American Bistro (2019) Movie Script

Everyone dreams at
least once in their lives
with their eyes open.
It's that moment when you
finally catch your breath
when all the bullshit fades away
and you can see from here to
the end of every road you have
or ever could walk down.
You look at yourself
and all you are.
Look at what you've become and
you wonder...
What could've been
had I just done it differently.
What if I'd said ho?
What if I hadn't accepted
no for an answer?
What if I'd gone?
What if I'd stayed?
What if?
If only.
But no.
It's just a fleeting moment.
For reality has a tendency...
O0f rushing back.
Fucker, fuck, fuck, fuck!
Uncle medor.
Hey Edmund.
I haven't heard from
you since what?
I guess it has been a
long time, hasn't it?
So listen.
I er, I need a bit of help.
Okay, what's happened?
Well, um, I broke up with...
J=... je...
Jessica broke up with me.
Who is Jessica?
My girlfriend.
Oh, sorry.
Hey frenchie.
Come to lunch at my house.
Yes, mister appleby.
Medor, medor, medor.
- How you doing?
- Fine.
How long ago did my dad hire
you? 30 years ago? - Yeah.
Thirty years and you still sound like
a French Helen Keller. Why is that?
You stupid?
Come on, you're stupid, huh?
Say it, I'm stupid.
I'm stupidq, I'm stupid.
1 think that's what it
is, you're stupid, right?
'Cause anybody using
the company line to talk
to their friends during
company time would be stupid.
Not my friend, my nephew,
he's in trouble, you know.
Oh, is this is your nephew?
He's in trouble? - Yes.
Oy, oy, oy. He is sick,
he's hurt, he needs your help?
Well guess what, I don't care.
Medor, you are fired.
No, mr appleby, please.
I need the job.
What I will say to my wife?
Tell her you're not going to
make it home for lunch today.
Thank you mr appleby, thank you.
I'm leaving.
Are you kidding, the boss said...
You cover for me, please man.
I have a wife to please.
Edmund, I'm sorry I'm
late, I have to work.
I'm really sorry, man.
About fucking time you got here, shit
I've been waiting for you for ages.
I'm sorry, you okay?
Listen, give me two minutes.
I have to say hello to Gwen
and I'm coming back okay?
Whoa, er.
Want a ride?
What kind of doctor are you?
Come on, I'm trying
to help you man.
You hurt me.
Oh shut up, Jesus,
you're such a pussy.
Why she did it, I know
why she did this to me, I know.
Because she's a bitch.
She's a, she's a...
You know, Edmund I don't know
why she did this to me.
Maybe... you did it to you.
- That's deep, Mr. Freud.
- Oh don't make fun...
Big dummy, you don't know
what you're talking about.
So please, shut the
fuck up, moron.
We fought.
On what?
A panda. =a what?
It's a... 1 mean, it's like
this stuffed panda head
thing that I made
when I was a kid.
It means a lot to me, and
she got all fucking angry
at me about it, you know.
I get confused, why you
call me this morning?
You know, I haven't
talked to you
since like fucking Christmas.
I don't know, I was
just, we needed to talk
and I felt like maybe
I should talk to you,
and you know, I'm fine, I'm
okay, I'm fucking great.
- I'm just what, no it's...
- Are you okay?
- I'm, I'm fine, I'm okay. I'm just...
- Pull over, pull over.
- Fine. I'm...
- Stop here, stop here.
Tell me.
It doesn't matter
anymore anyway,
it's, it's really nothing.
Did you, did you talk to
your parents, call them?
Yeah, but, but what the fuck
am I going to say to them?
Oh, my girlfriend, so sad.
What kind of a fucking problem
is that compared to Jade
you know, I mean, I feel stupid
just fucking talking about it.
How can I feel like this when
that's going on you know?
That's why I thought you
know, I could talk to you.
What harm would that do?
What harm?
I fucking fucked
your shit up too.
Everything I seem to touch
is turning to shit,
and, uh... I'm... I'm...
I'm a fucking loser apparently.
It's okay.
No it's not okay, but
we make it okay, okay?
- Okay?
- Okay.
[Upbeat musicl
J soul Africa,
everybody's all right j
j soul Africa,
everybody's in sight j
j soul Africa,
everybody's on you j
j and these samburu j
j soul Africa,
everybody's all right j
j soul Africa,
everybody's in sight j
j soul Africa
you're a chimpanzee j
j from down Zimbabwe j
don't be a pussy, don't
be a pussy, do it, yes!
