All About the Money (2016) Movie Script

- [All] 72, 73,
74, 75!
(cheering)
- I told you, guys, Mr. 75!
(whooping)
- God damn, you doing
that shit, all right!
- Yeah, you're doing
it, any and everything.
- Al and Richy, playing
trashketball again.
- That was 75 in a row, Mr.
Hall, his aim is impeccable.
- Why am I hearing you're
late for appointments
and you're filming shit?
- Well, we're making a
documentary about our lives, Mr.--
- No you're not,
you're playing fucking
trashketball on my time.
You keep this up and you will not be
in the company commercial, and
I will dock your pay again.
- Yo, yo, we make like 70 bucks a day.
Soon, we will be paying to work here.
- Shut the fuck up, Richy,
and get to your shit.
I'm leaving Junior here in charge,
and you'd better be plumbing them toilets.
- Y'all heard my daddy, get to plunging.
Come on, come on, let's
go, get to plunging,
get to plumbing, clean up this shit.
Man, y'all know I'm playing,
man, turn down for what?
Mr. Clean, I'm'a need you
to go to the car, all right?
I'm gonna give you my
keys, you get the speakers
out of there and I want
you to go to the store
and get a keg about this tall, all right?
All right, Mr. Clean, my
nigga, my nigga, my nigga!
All right, Richy, you
the one with the bitches.
Go get the bitches, go get naked hos.
I want you to build a pole right there
with my daddy's equipment
and I want them sliding down
there, I want them to have
titties like this, you feel me?
You, I'm gonna need you to go to the car,
I have this pot, right,
with this creole seasoning
and a whole bunch of chicken.
Get on it, cook that shit up, right?
- Shit.
- Can you teach me how to use this thing?
I heard this is a bitch magnet.
You know what I'm saying?
What's up, this your boy, Roger, you know?
Future rapper, future star, you feel me?
You like that, you like that?
- Al and Richy on the
scene, in the morning,
hitting the beat early, getting shit done,
getting footage, gonna be a great day.
- Richy, can you be
a little more inconspicuous,
please,, okay?
You know, we gotta ask people's permission
to be shooting this stuff
and you're waving the camera
around like you don't give a damn.
- [Richy] So you want me to
miss some amazing footage
just because of some fucking papers?
- Look, I'm just saying, I
don't want to get in trouble.
That's it, that's all I'm saying.
- [Richy] Well, what are
they gonna do, fire us?
- I don't know about you, but
I've got a financial period
bleeding out of my bank account's uterus
and it's called rent, okay?
- [Richy] Fuck rent,
dude, let's be homeless.
(knocking)
- Yeah, let's be homeless.
- [Maura] Who is it?
- It's Al, from Poop in Your Pipe.
- [Maura] Be right there.
- Okay.
Yeah, let's be homeless,
I'm sure my three-year-old
wants to be sitting
outside of the 7-Eleven
eating month-old pizza.
- [Richy] Yo, it's
month-old when you buy it.
- At least it's hot when you buy it.
- [Richy] I could go for
something hot right now.
- Hey, fellas, I'm
sorry, I was just getting
out of the shower, I completely
forgot you were coming.
- Hi, I'm Al, from Poop in Your Pipe.
- Yeah.
- Miss, uh, um--
- [Maura] Leslie?
- [Al] Leslie.
Uh, your whole...
- Oh, geez.
You know, after a certain
age, you just say,
"Fuck it, I like my titties
"and I don't care if the world sees them."
Come on inside.
My toilet is all backed
up and it won't flush,
it's ridiculous.
You guys want water or lemonade?
I read in a magazine that
lemonade is ridiculously bad
for you, it's, like, got
all this sugar in it,
and who the fuck knows
if there's real lemons?
- Hey, um, Miss Leslie--
- Call me Maura.
- Maura.
We're film students,
we're making a documentary
about the lives of plumbers.
- Why?
- Just because.
Most people don't know the kinds of things
we have to deal with on a daily basis.
- That sounds like a shitty
idea, no pun intended.
- We'll find a way to make it interesting.
We just wanted to know if it's okay
that we shoot in this
house and that you're okay
with being a part of the
process, that kind of stuff.
- Couldn't ask me that over the phone?
I would have polished
my nipples or something.
Sure, whatever.
I don't know why anyone
would want to see a movie
about toilets, but...
Are you filming right now?
- Yeah, Richy is.
- The most essential tool a
plumber can have is a plunger.
(gasping)
- Oh, my gosh, I think
I got some on my lip.
- [Richy] Yeah, the
second most essential tool
a plumber can have is a breath mint.
All right, now, a lot
of people think that,
here, Al, hold the camera, okay?
All right, a lot of fucking people--
- Hey, hey, hey, no cursing, I don't want
to have to bleep this out
a million times later.
- Can I finish a sentence?
- [Al] Okay, finish your sentence.
- All right, geez.
Now a lot of fucking
people think that you need,
like, snakes and shit to fix a toilet.
This is how you fix this.
Now that toilet in there is
clogged with crap, am I right?
- [Al] You're right.
- And that crap is solid,
so in order to loosen it,
we've got to sort of burn it, right?
Now what most people
would do is let this boil.
Big mistake, you're gonna
crack that porcelain ASAP.
What you gotta do is
bring it to almost a boil
and then pour it in there.
Now all we gotta do is let this cool.
- Gosh, it smells like shit in here.
Here you go.
- Thank you.
- And I got you guys' number on deck.
- Okay, great, you have
the hotline number, right?
- Yeah, actually, can
I always get you guys?
- Yeah, sure, there you go.
- Al and Richy, I got you both?
- Okay.
Uh, by the way, Miss Maura,
here you go.
Thank you.
(groovy music)
- Just like that.
And you didn't want me filming, man.
We could have missed
that, are you kidding me?
Holy shit, yeah, what
a way to start the day.
We need coffee.
You got it bad, man, holy shit.
Man, she wasn't bad for
an older broad, right?
- [Al] I'm sure you'd hit it.
- Yeah, that's not in
question, I'm just saying.
- [Al] I like her A-curves.
- Well, that's a-okay.
I guess we wait.
(indistinct speaking)
And we saw some titties this morning.
I would never hit an old lady like that.
- The young Orson Welles
makes his first feature film ever,
and even by today's standards, it is still
considered one of the
greatest films of all time.
What makes this film so great?
- I think it proves that
the way you tell the story
may be better than the story itself.
- [Leroy] Elaborate.
- Well, I mean, it's a
story about a guy's sleigh.
- Spoiler alert!
Just kidding, you've had 85
years to watch it, students.
Continue.
- Well, I mean, I really like the way
that they showed status, you know.
If they want somebody to look really big,
then they put the camera way down low,
but if they wanted them
to be really small,
then they put it way above their head,
and you kind of just go with it, right?
- Absolutely, good answer, this film,
especially at that time, was
considered groundbreaking.
It didn't get nine
nominations for no reason.
- Yeah, well, I didn't like it.
- Why?
- Well, it was, it was long, you know,
it was self-indulgent,
every character felt like
a character of a character,
and the whole time, I felt
like I had Orson sitting next
to me, you know, telling
me how good his movie is,
okay, like, "Don't blink, I'm
about to do something amazing"
or "Oh, did you see that,
it was fricking great."
- Completely reasonable, and your opinion
is as good as anyone else's.
Anyone else?
Martha?
- I thought it was interesting.
- Oh, that's interesting,
thank you, Martha,
your opinion is always
kind of a, uh, well...
Make sure you leave your reaction papers
to 12 Angry Men on the chair by the door.
And don't forget to
write one for next week.
- Oh, thanks.
Leroy, I just think that
everything you said today
was really deep, it really spoke to me.
And I know you failed in
Hollywood, but not for me.
- Thank you, that's very kind.
- Um, Leroy, I have a question to ask you.
- And I have an answer.
- Great, I have a question
about this project I'm doing.
I'm making a documentary about my job.
