Are You Garbage Presents: American Garbage (2026) Movie Script
1
It's crazy that you submitted this.
Is it garbage if you lost your job as a cop
because you got arrested at the casino?
You guys wanna play a little
"Are You Garbage?"
You guys submitted your questions to find
out if you're garbage or not.
And I gotta be honest with you,
Tampa, you're fucking trash.
Now let's get into it.
This gentleman goes by the name Slimbo.
Slimbo, where you at?
Okay, you can sit down
before security tackles you.
Relax.
Put your hands down.
We're not gonna arrest you.
Goddamn, how tall are you?
- Six foot three.
- Jesus Christ.
Yeah, definitely go over
there and fucking sit down.
I know, you're perfect right there.
Yeah, you're good.
Dude, this guy is on edge.
You're my kind of guy.
I love you.
I respect you.
But you are fucking squirrely.
Slimbo, we're gonna
do a little background
check on you before
we get to your question.
Is that cool?
Just a slight little question,
light little question.
You guys want to meet Slimbo?
Is Slimbo your nickname?
Yeah. When I was younger, I used
to always try to fight in the hoods.
'Cause in Miami, Kimbo Slice.
So you were Slimbo Slice?
Slimbo Slice got knocked out again.
And he's 0 and 42.
Were you a tough guy?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, okay, I figured.
- You seem wiry.
- Yeah.
You seem like one of those kids that can
go sideways on a telephone pole.
What's your real first name?
- Vlad.
- Vlad.
- Yeah.
- Jeez, that's even scarier.
Yeah.
I would go by Vlad, dude.
Slimbo's a bitch.
Vlad's a tough motherfucker.
Who are you here with, bud?
My brother.
Damn.
What's up, dude?
Brother, stand up.
Were you a fighter too, brother?
- Oh, yes, sir.
- Oh, yes, sir.
Okay. Slimbo, what do
you do for a living, bud?
Uh, so I'm a salesperson.
My guy.
Yeah, you are.
Slimbo, what do you sell?
Yeah, what are you, nuts?
What are you, trying to jam the guy up?
Something tells me it's not "Anderson
Windows and Doors."
Slimbo, what kind of car do you drive?
I got three.
- Damn.
- Yeah, you're a drug dealer.
Okay.
It's all right.
- And who do you live with?
- Myself.
- You own your own place?
- Yeah.
Something tells me you
paid cash for that house.
You don't strike me as a
30-year mortgage kind of guy.
What's your brother do?
Well, he's self-employed.
Okay.
Foley, stop asking these fucking
dudes what they do for a living.
Read the room, guy.
You're gonna get both of us fucked up.
If we have to fight them,
I get the older, fatter brother.
I'll be buying a bag off of them while
you're getting your ass beat.
Fucking guy ran his mouth.
I don't know what to tell you.
Hey Kippy, hang in there.
I'll be there in a minute.
Okay. All right. Everybody
fucking settle here.
Stop screwing around.
I've got a job to do.
Did you go to college?
No.
That guy went, "Yeah, right."
Dude, you're my favorite
fucking person, Slimbo.
You're just having a good time.
His question...
Is it garbage if you sued
your brother on Judge Mathis
and we got a free
vacation of $5,000 out of it?
This is why we play the fucking game.
That sounds like startup money to me.
What'd you sue him for?
So...
Figure out what he fucked up.
He fucked up my BMW once.
And I sued him for that whole
bill that I paid out of my pocket.
You were doing it to get on
the show and get a vacation.
- Yeah.
- Where was the vacation?
Chicago.
I had to go see about
some business dealing.
Something tells me it
was on the south side.
Big Cubs fan, are you?
Bum, bum, bum.
Slimbo is here because
his brother crashed his BMW.
Bum, bum.
Not so. Slimbo said he wasn't driving.
Let the fucking boys hear it.
What a way to lead off, baby.
Holy shit.
All right.
Where is Andrew?
Andrew N.
- Where you at?
- Right there.
Standing up dead center.
What's up, man?
All right. Let's give it up
for him. Give it up for him.
What the fuck?
Andrew.
Andrew.
Who you here with, big dog?
My buddy, Jacob.
Your buddy, Jacob.
What's up, Jacob?
Shout out to you.
Where did you guys meet,
if you don't mind me asking?
We've known each other
since, like, middle school.
Since middle school.
Very nice.
What was the name of that middle school?
So, we met, like, we lived two
blocks down from each other.
So, we met through a friend.
So, we...
Man, Jacob's really chiming the fuck in.
He's like, this is my time to shine.
Wait, why the fuck couldn't
you answer this question?
Man, you guys are shifty
on your answers out here.
What was the name of the middle school,
Andrew?
- Uh...
- Uh, what the fuck is this?
What, you don't remember?
I was homeschooled.
You were homeschooled?
Why didn't you fucking lead with that?
So, you didn't meet in middle school.
I mean, we met, like...
At middle school age.
Or was he just, like,
hanging out in your
kitchen, like, "Hey man,
are you the new guy?"
Jacob, were you homeschooled too?
No, I wasn't.
Jacob must have had a tough go in school
to hang out with the homeschooled kid.
What years were you homeschooled?
- Uh, all the way through middle school.
- Holy shit.
Okay.
Did you have any brothers or sisters?
Uh, I have three sisters, but they are,
like, way older than me.
You are a trash onion dude.
Let's take it slow.
I didn't even meet
them until, like, I was 15.
Why?
Where were they?
They went to another school.
Another homeschool.
No, they're like home grown adults.
Like, they have their own kids
and their own lives and careers.
Are they, do they have
the same mom and dad?
The same dad.
I didn't really even know about
them until I was, like, eight or nine.
So your dad was married before your mom?
- Yeah.
- Then he married your mom?
- Never married.
- Never married.
And then who taught?
Your mom or your dad?
Uh, my dad passed, like,
- when I was really young.
- God damn.
This motherfucker.
Yeah, dude.
This is like an Irish poem, dude.
It just gets sadder line by line.
Oh, I didn't know me
sisters and me dad died.
Fucking "Andrew's Ashes" over here.
Holy shit.
I'm sorry your dad passed.
How old were you?
Uh, like, one and a half.
Jesus Christ.
- Fuck.
- I'm sorry.
- So then you were just with your mom.
- Yeah.
- That's why you didn't meet your sisters.
- Yeah.
- Oh.
- That makes so much sense.
Who was paying the bills so
she could homeschool you?
Uh, she was.
So she worked?
Yeah. Like, we lived
with my grandparents.
Wait. If you were... If she was...
Dude, you might have just won the game.
We've been doing this for five years.
I've never talked to
anybody like you in my life.
If she was homeschooling
you, how was she working?
She wasn't.
You just said she was!
- Disability.
- She was on disability.
Okay. Can I ask what
her disability was?
Uh, just something mental.
I don't remember.
Okay. I don't know why you
would ask that question, dude.
What did you think...
What did you think he was gonna say?
Oh, she just loved partying so much.
- I'm sorry.
- She couldn't stop hugging me, man.
How many bedrooms was this house?
- Four.
- Oh, not bad.
So everybody had their own room.
Pretty much, yeah.
What do you mean pretty much?
My uncle kinda lived there.
Your uncle kinda lived there too.
Where was he sleeping?
Our house used to have like a
room that had like a converted garage.
Andrew, your uncle
slept in a garage.
Yeah, when he stayed with us.
When he stayed, obviously.
- Can I ask you an honest question?
- Yeah.
Are you fucking with us right now?
- Dude.
- How old are you?
Dude, you've lived a hundred lives.
I thought he was gonna say "I'm 49."
All this shit happened
in the 70s, man.
And Jacob's been
your boy the whole time.
- Pretty much, yeah.
- Sticking by ya.
Shout out to the fucking road dog.
- Love that.
- I like it.
Where you living now?
North Tampa.
Okay.
You got your own place?
Uh, yeah, with my girlfriend.
Nice.
You got a girlfriend.
We're doing a generational change.
Let's go.
But this makes so much sense.
His question, obviously.
Is it trash if your oldest
sister is older than your mom?
That checks out.
