As of Yet (2021) Movie Script

Okay, this is quarantine,
day 83. Wow.
We in this bitch.
Positivity. What's new?
My lash kit came in. He-he.
Not sure, uh, why I got it.
I have no one to wear it for.
I haven't left my apartment.
Um, you gotta, like, take
these little lashes out.
Can you even see that?
You know what they call
the little rubber bits
that go on
the little tweezers?
an awful lot, let's say,
on the various dating apps.
I have been talking
to Reed an awful lot.
I feel like I like him more
every time we talk, kind of.
I love someone who I can...
give shit to,
and they can
give shit back to me.
Like, if I give
you shit and you're like,
"Aw, come on."
It's like, grow up.
Do you know what I mean?
I really miss Sara.
I like-- This is
the longest we've been apart
form each other,
like, since college.
What about the holidays? Fuck.
That's, like, such a big deal
for Sara and I,
like, Halloween.
I was gonna be Lil' Kim
at the '99 VMAs this year.
What if I don't get
to take my titty out?
At a party? That's a shame.
I gotta get off--
Who am I even making this for?
Um, signing off.
See you later,
future me, I guess.
["Memento" by Kahiem Rivera
Feat. Ohmme & Rich Robbins]
[rhythmic vocalizing]
Know when they
pop two shots
Better watch how the cop
gon' stop like whoa
Flow on the spot, beat
drop, and the heat knock
We not free no, no, yeah,
please don't call the police
On my bro when he living
on the street, please--
[music cuts out,
chips crunching]
["Methatonin" by Destroy Boys]
Scars are gone
but bruises remain
I can forgive your past
and clean your stains
-Can you finally--
[music cuts out,
lighter clicking]
["Food Chain" by CHALK TALK]
I'm wearing the same
clothes as yesterday
And the day before,
and the day before
I'm wearing the same clothes
as yesterday
And the day before,
and the day befo--
[music cuts out,
chips crunching]
[phone ringing]
Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi.
Oh, my God! Hey!
Uh, wait, uh,
best friend says what?
How are you? Oh, my God.
I haven't seen your face
-in so long.
-I'm good.
I miss you, how are you?
I miss you so much. You look
so good. You look so pretty.
You're so sweet. Stop it.
Full disclosure, I did think
you were going to be Reed
'cause he was
supposed to be FaceTiming me.
Oh, so sorry
to disappoint you.
I think I'll get over it.
I'll get over it.
[both laughing]
How's-- What's new?
What's going on?
Um... Nothing much.
I mean, it's hot.
And it's my parents' house.
And I'm totally reverting
to who I was when I was 17.
It's horrible.
Were you cool when you were 17?
No. I... was depressed
and I listened to,
like, I dunno, like, punk.
And I didn't even listen
to punk 'cause I liked it,
I listened to
it because I thought
that's what
someone hot would do.
-To me, that's cool.
-[Sara] Thank you--
I listened to punk in
high school because I, like,
liked it.
And thi-- I think
that makes me hot,
so I, like,
really appreciate that.
It is hot
and I'm jealous that
that was
your experience with punk.
-Anyway, okay.
So-- so, what
else is going on?
How's New York?
Um, it's bleak.
[Naomi] No, weather's great--
[Sara] Oh.
-- although the AC
still isn't fixed.
I just meant, like, COVID-wise.
Like, nobody's here.
And all the brownstones
on our block,
like, all the rich
people that live here are,
like, totally gone to their,
-like, summer homes, I guess?
Like me.
Wait, are you staying
there for the summer?
Um, I think
I might come back, like,
in the next few weeks.
I don't really know...
Is that okay?
Yeah. That sounds amazing.
Okay, cool. Okay, good.
We should do
something when you get back.
Yeah, okay, so, I want
to have a little dinner
where we do a celebration
about our friendship.
Like a welcome ba-- but it's
also about me a little bit.
-That tracks--
It's like, "Welcome back,
Sara. Also, we're friends."
Okay, wait. Can I tell
you a secret, speaking of?
Okay, please.
Um, okay,
-so, I was talking to Reed--
-[Sara] Yeah.
-- and we were talking
about potentially
hanging out in person.
Like going on a date.
Like, during the pan-- But--
Okay, but what about,
like, social distance stuff?
We'll, like-- We'll do
it as safely as possible.
Obviously, like,
we'll go sit at a park
or, like, I dunno, go for a--
go for a walk.
-There's things to do.
-Really? I don't know.
I feel like everything
I've heard, it's like,
"Stay indoors
and, like, don't see
people you don't know."
Yeah, but I kind of know him.
We've been talking for, like,
the better part of four months.
Yeah. I guess. You, like,
know each other, like, online.
[Sara] I don't know. Like,
wear a mask, I guess. I--
I dunno. If you do, though,
like, don't tell anyone.
That's kind of,
like, not okay.
Yeah. Yeah, things are
pretty open down there, huh?
-Yeah. It's pretty crazy.
-[Naomi] You--
Like, I went to
the beach the other day
and, like, maybe two
people were in a mask?
Yeah, I saw-- I think
it was a couple weeks ago
you posted, um, on
your Instagram, like, a video
and a couple pictures of you
and your hometown friends,
um, at that bar?
Yeah. Yeah, but--
Okay, that was, like,
three people and it was, like,
all these people that
I've known since I was,
like, a kid, basically.
So, it wasn't,
like, strangers.
No, no, no. I'm just bringing--
I just was jealous.
It looked really fun.
[Sara] Oh. Ha!
No, it was so fun.
I mean, I was almost
blackout at that point,
so I literally don't remember,
but it was really fun.
Um, have you been
reading about the protests?
Yeah, I mean, not-- not,
like, reading, but I've seen,
like, clips and stuff
and it looks so scary.
It's-- I dunno. I went
to one a few weeks back and--
Oh, really? Oh, my God.
Yeah, yeah.
It's kind of crazy, right?
It was a little--
The vibe wasn't crazy.
Like, no one's doing anything
violent, you know what I--
-Like, the ones who are--
-I mean...
-I don't know.
I'm obviously not there
so I don't, like, have
all the information.
I don't know.
I feel like the part of it
that's protesting
is really cool.
-[Naomi] Yeah.
-And then part of it that's
destroying stuff...
Like, do you
have to destroy Target
to make a point?
Because I feel like there's
peaceful protesting,
and then
there's, like, rioting.
And like, MLK was--
di-- He did, like,
peaceful protesting.
And he got shot in
the face anyway. So...
I mean, I know that.
Yeah, I-- Yeah.
It's complicated. It's
like, when people are like,
"The cops are being violent."
I'm like, well,
probably not every cop
is being violent.
I mean, not every protester
is being violent either.
Ooh. My hair. Look at this.
It looks good.
-[Naomi] Thank you.
-Look at my hair.
-It looks really good.
-[Sara] Frizzy.
-It looks like--
-It's frizzy from the air.
It must be humid
down there right now.
Yeah, it's so hot.
Um. Yeah. I don't know.
I guess I just, um...
-Protesting gets stuff done--
-- and sometimes
you gotta be a little violent
to get stuff done, that's all.
That's just what I think.
Um, but this dinner
when you get back. Hello?
I'll bring wine from Florida.
Florida wine, what's that like?
You'll hate it.
What's that like?
Is there, like--
So sweet.
It's, like, really
sweet and kind of, like, gross?
Well, I'm just thinking
of the one my mom has.
My mom's wine sucks.
You want to bring me bottles
of your mom's shitty wine?
Well, I just want to
bring bottles of her wine
so that she is confused
as to where they went.
-[Naomi] Sure.
-Because I'm annoyed at her
-right now.
-Wait. Okay, so just to be
clear: you want to feed me
your mom's shitty wine,
um, to inconvenience your mom?
Yeah. It's a perfect
situation where no one wins.
Yeah, I-- Actually,
I really love that.
I actually--
I love being used as a pawn,
um, in that particular way.
So, I want to say
thank you in advance.
-And I can't wait to try this--
-Of course--
-- this, uh, swamp swill is
what I'm gonna call it.
Is that offensive?
No, I-- I don't really know.
I don't really
know what's offensive.
I feel like every day
I learn about something,
like, that's offensive that
I didn't know is offensive.
Yeah. I feel like
sometimes you say something
that's offensive and I'm like,
"I can't
believe Sara said that."
Wait, really?
[Naomi] Yeah,
but, like, not in like a--
You have to tell me.
So embarrassing.
I tell you all the time.
I tell you all the time.
-No way, dude.
[Naomi] I feel like at least
once or twice a month
-you say something that I'm--
-[phone beeping]
Oh, shit.
Ooh! This is Reed. I gotta go.
Oh, okay, okay,
love you, love you.
-Bye, love you.
-Talk later. Bye.
-[Naomi] How's it goin?
Chillin', chillin'.
What about you?
I'm doing a lot of the same.
Uh... What's new?
You know, I gotta ask.
Every time we chat,
you know I gotta ask.
How's, uh, Mariska
and how's, uh, Elliot?
-I don't know these names--
-[Naomi] Dude. Dude.
Okay. So, first of all,
I'm on a season that Elliot
is no longer on, so,
like, take it--
Take that down,
write that down. Um...
-Okay. Let me find a pen.
