April Fools (2015) Movie Script
1
"Lying is a sin, yet sometimes a lie gives birth
to a miracle." (San Pietro Francesco, 8th C)
This concerns the 'alienoides'
settled on Earth.
They may have forgotten
where they belong.
They'll know themselves by traits
that identify them as 'alienoides'.
One: A little finger
longer than their big toe.
Two: A protruding belly button.
Three: A tendency for hiccup.
Four: A fear of big dogs.
Five: A dislike for shallot soup.
No way!
Welcome to Amegami show.
Good morning.
Today is the first of april.
We start with this news.
Right.
42 years ago, Tachihiro
from ojima, then 11
was on a fishing trip with
his dad, and the boat capsized.
They both disappeared
and were considered dead.
But Yasuda yochie,
his childhood friend
kept searching for him relentlessly.
And finally found him on
Mujanga island in Indonesia.
He had lost his memory
and survived on raw fish.
He was fond of sashimi.
The locals saw him bow profusely
and suspected he could be Japanese.
He was finally identified as Tachihiro.
He has just arrived in narita airport.
He's here Mr. Oshima.
Please Mr. Oshima.
Yochie?!
Yochie.
Tachihiro!
"Pajama bajama-ma."
Tachi, it's you alright!
"Yoga pajama."
I knew you were a live.
Yochie!
A happy end.
Yochie always believed he was alive.
She spent every day praying
at the shrine.
This is the miracle of love.
Miracles happen when one keeps
firm in one's faith.
A beautiful story.
Uhr
who is it? It's late.
Sorry.
Is that Wataru's phone?
What?
Sorry, I picked up your phone.
Who is it?
Excuse me.
It's been a while, I'm Ayumi.
Uh?
I'm Ayumi, the cleaning lady.
I'm sorry to bother you.
I have to tell you something.
I'm pregnant with your kid,
I'm delivering soon.
Sorry for the short notice,
please do the right thing.
And
I know, I should have called before.
But you didn't answer the phone.
I know your work keeps you very busy.
Please marry me and recognize the kid.
Right I see.
1st of April.
I'm not doing any such thing.
Flush it, or whatever.
Bye.
Wait.
Who was it?
A patient.
She wants me to operate
but she's emotionally unstable.
The "Young genius doctor"
is already going?
A patient is coming from Dubai,
the son of an oil company owner.
A by-pass surgery.
Shit.
I forgot to draw money.
There.
A little more.
Once you've operated
on me once more.
What's this?
Well, your wish is my command.
The syringe is coming, honey.
You're Eto Rika?
We're from your father's company.
Your dad had an accident,
come to the hospital.
Get in.
Come on.
Wait.
Come here.
Wait, hey.
No, help me.
Let me go Rape!
Let me go.
Just get in.
Ouch!
Ouch!
Hey.
If you don't comply I shoot.
See what you've done, moron.
Forgive me.
I told you not to take it out.
Forgive me.
Now you get in.
Just do as I tell you.
Drive now.
Yes.
Sorry.
Useless idiot.
I'm hungry.
I'm hungry, you understand?
No.
We're all hungry.
If you keep quiet
I'll treat you to a delicious ramen.
Only if you're quiet.
How do I look?
It suits you beautifully.
I think so too.
Because I'll be the only
representative for our nation, there.
I can't afford a faux-pas.
The royalty you'll meet
there are very openhearted.
Garden parties are relaxed.
Which one will suit me better?
They're both perfect.
I can't make up my mind.
Sure.
We'll take both.
Thank you so much.
How much is it?
Please count.
May I have a receipt.
The name is sakuraroji Sukema.
The kanji for sakura
is the hard one.
[Spells each kanji].
Sorry about that what can we do?
Better if the Emperor's Agency
Isn't told about this.
We're so grateful for your visit.
We're so grateful.
You're so kind.
I hope you enjoyed.
This is so befitting Milady.
Arigatou.
Let me help you.
Where shall I drive you?
I could eat something.
Refined Japanese or French?
I wonder.
Chauffeur, is there
a place you recommend?
Surely not, the kind
of place I eat in
is not suited for your highness-sse-ses.
Never mind that. The place you fancy.
You mean some hamburger eatery.
That's it.
I'm at your service.
Maybe the Imperial Agency's
car is not right
for such errand.
All day long for your pleasure and
ease I'll be at your beck and calls.
Your phone's been ringing for a while.
I apologize.
It's been bugging your ears I'm sure.
You okay?
My wife, nagging me about milk
or something to buy on the way.
Please forgive her mundane concerns.
Sorry, I know you're busy.
How about you give me a break?
If I don't call for months
you should take a hint.
I'm not asking for a white dress.
Do you hear what people say?
We are from two different worlds.
But the kid I'm bearing
is not the fruit of a one-night-stand.
I'm growing weary of
your april fool's prank.
It's not a prank.
I don't understand.
You're an annoying character.
Taxi driver!
The 'Ristorante del drammatico'.
We've arrived already.
What?
There.
The change?
- Keep it.
Thank you very much.
Next call I report you
to the police as a stalker.
Don't forget anything.
Thank you very much.
Welcome, you're awaited.
For a while I thought
you stood me up, Dr. Makino.
It was a difficult operation.
Eric Thomson's elbow was
more damaged than I thought.
You Reiko, how was your flight?
A quick return trip to Honolulu.
Those flights are getting tiring.
Who's that Eric Thomson?
Come on, he's NFL's quarter back.
His elbow is insured for 5 millions.
You're so young and so successful.
I just use the gift god gave me.
Avocado double cheese?
You working today?
Forget it, we should pick up girls.
There you are.
Manager!
Welcome.
Wow, a limo! You made it in the world.
Give me your best table.
There's a 15min wait.
What a stupid reply.
We're the imperial Agency.
No way.
As I say.
If anything goes south
you could close your joint.
Free that table.
They haven't even ordered yet.
Don't care, move them.
Please forgive us.
Where?
Wait.
This way please.
Sorry about the filthiness.
Welcome.
This base establishment is not worthy.
Your presence honors us.
This way please.
Please.
Please take a seat.
Excuse me but, this table.
Shut up.
You mean these gentlemen
we can wait.
They can wait.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
Please ignore such petty matters.
Don't you dare take photos
and switch off your phones.
If you post anything on the net
you'll end up in jail.
Scary.
You bet.
This is terrible.
Whatever you do you'll fail.
If we don't exorcise soon you're done.
I'm begging you.
This is the range of my services.
Well
usually people take
the 'special exorcism'.
But you
you'll get into
a traffic incident today.
That's for sure.
Please, give me the special.
There.
Right, I'll start then.
Grandma.
We need to talk at the police station.
How about school from next week?
I'm not telling you to go.
If you're afraid of being bullied.
"The alienoides"
"Have to perform a mission before
calling the mothership"
"They have to bid their goodbye
to earth people"
"Finish up their tasks"
I'm out.
Miso ramen please.
A negi ramen for me.
Coming.
Dam, I forgot to walk my dog.
Oh, dear, I have an emergency too.
Cancel our order please.
Boss, give us the
whole menu.
Crab omelet.
- Coming.
Beer.
Dumplings
- How many?
Don't count them,
give us all you have.
Are you keeping us waiting?
My crab omelet.
Shut up moron.
- Sorry.
You remember the other one.
Right.
His eyes were very sharp.
Sharp eyes.
Salt n'pepper hair.
Salt n'pepper.
Where's my sister?
Like it?
I'm asking you if you like it.
Delicious.
Did I ask you?
Sorry.
Hey.
Close to here there's an theme park.
You like theme parks?
You keep quiet and
I'll take you there.
You have to be quiet.
I gave a lecture in Moscow
on biological transplants.
They ovationed me,
even Putin was there.
President putin?
He was so enthusiastic about judo.
In fact I'm a black belt myself.
So we had a friendly fight.
He didn't stand a chance.
He tried to overthrow me.
But I'm very good
at the pinning technique.
Would you try that pinning on me?
Let's go.
- The dessert is coming.
You'll be my dessert.
We have a room with a splendid city night view.
Sorry, we're not serving lunch anymore.
Calm down.
Sorry, she's one of my patients.
She makes up stuff,
she's mentally unstable.
I'm not making up stuff.
Look at me, I'm pregnant.
I expect you to do the right thing.
If you don't.
I'll kill the both
of us right here.
You're pushing the joke too far.
Let's get out.
I apologize, we're fine.
Really?
- She's a patient.
I'll take you to the hospital.
Easy, now.
Threatening me with a toy won't help.
It's probably not even my kid.
I dare you to kill me then.
You're really obnoxious.
That was really awesome.
I'll kill you.
Call 911.
Someone handle the crazy bitch.
Could you guys,
all gather in the center.
You, in the kitchen.
Could you hurry.
Please, everyone let's
follow the instructions.
Don't upset her.
What are you waiting for.
Mr. Wataru Makino.
