Another Excellent Day (2014) Movie Script
(film rolls)
(dramatic music)
(computer keys click)
(rock music)
(Ritchie screams)
(Ritchie pants)
[Micky] You're not gonna jump are you?
I'm really not in the mood
of saving anyone, all right?
I'm sorry?
[Micky] I said, you're
not gonna jump, are you?
Oh, no, no, no, I just
like looking at the view.
[Micky] Yeah.
It's just a misunderstanding, all right?
[Micky] Do I look dumb to you?
- No, no.
- Eh?
I didn't say that, no.
Oh.
So, what did you say, eh?
You calling me a liar?
I don't want any trouble, all right?
Oh, too late, pal.
You think I'm a fucking joker, eh?
No, no.
(Micky laughs)
What?
Look at your face.
I mean, you're fucking tense.
Relax (laughs).
Fucking hell, people, eh?
I mean, people, they're like, you know,
on edge or something (laughs).
Oh, no thanks, it's a bit early for me.
(laughs) Stay away from
the nut cases, Micky,
stay away from them.
Vade Retro Crazyness (laughs).
What did you just say, eh? What?
Nothing, nothing, not, it's just
Oh, so now they're gonna say
I'm hearing voices, eh?
Yes, and they're gonna lock me up
in a mental hospital.
Please, doctor, please.
I'm not crazy.
I'm not crazy.
I just hear the voice of
my imaginary friend here.
What's your name?
Ritchie.
Ah, my imaginary friend,
Ritchie, Your Honor.
I didn't kill these people with a hammer.
No, he told me to (laughs).
He told me to.
(Ritchie laughs)
Here you go, mate.
No, thanks, I shouldn't.
You what?
You're gonna say no to everything
I fuckin' offer you, eh?
Fucking rude.
You wanna die, die stoned.
Look, I don't wanna die, all right?
Well, maybe you should, you know.
Because it seems like you
got a really boring life.
Actually, you're right there.
I do have a pretty boring life actually.
See what I mean?
And sometimes I do wish
that I could just cease
to exist, you know.
You what?
Cease to exist.
Cease to exist.
What the fuck does that mean?
It's been years.
(Ritchie coughs)
(Micky laughs)
You don't have to die, my friend,
'cause you just woke up from the dead.
(rock music)
Hello, I'm Bob Universe
and the story I'm about to tell you is not
a regular story.
Thing is, if you're watching this,
you're not a regular person either.
This is about the law of attraction.
How you can attract anything you want
and change your life within hours.
It all starts in a beautiful theater.
(orchestral music)
Ladies and gentlemen,
the award for the best
movie ever made goes
to Ritchie Temple for his
amazing film, "Apokalipstik."
(audience applauds)
Guys, I am so (voice distorts).
Oh, the emotion.
(audience laughing)
The award is for the worst
movie ever made (laughs).
(audience laughing)
(distorted music)
Ah!
(Peggy knocks)
What the hell are you doing?
I hope you're not still
in bed, you lazy dog.
Just a moment, darling.
- Hurry up!
- I'm coming.
Of course, Karen, you know
how he is, totally immature.
(Ritchie breathes heavily)
Men these days, they're
completely useless without us.
Oh, fuck.
[Karen] What can I tell you, dear?
We did our best to raise him properly,
but he was always a dreamer.
You can't imagine the effort I had
to make for him to understand
that show business is not the real world,
that it's full of sharks
and it's not made for him at all.
Thank God you're here.
Oh, don't thank me yet.
I'm trying to get things
done the right way,
but he's always forgetting and postponing
and well, you know.
[Karen] Oh, totally too well.
Men these days need our
guidance more than babies (laugh).
Yes, but don't worry, I get I.
Are you coming or what (sighs)?
You're gonna make me
late, always the same.
[Ritchie] I'm sorry, I was just,
I got this new idea.
Oh, yeah, you and your ideas,
your movies, your scripts.
Did you even think about
what we said last week?
The ring, the flowers, the dress.
I've been talking to your
mother every day about it.
The wedding, Richard (sighs).
Yes, well, but of course.
You don't give a shit about me, do you?
Hey, I do care about you, honey bunches.
It's just that I'm
Lazy, ungrateful, always
in your imaginary world, ha.
Come on, that's not fair. I am trying.
Try harder (sighs).
Look, I've got to go to
work now, I'll be late.
And you should hurry, too. Muah.
(phone rings)
Karen.
Karen, I've got it.
Doves, fly out to the Cape, yes.
(upbeat music)
(Micky breathes heavy)
(gun rolls)
(Micky breathes heavily)
Another excellent day.
Entertainment
Entertainment
Entertainment
Entertainment
Entertainment
Entertainment
Entertainment
Entertainment
Entertainment
Yeah, but I mean, what is the point
of making a movie about
a man making a movie
about a man making a movie?
Well, Micky, it reflects the abyss
of the human condition.
You know what?
You need a shagg, mate.
Yeah.
I do.
Entertainment
Entertainment
(Micky coughs)
(Micky laughs)
Ah.
Entertainment
You know, I never,
never, ever, never, ever
had a friend like you before, you know?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Of course.
I'm unique, mate.
Yeah, well, I've had
a really shitty life
it turned out.
But something tells me
that all that is about to change
and I am gonna wake up
in a brand new life.
(operatic music)
Where were you?
What did you do?
Do you think you can just
come and go as you please?
Your boss called.
You didn't go to work.
Where were you!
(Ritchie exhales)
I was out with a friend.
What's her name?
Micky.
Is she pretty?
No, Peggy, it's a guy.
A friend I met, that's all.
Yeah, right.
You skip work, you stay
out, you don't even call.
You smell like a drunk.
You're gonna explain yourself, Richard,
and you better be convincing.
I have to go now.
(door slams)
[Karen] You be careful, Richard.
This girl's very nice,
now don't mess it up.
Mom?
Is that you?
[Karen] Well, of course it's me.
Who did you think it was?
You're acting like a child.
This girl is a diamond, son.
Yeah, yeah, I know.
I have to hang up now, Mom.
Got stuff to do.
[Karen] I'm not finished yet.
[Ritchie] Bye, Mom.
[Karen] Don't you dare hang up.
(phone clatters)
(Ritchie exhales)
(upbeat music)
(Ritchie sighs)
I'm in trouble, Jose.
Big trouble.
See, I don't think that I love her.
I mean, my reason tells
me to just go along
with everything, but my
feelings aren't that clear.
See, I'm not sure that I wanna spend
the rest of my life with Peggy.
I mean, it's not that I don't
love her because, you know,
sometimes it's nice.
But she has this way of
pushing my buttons, you know.
I met this guy, Micky.
He's, uh, God, how can I describe Micky?
He's like an electric shock.
I mean, he's incredible.
I mean, he's like a
character from a movie.
I've never met anyone like him before.
He is fearless, he is totally free.
Christ, compared to him I feel like
I'm a bloody, crippled turtle.
I mean, he rocks.
He flies.
(chair clatters)
Jose, are you okay?
(upbeat music)
Because I'm an excellent lover.
What I'm trying to say is stop wasting
so much time, baby.
Follow the wave.
Follow the stars.
Follow the yellow brick road, huh.
Not interested.
Of course you're interested.
Look, I'm a certified
sexual therapist, huh.
And I sense a deep sexual
frustration inside of you.
Since the beginning of time,
women like yourself have
been told by society
to say no to sex with men,
which is why even though your
body is sizzling with heat,
you're mouth is saying no.
Get lost.
See the movement of your hip?
That's a just desire, a
strong willingness to open.
I can cure you of all this.
I can take away this
lesbianism shell of yours.
It's just a matter of my touch.
(punch strikes)
What the fuck, man?
Now look at you.
You're fucking bleeding.
(rock music)
Wow!
Do you want me to finish him off?
Nah, he's not worth it.
What's going on, buddy?
Hey, not bad, not bad at all.
Quite good actually.
(Panda moans)
[Together] Shut up.
Really?
(tense music)
(phone beeps)
[Monsieur] What?
[Hitman] Good morning, Monsieur.
I hope I'm not interrupting.
[Monsieur] You're always interrupting.
[Hitman] In order to do my job properly,
I want to confirm the name of the subject.
[Monsieur] You and your fucking habits.
Micky Towngate. Satisfied?
Almost.
The purpose of the mission.
Feeding up the ass of this motherfucker
with chocolate bars, you idiot.
[Hitman] You confirm
it's a terminating mission?
[Monsieur] Kill this
bloody motherfucker.
Is it clear?
(tense music)
(phone clicks)
Perfectly clear.
(tense music)
Beach.
Bitch.
No, beach.
Bitch.
No, listen, the correct
pronunciation is beach like E.
E, bitch.
What do you think you're doing?
[Student] Suck dick,
boobies, tits, pussy.
Are you crazy?
You're married, you stupid cunt.
(hand slaps)
Ow!
If I wanted to spend my day upset
and angry, I'd have become a
politician or a meter maid.