Let them fucking hear it, man.
Thank you so much for sharing that.
- Thank you, brother.
- Thank you, Andrew.
You're a good man, brother.
Wow.
Florida comes to play.
There ain't nothing like
southern trash, dude.
Where's Ashton at?
Ashton.
What's up, big dog?
Tall drink of water.
There he is.
Young lad.
How old are you, man?
- Twenty.
- Who are you here with?
- I'm here with my buddy.
- Nice.
These guys look like super bad.
- Stand up, brother.
- Both of you stand up.
Let the good folks see you.
Were you guys on your way to get
beer for a party and you got sidetracked?
You guys in college?
Where do you go to school?
Did you guys know each other before?
I knew him since second grade.
You guys are boys.
I don't know how to
talk to kids that are 20.
What do you guys think of that
Sabrina Carpenter, huh?
That girl's got an ass on her.
Am I right?
I'm trying to light a vape.
What?
You own a car?
- Yeah.
- What is it?
2011?
A knicked Sonata with a missing grille?
Dude, these kids are fucking awesome.
What about you?
2024 BMW 5 Series.
- All right.
- Yeah.
Courtesy of mommy and daddy,
I would assume.
Man, you're hanging out with a
kid from the wrong side of the track.
Wait, so your parents are rich.
Yours are not.
What do your parents do for a living?
Uh, they used to run, it
was called the Home Show,
where they'd get
a bunch of businesses
and then they'd advertise them out.
So business, they were
smart business owners.
And what does your single mother do?
You don't even know?
She worked at Bank
of America for a while.
Until she got caught stealing.
Are your parents together?
- They never got married.
- They never got married.
If I was 20, we would
be boys, dude.
We'd be staying at his house,
stealing his spare change and shit.
When you were a kid, was it
awesome to sleep over at his house?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, it was.
Get a fucking hot meal in you.
You trying to hug his mom and shit?
His mom's sleeping there, too?
Holy shit, look at this joint.
Ashton's going, "Mom, is it cool if Tim
and his mom sleep over at the house?"
He's got the good
snacks and shit like that?
The name brand shit.
Meanwhile, your cereal's in a bag.
Oh, fuck.
Your parents like him?
They take care of him?
- Yeah.
- Nice.
Thinking back, I made
fun of him one time.
He got grounded for
eating too many chips.
You ate too many
chips at your own house?
I was a fat kid.
Hey, we get it.
Wait, how did you get him in trouble?
No, he got grounded.
He came to school and he was like, I
can't play Xbox because I ate too much.
You know what that's like.
Henry, empathize with the poor boy.
That's called a 321
in the parent code.
Damn. Was this a poor
thing or a fat kid thing?
Both.
I feel like you're the kind of guy
who calls his mom Diane or whatever.
Diane, I finished the chips.
And your boss called looking for you.
I'm gonna be at
Ashton's if you need me.
Have you ever gone on
vacation with his family?
Kind of.
We went to Daytona.
Where did you vacation growing up?
I went to Disneyland twice.
Okay. Where did you
vacation growing up?
Keys, Bahamas.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, different.
So your parents liked him, but
they didn't like him that much.
Well, bring him to Daytona.
He's not coming to the Bahamas.
I caught him sniffing
my underwear again.
That's his dad saying that?
Hey, your buddy there
is a little weird, huh?
I thought this was like a 38
year old dad sending this in.
I didn't realize it
was a 20 year old kid.
It's cute now.
Is it garbage to take a
break from the family during
family vacation and go play
slots and get hammered?
Let the fucking boys hear it, gang.
All right, I'm looking for Hunter.
Hey Hunter, how are you buddy?
What do you do for a living?
I work in logistics.
Okay, white collar job.
What do the rest of the buddies do?
Uh, I don't know.
- Are you...?
- What?
I mean we're guys,
I don't really know.
You don't have any idea?
He works with numbers and like accounting
and finance and
medical stuff. I'm not sure.
You just listed 17 professions.
Fellas, what do you do?
Finance, corporate finance.
What about you, Shaggy?
What do you do back there?
- Marketing.
- Marketing.
You guys don't talk to each other?
Who's friends, your
boys or the girls?
The boys, the boys.
Okay, this guy's got a booming ass voice.
The boys.
How long have you guys been friends?
High school.
And you don't know what
the fuck they do for a living?
Fuck, man.
I live with a guy too.
Who all lives in that apartment?
Me, him, my sister.
What the fuck's going on back there?
- Are you...
- And did you go to college?
Failed out, USF.
Cool.
I got an associates if
that counts for anything.
No, it doesn't.
That means you're a dirt ball.
And is one of you also Kyle?
Yeah, that's the finance guy.
I'm surprised you
know his fucking name.
What's Kyle's middle name?
I bet you don't know it.
Starts with an Evan.
Starts with an Evan?
You got it.
I did get it.
Am I on fucking Molly right now?
I like you, Hunter.
What's your girl do?
She's a liquor dispenser.
Okay.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to...
She works in...
In liquor dispensing?
Yeah, she does better than I do.
Hey, no one does better
than you do, Hunter.
Cause you're the fucking man, dog.
Hold on.
Are you sure about that?
His question,
"Is it garbage if I do hibachi at
home and the meat I use is hot dogs?"
He's got the volcano going.
Flipping himself a dog.
Kyle's screaming at him, "We're
gonna lose the security deposit!"
Dude, you stink.
But I love the shit out of you, dude.
What, do you just do it on the paint?
Do you have a flat top?
It's typically microwave.
Oh, my God.
My head hurts, dude.
So your question is, "Is it garbage
to microwave hot dogs at home?"
No, it's not.
Let the boys hear
it one fucking time.
Jesus Christ, dude.
Holy shit.
Um, where is Brittany at?
Brittany, where are you, love?
Come on up, Brit.
Don't be shy.
Give Brittany a round
of applause, everybody.
There she is.
Brittany, is it okay if
we do a little background
check on you before
we get to your question?
You guys want to meet
Brittany, everybody?
- Yeah.
- It's easy.
Do you have one... Do you have
an ear thing in your ear?
It's not playing anything.
What are you on a big work call?
What's going on?
It's the... It's the autism.
- Okay. Well now I'm sorry.
- Oh, okay.
- What the fuck?
- Fuck us.
I didn't want you guys
to stop digging just here.
Oh, okay. I should...
We should have so picked up on that.
That's... I apologize.
That was our autism.
Or you should have wore earmuffs
like a regular autistic person.
Can't be throwing us
off with the earpieces.
- Very nice.
- Thank you for coming.
- We appreciate you.
- Yes, we appreciate you.
- Brittany, who are you here with, love?
- My husband.
How long have you guys been married?
- We've been married five years.
- Very nice.
Where did you guys go on your
honeymoon, if you don't mind me asking?
- We did not.
- Excellent.
That's exactly what
we were looking for.
Now, what was the reasoning for that?
Was it a financial situation?
Was it COVID?
- It was COVID.
- COVID. Very nice.
Where would you like to
go on your honeymoon?
I would love to go
on an African safari.
- Okay, very nice.
- Wow.
Husband, would you back that up?
Would you like to go on
an African safari as well?
Yeah, I just know that once we got into it,
she would be having some comfort problems.
Sure.
I need to charge my AirPods.
Someone ask that zebra if
he's got a lightning charger.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Are you guys even, like, looking
into it, or is that just the dream?
- I've given up.
- You've given... Okay, so...
Great answer.
Can I recommend the
Tampa Zoo one afternoon?
Sure.
I hear lovely things.
All right.
Very nice.
Any weird pets growing up?
Any snakes? Any frogs? Any turtles?
Yeah. We had, um...
We had a...
My dad had a snake named Sally.
- Uh-huh.
- A parakeet named Jason.
We had a bunny rabbit
named Apostrophe.
Where'd you grow up?
On the fucking magic school bus?
What's going on here?
We had a llama named Comma.
Yeah.
All right, I'm getting a picture.
What was a typical family
vacation when you were a kid?
Twice we RV'd around, uh...
- You're good. Thank you.
- Yeah.
I think we know enough, right?