-[Naomi laughs]
But Mariska's good.
She's good.
She's kicking ass,
she's taking names.
Do you know who the character--
the person she's based on
is the woman who prosecuted,
uh, the Central Park Five?
Did you know I didn't know
she was based
on anybody at all?
I think
they were more just like,
"Oh, yeah, she's like a,
you know,
strong girlboss feminist.
La la la--"
Which she is in the show,
in many ways.
Um, except in the earlier
seasons where she's pretty
if we're being honest.
But that's not her fault.
She's a fictional character.
It is the writers' fault.
And that's why they need to
diversify writers' rooms, bro.
Okay. And there you go.
You popped off once again.
[Naomi laughs]
I feel like every time
you make fun of me popping off,
Um, I dunno, an angel gets
its wings. I don't know.
I don't know where
I was going with that. Anyway,
-how's frickin'--
-What are you watching again?
Let me tell you.
I was just, uh, FaceTiming
with my buddy, Brandon.
Um, and he was saying
how Saving Silverman
isn't that funny of a movie.
And then we got in this
huge discussion about how he
thinks Steve Zahn is not
a good actor/comedic actor.
It's frickin' Steve Zahn.
He was in Reality Bites.
You've Got Mail.
And of course,
Saving Silverman.
-And that has the guy--
who fucked the pie in it.
Okay. I actually
do know about that scene
in that particular movie.
But I do want to remind you
that, um, as much as I love
talking to you about films,
I've seen exactly one
film in my entire life.
And I don't even know
if you can call it a film.
It's more of a movie, really.
Um, and it is
the Kenan Thompson vehicle,
uh, 1996's Heavyweights, uh,
about the weight loss scam.
Anytime I bring up
any movie, you either go,
"This is a-- Reminds
me of an episode of SVU,"
or you say, "You know,
this guy actually reminds me
a little bit of Kenan Thompson
in Heavyweights."
I don't know what to tell you.
I've seen one movie.
You-- I can talk about TV
until the cows come home,
especially in a pandemic.
I've been watching-- You know,
there's-- It's kind of all
I do, is, like, cook food
and watch television shows
that I've already seen.
Do you know that they say
that people who watch
the same show, like-- like,
episodes they already seen,
they're doing
it because it, like,
provides a sense
of, like, comfort?
Okay. Because I've
been rewatching Survivor,
and I'm just, like,
over and over watching--
And you know what's fucked up?
Is I know
who wins every season.
And I still watch
it and I'm always like,
"I'm rooting for other
people that are--
that I know
are not gonna win."
I'm always rooting
for, uh, the Black person.
And then once the Black
person gets eliminated,
like, the next Blackest
You know, like,
if there's someone
who even looks
like they could have
like, someone Black
in their past, like--
So, if you got eliminated,
you'd be rooting for me next?
Yes. Yes.
-[Naomi] Yes.
-On the scale,
I'm over here.
You're over here.
Um... Wait, are you Black?
-No. No--
-[Naomi] Oh, okay. Okay--
-I just didn't know--
-I'm just saying I'm not
white. Just saying I'm not
white. I'm just not white.
Okay. That is-- That is clear.
I will say that is clear
and I appreciate that a lot
about you.
[both laughing]
Um... Oh, my God.
Can I tell you something
crazy I did this morning?
Tell me the craziest thing
you did ever this morning.
Dude. Are you ready for this?
-Go off.
-I was walking down the street.
I was coming back
from the grocery store.
And someone had put,
like, a box of records
outside their house.
And I was like, "Oh,
my God, should I do this?
Like, should I do this?
Like, is this okay
to do in a pandemic?"
And... I did it.
And I found one.
And it is not a first pressing,
so don't get excited, but
it is Wowee Zowee by Pavement.
-What? Can you believe--
-Whoa! Holy flip flops.
Did you say, "Holy flip flops"?
[Reed] I did.
I'm having fun with it.
Why do I keep
talking to you? Oh, my God.
[laughs] It's endearing. It's
fucked up. It's endearing.
Yeah. That's part
of your charm. And the hair.
Which way are we parting it?
Which way are
we parting it today?
Today it's this way.
We got a little bit of volume.
But you know what?
Uh, how about, uh, you see
in person how,
uh-- how I part it?
[Naomi] Oh, shit.
Are we, like, gonna do it?
Feel like we've been talking
about it for a long time.
I mean, you're safer than
anybody I know at this point.
That's a really
nice thing to say.
That's a really,
really nice thing to say.
You know I'm a nice guy.
[both laugh]
Wait. So, okay, are we gonna--
What are we gonna do?
Are we gonna do this? Like--
Yeah, uh, let's think.
Well, we could...
We can get sushi,
take it to the park.
Sit six feet apart?
Yeah. You know what?
We'll sit eight feet apart.
We'll be extra safe.
Whoa. Okay. I actually
really like a guy who,
like, takes my safety
into extra consideration.
-Like, that's great.
-You know what? Safety's sexy.
That's the number one catch
phrase in America right now.
It actually is really hot.
Oh, wait, can I show you?
I've been ordering, like,
a bunch of stupid shit
off the Internet. And I got
the coolest new dress.
-Can I show you?
-Please show me.
Oh, my God. One second.
I'll be right back.
[Reed] Cool.
[Naomi] Okay. I have to
hold it up, so get--
-Are you ready?
-I'm excited beyond belief.
-[gasping] Whoa!
-[Naomi] Isn't that so cool?
I'm going to get boned
out just looking at that.
-That's so cool.
-I mean, the honkers are
a little-- The honkers are
a little bigger than mine,
but a girl can dream, you know?
Hey, you know what?
If you don't have dreams,
what are you doing?
I agree. I agree.
Especially at a time like this.
Here's an idea.
You wear that on the date.
Oh, my God. People are
gonna think I'm a slut.
Fuck 'em.
Okay, that was a test
and you passed.
Be a slut, do whatever
you want. That's my motto.
Um, I have to do, like,
a happy hour with my cousin.
For sure.
Um, but let's chat tomorrow?
I'm down. Cool.
Word. All right. Uh, talk
to you soon, Reed. Byeee!
See you, Naomi.
[line dropped sound]
[Naomi humming softly]
Hello, cuz...
Hi, darling.
Ah, you look excellent!
I got all zhuzhed up for you.
Stop it.
No, that cleavage. That's--
Mm. Mwah--
Oh, this here?
Give it to them.
Come on. Mm-hmm.
Thank you. I've been
eating a lot of cheese.
Do you like this lip?
Sorry. Cheese?
Cheese makes
your boobs bigger. It's milk.
Anyways. Catch me up.
What's going-- What's new?
Um, I met this
cute, cute woman.
Like, I'm not
trying to jinx it, okay.
I'm not trying to jinx it.
But I think she
could be the one...
Another of the one.
What's your problem?
No, actually, let's talk
about it. What's your problem?
No, I-- that wasn't a hate.
You think every single person
that you meet is the one.
But I actually--
You have such excellent taste
in partners, I see why you
could feel that every single
person that you ever
even mentioned
going on a date with
could be the one.
And it's because
you have excellent taste.
That wasn't a dig. It was
more of an acknowledgment.
That was such...
a roundabout way
to just chat utter shit.
Did you hear the words
as they left your mouth?
Did they make sense
to you as they were leaving?
I haven't seen a person in real
life in, like, four months?
Except for,
you know, at the grocery store
and obviously the liquor store.
Yeah. I mean,
obviously, these all--
These are all Zoom dates.
So, I've been going
on, like, loads of, like,
blind Zoom dates.
I was really jealous. I thought
you were dating in person.
Um, but I'm
glad that we're all--
We're both in the same boat.
Um, but I haven't been on
a date yet, per se.
But I have been
talking to somebody new.
We met on a dating app,
and he's really handsome.
He has really good taste
in music, which I feel
like is pretty rare,
because mine is specific.
But also he's just,
I don't know.
He's really kind and
funny and we've been talking--
Like, ever since
I met him we've been talking,
like, pretty much every day.
-Oh, my God. What's his name?
His name is Reed.
Hmph. Okay. Is he white?
Why can't you just settle
down with a nice
-Sadie. Sadie.
-Black guy? You know?
I went to school
in Amherst, Massachusetts.
I don't know what
you guys expect for me.
Every single time I talk to
anyone of you, "Is he white?"
And is he most of the time?
Sure. But it's also like,
I had my sexual awakening
in a very white place.
I just assume
that kind of anyone--
Mm, I was going to say
Ooh, you were
gonna make fun of me.
What were you gonna say?
I assume that dudes
who look like they could
be mixed are mixed.
Like, I don't give
them the benefit of the doubt,
until proven otherwise.
Wow. Massachusetts
really fucked you up, huh?
[Naomi laughing]
That's actually not fair,
'cause now that I say that
out loud, like, people assume
that because I'm light-skinned,
that I have a white parent.
And it's like,
"No, I'm just Cape Verdean.
Those are my rapist ancestors."
Anyway... Um, so Sara's
still out of town.
She is not
really taking
the same considerations
that I am.
She just does
things that I'm just like,
"Why are
you doing these things?"
You know, like,
why are you making the choices
that you're making?
Especially during
a pand-- I don't-- What?
