Alone for Christmas (2013) Movie Script
Who's there?
I know someone is out there.
Show yourself coward.
That looks good.
I wonder who put that there?
Hey where's the dog?
Keep quiet.
Hello my beauty.
The bone works like
a charm every time.
Come on. Let's get out of here.
Who are those guys?
Oh boy,
I'm really in the doghouse now.
Mama.
Huh?
I heard something downstairs.
- Mama.
- Columbus. It isn't Santa.
Christmas is still a day away.
I know! This is something else.
I sense danger.
Mama.
Mama.
We're not watch dogs.
Nobody is robbing the house.
Mama.
You heard that, right?
Yeah but...
Mama.
Do not fear young madden.
Your hero has arrived.
Mama.
Wait.
She's trapped
in one of these packages.
Mama.
Mama. I want to pee.
Poor thing soiled herself.
Quick, before she runs out of air.
Columbus, it's a doll.
Huh?
Mama.
Bone, what did you do?
Busted!
Give him some love.
Give him some love.
Here sit down baby. Yes!
He brought down the whole tree.
It was savaged!
Opened all the presents.
Nope. We called this year.
The nerf Bazooka?
Are you kidding me?
My parents have gone mental.
I would have canceled
the whole holiday.
Not that it would have
mattered that much.
There's barely been
any snow this year.
It doesn't feel very Merry anyway.
I'm telling you Hunter, this is
going to be the worst Christmas ever!
Dylan, a moment?
I'll catch you later.
Thank you. Umm,
Look. I'm sorry guys
but Bone can't come with us
to Grandma's this year.
She's getting too old
and we can't risk Bone
knocking her down
or ripping up her furniture.
He's been acting wild lately.
So he's going to stay at the Kennel
and that's how it's got to be.
I have to put my foot down.
I am the boss.
I am the head of this house hold.
But Dad!
But we just moved to this house,
he's gonna freak out.
- Well...
- Yeah.
Guys it's only a week.
Bone will be fine.
Those Kennels
are like prison camps.
Mean brutal mutts.
I hear that if a dog
enters the big house
wearing a sweater
he'll get shanked.
Won't he be lonely?
We will be back
before he even knows we left.
And Columbus will keep
the rest of us company.
Okay. I guess.
I hope Bone packs a sharp
chew stick.
Now, we have a long drive
ahead of us,
so get washed,
dressed, and pack up.
And don't leave
any food out for the mice.
I don't want this house destroyed.
Before we have a chance
to destroy it ourselves.
Oh and use
the shower downstairs please.
The hot water knob is still broken.
This house has old pipes.
Move it on out.
The faster we get to grandma
and grandpa's,
- the faster we get eggnog.
- Yay! Eggnog. Eggnog. Eggnog.
What's Eggnog?
I'm so sorry
that I ruined Christmas.
Got a few bad dogs
and a newspaper to the nose.
No biggy. I can handle it.
But aren't you mad
you're not going to grandma's?
Thought this was just a time out.
I'm going to miss
the big turkey dinner.
I'm the worst brother ever.
Look, you're just new here.
You don't understand our place.
Don't try to be
something you're not.
- A hero.
- Yeah.
I know. I just thought...
You see a beware of dog sign
outside this house?
No.
That's cause we're family pets.
Our jobs are simply
to fetch the paper and...
take them on brisk walks.
You're right.
And from this day on I promise
to never act like a watchdog again.
Intruder!
I got it! Guys hurry up!
- Oh! Happy Holidays.
- Hi!
- You must be the new owners.
- Yes.
I saw you had a hold
on your mail so I, here.
- Really?
- Yeah.
I saw you move in the other week.
I got a
pricy looking package for you.
Somebody stayed of
the naughty list this year I see.
Dylan! A package from uncle Rich.
Socks! Uncle Rich,
you shouldn't have.
Worst Christmas ever.
Thank you, I wasn't sure
if I'd get here before we left.
Left?
Oh yes, we are going upstate
to be with family for the holidays.
Fantastic! Would you like for me
to hold your mail for you?
Oh, no, that won't be necessary.
If you could, just leave
any packages in the back porch.
You got it Mrs. C.
Thanks. Oh! And this is for you.
Ah, is that a tip?
I can't accept any tips.
- Well it's not exactly a tip.
- No, no, no, no, gifts at all, okay.
Postal Policies
seriously I can get canned.
Well I won't want
to get you into trouble.
Just know that your family
will have a great holiday
is a reward enough.
Well, thank you.
Jake.
Jake. Happy Holidays
to you and yours.
I'm ready to go.
What a weirdo.
I hope the rest of this neighborhood
isn't this creepy.
That's cause he's a postman.
No. It's something else.
There's something fishy about him.
True. He reeks of fish
and body spray.
It's disgusting.
I could smell him from here.
I'll keep an eye on him.
Stop with the macho yapping.
Jake is nothing more than
a smelly harmless creep.
How's everything going back here?
Sweet as sugar.
$20 from aunt June.
And for Billy a stick of gum
to do something special with.
Score! A gift certificate
for Chuckle Cheese.
We have out Christmas Eve dinner.
Nah, we're cleaning out
the new house tonight.
Oh, I thought we'd go Caroling?
Kid with a bike at 2 o'clock.
Hey!
I think I saw this place
on that police show you
and mom like to watch.
We're there now.
Pretty high security.
Didn't see any sniper towers.
More of a white dog collar person.
But Daddy does he have to go?
Yeah. Well...
Mommy, what do you think?
I love Bone,
just as much as you do
but he was bad.
You won't like it if Dylan opened up
all your presents.
Right. Like a care about
little Miss wet myself.
Now give him
one last hug goodbye.
We need to get on the road.
Be good Bone.
See ya Bud.
- Alright buddy.
- Be careful in there.
Come on Bone.
- Merry Christmas Dude.
- Come on, here we go.
- Come on boy.
- That goes double for you Columbus.
Huh, I know
it doesn't look like much but,
well we'll see. Alright buddy.
Hello?
Hello?
Save yourselves.
No tag. You're it.
Oh!
Dog poop.
You're going to clean that up?
No, I'm covered in dog poop.
Hey how you doing?
I'm Anthony Anthony.
But my friends call me, Triple A.
I'm good.
What's the other A for?
Other A?
Well you said, Triple A.
Oh, yeah! I can see
why that's confusing. Yeah.
So, who's the little guy?
Oh. Bone.
My wife's name was Bone.
- Really?
- I'm just kidding with you.
You know what,
it's too hot outside.
Why don't we go inside?
Come on Bone.
Come on in.
Watch yourself, watch these guys.
Come here.
So, how long are you in for Bone?
Just a couple of days.
I had called earlier but...
you seem really busy so.
No. This isn't busy.
Sometimes I have 5 times
the amount of animals in here.
5 times? But...
Sir, I can see you're hesitating.
I'll tell you what I'm a do,
I'm gonna give you $10 dollars off.
- Oh, it's not that.
- $30 dollars.
You seem like a nice guy.
$6 dollars?
I... Wait?
$6 dollars?
I'm bad at this Sir.
Look you seem a little overwhelmed,
so Come one Bone.
Look Sir, I need this okay.
I love dogs. I love dogs
more than I love people.
I understand times
are tough but...
Bone is family.
And he's like my family too man.
I'm gonna treat him
like I treat my little brother.
And I love my little brother.
Most of the time.
But Sir look, I love these guys.
I play with them all the time.
We don't go hungry.
We just have fun and play.
I treat them
like they're all in my house.
I'm not throwing them
in some cage
and some boarding house
somewhere.
I know this doesn't look like your
fancy dog spa
with the fancy dog food.
And the massages.
Huh?
Massages?
Sir, I have been doing this
for 23 years.
15 weeks.
About 9 hours. 15 minutes.
Oh, and I forgot to tell you.
I'm on TV.
- You have a TV show?
- Yes I do.
Well, I kinda, I have a show.
Well no not really.
See it's on a TV show
but it's a TV show. There.
- Oh! A surveillance camera.
- Yes!
And you can take that and
plug it into the worldwide Internet.
You know. Contraption.
In fact my little cousin,
I thought he kept sending me
all these free movies
Turns out that I'm in them.
Hi mom. Whoa! I'm on TV.
You know um... I don't know.
Sir please, it's Christmas.
I will take very good care of Steve.
Bone.
Really?
He looks like a Steve.
Look Sir, I don't have children.
