Atoll K (1951) Movie Script
Who has never dreamed of knowing heaven on earth,
of sailing away to a desert island?
Well, here's a story
of such a dream come true.
A story that starts in London,
at tea time.
Which is not surprising
since it's always tea time in London.
On this particular day at the house
of The Honourable Mr. Bramwell.
Your tea, Mr. Bramwell.
The guest from America
is waiting outside.
The guest from America?
Oh, we can't keep him waiting.
Eh, gentlemen?
Well, don't stand there gaping, Pringle.
Show him in, immediately.
Will you go in now?
Mr. Laurel, I presume.
No, I'm Mr. Hardy,
Mr. Laurel's financial exchequer.
- But where is Mr. Laurel?
- Right here. Mr. Laurel is...
Ah, Mr. Laurel,
we've had quite a time finding you.
Now gentlemen,
let me introduce the two attorneys
that handled your late Uncle's affairs
in France and In Italy
Mr. Hardy... Monsieur Bonfois.
Mr. Laurel... Signor Paltroni
Signor Paltroni... Mr. Hardy,
Mr. Bonfois... Mr. Laurel.
My name is Bramwell.
Mr. Hardy!
Well, gentlemen...
Could we get down to business?
Oh, thank you, Stanley.
Now,
just how much was this legacy?
Oh, you Americans, you never seem
to believe in formalities, do you?
There's one thing about us.
We always believe in business before pleasure.
You see...
Pardon me...
Thank you very much.
Now, could we proceed?
As a matter of fact
we'd better get right to business.
Your Uncle was quite an eccentric.
He didn't believe in banks.
He insisted in keeping his money in cash.
- And here it is.
- What is it?
It's money...
I think.
Indeed, it is money,
and a very large sum.
- Italian lira.
- And French francs.
And English pounds.
Stanley...
Mr. Laurel, before we actually
turn this money over to you
there are some administrative charges.
These include, overhead legal charges,
deflation and motisation,
currency fluctuation, foreign exchange
and a few other incidentals.
Gentlemen!
Here's your receipt, Mr. Laurel.
Alright, gentlemen.
My dear Mr. Hardy,
there is another small item.
- What now?
- The taxes.
To save you time
we've had them all figured out.
Including, naturally,
a slight fee for our services.
These deductions represent, income taxes,
state taxes, inheritance taxes,
death taxes and living taxes.
And a few other plain taxes.
Gentlemen...
Wish Uncle had left me the taxes!
Is that all we get?
- Oh... But you also get an island!
- An island?
- And a beautiful yacht.
- A yacht?
A yacht. Yes. The yacht is tied
to a dock in Marseilles, France.
And the island is here,
in the south seas.
- Gee, that sounds wonderful, Ollie!
- Well, that sounds swell. But...
How much are the taxes on that?
Oh, none.
The island is absolutely tax free!
- Here's your money.
- The papers for the boat.
And this is the deed to the island.
Well, now, that cleans out.
I mean, that cleans up the estate.
- Gentlemen, I bid you good day.
- Come, Stanley.
Why don't you be careful?
Take a look.
Here's your little boat, gentlemen.
And here's your port clearance.
We're going to need a crew for this one.
A crew? What do we need a crew for?
I'm running this boat!
Well, let's get on it.
Oh, I beg your pardon.
Dock fees.
- How much?
- 19.000.
Thank you, sir
and bon voyage.
- Merci beaucoup.
- Good day.
- Bon tomorrow!
- Thank you.
It's a good thing he didn't take the taxes.
We'd have had nothing left.
Oh, pardon me. Thanks a lot for reminding me.
I forgot about it.
Monsieur...
Oh, thank you...
It's much too much, sir. Much too much.
What did you have to open
your big mouth for?
I didn't know he was going to take it.
Come on and let's take a look
at the boat.
We've got plenty of gas!
Let that thing alone!
Put that down!
- Look, theres a tunnel.
- Look.
See?
Let's go down.
Why don't you watch
where you're walking?
I couldn't help it.
Oh, never mind that...
Let's see what we've got here.
- I didn't know they were living underneath.
- Well, they've moved now!
- What'd he say?
- I wouldn't care to repeat it.
Come on!
- What happened?
- Mind your own business!
Oh, look!
What is it?
It's an emergency life raft for four people.
- You can't get four people into this thing!
- You don't understand...
Inside is a compressed air cylinder.
When you release the valve it blows up
large enough to carry four people.
- Well, what about me?
- You don't have to be insulting.
Haven't I always taken care of you?
You're the first one I think of.
I didn't mean to hurt your feelings,
Ollie.
Ollie.
Ollie.
Take that snake skin off
and get that cargo aboard!
What about me...
What about me?
Don't waste time like that.
Throw them to me and I'll put them there.
Look at that!
- What goes on here?
- There's a man in the cage!
- I bet it's Antoine again.
- But the guy must be mad.
- I'm a monkey, I tell you!
- He's a stateless man.
- A what?
- Somebody who has no nationality.
He's not a bad guy, really.
It's just that no country seems to want him.
He'd do anything to get back on land.
Let's go, Antoine.
Don't you know it's against the law
to land here without a passport?
Punish me, teach me a lesson,
put me in prison!
But remember, to put me in prison
you've got to let me land.
- How long has he been on your ship, captain?
- Oh, months.
He tried to get ashore at Tetrokovac,
Nagasaki, Caracas, Sydney,
Brooklyn, Salonika...
Everywhere we stop.
- All I ask for is a country.
- Well, get a passport!
Oh, that's easy to say...
How can I get a passport
if I have no country?
And how can I get in the country
if I have no passport?
I didn't make the regulations.
You're not allowed to land
in this country and that's the law!
Fine laws!
You land monkeys without a passport
but not human beings!
Take him back on board.
Let's go!
Canned food, one crate...
Canned food, one crate.
- Six sheets plywood...
- Six sheets plywood.
- Sugar, one sack...
- Sugar, one sack.
Oh... alright.
Won't you ever stop
playing hide and seek with us?
Go on.
Beat it and quick!
But you two always stop me.
Now, see here.
You're probably a good stonemason.
Why don't you go and work in Italy?
- But I'm an immigrant!
- That's just it. Immigrant in Italy.
Are you kidding? How can you immigrate
to place you've left already?
Well, maybe,
but one sure thing...
You're not going to leave Marseilles
without paying your passage.
Good morning, boys.
- What'd you say?