Okay, so we're
doing the neck roll now?
Listen, I just--
I have aches--
You're so fucking irritating.
[doorbell buzzing]
Shit. Give me one second.
Doorbell just rang.
Oh, hey. How's it going?
What's up?
Oh, you know, same old.
Just, uh-- just making
my rounds.
[Naomi] What you, uh,
delivering today?
Oh, you know, just, uh...
It looks like some groceries.
A few of these discreet ones,
you know what I'm sayin'?
Discreet ones?
[courier] Yeah, this is
a bunch of dildos.
[Naomi] You can tell
when you're delivering a dildo?
Nothing else shakes.
[Naomi] That's
actually an excellent point.
Anyway, nice to see you.
I know you busy.
You have a good rest
of your day. Take care.
Oh, shoot. Hey!
Hey, hi, um, hi, sorry.
Hey! Hey! How's it going?
Hey. Hey.
Um, how's the--
how's the baby?
She's growing like a weed.
Eight-three-quarters weeks.
Eight and three quarters
weeks. Wow. Parenthood, huh?
How-- How are you?
They never ask about the dad.
How are you doing?
You gettin' any sleep?
[chuckles awkwardly]
This is so weird.
And I'm going to preface
it by just saying
that off the bat.
I apologize in advance.
But can I ask you a question?
I just need a man's
perspective on something,
and I have no one.
So, basically I've
been talking to this guy
-on a dating app--
-[neighbor] Uh-huh--
For, like, the duration
of quarantine, right?
And he's really great.
And it's been months
and this is,
like, the longest time
that I've ever talked
to someone who I intend
to go on a date with,
without actually going
-on a date with them--
-[neighbor] Uh-huh.
And so we have
decided that we want to meet up
in person, right?
Socially distanced, of course.
Very safe, like,
six feet apart,
maybe at a park
somewhere outside.
Like, the whole shebang.
But I know my roommate,
who is not here yet,
but who is gonna
be back sometime soon,
I imagine,
is going to be really,
really pissed about that.
Uh, not only from, like,
a coronavirus perspective.
Like, she's
worried that I'm gonna go,
get the disease,
bring it back home.
We're both gonna have it,
it's gonna be horrible.
We'll get the long
term stuff with the bad lungs
and, like, the weird smell.
But then
also from, like,
a different perspective
that I don't really want
to bore you with that 'cause
it's even so weird that
I'm having this conversation
-with you in the first place--
-[neighbor] Yeah--
--and I'm so sorry again,
but I guess what I'm asking is,
do you think it's fucked up
if I hang out with this dude?
[neighbor] Uh...
How would she know?
[birds squawking]
That is an excellent point
that I did not consider.
And thank you so much.
And again,
I'm so sorry about this.
This was so weird.
I apologize for everything
and who I am as a person.
Um, have a good
rest of your day.
-Uh-huh. Yeah, you too.
-[Naomi] Take care.
[neighbor] Hey, wait.
What's your name?
Oh, right. Buh, duh.
Um, I'm Naomi.
Nice to meet you.
[window dragging]
Sorry. Sorry,
sorry. Sorry, sorry.
Don't be like that, Sadie.
It's not like
I did it on purpose.
Yeah, but you took your sweet
time, didn't ya babe?
I was talking to my neighbor.
He's like--
He's like a cool Brooklyn dad.
Okay. But I'm also cool,
and I'm in the UK.
I think
that trumps it, doesn't it?
Don't say Trump around me.
Oh, shit. Sorry.
Anyways. I miss,
like, actual New York.
Remember the last
time you came here?
[Naomi] We had so much fun!
I actually don't
super remember it.
Do you remember the time--
Okay. Do you remember
going to House of Yes
the last time you were up?
You remember the
woman that stroked my back?
The white woman.
She was on
her way to your hair.
She was on her way to
your hair. And she said,
"You just look so beautiful."
And we said--
Uh, ma'am.
I know. I'm aware. Thank you.
But I didn't even feel it.
It was you being like,
"Excuse me?"
Well, there's certainly one
thing I'm not going to allow.
And it's white shenanigans.
Not on my watch.
Speaking of white shenanigans,
what you gonna
do about Sara?
I don't know.
It feels so bad to be critical
of someone who has, like,
been there for me.
I think that being
alone for so long,
specifically without her,
has really given me the time
to reflect and be like...
do I even miss her that much?
And, like,
of course I miss her.
I love her so much.
But it's never-- I don't know.
It's never anything,
like, malicious or,
like, mean or bad.
Like, I don't
think she's a bad person.
It's just, like,
little things, you know?
Yeah, but those little things,
they add up.
And, I mean,
did you even hear, like,
the way you were just talking?
Like, you say one
little thing about her,
and then you have to follow
it up with, you know,
"I love her so much. Like,
I can't wait 'til she's--"
Like, come on!
It feels like you're policing
and self-checking yourself.
Like, she doesn't
necessarily have to sit
in your mind as a bad person.
It's just,
"Have I outgrown her?
Have I outgrown
this friendship?"
Is it one-sided at the minute?
And are you okay with that?
Yeah, you're right.
I-- It's just hard.
You know? I've been
friends with her for so long.
And yes, I said
you were right. Okay?
Write it down. Report it.
Post it to Facebook.
Mm. Ugh. Delicious.
I actually can't tell
how much of that is just
you speaking confidently
with a British accent, though.
So, don't-- Let's not take it
all the way to the heart.
-Okay. Okay.
I'm gonna stop you there.
Sadie, how's auntie?
She's good. She's good.
So, you know,
she's a key worker. So,
I just-- I haven't seen her.
I haven't seen her much
in, like, the last six months?
Every time I've seen her,
she obviously
is bringing up Naomi.
"How's Naomi doing?
What's she up to?"
-Blah, blah, blah.
-I've always been
her favorite niece.
[laughs obnoxiously]
I wish you-- Like, I think
she wishes she could have
you as a daughter,
but she's
already got one, so...
Imagine me with
a British accent. Ugh.
You'd be unbearable.
You're such a bitch.
Oh, my God.
I have to go make dinner.
But I loved chatting with you.
-I love you.
-Thank you for your advice.
Ugh. Thank you [retches].
Thank you for your advice.
I love you.
I love you so much.
I love you, too.
Same time next week?
Mwah. Yes. Perfect.
Love you so much. Bye.
[line dropping]
["Win Win"
by Elkin playing]
This win-win, this win-win
I'm leaving him
tomorrow night
We could, we should,
maybe we might
We cut it off, let it begin,
this win-win
-[phone dings]
-[Naomi] Oh, shit.
I tossed, I turned
Thought you were
peaceful as sunrise
I was dying to whitewash
the red out of my eyes
Say it is
but not convinced
Say it is a win-win
[grungy music
plays over speaker]
[loud chewing]

[music cuts out]
[electric toothbrush vibrating]
[hums melodically]
[phone dinging]
[texts dinging]
[Naomi tsks]
Quarantine night 83.
Of course
Sara's coming back
the night of my date
with Reed.
Don't we just love that?
I just want
someone to touch my butt.
I don't think
I'm asking for too much.
It's human nature. Also,
maybe we can make it work.
Like, Sara's coming
back for the evening.
We're doing
the dinner at night.
So, maybe I can do something
with Reed during the day.
We can go sit six
feet apart at Prospect Park.
Or, I don't know,
get some takeout and sit
on opposite sides
of the bench and...
I dunno. Not make eye contact.
That was some wild shit she
said, though. The MLK thing?
How do you have a Black
best friend for this long
and still fix
your face to say something
stupid like that?
Especially right now.
Like, you can go on
Twitter for 10 minutes
and find threads and threads
of resources and, like,
things to read
to make you not sound
like such a racist idiot.
And I know she's
on Twitter.
It's-- I mean, it's not
my job to educate her,
but also she could take two
seconds to educate herself.
And you think
that she would want to.
Like, she'd want
to support me.
But instead, she's,
like, partying in Florida
with her friends at
a bar in a literal epicenter
of coronavirus,
while I'm up here,
planning her
welcome back dinner.
Maybe Sadie was right.
Maybe she doesn't deserve it.
Maybe I should just
keep my date the way it is,
and she can just wait.
I don't know. I'm probably
overthinking this.
I should just talk to her.
Anyway. I'm going to bed.
Good night.
[phone ringing]
Good morning.
Oh, did I wake you, baby?
You're all right, Mama.
I woke you up.
I'm sorry.
That's okay. I shouldn't be
sleeping this late anyway.
-What's up?
-I just miss you, I miss you.
I miss you, too.
How's it goin' down there?
It's going, you know?
We doin'
our little sanitizing thing,
and wash our hands,
you know we're very safe.
We are collectors of all
things disinfectant, so...
[Naomi laughs]
-We have a routine.
-We're doing the same thing.
And cases are, like,
going down.
So, I don't want
you to worry about me either.
I'm-- I'm trying not to.
I know you're smart.
I'm "smaht." Wicked "smaht."
[both laughing]
Um, what's new? What
do you guys got goin' on?
Nohtin', workin' in my garden.
My garden's lookin' hot.
-Oh, shoot!
-I got this big,
giant Volkswagen bus to put
in the middle of my garden,
for all the flowers to grow
through and stuff.
