Animalympics (1980) Movie Script

In all creatures great and small,
there resides a spirit
of athletic competition.
From the heights
of Mt. Animalympus, the flame
begins its journey through the four
corners of the animal kingdom,
bringing with it drama, joy and sorrow
the thrill of victory,
the agony of defeat.
Farther, Faster, Furrier...
the motto of the competing continents
of these first games.
And now... live, via satellite
The five rings of the paw print
the symbol of world peace
through animal athletics.
Presented by Z-O-O,
the network that brings out
the beast in sports!
Hello. I'm Henry Hummel,
yourAnchor Turtle.
From Z-O-O Control, you're looking at
Animal Olympic Island,
setting for these first
Animal Summer Games.
Now, here's a look at some of
the events we'll be bringing you.
In the Marathon,
for the first time,
a woman stands a chance
of beating a man.
I'm Barbra Warblers, and I'll be
bringing you the story.
This girl has won every major
competition on her rise to stardom.
Can Dorrie Turnell take home
the Gold? We'll soon find out!
Hello again, everybody! I'm Keen Hacksaw!
You know, in gymnastics this year,
it looks like crowd pleaser
Tatiana Tushenko is gonna go all the way!
And I've got bob-sledding action,
with Europe's famous Calamari Brothers!
In swimming, Dean Wilson, a young
Californian, is one with the water.
Hi, I'm Brenda Springer,
and I'll have all the exciting action
from Animal Olympic Pool!
In slalom and downhill,
Kurt Wuffner is everyone's favorite!
I'm Rugs Turkell,
and I'll be bringing you me
as well as the story of an exciting
young track star - Bolt Jenkins!
Hi, I'm Mel, and I'll bring you
the down and dirty play of
the New York Rats for you, yes?
The Parade of Nations has begun.
The Olympic Torchbearer will be here
any second at Paw Print Stadium,
where a grazing room only crowd
awaits the opening of these games.
Now he's sweeping past
former animal greats
in the Corridor of Champions.
The seemingly endless waiting
is almost over for these athletes.
For some, the realization
of a Golden Dream...
for others, the pits.
Now, with an opening statement,
the Mayor of Animal Olympic Island.
Uh... let... let the fur fly!
Our opening event is the most
dramatic Marathon ever run.
How one gets ready for
a fourteen day race is beyond me.
Perhaps our own Barbra Warblers
at the starting line
has the answer. Barbra.
Hi, I'm Barbra Warblers.
What is it about the Marathon
that generates such excitement?
That it's the original Olympic event?
I don't know.
Just look at these legs.
No, these are not my legs,
and, lucky for me.
They belong to Europe's
celebrated Ren Fromage,
whose long string of victories
make him the favorite
in this first Animal Olympic Marathon.
I am in training always.
In my life, I have no time for women.
It is all run, run, run.
Because of this, I am chased.
Long distance running is determination,
endurance, the wall.
Viva la Victory!
Between Ren and the Gold
runs the shapely form of Kit Mambo.
The hopes of women around the world
run with Kit.
The way to beat Ren
is to take a quick lead and
break his concentration.
The aspirations
of these two great continents
rest on the legs of these two
determined champions.
We're about to start.
Let's set the field.
From Europe, Sophia Bulgawari;
representing Central America,
the rascal Pep Rubanosa;
out of Boulder, Colorado, Terry Hornsby;
and, of course, the favorites,
Ren and Kit.
You're over the hill, old man.
Who is she kidding?
And there's the start!
The runners are moving out
of Paw Print Stadium.
A classic struggle between super powers.
Thank you, Barbra.
Z-O-O's Animal Olympic coverage continues
with the precision and beauty
of international gymnastics!
Hello, again, everybody. I'm Keen Hacksaw
with one of North America's
favorite minks.
A great gymnast, Cora Lee Perrier,
who's got the Z-O-O on you report on the
international sweetheart of gymnastics,
Tatiana Tushenko.
Tatiana, you began training
at an early age.
Da. Where I'm from, everyone starts early.
But I work harder.
Even on vacation I work,
after school I work,
weekends I work.
Tatiana, surely a young person
like yourself
has other interests.
Da. I collect trophies.
My own, of course.
Tatiana toured North America last year,
making friends and maintaining her
"nose to the grindstone" image.
Technique, as well as
how her program relates to the music,
is what the Judges
are going to be looking for.
A beautiful performance!
Looks like Eurasia's gonna
draw first Gold here.
Let's take a look
at it again on the replay.
That's something I've never seen.
Keen, what the crowd is seeing
is a hundred and fifty years
of Eurasian ballet tradition.
Wrapped up in a neat little package
that could melt Siberia!
Tushenko's coach, Bruno Ursakov,
is prepared for the worst
from these judges.
And a perfect "10" for Tatiana Tushenko!
I'm not surprised. And neither is Tatiana!
All righty, hey, here's an
interesting story on the "Vault".
You're looking at Ilsa Blintz,
Europe's big hope for a Gold Medal!
Ilsa hails from Fattgart,
where she's the exercise director
at a camp for obese kids!
Ilsa's doing a double Sakahura,
a back Sumy Somersault,
and a handspring fly-away
in the lean-out position.
She moved her tonnage well,
but Tatiana's got nothing to worry about.
"4.5"?! Ooo-eee!
That's gotta hurt!
"4.5"? Is that her score or the
reading on the Richter Scale?
Up next, we got Bruce Kwakimoto,
an Asian gymnast who...
well, he's the kinda guy
who stands out in any crowd.
Anybody see a red pen?
Bruce finds himself through
the martial arts discipline
of "no can do," which, it says,
helps him in gymnastics
because it hardens the body,
and turns the mind inward.
