All Inclusive (2017) Movie Script
(telephone)
Well! This is Tove. I'm kind of sleeping.
For reservations, call my agent.
Okay. Say something after the beep.
Hello. Uh, sitting in the taxi.
Will check.
Ten minutes, says the driver here.
Yes. See you soon.
(coughing)
Ouch! Oh, fuck! Oh, my God.
That's right...Carl...
-Good morning. -Fuck! My passport.
-Pass, pass... -Is this it?
Yeah, exactly. Come on, nobody gets good at classes.
-No, but you're 33 years old. -Yes. And how old are you yourself?
19...and a half.
Okay. Fuck. Taxi, taxi...I have to call a taxi.
It's calm, it's calm.
-I have a car. I have a car. -Shit.
Mom, she's not my girlfriend.
-She's 33 years old. -What the hell am I giving her a lift for?
-Calm down. -I'll throw you out head first!
-Please, can you just drive the car? -A little respect, please!
Sorry.
He actually looked older. It was dark.
I don't think you can say anything that would make it better right now.
The best.
-Isn't she answering? -No, of course she isn't.
-Don't hit the aunt. -Sorry.
-Henrik! -Darling!
-We should have picked her up. -She's not twelve years old, Mom.
Hello. Excuse me, there's a queue here.
(hyperventilates) Take one of these now before the flight.
Well, what...?
They're not holding the plane just because she's late.
-Then we can't go. -She'll have to take another plane.
-Malin, do something. -I'm thinking this, mom...
Maybe it's just as well that it's just you and I. Have another one.
You were lucky. We're about to take off.
You can't come just before you're supposed to fly.
-Hi! -Glad you could come.
-Where's Dad? -He's gone.
And?
-Sit down now. -Yes, but where is Dad?
-He's dead. -Is he dead?
But my God, what am I saying, Malin?
-They're just going to get divorced. -Oh, shit man. Are you guys going to get divorced?
Shit man? Is that all you have to say?
-I saw them in the filing room. -We're not going to talk about that now.
I was just going to go get some papers from the filing room.
Then she had his penis in her mouth.
-Mom...! -Who had whose penis in their mouth?
Jonna. The new economics girl.
She is helpful and super cute in every way, but now it's over.
Now you can really sit down! Sit down!
-That's enough! -Sorry.
So - now we are on vacation.
It wasn't me...
(wakes up with a jerk)
My dad thinks you seem mentally unstable.
-Well? Is he a psychologist, or not? -Yes.
-Nice glasses. -They're mom's.
-Don't break them. -Will I fit in them?
What if I go crazy and go into your ear and eat your brain...
Don't touch those!
-I need to pee. -Huh?
-I have to go to the bathroom. -Now?
Well... - You, excuse me.
My son needs to go to the bathroom. Do you think...
No, no one should go to the toilet.
-If we hurry... -You see the sign.
-You'll have to hold on. -Can't. It's coming now.
Here.
-Are you giving my son alcohol? -No, I'm giving him something to pee in.
Ladies and gentlemen, we will be landing in Croatia shortly.
-Privacy. -Mm.
Thanks.
Can you hold it there?
-Can I have some? -No, it's pee.
Why is everything so difficult with you?
-Oh my God. - Here, Mom. -It 's pee!
Welcome to Croatia.
Psychologist? Then you have to be careful what you say.
No, I'm on vacation.
Shas! - You have to keep an eye on the kids.
-Henrik. -Sorry, sorry.
-You haven't booked a children's hotel, have you? -Um...
-Yeah. -Oh, my God.
Eleven, twelve, thirteen... No, wait. Did I count you?
Yes, twice.
It says there are four of you traveling. I can't see Bengt.
-Isn't he traveling with you? -No. -Come on.
Wait, wait. It says here that Bengt Malmberg is traveling with you.
He is dead.
No, he's on the list. You can't be on the list if you're dead.
Now you are being terribly unprofessional.
How funny, that's true. It's exactly like in the pictures.
-Wow. -So dad has moved?
Come on, Tove, let's go and look at your room.
Yeah?
Don't keep talking about dad all the time.
Should we just pretend like nothing happened?
Look, you have a view of the bar.
Maybe you can play some records there or something.
If you get bored.
Hello, Mommy's little darling! Hello. This is my and Grandma's room.
No, she got to live next door. You, the boiler, have you rebooted it?
You can go down and do it then. We said we would. Hello?
-Everyone says hello. -Huh?
Everyone greets!
I don't understand what is included in the price.
War museum... War museum.
-Yes...Dad would have liked that. -But he's not here now.
You can go on a historical tour. First departure every morning at 6:30 am.
Or just lie by the pool.
-Maybe it's nice to experience something. -There's massage.
Yes, now I'll probably have to pay for someone to touch me.
But I'll pay for it, of course.
-We can still invite her. -But, Malin...
-Sorry, girls. -Mom, we're going to eat now!
Sit still, Tove. You're so hungry.
Oh my God!
(knock)
Did you hear?
(knock)
No, I didn't hear anything.
(knock)
-Go to sleep now, Mom. So. -Sorry.
No, but I get it. You don't have to explain.
You fucked up, no offense. Yes.
But you can come here. Stop it, I don't want to hear about Jonna.
Hang up. No, no, you're not in love.
No, you should listen. You can come here and solve it.
Is this Dad you're talking to now? Hang up.
-Dad, I can't hear you. -Hang up, Tove! Hang up!
-Dad? -Ugh, dad, ugh!
I've had to take care of the entire package for two weeks.
I have fed, driven, picked up and dropped off.
You can't fucking come and call the pig now. Oh my God!
Two weeks? Why haven't you told me anything?
We agreed that it wasn't necessary.
What would you have done if you had known? What would you have contributed?
I don't know. I guess I had...
...dropped off...picked up pizza.
-You should have called me. -Should we?
When Mom had the stroke, we tried to call you for three days.
It was a small blood clot. My cell phone had run out of battery.
It wasn't some small blood clot.
Hey, Tove, can I ask you a little something? What are my children's names?
They are called...
I can't think when you're staring like that.
Seriously, it's going completely black.
They're called...children's names.
Skydream. Tiger Lily.
Pinocchio Blue.
Shit, you're so angry.
No, I'm not angry. I'm...sad.
It's like you don't want to be part of this family.
You have to be best friends with your mom to be part of the family?
You arrive late and hungover with dirty clothes in a yellow IKEA bag.
A yellow one. That yellow one you have when you walk around the department store.
Then you come to the checkout and maybe buy a blue bag.
You can't even charge us that.
We are your family, whether you like it or not. We are real people.
Are you trying to insult me?
I'm trying to explain that we don't expect anything more from you, Tove.
It's the only way for us not to be disappointed.
We know you haven't bought anything for mom.
-I have. -What did you buy then?
For her birthday? For her birthday now?
Amen shit, what are you staring at.
I've bought...everything possible.
Sleep well.
Thanks.
Sorry, we are closed.
-Just a little glass? -We have rules here...and lives.
I live here with my sister and mother and my mother's birthday is tomorrow.
Can you recommend something?
We want to have some fun.
-Like really fun? -Mhm.
I have cocaine, heroin, ecstasy, roppar-
-and can fix excellent hash, Moroccan and Afghan.
-No, no, no, no drugs. -No, of course not. I'm not crazy.
It is a family hotel. We have rules.
Porn then? I have gay, lesbian, twin, milf, animal, fat...?
No! No porn. What's wrong with you?
I was kidding. I don't have porn.
Here. This is more your style.
You look like you need this.
-Nostrovia. -I'm from Sweden. We say cheers.
I know Sweden. Pippi, Volvo, Ikea-
-Zlatan Ibrahimovic and beautiful women.
My name is Antonio. Cheers.
Too strong for you?
No. Nothing is too strong for Swedish women.
So...where is your husband?
I would like to ask you something.
Do these snarky lines usually work for you?
Sometimes.
Actually not.
No, no. My mom's birthday is tomorrow.
I have to get up early and it's very important that I don't screw it up.
A little drinking won't kill you. And you're on vacation.
Bowl.
