America 3000 (1986) Movie Script
[crows cawing]
[horse whinnies]
[whip cracking]
[thunder rumbling]
[whip cracking]
[clanging]
[man]They caught me
and a bunch of others on a Plugot roundup.
"Plugotz" are what the Fraulz
called us then.
That's a Fraul. They ran everything.
And that's me, Gruss,
a prisoner in the kome of the Friscos.
Their ruler, the Tiara,
she was givin' us a hot scan
decidin' what she was gonna do with us.
I didn't need heavy smarts
to figure things were going cold neggy...
That means "very bad."
[Tiara] Seeder.
Macho.
Macho.
[Gruss]
The Fraulz called their slaves "machos."
- They did all the hard work.
- [Tiara] Macho.
[Gruss] It sure wasn't somethin'
I wanted to be.
[man grunts]
- [grunts]
- Spirited.
[gasps]
Seeder.
Machos, mark him.
[Gruss] Seeders were for one thing
and one thing only...
Makin' baby Fraulz.
The Tiara had picked Korvis out
for her own daughter, Vena.
[sizzling]
Oh.
[screams]
[Gruss] Didn't take much
to get the Fraulz excited.
The least little thing would set them off.
[screaming, grunting]
- Red phone, red phone, red phone!
- [siren wailing]
Get that Plugot!
- [Fraul] Red phone! Red phone!
- [horse whinnying]
- Red phone!
- [grunts]
[whinnies]
[Gruss] I was hot-scannin' for a way out.
I decided to take the first offer
that came along.
[Fraulz screaming]
- [horse whinnying]
- [men gasping]
[screaming]
[Gruss] We headed straight
for the old radiation zone.
The Fraulz call it "The Contams."
We didn't know what we'd find there,
but we knew one thing,
- they wouldn't follow us inside.
- [Fraul 1] Hyah! Hyah!
[Gruss] It was against their "regz"...
Their rules.
[indistinct chatter]
[Fraul 2] Let's go. Hyah!
Hyah, hyah! Hyah! Hyah!
[metal clanking]
[Gruss] It was cold hard, but we survived.
One day, Korvis and me were scroungin'
for somethin' we could use.
What we found
would change our world forever.
Uh, not the hat.
The book.
[man] Hey!
[metal clanking]
[Gruss] Determined to free ourselves
from the Fraulz,
we banded together in The Contams.
We built our own kome out of pieces
of a nuked 'Mercanz base
called "Camp Reagan."
I never did figure out
what a "Reagan" was.
[voices overlapping]
"Hor-sss..."
"Ho-rrsss... horse."
Mmm...
"Mm-maa-an."
"Man."
"Man."
"Man."
"Man."
Neggy Plugot.
I'm a man.
I'm a man.
[indistinct chatter]
[growls]
[Gruss] To the Fraulz,
all men were Plugotz,
but there was a difference
between these hairy beasts and us.
[growling]
[speaking Plugotz]
[Gruss] They were dumb and hungry.
[grunts]
Really dumb.
And really hungry.
[grunts, laughs]
[Plugotz screaming]
[screaming]
[horse groans]
[grunts]
- [cracks]
- [neighing]
[Gruss] In those days, there was neggy
such thing as a free lunch.
- [screams]
- You got what you worked for.
- [grunts]
- [Fraul screaming]
Hyah!
- [Plugot groaning]
- [growls]
[pants]
[grunts] Hyah!
Hyah!
Ugh!
[Fraul] Behind you!
[grunts]
[screams]
[grunts]
Hyah!
- [whip cracks]
- [both screaming]
[Gruss] Taking charge,
Vena snapped into action!
- [screams]
- [whip cracks]
[cracks]
[screams]
[growls]
[whip cracks]
[whip cracking]
[Gruss] Plugotz started scurryin'.
But not soon enough.
[growls]
[animal squawks]
[scraping]
Meanwhile, back at the kome,
things were going on as usual.
Lakella, the Tiara's second,
or next in line,
was sharpenin' up her act.
[whips]
A Fraul was taking
her final warrior's test.
[growls]
[Gruss] Trying to survive a meeting
with Aargh the Awful.
Fallout from the Great Nuke
had forced Aargh
to take a detour from the human race.
[growls, laughs]
And from the scan of him,
he was neggy gonna find the way back.
[Aargh growling]
[laughs]
- [bell ringing]
- [rumbling]
Redcross! Redcross!
Ha! Yah!
[sentry] Redcross! Redcross!
- [horse neighs]
- Oh!
Oh, my.
What'll happen to us, dear toys,
if anything happens to the Tiara?
[Fraul] Neggy.
[softly] Oh, Tiara.
[chanting]
Redcross, Redcross, Redcross.
[medic] Redcross, Redcross, Redcross.
[gags]
[Tiara gasping, coughing]
[sighs]
Lakella. Vena.
My children. Closer.
I'm going cold.
Real cold.
[breathes deeply]
Time's now for new Tiara.
A leader to take us from the past
into a new life.
It was my dream, make it yours.
Vena, my daughter,
you're the Tiara.
Neggy, Reya.
I'm not the one.
You are now.
[Tiara] Listen.
In my shelt, a map.
[shudders]
Follow it.
Reya, please. I don't want to be Tiara.
[crow cawing]
Cold.
- Tiara!
- [all] Tiara!
Sister?
I serve the Tiara.
Hot.
[Gruss] While the Fraulz were weeping,
Korvis and me were scrounging.
Scanned like, some tasty leftovers.
[flies buzzing]
I went for the wepps.
Korvis went for the eats.
He found more than he bargained for.
[grunts]
[gasps]
[Gruss] Amie.
Amie was an escaped toy.
Fraulz kept them as pets,
called them "toys,"
To make plastic sure they'd stay quiet,
they cut off their tongues.
To keep them gentle,
they cut off somethin' else.
[distant rumbling]
[whispers] Come on.
- [bell clanging]
- [horse neighs]
[gate creaking]
I, Lakella, second to Vena,
Tiara of Frisco,
give you safe shelter.
I, Freyha, second to Morha,
Tiara of Kansos, accept your safe shelter.
Hot surprise, eh, Lakella?
Your sister bein' Tiara, not you.
We Kansos figured you for it.
Reya's choice, Tiara Morha.
- You go with it?
- It's done.
You could always challenge, Lakella, hmm?
The party will be soon, Tiara Morha.
Lakella's pissed at her sister
being Tiara, eh?
Maybe something
for us Kansos in this, huh?
[bells chiming]
Hot, you made it, Tiara.
Neggy miss it, Vena.
Lots to talk 'bout.
Today's for partyin', not for talkin'.
Plenty of time for both, Vena.
[claps]
Once, the world was green and livin'.
Then was the Great Nuke.
Death lived everywhere.
All were born sick and unclean.
A livin' curse
from the 'Mercanz and Commies.
Then one day, a baby was born,
clean and clear,
and the livin' curse was over!
The child grew strong and beautiful.
- And she was called...
- [all] Woman!
Woman taught her children
to follow the Tiara
and obey the regz,
and the earth lived again!
But some disobeyed the regz,
and from them came the children
of darkness and disease!
[all] Plugotz!
Plugotz to be hunted and nuked
till neggy are left!
Vena of Frisco,
solemn swear to enforce the regz,
oversee the birthin' and rule the kome
till the Prezy-dent comes
to lead us into New Tomorrow.
Solemn swear.
[fire puffs]
- [indistinct chatter]
- [music playing]
[Fraul] Come on! Come on! Hey!
Come on now, Fraulz!
[screams] Come on!
[screaming]
[spits]
[Fraulz clamoring, laughing]
[Gruss] The Fraulz were havin' a hot time.
But we were gettin' ready to give them
a hot time of our own.
Fraulz, hot partyin',
getting all loose and woggoed.
Effin' Fraulz.
- [crossbow pops]
- Nuke 'em all.
Neggy, Gruss. Nuking Fraulz
gets us nothing but nuked Fraulz.
But, we burn their food shelts,
free the machos, Fraulz starve.
This kind of hide and seekin'
makes me feel cold.
Well, you gotta get hot
on new ways, Gruss.
We're gonna be better than the Fraulz.
We waited a long cold time.
Now we set it right.
Neggy more machos.
Neggy more toys.
Neggy more seeders?
Neggy more seeders.
Just men.
[music playing]
[metal clanking]
[blade whips]
- [blade pops]
- Aw.
Eff it. Gimme another one.
[grunts]
How do you figure it, Tiara?
Well, Vena ain't Reya.