Is it garbage if your father
made you pretend to be 12
at the movies until you
were 17 to get the discount?
That's a very nice dad.
Would you guys go as a family?
- Yeah.
- And see what?
We weren't allowed to
watch PG-13 movies until
we were 13, no rated R
until 17, that type of thing.
Uh-huh.
I smoked weed with
them when I was 15, so...
You smoked weed with
them when you were 15, but
you weren't allowed to
watch a rated R movie?
- Yeah, your dad fucking parties.
- Yeah.
- Give Brittany a round of applause.
- Let her fucking hear it, everybody.
Very nice.
All right, where is Sam?
Just right here.
- How you feeling, man?
- Great.
Sam, who you here with, pal?
Uh, my sister, my
brother-in-law, my coworker.
Very nice.
What do you do for a living?
That's an odd mix.
I work in parts at a body shop.
What year did you
graduate high school?
Did you go to college?
- No.
- Cool.
Did you...
Did you apply for college?
Uh, community college.
- Oh yeah.
- Sick.
Where are you living now?
Uh, in Wesley Chapel.
Nice.
Who do you live with, yourself?
Nah, I live with my
sister, my brother-in-law.
Oh, dude.
Yo, your brother-in-law
has to fucking hate that.
My guy.
Yo, that's a good-ass
brother-in-law, though.
- He loves it.
- Are you living there rent-free?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, man.
Let's go.
Let's go.
You got that scholarship
you always wanted, baby.
Do you have any chores you
have to do around the house?
I mean, I do what I can.
I left you all a little ice
cream in the freezer.
What's their house like?
They have a nice place?
- A nice house, really.
- And where are you?
Are you in a bedroom upstairs,
or are you down in the basement?
Nah, I live on the same
floor as everybody else.
Like a real boy?
That's awesome.
What kind of bed do
you got in your room?
I don't know, king, queen?
- You got a king?
- Some shit.
- Was the bed there when you...
- Hey, hold on.
Brother-in-law, what
kind of beds he got?
It's a queen.
Yeah.
Was the bed there? Like, was it
already furnished when you moved in?
- Hell yeah.
- My man.
Brother-in-law, pop up for a sec.
What do you do for a living?
Insurance.
You make good cash?
You do all right?
You do enough to adopt
a fucking 24-year-old.
How did this come to
be that he moved in?
He's a good guy.
We have evidence
of the contract, sir.
Okay, brother-in-law, what
kind of car do you have?
I got a 2023 Lexus.
- Okay.
- Whoa!
And what do you got, big dog?
A 2009 Nissan Sentry.
Does he make you
park it in the backyard?
You're fucking up the property values.
Zillow's all over my ass.
And what's the
short-term, long-term plan
for you getting the
fuck out of their house?
I don't know. I'm just trying
to establish myself and then...
I mean, that's a great answer, dude.
That's a bullshit dirtbag answer.
I've heard... My brother has
said that to a judge before.
You and me both, baby.
I was trying to establish myself.
Trying to get my feet back under me.
Do you guys all have
dinner together like a family?
Yeah, yeah.
That's great.
Clap it up for that.
It's fucking amazing.
But your question...
This question's insane.
Ever have to chase a tweaker
who stole your weed whacker?
Motherfucker, you got a
weed whacker at no house?
What happened?
I did landscaping
for like five years.
Okay.
Well, a guy stole a weed
whacker off the truck.
Was it your weed
whacker or the company's?
Technically, it's the company's.
But it was my favorite weed whacker.
- It was your favorite weed whacker.
- Yeah.
I got you on that.
Technically, I rode him
down on a lawnmower.
You chased him down on a mower?
You got a lasso?
That's a fast-ass lawnmower.
Tweakers move quick.
As soon as I pulled up on him, he
dropped it. You know what I'm saying?
- And you got the weed whacker back.
- Hell yeah.
And now you're cozed up in
your brother-in-law and your sister's.
- Give a round of applause.
- That's awesome.
- Wow.
- Man.
That's...
You gotta pay
for groceries or anything?
Nah.
They got lunch meat and shit?
Like ham, turkey, all that stuff?
- Fucking sick.
- Alright.
Your sister sounds awesome.
Where's your sister at?
Stand up for us, love.
- You're a fucking angel, young lady.
- Yeah.
You're an angel.
- That's a great family.
- Woo!
Did you go to their wedding?
- Yeah, of course.
- Did you get them a present?
- Shit...
- Yeah.
Congratulations, I'm moving in.
And here's a brand new weed whacker.
One more time.
Let 'em hear it.
Jesus.
Holy shit.
Where's Anthony H?
- Pop up. Let's see you.
- Strapping young lad.
- There he is.
- A big motherfucker.
Look at you.
What's up, brother?
Who are you here with?
My fiancee, my brother, and his wife.
- Very nice. Congratulations.
- Congratulations.
What do you do?
I'm in insurance.
Health, life, auto?
- Property.
- Property insurance.
- Very nice.
- You sell?
No. I'm an adjuster.
Really?
You play ball?
I don't work for insurance companies.
I work for... I'm a polygraphist.
This guy's shifty already.
What kind of car do you drive?
Nissan Rogue.
- Okay.
- Whoa.
- What year is that?
- It's an SUV.
No, it's not.
- You all paid up on that?
- Oh, fuck yeah.
Okay, not bad.
And where do you live?
You got a house?
- St. Pete, yeah.
- You got your own place over there?
Yeah, me and my
fiancee live together.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- You rent or own?
- Own.
And this is a house that you
bought and she moved into?
She bought it, I moved in with her.
- Stop.
- There it is.
I don't know if you
heard that in the back.
She bought it, he
moved in, my kinda guy.
This is a pretty nice
place you got here.
You wanna get married?
It'd be a shame if you lost your property
insurance because of all these violations.
I should probably move my
stuff in and keep an eye on the joint.
Where did you live before that?
In Tampa.
Hillsborough County, Tampa.
Just in like an apartment?
I had an apartment, moved
back with my parents, met her.
- Alright, hold on.
- Okay, okay.
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
Let's go!
Talking about a Nissan
Rogue, get the fuck out of here.
It's crazy that you submitted this.
Is it garbage if you lost your job as a cop
because you got arrested at the casino?
Get your hands off me,
I'm a cop, god damn it!
This is fucking bullshit!
So you used to be a cop?
- I did, yeah.
- Nice.
What were you doing at the
casino that got you in a fricass?
Fucking blackout drunk.
I didn't think you were sober, dude.
That'd be crazy to lose your
job as a cop, dead sober.
I'm minding my own
business, reading a book.
So walk us through it.
Yeah, off day.
I hope so.
But we are in Florida, so...
Squad cars parked at the keno table?
Leave me here for 10 minutes.
I got a heater coming in me.
All right, so it's your day off.
You're at the casino.
Off day, went to dinner,
went to the casino,
played some Blackjack, smoked a cigar.
Got blackout drunk.
Kicked out of the casino.
Um, got in an Uber.
What was the violation for
getting kicked out? Just too drunk?
Just way too drunk
at the Blackjack table.
- Gotcha.
- Just being an asshole.
- Hey, we've all been there, right?
- Yeah.
All right, you get into an Uber.
Yeah, me and my roommate,
who was also a cop...
- Wait, you guys were roommate cops?
- Yeah.
What is this, a fucking sitcom?
Wait, you guys are in
your fucking apartment?
Freeze!
No, you freeze!
Taking turns arresting the cat?
Stick 'em up, wise guys!
I'll fucking do it, man!
That's sick, dude.
You and your boy are just
vibing out as cop roommates?
That's every
12-year-old's dream, dude.
He goes, yeah, it was awesome.
All right, so you
both get into the car.
So they put us in an
Uber, and then somehow,
don't remember, the Uber
somehow drove us back
into the parking garage
where our car was parked.
And we got out of the
Uber to get into our car.
They're watching us on the eye in
the sky, and they're like, fucking nope.
- Yeah.
- And so then seven cops...
They got ya.
And then I just started talking shit, and
they were like, "Nah, we're done." Yeah.
Were they in your same
department, or other cops?
No, the casino has
their own department.