- [Leroy] Plumbing?
- [Al] Yes.
- Why?
- I don't know, I guess
just for practice, I guess.
- I see, yeah, I wondered
why you and Mr. Leone
had the lights, camera,
action thing set up yesterday.
- Exactly, it's for plumbing.
What I wanted to ask you
is, what would be a good,
like, focus point for us, you know?
Because we're just
keeping the camera rolling
in every aspect of our lives, you know?
- You know, Al, doing a documentary
is a little bit like finding the news.
You go out, get whatever you get,
and you figure it out in post.
You never really know
what you're gonna get
out of it, so I'd say you're
probably doing the right thing.
- Really?
- Sure.
I mean, it's a boring topic,
but if it's just a practice,
I'd say go for it.
- Well, thanks, Leroy.
Have a good one.
- And you.
- Come on, Richy.
- [Richy] You think Leroy's gay?
- What, what do you mean?
What kind of question
is that, is Leroy gay?
- [Richy] Stallone,
Schwarzenegger, Jason Batham,
Jean Claude Van Damme,
fucking Roadhouse.
- [Al] You're trying to
tell me that all these guys,
they don't like scarves?
- Zero times have I
seen them wear a scarf.
- His name is not Jason Batham,
I think you said Jason Batham--
- [Richy] Yeah, Jason Batham.
- His name is not Jason
Batham, it's Jason Statham.
He did a movie with, he did a movie.
- He was in fucking Transporter,
like eight times over.
Oh, catch you later, brother.
You fuck your wife good
for me tonight, all right?
- All right, get out
of my car, Richy, okay?
- [Richy] Goodnight, buddy.
- [Al] Thank you.
See you tomorrow.
- [Richy] Sweet dreams.
- [Al] Shut up.
(groovy Latin music)
What's up, fellas?
Hello?
- Shush, I just put her to bed.
- Oh, I missed her again?
- Yeah, how was your day?
- Uh, yeah, not bad, how was yours?
- Did you get any good footage?
- Uh, yeah, you know, in fact,
Leroy says it's kind of boring,
but, you know, I think I can
get something good out of that.
- I think it's a good idea, honey.
- You know what, I've
been doing some research
about some of the lamest documentaries
that sell for, like, a million dollars.
Imagine, okay, you and me,
a million dollars.
- Or five.
- Five million dollars.
Sister-woman, I would buy you a planet.
- That's a cheap planet.
- Why don't you ever just, like,
accept the planets that I give you?
Really?
Rent, $950, leaves me $550.
Car insurance,
gas, electric,
rent.
(somber music)
I can't sleep.
You know, I read if you
claim it, you want it.
If you get it.
I just want more, I just want everything.
I just don't know how to get it.
- Look, shut the fuck up.
You know what, you got money, so what?
I can tell you got money
riding on your belly.
(chuckling)
Bitch, hated you.
You know what, I'm going to work.
When I come back, I better
see you three pounds lighter.
You think I'm playing.
- What's, uh, what's the deal today?
- She's bleeding from her pussy, bro.
- Really?
- I'll tame the bloody beast soon.
- How you gonna do that?
- With a dick, bro.
- I mean, what's she
screaming about today?
- Money.
When I didn't have a job,
she'd tell me to get one.
I get a job, she tells
me to get a better one.
It's a never-ending cycle.
Bro, I'm telling you, when
this movie makes it big,
I'm taking my money,
I'm slapping the bitch
across the face with it,
and I'm kicking her the
fuck out of the house.
- Hell yeah!
- Hell yeah.
- Hell yeah!
- Get the fuck out of here, man.
- Let's go make us some money.
It's hot in this car.
- It's way fucking hot, man, let's roll.
Let's put those windows down.
Goddamn, you got a lot of fucking stairs
to be climbing this early.
- Do you do anything but complain, Richy?
- Dude, all I'm saying
is, a building this nice,
they could afford a fucking
elevator, am I wrong?
- I don't know, I mean,
it's only like five steps.
- Thank God we're fucking here.
Yo, Poop in Your Pipe Plumbing Services.
- [Dooger] Be right there.
- What do you think, though,
we cut this shit together,
we could sell this for,
like, two or three mil?
Yo, easy, huh?
- You know, actually, Leroy
said it was kind of boring idea.
- Now, how did you understand him
with all those dicks in his mouth?
Actually, no, let's edit
that shit out in there,
we need the gay demographic.
- You got it.
- Hey, are you Mr. Dooger Johnson?
- Yeah, but don't make fun of my name.
- Sorry, man.
- Come on in.
- All right, so listen here, dude,
we're filming a documentary
about the everyday life
of plumbers, is it okay if
we film our experiences here?
- That sounds like a pretty boring movie.
- I'm telling you, we
live an interesting life.
- Oh, yeah, I'm sure it's far from shitty.
- Oh, that's the first time I
heard that joke right there.
Come on, can we film here or not?
- Yeah, that's fine.
- All right.
Whoo, look at that smell.
- Look at the smell?
- [Richy] It's got a color,
man, I can feel it on my face.
- Oh, God.
- [Richy] I've never smelled
crap so crap-smelling.
- Let me see what we can do here, okay?
Guys, this is a level two out of three.
Okay, so, standard procedure:
put gloves on, just to make sure
you're not getting poop
under your cuticles.
- [Richy] Yeah.
- Now, cuticle stands for, it's
an acronym, for fingernails.
- [Richy] This right here
is what I like to call
a full-five at 5 PM, a shitty situation.
You cannot possibly understand
just how disgusting this is.
Hence, henceforth, the surgery mask.
- I want to make sure I'm
getting bloody backsplash.
- [Richy] It smells, it's
poopy, and it smells.
- I got a little bit on my eyebrow.
- [Dooger] Okay, so you
guys have a deal already.
- You gotta be very careful,
because when water is
boiling, it's very hot.
- [Richy] Like a fresh bitch.
- Everything's all cracking up,
everything's all breaking down,
okay, this is why they
call us the professionals.
- How's it going?
- Oh, hey there, Dooger.
That's a nice tie, you headed to work?
- Yeah, thanks, got a
board meeting this morning.
- Yeah, I'll be done in a minute, okay?
- Hey, don't worry about it, fellas.
It's not a big deal if I'm late.
- What do you do?
- Accounts executive at Jack and Warden.
- Good money?
- Man, I make 63 bucks an hour.
- You alone make 63 bucks a fucking hour?
- Yeah.
- Fuck, deadliest guy in the world
goes from a one to a nine-and-a-half
when he makes $63 an hour.
- That's the truth.
Dude, I fucked an Armenian
bitch the other night.
I mean, just think
about that for a second.
A black guy and an Armenian.
- Yeah, it's unheard of.
- You wouldn't believe
how much pussy you can get
when you got money.
- Better shit done.
- No pun intended.
- So why don't you have,
like, a huge house?
- Well, I don't need it.
Look, I save my money.
That way, when I see something I want,
I get it.
- But for now--
- I want pussy,
so I get my pussy.
- Fuck.
- That's the formula.
You need to stop chasing
shit around all day,
get some real cash,
and then you'll be floating
in the pussy juice.
- Stop chasing shit, huh?
- Oh, by the way,
I fucked your sister, too.
- All right, Mr. Johnson,
have a great day, okay?
- Yeah, you too, man.
Hey, hold up a second.
Here you go.
You want more?
Get it on your own.
You'll feel better.
- You know what?
I fucking like Dooger.
(upbeat music)
She could fuck all night.
Calls up the homies, I'm asking y'all,
which park are y'all playing basketball?
We're just making this movie, right?
- Pretty much about us plumbing.
- [Both] Yeah!
(chuckling)
- Yeah, I know.
- This right here is what happens
when you get a bunch of
hair stuck in the sink.
I call this situation the Sasquatch.
Is it okay if we will film in there?
Yo, Al, you in there?
Dude, that toilet is broken.
- [Al] Made for the princess in you.
Actually, you in the princess.