Do you understand that I simply,
I can't allow my employees
to go around doing as they please, can I?
Look, I didn't really insult her.
You didn't insult her?
Richard.
(piano music)
Cunt? Cunt?
Look, I'm really sorry.
I know I shouldn't have
Shouldn't and won't ever again.
Is that clear?
It's perfectly clear, yes.
Because if I should hear one more time
a complaint about you, Richard,
I shall have no other choice
but to tell your mother.
You know.
(piano music)
You can go, Richard.
(piano music)
Richard, please tell
Brenda on your way out
that I need a coffee.
(door closes)
(piano music)
Brenda?
- Yes, Mr. Sweeney?
- Is Richard gone?
- Yes.
Did he tell you about the coffee?
- No.
- Bastard.
[Brenda] Yes, Mr.
I know, and that white dress
would go amazing with
those bright red shoes.
Yes, of course, of course.
(phone rings)
Oh, Karen, excuse me, I
have to call you back, okay?
I've got to take a call.
(Peggy clears throat)
Ropatex (speaks foreign language)
(rock music)
And you swear this Micky is not a girl?
Yes.
Say it.
I swear on my mother's life.
And you promise to never stay out again.
I promise.
And you promise to be
more serious at work.
I promise that, too.
Do you love me?
Of course I do.
Say it.
I love you.
I believe you.
Muah, now, about those boxes.
When are you going to get rid of them?
That's all my stuff.
That's my books, my DVDs, my scripts.
Yes, it's a load of old
crap from the past, Richard.
I won't put up with them
in the baby room any longer.
[Ritchie] But we don't have a baby.
Exactly.
Let's make room for it, shall we?
So, I don't care how you do it.
I want those dusty,
disgusting, dirty old boxes out
of my sight by the end of this week, okay?
No, no!
You promised.
I didn't promise that.
- Get rid of the boxes!
- Never!
Thanks, man.
I mean, I'm sorry.
I didn't, my whole life is in these boxes.
No problem, pal.
My house is your house,
whatever you need, all right?
Anyway, don't wanna go
storing your perfect stuff
in a dusty unpersonal warehouse, do you?
Well, exactly.
That's why I'm asking you,
please, take care of it, huh?
Hey, don't worry, mate.
Trust me. I'll be your safety back.
This is really intimate stuff.
I wouldn't want anyone to open them
and look inside.
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa (laughs).
No problemo there, pal.
I'm more discrete than a
fucking fat Swiss banker.
So, right, to live life at full power,
you gotta be ready to die
at any fuckin' moment.
You know what I mean?
You gotta be ready to
die for what you want.
Like, just go for it.
(slow rock music)
Oh, just get the fuck out of here,
you fucking little slut.
(dramatic music)
(chair creaks)
(papers rustle)
Fuck!
(choir sings)
(operatic music)
(dramatic music)
(Ritchie breathes heavily)
(Ritchie exhales)
(lighter flicks)
(jazz music)
Really intimate, eh?
Hey, naughty Ritchie.
Apokalipstik.
Working title.
I'm a fucking mess.
I'm a pile of shit.
(Micky laughs)
A pile of shit with
little meatballs (laughs).
Little meatballs licked
my little doggie Peggy,
growling with pleasure (slurps) (laughs).
You know what? Just fuck them, all right?
Just fuck them.
Fuck all the fucking cops and the limiters
in our fucking lives, all right?
I don't know.
I've tried, I'm just...
What, let's do your movie, eh?
What movie?
Hey
You
Hey, yeah
Apokalipstik
Put on the Chapstick
Want some fantastic
Then come around
Hey, hey
Hey, hey
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Well, I found out.
I wasn't being nosy or anything.
No, I had to make sure what
was in the fucking boxes,
it could be drugs or something
that was in my house.
Oh, right, right, yeah.
Hey, hey
I thought I could trust you.
You've raped me.
Oh, don't be silly, man.
Come on.
I don't give a shit about
your personal stuff.
It just popped out at me.
You know, it just came out
and I thought wow, nice.
I mean, I was just struck.
It was like an addiction.
The title was just looking at me, mate.
Then come around
I've tried, but it's complicated.
I mean, you need to find a producer.
What?
You just found one (laughs).
What, you? Really, come on.
What do you mean? Yeah.
What, you don't think I know how
to sit my ass on a sofa
with two lovely whores
and a big fuckin' cigar.
Apokalipstik
Put on the Chapstick
Micky, you don't have any money.
What?
Money? Money?
It's always about the fuckin' money.
Money, money, money, money.
Let's rob a bank.
A bank, oh, great, fantastic.
What, with your knife?
No, I can get guns.
I've got connections.
(imitates gun) Right, everybody down.
Yeah
Apokalipstik
Okay, so, are you with me
or are you against me?
It's my movie, Micky.
Hey, hey
What's it gonna be?
You're crazy, you do know that?
No, mate.
You're crazy.
They're all fucking crazy.
Everybody that doesn't
follow what they're made for.
Apokalipstik
Put on the Chapstick
Want some fantastic
Then come around
Hey, hey
Hey, hey
Yeah, yeah
No, I don't want her
involved in any of this.
Man, all you gotta do is take the keys,
we'll hit the place
and then you just put them back.
Peggy will not be part of this.
All right then.
(dramatic music)
Jesus Christ, Mick.
You gonna keep me hangin'
or are you gonna spit it out?
Well.
It's not, it's nothing.
I'm producing a movie, that's all.
Shut up (laughs).
You, a producer?
Yeah.
Fuck, what is it, pet porn? Shit.
No.
No.
No, no, no.
A real movie, you know,
with actors and actresses
and chases, you know, and stunts and guns
and fuckin' wah!
Explosions, weapons,
blood, you know, some tits.
You know, all that cool stuff.
You know what you should do, Mick?
You should make a film
about a lesbian hero.
It's progressive and fucking cool.
You know, like in that movie, "Bounds."
Yeah, yeah, well, you know,
we have to talk to Ritchie about that.
He is the movie maker after all.
Who gives a fuck?
You're the producer.
You have just as much say as he does.
Who's Ritchie anyway?
Ah, he's the director.
You know, first film, huge talent.
I think we'll get all
the way to Hollywood.
Cannes Festival or even the TV, yeah.
- That's fuckin' awesome.
- Yeah.
Awesome.
Fuckin' hell.
Where'd you guys get the money?
Well, that is, you know,
a quite sensitive point at the moment.
You know, a work in progress.
Like investors or fundraisers?
Yeah, yeah, something like that.
Well, you know, I was
thinking more like a robbery.
(dramatic music)
Are you serious?
You got any better ideas?
A fuckin' robbery, Mick?
Are you kidding?
You wanna go back to jail again?
Oh, fuck, can't you come
up with a smarter way
to get the money?
What? Like work?
Don't say stupid shit. No!
I don't know, man,
just something less, less intense.
(rock music)
Oh!
She's smokin'!
Micky? Who's she?
Micky! Micky!
This is our money.
Right?
What?
You kidnapped a child.
[Actress] I'm not a
child, you cocksucker.
Oh.
So who are you then?
[Actress] I'm an actress
and I wanna be in the film.
Oh, demanding. Me likey.
You gotta stop this immediately.
We're gonna be in big trouble.
[Actress] Tell your stupid
friend to untie me (screams).
Shut up!
Shut up!
(actress screams)
I said shut up.
Oh, ho, ho, ho, hardcore.
My God, Micky, you're killing her.
You didn't want to steal the keys.
I had to find a plan B, eh?
You sick fuck, you almost killed me.
You stupid cunt.
You what, eh?
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
He won't pay.
He doesn't give a shit about me.
He hates me and he's not even my father.
Hey, Mick.
Check out these titties.
I don't give a shit.
He's gonna pay, all right?
You are losing time.
My stupid father is heartless
and you are just making publicity for him.
I'm what?
No, wait! I can help you.
I know the code of the safe where
he hides the money.
Come again?
I know the location, yeah.
And the code to get to the money.
300,000.
In exchange, you give me
a role in your film, huh?
What? Fuck you.
Deal.
Yes!
The lesbian hero, yes.
Now, please, Micky, just let her go.
(rock music)
(doors close)
So where is this 300 grand, eh?
It's here.
(safe beeps)
- Bingo!
- Bitch!
You fuckin' bitch.
I'm gonna fuckin' kill you.
Micky, calm down.
Fuck, Micky, calm down, man, fuck!
Fuck you, Mel.
You, you're not getting away with this.
- Mick.
- Fuck you!
Shit.
Shit.
It's okay, don't worry.
Mick's crazy.
It's okay.
Come here.
It's all right.
It's all right.
(gentle music)
Whoa, what do we have here (laughs).
[Ritchie] What?
Fuckin' women, you can never trust them.
(gentle music)
There's gotta be something.
(gentle music)
Why are they taking so long?
Who knows?
Get in the car, boys.
(engine revs)
Fuck you.
(Micky laughs)
Oh, my God.
Holy shit.