She's weak, eh?
[laughs] And her sister Lakella
wants to be Tiara, huh?
[laughs] Yeah, a little push here.
A little rumor there, eh...?
[both laughing]
Soon they'll be fighting each other
like Plugotz in heat, huh? [chuckles]
And I'll pick up the pieces, eh?
[bird cawing]
Tiara?
The map of The Contams.
Reya's last wish.
I got neggy choice.
- Well, be careful, Vena.
- [sighs]
Just because you're Tiara
doesn't mean you can break the regz.
If Lakella finds you're going there,
she'll death-challenge you for sure.
Don't worry, Lynka, I'll be careful.
[chuckles] And I got you on my side.
Not much longer.
My season's here.
Your season?
Woggos. When?
Oh, day next.
Oh, being Tiara's easy next to seedin'.
Seedin's a cold act,
but it's gotta be done.
Well, I'll be there
for the birthin', Lynka.
Solemn swear.
Thanks, Vena.
And don't worry about being Tiara.
I know you're gonna be number one,
real hot.
[crow cawing]
Let's go.
- This may be woggos.
- Great time to think of it.
[Gruss] Korvis knew just how
to create confidence in his men.
He was a born leader.
[Fraul gasps]
[gate creaking]
[whispers]
[Gruss] We expected the machos
to greet us with open arms.
We were wrong.
[grunting]
[grunts]
I'm getting Korvis.
Shh. Ha!
[machos grunting]
- Korvis.
- What's it?
Trouble with machos.
Eff it.
- [cork pops]
- [liquid fizzes]
[Gruss] Stealin' from the Fraulz
was hard work.
I needed somethin' to cool me off.
[muffled cough]
I needed some more.
- [machos murmuring]
- I'm Korvis.
I'm a free man.
You're machos. Slaves!
You like crap eats? You like being beaten?
Treated like beasts?
We're offering freedom.
Neggy more beatings.
Neggy more macho pits. Freedom. Scan it?
You hungry?
We got hot eats.
Plenty more where that came from.
Fraulz took his tongue, not his head.
- [Korvis grunts]
- [machos gasp]
- Who's next?
- [machos grunting]
[Gruss] Everything was going hot plastic,
until...
Come outta there!
[grunts]
I won't leave any man behind!
[Aargh growling]
Effin' woggos!
[Gruss] It was downhill from there.
[Aargh growling]
Let's go! Let's go!
[Aargh growling]
[Gruss] My break was over.
- [Fraulz] What?
- [Gruss] Time to get back to work.
[groans]
[Fraul] Neggy!
[Fraul screaming]
[pot shattering]
- [Aargh growling]
- [Fraul screaming]
[Fraul] Red phone! Red phone! Red phone!
[grunts]
[growls]
[siren wailing]
[Gruss] Fraulz were neggy loose
and woggo now.
They were cold pissed.
- [grunts]
- [blade whips]
[siren wails]
[Aargh growling]
[Fraulz screaming]
- [chuckles] Going where, Freyha?
- After the Plugotz, Tiara.
Very cold neggy, my second.
This attack's plastic for us.
- [crow cawing]
- [snickers]
When I call for a union with the Friscos,
they'll jump at it.
[chuckles]
We'll get rid of Vena, put in Lakella,
and I'll be riding high.
[snaps fingers]
Check?
Those effin' Fraulz
are gonna catch us damn sure!
[panting] Gruss, you get the men
safe to camp.
I'm gonna lead those Friscos
into The Contams.
- Let me go with.
- Neggy, Gruss, this is my screw-up.
Another horse will make more dust.
Check. I'll take your horse, too.
[siren wailing]
[growls]
Stop it!
- [growls, laughs]
- [siren wailing]
Gruss.
If they nuke me, you're Number One.
Never happen.
[Gruss] That's what I was sayin',
but not what I was feelin'.
[horse whinnies]
- [growls]
- [horse whinnies]
[Aargh growls]
[growls]
Trot it now, horse! Hah, hah, hah!
[horse whinnying]
Oh, plastic.
Oh.
What a day.
You're on your own.
[horse whinnies]
There's only one rider here.
That effin' Plugot tricked me.
[horse whinnies]
Plugotz got neggy smarts
for tricking nobody, Vena.
- Tell that to the Plugot, Lakella.
- [faint rustling]
After you... Tiara.
[arrow whistles]
[screams]
[Gruss] It was not turnin' out
to be one of Korvis' hotter days.
It scanned like the end for Korvis.
I would have been weepin' and wailin'
for my friend and leader.
- [gasping]
- Except for one little thing.
[groans]
[laughs]
[Gruss] From that moment on,
I gained a new respect
for the written word.
[sighs]
Now all Korvis had to do
was get out of there.
Wherever "there" was.
[grunts]
[creaks]
- [grunts]
- [grinding]
[metal creaking, clanking]
[grunting]
[wind howling]
[Korvis gasps]
[Korvis screaming]
- [power whining]
- Neggy! Neggy nuke me!
Neggy nuke Korvis!
Neggy, please! Neggy nuke me!
- [machine beeping]
- Neggy nuke me!
Ah! [moans]
Huh...?
Huh?
[machine beeping]
[beeps]
[hums]
[machine whirring]
What's it?
"Arms"?
[creaks]
- [sniffs]
- [machine beeping]
New book?
Huh.
- "Slide."
- [machine whirring]
"Switch."
- [clicks]
- [gasps]
Eh...
"Fire."
[buzzing]
Ha! [chuckles]
[laughs]
[gasps]
- Oh!
- [door beeping]
[beeping stops]
Oh...
[horse whinnies]
[Lakella] You're cold quiet.
Go back to the kome without me.
Where's to trot here, Tiara?
- I just need some time alone, Lakella.
- Be careful, Tiara.
I'll be.
- [faint beeping]
- Huh.
- [machine rattling]
- [Korvis chuckling]
Ah.
Hmm. [sighs]
Ah.
[taps glass]
Hmm. What's it?
- Mm.
- [remote clicking]
- [rapid beeping]
- [gasps]
Oh.
- Huh?
- [beeping continues]
[beeping]
- [gasps]
- Mr. President! Mr. President!
Prezy-dent? Where's the Prezy-dent?
Where's the Prezy-dent?
This is General Greer
onboard Looking Glass.
Prezy-dent?
It now appears, sir,
that the NORAD warning computers
reporting a massive Soviet first strike,
were in error,
and that negative Soviet
or Warsaw Pact missiles were fired first.
Talking picture's woggos!
Neggy Prezy-dent here, just Korvis!
However, in compliance
with standing presidential orders,
our computers initiated
a total retaliatory response.
All, I repeat,
all land and sea-based ICBMs
and all, repeat,
all cruise missiles have been launched.
At 0300 hours,
warning satellites confirmed,
repeat, confirmed a Soviet counterstrike.
Mr. President,
I know I can speak for all of us
when I say we didn't ask for this war.
But God damn, Mr. President,
we've won it!
Caught the Russkies with their pants down
Now it's up to you, sir,
to lead us into a new tomorrow.
Goodbye, and good luck, Mr. President.
[recording beeps, whistles]
[Gruss] Vena was following
the late Tiara's last wish.
What she was gonna discover
inside that cave
changed the way
things were supposed to go...
for the Fraulz and us.
[metal clanking]
[machine beeping, whirring]
[scoffs] Huh.
[machine whirring]
- [music blaring on radio]
- [yells] Hey! Stop it! Stop that noise!
Stop that noise! Stop it!
- [music stops]
- [sighs]
[music resumes]
[music stops]
- [music resumes]
- [laughs]
- If this is paradise
- I'm not having any fun
Hot box, cold one.
- If this is paradise
- Take me away
[Gruss] Lelz was desperate.
He'd gone to the very edge of The Contams
searching for his missing toys.
They were safe with us,
starting a new life.
[yells]
Ricky? Dove? Micky?
Where are you, little toys?
It's Lelz!
- [donkey braying]
- [horse whinnying]
[gulps]
Trot. Trot! Trot!
[grunts]
[Lelz] Trot. Trot!
Trot, trot! Trot! Trot!
- Trot! Trot! Trot!
- [donkey braying]
[whinnies]
Lelz simple toykeeper.
Neggy hurt, Prezy-dent.
Neggy hurt, please.
Lelz will do anything,
great and powerful Prezy-dent.
Anything. Just don't hurt me. Please.
Oh, I believe... I believe the legend,
great and powerful Prezy-dent.
I believe.
I scanned one day you'd come
and lead us to New Tomorrow.