Just one.
Shit.
Fuck.
Hey.
-You can't just paint me like that. -Sorry.
My shoes. Where are my shoes?
Hey!
Bowl.
I AM INNOCENT (But this is an old t-shirt)
Hello. Thank you.
Walk of shame.
-What? -Away game.
Mom? Malin?
-Do I seem mentally unstable? -A little.
I'm not. You can tell that to your...psychologist dad.
He is sleeping.
He's been up all night...crying.
Yeah?
They are eating breakfast.
We wanted to sit here for the children.
I don't care if you've been here before. We're here now.
What's up with people? Huh? What do you want to do today, Mom?
I don't know. We're waiting for Tove, right?
Yes, absolutely. Oh my God.
Good morning. Happy birthday.
I bought some presents. I think you'll like it.
Like you picked up in the souvenir shops.
No, I bought it online.
Yeah, internet? So you ordered this from Croatia online-
-at home in Sweden and then it was sent here via Sweden? Or the other way around?
So, seriously... I love Croatia.
-Give the hell to that cup. -What is this?
No, no, no, no, no, no!
Happy birthday to you happy birthday to you
happy birthday, dear Inger happy birthday to you
I said sixty. - I said sixty, mom. Damn.
-It's Thursday. -Huh?
Mom's birthday is on Thursday.
-Thursday. -We can celebrate today too, right?
Yes. Mom is worth...more days.
-Have you planned anything special? -Huh?
If you thought it was my birthday today.
Yes, Tove, what's on the program?
Something you booked online perhaps?
Dude, look at these. Look at these two.
Ugh, she has no hands.
But that's why it's so nice-
-that she has made this for her sister with all the icing.
No, she must have had help with that one. The icing.
Would you eat a cake I made with my feet?
If you didn't have hands.
Why are my feet less disgusting if I didn't have hands?
Then it would have been a shame for you. Now you're just disgusting and annoying.
Mom, are you rubbing me in, are you cute?
But damn it, Tove! No, stop!
-No...! -Are you fighting on Mom's birthday?
She's doing this so you don't feel worthless.
No! It's fun to watch people.
-Now we're going to go on the slide. -No, I'm too old for that.
-You're not too old for anything. -Go yourself. She has lower back pain.
She's not in pain anywhere. - Come on!
If you don't want to, you don't have to.
Come on, mom! Malin doesn't dare!
-We can go together. -It says one at a time.
Next! Next!
-Hoohoo! -You go first.
-Next! -Yes, yes!
Next. You have to go now.
(whistle) Lady! Let go!
Is that Mom?
Let go! Lady!
-Let go, Mom! It's no danger! -She doesn't want to!
Please, turn off the water, please!
Mom? Mom?
Please, call 112! 112!
-Mom? -Please, help!
-Mom? Are you okay? -Yes. It's fine. It's fine, I...
But God, I lost the ring.
-Oh my God! -Is everything okay?
Turn off the water immediately! My mother's wedding ring is gone.
Drain the pool immediately. I want to speak to the manager now! Now!
This is incredible! Oh my God, that is!
But maybe it's actually just as good.
I just thought we were going to die together.
-There was never any danger. -No, not that.
I mean...with Dad and me.
I don't want to grow old and die alone.
He's the one who gets old and lonely and dies in front of the TV in his sleep.
It's your life you want.
I don't want to be someone who doesn't have anyone.
And you don't want something that isn't something.
You have your whole life ahead of you. You can have whoever you want at any time.
It's just up to you to decide. It's not the same for me.
Because.
Oh, shit man, mom. You're such a fucking piece of shit.
I look like a rotten apple, Tove.
You don't. You're gorgeous, you're a...milf.
They refused to empty the pool, but on Thursday they will clean the filter.
-En milf? -Mothers I Like to Fuck.
-That's a positive thing. -Then I'm more of a nerd.
-Pilf? What...? -Yes, Pensioner I Like to Fuck.
Mother...!
I've seen at least 20 men drooling over you.
Do you have?
Mom, you are beautiful, you are sweet, cute, lovely, smart.
If you just loosen up a little, we would have to hand out number tags.
Do you think so?
Do you really think so?
Shall we go out tonight? Then you'll see that I'm right.
Dear Tove, sometimes it's wonderful to see the world through your eyes.
Tove, can I just have a moment...? - Birthday secret, Mom.
What are you doing?
Why are you trying to make her think something like that?
It's clear she can find someone.
But who would want to dig up an old wreck?
-Do you have siblings? -No.
It's hell.
It's better than being completely alone.
Then you haven't met my sister. She hates me.
-Do you hate her back? -No.
It's always a bad sign when adults smoke like that.
My dad smoked like that for a whole month after my mom left us.
Well, now I'm going out and find a husband for my mother.
Can I come with you?
Here.
Okay. Who would want to dig up an old wreck?
-I don't think he's... -Well, he's perfect.
Hello! Excuse me. Do you know what time it is?
-Excuse me? -You're Swedish, that's great.
Nice place you've found. Is that you and your wife...
Sweetie, I don't have a wife.
Have dinner with us then. With me, my sister and mom.
You would love my mom. She's hilarious. I think she's a bit your type.
I doubt it. - Honey, hello.
This young lady wanted me to take her mother on a date.
-Don't have that hairstyle, I told you. -Oh, you're dripping. Oh!
Sorry, sorry, calm down. - Bye.
-Do you want some candy? -No, no, no. Coca-Cola, he means.
God, what is wrong with people?
Hope you are enjoying your vacation.
Listen...do you like old women?
-You're not old. -No...not me. It's my mother.
Should I be with you and your mother at the same time?
No, just her. I need someone who can flirt with her-
-and make her feel good tonight.
Should I make your old mother feel better?
She's not that old. Just flirting, nothing more. A kiss, that's all.
Please?
Do I look like a prostitute?
(mumbles irritably)
Bowl.
(knock)
-How are you? -Good.
-Can I come in? -Yes, yes, come in.
You always put makeup on me when you were little.
I've gotten a little better.
Oh, God...
Oo. Redder than a baboon's ass.
-Excuse me. -A really cute baboon.
-Yes, I love baboons. -Yes!
-What's funny about me being in pain? -Nothing. You have a nice little butt.
It's unbelievable that you gave birth to three children.
-I didn't give birth to them from my ass. -That would explain the color.
Life leaves its mark, Malin. And that's fine.
Can you guys go out now? I'm going to take a shower.
Bowl!
It might be fun to get out a little. We can hire a babysitter at the hotel.
I have no desire to spend money on feeling stupid and old.
Darling.
This is a bit too much, huh?
-Not if you're going to sell sex. -What did you say, honey?
Well, I said you can't believe you're going to turn sixteen.
-You're so pretty, Mom.
Is this included? Because we don't pay extra for anything.
The lady, from the gentleman there.
To me? Sorry, but I'm married.
Yes, yes. The gentleman actually told her.
But this is my mother.
-Mom. Toast to him. -It's not for her.
Oh no... Oh, my God, he's coming here.
Yes.
Hello, my name is Antonio.
Yes, my name is Inger.
Inker? What a beautiful name. And your sisters...?
Sisters? No, they're my daughters.
He probably understands that.
Sorry. We're just having a drink, so if you could...
-Do you want to sit? -Yes, please.
-What are you doing now? -Come on. We're going out for a smoke.
-You can smoke here. -But not here.
But where are you going now?
-We'll be back. -Yes, we will.
-Now it really became all inclusive. -Sharing is caring, sister.
Let me know if you get tired of Babyface in there.
-Cheers. -h, cheers.
Bowl.
Maybe I should go look for them.
-They're adults. -Yes. They are.
He must be 15-20 years younger than her.
Maybe he likes older women.
Yes. Or he's a psychopath.
He might have driven away with her-
-and is now cutting out all her internal organs.
If he was an organ thief, he would go for someone younger.
You can loosen up a little. You can relax.
-Cheers. -Why are you doing this?
-You remind me of someone. -Hm.
If you want to go, I understand.
Sometimes it's better not to talk to anyone and just be alone.
