All Your Friends Are Dead (2022) Movie Script
[music playing]
Derek, this is Matt.
I've got to see you as soon as possible.
Something terrible has happened.
Dinner tonight?
7:00?
I don't know how much
of an appetite I'll have,
but I'll see you soon.
[pop music]
(SINGING) When life's been
handing you lemons and nobody's
come to your aid.
And people are moving way too fast,
you can't catch up to their parade.
Take time out to breathe in deeply.
Catch the air in your sail.
Start to soar above all the mess.
And tell yourself that it's OK to fail.
Hang in there, buddy.
Hang tight.
Keep doing the best that you can.
Hang in there, buddy.
Hang tight.
[phone buzzing]
Matt Wilbee's not here right now,
but leave your message
at the sound of the [burps]
and I'll be right back to you.
Matt, it's Derek again.
And for the last time, we go way back
and we're tight in high
school, go wolf pack,
but let's be honest, I can't
do anything more for you
at the bank, OK?
I've stalled them all I can.
You've inherited your grandma's house.
And you also inherited her
not yet paid off mortgage.
I hate to have to be the
one to tell you this, dude,
but the bank has given
you multiple extensions.
We're going to have to foreclose.
And you got to be out of
the house by next week.
Bright side, well, is you'll get
some money from the house.
It's just enough to make a
down payment on an apartment.
At least that's something, yeah?
What I'm trying to say here is you're not
going to go homeless, unless
you drink all the money you get.
Things may look and feel bad now,
but maybe this is the kind of thing
that helps propel you out of
your funk, your 15-year funk.
Look, Matt, I know we don't talk,
but if there's anything I can
do, help you find a sponsor,
or I don't know how I could help,
but the only thing I can help you with
is finding a way for you to
save your grandma's house, OK?
It's gone.
It can't be saved.
But maybe for old time's
sake, maybe I could help you,
I don't know, find you a way to be you,
the you that we all used to know and love.
Matt, I don't know.
I'm just trying.
I'm pulling straws here, OK?
Have you tried talking to
anyone else from the pack?
Yeah, I think it's been,
what, since at the campsite,
you know, graduation weekend.
Jesus!
Is that the last time we've hung out?
God, remember those times?
Oh, wild times, dude.
Man, look, life can't always be
handing you shit sandwiches,
right?
I mean, it's got to be better at something,
unless it doesn't, and
the spiral continues,
spiral continues, spiral
continues, spiral continues.
[chatter]
(SINGING) [inaudible] Hang in there, buddy.
Hang tight.
You're doing it.
You're doing it.
You're doing it.
All right, hang in there, buddy.
Hang tight.
Hang in there, buddy.
Hang tight.
You're doing it.
You're doing it.
You're doing it.
All right, hang in there, buddy.
Hang tight.
[rock music]
You look like shit.
Yes, thank you.
I feel worse than I look.
[chatter]
You look like shit.
The bank has given you multiple extensions.
We're going to have to foreclose.
And you got to be out of
the house by next week.
See him, holding on to his
knee, holding on to his knee
and down.
With an assortment of
injuries, now holding a knee.
Finding a way for you to save
your grandmother's house, OK?
It's gone.
It can't be saved.
Yes, it's before he
comes down, it's the plan
right there on that left leg.
There was give on that knee.
You could see it.
Matt?
Matt Wilbee, is that you?
Yep, that's me.
How can you tell?
Even under the facial hair and all of...
[laughs] I could still tell it was you.
Matt Wilbee, the Woodrow
Wilson High Wolves, class of '04.
You and your friends were like royalty.
I was always so jealous.
You were the pack, the pack
attack, the pack of wolves.
[howling]
Yup.
Oh, gosh, I bet you guys are still friends
and just thick as thieves and
see each other all the time.
Wow, that Greg Neighsayer, he really
made something of himself, huh?
Yeah, he's like, a million dollar mogul.
No, nope, none of them.
I don't... I don't reach out to them.
And they don't really call me or even text
me or to see how I'm doing
or just see what's going on.
Wow.
You went to college for
something sporty, right?
Yeah, I had a wrestling scholarship.
Oh, wow.
That's fancy.
Wow, good for you.
Hurt my knee pretty
bad junior year, though.
Well, no guessing what I've been up to.
[laughs] [inaudible].
That's me.
I'm happy.
But you, I always said you were
going to be doing great things.
So what is Matt will be great
Wilbee been up to these days?
This, just this.
Oh, this, this.
You own this.
Oh, wow.
You're an entrepereneur.
That's so cool.
It's small, but not too small.
It's a nice place.
No.
Wow.
No.
This, I don't... I don't like to brag.
Yes, this is my brewery.
And I too am doing things.
That's fantastic.
Well, maybe don't indulge
on your own supply, though.
You know, they're sort of like, oh!
Good to see you're not
a complete fucking loser
working for $50 under the table while you
drink people's left behind
beer like a fat gross loser.
[laughing maniacally] Loser!
Loser!
What did you just say?
It was good to see you.
You take care now.
[music playing]
Fuck you.
I love you.
[indistinct chatter]
Sarah, Derek, Greg,
Larry, and Lorie, the pack.
It's been a long time since we've talked,
and it's been even longer since we've all
been together in person.
I hate what I've become, the person that
thinks the best years of
my life were in high school,
but I can't call what I've been
doing for the last 17 years
living.
I've been surviving, just
holding on by a thread.
And that thread is fraying
more and more each day.
Through social media,
I see that most of you
have families and seem to be achieving
exactly what you want to.
I'm so envious.
I don't write this email for sympathy.
I just want to see if
sometime, maybe we could all
get together.
We had our whole lives
ahead of us that weekend
camping after graduation.
And I just want to get that feeling again.
Sure, Matt Wilbee and I dated
in high school here and there.
He was a good athlete.
And I was a cheerleader.
Puzzle pieces fit.
It just made sense.
I couldn't care less what happened to him.
I mean, who cares?
From what I hear, he's a loser now.
I was a loser in high school.
Matt looked after peon me and let me
hang out with him and his friends.
We were dubbed the wolf pack.
And I've since become successful.
And I make sure that
everyone I meet knows it.
I don't look at high school
through rose-tinted glasses
and you know, like
everybody else does out there
because high school sucked.
Everyone there sucked also.
Even Matt.
From what I hear, he's a loser.
God, I mean, I may have
been a bully in high school,
but I was never a bully to
him outside of high school.
We're friends.
Look, just because I
work at the bank that's
foreclosing his Gram Gram's house
doesn't put me as the bad guy.
It's Matt.
Matt's the one that's in fault here.
He's the loser.
I'm not the loser.
He's the loser.
We were the comedy relief, the silly ones.
Always together.
Always together.
It's probably why we're still together
in this dream of yours.
You can't think of us as
being apart or as individuals.
After high school, I moved to the big city,
where they have more than
three-letter word opinions,
like fag or gay or sin.
I got married.
I'm happy.
I lost weight.
And I thought I was happy,
but still not happy, but not as
sad, if that makes any sense.
You may be sad, but you're not Matt sad.
Oh, definitely.
No, no.
Not Matt sad.
I heard he's a real loser now.
[sombre music]
[screaming]
(CHANTING) Loser, loser,
loser, loser, loser, loser, loser,
loser, loser, loser, loser, loser.
[phone buzzing]
Hello?
Yeah, this is the Matt Wilbee
of Wilbee Great Landscaping.
Yeah.
Yeah, I know.
I can be there.
I just... I'm currently
in another job sighting.
It might take me a little bit.
But yeah, I can
definitely get the job done.
OK, all right.
I'll be there in a little bit.
Fuck.
[music playing]
(SINGING) [inaudible].
Accept responsibility.
Hey, beautiful house you have here.
What were you looking
to do landscaping-wise?
I cannot believe it.
You're here.
Man, oh, man.
Yeah, I'm here.
I'm sorry I'm a little late.
I'm getting off that last
landscaping job site.
Yeah, yeah.
But it is you, right?
The Matt Wilbee?
Yeah, I'm the Matt Wilbee.
Matt Wilbee, Woodrow Wilson High?
Hold on.
Oh, hold on.
Let me... let me get all of you in this.
There we go.
I mean, I don't know if you remember me
because I was a couple of
years younger than you in school,
but I have a friend who lives around here,
who says that this is what you're doing
and this is what you look like.
Wow, it's crazy.
Blast from the past.
You know what?
I actually owe him $5 and a
beer because it really is you.
I kind of want to see what the
rest of the prowl, or the pack,
whatever you guys called yourselves,
I want to see what they look like now.
Listen, man, I don't need any work done.
I just had to see you for myself in person.
I just hope you don't take it too personal
or waste too much of your time.
Matt Wilbee.
Sarah, Derek, Greg,
Larry, and Lorie, the pack.
I hate who I've become.
I have no one.
I've been surviving,
holding on by a thread.
And that thread is fraying
more and more each day.
It has snapped.
I don't write this email for sympathy.
I just want to let you know that tonight, I
will be ending my struggle
and finally accomplish something
in my later years.
We had our whole lives ahead of us
that weekend, camping after graduation.
And I know that I will
never get a feeling as good
as that one ever again.
Maybe ending things at that
campsite will bring me peace.
Goodbye, Matt will be gone Wilbee.
[inaudible]
We won't leave you hanging here
at Harold's Hardware, where we
help you do what you got to do.
[music playing]
Oh, hey.
Welcome to Harold's Hardware.
Can I help you find anything?
I'm looking for rope.
Oh, rope.
That's over on aisle one.
Would you like me to help you find it?
All right.
Excellent choice, sir.
You know, this durable industrial rope
is at a great price, and
it's on sale this week.
Buy one, get one free.
Would you like to get the second one free?
I only need one.
But the second one is free.
No cost to you, the customer.
I really just need one.
Well, sure, you say that now.
There's going to be a time
where you'll need that second one.
Fine, I'll take the second one.
Excellent choice, sir.
There we go.
So your total is... oh, I almost forgot,
we have a membership card.
Would you like to sign
up for a membership card?
It ensures you get at least
10% off of $60 or more
on great purchases,
such as this one right here.