Please come now.
If you don't come out.
I'll kill them all one by one.
I'll start with the girl.
Wait, wait.
Say
you're joking, right?
It's an april fool's prank, right?
April fool?
What da? April fool?!
Don't give me that april fool BS.
I'm so screwed.
Who are you?
I'm the chef and owner,
bringing a cherry pimento.
That chandelier cost me a fortune.
The dog is so cute.
I want that dog.
Waf!
You're enjoying?
You could say something, brat.
I'll throw you out.
Come on, it's all checked.
Are you dull?
Are you expecting ransom money?
What if I am?
It's a waste of time.
My parents wouldn't pay a cent for me.
Because of your low scores?
I'm dull and I'm a difficult kid.
"You're cute only as much
as you're cared for".
The fact is
I'm an illegitimate kid.
Who told you that?
I found it out.
Especially my father,
I'm so not like him.
Many kids don't
look like their parents.
You've been abused?
My parents don't hit me.
They don't even scold me.
A difficult kid?
Shoplifting?
You're a habitual criminal?
Your parents don't get mad?
They gave up on me.
They just find my presence
annoying at home.
But they're good with my brother.
I want to finish studying,
leave them and live my life.
How will you live.
I'll do anything.
A woman can always find money.
If your purpose is to mollest me.
Let's get it over with
and release me soon.
If I had such intention
I'd tell you on my own good time.
I'm so full.
That was delicious.
Indeed.
Your your.
Your coffee, Madam.
Did you get burned?
You incompetent idiot, what have you done.
Please forgive me.
Please accept our apologies.
Forgive her on account
of her young age.
Will you forgive us.
I'm so sorry.
I too, shall apologize.
I'm responsible for bringing you
into that worthless place.
Such insects as ourselves
are not worthy of life.
You can dispose of this worthless place.
Of my blood, my sweat and tears.
You can crush us as you please.
Humbly I'm asking you.
I'm so sorry.
I don't want to commit seppuku.
Well.
Please stand up.
'We' should apologize.
For how much did you scam them?
Do not smear people's reputation.
I have a duty to
this world and to people.
There's a name for your kind
of scam, imposture.
I'm really exorcising the spirits.
You can't fool me, grandma.
Don't call me grandma,
they call me Spiritual Guide.
You fool no one with this.
Or is it because the world
in its vastness
simply escapes your understanding.
Deep down you know I tell the truth.
You give me a break, old hag.
It's water.
No way.
Our real name is not Sakurakoji.
But Kobayashi, in fact.
I'm retired.
I used to be a desk employee.
What?
We met in the singing club
in our university.
We've been married 40 years.
Our daily life is very common.
We're an ordinary couple.
Please don't get mad.
My wife has been diagnosed
with cancer 10 months ago.
She's been treated in bed
all that time.
I wasn't improving
and often lost hope.
Until my husband
found a new treatment.
And then
a miracle happened.
The tumors vanished.
Goodness.
For just one day.
I asked what whim
she'd like to fulfill.
I said let's take our savings
and live the big life.
Let it be sumptuous.
I thought of Audrey Hepburn
in 'Roman Holiday'.
I wanted
I wanted to live the day of a princess.
Really, I had no idea
it would go that far.
We apologize.
Forgive us.
So that's what it was.
You scared us, Mr. Kobayashi.
You did cause a commotion here.
I guess we'll just have
to forgive you
since you did it to please Madam.
Chauffeur, we apologize to you too.
You don't fool me
I can see you're aristocrats.
What?
Simple servants like us
have an instinct.
I know you lied to them.
Oh no, we didn't lie.
It's fine.
Your stratagem was such a relief
for these simple people.
It was so graceful of you.
I'm telling you we didn't lie.
I know you're his excellency Sakurakoji.
That's the truth.
But it's a lie.
Absolutely, it's a lie.
I get it. So, where
do I drive you next?
Come on get out of the kitchen.
She's gonna die.
10
Please Doctor come out.
She means business.
You're a black belt.
9
You're a black belt?
What's a black belt
to do against a gun.
Alright it's a Tokarev,
only six rounds.
I have a friend in the police.
She fired 5 times, there's one left.
5
4
What are you doing?
Me, you mean?
I'm telling the office I'll be late.
Gather all the phones.
Sure.
Alright, guys, you heard the lady.
Thanks.
Thanks.
Thanks.
Aren't you a bit overzealous?
I'm responsible for the dining room.
No one dies on my watch.
Fk, I left my phone on the table.
Great.
It's running out of power.
Call your friend in the police.
Hurry, come on.
Yeah.
It's me, we have a girl with a gun.
She's keeping us hostages.
Please come rescue us.
That's serious.
I'm calling a SWAT team
and the Green Brets.
Get ready, we're gonna
blow the whole place.
What?
Last year, Michelin
gave you 3 stars.
The year before,
you were serving Lady Gaga.
Before that, Steve Jobs came.
You prank me every year.
Absolutely not, she's got a gun.
Call again, I'll lock you
for obstruction of the law.
I'm telling you.
He hung up.
What?
There he comes.
So you're not dead.
He wants to play with us.
Let's play with him.
Come, let's play.
Help.
Ouch.
Bastard.
I beg you for forgiveness, I'm sorry.
You probably won't see me again.
Please be kind to each other.
Yoshida, I loved you from the start.
I wish you a happy life.
I bid you farewell,
dear little earthlings.
If I may request
we do have to go.
Please don't anger her.
I have an appointment.
You will have to bear with me.
You heard! Sit down, don't be foolish.
There's a misunderstanding.
There's nothing between us.
I met him in the waiting room
at the hospital.
It's a first date
- So?
Please, all refrain from idle talk.
Just follow instruction
Miss.
You probably love him, deep down.
What did I say.
Well, Well.
You have to put the gun down
and talk to him.
Hey, come out and talk with her.
Exactly.
Just tell her out of it.
Just go.
There's my name on that last bullet.
Can't you see she's crazy,
she'll shoot.
But someone will die in your place.
She's not capable of it.
You're crazy too.
I think.
Sure, you may want to die.
But you don't want to hurt others.
Especially that kid you're bearing.
If you die, you kill your baby.
Are you capable of such an act?
No, no, I think you can't.
You're not that kind of person.
Am I right?
See.
He's coming out.
Didn't I warn you? I told you so.
Doctor come, he needs your help.
Doctor, please.
You have a life to save.
What?
Stand up.
Wait, wait.
You'll be fine, she shot 6 times.
No more bullets.
That's good.
Did he look like this?
Exactly.
I'm sending it, then.
May I?
Sure.
Oh!
You know him?
No.
Trust me, only pretty girls.
So pretty, don't miss this.
Trust me.
Oh, I love it.
Now, the next.
What shall it be?
Come on, kid, I'm sure you'll do great.
They offer health benefits too.
They're tight with the mob,
I recommend it.
Right.
Since you are so young.
I'll earn a handsome
finder's fee myself.
Alright, it's here, deal!
What? Anything wrong with this place?
What can I do?
If you want to make more
Next joint.
Stay calm.
Here comes the "Young genius doctor".
No one dies on my watch.
Let's go, do your job.
It hurts.
Come on, don't let him die.
Do it, quick.
The dude's incompetent.
What?
Tell the truth.
You're not a doctor.
No way.
I had my suspicions.
He was so busy around the
hospital in various wards.
Chitchatting with
the pretty ladies.
How do you feel today?
It seems I sprained my ankle.
Let me see.
These are rare symptoms.
How about a private examination?
Probably not an ear inflammation.
It tickles.
I can't examine you.
He's so grumpy.
You're passing your stress to him.
You should let go of some steam.
Enjoy your woman's freedom again.
Let me invite you to a dinner.
Are you sure?
And not only in that hospital.
Always dressed as a doctor.
He always had a hundred lines
to pick up the ladies.
Is she right?
So what do we do with him?
We could
stop the bleeding.
Stop the bleeding.
Me?
Ouch.
Gently.
You're a nobody.
Ouch.
Apologize to her.
You made her pregnant.
Apologize, already.
Sucks.
Right, I lied.
As you said I'm a fraud.
I'm a low life who spends
his time sleeping around.
Everything I said was a lie.
I APOLOGIZE.
But you ladies, really, are suckers.
You flash a white shirt
and they bite the bait.
Some even come at me.
I think it was your case.
If memory serves me well,
YOU came to me.
Am I right?
And I swept you off your feet.
I wish I had broken a leg instead.
I had no other choice that day.
Yet, any girl would have been better.
That's how I ended
in bed with such a loser.
The blunder of a lifetime.
Shame on me.
Rather.
Shoot me then.
I know you want it.
Shoot me.
What's this?!
I remember, the Tokarev
is an 8-round, one left.
You can't be serious.
Just recalled.
Grab him.
Just keep quiet.
He said he was moving.
That's right.
He didn't make sense.
He was resolved to die I think.
He wants to end his life.