Oh, fucking dicks.
So you got arrested
by fucking rent-a-cops?
Did you tell them you were a cop?
I was shitting on them
because they're babysitters.
I'm the asshole.
It wasn't good.
Nah, I kinda like that.
Yeah, I like it too.
You fucking pussies, you
wouldn't cut one second
in St. Pete, I'll tell
you that right now."
Yes, so I was shitting on them,
you know, like that, so, off my mind.
So you got busted.
Charges?
Disorderly conduct.
No big deal, but you
got kicked off the force.
- I did, yeah.
- I'm sorry,
- but now you're an insurance adjuster.
- I'm better than ever, dude.
- Give him a round of applause.
- Let him fucking hear it, baby.
Look at that.
A true "AYG" story.
Big dog, thank you for sharing
that with us. We fucking love you.
Appreciate you, brother.
Did your buddy get
kicked off the force too?
No, he didn't fucking do anything.
He didn't even like save me, didn't
tell me to shut the fuck up. He just...
He was supposed to be your backup?
- Damn.
- He's a loud mouth.
He's a... Yeah, no, I picked up on that.
Were you guys still
roommates after that?
For a little bit, yeah.
- Huh, that must have sucked.
- Yeah.
Hey man, what are you doing?
Going to work.
- What are you doing?
- Chilling.
That's great. One more
time, let him fucking hear it.
Home run.
Wow.
Tampa, what the fuck?
What's wrong with you?
It's wild, dude.
Okay, where is Pat?
Pat?
- What's going on?
- What's up, brother?
What do you do, big dog?
Project manager in sales
for telecommunications.
- Okay.
- Okay. Very nice. Very nice.
Nice family, very cool.
What's your parents do?
What's your dad do?
- Truck driver.
- Cool. What's your mom do?
- Truck driver.
- There we go.
Your mom is a truck driver too?
Excellent.
Well, hold on.
This guy.
Are you garbage if you were
dropped off to school in a semi truck?
That's fucking awesome.
Dude, what...
Was it embarrassing at the time?
- Yeah.
- Yeah. What did the other kids say?
The fuck is that?
That's a Peterbilt, pussy.
That's what the fuck that is.
That's America right there.
You and your fucking Nissan Rogue.
Your fucking commie-ass parents.
See you, mama.
That's the coolest
shit I've ever heard.
Everybody else is taking a school bus.
You're pulling up in a fucking mac.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What kind of shit did they haul?
Uh, tomatoes.
That's not that cool.
Just say missile parts
or something, dude.
All the time they just
drove around tomatoes?
- Yeah.
- Am I nuts or is that a lot of tomatoes?
But why would they... They would
take the semi truck home with them?
Well there was a while
that was the only...
That was the only car?
They were running errands?
Did you ever get some
tomatoes off the truck?
I worked the tomato fields.
My man.
Starting at 11.
Whoa.
I'm sick of tomatoes.
I don't...
Easy with the childhood trauma.
I can't look at a wedge salad.
I'll freak the fuck out.
Dude.
I've never heard anybody
go, "Oh, fucking tomatoes, man."
The toughest part of my life.
Man.
- Yeah, that's trash.
- Yeah, dude, you're a fucking dirtbag,
through and through.
Let 'em fucking hear it.
That's fucking awesome, though, dude.
- That's sick.
- Fucking you're the man, brother.
Holy shit.
All right, where's Dante at?
- Dante, where you at?
- Right here.
Right here. Popped up in
the back. How you doing?
Big dog, who you here with?
My wife.
Very nice. You're here with your wife.
What do you do for a living?
- Sales.
- Sales. What kind of sales?
- Airplanes.
- You sell airplanes?
- Yeah.
- No, you don't. Dude.
A guy in that shirt
don't sell airplanes.
Are we talking paper airplanes?
What kind of airplanes do you sell?
- Jets.
- You sell private jets.
- Yes.
- Have you ever sold one?
Yes.
How long you been
selling private jets?
- Three years.
- How long?
- Three years.
- Three years.
Big man, what are
you feeling about this?
I think he's full of shit.
What were you selling
before private jets?
Cars.
That's a big jump.
You jumped over Delta, Frontier, Southwest,
you went straight to private jets.
- Correct.
- What kind of cars were you selling?
- Porsches.
- Okay.
- All right.
- I'll give you that.
If you would have said Kia,
I would have had you thrown out.
What kind of piece do
you get off the sale of a jet?
- Three percent.
- Three percent.
Yeah and what's the most
expensive you've ever sold?
27 million.
- That's pretty good.
- You're the richest guy I know.
The fuck you doing
here with all these bums?
You work in it, I fell into it.
It's a whole story.
What about the wife?
What does she do?
She's at an investment bank.
- Huh.
- Damn, you two.
What was your first job ever?
First job ever?
I worked at a ski hill.
- Rentals.
- Like a ski rental?
- Rentals, yeah. We rent the skis.
- Huh. Okay.
- Where'd you grow up?
- Alaska.
You grew up in fucking Alaska?
Who are you, dude?
Yeah.
You're either making all this shit up
or you're the most
interesting man in the world.
- Sure, yeah.
- Where was the last place you flew?
- Portugal.
- How'd you get there?
- Airplane?
- Well no shit, wise ass.
Hey. Dickhead.
Don't be rude to my friend up here.
Well, the kids got me.
That's my job.
- Did you fly private or commercial?
- Commercial.
The big boss flew private.
We were commercial.
Ah, Kippy, he's got us.
Let's get out of here.
This guy fucked us.
His question, "Is it garbage if at 14 the
first time you drove on a public road was
because your dad got too drunk
at a slow pitch softball game?"
You are from Alaska, dude.
Talk about rags to riches.
My man.
- Give him a round of applause, everybody.
- Let him hear it.
Where is Eric?
- Oh, shit.
- Eric?
- Over here!
- All the way in the back.
What's up, big dog?
Pop up.
Let everybody get some
fucking eyes on you back there.
Nice big strapping young man.
Eric, who are you here with, pal?
My lady and some other peoples.
Your lady?
Is it your girlfriend, your wife?
I guess my girlfriend, yeah.
My man.
How long have you guys
been kind of... whatever?
- Three months, I guess.
- Is this your first time in public?
- What do you do?
- I'm a truck driver.
- Okay.
- Hell yeah.
That was Vlad trying
to get the vibes high.
What kind of car do you have, sir?
- Subaru.
- What year?
2012, I think.
That was from that sweet
woman in the corner.
That's crazy.
She forgot she was
in public for a second.
What the fuck kind of
truck driver drives a Subaru?
Oh, I didn't even think of that.
That's crazy.
Do all the other truck
drivers make fun of you?
All right.
Any weird pets growing up?
Any snakes? Any frogs? Any turtles?
- Ferret.
- Whoa.
How long did you have him?
Like, uh... About...
maybe ten years or so?
- What?!
- Jesus Christ!
What was his name?
Ziggy.
That's pretty cute.
Was he in a cage or was he
allowed to roam around the house?
Oh no, in a cage, yeah.
We're not animals.
All right, hey.
We'll make the decisions up here.
How did he meet his end?
Brain tumor, I think.
What?
What, do you live by power lines?
What the fuck?
Did you try to save him at all?
Yeah, we like, he got a
little surgery and everything.
You got a ferret brain surgery?
Holy shit.
Well, I'm sorry for your loss, man.
Thanks.
It's been a while, but, yeah.
- He's kinda over it.
- This guy's nuts.
Yeah, dude.
Your question...
More of a little bit of a story, right?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.
Is it garbage if at an old co-worker's
funeral, his karate dojo retired his
uniform and they performed a
two-minute karate demonstration?
There's more.
It got real bad when they spent 30 seconds
trying to break a board but gave up.
Rest in peace, Nicky Nunchucks.
Let him fucking hear it, dude.
Tampa, that's our show.
Thank you so much.
Tampa, thank you.
We love you.
We love each and every one of you.
It means the world to us.
We'll see you next time.
Thank you.
Um, we good?
We feel good?
Yeah, it felt great last night.
So if there's no major changes,
which I don't think there was.
Cool.
