Altar Egos (2017) Movie Script

Farid Morocco
(soft instrumental music)
- [John] This was Dad's church,
a place where people knew love,
a place to find peace,
comfort, and forgiveness.
God blessed this church.
For 30 years, Dad
led the people here.
He touched the lives of
all those around him,
none more than me.
I wanted to be that kind of
man, and that kind of pastor.
After Dad passed, his
ministry became my ministry.
His mission, my mission.
But things have
never been the same.
(lively organ music)
Onward Christian soldiers
Marching as to war
With the cross of Jesus
Going on before
Christ our royal master
- Hi Mary!
Leads against the foe
Forward into battle
See his banners go
Onward Christian soldiers
Marching as to war
With the cross of Jesus
Going on before
- Let us pray.
(organ keys pounding)
(playful string music)
- Hi.
- Deacon.
- Not bad, Pastor, not bad.
- Thank you.
- Almost as good as your father.
- Almost.
- Pastor John!
Pastor John, hey!
Over here, hey, John!
John, hey!
Good day?
- Great day, Pastor Pendergrass.
- The Lord blessed us with 527.
Five, two, seven! (laughing)
Almost half a grand of blessing.
I thought your yoke was
supposed to be easy?
(laughs) I'm kidding.
'Cause that's the
Lord, that's the Lord,
it's not Pastor Eye
Candy, okay? (laughing)
It's the Lord, it really is.
What? (laughs)
How about you?
- Not quite that many.
- How many?
- You know, I'm not sure.
- Sorry, I'm sorry,
how many did you say?
- Fi-fi, 50.
- Well, could be better.
You know, should be better.
I just want you to know
that if you need some help,
I'm here, my doors are open.
Has to be open when you
have 527 comin' through,
am I right? (laughing)
I'm kidding though, I
am here for you, okay?
- What time's your meeting?
- Five o'clock.
- (laughing) Okay,
you're gonna do great.
Can we please go home now?
- I thought you'd never ask.
- What's wrong with white?
Those walls have
always been white.
I've grown quite accustomed
to seeing them white.
- I like white.
- There's nothing
wrong with white.
- White is clean, white is pure.
- He washed our sins white.
- White as snow, white as snow.
- [All] Amen.
- Yes amen, amen, but
we're talking about a room
dedicated to the children's
ministry, I think--
- Well, not that many
children attend here.
- And that's all right,
but that's my point.
See, maybe if we did things
a little differently--
- Ah, Pastor?
What color would
your father choose?
- I don't know.
- Well what color do you think?
- Probably white.
- All those in favor of
the room remaining white.
Opposed, by the same sign?
Motion carries, white
the walls shall remain.
- It would make
things a lot easier
if you'd stop changing things.
- I haven't changed anything.
- And let's keep it
that way, shall we?
- No one questions
your heart, John,
it's just your
methods no one likes.
(gentle piano music)
- [Jack] You know, you
should really learn
how to do this yourself.
- Why?
It feels kinda weird
putting makeup on myself.
- (laughs) Try putting
it on your dad.
- Daddy, when are you
going to read to me?
- Aw sweetheart, I'm sorry.
I have to get to the hospital.
A bunch of little
kids are waiting for
their favorite clown.
- But it's Pie Piper.
- Jack here can read it to you.
- What?
No, I have rehearsal tonight.
- All right, tomorrow.
You, me, Mommy, Jack, we'll
read it together as as family.
- What, seriously?
- Yeah, seriously, family's
more important, right?
- I guess.
- Are we done?
- Mm-hmm.
- Great.
Now, where did I
leave that nose?
(laughs) Let me have it.
Yeah, I'll put it on later.
- Might wanna clean it.
(playful instrumental music)
- [Woman In Blue] Someone's
comin' to see you.
Told ya.
- Let's see your muscles, err.
- Err.
- Errr.
Good job.
(elevator dinging)
- Night has come.
In the dusk they grope
their way to find your ear.
- But my words find
no such impediment.
- They find their way at once?
Small wonder, that,
for within my heart
they find their home.
How large my heart and
how small your ear.
My words must mount,
and that takes time.
- In truth, I seem to
speak from distant heights.
- True, far above, that such
a height would mean death
if a hard word from
you fell on my heart.
- Well, I will come down.
- No.
- Then climb.
- No.
- And how will you not?
- To be half hidden,
half revealed.
Do you know what
this means to me?
(school bell ringing)
- Jack, well done,
and Holly, you too.
Keep practicing at home, and
we will see you opening night!
- Did you drive?
- No, I got a ride.
- Still no license?
- I got my permit.
- Well that's not
gonna get you places.
My lady.
- Gentlemen.
You were terrific today, Jack.
- Thanks, you too.
- Thanks.
- Boom!
And the crowd goes wild!
- Dirk, you stink.
- You ready to go?
- Ready.
- Good.
Woah, who is that?
- Is that your dad?
- (laughs) What kinda
preacher is he, huh?
Hey, maybe we could
all go with you.
How many can fit in a
clown car anyway, huh?
- Bye, Jack.
- Hey kids.
- See ya, Jack.
- Well, that explains a lot.
- Wow, is that Holly?
- No, no Dad, just stop, okay?
- Are you guys--
- No.
- You know, kinda like--
- No.
- [John] Sure you don't
wanna ask her to dinner?