Sir, do something.
I'll find him.
I need to explain something.
What is it?
Would you do it?
I wouldn't.
Are we close friends?
True that.
But what I feel for you
has always been
more than friendship.
What?
I have to tell you
I'm gay.
No way.
Sharing this space with you
is unbearable.
I had no idea.
I see.
Honestly, I'm baffled.
In fact
I can't even believe it.
That would be a miracle.
A miracle?
The truth is
I too
What?
I too
I've always shared your feelings.
I can't contain them now.
I'm overjoyed.
I can't hold it.
Wait, it's not true
April fool.
Can't be.
It's there, there.
You are fantastic.
It came up.
Did it?
We don't have that kind of ransom money.
Let's investigate, the safety
of the victim is our priority.
Right.
Let's start right away.
Let's call the intelligence agency.
Let's have that portrait published.
We'll apprehend the culprit
very soon.
Excuse me
it won't be necessary.
What?
You don't have to investigate.
The abductor is just a jerk.
Hey, you too.
Get in.
I told you to crawl
like a worm.
This way.
You're burning me.
It may look hardcore
but it's mutual consent.
Prepare yourself
for such treatment.
No, stop it.
Have a good look,
you need to study.
I'm selling you to this place.
These ladies are your elders,
you'll look up to them.
That's the wonderful world
where you belong now.
Would you go over and help her?
You said: "A woman
can always find money".
Stop this.
Are you coping?
All these hours sitting, your
back condition will get worse.
I know what led you to this.
You were an ordinary housewife.
But you lost everything
to a gambling habit.
Your husband and kid turned
their back on you.
You wanted to have people around.
The police are not bad guys.
I wouldn't send to jail
a woman who could be my mother.
You have to sincerely apologize
and promise you'll stop.
I'll send you home with a warning.
Say, grandma?
You promise?
Yes, please forgive me.
Hey-oh (You call like this).
Hey-oh (and you repeat).
They won't escape.
You can relax now.
We are not calling 911.
We won't?
Not before we settle the matter
between you and him.
Okay everyone, let's have
a thorough debate.
We have to settle too?
I'd rather call 911.
You do as I say,
it's my dining room.
Alright, Makino.
First you apologize
from the heart.
And then you'll
recognize the child.
And do right by her.
Why would I live
with such a loser?
Why not simply shoot him?
Kill him, it's an act of mercy.
Shut up.
Makino, from the bottom
of your heart.
I messed up
and I hurt you.
I wronged you.
Of course, I recognize
the kid and I'll marry you.
Right away, I loved you
more than the others.
Forget it, you don't
sound sincere at all.
But I'm sincere.
Look my eyes movements.
Psychology says, a lie
This is bullsht.
- It's true.
Sounds like BS to me.
- Absolute BS.
He himself can't even
sort truth from lies anymore.
Make no mistakes
he's a pathologic bullshter.
How many hundred times have
you come to my restaurant?
Every time with
a different woman.
That he likes women,
is an understatement
he's a perv, addict to sex.
You see, Miss.
You've not been rejected.
Your intuition told you
right away, he was lying.
But you slept with him.
Didn't you initiate it?
Weren't you two consenting adults
playing a game.
He's right.
You're no better.
It's not the place
to eat potato chips.
It's you.
You gave them to me.
[Socially challenged people]
Such a common condition nowadays.
You don't have
to be ashamed of it.
Would you like a private
forget about it.
It's not a condition
but a personality trait.
My research reveals that potato chips
contain ethylglutamine acids
that calm anxiety.
And generate alpha waves
in the brain.
It facilitates socializing.
From a situation
of total isolation
at the workplace
to occasional contacts.
While eating my bento
at lunch break
I started to chitchat.
I thought: "My, is this working?"
I thought he could be
an excellent doctor.
And after that
I was watching him.
My colleagues at work
would tell me: "You like him?"
"Obviously he likes you too".
"He's a good person".
Try your luck with him.
And then
then
well, I
and so
I believed him.
I trusted him.
Even when he sneaked out at night.
Or when I couldn't reach him.
His baby was growing inside me.
I was eating these every day.
I trusted him.
Because he saved me.
This morning
on TV
while I was thinking about him
I saw two lovers miraculously reunited.
I mustered the courage to call him.
I heard his voice
and I thought, it could
really come true.
We could become a family.
And then
and then
Byon!
Look sir, he's up there.
Nozawa.
Wait.
Nozawa.
Byon!
We're good here.
From the start,
my wife was a big fan.
Our chorus performed live.
I'm sorry about
today's inconveniences.
Don't mention it,
you helped so much.
You made it all so enjoyable.
Your kind words are
a delight to my ears.
If you may forgive
a daring request?
Pray speak.
If it's no trouble
could we take a photo?
Surely.
My goodness.
Please, could you take our photo.
Shucks, the power cut off.
Please, give me a minute.
I'll show it to my kids.
How many kids do you have?
A 12 yo girl and a 4 yo boy.
My elder daughter is a bit difficult.
But she'll be proud of me.
He's your ex-husband?
I had my daughter with him.
We split when she was 2,
I remarried.
So the person who took her
is her biologic father?
Yes, and a real jerk at that!
Does it mean you're
not pressing charges?
Of course not, he's just a jerk.
He's up to his usual tricks.
A real jerk.
Boss?
May I speak frankly?
What?
You're really her dad?
She would be glad to know.
Maybe you won't have another chance.
Don't be weird.
If she's your daughter
why will you kill her?
Why does she have to die?
She's not gonna die.
Then she'll have us arrested.
We're compromised, we can't trust her.
Shut your mouth.
Idiot, don't you have any sense.
Who is compromised?
I'm the only one concerned, here.
I took all the heat on myself.
Alright, grandma.
Don't do it again.
How about you?
You don't have to do that job.
You're tormenting your soul.
That murderer that
you failed to catch
an inspector experiences
mostly failure.
The search warrant
that you carry everywhere
hoping to find
that murder by chance.
That water is not
good for your health.
What kind of man are you really?
Cut the lies, tell her who you are.
I don't know.
What kind of truth do I tell you.
My parents were both doctors.
The career welcomed me open armed.
But
I wasn't bright enough.
My parents paid and paid, so
I took a back door
into the medical school.
But even there it didn't happen.
But.
But then I started
to lie about being a doctor.
And I saw people believe it.
That lie made me
feel good about myself.
My whole life became a lie.
I read medical books every day.
I found the knowledge I needed
to pick up girls.
I look at myself
I see a compulsive liar
and a sex addict.
I see no way out of it.
What I'm telling you here
could even be another lie.
Myself, I'm confused.
What I told you
it was all lies.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Please wait.
We're all liars.
"Man is the lying animal."
He's right.
We have to lie sometimes.
Life is manageable
because of our lies.
A lie can save someone.
It's life, it comes
with the territory.
For him too:
"Hath not a liar
a heart that bleeds?"
You feel better?
With the remaining bullet.
If you kill him
you can't kill yourself.
So let's call it a day.
I don't let anyone die
in my dining room.
I'm calling 911.
We're delivering you to the police.
She'd get away too easily.
That wackjob girl has to die.
No way.
Byon.
Yurahito, your teachers
and your mother are worried.
It's all my fault.
Tell me what more can I do.
Come down, don't you run
after you won.
You owe me a rematch.
Now that you stole that kiss
we have to follow up with a date.
Come down, please.
I'm sorry.
You know.
I can't think, please calm down.
You wanted to play
the trombone, right?
I'm sorry I forced
the cymbal on you.
This is not the point.
"So long and thanks
for all the fish."
Byon.
He doesn't seem to want to die.
Wake up.
You can't die
in my dining room.
Keep quiet.
Don't move.
What?
Uh?
I haven't been shot.
What?
This is our chef's unique sauce.
A misfire.
Tokarev was 7 rounds?
Absolutely not,
we heard the bang.
What the?
Who left that here.
I'm gonna be late.
Prof Miki is gonna be
mad at me again.
Ide.
Well, all's well that ends well.
You're okay.
You haven't been shot, stand up.
You're a big liar too.
You had us all tricked.
That belly was stuffed
with a towel.
Really.
That's what it was.
Today is April 1st,
let's strip it off.
What?
Even though.
I just broke my waters.
Ambulaaaaaaaaaaance.
What takes them so long.
Indeed.
He hasn't called yet?
Sorry, it's the first time.
We can't wait, let's start.
But we're a quartet, 2 won't do.
Just give us a duet.
I apologize for all the commotion.
It's me.
What's that about?
You promised you'd never see her.
I hope you've been kind to her.
Uh.
Just bring her back already.
We're coming.
Just tell me one thing.
What?
She does take after me.
Poor scores, difficult child,
she's my blood.
I'm to blame.
You did everything you could.
I look at her face.
Sure she reminds me
so much of the brat I was.
But there's nothing wrong with her.
If she misbehaves just scold her.
Just spank her.