But these guys
are like my children.
All of them. I love them all.
The fat ones.
The skinny ones.
The little ones.
I'll take really good care
of your dog, I promise.
Yeah boy. Come here.
What do you...
What do you think?
Alright good.
Okay.
- Really?
- Really.
But I get to watch Bone on TV.
Every channel,
364 hours a day.
Don't you mean a year?
No he's not gonna be here
that long.
Unless you want him to be
and then...
I can cut you a really good deal sir.
No, that's okay.
Well, great! And Merry Christmas.
Ah, you too.
- Alright buddy.
- Come on buddy. Come on.
Come on. Let's go.
Come on, let's go.
Okay.
Oh! It is freezing out there!
Let's get a little heat on.
How'd he take it?
Uh, he took it like a champ.
The own is... well he...
He likes dogs.
You think he'll be okay?
I hate to think of him
in a cold kennel.
Sharing a water bowl
with 10 other lonely mutts.
I'm telling you.
It's not that bad.
Alright guys buckle up.
Okay.
Here we go.
It's gonna be fun.
I'm so sorry Bone.
I'll see you after Christmas.
Alright. Come on.
That's it. Right in here.
Okay. Go ahead and find
a mattress you can call your own.
And the doggie door
is in the back, okay?
Just feel free
to hang out and chill, okay.
I'll be in the living room
watching Clash of the Empires,
if you want to come out there
and veg out or something.
Alright Steve.
Hi I'm...
- What did I...
- He's a little spooked man.
From me?
I don't scare anyone.
Neither does he.
Hey look, I'm sorry.
- Go away!
- Sure but...
Go away!
Come on. Let's leave him alone.
Did you unplug
all the appliances?
- Yeah.
- And the lights are on timers?
Taken care of.
And all the doors
and windows are locked?
Yes, dear.
Did you lock
your bedroom window Dylan?
Gosh I hope so.
I pray that someone doesn't
steal my awesome new socks.
Hey, how about we stop
for a little hot chocolate?
Huh?
We're only 4 hours
from your parents' house.
Let's not spoil the kids' appetites.
Yeah, I can't wait for a big bowl
of grandma's left over Mac and cheese.
You know what? He's right.
She only makes a fuss
over Christmas Day dinner.
Yeah.
- Is this fun?
- Yeah.
Hey how about this place?
We'll be back on the road
before you know it.
Alright. Even I can use a break
from grandma's stale Mac and Cheese.
I miss Bone.
Oh sweetie.
Let's not start that again.
You'll see him in 6 days okay?
Why not now?
Dylan hand me your tablet.
There's no app
for fix my lousy Christmas.
I checked.
Bone!
Look at that!
Bone is holding court.
He looks happy too.
Told you he's make friends.
He does look happy.
I wish he could see us too.
So what happened?
Happened man?
- To him.
- Oh, Cupcake.
Oh man. That's a messed up story.
He seems angry.
He should be. He lost his bite.
His bite?
He's a watch dog man.
And all he did was watch.
One part watch. No part dog.
The robbers came into the house,
took everything. Then left.
And he didn't do anything?
Nope just watched.
See, watch dog.
Not action dog.
Not stop the thieves' dog.
No everyone can fight.
I know.
But he doesn't know that.
I know what I know.
Oh hey! Cupcake!
I didn't notice you there.
I let the intruders
get into the house.
I lost my bite.
I don't have a bite.
We all have a bite.
Some of us
just don't know it yet.
So what happened?
I ruined Christmas for my family.
As punishment, I got sent
to this hippie commune doggie jail.
While they went up
to the mountains to play in the snow.
Hey man!
Don't be so hard on yourself.
I heard there were like
200 robbers with big guns,
and a rocket, and magic spells!
It was 3 idiot robbers that smelled
like fish and body spray.
Fish? Body spray?
Yeah. Why?
Where do you live?
Off oak park. Why?
That's my street.
I know some one
that smells like fish.
Could be the same guy.
Of course it's the same guy.
How do you know him?
He was at the house today.
Before we left.
He was casing the joint.
Casing the joint?
Yeah. He's going to do
the same thing to your family,
like he did to my family.
You're going to get robbed.
And then you are going to stay here
for the rest of your life.
I think there's a 2 week limit man.
You have to go there.
You have to stop them.
Stop them? How?
I can't call 911.
This room
doesn't even have a phone.
And we don't have thumbs.
What's gotten into Columbus?
He acts like understands Bone,
He does. He hears him saying
"My family abandoned me".
Hey it's not that.
Look, he's made new friends
to celebrate Christmas with.
Okay. We'll be back
in 10 minutes.
Okay.
Let's go troops.
Our home is in danger,
and Bone needs my help.
What's the plan here again?
We're hiding from the warden.
Who? Triple A?
He's gonna know
we're under here.
Under these blankets
we're completely invisible.
It's common knowledge.
Well he's gonna know
we're under here now.
No necessarily.
Human also have
a terrible sense of smell.
Oh! Not this bad.
My eyes are watering.
For the first time,
I can see color.
Don't worry about it.
Hey strange dog, you ready?
This is our big chance.
I'll make it count.
I'm so happy. I'm so happy.
No. I'm doing the pee dance.
Skippidy do.
Nailed it man.
- Nailed it.
- You gotta go out little guy?
Alright come on.
We'll go relieve ourselves together.
Come on. Let's go. Let's go.
TMI dude. TMI.
Now!
You cannot contain us man.
I am invisible!
You're one messed up little doggie.
You know that?
Get over here.
I got you. Come on.
Keep it low. Quite.
- My belly is getting scratchy.
- Ready?
- Go!
- I'm tired. Run Bone. Run!
Find your bite.
Hey man,
you gotta help me get out.
My brother is in trouble.
Think puppy think. Hmm.
Parking brake. Hmm.
All I'm saying is that
I believe that Rudolf's nose glowed
because he was raised
by a nuclear power plant.
What about prancer and blitzen?
Comet? Cupid?
All of them grew up there.
That's why they can fly.
Nearly there.
Got it.
Oh dear.
Excuse me, you folks driving
the dark blue SUV?
Yeah, why?
Well it's driving itself
around back.
I'm free!
Oh no!
Okay. The bumper is scratched.
The window broken but we're fine.
Dad, you better check the policy.
The puppy might not be insured
as an additional driver.
Where is Columbus?
There he is?
This better work.
What's the battle plan boss?
Same as always.
Look for small items.
Easy to carry.
Jewelry. Antiques.
Gifts that haven't been opened yet
that can be returned for cash.
If anybody sees
an easy make oven.
No.
They make little
delicious chocolate cake.
- No.
- I do all the cooking.
No, easy bake oven!
Gotta get faster.
Hey! Hey! Whoa!
Commandeering this.
Thank you.
Hey! Dylan is right.
This is the worst Christmas ever.
Still want TVs? Laptops?
Electronics are okay.
- Sweet.
- Technically the easy bake oven
is powered electronically
by a light bulb.
I don't recognize this van.
It smells like fish
and body spray.
Jake.
Most of the police force
is off duty celebrating
with their families and such.
As long as we don't make
a racket...
we should have all day.
How's it look?
We're clear.
Let's do it.
Come on. Come on.
Back! Go, go, go, go!
Why did those go off?
Let's just split
and come back later.
They're gonna be gone
for a whole week.
How about we do something fun
like go Caroling.
Today is optimal.
We hold on and wait out the alarms.
I stopped them.
But why isn't anybody
coming out of the houses?
They must be on vacation too.
I've got to stop them.
Bet they'll fall for this.
This will help them stick around.
This will be a wash out.
I'm gonna get into
so much trouble for this.
Let's heat thing up a little.
Hope this sticks with them.
Can't wait to see
who steps on these.
Hot sauce facial wash.
Hopes this raises their pulses.
I think that was the last car alarm.
Good.
Games a foot.
Remember, play it smart.
Right.
Play what smart?
What game are we playing smart?
Seriously, I don't know the rules.
Who goes first.
Can I be the thimble?
Shut it up.
Now Rob, don't break any windows.
I'm not 100% sure about alarms.
Dude I'm a professional.
I think I know...
Stop! Stop! I'm stuck.
- Get me off from the bottom.
- Sure. Gotcha!
Should we push or pull?
What are you waiting for?
Just hold on.
What? We didn't even touch you.
Who was that?
Something hit me in the head.
- I don't see nothing.