Your Mom's cooking tonight.
- [Jack] No Dad, she
had a boyfriend, okay?
- Use your blinker.
- I know.
(windshield wiper humming)
- [John] Stop the
windshield wipers.
- Yes.
- Please.
- [Jack] Okay.
- You're embarrassing
me in front of the kids.
- Hey.
- Kids are sleeping.
- Nice.
- I have a new vision
for the church.
- Fantastic.
- I'm talking
territory expanding.
- And how are we gonna do that?
- By changing the
Christmas pageant.
- (laughing) Okay.
- No, no, no, I'm serious.
I mean, this year I really
wanna show the community
how much God loves them,
but I wanna do it in
like a huge, ginormous,
mesmerizing spectacle.
You know, big time!
Babe, with your creative genius,
and with my,
with your creative genius,
we could totally sell this.
I mean, it's gonna be awesome.
Think about it,
just, envision it.
Christmas Pageant.
- Okay, okay wait,
I have an idea
(laughs) going beyond this.
What if,
we move?
- Wait, what?
- First Church is looking
to hire a new pastor.
- But, that's on the
other side of town.
- Yes, it is, and I
got you an interview!
- Wait, wait, okay, wha-what?
- Surprise!
- Surprise, weehee, wait wait.
What do you mean, you did this?
- Because, honey, we're
called here to serve
and if the board won't
let you do it here,
then maybe God has somewhere
else that you can go.
- Sweetheart, I can't
just leave the church.
My calling is here.
- Just,
just go talk to them, okay?
For me, your
creative genius wife.
- All right, I'll tell ya what,
I'll do the interview,
you do the pageant.
- You'll do your best
at the interview.
- Of course.
- Deal.
- Nice.
- All right, preacher
man. (laughing)
Hmm, what do you think?
- It's nice, it's...
What is it?
Let every heart
Prepare him room
And heaven and heaven
And nature sing
(playful string music)
- The angel of the
Lord appeared to them,
and the glory of the
Lord shone around them.
But the angel said to
them, do not be afraid.
The angel of the Lord said
to them, do not be afraid.
- That's your cue.
- Ooh.
She had a little accident.
- Well, get a towel.
Somebody get me another angel.
- Hello!
(John humming)
- Well, Pastor, what
brings you here?
- These are the scripts to
the new Christmas pageant.
- I beg your pardon?
- Mary, we have to go
in a new direction.
(organ bench creaking)
- You have got to be joking.
This is rubbish.
- I disagree.
I actually think
it's quite good.
- Well I'm not doing this.
Neither is the choir.
- Okay, look Mary--
- No, no, no, you look, Mister.
You've gone too far this time.
Your father would
be so disappointed.
It would break his
heart if he could see
what you're doing to his church.
You want change?
You want change?
Oh, I'll bring you
change, Mister.
- Mary, please, let's
just talk about this.
Maybe later?
(church bell ringing)
(thunder booming)
(playful string music)
- Where's the choir?
- Let's open up
our hymnals to 723,
Shall We Gather At
The River, acapella.
One voice,
Thank you for coming today.
- Yes, thank you so much.
- Hi.
- Good to see you.
- Thank you for--
- Have a good one, thank you.
- Thank you.
Sorry about the choir.
We'll get them back real soon.
- When are they coming back?
- I have no idea.
- Hi there, thank
you for coming.
Bye bye, thank you. (laughs)
- John.
- Hey, Chuck.
- We need to have a talk.
- Listen Chuck, this
whole mess with the choir,
I promise I can clear this up.
- Well you better do it quick.
Mary has called for an
emergency board meeting.
She's moving to
replace you as pastor.
- What?
- The board meets in two weeks.
- Two weeks.
- The church is rather
fond of the choir,
and so is the board.
- I like the choir too, Chuck.
- Good, you have two weeks
to get the choir back.
I wish you the best, but
I'm late for the cafeteria.
- Bless you, Chuck. (laughing)
I'm getting fired.
- Deceit.
Cowardice, stupidity.
(sword clanking)
- Cyrano!
- You have taken everything.
But there is still
one treasure I keep:
my pride.
(soft instrumental music)
- You have lost your mind.
- I have to straighten
this thing out.
- She's not gonna talk to you.
- I think you're wrong.
(doorbell ringing)
Mary, Mary Margaret.
I know it's late,
but we have to talk.
- You have really hit
the bottom of the gutter.
Dragging your family
to my doorstep
to beg for your job?
- It's not like that.
- Well I don't need
you, John Bridges,
and I don't need
your family, either.
- You don't mean that, Mary.
- Go away.
- Oh come on, Mary
Margaret, please--
- [Mary] Go away!
(light clicking)
(soft instrumental music)
(beat bopping)
- Um, could you stop that?
Kinda tryin' to think here.
- Honey, just let Mary Margaret
do the pageant her way.
You don't have to use my ideas.
- Well, it's not just about
the pageant though, sweetheart.
I mean, I really wanna take
this church in a new direction.
It's 35 miles an hour here.
- Dad, come on, I've got this.
- Well then, you
know you're gonna
have to convince her of that.
- How?
She's not talking to me.
She's not even listening.
- Why won't she listen?
- Slow down.
- Why won't she
lis, slowing down.