Only got to give me your email address.
Fine, I'll sign up.
Yes, sir.
Excellent choice.
And in less than two weeks,
you'll be in Saving City.
Population, me.
[music playing]
(SINGING) [vocalizing]
I tried to find some love,
but if finding love [inaudible] truck.
Tossed back [inaudible].
I'm headed to pasture.
Sometimes you gotta do
what you gotta fucking do.
[music playing]
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[owl hooting]
[vehicle approaching]
[car door slams]
Come on, come on.
Did we make it?
Is he alive?
I think he's still breathing.
You're going to make it through this, Matt.
Give me a sign, show me you hear me.
OK, I'll go get some water.
OK.
Thank God we got here when we did.
I think he's going to be all right.
You're going to be OK, Matt.
You're going to live, you're going to live.
Lorie, where's that water?
You look like shit, but you're still alive.
I knew we shouldn't have [inaudible]..
I cannot believe that we are
wearing the same pajamas.
And somehow, yours still
looks sweatier than mine.
Bitch.
Oh!
You nearly killed me.
I am so sorry.
My apologies.
It's OK.
I was just trying to get a few things done
before Matt wakes up.
Matt.
Yeah, I mean, good thing I
got us here when I did last night.
I'm so relieved.
If we had been even a
minute later, can you imagine?
I would have felt personally responsible.
No.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself.
Yeah, I... it was really heroic.
And I really showed how much I cared
by using my personal jet to
fly Lorie and Larry out here
in the nick of time.
You know, it's like I was...
It's like I was destined to
become rich or something,
you know, and do selfless acts like this.
Life saving.
Yeah, I can't thank you enough.
And I'm sure Matt, when he realizes
the mistake he almost made,
he's going to be so grateful.
And I'd do it for any one of you.
I mean, we haven't seen
each other in a long time,
but you'll always be like family to me.
Oh, I feel the same way about all of you.
So I'm here.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, no.
We're not... we have a
platonic relationship, friendship.
It can always be more.
Haven't you ever wondered?
That's not what I'm here for, Greg.
I don't have those
kinds of feelings for you.
It's like we both said, we're family.
That was brutal.
The fuck you two looking at?
Are you going to try to kiss all of us
on this trip or just the ladies?
Love you.
Do you remember junior year when my mom
thought she caught us
having sex in the basement?
She was wishing and praying
that the noises she heard
was us having teenage sex.
And hoping even harder that it was
unprotected teenage sex so
that she might have a chance
at having a grandkid.
And we knew what she thought we were doing,
and we let her think it anyway.
Yeah, I have never seen a mom so happy
to think that her son was straight.
Too bad what we were actually doing
was practicing that nasty choreography
for the talent show.
The only thing getting
pregnant was our poses.
And our final show-stopping poses.
Hey.
Hey, buddy.
Looks like we showed
up just in time last night.
You probably have a bit of a headache, too.
And literally a pain in the neck.
Larry.
Because he tried to hang himself.
Oh, too soon.
Got it.
Come on out.
Hey, hey, take it easy,
take it easy, big guy.
You're all right.
Take it easy.
Here you go.
There you go, there you go.
I thought I had dreamed you all.
Matt, if you had dreamed me, I would
look way better than this, you know,
with more muscles, or hair,
or fuck, I don't know, a tan.
So you're all here and everybody came?
Yeah, we're all here.
Well, almost all of us, except for Derek.
I don't think he could make it.
Greg?
Mm-hmm.
And Sarah?
Mm.
Is that Matt?
Is he awake?
Can we get the fuck out of here now?
Yes, unfortunately, Greg is here too.
He's a dick now.
He tries to make out with
people he hasn't seen in 17 years.
And Sarah is here too.
She's around here somewhere.
She's still weirdly upbeat and chipper.
How did you guys get here so fast?
Haha, that is the one
thing that you can thank
Greg and his private jet for.
But I don't know if he's actually
going to mention that he's
got a private jet now or not.
What do you think?
Oh, my god.
He would not shut up about it.
(MOCKINGLY) Have you
guys seen my private jet?
It's pretty nice as far as private jets go.
Oh, if you know anything
about private jets.
Oh, I can fly my private jet
anywhere I want to take it.
No, if I say you can fly on my private jet,
then you get to fly on my private jet.
That's what makes it private.
Oh, my god, stop talking
about your privates.
Doesn't sound so private if
you keep talking about it, does it?
Correct.
It's good to see you both.
Hey, Matt, do you remember
when vice principal Wilkinson got
wind that I was going to
wear a kilt to senior prom,
and he made a big stink
about proper dress code,
and he said that only girls
could wear skirts and boys had
to wear dress pants?
Vaguely.
I do.
I remember too.
You collected signatures from everyone
in our graduating class saying that we'd
boycott prom and go straight
to the local news with the story.
And if the school prevented
anyone from entering,
we'd demand a refund.
I... I think Sarah had
a lot to do with that.
I, at most, just got
signatures for the petition.
I didn't really even do that much.
You made me feel safe.
And being gay and feeling safe back
then in high school in Kentucky,
I didn't take that for granted.
Everybody up and at 'em.
Come on, come on, come on.
This is her without coffee.
Hey.
The gang the, pack is
all here, just like old time.
Except Derek.
Except Derek, true.
But we're all... all of us
are here now for you, Matt.
Sarah, the constant cheerleader.
Thank you guys for dropping
your lives and coming here.
Dropped our lives so you
wouldn't drop yours, buddy.
Ow, ow.
Shut up, Larry.
Last one, I promise.
My email wasn't a cry for help, OK?
As melodramatic as it sounds,
I cannot think of a reason why I
should continue living.
Matt.
No.
Again, I'm not looking for sympathy.
It sucks that it took this to
bring us all together again,
But I get it.
It's not like I really
reached out to any of you
to see how you were doing.
And well, you haven't really
reached out to me until now.
Lives change, priorities change.
It's life.
I can honestly say, though,
I don't know why any of you
decided to answer my email by coming here.
If I had gotten that email from any of you,
I wouldn't have thought twice.
Deleted, gone.
That's what true friendship is.
We come to each other's aid.
We come to the people
that we love the most when
they need it the most.
Yeah, we're all here.
Thanks, but I still plan on killing myself
once you're all gone.
This, at best, has just stalled my plans.
[slow sarcastic clapping]
Good, great.
Greg.
No.
You all heard what he just said.
He's still going to do it after we're gone.
I knew this was a waste of time.
Let's go.
My private jet is waiting.
Ha!
See, I told you he'd mention it.
We're not leaving.
Sarah.
Matt, no one is leaving.
Where are my keys?
You two, do you have my keys?
I don't have them.
Maybe you left them in your private jet?
Funny.
How about you?
Do you have my keys?
Hello to you too, Greg.
What'd you do with my keys, Matt?
I've been passed out in that tent.
And I just woke up.
So no, I don't know where your keys are.
But if I did, I'd happily give them to you.
Sorry to have wasted your time.
Hey, guys, my cell phone's gone.
Oh.
Mine's gone too.
[whistle blows]
Attention campers, friends.
Oh, fuck.
It was 17 years ago that we
were all here at this location
having the time of our lives.
We didn't have cell
phones, social media, stress,
and we weren't so gung ho to get back
to our so-called real world.
All we cared about was each other
and how much fun we could
squeeze into the few days
and nights that we had.
So you brought beer?
I am a little thirsty.
Technically, that is a depressant.
And we didn't think that
would be helpful to you
in your current state.
Yeah, from what I
understand, bringing booze
to an intervention is a faux pas.
So it's just like 17 years
ago, minus the thing
that made a weekend full of
single, no-feared teenagers
have fun.
Woo!
But did we mention that we
also have water and sandwiches?
[cheering]
And that's not all.
Hold on to your butt,
campers, because we've
got two different types of water, regular
and sparkling mineral.
Woo!
Fine.
You all stay here and have
your sober Kumbaya intervention
drum circle jerk.
I'm getting out of here.
And if any of you want a ride,
I suggest you go grab your shit
and follow me.
How are you going to do
that without your keys, Greg?
Oh, so you have my keys?
I don't have them, but they may be in a bag
somewhere in the woods,
along with everyone else's cell
phones.
You have got to be fucking kidding me.
Why are you even here, Greg,
if you don't care about Matt?
I... damn it!
Enough with the games and the charades.
I don't have to be a nice guy.
You were being a nice guy?
Nice.
The only reason that I came here,
Sarah, is because I had
the biggest crush on you back
when we were in high school.
I was a nerd, and you dated Matt.
I never stood a chance.
He was king shit of
turd mountain back then.
But look at him now, and look at me.
I'm important now.
I have money.
I'm successful.
I'm king of the mountain.
Yay you.
You know, I don't need to hear shit
from light-in-loafers Larry
and his fag hag lard-ass Lorie.
I've lost weight.
And I only wear sneakers now, bud.
You know, I saw pictures
that you posted on social media
and saw that you were still kind of hot.
I mean, sure, you had some bigger
hips from having kids and whatnot,
but it didn't bother me.
I figured I bring you all out
here, and one of three things
would happen.
Number one, we'd find Matt
dead as a doornail, or number two,
we'd save his ass, or three,
an even weirder third scenario
where he'd almost kill himself,
probably fall into a coma,
become brain dead,
vegetable, or something like that,
and then I would go to the hospital
every single day with Sarah consoling her
until she confided in me, and I would
be there to be her emotional
and sensual support.
What?
Either way, I look like a
goddamn hero, sympathetic,
caring, and maybe I get
some fantasy fulfillment wish
list sex out of the situation.
Ew.
OK, um, so your plan was
that if we found Matt dead,
Sarah would be all horned up
and want to have sex with you?
That's disgusting, Greg.
You've become an asshole.
Hey, I was always an asshole.
Agh!
I just had to bottle it all up because I
didn't have any power.
Now who has all the power?
None of you.
If he wants to kill himself, let him do it.
What does he have to offer anyway?
What is he offering to society?
Jesus, Greg.
Shut up, Lorie.
He used to be your friend.
Friend?
He and I just used each other to get by.
What good is he to me now or to himself?