- Welcome at Stan's that night.
Her name was Darcy.
She was like a real, sweet girl.
- Now rap about your father, man,
no disrespect to you.
I can't deep one.
So owns you, do.
- Yo, no one fucking lives here.
This place looks condemned.
- What's up, guys?
- [Al] Uh, we're here to fix your toilet.
- You've got this fancy woman
who's able to talk to you,
but we can't listen to
anyone singing on the radio?
- My kid put his cookie in there, okay?
I can't get it out.
- Listen to my flow,
here we go, on the one,
drop it on the two, that's
my job, plumbin' fool.
- See, we're actually making a documentary
about our lives as plumbers.
We just wanted to know,
and just sign this waiver
saying it's okay that we're
filming in your house.
- Could you please sign this for me?
- Waiver, waiver, waiver, a waiver,
just to say it was okay that
we filmed in your house.
- Sure.
- Great.
- Stella is not the only
one who got her groove back.
(nervous chuckling)
- Um, cool.
(sighing)
Richy, this is your stop.
- Yeah.
- Dude, get out of the car.
- I know my brain is telling me to,
but I'm telling you, bro, I can't.
- Richy, you're gonna
sleep when you get tired.
- Bro, I just don't want to go inside.
- Richy, I gotta get home before, like,
I gotta get home before
my kid gets to bed, okay,
I haven't seen the kid after
7:00 AM in, like, three weeks.
- You know, dude, you have me thinking.
- Can we talk about this another time?
- A father should be able to see his kid
and a man should be able
to go in his own home
with no fear and no trepidation.
- Richy--
- We worked a long-ass day today,
and after tax, we made like 70 bucks.
Dooger makes that in a fucking hour.
- Richy, can we talk about this tomorrow?
Please, please.
- Probably go inside and Shelly's got
a good reach and a good arm, bro.
- It's not possible that
it's that bad, Richy.
Can I just go home,
dude, can I just go home?
- You know, I'm trying
to open up to you, here,
you know, give you a little
glimpse inside my brain
and you're turning me down.
- Richy, I don't need to
look inside you right now,
okay, I don't freaking
care about your brain.
- All right, fuck, fuck it, fine.
You know, if I can't be
sensitive with you, fuck it,
go the fuck home, okay?
- Get out of my freaking car.
- Geez.
Al, wait, wait, wait, wait.
- [Al] What do you want?
What do you want?
- You stick it good to
Gizelle for me tonight--
- [Al] Get the hell out of my car.
(upbeat Latin music)
- Sorry.
- Interesting reaction to Citizen Kane.
Martha, once again,
found it "interesting."
Luke, nice paper, your
opinions are 100% valid.
Richy, actually an amazing reaction paper
on how you hated it.
The only part I did not like was the fact
that you thought Citizen Kane
was a mask-wearing wrestler.
(laughter)
Al, always looking on the technical side.
I liked it a lot.
Which brings me to this part of the class.
How many of you think a
movie needs solid actors?
Everybody's hands go up.
Understandable, right?
A movie needs this, in this order:
good sound, good actors,
and good production value.
If people can't hear your movie,
no one will want to watch your movie.
And then, no one wants to
listen to your bad actors talk,
then again, no one will
want to watch your movie.
So in order for you to be filmmakers,
I want you to feel comfortable
in front of the camera
and behind the camera.
Yes, Martha, I know, it's interesting.
Let's do some improv.
- You're too beautiful to be here.
(scoffing)
Relax.
- Can you stop sweet-talking
me for two seconds?
- All right, bitch, shut your mouth.
How's that, does that work for you?
- And that was my third
one, so after that,
it was just, like, we
need a divorce, like.
- Um, I'm scared.
- Scared for what?
- Oh!
- First, you gotta take
off all your clothes--
- What the fuck?
Oh, my God--
- You want me to save your kids?
- I want you to, yes, yes.
- Then you gotta take off your clothes.
- I'm not taking off my clothes.
- Okay, no, okay, wait, hold on.
Let me get my, let me get my feet.
Over here, okay.
- I am confused.
(whooping)
Hey, Pa.
There is something very important
I want to talk to you about.
- What's that, boy?
- Well, I was down at church-school--
- Please, talk, go ahead and get over it.
- Well, he was giving
me my every-week massage
and he said, "Well, son,
"since you're graduating
from the eight grade,
"I'll give you a massage
that's just gonna represent
"how much work you've been doing."
- Right, well, that's a normal thing.
- That's how I feel.
But then it got a little bit not-normal.
- [Leroy] Next class, we are
trying an acting experiment,
so bring in items of
sentimental value, please.
- I'm, um, having a party
in two-and-a-half weeks
for my birthday, are you coming?
- Well, yeah, yeah, absolutely.
I'll bring Al too, okay?
- [Martha] Sounds like fun.
- [Richy] All right.
(somber music)
- [Al] What the hell?
- What?
- [Al] What the hell?
- What, what is it?
- [Al] Who is that?
- Who?
- [Al] Who is that in my house?
- What are you talking about?
- Somebody let a model in my house.
There's a model in my house.
- Stop.
- [Al] Pretty girl, what's up?
How you doing?
- I'm doing well, who let you in my house?
- [Al] Uh, am I not a model?
- Hm, maybe.
- [Al] No?
- Yes you are.
- [Al] I'll pose for you.
- Please do that.
I can't wait any longer.
Put it in.
Just put--
It's okay.
Are you listening?
(heavy breathing)
(heartbeat thumping)
(shallow breathing)
- Hey, hey, would you fuck
that bitch over there?
- I don't even think I can
afford the condom, dude.
- Condom?
Man, I haven't worn the
devil's plastic in my life.
- How does that even make
sense, the devil's plastic?
What are you talking about?
- What?
- The devil's plastic,
what does that mean?
- I don't know, man, sometimes,
you know I just say things.
- Over the past three years,
have you only been sleeping with Shelly?
- Fuck, no.
- This whole time, you
haven't been wearing a condom?
No, the fuck no, I don't
wear a fucking condom.
- Dude, are you getting tested?
- I make them test this dick.
- Are you getting tested?
- No, I'm good, man.
My stream is like golden heaven,
and it slides out like butter.
If I don't feel the burn,
ain't no need to turn,
now, am I right?
- Richy, you're terrible.
- Bro, I can't do with the committed life.
- We're not even talking about that,
what are you talking about?
I'm just saying, if you cheat,
protect yourself, protect your partners.
- All right, look, here's something
you don't know about a rubber:
I'm the pull-out prince.
- Pre-cum.
- I know when it's coming.
- No, that doesn't even
make any freaking sense.
- Look, dude, I'm telling you.
All right, so I'm stroking it, right?
You know, I'm getting it in.
All the sudden, my gonads
give my brain a call,
they're like, "Yo, soldiers be marchin',"
my brain's like, "A'ight,
cool," hang up, click,
conversation's over, I'm
halfway to San Diego, man,
every single time.
- Guaranteed, you have six kids out there,
two of them are girls,
and when they turn 18--
- I'm gonna stop you right there, okay?
If they look like my mom or my dad,
I'm pulling a 180.
What have you been married
for, like four or five years?
- Three years.
- Same difference, man.
You cannot tell me that you don't
have some shit on the side.
- Dude, I promise you I
have no girl, no nothing,
hand to the Big Man
Upstairs, I got nothing.
- Yo, one pussy is boring
halfway through the first time.
Three years later, I can't even recognize
that as a vagina anymore.
Maybe, maybe I'm wrong to hit it raw,
but bro, ain't no thing like
a fresh piece of wet flesh.
- See, that's the thing, the
stuff like that, that you say,
that's a lot, it's a little much for me.
- There's just nothing
out there that's better.
I mean, new pussy is always good pussy.
- [Al] Is that right?
- [Richy] It is!
- New is always better?
- Yes, every single time.
- Okay, check it out, fat girl.
- Good pussy.
- [Al] Anorexic girl.
- [Richy] Good pussy.