'Cause, you know I'm a hippie
at heart, right? You know--
-You got--
-I like, I love Volkswagen,
so... And it was from my
friend at the flower shop.
She had it as a display
and I asked her about it.
And she said,
"I'mma let you have that."
So, it was--
it was meant to be.
Guess what, Mumma.
So, I've been talking to a guy.
-Yeah. I met him--
-Is he white?
I'm sorry. You know
I have to ask.
-No, you--
-You know? I want to know what
my grandchildren
are gonna look like.
Every single time.
Every single time. I--
No. He's not white.
To be clear, he's not.
-I'm not sure he is.
And it feels uncouth to ask.
I'm so sorry.
Baby. You know you guys
can bring home anybody.
As long as you love
them and they love you,
then we'll love them.
Well, we're not
there yet, but we'll see.
-But it's just--
It's just been nice to,
I don't know,
have someone to,
like, talk to since Sa--
I mean, Sara's still gone.
She's down
with her parents still. But...
You have to kind
of understand that
from her perspective
a little bit.
I get why she-- I mean,
I know you guys would
kill to have me home right now
but I just didn't-- There's too
much of a risk, you know?
Plus, I want to be
here for the protests.
-Like, everything that's--
I-- I have to tell you,
I'm so proud
of you young people
right now, I really am.
Especially you young kids of
color 'cause I never thought
that you guys would have
to go through some of the shit
that we went through,
you know?
And it-- it was--
it was awful.
But you guys are
organizing and you're smart.
And I look at you and say,
"God, there is hope
for this world."
Because my mother was
a radical and there was a time
when she took us uptown,
we used to call it,
to sit at the Woolworth's
counter to get some ice cream.
And the white waitress
wouldn't wait on us.
She just kept
walking back and forth.
But my mother insisted.
We didn't say anything.
We were dressed in our Sunday
best and we stood there.
And she finally had no
choice because it was almost
the end of the day,
and she waited on us.
-That was your grandmother--
-I love--
I love that Ma
made you do that.
I'm about to become
a Black Panther. This--
This has
radicalized me all over.
I was a Black Panther once.
I told you that story, right?
I love the face. Yep, when--
You know, historically,
people don't realize
that the Black Panthers
got together
for the protection
of the neighborhoods.
And one of the first
things they did was start
a breakfast program, because
if you don't feed kids,
-they can't learn.
And their headquarters
was on the way to my school.
So, we used to walk there,
get breakfast.
And then
eventually we got the berets,
the black berets,
and a turtleneck.
-And they took us on guard--
-[Naomi] Mom!
And we trained for the
revolution until my parents--
Why have you never
told me this story before?
I thought I did.
We-- We did that until
your grandmother found out.
And that was the end of
my Black Panther experience.
Oh, I'm sure Ma
was thrilled, huh? Thrilled.
-My God.
-[both laugh]
I was talking to Sara.
And she said some,
like, weird... stuff about--
Like, you know, the old
talking points that like,
"Oh, well, people should
be protesting peacefully,"
you know? Or like,
"Oh, well, riots
never, like, got anything done.
Like, you know,
MLK was a peaceful protester."
-And it's like--
-And he still got killed.
That's what I-- I just
don't-- I don't get it.
And it's like, you think--
I've been friends
with her for so long.
We took the same
classes in college.
She's had me,
a Black best friend for, like,
years and it's so wild
that she still hasn't, like--
-learned any of it.
-Naomi. She's scared--
-She's scared.
-I just don't... I don't know.
It's-- It feels strange to,
like, be so close to someone
and live with someone
and them have those opinions.
You know?
Just because
you live with someone
doesn't mean
you need to like them.
Look at me and your dad.
Oh, please. You guys
are obsessed with each other.
[Naomi's dad] Hey, baby.
Your coffee's ready.
-Thank you, baby.
-[Naomi's dad] You're welcome,
-sweetheart. I love you.
-Oh, Speak of the devil.
-Ugh, gross, gross, gross--
-See, your dad just--
[dad laughing]
There you are.
Hi, Papa, what's up?
I can't see you.
Where's your face?
There you are.
My face is right here.
Here I am. Sorry.
I'm-- I'm still adjusting
to all this, uh,
you know, FaceTiming and--
This technology. What's new?
You got anything new going on?
Oh, absolutely.
Hang on one second.
Oh, shoot, what is that?
Don't know what he's bringing.
Might be a new grilling hat.
You know he loves his big hats.
He do love a-- Have
you guys been cooking out?
-Yes, we have.
-Yeah, you seen
the grillin' hat.
Got some new hot peppers.
I got some
jalapenos out there, too.
-You grew those?
-I did.
I got two green thumb parents.
It's a beautiful thing.
-Isn't it?
-It is.
You guys-- Dad,
an excellent job, Papa.
I'm very proud of you.
Well, thank you, I-- You know,
I-- I live for you to--
for those moments
that you tell me
that you're proud of me.
[Naomi laughs] You're too much.
I'll talk to you guys soon.
I'm gonna go hop in the shower.
Um, but you guys wanna, uh,
Facetime maybe later this week?
All right. Cool.
-[Naomi] Yeah.
Do you think while
you're in the shower,
you might shave your pits?
-Thank you for your wisdom--
-I love you so much.
-Always love to hear from--
-You're so pretty. You know...
I love you--
-Shave your armpits.
Shave your armpits.
-[Naomi's dad laughs]
[line dropping]
Good morning, me.
It's, uh, quarantine day...
Ah, I was planning
on calling my mom today.
Apparently we were
right on the same page
because she called me
incredibly early this morning.
You know, this is a woman
who got bussed to school,
who took me
to pro-choice protests for,
when I was like, little, for
as long as I could remember.
She went to college and
became, like, an Angela Davis,
giant Afro,
Black power feminist.
I've seen
the pictures.
And she still has
the nerve to give me shit
about having armpit hair?
Gotta love her.
Oh, as of this morning,
when my
unemployment check cleared,
I officially have 10K
in savings. Can you believe?
I officially have enough to
move in by myself if I want.
I can have my own place,
like a real adult.
I could have
an in-unit washer-dryer.
I could have a dishwasher.
I could have a dishwasher.
I could have plants.
I could have plants
and keep them alive.
I could be a mother.
But it's like...
do I want to move
in to a place by myself?
Or do I want
to just not live here?
[shower running]
[texts dinging]
[harp-text dinging]
[curtain dragging]
[soft rock song plays]
[volume increases]

[phone ringing]
-Hello. What's up?
Hey! Good to see you.
Are you naked?
-No. I'm wearing a towel.
-Oh, good.
Um, best friend
says what?
-Wow, I just--
-Oh, my God, I--
-hit myself in the eye--
-Yeah, I--
Mine was so weak.
I'm getting so rusty.
Yeah. What's wrong with us?
Oh, my God.
Well, I haven't seen
you in so long. It's-- I'm--
I'm like-- I'm basically,
like, not a person anymore.
Yeah, I'm like a hull.
I'm more of a hull.
Um, okay, quickest thing.
Um, so--
Are you pregnant?
No. Oh, my God.
You know I wish. Uh! Um--
-[Sara laughs]
-So. Okay.
Right before
you texted me last night,
um, Reed had
texted me and was like,
"Hey, I'm free on Friday.
Do you want to, like,
make actual plans to hang out?"
And so, I was wondering
if there's any chance
that you would be okay
with rescheduling
our welcome back dinner
so I can go on the first date--
ah!-- with this dude in ever.
Um, would that be okay?
Heh. I don't know.
I feel kind of like...
I'm just surprised.
I guess I was--
My reaction--
I'm realizing that
I really did want to do it.
Like, I wanted to have
a good-- But it's fine.
-I'll just--
-No, no, no. Oh, my God. I--
-[Sara speaking indistinctly]
-Obviously, I want to do it.
I was, like,
really looking forward to it.
I was thinking
that maybe we could literally
just reschedule
it to Saturday night.
Or even, if you want,
like, a brunch on...
on Saturday morning?
That could be fun, right?
Wait, so you were gonna,
like, go on a date with him
and then you'd want to get,
like, brunch the next day.
-Well, we'd make--
-But what about, like, COVID?
Sorry, I-- You cut out.
Just what--
I-- Just-- Sorry.
What about like-- I was
just thinking about COVID.
Like, so you're going
to hang out and then like,
we're just-- we would eat
the next morning to get--
like, I don't know,
I feel like--
That's just, like,
kind of, like, confusing to me
based on the rules
that I'm seeing online.
Yeah. Um, obviously,
we would totally be safe.
And I've been
being safe up here.
-[Sara speaking indistinctly]
-The household is COVID-free.
Yeah, no, sorry.
I just-- I think, like--
I don't know,
I just was, like, really--
I've been really
looking forward to it.
Like, I haven't seen
like, a friend in so long.
And I was so looking forward
to, like, I don't know,
making dinner
but it's-- it's totally fine.
And I totally see, like,
that changing it one night
is not going to change
things in the way
that it feels like it's--
It's-- I'm just having
a reaction
and I'm-- It's fine.
Um. Okay. Let's just
have the dinner. I'm sorry.
-I didn't mean to, like--
-- make it weird-- No, no, no.