- It hit me hard.
Okay. We'll get you out
really quick like.
Who's doing that?
1, 2, 3.
Stop! Stop! Stop!
What is happening?
Slipper soap for slipper folk.
I think I need to sit down.
Up there.
An open window.
There's a ladder.
Enough fooling around.
How you doing Diesel?
Who's this little one?
It can't be... Santa?
72 East Oak Park huh?
You're a long way from home.
Nick, what are you doing
back there?
- Looks like Diesel's got a friend.
- A friend?
Let's get you home
before Christmas little one.
We need to take
a little road trip mother.
Well Nicholas we need to be home,
remember the kids.
Oh, they'll be alright.
This little one in the back
needs to be with family.
- Who are you?
- I'm Columbus.
Why are you here?
I'm trying to save Christmas
and my big brother.
Save Christmas?
That's adorable.
Where you going?
I'm just trying to help my brother
stop some fishy criminals
from robbing my family's house.
Watch dog, huh?
I've done security work.
Salvage yard.
Nothing like sinking your K-9s
into an intruder's arm.
Ripping it out of it's socket,
and, and going for the jugular.
Now that's worth living for.
Uh... That's true.
Hey! Stop!
You have our dog!
They can't hears us! Hey!
Stop!
We're bring chased.
If they catch up to us
I won't be able to help Bone.
I got this.
A really big dog threw a 2x4 at us
and we're spinning out of control.
Worst Christmas ever!
- No!
- What is it?
My battery is dead.
Go around to the side door.
At least you won't hurt
yourselves there.
One bungee cord.
One garage door.
And...
One reindeer antler.
Alright.
Get to work.
He's a mean one Mr. Jake.
Sweet. Bean dip.
I shouldn't.
Hey who want tiramisu?
Don't touch that it's hot.
Thanks for the heads up.
You okay buddy?
Wake up.
Robbing this house
is ruining my Christmas.
And so are these mouse traps.
Oh, god.
This is ridiculous.
Where did that that dog
come from?
Why does he have a rope?
Don't move.
God boy. Who's a good boy?
Okay. Okay.
Don't be angry.
We're all friends here.
We're going to have to make
a break for it.
- Well, what about Rob?
- Collateral damage.
He won't be missed.
You gotta wake up buddy.
Hey, it's a doggy.
Oh, nuts!
Here we go.
1, 2...
Who could that be?
Just ignore them.
Let's pretend we're not home.
I think they know
somebody's home already.
Carolers.
"Hark the angels sing.
Glory to the new born king."
"Peace on earth
and mercy mild."
"God and sin is reconciled."
"Joyful all ye nations rise.
Joyful all ye nations rise."
Where'd the dog go?
He nearly killed us.
- Who you calling?
- My cousin.
My family's other civil servant.
Wait. Quinten?
- That psycho?
- Oh man. That dude is bad news.
He's effective and an expert
at this kind of thing.
Hello. I'm looking
for Cindy McEntire.
Oh, hello Cindy.
I have a lead on
the were about of your dog.
- Sush you.
- Oh no.
I understand there is a reward.
I wanna go home.
Yeah, I don't want that.
Here is what's gonna take to pecure
my services to find your Bubbles.
One case of diet Apricot Snapple.
If it isn't diet no dog.
$200 dollars a day
whether I find him or not.
Lunch when I finished the job.
And I like the crust
cut off my sandwiches.
Yeah it's not a deal breaker
but it is in your best interest
that there be no crust.
Also you got to get mayor
to get off my back, and...
chance the zoning
in front of my duplex
because I'm getting way
too many parking tickets...
What, what do you mean
you don't know the mayor?
Hang on.
Happy time pet
finders how may I help...
Stay put. Don't do anything
I'll be right there.
Cindy it's simple. No Mayor...
No Bubbles.
Come on.
Give.
I thought it was righty
tighty lefty loosy?
Yeah, well, most of the time it is.
But sometimes
it's righty offy lefty ony.
Hey we're having a father son
manly moment huh!
What do you think?
I can't wait to enter it in my diary.
How I spent
my Christmas vacation.
Dad showed me
how to strip lug nuts
and we both shared sickness.
Geepers! Worst Christmas ever.
Alright that's enough.
I'm trying. I would appreciate
a little effort from you.
- Dad, I think...
- I know what you think.
This trip is horrible
and that you're miserable.
And it's a disappointment.
I... Just because
you are unhappy doesn't mean
that you have to make
everyone one else unhappy.
- Dad, look.
- No you look.
This holiday season
is about sharing and caring,
and about being jolly.
You think you could be jolly,
just for one day.
- Dad.
- Hey, let me finish alright?
Christmas is about
your little sister.
She still believes in the magic.
Don't ruin that for her.
You gotta focus on the big things
not the little things.
Now what did you want to say?
Is the spare tire a little thing
or a big thing?
The spare tire is a little thing.
But it's a big...
Oh! Hey!
That's my tire!
It doesn't make sense.
Why would a family leave
their dog here a whole week.
Maybe it's not their dog?
Maybe it's a stray that wondered
in through the doggie door.
I knew the Connelly's had
a little yapping puppy but...
could be they have another dog
the quiet one that keeps to himself.
You'll know me.
You know what I do for a living.
I'm not gonna do it for a measly
$50 dollars this time.
I want $60.
The rest of that bean burrito.
It's a chimichanga.
Deal.
So cuz, I'm not sure
what kind of breed this is.
It shouldn't be much of a problem.
I don't think he bites.
They all have a bite.
I've been doing this for years.
I've seen every kind
of Canis Lupus Familiaris.
You see that there chief?
3 stiches from a Great Dane.
Who didn't care to be put down.
This bite mark here.
Courtesy of a chihuahua.
Angry little cus name pepi.
Came into inches of cutting
into a vital artery.
Suppose you get a lot of scars
in your business.
Nothing like the one
that I got here.
The mental scar
that will haunt me forever.
So, we was traveling back
from the port of Bordeaux.
A small single engine plane
carrying a cargo of illegal,
endangered animals...
Fourteen French Toy Poodles.
Since when are poodles
endangered?
Crash landed
in the middle of the Atlantic.
Eleven men went into the water.
Plane went down in 12 minutes.
Didn't see the first poodle
for about half-an-hour.
Eleven-incher.
You know how you can tell
that in the water, Chief?
No.
By lookin' from the rhinestone collar
to the poofy tail.
Because we were smugglers,
no one was looking for us.
Very first light, Chief,
doggy come cruisin' by,
Wagging his little tail.
And that Poodle,
he looked right at you.
Look you right in the eyes.
See poodles have lifeless eyes.
When he's coming,
he doesn't seem to be livin'...
Till he bites ya,
The ocean turns red,
and despite all your poundin'
and your hollering
those poodles come in and...
they rip you to pieces.
Hold up. Wait a minute.
Are you sure these poodles
aren't possibly sharks?
I told you,
we were carrying poodles.
Why would we be flying
with a cargo of sharks?
Yeah man,
don't ask stupid questions.
I've never been so frightened.
Waitin' for my turn.
I'll never put on a lifejacket again.
Them dogs,
they could of taken us
all out all at once. But they just...
let us bob in the water
like squeaky toys.
It's not their teeth that
are dangerous; it's their mind.
They're crafty.
And that's their bite.
And that's the worst bite
of them all.
Bite huh.
Wait till you get a load of my bite.
How long is this gonna take?
Yeah, I kinda need to use the John.
Can't go to the dog.
Gotta let the dog come to you.
Just go. Make it quick.
We got a nibble.
- Reel him in.
- Not so fast...
we don't want to spook him.
Doofus, will you ever learn?
Hey! I got it.
Hooked it!
Yep.
Yep.
Now!
Man, he's a strong one.
A real fighter.
He's either he's very smart
or very dumb.
Guys. Guys.
No.
I think he's caught up
on something.
You guys have got to...
Must have gone under the house.
Where have you been?
You missed all the action.
We almost had him.
I think we should just go home.
It's still a little time for caroling.
This dog is a tricky one.
He's smart.
But he hasn't met me.
I'm gonna be a shock
to his system.
- I don't get it.
- Me neither.
See I have this cattle prod
and you shock animals with it.
We didn't see that.
Yeah, it's like electricity.
High-voltage.
Yeah we understand now.
Yeah.
Why don't you boys stay here
and watch a master.
Do his work. Ha.
Here poochie, poochie, poochie.