No. No, no, no. I don't want to be alone.
I mean, alone is... That's all I am.
Sorry.
No, never be sorry for your feelings.
Then you become truly alone.
Believe me, I've tried.
-Never be sad. -That's the only way.
Thanks.
I have to take care of her.
-How do you think it went? -Pretty good.
But if you want to take over, you're free to do so.
Then I can pick up the rubble.
All the body parts, the organs he didn't want.
No! Sorry. Malin. Sorry, sorry, sorry!
(laughs)
Where is mom?
Come on, let's dance!
Mother?
What are you doing here?
You left without saying anything.
Yes, I know. Sorry. Sorry. But Antonio wanted to dance.
He is amazing.
Come on, it's really late.
Go home, I'll be back later. Bye, bye!
You have a beautiful mother!
He's crazy. He thinks I'm beautiful.
-Hello then! -Hello then!
Come on.
Stop! Ugh!
-That was Tove. -Yes, yes.
Oh, but...good night then.
Do you want to come in?
Stop. What are you doing?
Now it's all smoked for you, Tove. Now mom will smoke.
Do you never miss a life with a husband and children, home insurance and cutlery?
-I have cutlery. -You know what I mean.
-A real life. -Like yours, right?
Do you love your children as much when you are a mother?
Yes, I love my children more than anything else.
Of course, some are more annoying than others.
Hello. Did you have a nice evening?
The best.
I've had a wonderful evening-
-with a wonderful man who I'm going to meet again tomorrow!
Huh? What then, huh...?
Why are you meeting him tomorrow?
Why are you going to see him again tomorrow?
-Shh! -But she's not answering.
Yes, but you can't... Leave her alone.
So I haven't danced there in 30 years.
What else did you do?
What then? You're wondering if I've slept with Antonio?
I don't have that.
Yet.
Yes, is that you? What do you want? It's seven in the morning.
Why the hell did you ask her out again tonight?
You won't get any more money.
It's because I like her.
Because she is a wonderful woman, because she is brave, honest.
-You've got to be kidding. -No, I'm not kidding.
If it's going to make me jealous, it won't work.
I'm not interested.
Do you think it's about you? Bye. I'm going to sleep.
Wait, wait!
If you cancel tonight, I'll pay you.
As I told you before: I am not a prostitute.
I know. That's why I pay you not to be.
I can't believe I slept with you.
He was just going to give her a little confidence.
Isn't it good if they are in love?
They're not. Not him, anyway.
She just gets sad and then it's my fault.
Isn't that it then?
Are you also a psychologist?
Maybe... maybe it's just sex.
Huh? Oh well, they can forget that.
Forget it. Forget it!
I'm not going to take a hot tub bath with mom and her toyboy.
You don't have to bathe. You can... just stand by, keep an eye on it.
Go in yourself if you're so worried.
The dick.
Hello.
-So this is where you're hiding. -What are you doing here?
I just wanted to check that everything was okay.
-Yes. That's good. -Good. Nice.
What then, are you just going to stand there?
-What are you doing now? -What then? The pool is for everyone, right?
-What does she want? -I don't know.
Nice spa, with...water.
Stop. Get out of the bath.
Sorry.
Tove! Can you send us a waiter?
Yes.
Five more bourbon shots.
You have really nice breasts. But you don't have any kids, do you?
Well, well, I have...I have three.
But they had to stay home now, so I miss them.
Here is Viktor and...Laura.
You'll excuse me, but I have no interest in seeing your ridiculous children.
However, how have you managed to get those looks?
Here sits a poor man and...
Hello!
...and trying to survive. Cheers.
Oh my god!
Five bourbon shots.
Five more shots, thanks.
-You're a psychologist, huh? -Mm.
-Do you think I look boring? -No, you're sitting on my shirt.
You don't want my ass on your nice psychologist shirt?
You can get drunk if you have children.
-Yes. -Do I look like I never drink?
-Is it my sister who said that? -What do you mean?
Those are olive pits that I have spit out.
I've always been on time and stood waiting for everyone like an idiot.
I've fixed it, fix it, fix it!
But now she's gone and met a bartender who can dance.
So now she ignores me.
And who do you think gets the credit for her being so happy again? Her sister.
Fucking genius.
So you're sad and hurt because-
-that your sister has managed to bring some joy into your mother's life again?
Yes... You hear it yourself, right?
(groans)
(of some)
Oops. Food poisoning?
No, I've eaten some bad nuts.
I'm a little drunk.
It will be better if you vomit. Put your fingers down your throat.
No, I'm not going to do that.
I've survived ten winter vomiting illnesses in a row.
Think of something disgusting. Here, Malin. Look at the toilet brush.
The best.
Imagine putting it in your mouth...and brushing.
Here.
Oh. Oh, thank you!
-You...you're so pretty. -Yes.
-Oh my god... -Now, now, now. So, come on.
(violent vomiting)
-Where have you been? -On the beach.
-Now? With Antonio? -Yes. And there were incredible waves.
I almost thought I was going to drown.
Then he carried me out of the water all the way to a deck chair.
I didn't dare walk on the sand because of all the crabs. We didn't see anything.
-He's absolutely amazing. -He carried you to a lounger?
There's something special about southern men. It's not something you just say.
Now I have to rinse myself off. I have sand everywhere.
But, God, it smells like vomit in here. (vomiting)
-But, honey. -No, then I'll go home.
-Hey! You, I'm talking to you. -Me?
Yes. You need to stop seeing her before she falls in love with you.
Is she in love with me?
If you don't stop seeing her, I'll tell her everything.
That's a good idea.
Show her the drawing I drew of you-
-when you were lying naked, in my bed, when we made love.
She will be so proud of her daughter.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
You can go in. Because you are the least.
Shouldn't I take it?
Stand over there and close your eyes.
Here. So that no one finds it.
(knock)
Aren't we going somewhere today?
Where is mom?
Oops.
Sorry!
(Malin laughs)
-What is it? -Well, she had the shower...
Well, she had...the shower between her legs.
-Why then? -Well, between the legs .
-Stop being disgusted. -But she's the one who's disgusted.
What if she did it? Are you twelve years old?
Now I don't know what you think, but that's not true.
Something happens to your lower abdomen as you approach 40.
-You may have noticed that, Malin. -No. And I'm not talking about it.
Actually, the only problem is that the mucous membranes become so dry.
Many are ashamed of it.
But now there are products that soften.
There are ointments to rub into the crack.
-Then it will be as good as new. -Are you ready now?
Mom, can you tell me more about those different products?
-that you can...lubricate in the gap?
Mother.
God, what childish children I have.
(pling)
-Hello. -Hello. Sorry.
-What is it? What? -No, I'm sorry.
Why are you sad? Don't be sad.
I just don't know what we're doing.
Luckily I know. We're going to swim.
You're so nice and all this and I...
And...I have feelings.
-Is that bad? -There's an age difference.
-Aha. I understand now. -Yes.
I'm too old for you. You want someone younger.
You told me not to worry too much. Please, we don't worry.
-Cheers. -Cheers.
Your friend is very popular.
-What do you think of Swedish men? -Not interested.
We take care of children.
When I was on paternity leave, my fingers turned orange from all the poop.
Still not interested.
She should have understood that you should lock the door.
It's still a good thing that she's started...fucking herself.
Oops.
Well, shit.
-Damn, how they hang out. -Yes.
We can only hope they calm down a bit until they meet the children.
If he's going to be our Padrick Plastovic.
They can't fall in love with each other.
It's amazing if she's met someone cute.
But he's a player, he sleeps with everything and everyone.
-How do you know? -I just know.
The best.
But it's clear that I haven't.
-And if I had... -Have you slept with Mom's new boyfriend?
Now we are talking about a completely different level.
So you're a stepmother to your mother.
No, no. Belly button.
Hole sisters.
Twins of cock.
It's not fun.
So he just went straight from you to her?
Yes, but that's because...
-Why then? -Yes, because...
It's something she...exudes.
What is it?
-What do you want now? -Thank you for your professional assessment.
-I've been thinking about something... -I'm on vacation.
Me too, but this is not a psychology question.
