Animals United (2010) Movie Script
(GENTLE INSTRUMENTAL MUSlC)
(BlRDS CHlRPING)
(BlRDS SQUAWKlNG)
(lNSTRUMENTAL MUSIC CONTlNUES)
(CHlLDREN CHATTERING)
- Junior.
- Yes, Mum?
- Have you seen your father?
- Dad went to get water.
(JUNlOR)
Hey, wait for me! Pass it, come on!
Come on! Quickly!
Hmm?
Hmm...
(YAWNS)
- (BUTTERFLY SQUEAKS)
- (LION LAUGHS PLAYFULLY)
(HOWLING)
(GROANlNG)
Ha-ha-ha! Bet l scared you, right?
(CACKLES)
Now tell the truth.
The hairs on my neck
are all standing on end (!)
Hmm...
What was I supposed to do?
I know!
(HE GlGGLES)
Yes! Yeah!
(GIGGLES)
All right...
Oh!
Oops!
Hey-ho, Giselle.
Hmm...men!
- Did you see that?
- Yes, but what WAS that?
Only hard-as-a-rock,
sun-dried hyena poo-poo.
Oh, l see...
(HUMS)
Fini!
Well...how do l look?
Erm... Uh...
Totally chic! Unbelievable!
Darling, this is a work of art.
I call it "Macaroni and Cheese".
It would suit you too, Giselle.
A neck wax wouldn't hurt, either.
No, thanks.
Hmm...
Mm-hmm...
It's a matter of concentration.
Yes, clearly.
And the perfect wind conditions.
Naturally.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
(BLOWS)
Aw...
Billy?
Yoo-hoo, my turtle dove!
- What are you doing?
- Hello, Bonnie. You look lovely.
We're, erm... What are we doing?
Walking around, thinking, talking...
Hitting hyena poo into a hole.
That as well.
I was just going to tell you.
You hit...hyena poo-poo...into a hole?
- With a stick.
- Oh, with a stick!
- Bingo.
- Interesting. And who thought that up?
- Me! l thought that up.
- I thought so.
What were you supposed
to do today, hmm?
Supposed to do today, supposed to do...
Uh...Socrates, do you know?
- You were to get water.
- Oh, that's right!
Oh, Billy...
I really think you are
and always will be a scatterbrain.
But l sure love you.
This is serious!
Er...don't tell me.
You went to a beauty salon!
- Hmm?
- It'll grow out. lt's a law of nature.
(GISELLE LAUGHS)
- I didn't say a thing.
- Stop acting like such a fool!
The water that flows down the mountain.
It should have got here by now!
I'll play the water
down here with my drum.
(BOTH) Mm?
(WIND HOWLlNG)
(YAWNS)
(MAN) Many world politicians
and economic leaders
have gathered
for the 167th Climate Conference.
Here to the north they've all come,
as these brave officials examine
the dramatic effects of global warming.
- (MUNCHING)
- (CAR ENGINES START)
(MAN) Quick, the buffet's getting cold.
Peter Cook reporting
from Thule, Greenland -
the gateway to the Arctic.
(HOWLS)
(MAN) This was a wonderful day,
Winifred.
I've heard you say that
for exactly 714 years.
- Know what?
- Of course I know.
It's our wedding anniversary,
and l wouldn't have wanted
to miss a single day.
(SNORlNG)
(GREEK MUSIC)
(SNORES)
(CREAKlNG, THEN THUD)
Captain! Sir, l believe
that we've run aground.
(GREEK ACCENT)
Hmm, what? Run aground?
Bah, something
is moving all-righty. Yes!
My dear, the time has come
for us to be getting
on our way once more.
(THUNDER)
(ROCK 'N' ROLL MUSlC:
GOLDEN EARRING'S "RADAR LOVE")
# l've been driving all night
My hands wet on the wheel
# There's a voice in my head
That drives my heel
# lt's my baby calling
Says, "l need you here"
# And it's half past four
And l'm shifting gear
# When she is lonely
And her longing gets too much
# She sends a cable
Coming in from above
# Don't need a phone at all
# We've got a thing
That's called "radar love"
# We've got a wave in the air
# Radar love...#
Oh, man!
(MUSIC CONTlNUES)
(MUSIC STOPS)
(BOTH GASP)
You know what, pal?
Getting out
while the getting's good is good.
(GROANS)
AAH...
Here's to you, jumping buddy.
(GROANS)
(GURGLlNG)
(ROARS)
Hmm?
My name's Toby. What do they call you?
(BURPS)
Tell you what,
I'm gonna call you Smiley!
(BUBBLING)
(FARTS)
Oh, crikey! Strong stuff, mate!
Cheers.
You know, Smiley,
life's just too stressful here.
How does an ocean cruise sound?
The high life on the high seas.
You know, relax.
Just really stretch out.
- (GRUNTS)
- Good. Now smile.
Soon,you'll be braising
in a choice Burgundy.
(FRENCH ACCENT)
You pathetic worm.
Death to the tyrants!
Now, look at what I've done -
I've forgotten the garlic.
(LAUGHS)
Don't run away, l'll be back soon.
Ooh la la!
Huh!
It's liberty or death!
Vive la France...
(THUD)
- (HORN BLOWS)
- Adieu!
(WOMAN) A chicken?
Hello and welcome.
My name is Winifred.
- And l, Winston.
- The name's Toby.
(FRENCH ACCENT) Charles.
Pleasure to make your acquaintance.
(ROARS)
(LAUGHS)
- With whom do l have the honneur?
- This is my friend Smiley.
Things got a little bit steamy
back in the bush,
so we thought we'd take ourselves
on a holiday to cool off.
First it was just me and Smiley,
but then old Sushi climbed aboard.
- Euh, Sushi...?
- That's my name.
Yes. Well, then, carry on,
my fearless marsupial.
And then, four weeks out to sea,
we met the tortoises,
and since then we've had a plan.
Ah, a plan is good.
Euh, what plan?
The migratory birds who used to visit us
on our island in the summer
told us of a paradise of wonder.
Far away from mankind.
Ah, oui, a charming idea.
What a stroke of luck
that you 'ave met me. l will lead you!
(ALL GASP)
# La mer
# Les a bercs
# Le long des golfes clairs
# Et d'une chanson d'amour
# La mer
# A berc mon coeur
# Pour la vie... #
Our supplies are just about gone.
The water holes are running dry.
Now that you mention it,
my throat does feel rather dry.
Oh, without water we're lost!
And without water we'll die!
My stress levels are through the roof.
I'm having an anxiety attack!
- (ANGIE CLEARS HER THROAT)
- I'll shut up.
Well, l'll just consult with the oracle.
An oracle consult? This could be good!
O mighty oracle.
We humbly seek your advice in this time
of great fear and uncertainty.
Tell us, when will the water come?
I would advise you now, more than ever,
to keep the oracle in good humour.
- (CHOMPlNG AND GULPlNG)
- Aw...
That tree trunk just ate
our last bunch of bananas.
(TREE) Harrumph. The water will come...
when it comes, l suppose.
- The water's coming?
- The cup falls down the well until it breaks.
What in the world
is that supposed to mean?
Please, Billy,
you're insulting the oracle!
If the water doesn't come,
we have to find it!
Not stand here talking to a dried-up tree!
Did you just call me a dried-up tree?
That guy has got some nerve! Loser!
You offended the oracle!
It won't speak to us any more.
That was slick, loser!
Hey! My dad's no loser!
Humph!
(CLEARS THROAT) Comrades.
Each one of us 'as tragically lost
their 'ome, their friends, their family!
Stolen from under our noses!
And now, comrades,
we will find ourselves a new place to live.
One where there is no place for man.
Blaah!
Spoken with conviction.
(BUBBLING)
Heads up, folks!
(FARTS)
Now, that's some stress hormone.
We 'ave all crossed the Seven Seas
in nothing more than a rusty bathtub.
We 'ave weathered
the most terrible storms...
- (FARTlNG)
- (HE SNlFFS)... and evil of winds.
We are so close to our goal! Allons!
(SMlLEY) Raaaah!
# You put your right foot in
You put your right foot out
# You put your right foot in
And you shake it all about
# You do the hokey-pokey
And you turn yourself around
# That's what it's all about
(Left foot!)
# You put your left foot in...
Euh! Beyond those rocks,
my friends, lies paradise.
We are now ever so close
to reaching our goal!
# You do the hokey-pokey
And you turn yourself around
# That's what it's all about #
(JUNlOR)
My dad is the best dad in the world.
He is gonna bring us water
from the water hole!
He'll fight the rhinos, kick the buffalo
and chase away the elephants.
- Whoa, dream on!
- (BOTH LAUGH)
- Your dad's a zero. Get real!
- Hmm?
- And not to mention...
- Mention what?
Hmm?
All other meerkats have
a light coat except for him.
I guess my dad's just one of a kind!
(BlLLY) Note to self: Get water.
Piece of cake.
First shoo the buffalo away,
then fight off the rhinos
and then stop the elephants
from drinking us dry!
(FEMALE) Hey, Billy! Psst!
If you let them drink first and leave
the water hole in a good mood, it's safer.
Giselle! Please, don't panic.
Just take a good look at that idiot squad.
Zero intelligence.
If they were any more clueless,
their heads would explode!
Really?
(HUMS)
(SPANlSH ACCENT) Chino wants a drink.