Okay, let's pick up on Bruce's routine.
There's a quick series
of thrusts and parries...
a classic Zenku-machi pose.
Oh, there's a great roundhouse kick called
Now, we have the last few
exercises in this unique
gymnastic demonstration.
There's a threatening "Say-you-punki,"
and there's a series of
rapid-fire fancy tumbles,
as a humble but proud Bruce Kwakimoto
salutes the crowd
and tries to pick up valuable
Brownie points from the Judges.
Okay, a storm cloud of controversy
is swirling around this Eurasian.
She's the "grand dame" of the uneven bars,
Ludmilla Steponyourtoewa.
Her work in the circus
with her animal Olympic
weight-lifting husband
raises the specter of
professionalism in these games.
Hey, Yankee, got a peanut?
Ludmilla takes
full advantage of her weight
and works these bars without mercy!
She goes to a back hip circle,
a free hip with a full turn,
another back hip circle... look out!
That'll cost a couple of 10's...
swings through a handstand...
She's getting set for a
double flyaway dismount.
Now she's got big trouble, Keen.
She's losing it!
She's got to be disappointed, Keen.
This kind of maneuver may be
perfectly appropriate in a circus,
but it's gonna cost her points here.
Coralie, where did she go wrong?
Right there, Keen.
A little too strong, a little too heavy...
the result - orbital velocity!
There you see the heavy price
these athletes pay for their mistakes.
With Steponyourtoewa out of it,
a Gold Medal for Tatiana Toshenko!
So, Tatiana's formula,
early training from a supportive family,
and a government willing to subsidize
a potential superstar from birth
yields Gold!
Looking at the men.
We've got Bruce Kwakimoto,
about to finish his routine on the rings.
Now, he gets ready for his big dismount.
Look at that height!
Whoa! Beautiful landing,
and a little something
extra for the crowd.
Bruce needs 9.4 for a Gold Medal.
And that 9.5 means
a Gold Medal for the
Asian Bruce Kwakimoto!
Exciting gymnastic competition
here at Paw Print Stadium.
Everything we hoped it would be.
For Cora Lee Perrier, I'm Keen Hacksaw.
Back to Z-O-O Control and Henry Hummel.
This is Z-O-O,
the network that brings out the
"beast" in sports.
Let's go to the Z-O-O copter,
and to Burnt Woody, for the big picture,
and a tour of Animal Olympic Island.
Animal Olympic Island...
built on the large
continent of Atlantis...
no expense was spared in creating
the complete athletic habitat.
Hello, everybody. I'm Burnt Woody.
Let's go sightseeing, shall we?
In the distance,
the five rings of Paw Print Stadium.
the 3500 kilometer 14-day Marathon Course,
a challenge for any runner.
Let's check in now with my favorite bird -
Barbra Warblers.
We're at about the 50 kilometer mark.
It's way too early to
make any predictions,
but things are going pretty much
as expected for Ren Fromage.
He's off to an easy lead with his long,
fluid stride.
In a very disappointing
fifth position is Kit Mambo.
Wait a minute, she's making a move...
She passes third and fourth
position Hornsby and Rubanosa.
She's putting away Sophia Bulgawari...
passes again for second place.
And now,
maybe we'll see the race we expected.
That's it for now. Back to you, Burt!
You know, these high-strung athletes
competing in this
international pressure cooker
need a way to blow off steam.
There's my good friend Hammer Thrower,
Yu Fat Ing...
keeping his massive arms in
shape on Dogleg 18th Hole.
After an afternoon on the lakes,
it's time to head home to the privacy
and ultra-modern gracious
living here in Olympic Towers.
O-o-o-oh, this is wonderful...
Not so hard.
Don't forget I'm not in my shell now.
And Chef Forest King
must provide for all tastes,
whether you eat like a bird...
I'd like a quarter wormer,
and a side of flies Provencal.
Or a horse.
I'll have a big mess of holed oats there.
This fuels the athletes,
but the energy to run
Animal Olympic Island
with its sophisticated
communications facilities
is generated both naturally
from the ocean depths
and through the utilization
of sophisticated technology.
we hope you enjoyed this little tour.
Now to Barbra Warblers.
Could it have been only a few years ago
that athletes were content
to wear gray sweat suits?
Well, with modem athletic-wear, everyone
can feel like a gold medal winner,
both on and off the field.
Hi, everyone! I'm Barbra Warblers.
Recognize this great look?
These are the sports
fashions of Enrico Pucci,
favored by these athletes
for their elegance,
durability and flexibility!
Here's one of the real
superstars of these games,
Dorrie Turnell keeps warm down to 40 below
in one of Pucci's two-piece icebreakers.
Dorrie cuts a great figure,
on and off the ice.
Let's get ready for all
the beauty and grace
of Olympic Figure Skating
by welcoming one of the
all-time great skating stars
and expert commentators, Art Antica.
Thanks, Barbra.
We've got some great skaters to show you,
like this Eurasian pair,
Olga Cluckinskyi and Nikita Krawlinoff,
who recently tied the knot.
The Krawlinoffs have been
performing together for years,
and appear to skate as one.
Really a joy to watch.
You're watching two
and one-half revolutions!
A beauty! What a spectacular program.
A great moment for the Krawlinoffs.
Our congratulations to them.
But this Animal Olympic skating
competition would be incomplete
without the presence of Dorrie Turnell.
Remember this emotional scene when
she won the Junior World Championship?
The public can't get enough of this girl.
For softest feathers yet
get Preenette! Pre-pre-pre-preenette!
Mama, Mama! Mama, Mama, I want the doll!