I liked you a whole lot better when you
were a nerd who needed friends.
Yeah, and I liked you a whole lot better
when you were a size 2 and could still fit
into your cheerleading outfit.
Stop living in the past.
It's Monday tomorrow.
And I've got a job to get back to.
Some of us are important
and would get noticed
if we ended up missing.
Wow, thanks for the morale boost.
Hey, I wish we had found you dead.
Yeah, me too.
Go, go.
Wait, Matt!
Matt!
If I could say something,
not everyone's life
has turned out like they thought it would.
Yeah, but at least they have some...
At least they have some
sort of semblance of life.
I'm sure you do too.
What do you think about besides suicide?
I think... I think that the
best I ever was or could be
is in the past, and that sucks.
I think that I've served my purpose.
No one has a purpose.
No one has a destiny.
I am a divorced single mom of two kids.
What's my purpose?
My kids aren't my purpose for living.
If they were my purpose, I'd kill myself.
Sorry, that's insensitive
to you and to my kids.
I love my kids.
What I mean is the
way that I experience life,
it's all about the journey
and the experiences.
If you don't like the journey you're on,
if you're not enjoying the
experiences, then change it.
Make a decision to live
and to live differently.
It's easier to say than to
do because I have tried.
I have tried so many times.
I know that depression is a disease
and that suicide could be the
final chapter of that disease.
But I don't think that's you, Matt Wilbee.
I don't think that your story is done.
And I don't think that it's been written.
Do you want some sparkling mineral water?
Just put it back in the cooler.
You know, I always wondered
what it would be like if we got back
together after all these years.
And I have to say, it is...
It's exactly like I expected.
Gosh!
Shut up.
[inaudible] no.
I never thought about it back then.
But looking back on it
now, secluded campsite,
far away from civilization or adults, six
sex-crazed teenagers, it's
the perfect setting for a slasher
film.
Oh, no, no!
You are so right.
Right?
The ignorance of the young.
I'm not worried about it now.
I mean, you don't see
middle-aged people dying
and stuff like that if they go camping.
No, in movies with
middle-aged people, if they die,
they die of things like
heart attack, blood disease,
or cancer, or diabetes, or well, suicide.
They don't die from things like knives
or machetes or chainsaws.
Nothing sexy like that.
Not sexy.
What?
What did I say?
Was it the suicide thing?
Tell me.
Five years ago, I was
diagnosed with cancer.
And you're right, there
is nothing sexy about it.
Lorie, I'm so sorry.
I... you know me, I have no filter.
I'm like a blind guy playing darts.
If I throw long enough, I'm
bound to hurt somebody.
Hey, hey, come here.
Come on.
It's OK.
I didn't know.
It's all right.
Nobody knew.
I didn't tell anyone.
To be honest, I am not too
far from where Matt is right now.
That email, it could have
easily come from me.
What is this?
This is a special tree, Matt Wilbee.
Oh, it's a special tree.
You got a metaphor in
your back pocket about trees
and why I should love myself?
This tree is the key to your
past, present, and future.
Why is it special?
Just looks like all the other 1,000 trees.
Look.
Whatever happened to those kids, huh?
That was a long time ago.
How'd you even find this tree?
I would never forget our tree.
You vandalized nature for me.
I mean, this is our special treat.
Granted it's not graffiti on a bridge,
but I'll take what I can get.
Are you sure that this is our special tree?
Or did you just get up super
early, find a random tree
and just carve this into it?
This is our special tree.
OK.
I want you to decide to live.
Your life isn't running
you, you're running your life.
Sure.
Can I ask you a couple of questions?
Yeah.
You know what?
I've called you over the years.
It really hurt my feelings when
you said no one reached out
to you because I did.
Why didn't you ever pick up?
I didn't answer because I figured
that you would want to
plan for us to get together,
and I didn't want you to
see that I had turned into this.
I kept calling because I didn't
care what you turned into,
I cared about you.
Look, I'm not going to stop you from doing
what you're going to do.
I just hope you make the right decision.
I might have stopped cheering
for the team after high school,
but I never stopped cheering
for you, Matt will be great Wilbee.
Mm, mm, mm, mm.
Do not tell my husband
this, but this is the first meat
I've had in my mouth in years.
Well, except his meat, of course.
I hate being vegan.
What I don't get is why anyone would
want to eat food
pretending to be other food?
I know, right?
Yeah.
You scared me half to death.
It's you.
What... what's wrong?
It's like, chicken wings,
you're not chicken wings.
You're your own thing.
Be your own thing, wing.
Besides, when you're
a vegan, all your food,
it's like the understudies of a play.
It's like, tonight, the
role of ham and cheese
will be played by bullshit.
I thought none of you cared.
We got busy and drifted apart.
But you ghosted me.
I never forgot.
And I didn't stop caring.
I am really glad that you're all here.
We're all here for you, except Greg.
I guess Greg was here for me
in some gross, chauvinistic, and
predatorial way.
And Derek.
Oh, OK.
Larry, Lorie, and I are all here for you.
And we're not ready to let you go.
Like it or not, we're not going anywhere.
[music playing]
[whistle blows]
[music playing]
[indistinct whispers]
[screaming] Stop it!
Stop!
Seriously!
So this is what out of
the closet Larry is like?
Yeah, so what?
I prefer not knowing, thanks.
Yeah, well, I'd prefer you
not being a stone cold dick.
But I thought you loved dick.
I do.
Lorie, I'm not surprised to
see you got into the food.
You know, Greg, you
could just shut the fuck up.
Maybe have a little bit compassion
for somebody else for a change and stop
thinking about yourself.
Compassion?
That's a joke.
You want to know why I
was even in this little circle
of friends of ours, the pack,
back when we were in school?
It's because I got paid
to do Matt's homework.
The guy's a bump a log.
It's no surprise that after the
high school gravy train ended,
where everybody took care
of him even after he got hurt,
he was useless.
I had to work for everything that I have.
And he was handed everything.
And now those hands are empty and gone.
And he doesn't know what to do.
Boo fucking hoo.
Rude.
Compassion, that's hilarious.
Glad you took the time to pack a cooler
to help our so-called friend.
We're coming to save
you, Matt, old buddy, old pal.
But first, we got to pack
food so we don't die out here
for the one day that we
actually go out camping.
Give me a break.
You know, if we actually
gave a shit about each other,
it wouldn't take a suicide email
to bring the pack back together
again.
Maybe you guys will stop
looking at your high school years
through rose-tinted glasses.
I made my decisions purely on survival,
and look what it's gotten me.
I've got a private jet.
We know!
Whatever.
I'll just go back to jerking off the photos
that Sarah posts online.
Ew!
Nothing changes for me.
Nasty.
Greg.
What?
Matt is covered in blood and has a knife
that's covered in blood.
What?
Oh, my god.
It popped out of the
woods and it killed her.
And it killed her with my knife.
Holy shit.
We got to get out of here.
We got to get out of here fast.
Greg, wait a minute.
I don't know what it is.
Where's Sarah?
But it's going to kill us all.
All right, OK, very funny.
All right, you got me.
Where's she at?
She hiding over there?
Is she going to pop out and scare us?
Is this how we're supposed
to start bonding again?
No, it all happened so fast.
Yeah.
OK, Sarah.
Great prank.
You can come out now.
Bring me my keys and phone.
Play time's over.
Is it real blood?
It wasn't me.
I didn't do this.
I don't know who it is,
but it is still out there.
OK, Matt.
Matt, why would someone
want to kill us with your knife?
I don't know who it is,
but they're still out there.
How did they get your knife?
I stabbed it into a tree.
Why did you stab it into a tree?
Sarah made me mad.
Doesn't help your case, buddy.
Look, I didn't do this.
We got to get out of here.
I don't know what's going on.
OK.
OK, OK.
I really don't know what's going on.
I know what's going on.
(WHISPERING) He looks like he's waking up.
I've flown my private jet
to go on hunting excursions
in the Serengeti, where I had
to wrestle 1,000-pound buffalo
with my bare hands.
You think I'm scared of you?
Look, guys, untie me.
You know me.
I don't know you.
I don't know any of them.
I don't trust any of them.
We only know the people
that we were pretending
to be in high school.
All I know is we get a cry for
help from you out of the blue,
and then when we show
up, one of us ends up dead,
and it isn't the one that said they
were going to kill themselves.
That seem a little fishy to you?
What are you saying?
I'm saying, you were
never going to kill yourself.
You sent that email to one, two, all of us,
expecting us to drop everything
to come here and help out
the golden boy.
Then when we show
up, you kill us, one by one
because you're jealous.
You're jealous because we have lies,
and you are nothing more
than a sorry sack of shit.
Do you believe what he's saying?
I don't know what to believe.
I know Sarah is dead.
We're trapped here.
I'm going to go look for
that bag that Sarah hid.
Shouldn't be too far from here.
Greg, I never knew that
you hated me in school.
I'm sorry about that, but
I can't change that now.
But if you untie me,
we can go in the woods,
and we can look for that bag together
and we can get out of here.
Not a fat chance, fatty Matty.
You two might want to equip yourself
with something in case psycho
boy here decides to get loose.
And Larry?
Yeah.
Might want to let Lorie take that chainsaw.
Don't think your dainty
little wrist could handle it.
Fuck you, too.
All right, untie me.
Come on, guys, untie me.
Larry, what are you doing?
Larry, why did you come
out here to save my life?
Don't untie him.
You were the... you were
the first guy I ever liked,
I mean, more than liked.
Then trust your gut and untie me.
I'm sorry, Matt, I can't.
I don't think that you
could do that to Sarah,
but I also know that
you're in a really bad place
emotionally and mentally.
I'm sorry.
Just do what you came
out of here to do to help me
and untie me.
I'm sorry, Matty.
I can't.
It could have been Greg.
Was it Greg?
He was wearing a mask.
It could have been him.
He was out there in the
woods at the same time.
Being an angry, petty douche
bag doesn't make you brutally slash
someone's throat, does it?
Did you hear that?
Is it Greg?
Could be the killer.
Please untie me now.
Let's get out of here.
It's out there.
Untie me now.
What is it?
What do you see?