- I haven't opened my mouth!
Good morning, boys!
- Going on a vacation?
- We're going to the South Seas.
It's a long trip there
and a long way back!
But we're not coming back.
You see, we own an island
out there. Don't we, Ollie?
- Say, how do you start an engine?
- With a mechanic, of course!
We can't afford one.
We haven't got any money.
We did have
but they took it all for taxes!
Well, don't worry.
I'm going to send you a mechanic
and he won't cost you a cent!
- Well, everything's arranged.
- What is? My execution?
There are two characters along side.
They own an island in the South Seas.
You're invited.
And you won't need a passport
to get ashore.
Thank you.
Thank you.
- Good morning, Stanley.
- Good morning, Ollie.
- Where are we?
- Well, we're here.
We shouldn't be.
We'll have to change our course.
Keep her on course.
You can eat later.
- But I'm hungry.
- So am I! Selfish!
- Your hat.
- Oh, thank you.
Forgetting your manners
when you get...
Stanley, this is wonderful.
The sea, the sky, the sun...
And you and I alone
on the bounding main.
What do you mean, alone?
He's with us.
Oh, of course, Antoine.
He's our very, very good friend.
Yes, sir.
- And we'll share and share alike.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
Stanley, open the skylight
so we can get some of that good sea air.
You know what? You need glasses.
It's already open.
When you get to the island
you'd better see an optimist.
Hot rolls and butter.
And then Antoine will present his specialty.
That sounds good.
I'm going to enjoy that, I know.
I love cote du...
Hey, Antoine.
I suppose in the garnis
you use a small touch of garlic.
Oh, I hardly use a pinch.
A man that would steal food from a friend
is the smallest thing in the world.
Oh, I don't know...
All I hope, Stanley,
is that you enjoyed your roll.
How could I enjoy it,
when you stole it?
What do you mean, I stole it?
You stole it!
I would like you to know how happy I am
to have you both as my friends.
I would like to give you a toast.
- I give you friendship!
- Friendship!
Here's how!
Lets have another, eh?
- To Friendship!
- To Friendship!
- To Friendship!
- Here's to your health!
- Friendship...
- That's something really swell, no?
No!
Definitely no!
Ah, the chops are done.
Sit down, my friends.
Antoine is going to serve you
his masterpiece.
- What's the matter now?
- You know what's the matter.
I want my chop!
Varnished with garlic!
You've got a lot of nerve...
You want my chop
after you've eaten yours!
- I'm sorry.
- Well you should be!
Just a minute!
Where's my potato?
Now, listen... If you think I've eaten
your roll and your potato, weigh me.
Well, if you didn't, who did?
You can't scare us with that.
As admiral of this ship,
I'll have Stanley put you in irons!
What's all this about?
- You stole my potato!
- Yeah! And my roll... and chop!
Incidentally...
Who's steering the boat?
Oh, I forgot to tell you.
I tied the wheel on it's course.
Well, for once
you have used your head.
Thank you, Ollie.
I'll try to do that more often.
- What was that?
- The motor's stopped!
- Fix it. You're the engineer.
- To tell you the truth, I'm not a mechanic.
The captain on that boat cooked up that story
just to get rid of me.
As usual,
I'll have to do everything myself!
- Get up on deck and standby!
- Stand by what?
Stand at the deck!
We'll take this little matter up later!
What do you think is wrong with it?
It's no use guessing.
We'll just have to take it apart and find out.
- In other words, use your head.
- What for?
Well, you could use yours
for a bowling ball!
- You mean one of those with a hole in?
- Exactly!
Now, give me a hand.
Now let that be a lesson to you.
Here.
Put that down!
Ollie?
What?
The gas tank's empty!
Why didn't you tell me that before?
Give me the parts
and I'll put them back together.
Now we've got nothing left but the sail.
Now, when I give the signal you pull.
What are you doing?
I could have broken my arm!
Who are you
and what are you doing on this boat?
You have no rights here!
I have my rights!
I'm coming as a stowaway!
They didn't tell us
a stowaway came with the boat.
- No.
- Listen fellas...
I could have easily been a stowaway
on any other boat.
I happened to pick this one.
Then you have to find me
and spoil everything.
We had to use the sail
because the engines broke!
- Well, why don't you try fixing the motor?
- We tried to, but it fell in the sea.
Fell in the sea...
Just my luck to be a stowaway
on a boat run by two land lubbers!
Who manage to drop the engine in the ocean!
The ocean!
You know,
I think we've offended him.
What's happening?
What goes on here?
We've got a stowaway aboard.
This is Antoine, the chef.
- Giovanni Copini.
- Glad to meet you, sir.
- And this is Stanley.
- How do you do.
How do you do.
Why don't you be careful?
Come on...
We can't waste all day just talking!
Get that rope!
Get the sail up! Go ahead!
You, the fat one,
get on the other side!
Pull!
It takes muscle to raise a sail!
The fat one, the other side!
All together now!
Pull!
Just in time to eat lunch.
Never mind eating.
What happened to my pants?
I put them right there to dry.
Can you...
Hey, the boat's moving!
You get...
- Kinda nice, eh, Stanley?
- Sure is.
Just like playing hooky from school.
We're all playing hooky more or less.
Giovanni,
what are you playing hooky from?
From a world where I'm always being told
what to do and how to do it.
We don't blame you.
And you,
what are you playing hooky from?
Taxes!
Yeah...
We don't like taxes!
Hey, Antoine... What about you?
Where is your home?
My home? I don't know?
The whole world ought to be man's country.
But for me...
Someone seems to have locked all the doors.
I can just see our island now...
Palm trees...
Flowers...
The sun to warm us...
And the gentle rain.
A storm! Don't you think
we'd better get the boat ready?
Yes,
it looks like a bad one.
- I never saw one like this before.
- Me either!
- We'd better pull down the sail!
- I'll go get the life raft!
Pull down the sail!
Help!
Help!
Ah, look at that!
An island!
We're on an island!
Stanley, we're on an...
We're on an island!
Take a peep!
Take a peep!
I'm too popped to peep.
Oh, look...
Oh, boy!
An atoll!
That's what it is! An atoll!
Come on!
- Easy, easy!
- It's alright! It's alright.
Let's go fishing now, eh?
Hand me a basket.
Right away!
Quick! A pot, some wood.
Build a fire for the bouillabaisse.
Don't forget to put some garlic in it?
Oh, without it,
it wouldn't be a real bouillabaisse.