And Chino's gonna have a drink.
Boys, let's have a drink.
Hey, I didn't hear anyone say
YOU could have the first drink!
You talking to ME?
Are YOU talking to ME...unicorn?
Did that guy just call me a unicorn?
(ALL BELLOW)
One sip and I'll be watching the buzzards
pick your bones in the blinding sun.
- Chino drinks when he wants to, si?
- Oh, yeah?
Then just try it and you'll see!
Yeah, in your dreams, pizza-face!
(THEY BELLOW ANGRlLY)
- (HUMMlNG)
- (BELLOWlNG STOPS)
(BlLLY) Afternoon!
- (BILLY) Cannonball!
- (WATER SPLASHlNG)
(HUMS)
Hmm...?
(RHlNO GRUNTS)
OK...
What's a hundred tons of raw meat
compared to a little natural charm?
Of a meek, weak, cheeky...
..little freak.
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
(TO HlMSELF) Stay calm and smile.
- (GRUNTS)
- Big toothy grin...
- (GROWLS)
- Distract them.
Hey, look over there!
(MUMBLES) And discreetly fill the...
And a little more for Daddy.
(CHOKES)
(SlGHS WlTH RELIEF)
You've got a problem, huh?
Carrot top?
- (LAUGHTER)
- Carrot top!
Hey, who's talking to you, lightweight?
(LAUGHING STOPS)
(GRUNTS)
(BlRDS SQUAWKlNG)
Whoa!
Yaah-hoo!
My dad!
(PANTS)
Junior!
You sure showed those buffalo, Dad!
(GASPlNG)
(COUGHS)
So, l sure showed all of them!
That big.
They were all that big, with hats!
Stop right here! Not another step...
Oh, Billy.
Hey, everything's under control,
my turtle dove.
Ha-ha!
And l've got the water.
Uh, well...
Oh, Billy...
Let's recap.
Dad was supposed to chase away
the buffalo and get water...super (!)
I told them all you were going
to get the water for us.
Uh... Aw...
Junior, wait a minute.
Our supplies are just about gone.
- It's OK, l'll work it all out.
- Billy...
You're such a dreamer.
What will happen to us?
I promise, this time
I'm not gonna let you down.
(KlDS GlGGLING)
Hey, Junior, there's your old man.
The rhino whisperer.
(SlGHS)
- Erm, hello, my son.
- Yes, what is it?
I just wanted to let you know
that I promised your mother...
I've heard it before! You're always
making promises you can't keep!
Go and hang out with your lion,
or go off and play your drum,
or go off and hit
some hyena poo-poo into a hole.
- (BLOWS RASPBERRY)
- (BOTH LAUGH)
You're not my father any more.
Billy!
(SlGHS)
- You shouldn't have said that.
- Leave me alone!
Socrates, we're needed.
The very fate of Okavango
is right in our hands.
What kind of plant
have you been chewing?
Think, and compare us to eternity.
We're grains of sand and that's all.
I'm not a grain of sand, buddy,
I'm a meerkat! My family needs water!
My son thinks I'm a big loser -
that's what's real.
And now my reality
is to go and find water.
And you're coming with me!
That is the stuff
of a wonderful, tragic ballad.
The sweet, yet sorrowful song
of Billy the Meerkat,
who set out in search of water...
I can hear it! l can just hear it!
Yeah, that's my song!
- Alas, never to be seen again.
- Uh?
And his old friend Socrates the Lion
spent the rest of his days
staying at home
and growing old,
gazing peacefully into the sky.
- Then l'll just go it alone.
- What?
I'd think that one over again
because if you follow the river bed,
you come to the Valley of Death.
Did you say Valley of Death?
So how do you know?
That's easy - because l've been there.
You were in... ln the Valley of Death?
Yes, it was long, long ago.
You see my scar up here?
Well, deep within the Valley of Death
there lives a murderous shadow!
The leopard?
Such a beast,
who can slice you to pieces
before you see him coming!
He who enters the Valley of Death
gives up life itself!
- You're not coming with me?
- No, Billy.
Let's just do what we know how to do,
what we're best at doing.
Laying around and killing time.
Billy?
BlLLY?
# Trailers for sale or rent
# Rooms to let, 50 cents
# No phone, no pool, no pets
# I don't need no cigarettes - ah, but
# Two hours of pushing broom
# Buys an eight-by-twelve, four-bit room
# I'm a man of means by no means
- (ZEBRAS NICKER)
- # King of the road #
Hey, what?
Who do we have here?
Don't be shy, come a little closer.
Why not sit here with us for a while?
We won't bite!
(ALL LAUGH HYSTERlCALLY)
- (BILLY) Ouch! Ouch!
- I fancy a change of pace, don't you?
- A smidge on the bony side.
- You don't have to be so negative.
Welcome, lad, to the Valley of Joy!
I thought I was
in the Valley of Death, right?
Valley of Death?! Who put
those thoughts in your head, son?
Is this the Valley of Death, old chums?
Of course not! That's absurd.
(ALL LAUGH HYSTERlCALLY)
Safe travels, my friend!
Catch you later!
(HUMS)
Hmm? Huh?
Hello?
Anybody there?!
- Hello?
- (ECHO) Hello... Hello...
(HEARTBEAT)
- (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
- Shh!
I knew you wouldn't let me down!
Now we're gonna be fine.
(GROWLING)
The leopard...?
Shoo, kitty!
Go on back through your cat flap.
Or come out and show your whiskers,
you scaredy cat...
Billy! Violence will get you nowhere.
(GROWLING)
- Well, so what's plan B?
- How does running sound to you?
Left, right, right, left...?
(EVlL LAUGHTER)
(ROARS)
Ha! That leopard's scared
of little old me!
(ROARlNG)
A po-po-polar...b-b-b-b-bear!
(ROARlNG)
A polar bear? In Africa?
Cosmic.
And a kangaroo? Tortoises?
A two-legged...
- Raaah!
- ... mouth-monster?
And a chicken!
Huh? A chicken?!
Pardon! A Gallic cockerel
is no mere chicken.
Who are you?
Who sent you?
Where are you from?
Tell me!
He's one card short of a full deck.
But l tell you, the guy's got guts.
Exactly like us!
(GULPS)
(ALL GRUNT)
It wasn't me.
(DlSTANT HOWLING)
(SNORES)
- Socrates?
- Mm-hmm?
What's the story behind your scar?
I was very young, inexperienced,
rash and very hungry.
- My brother and l...
- Wait! You had a brother?
His name was Mambo.
We were inseparable.
Racing across the Savannah,
chasing buffalo and hunting antelope.
- Hold on... But you're a vegetarian!
- Youth, you see. l was a cub.
That was ages ago.
So Mambo and I,
though forbidden by our parents,
walked right up to the Valley of Death.
And, as you can imagine, there was
a good reason we were forbidden.
After all, this is where
the elephants came to die.
But we knew no fear
and we were driven by curiosity.
(BlRDS SQUAWKlNG)
(SQUAWKS)
(GUNSHOT)
(BREATHES HEAVILY)
Mambo?
(ROARS)
- Was it the leopard?
- No, Billy. lt wasn't the leopard.
It was a creature
I've never seen before, or since.
That's creepy.
But from that day, my only wish
is for all the animals of the Savannah
to live in peace and harmony.
Cock-a-doodle...
(COUGHS)
All right! Comrades, morning is 'ere.
We must set off before the sun is 'igh.
You'll have to go on without me.
I'm much too weak.
Non! I will stay with Sushi
and the tortoises and look after them.
As for the lion and the euh...weasel,
they will find the water.
And Toby and Smiley
will accompany them. Humph!
(RATTLlNG)
Shh.
(GASPS)
(GULPS)
(DOOR OPENS, THEN CLOSES)
(DlSTANT THUD)
(GRUNTS)
(GASPS)
Here at the Eden Paradise Hotel,
we now find the participants
of the 168th Conference
on Climate Change in attendance.
And here is someone who is clearly
not the least impressed with any of it.
Hello, I'm Maya. For sure, we all know
what happens at these things.
You grown-ups love to hear each other
talk and talk and nothing ever happens!
I'm sure you're all awaiting the results
of the conference, as we are.
- (JAZZ MUSlC)
- (HE HUMS ALONG)
(MAN) ladies and gentlemen,
I welcome you all to the Eden Paradise
as guests of the Climate Conference.
The important job of the buffet opening
falls to our very own house mascot.
It's true, may l present...Toto!
(APPLAUSE)
- The water's trapped like a rat.
- Who would do such a thing?
(FUNKY MUSlC)
(SOCRATES) Going a bit fast, aren't we?
Woooah!
Billy, they've stolen your idea.
Hmm... How do they get
the hyena poo-poo so round?
I love it, l love it, l love it. Cool!
(BOTH CHEER)
(BURPlNG)
Give me five! Whey-hey!
Australians!
Oh, he's so cute!
(ROARS)
(SCREAMS)
What?! Hunter!
They're a strange breed of monkey.
- (ROARS)
- (SIGHS)
They're cute, though.
A little funny-looking, but cute.
See you later, Billy.
Now! Where's the beast, huh?
(BlLLY) Ahh!
(BlLLY SHOUTS lN FEAR)
Cannonball!
Ha-ha-ha... Jaw.
Come on. Over here!