And here's her manager Robert Pigwood.
She's a... great property.
Dorrie has a certain child-like
quality that gives her
wide audience appeal.
I'm gonna make a fortune.
I mean, Dorrie's gonna be a wealthy
girl when this is all over with.
She's been wowing
audiences coast to coast,
touring with the Ice Parades.
But the skate cuts both ways...
Sometimes I long for the
simplicity of my younger days.
That's her...
on the ice now... Dorrie Turnell.
I don't have that in my notes.
I like it!
Oh, clearly a great recovery!
Remember, this is an all-new
program for this great champion.
Double axle, beautiful height.
Watch this combination now...
Beautiful, coming out of that.
A performance of
this caliber cannot be denied.
And it's a Gold Medal for Dorrie Turnell!
For Art Antica, I'm Barbra Warblers!
If you don't think this guy is
the most exciting thing in track today,
you are mistaken.
Bolt Jenkins, this is "ZOO on You."
He started life as a handbag...
was told he'd never walk again.
He was born in a very wet part of town
Where the sun never shone...
And the people went round
with their heads hung low...
I grew up, you know,
in a sewer, you know...
It was wet, you know,
like and dark, you know.
He was born to lose...
It was hard just stayin' alive.
Well, he got up one morning
and he switched on his TV...
Ironically, it was a Z-O-O broadcast
of Boris Amphibianski's
record shattering high-jump
that made this story possible.
And he knew that's
the place he had to be
So he got himself up
He brushed himself down
He read some books
and he oiled his brain
He started to work and
he started to train
And he knew he'd never
be the same again
No more, were you born to lose
Hey, boy, what you gonna do...
The only thing standing
between Bolt and a Gold Medal
is his idol Boris Amphibianski.
I invite you now to witness this
climactic moment in sports history.
Amphibianski, jumping first,
has never looked better.
Those frog's legs are well-seasoned,
ready to jump into the frying pan
that is international competition.
The bar is set at what
would be a world's record.
Can you believe they're trying to
jump 77 and three-quarter feet?
He's making his approach.
He looks confident.
He plants his foot. He's up and...
uh, oh... he's got big trouble.
It could be back to the pond
for this great champion.
Look at the intense concentration
of this young contender.
It all comes down to this...
He's done it! Bolt Jenkins has done it!
A new World's Record!
Just look at the expression
on that boy's face.
Let's see it again!
To clear this world record height
took every ounce of strength
and coordination in
this young gator's body.
But yet another challenge
faces this tenacious athlete.
They've all missed it.
But Bolt Jenkins has one attempt
left to pole vault 180 feet,
to another new world's record.
Good plant, the snap's incredible!
He swings up well!
He's done it again!
Bolt Jenkins has literally this
day jumped his way to stardom!
Hi, like, you know, I'm Bolt Jenkins.
And I logged a lot of miles
and downed a lot of bowls of Gecko
flakes on my way to a Gold Medal.
'Cause, 'cause, they gave me, like,
an extra boost when I needed it.
Were the years of hard work worth it?
I hope you aspiring athletes
take a good look at Bolt Jenkins.
You decide.
There's gonna be a celebration
We can see our ship's come in
Though we met some
competition on the way
It was tiring, it was testing
It was almost never ending
But we all pulled through
and won the accolades
Now that we've made it,
we've made it to the top
Now that we've made it,
we ain't never gonna stop
Now that we've made it,
we've made it to the top
Now that we've made it,
we ain't never gonna stop
We've made some friends along the way
We've made some friends and
we made the people happy
When we came in number one
And so we've reached the finish
All the races we have won
It's been a long and lonely battle
And we lost some on the way
But the time has come to
hold our heads up high
We had to beat 'em and defeat 'em
But we never had to cheat 'em
We're the champions
who've made it all the way
Now that we've made it,
we've made it to the top
Now that we've made it,
we ain't never gonna stop
Now that we've made it,
we've made it to the top
Now that we've made it,
we ain't never gonna stop
We've made some friends along the way
We've made some friends and
we made the people happy
When we came in number one
And so we've reached the finish
All the races we have won!
Huh, 46 seconds, not bad for a "fatso".
Well, it's dawn here. It's serene.
But in a few hours,
the speed merchants of these games
are gonna explode down this
track in an awesome display
of raw power that is the 100 Meter Dash.
Okay, we're "live".
In Lane One, the favorite,
the African Kip LeGo-Go.
In Lane Two,
the mysterious Eurasian Uri Trutski.
In Third Position,
Gold Medal winner Bolt Jenkins.
And rounding out the field
in this 100 Meter Dash,
the diminutive European Cosmo Hopper.
The continents are looking
for a quick Gold Medal here.
It all happens in a couple of seconds.
Kip needs to mine some African gold.
And here to call the race is former
speedster Jackie Fuelit. Jackie...
Thank you, Keen.
The tension's been building all day,
and I know we're gonna see a great race.
Go-Go on the inside is really gunning it.
I hope he doesn't hand grenade his engine.
That would be a terrible tragedy.
It's only a matter of seconds now, Keen.
And there's the light.
Look at the acceleration
of those top fuelers
as they scream up the line.
LeGo-Go off at last.
But there he goes.
He's got to catch Bolt Jenkins.
It's too close to call.
Bolt Jenkins and Kip
LeGo-Go in a photo finish.
Let's get them both over here
while we wait for the results.
And the judges give it to Bolt Jenkins
in the record-breaking
time of 1.06 seconds.
Bolt, congratulations on
another crackerjack performance.
I can't accept this gold medal.
I mean, he was better than me.
Here, Kip... you should get this.
