again,
Angela's baby
Some of you fanboys out there
have a few packs of some Hydogen stuff,
you know what I'm talking about
Now, if I don't get it by three o'clock,
then Angela will...
oh, no no
He says don't lock down or restrict the area
and don't close the mall
Chief, if bystanders get hurt...
Do you want me dead?
Um, no
You know where to bring it?
Is that clear?
You've taken good care of yourself, Chief
A little faster
Safety depends entirely on you, Chief
A bit more swing, please
Together now, let's say it...
"See you soon"
One, two, three...
See you...
Hey, might as well order some coffee,
tea, french toast, et cetera
It's time for a late night snack
I'm not afraid to die
It doesn't matter if you're not afraid,
as long as they're afraid
Let's round everyone up and go help!
They won't come
You know, I learned something during this time
In this world,
there are no dream-girls who are pure,
just naive geeks
Breaking news
We're at the Kowloonbay Exhibition Centre
No one knows what the kidnapper wants
Unusually, police have not cordoned the area
and their spokesman has refused
to answer our questions
Excuse us.
Wow, there really is food
Don't let go, now
We support you, Angela!
Let her go.
It's okay,
I'm just hanging out
Hey, I'm with you
Society these days,
so full of complaining and whining
Nothing's good enough.
Got a problem, just say it!
I'll see what I can do
Sing a song for me
- Sing a song
- Sing a song?
Sing one of those geeks' songs
Put these on
A singer needs to have presence, be dramatic
Have presence!
Let's go sing karaoke
Let's go fly away
Any time of year, let's go and see the world
Too dramatic, no?
Sir, we have to set a cordon!
Then get moving!
No means no!
Let the police handle it!
Who's your boss?
If the chief says no, then it's no!
Mr kidnapper, if you keep shooting
will the ones you're after come forward?
I've got their idol
And she won't run
Action! Save the chief!
Hold the fire!
Dream-girl was naughty,
you have only three more minutes
I don't make empty threats
The kidnapper has
pointed his gun at the girl's head,
warning that if the fanboys
don't give up their things
within three minutes, he will harm her
New development on the scene...
Ten people have come forth
Each one has dropped off a bag
Right now, there are twenty bags.
That all of them?
That's all! That's it
Here...take it
Take it all!
Here is my signed copy
of the Dynasty Warriors game
I beg you, release Angela!
I beg you...
Look out!
Angela, we would have succeeded,
but you were scared to die!
Now we have nothing!
Are you alright?
Run! There's nothing to see!
Quick, really danger.
Sunset Warrior, don't!
This isn't what I wanted!
Oh, crap
The kidnapper is disarmed!
The armed suspect has jumped!
The area is under control!
The Hydogen went off
Lock the place down immediately!
No person or whiff of smoke can slip out!
Lock the place down!
Yes, sir!
Psychiatrists have said
that forty percent of people have no empathy,
wouldn't care if you lived or died
Who knows if the rest of them
are born good at heart?
What are you talking about?
Come with me
You and Angela round up her fans,
bring back as many as you can
Take all the clothes and tie them into a rope
What are you doing?
- Hey
- Huh?
If you don't know how, don't play around
This hairstyle is just right for you
This dress is this season's latest
Could you stylists
come help me over here?
Where are we going?
Hong Kong policewoman
Lee Ka '(an
That'll hold
Do you trust me?
About world peace?
Most importantly, scream for help
Are you crazy? What?
If Hydogen could truly
make people show their true nature...
Help! An old lady has fallen over!
Help me!
Dream-girl! Go downstairs
and have them save granny!
I bet almost everyone here is basically good
So I want to use your voice as a sounding bell
to awaken this crowd's compassion
Let's try to form a human wall!
There's two more minutes before it wears off!
If you let go now, who knows what they'll do!
On my count!
One, two!
Let go before you die!
Come on!
World peace...
I learned CPR before
Stop playing!
Wake up!
Let's get married! Wake up! Let's get married!
Have you gone crazy?
Sure, let's marry
It is unnecessary to shake too hard
The guests are almost all here
I think I should properly say,
"I'm sorry"
You didn't before when you should've.
There's no need now
It's not for before
It's for later
With your reputation,
since you're marrying,
lots of long lost friends will show up
Your highness
- I got you finally.
-lt's Arcaba!
Shit, Agent Chan is here.
You sicko!