Then
give her a hug.
I'm done.
Your parents are so poor,
they won't pay a cent for you.
You're so ill-mannered
I can't even sell you.
I was so bored in your company.
You're the wrong brat
to abduct go.
Bye.
Where are you going?
I need to work.
What's your work?
None of your business.
Are you looking
for trouble now.
You're gonna die?
What?
You're going to jail?
Your job is absurd.
I have to face my destiny.
You don't have to.
I don't want
to lead a dull life.
Yours looks dull enough to me.
Dad.
Look who you call 'dad'.
We could meet again.
Idiot.
Today is April fool,
it's all a lie.
Look at that brat calling me 'dad'.
I'd be cursed to father
someone like you.
Disappear.
Rika.
Rika.
My daughter how dare you.
Rika, run now.
Quick, run, I'm taking care of them.
Hurts.
I'm sorry I disrespected
your beloved daughter.
Please accept my apologies.
Are you mad?
You have a great dad.
This guy hates you?
It's all in your head.
Don't hold your love back.
You okay.
Just 2 of them?
'The Four Larks' & 'Ocean life'.
Welcome to the Chorus of the ocean.
First we want to apologize.
Two of our members, Kyoko and Yachin
a sudden flu virus.
Please forgive us.
But since we're here,
let's stick to the program.
If someone in this audience
has a good voice.
If you have some
chorus experience.
Please Madam, Sir,
join us on the stage.
It's all good.
It's good.
Hold on, the ambulance is on the way.
Take a deep breath.
Come on, it's serious.
It's already coming.
What can we do?
I'll be fine.
I'll hold it longer.
What's that ambulance doing?
Lucky day.
Really.
I wish I had that exorcism.
Who do you think? I'm the ambulance.
The ambulance.
Oh, that's bad, she's giving birth.
Let's take her
to the hospital in a car.
We should have done that
from the start.
It will be too late.
She has to deliver it here.
Here, here?
In this room.
Is there a doctor?
Come on, come on.
He's a fraud.
You're our only chance.
No way.
It's just you.
No way.
You studied.
I pretended.
You read medical books.
For pick up lines.
This is your kid.
Tell us one thing
why did you not go ahead
and pick her up?
A sex addict like you,
you'd take any girl.
But with her you didn't push through.
Well, it's just.
Because you liked her?
You thought she was like you.
That's the only woman
you didn't want to hurt.
That's the reason you held back.
I don't know.
You really liked her,
you didn't want to defile her.
I don't know.
You don't know your own feeling.
I said, I don't know.
Because you loved her.
You may be wrong.
I'm right, you love her.
You may be wrong.
Just admit it.
You're wrong.
Why would I stick to a truth know?
You're a liar,
just believe it's so.
Then it would be a lie.
This is April fool, anything goes.
You truly love this girl.
She's delivering your child.
You're a doctor.
You have one thing to do.
But
here, with no assistance.
I told you I was a CA.
Big lie!
The truth is, I'm a midwife.
In fact, I'm a nurse.
I'm experienced in child delivery.
I assisted the birth of 35 kids.
The fact is, I am an experienced
delivery assistant.
This establishment was previously
an obstetric clinic
or something like that.
We'll make her delivery a success.
Let's boil water.
Find as many towels as you can.
And also
a knife sterilized with vodka.
Alright.
I'll get the water, you help me.
Not him, I hate him.
Hold her hands.
Ok.
Let me go I'll kill you.
Trust me.
I am the young genius doctor.
Prince william and
Princess Catherine's son
the truth is, I'm the doctor
who delivered him.
You have to believe.
"Amazing Grace"
"How sweet the sound"
"That saved a wretch"
"Like me"
"I once was lost"
"But now am found"
"Was blind, but now"
"I see."
The sad news is
pushing the treatment ahead
would only add to her suffering
she'd better enjoy
her remaining time.
Do you want her to be informed?
No.
We can't tell her that.
"And grace my fears"
"relieved"
For my wife's sake
I'll tell her only lies.
Doctor
please, release her.
"Appear"
"the hour I first"
"believe"
Hey.
Please don't die.
You see
I'll always be at your service.
I'll wait as long as it takes.
Thank you
for everything.
Boss.
Boss.
Did they touch you?
Did he says something strange?
Nope.
Good.
I shoplifted again.
Heave-hoo.
We need the partition.
Alright, alright.
Has the water boiled?
Where's the vodka.
Byon.
Byon.
Why don't you guys come pick me?
Byon.
I'm an alienoide.
Quick, get me out of here.
Byon.
Ah, I'm dying.
I'm dying.
You'll be fine.
You have the best
professional assistance.
You, liars.
You're a bunch of fakes, and liars.
Breathe in, in, out.
In, in, out.
In, in, out.
I can see its head.
Enough, I want to end it now.
No way, be patient and push.
What?
The cord is around its neck.
The umbilical cord.
It's really tricky.
Get it back inside.
You have to trust me.
It's tightening around its neck.
It's getting more entangled.
Your hands are
unskilled that's why.
I'll kill you.
"Through many dangers"
It's too tight on its neck
Turn it up.
Not like that, let me do it.
Shut up. Don't touch, I'll do it.
It's my kid.
Okay.
Nice shot.
"And grace"
"will lead me home"
It's released.
Good, we're good.
A little more.
One last push.
I hope you're enjoying your golf.
How tactful of you, thank you.
Nice shot.
Don't do that again.
Let's go together apologize.
Okay.
A little April fool prank
we set up in our news bulletin,
had disastrous consequences.
We received angry
phone calls and emails.
Of course, the news that
Tastsuhiro had disappeared.
Was not true and we apologize.
In fact, these persons are actors.
I'm Hachiya with
Sarusubery Theatre Company.
I'm Yamamoto.
We're sorry about that prank.
From the 7th of next month
we'll give a performance
at Shimokitazawa Hall.
Shut up already.
You don't know what
a merry-go-round is.
Get an education.
You ignorant.
For example, the jet coaster
told you to shut up.
Sorry.
Hey, boss.
The beer is lukewarm.
Don't serve it.
Crab omelet.
Told you to shut up.
What are you doing? Eat your food.
Definitely a habitual criminal.
What a deplorable life style.
Right?
My crab omelet.
Sorry, boss.
Have some.
Thank you, boss.
Can't be true.
It is true, they gave me the limo
and I chauffeured aristocrats.
I didn't see the limo.
You saw it.
Didn't I stop the limo
right beside you?
Fumiko.
Yes.
I hope.
You had a good time.
Marvelous.
The best April fool ever.
I'm so grateful.
Thank you for lying to me.
I know how my body feels.
I have no regrets at all.
Indeed.
You made me so happy.
Thank you.
Good evening.
Good evening.
I had a rough day.
I gave a perfect performance on TV.
That was good for advertizing.
It will draw the audience
for next month.
You're not hostessing
in that bar tonight?
Well.
I'd like to be a midwife.
You think the insurance
will cover the damage?
No idea.
He's here.
Sorry about before.
It's fine.
We're not pressing charges.
A baby was born anyway,
we'd appreciate
if it didn't go too far.
But we have a gun wound.
That was out of anyone's control,
call it self-defense.
Certainly not a
self-defense situation.
How about the guy who was shot?
He went through surgery,
he must be awake now.
It's self-defense.
So it was self-defense.
I remember the chips now.
So you're the one I gave
them to in the waiting room.
An old woman gave them to me saying.
These will bring you luck.
She didn't make sense.
Excuse me, are you still open.
Okay, come in.
Holy food.
Eating it will ward off evil.
Blessings will come your way.
I am grateful for this offering.
Okay, that will be $100.
Sorry for so many
horrible things I told you.
Thank you for your help.
Since they all said it to me
I was wondering.
Could it be true?
But
what if
my feelings for you
were true love?
From the start
you like him.
No.
This man likes you too.
Deep down he's good.
You should try your luck.
I think he's telling lies.
What if despite the lies
he made you happy?
"A miracle often starts with a lie"
Just one glance at that man,
I can tell you.
That he's a good man and
you'll live happily with him.
You see
it's my last day on this job.
I'll be hospitalized.
And so this insight
is a legacy from me to you.
Of course she lied.
She didn't
I think.
You don't even know how you feel.
But those feelings
are true quite possibly.
I'd like to be true
to myself, just like you.
I too lied to you.
I never heard a lie from you.
I did, when I tucked that towel.
But you really were pregnant.
Not on my belly
on my breasts.
I knew you liked big breasts
and mine are quite average.
Well I know that.
That was a big lie
I'm a liar, and
this too is a lie, April fool.
Don't take this seriously.
But what you just said
is a lie, right?
Because we're April, 2, now.
No way.
Of course
it was an April fool.
You, idiot, calling UFOs from a rooftop.
Face reality.
If you can do that
your life will be transformed.
Your life will be transformed.
It sounds true.
I'll do it.
I'll face reality.