I have children and a well-paying job. I have a career that...
Now my sister has slept with a man. Nothing unusual. Good for her.
But then the same man goes and sleeps with my mother.
Good for her too. Except for this thing about Oedipus.
I'm not jealous. I'm married.
Why would I want to sleep with Antonio?
I don't know. Do you want me to answer that?
No, no, no. I'm just wondering why he's skipping over me-
-like some fucking Chinese chess.
If you as a man, not as a psychologist now, as a man-
-would have to choose between me, my sister and my mother.
Wow, purely animalistic, manly.
Mansaktigt?
I know you would choose Tove. And that's totally okay.
But...after that?
This is not appropriate.
I know. But would you choose me or my mother?
Am I so fucking boring that you'd rather-
-want to sleep with a 60 year old when you can get this?
-I have children. -Me too. Three.
Here. I have children here.
Hello.
Hey, hey.
And...
It's just a little symbolic thing.
-Oh, how cute. -I did it before everything with dad.
I can cut him off if you want.
No, why is that? I mean, what has been, has been.
There are no pictures of Tove here.
Tove probably has her own pictures from her celebrations.
From a bar stool or something.
Now it's time for a new beginning, apparently we're going to share both.
Thank you, Malin. It's a great album.
-How fun. -Really, thank you.
-What are we going to do today? -I thought we'd go shopping first.
Then I found a great little authentic fish restaurant...
Antonio's cousin has a sailboat. So we're going out with it today.
Although if Malin has planned it might be best...
-We'll probably have time to sail too. -Exactly. That could be fun.
-Yes, although you're not going with me. -It's your birthday.
I want to be alone with Antonio.
And we celebrated my birthday.
It wasn't your real birthday. We want to celebrate you today.
Maybe Antonio is right after all. Maybe you 're jealous.
-On him? -No. On me.
-Hello. Good morning. -Hello.
-A gift for you. Have the honor. -Thank you.
-I hope you like it. -It's really nice.
I went to art school when I was young...younger.
Did you give my son a nude drawing of yourself?
Uh...no.
No, I could be wrong, but isn't this you?
It is very nice.
-Did you break into my house? -No.
You would tear it apart.
Have you been naked in front of Antonio?
Well... This isn't me. I don't even look like that.
I wish I did.
Like this... It was a joke by the pool-
-and the rest he has... well, fantasized about.
What have you done?
Idiot. Did you say you paid me...?
-No, no, no, no... No, no. -Paid?
Have you paid Antonio?
But, Tove, you haven't, have you?
What, what?
-Mom, mom, mom. -Don't touch me!
-Neither do you! -I knew nothing, Mom.
-Inker! That was before we met! -Happy birthday to you
That was before we met.
happy birthday to you
And I didn't think you'd bought anything for mom.
(hyperventilates)
Are you leaving now?
You'll have to get rid of me. I'm just... babbling.
-Mom's gone. -Huh?
She's not here. She's not answering the phone.
Let me take care of it, because you're leaving now.
You and your important fucking bag!
Why don't I fuck around-
-with a bag of dirty laundry in one hand with some fucking sequin panties?!
Because I'm the one who gets to take care of the whole 20-fucking-4-7 shit!
(telephone)
You'll have to find her. I'm going on vacation now.
-Have all three slept with the same person? -Yes, all of them.
They tried to buy Tommy.
It is terribly offensive to me and my husband.
-What kind of human view is that? -If it gets any worse, we'll report it to the police.
Have you seen my mother Inger Malmberg?
-Is it time for a double sandwich? -Henrik!
Kids, now we're going to buy ice cream. Yes, all inclusive.
Malin...
Mom is on the tour and will arrive around five.
(sobs)
Hello.
Sorry.
Go and be with your father. Tell him he's right.
I'm not completely mentally stable.
You! You're not welcome here.
He's so sorry for what you did. He likes the old woman.
She's gone. Please. I have to find her.
I know you have a car. Can you please help us?
-Actually not. -Malin, give her money.
More.
Thanks.
Do you understand now what my life looks like? Like some Excel spreadsheet-
-where I eat breakfast in the shower and brush my teeth when I poop.
When I go on vacation by myself for the first time...
-you buy a male whore for my mother who you've also slept with.
Take... Oh, come on.
-Damn, what are you doing. -Yes, I do.
The village was known for its unusual powers-
-because it is the highest on the island.
According to legend, they used to take old and sick people-
-and push them over the cliff to die.
It would just be a kiss.
I just wanted to help her.
If she's dead, it's your fault.
Stop!
I think we took the wrong turn.
I think so too.
-Oliver, are you okay? -Yes.
Now your father will probably be worried.
He doesn't notice I'm gone.
He's sorry about the divorce. It will pass.
Almost half of all children are children of divorce.
Tove and I too. We just became one.
-But they haven't divorced. -Then why is he crying?
Yes, why is he crying?
Because she's dead.
I thought you said they were divorced.
You never asked.
Sorry.
It went really fast. And then it was just us left.
What happened?
She got cancer.
Do you know what the last thing I said to her was?
The best.
I hate you.
I hated her because she couldn't come when I had a match.
Why do we say such stupid things to each other?
Sometimes people say stupid things. But it doesn't mean anything.
Your mother knows you love her.
-Is it completely dead? -Yes.
-I'll probably have to amputate my arm. -Well, then they can take my foot too.
We'll have to help each other with that cake. The frosting.
What is this?
This is...ecstasy.
Roofies.
This looks like smoking heroin. Who is she?
And who are you?
I've lived in Berlin. This will be great for shoulder relief.
I might need some foot relief. - Only for those who are injured.
(laugh)
Check here. And check here.
Wow! Oh, shit.
I miss my mother.
She longs for you too.
We're a little lost now. And then we do strange things.
I don't want to sleep with your father.
Malin, you're scaring him.
What if they never find us?
Don't worry, sheep don't eat people.
No. On the contrary...on the contrary.
Mhm.
Sometimes I dream that I am you.
Me?
It's a nice dream.
You are beautiful.
Oh, Mom. Mom! Oh...
-Oliver. -Oliver called.
-Did he have a phone? -Why didn't he say anything?
Girls, what happened? Have you been drinking?
-No. -Mom, I'm so sorry about everything.
Dad, I'm sorry.
You, I'm the one who should say sorry.
I'm going to try to cry a little less now, okay?
So you can cry a little too.
I'm so sorry, Oliver.
But, you... We can do this, right?
Yes.
I need to talk to you. Please. Please Inker.
-Please, Inker, I have to explain. -Forget it.
-Let me explain. -Go!
I think you should talk to him.
I don't know if I can afford it. What does he charge per hour?
I paid him to flirt with you one night.
-The second is because he likes you. -It's something you radiate.
He's crazy about you, in love with you.
Go to him.
-Go to him now! -Go now, mom!
-It's busy. You can't just... -Fuck off!
-Can I talk to Tove? -Sure.
It's private.
Okay.
Sorry I didn't throw it.
-Why didn't you do it? -I was going to show it at school.
I could throw it away for you. So no one will find it.
Hello there.
-Are we waiting for anything in particular? -Yes, we are.
-Okay. -Eleven, twelve. And we'll be thirteen.
Aren't there more people in your group who have died?
It's still unbelievable how unprofessional you are.
I'm ashamed. Oh my God, I'm sorry.
I don't know what I was thinking. You have to believe...
I'm still on vacation. But you...
Purely animalistic and manly...
...then I would choose you.
But that's not something you build your self-esteem on.
The best.
Hello there.
Mom? The boat is leaving now.
-I have to go now. -I know. You have to come back.
I'll be back. I will.
Mother.
Hello, Antonio.
-Hello then! -Hello then.
-Antonio. -And?
You remind me of someone too.
-Hello then. -Hello then.
Mother...
Sorry - for everything.
I just wanted to make you happy.
But I know. We'll never talk about this again.
Sometimes it can be difficult with you and Malin.
But, honey... There could be three of us in that club.
It feels like a more reasonable club.