- Well, it don't look so bad.
- Still in good condition.
Antoine, what time
are you serving dinner?
If you want to eat,
you'd better go build a fire.
And you, my boy...
Go clean the fish.
You get the paper
and I'll get the wood.
- Ollie?
- Yeah?
Hold this a minute, will ya?
You know, boys? There seems to be
a lot of room for building houses here.
Yeah...
It sure is naked around here.
Admiral,
what do we do on a deserted island?
Here's a man that was shipwrecked
and he did alright. Listen.
Robinson Crusoe
was born in the city of York.
His father wanted him
to become a lawyer.
But young Crusoe longed to go to sea.
Our modern Robinson Crusoe's
have gotten used to their new life.
By using the latest scientific farming methods
they have tamed the wild land.
And Mother Nature has supplied them
with plenty of fresh water.
Oscar.
Oscar!
For the animals as well as for the men
this island has become a real paradise.
Yes, but a Garden of Eden without Eve
and Adam is bored.
But... But what's this?
Where are these skipping stones leading us to?
To Papeete,
the capital of Tahiti.
And who do we find? Eve!
I beg your pardon... Chrie Lamour.
Today is her big day.
First of all she is taking an audition at
the Cockatoo, the smartest night club in town.
And also she is expected at the courthouse
for an important occasion.
She's going to marry Lieutenant Jack Frazer.
Miss Lamour, this way, please.
Oh, sweetheart,
I'm so pleased.
It hardly looks like it.
You're three quarters of an hour late!
You're not going to grumble
about three little quarters of an hour?
Marriage is a most important thing.
And I should like
before proceeding any further...
- I got my contract.
- What contract?
When we're married we're going
to share everything in common.
That's not what I'm talking about.
My contract with the Cockatoo!
My debut's tomorrow night.
So you'll be able to come and see me
before you sail.
Miss Lamour...
If you please...
Oh, but I'm listening to you,
Your Honour.
Miss Lamour, Lieutenant...
Marriage is a most important thing.
- Just a minute.
- It's most unusual but if...
Am I to understand that you intend
to continue your career after we are married?
But of course, my sweetheart.
You never suggested I should give it up.
I never broached the subject
because I took it for granted
that you would devote yourself
entirely to me.
Nothing would please me more
if you were here all the time.
But when you spend ten months
out of the year sailing the seas.
What do you expect me to do?
Swim behind your little barge?
- Calm yourself, Miss Lamour.
- I'm very calm, Your Honour!
But I'm not going to submit
to this kind of blackmail!
In that case
I'm not going to hang around here.
You think about it,
but think fast.
Please, sir...
Let him go away, Your Honour.
I won't run after him! Do you hear me?
Miss Lamour...
He'll never see me again.
I don't know what I'll do yet
but Ill see to it he never finds me.
Come here.
I want to talk to you.
Where were, you fellas, a while ago?
I was down at the beach
getting these fish for dinner. See?
I was working in the garden.
Did you see or hear anything?
- Just the waves.
- Why?
I'll tell you why.
Because I was down by the lagoon
and I thought I heard the engines of a big boat.
Then it whistled.
By the time I climbed up to see...
- There was nothing there.
- That's because it had gone.
- What had gone?
- The boat.
You mean to tell me that you saw a boat
and didn't let us know?
I saw and I waved to it
but it didn't wave back, so I...
Get us something to drink
before I forget myself.
Pardon me.
- Whats the matter with you?
- I think I saw something.
- What are you talking about?
- There's a girl in the kitchen.
You are absolutely right.
There she is!
Hello.
- Hello, fellas.
- How did you get here?
Well...
- You might say I was dropped by a witch.
- Like one that rides on a broom?
I'm sorry for this intrusion, but
you'll have to take me as a guest, I'm afraid.
It will be a pleasure.
I knew I should have built a guest house
a long time ago.
Oh...
There's no place for me to stay?
Don't you worry
your pretty little head about that.
Giovanni and Antoine
will move in with Stanley and me.
And you can stay right here.
You're very kind.
Come, my little princess,
and I shall show you to your boudoir.
You know,
I think I'm going to like this place.
It's swell.
You don't have to shave or anything.
I left my cases down at the beach
with all my things.
Gentlemen, get the lady's luggage
and bring it to her chateau.
Thank you.
What's that funny thing up there?
That, my dear, is the wreckage
of the good ship Momus.
I shall never forget the day
that I found this island.
It was a terrible night,
dark as pitch.
It was so pitch, you couldn't see
your hand behind your back.
Exactly, Stanley!
Then, all of a sudden
I spotted that harbour.
I put her bow
into the teeth of the gale,
lashed myself to the wheel
and beached her on that pinnacle.
And it's been there ever since.
Well boys, you must have had
trouble getting it up so high.
He read it in a book.
Come, my dear.
Book...
One, two, three...
All there. Thank you.
Stanley, have you forgotten
that we have company?
Gentlemen,
make yourselves comfortable.
Gentlemen!
Stanley...
- This is my side.
- Well, there's no room on my side.
Well, the fair thing to do
is to take turns.
While one sits up, the other sleeps
and when he wakes up, we change.
Now, that's what I call a sport.
Thank you, Ollie.
That's a good idea. I sleep
and when you wake up, I sleep again.
Haven't you forgotten something?
Haven't you forgotten something?
Oh...
Good night, Ollie.
I'm sorry, Ollie.
Get up and put that candle out.
- But you said I could...
- Go ahead, selfish.
Ollie.
Ollie.
Ollie.
- Are you awake yet?
- No!
Pardon me.
- What is that thing?
- Look out!
Open the window
and we'll drive him out.
This morning I'm going to prepare
a magnificent seagull egg omelette with fine herbs.
Omelette...
Bah!
Today I'm going to draw the plans
for a splendid villa with a big roman bath.
What are you going to do, Ollie?
I'm going to give you, fellas, a piece of my mind.
Chrie's a nice girl, isn't she?
- Exquisite!
- Charming!
Pretty too!
And we're all friends, aren't we?
- Of course.
- Naturally.
Well, I make a motion that we never let a woman
come between us. Agreed?
- Of course.
- I agree.
Now, let's get dressed.
- Say, Ollie, where's the sandpaper?
- Sandpaper?
- In that locker.
- Thank you.
Pardon me.
Thank you.
Pardon me.
Thank you.
Pardon me.
Thanks a lot.
Pardon me.