- [Al] Bulimic girl.
- [Richy] Good pussy.
- Dead girl.
- No comment.
- That's disgusting.
Back in this neighborhood, again,
this lady actually called
for us personally this time.
- Is this titty lady?
- It is Maura.
- Knock, knock.
- She actually said there's
something going down
with her toilet, so we're
here to see what's going down.
- Yeah, man, we'll see if
we can go with them titties.
(knocking)
Poop in Your Pipe.
Dammit.
Just back here?
Whoa, whoa whoa.
Yeah, that's water.
- [Maura] See, boys, there's
a leak in there somewhere,
my floor is all wet and gross.
- Let Richy handle this shit.
- [Al] Hey, Richy?
- Excuse me, let Richy handle this crap.
- [Al] Thank you.
- All right, oh, shit.
Hey, Al?
- Yeah?
- Hey, that's not the toilet.
- Actually, it looks like it might just be
dripping from the sink or something.
- I think you're right.
Yeah, yeah, it's gotta be, let's see.
Yeah, it's a connection down here.
Yeah, that'll do it.
- [Al] That's it?
- [Richy] That's it.
- [Al] All right.
Hey, Maura, you need any
help cleaning this place up?
- Oh, I will not pass up on help.
Have a seat.
Let's talk.
Richy, you hungry?
- Fuck, yeah.
- Make yourself a sandwich, go ahead.
- Thanks!
- What the fuck are you
doing fixing toilets?
- What?
- What, you make like a hundred
bucks a day or some shit?
- 70.
- Every other black guy I
know is out there rapping,
singing, throwing balls
around, making millions,
and you're making 70
bucks a day sniffing shit?
What the fuck?
- You know we're actually going
to sell this movie, right?
- A movie about shit, it's shit,
you're not selling shit.
- [Richy] Black pepper?
- Top of the--
- [Richy] I found it, found it.
- I can help you, both of you.
- How?
- Pinky swear this goes nowhere.
My brother and I own
a relocating business.
- Relocating?
- Yes, substance relocation.
- Oh.
Okay, so what do you want me to do?
- Send a message, you're a
big guy, you're intimidating.
Your friend in there seems like
he'd be down for the cause.
You know them Italians.
- So like, uh...
- Sometimes people try
to get away with murder,
that may be their punishment.
Or we shit somebody's ankles
or we break some knees,
whatever the fuck we gotta do
to get our fucking point
across, we'll fucking do it.
- Dude, cheese, uh, I want cheese.
Ah, fuck it, I don't feel
like farting all the way home.
Hey, fuck it, hey, where's the cheese?
- Bottom right, honey.
- Fuck, yeah.
- Look, I'm not telling you to jump ship
on what you're doing, you know,
you gotta keep up appearances and whatnot.
I'm just offering you a change of pace.
I like you, the little time
I've gotten to know you.
You seem genuine.
And I'm not telling you
to fuck me or nothing,
I'm just saying I'd like
to offer you something
a little better in the world.
Take your time, think about it,
it definitely takes a
certain type of commitment,
and I don't want you in
on a half-baked idea.
- What's the pay?
- 10 to 25 K a job.
(Richy mumbling lyrics)
- Oh, hey, yo, those
two chicks right there,
which one would you do?
Yo?
All right, more for me, then.
(knocking)
Gotta crash, bro.
- Come on, cigarette out.
- Yes, it's going out, it's going out.
- Thank you.
(operatic singing)
- All right, so, after my mom said
that the skillet was
essential to my survival,
I took advantage of it.
I use the skillet every
day, three times a day.
Sometimes I thought I would
burn a hole through it,
but it's fine,
and I'm fine.
As long as I'm proud and my mom is proud,
then really, that makes me happy.
- You okay?
Thank you, Martha.
(applause)
- This is a dollar bill.
- What's on it?
- Well, there's a little
picture of Georgie.
He's in this, like, mirror-type thing.
There's lots of little intricate designs
like spirals and leaves, and
there's a pyramid on the back,
not entirely sure why, but
it's there, that's important.
- Reminisce?
- Well, I found this dollar on the floor,
like six years ago on
a subway in New York.
I picked it up and the first thing I saw
was this chick who looked like an angel,
I swear, man, she was flawless
and I banged her that night.
So I put a little circle on this dollar,
I forgot to mention that,
there's a little blue circle
on this dollar, remind me never to use it,
because it's good luck, you know?
I just feel like it represents
a lot of who I am, you know,
because I believe in luck.
I believe in good luck and bad luck,
and no matter the situation,
this dollar holds a permanent golden line
of good luck over my head.
You know, sometimes I feel like it's, uh,
like it's even pushing
things on me, you know,
telling me about my future,
because if you think about it,
I love two things in this world:
money and women,
and the good Lord wanted to
put both of them on this planet
but he didn't want us to enjoy them now.
You know, this dollar
represents the millions
of baby dollars that are gonna come
out of this one dollar bill.
And them millions of dollars,
that represents the countless
number of women that I can do.
Now, keep up with me, here.
Tina, banged her, dollar in hand.
Margie, banged her, dollar in hand.
Sonya, dollar.
So you get this dollar,
then, imagine Richy,
the little douche from
Kings County, a millionaire,
and all thanks to this
lucky fucking dollar.
- And thank you, Richy.
(applause)
So, what can you tell me about Richy?
- He loves women.
- Yes, that's certainly a fact, what else?
- That no matter what he does,
and the effort that he
puts into something,
he needs something to confirm his success.
- Richy?
- What can I say, I'm a
guarantee kind of guy.
- Anything else?
- That he's probably
willing to do anything
to fulfill his fantasies.
- Yes, good, who's next?
What do you have there, Al?
- It's a bottle of Complera.
It's HIV medicine.
(gentle, somber music)
It's cylindrical,
orange,
about two inches tall
and about an inch wide.
- Reminisce.
This is a safe space, Al.
No one is here to judge you,
or to think anything different of you.
- This HIV medicine belongs to my wife.
At one point in time, she
wasn't very happy with me
because I wasn't making
very much money, and
I wanted more and she wanted more and
I worked like a dog,
you know, and I could, I never,
I never saw her and I never saw Reggie,
Reggie's my daughter,
and so one day, I was on my way home,
and I was walking in
and I walked past the gangster kids
and I touched my door
and the door knob burned,
like, you know, when you can feel,
when you can feel a room,
I touched the door knob and I felt it,
and I walked in there
and I saw my wife
and she cried,
and she talked,
and I listened.
She would take walks out to Beverly Hills,
just to, just to feel
like she belonged there,
and she met a guy there,
and she didn't, she didn't
even think about saying no,
that's what she said, she didn't
even think about saying no,
she just went along with it, for the fun,
and a few months later,
she contracted HIV.
And the first thing that
came to mind was,
"Oh, man, I should go get tested."
And the saddest part is,
when I realized that I didn't need to,
and I still don't.
You know, the other day, my
daughter had an asthma attack
and the first thing that
came to my mind was not,
let me just, her,
her little inhaler thing
was just completely empty
and I wanted to get her another one
but the question that came to my mind was,
how, how am I going to
get her another one?
This bottle makes me feel worthless,
it makes me feel like
I'm not providing enough.
And I know
that all, all she wants
is a man that can provide for her
and give her what she needs
and I just can't do that.
And I know that time is ticking,
and she's not going to be
here for very much longer,
and I'd rather her leave
one way and not the other.
- Look, man, I'm really
sorry to hear about--
- Dude, dude, it's all good,
it is all good, don't worry about it.
- No, no, I'm, I'm done
with the porking jokes.
- No, dude, bro, I totally--
I'm playing with the cards
that was dealt to me,
so it's okay.
- Yeah.
Do you got it?
I mean, I know, like, it's
transferable and all that.
- No, no, I just said it earlier, Richy.
No, I don't have HIV.
- Yeah, I know, I know,
I'm just thinking, like,
you know, Gizelle's your wife
and you don't do things
that husbands and wives do.