[music playing]
You sick fuck.
No, Greg.
Greg, you've got to believe me.
It wasn't me.
It was that madman who killed Sarah.
Come on, man.
You've got to believe me.
I would never do something like this.
Greg, come on.
It's him.
Oh, fuck.
Help me up, man.
Help me up and let's get out of here.
Hey, you don't want to do this, OK?
I've got a life worth living.
You don't want to do this.
You want him.
Kill him.
Slice and dice him all you want to, man.
He's got a bum knee.
He can't get far.
Easy pickings.
You fucking suck, Greg.
Survival of the fittest, you dumb bitch.
Wait, what?
What?
No, no, no.
What do you want, man?
Money?
I've got plenty of money.
What do you want?
No!
[chainsaw revving]
I live.
You die.
Kid's out there.
Is there anything I need to
know before I head in there?
He's been through a lot.
If I were you, I'd probably take it easy.
Appreciate that.
Well, from what I understand, you've
been through quite an ordeal.
Thanks.
Yeah.
I... I really don't know where to start.
Well, you came in today,
and that's a good start.
So why don't you just
take me from the beginning?
I was in a dark place, the
darkest that I've ever been.
Not a light in sight and
a night that never dawns.
Exactly.
Was that poetry?
Sure.
Why don't you take us back to the campsite?
Tell us what happened there.
Hell.
I feel like it was all my fault.
Interesting.
Why would you say that?
If I had never sent that email
telling all my friends that I
was going to kill myself,
they wouldn't have
been there and gotten hurt.
They wouldn't have been there and have
gotten attacked by that mass
killer, where he hunted them
down like animals, picking
them all off one by one.
So a sick, twisted, crazed,
masked psychopath,
who was in the same woods at the same time
that you and all of your friends were at,
is that what you're saying?
That's right.
What are the odds?
Slim and none.
But I got him.
I didn't let him get me.
Good for you.
So I thought I'd left him
there dangling from that rope,
hanging from that noose around his neck,
just swinging back and forth, but I
guess he must have followed me back here.
[music playing]
Derek, this is Matt.
I've got to see you as soon as possible.
Something terrible has happened.
I got to say, Matt, you sounded
pretty frantic on that phone
today.
Is everything all right?
I mean, I'm glad you
call and everything. It's
good to hear from you.
But God sake's, you
sounded a little weird today.
Glass of red?
No, I actually stopped drinking.
Holy shit.
No fucking way.
Congratulations.
I... I was going to say that
you do look a lot better,
like something's different
about you, you know,
compared to you always
looking like a pile of shit in a shirt,
you know?
What's going on?
You look great.
I actually... first, since,
I stopped drinking,
I started seeing clearly.
And now, I know who I am.
I am very grateful for your sobriety,
but I just want to let you
know that all this, this could've
been done in a text, you know what I mean?
The way you were talking on the phone,
you made me start
thinking that somebody died.
You have no idea.
Well, congratu-fucking-lations.
And a toast to the new Matt Wilbee.
Matt?
Matt?
Hey.
Behind you.
Matt?
Hey, buddy.
Hey.
Behind you.
Behind?
There's nothing going on back here.
The masked killer, the
masked killer is behind you?
You don't see the masked killer behind you?
Masked... there's no masked killer here.
He's mocking you.
Wait, wait.
You sure you didn't have a
few drinks on the way over here?
This is not going to end well.
OK, we're going to wrap it up.
We're going to say good night.
You're starting to freak me out, man.
Good night, Derek.
[upbeat music]
(SINGING) I want what I want.
And what I want I cannot have.
It's a cruel world we see.
[inaudible] I want what I want.
And what I want I cannot have.
It's a cruel world we see.
And I desire [inaudible]
I guess I will be having a glass of red.
(SINGING) Abandoned, intelligent.
Living life as he's meant.
[inaudible]
(SINGING) Walking as a critic.
Well, hey.
Welcome to Harold's Hardware.
What can I do for you?
Oh, hey.
I'd like to return this
rope for a full cash refund.
Well, I'm sorry, sir.
We don't accept returns on
items that have been used.
And this has clearly been used.
So I can't get a full
cash refund on that rope?
No, I'm sorry, sir.
It's company policy.
My hands are tied.
Oh, your hands are tied?
Yeah.
Hmm, I'm going to really
need that $20 in cash.
What to do?
What to do?
[country music]
(SINGING) Thinking about
the clothes in the dryer.
I put them in two days before.
That was a night I was
going to chill out, listen
to the radio on the floor.
Then the phone rang.
And I don't think that I
know anyone from Kansas.
I guess this call is not for me at all.
Good idea not to answer.
Your grandpa said I must be running.
And you know, sometimes, I think I'm a bum.
Just tell him I'm working on something,
but I won't know what it is till I'm done.
So [inaudible] down and out to the bar.
All the usuals were there.
A host, two monkeys, a
salesman, and a priest,
they was [inaudible].
What the fuck are you doing in here?
Who looks like shit now?
(SINGING) [inaudible]
said I must be running.
And you know, sometimes I think I'm a bum.
Just tell him I'm working on something,
but I won't know what it is until I'm done.
Hey, asshole.
Hey, what are you doing?
What?
What are you doing?
I'm just making your edges look nice.
I think they look pretty good, buddy.
Hey, man, I didn't hire you.
What are you doing in my back yard?
Nobody said you can come back here.
You know what?
You were a loser in high
school, and you're a loser now.
And you wish that you
could have a place like this.
And your just back here
without any permission.
You know what?
Nobody even told you...
[upbeat music]
(SINGING) Well, the very
good friend, he gave me a tune.
He said every day is a good day to die.
I can't tell if he's right or wrong.
Cause why am I still alive?
Be a lie to say I never saw
a skeleton through the glass.
But everyone's got different
reasons for kicking themselves
in the ass.
Your grandpa said I must be running.
And you know, sometimes I think I'm a bum.
Just tell him I'm working on something
and I won't know what it is until I'm done.
Just tell him I'm working on something,
but I won't know what it is until I'm done.
Just tell him I'm working on something.
And I'll keep on running till I'm done.
[music playing]
Listen, I know this is
going to be hard for you,
but I'm going to need
you to look at a few photos.
And if you could, could you
please identify the people
in these photos?
It's OK.
Oh, that's Sarah, sweet Sarah.
Dead.
Greg, dead.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Lori and Larry, dead, dead.
It must be hard to see and
know that all of your friends
are dead.
I guess I'm just going to have
to make some new friends.
[music playing]
What's up, dread heads?
I'm John.
And I'm Joe.
And welcome to a brand new episode
of Spread The Dread, your
weekly source for serial killer
stories, true crime tales,
and horror movie hobnobbing.
And make sure to check out our website.
It's spread the dread podcast.com, where
you'll find direct links to all
the major podcast platforms,
as well as our social
media and our merch store.
Beautifully done, Joe.
So now that we got the
business out of the way,
what are we talking about this week?
Fucking Matt Wilbee.
Oh, Mr. KFK, the Kentucky Fried Killer.
Really got to stop using that.
It's never going to stick.
The media is never going to use it.
Look, every serial killer
deserves to have a nickname.
And just because the media,
or even Matt Wilbee himself,
doesn't recognize that, doesn't
mean that stroke of genius
is going to go unnoticed.
Whatever, Einstein.
So we don't usually do this type of story.
It's relatively recent.
This happened approximately two years ago.
Wilbee went on a terror and actually killed
all of his friends while
they were out camping,
got back home, continued his rampage,
and then eventually got picked
up and sent off to an asylum.
Which I don't get that.
Why in the fuck did
they let this guy just go
to a mental hospital?
Could they not put him in jail?
Was there no building
to take him around back
and pop one in his head?
Were there are no nooses available?
Come on, now.
I have no idea.
But I mean, we don't know if his family had
a history of mental illness, he had
a history of mental illness, or maybe
he had a really good
goddamn defense attorney.
We have no fucking idea.
But that's by the by.
The reason we are covering
this is because he just got out.
Even further to my point.
Thanks, America.
Like, how in the name of
God does this psycho now
get released from this institute?
I'mma tell you right now,
and don't you stop me, Wilbee,
if you're listening to this, I
promise you, I hope to God,
Matt Wilbee, you don't even
get to use my sweet-ass nickname
anymore, if you ever hear
this, please come find me,
come find me.
I dare you.
Because I will dish out the justice
you should have gotten served and make sure
you finally get a taste
of your own medicine.
Oh, show... OK, hold on.
Everything's still recording.
Is it... it's just the fucking light.
You're fucking doing this.
I didn't do this.
Why the hell would I do
this when we're recording?
Oh, OK.
Yeah, you really fucking did this.
Why would I do that while we're recording?
I don't know.
Maybe it was Matt Wilbee?
Oh, yeah, Matt Wilbee be snuck in here
and turned the fucking lights off.
Ha ha ha ha.
Oh, fuck.
[music playing]
[screaming]
[pop music] Sky is falling.
That's what I heard you say.
Love is gone, there's no need to stay.
And now my darling, I tend to
disagree when love walks away.
Sweet Maria, you are pretty thing.
Who are we if not for your grace?
Hello [inaudible].
How about a toast at tea?
When love walks away.
Private jet.
(SINGING) Fire walks with me.
I should've listened.
I should've listened.
I should have learned.
Love is burning everywhere you turn.
I once was blind.
Now I see.
Love walks away.
Fire walks with me.
Love walks away.
[inaudible]
(SINGING) [inaudible]
see the former planets
floating in our blood stream?
And when we die,
someone will take our place.
And we'll become the
minerals beneath their feet.
(SINGING) [inaudible]
I don't, I don't, I don't
have no way to [inaudible]..
This part, I don't, I don't
usually write songs like this,
write songs like this.
But you inspire me.
Loser.
Loser.
Loser.
Loser.
Loser.
Loser.
Loser.
Loser.
[slash]
Derek, this is Matt.
I've got to see you as soon as possible.
Something terrible has happened.
Dinner tonight?
7:00?
I don't know how much
of an appetite I'll have,
but I'll see you soon.
[pop music]
(SINGING) When life's been
handing you lemons and nobody's
come to your aid.