- Look, Mary Margaret
doesn't talk to anyone
that's outside of
her generation.
Maybe if I was like 80 years
old, she would listen to me.
(playful string music)
- What?
- I need you to
make me look old.
- You don't need my
help for that. (laughs)
- I need you to make me
look really old, okay?
Like way, way older.
I'm gonna bring this choir
back, like the Pie Piper,
a really old Pie Piper.
- Pie Piper!
- Yeah, Pie Piper.
(beat bopping)
- You have lost your mind.
You could never pull that off
Never, never pull that off
- Well, maybe not by myself.
But you're gonna help me.
(beat bopping)
- Word!
What about, like, George?
Ah, too presidential.
Wait, wait, I got it.
Milo McGilicuddy.
- (laughs) Fine, whatever, but,
there's more to character acting
than just masks and makeup.
- [John] Well just tell me
everything I need to know.
- I can't teach you.
- Then show me.
Do you have a mask?
- Yeah.
- (laughs) Put it on.
We're gonna have ourselves
a dress rehearsal.
- You're kidding, right?
- Uh-uh.
Let's be young again
Let's go back to
where the fun began
Lazy days and crazy nights
So much fun, it
was out of sight
Let's be young again
And throw all
caution to the wind
Living life so carefree
I've got you, you got me
Let's be young again
- [Photobooth Automated
Voice] Please insert money.
Please insert money, then begin.
(camera clicking)
- Transforming
into your character
is something that
happens from the inside,
all right, it has to
happen from the inside.
- What does that mean, I
have to walk a certain way?
- Well, not just
that, you have to--
- [Dirk] It was a
joke, Holly, come on.
- I don't care, just
stay away from me.
- Hey.
- Let go of me.
Dirk, that was too far.
- Hey, there's your girlfriend.
- She's not my girlfriend!
- Look at me, I'm Miss Perfect.
Oh ho, too far?
You know, you better
watch your mouth, Holly.
- Let me go.
- I think she's in trouble.
- Stay out of this.
- [Dirk] I'm so sorry.
- [Holly] Dirk, you really
are a piece of work.
- Watch your mouth, Holly.
- Watch my--
- Are you all right, young lady?
- She's fine, Gandalf,
mind your business.
- I do believe she
wishes you to go.
- Well I do believe
you're sticking your face
where it doesn't belong.
- Dirk, just leave.
- Yeah Dirk, just leave.
- Hey, you stay out of this,
you gray-haired fart.
- Gray hair.
- Gray hair.
- Gray hair.
- Yes, gray hair.
- Are you blind?
- My hair is
silver, pure silver.
Hair like mine is
both mantle and crown,
a, a monument to my superiority.
Silver hair is the
banner of a great man,
a generous heart,
a towering spirit,
an expansive soul such
as I unmistakably am,
and such as you dare
not dream to be.
With your head lacking in
wisdom, lacking in sense,
in wit, in cunning,
in imagination,
lacking in intellect, just
like that other round mass
at the opposite end
of your crimson spine.
(crowd gasping)
- That's it!
- Go home, lad, before
you embarrass yourself.
- Move it!
- Are you okay?
- I'm okay.
You didn't have to do that.
- Yes, I did.
- Thank you.
Are you okay?
- Frank, Franky,
you old goat, you.
You know better than to
mess around boys like that.
(laughing) Isn't he something?
- Amazing.
Cyrano, right?
- Yes.
- We're doing Cyrano at school.
I play Roxanne.
- Holly!
Holly, are you okay?
Holly, did he hurt you?
- I'm really fine.
- I have never seen
anything like that.
You gave me goose
pimples! (giggles)
I'm Barbara Coolidge,
like the president.
You were incredible.
- Oh, uh, thank you.
I'm Frank Carmen,
and this is Milo.
- Nice to meet you, Pablo.
- Milo.
- Oh, whatever.
You have to come to my
Christmas party tomorrow!
- Yeah--
- I'm having just a few
friends over from church
and my friend Mary
Margaret's coming.
You would like her, maybe.
Can you come?
- I'm sorry, I, I'm busy.
- Ow.
- We'd love to come!
- Oh, good!
Oh, are you gonna, do, are
you gonna bring your wife?
- No, I, I don't have a wife.
- Oh, thank you Lord!
- Come on, Mom, it's time to go.
- Well, okay.
113 Sage Brush.
I'll see ya tomorrow!
- [Holly] Bye Mr. Frank, Milo.
- I hope he likes cats!
- Bingo! (laughing)
We're in!
- We?
No, no, no, no, no, no,
there is no we, I'm done.
- Um, no, you're totally in
because I can't do
this without you.
- I've created a monster.
- Time to go home and
shine those shoes, old man.
We've got a party
to go to. (laughing)
(playful string music)
- Hey.
- Holly, hey.
- You would not believe what
happened to me at the mall.
- You got your picture
taken with Santa?
- No, no.
Some old guy went
all Cyrano on Dirk,
totally humiliated him in
the middle of the foot court.
- What?
Some guy looked like Cyrano?
- No, no, no, no, I mean,
this guy was Cyrano.
He's coming over for a
Christmas party tonight.
You should come.
- You want me to come over?
- Yeah, when he did
Cyrano, I thought of you.
- Holly, that'd be great
but I, I got homework.
- Oh, okay.