- No, I...
I, we haven't been very active
in that department for a while, all right?
You know, that kind of stuff
that friggin' freaks you out,
you know, so.
We haven't done that stuff.
- So for the past two years,
you haven't gotten any pie?
- No.
- What?
(stammering)
- I don't know what to tell you, Richy,
you know, it's just,
I said, you know, for better or for worse
when I married her, and I'm not going
to let a little thing like sex ruin that.
- You've gotta get even.
- No, I don't, what should I get even for?
- I mean, dude, I'm telling you, like,
how about this, man, I know this chick,
she will, she will absolutely rock you,
she can do this thing with crayons, man--
- No, no, no, no.
- Eye for an eye, sex for
sex, man, it's only fair.
- No, no one ever,
no one ever said sex for sex, I, no.
Okay, I am a married man.
I love my wife, I will do
right by my wife and that's it.
- You're a better man than me, bro.
- No, I'm not a better,
it's not that hard,
it's not that I'm a better man than you,
you're just a terrible person,
you're just this gigantic
monster of a person.
- Oh yeah, is that what you think?
- You're just a terrible person.
Hey, why did you get
kicked out of your house?
- Oh, I didn't tell you about that?
- No.
- It was, it was because of Martha.
- Martha from class?
- Yeah, I was at a train station.
- [Al] What, what the hell, dude?
What the hell is wrong with
you, that's disgusting.
When did you do that?
- Last week, and the better
part of the last two months.
- Bro, man, bro, man, ew, dude!
- All right, yeah, whatever, okay, ew,
gross, yeah, yeah, yeah, but
listen, man, it was good, man.
She sucked the black off my 11-inch dick.
- Ew.
How did you get caught?
Left your phone out?
- [Richy] Bingo.
- [Al] Yeah.
- So figured I'd give her a week,
you know, let her cry it out,
and then I'll go tame the beast.
- [Al] How you gonna do that?
- A little bed-squeaking
ought to do the trick,
you know, if you know what I mean?
- Richy, I know what
bed-squeaking is, okay?
You know what I mean,
I know what you mean.
- You know, I wouldn't have
this problem if I was rich.
If I had money flying out
of my fucking fingernails,
no bitch would tell me how to live.
I'm telling you, man, when
this movie makes it big,
ha, you'd better watch out, dude,
it's fucking non-stop
Richy banging to the wall.
To the window, and Richy goes to the wall.
And the swat will drop down,
what the, what are you doing, brother?
Yo, what's going on, man?
- Richy, do you trust me?
- Yeah, man, what are you,
what are you talking about?
- Are you positive of that?
- Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
- What would you do if you had a job
that could get you all
the money in the world
with no negative repercussions whatsoever?
- I'd do whatever the fuck I want.
- That's what I'm talking about.
- I'd do whoever I want, whenever I want.
- You remember that lady, Miss Maura?
- [Richy] The titty lady?
- [Al] Yeah, the titty lady.
She offered me, and
you, positions, $15,000.
- What the fuck?
- That's right, I'm going
to go to her house right now
and I'm going to accept.
- Yeah, that's what the
fuck I'm talking about,
baby, fuck yeah.
Hey, hey, look, that bitch right there?
On a scale from one to
10, 10 being the highest?
- Six.
- So, you've thought about it.
- Yes.
- Hey, camera!
- Oh, sorry.
(groovy music)
- Did you know that Obama did coke?
That makes me Obama.
Obama, bitch!
- I got this secret, million-dollar idea
that nobody knows about.
- What's that?
- The sex olympics.
- Where does that come from?
- I don't know, I've
never gotten the fucking.
- Only Kunta wanna know
how to get the bitch.
Wait is this, are you on camera?
Okay, cool, cool.
So the Kunta wanna know
how to get the bitch.
I'm'a show you how to
get the bitch, follow.
Ready, one, two, three, go.
Yeah!
Then you wanna back it up on them, right?
Work it.
Happy birthday to you
(cheering)
(upbeat music)
- You're a filmmaker at this party now
and mind to go snort coke in the bathroom.
- Actually, I had plenty
at home before I got here,
so I'm coked out.
- I'm Pillow.
- I'm sorry, what was that?
- Yeah, my parents were
the quintessential late '80s hipsters.
- Ah, so, so Pillow?
- Yeah, according to my mom,
she believed I was not
only a dream chaser,
but a dream catcher.
And where do dreams develop?
- Oh, that's right, on a pillow.
- In your sleep, and
you sleep on a pillow.
So essentially, don't sleep on me
and my dreams will come true.
- I'm Al.
- Hi, nice to meet you.
- So, Al, what do you do?
- I'm a film student by night
and a Poop in Your Pipe employee by day.
- You work at Poop in Your Pipe?
- I do.
- Oh, my God, I love their commercials.
- What are you talking about?
- Your commercial.
- Yeah, like, yeah, it comes
on at like 3 AM on channel 3.5.
- Uh, channel 6.
- Yeah, no one ever
mentions the commercial.
What time of the day do you work?
- Oh, I make my own schedule.
- Really, what do you do?
- I'm a singer.
- What?
I'm sitting next to a celebrity?
- No, no, but I've got
a following in India
and a couple of other countries.
But nothing too crazy.
- So how do you know Martha?
- Oh, um, she was once the
disgustingly drunk-o at a party
and I took care of her,
and okay, I'm sorry, I have
to ask, why the camera?
You know, it's kind of creepy.
Luigi's got one, too.
- Wait, who is, who is Luigi?
- The other filmer that's here.
- Yo, I'm Richy, part-time student,
part-time plumber, part-time world rocker,
and I cannot wait to rock yours.
- I heard your name was Luigi.
- Oh, that's real funny,
I'm fucking Richy.
- It's Luigi, the plumber, the bitch.
- Richy, a.k.a. Luigi, is my best friend
and currently my roommate,
and we're making a
documentary about our lives,
so the camera stays on.
- Got it.
Must be tough living with him.
- Um, well, it's just
tough, because my wife
and my, are there, in that tiny apartment,
so with him being there, it
feels like there's 10 people.
- I see.
- You know, it's kind of loud in here.
You want to talk out there?
- Okay.
- Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo,
who the fuck told you my name was Luigi?
Huh?
- So you're a film student, right?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Do you make music videos?
- Yeah, yeah, I do.
I, um, I've never made one before,
but I'm sure I could
make a really good one.
- [Pillow] Yeah?
- [Al] Yeah.
- Well, I need one, so do
you want to make it for me?
- Sure, absolutely.
- Cool.
- Would you sing, like?
- Right now?
- Yeah.
- That's super awkward.
- That's not super awkward.
- Yes, I'm telling you,
I get really nervous.
- Why, you're not, you're a singer,
you're not allowed to be nervous.
- [Pillow[ Let's make a deal.
- [Al] Okay.
- You pin me for three seconds,
and I'll sing for you for 30 seconds.
I did Greco-Roman
wrestling in high school.
I was the only girl.
- It's, that's extremely,
that's extremely awkward.
- It's not awkward, I'm telling you.
- It's more awkward than singing.
We don't even have anyone
to call it down the line.
- Luigi can call it.
I'll go get him.
Hey, Luigi.
I don't like the person I've become
Each day drags and feels the same
No longer having fun
All right, I'll make this simple for you.
If you saw it on TV, copy
to think you're there, okay?
Pin for three seconds,
count to three, that's it.
- Okay.
Okay.
- Yeah, come on, now,
you heard her, Luigi.
- Go.
- Too slow, Slick.
- [Richy] Come on, pal.
- Shut up, Luigi, I can't talk to you.
- [Richy] Fuck you.
- Come on, man, you ready?
- [Richy] Dude, you gonna
let her punk you out?
- [Al] Let's go.
- Thought it was a joke, didn't ya?
- Come on, I'll give you
a free shot, come on.
(shrieking)
(upbeat pop rock music)
- Getting hot.