Thank you, guys.
Thanks, guys.
It's crazy that you submitted this.
Is it garbage if you lost your job as a cop
because you got arrested at the casino?
You guys wanna play a little
"Are You Garbage?"
You guys submitted your questions to find
out if you're garbage or not.
And I gotta be honest with you,
Tampa, you're fucking trash.
Now let's get into it.
This gentleman goes by the name Slimbo.
Slimbo, where you at?
Okay, you can sit down
before security tackles you.
Relax.
Put your hands down.
We're not gonna arrest you.
Goddamn, how tall are you?
- Six foot three.
- Jesus Christ.
Yeah, definitely go over
there and fucking sit down.
I know, you're perfect right there.
Yeah, you're good.
Dude, this guy is on edge.
You're my kind of guy.
I love you.
I respect you.
But you are fucking squirrely.
Slimbo, we're gonna
do a little background
check on you before
we get to your question.
Is that cool?
Just a slight little question,
light little question.
You guys want to meet Slimbo?
Is Slimbo your nickname?
Yeah. When I was younger, I used
to always try to fight in the hoods.
'Cause in Miami, Kimbo Slice.
So you were Slimbo Slice?
Slimbo Slice got knocked out again.
And he's 0 and 42.
Were you a tough guy?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, okay, I figured.
- You seem wiry.
- Yeah.
You seem like one of those kids that can
go sideways on a telephone pole.
What's your real first name?
- Vlad.
- Vlad.
- Yeah.
- Jeez, that's even scarier.
Yeah.
I would go by Vlad, dude.
Slimbo's a bitch.
Vlad's a tough motherfucker.
Who are you here with, bud?
My brother.
Damn.
What's up, dude?
Brother, stand up.
Were you a fighter too, brother?
- Oh, yes, sir.
- Oh, yes, sir.
Okay. Slimbo, what do
you do for a living, bud?
Uh, so I'm a salesperson.
My guy.
Yeah, you are.
Slimbo, what do you sell?
Yeah, what are you, nuts?
What are you, trying to jam the guy up?
Something tells me it's not "Anderson
Windows and Doors."
Slimbo, what kind of car do you drive?
I got three.
- Damn.
- Yeah, you're a drug dealer.
Okay.
It's all right.
- And who do you live with?
- Myself.
- You own your own place?
- Yeah.
Something tells me you
paid cash for that house.
You don't strike me as a
30-year mortgage kind of guy.
What's your brother do?
Well, he's self-employed.
Okay.
Foley, stop asking these fucking
dudes what they do for a living.
Read the room, guy.
You're gonna get both of us fucked up.
If we have to fight them,
I get the older, fatter brother.
I'll be buying a bag off of them while
you're getting your ass beat.
Fucking guy ran his mouth.
I don't know what to tell you.
Hey Kippy, hang in there.
I'll be there in a minute.
Okay. All right. Everybody
fucking settle here.
Stop screwing around.
I've got a job to do.
Did you go to college?
No.
That guy went, "Yeah, right."
Dude, you're my favorite
fucking person, Slimbo.
You're just having a good time.
His question...
Is it garbage if you sued
your brother on Judge Mathis
and we got a free
vacation of $5,000 out of it?
This is why we play the fucking game.
That sounds like startup money to me.
What'd you sue him for?
So...
Figure out what he fucked up.
He fucked up my BMW once.
And I sued him for that whole
bill that I paid out of my pocket.
You were doing it to get on
the show and get a vacation.
- Yeah.
- Where was the vacation?
Chicago.
I had to go see about
some business dealing.
Something tells me it
was on the south side.
Big Cubs fan, are you?
Bum, bum, bum.
Slimbo is here because
his brother crashed his BMW.
Bum, bum.
Not so. Slimbo said he wasn't driving.
Let the fucking boys hear it.
What a way to lead off, baby.
Holy shit.
All right.
Where is Andrew?
Andrew N.
- Where you at?
- Right there.
Standing up dead center.
What's up, man?
All right. Let's give it up
for him. Give it up for him.
What the fuck?
Andrew.
Andrew.
Who you here with, big dog?
My buddy, Jacob.
Your buddy, Jacob.
What's up, Jacob?
Shout out to you.
Where did you guys meet,
if you don't mind me asking?
We've known each other
since, like, middle school.
Since middle school.
Very nice.
What was the name of that middle school?
So, we met, like, we lived two
blocks down from each other.
So, we met through a friend.
So, we...
Man, Jacob's really chiming the fuck in.
He's like, this is my time to shine.
Wait, why the fuck couldn't
you answer this question?
Man, you guys are shifty
on your answers out here.
What was the name of the middle school,
Andrew?
- Uh...
- Uh, what the fuck is this?
What, you don't remember?
I was homeschooled.
You were homeschooled?
Why didn't you fucking lead with that?
So, you didn't meet in middle school.
I mean, we met, like...
At middle school age.
Or was he just, like,
hanging out in your
kitchen, like, "Hey man,
are you the new guy?"
Jacob, were you homeschooled too?
No, I wasn't.
Jacob must have had a tough go in school
to hang out with the homeschooled kid.
What years were you homeschooled?
- Uh, all the way through middle school.
- Holy shit.
Okay.
Did you have any brothers or sisters?
Uh, I have three sisters, but they are,
like, way older than me.
You are a trash onion dude.
Let's take it slow.
I didn't even meet
them until, like, I was 15.
Why?
Where were they?
They went to another school.
Another homeschool.
No, they're like home grown adults.
Like, they have their own kids
and their own lives and careers.
Are they, do they have
the same mom and dad?
The same dad.
I didn't really even know about
them until I was, like, eight or nine.
So your dad was married before your mom?
- Yeah.
- Then he married your mom?
- Never married.
- Never married.
And then who taught?
Your mom or your dad?
Uh, my dad passed, like,
- when I was really young.
- God damn.
This motherfucker.
Yeah, dude.
This is like an Irish poem, dude.
It just gets sadder line by line.
Oh, I didn't know me
sisters and me dad died.
Fucking "Andrew's Ashes" over here.
Holy shit.
I'm sorry your dad passed.
How old were you?
Uh, like, one and a half.
Jesus Christ.
- Fuck.
- I'm sorry.
- So then you were just with your mom.
- Yeah.
- That's why you didn't meet your sisters.
- Yeah.
- Oh.
- That makes so much sense.
Who was paying the bills so
she could homeschool you?
Uh, she was.
So she worked?
Yeah. Like, we lived
with my grandparents.
Wait. If you were... If she was...
Dude, you might have just won the game.
We've been doing this for five years.
I've never talked to
anybody like you in my life.
If she was homeschooling
you, how was she working?
She wasn't.
You just said she was!
- Disability.
- She was on disability.
Okay. Can I ask what
her disability was?
Uh, just something mental.
I don't remember.
Okay. I don't know why you
would ask that question, dude.
What did you think...
What did you think he was gonna say?
Oh, she just loved partying so much.
- I'm sorry.
- She couldn't stop hugging me, man.
How many bedrooms was this house?
- Four.
- Oh, not bad.
So everybody had their own room.
Pretty much, yeah.
What do you mean pretty much?
My uncle kinda lived there.
Your uncle kinda lived there too.
Where was he sleeping?
Our house used to have like a
room that had like a converted garage.
Andrew, your uncle
slept in a garage.
Yeah, when he stayed with us.
When he stayed, obviously.
- Can I ask you an honest question?
- Yeah.
Are you fucking with us right now?
- Dude.
- How old are you?
Dude, you've lived a hundred lives.
I thought he was gonna say "I'm 49."
All this shit happened
in the 70s, man.
And Jacob's been
your boy the whole time.
- Pretty much, yeah.
- Sticking by ya.
Shout out to the fucking road dog.
- Love that.
- I like it.
Where you living now?
North Tampa.
Okay.
You got your own place?
Uh, yeah, with my girlfriend.
Nice.
You got a girlfriend.
We're doing a generational change.
Let's go.
But this makes so much sense.
His question, obviously.
Is it trash if your oldest
sister is older than your mom?
That checks out.
Let them fucking hear it, man.