Text: Thomas Jansson Scandinavian Text Service 2017
Responsible publisher: Anders Melin
Well! This is Tove. I'm kind of sleeping.
For reservations, call my agent.
Okay. Say something after the beep.
Hello. Uh, sitting in the taxi.
Will check.
Ten minutes, says the driver here.
Yes. See you soon.
(coughing)
Ouch! Oh, fuck! Oh, my God.
That's right...Carl...
-Good morning. -Fuck! My passport.
-Pass, pass... -Is this it?
Yeah, exactly. Come on, nobody gets good at classes.
-No, but you're 33 years old. -Yes. And how old are you yourself?
19...and a half.
Okay. Fuck. Taxi, taxi...I have to call a taxi.
It's calm, it's calm.
-I have a car. I have a car. -Shit.
Mom, she's not my girlfriend.
-She's 33 years old. -What the hell am I giving her a lift for?
-Calm down. -I'll throw you out head first!
-Please, can you just drive the car? -A little respect, please!
Sorry.
He actually looked older. It was dark.
I don't think you can say anything that would make it better right now.
The best.
-Isn't she answering? -No, of course she isn't.
-Don't hit the aunt. -Sorry.
-Henrik! -Darling!
-We should have picked her up. -She's not twelve years old, Mom.
Hello. Excuse me, there's a queue here.
(hyperventilates) Take one of these now before the flight.
Well, what...?
They're not holding the plane just because she's late.
-Then we can't go. -She'll have to take another plane.
-Malin, do something. -I'm thinking this, mom...
Maybe it's just as well that it's just you and I. Have another one.
You were lucky. We're about to take off.
You can't come just before you're supposed to fly.
-Hi! -Glad you could come.
-Where's Dad? -He's gone.
And?
-Sit down now. -Yes, but where is Dad?
-He's dead. -Is he dead?
But my God, what am I saying, Malin?
-They're just going to get divorced. -Oh, shit man. Are you guys going to get divorced?
Shit man? Is that all you have to say?
-I saw them in the filing room. -We're not going to talk about that now.
I was just going to go get some papers from the filing room.
Then she had his penis in her mouth.
-Mom...! -Who had whose penis in their mouth?
Jonna. The new economics girl.
She is helpful and super cute in every way, but now it's over.
Now you can really sit down! Sit down!
-That's enough! -Sorry.
So - now we are on vacation.
It wasn't me...
(wakes up with a jerk)
My dad thinks you seem mentally unstable.
-Well? Is he a psychologist, or not? -Yes.
-Nice glasses. -They're mom's.
-Don't break them. -Will I fit in them?
What if I go crazy and go into your ear and eat your brain...
Don't touch those!
-I need to pee. -Huh?
-I have to go to the bathroom. -Now?
Well... - You, excuse me.
My son needs to go to the bathroom. Do you think...
No, no one should go to the toilet.
-If we hurry... -You see the sign.
-You'll have to hold on. -Can't. It's coming now.
Here.
-Are you giving my son alcohol? -No, I'm giving him something to pee in.
Ladies and gentlemen, we will be landing in Croatia shortly.
-Privacy. -Mm.
Thanks.
Can you hold it there?
-Can I have some? -No, it's pee.
Why is everything so difficult with you?
-Oh my God. - Here, Mom. -It 's pee!
Welcome to Croatia.
Psychologist? Then you have to be careful what you say.
No, I'm on vacation.
Shas! - You have to keep an eye on the kids.
-Henrik. -Sorry, sorry.
-You haven't booked a children's hotel, have you? -Um...
-Yeah. -Oh, my God.
Eleven, twelve, thirteen... No, wait. Did I count you?
Yes, twice.
It says there are four of you traveling. I can't see Bengt.
-Isn't he traveling with you? -No. -Come on.
Wait, wait. It says here that Bengt Malmberg is traveling with you.
He is dead.
No, he's on the list. You can't be on the list if you're dead.
Now you are being terribly unprofessional.
How funny, that's true. It's exactly like in the pictures.
-Wow. -So dad has moved?
Come on, Tove, let's go and look at your room.
Yeah?
Don't keep talking about dad all the time.
Should we just pretend like nothing happened?
Look, you have a view of the bar.
Maybe you can play some records there or something.
If you get bored.
Hello, Mommy's little darling! Hello. This is my and Grandma's room.
No, she got to live next door. You, the boiler, have you rebooted it?
You can go down and do it then. We said we would. Hello?
-Everyone says hello. -Huh?
Everyone greets!
I don't understand what is included in the price.
War museum... War museum.
-Yes...Dad would have liked that. -But he's not here now.
You can go on a historical tour. First departure every morning at 6:30 am.
Or just lie by the pool.
-Maybe it's nice to experience something. -There's massage.
Yes, now I'll probably have to pay for someone to touch me.
But I'll pay for it, of course.
-We can still invite her. -But, Malin...
-Sorry, girls. -Mom, we're going to eat now!
Sit still, Tove. You're so hungry.
Oh my God!
(knock)
Did you hear?
(knock)
No, I didn't hear anything.
(knock)
-Go to sleep now, Mom. So. -Sorry.
No, but I get it. You don't have to explain.
You fucked up, no offense. Yes.
But you can come here. Stop it, I don't want to hear about Jonna.
Hang up. No, no, you're not in love.
No, you should listen. You can come here and solve it.
Is this Dad you're talking to now? Hang up.
-Dad, I can't hear you. -Hang up, Tove! Hang up!
-Dad? -Ugh, dad, ugh!
I've had to take care of the entire package for two weeks.
I have fed, driven, picked up and dropped off.
You can't fucking come and call the pig now. Oh my God!
Two weeks? Why haven't you told me anything?
We agreed that it wasn't necessary.
What would you have done if you had known? What would you have contributed?
I don't know. I guess I had...
...dropped off...picked up pizza.
-You should have called me. -Should we?
When Mom had the stroke, we tried to call you for three days.
It was a small blood clot. My cell phone had run out of battery.
It wasn't some small blood clot.
Hey, Tove, can I ask you a little something? What are my children's names?
They are called...
I can't think when you're staring like that.
Seriously, it's going completely black.
They're called...children's names.
Skydream. Tiger Lily.
Pinocchio Blue.
Shit, you're so angry.
No, I'm not angry. I'm...sad.
It's like you don't want to be part of this family.
You have to be best friends with your mom to be part of the family?
You arrive late and hungover with dirty clothes in a yellow IKEA bag.
A yellow one. That yellow one you have when you walk around the department store.
Then you come to the checkout and maybe buy a blue bag.
You can't even charge us that.
We are your family, whether you like it or not. We are real people.
Are you trying to insult me?
I'm trying to explain that we don't expect anything more from you, Tove.
It's the only way for us not to be disappointed.
We know you haven't bought anything for mom.
-I have. -What did you buy then?
For her birthday? For her birthday now?
Amen shit, what are you staring at.
I've bought...everything possible.
Sleep well.
Thanks.
Sorry, we are closed.
-Just a little glass? -We have rules here...and lives.
I live here with my sister and mother and my mother's birthday is tomorrow.
Can you recommend something?
We want to have some fun.
-Like really fun? -Mhm.
I have cocaine, heroin, ecstasy, roppar-
-and can fix excellent hash, Moroccan and Afghan.
-No, no, no, no drugs. -No, of course not. I'm not crazy.
It is a family hotel. We have rules.
Porn then? I have gay, lesbian, twin, milf, animal, fat...?
No! No porn. What's wrong with you?
I was kidding. I don't have porn.
Here. This is more your style.
You look like you need this.
-Nostrovia. -I'm from Sweden. We say cheers.
I know Sweden. Pippi, Volvo, Ikea-
-Zlatan Ibrahimovic and beautiful women.
My name is Antonio. Cheers.
Too strong for you?
No. Nothing is too strong for Swedish women.
So...where is your husband?
I would like to ask you something.
Do these snarky lines usually work for you?
Sometimes.
Actually not.
No, no. My mom's birthday is tomorrow.
I have to get up early and it's very important that I don't screw it up.
A little drinking won't kill you. And you're on vacation.
Bowl.
Just one.
Shit.