J soul Africa,
everybody's all right j
j soul Africa,
everybody's in sight j
j soul Africa,
everybody's on you j
j soul Africa, and the samburu ;&
j soul Africa,
everybody's all right, ;
j soul Africa,
everybody's in sight j
j soul Africa
and their Zimbabwe j
Ah, ow, fuck, you just...
What the fuck is your shoe
made out of, knives man?
Ah, what you talking about,
I barely touched you.
Why you have broken glass
in your pocket?
Come over here, come over.
Come here, come here, come here.
So, I was at your house,
'cause you took
for fucking ever to get
there, and I started
to look at my reflection
right, but I mean
really looking at it, you know,
like really look at it.
I started to think about how
things could have been different.
Different how?
Who I could have been, how
things could have been.
Maybe if I had the guts
to change them.
But, I don't even, this is...
I picked up, I don't
even know why I did this,
this is dumb, oh yeah.
This is not stupid, let me
look, let me look come on.
Let me, let me look.
But what does it matter?
'Cause I'm here now.
But you're, you're not
even going to let yourself
dream a little?
Let's drink instead.
Man, you fucked that
guy up today.
I mean it was like,
it was like pow.
That must have hurt.
Normally punch hurt.
I wouldn't know, I've
never been punched before.
Punch me.
I'm sorry, you hurt?
I wasn't ready.
I'm ss o rry, I'm ss orry
why did you do that to me?
You asked me.
Edmund, you know how
to make a difference
between an old man
and a young man?
Look the young man he
How did you do that?
And the old man, the old man.
Oh shit, I peed on my... shit.
I'm getting a drink,
you want something?
No, no later.
[Somber piano musicl
So anyways, the bartender
goes, goes to his manager
and he says, "hey boss,
there's a horse,
and he's asked me for
a beer, what do I do?"
Which one you going to
have them, the red one.
Only a man with love in his
heart can make food this good.
So he goes to the
horse and he says, "hey horse,
why the, it's going to be $16."
Edmund? What?
- Sit down.
- Why?
Sit down, I need you to
clear the kitchen, come on.
What are you doing?
I will make you feel better.
Oh, it's smelling so bad.
You know what, I'm impressed, how
do you survive, with all this shit.
I can do something
with an onion.
French wine.
Put your hands... don't
burn it, don't burn it.
If you don't cry,
the onion is no good.
Bon appetite.
Holy shit!
Medor, that's amazing.
I wish I was the man
I wanted to be.
I always dreamed to be a
chef, I wanted to be a chef.
Yeah man, a chef.
Well that's, that's great,
that's fucking awesome.
You should do it.
I'm too old.
You're not too old I
just saw you take down
a guy who's half your age.
I've no money, I've
no money, I'm broke.
And if you had the money,
would you do it?
I'd try.
Hm? Hm. Hm?
There's your fucking money.
You stole it? What? No.
- You're a drug dealer?
- No, no, no, I'm not a drug dealer.
It's just my tuition money
from college,
I dropped out of college.
You dropped out of college?
Okay, lots of people drop
out of college, yeah.
Fuck, if you were doing art history,
then you'd drop out of college too.
I'm offering you $40,000,
this is the question
you asked me, yes I
dropped out of college.
Why is in cash, only drug dealer
have cash, you are a drug dealer.
No, I'm not a drug
dealer, listen,
I took it from the
bank and then...
Shut the fuck up
and let me explain.
I took it from the bank,
all right?
I took it from the bank
and I withdrew it in cash,
and I put it in a bag.
You know why I put it in a bag?
So my parents wouldn't
see that there's a bunch
of fucking money that's
going into a bank account
and not going into
fucking college.
Give it back.
Fucking no, I'm not going
to give it back.
Well why not?
You and I, are going
to open a restaurant.
What would your parents
will say huh?
And Gwen, what she will say huh?
Fuck Gwen.
Fuck Gwen?
F... f... fuck Gwen.
You said, fuck Gwen?
Fuck Gwen. Fuck Gwen.
Fuck Gwen, fuck Gwen, fuck Gwen.
Say it loud, fuck Gwen.
Fuck Gwen. Fuck Gwen.
[Somber musicl
=surprise! -
I have a surprise for you.
I have a surprise for you.
Why are you still yelling?
I leased the restaurant. What?
I leased the restaurant. What?
Last night, you gave
me all your cash
to be a partner with me.
What, what?
Invest in what?