Come on where are you,
you little mutt.
You think
you're smarter then me? Huh?
Let's turn this baby up to 10.
We'll see how smart you are.
What was I thinking?
Come on. Come out,
come out wherever you are.
Come on.
Are you my mama?
What?
Are you my mama?
Mama. I love you.
- Mama. I want to pee.
- Baby have to pee.
Why you! Kidding me.
What happened guys?
Did we get'em?
Hey cuz, you okay?
I'd like a chimichanga please.
Sure, sure, sure.
Here you go.
- You okay to drive?
- Drive? Okay.
Great. Buckle up.
See you at the family barbecue.
This is taking longer
then we planned.
I have to get the van back
to the fish market for delivery.
So, fine that dog
and put him to sleep.
Sleep huh. I have plenty
more tricks up my collar.
Sweet.
What's the matter doggie?
Stuck in the laundry chute?
It serves you right.
You little trouble maker.
Who did that?
Is that the dog?
Guys I'm stuck.
And very claustrophobic.
I shouldn't have had
that bean dip.
One glass ornament.
Didn't hurt dog.
You're gonna have
to try harder than that.
Huh. One pointy lawn dart.
That burns.
Come rob a house they say.
Oh, steal a whole bunch
of presents they say.
What's going on?
Help me. Jake Somebody.
Anybody.
Rob what are you doing
in the laundry chute?
- I thought I lost a sock.
- Huh?
I'm stuck and there is something
very sharp in my butt.
- Is that jingle bells?
- I thought it was the dog.
You though the dog
knew Jingle Bells?
Just get me out of here.
Stretch your leg up towards me.
It was a lawn dart
The walls are closing in.
I just got skewered and...
Oh gosh! Give me
some warning will you!
Hold on.
Anybody out there?
Anybody?
Get me out of here.
I can't reach you from here.
I got an idea.
Wait.
It's getting kinda hot in here.
Are you okay dear?
I've worked for the big guy
quite some time.
Mostly herding reindeer.
You are so lucky!
Santa what I really want for
Christmas is a raw hayed steak,
A pigs ear, A new tennis ball.
Oh, and one of those
plastic hot dogs
that squeak when you into them.
But most of all,
I want my family to have a safe
and happy holiday.
That and a squeaky hot dog.
Okay, we're all good.
There spare is on.
But now we don't have any dogs
for Christmas.
Oh, honey, don't you worry.
We are gonna find Columbus.
KC don't forget,
Bone is perfectly safe and happy.
Hello?
Yes it is.
Listen, before you get mad at me
I just want to let you know
there is a perfectly good explanation.
- Explanation?
- Yes.
What explanation?
Umm, explanation
is why I can't find Steve.
- Steve?
- Steve!
Who is Steve?
You don't know your dog's name?
Are you kidding me.
Wait, is it wrong number?
My dog's name is Bone.
Oh! Bone! That's right.
So? Is Bone, okay?
What happened?
- No. No, he's missing.
- What?
Yeah. I can't find him.
I have no idea where he is.
You said you'd take care of Bone
like he's your own brother.
Honestly, I haven't seen
my brother in 8 years.
I have no idea where he is either.
You...
Hey Pulling... Hey! Hey!
Rob you out?
Why do I smell Barbecue?
Help! Help!
You guys!
I'm getting really pruny in here.
Jake?
Don't ask.
Dude, I thought
you were a Sasquatch.
I think we should cut
our losses and Bail.
I don't care.
Where are you?
You're a dead dog.
This way boys.
Over here.
I've got a little treat for you.
- Hold, hold. Hold on. Hold on.
- What? He's right there!
No, he's a sneaky little mutt.
I don't trust him.
I'm grabbing him
before he gets away again.
Come on.
A little further.
Alright.
A little further.
Gotcha!
After we clean up your house,
on our way out of town
we are going to drop you off.
Offa bridge that is!
Merry Christmas boys!
Now fill your bags
with presents!
1, 2...
And... 3.
Who is it this time?
I think it's Santa.
Get back. Be quiet.
Merry Christmas!
How can I help you
on this glorious early morni.
I believe this little rag-a-muffin
belongs to you.
Oh yes, yes, yes.
We've been worried sick about her.
Him. Him. Him.
These guys are thieves.
They don't live here.
Down Diesel. Settle.
Sweetheart.
We gotta be going.
Of course. Of course.
Can I offer you anything for a reward.
That won't be necessary.
I'm just so glad to get him back
to those who love him.
God bless you Sir. Ma'am.
Bye.
Take him to the others.
A donation has been made
in your name
to the Fuzzy Pet Foundation.
Stop. Stop. Get in. Get in there.
Get in. Get in there.
- Columbus!
- Bone!
I bet someone will read his tag
and bring him back home.
Yeah, you're probably right honey.
I hope Columbus
doesn't catch a cold.
It's Christmas and all they can talk
about are the dogs.
I know. We should have
brought both of them.
They're family.
And family always comes first.
I can't believe
you did all that on your own.
That's an incredible journey.
Sorry bro, I should have listened.
We're not watchdogs.
We're not heroes.
No, you were right all along.
All you have to do
is find your bite.
And I found mine.
Your bite?
We might not have pit bull jaws
or greyhound speed,
but we have something
other dogs don't have...
We're potty trained!
No. I mean yes.
But that's not the point.
We have a family that loves us
and we'll do anything for them.
A faithful and unbridled spirit.
Yeah, I've got that.
Time to take these guys down.
What do you say little bro?
Do you want to help me
save Christmas?
Darn Skippy.
Cry havoc
and lets slip the dogs of war.
Shakespeare wrote that.
Shakespeare?
The cat down the street?
We've got bite.
Let's get chomping.
Hey Diesel, do you want
to stop by for some breakfast?
Diesel?
Something wrong dear?
That's everything.
No that's not everything.
Where are the dogs?
Really?
They're trapped in the closet.
The family won't be back
for another week.
There isn't any food
or water in there.
Oh, I know they're going to die,
I just want to be there
when it happens.
Now go get them!
They're gone!
I can't believe that worked.
Under a blanket
dogs are invisible.
Common knowledge.
- They go out.
- They got out? How?
Maybe he picked the lock with
like a wire hanger or something.
A wire hanger? What is he?
MacGyver's dog?
Doesn't matter.
We got everything. Let's go.
Find them now!
Here puppy puppy.
I'm gonna find you.
Gotcha!
Oh yummy!
Treats for Santa on the mantel.
Let's see what we have here.
The signal.
You're mine now.
Rob?
Told you guys
I'm claustrophobic.
Let's turn up the heat.
Keep it tight, Rob.
Clench up.
Oh no.
There you are.
Come here.
There it is again.
I smell Barbecue.
You know a lot of good tricks.
Let's see how well you play dead.
Let's see what you got.
Mano y Dog-o.
Gotcha!
Okay, not a bad move.
Way to go pooch.
It's a little late to be buffing up.
You're not gonna slip away
this time.
I love the piney smell
of freshly spilled floor wax.
Hey that's not cool.
Turn it off!
Turn it off!
Turn it off!
Turn it off!
Now to ring your door bell.
Oh my god, oh my god,
oh my god, oh my god.
Sit!
Stay. Heel.
What's that sound?
I just wanted to go caroling.
Easy... Bake... Oven.
You did it Bone!
No, you did it buddy.
Yeah, yeah you're right.
Don't get cocky, kid.
Hey do you smell barbecue?
Take that!
Thank you stranger.
Diesel!
Bone, think you can introduce me
to your friend over there?
I'll see what I can do.
- Bone!
- And Columbus is here too!
That's a heck of a couple of
watch dogs you go there Mr. Conley.
Protected the whole house.
I suppose that's true.
So one of my dogs traveled
cross country
with Santa to meet the other one.
And take down a ring
of international diamond thieves
and destroyed the whole house
in the process.
Best Christmas ever!
Snow!
It looks like it's going to be
a real Christmas after all.
Wait, it won't be a real Christmas
without grandma and grandpa.
Could it be?
Mom what are you doing here?
So that's why there's
a German Shepard here.
- Diesel's here?
- Yeah!
- Oh!
- So this is your new house.
Diesel!
Grandpa! Grandma!
Oh my goodness.
- We'll get the snow.
- Good to see you.
- I'm glad you guys are here.
- Oh it's so nice.
We're related to Santa?
It's a Christmas miracle.
- Come on guys let's go inside.