I didn't mean
-to make it weird. I'm sorry--
... talking about it nonstop.
You've been talking
about going on the date
non fucking stop
and the dinner won't--
like, literally
won't be fun if you want
to have gone
on a date instead.
No, it's gonna--
So, I don't even
wanna do a dinner
-if it's not gonna be fun.
-It's gonna be-- can-- Okay.
-Sara, realistically--
--can you picture you and I
not having a good time,
stuffing our faces
together and drinking
your mom's shitty wine?
Well, no, I really, really--
That's what I want.
And it's gonna
happen because I--
I'm not even cut up--
This is a-- This is a guy.
Have you ever
known Naomi Parsons
to be caught up over a dude?
Be honest. Like, it's not--
-Once in a while [indistinct].
-Truly not a problem.
-Reed's not going anywhere.
I'll hang out
with him another time.
We are gonna have
our dinner tomorrow
and I'm so excited. Um...
Also, like, that means
I get to go to the Co-op
and get groceries, which
is like-- you know I love
-that shit.
-Oh, my God, I love the Co-op
-so much.
-I love going to the Co-op.
It's also, like,,
that's kind of, like,
the only human contact
I have in my life right now.
-So, it's like, I can't wait--
-You'r ready.
-- to go get some groceries,
hang out with my--
my Co-op people.
Um, I'm gonna get
some wine too.
Okay, but text me
about what you want to get
because obviously
I want to be a part of, like,
-the cooking and stuff.
-Wait, should we just decide
right now?
Yeah. Okay.
So, get, like, some vegetables
that look really
good or seem special.
And then, cheese!
-We have to do
the cheese plate.
We have to do the cheese plate.
-Yeah, that was so good.
-I'm gonna get--
You-- You're gonna
make me do it.
I'm gonna get
a triple cream brie.
Please! Like, that--
Get that one we got last--
I took a photo of the label.
I'll send it to you.
Yeah, text it to me.
Okay, yay. Okay. I'm excited!
Um, I'm excited too.
I can't wait to see you.
-Me too.
Love you so
much and see ya soon. Ah!
Okay. Love you, bye.
Love you, bye!
[line dropping]
["Bummer Boy"
by Kahiem Rivera]

Older now
make a little more pesos
But I keep it a secret
don't show the bank roll
Got no allegiance to Jesus,
he's too facetious
I'm beaming
cuz when I'm dreaming
I'm seeing what
I believe in, eh
I got a demon brain
[music cuts out]
["Like I Used to"
by Abby Mak]
[door bell chimes]
[road din]

[notification sounds]

[sachet ripping]
[spoon scraping]
Hey, Naomi!
Oh, hey! How's it goin'?
Hey, how are you?
Um, you know, I've been better.
I'm eating macaroni
and cheese, uh, directly out
of the pot so I think
that says a little somethin'
about, uh, where
my head's at right now.
Um, but how are you?
Ah, doin' all right.
Hey, listen. I been
thinkin' a lot about your,
uh, situation.
Uh, I think you should
just be honest with yourself.
No reason to sneak around.
You clearly want to hang
out with this guy, you know?
So, just put your foot down.
Life is short.
You're right. And, like,
I think in an ideal world,
I would have, like,
a best friend and roommate,
who I could be
honest with about things
without expecting
some kind of, like,
passive aggressive backlash.
Um, you're absolutely right.
Everybody's right.
I appreciate
you thinking about it.
Um, thank you. I'm gonna
to go put this into a bowl
and sit on the couch and
eat it, um, to maintain some
semblance of normalcy
and feel like I'm not spiraling
out of control,
but again, thank you so much.
Um, have a good
rest of your day.
Yeah, you too.
All right. Awesome.
Bye, little one!
[spirited early
2000s rock playing distantly]

[keypad clicking]
[tweet sending]
[phone ringing]
Hello-- Ooh. Girl.
-Oh! Ah, are we drinkin'?
-Yeah. Oh--
-Hey. Hoo.
-[Naomi] Cheers, y'all!
-[excited chatter]
-Hey y'all.
Look at us. What's up?
I somehow thought that you--
You were gonna
ignore that we were--
You know,
I sent the Zoom request--
-I was close, but...
-Yeah, I felt you weren't--
'Cause you didn't
respond to the text messages.
I had to put on a shirt!
To respond to texts?
Mentally, yeah.
-It's a state of mind.
I will say that I am desperate
for human contact right now,
so I am
thrilled that you called--
I'll take what I can get.
Um, I have a reason.
So. Okay, I saw online,
on Twitter, whatever,
that apparently
Carson Wentz is mixed.
You know who he is? So,
he's a Eagles football player.
So, I look into this, right?
The tweet disappears 'cause
you know how Twitter be.
And it turns out
that I had misread
and that wasn't true at all.
Or I just can't read.
Actually, it turns
out Pete Wentz is Black.
Pete Wentz from Fall Out Boy!
Did you know this?
He's half-Jamaican.
That story had so many
turns in it.
Are you guys
just being pretentious
or did you actually know this?
I have crazy news. Wait.
Did you know that Mariah Carey
is half-Black?
See, Khadijah,
that's why a little bit,
I was like,
"I hope she doesn't answer,"
'cause I knew she's gonna
say some smart-ass shit.
[all laughing]
That's why. That's--
You don't have
to be disrespectful to me.
I just came
here with some words
-to share with my friends--
-I can't-- I cannot.
It was a shocker
because when I thought
about the music
and then him, I said,
"Girl, why didn't
you think that before?"
That's what I'm saying,
so I wanted to share that.
I should've called my white
friends. That's what
I should've done 'cause they
would've been like, "Oh,
you always tell us somethin'
we didn't know."
You just, "I should've
called my white
friends"-ed us.
I oughtta kick you
out the zoo.
I feel like, okay, you have to
take into consideration
the current political climate.
-are they gonna to be, like,
-Don't bring that in.
actually thrilled to be like,
"Oh, my God, Pete Wentz, yeah,
half-Black." Or are they just,
like, patronizing you?
You know what? How are y'all?
-How are you doing?
We're doin' okay. I'm okay.
Wait, you guys taking
care of yourselves?
I miss you. This is horrible.
On a scale of, like,
one to 10,
I'd say I'm doing six,
which is good considering--
That's like pandemic good.
Yeah. I think that's really,
really good. It-- It--
What are the protests
like in L.A. right now?
Uh, you know, I went to
one and, um, it is definitely
a mix of people
who are there,
who really care, you know?
People who are really trying
to be a part of the change.
And then you have people
who are definitely
there because they need
to take some pictures.
So, it's really sifting
through that. We actually,
um, you know,
went to one, me and Khadijah,
where it actually wound up
being a music video
instead of just a protest.
So, that was really...
There was a girl
I'll never forget--
Oh, yeah.
She got on the mic,
and I was like,
"All right, here we go. Like--
-[Lyssa] Yeah--
-People are gonna speak from
their heart. And then she
started singing, I think,
"We Are the World"
by Michael Jackson.
And then that folded
into a Whitney Houston song.
And then that folded
into "Fly Like an Eagle."
And then that folded into--
She just wanted to sing!
[Lyssa] And then remember that
one girl that wouldn't wear
a mask and she was
over there being cute.
Like, "Oh, my God.
Why do I need to wear a mask?
Um, like, I'm just
at a protest with a bunch
of Black people who are
the most marginalized group
here during this pandemic."
She to me was like,
"Basically, you should just
be happy that I'm out here."
And I was like,
"You could go home."
And her and all
her friends were like,
"Put on your mask, it's okay."
And she was like, "Fine."
So, that's the climate in L.A.
What's it like there?
Now I feel like I'm
bragging 'cause I went
to a protest and, like, the
only issue I had with it is,
I mean, obviously, A, the
police were just beatin' people
-up with reckless abandon.
And B, it was like,
um, I was alone, you know?
Like, my roommate
is still in Florida.
So, I was just, like, by
myself. But also, I don't know.
I was watching
people get, like,
batoned and
pushed over by the cops.
And, like, random people
who didn't even know them
coming and, like, scooping
them up and helping them.
And, like, asking
if they need water
and asking if
they need, like, medical care.
It was really beautiful.
New York comes
together when it has to.
And everyone
was wearing a mask.
I wish you weren't by
yourself. That's scary to me.
Yeah, it's weird.
It's been... Nice.
Oh, that face.
Y'all mind if
I pop off real fast?
Y'all mind if
I pop off real fast?
Honey, welcome
to the Red table.
I can't!
What's on your mind,
Okay, so, um...
So, she's been gone
and I miss her, obviously.
She's my best
friend in the whole world.
And, like, I've known
her for so long but she--
I've been talking to this guy--
Yeah, you said. You told
us about the other day--
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Reed.
We still are talking.
And he's, like, great.
So, what's the deal?
Are you guys gonna, like,
meet up soon?
We-- Okay.
We talked last night.
And we made kind of a solid
plan to hang out, right?
I was really excited.
Feeling myself.
And then right
before I went to bed,
I got a text from Sara.
"I'm coming back on Friday."
In two days on Friday. She's
giving you two days notice?
Yeah, she told
me this Wednesday.