In a restaurant.
You leased this restaurant?
This one right here?
That one?
With my money?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
You gave me $45,000,
I emptied my joint
account with Gwen,
I put a healthy $100,000
into the business, you know.
Why you make this face?
- Yo are not...
- Medor, I'm going to kill you.
Yesterday you were 100% for it.
I was drunk. So?
Why would you listen to me?
You told me to trust you.
How... how long is the lease,
how long, how long is it?
Three? =three.
Three months, three months?
More like years.
Years, what years?
Three years.
It's cheaper if you take longer,
like a subscription you know.
You paid in cash, didn't you?
You paid in cash, didn't you?
You did, you did. - I'm sorry.
You're sorry, youre sorry.
Dude, this is my fucking
life, man, you fucking idiot.
Jackpot, he said sorry.
What are you doing in there?
Well I live here, what the
fuck are you doing here?
We bought the restaurant.
Yeah I heard that part,
I was just,
I was just being sassy.
I'm medor.
- I'm Alex, pleased to meet you.
- Nice to meet you, Alex.
So do we like own you
now, like you come
with the restaurant, or er?
Hey everything okay over here?
Feel like I'm wandered
onto the set of mean streets
with all that yelling, , hi.
- Hi.
- Hi, I'm medor.
Medor, how's it going?
I'm Mortimer.
- How are you?
- Good.
S50, I heard you guys down here, I just thought
I'd be a good neighbor, be a good friend,
come on over, introduce myself.
See what you guys have
got going on over here.
I'm a restaurant owner.
A restaurant owner?
Get out of town.
I'm a restaurant owner.
No? What?
- I own Adam's right down the street.
- You're kidding.
It's great, you know
actually it's funny
I'm er getting a health
inspection right now.
God it's just horrible,
it's this little pustule
of bureaucratic pond scum,
he's been in there
for the last three hours,
just wouldn't...
Mr Jones, speak of the devil and he
shall appear right, look at this guy.
Let me introduce you
to my new friends.
Medor, this is Edmund.
How you doing? =hi.
I got a great idea, you want
to open a restaurant right?
- No, no.
- Right.
You're going to need an
inspection, right?
Right. =no.
What do you say we let
this guy go in there,
take a look around, and just
run like a fine tooth comb
through this thing and you'll know
what's wrong. Sound a good idea?
I'll tell you something too,
this guy's not easy to get,
he's really hard to get,
we're talking like
hard like spotting a gram of
coke in a pound of show,
you know what I'm talking about?
Anyway, hey he's here,
you're here,
what do you say we get
this guy in here, huh?
- Yes.
- Yeah? Pronto, right? Pronto.
- Lead the way.
- Lead the way he says, lead the way.
Follow me.
Let's get in there,
let's get in there.
Hold on, big guy.
Fuck these guys up.
Oh, fuck, fuck, it's worse on the
inside, how is that possible?
Yeah, it just need a new
coat of paint that's it.
You'll have to fix that.
You'll have to fix this.
And that too.
Let me do it.
You'll have to fix that too.
Now you have two definite
electrical problems,
small structural weakness,
possible asbestos contamination,
major blockage on
the water system,
and major pest infestation.
- You'll have to fix all that, okay?
- Okay, I will.
I hope I haven't discouraged you.
=-no, no.
- I'm just trying to be helpful.
- Thank you very much, thank you.
These guys are going
to be busier than a cat
trying to bury a turd in a
frozen pond, huh?
Medor, let me talk to you.
Medor, you ever heard the story
of the Ethiopian astronaut? =no.
Of course you haven't,
because you need resources
to build great things, and
the only resources they have
are crippling depression
and starving children.
Where am I going with this?
I guess what I'm trying to say
is for a property like this
don't overextend yourself?
I mean what do you have,
one, two million dollars
to sink into this thing?
No? Shit, man I was
low balling you.
Is this your first restaurant?
Oh, cool I've opened 14.
Let me tell you something,
this place is going
to be a dream.
Dreams are great if
we're beating off,
but now you're in real life.
Little scary, isn't it?
Ah, what a day, huh? Well, I'm
going to leave you with that.
Jiltz, come on over here,
buddy, I know a little
punjab cafe you're
going to love, toodle-o0o0.
What do you think?
I think we are sharp?
Do you guys have
health insurance?
Yes, yes.
Good, good.
Um, how long
would that take to kick in?
About three month.
I'm not interested.
Hello there, my name is Alex.