And people are moving way too fast,
you can't catch up to their parade.
Take time out to breathe in deeply.
Catch the air in your sail.
Start to soar above all the mess.
And tell yourself that it's OK to fail.
Hang in there, buddy.
Hang tight.
Keep doing the best that you can.
Hang in there, buddy.
Hang tight.
[phone buzzing]
Matt Wilbee's not here right now,
but leave your message
at the sound of the [burps]
and I'll be right back to you.
Matt, it's Derek again.
And for the last time, we go way back
and we're tight in high
school, go wolf pack,
but let's be honest, I can't
do anything more for you
at the bank, OK?
I've stalled them all I can.
You've inherited your grandma's house.
And you also inherited her
not yet paid off mortgage.
I hate to have to be the
one to tell you this, dude,
but the bank has given
you multiple extensions.
We're going to have to foreclose.
And you got to be out of
the house by next week.
Bright side, well, is you'll get
some money from the house.
It's just enough to make a
down payment on an apartment.
At least that's something, yeah?
What I'm trying to say here is you're not
going to go homeless, unless
you drink all the money you get.
Things may look and feel bad now,
but maybe this is the kind of thing
that helps propel you out of
your funk, your 15-year funk.
Look, Matt, I know we don't talk,
but if there's anything I can
do, help you find a sponsor,
or I don't know how I could help,
but the only thing I can help you with
is finding a way for you to
save your grandma's house, OK?
It's gone.
It can't be saved.
But maybe for old time's
sake, maybe I could help you,
I don't know, find you a way to be you,
the you that we all used to know and love.
Matt, I don't know.
I'm just trying.
I'm pulling straws here, OK?
Have you tried talking to
anyone else from the pack?
Yeah, I think it's been,
what, since at the campsite,
you know, graduation weekend.
Jesus!
Is that the last time we've hung out?
God, remember those times?
Oh, wild times, dude.
Man, look, life can't always be
handing you shit sandwiches,
right?
I mean, it's got to be better at something,
unless it doesn't, and
the spiral continues,
spiral continues, spiral
continues, spiral continues.
[chatter]
(SINGING) [inaudible] Hang in there, buddy.
Hang tight.
You're doing it.
You're doing it.
You're doing it.
All right, hang in there, buddy.
Hang tight.
Hang in there, buddy.
Hang tight.
You're doing it.
You're doing it.
You're doing it.
All right, hang in there, buddy.
Hang tight.
[rock music]
You look like shit.
Yes, thank you.
I feel worse than I look.
[chatter]
You look like shit.
The bank has given you multiple extensions.
We're going to have to foreclose.
And you got to be out of
the house by next week.
See him, holding on to his
knee, holding on to his knee
and down.
With an assortment of
injuries, now holding a knee.
Finding a way for you to save
your grandmother's house, OK?
It's gone.
It can't be saved.
Yes, it's before he
comes down, it's the plan
right there on that left leg.
There was give on that knee.
You could see it.
Matt?
Matt Wilbee, is that you?
Yep, that's me.
How can you tell?
Even under the facial hair and all of...
[laughs] I could still tell it was you.
Matt Wilbee, the Woodrow
Wilson High Wolves, class of '04.
You and your friends were like royalty.
I was always so jealous.
You were the pack, the pack
attack, the pack of wolves.
[howling]
Yup.
Oh, gosh, I bet you guys are still friends
and just thick as thieves and
see each other all the time.
Wow, that Greg Neighsayer, he really
made something of himself, huh?
Yeah, he's like, a million dollar mogul.
No, nope, none of them.
I don't... I don't reach out to them.
And they don't really call me or even text
me or to see how I'm doing
or just see what's going on.
Wow.
You went to college for
something sporty, right?
Yeah, I had a wrestling scholarship.
Oh, wow.
That's fancy.
Wow, good for you.
Hurt my knee pretty
bad junior year, though.
Well, no guessing what I've been up to.
[laughs] [inaudible].
That's me.
I'm happy.
But you, I always said you were
going to be doing great things.
So what is Matt will be great
Wilbee been up to these days?
This, just this.
Oh, this, this.
You own this.
Oh, wow.
You're an entrepereneur.
That's so cool.
It's small, but not too small.
It's a nice place.
No.
Wow.
No.
This, I don't... I don't like to brag.
Yes, this is my brewery.
And I too am doing things.
That's fantastic.
Well, maybe don't indulge
on your own supply, though.
You know, they're sort of like, oh!
Good to see you're not
a complete fucking loser
working for $50 under the table while you
drink people's left behind
beer like a fat gross loser.
[laughing maniacally] Loser!
Loser!
What did you just say?
It was good to see you.
You take care now.
[music playing]
Fuck you.
I love you.
[indistinct chatter]
Sarah, Derek, Greg,
Larry, and Lorie, the pack.
It's been a long time since we've talked,
and it's been even longer since we've all
been together in person.
I hate what I've become, the person that
thinks the best years of
my life were in high school,
but I can't call what I've been
doing for the last 17 years
living.
I've been surviving, just
holding on by a thread.
And that thread is fraying
more and more each day.
Through social media,
I see that most of you
have families and seem to be achieving
exactly what you want to.
I'm so envious.
I don't write this email for sympathy.
I just want to see if
sometime, maybe we could all
get together.
We had our whole lives
ahead of us that weekend
camping after graduation.
And I just want to get that feeling again.
Sure, Matt Wilbee and I dated
in high school here and there.
He was a good athlete.
And I was a cheerleader.
Puzzle pieces fit.
It just made sense.
I couldn't care less what happened to him.
I mean, who cares?
From what I hear, he's a loser now.
I was a loser in high school.
Matt looked after peon me and let me
hang out with him and his friends.
We were dubbed the wolf pack.
And I've since become successful.
And I make sure that
everyone I meet knows it.
I don't look at high school
through rose-tinted glasses
and you know, like
everybody else does out there
because high school sucked.
Everyone there sucked also.
Even Matt.
From what I hear, he's a loser.
God, I mean, I may have
been a bully in high school,
but I was never a bully to
him outside of high school.
We're friends.
Look, just because I
work at the bank that's
foreclosing his Gram Gram's house
doesn't put me as the bad guy.
It's Matt.
Matt's the one that's in fault here.
He's the loser.
I'm not the loser.
He's the loser.
We were the comedy relief, the silly ones.
Always together.
Always together.
It's probably why we're still together
in this dream of yours.
You can't think of us as
being apart or as individuals.
After high school, I moved to the big city,
where they have more than
three-letter word opinions,
like fag or gay or sin.
I got married.
I'm happy.
I lost weight.
And I thought I was happy,
but still not happy, but not as
sad, if that makes any sense.
You may be sad, but you're not Matt sad.
Oh, definitely.
No, no.
Not Matt sad.
I heard he's a real loser now.
[sombre music]
[screaming]
(CHANTING) Loser, loser,
loser, loser, loser, loser, loser,
loser, loser, loser, loser, loser.
[phone buzzing]
Hello?
Yeah, this is the Matt Wilbee
of Wilbee Great Landscaping.
Yeah.
Yeah, I know.
I can be there.
I just... I'm currently
in another job sighting.
It might take me a little bit.
But yeah, I can
definitely get the job done.
OK, all right.
I'll be there in a little bit.
Fuck.
[music playing]
(SINGING) [inaudible].
Accept responsibility.
Hey, beautiful house you have here.
What were you looking
to do landscaping-wise?
I cannot believe it.
You're here.
Man, oh, man.
Yeah, I'm here.
I'm sorry I'm a little late.
I'm getting off that last
landscaping job site.
Yeah, yeah.
But it is you, right?
The Matt Wilbee?
Yeah, I'm the Matt Wilbee.
Matt Wilbee, Woodrow Wilson High?
Hold on.
Oh, hold on.
Let me... let me get all of you in this.
There we go.
I mean, I don't know if you remember me
because I was a couple of
years younger than you in school,
but I have a friend who lives around here,
who says that this is what you're doing
and this is what you look like.
Wow, it's crazy.
Blast from the past.
You know what?
I actually owe him $5 and a
beer because it really is you.
I kind of want to see what the
rest of the prowl, or the pack,
whatever you guys called yourselves,
I want to see what they look like now.
Listen, man, I don't need any work done.
I just had to see you for myself in person.
I just hope you don't take it too personal
or waste too much of your time.
Matt Wilbee.
Sarah, Derek, Greg,
Larry, and Lorie, the pack.
I hate who I've become.
I have no one.
I've been surviving,
holding on by a thread.
And that thread is fraying
more and more each day.
It has snapped.
I don't write this email for sympathy.
I just want to let you know that tonight, I
will be ending my struggle
and finally accomplish something
in my later years.
We had our whole lives ahead of us
that weekend, camping after graduation.
And I know that I will
never get a feeling as good
as that one ever again.
Maybe ending things at that
campsite will bring me peace.
Goodbye, Matt will be gone Wilbee.
[inaudible]
We won't leave you hanging here
at Harold's Hardware, where we
help you do what you got to do.
[music playing]
Oh, hey.
Welcome to Harold's Hardware.
Can I help you find anything?
I'm looking for rope.
Oh, rope.
That's over on aisle one.
Would you like me to help you find it?
All right.
Excellent choice, sir.
You know, this durable industrial rope
is at a great price, and
it's on sale this week.
Buy one, get one free.
Would you like to get the second one free?
I only need one.
But the second one is free.
No cost to you, the customer.
I really just need one.
Well, sure, you say that now.
There's going to be a time
where you'll need that second one.
Fine, I'll take the second one.
Excellent choice, sir.
There we go.
So your total is... oh, I almost forgot,
we have a membership card.
Would you like to sign
up for a membership card?
It ensures you get at least
10% off of $60 or more
on great purchases,
such as this one right here.
Only got to give me your email address.
Fine, I'll sign up.
Yes, sir.
Excellent choice.
And in less than two weeks,
you'll be in Saving City.
Population, me.
[music playing]
(SINGING) [vocalizing]
I tried to find some love,
but if finding love [inaudible] truck.
Tossed back [inaudible].