I mean, I mean...
I'm Jackie Fuelit.
To another important
race and Barbra Warblers.
We're at the 1000 kilometer
mark in this Marathon.
Ren and Kit have left
the pack far behind,
setting a bone-rattling pace.
For four grueling days,
they've matched each
other stride for stride.
I wonder what's running
through their minds.
Viva la victory! Viva la victory!
Viva la victory!
He's great. But I know I can beat him.
It looks as if Ren Fromage
may have finally met his match.
As they go into their
fourth night of running,
neither one apparently
acknowledging the other's existence.
How long can she keep this up?
How long can he keep it up?
This guy's an egomaniac.
But he's kind of cute.
Another night of agony for these runners.
But as night falls on
Animal Olympic Island,
other animals take a breather
from the intense competition
by heading over to the "in" spot...
Noah's Ark Disco.
Work and work and work and work
You gotta work, you gotta work
Friends will try to put you down
Go for it, go for it
When you don't want to go to town
Go for it, go for it
But if you want to sing this song
Go for it, go for it
You gotta work out all night long
You gotta go for it against the opposition
Go for it if you want to win the race
Go for it, it's really your decision
Go for it, you've gotta set the pace
For inspiration we all
need a mama and a papa
'Cause to find a reason not to
work is easier than harder, yeah
Go for it against the opposition
Go for it if you want to win the race
Go for it, it's really your decision
Go for it,
you've gotta set the pace and work
Hello again, everybody,
I'm Keen Hacksaw, with soccer expert Mel.
We got some exciting clips
from yesterday's match.
Rolf Schmecker,
Captain of the European All-Stars.
I remember always the
words of my first coach...
"Prepare, hope you win."
Whiz Rizzo,
leader of the hard hitting New York Rats.
I remember what my coach said:
"Ring his bell.
That'll knock the wind out of his sail."
But he went too far in this pivotal play.
There's a whistle.
We're gonna see a penalty shot by
Captain Schmecker in this scoreless game.
a score as it gets past the Rat's goalie.
Let's pick up the action in today's game.
The South American Llamas
versus the undefeated Dogs.
The score is 1 to 1. Out of bounds,
the Llamas' ball.
A steal by Frank Weiner!
A real opportunity deep
in Llama territory.
Quick pass to Hans Wolf.
He fires off to the left wing.
Centering pass to Schencker. Bicycle shot!
Score! As the time runs out,
the Europeans take it - two to one!
I said you cannot make a mistake
against a great team like this.
Otherwise, they kill you.
A much-deserved Gold
Medal for these Europeans.
Now, to Henry Hummel...
Now, let's focus our attention
on the all-important Marathon
and Barbra Warblers.
Kit Mambo and Ren are at
the 2000 kilometer mark.
The friction between these
two great personalities
is heating up to the flash point.
One of them must make a move.
Me and the course...
there is nothing else...
but Kit Mambo.
I have to beat Ren...
even though he is a dreamboat.
Don't throw it all away, Ren.
I've always run away
from things that tie me down
My life I love,
but love's not for me
I see my goal ahead
with nothing in the way
If love should come,
then I'll run away
I've always been the type of man
Who's dedicated to his cause
And it's a lonely road I run
But I'll stay faithful to my course
There's only one direction
There comes a time
when you must choose
About the path you're gonna take
And you must take it, win or lose
And if you lose it's your mistake
There's only one direction
So when the race is won
And there's nothing left to do
Alone again, but where are you?
Alone again, but where are you?
The Gold...
the fulfillment of an athlete's dream.
speaking of the fulfillment of a dream...
here's former Miss
Pedigree North America...
Brenda Springer.
I'm standing in front of the Slalom Course
with former All-Scandinavian Ski Champion
and now film star, Bjorn Freeborg.
Bjorn is starring in Cries and Whinnies,
Ingmar Birdman's upcoming picture.
Can we see the clip?
I remember as a little boy by the seaside,
it was a game I knew I had won...
Well, Bjorn, that's two careers on ice!
Brenda, earlier today,
we saw the young North
American Jimmy Ribbet.
You see him hook a tip.
Most skiers would be down by now.
But Ribbet is still thinking
ahead to the next gate.
Looks like North America's gonna
have to wait a little longer
for a Gold Medal.
The big story this year in skiing
is Kurt Wuffner with all
of Europe expecting him
to bring home the Gold.
Let's get to know this
half-dog Alpine guy.
Skiing free on the top
of the world is my whole life.
I can ski where no dog
has ever skied before.
No slope is beyond my reach.
Having the right equipment helps.
Up here, I feel I am where I belong,
but I will go anyplace
that challenges my skiing.
This maneuver really
ticked off some people
who run the Animal Trade Center.
We're live.
The pressure's really on this
guy as he psyches himself up.
Strong start.
He's the only one left who stands a chance
of beating the leading time.
He's got his back on every pole.
He's really pushing through
on these last few gates.
"51.23" - he's done it!
Well, not quite.
He's still got the downhill.
Let's look at it again.
This is the gate where
Jimmy Ribbit hooked his tip.
No problem for Wuffner.
Now to Henry Hummel...
Let me take you on a gondola tour
over picturesque Squawk Valley,
nestled in the shadow of Mt. Mammoth.
On your left, Animal Kingdome,
setting for brutal head-on
hockey competition.
There's the Admiral Byrd Hotel...
There is Z-O-O Control, where I am.
That is the world's only
loop-the-loop bobsled run.
Now we enter famous
Rock Valley Hot Springs.
Wait a minute, hold the phone...
I've just been handed a bulletin.
Kurt Wuffner,
the European ski star is reported missing.