We know who you are Alex.
1 live in the dumpster
beside the restaurant
and I want to apply for a
job with an apprenticeship
with chef medor.
Do you even have any
experience, I mean...
I have it, I have
been an apprentice
in a restaurant before.
Okay, surprise, which one?
This one.
Wait, so you stayed
after they shut it down?
Well, they went bankrupt,
they didn't pay me,
I didn't exactly have
anywhere to go.
Mmm... depression, I get it.
Yeah, depression.
Hi, I'm Liz.
You're hired.
We didn't ask her anything.
Youre hired, it's
good, it's perfect,
it's great, it's great, it's
great, it's great. Thank you.
Hi, I'm Patty, I am going
to be the best waiter
you've ever hired, I
mean, I can't even believe
you're considering me
for this position.
I like her.
So look, I am going to need
to be able to get off work
if I have an audition to go to,
or need to go to the gym
or need a rest day.
I typically don't like
to work Thursday, Friday,
Saturday or Wednesday,
but I would be willing
to work from 2-4 on
Wednesday if you need it.
If I can just give you
a list of the days
1 won't be available, I think
you'll find that more helpful.
Can I get an
advance? That would be great.
You look like great guys,
I'm a good guy.
You guys like to party?
Maybe it's too much, Edmund.
Medor, if I am stuck
doing this shit with you,
I want to be having fun
doing the shit.
What are these contracts for?
Don't worry about it, just
a waiver or some shit.
Okay, it's a race to
decide who are the best waiters.
The three first crossing
the finish line
will get the job.
It's like the course of
garcon de caf in Paris.
Nobody knows about it?
I do.
I mean, I don't know about
that, that's just weird.
Quiet, Alex.
Okay, and please everybody
just remember
it is imperative that
you go to the barrel,
and circle around it,
you have to do that, okay?
The rule is, if you drop
the water or the bread
off your tray, you are
disqualified. Any questions?
Well, I don't know about
you guys, but I'm thrilled.
Okay, on your Mark, set, go.
Alex, it needs to be
filled with water.
You crazy bastard.
Ha, I thought you were
good with women.
Hey guys, I'm sorry,
it was just a test.
Eat a bag of dicks.
You're hired.
Woo hoo!
[Jazzy piano musicl
J when the rain peels away j
j all the scandals of today j
j and my heart's beating hard 7
that's colder.
J under the sun and the stars j'
j I remember that it's
just another moment j
come on, what? Come on.
J that will fade,
I can try again j;
j maybe not today j
J take a walk jl
oh, I'm up, I'm up, I'm up.
J maybe you will see j
j just like leaves,
far from trees j
j I will never stray too far;
j I remember that's
just another moment j
j that will fade
I can try again j
j if I just pretend &
j it's all rignt again &
What the fuck are you
doing, dude? I was on the...
I talk to you, I'm
worried about you.
Medor, I don't want to
talk about this right now.
I used to say the same shit.
You want to be me in 40 years?
Can I, can I just
get back to this.
No. Il don't. There's
your answer, okay?
No, you have to talk to me.
Why are you so angry?
[Somber piano musicl
I have... nothing.
I have nothing in my life.
And I'm waiting, I'm
waiting for something.
It's about now that something
interesting should happen.
But nothing does.
What about the restaurant?
What about the restaurant?
It's an adventure.
By who's fucking definition?
It's problem after problem,
and it's miserable.
What is an adventure, except
problem after problems?
And the hero surmounting
the problem after problem
after problem, and the
bigger the problem,
the bigger the hero.
So who's the hero?
The hero is the one
who act like a hero.
Not Alex anymore.
Why are you hitting yourself?
My hero.
[Romantic musicl
Don't forget to
put all this in garbage.
Oh my god, medor.
Is it bad?
It's miserable, and
thrilling and excessive
and exhausting. It's
like being in love.
Wow Alex, that was poetic.
Seriously, medor, how do you
make the food this good?
He said it, love, love.
Come on, come on, man.
Yes, you come.
You know.
There are many ways
to harm a man.
Who the sweet fuck are you?
Friend, walk with me, come on.
I got a business proposition
for you, my friend.
1 wish, no it's like
a dream, you know.
It can be a dream come
true but it just...
It just, you know that Sheldon
crassus write a review on us,
it will be a miracle,
it certifies success.
Who is that? Who is that?
Sheldon crassus, he writes
reviews for the times.
He's a locomotive. =a what?