Thank you.
Pardon me.
Hey!
Look!
Hello.
What's the matter?
The cat got your tongues?
How nice you look this morning.
Come on, come on...
I want you to sit down.
I'll have the food on the table
in two seconds.
- Look! She's done clean plates!
- Even a table cloth!
- And clean napkins!
- She even swept the floor.
Does this belong to anybody?
- Never saw that guy before.
- Nobody I know.
No.
It's mine.
It's a friend.
It's just someone I knew once.
I have a little surprise
which I hope you're going to like.
- What? Another one?
- What is it?
A bouillabaisse!
Tell me...
Was your boyfriend fond of bouillabaisse?
Oh, he loved it.
Is this the warehouse you've been building?
As warehouses go, it's a funny warehouse.
This is no warehouse!
It's for you.
- For me?
- Yes, for you. It sure is easy to fool you.
Did you really think
we were building a refrigerator?
We were afraid you'd find out,
so we put on all the decorations last night.
Come on in.
It's just lovely.
You've all been such wonderful friends.
This is the first real home I've ever had.
I'm so happy I could...
You're not content just to be a singer.
You've also got to be the comedian.
What are you playing now?
Snow white and the seven dwarves?
That's the fella in the picture
that she carries around with her.
Alright! You've tracked me down!
Now what?
You're wrong, baby.
I never tried tracking you down.
Our old friend, Dolan,
reported seeing an uncharted island.
My business here is to chart it.
My men are out there working at it now.
I suppose I should have my head examined
but I'm going to give you one more chance.
Go and pack you're things
and be down at the beach in 15 minutes.
- What for?
- I suppose you want to be rescued, don't you?
Not by you!
Lieutenant! Come right away!
We've found something!
OK.
I'll be right with you.
This is your last chance.
Are you coming?
No!
We'd better keep an eye on that guy.
He looks like a man who would steal our island.
It's uranium!
The place is loaded with it.
Uranium?
Which one of you, fellas,
happened to land first on this island?
Let me handle this, fellas.
Why do you ask that?
Because it will determine
which nation owns the island.
We all own it.
Of course, of course...
You own the island.
You're the real proprietors but
some country has got to claim sovereignty.
International law specifies that
an island belongs to the country
whose citizen
was first to set foot on it.
- So some country can take our island?
- That's right.
And if that country has immigration laws?
- You'll have to abide by those laws.
- Even income tax laws?
Income tax laws,
inheritance taxes and sales taxes.
You know what they are trying to do?
They're trying to take our geraniums.
- That's it, exactly!
- Pardon us for just one moment!
Let's tell him that we all landed
on the island at the same time.
We can't tell a lie.
Antoine was the first to land.
- It was a terrible night and...
- Alright, alright.
Here's how it is.
I was the first man to set foot on this island.
- OK. What's your name?
- Antoine.
- Antoine what?
- Antoine Master of Cooking.
- Nationality?
- I haven't any!
You see, he is what as known as a stateless man.
Or in other words a misplaced person.
You see,
he's lost and he can't find himself.
Listen,
you've got to have a nationality.
I explained that in every port
where I wanted to land.
But no country wanted to have me.
Every country now
will want to have you!
I'll go and radio the authorities
and dump it in somebody's lap.
So long, gentlemen.
- Bye, bye...
- So long, Lieutenant.
Every hour, on the hour this station
is giving you up to the minute reports...
- about difficults...
- of the great states...
in the metter of...
the recent discovery in the Pacific...
of an island that will be known
hence forth as Atoll H.
I beg your pardon.
As Atoll K.
After a fortnight of conferences...
The great powers
in a joint statement issued today,
announced the appointment
of an international commission...
to decide which nation
will be awarded sovereignty rights...
over the island that emerged
from the ocean only a short time a go
and will be known as Atoll K.
This statement was welcomed
with relief in the world capitals.
Now it has become
only a question of time
before some government
raises it's flag over Atoll K.
Some government's flag, they say.
Do you hear that?
Well...
Why don't we make a government of our own?
Chrie's right!
I'll write a constitution
like has never been written before.
Sharpen this!
This will have to be a short constitution.
Now...
We...
the people of...
Of?
Crusoeland...
In order to save our island,
do hereby form a government.
Now, what kind of government
do we want?
Very little government
would be good, I think.
- Without too many laws.
- And no passports.
No passports.
- And no prisons.
- No prisons.
What?
- No taxes.
- No taxes.
This is getting to be
a perfect government.
And I will add...
No laws and no money.
And that's all we have room for.
Now, the next thing is to hold an election.
I vote for myself as President.
- And Stanley seconds the motion.
- But I'm the discoverer of our island!
I vote for me!
You vote for me too, don't you?
No, no.
Giovanni, votes only for Giovanni!
Electioneering is over!
Chrie.
Count the votes.
One vote for Giovanni.
One vote for Antoine.
One, two, three...
Three votes for Oliver Crusoe.
The President is elected
by a comfortable majority.
As President of Crusoeland,
I will now choose my cabinet.
- Chrie, you are my Vice President.
- Thank you, Mr. President.
Antoine,
you are my foreign minister.
I am very proud.
Giovanni, you are
the minister of construction.
You couldn't have made
a better choice.
Well, that's that!
- What about me?
- Stanley, you are the people!
I don't want to be the people.
What do you mean,
you don't want to be the people?
There are more of you
than there are of us!
- You mean, there's a lot of me?
- Certainly!
Oh, well! Why didn't you tell me?
I didn't know.
Mr. President,
but now we will have to have a flag.
Giovanni's right.
We can't have a government without a flag.
- Can't we use this as a flag?
- That will be perfect!
- Yes, but we will need an emblem.
- Wait a second. I have an idea.
It's impossible
to keep this house clean.
Look at that.
Terrible.
See?
The dust did that.
- Stan, Ollie!
- What happened?
Looks like we're being invaded.
What happened?
Take a look at the beach.
Under the principle of self determination,
the constitution proposed by the government,
has been ratified by unanimous vote.
We have no alternative but to recognise
this new sovereign state, the Crusoeland.
Pardon me.
- Waiter, waiter!
- Antoine, more bouillabaisse.
- Poor Antoine.
- Poor Antoine's right.
- What are you having?
- You!
Let me go.
You can't do that.
They said it's a free country here.
As President of this island
I demand that you desist.
Do that again!
You keep out of this, nitwit!
I'll have you thrown off
of this island for that!