(BlLLY) No! No!
You must know, l saved
your life on my lunch break, humph!
Er, now, now, gentlemen,
if you please...
I can guarantee you personally that
this whole unfortunate fiasco is over.
RAAAH!
- His ears have gone red.
- Here it comes!
(BUBBLING, THEN FARTS)
Smiley, I can't think of a better argument
for good, clean outdoor living.
(SMlLEY LAUGHS)
(SNIFFS)
Eurgh!
(BEEPING)
Actually, the wellness suite
is solely for paying hotel guests.
Mm, wild!
Eh, Smiley, you try it on.
(DOOR OPENS)
Two words, gentlemen:
mini bar, capiche?
(TOTO) Voil!
(DOOR CLOSES)
Hands off! This is the honeymoon suite.
OK, I'll watch for Hunter.
You do not wanna mess around with him.
You'd better behave yourselves,
if you know what's good for you!
Cool.
Hold on. Better
we don't take a single shot.
We hate bad press.
Instead, catch and send it
to our casino in Vegas.
At least we can make a profit
out of this whole mess.
I don't trust that monkey.
(BEEPING)
(DANCE MUSIC)
Didn't l tell you not to touch anything?
(BURPlNG)
Where is the armchair?
Oh...you uncultured pig!
We sit on chairs, we don't eat them!
Raah?
- And where's the little guy?
- Billy is in the water cave.
# Splish-splash, l was taking a bath
# All-about-a Saturday night, ooh
# Rub-a-dub, just relaxing in the tub
# Thinking everything was all right #
That's quite enough
rub-a-dubbing for today!
I happen to have a job here,
and l have no desire to get
into trouble on account of you!
I worked hard to get my position.
What is it you want from me?
We want water!
Ah, right here you have water!
- So now if you would get out.
- One thing.
Why on earth did you help us
by hiding us in here?
Because with Hunter,
you would have been killed.
So, l see. You are one of us, after all.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
I was born in a Brooklyn zoo -
not that you know what that means.
I'm very, very sorry
but you're dead wrong
and l am certainly
not who you think l am!
I am not one of your kind for sure!
We need water! l mean lots of water!
For all of us!
Good. Then we go over to the dam,
open the floodgates,
and run the water to your valley.
And then you folks get lost!
(MAN) And so what we have created is
what we like to call an oasis of peace.
In total harmony with nature,
which is of course the key,
and that's called ecological tourism.
The result: guaranteed sustainability,
with enough electricity
generated to power several cities.
You can imagine the benefits
for the local economy.
You should imagine what that means for
the poor animals that live downstream.
- Erm...
- They're dying of thirst without water!
Maya, go to your room at once.
You know nothing of this.
It's always about money, right?
That's all you ever think about.
These kids... Go figure.
And now, if you would follow me
into the complex interior.
I'll go in there, open the spout,
then l'll come back out.
Meanwhile, you make sure
you do not move from this spot!
(SMlLEY GRUNTS AGREEABLY)
(BlLLY) Yoo-hoo!
(HUMS)
Yes!
As you can imagine, the most modern
and stringent security measures
are utilised in this
most sensitive of areas.
Everything is state of the art
and hermetically sealed.
Unauthorised access
is totally out of the question.
Socrates!
Oh, l feel rather woozy.
I'm coming!
- (ALARM GOES OFF)
- Ooh...
Oh, no!
Oh, no! Not again!
(SHOUTlNG)
Raaah! Raaah!
Come, if you are man enough to do it!
En garde.
(CHARLES) Hmm...
Thanks.
Oh, no, that's totally not fair.
No, no, no!
Brave veterans, can you stand the pace?
We're fine, thank you. Though we're not
quite as young as we used to be.
Well, l see, heeh-heeh...
a beauty in the prime of her life.
Well, l'm 715 years old.
Winston is twelve years older.
She has aged splendidly,
my dear little lotus blossom.
You, with the sweet talk.
Ahh...l'amour!
The 'eroism of the tortoises
has saved us all,
but without water all that awaits us
is certain death.
And we are doomed if we go back
to free Socrates and release the water.
We are much too weak.
Then we have to get help!
We'll call all the animals of the Savannah.
Excellent, weasel!
Daddy? What are you doing with the lion?
Maya, Daddy has no time
for this right now.
Set the lion free right now!
There is nothing l can possibly do.
The lion is dangerous
and we can't just let it loose
to run around all over the place.
And besides, l've already sold
the lion to a casino in Las Vegas.
Humph!
You have successfully
penetrated the security zone,
while your friends have disappeared
in the drink.
You! Looks like you're the lucky one.
- Smith sold you to a casino in Las Vegas.
- Las WHAT?
You hit the jackpot.
Top of the mountain!
I've always dreamed of doing
an appearance in Las Vegas, just once.
Huh? (SlGHS)
I'm not hungry.
Drink.
It'll taste a lot better.
Oh, Mum, did you have
something to drink?
Of course I did!
You're a really bad liar, you know.
Junior?
(PANTING)
This is my water hole, crocodile bait!
- So?
- You go find your own puddle, si?
Or you can find my horn!
Instead l'll use your horn
as a toenail clipper, OK?
- You're asking for it.
- (GRUNTS)
(BELLOWS ANGRlLY)
in their fat heads.
On three.
One... Two...
Three...go!
(JUNlOR) No!
Hey, look!
Aw...
Mum!
Hold on, sweetheart.
STOP!
Haven't you idiots
got anything better to do?
- Erm, nope.
- Eh, no.
Have you ever thought why you two
are fighting in the first place?
Naturally. Because...
- Eh...'cause...
- Mm-hmm...?
- What do you think, Biggie?
- Hey, l don't know.
Just as I thought.
From now on, go and play
your juvenile games somewhere else!
Got it? Hmm?!
Let's go talk to Angie. She is
actually the president of Okavango.
A female president!
Hmm, why not?
I will attempt a bit of diplomacy with 'er,
the way l know 'ow.
My skin is utterly
and completely dried out.
My nails are all cracked,
my complexion - ruined!
My lashes are like barbed wire.
The end is near!
Giselle...
- We've got other things to worry about.
- Oh, well, that's charming.
I'm falling apart and you say,
"We've got other things to worry about!"
Oh, do not despair, mesdames!
Oh, no! l hear voices!
Aah, l know this is the end.
(SOBBlNG) And l look like such a mess.
(CHARLES) Ahem!
'Ello, the name is...Charles.
Charles! My, my, what a lovely name!
By the way, the oppressive 'eat
can do nothing to 'ide
your noble and sublime beauty.
Ooh! Mmm!
If l may be so bold, you seem to 'ave
been blessed with a delightful nose.
- (LIPS SMACK)
- Mmm... (GlGGLES)
So soft! And the most silky trunk!
Pooh! Go marry her, then.
We must call a conference.
Tout de suite!
- A conference?
- A gathering of all the animals.
There we must figure out
'ow this hero of yours
was able to discover the water.
I have a hero? Erm, who is it?
- Yoo-hoo!
- Billy?
- (GlSELLE GASPS)
- Hmm...
Then someone's got to blow
the great horn!
(HORN BLOWS)
(HORN CONTlNUES)
Dad?!
(GASPS FOR AlR)
Mm.
(SNORES)
There is a great gathering of the animals
in two hours, called a conference.
You don't want to be late!
I'm on my way!
Ugh! Let's see, two hours.
I know l can do it.
Thank heaven for shortcuts.
(OVERLAPPlNG ANIMAL NOlSES)
(BlGGIE) Well, look who's here.
It's the lightweight!
- (LAUGHTER)
- (CHlNO) Hey, Biggie.
What's so funny, carrot top, eh?
(ANIMALS CHATTERlNG)
(TRUMPETS)
(CHATTERING STOPS)
We are all gathered together
to discuss our precarious situation.
As you all may know, this is our first
great historical animal gathering.
For the duration of the proceedings,
no-one will inflict harm upon another!
- Fine by me!
- Meerkats only really count as snacks!
No one is allowed to touch anyone!
Eh? (HUMS)
Billy? Your report.
Yeah. So, here's the scoop.
Uh, I found the water, cool.
Who cares what that worm has to say?
He's nothing but
a squashed fly on my hoof, s?
(LAUGHTER)
Problem is, the water's trapped
way up in Leopard Canyon,
by these massive stones.
It was the leopard?!
No it was because of a bunch of strange,
ugly creatures, naked, without any fur!
Oh, that's gross!
We're talking bloodthirsty, awful beasts.
They call themselves humans!
What a pile of garbage!
And since when did we ever listen
to the drivel from a meerkat?
Chino is a dumb buffalo,
but for once he's got a point.
Mon ami. This, well, meerkat
has shown more courage
than all of you combined.
Oh, such big words
coming from you, you...
..you little half-pint.
Do you 'ave any idea what
this little 'alf-pint has been through?
Do you just know 'ow many
of my comrades l 'ave lost?
The things l 'ave seen
from a dark dungeon,
where my kind and l were locked up
only to languish in the smallest of cells,
while wondering if we were
to end up on a skewer?
Or perhaps a burgundy sauce?
Mankind treats us like...animals!
Well, that certainly was clear as mud.
And that's why we have to do something!
We have to free up the water now!
Er, correct me if I'm wrong,
but doesn't that mean
we have to go through the...
Valley of Death?!