He was last seen climbing
treacherous Pike's Peak
moments ago training for the downhill.
Even as I speak to you,
the ski patrol is mounting
an intensive search.
But they are being hampered by
a sudden blinding snowstorm.
As soon as we get more information,
we will give you an update
on this dramatic development.
But now,
to Keen Hacksaw at the Bobsled Run.
Well, the possibility of serious injury
lurks at every bone-crunching turn.
Bernard Drulinger, you've risked it all
in this dangerous sport of bobsledding.
What drives these men?
Well, they're all quite bonkers, Keen.
Tight-lipped discipline makes
this European team successful...
captained by the distinguished
Commander Lance Quiller.
Let's pick them up coming into the
extremely dangerous loop-the-loop.
Nice and clean through the loop.
Oh, dear, there's a bad tap...
Hold on, mates... this could be it!
I think I can bring her in.
Whoa! Beautiful landing.
Bernard, I'm sure we've got
some young future bobsledders watching.
How can they avoid this sort of thing?
Take up golf instead, Keen.
Spine-tingling bobsled action continues
with Europe's Calamari Brothers.
We've got a study in contrasts here.
An almost casual approach
by these four brothers,
whose teamwork developed
running the family business.
With Commander Quiver's hopes dashed,
this team
has a good shot at the gold.
Hah! You're going to
really enjoy watching these boys.
Not only are they
extremely gifted athletes,
they love their sport.
And they're not afraid to show it.
Mama mia!
Nice line through the turn.
a little skid - that's going to cost them.
But their midway time is good.
They're really flying
through this fastest turn.
They do it nicely...
the final straightway...
Clean run!
Let's do it again!
That time will give them the lead!
And looking at it again,
it just proves the old point
that those who are truly great
just seem to enjoy their work
just a little bit more
than the rest of us.
Now, back to Henry...
Nothing new to report as
the search for Wuffner continues.
More Animal Olympic coverage coming up.
This blizzard...
I've got to find shelter.
There's no coming back from this mountain.
Away from it all in another place
Different space with
another point of view
Alone together with you
Love is the ruler
and beauty is queen
Is it a dream
from which I'll never rise?
I'll never realize
We're in a world where
the darkness never falls
In a place where all worries disappear
And even if it can't go on forever
We'll make the most of what is here
Away from it all in another time
Peace of mind,
there's nothin' I'd rather do
Than be alone together with you
Away from it all
Away from it all
Away from it all
Away from it all.
Well, we're back.
The search for ski star Kurt Wuffner,
missing, and presumed lost on Pike's Peak,
We'll keep you up to date.
If you don't think you're about to witness
a gargantuan' battle between Behemoths,
then you are mistaken,
as the Eurasian Shorthorns take
on the Kodiaks from North America.
This game of hockey is one of the fastest
and most dangerous of sports.
Indeed, some have charged
it's no longer a game played in
pursuit of athletic excellence,
but rather as an exercise in destruction.
One of the architects behind
this demolition derby on ice
is the coach of the Kodiaks, Bear McLane.
this is the face of the enemy.
He is vicious. He is ruthless!
He will stop at nothing!
Now... you all know the game plan.
Line up for the face-off.
After you take his face off,
kick him in the shins.
Centering pass to Eggs...
Eggs over easy. Goddard shoots.
Six spectators injured.
Derek checks the goalie.
He likes what he sees.
He boards the goalie. They fight.
The goalie moves out.
But first, LeFluke ices the puck.
He licks the spoon, shoots, score!
Now, let's go get 'em!
It's time for the opening face-off
in this battle of fire and ice.
Face-off to Chubbs...
Passes off to the right wing...
North Americans control. A steal!
This hard-checking game
is taking its toll.
Face-off to Derek.
Time out while they clear the ice.
Oh, boy!
The question this reporter asks is
how long can Coach McLane afford to
keep this all-star line off the ice?
Oh, no! They got Harry!
I will get them for this!
Those crazy oxens!
LeFluke gets past the
tough Shorthorn defense.
Score as time runs out!
North America takes it
in the closing seconds,
avoiding sudden death overtime.
It's getting darker, coach. Darker...
I think I'm going to that
big Penalty Box in the sky.
I did it for Harry.
We won, didn't we, coach?
Talk to me, Guy. Talk to me!
Hockey, a team sport,
but, behind it,
the selfless personal dedication
and sacrifice of the individuals.
With me, the coaches of the
two leading Marathon runners.
Coach Mama Yo Wu-Wu...
Can Kit Mambo keep up with
Ren's blistering pace?
Ren's pace? This is Kit Mambo's race.
She is setting the pace.
I have this Marathon planned,
from beginning to end.
Coach Toulouse La Track...
What's your reaction?
I don't have to defend Ren Fromage.
When this Marathon is over,
he will still be the
greatest runner in the world.
Incidentally, I am calling for
blood tests after this race.
I have heard rumors of "catnip".
- How dare you!
- Oh, yeah?
Get away from me!
And now... to Brenda Springer!
Let's take a look at
the swinging West Coast life
of Dean Wilson - "ZOO on you!"
Hey, I'm high life, man!
The West is the best.
It's all here, for sure!
But you gotta have wheels out here, man.
Wendy really digs my van,
'cause I got diamond-pleat seats.
And listen to that sound system.
We're both vegetarians.
Me and my board have been through a lot.
And sometimes, after a day of surfing,
I like to relax with the guys.
And other times, I seek to find
myself in the calm beauty of nature.
Okay, we're back at poolside
with former swimming great Mark Spritz,
ready for the start
of the 100 meter freestyle.
Mark, we've just seen the favorite.