Yes.
We'll have you imported!
If I were you, my fine friends,
I wouldn't be too sure.
See you later.
Gentlemen.
I'll have him thrown off
this island if it's the last thing I do.
- That's not possible.
- Why not?
- Because we have no such laws.
- Yes. That would be pretty difficult.
We'd be forced
to change the constitution.
If you want my advice Mr. President,
call a meeting of the cabinet.
That's a good idea.
Come on.
We'll attend to that right now!
Enjoy yourself, folks.
We'll be right back.
It sure is quiet out there.
That's because I showed a firm hand
with our proclamation.
Now I'll make a tour round the island
and test the public's reaction.
You don't have to.
They're coming to visit you.
They're coming to apologise.
I knew that would bring them
to their senses.
- Who wrote that?
- He did!
- I now put you under arrest!
- But he's the President.
He certainly is.
- Why don't you hang him?
- You have just given me an excellent idea.
You will confess everything and then
you will be hanged like gentlemen, at sunrise.
Thank you very much.
- What'd he say?
- Why don't you keep your big mouth shut?
- Are you going to hang her too?
- Of course not.
- What can I say, but thank you.
- I can't believe my ears.
Well, if you can't believe those ears,
you can't believe anything.
Put some guards around the house.
I'll immediately go and start
a crew building a gallows.
Oh, by the way... Now that I'm going
to be President, I'll need that outfit.
- Will you accompany me, my dear?
- But of course.
- I still can't believe my...
- Oh, shut up!
See if the guards are still out there.
He missed me!
Attention!
Attention!
Commander in chief, geographic station Tahiti.
calling Lieutenant Frazer.
Report your position.
8:30 AM, wavelength 15 metres... Over.
Lucky I was hired to come here
as a radio operator.
Without Alecto I'd be sunk.
That reminds me.
He was just looking for you, Alecto.
- Where is he?
- Oh, over there.
Hello. Lieutenant Frazer.
Lieutenant Frazer!
Lieutenant...
For you.
Sounds like a dame.
Lieutenant Frazer.
Lieutenant Frazer!
Hello, snow white.
Don't tell me the dwarves are annoying you.
Hello, Jack. Listen to me.
You've got to come straight away.
They've started a revolution...
They're building a gallows...
They're going to hang everyone.
I need you! Do you hear me?
Change your course,
20 points to starboard.
One, two, three, four...
Let's go!
- Get away! Quick!
- Is this another one of your tricks?
- What do you mean, tricks?
- Sure, she's full of them.
- We go outside and the guards shoot us.
- You're wrong!
I just got rid of the guards outside.
I put a stone in my purse.
I went with Alecto only because one of us
had to remain free to save the others.
- What are we waiting for?
- Come on!
- No. I'm staying here.
- But we can't leave you here!
I've got to stay here
and send them in the other direction.
- Thank you very much, miss.
- Now hurry up! Hurry up!
- How did it happen?
- I haven't got time to explain!
You've got to run
and try and catch those brutes.
Did you notice which way they went?
- That way!
- Follow me!
There they are!
Follow me!
Hurry up!
They went this way!
Hey, look at that!
I think we're safe here.
Don't you?
He must have fainted.
What happened?
Chrie!
It's Chrie!
Stan, answer me.
Forgive me.
I didn't know it was you.
Please, look at me.
- How did you catch them?
- But I...
The girl is absolutely wonderful.
She has a stone in her bag!
Quick!
Get them out of here!
We're going to give the signal
for the show to begin.
As a token of thanks for your help,
without which I would never have succeeded,
I am giving you the honour of pulling the lever
that will drop these traitors into eternity.
Alecto! Alecto!
This girl is in cahoots with the traitors!
- Look where he's standing.
- What are you talking about?
She overpowered us
and let them escape!
I don't get it.
I've just been checking.
We're exactly on the position
where the island stood.
- Oh, no!
- What do you mean, no?
- I don't want to be rescued by him!
- Why not?
He was too long getting here!
This world of ours
is definitely no fair place
but people go on living just the same.
Chrie Lamour is finally
marrying her Lieutenant
And they look forward to many years
of happily married life.
Do you take for your wedded wife
Miss Chrie Lamour?
OK, OK!
- I now pronounce you man and wife.
- You jilted me.
I jilted you, you say?
Giovanni has gone back
to his native Italy.
Instead of building marble palaces,
he'll go on forever building fences.
Antoine has been brought back
to the boat from which he ran away.
Still anxious to give up this life of wandering,
he tries once more his usual means of escape.
But this time he's gotten
into the wrong sort of cage.
As for our two heroes,
after all their mishaps,
they've finally gotten their inheritance.
Their own south sea island and there
far away from all the cares of the world,
they settle down
to a well earned rest.
That was sure was nice of Frazer and Chrie
to land us here on our own real island.
Give us all this food and everything...
- Just like a fresh start in life.
- It certainly is.
And they're going to send us
new supplies every six months.
At last,
all of our troubles are over.
Yes, sir. Nothing to do from now on
but eat and sleep.
And nobody to tell us
what to do.
- What are you doing here?
- What are we doing here?
This is our island!
There must be some mistake.
This island has been taken over by the government
for insufficient payment of inheritance taxes.
Moreover,
you've also been fined for the delay.
It's my duty to seize
your supplies and food.
Take it away!
Well, here's another nice mess
you've gotten me into!
Well, I couldn't help it.
You're always blaming me for everything...
of sailing away to a desert island?
Well, here's a story
of such a dream come true.
A story that starts in London,
at tea time.
Which is not surprising
since it's always tea time in London.
On this particular day at the house
of The Honourable Mr. Bramwell.
Your tea, Mr. Bramwell.
The guest from America
is waiting outside.
The guest from America?
Oh, we can't keep him waiting.
Eh, gentlemen?
Well, don't stand there gaping, Pringle.
Show him in, immediately.
Will you go in now?
Mr. Laurel, I presume.
No, I'm Mr. Hardy,
Mr. Laurel's financial exchequer.
- But where is Mr. Laurel?
- Right here. Mr. Laurel is...
Ah, Mr. Laurel,
we've had quite a time finding you.
Now gentlemen,
let me introduce the two attorneys
that handled your late Uncle's affairs
in France and In Italy
Mr. Hardy... Monsieur Bonfois.
Mr. Laurel... Signor Paltroni
Signor Paltroni... Mr. Hardy,
Mr. Bonfois... Mr. Laurel.