That is fucked up.
Oh!
Fuck.
(slow guitar music)
(clown laughs)
Excellent.
Really funny.
But I am not that in the business anymore
because deep inside I'm still a child.
And I have the soul of a child
and I don't want anymore of this
(exhales)
Unnecessary violence.
You look friendly to me, hmm.
But this Ropatex guy
is very, very powerful.
Why I should trust you?
Look at this.
See?
This was my first one.
I was six.
Here's another.
14, first time in jail.
You're a very, very bad boy.
We can lend you cash
for 20 percent a week.
How much do you need?
Great, 300,000.
Ca, ca, ca.
(clown laughs)
Look at me.
Do you see a nun?
[Together] No.
Do I look like I'm doing charity?
- No.
- No.
- You think I'm stupid.
- No, I don't.
No?
Are you insulting me?
Do you want me to take
you apart piece by piece?
[Ritchie] No, no.
(speaking foreign language)
What?
I'll give you 10,000.
And I keep this file.
No.
For you as safekeeping.
You don't want to be robbed, do you?
(dramatic music)
Motherfucker.
I'm gonna kill that bastard.
Hey, hey.
All right, then, all
right, then, okay. All right.
It's a start.
It's not enough, but we'll
use it to make more money.
Look, Mickey.
I'm gonna phone Melinda.
She gets great deals on pills.
Listen.
Buy a bunch of pills,
we'll sell the lot of them.
We're gonna make a fortune.
Forget about it.
And then in a few weeks,
we comin' back here with a bunch of blokes
and I'm gonna eradicate
that fuckin' Russian clown.
[Ritchie] I quit!
You what?
[Ritchie] I've had enough, Micky.
You can't quit, Ritchie.
Yes, I can, I'm tired of all this.
I'm not a gangster.
This is not my world.
But we're gonna make a movie.
Oh, come on, Micky, let's face it.
It's a dream.
I'm not willing to dream anymore.
Ritchie!
(somber music)
Fuck!
(operatic music)
(dramatic music)
(Ritchie breathes heavily)
(lighter flicks)
(Micky sniffs)
(lighter flicks)
(Micky coughs)
(rock music)
(Ritchie sniffs)
(rock music)
(gun rolls)
(Micky screams)
(laughs hysterically)
Another excellent day.
(jazz music)
(cabinet rattles)
Don't be scared.
It's me.
You know me.
I understand it can be
a little bit disturbing.
[Ritchie] It's impossible.
I know how you feel.
Can I borrow some clothes?
How did you, where did you come from?
You created me.
Don't think with your mind.
Remember me from your heart.
(door clicks)
You don't move, don't make a sound.
Follow your dreams.
What?
I'll be around.
(rock music)
Peggy!
What?
I love you.
Aw.
I love you, too.
(dramatic music)
Now, where is that blue jersey of mine?
(dramatic music)
I swear it was in here.
Oh, well, never mind.
I've got to go.
Move.
(dramatic music)
Yes.
(Micky laughs)
Fuck!
Who the fuck are you?
Relax.
I'm just here to help.
(alarm blares)
(upbeat music)
I think I'm going crazy.
Yeah.
I need help.
I need to seek professional help.
I mean, do you think I'm crazy?
I mean, who is she?
How can a girl come from my dreams
into my real life?
It's not possible, is it?
I mean, do you think it's possible?
I don't think so.
I'm disturbed, yeah.
That's it, I'm deeply disturbed.
Maybe it's the marriage.
Yeah, that's it.
I must be disturbed about
the thought of commitment.
So, my mother was right all along.
(slow rock music)
(dogs barking)
(slow rock music)
[Ritchie] Laylah!
Ritchie.
What do you want?
What do you want? I'm not spying on you.
I was looking for you.
Why did you disappear?
Why did you even come in the first place?
You created me. You wished me.
I have a present for you.
I'm sorry, but what the
fuck are you talking about?
Oh, God, I'm going crazy.
Oh, God, that's what it is.
Do you think I'm crazy?
I think you're very smart and sensitive
and extremely talented,
but you missed some point.
You're heading in the wrong direction.
You're running around like
a chicken without a head.
I don't get it.
Am I insane? Am I dreaming?
[Laylah] Yes, you're dreaming.
Isn't life a dream after all?
How do you know that?
[Daemon] You dreamed it.
(dogs barking)
I don't dream.
Never.
- Yes, you do.
You might not remember everything,
but you remember fragments, don't you?
Fuck you. I don't
talk to hallucinations.
I'm no more an hallucination
then your lonely dick, Micky.
Take the gift.
I don't expect you to believe me,
but some part of you called me so strongly
that I can't believe you don't see that.
Trust your gut.
Feel me.
You know these things, Micky.
You're a hunter.
You have instincts, use them.
(dramatic music)
[Micky] What you you suggest?
(laughs) Ask me anything you want, man.
(dramatic music)
Be careful about what you wish
because wish whoosh,
you may be granted it.
This is the way the law
of attraction works.
One, you long for something.
Two, source answers, 100%, no exception.
Three, you have to allow it to reach you,
matching the energetic
frequency of the gift.
As simple as turning the light on.
I'm Bob Universe and you are watching
the Law of Attraction's 21-day seminar.
Stay tuned.
(dramatic music)
I love when you come inside me
'cause I feel your heart in my vagina.
I've never, ever felt that.
(Ritchie moans)
You know, it's funny because even though.
I know that you're here,
because I can see you
and kiss you (sighs),
it's still hard for me to believe
that I'm actually here in this bed
with my dream girl.
I'm not a dream anymore.
Yes, you are.
(dramatic music)
What?
What about all these
dreams you have in boxes?
Are you gonna cry like a baby
until judgment day?
Come on, if you want something, go for it.
If you don't start living
your life consciously,
you will live by default
with the factory settings.
You could end up like an
old teddy bear sitting
in the shop window covered in dust.
Teddy bear, what?
Hey, please, don't go.
I will be yours the day
you stop spitting on your
dreams and respect them.
(dramatic music)
You won't get away with this.
(door closes)
(dial tone blares)
(dramatic music)
(dog barks)
(dramatic music)
(dog barks)
(dramatic music)
(dog barks)
(dramatic music)
(dog barks)
(dramatic music)
(dog barks)
(engine revs)
(gentle music)
(dog barks)
(gentle music)
What a pleasure to meet you.
I wanted to know what you looked like.
Disappointed?
[Daemon] Not at all.
On the contrary, I'm enchanted.
You're flattering.
Come with me.
I can show you an
incredible amount of things.
Sounds exciting.
To the lovers, to the regulars
and nothing ever ties together.
(dog barks)
(dramatic music)
Compassion.
Ignorance.
Forgiveness.
Vengeance.
Confidence.
Fear.
Union.
Power.
(dog barks)
(dramatic music)
(dog barks)
(water splashes)
(upbeat music)
Mickey, my brother.
- Hey.
- Good to see you.
Please come and have a drink with us.
Sit here.
We're having tequila. Do you want some?
Yeah, yeah, why not?
Always willing and playful.
I like that.
So, we have an opportunity here
that we have to seize.
The screenplay, it's a jewel.
It's like a treasure map to a goldmine.
I'm very excited for you, Micky
'cause you're gonna be rich.
Do you like money, Micky?
Money's good.
Shut the fuck up, you bitch.
When do you open it?
When you say so.
So, do you like money, Micky?
(upbeat music)
Think about it man.
Tens of thousands, hundreds
of thousands. Millions.
Who knows? Luxury.
Houses, cars, the best fuck of your life,
the ability to possess anything you want,
to dominate, to rule, to be able
to say fuck off to the world.
Fuck off to the world.
I can lead you to all this and more
if you bring me the script,
the guy and his signature.
Ah, thing is, well,
he's a bit confused at the moment so
Perfect. Confusion is to be used.
Use your magic, Micky.
You bring me the guy
and I'll show you things
you could never have imagined.
Ah.
Okay, will do.
Do you know what we're
talking about here, brother?
Do you know what it is? Power.
The real invincible, cruel power.
Have you ever felt it?
(upbeat music)
Do you know what I'm talking about?
Do you know what it is?
Power, real invincible, cruel power.
Have you ever felt that before?
You starting to worry me, Mick.
Fuck.
What's wrong?
Nothing. I've never been better.
You're just saying that
'cause you knew the old Micky.
Here is a brand new Micky.
Well, what's the plan, new Micky?
Well, I've gotta convince
Richard to sign with us.
Man, I don't know, he's disappeared.
I don't know, I think he's
confused or something.
I know, you could talk to him.
Me? Why me, I barely know the guy.
What do you want me to do?
Put a shotgun to his head?
Well, that's what
the old Micky would do.
Shit.
So, you're not gonna give me a hand then?
Do you realize how much money
we're talking about here?
I mean, we could go away and start again,
just you and me, eh?
We?
Yeah.
Are you trying to flirt
with me, Mick? Shit.
Why not?
I'm a lesbian.
And? You got a heart haven't you.