(GASPS OF HORROR)
The water has always come,
and it will come this time.
We just have to wait.
The water is not simply water.
It is the blood of our forefathers.
(AMERlCAN ACCENT) Come on,
what's with these two old-timers!
These two tortoises know mankind
better than any other alive!
And, of course, much, much longer.
- Good...
- ... evening.
My name is Winston and...
..l am called Winifred.
We were born more than 700 years ago...
..on an island located deep
within the Pacific Ocean.
In all that time, we have come across
many human beings.
They have stolen and have murdered
and destroyed everything
many, many times.
And we let it happen.
And because of this,
we have lost everything.
Our beloved home is sadly no more.
Where once were blooming flowers
of all colours is now dry and arid.
Where once the very air vibrated
with the twittering
of thousands of kinds of birds
is now only silence.
Where once seals and the beasts
of the ocean bobbed in the waves,
all life is now at an end.
Galpagos, our wondrous home,
is now little more than a wretched,
black, dark and oily mass.
The entire world is nothing more
than a black, dark and oily mass.
Except for this place here.
But if you do nothing to stop it,
this place too will become
no more than a blackened stain.
For Man is a thief
who comes in the night
and takes what he wants from the land.
He is like a snake
who eats his own tail to survive.
But the Earth does not belong to Man.
He's only a tiny part of it.
Man did not weave the fabric of life.
He's but a thread within it,
for we all share the same breath.
The rising mists
of the lush green forests,
the refreshment
of the rocky mountain breezes,
the perfumed scent of the wind
after a cooling shower of rain,
the plants, Man and we, the animals.
What Man doesn't realise is
what he does to the land
he ultimately does to himself,
and when the land is finally destroyed
and the animals are
either driven out or killed,
Man will rule over the Earth alone.
Then, lost and forlorn, he too
will be wiped from the face of the Earth.
But that is a cold comfort to us now,
for every one of you will perish
if you don't defend yourselves
against humanity.
My dear, you spoke wisely
and with great care.
Well, that's because
they were your thoughts that l spoke.
What you spoke was greater
than every thought.
And still all meaningless,
compared to my many years with you,
our years together.
It's been wonderful.
Good. So good...
(WINSTON) Winnie?
Winnie?
(BlRDS CHlRPING)
(CHARLES) Winston and Winifred
have gone to sleep for the last time.
But they live on
in all our dreams and in our hearts.
- (The tortoises have passed away.)
- (GlSELLE GASPS)
(SNIFFS)
(The tortoises have died.)
(lNDISTINCT WHISPER)
(lNAUDlBLE)
(TRUMPETS)
The day 'as come.
Madame,
we are waiting on your command.
But shouldn't we consult the oracle first?
I don't think so, dear.
Been there, done that.
- So, to battle!
- And down with the beast!
(ALL) And down with the beast!
Allons! Et vive la libert!
(GRUNTING)
Well! The least they could have done
is consult the oracle.
I get no respect!
What happened to tradition?
It's a disgrace!
Did you hear what l heard?
We've all been asking
for advice from that guy?
A hairdresser who talks from both sides
of his mouth at the same time?
A proud army, to be sure, Madame.
It is a true honneur
to be allowed to march with you.
Yes, we're proud,
but are we strong enough?
Remember, the buffalo
and the rhino didn't come along.
The 'eroic courage of our brave soldiers
will make up for them.
(TOBY GRUNTS)
Socrates, hang in there. We're coming!
How about those
who don't have a banana milkshake?
Or a drop of water?
Hey, I can read you like a book.
You wanna make me feel all guilty
so that l'll help you escape.
But you're wasting your time.
I can't do anything.
The big guy with the rifle's
got the key to the cage.
Here l am, confined to a cage,
but yet somehow l remain free.
You are outside,
but you're not really free at all. Are you?
Hmm...?
So...
Duty calls!
Just go. Playing monkey must be fun.
# You put your right foot in
You put your right foot out
# You put your right foot in
And you shake it all about
# You do the hokey-pokey
And you turn yourself around
# That's what it's all about
# (Left foot!)
# You put your left foot in
You put your left foot out
# And you shake it all about
# You do the hokey-pokey
And you turn yourself around
# That's what it's all about #
(CLUCKING)
(GROWLS)
Clearly you are a meat-eater.
One can tell by that, euh,
unpleasant breath.
- And 'ave a little respect!
- (LEOPARD GASPS)
Just look at yourself.
Stand up straight!
Chest out!
And why are you so late?
What kind of discipline
is that for a soldier?
And take your incredibly
filthy paws off my uniform!
To your unit! This year, please...
- Everything all right, my brave hero?
- But of course!
I simply 'ad to reprimand
the cowardly deserter.
Showtime!
Hey!
(TOTO) Whoa-whoa-whoa!
Toto?
(TOTO MOANS)
(GUN COCKING)
(HUNTER LAUGHS EVlLLY)
(WHISTLING)
(GIGGLES)
Oh, damn.
The most worthy of foes,
yes, without question.
Madame, if you'd allow me, then
I strongly suggest we send a message.
Send a message? Hmm...
And if we're not understood?
This message will be unequivocal!
(BUZZlNG)
- (SCREAMING)
- Oh! What's that?
Each conference participant
is leaving in an almost giddy,
light and ecstatic mood.
(SlGHS)
(MAYA) Come on.
(SNIFFS)
(GROWLS)
(ROARS)
Comrades!
We cannot wait any more! Let's go!
It's time for heads to roll!
Giselle, l've never heard you
speak that way before!
- Thank you.
- (TRUMPETS)
And attack!
'Ard. Very 'ard.
This could be tricky.
(DlSTANT TUMULT)
What is that roar?
It's the buffalo.
And the rhinos, too!
(TRUMPETlNG)
What do you know?
Hey, lightweight!
Eh...
See you in hell...carrot top!
(BUBBLING)
(FARTlNG)
(SlGHS WlTH RELIEF)
(DlSTANT ROARlNG)
Socrates! Socrates!
Start your drumming, Billy.
You've got the groove!
I've got the groove!
Uh-huh!
(TRUMPETS)
(ALL MOO RHYTHMlCALLY)
- (CROWS)
- (ALL TRUMPET)
(BOTH BEATBOX)
(RHYTHMIC CHANTING)
Mon Dieu.
Do you see that? That's my dad!
Billy!
Turtle dove!
Billy, the time has come.
Party time!
(ROCK 'N' ROLL MUSlC:
THE BEACH BOYS' "FUN, FUN, FUN")
# Well, she got her daddy's car
# And she cruised
through the hamburger stand, now
# Seems she forgot all about the library
# Like she told her old man, now
# And with the radio blasting
# Goes cruising
just as fast as she can, now
# And she'll have fun, fun, fun
# Till her daddy takes the T-bird away
(Till her daddy takes the T-bird)
# The girls can't stand her 'cause
she walks, looks and drives like an ace
# (You walk like an ace, now
You walk like an ace)
# She makes the lndy 500 look like
a Roman chariot race, now
# A lot of guys try to catch her
# But she leads them
on a wild goose chase, now...
The hotel is finished. I'm ruined.
- Are you satisfied?
- Yeah.
Look at how happy they are.
(MUSIC CONTlNUES)
# Well, you knew all along that your dad
was getting wise to you, now
# (You shouldn't have lied, now)
# And since he took your set of keys
you've been thinking
# That your fun is all through, now
(You shouldn't have lied) #
Charles, your passion thrills me
more than I can say.
Ah, ma chrie, this is the first step
on the journey of a lifetime.
(DlSTANT SlREN)
(BlRDS SQUAWKlNG)
(WATER SPLASHlNG)
Huh?
(WHALE SONG)
From the 169th Climate Change
Conference here in New York...
- (ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING)
- Huh?
I see that we may entertain
some unexpected visitors.
And it appears that the animals
are finally going
to make us accountable for our actions.
(LAUGHS)
(FARTlNG)
(DlSTANT WHALE SONG)
Well, what do you know?
- G'day, Ken!
- Howdy-ho, jumping buddy!
Pal, help me out.
Where's the conference?
What? The conference of the animals?
Why, it's in America!
America?
I just happen to have a shortcut.
Oh, what a shame.
I could have given him a shave.
(POP MUSlC: XAVIER NAlDOO
& NATURALLY 7'S "A NEW HORIZON")
# Nobody is gonna stand in our way
# Nobody is gonna hurt us again
# Some say they wanna shoot the game
# But use your brains
We know who's to blame
# Nobody is gonna stand in our way
# Nobody is gonna hurt us again
# Some say they wanna shoot the game
# But use your brains
We know who's to blame
# Let's go towards a new horizon
# A place where we can all be free
# What keeps you all from realising
# We are no part of humanity?
# We could have shared
and would have lived
# Forever and again
# Going there and doing this
# Like when children play
# But we can't let you get away
# With murder, first degree
# This is the planet of the apes
# And, Man, you will see
# Let's go towards a new horizon
# A place where we can all be free
# What keeps you all from realising
# They won't grant us humanity?
# All they wanna do is hate us
# Kill us or cage us in
# Please, wake up, brothers and sisters
# lt's a fight that we can win
# This is the dawning
of the Age of the Animals
# The new leader of the world
will be one of us
# You had your chance
but you built bombs to rain down on us
# You hung a bell on us
# We won't take prisoners
# Ooh-ooh-ooh #
(BlRDS CHlRPING)
(BlRDS SQUAWKlNG)
(lNSTRUMENTAL MUSIC CONTlNUES)
(CHlLDREN CHATTERING)
- Junior.