But what can we expect
from the rest of the field?
Well, Brenda, it's a strong cross-section
of the fastest swimmers
in the aquatic world.
In Lane One,
it's the European Art Hawkworth.
Look for him to be
riding high on the water.
In Lane Two, Sergie Wedgenikov,
the Eurasian.
He's been unflappable
in world competition.
In Lane Three,
European John Carlo Calamari.
He's always tough.
Earlier this week,
Wedgenikov and Calamari faced off
during the brutal water polo
competition won by the Europeans.
But the man they're all here to beat,
perhaps one of the greatest
natural athletes of all time,
Dean Wilson is in Lane Four.
The way I see it,
the only thing between Dean and the Gold
is the 190 tons of Oh-No No-No,
the great Asian Champion.
That sets the field for the 100
Meter Freestyle, down and back.
- Brenda...
- Mark...
how do you think Dean will swim this race?
He's got to take an early lead,
and stay in the unbroken water to win.
It's a good start.
No-No's out to an early lead!
He's got a half a body length on Dean.
Dean didn't take it out as
fast as I thought he would,
but he's loose, he's swimming well.
He got a good turn, but it wasn't enough!
This bow wave is gonna take him out.
No! He's gonna use it to take him in!
Where is he?
It's Dean, with a new world's record.
No-No takes Second,
followed by Wedgenikov!
There is that look of Gold!
Congratulations on your victory, Dean.
Here it is on the monitor.
Well, man,
this wave had my name written all over it!
So I said, "Go for it, man."
So, Dean, you knew you
had it all the way in this one.
For sure!
We're back at poolside with Mark Spritz
for one of the more dramatic
and beautiful events,
The 100 Meter Dive.
Diving from this height requires
great concentration and control,
not to mention strong legs
just to get to the board.
This event requires the
strength of weightlifting
and the grace of gymnastics,
as exemplified by Wilson and
this Acapulco Cliff-Diver,
Primo Cabaza.
Look at that back-arch in the swan!
Good extension head-to-toe,
and he's reaching for the water.
A little over,
but a beautiful dive from Primo Cabaza.
And the judges thought so, too.
Look at those marks.
They're gonna be tough to beat!
But this crowd expects perfection,
and there's the man that
can give it to them.
It's been said before,
but it bears repeating.
When this boy dives,
he goes off into his own world.
Under the water where
the seaweed grows
There is a world of fascination
Beneath the waves is
where the coral glows
There is a world of jubilation
Below the surface in another world
The fishes tell another story
The wind don't whistle
and the rain don't fall
The place is full of morning glory
Ooh, gotta be there, ooh,
'cause it's me there
Ooh, gotta be there,
ooh, and I'm free there
Won't you join me under the water
You get a feelin'
like you're upside down
It's like you're livin' in a mirror
And so like Alice in the looking glass
What is small and what is bigger
We're goin' down, down, down
Down in the water
Goin' down, down, down
Doin' what an otter oughta
Goin' down, down, down
Down in the water
Goin' down, down, down, down, down
Goin' down, down, down
Down in the water
Goin' down, down, down
Doin' what an otter oughta
Goin' down, down, down
Down in the water
Going down...
And he nailed it!
A perfect entry, a perfect dive!
A super dive!
I don't think anyone's gonna top that.
The Dean Wilson Story, a natural athlete
who's made the most of
his God-given talent.
This is the first Animal Olympics.
But the history of animal athletics
goes back thousands of years.
Let's have a look at what
remains from those days here,
at the Animal Archives.
The early discus throwing form
was really quite primitive.
Today's young athletes
really get a sense of history
viewing these exhibits.
This reminds me of the old joke:
"How much does a Grecian Urn?"
But you've probably heard it.
This piece of pottery is important,
as it shows the earliest
evidence of animal athletics.
Paleontologists believe
this skeleton represents
the earliest known example of
an animal weight-lifting.
This frozen Mammoth runner,
believed to be one million years old,
was found recently in the
cradle of animal civilization.
And here, if I may borrow
an old show biz expression,
"is a really big shoe,"
part of this exhibit of athletic
footwear through the centuries.
Stone Age,
Iron Age,
Dark Ages,
Baroque Age,
Industrial Age,
and Space Age...
These are the types of shoes
worn by our Marathoners.
As we go into the downhill
competition without Kurt Wuffner,
the world can only ponder the
fate of this great athlete.
Well, of course, the big story here is
the disappearance of Kurt Wuffner.
Which puts this boar, Marcelle Purceau,
in an excellent position to win
the premiere event of these games,
the Downhill!
This crash and burn just last summer
almost saw the end of the brilliant
skiing career of Marcelle Purceau.
He was pronounced dead!
But through the intensive
efforts of a dedicated team
of scientists and doctors,
he was put back together
designed with one thing in mind: speed!
We're "live" now.
Let's see if this effort pays off!
He missed that free jump
coming off of that mogul.
He's lost it.
This looks bad...
A terrible spill...
He's gonna feel this in the morning!
Let's check out the damage on the replay.
He told me earlier
he felt really good about this race.
Maybe they can use him for spare parts.
Well, that about wraps it up here.
An anti-climactic finish,
the winner with a mediocre time
of 1:58:02, the Scandinavian...
Wait a minute, Bjorn...
Who's that in the starting gate?
It's Kurt Wuffner!
And here he comes!
Let's see if his battle with the
elements has broken his spirits!
He's really pouring it on!
He seems to have a new spirit
infused with his abilities
we've never seen before.
He's got to hold his speed
for this final straightaway.
Look at that time!
The crowd's jumping up and down.