(Melinda laughs)
What?
Oh.
Ah.
Bitch.
Bitch?
Yeah, Mick, you're right, I'm a bitch.
Holy shit.
You better keep that dicky
in your pants, Micky.
Otherwise, I'm gonna cut it off
and feed it to my cat (laughs).
All right, give me the fuckin' phone.
(upbeat music)
Call him.
(phone rings)
Yes, my friend, we have
a great opportunity here,
but we need to take our chances.
This screenplay, it's a jewel.
Man, it's a treasure map to the goldmine.
I'm really happy for you, Ritchie,
'cause you're gonna be famous.
You like fame?
Tell me more.
Well, I met someone incredible.
He's like, man, trust me.
He's powerful and he's connected
and he can make things happen.
Okay, but is he trustworthy.
We could go all the way to Hollywood,
to Holly fuckin' Wood, Ritchie.
Do you copy?
Come on, Micky, no
more of your bullshit.
No, no, mate.
Look it's all square, right?
The Russian problem, sorted,
fuckin' disappeared, never existed.
No more little signals, mate, all right.
Look, we start from scratch,
but I tell you there's a
lot of money involved here
and this guy, he's got a hard
on for your script, Ritchie.
All right, let's do it,
but I warn you, Micky.
I stay in charge of this movie.
I won't compromise.
Don't worry, trust me, mate.
I'm your producer, aren't I.
Oy!
Anyway, I took care of all
your interest in the contract.
Contract? What contract?
Micky.
Hey, you
Yeah
Apokalipstik
Put on the Chapstick
Want some fantastic
Then come around
Let me explain.
To produce this film,
you need a lot of money.
Now, traditional film making is dead.
What you need is corporate money
and to get that, you
need a brilliant story,
which we have, uh-huh.
You need access to decision makers
and a few minor adjustments
to adapt it to the company's
marketing strategy.
Nothing to worry about.
Fisto here is a master at magic tricks.
He'll turn your paper
sheets into gold in no time.
But for me to work my magic,
I need you to sign these.
Want some fantastic
Then come around
A moment.
What kind of minor adjustments?
Who gives a shit?
I do.
Now, you miserable piece of dog shit.
You take the pen and you
sign the fucking paper
or I make an abstract painting
with his brains on the goddamn wall.
[Ritchie] No, no, no, he's got
I don't give a shit.
All right.
I'll sign.
Great.
(rock music)
Here.
Here.
Here.
Great.
Here.
And oh, one more, here.
Wonderful.
Now that's what I call a
promptly run operation (laughs).
Let's celebrate.
You've just made a huge decision,
the best decision of your life.
Congratulations, we have a deal.
(glasses clink)
Mm.
Now, why don't you pick a girl
and go have a bit of
fun in one of the rooms.
I have business to attend to.
(dog whines)
Oh, come on.
You shouldn't have done that.
Big deal, it wasn't even loaded.
I could've convinced him.
All I needed is a bit
more time, all right?
Time. Look who's talking about time.
What time?
We don't have any time.
You bypassed me.
Oh, I'm sorry, did I hurt
your precious little feelings.
You're not supposed
to talk to me like that.
I created you. Remember?
And all of this.
You owe me respect.
You're supposed to serve me and now obey.
I'm shaking.
What you gonna do?
Do you wanna bite me?
Fuck off and come back
when you calmed, doggie.
(dramatic music)
Fuck!
(dramatic music)
(gun clicks)
(bell rings)
Close your eyes.
Breathe.
(Ritchie exhales)
Breathe more, relax.
(Ritchie exhales)
Think about the situation.
See it from the outside.
Turn around it.
You don't have to feel fear.
There is no threat here and now. Breathe.
(Ritchie exhales)
Think about the situation
the way you want it to be.
Feel good.
Think about the essence of it.
Be part of it.
(Ritchie exhales)
Now, amplify it.
Feel good.
Empower, in charge, breathe.
(bell rings)
Ice cube.
Ice cube.
(water runs)
Ice cube.
(water runs)
(Ritchie exhales)
(upbeat music)
I don't get it, Jose.
I spent three, pardon my French,
but three fucking days thinking
about a fucking balloon
because they say you're supposed
to start with something simple
without much emotional resistance.
I'll tell you, Jose.
This stuff doesn't work.
What?
What?
(dramatic music)
(meditation music)
You must understand that your script
is not an original story.
You will discover it's point
by point the exact copy
of an ancient story called
the "Rite of Nayanara."
But I've never read this book.
I've never even heard of it.
It's not necessary.
It's in the air.
It's like an idea.
You don't find you, it finds you.
This story is a symbol
and it needs to go out
and influence the world.
And now the time has come for it.
But why did it find me?
'Cause you asked for it.
No, I didn't.
Yes, you did.
Even before you were born.
So, you better accept the
charge, a bigger thing.
You're not the only one involved.
So, what should I do?
Get the contract back.
Free Laylah.
Um (snaps).
So, now what?
[Micky] I want this guy dead, right?
Subtle as always, Micky.
Look, I want the contract back.
He's stolen my script and
he has Laylah enslaved.
I don't know why this guy's so obsessed
with your script.
I mean, I haven't read it,
but it's just a fuckin' script.
Because it's fresh,
it's like pure like a virgin (laughs).
Ritchie, I'm gonna make this guy eat
his own balls, all right?
Yes, that's exactly what we do.
We go old school.
Round up a crew and then go blow
this motherfucker's ass
to a million pieces.
Sometimes kindness isn't enough.
A savage beating, now
that'll fucking do it.
Yes, but, Melinda, this
is not a regular guy.
So, what do you suggest, eh, smarty pants?
The more he believes he's
in control, the better.
We should let him think that he's won.
We should stay low, apparently beaten,
but as close to him as we can get.
Once I manage to get Laylah back
and destroy the contract,
you two can do whatever you want to.
Okay.
Yeah, I'll drink to that.
[Together] Cheers.
(horn blows)
(engine starts)
(pumping club music)
Feel better?
[Micky] (growls) Ruff!
(pumping club music)
Would you a company me
for a drink, Mr. Fisto?
I'd love to know you better.
Okay.
Wait here, be ready to leave.
(door closes)
(pumping club music)
Whoa!
(pumping club music)
Here we go, here we go.
(pumping club music)
(pumping club music)
(pumping club music)
(pumping club music)
(gun clicks)
(pumping club music)
(gun fires)
(pumping club music)
(dramatic music)
She's mine.
And that is also mine.
You stole it.
So? (Laughs)
I think there's gonna be
a little carnage today.
[Ritchie] Police, Police.
Put the gun down.
Hey.
My friend.
Ooh, bad Micky's out today.
I like that.
Yeah?
We're you're gonna love it
when I put a warm bullet
right between your eyebrows.
You created me.
I'm the best version of you.
Breathe.
(Ritchie exhales)
You're not, you're not me.
And I don't be anything like you, ever.
(Micky groans)
Is this the game?
[Ritchie] Police.
(men yelling) Policia!
(sirens blaring)
What the fuck, guys?
How come you didn't call me.
(guitar strums)
No document?
No passport?
Nothing.
(speaks foreign language) Go.
(lighter flicks)
(traffic rustles)
(flame brews)
(flame crackles)
(upbeat music)
- Wow?
- Where?
- Which one?
- Which one is that?
Top of the pops.
Oh, incredible.
Hey, let's go bounce her.
What do you say, you and me, eh?
A little trio.
(Melinda laughs)
What do you say?
You know what, Micky?
I say you wish...
(Micky groans)
Bitch.
(Melinda laughs)
(gentle music)
(celestial music)
Now you know how to master
the law of attraction.
A brand new world of possibilities
is being revealed to you.
Everything is at reach
within days, hours, minutes, seconds.
What are you going to do
with this brand new power?
Are you going to use it for a better life?
At the end, the only thing that matters is
what do you really want?
Hey
You
Yeah
Apokalipstik
Put on the Chapstick
Want some fantastic
Then come around
Hey, hey
Hey, Hey
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Apokalipstik
Put on the Chapstick
Want some fantastic
Then come around
Hey, Hey
Hey, hey
Come on
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah
Apokalipstik
Put on the Chapstick
Want some fantastic
Then come around
Hey, hey, yeah
Yeah
Apokalipstik
Put on the Chapstick
Want some fantastic
Then come around
Wow, you cannot imagine
how much I have dreamt
of being here tonight.
(audience applauding)
Woo, thank you all again ever so much.
Come on
Hey
You
Yeah
Apokalipstik
Put on the Chapstick
Want some fantastic
Then come around
Hey, hey
Hey, hey
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Apokalipstik
Put on the Chapstick
Want some fantastic
Then come around
Hey, hey
Hey, hey
Come on
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah
Apokalipstik
Put on the Chapstick
Want some fantastic
Then come around
Hey, hey, yeah
Yeah
Apokalipstik
Put on the Chapstick
Want some fantastic
Then come around
(dramatic music)
Another excellent day
(laughs hysterically).