- I mean, I totally have
a micro geography paper
assignment thingy I gotta do.
- Sounds important.
- Very.
- Well, maybe next time.
- Yeah, next time.
(school bell ringing)
- I gotta go.
- Bye.
See ya tonight.
(playful string music)
(doorbell ringing)
This is insane.
- Relax, it's a party.
Try to enjoy yourself.
- Oh!
He's here, everybody, he's here!
(giggling) Oh!
(wreath jangling)
Here he is everybody, the
man I was telling you about.
Say something clever, Frank.
- Hi.
- Isn't he wonderful?
- Hello.
- Oh, and this is
his friend, Waldo.
- Milo.
- Whatever.
Oh, come here.
(playful string music)
Here's the starters, Frank.
I picked them out myself.
Here's a plate.
- Thank you, Ms. Coolidge.
- Oh,
call me Babs.
(doorbell ringing)
(clock chiming)
- [Mary] Hello everyone,
Merry Christmas.
Hello, Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
- Hello Chuck, merry
Christmas, good to see you.
Good to see you.
Oh, everything just...
Do I know you?
- I don't, (coughing)
Milo McGilicuddy.
Nice to meet ya.
- It's just so unusual
to see a new face
at one of Barbara's parties.
- Frank and I met Barbara
back at the mall. (laughs)
- Oh yes, she, she did tell
me about her new friend.
- Frank, Frank, come back!
(cat meowing)
(Barbara shrieking)
- Oh, what a mess.
Oh, Barbara.
- Oh no!
- Sorry, sorry.
I'll just...
- Oh, look how strong you are.
- It's my fault, sorry.
- No, it's nobody's
fault. (laughing)
Oh, dinner's ready,
it's time to eat.
Holly, honey!
Time to eat!
- Wow, hi, merry Christmas.
It's so good to see you guys.
(whimsical instrumental music)
Mr. Frank!
You made it!
- Great googly moogly.
- (laughs) Are you
sure you're okay?
Oh, it's time to eat.
- So, who's the lucky guy that
gets to play Cyrano with you?
- Jack Bridges plays
Cyrano, he's really good.
I would love for
you to meet him.
- Is he, is he a nice guy?
- Yeah, he's sweet.
- Oh.
Sweet like a good friend,
or sweet like maybe
something more than a friend?
- Leave my baby alone.
So Frank, tell us
about yourself.
- Well, let's see, I'm
a poet, a playwright,
a scientist, a bit
of a musician too.
Oh, and a sword master.
- Isn't that wonderful?
- You really are
Cyrano. (laughing)
- Yeah, I have modeled
my life after his.
- What about you,
Mr. McGilicuddy?
- Um, (laughs)
- After serving in
the Navy, Milo here
moved to Japan.
- Really?
- And became a
master Hibachi chef.
- Wow. (laughing)
- Really?
- Why, he studied under
Benny Ho for nearly 20 years.
- Benny Ho?
I saw Benny Ho on television.
- I know.
- (laughing) Okay,
enough about me.
Now, do you all go to church?
- Yes, Grace United.
- Well I hear you all
have a great pastor.
- (laughing) Oh,
who told you that?
- I can't remember.
- Well, actually, we did
have a fine pastor once.
We served together for 30 years.
He preached, and
I led the music.
- Pastor Bridges' wife, Ruth,
passed in '98 from cancer,
and then Mary Margaret
and Pastor Johnathan
married a year later.
- Sounds scandalous.
- Nothing could be
further from the truth.
- (laughs) Seems a little
soon to marry a guy
right after he just buried
his wife, don't you think?
- Well, his son thought so.
- Chuck, tell us
how you're doing.
- My cataracts are acting up.
- Aww, well, we walk by faith
and not by sight. (giggles)
Judith, pass Chuck the carrots.
We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
And a happy new year
Drive safe!
Thank you for coming!
(Barbara humming)
- I can't believe we spent
the entire night there,
and you didn't say one
thing about the choir.
- Look, they're not gonna
listen to us yet, okay?
You know?
We've gotta be closer to them.
- (laughs) I can't
grow closer to Barbara
without a wedding license.
- Shh!
Relax, all right?
I need more time, that's all.
Trust me.
- [Jack] Okay.
(Instrumental rock
version of "Jingle Bells")
- And swim, and swim.
There you go, everyone!
I'm so proud of you.
Keep moving, keep going,
keep moving those arms.
And swim, and swim.
Spread out everyone, make
sure you've got room.
(bell crashing)
(John laughs)
- Whoo!
- [All] Out.
- I-17.
(John blowing through lips)
- Ooh!
- So it appears that all
of Abraham's descendents
aren't just the Jews,
but actually those
that will come to Christ.
- Good point.
Would you like to
elaborate further on that?
- No, you're teaching.
I don't get it.
She's being so
pleasant right now.
What sets her off?
- My mother always said,
hurt people hurt people.
(soft instrumental music)
- This isn't gonna be
a typical interview.
We move fast here
at First Church.
- Oh, (laughs)
sounds good to me.
- You're gonna love
it here, Pastor.
The staff, the
people, the tools.
We got HD projectors,
HD cameras,
state of the art audio system.
You name it, we've got it,
and you can have
your own TV ministry
up and running with
the flip of a switch.
- Well, actually I don't
have a TV ministry.