Fuck.
Hey.
-You can't just paint me like that. -Sorry.
My shoes. Where are my shoes?
Hey!
Bowl.
I AM INNOCENT (But this is an old t-shirt)
Hello. Thank you.
Walk of shame.
-What? -Away game.
Mom? Malin?
-Do I seem mentally unstable? -A little.
I'm not. You can tell that to your...psychologist dad.
He is sleeping.
He's been up all night...crying.
Yeah?
They are eating breakfast.
We wanted to sit here for the children.
I don't care if you've been here before. We're here now.
What's up with people? Huh? What do you want to do today, Mom?
I don't know. We're waiting for Tove, right?
Yes, absolutely. Oh my God.
Good morning. Happy birthday.
I bought some presents. I think you'll like it.
Like you picked up in the souvenir shops.
No, I bought it online.
Yeah, internet? So you ordered this from Croatia online-
-at home in Sweden and then it was sent here via Sweden? Or the other way around?
So, seriously... I love Croatia.
-Give the hell to that cup. -What is this?
No, no, no, no, no, no!
Happy birthday to you happy birthday to you
happy birthday, dear Inger happy birthday to you
I said sixty. - I said sixty, mom. Damn.
-It's Thursday. -Huh?
Mom's birthday is on Thursday.
-Thursday. -We can celebrate today too, right?
Yes. Mom is worth...more days.
-Have you planned anything special? -Huh?
If you thought it was my birthday today.
Yes, Tove, what's on the program?
Something you booked online perhaps?
Dude, look at these. Look at these two.
Ugh, she has no hands.
But that's why it's so nice-
-that she has made this for her sister with all the icing.
No, she must have had help with that one. The icing.
Would you eat a cake I made with my feet?
If you didn't have hands.
Why are my feet less disgusting if I didn't have hands?
Then it would have been a shame for you. Now you're just disgusting and annoying.
Mom, are you rubbing me in, are you cute?
But damn it, Tove! No, stop!
-No...! -Are you fighting on Mom's birthday?
She's doing this so you don't feel worthless.
No! It's fun to watch people.
-Now we're going to go on the slide. -No, I'm too old for that.
-You're not too old for anything. -Go yourself. She has lower back pain.
She's not in pain anywhere. - Come on!
If you don't want to, you don't have to.
Come on, mom! Malin doesn't dare!
-We can go together. -It says one at a time.
Next! Next!
-Hoohoo! -You go first.
-Next! -Yes, yes!
Next. You have to go now.
(whistle) Lady! Let go!
Is that Mom?
Let go! Lady!
-Let go, Mom! It's no danger! -She doesn't want to!
Please, turn off the water, please!
Mom? Mom?
Please, call 112! 112!
-Mom? -Please, help!
-Mom? Are you okay? -Yes. It's fine. It's fine, I...
But God, I lost the ring.
-Oh my God! -Is everything okay?
Turn off the water immediately! My mother's wedding ring is gone.
Drain the pool immediately. I want to speak to the manager now! Now!
This is incredible! Oh my God, that is!
But maybe it's actually just as good.
I just thought we were going to die together.
-There was never any danger. -No, not that.
I mean...with Dad and me.
I don't want to grow old and die alone.
He's the one who gets old and lonely and dies in front of the TV in his sleep.
It's your life you want.
I don't want to be someone who doesn't have anyone.
And you don't want something that isn't something.
You have your whole life ahead of you. You can have whoever you want at any time.
It's just up to you to decide. It's not the same for me.
Because.
Oh, shit man, mom. You're such a fucking piece of shit.
I look like a rotten apple, Tove.
You don't. You're gorgeous, you're a...milf.
They refused to empty the pool, but on Thursday they will clean the filter.
-En milf? -Mothers I Like to Fuck.
-That's a positive thing. -Then I'm more of a nerd.
-Pilf? What...? -Yes, Pensioner I Like to Fuck.
Mother...!
I've seen at least 20 men drooling over you.
Do you have?
Mom, you are beautiful, you are sweet, cute, lovely, smart.
If you just loosen up a little, we would have to hand out number tags.
Do you think so?
Do you really think so?
Shall we go out tonight? Then you'll see that I'm right.
Dear Tove, sometimes it's wonderful to see the world through your eyes.
Tove, can I just have a moment...? - Birthday secret, Mom.
What are you doing?
Why are you trying to make her think something like that?
It's clear she can find someone.
But who would want to dig up an old wreck?
-Do you have siblings? -No.
It's hell.
It's better than being completely alone.
Then you haven't met my sister. She hates me.
-Do you hate her back? -No.
It's always a bad sign when adults smoke like that.
My dad smoked like that for a whole month after my mom left us.
Well, now I'm going out and find a husband for my mother.
Can I come with you?
Here.
Okay. Who would want to dig up an old wreck?
-I don't think he's... -Well, he's perfect.
Hello! Excuse me. Do you know what time it is?
-Excuse me? -You're Swedish, that's great.
Nice place you've found. Is that you and your wife...
Sweetie, I don't have a wife.
Have dinner with us then. With me, my sister and mom.
You would love my mom. She's hilarious. I think she's a bit your type.
I doubt it. - Honey, hello.
This young lady wanted me to take her mother on a date.
-Don't have that hairstyle, I told you. -Oh, you're dripping. Oh!
Sorry, sorry, calm down. - Bye.
-Do you want some candy? -No, no, no. Coca-Cola, he means.
God, what is wrong with people?
Hope you are enjoying your vacation.
Listen...do you like old women?
-You're not old. -No...not me. It's my mother.
Should I be with you and your mother at the same time?
No, just her. I need someone who can flirt with her-
-and make her feel good tonight.
Should I make your old mother feel better?
She's not that old. Just flirting, nothing more. A kiss, that's all.
Please?
Do I look like a prostitute?
(mumbles irritably)
Bowl.
(knock)
-How are you? -Good.
-Can I come in? -Yes, yes, come in.
You always put makeup on me when you were little.
I've gotten a little better.
Oh, God...
Oo. Redder than a baboon's ass.
-Excuse me. -A really cute baboon.
-Yes, I love baboons. -Yes!
-What's funny about me being in pain? -Nothing. You have a nice little butt.
It's unbelievable that you gave birth to three children.
-I didn't give birth to them from my ass. -That would explain the color.
Life leaves its mark, Malin. And that's fine.
Can you guys go out now? I'm going to take a shower.
Bowl!
It might be fun to get out a little. We can hire a babysitter at the hotel.
I have no desire to spend money on feeling stupid and old.
Darling.
This is a bit too much, huh?
-Not if you're going to sell sex. -What did you say, honey?
Well, I said you can't believe you're going to turn sixteen.
-You're so pretty, Mom.
Is this included? Because we don't pay extra for anything.
The lady, from the gentleman there.
To me? Sorry, but I'm married.
Yes, yes. The gentleman actually told her.
But this is my mother.
-Mom. Toast to him. -It's not for her.
Oh no... Oh, my God, he's coming here.
Yes.
Hello, my name is Antonio.
Yes, my name is Inger.
Inker? What a beautiful name. And your sisters...?
Sisters? No, they're my daughters.
He probably understands that.
Sorry. We're just having a drink, so if you could...
-Do you want to sit? -Yes, please.
-What are you doing now? -Come on. We're going out for a smoke.
-You can smoke here. -But not here.
But where are you going now?
-We'll be back. -Yes, we will.
-Now it really became all inclusive. -Sharing is caring, sister.
Let me know if you get tired of Babyface in there.
-Cheers. -h, cheers.
Bowl.
Maybe I should go look for them.
-They're adults. -Yes. They are.
He must be 15-20 years younger than her.
Maybe he likes older women.
Yes. Or he's a psychopath.
He might have driven away with her-
-and is now cutting out all her internal organs.
If he was an organ thief, he would go for someone younger.
You can loosen up a little. You can relax.
-Cheers. -Why are you doing this?
-You remind me of someone. -Hm.
If you want to go, I understand.
Sometimes it's better not to talk to anyone and just be alone.
No. No, no, no. I don't want to be alone.