I'm headed to pasture.
Sometimes you gotta do
what you gotta fucking do.
[music playing]
Welcome back to Knickknack and Knots,
the premier channel for your
knickknack and knot needs.
In this video, we're going to learn
how to tie a hangman's noose.
Go grab your favorite rope.
Now, while you're doing that, let
me tell you about today's
sponsor, Balloon Box.
It's your monthly delivery
of three different colored
balloons.
As always, you're guaranteed not to receive
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And just for Knickknack and Knot viewers,
you'll get an extra
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We would like to thank Balloon Box
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Let's start by finding
the center of the rope
and create two bends.
Please remember to like and subscribe.
And hit that notification...
[owl hooting]
[vehicle approaching]
[car door slams]
Come on, come on.
Did we make it?
Is he alive?
I think he's still breathing.
You're going to make it through this, Matt.
Give me a sign, show me you hear me.
OK, I'll go get some water.
OK.
Thank God we got here when we did.
I think he's going to be all right.
You're going to be OK, Matt.
You're going to live, you're going to live.
Lorie, where's that water?
You look like shit, but you're still alive.
I knew we shouldn't have [inaudible]..
I cannot believe that we are
wearing the same pajamas.
And somehow, yours still
looks sweatier than mine.
Bitch.
Oh!
You nearly killed me.
I am so sorry.
My apologies.
It's OK.
I was just trying to get a few things done
before Matt wakes up.
Matt.
Yeah, I mean, good thing I
got us here when I did last night.
I'm so relieved.
If we had been even a
minute later, can you imagine?
I would have felt personally responsible.
No.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself.
Yeah, I... it was really heroic.
And I really showed how much I cared
by using my personal jet to
fly Lorie and Larry out here
in the nick of time.
You know, it's like I was...
It's like I was destined to
become rich or something,
you know, and do selfless acts like this.
Life saving.
Yeah, I can't thank you enough.
And I'm sure Matt, when he realizes
the mistake he almost made,
he's going to be so grateful.
And I'd do it for any one of you.
I mean, we haven't seen
each other in a long time,
but you'll always be like family to me.
Oh, I feel the same way about all of you.
So I'm here.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, no.
We're not... we have a
platonic relationship, friendship.
It can always be more.
Haven't you ever wondered?
That's not what I'm here for, Greg.
I don't have those
kinds of feelings for you.
It's like we both said, we're family.
That was brutal.
The fuck you two looking at?
Are you going to try to kiss all of us
on this trip or just the ladies?
Love you.
Do you remember junior year when my mom
thought she caught us
having sex in the basement?
She was wishing and praying
that the noises she heard
was us having teenage sex.
And hoping even harder that it was
unprotected teenage sex so
that she might have a chance
at having a grandkid.
And we knew what she thought we were doing,
and we let her think it anyway.
Yeah, I have never seen a mom so happy
to think that her son was straight.
Too bad what we were actually doing
was practicing that nasty choreography
for the talent show.
The only thing getting
pregnant was our poses.
And our final show-stopping poses.
Hey.
Hey, buddy.
Looks like we showed
up just in time last night.
You probably have a bit of a headache, too.
And literally a pain in the neck.
Larry.
Because he tried to hang himself.
Oh, too soon.
Got it.
Come on out.
Hey, hey, take it easy,
take it easy, big guy.
You're all right.
Take it easy.
Here you go.
There you go, there you go.
I thought I had dreamed you all.
Matt, if you had dreamed me, I would
look way better than this, you know,
with more muscles, or hair,
or fuck, I don't know, a tan.
So you're all here and everybody came?
Yeah, we're all here.
Well, almost all of us, except for Derek.
I don't think he could make it.
Greg?
Mm-hmm.
And Sarah?
Mm.
Is that Matt?
Is he awake?
Can we get the fuck out of here now?
Yes, unfortunately, Greg is here too.
He's a dick now.
He tries to make out with
people he hasn't seen in 17 years.
And Sarah is here too.
She's around here somewhere.
She's still weirdly upbeat and chipper.
How did you guys get here so fast?
Haha, that is the one
thing that you can thank
Greg and his private jet for.
But I don't know if he's actually
going to mention that he's
got a private jet now or not.
What do you think?
Oh, my god.
He would not shut up about it.
(MOCKINGLY) Have you
guys seen my private jet?
It's pretty nice as far as private jets go.
Oh, if you know anything
about private jets.
Oh, I can fly my private jet
anywhere I want to take it.
No, if I say you can fly on my private jet,
then you get to fly on my private jet.
That's what makes it private.
Oh, my god, stop talking
about your privates.
Doesn't sound so private if
you keep talking about it, does it?
Correct.
It's good to see you both.
Hey, Matt, do you remember
when vice principal Wilkinson got
wind that I was going to
wear a kilt to senior prom,
and he made a big stink
about proper dress code,
and he said that only girls
could wear skirts and boys had
to wear dress pants?
Vaguely.
I do.
I remember too.
You collected signatures from everyone
in our graduating class saying that we'd
boycott prom and go straight
to the local news with the story.
And if the school prevented
anyone from entering,
we'd demand a refund.
I... I think Sarah had
a lot to do with that.
I, at most, just got
signatures for the petition.
I didn't really even do that much.
You made me feel safe.
And being gay and feeling safe back
then in high school in Kentucky,
I didn't take that for granted.
Everybody up and at 'em.
Come on, come on, come on.
This is her without coffee.
Hey.
The gang the, pack is
all here, just like old time.
Except Derek.
Except Derek, true.
But we're all... all of us
are here now for you, Matt.
Sarah, the constant cheerleader.
Thank you guys for dropping
your lives and coming here.
Dropped our lives so you
wouldn't drop yours, buddy.
Ow, ow.
Shut up, Larry.
Last one, I promise.
My email wasn't a cry for help, OK?
As melodramatic as it sounds,
I cannot think of a reason why I
should continue living.
Matt.
No.
Again, I'm not looking for sympathy.
It sucks that it took this to
bring us all together again,
But I get it.
It's not like I really
reached out to any of you
to see how you were doing.
And well, you haven't really
reached out to me until now.
Lives change, priorities change.
It's life.
I can honestly say, though,
I don't know why any of you
decided to answer my email by coming here.
If I had gotten that email from any of you,
I wouldn't have thought twice.
Deleted, gone.
That's what true friendship is.
We come to each other's aid.
We come to the people
that we love the most when
they need it the most.
Yeah, we're all here.
Thanks, but I still plan on killing myself
once you're all gone.
This, at best, has just stalled my plans.
[slow sarcastic clapping]
Good, great.
Greg.
No.
You all heard what he just said.
He's still going to do it after we're gone.
I knew this was a waste of time.
Let's go.
My private jet is waiting.
Ha!
See, I told you he'd mention it.
We're not leaving.
Sarah.
Matt, no one is leaving.
Where are my keys?
You two, do you have my keys?
I don't have them.
Maybe you left them in your private jet?
Funny.
How about you?
Do you have my keys?
Hello to you too, Greg.
What'd you do with my keys, Matt?
I've been passed out in that tent.
And I just woke up.
So no, I don't know where your keys are.
But if I did, I'd happily give them to you.
Sorry to have wasted your time.
Hey, guys, my cell phone's gone.
Oh.
Mine's gone too.
[whistle blows]
Attention campers, friends.
Oh, fuck.
It was 17 years ago that we
were all here at this location
having the time of our lives.
We didn't have cell
phones, social media, stress,
and we weren't so gung ho to get back
to our so-called real world.
All we cared about was each other
and how much fun we could
squeeze into the few days
and nights that we had.
So you brought beer?
I am a little thirsty.
Technically, that is a depressant.
And we didn't think that
would be helpful to you
in your current state.
Yeah, from what I
understand, bringing booze
to an intervention is a faux pas.
So it's just like 17 years
ago, minus the thing
that made a weekend full of
single, no-feared teenagers
have fun.
Woo!
But did we mention that we
also have water and sandwiches?
[cheering]
And that's not all.
Hold on to your butt,
campers, because we've
got two different types of water, regular
and sparkling mineral.
Woo!
Fine.
You all stay here and have
your sober Kumbaya intervention
drum circle jerk.
I'm getting out of here.
And if any of you want a ride,
I suggest you go grab your shit
and follow me.
How are you going to do
that without your keys, Greg?
Oh, so you have my keys?
I don't have them, but they may be in a bag
somewhere in the woods,
along with everyone else's cell
phones.
You have got to be fucking kidding me.
Why are you even here, Greg,
if you don't care about Matt?
I... damn it!
Enough with the games and the charades.
I don't have to be a nice guy.
You were being a nice guy?
Nice.
The only reason that I came here,
Sarah, is because I had
the biggest crush on you back
when we were in high school.
I was a nerd, and you dated Matt.
I never stood a chance.
He was king shit of
turd mountain back then.
But look at him now, and look at me.
I'm important now.
I have money.
I'm successful.
I'm king of the mountain.
Yay you.
You know, I don't need to hear shit
from light-in-loafers Larry
and his fag hag lard-ass Lorie.
I've lost weight.
And I only wear sneakers now, bud.
You know, I saw pictures
that you posted on social media
and saw that you were still kind of hot.
I mean, sure, you had some bigger
hips from having kids and whatnot,
but it didn't bother me.
I figured I bring you all out
here, and one of three things
would happen.
Number one, we'd find Matt
dead as a doornail, or number two,
we'd save his ass, or three,
an even weirder third scenario
where he'd almost kill himself,
probably fall into a coma,
become brain dead,
vegetable, or something like that,
and then I would go to the hospital
every single day with Sarah consoling her
until she confided in me, and I would
be there to be her emotional
and sensual support.
What?
Either way, I look like a
goddamn hero, sympathetic,
caring, and maybe I get
some fantasy fulfillment wish
list sex out of the situation.
Ew.
OK, um, so your plan was
that if we found Matt dead,
Sarah would be all horned up
and want to have sex with you?
That's disgusting, Greg.
You've become an asshole.
Hey, I was always an asshole.
Agh!
I just had to bottle it all up because I
didn't have any power.
Now who has all the power?
None of you.