- Not yet, you don't,
but you will here.
We've got everything you
need to reach our community
and the whole world.
- Well, that's
impressive. (laughs)
I bet you have live
donkeys here too.
- [Interviewer] Um, sorry?
- The Christmas Pageant, I'm
sure you have live animals.
- Oh yeah, yeah, of course,
donkeys, sheep, camel.
One of our wise men actually
rides in on an elephant.
- Okay, you're joking, right?
- Oh no, sir.
I wouldn't joke
with you about that.
- I don't even know what to say.
- Say yes to First Church.
(moving instrumental music)
John, you okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine, but,
I'm leaving behind
more than just a job.
- You know, I
completely understand.
Your father was a great
man, and a great pastor,
and I see him in
you, I really do.
And so does the
search committee.
And John, that's why we want
you here at First Church.
The job is yours if you want it.
- (laughing) You
guys do move fast.
- Don't let tradition
hold you back.
Come blaze a new trail with
us here at First Church.
- Well done, people, well done!
Let's reset for next week.
- So, Uncle Frank is
coming over tonight.
- Oh, the real Cyrano.
- Yeah, yeah.
The real Cyrano.
And Mr. McGilicuddy.
They are hitting the town
with my mom and Mary Margaret.
- Party.
- Yeah, well my mom
is real excited.
- Oh boy.
(both chuckling)
- What are you doing tonight?
- Me?
I got homework.
- Micro geography?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Still got that big
project, you know, yeah.
What are you doing?
- I don't know, I was
thinking you could
come meet Cyrano.
Afterwards, you and I could
do something together.
- You thought that?
- If you wanted to.
- I do, but, but I can't.
Next time, okay?
- Promise?
- I promise.
- Okay.
(lively country music)
- Barbara, I feel like a fool.
I'm going home.
- Nonsense, it'll be wonderful.
Let's go find a group.
- You've got to be kidding.
(dance announcer
drowned out by music)
(crowd cheering)
- Frank, Frank!
- Could I help you?
- You can take five, cowboy.
I got this next song.
- Well, okay.
- All right folks, Uncle
Frank's gonna teach you
a little somethin' new.
("Wobble" by Family Force 5)
- No, I don't think so.
Let me see you wobble
I'm CEO, Steve
Jobs at the wobs
I'm hard at work
making your thingamabob
I invented something you
ain't never seen before
It's call the wobble,
let me show you some more
Clack your kneecaps,
clack your kneecaps
Clack 'em together
Today's class is wobology
and I'm your professor
Pop quiz for the
kids, can you do this
Didn't think so,
watch it in slow-mo
Get get like jell-o jell-o
Dip dip make it ghetto ghetto
Work w-work w-work
work it like a model
Look at'cha now
Let me see ya wobble
Wobble your legs
Wobble your head
Throw your arms back and forth
Like you're huggin' yourself
Wobble, wobble,
wa-wobble, wobble
Wa-wobble, wobble,
wobble, wobble, wobble
Wobble your legs
Wobble your head
Throw your arms back and forth
Like you're huggin' yourself
Wobble, wobble, wobble, wobble
Wobble, wobble, wobble
Let me see you wobble
W-O double B-L-E, that's right
Can you wobble, can
you wobble like me, okay
W-O double B-L-E, yeah
Can you wobble,
can you wobble for me
- Barbara and Frank
are quite the dancers.
- Well, you're not
too shabby yourself.
- Oh, please.
I haven't danced in years.
I didn't even want to come.
- I'm glad you did.
- Oh, Barbara's always
dragging me to some such thing.
- So, tell me about this
whole choir boycott thing.
- Oh, you heard
about that, did you?
- I find it kinda odd
that you'd quit the church
when you've got a pageant
right around the corner.
- Oh, indeed.
It is my most favorite
church service of the year.
But, the pastor wanted to
do something different,
so he's let his
wife ruin things.
I ran that pageant for 40 years,
never heard one word
of complaint, not one.
- Imagine that.
- Today's generation
just isn't interested
in the things of the past,
our history, our heritage.
- Well maybe you
should pass the baton.
- Oh, they are not ready
for such responsibility.
- Maybe we should
get them ready.
You know, guide
them, direct them.
It's not like we're
gonna be around forever.
Maybe we should
have a new pageant.
- Maybe we should
have a new pastor.
- Maybe.
It's messed up,
what he did to you.
(sentimental instrumental music)
But you shouldn't hate
the church for it.
- Hate the church?
Mr. McGilicuddy, I
had two husbands,
both taken from me by death.
I have no children.
My siblings have
all passed away.
Oh I assure you, I
don't hate the church.
The church is,
all I have.
And I will fight with
everything that I am
to see that it carries
on as God intended.
- You're a strong woman.
I can see why they
all follow you.
- You are too kind.
- I know it's not my place, but,
maybe you should call this
whole boycott thing off.
You know, let the choir
do what they love to do.
For the church's sake.
I for one would rather
see you using your talents
and your influence in a
more positive fashion.
- You're right.
It's not your place to say.
I'll call off the boycott.
The choir may
return, if they wish.
- That is the most selfless
thing yet, Mary Margaret!
- But I can't go back, not as
long as that pastor is there.
- He doesn't want the
choir back without you.
- How would you
know what he wants?
- It just seems like
you two are closer
than you may think.