And, like, Sara
and I had plans to have
this big elaborate,
like, welcome back dinner,
which I assume is going
to take place on Friday night
'cause that's when
she would be coming back.
Do you think I should
reschedule with Reed
and just save
myself the headache
of her being pissed about it?
Or what? What do I do?
Like, I--
Did you just
hear yourself talk!?
I'm not even gon' say nothin'
because let me tell
you something, Naomi.
Like, I know
that's your friend and all
but, like... Like, I don't--
Like, I just feel like...
You know, that girl's
not my type of people.
I'mma just say that. Can I--
'Cause I feel like
I shouldn't say that much
because I...
Lyssa doesn't
want to say that much.
And Lyssa doesn't
have to say that much.
So, I will say it.
She stinks!
Every time you talk about her,
there's some sort of problem.
-Not stinks--
-She stinks, man!
Okay. Okay.
All right.
Well, I'mma-- I'm gonna
piggyback off of what--
It's all in
the open now, let's just--
Yeah, I mean-- I-- 'Cause we--
Me and Khadijah
talked about this--
Popcorn. Pop to Lyssa.
We've talked about
this before, me and Khadijah.
And you are our friend so we
don't want to talk about,
you know, like, your friend.
But I just want to say to you,
you know, you don't have
to stay friends with someone
just because you're
friends with someone.
You don't have to do that.
I'm just sayin'--
Why you always
gotta say something
that cuts so deep?
I don't like Sara,
really, if I can be honest.
Like, well,
as a person, it's not--
It's just like, she just--
Every time you bring her up,
it's always stuff like this.
Like, she's so, just
exhausting and time-consuming.
Like, you need
to put rules on some
of your friendships,
too, if that makes sense.
Like, she can't just
keep ruining your schedule
and taking up
your space and your energy
and controlling
your life. Like,
we would talk about
a guy like this
and be like,
"Who does he think he is?"
And you also
should be able to feel safe
telling her that,
"Hey, girl,
um, I'm hanging
out with this guy I just met."
Because if you told one
of us that, we would be like,
"Oh, girl,
go get you some dick."
But she really
wants to consume
all of your time and space.
And those are all
of my words that lead
into Khadijah's
point which is--
[exaggerated Italian accent]
Ah, she a-stink!
I just--
I get where
you guys are coming from.
And how do you let
go of something that has
been so good
to you for so many years?
Or how do you even
come to terms that maybe--
With the fact that,
like, maybe it hasn't been
that good for
you for that many--
I don't--
-[Naomi groaning]
-I think it's the latter.
It's soundin' a lot
more like the latter.
If you keep trying,
trying, trying, right?
It's like you're
two glasses of water--
Follow me-- Right?
And that's friendship, right?
I'm here. I'm here--
You fill-- You help
fill each other up, right?
But if there's
a hole in the other glass
and you keep filling,
filling, filling,
that glass is sucking
everything out.
There's nothing left
to give back to you.
-You know what I mean?
-[Khadijah, indistinct]
-That was beautiful.
-When you do metaphors--
-That was beautiful--
-- you're like...
I be tryin'.
I be tryin', you know?
Sometimes I'm like,
I know you got a comm degree,
but you could have also
double-minored in philosophy.
-You know what I mean?
-I don't really think
I could have,
'cause all my metaphors,
they start with glasses.
It's just--
If you start a metaphor
with a glass or two of water,
you'll find
your way to the end.
I just think that right now,
you can just, like,
cut out the fat
because the fat
is not really helpful
moving forward.
Part of the reason I call
you guys is because I can
trust you guys
and I love you guys.
And I don't
really have too much space
for anything else.
Look at the world right now.
How much space
and time do you have,
for people who are not...
helping you, like--
I get it.
And you know what?
I'm gonna take what
y'all said into consideration.
[gasps] We got to
consideration, what an honor.
Next time. De--
Definitely next time.
Like, this time, I'm
for sure gonna have to just,
bite the bullet
and, like, reschedule my shit
'cause I'm not
mentally prepared to deal--
We spent all this time
for you to not listen to us?
Wait a minute.
No. I didn't sign up for that.
Listen. Personal growth is--
It's not a marathon.
-Well, it is--
-It is--
Personal growth is a marathon.
It's not a sprint. Okay?
Can you give me
a frickin' break?
You said--
You said the wrong thing
because you know you're wrong!
Sprint it!
Take a performance-enhancing
drug and run, kid!
Maybe this is,
like, the one last time
that I just reschedule so
I don't have to deal with it.
And then in a couple days,
we can have this conversation
and I'll move out, or I'll do
whatever I have to do.
-And we can just--
-No, no, no.
Because it's not
gonna be the last time.
You have to just
rip the Band-Aid off.
You are trying
to peel it off slowly
and you've been
doing that for a really
long time with this girl.
Once again, I don't know her.
But I don't
really like her like that.
So, I would love
to not be stressed out
by the conversation
about her, you know?
-[Lyssa speaking indistinctly]
-Yeah, I wanna
have stressful conversations
about, like, Reed texts.
Let's do that instead.
That seems so much more fun.
I want--
I wanted to talk about how
Pete Wentz was mixed.
And here we are
talking about Sara.
Lyssa, I got one for you.
Vin Diesel's Black.
Is she lyin'?
Lemme look this up.
Lyssa. Lyssa.
[Khadijah laughing]
-Wait, are y'all serious?
-[Khadijah] Vin Diesel's Black.
-To me, Barney was Black.
And also Arthur
from the TV show, Arthur.
The Brain is also Black.
The Brain celebrates Kwanzaa.
I actually think everyone in--
in the Arthur Universe
is Black,
except for Binky,
who is Dominican.
Binky is Dominican
or Cape Verdean.
Okay, let's take it easy.
I'm sorry,
but Binky is high
yellow Cape Verdean.
That's why he's yellow.
'Cause Binky's high yellow!
Did you guys know Kimora
Lee Simmons was half-Black--
I can't really have fun
on my own, can't I?
-We gotta let--
I'm gonna duck out before
she realizes that Barack Obama
is Black.
I love you both--
-Hey, what?
-[Naomi] Thank you guys so much
for talking to me.
I will do my best
and I'm not
making any promises.
So, the next time we talk,
don't come for me.
All right?
All right.
I love you both. Bye.
-Love you. Bye!
Bye. [sighs]
[muffled screaming]
[pieces clattering]
[phone ringing]
[water dripping]
Did you just flush the toilet?
What, you-- you heard that?
Are you-- Yeah.
Oh, fuck. Uh, let's pretend--
You know what?
Let's not even pretend 'cause
I'm just gonna go ahead
and say it:
you got a sance going on
in your place right now.
Okay. Okay.
I am in my frickin' feelings.
I think I deserve
to light a candle--
I feel like you--
you're summoning the devil.
That feels
a little like it goes
against my religious roots.
And I don't super appreciate
it, but also if I summon
the devil,
then I guess we'll just chill.
I got a couple bottles of wine.
I'll crack 'em open.
Okay. Now, that's just
hanging out and fun now.
Yeah, chillin'.
What's your night been like?
Oh, my God,
it's been so fucking boring.
I was, um... So,
you know I've been freelancing
-with that guy I told you--
about, editing
his video or whatever?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like a Zoom meeting.
And he stood up.
And, you know,
you're expecting me to say
this dude's hog was out.
That's not what happened.
He stands up and he's
in his boxer shorts.
And so, I was like,
"Okay, that's kind of weird,
kind of funny but
at least he's not like--
I'm not seeing
this dude's shwangus."
-And he stands--
-[Naomi] Sure, sure, his meat--
The meat is-- is in the pants.
-The meat is contained.
Um, but he stands up and he
hits the corner of the desk.
-And he lets out the most
insane yelp I've ever
heard in my life. It's--
-It was so--
He freaking bunned his weiner.
I would do the same thing!
Bunned his wiener.
How's your day been?
I mean...
Can we talk
about something quick?
Go ahead.
Um, literally right after
we made solid plans last night,
Sara texted me
and was like,
she's coming back tomorrow.
And we have
been talking for, like,
a couple of days
about when she gets back,
we were going to do
this whole elaborate
welcome back dinner.
I'm going to go to the Co-op.
I'm going to get groceries.
And let's say...
it seems like the time
that we would be
doing that would be
dinner time tomorrow,
which also seems, like,
maybe the time
that we would be hanging.
-And I thought like,
"Oh, maybe I could--
We could do, like, a day hang.
And then
I could, like, you know,
have the welcome back
dinner in the evening.
But it's like,
what if our day hang turns
into and evening hang,
you know?
So, I'd rather just hang out
on a day that we have,
like, all the time
in the world.
Um, and I also don't want
to deal with her
being passive
aggressive towards me.
Sure. And she'd
be angry about that?
Like, us hanging out?
No, she's not--
She wouldn't be mad.
Like, mad is the wrong word.
It's just like,
I just don't feel
like dealing with that.
And I also don't
want her to have to deal
with that after,
like, months of being away.
-Like, she deserves a good
Night first night back,
you know?
And I also just-- I don't--
I haven't
walked on eggshells in...
like, since she's been gone.
It's, like, not that I don't
know which eggshells
to step on, you know? Like,
I've been walking on eggshells
for our whole friendship.