I mean, alone is... That's all I am.
Sorry.
No, never be sorry for your feelings.
Then you become truly alone.
Believe me, I've tried.
-Never be sad. -That's the only way.
Thanks.
I have to take care of her.
-How do you think it went? -Pretty good.
But if you want to take over, you're free to do so.
Then I can pick up the rubble.
All the body parts, the organs he didn't want.
No! Sorry. Malin. Sorry, sorry, sorry!
(laughs)
Where is mom?
Come on, let's dance!
Mother?
What are you doing here?
You left without saying anything.
Yes, I know. Sorry. Sorry. But Antonio wanted to dance.
He is amazing.
Come on, it's really late.
Go home, I'll be back later. Bye, bye!
You have a beautiful mother!
He's crazy. He thinks I'm beautiful.
-Hello then! -Hello then!
Come on.
Stop! Ugh!
-That was Tove. -Yes, yes.
Oh, but...good night then.
Do you want to come in?
Stop. What are you doing?
Now it's all smoked for you, Tove. Now mom will smoke.
Do you never miss a life with a husband and children, home insurance and cutlery?
-I have cutlery. -You know what I mean.
-A real life. -Like yours, right?
Do you love your children as much when you are a mother?
Yes, I love my children more than anything else.
Of course, some are more annoying than others.
Hello. Did you have a nice evening?
The best.
I've had a wonderful evening-
-with a wonderful man who I'm going to meet again tomorrow!
Huh? What then, huh...?
Why are you meeting him tomorrow?
Why are you going to see him again tomorrow?
-Shh! -But she's not answering.
Yes, but you can't... Leave her alone.
So I haven't danced there in 30 years.
What else did you do?
What then? You're wondering if I've slept with Antonio?
I don't have that.
Yet.
Yes, is that you? What do you want? It's seven in the morning.
Why the hell did you ask her out again tonight?
You won't get any more money.
It's because I like her.
Because she is a wonderful woman, because she is brave, honest.
-You've got to be kidding. -No, I'm not kidding.
If it's going to make me jealous, it won't work.
I'm not interested.
Do you think it's about you? Bye. I'm going to sleep.
Wait, wait!
If you cancel tonight, I'll pay you.
As I told you before: I am not a prostitute.
I know. That's why I pay you not to be.
I can't believe I slept with you.
He was just going to give her a little confidence.
Isn't it good if they are in love?
They're not. Not him, anyway.
She just gets sad and then it's my fault.
Isn't that it then?
Are you also a psychologist?
Maybe... maybe it's just sex.
Huh? Oh well, they can forget that.
Forget it. Forget it!
I'm not going to take a hot tub bath with mom and her toyboy.
You don't have to bathe. You can... just stand by, keep an eye on it.
Go in yourself if you're so worried.
The dick.
Hello.
-So this is where you're hiding. -What are you doing here?
I just wanted to check that everything was okay.
-Yes. That's good. -Good. Nice.
What then, are you just going to stand there?
-What are you doing now? -What then? The pool is for everyone, right?
-What does she want? -I don't know.
Nice spa, with...water.
Stop. Get out of the bath.
Sorry.
Tove! Can you send us a waiter?
Yes.
Five more bourbon shots.
You have really nice breasts. But you don't have any kids, do you?
Well, well, I have...I have three.
But they had to stay home now, so I miss them.
Here is Viktor and...Laura.
You'll excuse me, but I have no interest in seeing your ridiculous children.
However, how have you managed to get those looks?
Here sits a poor man and...
Hello!
...and trying to survive. Cheers.
Oh my god!
Five bourbon shots.
Five more shots, thanks.
-You're a psychologist, huh? -Mm.
-Do you think I look boring? -No, you're sitting on my shirt.
You don't want my ass on your nice psychologist shirt?
You can get drunk if you have children.
-Yes. -Do I look like I never drink?
-Is it my sister who said that? -What do you mean?
Those are olive pits that I have spit out.
I've always been on time and stood waiting for everyone like an idiot.
I've fixed it, fix it, fix it!
But now she's gone and met a bartender who can dance.
So now she ignores me.
And who do you think gets the credit for her being so happy again? Her sister.
Fucking genius.
So you're sad and hurt because-
-that your sister has managed to bring some joy into your mother's life again?
Yes... You hear it yourself, right?
(groans)
(of some)
Oops. Food poisoning?
No, I've eaten some bad nuts.
I'm a little drunk.
It will be better if you vomit. Put your fingers down your throat.
No, I'm not going to do that.
I've survived ten winter vomiting illnesses in a row.
Think of something disgusting. Here, Malin. Look at the toilet brush.
The best.
Imagine putting it in your mouth...and brushing.
Here.
Oh. Oh, thank you!
-You...you're so pretty. -Yes.
-Oh my god... -Now, now, now. So, come on.
(violent vomiting)
-Where have you been? -On the beach.
-Now? With Antonio? -Yes. And there were incredible waves.
I almost thought I was going to drown.
Then he carried me out of the water all the way to a deck chair.
I didn't dare walk on the sand because of all the crabs. We didn't see anything.
-He's absolutely amazing. -He carried you to a lounger?
There's something special about southern men. It's not something you just say.
Now I have to rinse myself off. I have sand everywhere.
But, God, it smells like vomit in here. (vomiting)
-But, honey. -No, then I'll go home.
-Hey! You, I'm talking to you. -Me?
Yes. You need to stop seeing her before she falls in love with you.
Is she in love with me?
If you don't stop seeing her, I'll tell her everything.
That's a good idea.
Show her the drawing I drew of you-
-when you were lying naked, in my bed, when we made love.
She will be so proud of her daughter.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
You can go in. Because you are the least.
Shouldn't I take it?
Stand over there and close your eyes.
Here. So that no one finds it.
(knock)
Aren't we going somewhere today?
Where is mom?
Oops.
Sorry!
(Malin laughs)
-What is it? -Well, she had the shower...
Well, she had...the shower between her legs.
-Why then? -Well, between the legs .
-Stop being disgusted. -But she's the one who's disgusted.
What if she did it? Are you twelve years old?
Now I don't know what you think, but that's not true.
Something happens to your lower abdomen as you approach 40.
-You may have noticed that, Malin. -No. And I'm not talking about it.
Actually, the only problem is that the mucous membranes become so dry.
Many are ashamed of it.
But now there are products that soften.
There are ointments to rub into the crack.
-Then it will be as good as new. -Are you ready now?
Mom, can you tell me more about those different products?
-that you can...lubricate in the gap?
Mother.
God, what childish children I have.
(pling)
-Hello. -Hello. Sorry.
-What is it? What? -No, I'm sorry.
Why are you sad? Don't be sad.
I just don't know what we're doing.
Luckily I know. We're going to swim.
You're so nice and all this and I...
And...I have feelings.
-Is that bad? -There's an age difference.
-Aha. I understand now. -Yes.
I'm too old for you. You want someone younger.
You told me not to worry too much. Please, we don't worry.
-Cheers. -Cheers.
Your friend is very popular.
-What do you think of Swedish men? -Not interested.
We take care of children.
When I was on paternity leave, my fingers turned orange from all the poop.
Still not interested.
She should have understood that you should lock the door.
It's still a good thing that she's started...fucking herself.
Oops.
Well, shit.
-Damn, how they hang out. -Yes.
We can only hope they calm down a bit until they meet the children.
If he's going to be our Padrick Plastovic.
They can't fall in love with each other.
It's amazing if she's met someone cute.
But he's a player, he sleeps with everything and everyone.
-How do you know? -I just know.
The best.
But it's clear that I haven't.
-And if I had... -Have you slept with Mom's new boyfriend?
Now we are talking about a completely different level.
So you're a stepmother to your mother.
No, no. Belly button.
Hole sisters.
Twins of cock.
It's not fun.
So he just went straight from you to her?
Yes, but that's because...
-Why then? -Yes, because...
It's something she...exudes.
What is it?
-What do you want now? -Thank you for your professional assessment.
-I've been thinking about something... -I'm on vacation.
Me too, but this is not a psychology question.