Whhhhhat?
No way!
"Lying is a sin, yet sometimes a lie gives birth
to a miracle." (San Pietro Francesco, 8th C)
This concerns the 'alienoides'
settled on Earth.
They may have forgotten
where they belong.
They'll know themselves by traits
that identify them as 'alienoides'.
One: A little finger
longer than their big toe.
Two: A protruding belly button.
Three: A tendency for hiccup.
Four: A fear of big dogs.
Five: A dislike for shallot soup.
No way!
Welcome to Amegami show.
Good morning.
Today is the first of april.
We start with this news.
Right.
42 years ago, Tachihiro
from ojima, then 11
was on a fishing trip with
his dad, and the boat capsized.
They both disappeared
and were considered dead.
But Yasuda yochie,
his childhood friend
kept searching for him relentlessly.
And finally found him on
Mujanga island in Indonesia.
He had lost his memory
and survived on raw fish.
He was fond of sashimi.
The locals saw him bow profusely
and suspected he could be Japanese.
He was finally identified as Tachihiro.
He has just arrived in narita airport.
He's here Mr. Oshima.
Please Mr. Oshima.
Yochie?!
Yochie.
Tachihiro!
"Pajama bajama-ma."
Tachi, it's you alright!
"Yoga pajama."
I knew you were a live.
Yochie!
A happy end.
Yochie always believed he was alive.
She spent every day praying
at the shrine.
This is the miracle of love.
Miracles happen when one keeps
firm in one's faith.
A beautiful story.
Uhr
who is it? It's late.
Sorry.
Is that Wataru's phone?
What?
Sorry, I picked up your phone.
Who is it?
Excuse me.
It's been a while, I'm Ayumi.
Uh?
I'm Ayumi, the cleaning lady.
I'm sorry to bother you.
I have to tell you something.
I'm pregnant with your kid,
I'm delivering soon.
Sorry for the short notice,
please do the right thing.
And
I know, I should have called before.
But you didn't answer the phone.
I know your work keeps you very busy.
Please marry me and recognize the kid.
Right I see.
1st of April.
I'm not doing any such thing.
Flush it, or whatever.
Bye.
Wait.
Who was it?
A patient.
She wants me to operate
but she's emotionally unstable.
The "Young genius doctor"
is already going?
A patient is coming from Dubai,
the son of an oil company owner.
A by-pass surgery.
Shit.
I forgot to draw money.
There.
A little more.
Once you've operated
on me once more.
What's this?
Well, your wish is my command.
The syringe is coming, honey.
You're Eto Rika?
We're from your father's company.
Your dad had an accident,
come to the hospital.
Get in.
Come on.
Wait.
Come here.
Wait, hey.
No, help me.
Let me go Rape!
Let me go.
Just get in.
Ouch!
Ouch!
Hey.
If you don't comply I shoot.
See what you've done, moron.
Forgive me.
I told you not to take it out.
Forgive me.
Now you get in.
Just do as I tell you.
Drive now.
Yes.
Sorry.
Useless idiot.
I'm hungry.
I'm hungry, you understand?
No.
We're all hungry.
If you keep quiet
I'll treat you to a delicious ramen.
Only if you're quiet.
How do I look?
It suits you beautifully.
I think so too.
Because I'll be the only
representative for our nation, there.
I can't afford a faux-pas.
The royalty you'll meet
there are very openhearted.
Garden parties are relaxed.
Which one will suit me better?
They're both perfect.
I can't make up my mind.
Sure.
We'll take both.
Thank you so much.
How much is it?
Please count.
May I have a receipt.
The name is sakuraroji Sukema.
The kanji for sakura
is the hard one.
[Spells each kanji].
Sorry about that what can we do?
Better if the Emperor's Agency
Isn't told about this.
We're so grateful for your visit.
We're so grateful.
You're so kind.
I hope you enjoyed.
This is so befitting Milady.
Arigatou.
Let me help you.
Where shall I drive you?
I could eat something.
Refined Japanese or French?
I wonder.
Chauffeur, is there
a place you recommend?
Surely not, the kind
of place I eat in
is not suited for your highness-sse-ses.
Never mind that. The place you fancy.
You mean some hamburger eatery.
That's it.
I'm at your service.
Maybe the Imperial Agency's
car is not right
for such errand.
All day long for your pleasure and
ease I'll be at your beck and calls.
Your phone's been ringing for a while.
I apologize.
It's been bugging your ears I'm sure.
You okay?
My wife, nagging me about milk
or something to buy on the way.
Please forgive her mundane concerns.
Sorry, I know you're busy.
How about you give me a break?
If I don't call for months
you should take a hint.
I'm not asking for a white dress.
Do you hear what people say?
We are from two different worlds.
But the kid I'm bearing
is not the fruit of a one-night-stand.
I'm growing weary of
your april fool's prank.
It's not a prank.
I don't understand.
You're an annoying character.
Taxi driver!
The 'Ristorante del drammatico'.
We've arrived already.
What?
There.
The change?
- Keep it.
Thank you very much.
Next call I report you
to the police as a stalker.
Don't forget anything.
Thank you very much.
Welcome, you're awaited.
For a while I thought
you stood me up, Dr. Makino.
It was a difficult operation.
Eric Thomson's elbow was
more damaged than I thought.
You Reiko, how was your flight?
A quick return trip to Honolulu.
Those flights are getting tiring.
Who's that Eric Thomson?
Come on, he's NFL's quarter back.
His elbow is insured for 5 millions.
You're so young and so successful.
I just use the gift god gave me.
Avocado double cheese?
You working today?
Forget it, we should pick up girls.
There you are.
Manager!
Welcome.
Wow, a limo! You made it in the world.
Give me your best table.
There's a 15min wait.
What a stupid reply.
We're the imperial Agency.
No way.
As I say.
If anything goes south
you could close your joint.
Free that table.
They haven't even ordered yet.
Don't care, move them.
Please forgive us.
Where?
Wait.
This way please.
Sorry about the filthiness.
Welcome.
This base establishment is not worthy.
Your presence honors us.
This way please.
Please.
Please take a seat.
Excuse me but, this table.
Shut up.
You mean these gentlemen
we can wait.
They can wait.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
Please ignore such petty matters.
Don't you dare take photos
and switch off your phones.
If you post anything on the net
you'll end up in jail.
Scary.
You bet.
This is terrible.
Whatever you do you'll fail.
If we don't exorcise soon you're done.
I'm begging you.
This is the range of my services.
Well
usually people take
the 'special exorcism'.
But you
you'll get into
a traffic incident today.
That's for sure.
Please, give me the special.
There.
Right, I'll start then.
Grandma.
We need to talk at the police station.
How about school from next week?
I'm not telling you to go.
If you're afraid of being bullied.
"The alienoides"
"Have to perform a mission before
calling the mothership"
"They have to bid their goodbye
to earth people"
"Finish up their tasks"
I'm out.
Miso ramen please.
A negi ramen for me.
Coming.
Dam, I forgot to walk my dog.
Oh, dear, I have an emergency too.
Cancel our order please.
Boss, give us the
whole menu.
Crab omelet.
- Coming.
Beer.
Dumplings
- How many?
Don't count them,
give us all you have.
Are you keeping us waiting?
My crab omelet.
Shut up moron.
- Sorry.
You remember the other one.
Right.
His eyes were very sharp.
Sharp eyes.
Salt n'pepper hair.
Salt n'pepper.
Where's my sister?
Like it?
I'm asking you if you like it.
Delicious.
Did I ask you?
Sorry.
Hey.
Close to here there's an theme park.
You like theme parks?
You keep quiet and
I'll take you there.
You have to be quiet.
I gave a lecture in Moscow
on biological transplants.
They ovationed me,
even Putin was there.
President putin?
He was so enthusiastic about judo.
In fact I'm a black belt myself.
So we had a friendly fight.
He didn't stand a chance.
He tried to overthrow me.
But I'm very good
at the pinning technique.
Would you try that pinning on me?
Let's go.
- The dessert is coming.
You'll be my dessert.
We have a room with a splendid city night view.
Sorry, we're not serving lunch anymore.
Calm down.
Sorry, she's one of my patients.
She makes up stuff,
she's mentally unstable.
I'm not making up stuff.
Look at me, I'm pregnant.
I expect you to do the right thing.
If you don't.
I'll kill the both
of us right here.
You're pushing the joke too far.
Let's get out.
I apologize, we're fine.
Really?
- She's a patient.
I'll take you to the hospital.
Easy, now.
Threatening me with a toy won't help.
It's probably not even my kid.
I dare you to kill me then.
You're really obnoxious.
That was really awesome.
I'll kill you.
Call 911.
Someone handle the crazy bitch.
Could you guys,
all gather in the center.
You, in the kitchen.
Could you hurry.
Please, everyone let's
follow the instructions.
Don't upset her.
What are you waiting for.
Mr. Wataru Makino.
Please come now.