(dramatic music)
(computer keys click)
(rock music)
(Ritchie screams)
(Ritchie pants)
[Micky] You're not gonna jump are you?
I'm really not in the mood
of saving anyone, all right?
I'm sorry?
[Micky] I said, you're
not gonna jump, are you?
Oh, no, no, no, I just
like looking at the view.
[Micky] Yeah.
It's just a misunderstanding, all right?
[Micky] Do I look dumb to you?
- No, no.
- Eh?
I didn't say that, no.
Oh.
So, what did you say, eh?
You calling me a liar?
I don't want any trouble, all right?
Oh, too late, pal.
You think I'm a fucking joker, eh?
No, no.
(Micky laughs)
What?
Look at your face.
I mean, you're fucking tense.
Relax (laughs).
Fucking hell, people, eh?
I mean, people, they're like, you know,
on edge or something (laughs).
Oh, no thanks, it's a bit early for me.
(laughs) Stay away from
the nut cases, Micky,
stay away from them.
Vade Retro Crazyness (laughs).
What did you just say, eh? What?
Nothing, nothing, not, it's just
Oh, so now they're gonna say
I'm hearing voices, eh?
Yes, and they're gonna lock me up
in a mental hospital.
Please, doctor, please.
I'm not crazy.
I'm not crazy.
I just hear the voice of
my imaginary friend here.
What's your name?
Ritchie.
Ah, my imaginary friend,
Ritchie, Your Honor.
I didn't kill these people with a hammer.
No, he told me to (laughs).
He told me to.
(Ritchie laughs)
Here you go, mate.
No, thanks, I shouldn't.
You what?
You're gonna say no to everything
I fuckin' offer you, eh?
Fucking rude.
You wanna die, die stoned.
Look, I don't wanna die, all right?
Well, maybe you should, you know.
Because it seems like you
got a really boring life.
Actually, you're right there.
I do have a pretty boring life actually.
See what I mean?
And sometimes I do wish
that I could just cease
to exist, you know.
You what?
Cease to exist.
Cease to exist.
What the fuck does that mean?
It's been years.
(Ritchie coughs)
(Micky laughs)
You don't have to die, my friend,
'cause you just woke up from the dead.
(rock music)
Hello, I'm Bob Universe
and the story I'm about to tell you is not
a regular story.
Thing is, if you're watching this,
you're not a regular person either.
This is about the law of attraction.
How you can attract anything you want
and change your life within hours.
It all starts in a beautiful theater.
(orchestral music)
Ladies and gentlemen,
the award for the best
movie ever made goes
to Ritchie Temple for his
amazing film, "Apokalipstik."
(audience applauds)
Guys, I am so (voice distorts).
Oh, the emotion.
(audience laughing)
The award is for the worst
movie ever made (laughs).
(audience laughing)
(distorted music)
Ah!
(Peggy knocks)
What the hell are you doing?
I hope you're not still
in bed, you lazy dog.
Just a moment, darling.
- Hurry up!
- I'm coming.
Of course, Karen, you know
how he is, totally immature.
(Ritchie breathes heavily)
Men these days, they're
completely useless without us.
Oh, fuck.
[Karen] What can I tell you, dear?
We did our best to raise him properly,
but he was always a dreamer.
You can't imagine the effort I had
to make for him to understand
that show business is not the real world,
that it's full of sharks
and it's not made for him at all.
Thank God you're here.
Oh, don't thank me yet.
I'm trying to get things
done the right way,
but he's always forgetting and postponing
and well, you know.
[Karen] Oh, totally too well.
Men these days need our
guidance more than babies (laugh).
Yes, but don't worry, I get I.
Are you coming or what (sighs)?
You're gonna make me
late, always the same.
[Ritchie] I'm sorry, I was just,
I got this new idea.
Oh, yeah, you and your ideas,
your movies, your scripts.
Did you even think about
what we said last week?
The ring, the flowers, the dress.
I've been talking to your
mother every day about it.
The wedding, Richard (sighs).
Yes, well, but of course.
You don't give a shit about me, do you?
Hey, I do care about you, honey bunches.
It's just that I'm
Lazy, ungrateful, always
in your imaginary world, ha.
Come on, that's not fair. I am trying.
Try harder (sighs).
Look, I've got to go to
work now, I'll be late.
And you should hurry, too. Muah.
(phone rings)
Karen.
Karen, I've got it.
Doves, fly out to the Cape, yes.
(upbeat music)
(Micky breathes heavy)
(gun rolls)
(Micky breathes heavily)
Another excellent day.
Entertainment
Entertainment
Entertainment
Entertainment
Entertainment
Entertainment
Entertainment
Entertainment
Entertainment
Yeah, but I mean, what is the point
of making a movie about
a man making a movie
about a man making a movie?
Well, Micky, it reflects the abyss
of the human condition.
You know what?
You need a shagg, mate.
Yeah.
I do.
Entertainment
Entertainment
(Micky coughs)
(Micky laughs)
Ah.
Entertainment
You know, I never,
never, ever, never, ever
had a friend like you before, you know?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Of course.
I'm unique, mate.
Yeah, well, I've had
a really shitty life
it turned out.
But something tells me
that all that is about to change
and I am gonna wake up
in a brand new life.
(operatic music)
Where were you?
What did you do?
Do you think you can just
come and go as you please?
Your boss called.
You didn't go to work.
Where were you!
(Ritchie exhales)
I was out with a friend.
What's her name?
Micky.
Is she pretty?
No, Peggy, it's a guy.
A friend I met, that's all.
Yeah, right.
You skip work, you stay
out, you don't even call.
You smell like a drunk.
You're gonna explain yourself, Richard,
and you better be convincing.
I have to go now.
(door slams)
[Karen] You be careful, Richard.
This girl's very nice,
now don't mess it up.
Mom?
Is that you?
[Karen] Well, of course it's me.
Who did you think it was?
You're acting like a child.
This girl is a diamond, son.
Yeah, yeah, I know.
I have to hang up now, Mom.
Got stuff to do.
[Karen] I'm not finished yet.
[Ritchie] Bye, Mom.
[Karen] Don't you dare hang up.
(phone clatters)
(Ritchie exhales)
(upbeat music)
(Ritchie sighs)
I'm in trouble, Jose.
Big trouble.
See, I don't think that I love her.
I mean, my reason tells
me to just go along
with everything, but my
feelings aren't that clear.
See, I'm not sure that I wanna spend
the rest of my life with Peggy.
I mean, it's not that I don't
love her because, you know,
sometimes it's nice.
But she has this way of
pushing my buttons, you know.
I met this guy, Micky.
He's, uh, God, how can I describe Micky?
He's like an electric shock.
I mean, he's incredible.
I mean, he's like a
character from a movie.
I've never met anyone like him before.
He is fearless, he is totally free.
Christ, compared to him I feel like
I'm a bloody, crippled turtle.
I mean, he rocks.
He flies.
(chair clatters)
Jose, are you okay?
(upbeat music)
Because I'm an excellent lover.
What I'm trying to say is stop wasting
so much time, baby.
Follow the wave.
Follow the stars.
Follow the yellow brick road, huh.
Not interested.
Of course you're interested.
Look, I'm a certified
sexual therapist, huh.
And I sense a deep sexual
frustration inside of you.
Since the beginning of time,
women like yourself have
been told by society
to say no to sex with men,
which is why even though your
body is sizzling with heat,
you're mouth is saying no.
Get lost.
See the movement of your hip?
That's a just desire, a
strong willingness to open.
I can cure you of all this.
I can take away this
lesbianism shell of yours.
It's just a matter of my touch.
(punch strikes)
What the fuck, man?
Now look at you.
You're fucking bleeding.
(rock music)
Wow!
Do you want me to finish him off?
Nah, he's not worth it.
What's going on, buddy?
Hey, not bad, not bad at all.
Quite good actually.
(Panda moans)
[Together] Shut up.
Really?
(tense music)
(phone beeps)
[Monsieur] What?
[Hitman] Good morning, Monsieur.
I hope I'm not interrupting.
[Monsieur] You're always interrupting.
[Hitman] In order to do my job properly,
I want to confirm the name of the subject.
[Monsieur] You and your fucking habits.
Micky Towngate. Satisfied?
Almost.
The purpose of the mission.
Feeding up the ass of this motherfucker
with chocolate bars, you idiot.
[Hitman] You confirm
it's a terminating mission?
[Monsieur] Kill this
bloody motherfucker.
Is it clear?
(tense music)
(phone clicks)
Perfectly clear.
(tense music)
Beach.
Bitch.
No, beach.
Bitch.
No, listen, the correct
pronunciation is beach like E.
E, bitch.
What do you think you're doing?
[Student] Suck dick,
boobies, tits, pussy.
Are you crazy?
You're married, you stupid cunt.
(hand slaps)
Ow!
If I wanted to spend my day upset
and angry, I'd have become a
politician or a meter maid.