And... and now you're here.
- Oh, I believe, Prezy-dent, I believe.
- [echoes] Stop!
Got a name, half-Fraul?
Lelz, oh, great and powerful Prezy-dent.
Lelz, the toykeeper.
Not anymore.
Neggy more toys, neggy more machos.
Neggy more toys?
Oh, that's a cold act for Lelz.
Very cold act.
What'll I do?
Prezy-dent gonna free all men from Fraulz.
Lelz helps, Prezy-dent will help Lelz.
But if Lelz hurts...
Lelz'll help, Lelz'll help.
Oh, great and powerful Prezy-dent.
- Lelz knows all about the komes.
- So?
I scanned Tiara Vena, the new Tiara Vena,
worried about proving herself,
and Tiara of Kansos wanting
to be Tiara of Frisco,
and Vena's hot friend
Lynka's being seeded.
- Seeded?
- Seeded.
And this, uh, Lynka hot tight with Vena?
Plastic hot, great one,
from the time they were small.
Hmm.
Prezy-dent let Lelz live.
For now.
But if Lelz talks
about scanning Prezy-dent...
My mouth's shut plastic tight.
Solemn swear. Solemn swear.
Check, check. Now trot it outta here.
[whimpers]
Halt!
Your cart.
Prezy-dent neggy need it.
Of course.
Eh, sorry.
[whimpers]
- [brays]
- Ah! Trot!
[laughs]
Lelz believes, Prezy-dent!
- "Prezy-dent." [chuckles]
- [donkey braying]
- [metal clanking]
- Okay, move 'em out.
Get another one. Very good.
More power there.
[bellows huffing]
[crows cawing]
- What's keeping her?
- Don't know!
Well, it better be damn hot,
making me wait like a macho!
[whipping]
[Gruss]
Vena found what she went looking for.
She couldn't wait to scan Morha
and Lakella her new plaything.
Except, dear Lakella
knew about it already.
[screams] Wepps from the 'Mercanz!
Not the 'Mercanz, Morha. I made 'em.
We're gonna use these "thunder rocks"
against the Plugotz.
You broke the regz.
You'll bring the curse on us!
[chuckles] It's me you're fearing, Morha,
not the curse.
[screams]
Tiara of Kansos fears neggy woman, hmm?
- [man grunting]
- [macho gasping]
[Gruss] Back at Camp Reagan,
we were tryin'
to turn the machos into men.
- We had a long way to go.
- [grunts, screams]
- [grunts]
- [gasps]
- [coughs]
- [laughter]
[man] Neggy macho.
[macho screaming]
- Ah! Ah!
- [laughing]
[grunts, gurgling]
I'm getting cold worried, Gruss.
Korvis should have been here by now.
I know.
[Aargh growling]
And just what do we do
with that Aargh thing?
[growls]
- It won't go away and it smells...
- Cold... oh!
Ugh.
[Aargh growling]
- What's it, Relk?
- I don't know.
- [faint music playing]
- [horse whinnying]
- If this is paradise
- What have we done?
- If this is paradise
- I'm talking to you
- If this is paradise
- Don't ask me when
- If this is paradise
- It can really happen
- If this is paradise
- We'll start over again
Over again
Over again, over again
Over again
[music stops]
- It's Korvis!
- Yeah!
- [crowd cheering]
- [Gruss] It's Korvis!
[laughter]
Oh! [laughs]
Easy, Gruss. I brought your horse back.
- Neggy worry!
- Neggy believe what I'm seeing.
- It's me, Relk.
- What's it all?
Hot wepps from the 'Mercanz.
[men murmuring]
[murmuring]
- [man 1] Hyah. Hyah.
- [man 2 grunts]
We're gonna learn how to use
these 'Mercan things.
Korvis, uh, try this.
It tastes cold woggos
but makes you feel hot plastic.
Huh. Great.
- [coughs]
- [laughing]
[Aargh growling]
[flies buzzing]
- [spray hisses]
- [yelps]
[laughs]
[spurts]
- [growls, laughs]
- [men laugh]
[Korvis] Gruss, Relk.
I want you men to knock out
the Friscos' seeding camp.
[both] Seeders?
- That sounds woggos to me.
- You said you were gonna starve them.
[Korvis] No, but scan this.
The Tiara's hottest friend
Lynka's being seeded now.
If we can grab her,
maybe we can trade her for a talk.
Save men some hard nukin'.
How do you scan that?
[Korvis] Uh, there was this,
eh, half-Fraul Lelz.
The Friscos' toykeeper.
He scanned me for Prezy-dent.
He was fearin' I was gonna nuke him
so I hot-talk him.
Korvis the Prezy-dent. Woggos, huh?
Yeah, that's woggos.
Would a Tiara talk to you?
Maybe not with Korvis.
But she'd have to with the Prezy-dent.
[man yells]
[horse neighing]
[Aargh growls]
[yells]
All of you come out here now!
Act like men, not like toys!
Troke nuked himself
with the 'Mercan wepp, scan it?
Troke did this!
Neggy spirits! Neggy curse!
Just Troke's screw-up!
Korvis hotter than man!
Korvis is the Prezy-dent!
The Prezy-dent is giving Gruss new powers!
New ways of scanning!
[men] Oh, neggy! Oh, neggy, neggy!
[grunts]
[men gasp]
Effin' plastic!
Follow the Prezy-dent!
Follow the Prezy-dent!
Follow the Prezy-dent!
The Prezy-dent!
Follow the Prezy-dent!
Follow the Prezy-dent!
Follow the Prezy-dent!
- Korvis Prezy-dent!
- Follow the Prezy-dent!
Korvis Prezy-dent!
[all] Korvis Prezy-dent!
[all cheering]
If this is paradise
If this is paradise
You'll stay here
while you're gettin' bigger.
After the birthing, we raise her.
[Lynka] I scan that.
[Fraulz giggling]
[Vena] But neggy fear, Lynka.
We've picked a clean seeder for you.
It knows what to do and how to do it.
[Lynka] Check, check.
[grunts]
[Gruss] In the time
of the 'Mercanz and Commies,
this place was called
Paradise Oil and Gas.
It's where the Fraulz made little Fraulz.
If they had a boy, cold day.
They threw 'em away like last year's eats.
Just lie down and close your eyes.
[Fraulz laughing, chattering]
It'll be all right, Lynka.
You're not the first woman
to get seeded.
Neggy yet.
[Lynka gasping]
[buzzes]
- Woggos.
- Hot plastic!
[panting]
Fraul called Lynka?
[panting]
Lynka?
- Check.
- Hot.
[Lynka whimpers]
Take off those Fraul rags, seeder.
You're free now.
If you want it.
[rocket whistles]
[Fraulz screaming]
[Fraulz screaming]
[rocket blasts]
- [Fraulz screaming]
- [rocket blasts]
["1812 Overture" blares on radio]
The Prezy-dent!
[Gruss] In a short time,
we learned to use those 'Mercanz things,
and Amie got a bright idea.
[music continues]
[Fraulz screaming]
[Fraulz screaming]
[rockets popping]
["1812 Overture" continues]
[volume fades]
The spirit of the Prezy-dent speaks!
[Fraul screaming]
[Korvis] The Prezy-dent is here now.
Hot scan what I say!
Tiara of Frisco,
you'll meet the Prezy-dent alone.
At high sun,
go to the edge of The Contams.
There you'll find your friend Lynka,
safe and unhurt.
But if you disobey,
then the Prezy-dent
will cold nuke all komes,
just like the 'Mercanz and Commies!
Tiara of Frisco,
time's now to change your world,
or end it!
[screaming]
[music ends]
[crickets chirping]
It's a trick! It's a cold Plugot trick!
Since when Plugotz sharp enough
for tricks like that, Morha?
When the Prezy-dent comes,
she'll be like me, a Kansos.
Never Plugot.
Legends don't say
what the Prezy-dent'll scan like.
If talking with this spirit
gets Lynka back, damn right I'll talk.
- Reya never would have.
- Reya's cold, Lakella.
- I'm the Tiara.
- Then act like a Tiara.
Fight! Nuke the Plugotz.
Neggy. I'm gonna follow
the Prezy-dent's command.
So, your Tiara's gonna talk
to a Plugot spirit, huh?
Wouldn't be happening
if you were the Tiara.
- But I'm not.
- Could be.
A victory against the Plugotz.
That would show your kome
who the real leader is, huh?
And with me behind you,
oh, you'd be more powerful
than Reya ever was.
Just one thing you need, eh?
What's it?