- Damn she got a fatty!
(whooping)
There you go, there you go.
(resonant choral music)
- [Richy] And one, two, three.
Yeah, the winner, my fucking brother, Al!
Champion of the world!
Let's hear it for him, yeah.
Whoo, ha ha, yeah, Al!
I knew you could do it,
brother, I knew you could do it.
So, uh, you, like, you
owe him a song, right?
Like, that's the deal?
- Uh, yeah, I guess that's the deal.
- All right, well, what
are you gonna sing?
- Um, an original song, I guess?
Two, one, two, three.
Imagine there's no people
Imagine there's no crowd
Imagine the past was just the past
The world was empty of lies
Would you repopulate the world
Would you repopulate with me
Would you repopulate
the world, the world
Would you repopulate with me
And don't forget that I'm your world
Repopulate me
Repopulate me
And don't forget
That I'm your world
- [Richy] Oh, shit.
Imagine there's no pain
Repopulate me
- Hey, buddy.
How's it going?
- Good.
- Good?
What are you doing?
- I'm just hanging out, I'm just...
(mumbling)
- It's like 2:00 in the
morning, why are you still up?
Did you nap a lot today?
Yeah?
- [Reggie] Yeah, and Mommy got in bed.
- Oh, you were laying in Mommy's bed?
I'll tell you what, buddy, you gotta go
back to sleep now, okay?
I'm sorry I woke you up.
- Okay.
You don't have to tell me a bedtime story.
You don't have to.
- I don't have to what?
- You don't have to
tell me a bedtime story.
- I don't have to tell
you a bedtime story?
- No.
- Thank you, I appreciate it.
I will give you a double
bedtime story next time, okay?
All right, buddy, I'll catch you later?
Don't play with that, it's medicine.
- [Reggie] Okay.
- [Al] Later.
Uh, it looks like your
pipes are shot, done for.
It's gonna cost you about
$150, $200 to replace.
- Well, do you think the
landlord would cover the cost?
- Yeah, absolutely, actually.
Just go ahead
and give your landlord this,
just go ahead and give
your landlord this book,
let him know we stopped by.
They should handle it in no time, okay?
- All right, thank you so much.
- You're welcome.
All right, have a good day.
- I'll make sure the landlord
gets ahold of you guys
as soon as possible.
- Hey, yo, Al.
Yo, man, I'll meet you in the car in,
like, 30 minutes, okay?
- Dude, what are you
talking about, what are you?
- I'm porking that.
- You're porking what?
- What do you mean, what?
Man, what are you talking about?
I was in there, I'm plunging
the shit away, right?
- [Al] Okay.
- I caught her staring.
- [Al] Staring at what?
- [Richy] My ass.
- [Al] Rich.
- [Richy] Dude.
- [Al] Richy.
- [Richy] Dude.
- Richy.
- Dude, I shit you not, Mario.
I shit you not.
- Richy, come on.
Come on, dude, she wasn't
staring at nothing, okay?
She wasn't staring at nothing.
- How did you miss that?
- Knock on the door, say what Richy says,
knock on the door, see what
you got, I'll say it for you.
- You don't gotta--
- I got this, I'm gonna say it for you.
- Yeah?
You guys leave something in here?
- My friend, Richard here--
- Listen, listen.
Would you fuck me?
- I would.
- Were you staring at my ass?
- I was.
- Would you swallow for the camera?
- See, that's, right there,
that's the question, I'm
just gonna go to the car,
okay, have a good one.
- Later, Al.
Okay!
(sighing)
(cell phone buzzing)
- Hello?
Yeah, uh, nothing, I'm
just here at work, so.
Uh, yeah, no, I can
definitely come over tonight.
7:30, I'll be there.
Okay, thank you.
- Leave your fucking camera on, okay?
- Okay.
Look, I'm thinking she's gonna
see that the camera's on,
I don't know.
- Dude, what if we get ourselves
into some kind of trouble,
man, and we need some
fucking evidence, man?
Think like a scholar,
you fucktard, come on.
- Come in.
(tense music)
Go send him a message.
- Get inside, hurry up
before the neighbors see you.
We are gonna handle this like adults.
I know who you are, I
know why you're here,
I know who your boss is.
But the truth is, right now,
I am financially unstable.
Sit down.
Take off your masks.
Take off your masks!
- No.
- No?
This is my home.
This is where I live with my...
What are you doing?
- Maura wants her money.
- Yeah, I understand that.
(intense music)
(grunting)
- Ha ha, did you fucking see that?
- I've got two little kids,
there's no cursing in this house.
- I don't fucking care.
(struggling)
- You won't lay another finger on me.
And you'll never feel what
you're feeling right now,
ever again.
- What's that?
- That shit in your pants.
You two morons, you're on rotation,
you don't even know it.
Do yourselves a favor, get out of here.
Don't ever come back.
(howling)
- I'll give you some of that, bitch!
(groaning)
You have 24 hours to dig deep down
in that pocket of yours
and pay what you owe.
Good day.
(sobbing)
Lucy, I'm home!
- Hi, Reginald, I have
something to tell you.
- Is it bad?
- It's not the best news.
- I don't wanna hear
it, what's for dinner?
- [Martha] Reggie, please, I
need to tell you something.
- Hello?
- Al?
- Yes.
- Hey, it's Pillow.
- Aquamarine biologist.
- I hope it's okay, Martha
gave me your number.
- Oh, yeah, no, it's,
yeah, it's completely fine.
- Cool, um, I was just
calling because I want to know
if you want to direct my music video.
- Yes, no, yes, absolutely.
- [Pillow] Really?
- [Al] Really.
- Cool, I kinda wanted it to
be like this kooky dance video.
- Anything you want, absolutely.
- Great, are you gonna be in it, too?
- I can't dance.
- [Pillow] Just be nice and there.
- That's it?
- [Pillow] That's all.
- Okay.
(upbeat music)
- Open them.
- It looks like we just got a raise.
- Yeah, I want that one.
- Good choice, good choice.
(intense music)
- Al?
Al?
Yeah, baby?
Oh, come here, baby, what's wrong, baby?
You can't sleep?
Wanna come up?
Do you want Mommy to sing a song?
- Yeah.
Hush little baby, don't say a word
Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird
And if that mockingbird don't sing
Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring
Have you lost your mind
Or did I get right this time
Ever, ever, ever, ever
Everything I
Make my dreams come true
All you have to do, all you have to do
Is marry me
Make my dreams come true
All you have to do
Try to change your mind
and share this simple kiss
I'm not surprised
I realize everything
should start with a kiss
- 250,000 views
on this video already.
People are just, people
are just, like, loving it.
- I'm sure they do.
- First video, like, it's the
first video I've ever directed
and it's just blowing up like this.
- Directed and acted.
- Right, directed and acted.
You know, Leroy saw this,
thought it was awesome.
- Oh, great, you're gonna
be the next Halle Berry.
- Speaking about celebrities,
searched for me on the Internet
to personally call me
and tell me that he loved the video.
- Who?
- Bud from The Cosby Show.
- Who fucking cares?
- What is the deal with you?
Why are you not being supportive for?
- I just felt it was a bit much.
- What are you talking
about, a bit, a bit much?
- I mean, did you have
to kiss her at the end?
- Here's the thing that you're
not, like, comprehending.
We're acting,
as if we're, like, in a music video,
and we're acting like
we're getting married.
- That girl is bad news.
- She's a girl who sings,
and we made a music video
together, that's it.
- She's trying to ruin what we have.
- Really, she's trying
to ruin what, really?
Well, I'll tell you
what, I'll tell you this:
if she is, she's not the first to try.
In fact, the first person who did try
managed to ruin what we have.
- What are you doing
if it's my mistake, Al?
Huh?
- I feel really uncomfortable
being here right now.
I feel like this is a very
personal conversation.
I should not be present for the
two of you to hash this out.
- Okay, I'm sorry, okay?
I'm sorry that I found
pleasure in another man, Al.