If you don't come out.
I'll kill them all one by one.
I'll start with the girl.
Wait, wait.
Say
you're joking, right?
It's an april fool's prank, right?
April fool?
What da? April fool?!
Don't give me that april fool BS.
I'm so screwed.
Who are you?
I'm the chef and owner,
bringing a cherry pimento.
That chandelier cost me a fortune.
The dog is so cute.
I want that dog.
Waf!
You're enjoying?
You could say something, brat.
I'll throw you out.
Come on, it's all checked.
Are you dull?
Are you expecting ransom money?
What if I am?
It's a waste of time.
My parents wouldn't pay a cent for me.
Because of your low scores?
I'm dull and I'm a difficult kid.
"You're cute only as much
as you're cared for".
The fact is
I'm an illegitimate kid.
Who told you that?
I found it out.
Especially my father,
I'm so not like him.
Many kids don't
look like their parents.
You've been abused?
My parents don't hit me.
They don't even scold me.
A difficult kid?
Shoplifting?
You're a habitual criminal?
Your parents don't get mad?
They gave up on me.
They just find my presence
annoying at home.
But they're good with my brother.
I want to finish studying,
leave them and live my life.
How will you live.
I'll do anything.
A woman can always find money.
If your purpose is to mollest me.
Let's get it over with
and release me soon.
If I had such intention
I'd tell you on my own good time.
I'm so full.
That was delicious.
Indeed.
Your your.
Your coffee, Madam.
Did you get burned?
You incompetent idiot, what have you done.
Please forgive me.
Please accept our apologies.
Forgive her on account
of her young age.
Will you forgive us.
I'm so sorry.
I too, shall apologize.
I'm responsible for bringing you
into that worthless place.
Such insects as ourselves
are not worthy of life.
You can dispose of this worthless place.
Of my blood, my sweat and tears.
You can crush us as you please.
Humbly I'm asking you.
I'm so sorry.
I don't want to commit seppuku.
Well.
Please stand up.
'We' should apologize.
For how much did you scam them?
Do not smear people's reputation.
I have a duty to
this world and to people.
There's a name for your kind
of scam, imposture.
I'm really exorcising the spirits.
You can't fool me, grandma.
Don't call me grandma,
they call me Spiritual Guide.
You fool no one with this.
Or is it because the world
in its vastness
simply escapes your understanding.
Deep down you know I tell the truth.
You give me a break, old hag.
It's water.
No way.
Our real name is not Sakurakoji.
But Kobayashi, in fact.
I'm retired.
I used to be a desk employee.
What?
We met in the singing club
in our university.
We've been married 40 years.
Our daily life is very common.
We're an ordinary couple.
Please don't get mad.
My wife has been diagnosed
with cancer 10 months ago.
She's been treated in bed
all that time.
I wasn't improving
and often lost hope.
Until my husband
found a new treatment.
And then
a miracle happened.
The tumors vanished.
Goodness.
For just one day.
I asked what whim
she'd like to fulfill.
I said let's take our savings
and live the big life.
Let it be sumptuous.
I thought of Audrey Hepburn
in 'Roman Holiday'.
I wanted
I wanted to live the day of a princess.
Really, I had no idea
it would go that far.
We apologize.
Forgive us.
So that's what it was.
You scared us, Mr. Kobayashi.
You did cause a commotion here.
I guess we'll just have
to forgive you
since you did it to please Madam.
Chauffeur, we apologize to you too.
You don't fool me
I can see you're aristocrats.
What?
Simple servants like us
have an instinct.
I know you lied to them.
Oh no, we didn't lie.
It's fine.
Your stratagem was such a relief
for these simple people.
It was so graceful of you.
I'm telling you we didn't lie.
I know you're his excellency Sakurakoji.
That's the truth.
But it's a lie.
Absolutely, it's a lie.
I get it. So, where
do I drive you next?
Come on get out of the kitchen.
She's gonna die.
10
Please Doctor come out.
She means business.
You're a black belt.
9
You're a black belt?
What's a black belt
to do against a gun.
Alright it's a Tokarev,
only six rounds.
I have a friend in the police.
She fired 5 times, there's one left.
5
4
What are you doing?
Me, you mean?
I'm telling the office I'll be late.
Gather all the phones.
Sure.
Alright, guys, you heard the lady.
Thanks.
Thanks.
Thanks.
Aren't you a bit overzealous?
I'm responsible for the dining room.
No one dies on my watch.
Fk, I left my phone on the table.
Great.
It's running out of power.
Call your friend in the police.
Hurry, come on.
Yeah.
It's me, we have a girl with a gun.
She's keeping us hostages.
Please come rescue us.
That's serious.
I'm calling a SWAT team
and the Green Brets.
Get ready, we're gonna
blow the whole place.
What?
Last year, Michelin
gave you 3 stars.
The year before,
you were serving Lady Gaga.
Before that, Steve Jobs came.
You prank me every year.
Absolutely not, she's got a gun.
Call again, I'll lock you
for obstruction of the law.
I'm telling you.
He hung up.
What?
There he comes.
So you're not dead.
He wants to play with us.
Let's play with him.
Come, let's play.
Help.
Ouch.
Bastard.
I beg you for forgiveness, I'm sorry.
You probably won't see me again.
Please be kind to each other.
Yoshida, I loved you from the start.
I wish you a happy life.
I bid you farewell,
dear little earthlings.
If I may request
we do have to go.
Please don't anger her.
I have an appointment.
You will have to bear with me.
You heard! Sit down, don't be foolish.
There's a misunderstanding.
There's nothing between us.
I met him in the waiting room
at the hospital.
It's a first date
- So?
Please, all refrain from idle talk.
Just follow instruction
Miss.
You probably love him, deep down.
What did I say.
Well, Well.
You have to put the gun down
and talk to him.
Hey, come out and talk with her.
Exactly.
Just tell her out of it.
Just go.
There's my name on that last bullet.
Can't you see she's crazy,
she'll shoot.
But someone will die in your place.
She's not capable of it.
You're crazy too.
I think.
Sure, you may want to die.
But you don't want to hurt others.
Especially that kid you're bearing.
If you die, you kill your baby.
Are you capable of such an act?
No, no, I think you can't.
You're not that kind of person.
Am I right?
See.
He's coming out.
Didn't I warn you? I told you so.
Doctor come, he needs your help.
Doctor, please.
You have a life to save.
What?
Stand up.
Wait, wait.
You'll be fine, she shot 6 times.
No more bullets.
That's good.
Did he look like this?
Exactly.
I'm sending it, then.
May I?
Sure.
Oh!
You know him?
No.
Trust me, only pretty girls.
So pretty, don't miss this.
Trust me.
Oh, I love it.
Now, the next.
What shall it be?
Come on, kid, I'm sure you'll do great.
They offer health benefits too.
They're tight with the mob,
I recommend it.
Right.
Since you are so young.
I'll earn a handsome
finder's fee myself.
Alright, it's here, deal!
What? Anything wrong with this place?
What can I do?
If you want to make more
Next joint.
Stay calm.
Here comes the "Young genius doctor".
No one dies on my watch.
Let's go, do your job.
It hurts.
Come on, don't let him die.
Do it, quick.
The dude's incompetent.
What?
Tell the truth.
You're not a doctor.
No way.
I had my suspicions.
He was so busy around the
hospital in various wards.
Chitchatting with
the pretty ladies.
How do you feel today?
It seems I sprained my ankle.
Let me see.
These are rare symptoms.
How about a private examination?
Probably not an ear inflammation.
It tickles.
I can't examine you.
He's so grumpy.
You're passing your stress to him.
You should let go of some steam.
Enjoy your woman's freedom again.
Let me invite you to a dinner.
Are you sure?
And not only in that hospital.
Always dressed as a doctor.
He always had a hundred lines
to pick up the ladies.
Is she right?
So what do we do with him?
We could
stop the bleeding.
Stop the bleeding.
Me?
Ouch.
Gently.
You're a nobody.
Ouch.
Apologize to her.
You made her pregnant.
Apologize, already.
Sucks.
Right, I lied.
As you said I'm a fraud.
I'm a low life who spends
his time sleeping around.
Everything I said was a lie.
I APOLOGIZE.
But you ladies, really, are suckers.
You flash a white shirt
and they bite the bait.
Some even come at me.
I think it was your case.
If memory serves me well,
YOU came to me.
Am I right?
And I swept you off your feet.
I wish I had broken a leg instead.
I had no other choice that day.
Yet, any girl would have been better.
That's how I ended
in bed with such a loser.
The blunder of a lifetime.
Shame on me.
Rather.
Shoot me then.
I know you want it.
Shoot me.
What's this?!
I remember, the Tokarev
is an 8-round, one left.
You can't be serious.
Just recalled.
Grab him.
Just keep quiet.
He said he was moving.
That's right.
He didn't make sense.
He was resolved to die I think.
He wants to end his life.
Sir, do something.