- Yeah.
I know someone is out there.
Show yourself coward.
That looks good.
I wonder who put that there?
Hey where's the dog?
Keep quiet.
Hello my beauty.
The bone works like
a charm every time.
Come on. Let's get out of here.
Who are those guys?
Oh boy,
I'm really in the doghouse now.
Mama.
Huh?
I heard something downstairs.
- Mama.
- Columbus. It isn't Santa.
Christmas is still a day away.
I know! This is something else.
I sense danger.
Mama.
Mama.
We're not watch dogs.
Nobody is robbing the house.
Mama.
You heard that, right?
Yeah but...
Mama.
Do not fear young madden.
Your hero has arrived.
Mama.
Wait.
She's trapped
in one of these packages.
Mama.
Mama. I want to pee.
Poor thing soiled herself.
Quick, before she runs out of air.
Columbus, it's a doll.
Huh?
Mama.
Bone, what did you do?
Busted!
Give him some love.
Give him some love.
Here sit down baby. Yes!
He brought down the whole tree.
It was savaged!
Opened all the presents.
Nope. We called this year.
The nerf Bazooka?
Are you kidding me?
My parents have gone mental.
I would have canceled
the whole holiday.
Not that it would have
mattered that much.
There's barely been
any snow this year.
It doesn't feel very Merry anyway.
I'm telling you Hunter, this is
going to be the worst Christmas ever!
Dylan, a moment?
I'll catch you later.
Thank you. Umm,
Look. I'm sorry guys
but Bone can't come with us
to Grandma's this year.
She's getting too old
and we can't risk Bone
knocking her down
or ripping up her furniture.
He's been acting wild lately.
So he's going to stay at the Kennel
and that's how it's got to be.
I have to put my foot down.
I am the boss.
I am the head of this house hold.
But Dad!
But we just moved to this house,
he's gonna freak out.
- Well...
- Yeah.
Guys it's only a week.
Bone will be fine.
Those Kennels
are like prison camps.
Mean brutal mutts.
I hear that if a dog
enters the big house
wearing a sweater
he'll get shanked.
Won't he be lonely?
We will be back
before he even knows we left.
And Columbus will keep
the rest of us company.
Okay. I guess.
I hope Bone packs a sharp
chew stick.
Now, we have a long drive
ahead of us,
so get washed,
dressed, and pack up.
And don't leave
any food out for the mice.
I don't want this house destroyed.
Before we have a chance
to destroy it ourselves.
Oh and use
the shower downstairs please.
The hot water knob is still broken.
This house has old pipes.
Move it on out.
The faster we get to grandma
and grandpa's,
- the faster we get eggnog.
- Yay! Eggnog. Eggnog. Eggnog.
What's Eggnog?
I'm so sorry
that I ruined Christmas.
Got a few bad dogs
and a newspaper to the nose.
No biggy. I can handle it.
But aren't you mad
you're not going to grandma's?
Thought this was just a time out.
I'm going to miss
the big turkey dinner.
I'm the worst brother ever.
Look, you're just new here.
You don't understand our place.
Don't try to be
something you're not.
- A hero.
- Yeah.
I know. I just thought...
You see a beware of dog sign
outside this house?
No.
That's cause we're family pets.
Our jobs are simply
to fetch the paper and...
take them on brisk walks.
You're right.
And from this day on I promise
to never act like a watchdog again.
Intruder!
I got it! Guys hurry up!
- Oh! Happy Holidays.
- Hi!
- You must be the new owners.
- Yes.
I saw you had a hold
on your mail so I, here.
- Really?
- Yeah.
I saw you move in the other week.
I got a
pricy looking package for you.
Somebody stayed of
the naughty list this year I see.
Dylan! A package from uncle Rich.
Socks! Uncle Rich,
you shouldn't have.
Worst Christmas ever.
Thank you, I wasn't sure
if I'd get here before we left.
Left?
Oh yes, we are going upstate
to be with family for the holidays.
Fantastic! Would you like for me
to hold your mail for you?
Oh, no, that won't be necessary.
If you could, just leave
any packages in the back porch.
You got it Mrs. C.
Thanks. Oh! And this is for you.
Ah, is that a tip?
I can't accept any tips.
- Well it's not exactly a tip.
- No, no, no, no, gifts at all, okay.
Postal Policies
seriously I can get canned.
Well I won't want
to get you into trouble.
Just know that your family
will have a great holiday
is a reward enough.
Well, thank you.
Jake.
Jake. Happy Holidays
to you and yours.
I'm ready to go.
What a weirdo.
I hope the rest of this neighborhood
isn't this creepy.
That's cause he's a postman.
No. It's something else.
There's something fishy about him.
True. He reeks of fish
and body spray.
It's disgusting.
I could smell him from here.
I'll keep an eye on him.
Stop with the macho yapping.
Jake is nothing more than
a smelly harmless creep.
How's everything going back here?
Sweet as sugar.
$20 from aunt June.
And for Billy a stick of gum
to do something special with.
Score! A gift certificate
for Chuckle Cheese.
We have out Christmas Eve dinner.
Nah, we're cleaning out
the new house tonight.
Oh, I thought we'd go Caroling?
Kid with a bike at 2 o'clock.
Hey!
I think I saw this place
on that police show you
and mom like to watch.
We're there now.
Pretty high security.
Didn't see any sniper towers.
More of a white dog collar person.
But Daddy does he have to go?
Yeah. Well...
Mommy, what do you think?
I love Bone,
just as much as you do
but he was bad.
You won't like it if Dylan opened up
all your presents.
Right. Like a care about
little Miss wet myself.
Now give him
one last hug goodbye.
We need to get on the road.
Be good Bone.
See ya Bud.
- Alright buddy.
- Be careful in there.
Come on Bone.
- Merry Christmas Dude.
- Come on, here we go.
- Come on boy.
- That goes double for you Columbus.
Huh, I know
it doesn't look like much but,
well we'll see. Alright buddy.
Hello?
Hello?
Save yourselves.
No tag. You're it.
Oh!
Dog poop.
You're going to clean that up?
No, I'm covered in dog poop.
Hey how you doing?
I'm Anthony Anthony.
But my friends call me, Triple A.
I'm good.
What's the other A for?
Other A?
Well you said, Triple A.
Oh, yeah! I can see
why that's confusing. Yeah.
So, who's the little guy?
Oh. Bone.
My wife's name was Bone.
- Really?
- I'm just kidding with you.
You know what,
it's too hot outside.
Why don't we go inside?
Come on Bone.
Come on in.
Watch yourself, watch these guys.
Come here.
So, how long are you in for Bone?
Just a couple of days.
I had called earlier but...
you seem really busy so.
No. This isn't busy.
Sometimes I have 5 times
the amount of animals in here.
5 times? But...
Sir, I can see you're hesitating.
I'll tell you what I'm a do,
I'm gonna give you $10 dollars off.
- Oh, it's not that.
- $30 dollars.
You seem like a nice guy.
$6 dollars?
I... Wait?
$6 dollars?
I'm bad at this Sir.
Look you seem a little overwhelmed,
so Come one Bone.
Look Sir, I need this okay.
I love dogs. I love dogs
more than I love people.
I understand times
are tough but...
Bone is family.
And he's like my family too man.
I'm gonna treat him
like I treat my little brother.
And I love my little brother.
Most of the time.
But Sir look, I love these guys.
I play with them all the time.
We don't go hungry.
We just have fun and play.
I treat them
like they're all in my house.
I'm not throwing them
in some cage
and some boarding house
somewhere.
I know this doesn't look like your
fancy dog spa
with the fancy dog food.
And the massages.
Huh?
Massages?
Sir, I have been doing this
for 23 years.
15 weeks.
About 9 hours. 15 minutes.
Oh, and I forgot to tell you.
I'm on TV.
- You have a TV show?
- Yes I do.
Well, I kinda, I have a show.
Well no not really.
See it's on a TV show
but it's a TV show. There.
- Oh! A surveillance camera.
- Yes!
And you can take that and
plug it into the worldwide Internet.
You know. Contraption.
In fact my little cousin,
I thought he kept sending me
all these free movies
Turns out that I'm in them.
Hi mom. Whoa! I'm on TV.
You know um... I don't know.
Sir please, it's Christmas.
I will take very good care of Steve.
Bone.
Really?
He looks like a Steve.
Look Sir, I don't have children.
But these guys
are like my children.