Thank you so much for sharing that.
- Thank you, brother.
- Thank you, Andrew.
You're a good man, brother.
Wow.
Florida comes to play.
There ain't nothing like
southern trash, dude.
Where's Ashton at?
Ashton.
What's up, big dog?
Tall drink of water.
There he is.
Young lad.
How old are you, man?
- Twenty.
- Who are you here with?
- I'm here with my buddy.
- Nice.
These guys look like super bad.
- Stand up, brother.
- Both of you stand up.
Let the good folks see you.
Were you guys on your way to get
beer for a party and you got sidetracked?
You guys in college?
Where do you go to school?
Did you guys know each other before?
I knew him since second grade.
You guys are boys.
I don't know how to
talk to kids that are 20.
What do you guys think of that
Sabrina Carpenter, huh?
That girl's got an ass on her.
Am I right?
I'm trying to light a vape.
What?
You own a car?
- Yeah.
- What is it?
2011?
A knicked Sonata with a missing grille?
Dude, these kids are fucking awesome.
What about you?
2024 BMW 5 Series.
- All right.
- Yeah.
Courtesy of mommy and daddy,
I would assume.
Man, you're hanging out with a
kid from the wrong side of the track.
Wait, so your parents are rich.
Yours are not.
What do your parents do for a living?
Uh, they used to run, it
was called the Home Show,
where they'd get
a bunch of businesses
and then they'd advertise them out.
So business, they were
smart business owners.
And what does your single mother do?
You don't even know?
She worked at Bank
of America for a while.
Until she got caught stealing.
Are your parents together?
- They never got married.
- They never got married.
If I was 20, we would
be boys, dude.
We'd be staying at his house,
stealing his spare change and shit.
When you were a kid, was it
awesome to sleep over at his house?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, it was.
Get a fucking hot meal in you.
You trying to hug his mom and shit?
His mom's sleeping there, too?
Holy shit, look at this joint.
Ashton's going, "Mom, is it cool if Tim
and his mom sleep over at the house?"
He's got the good
snacks and shit like that?
The name brand shit.
Meanwhile, your cereal's in a bag.
Oh, fuck.
Your parents like him?
They take care of him?
- Yeah.
- Nice.
Thinking back, I made
fun of him one time.
He got grounded for
eating too many chips.
You ate too many
chips at your own house?
I was a fat kid.
Hey, we get it.
Wait, how did you get him in trouble?
No, he got grounded.
He came to school and he was like, I
can't play Xbox because I ate too much.
You know what that's like.
Henry, empathize with the poor boy.
That's called a 321
in the parent code.
Damn. Was this a poor
thing or a fat kid thing?
Both.
I feel like you're the kind of guy
who calls his mom Diane or whatever.
Diane, I finished the chips.
And your boss called looking for you.
I'm gonna be at
Ashton's if you need me.
Have you ever gone on
vacation with his family?
Kind of.
We went to Daytona.
Where did you vacation growing up?
I went to Disneyland twice.
Okay. Where did you
vacation growing up?
Keys, Bahamas.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, different.
So your parents liked him, but
they didn't like him that much.
Well, bring him to Daytona.
He's not coming to the Bahamas.
I caught him sniffing
my underwear again.
That's his dad saying that?
Hey, your buddy there
is a little weird, huh?
I thought this was like a 38
year old dad sending this in.
I didn't realize it
was a 20 year old kid.
It's cute now.
Is it garbage to take a
break from the family during
family vacation and go play
slots and get hammered?
Let the fucking boys hear it, gang.
All right, I'm looking for Hunter.
Hey Hunter, how are you buddy?
What do you do for a living?
I work in logistics.
Okay, white collar job.
What do the rest of the buddies do?
Uh, I don't know.
- Are you...?
- What?
I mean we're guys,
I don't really know.
You don't have any idea?
He works with numbers and like accounting
and finance and
medical stuff. I'm not sure.
You just listed 17 professions.
Fellas, what do you do?
Finance, corporate finance.
What about you, Shaggy?
What do you do back there?
- Marketing.
- Marketing.
You guys don't talk to each other?
Who's friends, your
boys or the girls?
The boys, the boys.
Okay, this guy's got a booming ass voice.
The boys.
How long have you guys been friends?
High school.
And you don't know what
the fuck they do for a living?
Fuck, man.
I live with a guy too.
Who all lives in that apartment?
Me, him, my sister.
What the fuck's going on back there?
- Are you...
- And did you go to college?
Failed out, USF.
Cool.
I got an associates if
that counts for anything.
No, it doesn't.
That means you're a dirt ball.
And is one of you also Kyle?
Yeah, that's the finance guy.
I'm surprised you
know his fucking name.
What's Kyle's middle name?
I bet you don't know it.
Starts with an Evan.
Starts with an Evan?
You got it.
I did get it.
Am I on fucking Molly right now?
I like you, Hunter.
What's your girl do?
She's a liquor dispenser.
Okay.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to...
She works in...
In liquor dispensing?
Yeah, she does better than I do.
Hey, no one does better
than you do, Hunter.
Cause you're the fucking man, dog.
Hold on.
Are you sure about that?
His question,
"Is it garbage if I do hibachi at
home and the meat I use is hot dogs?"
He's got the volcano going.
Flipping himself a dog.
Kyle's screaming at him, "We're
gonna lose the security deposit!"
Dude, you stink.
But I love the shit out of you, dude.
What, do you just do it on the paint?
Do you have a flat top?
It's typically microwave.
Oh, my God.
My head hurts, dude.
So your question is, "Is it garbage
to microwave hot dogs at home?"
No, it's not.
Let the boys hear
it one fucking time.
Jesus Christ, dude.
Holy shit.
Um, where is Brittany at?
Brittany, where are you, love?
Come on up, Brit.
Don't be shy.
Give Brittany a round
of applause, everybody.
There she is.
Brittany, is it okay if
we do a little background
check on you before
we get to your question?
You guys want to meet
Brittany, everybody?
- Yeah.
- It's easy.
Do you have one... Do you have
an ear thing in your ear?
It's not playing anything.
What are you on a big work call?
What's going on?
It's the... It's the autism.
- Okay. Well now I'm sorry.
- Oh, okay.
- What the fuck?
- Fuck us.
I didn't want you guys
to stop digging just here.
Oh, okay. I should...
We should have so picked up on that.
That's... I apologize.
That was our autism.
Or you should have wore earmuffs
like a regular autistic person.
Can't be throwing us
off with the earpieces.
- Very nice.
- Thank you for coming.
- We appreciate you.
- Yes, we appreciate you.
- Brittany, who are you here with, love?
- My husband.
How long have you guys been married?
- We've been married five years.
- Very nice.
Where did you guys go on your
honeymoon, if you don't mind me asking?
- We did not.
- Excellent.
That's exactly what
we were looking for.
Now, what was the reasoning for that?
Was it a financial situation?
Was it COVID?
- It was COVID.
- COVID. Very nice.
Where would you like to
go on your honeymoon?
I would love to go
on an African safari.
- Okay, very nice.
- Wow.
Husband, would you back that up?
Would you like to go on
an African safari as well?
Yeah, I just know that once we got into it,
she would be having some comfort problems.
Sure.
I need to charge my AirPods.
Someone ask that zebra if
he's got a lightning charger.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Are you guys even, like, looking
into it, or is that just the dream?
- I've given up.
- You've given... Okay, so...
Great answer.
Can I recommend the
Tampa Zoo one afternoon?
Sure.
I hear lovely things.
All right.
Very nice.
Any weird pets growing up?
Any snakes? Any frogs? Any turtles?
Yeah. We had, um...
We had a...
My dad had a snake named Sally.
- Uh-huh.
- A parakeet named Jason.
We had a bunny rabbit
named Apostrophe.
Where'd you grow up?
On the fucking magic school bus?
What's going on here?
We had a llama named Comma.
Yeah.
All right, I'm getting a picture.
What was a typical family
vacation when you were a kid?
Twice we RV'd around, uh...
- You're good. Thank you.
- Yeah.
I think we know enough, right?
Is it garbage if your father
made you pretend to be 12
at the movies until you
were 17 to get the discount?