Do you understand that I simply,
I can't allow my employees
to go around doing as they please, can I?
Look, I didn't really insult her.
You didn't insult her?
Richard.
(piano music)
Cunt? Cunt?
Look, I'm really sorry.
I know I shouldn't have
Shouldn't and won't ever again.
Is that clear?
It's perfectly clear, yes.
Because if I should hear one more time
a complaint about you, Richard,
I shall have no other choice
but to tell your mother.
You know.
(piano music)
You can go, Richard.
(piano music)
Richard, please tell
Brenda on your way out
that I need a coffee.
(door closes)
(piano music)
Brenda?
- Yes, Mr. Sweeney?
- Is Richard gone?
- Yes.
Did he tell you about the coffee?
- No.
- Bastard.
[Brenda] Yes, Mr.
I know, and that white dress
would go amazing with
those bright red shoes.
Yes, of course, of course.
(phone rings)
Oh, Karen, excuse me, I
have to call you back, okay?
I've got to take a call.
(Peggy clears throat)
Ropatex (speaks foreign language)
(rock music)
And you swear this Micky is not a girl?
Yes.
Say it.
I swear on my mother's life.
And you promise to never stay out again.
I promise.
And you promise to be
more serious at work.
I promise that, too.
Do you love me?
Of course I do.
Say it.
I love you.
I believe you.
Muah, now, about those boxes.
When are you going to get rid of them?
That's all my stuff.
That's my books, my DVDs, my scripts.
Yes, it's a load of old
crap from the past, Richard.
I won't put up with them
in the baby room any longer.
[Ritchie] But we don't have a baby.
Exactly.
Let's make room for it, shall we?
So, I don't care how you do it.
I want those dusty,
disgusting, dirty old boxes out
of my sight by the end of this week, okay?
No, no!
You promised.
I didn't promise that.
- Get rid of the boxes!
- Never!
Thanks, man.
I mean, I'm sorry.
I didn't, my whole life is in these boxes.
No problem, pal.
My house is your house,
whatever you need, all right?
Anyway, don't wanna go
storing your perfect stuff
in a dusty unpersonal warehouse, do you?
Well, exactly.
That's why I'm asking you,
please, take care of it, huh?
Hey, don't worry, mate.
Trust me. I'll be your safety back.
This is really intimate stuff.
I wouldn't want anyone to open them
and look inside.
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa (laughs).
No problemo there, pal.
I'm more discrete than a
fucking fat Swiss banker.
So, right, to live life at full power,
you gotta be ready to die
at any fuckin' moment.
You know what I mean?
You gotta be ready to
die for what you want.
Like, just go for it.
(slow rock music)
Oh, just get the fuck out of here,
you fucking little slut.
(dramatic music)
(chair creaks)
(papers rustle)
Fuck!
(choir sings)
(operatic music)
(dramatic music)
(Ritchie breathes heavily)
(Ritchie exhales)
(lighter flicks)
(jazz music)
Really intimate, eh?
Hey, naughty Ritchie.
Apokalipstik.
Working title.
I'm a fucking mess.
I'm a pile of shit.
(Micky laughs)
A pile of shit with
little meatballs (laughs).
Little meatballs licked
my little doggie Peggy,
growling with pleasure (slurps) (laughs).
You know what? Just fuck them, all right?
Just fuck them.
Fuck all the fucking cops and the limiters
in our fucking lives, all right?
I don't know.
I've tried, I'm just...
What, let's do your movie, eh?
What movie?
Hey
You
Hey, yeah
Apokalipstik
Put on the Chapstick
Want some fantastic
Then come around
Hey, hey
Hey, hey
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Well, I found out.
I wasn't being nosy or anything.
No, I had to make sure what
was in the fucking boxes,
it could be drugs or something
that was in my house.
Oh, right, right, yeah.
Hey, hey
I thought I could trust you.
You've raped me.
Oh, don't be silly, man.
Come on.
I don't give a shit about
your personal stuff.
It just popped out at me.
You know, it just came out
and I thought wow, nice.
I mean, I was just struck.
It was like an addiction.
The title was just looking at me, mate.
Then come around
I've tried, but it's complicated.
I mean, you need to find a producer.
What?
You just found one (laughs).
What, you? Really, come on.
What do you mean? Yeah.
What, you don't think I know how
to sit my ass on a sofa
with two lovely whores
and a big fuckin' cigar.
Apokalipstik
Put on the Chapstick
Micky, you don't have any money.
What?
Money? Money?
It's always about the fuckin' money.
Money, money, money, money.
Let's rob a bank.
A bank, oh, great, fantastic.
What, with your knife?
No, I can get guns.
I've got connections.
(imitates gun) Right, everybody down.
Yeah
Apokalipstik
Okay, so, are you with me
or are you against me?
It's my movie, Micky.
Hey, hey
What's it gonna be?
You're crazy, you do know that?
No, mate.
You're crazy.
They're all fucking crazy.
Everybody that doesn't
follow what they're made for.
Apokalipstik
Put on the Chapstick
Want some fantastic
Then come around
Hey, hey
Hey, hey
Yeah, yeah
No, I don't want her
involved in any of this.
Man, all you gotta do is take the keys,
we'll hit the place
and then you just put them back.
Peggy will not be part of this.
All right then.
(dramatic music)
Jesus Christ, Mick.
You gonna keep me hangin'
or are you gonna spit it out?
Well.
It's not, it's nothing.
I'm producing a movie, that's all.
Shut up (laughs).
You, a producer?
Yeah.
Fuck, what is it, pet porn? Shit.
No.
No.
No, no, no.
A real movie, you know,
with actors and actresses
and chases, you know, and stunts and guns
and fuckin' wah!
Explosions, weapons,
blood, you know, some tits.
You know, all that cool stuff.
You know what you should do, Mick?
You should make a film
about a lesbian hero.
It's progressive and fucking cool.
You know, like in that movie, "Bounds."
Yeah, yeah, well, you know,
we have to talk to Ritchie about that.
He is the movie maker after all.
Who gives a fuck?
You're the producer.
You have just as much say as he does.
Who's Ritchie anyway?
Ah, he's the director.
You know, first film, huge talent.
I think we'll get all
the way to Hollywood.
Cannes Festival or even the TV, yeah.
- That's fuckin' awesome.
- Yeah.
Awesome.
Fuckin' hell.
Where'd you guys get the money?
Well, that is, you know,
a quite sensitive point at the moment.
You know, a work in progress.
Like investors or fundraisers?
Yeah, yeah, something like that.
Well, you know, I was
thinking more like a robbery.
(dramatic music)
Are you serious?
You got any better ideas?
A fuckin' robbery, Mick?
Are you kidding?
You wanna go back to jail again?
Oh, fuck, can't you come
up with a smarter way
to get the money?
What? Like work?
Don't say stupid shit. No!
I don't know, man,
just something less, less intense.
(rock music)
Oh!
She's smokin'!
Micky? Who's she?
Micky! Micky!
This is our money.
Right?
What?
You kidnapped a child.
[Actress] I'm not a
child, you cocksucker.
Oh.
So who are you then?
[Actress] I'm an actress
and I wanna be in the film.
Oh, demanding. Me likey.
You gotta stop this immediately.
We're gonna be in big trouble.
[Actress] Tell your stupid
friend to untie me (screams).
Shut up!
Shut up!
(actress screams)
I said shut up.
Oh, ho, ho, ho, hardcore.
My God, Micky, you're killing her.
You didn't want to steal the keys.
I had to find a plan B, eh?
You sick fuck, you almost killed me.
You stupid cunt.
You what, eh?
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
He won't pay.
He doesn't give a shit about me.
He hates me and he's not even my father.
Hey, Mick.
Check out these titties.
I don't give a shit.
He's gonna pay, all right?
You are losing time.
My stupid father is heartless
and you are just making publicity for him.
I'm what?
No, wait! I can help you.
I know the code of the safe where
he hides the money.
Come again?
I know the location, yeah.
And the code to get to the money.
300,000.
In exchange, you give me
a role in your film, huh?
What? Fuck you.
Deal.
Yes!
The lesbian hero, yes.
Now, please, Micky, just let her go.
(rock music)
(doors close)
So where is this 300 grand, eh?
It's here.
(safe beeps)
- Bingo!
- Bitch!
You fuckin' bitch.
I'm gonna fuckin' kill you.
Micky, calm down.
Fuck, Micky, calm down, man, fuck!
Fuck you, Mel.
You, you're not getting away with this.
- Mick.
- Fuck you!
Shit.
Shit.
It's okay, don't worry.
Mick's crazy.
It's okay.
Come here.
It's all right.
It's all right.
(gentle music)
Whoa, what do we have here (laughs).
[Ritchie] What?
Fuckin' women, you can never trust them.
(gentle music)
There's gotta be something.
(gentle music)
Why are they taking so long?
Who knows?
Get in the car, boys.
(engine revs)
Fuck you.
(Micky laughs)
Oh, my God.
Holy shit.
That is fucked up.
Oh!