Thunder rocks.
Easy. I know just where to get them.
Oh.
You're sounding like a leader already...
[whispers] Tiara.
Fraul coming.
Well?
Clean as a Fraul.
I was hoping for more than that.
[chuckles]
Vena, Tiara of Frisco.
[voice echoes]
Korvis, the Prezy-dent.
Where's Lynka?
What Prezy says...
Prezy does.
[explosion echoes]
Hyah! Hyah!
[hoofbeats approaching]
[horse whinnies]
[Vena] Lynka.
I was so worried you were cold.
Or worse.
Oh, Vena.
I never figured scanning you again.
I'm okay, Tiara.
Nobody hurt me.
You go. Go on, Lynka.
And keep Lakella out of trouble.
[whinnies]
- Fraul's free.
- And me?
I've got something special
for Tiara's eyes only.
What's it?
Listen, nothing cold's
gonna happen to you,
you got the Prezy's word on it.
Tsk. Solemn swear?
Hmm. Solemn swear.
[whinnies]
[bubbling]
[Gruss] With Vena gone, Morha and Lakella
were cookin' up trouble.
Ah-hh.
- Ah-hh.
- [Fraulz murmuring]
Huh!
[drumming]
Somethin's cold here.
Tiara Vena said neggy
about attacking the Plugotz.
Check, check.
And where is Lakella going before battle?
Tiara's gotta tell you two neggy, huh?
If you're worried
about fighting the Plugotz,
you stay here with the Gramma.
It's you and Lakella we're worried about,
not the Plugotz.
[rattles]
[chuckles]
Save your heat for the Plugotz, huh?
- [grunts]
- Hit hard, harder.
[Fraulz grunting]
Gotta tell Prezy-dent.
All's gone cold. Neggy, neggy.
Gotta tell Prez...
Lelz?
Freeze it!
I gotta...
[screams]
[grunts]
[grunts]
[drumming stops]
Women of Kansos.
[crow cawing]
Women of Frisco.
[crow cawing]
Are you ready to finish off these
macho-stealing, kome-burning Plugotz?
[all] Yeah!
[all cheering]
[Fraul] Check!
What are we gonna do?
[all] Nuke the Plugotz!
What's it!?
[all] Nuke the Plugotz!
What's it?
[all] Nuke the Plugotz!
[drums playing]
- [Fraulz] Nuke the Plugotz!
- Cold sorry, Prezy-dent.
[Gruss] Lelz was down, but not out.
[all] Nuke the Plugotz!
Nuke the Plugotz!
Nuke the Plugotz!
[Vena] Okay, hot Prezy. Now what?
- Prezy-dent wants light!
- [machine whirring]
Careful. Don't wanna nuke the world.
Prezy's got more to show to you.
[door hisses]
[machine beeping]
Just one of the Prezy-dent's games.
[machine beeping]
The kome of the 'Mercanz.
Wow.
I-I've never scanned
anything like this before.
Prezy shelt the only thing
like this anywhere.
How come Prezy scanning all this to me?
Fraul still fearing Prezy?
Stop calling me Fraul!
- I'm woman.
- And me?
Don't know. Maybe spirit.
Maybe Plugot.
Neggy Plugot.
You...!
Put it away.
If I wanted to pain you
I wouldn't have brought you here.
How... how come you did?
- To talk.
- [scoffs] 'Bout?
Man.
And woman.
"Man"? [scoffs] What's it, man?
[Gruss] She was gonna find out.
I am a man.
Neggy macho.
Neggy toy.
Seeder?
Man.
Feel, flesh like Vena's.
Heart beats, like Vena's.
Eyes, ears, just like Vena's.
[Gruss] Korvis' ABC book
didn't cover this sort of thing.
Two leaders
had to, uh, feel their way along.
[screams]
[all screaming]
[screaming]
[distant screaming]
[whistle tweets]
What's it, Amie?
[yells]
Eff it! Well, damn!
Korvis talks, Fraulz attack,
and men get nuked again!
Where's Korvis? [panting]
[Gruss] He had his hands full
with high-level negotiations.
They had reached a delicate stage.
[yelling]
[Gruss whistling]
[yelling]
Amie!
You're not a fighter. You better hide now.
[huffs]
Amie!
This'll be a cold surprise for the Fraulz.
- [yelling]
- [Aargh growling]
[Gruss] And they had
a couple cold surprises for us.
[Fraulz chanting]
Nuke the Plugotz! Nuke the Plugotz!
Nuke the Plugotz! Nuke the Plugotz!
Nuke the Plugotz! Nuke the Plugotz!
Nuke the Plugotz! Nuke the Plugotz!
[growls]
[chanting continues]
Nuke the Plugotz! Nuke the Plugotz!
[screams]
[screams]
[Morha screaming]
[pops, hisses]
Smoke?
Eff this.
[growls]
[neighs]
Yah!
[Fraulz whooping, screaming]
[grunts]
Woggos!
[neighs]
[whipping]
[growls]
[neighs]
- [screams]
- [grunts]
[growls]
[Fraulz screaming]
Plugotz!
[grunts]
[both grunting]
[bone cracking]
[Fraulz grunting]
[groans]
[bodies thump]
Fraulz.
[yelps]
[grunts]
[screams]
[screams]
Hyah!
- Yi-yah!
- [bones cracking]
[all grunting]
- [grunts]
- Yi-yah!
[grunts]
- [screams]
- [grunts]
[screams]
[both grunting]
- [Fraul screams]
- [grunts]
[Gruss grunts]
[screams]
[grunts]
[screams]
[screams]
Eff it!
[screams]
Yah!
Goodbye, Plugot!
- Yah!
- [screams]
Hi-yah!
My hat!
Yah!
- Cold now, Fraul!
- [grunts]
[crashes]
Bye yourself, Fraul!
[Fraul screaming]
[debris clatters]
"Women of Frisco...
time comes now for New Tomorrow."
Neggy.
"Sisters of Frisco..."
[horse whinnies]
Just simple toykeeper.
[Gruss] Lelz was still trying
to get to the Prezy-dent.
The man was motivated.
What's it, Lelz? What's happened?
Tiara Vena talking with Great One.
Lakella and Morha attacked Plugotz!
[grunts]
[gasping] Tell Prez
Lelz believes...
[crow cawing]
[Fraul 1] Redcross!
Redcross!
- [Fraul 2 coughs]
- [Fraul 3] Cross!
[Fraul 3] Cross!
- [Aargh moans]
- Here, Amie.
Gruss...?
Amie? Amie.
Don't go cold, Amie.
Please.
Stay with Korvis.
[sobs]
While you were talkin',
Fraulz were nukin'.
Vena told me lies.
Cold damn lies!
- Gruss.
- [sniffles]
Let's get the horses.
[whinnies]
[neighs]
You want revenge, Korvis?
Take it.
I won't stop you.
Revenge? Not hot enough for you.
Talking New Tomorrow and doing what Fraulz
always done, nukin' and painin'!
You were tricked, and so was I!
But it'll never happen again.
Solemn swear.
Effing right it won't.
This is what you want?
More nukin'?
More fightin'?
Your choice, Korvis.
What's it gonna be?
I want you, Vena.
New Tomorrow starts with us.
Now.
[Gruss] We didn't know
what Vena and Korvis were doing.
The harder we scanned,
the hotter it looked.
[pops]
[crossbow clatters]
[pops]
[crossbow clatters]
[Gruss] Maybe there was somethin' men
and women could do with each other
'sides fightin' and nukin'.
I was gonna find out.
[clattering]
[music playing]
[Aargh growling]
Well, it came without a warning
After the nuclear morning
And I said to myself,
"What a waste of a wonderful day"
Well, the air was getting heavy
So I loaded up the Chevy
I switched the radio on
But the radio wouldn't play
I got this cloud hanging over my head
I should never have left my baby
Was it something that I said?
If this is paradise
If this is paradise
- If this is paradise
- What have we done?
- If this is paradise
- I'm not having any fun
- If this is paradise
- Take me away
Well, we never spend the nights out
'Cause we can never turn
The lights out
The sun is always shining down
Twenty-four hours a day
Well, the last thing I remember
We gained a second in December
And Christmas
Was another tropical holiday
I'll keep on hoping
This is just a dream
That things aren't what they seem
And don't I hear somebody scream
If this is paradise
If this is paradise
- If this is paradise
- What will we do?