I have children and a well-paying job. I have a career that...
Now my sister has slept with a man. Nothing unusual. Good for her.
But then the same man goes and sleeps with my mother.
Good for her too. Except for this thing about Oedipus.
I'm not jealous. I'm married.
Why would I want to sleep with Antonio?
I don't know. Do you want me to answer that?
No, no, no. I'm just wondering why he's skipping over me-
-like some fucking Chinese chess.
If you as a man, not as a psychologist now, as a man-
-would have to choose between me, my sister and my mother.
Wow, purely animalistic, manly.
Mansaktigt?
I know you would choose Tove. And that's totally okay.
But...after that?
This is not appropriate.
I know. But would you choose me or my mother?
Am I so fucking boring that you'd rather-
-want to sleep with a 60 year old when you can get this?
-I have children. -Me too. Three.
Here. I have children here.
Hello.
Hey, hey.
And...
It's just a little symbolic thing.
-Oh, how cute. -I did it before everything with dad.
I can cut him off if you want.
No, why is that? I mean, what has been, has been.
There are no pictures of Tove here.
Tove probably has her own pictures from her celebrations.
From a bar stool or something.
Now it's time for a new beginning, apparently we're going to share both.
Thank you, Malin. It's a great album.
-How fun. -Really, thank you.
-What are we going to do today? -I thought we'd go shopping first.
Then I found a great little authentic fish restaurant...
Antonio's cousin has a sailboat. So we're going out with it today.
Although if Malin has planned it might be best...
-We'll probably have time to sail too. -Exactly. That could be fun.
-Yes, although you're not going with me. -It's your birthday.
I want to be alone with Antonio.
And we celebrated my birthday.
It wasn't your real birthday. We want to celebrate you today.
Maybe Antonio is right after all. Maybe you 're jealous.
-On him? -No. On me.
-Hello. Good morning. -Hello.
-A gift for you. Have the honor. -Thank you.
-I hope you like it. -It's really nice.
I went to art school when I was young...younger.
Did you give my son a nude drawing of yourself?
Uh...no.
No, I could be wrong, but isn't this you?
It is very nice.
-Did you break into my house? -No.
You would tear it apart.
Have you been naked in front of Antonio?
Well... This isn't me. I don't even look like that.
I wish I did.
Like this... It was a joke by the pool-
-and the rest he has... well, fantasized about.
What have you done?
Idiot. Did you say you paid me...?
-No, no, no, no... No, no. -Paid?
Have you paid Antonio?
But, Tove, you haven't, have you?
What, what?
-Mom, mom, mom. -Don't touch me!
-Neither do you! -I knew nothing, Mom.
-Inker! That was before we met! -Happy birthday to you
That was before we met.
happy birthday to you
And I didn't think you'd bought anything for mom.
(hyperventilates)
Are you leaving now?
You'll have to get rid of me. I'm just... babbling.
-Mom's gone. -Huh?
She's not here. She's not answering the phone.
Let me take care of it, because you're leaving now.
You and your important fucking bag!
Why don't I fuck around-
-with a bag of dirty laundry in one hand with some fucking sequin panties?!
Because I'm the one who gets to take care of the whole 20-fucking-4-7 shit!
(telephone)
You'll have to find her. I'm going on vacation now.
-Have all three slept with the same person? -Yes, all of them.
They tried to buy Tommy.
It is terribly offensive to me and my husband.
-What kind of human view is that? -If it gets any worse, we'll report it to the police.
Have you seen my mother Inger Malmberg?
-Is it time for a double sandwich? -Henrik!
Kids, now we're going to buy ice cream. Yes, all inclusive.
Malin...
Mom is on the tour and will arrive around five.
(sobs)
Hello.
Sorry.
Go and be with your father. Tell him he's right.
I'm not completely mentally stable.
You! You're not welcome here.
He's so sorry for what you did. He likes the old woman.
She's gone. Please. I have to find her.
I know you have a car. Can you please help us?
-Actually not. -Malin, give her money.
More.
Thanks.
Do you understand now what my life looks like? Like some Excel spreadsheet-
-where I eat breakfast in the shower and brush my teeth when I poop.
When I go on vacation by myself for the first time...
-you buy a male whore for my mother who you've also slept with.
Take... Oh, come on.
-Damn, what are you doing. -Yes, I do.
The village was known for its unusual powers-
-because it is the highest on the island.
According to legend, they used to take old and sick people-
-and push them over the cliff to die.
It would just be a kiss.
I just wanted to help her.
If she's dead, it's your fault.
Stop!
I think we took the wrong turn.
I think so too.
-Oliver, are you okay? -Yes.
Now your father will probably be worried.
He doesn't notice I'm gone.
He's sorry about the divorce. It will pass.
Almost half of all children are children of divorce.
Tove and I too. We just became one.
-But they haven't divorced. -Then why is he crying?
Yes, why is he crying?
Because she's dead.
I thought you said they were divorced.
You never asked.
Sorry.
It went really fast. And then it was just us left.
What happened?
She got cancer.
Do you know what the last thing I said to her was?
The best.
I hate you.
I hated her because she couldn't come when I had a match.
Why do we say such stupid things to each other?
Sometimes people say stupid things. But it doesn't mean anything.
Your mother knows you love her.
-Is it completely dead? -Yes.
-I'll probably have to amputate my arm. -Well, then they can take my foot too.
We'll have to help each other with that cake. The frosting.
What is this?
This is...ecstasy.
Roofies.
This looks like smoking heroin. Who is she?
And who are you?
I've lived in Berlin. This will be great for shoulder relief.
I might need some foot relief. - Only for those who are injured.
(laugh)
Check here. And check here.
Wow! Oh, shit.
I miss my mother.
She longs for you too.
We're a little lost now. And then we do strange things.
I don't want to sleep with your father.
Malin, you're scaring him.
What if they never find us?
Don't worry, sheep don't eat people.
No. On the contrary...on the contrary.
Mhm.
Sometimes I dream that I am you.
Me?
It's a nice dream.
You are beautiful.
Oh, Mom. Mom! Oh...
-Oliver. -Oliver called.
-Did he have a phone? -Why didn't he say anything?
Girls, what happened? Have you been drinking?
-No. -Mom, I'm so sorry about everything.
Dad, I'm sorry.
You, I'm the one who should say sorry.
I'm going to try to cry a little less now, okay?
So you can cry a little too.
I'm so sorry, Oliver.
But, you... We can do this, right?
Yes.
I need to talk to you. Please. Please Inker.
-Please, Inker, I have to explain. -Forget it.
-Let me explain. -Go!
I think you should talk to him.
I don't know if I can afford it. What does he charge per hour?
I paid him to flirt with you one night.
-The second is because he likes you. -It's something you radiate.
He's crazy about you, in love with you.
Go to him.
-Go to him now! -Go now, mom!
-It's busy. You can't just... -Fuck off!
-Can I talk to Tove? -Sure.
It's private.
Okay.
Sorry I didn't throw it.
-Why didn't you do it? -I was going to show it at school.
I could throw it away for you. So no one will find it.
Hello there.
-Are we waiting for anything in particular? -Yes, we are.
-Okay. -Eleven, twelve. And we'll be thirteen.
Aren't there more people in your group who have died?
It's still unbelievable how unprofessional you are.
I'm ashamed. Oh my God, I'm sorry.
I don't know what I was thinking. You have to believe...
I'm still on vacation. But you...
Purely animalistic and manly...
...then I would choose you.
But that's not something you build your self-esteem on.
The best.
Hello there.
Mom? The boat is leaving now.
-I have to go now. -I know. You have to come back.
I'll be back. I will.
Mother.
Hello, Antonio.
-Hello then! -Hello then.
-Antonio. -And?
You remind me of someone too.
-Hello then. -Hello then.
Mother...
Sorry - for everything.
I just wanted to make you happy.
But I know. We'll never talk about this again.
Sometimes it can be difficult with you and Malin.
But, honey... There could be three of us in that club.
It feels like a more reasonable club.
Text: Thomas Jansson Scandinavian Text Service 2017
Responsible publisher: Anders Melin