Fuck.
(slow guitar music)
(clown laughs)
Excellent.
Really funny.
But I am not that in the business anymore
because deep inside I'm still a child.
And I have the soul of a child
and I don't want anymore of this
(exhales)
Unnecessary violence.
You look friendly to me, hmm.
But this Ropatex guy
is very, very powerful.
Why I should trust you?
Look at this.
See?
This was my first one.
I was six.
Here's another.
14, first time in jail.
You're a very, very bad boy.
We can lend you cash
for 20 percent a week.
How much do you need?
Great, 300,000.
Ca, ca, ca.
(clown laughs)
Look at me.
Do you see a nun?
[Together] No.
Do I look like I'm doing charity?
- No.
- No.
- You think I'm stupid.
- No, I don't.
No?
Are you insulting me?
Do you want me to take
you apart piece by piece?
[Ritchie] No, no.
(speaking foreign language)
What?
I'll give you 10,000.
And I keep this file.
No.
For you as safekeeping.
You don't want to be robbed, do you?
(dramatic music)
Motherfucker.
I'm gonna kill that bastard.
Hey, hey.
All right, then, all
right, then, okay. All right.
It's a start.
It's not enough, but we'll
use it to make more money.
Look, Mickey.
I'm gonna phone Melinda.
She gets great deals on pills.
Listen.
Buy a bunch of pills,
we'll sell the lot of them.
We're gonna make a fortune.
Forget about it.
And then in a few weeks,
we comin' back here with a bunch of blokes
and I'm gonna eradicate
that fuckin' Russian clown.
[Ritchie] I quit!
You what?
[Ritchie] I've had enough, Micky.
You can't quit, Ritchie.
Yes, I can, I'm tired of all this.
I'm not a gangster.
This is not my world.
But we're gonna make a movie.
Oh, come on, Micky, let's face it.
It's a dream.
I'm not willing to dream anymore.
Ritchie!
(somber music)
Fuck!
(operatic music)
(dramatic music)
(Ritchie breathes heavily)
(lighter flicks)
(Micky sniffs)
(lighter flicks)
(Micky coughs)
(rock music)
(Ritchie sniffs)
(rock music)
(gun rolls)
(Micky screams)
(laughs hysterically)
Another excellent day.
(jazz music)
(cabinet rattles)
Don't be scared.
It's me.
You know me.
I understand it can be
a little bit disturbing.
[Ritchie] It's impossible.
I know how you feel.
Can I borrow some clothes?
How did you, where did you come from?
You created me.
Don't think with your mind.
Remember me from your heart.
(door clicks)
You don't move, don't make a sound.
Follow your dreams.
What?
I'll be around.
(rock music)
Peggy!
What?
I love you.
Aw.
I love you, too.
(dramatic music)
Now, where is that blue jersey of mine?
(dramatic music)
I swear it was in here.
Oh, well, never mind.
I've got to go.
Move.
(dramatic music)
Yes.
(Micky laughs)
Fuck!
Who the fuck are you?
Relax.
I'm just here to help.
(alarm blares)
(upbeat music)
I think I'm going crazy.
Yeah.
I need help.
I need to seek professional help.
I mean, do you think I'm crazy?
I mean, who is she?
How can a girl come from my dreams
into my real life?
It's not possible, is it?
I mean, do you think it's possible?
I don't think so.
I'm disturbed, yeah.
That's it, I'm deeply disturbed.
Maybe it's the marriage.
Yeah, that's it.
I must be disturbed about
the thought of commitment.
So, my mother was right all along.
(slow rock music)
(dogs barking)
(slow rock music)
[Ritchie] Laylah!
Ritchie.
What do you want?
What do you want? I'm not spying on you.
I was looking for you.
Why did you disappear?
Why did you even come in the first place?
You created me. You wished me.
I have a present for you.
I'm sorry, but what the
fuck are you talking about?
Oh, God, I'm going crazy.
Oh, God, that's what it is.
Do you think I'm crazy?
I think you're very smart and sensitive
and extremely talented,
but you missed some point.
You're heading in the wrong direction.
You're running around like
a chicken without a head.
I don't get it.
Am I insane? Am I dreaming?
[Laylah] Yes, you're dreaming.
Isn't life a dream after all?
How do you know that?
[Daemon] You dreamed it.
(dogs barking)
I don't dream.
Never.
- Yes, you do.
You might not remember everything,
but you remember fragments, don't you?
Fuck you. I don't
talk to hallucinations.
I'm no more an hallucination
then your lonely dick, Micky.
Take the gift.
I don't expect you to believe me,
but some part of you called me so strongly
that I can't believe you don't see that.
Trust your gut.
Feel me.
You know these things, Micky.
You're a hunter.
You have instincts, use them.
(dramatic music)
[Micky] What you you suggest?
(laughs) Ask me anything you want, man.
(dramatic music)
Be careful about what you wish
because wish whoosh,
you may be granted it.
This is the way the law
of attraction works.
One, you long for something.
Two, source answers, 100%, no exception.
Three, you have to allow it to reach you,
matching the energetic
frequency of the gift.
As simple as turning the light on.
I'm Bob Universe and you are watching
the Law of Attraction's 21-day seminar.
Stay tuned.
(dramatic music)
I love when you come inside me
'cause I feel your heart in my vagina.
I've never, ever felt that.
(Ritchie moans)
You know, it's funny because even though.
I know that you're here,
because I can see you
and kiss you (sighs),
it's still hard for me to believe
that I'm actually here in this bed
with my dream girl.
I'm not a dream anymore.
Yes, you are.
(dramatic music)
What?
What about all these
dreams you have in boxes?
Are you gonna cry like a baby
until judgment day?
Come on, if you want something, go for it.
If you don't start living
your life consciously,
you will live by default
with the factory settings.
You could end up like an
old teddy bear sitting
in the shop window covered in dust.
Teddy bear, what?
Hey, please, don't go.
I will be yours the day
you stop spitting on your
dreams and respect them.
(dramatic music)
You won't get away with this.
(door closes)
(dial tone blares)
(dramatic music)
(dog barks)
(dramatic music)
(dog barks)
(dramatic music)
(dog barks)
(dramatic music)
(dog barks)
(dramatic music)
(dog barks)
(engine revs)
(gentle music)
(dog barks)
(gentle music)
What a pleasure to meet you.
I wanted to know what you looked like.
Disappointed?
[Daemon] Not at all.
On the contrary, I'm enchanted.
You're flattering.
Come with me.
I can show you an
incredible amount of things.
Sounds exciting.
To the lovers, to the regulars
and nothing ever ties together.
(dog barks)
(dramatic music)
Compassion.
Ignorance.
Forgiveness.
Vengeance.
Confidence.
Fear.
Union.
Power.
(dog barks)
(dramatic music)
(dog barks)
(water splashes)
(upbeat music)
Mickey, my brother.
- Hey.
- Good to see you.
Please come and have a drink with us.
Sit here.
We're having tequila. Do you want some?
Yeah, yeah, why not?
Always willing and playful.
I like that.
So, we have an opportunity here
that we have to seize.
The screenplay, it's a jewel.
It's like a treasure map to a goldmine.
I'm very excited for you, Micky
'cause you're gonna be rich.
Do you like money, Micky?
Money's good.
Shut the fuck up, you bitch.
When do you open it?
When you say so.
So, do you like money, Micky?
(upbeat music)
Think about it man.
Tens of thousands, hundreds
of thousands. Millions.
Who knows? Luxury.
Houses, cars, the best fuck of your life,
the ability to possess anything you want,
to dominate, to rule, to be able
to say fuck off to the world.
Fuck off to the world.
I can lead you to all this and more
if you bring me the script,
the guy and his signature.
Ah, thing is, well,
he's a bit confused at the moment so
Perfect. Confusion is to be used.
Use your magic, Micky.
You bring me the guy
and I'll show you things
you could never have imagined.
Ah.
Okay, will do.
Do you know what we're
talking about here, brother?
Do you know what it is? Power.
The real invincible, cruel power.
Have you ever felt it?
(upbeat music)
Do you know what I'm talking about?
Do you know what it is?
Power, real invincible, cruel power.
Have you ever felt that before?
You starting to worry me, Mick.
Fuck.
What's wrong?
Nothing. I've never been better.
You're just saying that
'cause you knew the old Micky.
Here is a brand new Micky.
Well, what's the plan, new Micky?
Well, I've gotta convince
Richard to sign with us.
Man, I don't know, he's disappeared.
I don't know, I think he's
confused or something.
I know, you could talk to him.
Me? Why me, I barely know the guy.
What do you want me to do?
Put a shotgun to his head?
Well, that's what
the old Micky would do.
Shit.
So, you're not gonna give me a hand then?
Do you realize how much money
we're talking about here?
I mean, we could go away and start again,
just you and me, eh?
We?
Yeah.
Are you trying to flirt
with me, Mick? Shit.
Why not?
I'm a lesbian.
And? You got a heart haven't you.