- If this is paradise
- I'm talking to you
- If this is paradise
- Don't ask me when
- If this is paradise
- It can really happen
- If this is paradise
- We'll start over again
Over again, over again
Over again
Over again
[horse whinnies]
[whip cracking]
[thunder rumbling]
[whip cracking]
[clanging]
[man]They caught me
and a bunch of others on a Plugot roundup.
"Plugotz" are what the Fraulz
called us then.
That's a Fraul. They ran everything.
And that's me, Gruss,
a prisoner in the kome of the Friscos.
Their ruler, the Tiara,
she was givin' us a hot scan
decidin' what she was gonna do with us.
I didn't need heavy smarts
to figure things were going cold neggy...
That means "very bad."
[Tiara] Seeder.
Macho.
Macho.
[Gruss]
The Fraulz called their slaves "machos."
- They did all the hard work.
- [Tiara] Macho.
[Gruss] It sure wasn't somethin'
I wanted to be.
[man grunts]
- [grunts]
- Spirited.
[gasps]
Seeder.
Machos, mark him.
[Gruss] Seeders were for one thing
and one thing only...
Makin' baby Fraulz.
The Tiara had picked Korvis out
for her own daughter, Vena.
[sizzling]
Oh.
[screams]
[Gruss] Didn't take much
to get the Fraulz excited.
The least little thing would set them off.
[screaming, grunting]
- Red phone, red phone, red phone!
- [siren wailing]
Get that Plugot!
- [Fraul] Red phone! Red phone!
- [horse whinnying]
- Red phone!
- [grunts]
[whinnies]
[Gruss] I was hot-scannin' for a way out.
I decided to take the first offer
that came along.
[Fraulz screaming]
- [horse whinnying]
- [men gasping]
[screaming]
[Gruss] We headed straight
for the old radiation zone.
The Fraulz call it "The Contams."
We didn't know what we'd find there,
but we knew one thing,
- they wouldn't follow us inside.
- [Fraul 1] Hyah! Hyah!
[Gruss] It was against their "regz"...
Their rules.
[indistinct chatter]
[Fraul 2] Let's go. Hyah!
Hyah, hyah! Hyah! Hyah!
[metal clanking]
[Gruss] It was cold hard, but we survived.
One day, Korvis and me were scroungin'
for somethin' we could use.
What we found
would change our world forever.
Uh, not the hat.
The book.
[man] Hey!
[metal clanking]
[Gruss] Determined to free ourselves
from the Fraulz,
we banded together in The Contams.
We built our own kome out of pieces
of a nuked 'Mercanz base
called "Camp Reagan."
I never did figure out
what a "Reagan" was.
[voices overlapping]
"Hor-sss..."
"Ho-rrsss... horse."
Mmm...
"Mm-maa-an."
"Man."
"Man."
"Man."
"Man."
Neggy Plugot.
I'm a man.
I'm a man.
[indistinct chatter]
[growls]
[Gruss] To the Fraulz,
all men were Plugotz,
but there was a difference
between these hairy beasts and us.
[growling]
[speaking Plugotz]
[Gruss] They were dumb and hungry.
[grunts]
Really dumb.
And really hungry.
[grunts, laughs]
[Plugotz screaming]
[screaming]
[horse groans]
[grunts]
- [cracks]
- [neighing]
[Gruss] In those days, there was neggy
such thing as a free lunch.
- [screams]
- You got what you worked for.
- [grunts]
- [Fraul screaming]
Hyah!
- [Plugot groaning]
- [growls]
[pants]
[grunts] Hyah!
Hyah!
Ugh!
[Fraul] Behind you!
[grunts]
[screams]
[grunts]
Hyah!
- [whip cracks]
- [both screaming]
[Gruss] Taking charge,
Vena snapped into action!
- [screams]
- [whip cracks]
[cracks]
[screams]
[growls]
[whip cracks]
[whip cracking]
[Gruss] Plugotz started scurryin'.
But not soon enough.
[growls]
[animal squawks]
[scraping]
Meanwhile, back at the kome,
things were going on as usual.
Lakella, the Tiara's second,
or next in line,
was sharpenin' up her act.
[whips]
A Fraul was taking
her final warrior's test.
[growls]
[Gruss] Trying to survive a meeting
with Aargh the Awful.
Fallout from the Great Nuke
had forced Aargh
to take a detour from the human race.
[growls, laughs]
And from the scan of him,
he was neggy gonna find the way back.
[Aargh growling]
[laughs]
- [bell ringing]
- [rumbling]
Redcross! Redcross!
Ha! Yah!
[sentry] Redcross! Redcross!
- [horse neighs]
- Oh!
Oh, my.
What'll happen to us, dear toys,
if anything happens to the Tiara?
[Fraul] Neggy.
[softly] Oh, Tiara.
[chanting]
Redcross, Redcross, Redcross.
[medic] Redcross, Redcross, Redcross.
[gags]
[Tiara gasping, coughing]
[sighs]
Lakella. Vena.
My children. Closer.
I'm going cold.
Real cold.
[breathes deeply]
Time's now for new Tiara.
A leader to take us from the past
into a new life.
It was my dream, make it yours.
Vena, my daughter,
you're the Tiara.
Neggy, Reya.
I'm not the one.
You are now.
[Tiara] Listen.
In my shelt, a map.
[shudders]
Follow it.
Reya, please. I don't want to be Tiara.
[crow cawing]
Cold.
- Tiara!
- [all] Tiara!
Sister?
I serve the Tiara.
Hot.
[Gruss] While the Fraulz were weeping,
Korvis and me were scrounging.
Scanned like, some tasty leftovers.
[flies buzzing]
I went for the wepps.
Korvis went for the eats.
He found more than he bargained for.
[grunts]
[gasps]
[Gruss] Amie.
Amie was an escaped toy.
Fraulz kept them as pets,
called them "toys,"
To make plastic sure they'd stay quiet,
they cut off their tongues.
To keep them gentle,
they cut off somethin' else.
[distant rumbling]
[whispers] Come on.
- [bell clanging]
- [horse neighs]
[gate creaking]
I, Lakella, second to Vena,
Tiara of Frisco,
give you safe shelter.
I, Freyha, second to Morha,
Tiara of Kansos, accept your safe shelter.
Hot surprise, eh, Lakella?
Your sister bein' Tiara, not you.
We Kansos figured you for it.
Reya's choice, Tiara Morha.
- You go with it?
- It's done.
You could always challenge, Lakella, hmm?
The party will be soon, Tiara Morha.
Lakella's pissed at her sister
being Tiara, eh?
Maybe something
for us Kansos in this, huh?
[bells chiming]
Hot, you made it, Tiara.
Neggy miss it, Vena.
Lots to talk 'bout.
Today's for partyin', not for talkin'.
Plenty of time for both, Vena.
[claps]
Once, the world was green and livin'.
Then was the Great Nuke.
Death lived everywhere.
All were born sick and unclean.
A livin' curse
from the 'Mercanz and Commies.
Then one day, a baby was born,
clean and clear,
and the livin' curse was over!
The child grew strong and beautiful.
- And she was called...
- [all] Woman!
Woman taught her children
to follow the Tiara
and obey the regz,
and the earth lived again!
But some disobeyed the regz,
and from them came the children
of darkness and disease!
[all] Plugotz!
Plugotz to be hunted and nuked
till neggy are left!
Vena of Frisco,
solemn swear to enforce the regz,
oversee the birthin' and rule the kome
till the Prezy-dent comes
to lead us into New Tomorrow.
Solemn swear.
[fire puffs]
- [indistinct chatter]
- [music playing]
[Fraul] Come on! Come on! Hey!
Come on now, Fraulz!
[screams] Come on!
[screaming]
[spits]
[Fraulz clamoring, laughing]
[Gruss] The Fraulz were havin' a hot time.
But we were gettin' ready to give them
a hot time of our own.
Fraulz, hot partyin',
getting all loose and woggoed.
Effin' Fraulz.
- [crossbow pops]
- Nuke 'em all.
Neggy, Gruss. Nuking Fraulz
gets us nothing but nuked Fraulz.
But, we burn their food shelts,
free the machos, Fraulz starve.
This kind of hide and seekin'
makes me feel cold.
Well, you gotta get hot
on new ways, Gruss.
We're gonna be better than the Fraulz.
We waited a long cold time.
Now we set it right.
Neggy more machos.
Neggy more toys.
Neggy more seeders?
Neggy more seeders.
Just men.
[music playing]
[metal clanking]
[blade whips]
- [blade pops]
- Aw.
Eff it. Gimme another one.
[grunts]
How do you figure it, Tiara?
Well, Vena ain't Reya.
She's weak, eh?