Let's look again at this
strong finish of Kurt Wuffner,
who almost missed this race!
Well, you see a confident
Wuffner holding nothing back,
really sailing,
keeping a tight tuck to the finish.
can you come over here and talk with us?
We saw a new Kurt Wuffner this afternoon.
Where were you?
I'm not sure really.
I left a strange,
wonderful Mountain Paradise
because I had to win this race.
I know... I'll never stop
trying until I find Dogri-La!
Barbra Warblers is on
the Marathon Course,
with all the latest on this crucial event!
Well, one of these runners has to make
a move here at the tree-quarter mark.
Physically, they seem to be
perfectly matched.
Emotionally... it's anybody's guess.
They speak of the
wall of physical exhaustion,
but it is papier mach compared to
the barrier that keeps me from Kit.
It's the only way, my love.
Soon, we'll be together.
I'll run forever if we can run together!
I can never run again without you.
From neck and neck,
they've gone to hand-in-hand.
This could turn the whole
Animal Olympics upside down!
Excuse me, Barbra,
but looking at the scoreboard here
the implications are worldwide.
Is this someone's
twisted idea of strategy?
Is this international sabotage?
Or is it just fooling around?
Regardless, as rumors begin to circulate,
we're getting reports of
turmoil at Paw Print Stadium
and around the world.
We'll keep you up to date.
With me, one of the great fighters
of this or any other time,
Joey Gongolong.
Champ, shortly you'll be facing the
toughest challenge of your long,
and I might add,
controversial fighting career,
the Eurasian Janos Brushteckel.
Champ, take a look at the monitor,
and feel free,
as I'm sure you do, to comment.
That face is almost
as ugly as yours, Rugs.
He's too ugly to be Champ.
True enough.
But I've seen that vicious
left hook of his, and, Champ,
you better stop fooling around
and take this challenger seriously.
What are you talking about,
taking it seriously?
I did everything I could to
get ready for this fight.
Up and down on the hardwood floors,
didn't eat no meat,
it lays in your stomach
and makes you fat and lazy and heavy.
Every time in my corner you on my back.
I trained hard for this Busmackle,
Busbackle, Bustackle...
I can't even pronounce his name.
That's why I'm gonna whip him so bad,
he's gonna look like his last name sounds.
I'm the greatest animal
champion of all time!
Thank you, Champ.
Round One of this Gold
Medal bout coming up,
after this fast-breaking basketball story.
The great rivalry
between the two super continents
is personified by these two athletes...
Dr. Abdul Jones, captain
of the undefeated North American team;
and Pavel Shotski,
center for the top contending Eurasians.
Okay, tie score.
We're down to the last few seconds.
Shotski moves the ball and his
considerable bulk down court.
Stolen by Meadow Fly Larkin.
Behind the back to Jackson...
Over to the Doctor... It's one on one.
A fake! He's gonna slam it.
Two points! That's the game!
The North Americans take it!
Another Gold Medal for
the North Americans!
Checking on the Marathon,
it's incomprehensible.
Kit and Ren are still picking up the pace
as they approach the home stretch,
hand in hand.
The face tells the story.
Janos Brushteckel has
suffered a crushing defeat
at the hands of an
unrelenting Joey Gongolong.
Janos, this won't be easy,
but I urge you to take
a look at this replay
and learn from your mistakes.
You left your midsection wide open here,
There's the snap.
He's pushing upright for the extra point.
And then he puts you away for good.
Janos, you lost miserably.
You let down your coach.
You let down your country.
You let down your mother.
You're a bum steer.
But, most importantly,
you let down yourself.
And now you can let me down.
There are two great
runners in first place,
but only one Gold Medal.
Yeah, and it belongs to Ren.
It's Kit's. I'll take that.
Give me that! Oh! Oooh.
Give me that thing. Give me that!
- Take that...
- Gimme, gimme that!
When you see the precision teamwork,
the great individual effort,
and the fast, exciting pace,
well, you'll understand why
volleyball is quickly becoming
one of the most popular
sports in the world!
Hello again, everybody! I'm Keen Hacksaw.
We got a surf 'n turf grudge match here,
as the Asian Stuffers
take on the European Wings
in a fight for a Gold Medal.
This flock is known for their
flashy but smooth offense.
Six hens working as one giant chicken!
Team captain Mandy Egger serves.
The pass...
The spike... good recovery!
Side out Lobsters.
We got a great contrast in style here
between the extroverted play of these hens
and the hard-nosed methodical
style of this team of crustaceans.
Serving for the Stuffers, Ezo Donoroto.
Chicken returns...
Oh, the opening game jitters are
gone now as both teams rally.
The Wings' crossing pattern
is holding these lobsters yet.
Quick set!
Strong spike!
She got it.
Looks like things are getting
serious between Kit and Ren.
Bruce, what do you think it all means?
Thank you, Bruce.
Too bad we don't know what that means.
Dean, what about these crazy kids?
Hey, man, they're going all the way!
Let's go to Mel and Brenda Springer
with another struggle between heavyweights
from Weightlifting Hippodrome.
The beautiful people have
gathered here this evening
for the glamour and allure of
international weightlifting.
Before the night is through,
the first Mr. Heavyweight will be crowned.
I know you are so very anxious,
so let's meet our two beautiful finalists,
Here is Europe's powerhouse,
Wilhelm Cvet.
Wilhelm keeps busy in the off-season
designing and making his own clothes.
And the favorite, Ivan Disventsky.
Ivan and his wife,
Ludmilla Steponyatova,
both work in the circus.
In the off season, they grow big!