(Melinda laughs)
What?
Oh.
Ah.
Bitch.
Bitch?
Yeah, Mick, you're right, I'm a bitch.
Holy shit.
You better keep that dicky
in your pants, Micky.
Otherwise, I'm gonna cut it off
and feed it to my cat (laughs).
All right, give me the fuckin' phone.
(upbeat music)
Call him.
(phone rings)
Yes, my friend, we have
a great opportunity here,
but we need to take our chances.
This screenplay, it's a jewel.
Man, it's a treasure map to the goldmine.
I'm really happy for you, Ritchie,
'cause you're gonna be famous.
You like fame?
Tell me more.
Well, I met someone incredible.
He's like, man, trust me.
He's powerful and he's connected
and he can make things happen.
Okay, but is he trustworthy.
We could go all the way to Hollywood,
to Holly fuckin' Wood, Ritchie.
Do you copy?
Come on, Micky, no
more of your bullshit.
No, no, mate.
Look it's all square, right?
The Russian problem, sorted,
fuckin' disappeared, never existed.
No more little signals, mate, all right.
Look, we start from scratch,
but I tell you there's a
lot of money involved here
and this guy, he's got a hard
on for your script, Ritchie.
All right, let's do it,
but I warn you, Micky.
I stay in charge of this movie.
I won't compromise.
Don't worry, trust me, mate.
I'm your producer, aren't I.
Oy!
Anyway, I took care of all
your interest in the contract.
Contract? What contract?
Micky.
Hey, you
Yeah
Apokalipstik
Put on the Chapstick
Want some fantastic
Then come around
Let me explain.
To produce this film,
you need a lot of money.
Now, traditional film making is dead.
What you need is corporate money
and to get that, you
need a brilliant story,
which we have, uh-huh.
You need access to decision makers
and a few minor adjustments
to adapt it to the company's
marketing strategy.
Nothing to worry about.
Fisto here is a master at magic tricks.
He'll turn your paper
sheets into gold in no time.
But for me to work my magic,
I need you to sign these.
Want some fantastic
Then come around
A moment.
What kind of minor adjustments?
Who gives a shit?
I do.
Now, you miserable piece of dog shit.
You take the pen and you
sign the fucking paper
or I make an abstract painting
with his brains on the goddamn wall.
[Ritchie] No, no, no, he's got
I don't give a shit.
All right.
I'll sign.
Great.
(rock music)
Here.
Here.
Here.
Great.
Here.
And oh, one more, here.
Wonderful.
Now that's what I call a
promptly run operation (laughs).
Let's celebrate.
You've just made a huge decision,
the best decision of your life.
Congratulations, we have a deal.
(glasses clink)
Mm.
Now, why don't you pick a girl
and go have a bit of
fun in one of the rooms.
I have business to attend to.
(dog whines)
Oh, come on.
You shouldn't have done that.
Big deal, it wasn't even loaded.
I could've convinced him.
All I needed is a bit
more time, all right?
Time. Look who's talking about time.
What time?
We don't have any time.
You bypassed me.
Oh, I'm sorry, did I hurt
your precious little feelings.
You're not supposed
to talk to me like that.
I created you. Remember?
And all of this.
You owe me respect.
You're supposed to serve me and now obey.
I'm shaking.
What you gonna do?
Do you wanna bite me?
Fuck off and come back
when you calmed, doggie.
(dramatic music)
Fuck!
(dramatic music)
(gun clicks)
(bell rings)
Close your eyes.
Breathe.
(Ritchie exhales)
Breathe more, relax.
(Ritchie exhales)
Think about the situation.
See it from the outside.
Turn around it.
You don't have to feel fear.
There is no threat here and now. Breathe.
(Ritchie exhales)
Think about the situation
the way you want it to be.
Feel good.
Think about the essence of it.
Be part of it.
(Ritchie exhales)
Now, amplify it.
Feel good.
Empower, in charge, breathe.
(bell rings)
Ice cube.
Ice cube.
(water runs)
Ice cube.
(water runs)
(Ritchie exhales)
(upbeat music)
I don't get it, Jose.
I spent three, pardon my French,
but three fucking days thinking
about a fucking balloon
because they say you're supposed
to start with something simple
without much emotional resistance.
I'll tell you, Jose.
This stuff doesn't work.
What?
What?
(dramatic music)
(meditation music)
You must understand that your script
is not an original story.
You will discover it's point
by point the exact copy
of an ancient story called
the "Rite of Nayanara."
But I've never read this book.
I've never even heard of it.
It's not necessary.
It's in the air.
It's like an idea.
You don't find you, it finds you.
This story is a symbol
and it needs to go out
and influence the world.
And now the time has come for it.
But why did it find me?
'Cause you asked for it.
No, I didn't.
Yes, you did.
Even before you were born.
So, you better accept the
charge, a bigger thing.
You're not the only one involved.
So, what should I do?
Get the contract back.
Free Laylah.
Um (snaps).
So, now what?
[Micky] I want this guy dead, right?
Subtle as always, Micky.
Look, I want the contract back.
He's stolen my script and
he has Laylah enslaved.
I don't know why this guy's so obsessed
with your script.
I mean, I haven't read it,
but it's just a fuckin' script.
Because it's fresh,
it's like pure like a virgin (laughs).
Ritchie, I'm gonna make this guy eat
his own balls, all right?
Yes, that's exactly what we do.
We go old school.
Round up a crew and then go blow
this motherfucker's ass
to a million pieces.
Sometimes kindness isn't enough.
A savage beating, now
that'll fucking do it.
Yes, but, Melinda, this
is not a regular guy.
So, what do you suggest, eh, smarty pants?
The more he believes he's
in control, the better.
We should let him think that he's won.
We should stay low, apparently beaten,
but as close to him as we can get.
Once I manage to get Laylah back
and destroy the contract,
you two can do whatever you want to.
Okay.
Yeah, I'll drink to that.
[Together] Cheers.
(horn blows)
(engine starts)
(pumping club music)
Feel better?
[Micky] (growls) Ruff!
(pumping club music)
Would you a company me
for a drink, Mr. Fisto?
I'd love to know you better.
Okay.
Wait here, be ready to leave.
(door closes)
(pumping club music)
Whoa!
(pumping club music)
Here we go, here we go.
(pumping club music)
(pumping club music)
(pumping club music)
(pumping club music)
(gun clicks)
(pumping club music)
(gun fires)
(pumping club music)
(dramatic music)
She's mine.
And that is also mine.
You stole it.
So? (Laughs)
I think there's gonna be
a little carnage today.
[Ritchie] Police, Police.
Put the gun down.
Hey.
My friend.
Ooh, bad Micky's out today.
I like that.
Yeah?
We're you're gonna love it
when I put a warm bullet
right between your eyebrows.
You created me.
I'm the best version of you.
Breathe.
(Ritchie exhales)
You're not, you're not me.
And I don't be anything like you, ever.
(Micky groans)
Is this the game?
[Ritchie] Police.
(men yelling) Policia!
(sirens blaring)
What the fuck, guys?
How come you didn't call me.
(guitar strums)
No document?
No passport?
Nothing.
(speaks foreign language) Go.
(lighter flicks)
(traffic rustles)
(flame brews)
(flame crackles)
(upbeat music)
- Wow?
- Where?
- Which one?
- Which one is that?
Top of the pops.
Oh, incredible.
Hey, let's go bounce her.
What do you say, you and me, eh?
A little trio.
(Melinda laughs)
What do you say?
You know what, Micky?
I say you wish...
(Micky groans)
Bitch.
(Melinda laughs)
(gentle music)
(celestial music)
Now you know how to master
the law of attraction.
A brand new world of possibilities
is being revealed to you.
Everything is at reach
within days, hours, minutes, seconds.
What are you going to do
with this brand new power?
Are you going to use it for a better life?
At the end, the only thing that matters is
what do you really want?
Hey
You
Yeah
Apokalipstik
Put on the Chapstick
Want some fantastic
Then come around
Hey, hey
Hey, Hey
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Apokalipstik
Put on the Chapstick
Want some fantastic
Then come around
Hey, Hey
Hey, hey
Come on
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah
Apokalipstik
Put on the Chapstick
Want some fantastic
Then come around
Hey, hey, yeah
Yeah
Apokalipstik
Put on the Chapstick
Want some fantastic
Then come around
Wow, you cannot imagine
how much I have dreamt
of being here tonight.
(audience applauding)
Woo, thank you all again ever so much.
Come on
Hey
You
Yeah
Apokalipstik
Put on the Chapstick
Want some fantastic
Then come around
Hey, hey
Hey, hey
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Apokalipstik
Put on the Chapstick
Want some fantastic
Then come around
Hey, hey
Hey, hey
Come on
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah
Apokalipstik
Put on the Chapstick
Want some fantastic
Then come around
Hey, hey, yeah
Yeah
Apokalipstik
Put on the Chapstick
Want some fantastic
Then come around
(dramatic music)
Another excellent day
(laughs hysterically).