[laughs] And her sister Lakella
wants to be Tiara, huh?
[laughs] Yeah, a little push here.
A little rumor there, eh...?
[both laughing]
Soon they'll be fighting each other
like Plugotz in heat, huh? [chuckles]
And I'll pick up the pieces, eh?
[bird cawing]
Tiara?
The map of The Contams.
Reya's last wish.
I got neggy choice.
- Well, be careful, Vena.
- [sighs]
Just because you're Tiara
doesn't mean you can break the regz.
If Lakella finds you're going there,
she'll death-challenge you for sure.
Don't worry, Lynka, I'll be careful.
[chuckles] And I got you on my side.
Not much longer.
My season's here.
Your season?
Woggos. When?
Oh, day next.
Oh, being Tiara's easy next to seedin'.
Seedin's a cold act,
but it's gotta be done.
Well, I'll be there
for the birthin', Lynka.
Solemn swear.
Thanks, Vena.
And don't worry about being Tiara.
I know you're gonna be number one,
real hot.
[crow cawing]
Let's go.
- This may be woggos.
- Great time to think of it.
[Gruss] Korvis knew just how
to create confidence in his men.
He was a born leader.
[Fraul gasps]
[gate creaking]
[whispers]
[Gruss] We expected the machos
to greet us with open arms.
We were wrong.
[grunting]
[grunts]
I'm getting Korvis.
Shh. Ha!
[machos grunting]
- Korvis.
- What's it?
Trouble with machos.
Eff it.
- [cork pops]
- [liquid fizzes]
[Gruss] Stealin' from the Fraulz
was hard work.
I needed somethin' to cool me off.
[muffled cough]
I needed some more.
- [machos murmuring]
- I'm Korvis.
I'm a free man.
You're machos. Slaves!
You like crap eats? You like being beaten?
Treated like beasts?
We're offering freedom.
Neggy more beatings.
Neggy more macho pits. Freedom. Scan it?
You hungry?
We got hot eats.
Plenty more where that came from.
Fraulz took his tongue, not his head.
- [Korvis grunts]
- [machos gasp]
- Who's next?
- [machos grunting]
[Gruss] Everything was going hot plastic,
until...
Come outta there!
[grunts]
I won't leave any man behind!
[Aargh growling]
Effin' woggos!
[Gruss] It was downhill from there.
[Aargh growling]
Let's go! Let's go!
[Aargh growling]
[Gruss] My break was over.
- [Fraulz] What?
- [Gruss] Time to get back to work.
[groans]
[Fraul] Neggy!
[Fraul screaming]
[pot shattering]
- [Aargh growling]
- [Fraul screaming]
[Fraul] Red phone! Red phone! Red phone!
[grunts]
[growls]
[siren wailing]
[Gruss] Fraulz were neggy loose
and woggo now.
They were cold pissed.
- [grunts]
- [blade whips]
[siren wails]
[Aargh growling]
[Fraulz screaming]
- [chuckles] Going where, Freyha?
- After the Plugotz, Tiara.
Very cold neggy, my second.
This attack's plastic for us.
- [crow cawing]
- [snickers]
When I call for a union with the Friscos,
they'll jump at it.
[chuckles]
We'll get rid of Vena, put in Lakella,
and I'll be riding high.
[snaps fingers]
Check?
Those effin' Fraulz
are gonna catch us damn sure!
[panting] Gruss, you get the men
safe to camp.
I'm gonna lead those Friscos
into The Contams.
- Let me go with.
- Neggy, Gruss, this is my screw-up.
Another horse will make more dust.
Check. I'll take your horse, too.
[siren wailing]
[growls]
Stop it!
- [growls, laughs]
- [siren wailing]
Gruss.
If they nuke me, you're Number One.
Never happen.
[Gruss] That's what I was sayin',
but not what I was feelin'.
[horse whinnies]
- [growls]
- [horse whinnies]
[Aargh growls]
[growls]
Trot it now, horse! Hah, hah, hah!
[horse whinnying]
Oh, plastic.
Oh.
What a day.
You're on your own.
[horse whinnies]
There's only one rider here.
That effin' Plugot tricked me.
[horse whinnies]
Plugotz got neggy smarts
for tricking nobody, Vena.
- Tell that to the Plugot, Lakella.
- [faint rustling]
After you... Tiara.
[arrow whistles]
[screams]
[Gruss] It was not turnin' out
to be one of Korvis' hotter days.
It scanned like the end for Korvis.
I would have been weepin' and wailin'
for my friend and leader.
- [gasping]
- Except for one little thing.
[groans]
[laughs]
[Gruss] From that moment on,
I gained a new respect
for the written word.
[sighs]
Now all Korvis had to do
was get out of there.
Wherever "there" was.
[grunts]
[creaks]
- [grunts]
- [grinding]
[metal creaking, clanking]
[grunting]
[wind howling]
[Korvis gasps]
[Korvis screaming]
- [power whining]
- Neggy! Neggy nuke me!
Neggy nuke Korvis!
Neggy, please! Neggy nuke me!
- [machine beeping]
- Neggy nuke me!
Ah! [moans]
Huh...?
Huh?
[machine beeping]
[beeps]
[hums]
[machine whirring]
What's it?
"Arms"?
[creaks]
- [sniffs]
- [machine beeping]
New book?
Huh.
- "Slide."
- [machine whirring]
"Switch."
- [clicks]
- [gasps]
Eh...
"Fire."
[buzzing]
Ha! [chuckles]
[laughs]
[gasps]
- Oh!
- [door beeping]
[beeping stops]
Oh...
[horse whinnies]
[Lakella] You're cold quiet.
Go back to the kome without me.
Where's to trot here, Tiara?
- I just need some time alone, Lakella.
- Be careful, Tiara.
I'll be.
- [faint beeping]
- Huh.
- [machine rattling]
- [Korvis chuckling]
Ah.
Hmm. [sighs]
Ah.
[taps glass]
Hmm. What's it?
- Mm.
- [remote clicking]
- [rapid beeping]
- [gasps]
Oh.
- Huh?
- [beeping continues]
[beeping]
- [gasps]
- Mr. President! Mr. President!
Prezy-dent? Where's the Prezy-dent?
Where's the Prezy-dent?
This is General Greer
onboard Looking Glass.
Prezy-dent?
It now appears, sir,
that the NORAD warning computers
reporting a massive Soviet first strike,
were in error,
and that negative Soviet
or Warsaw Pact missiles were fired first.
Talking picture's woggos!
Neggy Prezy-dent here, just Korvis!
However, in compliance
with standing presidential orders,
our computers initiated
a total retaliatory response.
All, I repeat,
all land and sea-based ICBMs
and all, repeat,
all cruise missiles have been launched.
At 0300 hours,
warning satellites confirmed,
repeat, confirmed a Soviet counterstrike.
Mr. President,
I know I can speak for all of us
when I say we didn't ask for this war.
But God damn, Mr. President,
we've won it!
Caught the Russkies with their pants down
Now it's up to you, sir,
to lead us into a new tomorrow.
Goodbye, and good luck, Mr. President.
[recording beeps, whistles]
[Gruss] Vena was following
the late Tiara's last wish.
What she was gonna discover
inside that cave
changed the way
things were supposed to go...
for the Fraulz and us.
[metal clanking]
[machine beeping, whirring]
[scoffs] Huh.
[machine whirring]
- [music blaring on radio]
- [yells] Hey! Stop it! Stop that noise!
Stop that noise! Stop it!
- [music stops]
- [sighs]
[music resumes]
[music stops]
- [music resumes]
- [laughs]
- If this is paradise
- I'm not having any fun
Hot box, cold one.
- If this is paradise
- Take me away
[Gruss] Lelz was desperate.
He'd gone to the very edge of The Contams
searching for his missing toys.
They were safe with us,
starting a new life.
[yells]
Ricky? Dove? Micky?
Where are you, little toys?
It's Lelz!
- [donkey braying]
- [horse whinnying]
[gulps]
Trot. Trot! Trot!
[grunts]
[Lelz] Trot. Trot!
Trot, trot! Trot! Trot!
- Trot! Trot! Trot!
- [donkey braying]
[whinnies]
Lelz simple toykeeper.
Neggy hurt, Prezy-dent.
Neggy hurt, please.
Lelz will do anything,
great and powerful Prezy-dent.
Anything. Just don't hurt me. Please.
Oh, I believe... I believe the legend,
great and powerful Prezy-dent.
I believe.
I scanned one day you'd come
and lead us to New Tomorrow.
And... and now you're here.