And I'm sorry you weren't
enough of a man for me, Al.
And I'm sorry you haven't had a chance
to blow your fucking
load in two years, Al.
But maybe I wouldn't have
fucked up if you had the balls
to treat me like I fucking deserve.
(cell phone buzzing)
- I'll be right there.
- Every piece of product
we have, fucking gone.
We are gonna have one big ass cock
shoved up to our throats
from the crack of our ass
if we don't get it back.
- I mean, you know exactly
who took it, right?
- Of course, this
happens every six months.
Situation is, I gotta
go through the ropes.
- [Al] His name is Tattle?
- As it should be.
For the right price, or
the right amount of pain,
his gullet won't stay still.
He's aligned, for the most
part, with Joey Biasse.
He's the motherfucker that took my shit.
- Why did he take it?
- Everybody wants more for free.
Here's the situation: Tattle
knows where Biasse is.
He's constantly packing
up and moving his shit
and for some reason, Tattle's the only one
who'll get word as to where he is.
So I'm sending you two out and I want him.
- Alive.
- Exactly.
25 K to you each to get
this situation handled.
Now, you don't have to
bring him straight to me,
just find out where he is, and
then he can go fuck himself
and everyone around him
can suck their own dick.
- I mean, you found Biasse before, right?
- Yeah.
- So why didn't you fuck him up last time?
- Same reason you can't
touch the President,
except this guy has more protection.
- Hey, cutie pies.
Which one of y'all wanna suck my dick?
- I can suck your dick.
- [Richy] Oh, maybe later, okay, baby?
(tense music)
- Hey.
Hey!
- To my 3,000 followers,
I just want to say...
- Al, Al, no.
No, no!
(gunshot)
Dude, girl, man, dude, what the fuck?
- We're here to send a message,
so that's what we're gonna do.
I'm working for my $25,000,
because I want more, and I need more.
After this, she's gonna
know what we're all about.
(intense music)
(shrieking)
(struggling)
- Dude, it's fucking Tattle.
- [Tattle] Get away!
(grunting and groaning)
- Hey, quit it, dude!
You tell me where Biasse
is or she fucking gets it.
(gunshot)
- I guess she is disposable.
Think you fuckers can come into my house
and think you make up all the rules, huh?
Tell Maura I'll fuck
her up the next time--
(groaning)
- Richy, get the bleach.
Okay, you have one option to
live and one option to die.
Tell us where Biasse is and you live.
You wanna know what death feels like?
- Ah, you fuckers are dumb as fuck.
- All right, Richy, open his mouth.
(groaning)
All right, okay, okay.
(sputtering)
I'm not gonna ask you again.
Tell me,
where does Biasse live?
- Okay, okay.
Okay, I'll tell you.
(wheezing)
He's at the Gussos'.
- Where do they live?
- Yo, what the fuck?
That motherfucker is dead.
(slow choral music)
Sorry about this.
I'm so sorry.
(grunting)
(retching)
Come on, come on.
- Hello, Maura?
We killed Tattle.
- [Maura] What?
Did he tell you where Biasse is?
- [Al] Yeah, he said he's at the Gussos'.
Things just got really frantic and crazy
and we poured bleach on his face
and he spewed out blood and he's dead.
- [Maura] Is there anyone else?
(clearing throat)
- Yeah, uh, I think it's his daughter and,
I'm gonna guess, the girl
that he's sleeping with,
we shot them both.
Um, so, what do we do now?
- [Maura] You need to clean the house up
to the best of your
ability, right fucking now,
don't leave a visible
spot of blood anywhere.
I'll send an address in Palm Dale
that you need to take the three bodies to.
- Hey, uh, Maura?
Listen, I'm sorry, okay?
- Better turn around, off my hit list.
- [Maura] Just get to Palm Dale.
- You see anybody?
- [Richy] No.
(knocking)
- Open your trunk.
Your money's at the house.
- You did the trashbag thing again?
- Mm hm.
- Is my wife there?
- No.
Look, from now on,
she's gonna have eyes and ears everywhere.
- Why?
- Because, just be careful, or else.
- The best bed on Earth.
- Yo, I'd offer for you
to stay at my place,
but, you know, I live here.
- What the fuck is going on, Al?
- Oh, shit, we forgot
to go into work today.
- Look, there's nothing going
on, don't worry about it.
- [Gizelle] I have to worry about it.
First the girl, now this.
- See, we're back to
the girl again, look--
- First the girl, now this.
- Hey, Durell, I'm sorry
it's a little loud in here.
- Are you selling drugs?
- No.
- Look, look, I'm real sorry that Al
and I forgot to come into work today.
- So what is it?
- Remember my mom, I told you,
she was on that hypitrol drug
and it got her going all kinds of crazy,
you know, that kind of stuff?
- Uh huh.
- Yeah, so, listen, you know
I'd rather be a homeless bum
than plunge another
feces-infested toilet there,
so yeah, so no offense.
- She sued them, that's it, she sued them
and she got a crazy amount of money.
- [Gizelle] How much?
- [Al] A crazy amount.
- How much?
- Would you just listen to me?
- Look, I appreciate everything
that you've done for me,
and Al does too.
- Look, you know, with you
and the meds and Reggie,
I was having a hard time making ends meet.
Okay, so I just asked her
to let me borrow some cash.
- Some cash?
- Okay, a lot of cash.
I want to move.
I want to graduate from school.
I want to make this movie.
You know, I got the check and I cashed it,
just to look at it, I
put it in the trash bags.
I've never seen that much
cash, that much money
in my life, ever.
- Now that was an awkward conversation.
The one on the phone.
- So what about that singer girl?
- She's, babe, babe,
she's a girl that I
did a music video with,
that's it, that's it.
- The fucking gun, Al.
Well, what the fuck are you doing--
- There's nothing to the gun.
- Fuck you, Al.
- There is nothing to the gun.
- I don't know what to
fucking think about you.
- I said there's nothing to the gun!
So what are you doing, huh?
Are you gonna walk over
there, gonna take my child,
you gonna walk out on me?
- What would I do, Al, huh?
- I'll tell you something.
I guarantee,
if I was doing something
against the family,
it would have already
come and bit me in my ass.
Say something.
If I am not telling the truth.
- Al.
- I know.
- No.
- I know, I do.
I do.
- You're doing this to punish me.
God has taken care of
that already, all right?
Just don't punish me.
Just don't punish me.
I know I deserve it.
Don't punish me, Al.
- I'm taking care of you, okay?
- Fuck yeah, man.
Fuck yeah.
- So, like, how does that make you feel?
- It makes me feel uneasy.
- Okay.
Did you, like, let her know
that, did you tell her?
- Yes, I did tell her,
and it's just difficult
when it's your mother.
- Right, right.
- [Richy] Well, hey, look who it is.
- Hey, Richy.
- Welcome, please, take a seat.
Guys, start a couple of lines before.
Great job everyone, that was
the last of our acting session.
Next week, I want you to bring three ideas
that can be made into a short film.
Anybody listening to me?
(class shouting tiredly)
Thank you.
- [Al] Hey.
- [Pillow] Hey.
- How's it going?
- Good, I hope it's okay that I came.
- No, it's cool.
- Martha told me that you
guys are performing as actors
so I thought it'd be cool to see.
- No, that's, that's okay.
Thank you for coming.
- You're welcome.
- Yeah.
- So, um, that music video was a huge hit.
Everyone really loved it.
- Yeah, I had no clue I was
working with a celebrity.
- Oh, no, you know, it's
just one of those videos
that finds its audience.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Hey, you should come
over to my place tonight.
- Why?
- Because I want you to.
- Listen, Pillow, I haven't had--
- You know, there's something
really refreshing about you.
You look like a good guy on
the outside, but something,
something tells me that
there's way more than that.
Am I right?
- Listen, Pillow.
I haven't had sex
in a really long time,
and I am liable
to do just about anything, and so
I am going to just walk away.
(scoffing)
What, Richy, what?