You know, this kind of guy,
they start a train
and everybody jump on. You
know they are these people
who are surfing on the
waves of the snhobbism.
Wwhere do you come up with this shit?
You know...
I mean he's writing on us,
he say we're good,
everybody believe him.
Oh. Yeah.
I, 1 get that.
That's the dream,
that's the dream.
The best sunsets are
the ones with clouds.
Maybe it's 'cause you
need a little dark
to make the light stand out.
Okay, socrates, no more drink.
We're ready, you ready?
I'm ready, you ready?
All right.
[Upbeat musicl
all right, let's do it,
let's do it come on.
All right so we've got
blinds, we have lights,
we got tables, we got chairs,
we got all this shit,
what do you think?
I like it. - Okay, well, let's
move on, okay more tables,
more chairs, Paris, New York.
All right, all this stuff,
what do you think?
You don't care, you just
want your money.
I like it.
Pots, pans, ladles,
question Mark.
Hey wait a minute, is that oven.
Okay, you don't care, I
don't care, we don't care.
What do you think?
Don't like it.
I love it, I love it.
- I like it.
- Good, thank you very much.
Congratulations, medor,
on passing all
the inspections tests.
Thank you guys I couldn't do
it without you, thank you.
Looking good in here, so
that's medor right there
actually, and I kind
of thought... medor.
Hey you, get out of my restaurant,
now, get out, get out, get out now!
Medor, I came in peace, Edmund,
just listen to me for a minute.
I'm sorry,
I just wanted to apologize.
I feel like a real ass.
I deserve everything
that's happened to me.
I know it's going to be hard for you to
forgive me, but I'm just kind of hoping
maybe some day
we can be friends again.
So I've brought this
as an offer of peace.
Just brought you
a little gift, take it.
Take it.
Come on, it's from me to you.
And oh, by the way
you've been served.
Say cheese, you mother fucker.
Are those divorce papers.
I am so sorry, medor, I was
just trying to be friendly.
He came over and he said he
wanted to give you a present,
maybe take a picture,
I thought, come on in.
It's fine.
It's fine. Wow.
I tell you, aint that a swift
kick in the rod Johnson, huh?
Well, looks great in here.
I'm going to let myself out.
Wha... what are you doing?
I'm eating it?
To swallow it. Hm.
To make it disappear.
And then what? - Then I will poop
it, and I will throw it on her.
1hey make copies, you know.
All right look, you just
sleep here and feel better.
What that?
It's nothing.
Sheldon crassus.
This man, that's our target.
He's the head of the snob
train, the locomotive.
He says where to go
and people follow.
Yeah, but he's not even a
chef, he's just a critic.
What does he know?
It doesn't matter, people
just believe it,
that's snobbism.
What's snhobbism?
It's bullshit, but it's
bullshit the world runs on.
Now according to Sheldon
crassus' Twitter account
he'll be attending a
very exclusive art party.
Our mission is to
crash that party
and outsnob every other
person there.
He'll have no choice
but to pay attention to us,
and then we'll convince him to
come to our restaurant opening.
Yeah, but how are we
going to get in?
Okay it says this is
an invite only party.
[Upbeat musicl
J stuck in an airport hotel,
all by myself &
j I pulled a bottle from
the very top shelf;
j o'Rourke 45,
two troops and a lime j
j I'm not even sure why,
but I'm elevated j
j I'm elevated Ana
I don't know why j
Just lift it, just
lift it come on.
- Hm.
- Sheldon, what do you think of it?
I'm seeing vagina, I'm
seeing way too many breasts,
I'm seeing blood at the
knees, I'm feeling the shoes
that are red.
Oh, Mortimer.
So good to see you,
you look fabulous,
you've never looked better.
You know, I feel like I need
something different.
Everything in this
town is so boring,
I want something new,
fit, buff, worked out.
Oh, it's so beautiful,
this piece in particular
is so interesting.
I feel like it's inside me.
Is that a penis?
It is, if you cannot handle
it, then just look away.
I can't look away,
there's a giant fucking cock
on the wall, it's on the wall.
I actually know exactly
what this painting means.
Oh, he knows.
I actually talked to devindra
about this very painting
which is entitled
a study in gray,
and I asked him what it was,
this study in gray,
- what's it about?
- He said this to you?
Oh, he told me, well,
he actually asked me a question.
=ann. Vim.
- Why?
- Why what?
No, no, just why?
Why live life,
why erect, why try?