I mean, really, you both
want the same thing, right?
What's best for the church.
Maybe you can work
somethin' out,
find some middle ground.
- Oh, I'll deal with the pastor
at the next board meeting.
Until then, his wife
can run the choir.
(hair dryer humming)
- Hey babe, have you heard
from First Church yet?
I was thinking about this summer
and thinking that it might
really be the perfect time
to move the kids, out of
school and everything.
Have you thought of a name for
your television show, babe?
Do you think the kids would
get a chance to be on the show?
(gentle piano music)
What an answer to prayer.
I said, what an
answer to prayer.
- I heard you.
- What's wrong?
- Nothing.
- You turned down
the job, didn't you?
- What?
How did you get that?
From that?
- John!
- Yes.
- And they're probably
going to fire you.
- No, no, I brought
the choir back.
- Well I thought we
could just get away
from all these problems.
- Well, First Church
has problems too, right?
- It was just a big opportunity.
- Well, maybe our
opportunity is here.
Seriously, like, you know, maybe
things are gonna
start to change.
Maybe I'll figure out
how to work something out
with Mary Margaret.
your darling husband
is gonna lead this church
to be what it needs to be.
- That's a lotta maybes.
- Yeah, I know.
- You know what?
Lead the way.
- Come here.
(tense instrumental music)
It's time for Frank and
Milo to say goodbye.
- Sit down, gentlemen.
We have business to attend to.
- This will only take a second.
- We don't have a second.
I believe I've just
asked you to sit down.
Yesterday, I received a call
from an acquaintance of mine
at First Church.
Pastor Bridges has
just been selected
to be there new pastor.
- What?
- It's not what you think.
- He's been interviewing
with other churches?
- Well, First Church
hasn't voted on it yet,
but that's just a formality.
- (laughing) Maybe we don't
have all the facts right.
I mean, maybe he's
turned them down.
- He wouldn't interview if
he didn't want to leave.
- Maybe he's just stupid.
- Maybe his wife
put him up to it.
- We need a true leader.
- One that values our
church history too.
- It's time for us to act.
Now I've done some research,
and here is the man I think
should be our next pastor.
Pass these around.
He's wonderful, his
background impeccable,
solid schooling, 30
plus years experience.
His name is Norm Steedy.
- He reminds me of
Pastor Johnathan.
- Yeah, doesn't he.
- I don't see the resemblance.
- He retired two years ago
to care for his ailing wife
who has since passed
away, and now he wishes
to return to the ministry.
- Do we have the votes?
- Oh, we have the votes.
If anyone does not
like our decision,
well, they can just go
form their own church.
- Um, Mary Margaret?
When do we get to meet the guy?
- I'm going to set
up a dinner meeting
where we can all spend
some time with Mr. Steedy
to be certain that he is the man
that we indeed want to take
over for Pastor Bridges.
- I need more time to fix this.
- Forget it.
I mean, after all
we've worked for,
you go and interview
at First Church?
(John mumbling)
- I will then take our
recommendation before the board.
- If this Norm Steedy guy
does what they want him to do,
the church is gonna die.
- Not my problem.
- Oh, wake up and smell
the heat bomb, son,
of course it's your problem.
- [Mary Margaret] Are
there any other questions?
- (throat clearing) How
long has he been a widower?
- Are there any other questions?
- Is this a recent picture?
- Good, then I will see
you all Saturday night.
(school bell ringing)
- Guess what you're
doing Saturday?
- What am I doing Saturday?
- You are coming
to dinner with me.
- I am.
I am?
- Mom and I have been
invited to a dinner party
and she said I could
bring a friend.
- I can't.
- Really?
More homework?
- Well, kind of.
- I don't get it.
Is there someone else?
- No.
- If you don't wanna
go out, just say so.
- No, it's not that.
- Then what is it, Jack?
- I...
- I'll see you later.
(playful string music)
- Holly, you mean this Saturday?
- Yes, this Saturday.
- Oh, I thought you
meant next Saturday.
Yeah, I'd love to go
with you this Saturday.
- So you can go?
- I can go.
- I can't wait.
- Yeah, me too.
- Well, I gotta go.
- All right.
- Bye.
- Bye.
- Did Holly Coolidge
just ask you out?
- Yeah.
- Dude, awesome!
- I can't go.
- Can't go?
Well, what are you
gonna do, stand her up?
This is Holly Coolidge.
What's wrong with you, man?
- It's complicated.
- Then uncomplicate it.
- Nick,
I'm gonna need your help.
(whimsical instrumental music)
It's perfect, if I
do say so myself.
- Epic!
Wow dude, I am old!
I'm really old.
I feel old too.
Who am I, again?
- (laughing) This
is never gonna work!
- What, you said you needed
Frank, you got Frank.
You're Frank, Frank Harmon.
- [Nick] Okay,
how do I play him?
- Play him just like Cyrano.
- Cyrano, Cyrano, got it.
- And just follow Milo's
lead, and it will work.
Nick can do this.
- I got this, Mr. B.
It's gonna be awesome.
For real!
Cyrano, like, runs in my veins.
- And remember, you're old.
So if you don't
know what to say,
just pretend you can't hear
or fall asleep or something.
- Got it.
Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.
(deep exhaling)
(upbeat music)
- Hi, Frank!