That's a very nice dad.
Would you guys go as a family?
- Yeah.
- And see what?
We weren't allowed to
watch PG-13 movies until
we were 13, no rated R
until 17, that type of thing.
Uh-huh.
I smoked weed with
them when I was 15, so...
You smoked weed with
them when you were 15, but
you weren't allowed to
watch a rated R movie?
- Yeah, your dad fucking parties.
- Yeah.
- Give Brittany a round of applause.
- Let her fucking hear it, everybody.
Very nice.
All right, where is Sam?
Just right here.
- How you feeling, man?
- Great.
Sam, who you here with, pal?
Uh, my sister, my
brother-in-law, my coworker.
Very nice.
What do you do for a living?
That's an odd mix.
I work in parts at a body shop.
What year did you
graduate high school?
Did you go to college?
- No.
- Cool.
Did you...
Did you apply for college?
Uh, community college.
- Oh yeah.
- Sick.
Where are you living now?
Uh, in Wesley Chapel.
Nice.
Who do you live with, yourself?
Nah, I live with my
sister, my brother-in-law.
Oh, dude.
Yo, your brother-in-law
has to fucking hate that.
My guy.
Yo, that's a good-ass
brother-in-law, though.
- He loves it.
- Are you living there rent-free?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, man.
Let's go.
Let's go.
You got that scholarship
you always wanted, baby.
Do you have any chores you
have to do around the house?
I mean, I do what I can.
I left you all a little ice
cream in the freezer.
What's their house like?
They have a nice place?
- A nice house, really.
- And where are you?
Are you in a bedroom upstairs,
or are you down in the basement?
Nah, I live on the same
floor as everybody else.
Like a real boy?
That's awesome.
What kind of bed do
you got in your room?
I don't know, king, queen?
- You got a king?
- Some shit.
- Was the bed there when you...
- Hey, hold on.
Brother-in-law, what
kind of beds he got?
It's a queen.
Yeah.
Was the bed there? Like, was it
already furnished when you moved in?
- Hell yeah.
- My man.
Brother-in-law, pop up for a sec.
What do you do for a living?
Insurance.
You make good cash?
You do all right?
You do enough to adopt
a fucking 24-year-old.
How did this come to
be that he moved in?
He's a good guy.
We have evidence
of the contract, sir.
Okay, brother-in-law, what
kind of car do you have?
I got a 2023 Lexus.
- Okay.
- Whoa!
And what do you got, big dog?
A 2009 Nissan Sentry.
Does he make you
park it in the backyard?
You're fucking up the property values.
Zillow's all over my ass.
And what's the
short-term, long-term plan
for you getting the
fuck out of their house?
I don't know. I'm just trying
to establish myself and then...
I mean, that's a great answer, dude.
That's a bullshit dirtbag answer.
I've heard... My brother has
said that to a judge before.
You and me both, baby.
I was trying to establish myself.
Trying to get my feet back under me.
Do you guys all have
dinner together like a family?
Yeah, yeah.
That's great.
Clap it up for that.
It's fucking amazing.
But your question...
This question's insane.
Ever have to chase a tweaker
who stole your weed whacker?
Motherfucker, you got a
weed whacker at no house?
What happened?
I did landscaping
for like five years.
Okay.
Well, a guy stole a weed
whacker off the truck.
Was it your weed
whacker or the company's?
Technically, it's the company's.
But it was my favorite weed whacker.
- It was your favorite weed whacker.
- Yeah.
I got you on that.
Technically, I rode him
down on a lawnmower.
You chased him down on a mower?
You got a lasso?
That's a fast-ass lawnmower.
Tweakers move quick.
As soon as I pulled up on him, he
dropped it. You know what I'm saying?
- And you got the weed whacker back.
- Hell yeah.
And now you're cozed up in
your brother-in-law and your sister's.
- Give a round of applause.
- That's awesome.
- Wow.
- Man.
That's...
You gotta pay
for groceries or anything?
Nah.
They got lunch meat and shit?
Like ham, turkey, all that stuff?
- Fucking sick.
- Alright.
Your sister sounds awesome.
Where's your sister at?
Stand up for us, love.
- You're a fucking angel, young lady.
- Yeah.
You're an angel.
- That's a great family.
- Woo!
Did you go to their wedding?
- Yeah, of course.
- Did you get them a present?
- Shit...
- Yeah.
Congratulations, I'm moving in.
And here's a brand new weed whacker.
One more time.
Let 'em hear it.
Jesus.
Holy shit.
Where's Anthony H?
- Pop up. Let's see you.
- Strapping young lad.
- There he is.
- A big motherfucker.
Look at you.
What's up, brother?
Who are you here with?
My fiancee, my brother, and his wife.
- Very nice. Congratulations.
- Congratulations.
What do you do?
I'm in insurance.
Health, life, auto?
- Property.
- Property insurance.
- Very nice.
- You sell?
No. I'm an adjuster.
Really?
You play ball?
I don't work for insurance companies.
I work for... I'm a polygraphist.
This guy's shifty already.
What kind of car do you drive?
Nissan Rogue.
- Okay.
- Whoa.
- What year is that?
- It's an SUV.
No, it's not.
- You all paid up on that?
- Oh, fuck yeah.
Okay, not bad.
And where do you live?
You got a house?
- St. Pete, yeah.
- You got your own place over there?
Yeah, me and my
fiancee live together.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- You rent or own?
- Own.
And this is a house that you
bought and she moved into?
She bought it, I moved in with her.
- Stop.
- There it is.
I don't know if you
heard that in the back.
She bought it, he
moved in, my kinda guy.
This is a pretty nice
place you got here.
You wanna get married?
It'd be a shame if you lost your property
insurance because of all these violations.
I should probably move my
stuff in and keep an eye on the joint.
Where did you live before that?
In Tampa.
Hillsborough County, Tampa.
Just in like an apartment?
I had an apartment, moved
back with my parents, met her.
- Alright, hold on.
- Okay, okay.
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
Let's go!
Talking about a Nissan
Rogue, get the fuck out of here.
It's crazy that you submitted this.
Is it garbage if you lost your job as a cop
because you got arrested at the casino?
Get your hands off me,
I'm a cop, god damn it!
This is fucking bullshit!
So you used to be a cop?
- I did, yeah.
- Nice.
What were you doing at the
casino that got you in a fricass?
Fucking blackout drunk.
I didn't think you were sober, dude.
That'd be crazy to lose your
job as a cop, dead sober.
I'm minding my own
business, reading a book.
So walk us through it.
Yeah, off day.
I hope so.
But we are in Florida, so...
Squad cars parked at the keno table?
Leave me here for 10 minutes.
I got a heater coming in me.
All right, so it's your day off.
You're at the casino.
Off day, went to dinner,
went to the casino,
played some Blackjack, smoked a cigar.
Got blackout drunk.
Kicked out of the casino.
Um, got in an Uber.
What was the violation for
getting kicked out? Just too drunk?
Just way too drunk
at the Blackjack table.
- Gotcha.
- Just being an asshole.
- Hey, we've all been there, right?
- Yeah.
All right, you get into an Uber.
Yeah, me and my roommate,
who was also a cop...
- Wait, you guys were roommate cops?
- Yeah.
What is this, a fucking sitcom?
Wait, you guys are in
your fucking apartment?
Freeze!
No, you freeze!
Taking turns arresting the cat?
Stick 'em up, wise guys!
I'll fucking do it, man!
That's sick, dude.
You and your boy are just
vibing out as cop roommates?
That's every
12-year-old's dream, dude.
He goes, yeah, it was awesome.
All right, so you
both get into the car.
So they put us in an
Uber, and then somehow,
don't remember, the Uber
somehow drove us back
into the parking garage
where our car was parked.
And we got out of the
Uber to get into our car.
They're watching us on the eye in
the sky, and they're like, fucking nope.
- Yeah.
- And so then seven cops...
They got ya.
And then I just started talking shit, and
they were like, "Nah, we're done." Yeah.
Were they in your same
department, or other cops?
No, the casino has
their own department.
Oh, fucking dicks.