If he wants to kill himself, let him do it.
What does he have to offer anyway?
What is he offering to society?
Jesus, Greg.
Shut up, Lorie.
He used to be your friend.
Friend?
He and I just used each other to get by.
What good is he to me now or to himself?
I liked you a whole lot better when you
were a nerd who needed friends.
Yeah, and I liked you a whole lot better
when you were a size 2 and could still fit
into your cheerleading outfit.
Stop living in the past.
It's Monday tomorrow.
And I've got a job to get back to.
Some of us are important
and would get noticed
if we ended up missing.
Wow, thanks for the morale boost.
Hey, I wish we had found you dead.
Yeah, me too.
Go, go.
Wait, Matt!
Matt!
If I could say something,
not everyone's life
has turned out like they thought it would.
Yeah, but at least they have some...
At least they have some
sort of semblance of life.
I'm sure you do too.
What do you think about besides suicide?
I think... I think that the
best I ever was or could be
is in the past, and that sucks.
I think that I've served my purpose.
No one has a purpose.
No one has a destiny.
I am a divorced single mom of two kids.
What's my purpose?
My kids aren't my purpose for living.
If they were my purpose, I'd kill myself.
Sorry, that's insensitive
to you and to my kids.
I love my kids.
What I mean is the
way that I experience life,
it's all about the journey
and the experiences.
If you don't like the journey you're on,
if you're not enjoying the
experiences, then change it.
Make a decision to live
and to live differently.
It's easier to say than to
do because I have tried.
I have tried so many times.
I know that depression is a disease
and that suicide could be the
final chapter of that disease.
But I don't think that's you, Matt Wilbee.
I don't think that your story is done.
And I don't think that it's been written.
Do you want some sparkling mineral water?
Just put it back in the cooler.
You know, I always wondered
what it would be like if we got back
together after all these years.
And I have to say, it is...
It's exactly like I expected.
Gosh!
Shut up.
[inaudible] no.
I never thought about it back then.
But looking back on it
now, secluded campsite,
far away from civilization or adults, six
sex-crazed teenagers, it's
the perfect setting for a slasher
film.
Oh, no, no!
You are so right.
Right?
The ignorance of the young.
I'm not worried about it now.
I mean, you don't see
middle-aged people dying
and stuff like that if they go camping.
No, in movies with
middle-aged people, if they die,
they die of things like
heart attack, blood disease,
or cancer, or diabetes, or well, suicide.
They don't die from things like knives
or machetes or chainsaws.
Nothing sexy like that.
Not sexy.
What?
What did I say?
Was it the suicide thing?
Tell me.
Five years ago, I was
diagnosed with cancer.
And you're right, there
is nothing sexy about it.
Lorie, I'm so sorry.
I... you know me, I have no filter.
I'm like a blind guy playing darts.
If I throw long enough, I'm
bound to hurt somebody.
Hey, hey, come here.
Come on.
It's OK.
I didn't know.
It's all right.
Nobody knew.
I didn't tell anyone.
To be honest, I am not too
far from where Matt is right now.
That email, it could have
easily come from me.
What is this?
This is a special tree, Matt Wilbee.
Oh, it's a special tree.
You got a metaphor in
your back pocket about trees
and why I should love myself?
This tree is the key to your
past, present, and future.
Why is it special?
Just looks like all the other 1,000 trees.
Look.
Whatever happened to those kids, huh?
That was a long time ago.
How'd you even find this tree?
I would never forget our tree.
You vandalized nature for me.
I mean, this is our special treat.
Granted it's not graffiti on a bridge,
but I'll take what I can get.
Are you sure that this is our special tree?
Or did you just get up super
early, find a random tree
and just carve this into it?
This is our special tree.
OK.
I want you to decide to live.
Your life isn't running
you, you're running your life.
Sure.
Can I ask you a couple of questions?
Yeah.
You know what?
I've called you over the years.
It really hurt my feelings when
you said no one reached out
to you because I did.
Why didn't you ever pick up?
I didn't answer because I figured
that you would want to
plan for us to get together,
and I didn't want you to
see that I had turned into this.
I kept calling because I didn't
care what you turned into,
I cared about you.
Look, I'm not going to stop you from doing
what you're going to do.
I just hope you make the right decision.
I might have stopped cheering
for the team after high school,
but I never stopped cheering
for you, Matt will be great Wilbee.
Mm, mm, mm, mm.
Do not tell my husband
this, but this is the first meat
I've had in my mouth in years.
Well, except his meat, of course.
I hate being vegan.
What I don't get is why anyone would
want to eat food
pretending to be other food?
I know, right?
Yeah.
You scared me half to death.
It's you.
What... what's wrong?
It's like, chicken wings,
you're not chicken wings.
You're your own thing.
Be your own thing, wing.
Besides, when you're
a vegan, all your food,
it's like the understudies of a play.
It's like, tonight, the
role of ham and cheese
will be played by bullshit.
I thought none of you cared.
We got busy and drifted apart.
But you ghosted me.
I never forgot.
And I didn't stop caring.
I am really glad that you're all here.
We're all here for you, except Greg.
I guess Greg was here for me
in some gross, chauvinistic, and
predatorial way.
And Derek.
Oh, OK.
Larry, Lorie, and I are all here for you.
And we're not ready to let you go.
Like it or not, we're not going anywhere.
[music playing]
[whistle blows]
[music playing]
[indistinct whispers]
[screaming] Stop it!
Stop!
Seriously!
So this is what out of
the closet Larry is like?
Yeah, so what?
I prefer not knowing, thanks.
Yeah, well, I'd prefer you
not being a stone cold dick.
But I thought you loved dick.
I do.
Lorie, I'm not surprised to
see you got into the food.
You know, Greg, you
could just shut the fuck up.
Maybe have a little bit compassion
for somebody else for a change and stop
thinking about yourself.
Compassion?
That's a joke.
You want to know why I
was even in this little circle
of friends of ours, the pack,
back when we were in school?
It's because I got paid
to do Matt's homework.
The guy's a bump a log.
It's no surprise that after the
high school gravy train ended,
where everybody took care
of him even after he got hurt,
he was useless.
I had to work for everything that I have.
And he was handed everything.
And now those hands are empty and gone.
And he doesn't know what to do.
Boo fucking hoo.
Rude.
Compassion, that's hilarious.
Glad you took the time to pack a cooler
to help our so-called friend.
We're coming to save
you, Matt, old buddy, old pal.
But first, we got to pack
food so we don't die out here
for the one day that we
actually go out camping.
Give me a break.
You know, if we actually
gave a shit about each other,
it wouldn't take a suicide email
to bring the pack back together
again.
Maybe you guys will stop
looking at your high school years
through rose-tinted glasses.
I made my decisions purely on survival,
and look what it's gotten me.
I've got a private jet.
We know!
Whatever.
I'll just go back to jerking off the photos
that Sarah posts online.
Ew!
Nothing changes for me.
Nasty.
Greg.
What?
Matt is covered in blood and has a knife
that's covered in blood.
What?
Oh, my god.
It popped out of the
woods and it killed her.
And it killed her with my knife.
Holy shit.
We got to get out of here.
We got to get out of here fast.
Greg, wait a minute.
I don't know what it is.
Where's Sarah?
But it's going to kill us all.
All right, OK, very funny.
All right, you got me.
Where's she at?
She hiding over there?
Is she going to pop out and scare us?
Is this how we're supposed
to start bonding again?
No, it all happened so fast.
Yeah.
OK, Sarah.
Great prank.
You can come out now.
Bring me my keys and phone.
Play time's over.
Is it real blood?
It wasn't me.
I didn't do this.
I don't know who it is,
but it is still out there.
OK, Matt.
Matt, why would someone
want to kill us with your knife?
I don't know who it is,
but they're still out there.
How did they get your knife?
I stabbed it into a tree.
Why did you stab it into a tree?
Sarah made me mad.
Doesn't help your case, buddy.
Look, I didn't do this.
We got to get out of here.
I don't know what's going on.
OK.
OK, OK.
I really don't know what's going on.
I know what's going on.
(WHISPERING) He looks like he's waking up.
I've flown my private jet
to go on hunting excursions
in the Serengeti, where I had
to wrestle 1,000-pound buffalo
with my bare hands.
You think I'm scared of you?
Look, guys, untie me.
You know me.
I don't know you.
I don't know any of them.
I don't trust any of them.
We only know the people
that we were pretending
to be in high school.
All I know is we get a cry for
help from you out of the blue,
and then when we show
up, one of us ends up dead,
and it isn't the one that said they
were going to kill themselves.
That seem a little fishy to you?
What are you saying?
I'm saying, you were
never going to kill yourself.
You sent that email to one, two, all of us,
expecting us to drop everything
to come here and help out
the golden boy.
Then when we show
up, you kill us, one by one
because you're jealous.
You're jealous because we have lies,
and you are nothing more
than a sorry sack of shit.
Do you believe what he's saying?
I don't know what to believe.
I know Sarah is dead.
We're trapped here.
I'm going to go look for
that bag that Sarah hid.
Shouldn't be too far from here.
Greg, I never knew that
you hated me in school.
I'm sorry about that, but
I can't change that now.
But if you untie me,
we can go in the woods,
and we can look for that bag together
and we can get out of here.
Not a fat chance, fatty Matty.
You two might want to equip yourself
with something in case psycho
boy here decides to get loose.
And Larry?
Yeah.
Might want to let Lorie take that chainsaw.
Don't think your dainty
little wrist could handle it.
Fuck you, too.
All right, untie me.
Come on, guys, untie me.
Larry, what are you doing?
Larry, why did you come
out here to save my life?
Don't untie him.
You were the... you were
the first guy I ever liked,
I mean, more than liked.
Then trust your gut and untie me.
I'm sorry, Matt, I can't.
I don't think that you
could do that to Sarah,
but I also know that
you're in a really bad place
emotionally and mentally.
I'm sorry.
Just do what you came
out of here to do to help me
and untie me.
I'm sorry, Matty.
I can't.
It could have been Greg.
Was it Greg?
He was wearing a mask.
It could have been him.
He was out there in the
woods at the same time.