I'll find him.
I need to explain something.
What is it?
Would you do it?
I wouldn't.
Are we close friends?
True that.
But what I feel for you
has always been
more than friendship.
What?
I have to tell you
I'm gay.
No way.
Sharing this space with you
is unbearable.
I had no idea.
I see.
Honestly, I'm baffled.
In fact
I can't even believe it.
That would be a miracle.
A miracle?
The truth is
I too
What?
I too
I've always shared your feelings.
I can't contain them now.
I'm overjoyed.
I can't hold it.
Wait, it's not true
April fool.
Can't be.
It's there, there.
You are fantastic.
It came up.
Did it?
We don't have that kind of ransom money.
Let's investigate, the safety
of the victim is our priority.
Right.
Let's start right away.
Let's call the intelligence agency.
Let's have that portrait published.
We'll apprehend the culprit
very soon.
Excuse me
it won't be necessary.
What?
You don't have to investigate.
The abductor is just a jerk.
Hey, you too.
Get in.
I told you to crawl
like a worm.
This way.
You're burning me.
It may look hardcore
but it's mutual consent.
Prepare yourself
for such treatment.
No, stop it.
Have a good look,
you need to study.
I'm selling you to this place.
These ladies are your elders,
you'll look up to them.
That's the wonderful world
where you belong now.
Would you go over and help her?
You said: "A woman
can always find money".
Stop this.
Are you coping?
All these hours sitting, your
back condition will get worse.
I know what led you to this.
You were an ordinary housewife.
But you lost everything
to a gambling habit.
Your husband and kid turned
their back on you.
You wanted to have people around.
The police are not bad guys.
I wouldn't send to jail
a woman who could be my mother.
You have to sincerely apologize
and promise you'll stop.
I'll send you home with a warning.
Say, grandma?
You promise?
Yes, please forgive me.
Hey-oh (You call like this).
Hey-oh (and you repeat).
They won't escape.
You can relax now.
We are not calling 911.
We won't?
Not before we settle the matter
between you and him.
Okay everyone, let's have
a thorough debate.
We have to settle too?
I'd rather call 911.
You do as I say,
it's my dining room.
Alright, Makino.
First you apologize
from the heart.
And then you'll
recognize the child.
And do right by her.
Why would I live
with such a loser?
Why not simply shoot him?
Kill him, it's an act of mercy.
Shut up.
Makino, from the bottom
of your heart.
I messed up
and I hurt you.
I wronged you.
Of course, I recognize
the kid and I'll marry you.
Right away, I loved you
more than the others.
Forget it, you don't
sound sincere at all.
But I'm sincere.
Look my eyes movements.
Psychology says, a lie
This is bullsht.
- It's true.
Sounds like BS to me.
- Absolute BS.
He himself can't even
sort truth from lies anymore.
Make no mistakes
he's a pathologic bullshter.
How many hundred times have
you come to my restaurant?
Every time with
a different woman.
That he likes women,
is an understatement
he's a perv, addict to sex.
You see, Miss.
You've not been rejected.
Your intuition told you
right away, he was lying.
But you slept with him.
Didn't you initiate it?
Weren't you two consenting adults
playing a game.
He's right.
You're no better.
It's not the place
to eat potato chips.
It's you.
You gave them to me.
[Socially challenged people]
Such a common condition nowadays.
You don't have
to be ashamed of it.
Would you like a private
forget about it.
It's not a condition
but a personality trait.
My research reveals that potato chips
contain ethylglutamine acids
that calm anxiety.
And generate alpha waves
in the brain.
It facilitates socializing.
From a situation
of total isolation
at the workplace
to occasional contacts.
While eating my bento
at lunch break
I started to chitchat.
I thought: "My, is this working?"
I thought he could be
an excellent doctor.
And after that
I was watching him.
My colleagues at work
would tell me: "You like him?"
"Obviously he likes you too".
"He's a good person".
Try your luck with him.
And then
then
well, I
and so
I believed him.
I trusted him.
Even when he sneaked out at night.
Or when I couldn't reach him.
His baby was growing inside me.
I was eating these every day.
I trusted him.
Because he saved me.
This morning
on TV
while I was thinking about him
I saw two lovers miraculously reunited.
I mustered the courage to call him.
I heard his voice
and I thought, it could
really come true.
We could become a family.
And then
and then
Byon!
Look sir, he's up there.
Nozawa.
Wait.
Nozawa.
Byon!
We're good here.
From the start,
my wife was a big fan.
Our chorus performed live.
I'm sorry about
today's inconveniences.
Don't mention it,
you helped so much.
You made it all so enjoyable.
Your kind words are
a delight to my ears.
If you may forgive
a daring request?
Pray speak.
If it's no trouble
could we take a photo?
Surely.
My goodness.
Please, could you take our photo.
Shucks, the power cut off.
Please, give me a minute.
I'll show it to my kids.
How many kids do you have?
A 12 yo girl and a 4 yo boy.
My elder daughter is a bit difficult.
But she'll be proud of me.
He's your ex-husband?
I had my daughter with him.
We split when she was 2,
I remarried.
So the person who took her
is her biologic father?
Yes, and a real jerk at that!
Does it mean you're
not pressing charges?
Of course not, he's just a jerk.
He's up to his usual tricks.
A real jerk.
Boss?
May I speak frankly?
What?
You're really her dad?
She would be glad to know.
Maybe you won't have another chance.
Don't be weird.
If she's your daughter
why will you kill her?
Why does she have to die?
She's not gonna die.
Then she'll have us arrested.
We're compromised, we can't trust her.
Shut your mouth.
Idiot, don't you have any sense.
Who is compromised?
I'm the only one concerned, here.
I took all the heat on myself.
Alright, grandma.
Don't do it again.
How about you?
You don't have to do that job.
You're tormenting your soul.
That murderer that
you failed to catch
an inspector experiences
mostly failure.
The search warrant
that you carry everywhere
hoping to find
that murder by chance.
That water is not
good for your health.
What kind of man are you really?
Cut the lies, tell her who you are.
I don't know.
What kind of truth do I tell you.
My parents were both doctors.
The career welcomed me open armed.
But
I wasn't bright enough.
My parents paid and paid, so
I took a back door
into the medical school.
But even there it didn't happen.
But.
But then I started
to lie about being a doctor.
And I saw people believe it.
That lie made me
feel good about myself.
My whole life became a lie.
I read medical books every day.
I found the knowledge I needed
to pick up girls.
I look at myself
I see a compulsive liar
and a sex addict.
I see no way out of it.
What I'm telling you here
could even be another lie.
Myself, I'm confused.
What I told you
it was all lies.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Please wait.
We're all liars.
"Man is the lying animal."
He's right.
We have to lie sometimes.
Life is manageable
because of our lies.
A lie can save someone.
It's life, it comes
with the territory.
For him too:
"Hath not a liar
a heart that bleeds?"
You feel better?
With the remaining bullet.
If you kill him
you can't kill yourself.
So let's call it a day.
I don't let anyone die
in my dining room.
I'm calling 911.
We're delivering you to the police.
She'd get away too easily.
That wackjob girl has to die.
No way.
Byon.
Yurahito, your teachers
and your mother are worried.
It's all my fault.
Tell me what more can I do.
Come down, don't you run
after you won.
You owe me a rematch.
Now that you stole that kiss
we have to follow up with a date.
Come down, please.
I'm sorry.
You know.
I can't think, please calm down.
You wanted to play
the trombone, right?
I'm sorry I forced
the cymbal on you.
This is not the point.
"So long and thanks
for all the fish."
Byon.
He doesn't seem to want to die.
Wake up.
You can't die
in my dining room.
Keep quiet.
Don't move.
What?
Uh?
I haven't been shot.
What?
This is our chef's unique sauce.
A misfire.
Tokarev was 7 rounds?
Absolutely not,
we heard the bang.
What the?
Who left that here.
I'm gonna be late.
Prof Miki is gonna be
mad at me again.
Ide.
Well, all's well that ends well.
You're okay.
You haven't been shot, stand up.
You're a big liar too.
You had us all tricked.
That belly was stuffed
with a towel.
Really.
That's what it was.
Today is April 1st,
let's strip it off.
What?
Even though.
I just broke my waters.
Ambulaaaaaaaaaaance.
What takes them so long.
Indeed.
He hasn't called yet?
Sorry, it's the first time.
We can't wait, let's start.
But we're a quartet, 2 won't do.
Just give us a duet.
I apologize for all the commotion.
It's me.
What's that about?
You promised you'd never see her.
I hope you've been kind to her.
Uh.
Just bring her back already.
We're coming.
Just tell me one thing.
What?
She does take after me.
Poor scores, difficult child,
she's my blood.
I'm to blame.
You did everything you could.
I look at her face.
Sure she reminds me
so much of the brat I was.
But there's nothing wrong with her.
If she misbehaves just scold her.
Just spank her.
Then
give her a hug.