My name is Bramwell.
Mr. Hardy!
Well, gentlemen...
Could we get down to business?
Oh, thank you, Stanley.
Now,
just how much was this legacy?
Oh, you Americans, you never seem
to believe in formalities, do you?
There's one thing about us.
We always believe in business before pleasure.
You see...
Pardon me...
Thank you very much.
Now, could we proceed?
As a matter of fact
we'd better get right to business.
Your Uncle was quite an eccentric.
He didn't believe in banks.
He insisted in keeping his money in cash.
- And here it is.
- What is it?
It's money...
I think.
Indeed, it is money,
and a very large sum.
- Italian lira.
- And French francs.
And English pounds.
Stanley...
Mr. Laurel, before we actually
turn this money over to you
there are some administrative charges.
These include, overhead legal charges,
deflation and motisation,
currency fluctuation, foreign exchange
and a few other incidentals.
Gentlemen!
Here's your receipt, Mr. Laurel.
Alright, gentlemen.
My dear Mr. Hardy,
there is another small item.
- What now?
- The taxes.
To save you time
we've had them all figured out.
Including, naturally,
a slight fee for our services.
These deductions represent, income taxes,
state taxes, inheritance taxes,
death taxes and living taxes.
And a few other plain taxes.
Gentlemen...
Wish Uncle had left me the taxes!
Is that all we get?
- Oh... But you also get an island!
- An island?
- And a beautiful yacht.
- A yacht?
A yacht. Yes. The yacht is tied
to a dock in Marseilles, France.
And the island is here,
in the south seas.
- Gee, that sounds wonderful, Ollie!
- Well, that sounds swell. But...
How much are the taxes on that?
Oh, none.
The island is absolutely tax free!
- Here's your money.
- The papers for the boat.
And this is the deed to the island.
Well, now, that cleans out.
I mean, that cleans up the estate.
- Gentlemen, I bid you good day.
- Come, Stanley.
Why don't you be careful?
Take a look.
Here's your little boat, gentlemen.
And here's your port clearance.
We're going to need a crew for this one.
A crew? What do we need a crew for?
I'm running this boat!
Well, let's get on it.
Oh, I beg your pardon.
Dock fees.
- How much?
- 19.000.
Thank you, sir
and bon voyage.
- Merci beaucoup.
- Good day.
- Bon tomorrow!
- Thank you.
It's a good thing he didn't take the taxes.
We'd have had nothing left.
Oh, pardon me. Thanks a lot for reminding me.
I forgot about it.
Monsieur...
Oh, thank you...
It's much too much, sir. Much too much.
What did you have to open
your big mouth for?
I didn't know he was going to take it.
Come on and let's take a look
at the boat.
We've got plenty of gas!
Let that thing alone!
Put that down!
- Look, theres a tunnel.
- Look.
See?
Let's go down.
Why don't you watch
where you're walking?
I couldn't help it.
Oh, never mind that...
Let's see what we've got here.
- I didn't know they were living underneath.
- Well, they've moved now!
- What'd he say?
- I wouldn't care to repeat it.
Come on!
- What happened?
- Mind your own business!
Oh, look!
What is it?
It's an emergency life raft for four people.
- You can't get four people into this thing!
- You don't understand...
Inside is a compressed air cylinder.
When you release the valve it blows up
large enough to carry four people.
- Well, what about me?
- You don't have to be insulting.
Haven't I always taken care of you?
You're the first one I think of.
I didn't mean to hurt your feelings,
Ollie.
Ollie.
Ollie.
Take that snake skin off
and get that cargo aboard!
What about me...
What about me?
Don't waste time like that.
Throw them to me and I'll put them there.
Look at that!
- What goes on here?
- There's a man in the cage!
- I bet it's Antoine again.
- But the guy must be mad.
- I'm a monkey, I tell you!
- He's a stateless man.
- A what?
- Somebody who has no nationality.
He's not a bad guy, really.
It's just that no country seems to want him.
He'd do anything to get back on land.
Let's go, Antoine.
Don't you know it's against the law
to land here without a passport?
Punish me, teach me a lesson,
put me in prison!
But remember, to put me in prison
you've got to let me land.
- How long has he been on your ship, captain?
- Oh, months.
He tried to get ashore at Tetrokovac,
Nagasaki, Caracas, Sydney,
Brooklyn, Salonika...
Everywhere we stop.
- All I ask for is a country.
- Well, get a passport!
Oh, that's easy to say...
How can I get a passport
if I have no country?
And how can I get in the country
if I have no passport?
I didn't make the regulations.
You're not allowed to land
in this country and that's the law!
Fine laws!
You land monkeys without a passport
but not human beings!
Take him back on board.
Let's go!
Canned food, one crate...
Canned food, one crate.
- Six sheets plywood...
- Six sheets plywood.
- Sugar, one sack...
- Sugar, one sack.
Oh... alright.
Won't you ever stop
playing hide and seek with us?
Go on.
Beat it and quick!
But you two always stop me.
Now, see here.
You're probably a good stonemason.
Why don't you go and work in Italy?
- But I'm an immigrant!
- That's just it. Immigrant in Italy.
Are you kidding? How can you immigrate
to place you've left already?
Well, maybe,
but one sure thing...
You're not going to leave Marseilles
without paying your passage.
Good morning, boys.
- What'd you say?
- I haven't opened my mouth!
Good morning, boys!
- Going on a vacation?
- We're going to the South Seas.
It's a long trip there
and a long way back!
But we're not coming back.
You see, we own an island
out there. Don't we, Ollie?
- Say, how do you start an engine?
- With a mechanic, of course!
We can't afford one.
We haven't got any money.
We did have
but they took it all for taxes!
Well, don't worry.
I'm going to send you a mechanic
and he won't cost you a cent!
- Well, everything's arranged.
- What is? My execution?
There are two characters along side.
They own an island in the South Seas.
You're invited.
And you won't need a passport
to get ashore.
Thank you.
Thank you.
- Good morning, Stanley.
- Good morning, Ollie.
- Where are we?
- Well, we're here.
We shouldn't be.
We'll have to change our course.
Keep her on course.
You can eat later.
- But I'm hungry.
- So am I! Selfish!
- Your hat.
- Oh, thank you.
Forgetting your manners
when you get...
Stanley, this is wonderful.
The sea, the sky, the sun...
And you and I alone
on the bounding main.
What do you mean, alone?
He's with us.