Being an angry, petty douche
bag doesn't make you brutally slash
someone's throat, does it?
Did you hear that?
Is it Greg?
Could be the killer.
Please untie me now.
Let's get out of here.
It's out there.
Untie me now.
What is it?
What do you see?
[music playing]
You sick fuck.
No, Greg.
Greg, you've got to believe me.
It wasn't me.
It was that madman who killed Sarah.
Come on, man.
You've got to believe me.
I would never do something like this.
Greg, come on.
It's him.
Oh, fuck.
Help me up, man.
Help me up and let's get out of here.
Hey, you don't want to do this, OK?
I've got a life worth living.
You don't want to do this.
You want him.
Kill him.
Slice and dice him all you want to, man.
He's got a bum knee.
He can't get far.
Easy pickings.
You fucking suck, Greg.
Survival of the fittest, you dumb bitch.
Wait, what?
What?
No, no, no.
What do you want, man?
Money?
I've got plenty of money.
What do you want?
No!
[chainsaw revving]
I live.
You die.
Kid's out there.
Is there anything I need to
know before I head in there?
He's been through a lot.
If I were you, I'd probably take it easy.
Appreciate that.
Well, from what I understand, you've
been through quite an ordeal.
Thanks.
Yeah.
I... I really don't know where to start.
Well, you came in today,
and that's a good start.
So why don't you just
take me from the beginning?
I was in a dark place, the
darkest that I've ever been.
Not a light in sight and
a night that never dawns.
Exactly.
Was that poetry?
Sure.
Why don't you take us back to the campsite?
Tell us what happened there.
Hell.
I feel like it was all my fault.
Interesting.
Why would you say that?
If I had never sent that email
telling all my friends that I
was going to kill myself,
they wouldn't have
been there and gotten hurt.
They wouldn't have been there and have
gotten attacked by that mass
killer, where he hunted them
down like animals, picking
them all off one by one.
So a sick, twisted, crazed,
masked psychopath,
who was in the same woods at the same time
that you and all of your friends were at,
is that what you're saying?
That's right.
What are the odds?
Slim and none.
But I got him.
I didn't let him get me.
Good for you.
So I thought I'd left him
there dangling from that rope,
hanging from that noose around his neck,
just swinging back and forth, but I
guess he must have followed me back here.
[music playing]
Derek, this is Matt.
I've got to see you as soon as possible.
Something terrible has happened.
I got to say, Matt, you sounded
pretty frantic on that phone
today.
Is everything all right?
I mean, I'm glad you
call and everything. It's
good to hear from you.
But God sake's, you
sounded a little weird today.
Glass of red?
No, I actually stopped drinking.
Holy shit.
No fucking way.
Congratulations.
I... I was going to say that
you do look a lot better,
like something's different
about you, you know,
compared to you always
looking like a pile of shit in a shirt,
you know?
What's going on?
You look great.
I actually... first, since,
I stopped drinking,
I started seeing clearly.
And now, I know who I am.
I am very grateful for your sobriety,
but I just want to let you
know that all this, this could've
been done in a text, you know what I mean?
The way you were talking on the phone,
you made me start
thinking that somebody died.
You have no idea.
Well, congratu-fucking-lations.
And a toast to the new Matt Wilbee.
Matt?
Matt?
Hey.
Behind you.
Matt?
Hey, buddy.
Hey.
Behind you.
Behind?
There's nothing going on back here.
The masked killer, the
masked killer is behind you?
You don't see the masked killer behind you?
Masked... there's no masked killer here.
He's mocking you.
Wait, wait.
You sure you didn't have a
few drinks on the way over here?
This is not going to end well.
OK, we're going to wrap it up.
We're going to say good night.
You're starting to freak me out, man.
Good night, Derek.
[upbeat music]
(SINGING) I want what I want.
And what I want I cannot have.
It's a cruel world we see.
[inaudible] I want what I want.
And what I want I cannot have.
It's a cruel world we see.
And I desire [inaudible]
I guess I will be having a glass of red.
(SINGING) Abandoned, intelligent.
Living life as he's meant.
[inaudible]
(SINGING) Walking as a critic.
Well, hey.
Welcome to Harold's Hardware.
What can I do for you?
Oh, hey.
I'd like to return this
rope for a full cash refund.
Well, I'm sorry, sir.
We don't accept returns on
items that have been used.
And this has clearly been used.
So I can't get a full
cash refund on that rope?
No, I'm sorry, sir.
It's company policy.
My hands are tied.
Oh, your hands are tied?
Yeah.
Hmm, I'm going to really
need that $20 in cash.
What to do?
What to do?
[country music]
(SINGING) Thinking about
the clothes in the dryer.
I put them in two days before.
That was a night I was
going to chill out, listen
to the radio on the floor.
Then the phone rang.
And I don't think that I
know anyone from Kansas.
I guess this call is not for me at all.
Good idea not to answer.
Your grandpa said I must be running.
And you know, sometimes, I think I'm a bum.
Just tell him I'm working on something,
but I won't know what it is till I'm done.
So [inaudible] down and out to the bar.
All the usuals were there.
A host, two monkeys, a
salesman, and a priest,
they was [inaudible].
What the fuck are you doing in here?
Who looks like shit now?
(SINGING) [inaudible]
said I must be running.
And you know, sometimes I think I'm a bum.
Just tell him I'm working on something,
but I won't know what it is until I'm done.
Hey, asshole.
Hey, what are you doing?
What?
What are you doing?
I'm just making your edges look nice.
I think they look pretty good, buddy.
Hey, man, I didn't hire you.
What are you doing in my back yard?
Nobody said you can come back here.
You know what?
You were a loser in high
school, and you're a loser now.
And you wish that you
could have a place like this.
And your just back here
without any permission.
You know what?
Nobody even told you...
[upbeat music]
(SINGING) Well, the very
good friend, he gave me a tune.
He said every day is a good day to die.
I can't tell if he's right or wrong.
Cause why am I still alive?
Be a lie to say I never saw
a skeleton through the glass.
But everyone's got different
reasons for kicking themselves
in the ass.
Your grandpa said I must be running.
And you know, sometimes I think I'm a bum.
Just tell him I'm working on something
and I won't know what it is until I'm done.
Just tell him I'm working on something,
but I won't know what it is until I'm done.
Just tell him I'm working on something.
And I'll keep on running till I'm done.
[music playing]
Listen, I know this is
going to be hard for you,
but I'm going to need
you to look at a few photos.
And if you could, could you
please identify the people
in these photos?
It's OK.
Oh, that's Sarah, sweet Sarah.
Dead.
Greg, dead.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Lori and Larry, dead, dead.
It must be hard to see and
know that all of your friends
are dead.
I guess I'm just going to have
to make some new friends.
[music playing]
What's up, dread heads?
I'm John.
And I'm Joe.
And welcome to a brand new episode
of Spread The Dread, your
weekly source for serial killer
stories, true crime tales,
and horror movie hobnobbing.
And make sure to check out our website.
It's spread the dread podcast.com, where
you'll find direct links to all
the major podcast platforms,
as well as our social
media and our merch store.
Beautifully done, Joe.
So now that we got the
business out of the way,
what are we talking about this week?
Fucking Matt Wilbee.
Oh, Mr. KFK, the Kentucky Fried Killer.
Really got to stop using that.
It's never going to stick.
The media is never going to use it.
Look, every serial killer
deserves to have a nickname.
And just because the media,
or even Matt Wilbee himself,
doesn't recognize that, doesn't
mean that stroke of genius
is going to go unnoticed.
Whatever, Einstein.
So we don't usually do this type of story.
It's relatively recent.
This happened approximately two years ago.
Wilbee went on a terror and actually killed
all of his friends while
they were out camping,
got back home, continued his rampage,
and then eventually got picked
up and sent off to an asylum.
Which I don't get that.
Why in the fuck did
they let this guy just go
to a mental hospital?
Could they not put him in jail?
Was there no building
to take him around back
and pop one in his head?
Were there are no nooses available?
Come on, now.
I have no idea.
But I mean, we don't know if his family had
a history of mental illness, he had
a history of mental illness, or maybe
he had a really good
goddamn defense attorney.
We have no fucking idea.
But that's by the by.
The reason we are covering
this is because he just got out.
Even further to my point.
Thanks, America.
Like, how in the name of
God does this psycho now
get released from this institute?
I'mma tell you right now,
and don't you stop me, Wilbee,
if you're listening to this, I
promise you, I hope to God,
Matt Wilbee, you don't even
get to use my sweet-ass nickname
anymore, if you ever hear
this, please come find me,
come find me.
I dare you.
Because I will dish out the justice
you should have gotten served and make sure
you finally get a taste
of your own medicine.
Oh, show... OK, hold on.
Everything's still recording.
Is it... it's just the fucking light.
You're fucking doing this.
I didn't do this.
Why the hell would I do
this when we're recording?
Oh, OK.
Yeah, you really fucking did this.
Why would I do that while we're recording?
I don't know.
Maybe it was Matt Wilbee?
Oh, yeah, Matt Wilbee be snuck in here
and turned the fucking lights off.
Ha ha ha ha.
Oh, fuck.
[music playing]
[screaming]
[pop music] Sky is falling.
That's what I heard you say.
Love is gone, there's no need to stay.
And now my darling, I tend to
disagree when love walks away.
Sweet Maria, you are pretty thing.
Who are we if not for your grace?
Hello [inaudible].
How about a toast at tea?
When love walks away.
Private jet.
(SINGING) Fire walks with me.
I should've listened.
I should've listened.
I should have learned.
Love is burning everywhere you turn.
I once was blind.
Now I see.
Love walks away.
Fire walks with me.
Love walks away.
[inaudible]
(SINGING) [inaudible]
see the former planets
floating in our blood stream?
And when we die,
someone will take our place.
And we'll become the
minerals beneath their feet.
(SINGING) [inaudible]
I don't, I don't, I don't
have no way to [inaudible]..
This part, I don't, I don't
usually write songs like this,
write songs like this.
But you inspire me.
Loser.
Loser.
Loser.
Loser.
Loser.
Loser.
Loser.
Loser.
[slash]