In addition to the Gold Medal,
our winner will receive dinner for two
at the posh "Top of the Silo" Restaurant,
a gift certificate from the
fabulous Beagle Catalogue,
plus an all-expenses-paid vacation for two
at Lion Safari Country...
And two tickets to every home game
of the Bruins, Cardinals, Orioles,
Lions, Tigers, Broncos, and Dolphins!
Our finalists are ready.
Each of our contestants will attempt
a clean and press of this...
oh, excuse me, I mean a clean and jerk,
a clean and press is only for the laundry.
Wilhelm told me
earlier in the dressing room
that the privilege of competing in
this competition was meaningless,
and that all he wanted to do was win!
Oh, too bad!
May we have our next contestant, please?
Oh, the competitors love Ivan.
Earlier, he was voted "Mr. Conviviality".
We've got "Mr. Heavyweight".
And here,
to crown the first Mr. Heavyweight Winner
at the Animal Olympics,
is the reigning champion Bert Sparks.
There he is, the new "Mr. Heavyweight",
Ivan Disventsky.
This is Brenda Springer,
live from Weightlifting Hippodrome.
Count Maurice Boar-Deaux,
cunning, cruel and dangerous...
Duke Chardas, scrawny,
sleight, and sacrificial...
He's the only one left.
Boar-Deaux has knocked off everybody else.
En garde, you little fool.
Ha-ha-ha! You stupid rodent!
No one beats me!
The pompous hog takes home the Gold!
Now, back to Z-O-O and Hen...
Wait a minute!
This time you go too far, Boar-deaux!
Eh, it's the Contessa.
You'll never dance again.
You've never danced before!
Well, darling
shall we make it a tooth for a tooth,
or an eye for an eye?
Hey! Contessa!
The Count thought he'd
take home the Gold Medal.
But the swirling steel
wielded by a vengeful Contessa
is too much for a blimp like Boar-deaux.
And the Gold Medal goes to Eurasia.
Now, to Henry Hummel.
From the beginning,
Z-O-O has provided you
with an intimate look at the Marathon.
We knew it would be the pivotal event,
and now, with the continents
locked into a five-way tie,
Kit and Ren, hand in hand,
hold the athletic destiny of the world.
With you I can run forever
With you I can run forever, mm-hmm
'Cause you gotta be my inspiration
Side by side through every nation, mm-hmm
We ride the world just
like a rollercoaster
As we take each road and we
take each turn, you bowl me over
'Cause you gotta be my inspiration
Together we can run forever, mm-hmm
Through all the seasons,
we'll keep goin' on
Through the wind and
rain and the morning dew
It doesn't matter, baby, where we are
With you I can run forever
With you I can run forever
We see the bright lights of the city
The colors change they
rearrange themselves
In different patterns
But it's too crowded in the city
And so we leave it all behind
Go on to other places
With you I can run forever
With you I can run forever, mm-hmm
There's nothing we can't win together
With you I can run forever, mm-hmm...
I can't believe these great athletes
who trained years for this
would sacrifice it all for love.
This could start a war.
They're crossing the finish line together!
Ren! Kit! Stop! Come back!
The world demands an explanation!
Coach Mama Yo Wu-Wu...
Is there an explanation
for Kit's behavior?
I had it all planned.
Kip Mambo track shoes,
Kit Mambo dolls, Kip Mambo vitamins...
A lifetime of training,
and she throws it all away.
For what?
What about Ren, Coach?
For Ren to steal the heart
of a naive young thing, yes.
For Ren to fall for a
pair of pretty legs, yes.
But for Ren to give up the gold for love?
That Marathon ends the competition
here on Animal Olympic Island.
Keen Hacksaw has this wrap-up...
Well, they all fought for the Gold,
but only the great ones take it home.
We saw Tatiana Tushenko's
perfect performance.
We saw great sportsmanship
personified by Bolt Jenkins.
But, of course, the big story,
the unprecedented romantic encounter
between first-place winner Kit Mambo
and first-place winner Ren Fromage.
Back to you, Henry...
You know, bringing you these games
required the precision teamwork
of herds of dedicated animals
working behind the scenes.
Our isolated camera animal, Saul Terry.
Good job, Saul.
Another of our roving camera animals,
Jim Panzi.
In the video truck, Randy Gravitelli.
Our statistician, Manny Fingers.
Our sound rabbit,
Woody Hutchinson on the big ears.
Good reproduction, Woody.
Our tape editor, Gary Mathers.
Tight, Gary.
Countless producers and technicians
and a tireless executive producer,
Don Osterizer.
I can't believe it's all over.
There's gonna be a celebration...
For everyone on the Z-O-O Team,
I'm Henry Hummel. Goodbye and good luck
to all you future Gold Medal winners.
It was tiring, it was testing
It was almost never ending
But we all pulled through
and won the accolades
Now that we've made it,
we've made it to the top
Now that we've made it,
we ain't never gonna stop
Now that we've made it,
we've made it to the top
Now that we've made it,
we ain't never gonna stop
We've made some friends along the way
We've made some friends and
we made the people happy
When we came in number one
And so we've reached the finish
All the races we have won
It's been a long and lonely battle
And we lost some along the way
But the time has come to
hold our heads up high
We had to beat 'em and defeat 'em
But we never had to cheat 'em
We're the champions
who've made it all the way
Now that we've made it,
we've made it to the top
Now that we've made it,
we ain't never gonna stop
Now that we've made it,
we've made it to the top
Now that we've made it,
we ain't never gonna stop
We've made some friends along the way
We've made some friends and
we made the people happy
When we came in number one
And so we've reached the finish
All the races we have won
Now that we've made it,
we've made it to the top
Now that we've made it,
we ain't never gonna stop