- Yes, Mum?
- Have you seen your father?
- Dad went to get water.
(JUNlOR)
Hey, wait for me! Pass it, come on!
Come on! Quickly!
Hmm?
Hmm...
(YAWNS)
- (BUTTERFLY SQUEAKS)
- (LION LAUGHS PLAYFULLY)
(HOWLING)
(GROANlNG)
Ha-ha-ha! Bet l scared you, right?
(CACKLES)
Now tell the truth.
The hairs on my neck
are all standing on end (!)
Hmm...
What was I supposed to do?
I know!
(HE GlGGLES)
Yes! Yeah!
(GIGGLES)
All right...
Oh!
Oops!
Hey-ho, Giselle.
Hmm...men!
- Did you see that?
- Yes, but what WAS that?
Only hard-as-a-rock,
sun-dried hyena poo-poo.
Oh, l see...
(HUMS)
Fini!
Well...how do l look?
Erm... Uh...
Totally chic! Unbelievable!
Darling, this is a work of art.
I call it "Macaroni and Cheese".
It would suit you too, Giselle.
A neck wax wouldn't hurt, either.
No, thanks.
Hmm...
Mm-hmm...
It's a matter of concentration.
Yes, clearly.
And the perfect wind conditions.
Naturally.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
(BLOWS)
Aw...
Billy?
Yoo-hoo, my turtle dove!
- What are you doing?
- Hello, Bonnie. You look lovely.
We're, erm... What are we doing?
Walking around, thinking, talking...
Hitting hyena poo into a hole.
That as well.
I was just going to tell you.
You hit...hyena poo-poo...into a hole?
- With a stick.
- Oh, with a stick!
- Bingo.
- Interesting. And who thought that up?
- Me! l thought that up.
- I thought so.
What were you supposed
to do today, hmm?
Supposed to do today, supposed to do...
Uh...Socrates, do you know?
- You were to get water.
- Oh, that's right!
Oh, Billy...
I really think you are
and always will be a scatterbrain.
But l sure love you.
This is serious!
Er...don't tell me.
You went to a beauty salon!
- Hmm?
- It'll grow out. lt's a law of nature.
(GISELLE LAUGHS)
- I didn't say a thing.
- Stop acting like such a fool!
The water that flows down the mountain.
It should have got here by now!
I'll play the water
down here with my drum.
(BOTH) Mm?
(WIND HOWLlNG)
(YAWNS)
(MAN) Many world politicians
and economic leaders
have gathered
for the 167th Climate Conference.
Here to the north they've all come,
as these brave officials examine
the dramatic effects of global warming.
- (MUNCHING)
- (CAR ENGINES START)
(MAN) Quick, the buffet's getting cold.
Peter Cook reporting
from Thule, Greenland -
the gateway to the Arctic.
(HOWLS)
(MAN) This was a wonderful day,
Winifred.
I've heard you say that
for exactly 714 years.
- Know what?
- Of course I know.
It's our wedding anniversary,
and l wouldn't have wanted
to miss a single day.
(SNORlNG)
(GREEK MUSIC)
(SNORES)
(CREAKlNG, THEN THUD)
Captain! Sir, l believe
that we've run aground.
(GREEK ACCENT)
Hmm, what? Run aground?
Bah, something
is moving all-righty. Yes!
My dear, the time has come
for us to be getting
on our way once more.
(THUNDER)
(ROCK 'N' ROLL MUSlC:
GOLDEN EARRING'S "RADAR LOVE")
# l've been driving all night
My hands wet on the wheel
# There's a voice in my head
That drives my heel
# lt's my baby calling
Says, "l need you here"
# And it's half past four
And l'm shifting gear
# When she is lonely
And her longing gets too much
# She sends a cable
Coming in from above
# Don't need a phone at all
# We've got a thing
That's called "radar love"
# We've got a wave in the air
# Radar love...#
Oh, man!
(MUSIC CONTlNUES)
(MUSIC STOPS)
(BOTH GASP)
You know what, pal?
Getting out
while the getting's good is good.
(GROANS)
AAH...
Here's to you, jumping buddy.
(GROANS)
(GURGLlNG)
(ROARS)
Hmm?
My name's Toby. What do they call you?
(BURPS)
Tell you what,
I'm gonna call you Smiley!
(BUBBLING)
(FARTS)
Oh, crikey! Strong stuff, mate!
Cheers.
You know, Smiley,
life's just too stressful here.
How does an ocean cruise sound?
The high life on the high seas.
You know, relax.
Just really stretch out.
- (GRUNTS)
- Good. Now smile.
Soon,you'll be braising
in a choice Burgundy.
(FRENCH ACCENT)
You pathetic worm.
Death to the tyrants!
Now, look at what I've done -
I've forgotten the garlic.
(LAUGHS)
Don't run away, l'll be back soon.
Ooh la la!
Huh!
It's liberty or death!
Vive la France...
(THUD)
- (HORN BLOWS)
- Adieu!
(WOMAN) A chicken?
Hello and welcome.
My name is Winifred.
- And l, Winston.
- The name's Toby.
(FRENCH ACCENT) Charles.
Pleasure to make your acquaintance.
(ROARS)
(LAUGHS)
- With whom do l have the honneur?
- This is my friend Smiley.
Things got a little bit steamy
back in the bush,
so we thought we'd take ourselves
on a holiday to cool off.
First it was just me and Smiley,
but then old Sushi climbed aboard.
- Euh, Sushi...?
- That's my name.
Yes. Well, then, carry on,
my fearless marsupial.
And then, four weeks out to sea,
we met the tortoises,
and since then we've had a plan.
Ah, a plan is good.
Euh, what plan?
The migratory birds who used to visit us
on our island in the summer
told us of a paradise of wonder.
Far away from mankind.
Ah, oui, a charming idea.
What a stroke of luck
that you 'ave met me. l will lead you!
(ALL GASP)
# La mer
# Les a bercs
# Le long des golfes clairs
# Et d'une chanson d'amour
# La mer
# A berc mon coeur
# Pour la vie... #
Our supplies are just about gone.
The water holes are running dry.
Now that you mention it,
my throat does feel rather dry.
Oh, without water we're lost!
And without water we'll die!
My stress levels are through the roof.
I'm having an anxiety attack!
- (ANGIE CLEARS HER THROAT)
- I'll shut up.
Well, l'll just consult with the oracle.
An oracle consult? This could be good!
O mighty oracle.
We humbly seek your advice in this time
of great fear and uncertainty.
Tell us, when will the water come?
I would advise you now, more than ever,
to keep the oracle in good humour.
- (CHOMPlNG AND GULPlNG)
- Aw...
That tree trunk just ate
our last bunch of bananas.
(TREE) Harrumph. The water will come...
when it comes, l suppose.
- The water's coming?
- The cup falls down the well until it breaks.
What in the world
is that supposed to mean?
Please, Billy,
you're insulting the oracle!
If the water doesn't come,
we have to find it!
Not stand here talking to a dried-up tree!
Did you just call me a dried-up tree?
That guy has got some nerve! Loser!
You offended the oracle!
It won't speak to us any more.
That was slick, loser!
Hey! My dad's no loser!
Humph!
(CLEARS THROAT) Comrades.
Each one of us 'as tragically lost
their 'ome, their friends, their family!
Stolen from under our noses!
And now, comrades,
we will find ourselves a new place to live.
One where there is no place for man.
Blaah!
Spoken with conviction.
(BUBBLING)
Heads up, folks!
(FARTS)
Now, that's some stress hormone.
We 'ave all crossed the Seven Seas
in nothing more than a rusty bathtub.
We 'ave weathered
the most terrible storms...
- (FARTlNG)
- (HE SNlFFS)... and evil of winds.
We are so close to our goal! Allons!
(SMlLEY) Raaaah!
# You put your right foot in
You put your right foot out
# You put your right foot in
And you shake it all about
# You do the hokey-pokey
And you turn yourself around
# That's what it's all about
(Left foot!)
# You put your left foot in...
Euh! Beyond those rocks,
my friends, lies paradise.
We are now ever so close
to reaching our goal!
# You do the hokey-pokey
And you turn yourself around
# That's what it's all about #
(JUNlOR)
My dad is the best dad in the world.
He is gonna bring us water
from the water hole!
He'll fight the rhinos, kick the buffalo
and chase away the elephants.
- Whoa, dream on!
- (BOTH LAUGH)
- Your dad's a zero. Get real!
- Hmm?
- And not to mention...
- Mention what?
Hmm?
All other meerkats have
a light coat except for him.
I guess my dad's just one of a kind!
(BlLLY) Note to self: Get water.
Piece of cake.
First shoo the buffalo away,
then fight off the rhinos
and then stop the elephants
from drinking us dry!
(FEMALE) Hey, Billy! Psst!
If you let them drink first and leave
the water hole in a good mood, it's safer.
Giselle! Please, don't panic.
Just take a good look at that idiot squad.
Zero intelligence.
If they were any more clueless,
their heads would explode!
Really?
(HUMS)
(SPANlSH ACCENT) Chino wants a drink.