All of them. I love them all.
The fat ones.
The skinny ones.
The little ones.
I'll take really good care
of your dog, I promise.
Yeah boy. Come here.
What do you...
What do you think?
Alright good.
Okay.
- Really?
- Really.
But I get to watch Bone on TV.
Every channel,
364 hours a day.
Don't you mean a year?
No he's not gonna be here
that long.
Unless you want him to be
and then...
I can cut you a really good deal sir.
No, that's okay.
Well, great! And Merry Christmas.
Ah, you too.
- Alright buddy.
- Come on buddy. Come on.
Come on. Let's go.
Come on, let's go.
Okay.
Oh! It is freezing out there!
Let's get a little heat on.
How'd he take it?
Uh, he took it like a champ.
The own is... well he...
He likes dogs.
You think he'll be okay?
I hate to think of him
in a cold kennel.
Sharing a water bowl
with 10 other lonely mutts.
I'm telling you.
It's not that bad.
Alright guys buckle up.
Okay.
Here we go.
It's gonna be fun.
I'm so sorry Bone.
I'll see you after Christmas.
Alright. Come on.
That's it. Right in here.
Okay. Go ahead and find
a mattress you can call your own.
And the doggie door
is in the back, okay?
Just feel free
to hang out and chill, okay.
I'll be in the living room
watching Clash of the Empires,
if you want to come out there
and veg out or something.
Alright Steve.
Hi I'm...
- What did I...
- He's a little spooked man.
From me?
I don't scare anyone.
Neither does he.
Hey look, I'm sorry.
- Go away!
- Sure but...
Go away!
Come on. Let's leave him alone.
Did you unplug
all the appliances?
- Yeah.
- And the lights are on timers?
Taken care of.
And all the doors
and windows are locked?
Yes, dear.
Did you lock
your bedroom window Dylan?
Gosh I hope so.
I pray that someone doesn't
steal my awesome new socks.
Hey, how about we stop
for a little hot chocolate?
Huh?
We're only 4 hours
from your parents' house.
Let's not spoil the kids' appetites.
Yeah, I can't wait for a big bowl
of grandma's left over Mac and cheese.
You know what? He's right.
She only makes a fuss
over Christmas Day dinner.
Yeah.
- Is this fun?
- Yeah.
Hey how about this place?
We'll be back on the road
before you know it.
Alright. Even I can use a break
from grandma's stale Mac and Cheese.
I miss Bone.
Oh sweetie.
Let's not start that again.
You'll see him in 6 days okay?
Why not now?
Dylan hand me your tablet.
There's no app
for fix my lousy Christmas.
I checked.
Bone!
Look at that!
Bone is holding court.
He looks happy too.
Told you he's make friends.
He does look happy.
I wish he could see us too.
So what happened?
Happened man?
- To him.
- Oh, Cupcake.
Oh man. That's a messed up story.
He seems angry.
He should be. He lost his bite.
His bite?
He's a watch dog man.
And all he did was watch.
One part watch. No part dog.
The robbers came into the house,
took everything. Then left.
And he didn't do anything?
Nope just watched.
See, watch dog.
Not action dog.
Not stop the thieves' dog.
No everyone can fight.
I know.
But he doesn't know that.
I know what I know.
Oh hey! Cupcake!
I didn't notice you there.
I let the intruders
get into the house.
I lost my bite.
I don't have a bite.
We all have a bite.
Some of us
just don't know it yet.
So what happened?
I ruined Christmas for my family.
As punishment, I got sent
to this hippie commune doggie jail.
While they went up
to the mountains to play in the snow.
Hey man!
Don't be so hard on yourself.
I heard there were like
200 robbers with big guns,
and a rocket, and magic spells!
It was 3 idiot robbers that smelled
like fish and body spray.
Fish? Body spray?
Yeah. Why?
Where do you live?
Off oak park. Why?
That's my street.
I know some one
that smells like fish.
Could be the same guy.
Of course it's the same guy.
How do you know him?
He was at the house today.
Before we left.
He was casing the joint.
Casing the joint?
Yeah. He's going to do
the same thing to your family,
like he did to my family.
You're going to get robbed.
And then you are going to stay here
for the rest of your life.
I think there's a 2 week limit man.
You have to go there.
You have to stop them.
Stop them? How?
I can't call 911.
This room
doesn't even have a phone.
And we don't have thumbs.
What's gotten into Columbus?
He acts like understands Bone,
He does. He hears him saying
"My family abandoned me".
Hey it's not that.
Look, he's made new friends
to celebrate Christmas with.
Okay. We'll be back
in 10 minutes.
Okay.
Let's go troops.
Our home is in danger,
and Bone needs my help.
What's the plan here again?
We're hiding from the warden.
Who? Triple A?
He's gonna know
we're under here.
Under these blankets
we're completely invisible.
It's common knowledge.
Well he's gonna know
we're under here now.
No necessarily.
Human also have
a terrible sense of smell.
Oh! Not this bad.
My eyes are watering.
For the first time,
I can see color.
Don't worry about it.
Hey strange dog, you ready?
This is our big chance.
I'll make it count.
I'm so happy. I'm so happy.
No. I'm doing the pee dance.
Skippidy do.
Nailed it man.
- Nailed it.
- You gotta go out little guy?
Alright come on.
We'll go relieve ourselves together.
Come on. Let's go. Let's go.
TMI dude. TMI.
Now!
You cannot contain us man.
I am invisible!
You're one messed up little doggie.
You know that?
Get over here.
I got you. Come on.
Keep it low. Quite.
- My belly is getting scratchy.
- Ready?
- Go!
- I'm tired. Run Bone. Run!
Find your bite.
Hey man,
you gotta help me get out.
My brother is in trouble.
Think puppy think. Hmm.
Parking brake. Hmm.
All I'm saying is that
I believe that Rudolf's nose glowed
because he was raised
by a nuclear power plant.
What about prancer and blitzen?
Comet? Cupid?
All of them grew up there.
That's why they can fly.
Nearly there.
Got it.
Oh dear.
Excuse me, you folks driving
the dark blue SUV?
Yeah, why?
Well it's driving itself
around back.
I'm free!
Oh no!
Okay. The bumper is scratched.
The window broken but we're fine.
Dad, you better check the policy.
The puppy might not be insured
as an additional driver.
Where is Columbus?
There he is?
This better work.
What's the battle plan boss?
Same as always.
Look for small items.
Easy to carry.
Jewelry. Antiques.
Gifts that haven't been opened yet
that can be returned for cash.
If anybody sees
an easy make oven.
No.
They make little
delicious chocolate cake.
- No.
- I do all the cooking.
No, easy bake oven!
Gotta get faster.
Hey! Hey! Whoa!
Commandeering this.
Thank you.
Hey! Dylan is right.
This is the worst Christmas ever.
Still want TVs? Laptops?
Electronics are okay.
- Sweet.
- Technically the easy bake oven
is powered electronically
by a light bulb.
I don't recognize this van.
It smells like fish
and body spray.
Jake.
Most of the police force
is off duty celebrating
with their families and such.
As long as we don't make
a racket...
we should have all day.
How's it look?
We're clear.
Let's do it.
Come on. Come on.
Back! Go, go, go, go!
Why did those go off?
Let's just split
and come back later.
They're gonna be gone
for a whole week.
How about we do something fun
like go Caroling.
Today is optimal.
We hold on and wait out the alarms.
I stopped them.
But why isn't anybody
coming out of the houses?
They must be on vacation too.
I've got to stop them.
Bet they'll fall for this.
This will help them stick around.
This will be a wash out.
I'm gonna get into
so much trouble for this.
Let's heat thing up a little.
Hope this sticks with them.
Can't wait to see
who steps on these.
Hot sauce facial wash.
Hopes this raises their pulses.
I think that was the last car alarm.
Good.
Games a foot.
Remember, play it smart.
Right.
Play what smart?
What game are we playing smart?
Seriously, I don't know the rules.
Who goes first.
Can I be the thimble?
Shut it up.
Now Rob, don't break any windows.
I'm not 100% sure about alarms.
Dude I'm a professional.
I think I know...
Stop! Stop! I'm stuck.
- Get me off from the bottom.
- Sure. Gotcha!
Should we push or pull?
What are you waiting for?
Just hold on.
What? We didn't even touch you.
Who was that?
Something hit me in the head.
- I don't see nothing.
- It hit me hard.