And I know where to put
my feet. Right? Like, there's
some quail shells, right?
They're, like, feeble,
they're weak, they shatter.
There is, on the other
hand, like, an emu shell,
an ostrich shell,
like, it's thicker.
And you want to
step there to avoid, like--
-[Reed laughs]
-crushing all these little
egg-- Oh, my God.
This is so stupid.
I can't believe
this came out of my mouth.
You know what?
I'm coming over.
I am coming over tonight.
What are you talking about?
Coming over where?
Coming over here?
I'm going to that sance
in your place right now.
-I'm coming over.
-Wait, you're serious?
Yeah! Uh, I mean,
if that's cool with you. Yeah.
Like, you-- You're-- you're
gonna come over here, tonight?
Like, we're going
to hang out tonight?
Uh, and the situation
ideally would be
you would text
me your address.
I would show up at your place,
potentially with food.
And we would hang out.
Okay, yeah, absolutely.
Um, fuck.
All right. Cool. Let's do it.
Oh, one-- one-- one--
one-- one request on my part.
-I gotta see that crazy dress.
Oh, dude, that was
already gonna be-- be worn.
It's not a problem.
Just text me your address
and I'll be there.
I gotta clean my
apartment. All right.
I will text right now.
Um, word. I will--
-see you soon, I guess?
Yeah. All right. Awesome.
I'll see you soon, Naomi.
Oh, my God!
[line dropping]
["A Long Stroy Short"
by Betoko]

Oh. Hey, how's it goin', Reed?
Oh, hey Reed.
Yo, what's up, Reed?
No. No, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no.

[music fades out]
Okay. This is, um,
quarantine night 84.
Reed's coming over. Like,
he's coming here to my house.
[whispers] Reed's coming
over to this house.
I-- I don't even
know how this happened
but he's, like, on his way.
I don't really know the rules.
We're supposed
to stay six feet apart
but he's, like, in my house.
Do we keep the masks on?
What if we hook up?
What if he's the one?
What if it works out?
Like, what if
some random dude I met
on a random dating app
works out for me?
And we get married
and we end up together.
And we get an apartment
and we have little babies.
And of course, they're brown.
And I'm not sure
exactly which kind of brown
because I haven't
really asked.
And it could actually
be, like, a quarter white.
I'm not totally sure
how to broach that topic.
I'm gonna lose my mind.
I'm so excited!
I never get
to do spontaneous shit
like this when Sara's here.
[phone ringing]
Well, look who it is.
-Hey, what's up?
-Hey, nothin'...
How's it going?
Best friend says what?
-[both laughing]
-You look good.
-Thank you.
I figured I'd zhuzh
myself up for myself tonight,
you know.
Yeah. Well, okay,
so I-- I've been thinking
about it and I feel
really uncomfortable with...
you having
a date in our apartment.
And I'm-- I'm
just, like, panicked. Like--
Sara, I'm-- First of all,
not having
a date at the apartment.
Like, he's not coming here.
If we go on
a date when we reschedule,
it's going to be outside. Like,
I don't want
you to worry about that,
you know, like...
But if you're outside
and then you go inside
and then you, like,
touch our stuff, I feel like
you're not taking
it seriously. And, like,
it feels like you don't even
care that I could
get it from this.
Are you being
serious right now?
Of course I'm being serious.
I'm freaked out.
You just said that I'm
not taking it seriously, Sara?
I stayed in
New York City through, like,
the worst of this pandem--
Like, you weren't here
for the refrigerator trucks
full of dead bodies outside.
You weren't--
Like, the woman at the YMCA
down the street fucking died.
She caught
coronavirus and died.
You know the relationship
I have with that woman.
She's so kind. Like,
to say that I'm not taking
it seriously is, like, pretty
fucked because I'm witnessing
the death and destruction
and just chaos all around me.
And for you
to say that of all people,
someone who was, like,
literally going out in Florida
of all places,
to the bars, not wearing masks
with your friends,
just partying all night,
getting drunk to the point
where you don't even
remember what
you were drinking--
To say that I'm not
taking this pandemic seriously
is like, a little bit rich,
you know what I mean?
Not to be rude,
but, like, come on now.
'Kay, I went
to a bar one fucking time.
And I'm sorry
I haven't been in New York
but I had to be with
my family, it's my family.
-I'm sorry. I do-- I--
-That's not what I'm saying.
And you don't have
to apologize for that.
It's just, like,
I really don't appreciate--
It's not my fault
people are dying.
It's not my fault
that it's so fucking scary.
And I'm sorry
I don't know what it's like
but I'm doing
my own thing here.
Things aren't good here.
They're not good there.
And that's why I don't
understand why you would say
that I'm not taking it
seriously when you're going
out in a place
that you admit is not good.
It doesn't make any sense.
You're being such
a hypocrite right now.
I don't understand,
like, why you're
yelling at me?
I-- This doesn't make
any fucking sense. Like--
I'm not yelling.
It's just like--
You are yelling.
You're yelling at me.
And it's like, I'm sorry.
You're my one fucking friend.
What am I supposed to do?
[exhales forcefully]
Have you considered that
this is not about coronavirus?
Like, this is not
about the pandemic, right?
Because you obviously
don't care about the pandemic
if you're gonna go
out raging with your friends
at a bar in one
of the hot spots--
-It was one time!
-Let me finish. Let me finish.
It was more than one time.
And you know that 'cause
I'm on your close friends
on your stories on Instagram.
So, like, why are
you lying to me about this
when you know that I know
what the truth is, right?
Have you considered
that maybe you just don't
like when I do things that
maybe could not involve you?
Have you considered
that maybe the idea
of me dating this guy
means that you're not
going to be up my
ass all the fucking time?
And we're gonna
spend every second
of our lives together?
And that's been
the way that it has been
since we've known each
other for our whole friendship?
And you are terribly
afraid of that happening?
I think you're being kind of
a bitch about this whole thing.
Sorry. I'm not
trying to be mean.
And I realize that saying
the word "bitch" is,
like, mean. And you're my best
friend in the whole world.
But, like, think
a little bit deeper.
I think you're being kind
of fucked up to me about this.
So, you think I'm just
in your shadow all the time?
You think I'm just
trying to hang out with you,
and you don't even
want to hang out with me?
That's not what I said.
It's just, like,
things have changed
and we have evolved
past who we were--
You have evolved!
Sure! You've evolved!
You have a fucking boyfriend.
You have a fucking nice life!
I don't have a boyfriend.
I've never even met this dude.
I want to hang
out with him once, Sara.
Wha-- I-- I don't--
I understand.
Like, okay, fine.
I'm a fucking stunted
or whatever. And I'm like--
But I didn't think that--
I didn't think
that us being friends
was just
you being fucking bummed
that I want to hang out
and talk all the time.
I thought it was, like--
That's literally
not what I said.
Sara, I have not been
out of the house in months.
I've not been out
of the house in months.
All I want to do
is go on one date.
One date, where
we're six feet apart.
And we can't even see
each other's faces,
'cause we're wearing masks.
And I really don't think
that I'm asking that much.
And the fact
that you're harping on this
is, like, so indicative
of how you've been
for our whole friendship,
do you realize that?
Like, I feel like I can't
have anything without you.
What the fuck
am I supposed to do?
I think you're
supposed to get over the fact
that I'm gonna go
hang out with a person once.
I'll wash my hands
when I come home. Okay?
Like, I'll take my
clothes off at the door.
I'll-- Whatever you need me
to do, I'm doing this.
I'm sorry. I'm doing it.
You're being such a fucking
bitch. Like, this is crazy.
You're just gonna do
I guess it kind of fucking
takes one to know one, right?
We have so much
in common, right?
We spend all
this time together.
I guess we're
both bitches, right?
[door buzzes]
That's-- I ordered
a pizza and it's here--
I was so excited
to come back--
I ordered a pizza and it's
here. I have to go get it.
I'm sorry.
I will talk to you later.
No! You can't fucking go.
This is crazy--
[line dropping]
[door buzzing]
-[Naomi] Hey!
-[Reed] I brought the pizza.
[Naomi] Oh, wow. I almost
didn't believe you, but here--
-Cool if I come in?
-[Naomi] Whoa, um, come on in!
[Reed] Cool, yeah. Okay, cool.
Uh... Okay, I'll get this.
-[Naomi] Oh, it's the top lock.
-[Reed] Yeah.
[Naomi] Oh, um, the--
Sorry, second to top lock.
-[Reed] Okay. Yeah, okay.
-I-- Yeah.
They really should be universal
at this point. You know, like--
-[Reed] There's-- I'll-- Yeah.
-a-- like a shower.
-[Reed chuckles]
-[Naomi] Anyway, uh...
-[both laugh]
-[Reed] This is crazy, right?
[Naomi] Yeah, I can't believe--
I can't believe. This is-- Wow.
Um, do you want
a glass of wine?
Yes. That would be cool.
[Naomi] All right, all right.
Um, I'll grab some glasses.
Do you want
meet me at the couch?
[Reed] Yeah, sure.
Uh, cool. Whoa, this is nice.
Oh, thank you.
I actually, uh, built
the place myself.
-This is very good pizza.