And Chino's gonna have a drink.
Boys, let's have a drink.
Hey, I didn't hear anyone say
YOU could have the first drink!
You talking to ME?
Are YOU talking to ME...unicorn?
Did that guy just call me a unicorn?
(ALL BELLOW)
One sip and I'll be watching the buzzards
pick your bones in the blinding sun.
- Chino drinks when he wants to, si?
- Oh, yeah?
Then just try it and you'll see!
Yeah, in your dreams, pizza-face!
(THEY BELLOW ANGRlLY)
- (HUMMlNG)
- (BELLOWlNG STOPS)
(BlLLY) Afternoon!
- (BILLY) Cannonball!
- (WATER SPLASHlNG)
(HUMS)
Hmm...?
(RHlNO GRUNTS)
OK...
What's a hundred tons of raw meat
compared to a little natural charm?
Of a meek, weak, cheeky...
..little freak.
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
(TO HlMSELF) Stay calm and smile.
- (GRUNTS)
- Big toothy grin...
- (GROWLS)
- Distract them.
Hey, look over there!
(MUMBLES) And discreetly fill the...
And a little more for Daddy.
(CHOKES)
(SlGHS WlTH RELIEF)
You've got a problem, huh?
Carrot top?
- (LAUGHTER)
- Carrot top!
Hey, who's talking to you, lightweight?
(LAUGHING STOPS)
(GRUNTS)
(BlRDS SQUAWKlNG)
Whoa!
Yaah-hoo!
My dad!
(PANTS)
Junior!
You sure showed those buffalo, Dad!
(GASPlNG)
(COUGHS)
So, l sure showed all of them!
That big.
They were all that big, with hats!
Stop right here! Not another step...
Oh, Billy.
Hey, everything's under control,
my turtle dove.
Ha-ha!
And l've got the water.
Uh, well...
Oh, Billy...
Let's recap.
Dad was supposed to chase away
the buffalo and get water...super (!)
I told them all you were going
to get the water for us.
Uh... Aw...
Junior, wait a minute.
Our supplies are just about gone.
- It's OK, l'll work it all out.
- Billy...
You're such a dreamer.
What will happen to us?
I promise, this time
I'm not gonna let you down.
(KlDS GlGGLING)
Hey, Junior, there's your old man.
The rhino whisperer.
(SlGHS)
- Erm, hello, my son.
- Yes, what is it?
I just wanted to let you know
that I promised your mother...
I've heard it before! You're always
making promises you can't keep!
Go and hang out with your lion,
or go off and play your drum,
or go off and hit
some hyena poo-poo into a hole.
- (BLOWS RASPBERRY)
- (BOTH LAUGH)
You're not my father any more.
Billy!
(SlGHS)
- You shouldn't have said that.
- Leave me alone!
Socrates, we're needed.
The very fate of Okavango
is right in our hands.
What kind of plant
have you been chewing?
Think, and compare us to eternity.
We're grains of sand and that's all.
I'm not a grain of sand, buddy,
I'm a meerkat! My family needs water!
My son thinks I'm a big loser -
that's what's real.
And now my reality
is to go and find water.
And you're coming with me!
That is the stuff
of a wonderful, tragic ballad.
The sweet, yet sorrowful song
of Billy the Meerkat,
who set out in search of water...
I can hear it! l can just hear it!
Yeah, that's my song!
- Alas, never to be seen again.
- Uh?
And his old friend Socrates the Lion
spent the rest of his days
staying at home
and growing old,
gazing peacefully into the sky.
- Then l'll just go it alone.
- What?
I'd think that one over again
because if you follow the river bed,
you come to the Valley of Death.
Did you say Valley of Death?
So how do you know?
That's easy - because l've been there.
You were in... ln the Valley of Death?
Yes, it was long, long ago.
You see my scar up here?
Well, deep within the Valley of Death
there lives a murderous shadow!
The leopard?
Such a beast,
who can slice you to pieces
before you see him coming!
He who enters the Valley of Death
gives up life itself!
- You're not coming with me?
- No, Billy.
Let's just do what we know how to do,
what we're best at doing.
Laying around and killing time.
Billy?
BlLLY?
# Trailers for sale or rent
# Rooms to let, 50 cents
# No phone, no pool, no pets
# I don't need no cigarettes - ah, but
# Two hours of pushing broom
# Buys an eight-by-twelve, four-bit room
# I'm a man of means by no means
- (ZEBRAS NICKER)
- # King of the road #
Hey, what?
Who do we have here?
Don't be shy, come a little closer.
Why not sit here with us for a while?
We won't bite!
(ALL LAUGH HYSTERlCALLY)
- (BILLY) Ouch! Ouch!
- I fancy a change of pace, don't you?
- A smidge on the bony side.
- You don't have to be so negative.
Welcome, lad, to the Valley of Joy!
I thought I was
in the Valley of Death, right?
Valley of Death?! Who put
those thoughts in your head, son?
Is this the Valley of Death, old chums?
Of course not! That's absurd.
(ALL LAUGH HYSTERlCALLY)
Safe travels, my friend!
Catch you later!
(HUMS)
Hmm? Huh?
Hello?
Anybody there?!
- Hello?
- (ECHO) Hello... Hello...
(HEARTBEAT)
- (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
- Shh!
I knew you wouldn't let me down!
Now we're gonna be fine.
(GROWLING)
The leopard...?
Shoo, kitty!
Go on back through your cat flap.
Or come out and show your whiskers,
you scaredy cat...
Billy! Violence will get you nowhere.
(GROWLING)
- Well, so what's plan B?
- How does running sound to you?
Left, right, right, left...?
(EVlL LAUGHTER)
(ROARS)
Ha! That leopard's scared
of little old me!
(ROARlNG)
A po-po-polar...b-b-b-b-bear!
(ROARlNG)
A polar bear? In Africa?
Cosmic.
And a kangaroo? Tortoises?
A two-legged...
- Raaah!
- ... mouth-monster?
And a chicken!
Huh? A chicken?!
Pardon! A Gallic cockerel
is no mere chicken.
Who are you?
Who sent you?
Where are you from?
Tell me!
He's one card short of a full deck.
But l tell you, the guy's got guts.
Exactly like us!
(GULPS)
(ALL GRUNT)
It wasn't me.
(DlSTANT HOWLING)
(SNORES)
- Socrates?
- Mm-hmm?
What's the story behind your scar?
I was very young, inexperienced,
rash and very hungry.
- My brother and l...
- Wait! You had a brother?
His name was Mambo.
We were inseparable.
Racing across the Savannah,
chasing buffalo and hunting antelope.
- Hold on... But you're a vegetarian!
- Youth, you see. l was a cub.
That was ages ago.
So Mambo and I,
though forbidden by our parents,
walked right up to the Valley of Death.
And, as you can imagine, there was
a good reason we were forbidden.
After all, this is where
the elephants came to die.
But we knew no fear
and we were driven by curiosity.
(BlRDS SQUAWKlNG)
(SQUAWKS)
(GUNSHOT)
(BREATHES HEAVILY)
Mambo?
(ROARS)
- Was it the leopard?
- No, Billy. lt wasn't the leopard.
It was a creature
I've never seen before, or since.
That's creepy.
But from that day, my only wish
is for all the animals of the Savannah
to live in peace and harmony.
Cock-a-doodle...
(COUGHS)
All right! Comrades, morning is 'ere.
We must set off before the sun is 'igh.
You'll have to go on without me.
I'm much too weak.
Non! I will stay with Sushi
and the tortoises and look after them.
As for the lion and the euh...weasel,
they will find the water.
And Toby and Smiley
will accompany them. Humph!
(RATTLlNG)
Shh.
(GASPS)
(GULPS)
(DOOR OPENS, THEN CLOSES)
(DlSTANT THUD)
(GRUNTS)
(GASPS)
Here at the Eden Paradise Hotel,
we now find the participants
of the 168th Conference
on Climate Change in attendance.
And here is someone who is clearly
not the least impressed with any of it.
Hello, I'm Maya. For sure, we all know
what happens at these things.
You grown-ups love to hear each other
talk and talk and nothing ever happens!
I'm sure you're all awaiting the results
of the conference, as we are.
- (JAZZ MUSlC)
- (HE HUMS ALONG)
(MAN) ladies and gentlemen,
I welcome you all to the Eden Paradise
as guests of the Climate Conference.
The important job of the buffet opening
falls to our very own house mascot.
It's true, may l present...Toto!
(APPLAUSE)
- The water's trapped like a rat.
- Who would do such a thing?
(FUNKY MUSlC)
(SOCRATES) Going a bit fast, aren't we?
Woooah!
Billy, they've stolen your idea.
Hmm... How do they get
the hyena poo-poo so round?
I love it, l love it, l love it. Cool!
(BOTH CHEER)
(BURPlNG)
Give me five! Whey-hey!
Australians!
Oh, he's so cute!
(ROARS)
(SCREAMS)
What?! Hunter!
They're a strange breed of monkey.
- (ROARS)
- (SIGHS)
They're cute, though.
A little funny-looking, but cute.
See you later, Billy.
Now! Where's the beast, huh?
(BlLLY) Ahh!
(BlLLY SHOUTS lN FEAR)
Cannonball!
Ha-ha-ha... Jaw.
Come on. Over here!
(BlLLY) No! No!