Okay. We'll get you out
really quick like.
Who's doing that?
1, 2, 3.
Stop! Stop! Stop!
What is happening?
Slipper soap for slipper folk.
I think I need to sit down.
Up there.
An open window.
There's a ladder.
Enough fooling around.
How you doing Diesel?
Who's this little one?
It can't be... Santa?
72 East Oak Park huh?
You're a long way from home.
Nick, what are you doing
back there?
- Looks like Diesel's got a friend.
- A friend?
Let's get you home
before Christmas little one.
We need to take
a little road trip mother.
Well Nicholas we need to be home,
remember the kids.
Oh, they'll be alright.
This little one in the back
needs to be with family.
- Who are you?
- I'm Columbus.
Why are you here?
I'm trying to save Christmas
and my big brother.
Save Christmas?
That's adorable.
Where you going?
I'm just trying to help my brother
stop some fishy criminals
from robbing my family's house.
Watch dog, huh?
I've done security work.
Salvage yard.
Nothing like sinking your K-9s
into an intruder's arm.
Ripping it out of it's socket,
and, and going for the jugular.
Now that's worth living for.
Uh... That's true.
Hey! Stop!
You have our dog!
They can't hears us! Hey!
Stop!
We're bring chased.
If they catch up to us
I won't be able to help Bone.
I got this.
A really big dog threw a 2x4 at us
and we're spinning out of control.
Worst Christmas ever!
- No!
- What is it?
My battery is dead.
Go around to the side door.
At least you won't hurt
yourselves there.
One bungee cord.
One garage door.
And...
One reindeer antler.
Alright.
Get to work.
He's a mean one Mr. Jake.
Sweet. Bean dip.
I shouldn't.
Hey who want tiramisu?
Don't touch that it's hot.
Thanks for the heads up.
You okay buddy?
Wake up.
Robbing this house
is ruining my Christmas.
And so are these mouse traps.
Oh, god.
This is ridiculous.
Where did that that dog
come from?
Why does he have a rope?
Don't move.
God boy. Who's a good boy?
Okay. Okay.
Don't be angry.
We're all friends here.
We're going to have to make
a break for it.
- Well, what about Rob?
- Collateral damage.
He won't be missed.
You gotta wake up buddy.
Hey, it's a doggy.
Oh, nuts!
Here we go.
1, 2...
Who could that be?
Just ignore them.
Let's pretend we're not home.
I think they know
somebody's home already.
Carolers.
"Hark the angels sing.
Glory to the new born king."
"Peace on earth
and mercy mild."
"God and sin is reconciled."
"Joyful all ye nations rise.
Joyful all ye nations rise."
Where'd the dog go?
He nearly killed us.
- Who you calling?
- My cousin.
My family's other civil servant.
Wait. Quinten?
- That psycho?
- Oh man. That dude is bad news.
He's effective and an expert
at this kind of thing.
Hello. I'm looking
for Cindy McEntire.
Oh, hello Cindy.
I have a lead on
the were about of your dog.
- Sush you.
- Oh no.
I understand there is a reward.
I wanna go home.
Yeah, I don't want that.
Here is what's gonna take to pecure
my services to find your Bubbles.
One case of diet Apricot Snapple.
If it isn't diet no dog.
$200 dollars a day
whether I find him or not.
Lunch when I finished the job.
And I like the crust
cut off my sandwiches.
Yeah it's not a deal breaker
but it is in your best interest
that there be no crust.
Also you got to get mayor
to get off my back, and...
chance the zoning
in front of my duplex
because I'm getting way
too many parking tickets...
What, what do you mean
you don't know the mayor?
Hang on.
Happy time pet
finders how may I help...
Stay put. Don't do anything
I'll be right there.
Cindy it's simple. No Mayor...
No Bubbles.
Come on.
Give.
I thought it was righty
tighty lefty loosy?
Yeah, well, most of the time it is.
But sometimes
it's righty offy lefty ony.
Hey we're having a father son
manly moment huh!
What do you think?
I can't wait to enter it in my diary.
How I spent
my Christmas vacation.
Dad showed me
how to strip lug nuts
and we both shared sickness.
Geepers! Worst Christmas ever.
Alright that's enough.
I'm trying. I would appreciate
a little effort from you.
- Dad, I think...
- I know what you think.
This trip is horrible
and that you're miserable.
And it's a disappointment.
I... Just because
you are unhappy doesn't mean
that you have to make
everyone one else unhappy.
- Dad, look.
- No you look.
This holiday season
is about sharing and caring,
and about being jolly.
You think you could be jolly,
just for one day.
- Dad.
- Hey, let me finish alright?
Christmas is about
your little sister.
She still believes in the magic.
Don't ruin that for her.
You gotta focus on the big things
not the little things.
Now what did you want to say?
Is the spare tire a little thing
or a big thing?
The spare tire is a little thing.
But it's a big...
Oh! Hey!
That's my tire!
It doesn't make sense.
Why would a family leave
their dog here a whole week.
Maybe it's not their dog?
Maybe it's a stray that wondered
in through the doggie door.
I knew the Connelly's had
a little yapping puppy but...
could be they have another dog
the quiet one that keeps to himself.
You'll know me.
You know what I do for a living.
I'm not gonna do it for a measly
$50 dollars this time.
I want $60.
The rest of that bean burrito.
It's a chimichanga.
Deal.
So cuz, I'm not sure
what kind of breed this is.
It shouldn't be much of a problem.
I don't think he bites.
They all have a bite.
I've been doing this for years.
I've seen every kind
of Canis Lupus Familiaris.
You see that there chief?
3 stiches from a Great Dane.
Who didn't care to be put down.
This bite mark here.
Courtesy of a chihuahua.
Angry little cus name pepi.
Came into inches of cutting
into a vital artery.
Suppose you get a lot of scars
in your business.
Nothing like the one
that I got here.
The mental scar
that will haunt me forever.
So, we was traveling back
from the port of Bordeaux.
A small single engine plane
carrying a cargo of illegal,
endangered animals...
Fourteen French Toy Poodles.
Since when are poodles
endangered?
Crash landed
in the middle of the Atlantic.
Eleven men went into the water.
Plane went down in 12 minutes.
Didn't see the first poodle
for about half-an-hour.
Eleven-incher.
You know how you can tell
that in the water, Chief?
No.
By lookin' from the rhinestone collar
to the poofy tail.
Because we were smugglers,
no one was looking for us.
Very first light, Chief,
doggy come cruisin' by,
Wagging his little tail.
And that Poodle,
he looked right at you.
Look you right in the eyes.
See poodles have lifeless eyes.
When he's coming,
he doesn't seem to be livin'...
Till he bites ya,
The ocean turns red,
and despite all your poundin'
and your hollering
those poodles come in and...
they rip you to pieces.
Hold up. Wait a minute.
Are you sure these poodles
aren't possibly sharks?
I told you,
we were carrying poodles.
Why would we be flying
with a cargo of sharks?
Yeah man,
don't ask stupid questions.
I've never been so frightened.
Waitin' for my turn.
I'll never put on a lifejacket again.
Them dogs,
they could of taken us
all out all at once. But they just...
let us bob in the water
like squeaky toys.
It's not their teeth that
are dangerous; it's their mind.
They're crafty.
And that's their bite.
And that's the worst bite
of them all.
Bite huh.
Wait till you get a load of my bite.
How long is this gonna take?
Yeah, I kinda need to use the John.
Can't go to the dog.
Gotta let the dog come to you.
Just go. Make it quick.
We got a nibble.
- Reel him in.
- Not so fast...
we don't want to spook him.
Doofus, will you ever learn?
Hey! I got it.
Hooked it!
Yep.
Yep.
Now!
Man, he's a strong one.
A real fighter.
He's either he's very smart
or very dumb.
Guys. Guys.
No.
I think he's caught up
on something.
You guys have got to...
Must have gone under the house.
Where have you been?
You missed all the action.
We almost had him.
I think we should just go home.
It's still a little time for caroling.
This dog is a tricky one.
He's smart.
But he hasn't met me.
I'm gonna be a shock
to his system.
- I don't get it.
- Me neither.
See I have this cattle prod
and you shock animals with it.
We didn't see that.
Yeah, it's like electricity.
High-voltage.
Yeah we understand now.
Yeah.
Why don't you boys stay here
and watch a master.
Do his work. Ha.
Here poochie, poochie, poochie.
Come on where are you,
you little mutt.