I'm done.
Your parents are so poor,
they won't pay a cent for you.
You're so ill-mannered
I can't even sell you.
I was so bored in your company.
You're the wrong brat
to abduct go.
Bye.
Where are you going?
I need to work.
What's your work?
None of your business.
Are you looking
for trouble now.
You're gonna die?
What?
You're going to jail?
Your job is absurd.
I have to face my destiny.
You don't have to.
I don't want
to lead a dull life.
Yours looks dull enough to me.
Dad.
Look who you call 'dad'.
We could meet again.
Idiot.
Today is April fool,
it's all a lie.
Look at that brat calling me 'dad'.
I'd be cursed to father
someone like you.
Disappear.
Rika.
Rika.
My daughter how dare you.
Rika, run now.
Quick, run, I'm taking care of them.
Hurts.
I'm sorry I disrespected
your beloved daughter.
Please accept my apologies.
Are you mad?
You have a great dad.
This guy hates you?
It's all in your head.
Don't hold your love back.
You okay.
Just 2 of them?
'The Four Larks' & 'Ocean life'.
Welcome to the Chorus of the ocean.
First we want to apologize.
Two of our members, Kyoko and Yachin
a sudden flu virus.
Please forgive us.
But since we're here,
let's stick to the program.
If someone in this audience
has a good voice.
If you have some
chorus experience.
Please Madam, Sir,
join us on the stage.
It's all good.
It's good.
Hold on, the ambulance is on the way.
Take a deep breath.
Come on, it's serious.
It's already coming.
What can we do?
I'll be fine.
I'll hold it longer.
What's that ambulance doing?
Lucky day.
Really.
I wish I had that exorcism.
Who do you think? I'm the ambulance.
The ambulance.
Oh, that's bad, she's giving birth.
Let's take her
to the hospital in a car.
We should have done that
from the start.
It will be too late.
She has to deliver it here.
Here, here?
In this room.
Is there a doctor?
Come on, come on.
He's a fraud.
You're our only chance.
No way.
It's just you.
No way.
You studied.
I pretended.
You read medical books.
For pick up lines.
This is your kid.
Tell us one thing
why did you not go ahead
and pick her up?
A sex addict like you,
you'd take any girl.
But with her you didn't push through.
Well, it's just.
Because you liked her?
You thought she was like you.
That's the only woman
you didn't want to hurt.
That's the reason you held back.
I don't know.
You really liked her,
you didn't want to defile her.
I don't know.
You don't know your own feeling.
I said, I don't know.
Because you loved her.
You may be wrong.
I'm right, you love her.
You may be wrong.
Just admit it.
You're wrong.
Why would I stick to a truth know?
You're a liar,
just believe it's so.
Then it would be a lie.
This is April fool, anything goes.
You truly love this girl.
She's delivering your child.
You're a doctor.
You have one thing to do.
But
here, with no assistance.
I told you I was a CA.
Big lie!
The truth is, I'm a midwife.
In fact, I'm a nurse.
I'm experienced in child delivery.
I assisted the birth of 35 kids.
The fact is, I am an experienced
delivery assistant.
This establishment was previously
an obstetric clinic
or something like that.
We'll make her delivery a success.
Let's boil water.
Find as many towels as you can.
And also
a knife sterilized with vodka.
Alright.
I'll get the water, you help me.
Not him, I hate him.
Hold her hands.
Ok.
Let me go I'll kill you.
Trust me.
I am the young genius doctor.
Prince william and
Princess Catherine's son
the truth is, I'm the doctor
who delivered him.
You have to believe.
"Amazing Grace"
"How sweet the sound"
"That saved a wretch"
"Like me"
"I once was lost"
"But now am found"
"Was blind, but now"
"I see."
The sad news is
pushing the treatment ahead
would only add to her suffering
she'd better enjoy
her remaining time.
Do you want her to be informed?
No.
We can't tell her that.
"And grace my fears"
"relieved"
For my wife's sake
I'll tell her only lies.
Doctor
please, release her.
"Appear"
"the hour I first"
"believe"
Hey.
Please don't die.
You see
I'll always be at your service.
I'll wait as long as it takes.
Thank you
for everything.
Boss.
Boss.
Did they touch you?
Did he says something strange?
Nope.
Good.
I shoplifted again.
Heave-hoo.
We need the partition.
Alright, alright.
Has the water boiled?
Where's the vodka.
Byon.
Byon.
Why don't you guys come pick me?
Byon.
I'm an alienoide.
Quick, get me out of here.
Byon.
Ah, I'm dying.
I'm dying.
You'll be fine.
You have the best
professional assistance.
You, liars.
You're a bunch of fakes, and liars.
Breathe in, in, out.
In, in, out.
In, in, out.
I can see its head.
Enough, I want to end it now.
No way, be patient and push.
What?
The cord is around its neck.
The umbilical cord.
It's really tricky.
Get it back inside.
You have to trust me.
It's tightening around its neck.
It's getting more entangled.
Your hands are
unskilled that's why.
I'll kill you.
"Through many dangers"
It's too tight on its neck
Turn it up.
Not like that, let me do it.
Shut up. Don't touch, I'll do it.
It's my kid.
Okay.
Nice shot.
"And grace"
"will lead me home"
It's released.
Good, we're good.
A little more.
One last push.
I hope you're enjoying your golf.
How tactful of you, thank you.
Nice shot.
Don't do that again.
Let's go together apologize.
Okay.
A little April fool prank
we set up in our news bulletin,
had disastrous consequences.
We received angry
phone calls and emails.
Of course, the news that
Tastsuhiro had disappeared.
Was not true and we apologize.
In fact, these persons are actors.
I'm Hachiya with
Sarusubery Theatre Company.
I'm Yamamoto.
We're sorry about that prank.
From the 7th of next month
we'll give a performance
at Shimokitazawa Hall.
Shut up already.
You don't know what
a merry-go-round is.
Get an education.
You ignorant.
For example, the jet coaster
told you to shut up.
Sorry.
Hey, boss.
The beer is lukewarm.
Don't serve it.
Crab omelet.
Told you to shut up.
What are you doing? Eat your food.
Definitely a habitual criminal.
What a deplorable life style.
Right?
My crab omelet.
Sorry, boss.
Have some.
Thank you, boss.
Can't be true.
It is true, they gave me the limo
and I chauffeured aristocrats.
I didn't see the limo.
You saw it.
Didn't I stop the limo
right beside you?
Fumiko.
Yes.
I hope.
You had a good time.
Marvelous.
The best April fool ever.
I'm so grateful.
Thank you for lying to me.
I know how my body feels.
I have no regrets at all.
Indeed.
You made me so happy.
Thank you.
Good evening.
Good evening.
I had a rough day.
I gave a perfect performance on TV.
That was good for advertizing.
It will draw the audience
for next month.
You're not hostessing
in that bar tonight?
Well.
I'd like to be a midwife.
You think the insurance
will cover the damage?
No idea.
He's here.
Sorry about before.
It's fine.
We're not pressing charges.
A baby was born anyway,
we'd appreciate
if it didn't go too far.
But we have a gun wound.
That was out of anyone's control,
call it self-defense.
Certainly not a
self-defense situation.
How about the guy who was shot?
He went through surgery,
he must be awake now.
It's self-defense.
So it was self-defense.
I remember the chips now.
So you're the one I gave
them to in the waiting room.
An old woman gave them to me saying.
These will bring you luck.
She didn't make sense.
Excuse me, are you still open.
Okay, come in.
Holy food.
Eating it will ward off evil.
Blessings will come your way.
I am grateful for this offering.
Okay, that will be $100.
Sorry for so many
horrible things I told you.
Thank you for your help.
Since they all said it to me
I was wondering.
Could it be true?
But
what if
my feelings for you
were true love?
From the start
you like him.
No.
This man likes you too.
Deep down he's good.
You should try your luck.
I think he's telling lies.
What if despite the lies
he made you happy?
"A miracle often starts with a lie"
Just one glance at that man,
I can tell you.
That he's a good man and
you'll live happily with him.
You see
it's my last day on this job.
I'll be hospitalized.
And so this insight
is a legacy from me to you.
Of course she lied.
She didn't
I think.
You don't even know how you feel.
But those feelings
are true quite possibly.
I'd like to be true
to myself, just like you.
I too lied to you.
I never heard a lie from you.
I did, when I tucked that towel.
But you really were pregnant.
Not on my belly
on my breasts.
I knew you liked big breasts
and mine are quite average.
Well I know that.
That was a big lie
I'm a liar, and
this too is a lie, April fool.
Don't take this seriously.
But what you just said
is a lie, right?
Because we're April, 2, now.
No way.
Of course
it was an April fool.
You, idiot, calling UFOs from a rooftop.
Face reality.
If you can do that
your life will be transformed.
Your life will be transformed.
It sounds true.
I'll do it.
I'll face reality.
Whhhhhat?
No way!