-Yeah, I'm like, not--
Honestly, there was a lot
of ricott-- and I'm a fan.
And I was like, "Ooh,
is this gonna be too much?
Am I gonna be overwhelmed?"
I'm feeling great.
So, you're happy with
the amount of ricott--
I'm really, really...
Are we dropping the A?
-[rolls R] Ricott!
-[rolls R] Ricott!
I knew it. You're Italian.
Uh, yup. Naples.
Should we, like, do something?
Sure. You got
a board game or something?
Do I have
a board game or something?
Did I ask something strange?
No, no, no. I-- I just
thought this was a date,
not a playdate, but, um...
I have cards.
You wanna play some cards?
We can play Go Fish.
-[Reed laughs sarcastically]
-No, for real--
-Now, what does Joker mean?
Joker. Ah, they're actually
not supposed to be in there,
but I guess it means, like,
you can just put it down
and then put whatever
you want on top of it. Right?
Cool, uh, this and
then this, and then spit.
-You're such a fucker.
-Eight. Nine, nine--
What the freakin'--
I actually did warn you
that I was good at this game.
It sucked.
It sucked what you just did.
It sucks what I just did.
But also,
you suck at the game of Spit,
so I don't know
what to tell you.
-That's fair. That's fair.
-You wanna play again?
-Let's do it.
-[both chuckle]
I'll tell you what.
I have a game.
You are absolutely
going to love it.
-I am 100% in. I can't wait.
-You don't care what it is?
I'm just gonna
tell you what it is--
Tell me what-- I mean,
it's a game.
It's a movie game and
now we're about to do it.
It is the
Leonard Maltin Movie Game.
Yeah, I'm really--
Hold on. I'm really excited.
[Reed laughing]
I'm going to say
a year from a movie,
-so I'll just pick a year.
I'll give
you a clue for that movie.
-And then I'm gonna
read the cast from bottom up.
And in that process,
as soon as you know the movie,
just scream the name out.
-The year is the year 2000.
-Ah, excellent year.
-Turn of the millennium.
-Pre-911. Yeah.
I knew that you were gonna--
I just knew
that you were gonna be
the one out of us two to bring
up 9/11 on a first date.
-Why is that? Huh?
-You just seem--
Huh, I wonder why that is. Huh.
What the hell
is that supposed to mean?
I wonder why he would
be the one to bring that up.
-Okay. Okay.
First of all, I was leaning
Latino. See, my thing is,
I bring up the Atlantic
slave trade on a first date.
-And my friends are always,
like, "Why do you do that?"
And I'm like,
"Because it applies."
-I think you do have it.
-No, I definitely do.
-I think you do have it.
-I definitely do.
Um, is it
the film Heavyweights?
Should we move to London?
-Let me think.
-Is this too sudden?
No, actually,
I think it's perfect timing.
-But I've always felt like
more of a Newcastle guy.
Uh, ah... Oh, my God.
My cousin, Sadie, would
fucking kill me right now.
[both laughing]
I also-- You know what I love
about, uh, British television
is that you don't
have to be super hot.
You just have
to be a good actor.
-What's this guy's name?
-That's Jeremy.
-And that's Super Hans.
He's tied Super Hans
to a bed because Super Hans
is trying to kick
the drugs that he's on.
-I'll make you watch this
for the rest of the night.
We won't do anything else.
Don't frickin' tempt me.
Sure. Sure, sure.
We'll watch Peep Show for
the rest of the night. Cool.
[Naomi laughs]
So, I'm staying for
the rest of the night?
I mean, you're already here.
I can't send a poor
drunk man spilling wine
all over himself
out into the night.
-[Naomi laughs]
-I gesture when I speak.
Okay, that's because you're--
A fun guy.
[both laughing]
-Should we make out?
[both laugh]
Your hair is so soft.
Thank you. I've been
practicing to get it softer.
You've been practicing
to get your hair softer?
Yeah. Yeah. For in case
this instance happens--
I need you-- I need you to stop
You didn't even
call my hair soft.
-I haven't touched it yet.
-Okay, we're good.
I don't want
to be inappropriate.
There's one thing
I know is you don't touch
a Black woman's hair. [laughs]
I'm out of here.
[both laughing loudly]
[horn honks]
Is it morning already?
[Reed] Yeah.
The sun's blasting.
Um, I feel like I should
eat so that I'm not hungover.
-Are you hungry?
I could eat.
What could I make-- Oh.
Have you ever had
pizza reheated in a cast iron?
I can't say I have, no.
I'm about to blow your mind.
Watch this.
[Reed] That shit's
gonna be fucked up.
Wait. Actually.
I have to do
something really quick.
I'll be right, right back.
Okay, so this
is quarantine day 85.
I have to be really
quiet because Reed
is, like, right there.
We did that. And it was fine.
Like, it was perfectly fine.
And he's really sweet.
And is it a little bit
fucked up that I had somebody
who doesn't live here over,
during a pandemic?
Sure. But, like,
he's really smart.
And I feel like he's, like,
respectful, and I trust him.
And I know that I do,
because we have had
to take all this time to,
like, get to know each other
when we literally
couldn't hang out in person.
And I feel like normally,
it's like, you go
from meeting on Tinder
to, like, fucking
and never hearing from them
again in two and a half days?
And we've had,
like, almost four months.
I don't know.
I guess-- I just trust him.
And I don't think
that he would put either of us
at risk to get this disease.
You know, I've trusted dudes
before with mixed results.
But I feel good
about this one. [laughs]
Yeah, I don't know.
He's so kind.
And, like, his hair
is even softer in person,
if you can believe.
And I'm definitely
going to get a UTI.
Like, for sure.
I know my body.
I-- I should have peed.
Do you have to pee
after you get fingered?
They don't really
teach that in health class.
Do people still say,
"getting fingered"?
Maybe I'm out of touch.
Anyway. Part of me, like,
half-expected this dramatic,
sexy night
with, like, my concubine
forbidden to me
by my evil stepmother.
Probably a little
strange that my brain
immediately assigned Sara
as my evil stepmother, right?
Definitely some Freudian
shit there I gotta work out
but I don't have
time to unpack right now.
Speaking of, I...
hadn't really
thought about Sara at all.
Like, until this
moment since our--
Not argu-- Was it an argument?
I don't know. I don't
feel really good about it.
And like, did
I lie directly to her face
saying that Reed
wasn't going to be here? Sure.
But, like, it was last minute.
Like, I wasn't expecting it.
And I certainly wasn't
expecting that fight
last night. And...
She's never gonna
find out, right? Like...
No. I'm glad
it's out in the open.
I'm glad we're saying
something about it because--
I'm actually-- You know what?
I'm proud of myself,
because I stood up for myself.
And I feel like
normally when we get
into these
conversations, I like,
bring something
that's hard for her
to understand
about herself up.
And I'm met with like--
she brushes it off or she gets
really defensive
and starts crying.
And it-- I turn out
apologizing somehow.
And I'm sick of that,
like, this is something
that has
happened more than once.
And it's not just
about the pandemic.
It's, like, about
our friendship, obviously.
And like, one time
I made a bunch of baked ziti,
and I slaved over that baked
ziti. And it was delicious.
And the next day
there was a whole pan
of leftovers in the fridge.
And I got back
from work and she'd,
like, eaten most of it,
and she said she thought
it was because I was leaving
town that weekend,
but this was a Thursday,
so why would
I leave town on a Thursday?
Like, I was leaving
town that weekend,
but I would leave Friday.
And it turned into, like,
her crying and me saying sorry
for her eating my baked ziti?
That ricotta was expensive.
I did call
her a bitch to her face.
Not that I have any problem
with the word "bitch".
Like, we're taking it back.
That's ours.
And she called
me a bitch, too.
-I don't know.
I just feel like we need
to, like, talk about things.
Maybe we should go
to, like, couples counseling.
No, that's weird.
Why would I say that?
Like, we don't need
to go to couples counseling.
We're not a fucking couple.
We're just--
She's my friend. And--
Maybe she's not
even my friend.
Like, maybe
that's what this is.
Maybe we've just
outgrown each other.
And I have 10K
in the bank for the first time
ever in my whole life.
I can move out.
I could go on my own.
I could find
an apartment in Brooklyn
for 10K for at
least a couple of months
until I, inevitably,
have to go back home
and live with my
parents because the pandemic
has decimated the economy
and I don't know
if I'm gonna
be able to find a job.
Why am I even-- What am
I spiraling about right now?
I have a whole
ass man on the couch,
who I could make out
with and who I owe pizza.
-I owe him cast iron--
-[doorbell buzzing]
Um, should I answer that?
Yeah, do you mind?
You can just open the window.
It's probably
just the delivery guy.
He can leave it downstairs--
[Sara, distant]
Can you let me in?
I can't find my fucking key.
[window opening]
[Sara, louder]
Who the hell are you?
[Reed] I mean,
that's a loaded question.
Why are you in my house?
I'm a friend of Naomi's.
[phone ringing]
["Some Kind of Cadwallader"
by Algernon Cadwallader]
I pinned a flower
on my jacket
Because this night
means a lot to me
Then you went
And spilled the punch
All on my tuxedo shirt
White as a cloud, and now
I'm screaming out loud
Oh, man,
it's taking me over