You must know, l saved
your life on my lunch break, humph!
Er, now, now, gentlemen,
if you please...
I can guarantee you personally that
this whole unfortunate fiasco is over.
RAAAH!
- His ears have gone red.
- Here it comes!
(BUBBLING, THEN FARTS)
Smiley, I can't think of a better argument
for good, clean outdoor living.
(SMlLEY LAUGHS)
(SNIFFS)
Eurgh!
(BEEPING)
Actually, the wellness suite
is solely for paying hotel guests.
Mm, wild!
Eh, Smiley, you try it on.
(DOOR OPENS)
Two words, gentlemen:
mini bar, capiche?
(TOTO) Voil!
(DOOR CLOSES)
Hands off! This is the honeymoon suite.
OK, I'll watch for Hunter.
You do not wanna mess around with him.
You'd better behave yourselves,
if you know what's good for you!
Cool.
Hold on. Better
we don't take a single shot.
We hate bad press.
Instead, catch and send it
to our casino in Vegas.
At least we can make a profit
out of this whole mess.
I don't trust that monkey.
(BEEPING)
(DANCE MUSIC)
Didn't l tell you not to touch anything?
(BURPlNG)
Where is the armchair?
Oh...you uncultured pig!
We sit on chairs, we don't eat them!
Raah?
- And where's the little guy?
- Billy is in the water cave.
# Splish-splash, l was taking a bath
# All-about-a Saturday night, ooh
# Rub-a-dub, just relaxing in the tub
# Thinking everything was all right #
That's quite enough
rub-a-dubbing for today!
I happen to have a job here,
and l have no desire to get
into trouble on account of you!
I worked hard to get my position.
What is it you want from me?
We want water!
Ah, right here you have water!
- So now if you would get out.
- One thing.
Why on earth did you help us
by hiding us in here?
Because with Hunter,
you would have been killed.
So, l see. You are one of us, after all.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
I was born in a Brooklyn zoo -
not that you know what that means.
I'm very, very sorry
but you're dead wrong
and l am certainly
not who you think l am!
I am not one of your kind for sure!
We need water! l mean lots of water!
For all of us!
Good. Then we go over to the dam,
open the floodgates,
and run the water to your valley.
And then you folks get lost!
(MAN) And so what we have created is
what we like to call an oasis of peace.
In total harmony with nature,
which is of course the key,
and that's called ecological tourism.
The result: guaranteed sustainability,
with enough electricity
generated to power several cities.
You can imagine the benefits
for the local economy.
You should imagine what that means for
the poor animals that live downstream.
- Erm...
- They're dying of thirst without water!
Maya, go to your room at once.
You know nothing of this.
It's always about money, right?
That's all you ever think about.
These kids... Go figure.
And now, if you would follow me
into the complex interior.
I'll go in there, open the spout,
then l'll come back out.
Meanwhile, you make sure
you do not move from this spot!
(SMlLEY GRUNTS AGREEABLY)
(BlLLY) Yoo-hoo!
(HUMS)
Yes!
As you can imagine, the most modern
and stringent security measures
are utilised in this
most sensitive of areas.
Everything is state of the art
and hermetically sealed.
Unauthorised access
is totally out of the question.
Socrates!
Oh, l feel rather woozy.
I'm coming!
- (ALARM GOES OFF)
- Ooh...
Oh, no!
Oh, no! Not again!
(SHOUTlNG)
Raaah! Raaah!
Come, if you are man enough to do it!
En garde.
(CHARLES) Hmm...
Thanks.
Oh, no, that's totally not fair.
No, no, no!
Brave veterans, can you stand the pace?
We're fine, thank you. Though we're not
quite as young as we used to be.
Well, l see, heeh-heeh...
a beauty in the prime of her life.
Well, l'm 715 years old.
Winston is twelve years older.
She has aged splendidly,
my dear little lotus blossom.
You, with the sweet talk.
Ahh...l'amour!
The 'eroism of the tortoises
has saved us all,
but without water all that awaits us
is certain death.
And we are doomed if we go back
to free Socrates and release the water.
We are much too weak.
Then we have to get help!
We'll call all the animals of the Savannah.
Excellent, weasel!
Daddy? What are you doing with the lion?
Maya, Daddy has no time
for this right now.
Set the lion free right now!
There is nothing l can possibly do.
The lion is dangerous
and we can't just let it loose
to run around all over the place.
And besides, l've already sold
the lion to a casino in Las Vegas.
Humph!
You have successfully
penetrated the security zone,
while your friends have disappeared
in the drink.
You! Looks like you're the lucky one.
- Smith sold you to a casino in Las Vegas.
- Las WHAT?
You hit the jackpot.
Top of the mountain!
I've always dreamed of doing
an appearance in Las Vegas, just once.
Huh? (SlGHS)
I'm not hungry.
Drink.
It'll taste a lot better.
Oh, Mum, did you have
something to drink?
Of course I did!
You're a really bad liar, you know.
Junior?
(PANTING)
This is my water hole, crocodile bait!
- So?
- You go find your own puddle, si?
Or you can find my horn!
Instead l'll use your horn
as a toenail clipper, OK?
- You're asking for it.
- (GRUNTS)
(BELLOWS ANGRlLY)
in their fat heads.
On three.
One... Two...
Three...go!
(JUNlOR) No!
Hey, look!
Aw...
Mum!
Hold on, sweetheart.
STOP!
Haven't you idiots
got anything better to do?
- Erm, nope.
- Eh, no.
Have you ever thought why you two
are fighting in the first place?
Naturally. Because...
- Eh...'cause...
- Mm-hmm...?
- What do you think, Biggie?
- Hey, l don't know.
Just as I thought.
From now on, go and play
your juvenile games somewhere else!
Got it? Hmm?!
Let's go talk to Angie. She is
actually the president of Okavango.
A female president!
Hmm, why not?
I will attempt a bit of diplomacy with 'er,
the way l know 'ow.
My skin is utterly
and completely dried out.
My nails are all cracked,
my complexion - ruined!
My lashes are like barbed wire.
The end is near!
Giselle...
- We've got other things to worry about.
- Oh, well, that's charming.
I'm falling apart and you say,
"We've got other things to worry about!"
Oh, do not despair, mesdames!
Oh, no! l hear voices!
Aah, l know this is the end.
(SOBBlNG) And l look like such a mess.
(CHARLES) Ahem!
'Ello, the name is...Charles.
Charles! My, my, what a lovely name!
By the way, the oppressive 'eat
can do nothing to 'ide
your noble and sublime beauty.
Ooh! Mmm!
If l may be so bold, you seem to 'ave
been blessed with a delightful nose.
- (LIPS SMACK)
- Mmm... (GlGGLES)
So soft! And the most silky trunk!
Pooh! Go marry her, then.
We must call a conference.
Tout de suite!
- A conference?
- A gathering of all the animals.
There we must figure out
'ow this hero of yours
was able to discover the water.
I have a hero? Erm, who is it?
- Yoo-hoo!
- Billy?
- (GlSELLE GASPS)
- Hmm...
Then someone's got to blow
the great horn!
(HORN BLOWS)
(HORN CONTlNUES)
Dad?!
(GASPS FOR AlR)
Mm.
(SNORES)
There is a great gathering of the animals
in two hours, called a conference.
You don't want to be late!
I'm on my way!
Ugh! Let's see, two hours.
I know l can do it.
Thank heaven for shortcuts.
(OVERLAPPlNG ANIMAL NOlSES)
(BlGGIE) Well, look who's here.
It's the lightweight!
- (LAUGHTER)
- (CHlNO) Hey, Biggie.
What's so funny, carrot top, eh?
(ANIMALS CHATTERlNG)
(TRUMPETS)
(CHATTERING STOPS)
We are all gathered together
to discuss our precarious situation.
As you all may know, this is our first
great historical animal gathering.
For the duration of the proceedings,
no-one will inflict harm upon another!
- Fine by me!
- Meerkats only really count as snacks!
No one is allowed to touch anyone!
Eh? (HUMS)
Billy? Your report.
Yeah. So, here's the scoop.
Uh, I found the water, cool.
Who cares what that worm has to say?
He's nothing but
a squashed fly on my hoof, s?
(LAUGHTER)
Problem is, the water's trapped
way up in Leopard Canyon,
by these massive stones.
It was the leopard?!
No it was because of a bunch of strange,
ugly creatures, naked, without any fur!
Oh, that's gross!
We're talking bloodthirsty, awful beasts.
They call themselves humans!
What a pile of garbage!
And since when did we ever listen
to the drivel from a meerkat?
Chino is a dumb buffalo,
but for once he's got a point.
Mon ami. This, well, meerkat
has shown more courage
than all of you combined.
Oh, such big words
coming from you, you...
..you little half-pint.
Do you 'ave any idea what
this little 'alf-pint has been through?
Do you just know 'ow many
of my comrades l 'ave lost?
The things l 'ave seen
from a dark dungeon,
where my kind and l were locked up
only to languish in the smallest of cells,
while wondering if we were
to end up on a skewer?
Or perhaps a burgundy sauce?
Mankind treats us like...animals!
Well, that certainly was clear as mud.
And that's why we have to do something!
We have to free up the water now!
Er, correct me if I'm wrong,
but doesn't that mean
we have to go through the...
Valley of Death?!
(GASPS OF HORROR)
The water has always come,
and it will come this time.