So you got arrested
by fucking rent-a-cops?
Did you tell them you were a cop?
I was shitting on them
because they're babysitters.
I'm the asshole.
It wasn't good.
Nah, I kinda like that.
Yeah, I like it too.
You fucking pussies, you
wouldn't cut one second
in St. Pete, I'll tell
you that right now."
Yes, so I was shitting on them,
you know, like that, so, off my mind.
So you got busted.
Charges?
Disorderly conduct.
No big deal, but you
got kicked off the force.
- I did, yeah.
- I'm sorry,
- but now you're an insurance adjuster.
- I'm better than ever, dude.
- Give him a round of applause.
- Let him fucking hear it, baby.
Look at that.
A true "AYG" story.
Big dog, thank you for sharing
that with us. We fucking love you.
Appreciate you, brother.
Did your buddy get
kicked off the force too?
No, he didn't fucking do anything.
He didn't even like save me, didn't
tell me to shut the fuck up. He just...
He was supposed to be your backup?
- Damn.
- He's a loud mouth.
He's a... Yeah, no, I picked up on that.
Were you guys still
roommates after that?
For a little bit, yeah.
- Huh, that must have sucked.
- Yeah.
Hey man, what are you doing?
Going to work.
- What are you doing?
- Chilling.
That's great. One more
time, let him fucking hear it.
Home run.
Wow.
Tampa, what the fuck?
What's wrong with you?
It's wild, dude.
Okay, where is Pat?
Pat?
- What's going on?
- What's up, brother?
What do you do, big dog?
Project manager in sales
for telecommunications.
- Okay.
- Okay. Very nice. Very nice.
Nice family, very cool.
What's your parents do?
What's your dad do?
- Truck driver.
- Cool. What's your mom do?
- Truck driver.
- There we go.
Your mom is a truck driver too?
Excellent.
Well, hold on.
This guy.
Are you garbage if you were
dropped off to school in a semi truck?
That's fucking awesome.
Dude, what...
Was it embarrassing at the time?
- Yeah.
- Yeah. What did the other kids say?
The fuck is that?
That's a Peterbilt, pussy.
That's what the fuck that is.
That's America right there.
You and your fucking Nissan Rogue.
Your fucking commie-ass parents.
See you, mama.
That's the coolest
shit I've ever heard.
Everybody else is taking a school bus.
You're pulling up in a fucking mac.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What kind of shit did they haul?
Uh, tomatoes.
That's not that cool.
Just say missile parts
or something, dude.
All the time they just
drove around tomatoes?
- Yeah.
- Am I nuts or is that a lot of tomatoes?
But why would they... They would
take the semi truck home with them?
Well there was a while
that was the only...
That was the only car?
They were running errands?
Did you ever get some
tomatoes off the truck?
I worked the tomato fields.
My man.
Starting at 11.
Whoa.
I'm sick of tomatoes.
I don't...
Easy with the childhood trauma.
I can't look at a wedge salad.
I'll freak the fuck out.
Dude.
I've never heard anybody
go, "Oh, fucking tomatoes, man."
The toughest part of my life.
Man.
- Yeah, that's trash.
- Yeah, dude, you're a fucking dirtbag,
through and through.
Let 'em fucking hear it.
That's fucking awesome, though, dude.
- That's sick.
- Fucking you're the man, brother.
Holy shit.
All right, where's Dante at?
- Dante, where you at?
- Right here.
Right here. Popped up in
the back. How you doing?
Big dog, who you here with?
My wife.
Very nice. You're here with your wife.
What do you do for a living?
- Sales.
- Sales. What kind of sales?
- Airplanes.
- You sell airplanes?
- Yeah.
- No, you don't. Dude.
A guy in that shirt
don't sell airplanes.
Are we talking paper airplanes?
What kind of airplanes do you sell?
- Jets.
- You sell private jets.
- Yes.
- Have you ever sold one?
Yes.
How long you been
selling private jets?
- Three years.
- How long?
- Three years.
- Three years.
Big man, what are
you feeling about this?
I think he's full of shit.
What were you selling
before private jets?
Cars.
That's a big jump.
You jumped over Delta, Frontier, Southwest,
you went straight to private jets.
- Correct.
- What kind of cars were you selling?
- Porsches.
- Okay.
- All right.
- I'll give you that.
If you would have said Kia,
I would have had you thrown out.
What kind of piece do
you get off the sale of a jet?
- Three percent.
- Three percent.
Yeah and what's the most
expensive you've ever sold?
27 million.
- That's pretty good.
- You're the richest guy I know.
The fuck you doing
here with all these bums?
You work in it, I fell into it.
It's a whole story.
What about the wife?
What does she do?
She's at an investment bank.
- Huh.
- Damn, you two.
What was your first job ever?
First job ever?
I worked at a ski hill.
- Rentals.
- Like a ski rental?
- Rentals, yeah. We rent the skis.
- Huh. Okay.
- Where'd you grow up?
- Alaska.
You grew up in fucking Alaska?
Who are you, dude?
Yeah.
You're either making all this shit up
or you're the most
interesting man in the world.
- Sure, yeah.
- Where was the last place you flew?
- Portugal.
- How'd you get there?
- Airplane?
- Well no shit, wise ass.
Hey. Dickhead.
Don't be rude to my friend up here.
Well, the kids got me.
That's my job.
- Did you fly private or commercial?
- Commercial.
The big boss flew private.
We were commercial.
Ah, Kippy, he's got us.
Let's get out of here.
This guy fucked us.
His question, "Is it garbage if at 14 the
first time you drove on a public road was
because your dad got too drunk
at a slow pitch softball game?"
You are from Alaska, dude.
Talk about rags to riches.
My man.
- Give him a round of applause, everybody.
- Let him hear it.
Where is Eric?
- Oh, shit.
- Eric?
- Over here!
- All the way in the back.
What's up, big dog?
Pop up.
Let everybody get some
fucking eyes on you back there.
Nice big strapping young man.
Eric, who are you here with, pal?
My lady and some other peoples.
Your lady?
Is it your girlfriend, your wife?
I guess my girlfriend, yeah.
My man.
How long have you guys
been kind of... whatever?
- Three months, I guess.
- Is this your first time in public?
- What do you do?
- I'm a truck driver.
- Okay.
- Hell yeah.
That was Vlad trying
to get the vibes high.
What kind of car do you have, sir?
- Subaru.
- What year?
2012, I think.
That was from that sweet
woman in the corner.
That's crazy.
She forgot she was
in public for a second.
What the fuck kind of
truck driver drives a Subaru?
Oh, I didn't even think of that.
That's crazy.
Do all the other truck
drivers make fun of you?
All right.
Any weird pets growing up?
Any snakes? Any frogs? Any turtles?
- Ferret.
- Whoa.
How long did you have him?
Like, uh... About...
maybe ten years or so?
- What?!
- Jesus Christ!
What was his name?
Ziggy.
That's pretty cute.
Was he in a cage or was he
allowed to roam around the house?
Oh no, in a cage, yeah.
We're not animals.
All right, hey.
We'll make the decisions up here.
How did he meet his end?
Brain tumor, I think.
What?
What, do you live by power lines?
What the fuck?
Did you try to save him at all?
Yeah, we like, he got a
little surgery and everything.
You got a ferret brain surgery?
Holy shit.
Well, I'm sorry for your loss, man.
Thanks.
It's been a while, but, yeah.
- He's kinda over it.
- This guy's nuts.
Yeah, dude.
Your question...
More of a little bit of a story, right?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.
Is it garbage if at an old co-worker's
funeral, his karate dojo retired his
uniform and they performed a
two-minute karate demonstration?
There's more.
It got real bad when they spent 30 seconds
trying to break a board but gave up.
Rest in peace, Nicky Nunchucks.
Let him fucking hear it, dude.
Tampa, that's our show.
Thank you so much.
Tampa, thank you.
We love you.
We love each and every one of you.
It means the world to us.
We'll see you next time.
Thank you.
Um, we good?
We feel good?
Yeah, it felt great last night.
So if there's no major changes,
which I don't think there was.
Cool.
Thank you, guys.
Thanks, guys.