- Oh, I believe, Prezy-dent, I believe.
- [echoes] Stop!
Got a name, half-Fraul?
Lelz, oh, great and powerful Prezy-dent.
Lelz, the toykeeper.
Not anymore.
Neggy more toys, neggy more machos.
Neggy more toys?
Oh, that's a cold act for Lelz.
Very cold act.
What'll I do?
Prezy-dent gonna free all men from Fraulz.
Lelz helps, Prezy-dent will help Lelz.
But if Lelz hurts...
Lelz'll help, Lelz'll help.
Oh, great and powerful Prezy-dent.
- Lelz knows all about the komes.
- So?
I scanned Tiara Vena, the new Tiara Vena,
worried about proving herself,
and Tiara of Kansos wanting
to be Tiara of Frisco,
and Vena's hot friend
Lynka's being seeded.
- Seeded?
- Seeded.
And this, uh, Lynka hot tight with Vena?
Plastic hot, great one,
from the time they were small.
Hmm.
Prezy-dent let Lelz live.
For now.
But if Lelz talks
about scanning Prezy-dent...
My mouth's shut plastic tight.
Solemn swear. Solemn swear.
Check, check. Now trot it outta here.
[whimpers]
Halt!
Your cart.
Prezy-dent neggy need it.
Of course.
Eh, sorry.
[whimpers]
- [brays]
- Ah! Trot!
[laughs]
Lelz believes, Prezy-dent!
- "Prezy-dent." [chuckles]
- [donkey braying]
- [metal clanking]
- Okay, move 'em out.
Get another one. Very good.
More power there.
[bellows huffing]
[crows cawing]
- What's keeping her?
- Don't know!
Well, it better be damn hot,
making me wait like a macho!
[whipping]
[Gruss]
Vena found what she went looking for.
She couldn't wait to scan Morha
and Lakella her new plaything.
Except, dear Lakella
knew about it already.
[screams] Wepps from the 'Mercanz!
Not the 'Mercanz, Morha. I made 'em.
We're gonna use these "thunder rocks"
against the Plugotz.
You broke the regz.
You'll bring the curse on us!
[chuckles] It's me you're fearing, Morha,
not the curse.
[screams]
Tiara of Kansos fears neggy woman, hmm?
- [man grunting]
- [macho gasping]
[Gruss] Back at Camp Reagan,
we were tryin'
to turn the machos into men.
- We had a long way to go.
- [grunts, screams]
- [grunts]
- [gasps]
- [coughs]
- [laughter]
[man] Neggy macho.
[macho screaming]
- Ah! Ah!
- [laughing]
[grunts, gurgling]
I'm getting cold worried, Gruss.
Korvis should have been here by now.
I know.
[Aargh growling]
And just what do we do
with that Aargh thing?
[growls]
- It won't go away and it smells...
- Cold... oh!
Ugh.
[Aargh growling]
- What's it, Relk?
- I don't know.
- [faint music playing]
- [horse whinnying]
- If this is paradise
- What have we done?
- If this is paradise
- I'm talking to you
- If this is paradise
- Don't ask me when
- If this is paradise
- It can really happen
- If this is paradise
- We'll start over again
Over again
Over again, over again
Over again
[music stops]
- It's Korvis!
- Yeah!
- [crowd cheering]
- [Gruss] It's Korvis!
[laughter]
Oh! [laughs]
Easy, Gruss. I brought your horse back.
- Neggy worry!
- Neggy believe what I'm seeing.
- It's me, Relk.
- What's it all?
Hot wepps from the 'Mercanz.
[men murmuring]
[murmuring]
- [man 1] Hyah. Hyah.
- [man 2 grunts]
We're gonna learn how to use
these 'Mercan things.
Korvis, uh, try this.
It tastes cold woggos
but makes you feel hot plastic.
Huh. Great.
- [coughs]
- [laughing]
[Aargh growling]
[flies buzzing]
- [spray hisses]
- [yelps]
[laughs]
[spurts]
- [growls, laughs]
- [men laugh]
[Korvis] Gruss, Relk.
I want you men to knock out
the Friscos' seeding camp.
[both] Seeders?
- That sounds woggos to me.
- You said you were gonna starve them.
[Korvis] No, but scan this.
The Tiara's hottest friend
Lynka's being seeded now.
If we can grab her,
maybe we can trade her for a talk.
Save men some hard nukin'.
How do you scan that?
[Korvis] Uh, there was this,
eh, half-Fraul Lelz.
The Friscos' toykeeper.
He scanned me for Prezy-dent.
He was fearin' I was gonna nuke him
so I hot-talk him.
Korvis the Prezy-dent. Woggos, huh?
Yeah, that's woggos.
Would a Tiara talk to you?
Maybe not with Korvis.
But she'd have to with the Prezy-dent.
[man yells]
[horse neighing]
[Aargh growls]
[yells]
All of you come out here now!
Act like men, not like toys!
Troke nuked himself
with the 'Mercan wepp, scan it?
Troke did this!
Neggy spirits! Neggy curse!
Just Troke's screw-up!
Korvis hotter than man!
Korvis is the Prezy-dent!
The Prezy-dent is giving Gruss new powers!
New ways of scanning!
[men] Oh, neggy! Oh, neggy, neggy!
[grunts]
[men gasp]
Effin' plastic!
Follow the Prezy-dent!
Follow the Prezy-dent!
Follow the Prezy-dent!
The Prezy-dent!
Follow the Prezy-dent!
Follow the Prezy-dent!
Follow the Prezy-dent!
- Korvis Prezy-dent!
- Follow the Prezy-dent!
Korvis Prezy-dent!
[all] Korvis Prezy-dent!
[all cheering]
If this is paradise
If this is paradise
You'll stay here
while you're gettin' bigger.
After the birthing, we raise her.
[Lynka] I scan that.
[Fraulz giggling]
[Vena] But neggy fear, Lynka.
We've picked a clean seeder for you.
It knows what to do and how to do it.
[Lynka] Check, check.
[grunts]
[Gruss] In the time
of the 'Mercanz and Commies,
this place was called
Paradise Oil and Gas.
It's where the Fraulz made little Fraulz.
If they had a boy, cold day.
They threw 'em away like last year's eats.
Just lie down and close your eyes.
[Fraulz laughing, chattering]
It'll be all right, Lynka.
You're not the first woman
to get seeded.
Neggy yet.
[Lynka gasping]
[buzzes]
- Woggos.
- Hot plastic!
[panting]
Fraul called Lynka?
[panting]
Lynka?
- Check.
- Hot.
[Lynka whimpers]
Take off those Fraul rags, seeder.
You're free now.
If you want it.
[rocket whistles]
[Fraulz screaming]
[Fraulz screaming]
[rocket blasts]
- [Fraulz screaming]
- [rocket blasts]
["1812 Overture" blares on radio]
The Prezy-dent!
[Gruss] In a short time,
we learned to use those 'Mercanz things,
and Amie got a bright idea.
[music continues]
[Fraulz screaming]
[Fraulz screaming]
[rockets popping]
["1812 Overture" continues]
[volume fades]
The spirit of the Prezy-dent speaks!
[Fraul screaming]
[Korvis] The Prezy-dent is here now.
Hot scan what I say!
Tiara of Frisco,
you'll meet the Prezy-dent alone.
At high sun,
go to the edge of The Contams.
There you'll find your friend Lynka,
safe and unhurt.
But if you disobey,
then the Prezy-dent
will cold nuke all komes,
just like the 'Mercanz and Commies!
Tiara of Frisco,
time's now to change your world,
or end it!
[screaming]
[music ends]
[crickets chirping]
It's a trick! It's a cold Plugot trick!
Since when Plugotz sharp enough
for tricks like that, Morha?
When the Prezy-dent comes,
she'll be like me, a Kansos.
Never Plugot.
Legends don't say
what the Prezy-dent'll scan like.
If talking with this spirit
gets Lynka back, damn right I'll talk.
- Reya never would have.
- Reya's cold, Lakella.
- I'm the Tiara.
- Then act like a Tiara.
Fight! Nuke the Plugotz.
Neggy. I'm gonna follow
the Prezy-dent's command.
So, your Tiara's gonna talk
to a Plugot spirit, huh?
Wouldn't be happening
if you were the Tiara.
- But I'm not.
- Could be.
A victory against the Plugotz.
That would show your kome
who the real leader is, huh?
And with me behind you,
oh, you'd be more powerful
than Reya ever was.
Just one thing you need, eh?
What's it?
Thunder rocks.