Oh, of course, Antoine.
He's our very, very good friend.
Yes, sir.
- And we'll share and share alike.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
Stanley, open the skylight
so we can get some of that good sea air.
You know what? You need glasses.
It's already open.
When you get to the island
you'd better see an optimist.
Hot rolls and butter.
And then Antoine will present his specialty.
That sounds good.
I'm going to enjoy that, I know.
I love cote du...
Hey, Antoine.
I suppose in the garnis
you use a small touch of garlic.
Oh, I hardly use a pinch.
A man that would steal food from a friend
is the smallest thing in the world.
Oh, I don't know...
All I hope, Stanley,
is that you enjoyed your roll.
How could I enjoy it,
when you stole it?
What do you mean, I stole it?
You stole it!
I would like you to know how happy I am
to have you both as my friends.
I would like to give you a toast.
- I give you friendship!
- Friendship!
Here's how!
Lets have another, eh?
- To Friendship!
- To Friendship!
- To Friendship!
- Here's to your health!
- Friendship...
- That's something really swell, no?
No!
Definitely no!
Ah, the chops are done.
Sit down, my friends.
Antoine is going to serve you
his masterpiece.
- What's the matter now?
- You know what's the matter.
I want my chop!
Varnished with garlic!
You've got a lot of nerve...
You want my chop
after you've eaten yours!
- I'm sorry.
- Well you should be!
Just a minute!
Where's my potato?
Now, listen... If you think I've eaten
your roll and your potato, weigh me.
Well, if you didn't, who did?
You can't scare us with that.
As admiral of this ship,
I'll have Stanley put you in irons!
What's all this about?
- You stole my potato!
- Yeah! And my roll... and chop!
Incidentally...
Who's steering the boat?
Oh, I forgot to tell you.
I tied the wheel on it's course.
Well, for once
you have used your head.
Thank you, Ollie.
I'll try to do that more often.
- What was that?
- The motor's stopped!
- Fix it. You're the engineer.
- To tell you the truth, I'm not a mechanic.
The captain on that boat cooked up that story
just to get rid of me.
As usual,
I'll have to do everything myself!
- Get up on deck and standby!
- Stand by what?
Stand at the deck!
We'll take this little matter up later!
What do you think is wrong with it?
It's no use guessing.
We'll just have to take it apart and find out.
- In other words, use your head.
- What for?
Well, you could use yours
for a bowling ball!
- You mean one of those with a hole in?
- Exactly!
Now, give me a hand.
Now let that be a lesson to you.
Here.
Put that down!
Ollie?
What?
The gas tank's empty!
Why didn't you tell me that before?
Give me the parts
and I'll put them back together.
Now we've got nothing left but the sail.
Now, when I give the signal you pull.
What are you doing?
I could have broken my arm!
Who are you
and what are you doing on this boat?
You have no rights here!
I have my rights!
I'm coming as a stowaway!
They didn't tell us
a stowaway came with the boat.
- No.
- Listen fellas...
I could have easily been a stowaway
on any other boat.
I happened to pick this one.
Then you have to find me
and spoil everything.
We had to use the sail
because the engines broke!
- Well, why don't you try fixing the motor?
- We tried to, but it fell in the sea.
Fell in the sea...
Just my luck to be a stowaway
on a boat run by two land lubbers!
Who manage to drop the engine in the ocean!
The ocean!
You know,
I think we've offended him.
What's happening?
What goes on here?
We've got a stowaway aboard.
This is Antoine, the chef.
- Giovanni Copini.
- Glad to meet you, sir.
- And this is Stanley.
- How do you do.
How do you do.
Why don't you be careful?
Come on...
We can't waste all day just talking!
Get that rope!
Get the sail up! Go ahead!
You, the fat one,
get on the other side!
Pull!
It takes muscle to raise a sail!
The fat one, the other side!
All together now!
Pull!
Just in time to eat lunch.
Never mind eating.
What happened to my pants?
I put them right there to dry.
Can you...
Hey, the boat's moving!
You get...
- Kinda nice, eh, Stanley?
- Sure is.
Just like playing hooky from school.
We're all playing hooky more or less.
Giovanni,
what are you playing hooky from?
From a world where I'm always being told
what to do and how to do it.
We don't blame you.
And you,
what are you playing hooky from?
Taxes!
Yeah...
We don't like taxes!
Hey, Antoine... What about you?
Where is your home?
My home? I don't know?
The whole world ought to be man's country.
But for me...
Someone seems to have locked all the doors.
I can just see our island now...
Palm trees...
Flowers...
The sun to warm us...
And the gentle rain.
A storm! Don't you think
we'd better get the boat ready?
Yes,
it looks like a bad one.
- I never saw one like this before.
- Me either!
- We'd better pull down the sail!
- I'll go get the life raft!
Pull down the sail!
Help!
Help!
Ah, look at that!
An island!
We're on an island!
Stanley, we're on an...
We're on an island!
Take a peep!
Take a peep!
I'm too popped to peep.
Oh, look...
Oh, boy!
An atoll!
That's what it is! An atoll!
Come on!
- Easy, easy!
- It's alright! It's alright.
Let's go fishing now, eh?
Hand me a basket.
Right away!
Quick! A pot, some wood.
Build a fire for the bouillabaisse.
Don't forget to put some garlic in it?
Oh, without it,
it wouldn't be a real bouillabaisse.
- Well, it don't look so bad.
- Still in good condition.
Antoine, what time
are you serving dinner?
If you want to eat,
you'd better go build a fire.
And you, my boy...
Go clean the fish.
You get the paper
and I'll get the wood.
- Ollie?
- Yeah?
Hold this a minute, will ya?
You know, boys? There seems to be
a lot of room for building houses here.
Yeah...
It sure is naked around here.
Admiral,
what do we do on a deserted island?
Here's a man that was shipwrecked
and he did alright. Listen.
Robinson Crusoe
was born in the city of York.
His father wanted him
to become a lawyer.
But young Crusoe longed to go to sea.
Our modern Robinson Crusoe's
have gotten used to their new life.
By using the latest scientific farming methods
they have tamed the wild land.
And Mother Nature has supplied them
with plenty of fresh water.
Oscar.
Oscar!
For the animals as well as for the men
this island has become a real paradise.
Yes, but a Garden of Eden without Eve
and Adam is bored.
But... But what's this?
Where are these skipping stones leading us to?
To Papeete,
the capital of Tahiti.