We just have to wait.
The water is not simply water.
It is the blood of our forefathers.
(AMERlCAN ACCENT) Come on,
what's with these two old-timers!
These two tortoises know mankind
better than any other alive!
And, of course, much, much longer.
- Good...
- ... evening.
My name is Winston and...
..l am called Winifred.
We were born more than 700 years ago...
..on an island located deep
within the Pacific Ocean.
In all that time, we have come across
many human beings.
They have stolen and have murdered
and destroyed everything
many, many times.
And we let it happen.
And because of this,
we have lost everything.
Our beloved home is sadly no more.
Where once were blooming flowers
of all colours is now dry and arid.
Where once the very air vibrated
with the twittering
of thousands of kinds of birds
is now only silence.
Where once seals and the beasts
of the ocean bobbed in the waves,
all life is now at an end.
Galpagos, our wondrous home,
is now little more than a wretched,
black, dark and oily mass.
The entire world is nothing more
than a black, dark and oily mass.
Except for this place here.
But if you do nothing to stop it,
this place too will become
no more than a blackened stain.
For Man is a thief
who comes in the night
and takes what he wants from the land.
He is like a snake
who eats his own tail to survive.
But the Earth does not belong to Man.
He's only a tiny part of it.
Man did not weave the fabric of life.
He's but a thread within it,
for we all share the same breath.
The rising mists
of the lush green forests,
the refreshment
of the rocky mountain breezes,
the perfumed scent of the wind
after a cooling shower of rain,
the plants, Man and we, the animals.
What Man doesn't realise is
what he does to the land
he ultimately does to himself,
and when the land is finally destroyed
and the animals are
either driven out or killed,
Man will rule over the Earth alone.
Then, lost and forlorn, he too
will be wiped from the face of the Earth.
But that is a cold comfort to us now,
for every one of you will perish
if you don't defend yourselves
against humanity.
My dear, you spoke wisely
and with great care.
Well, that's because
they were your thoughts that l spoke.
What you spoke was greater
than every thought.
And still all meaningless,
compared to my many years with you,
our years together.
It's been wonderful.
Good. So good...
(WINSTON) Winnie?
Winnie?
(BlRDS CHlRPING)
(CHARLES) Winston and Winifred
have gone to sleep for the last time.
But they live on
in all our dreams and in our hearts.
- (The tortoises have passed away.)
- (GlSELLE GASPS)
(SNIFFS)
(The tortoises have died.)
(lNDISTINCT WHISPER)
(lNAUDlBLE)
(TRUMPETS)
The day 'as come.
Madame,
we are waiting on your command.
But shouldn't we consult the oracle first?
I don't think so, dear.
Been there, done that.
- So, to battle!
- And down with the beast!
(ALL) And down with the beast!
Allons! Et vive la libert!
(GRUNTING)
Well! The least they could have done
is consult the oracle.
I get no respect!
What happened to tradition?
It's a disgrace!
Did you hear what l heard?
We've all been asking
for advice from that guy?
A hairdresser who talks from both sides
of his mouth at the same time?
A proud army, to be sure, Madame.
It is a true honneur
to be allowed to march with you.
Yes, we're proud,
but are we strong enough?
Remember, the buffalo
and the rhino didn't come along.
The 'eroic courage of our brave soldiers
will make up for them.
(TOBY GRUNTS)
Socrates, hang in there. We're coming!
How about those
who don't have a banana milkshake?
Or a drop of water?
Hey, I can read you like a book.
You wanna make me feel all guilty
so that l'll help you escape.
But you're wasting your time.
I can't do anything.
The big guy with the rifle's
got the key to the cage.
Here l am, confined to a cage,
but yet somehow l remain free.
You are outside,
but you're not really free at all. Are you?
Hmm...?
So...
Duty calls!
Just go. Playing monkey must be fun.
# You put your right foot in
You put your right foot out
# You put your right foot in
And you shake it all about
# You do the hokey-pokey
And you turn yourself around
# That's what it's all about
# (Left foot!)
# You put your left foot in
You put your left foot out
# And you shake it all about
# You do the hokey-pokey
And you turn yourself around
# That's what it's all about #
(CLUCKING)
(GROWLS)
Clearly you are a meat-eater.
One can tell by that, euh,
unpleasant breath.
- And 'ave a little respect!
- (LEOPARD GASPS)
Just look at yourself.
Stand up straight!
Chest out!
And why are you so late?
What kind of discipline
is that for a soldier?
And take your incredibly
filthy paws off my uniform!
To your unit! This year, please...
- Everything all right, my brave hero?
- But of course!
I simply 'ad to reprimand
the cowardly deserter.
Showtime!
Hey!
(TOTO) Whoa-whoa-whoa!
Toto?
(TOTO MOANS)
(GUN COCKING)
(HUNTER LAUGHS EVlLLY)
(WHISTLING)
(GIGGLES)
Oh, damn.
The most worthy of foes,
yes, without question.
Madame, if you'd allow me, then
I strongly suggest we send a message.
Send a message? Hmm...
And if we're not understood?
This message will be unequivocal!
(BUZZlNG)
- (SCREAMING)
- Oh! What's that?
Each conference participant
is leaving in an almost giddy,
light and ecstatic mood.
(SlGHS)
(MAYA) Come on.
(SNIFFS)
(GROWLS)
(ROARS)
Comrades!
We cannot wait any more! Let's go!
It's time for heads to roll!
Giselle, l've never heard you
speak that way before!
- Thank you.
- (TRUMPETS)
And attack!
'Ard. Very 'ard.
This could be tricky.
(DlSTANT TUMULT)
What is that roar?
It's the buffalo.
And the rhinos, too!
(TRUMPETlNG)
What do you know?
Hey, lightweight!
Eh...
See you in hell...carrot top!
(BUBBLING)
(FARTlNG)
(SlGHS WlTH RELIEF)
(DlSTANT ROARlNG)
Socrates! Socrates!
Start your drumming, Billy.
You've got the groove!
I've got the groove!
Uh-huh!
(TRUMPETS)
(ALL MOO RHYTHMlCALLY)
- (CROWS)
- (ALL TRUMPET)
(BOTH BEATBOX)
(RHYTHMIC CHANTING)
Mon Dieu.
Do you see that? That's my dad!
Billy!
Turtle dove!
Billy, the time has come.
Party time!
(ROCK 'N' ROLL MUSlC:
THE BEACH BOYS' "FUN, FUN, FUN")
# Well, she got her daddy's car
# And she cruised
through the hamburger stand, now
# Seems she forgot all about the library
# Like she told her old man, now
# And with the radio blasting
# Goes cruising
just as fast as she can, now
# And she'll have fun, fun, fun
# Till her daddy takes the T-bird away
(Till her daddy takes the T-bird)
# The girls can't stand her 'cause
she walks, looks and drives like an ace
# (You walk like an ace, now
You walk like an ace)
# She makes the lndy 500 look like
a Roman chariot race, now
# A lot of guys try to catch her
# But she leads them
on a wild goose chase, now...
The hotel is finished. I'm ruined.
- Are you satisfied?
- Yeah.
Look at how happy they are.
(MUSIC CONTlNUES)
# Well, you knew all along that your dad
was getting wise to you, now
# (You shouldn't have lied, now)
# And since he took your set of keys
you've been thinking
# That your fun is all through, now
(You shouldn't have lied) #
Charles, your passion thrills me
more than I can say.
Ah, ma chrie, this is the first step
on the journey of a lifetime.
(DlSTANT SlREN)
(BlRDS SQUAWKlNG)
(WATER SPLASHlNG)
Huh?
(WHALE SONG)
From the 169th Climate Change
Conference here in New York...
- (ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING)
- Huh?
I see that we may entertain
some unexpected visitors.
And it appears that the animals
are finally going
to make us accountable for our actions.
(LAUGHS)
(FARTlNG)
(DlSTANT WHALE SONG)
Well, what do you know?
- G'day, Ken!
- Howdy-ho, jumping buddy!
Pal, help me out.
Where's the conference?
What? The conference of the animals?
Why, it's in America!
America?
I just happen to have a shortcut.
Oh, what a shame.
I could have given him a shave.
(POP MUSlC: XAVIER NAlDOO
& NATURALLY 7'S "A NEW HORIZON")
# Nobody is gonna stand in our way
# Nobody is gonna hurt us again
# Some say they wanna shoot the game
# But use your brains
We know who's to blame
# Nobody is gonna stand in our way
# Nobody is gonna hurt us again
# Some say they wanna shoot the game
# But use your brains
We know who's to blame
# Let's go towards a new horizon
# A place where we can all be free
# What keeps you all from realising
# We are no part of humanity?
# We could have shared
and would have lived
# Forever and again
# Going there and doing this
# Like when children play
# But we can't let you get away
# With murder, first degree
# This is the planet of the apes
# And, Man, you will see
# Let's go towards a new horizon
# A place where we can all be free
# What keeps you all from realising
# They won't grant us humanity?
# All they wanna do is hate us
# Kill us or cage us in
# Please, wake up, brothers and sisters
# lt's a fight that we can win
# This is the dawning
of the Age of the Animals
# The new leader of the world
will be one of us
# You had your chance
but you built bombs to rain down on us
# You hung a bell on us
# We won't take prisoners
# Ooh-ooh-ooh #