- You're late.
- Good evening,
maidens. (laughs)
Oh how I've looked
forward to this night.
I do not know which is more
full, the moon, or my heart.
- Ooh, isn't he sweet?
- I carry my
adornments on my soul.
I do not dress up
as a puffin jay,
but inwardly I
keep my daintiness.
I do not bear with
me by any chance
an insult not yet washed away,
a conscience yellow
with unpurged bile--
- Okay. (laughing)
He's not himself
today, so sorry.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Holly, you look fantastic.
- Thanks.
This is Mr. McGilicuddy.
- How do you do?
- Had better days.
- And this is the man I've
been telling you so much about.
- Ah, the infamous Uncle Frank.
- Charmed, I'm sure.
- What's he doing here?
- Oh, I told Holly she
could bring a friend.
- Barbara, it's
hardly appropriate
for the pastor's son to
be here, do you think?
- Ohh.
Oh, yeah.
- Hostess, they'll
need their own table.
- Let me see what I can do.
- Thanks.
- You kids run along,
take care of yourselves,
and make good choices.
- What's that Uncle Frank?
- Oh, I'd be happy to
show you to the restroom.
- I don't need to
use the restroom.
- You need to use the restroom.
I'll be right back,
save me a seat, okay?
- Hurry back.
- Okay, what are
you doing out there?
- What, you told
me to be Cyrano.
- Yeah, but you're pouring
it on a bit too thick,
don't you think?
- I am?
- Here you are.
- Thank you.
- Well, hello there.
- Excuse me.
Do you have any more tables?
- I'm sorry, this is
all we have right now.
- Great.
- Okay, less is more, got it?
Turn it down, all right?
- Okay.
- Having fun?
- Oh yeah.
- All right, good.
Now get back out
there and be old.
- You got it.
- Jack Bridges.
- Dirk?
- Nighty night, old man.
- Your table's ready.
- Nick, are you all right?
It's me, Jack, the
situation's been compromised.
We have to go.
- Not now, he's here.
- Good evening.
- Welcome, Reverend.
- Good evening.
- I'm so thankful
for this opportunity.
- [Mary Margaret] And we are
honored to have you join us.
- Hubba hubba.
He's so young! (giggles)
- I did not know Johnathan
Bridges personally,
but I knew of his work.
Oh, what a legacy,
what a ministry.
He had such an impact.
It's a shame his son
did not fair better.
I know you had
great expectations.
- Huge expectations, impossible
expectations. (laughing)
At least, that's
what I gathered.
- Well, it won't be easy
following in his footsteps.
- Well, if you're not up to
the challenge, I understand.
- Mind your manners.
You are out of place.
- I didn't say it would be easy,
but I still think I can do it.
- Holly, we're soul mates.
- I have no idea what
you're talking about.
- I want you.
- Please stop.
- I have to go.
- See ya.
- Frank.
- Milo, didn't you say that
you are a master Hibachi chef?
- No, (laughing) I--
- Yes, he studied
under Benny Ho.
- Really?
Well you must cook our dinner.
- Yes!
- It was along time ago,
(laughs) I just, I couldn't.
- Benny Ho?
It would be a great honor.
(cymbal chiming)
- I cou--
- Milo, Milo, Milo, Milo!
- [All] Milo, Milo,
Milo, Milo, Milo,
Milo, Milo, Milo, Milo.
- Well, if you don't think
you're up for the challenge,
then I totally understand.
(tense drumming)
- Give me the knives.
- Oh ho ho ho!
Do you know how to
do the fryer thing?
- Oh, it's on.
Give me the hat, too.
- I asked you not to
touch me, very nicely.
- If you were a phaser,
you'd be set on stunning.
Okay, I need you.
- Hey, I think
you're in my seat.
- I didn't see your name on it.
- Sorry, Uncle Frank
ran into some trouble.
- Oh, what's wrong?
Did Uncle Frank fall
and hit his face?
- What's wrong with Uncle Frank?
- No, it's okay, he's fine.
- Do you wanna go for
a walk or something?
- That sounds lovely.
Doesn't that sound nice?
We would love to go for a walk.
- Hey, just get lost.
- Make me.
You don't have it in
you, preacher boy.
- I have a lot in me, Dirk.
- Maybe I'll just have to
beat it out of you then.
- Get on with it, so Holly and I
can finish our dinner together.
- Dirk, don't you dare.
(cymbal chiming)
- If you want fight
at Big Panda Pagoda,
you fight Big Panda.
- Ow, ow, ow, ow!
- He's Big Panda, in
case you were wondering.
(Dirk wincing)
- Fight?
- Ow!
- You want fight?
- We gotta go, we gotta go.
- Oh, Big Panda
show you the exit.
- Thank you, Big Panda.
- Thank you for tickets.
- Yeah, Big Panda's
a fan of theater, so,
he's gonna be at
our show next week.
(playful instrumental music)
(tools clanking)
(Barbara gasping)
- Oh ho ho! (laughing)
Do it again!
(flame hissing)
- So we finally get
some time together.
- Yeah.
This first date has been crazy.
I gotta be honest with ya,
there's been some times
when we were together
and I was pretending
to be somebody else.
- You don't, you don't have
to do that with me, Jack.
You can be yourself.
- No, I was actually
trying to be somebody else.
- What do you mean?