- Nothing.
- What?
I know you have something to say, say it.
- I would have fucked her.
Look, I know you're trying to
be, like, good and all, man,
but I would have fucked
her to the next decade.
You got a free pass to dig a bitch down.
That is not something that just happens--
- Who says that I have a free pass?
- Freaking universe, man.
Look, your wife cheats, gets an STD.
You cheat, get even.
- [Al] I'm just saying, what would be
the point if I did that?
- Hey, get back in the car.
Maura needs to have a
conversation with you fools.
- You boys gotta get out
of town for a hot minute.
- What?
- [Maura] The Gussos know who you are.
- No, they don't.
- Fucking Tattle's their cousin.
They got radar on you.
- Look, no, they don't, okay?
Everybody in that house died.
- Somebody tipped them off.
Biasse's hot right now,
the Gussos are fuming,
and everybody's on high alert.
They already paid me a visit this morning,
and I stood up for you two.
- Tell them to fuck off, then.
- You don't understand.
The Gussos are upset,
Mike's upset, Biasse's upset,
and you do not piss off Biasse.
He is the vendor around these parts,
and he can give you life,
and when he feels like it,
he can take it away.
- Okay, so what are they going to do?
They're gonna come after us?
- No, they'll come after you last.
(pounding footsteps)
- We good?
- Yeah, we're good.
(cell phone buzzing)
- [Mike] Stop packing.
- Who is this?
- [Mike] Wake up your
friend and come outside.
Well, how you two fucking
morons doing this morning?
- I'm tired.
- Shut the fuck up.
We're going for a ride.
- Where we going?
- To a funeral.
- Hey, Mike?
Mike?
I just want to say, everything we did
was a complete accident.
- Yeah, man, like, we weren't
trying to fuck with you
for real, you know?
You know?
(struggling)
- You motherfuckers killed Tattle.
- What?
- You came to my house,
you put your hands on me,
you put my family in danger,
and then you killed the
connect to my money.
So now, I've got something for you.
- Oh, what the fuck, man?
- I suggest you let her go.
- In this business, it's
a tooth for an ally.
Germaine, bring the wife right here.
(Pillow struggling)
Stop.
There'll be more.
- More what?
- Shut the fuck up, Luigi.
(intense music)
- Don't shoot!
All right, you shoot, I
take him down with me.
- Don't shoot.
(howling)
(gunshots)
- Where the fuck did you
learn how to do that?
- Duck Hunt 2.
Come on, let's go.
(music intensifying)
(gunshots and screaming)
- Oh, shit!
(shouting)
- Everybody good?
- Yeah.
- [Al] Let's go.
(gunshot)
Where are they?
- How about you suck my cock?
- How about you suck this clip?
- Hey, keep him alive.
- [Goon] Hey, fuck you.
- I'm helping you, man, be grateful.
- Where are they?
- Why don't you ask Maura?
- What?
- [Goon] I ain't saying shit else.
- Hey, man, look, what the fuck
do you know about the Gussos?
- [Goon] What?
- Are they with the Gussos?
- [Goon] I don't know.
- They're with the Gussos, aren't they?
- [Goon] Suck my dick, bitch.
(gunshots and howling)
- Where do
the Gussos live?
- Live at 23 Victory Boulevard.
- Clean yourself off.
(thrilling music)
We're good.
Listen.
I don't know you and you don't know me,
but if I did anything to
hurt you or offend you,
I apologize, it was completely accidental.
But if you have my wife
and child in there,
please release them and
do what you must to me.
Or else!
- I'll knock this fucker down.
- What the hell?
- Shelly.
- All right, guy, Kunta Kinte.
Come on.
(cackling)
Oh, come on, I'll give
you good shot right here.
Ah, weak, come on.
All right.
(repeated striking)
(laughing)
Of course, he went right to my dick.
Come at me.
Bitch.
(gunshot)
(gunshots)
(gunshot)
(gunshots)
(gunshot)
(gunshots)
- Dude taught me that.
- Let's check on the girls.
- Oh shit, Jesus Christ.
- Gizelle, are you okay?
- Michelle, I am so sorry I
got you into this situation.
- Gizelle, wake up, please.
- My God, I did all this to prove to you
that I could do it on
my own, but I fucked up.
I didn't even, I couldn't
even pull a bitch after that,
after we started making our money,
I was just trying not to die.
- Gizelle, I'm sorry, I
really am, I really am.
- If we make it out of
here, I'm going to fuck you
so fucking long, you don't
even have to give me head,
I don't even care, I swear.
- Guys!
(grunting)
- Someone told me you were looking for me.
- It's true.
- Don't you think it should
be the other way around?
- No.
- [Biasse] You've killed
my men a lot, right?
- [Al] Yeah.
- [Biasse] Yeah.
You know, you got yourself
in a world of shit, huh?
Much more than you can
possibly think, right?
- What do you mean?
- After you killed Tattle,
my cousin Gusso paid Maura a visit,
and she ratted you out
like nobody's business.
So I put a hit on you two motherfuckers.
And Maura, Maura didn't say
one single word to defend you.
- So Maura wants me dead?
- She does,
because she wants to
keep her head attached.
And because she knows
that you can replace her
at any point in time.
- Look, I'm not, just let us go.
- You're funny, but you see,
you're not going anywhere.
You're trying to ruin me, aren't you?
(choking)
You know we could have worked together,
you know that, right, right?
But you committed a crime,
a crime against the family.
(speaking in foreign language)
You know what?
I don't know if I want you to die,
but I sure as hell want you to suffer.
- Are you sure you want to do that?
- You planning on stopping me?
(music intensifying)
(gunshot)
(gunshot)
(gunshot)
(heartbeat thumping)
(resonant choral music)
- What are you doing,
holding the door for me?
You think I can't handle myself?
(wincing and gasping)
Look at that, I'm inside the
door, how do you like that?
- Oh, it's very good.
- You know, I think, I
think Reggie's gonna like it
at her grandparents' for a bit, you know?
- Yeah, I think it would be a great place,
you know, for her to be while I
clear my head.
- Yeah, yeah.
You know, and Gizelle had
a really nice service.
I mean, she knew a shit ton of people,
you know, I wasn't expecting that.
- Yeah, she was popular.
- You know what's crazy?
We made some money really fucking quick
and the reason we got into it,
I mean, you was for her, and
me, it was to pull bitches,
but my shit don't even
fucking work no more.
Ain't that a motherfucking bitch?
Can't fuck bitches no more.
I'm stuck tasting pussy
for the rest of my life.
- What are you saying?
- What I'm saying is, is that
you lost one of your reasons
and I lost mine.
And what do you say we get
some fucking revenge, huh?
- Oh, look at this, man,
day one, on the job,
getting it done, boning bitches,
every time we stop, in every apartment,
you better believe it.
- Hey.
- You know what I'm saying?
Ass, ass, and titties.
- Why would they do that?
- Well, it's out of respect, man,
fuckin' A, I'm gonna hold
my tongue on the ass.
- Hey.
- HI, I'm Al from Poop in Your Pipe,
I'm here to tend to your plumbing needs.
- Wow, you really do send Luigi out.
Come on in.
- Thanks.
- So what, are you guys photographers?
- Actually, no, we're making a documentary
about the lives of plumbers.
- Oh, why?
- Uh, I guess, I guess it's just because,
it's more interesting
than people would imagine.
- Really?
- Yeah, in fact, Richy, nevermind.
Would you mind signing a waiver
saying it's okay that you're
a part of this project,
a part of this experience,
and we're using your place
and all that kind of stuff?
- No problem.
- Okay, great, thank you.
I really like these lights.
- Thanks, a present from the ex.
(commiserative groaning)
- Thank you.
- No worries.
- Uh, Rich, right here.
This is it, this is our ticket
to the life we deserve.
This right here, baby.
Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- Oh, to the bathroom.
- Yes, that's what you're here for.
- Yes.
(intense music)
(groovy music)