Why put all of your life
force into something
if you're just going to sink
back down into flaccidity. Hm?
- Yes.
- We're born erected, we laugh, we love,
we take a spin around
this earth,
but in the end we go limp,
and our entire legacy
it fades to nothing.
So why try at all?
But isn't it up to the audience to
interpret the art as they see fit?
Wwhat the hell are you doing here?
Excuse me.
I said, isn't it the
audiences job to figure out
the piece for themselves,
to piece it together
instead of the artist
forcing his view on us
in a most fascist way?
Why, what's the point?
The artist already told us
what he thinks, so why
would you even...
The question isn't why,
it's why not?
Why not try?
No, no, no, no.
Why not keep going until
the very last second,
until we've turned
ourselves to dust.
You're going to sit here,
and you're going to tell me
that this penis represents
how we're all going to die?
Well, that's impossible because
this penis is immortal.
This penis is going to
outlive all of us,
immortalized by the very
fact that it is art.
No, it shows us that there
is no virtue in asking why
and dying,
but there is in asking why not
and trying.
Sheldon crassus.
And you are?
Um, Edmund, charmed.
- I need my hand back.
- I'm sorry yes.
Not yet.
There is nothing
to salvage, medor.
There would if you let me.
Just sign.
You think you're blameless?
I gave you the best
years of my life,
what did you give me?
I gave you everything, and
you gave up on me, why?
Because you were boring.
We had nothing in our
lives, absolutely nothing.
We were dying, dying together.
It wasn't my fault.
Oh! - You gave up on your dreams,
and you made me give up on mine.
You had a choice, and so did I.
I needed change, medor, I
needed passion in my life.
I wasn't enough?
You never wanted to
change anything,
you never wanted to
take any risks.
I didn't want to lose you.
And did that work?
Please, honey just sign.
Do this for me.
That's why I do it,
that's why I did everything.
Medor, dude, you're not
going to fucking believe it.
Look, man you got to
give me a call back
because you n... need...
Was that Gwen?
I don't want to
do the restaurant anymore.
Why not?
I did this for Gwen
to come back,
and I'll show her how
great I really am.
But she doesn't want.
- She doesn't care.
- No, no don't, hey, man, don't worry, huh?
Listen I've got good news,
I got Sheldon crassus,
he's coming, he's coming
to our restaurant,
he's going to give us a review.
So, will it be enough to
convince her that I'm worth it?
What are you saying, you
saying this was for nothing?
What if it was, what if it is?
I'm alone, Edmund.
You're not alone,
you choose to be.
You know what, if you
just reached out a little,
then you'd see that
I'm right here.
You can't replace Gwen.
Nobody can, nobody can
replace your idea of Gwen,
because your idea
of Gwen is bigger
then the fucking universe.
How do you fill a hole like
that up with little things
like... like people.
[Somber piano musicl
Are you crying?
No, no it's an allergy,
open it, really well.
That's it, beautiful no?
American bistro.
Yeah, we'll be opening soon.
Fuck yes, medor, medor!
[Somber musicl
How do I look?
Like yourself.
I'm scared, Edmund.
Well, that's okay.
What if I fail?
Then we fail.
But I'll still be here,
and you'll still be here,
I can promise you that.
We are in business. - Clear the
door, 30 seconds, god be with you!
God damn it, man.
Oh shit, dude!
Oh no, no, no, no, no, no.
This, this is fucked up.
Whoa there, Edmund,
not very professional.
Neither are you,
you fucking hack.
Oh my god, I refuse to
serve you fucking people,
I refuse, you're sick,
you're sick, do you know that?
You are sick.
Did I hear the word sick?
Sheldon, hi, hey, you came.
Yes, youre a keen boy
now no one here's
going to become sick
from the food are we?
No, I was just telling these...
Fine, fine guests that
people will be sick,
like green faced,
like green with envy
from the delicious...
Use your words.
Food and drink choices
they will be enjoying tonight.
All right, the chair.
- I need to sit.
- Here?
Yes, pull the chair out,
and I'm going to sit in it,
and then you push me in.
Sitting, pushing,
and we're done.
Your name is dick fitzwell?
Oh yeah,
table for ten at seven...
Sorry, sorry, excuse
me, hi, bye.
Hey. Fuck!
You let my aunt in here, if my uncle
sees this he's going to flip his shit.
Eamund, the reservation
was under Mortimer,
and besides I don't
even know those people.
And I can't just turn people away
because I don't like the look of them,
- I want to keep this job for a while.