Easy. I know just where to get them.
Oh.
You're sounding like a leader already...
[whispers] Tiara.
Fraul coming.
Well?
Clean as a Fraul.
I was hoping for more than that.
[chuckles]
Vena, Tiara of Frisco.
[voice echoes]
Korvis, the Prezy-dent.
Where's Lynka?
What Prezy says...
Prezy does.
[explosion echoes]
Hyah! Hyah!
[hoofbeats approaching]
[horse whinnies]
[Vena] Lynka.
I was so worried you were cold.
Or worse.
Oh, Vena.
I never figured scanning you again.
I'm okay, Tiara.
Nobody hurt me.
You go. Go on, Lynka.
And keep Lakella out of trouble.
[whinnies]
- Fraul's free.
- And me?
I've got something special
for Tiara's eyes only.
What's it?
Listen, nothing cold's
gonna happen to you,
you got the Prezy's word on it.
Tsk. Solemn swear?
Hmm. Solemn swear.
[whinnies]
[bubbling]
[Gruss] With Vena gone, Morha and Lakella
were cookin' up trouble.
Ah-hh.
- Ah-hh.
- [Fraulz murmuring]
Huh!
[drumming]
Somethin's cold here.
Tiara Vena said neggy
about attacking the Plugotz.
Check, check.
And where is Lakella going before battle?
Tiara's gotta tell you two neggy, huh?
If you're worried
about fighting the Plugotz,
you stay here with the Gramma.
It's you and Lakella we're worried about,
not the Plugotz.
[rattles]
[chuckles]
Save your heat for the Plugotz, huh?
- [grunts]
- Hit hard, harder.
[Fraulz grunting]
Gotta tell Prezy-dent.
All's gone cold. Neggy, neggy.
Gotta tell Prez...
Lelz?
Freeze it!
I gotta...
[screams]
[grunts]
[grunts]
[drumming stops]
Women of Kansos.
[crow cawing]
Women of Frisco.
[crow cawing]
Are you ready to finish off these
macho-stealing, kome-burning Plugotz?
[all] Yeah!
[all cheering]
[Fraul] Check!
What are we gonna do?
[all] Nuke the Plugotz!
What's it!?
[all] Nuke the Plugotz!
What's it?
[all] Nuke the Plugotz!
[drums playing]
- [Fraulz] Nuke the Plugotz!
- Cold sorry, Prezy-dent.
[Gruss] Lelz was down, but not out.
[all] Nuke the Plugotz!
Nuke the Plugotz!
Nuke the Plugotz!
[Vena] Okay, hot Prezy. Now what?
- Prezy-dent wants light!
- [machine whirring]
Careful. Don't wanna nuke the world.
Prezy's got more to show to you.
[door hisses]
[machine beeping]
Just one of the Prezy-dent's games.
[machine beeping]
The kome of the 'Mercanz.
Wow.
I-I've never scanned
anything like this before.
Prezy shelt the only thing
like this anywhere.
How come Prezy scanning all this to me?
Fraul still fearing Prezy?
Stop calling me Fraul!
- I'm woman.
- And me?
Don't know. Maybe spirit.
Maybe Plugot.
Neggy Plugot.
You...!
Put it away.
If I wanted to pain you
I wouldn't have brought you here.
How... how come you did?
- To talk.
- [scoffs] 'Bout?
Man.
And woman.
"Man"? [scoffs] What's it, man?
[Gruss] She was gonna find out.
I am a man.
Neggy macho.
Neggy toy.
Seeder?
Man.
Feel, flesh like Vena's.
Heart beats, like Vena's.
Eyes, ears, just like Vena's.
[Gruss] Korvis' ABC book
didn't cover this sort of thing.
Two leaders
had to, uh, feel their way along.
[screams]
[all screaming]
[screaming]
[distant screaming]
[whistle tweets]
What's it, Amie?
[yells]
Eff it! Well, damn!
Korvis talks, Fraulz attack,
and men get nuked again!
Where's Korvis? [panting]
[Gruss] He had his hands full
with high-level negotiations.
They had reached a delicate stage.
[yelling]
[Gruss whistling]
[yelling]
Amie!
You're not a fighter. You better hide now.
[huffs]
Amie!
This'll be a cold surprise for the Fraulz.
- [yelling]
- [Aargh growling]
[Gruss] And they had
a couple cold surprises for us.
[Fraulz chanting]
Nuke the Plugotz! Nuke the Plugotz!
Nuke the Plugotz! Nuke the Plugotz!
Nuke the Plugotz! Nuke the Plugotz!
Nuke the Plugotz! Nuke the Plugotz!
[growls]
[chanting continues]
Nuke the Plugotz! Nuke the Plugotz!
[screams]
[screams]
[Morha screaming]
[pops, hisses]
Smoke?
Eff this.
[growls]
[neighs]
Yah!
[Fraulz whooping, screaming]
[grunts]
Woggos!
[neighs]
[whipping]
[growls]
[neighs]
- [screams]
- [grunts]
[growls]
[Fraulz screaming]
Plugotz!
[grunts]
[both grunting]
[bone cracking]
[Fraulz grunting]
[groans]
[bodies thump]
Fraulz.
[yelps]
[grunts]
[screams]
[screams]
Hyah!
- Yi-yah!
- [bones cracking]
[all grunting]
- [grunts]
- Yi-yah!
[grunts]
- [screams]
- [grunts]
[screams]
[both grunting]
- [Fraul screams]
- [grunts]
[Gruss grunts]
[screams]
[grunts]
[screams]
[screams]
Eff it!
[screams]
Yah!
Goodbye, Plugot!
- Yah!
- [screams]
Hi-yah!
My hat!
Yah!
- Cold now, Fraul!
- [grunts]
[crashes]
Bye yourself, Fraul!
[Fraul screaming]
[debris clatters]
"Women of Frisco...
time comes now for New Tomorrow."
Neggy.
"Sisters of Frisco..."
[horse whinnies]
Just simple toykeeper.
[Gruss] Lelz was still trying
to get to the Prezy-dent.
The man was motivated.
What's it, Lelz? What's happened?
Tiara Vena talking with Great One.
Lakella and Morha attacked Plugotz!
[grunts]
[gasping] Tell Prez
Lelz believes...
[crow cawing]
[Fraul 1] Redcross!
Redcross!
- [Fraul 2 coughs]
- [Fraul 3] Cross!
[Fraul 3] Cross!
- [Aargh moans]
- Here, Amie.
Gruss...?
Amie? Amie.
Don't go cold, Amie.
Please.
Stay with Korvis.
[sobs]
While you were talkin',
Fraulz were nukin'.
Vena told me lies.
Cold damn lies!
- Gruss.
- [sniffles]
Let's get the horses.
[whinnies]
[neighs]
You want revenge, Korvis?
Take it.
I won't stop you.
Revenge? Not hot enough for you.
Talking New Tomorrow and doing what Fraulz
always done, nukin' and painin'!
You were tricked, and so was I!
But it'll never happen again.
Solemn swear.
Effing right it won't.
This is what you want?
More nukin'?
More fightin'?
Your choice, Korvis.
What's it gonna be?
I want you, Vena.
New Tomorrow starts with us.
Now.
[Gruss] We didn't know
what Vena and Korvis were doing.
The harder we scanned,
the hotter it looked.
[pops]
[crossbow clatters]
[pops]
[crossbow clatters]
[Gruss] Maybe there was somethin' men
and women could do with each other
'sides fightin' and nukin'.
I was gonna find out.
[clattering]
[music playing]
[Aargh growling]
Well, it came without a warning
After the nuclear morning
And I said to myself,
"What a waste of a wonderful day"
Well, the air was getting heavy
So I loaded up the Chevy
I switched the radio on
But the radio wouldn't play
I got this cloud hanging over my head
I should never have left my baby
Was it something that I said?
If this is paradise
If this is paradise
- If this is paradise
- What have we done?
- If this is paradise
- I'm not having any fun
- If this is paradise
- Take me away
Well, we never spend the nights out
'Cause we can never turn
The lights out
The sun is always shining down
Twenty-four hours a day
Well, the last thing I remember
We gained a second in December
And Christmas
Was another tropical holiday
I'll keep on hoping
This is just a dream
That things aren't what they seem
And don't I hear somebody scream
If this is paradise
If this is paradise
- If this is paradise
- What will we do?
- If this is paradise
- I'm talking to you
- If this is paradise
- Don't ask me when
- If this is paradise
- It can really happen
- If this is paradise
- We'll start over again
Over again, over again
Over again
Over again