- Honestly, I really...
- You really, what?
- [Barbara] Wow, wow!
- Will you excuse me?
- Jack.
- [Barbara] Milo, Milo, Milo!
(speaking in foreign language)
- How about this one?
- Please, stop!
Just, cook the food.
- I, I, I'm so sorry.
- Excuse me.
Where's Jack?
- Holly, sit down,
Milo's amazing.
You've gotta see this.
Sit down! (laughs)
- Ladies and gentlemen,
I present to you
the flaming meteor.
Drum roll please.
(energetic drumming)
(flame whooshing)
- That's too much fire.
- Oh no, Milo!
(all speaking simultaneously)
- [Barbara] Does anybody
have a fire extinguisher?
Somebody call 911!
(extinguisher hissing)
(Barbara shrieking)
- Jack?
- Jack!
- You were, you
were dating my mom?
- No, it's not like that,
it was never like that.
- How could you?
- What do you mean,
how could you?
- Why am I not surprised?
- Hey, listen, I
was just going--
- Spying on your
own church members,
and with your son.
Well now that you
know what's going on,
it doesn't really
matter, does it?
- Come on, Norm.
- Could someone take me home?
- I knew something like
this was gonna happen.
- It was your idea to make Milo
into a Hibachi chef, remember?
Hey, I did everything
you told me to do, okay.
I didn't act like
Milo, I became Milo,
I was Milo, I was transformed.
- Was it my idea to
disguise ourselves?
Was it my idea to go
hang out with people
50 years older than I am?
Was it my idea to go chase
off this other pastor?
- Listen, I was
protecting the church.
- Protecting the church,
or your reputation?
- Maybe both.
Listen, all I've
ever wanted to do
was to help this
church change and grow.
- Maybe it's not the church
that needs to change.
(John laughing)
- Wow.
- I'm sorry, I shouldn't--
- No.
(soft instrumental music)
You're right.
You're right.
I'm sorry, Jack.
- Let's just go home.
I'm hungry.
(sentimental string music)
- My oldest memories
of faith and family
are anchored in this church.
As a boy, I used to sit
in that spot right there,
every Sunday morning
next to my mom.
And you know, from that pew,
I saw God do some amazing
things in this church.
I wanted to keep
that tradition alive.
I wanted to honor
our rich heritage.
But something went wrong.
It was pride,
and self-centeredness.
God tells us to love him,
and then to love each other.
I failed to do that.
Mary Margaret,
you made Dad so happy
at a time when that was
very difficult to do.
He loved you with all his heart,
and I'm truly sorry.
As your pastor,
as your stepson,
I should have been more
loving and understanding.
No, please,
forgive me.
(door banging)
Thank you for letting me be
your pastor all these years.
God's will be done.
(doorbell ringing)
Mary Margaret?
I know you're in there.
Please, Mary?
Please let us in.
Oh, Abby needs to pee.
- Down the hall
and to your left.
(footsteps padding)
Your father was
everything to me.
- Mary Margaret, you are loved.
And, you're family.
- There's a card on top.
Dad told us to make
it on the way over.
- Abby.
- Well he did.
(sentimental instrumental music)
Dad said we should
call you Grammy.
(Mary Margaret crying)
- There's that great picture
of you and Dad in it.
- It's perfect.
Thank you.
- Thank you, for letting us in.
(doorbell ringing)
- Jack.
What are you doing here?
- Sorry, but I haven't
seen you in a while
and we need to talk.
- I've been busy.
- Micro geography?
- Yeah, micro geography.
- Listen, I just wanted
to say, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to hurt
anybody, especially not you.
- How do I know
it's the real you?
- It's me, look.
- Okay, I get it. (laughs)
- So, how's your mom?
If she ever wants to
play bingo or go dancing,
I can hook her up.
- I don't think that
will be necessary.
Actually, I think she's
already moved on, so.
- I hope you haven't.
Merry Christmas.
Come on, just take it.
(soft instrumental music)
- You are insane. (laughing)
- It comes with free
Hibachi lessons from Dad.
- I'll bring my fire
extinguisher. (laughs)
- Do you think we
can try this again?
No masks this time?
'Cause if not, I can take the
panda back, it's no big deal.
- (laughing) No, I
think I'll keep it.
(gentle instrumental music)
- [Mary Margaret] I was
wrong, John Bridges.
I do need you and your family,
and so does this church.
This study Bible
belonged to your father.
I want you to have it.
Lead us well.
All my love, Mary.
- [John] Love is
patient, love is kind.
It is not proud, nor
does it dishonor others.
It doesn't keep
record of wrongs.
Love protects, trusts,
hopes, perseveres,
and it never, ever fails.
If we loved more, what would
happen inside the church?
What would happen
outside the church?
(soft piano music)
- She wrapped him
with swaddling clothes
and placed him in the manger.
That night, the shepherds
worked in the fields nearby
and the angel of the
Lord appeared to them
and the glory of the
Lord shone around them,
and they were
terribly frightened.
But the angel said unto them.
- Do not be afraid, I
bring you good news.
- Today, in the city of David,
a Savior has been born to you.
He is the Messiah, the Lord.
- That's a cute baby!
Have you seen the baby?
So cute!
(piano version of
"Silent Night")
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas, Jack.
Farid Morocco
(upbeat music)