- I'm sorry,
I... I'm just so wrapped up
in it all I forgot that you...
It's all right, it's
first night jitters.
I'll be right back.
Poophole. What?
=- -
what the fuck is he doing?
J come on, everybody j
oh, oh. Oh.
Why is that song on there?
J come on now, let's dance. J
fuck he's not going
to stop is he?
No he's putting them in, yeah.
That's an interesting choice.
Oh, it'll grow on you,
quite the opening.
Does anybody feel like the
staff is a bit on edge?
On edge? Hmm.
What are you doing?
Pick it up, pick it up.
What makes you say that?
Well, you can't blame them,
I think it's really brave
of med... the owner to
take a risk like this.
I think it shows a lot
of effort and drive.
Effort and drive, it's the
result that counts you know,
not effort and drive.
Really getting tired of
waiting for this waiter.
Would like...
You know what I think we'll
have the red wine, fugue.
No, actually, I think
it's pronounced fuck you.
It's pronounced fugue,
that's why you're a waiter.
And you, sir?
Oh, I'll have
what you're having.
And you, strawberry lemonade.
We don't have
strawberry lemonade.
Really, we have it
in my restaurant.
Well, this isn't
your restaurant, sir.
Well, you have lemonade,
you have strawberry tart
on your menu, figure it out.
Make it work.
Not a problem.
- What took you so long?
- Sorry, personable, I was just getting
- personal with clients.
- Champagne.
Take the golden bottle
on the top shelf.
Fugue, only an idiot
can drink this.
My suggestion, just
my suggestion.
Strawberry lemonade,
you make it,
too much on my plate.
Restaurateur, it's happening.
Yeah, yeah.
No retreat, son.
Hey, by the way, did Sheldon
crassus arrive yet?
No, no, not yet.
But you just served him.
- Fuck!
- I threw up too.
Hey waiter, can we get
some service, please.
He'll be here.
Strawberry lemonade for the gentleman.
Ah, what took you so long?
What's wrong, haboubi,
didn't have the stamina
to last any longer?
Hey Sheldon, so nice to see you.
Listen, let me make
something clear,
before you get too smart
tonight I want you to remember,
you and your uncle,
you're my bitches.
What did you just say to me?
I'm just sitting here,
having a nice cozy time
with my girlfriend, and you,
you've got to do what I say
because I've got this,
and you've got a fucking
towel on your arm.
Do you want to go on, man?
Is that what this is?
Let's fucking do it.
Let's fucking go then,
you piece of shit.
You want to make a scene, right
now in front of everybody?
You want to be rude,
a little disrespectful?
There could be people
watching, refuse me service,
kick me out of here, I dare you.
No, I didn't think so,
so my suggestion is,
take our order, and make
it snappy, bitch.
Go on.
Boys, , hever change.
- Medor, what's up with you, man?
- Nothing.
Oh yeah, the chicken's pink,
the filet is black,
and this salad had a
fucking egg shell in it.
This isn't like you, what's
up dude, what's wrong?
I have no love.
I have a hole in my heart,
I have no love anymore.
Hey, hey, medor,
that's not true.
Look at Liz and Patty,
and Alex, and look at me,
look at what we're willing
to do for you.
I love you man, you're my...
You're my best friend.
I love you.
I love you too, you know,
you're like a son to me.
I love you too, yeah.
Good um, don't forget to
put it in the food then.
[Somber piano musicl
Okay guys, listen to me,
I'm going to cook you, and
they're going to eat you,
so don't fuck me up, okay?
Look at what I'm going
to do to you.
I kill you, motherfucker.
Oh, we'll give you the
dress, beautiful dress,
and you will see beauties,
you will be so beautiful.
Look at this, ,
oh my god, they'll love it.
Go, go, go, go, go, stay, stay.
Mmm... beautiful and tasty.
So pretty, you look so hot.
Look at this! Ah, you'll see.
Bye, bye.
Okay, go into your shell now.
Yeah, get out of my plates, you
motherfucker, don't stay here.
Hmm, delicious.
Thank you.
Mmm... isn't it delicious?
It's disgusting.
Seemed like you were
enjoying it.
Oh, I'm feeling something.
It's love.
Ahem, oh, waiter!
Oh god, my head is killing me.
Shut up, Annie, shut up.
Medor, what am I supposed to do,
we're all out of painkillers
and your customers are pricks.
I told you not to insult
my customer.