You think
you're smarter then me? Huh?
Let's turn this baby up to 10.
We'll see how smart you are.
What was I thinking?
Come on. Come out,
come out wherever you are.
Come on.
Are you my mama?
What?
Are you my mama?
Mama. I love you.
- Mama. I want to pee.
- Baby have to pee.
Why you! Kidding me.
What happened guys?
Did we get'em?
Hey cuz, you okay?
I'd like a chimichanga please.
Sure, sure, sure.
Here you go.
- You okay to drive?
- Drive? Okay.
Great. Buckle up.
See you at the family barbecue.
This is taking longer
then we planned.
I have to get the van back
to the fish market for delivery.
So, fine that dog
and put him to sleep.
Sleep huh. I have plenty
more tricks up my collar.
Sweet.
What's the matter doggie?
Stuck in the laundry chute?
It serves you right.
You little trouble maker.
Who did that?
Is that the dog?
Guys I'm stuck.
And very claustrophobic.
I shouldn't have had
that bean dip.
One glass ornament.
Didn't hurt dog.
You're gonna have
to try harder than that.
Huh. One pointy lawn dart.
That burns.
Come rob a house they say.
Oh, steal a whole bunch
of presents they say.
What's going on?
Help me. Jake Somebody.
Anybody.
Rob what are you doing
in the laundry chute?
- I thought I lost a sock.
- Huh?
I'm stuck and there is something
very sharp in my butt.
- Is that jingle bells?
- I thought it was the dog.
You though the dog
knew Jingle Bells?
Just get me out of here.
Stretch your leg up towards me.
It was a lawn dart
The walls are closing in.
I just got skewered and...
Oh gosh! Give me
some warning will you!
Hold on.
Anybody out there?
Anybody?
Get me out of here.
I can't reach you from here.
I got an idea.
Wait.
It's getting kinda hot in here.
Are you okay dear?
I've worked for the big guy
quite some time.
Mostly herding reindeer.
You are so lucky!
Santa what I really want for
Christmas is a raw hayed steak,
A pigs ear, A new tennis ball.
Oh, and one of those
plastic hot dogs
that squeak when you into them.
But most of all,
I want my family to have a safe
and happy holiday.
That and a squeaky hot dog.
Okay, we're all good.
There spare is on.
But now we don't have any dogs
for Christmas.
Oh, honey, don't you worry.
We are gonna find Columbus.
KC don't forget,
Bone is perfectly safe and happy.
Hello?
Yes it is.
Listen, before you get mad at me
I just want to let you know
there is a perfectly good explanation.
- Explanation?
- Yes.
What explanation?
Umm, explanation
is why I can't find Steve.
- Steve?
- Steve!
Who is Steve?
You don't know your dog's name?
Are you kidding me.
Wait, is it wrong number?
My dog's name is Bone.
Oh! Bone! That's right.
So? Is Bone, okay?
What happened?
- No. No, he's missing.
- What?
Yeah. I can't find him.
I have no idea where he is.
You said you'd take care of Bone
like he's your own brother.
Honestly, I haven't seen
my brother in 8 years.
I have no idea where he is either.
You...
Hey Pulling... Hey! Hey!
Rob you out?
Why do I smell Barbecue?
Help! Help!
You guys!
I'm getting really pruny in here.
Jake?
Don't ask.
Dude, I thought
you were a Sasquatch.
I think we should cut
our losses and Bail.
I don't care.
Where are you?
You're a dead dog.
This way boys.
Over here.
I've got a little treat for you.
- Hold, hold. Hold on. Hold on.
- What? He's right there!
No, he's a sneaky little mutt.
I don't trust him.
I'm grabbing him
before he gets away again.
Come on.
A little further.
Alright.
A little further.
Gotcha!
After we clean up your house,
on our way out of town
we are going to drop you off.
Offa bridge that is!
Merry Christmas boys!
Now fill your bags
with presents!
1, 2...
And... 3.
Who is it this time?
I think it's Santa.
Get back. Be quiet.
Merry Christmas!
How can I help you
on this glorious early morni.
I believe this little rag-a-muffin
belongs to you.
Oh yes, yes, yes.
We've been worried sick about her.
Him. Him. Him.
These guys are thieves.
They don't live here.
Down Diesel. Settle.
Sweetheart.
We gotta be going.
Of course. Of course.
Can I offer you anything for a reward.
That won't be necessary.
I'm just so glad to get him back
to those who love him.
God bless you Sir. Ma'am.
Bye.
Take him to the others.
A donation has been made
in your name
to the Fuzzy Pet Foundation.
Stop. Stop. Get in. Get in there.
Get in. Get in there.
- Columbus!
- Bone!
I bet someone will read his tag
and bring him back home.
Yeah, you're probably right honey.
I hope Columbus
doesn't catch a cold.
It's Christmas and all they can talk
about are the dogs.
I know. We should have
brought both of them.
They're family.
And family always comes first.
I can't believe
you did all that on your own.
That's an incredible journey.
Sorry bro, I should have listened.
We're not watchdogs.
We're not heroes.
No, you were right all along.
All you have to do
is find your bite.
And I found mine.
Your bite?
We might not have pit bull jaws
or greyhound speed,
but we have something
other dogs don't have...
We're potty trained!
No. I mean yes.
But that's not the point.
We have a family that loves us
and we'll do anything for them.
A faithful and unbridled spirit.
Yeah, I've got that.
Time to take these guys down.
What do you say little bro?
Do you want to help me
save Christmas?
Darn Skippy.
Cry havoc
and lets slip the dogs of war.
Shakespeare wrote that.
Shakespeare?
The cat down the street?
We've got bite.
Let's get chomping.
Hey Diesel, do you want
to stop by for some breakfast?
Diesel?
Something wrong dear?
That's everything.
No that's not everything.
Where are the dogs?
Really?
They're trapped in the closet.
The family won't be back
for another week.
There isn't any food
or water in there.
Oh, I know they're going to die,
I just want to be there
when it happens.
Now go get them!
They're gone!
I can't believe that worked.
Under a blanket
dogs are invisible.
Common knowledge.
- They go out.
- They got out? How?
Maybe he picked the lock with
like a wire hanger or something.
A wire hanger? What is he?
MacGyver's dog?
Doesn't matter.
We got everything. Let's go.
Find them now!
Here puppy puppy.
I'm gonna find you.
Gotcha!
Oh yummy!
Treats for Santa on the mantel.
Let's see what we have here.
The signal.
You're mine now.
Rob?
Told you guys
I'm claustrophobic.
Let's turn up the heat.
Keep it tight, Rob.
Clench up.
Oh no.
There you are.
Come here.
There it is again.
I smell Barbecue.
You know a lot of good tricks.
Let's see how well you play dead.
Let's see what you got.
Mano y Dog-o.
Gotcha!
Okay, not a bad move.
Way to go pooch.
It's a little late to be buffing up.
You're not gonna slip away
this time.
I love the piney smell
of freshly spilled floor wax.
Hey that's not cool.
Turn it off!
Turn it off!
Turn it off!
Turn it off!
Now to ring your door bell.
Oh my god, oh my god,
oh my god, oh my god.
Sit!
Stay. Heel.
What's that sound?
I just wanted to go caroling.
Easy... Bake... Oven.
You did it Bone!
No, you did it buddy.
Yeah, yeah you're right.
Don't get cocky, kid.
Hey do you smell barbecue?
Take that!
Thank you stranger.
Diesel!
Bone, think you can introduce me
to your friend over there?
I'll see what I can do.
- Bone!
- And Columbus is here too!
That's a heck of a couple of
watch dogs you go there Mr. Conley.
Protected the whole house.
I suppose that's true.
So one of my dogs traveled
cross country
with Santa to meet the other one.
And take down a ring
of international diamond thieves
and destroyed the whole house
in the process.
Best Christmas ever!
Snow!
It looks like it's going to be
a real Christmas after all.
Wait, it won't be a real Christmas
without grandma and grandpa.
Could it be?
Mom what are you doing here?
So that's why there's
a German Shepard here.
- Diesel's here?
- Yeah!
- Oh!
- So this is your new house.
Diesel!
Grandpa! Grandma!
Oh my goodness.
- We'll get the snow.
- Good to see you.
- I'm glad you guys are here.
- Oh it's so nice.
We're related to Santa?
It's a Christmas miracle.
- Come on guys let's go inside.
- Yeah.