Mortimer didn't fucking
eat it because Mortimer
staged it to look like
there's a fucking hair in it.
What the fuck is this?
I just told you it's hair.
I know what it is.
Don't ask me.
And of course Sheldon saw it.
Icantdo it, I can't do it.
I can't do it...
You can't do it? You're
supposed to be fucking cooking
right now, what are
you doing out here?
No, I prefer to stay in bed,
I prefer to,
I prefer to never wake up.
Don't say that, man, come on, let's
just get you back in the kitchen.
You know, Edmund, she will
never come back to me.
Oh, and that's why you did this?
For her?
Or did you do it for you?
I'll try, but we have
to do something first.
Get up, I need to talk to you.
Are you not tired to be
suppressed, squashed,
forced to be small by
these motherfuckers?
By these people who
want you under them?
Who are ready to
chop off you head
as soon as you peak
over the ground?
Because I am, I am tired
to do always what
they want me to do, and I
don't want to do anymore
what they want, I want
to do what I want to do.
I want to do now,
is to destroy this motherfucking
jukebox, are you with me?
Fuck yeah, uncle.
Free the trees.
Free the trees, let's go.
Trees, trees are bad.
- Bad?
- Bad trees, let's fuck them.
Let's fuck those trees.
Everyone dreams
at least once in their lives,
with their eyes open.
It's that moment when you
finally catch your breath,
when all the bullshit
fades away,
and you can see from here
to the end of every road
you have, or ever
could walk down.
You look at yourself,
and all you are...
100k at what you've become,
and you wonder,
what could have been had I
just done it differently?
What if I'd said no?
What if I hadn't accepted
no for an answer?
What if I'd gone?
What if I'd stayed?
What if,
if only,
but no.
Just a fleeting moment,
for reality has a tendency
of rushing back.
Have you lost your mind?
You didn't like it, fuck
off, doors open.
This is my restaurant,
this is my heart,
it's my carte de visite.
Chez medor.
This is not a restaurant.
Listen, I'm going to my kitchen,
and I'm going to do the
best dish that you ever had
in your life and you're
going to love it.
Hey, Gwen.
Hey medor, that jukebox...
Um, well...
We hope that you've
enjoyed our um,
experimental performance art.
American bistro.
Hi guys, how are we doing?
French onion soup, a really
good choice okay, and you?
All right, we will see you then.
Something else?
- Excuse me?
- Oh sorry, I'm so sorry I was miles away.
That's the last of them,
- You like it?
- Love it, what is this,
your secret stuff?
I can't fix you, Edmund.
If you dream too much.
Huh what?
You wake up to find
that you spent
your entire life... sleeping.
I er, I've got something to do.
Hey guys, its er, it's me.
Hey mom, dad, Jane, I er,
I just, I got a lot to tell you.
A lot.
Okay, bye.
Have a good night all
right, thank you very much.
Ah, ooh... look what I got.
Oh, you don't expect to
find anything on us.
Well, I sure do, oh yeah.
Oh, yeah. Look,
look at this, look at that.
Only a true artist breaks
the status quo and...
We don't need it.
Welcome to
owning the morning, we've got
Milton bugner, our
resident restaurateur here.
Now you did a secret restaurant
critique, am I correct?
Oh, it's so good to
see you out here.
Anyway, you went to a
new restaurant this time.
I did, last night I visited
the American bistro.
Who do you love, what
do you love doing,
and are you doing it?
But there's something
about the American bistro
that makes it much more
then some of it's very,
very few parts,
in a word as one of
my fellow diners said, love.
This is fucking weird, man.
Now what? Now...
J if you're lost
in a sea of doubt j
j and you need someone
to reel you out j
j I'll set my sails
throw you a line &
j just give me a ring and
I'll be there any time j
j 'cause I know
you would do the same j
j you could clear the clouds
of gray on a rainy day j
j it don't matter where we go
or what we do j
j it's better when I got you j
j 10 make the aays go by j
j we got time I'm lucky
I got stuck with you j
J when I get myself in trouble j
j you're by my side
just like a brother j
j lend me a hand
or a smack in the face j
j anything will do to get me
out of a sunken place j
j everything you do and
it's not always perfect;
j I will start all over
and we can do it again &
j it don't matter where we go,
or what we do j
j it's better when I got you j
j lo make the days go by
we got time j;
j I'm lucky
I got stuck with you j
j don't matter where we go
or what we do j
j it's better when I got you
to make the days go by j
j we got time, I'm lucky
I got stuck with you j