And who do we find? Eve!
I beg your pardon... Chrie Lamour.
Today is her big day.
First of all she is taking an audition at
the Cockatoo, the smartest night club in town.
And also she is expected at the courthouse
for an important occasion.
She's going to marry Lieutenant Jack Frazer.
Miss Lamour, this way, please.
Oh, sweetheart,
I'm so pleased.
It hardly looks like it.
You're three quarters of an hour late!
You're not going to grumble
about three little quarters of an hour?
Marriage is a most important thing.
And I should like
before proceeding any further...
- I got my contract.
- What contract?
When we're married we're going
to share everything in common.
That's not what I'm talking about.
My contract with the Cockatoo!
My debut's tomorrow night.
So you'll be able to come and see me
before you sail.
Miss Lamour...
If you please...
Oh, but I'm listening to you,
Your Honour.
Miss Lamour, Lieutenant...
Marriage is a most important thing.
- Just a minute.
- It's most unusual but if...
Am I to understand that you intend
to continue your career after we are married?
But of course, my sweetheart.
You never suggested I should give it up.
I never broached the subject
because I took it for granted
that you would devote yourself
entirely to me.
Nothing would please me more
if you were here all the time.
But when you spend ten months
out of the year sailing the seas.
What do you expect me to do?
Swim behind your little barge?
- Calm yourself, Miss Lamour.
- I'm very calm, Your Honour!
But I'm not going to submit
to this kind of blackmail!
In that case
I'm not going to hang around here.
You think about it,
but think fast.
Please, sir...
Let him go away, Your Honour.
I won't run after him! Do you hear me?
Miss Lamour...
He'll never see me again.
I don't know what I'll do yet
but Ill see to it he never finds me.
Come here.
I want to talk to you.
Where were, you fellas, a while ago?
I was down at the beach
getting these fish for dinner. See?
I was working in the garden.
Did you see or hear anything?
- Just the waves.
- Why?
I'll tell you why.
Because I was down by the lagoon
and I thought I heard the engines of a big boat.
Then it whistled.
By the time I climbed up to see...
- There was nothing there.
- That's because it had gone.
- What had gone?
- The boat.
You mean to tell me that you saw a boat
and didn't let us know?
I saw and I waved to it
but it didn't wave back, so I...
Get us something to drink
before I forget myself.
Pardon me.
- Whats the matter with you?
- I think I saw something.
- What are you talking about?
- There's a girl in the kitchen.
You are absolutely right.
There she is!
Hello.
- Hello, fellas.
- How did you get here?
Well...
- You might say I was dropped by a witch.
- Like one that rides on a broom?
I'm sorry for this intrusion, but
you'll have to take me as a guest, I'm afraid.
It will be a pleasure.
I knew I should have built a guest house
a long time ago.
Oh...
There's no place for me to stay?
Don't you worry
your pretty little head about that.
Giovanni and Antoine
will move in with Stanley and me.
And you can stay right here.
You're very kind.
Come, my little princess,
and I shall show you to your boudoir.
You know,
I think I'm going to like this place.
It's swell.
You don't have to shave or anything.
I left my cases down at the beach
with all my things.
Gentlemen, get the lady's luggage
and bring it to her chateau.
Thank you.
What's that funny thing up there?
That, my dear, is the wreckage
of the good ship Momus.
I shall never forget the day
that I found this island.
It was a terrible night,
dark as pitch.
It was so pitch, you couldn't see
your hand behind your back.
Exactly, Stanley!
Then, all of a sudden
I spotted that harbour.
I put her bow
into the teeth of the gale,
lashed myself to the wheel
and beached her on that pinnacle.
And it's been there ever since.
Well boys, you must have had
trouble getting it up so high.
He read it in a book.
Come, my dear.
Book...
One, two, three...
All there. Thank you.
Stanley, have you forgotten
that we have company?
Gentlemen,
make yourselves comfortable.
Gentlemen!
Stanley...
- This is my side.
- Well, there's no room on my side.
Well, the fair thing to do
is to take turns.
While one sits up, the other sleeps
and when he wakes up, we change.
Now, that's what I call a sport.
Thank you, Ollie.
That's a good idea. I sleep
and when you wake up, I sleep again.
Haven't you forgotten something?
Haven't you forgotten something?
Oh...
Good night, Ollie.
I'm sorry, Ollie.
Get up and put that candle out.
- But you said I could...
- Go ahead, selfish.
Ollie.
Ollie.
Ollie.
- Are you awake yet?
- No!
Pardon me.
- What is that thing?
- Look out!
Open the window
and we'll drive him out.
This morning I'm going to prepare
a magnificent seagull egg omelette with fine herbs.
Omelette...
Bah!
Today I'm going to draw the plans
for a splendid villa with a big roman bath.
What are you going to do, Ollie?
I'm going to give you, fellas, a piece of my mind.
Chrie's a nice girl, isn't she?
- Exquisite!
- Charming!
Pretty too!
And we're all friends, aren't we?
- Of course.
- Naturally.
Well, I make a motion that we never let a woman
come between us. Agreed?
- Of course.
- I agree.
Now, let's get dressed.
- Say, Ollie, where's the sandpaper?
- Sandpaper?
- In that locker.
- Thank you.
Pardon me.
Thank you.
Pardon me.
Thank you.
Pardon me.
Thanks a lot.
Pardon me.
Thank you.
Pardon me.
Hey!
Look!
Hello.
What's the matter?
The cat got your tongues?
How nice you look this morning.
Come on, come on...
I want you to sit down.
I'll have the food on the table
in two seconds.
- Look! She's done clean plates!
- Even a table cloth!
- And clean napkins!
- She even swept the floor.
Does this belong to anybody?
- Never saw that guy before.
- Nobody I know.
No.
It's mine.
It's a friend.
It's just someone I knew once.
I have a little surprise
which I hope you're going to like.
- What? Another one?
- What is it?
A bouillabaisse!
Tell me...
Was your boyfriend fond of bouillabaisse?
Oh, he loved it.
Is this the warehouse you've been building?
As warehouses go, it's a funny warehouse.
This is no warehouse!
It's for you.
- For me?
- Yes, for you. It sure is easy to fool you.
Did you really think
we were building a refrigerator?
We were afraid you'd find out,
so we put on all the decorations last night.
Come on in.
It's just lovely.
You've all been such wonderful friends.
This is the first real home I've ever had.
I'm so happy I could...
You're not content just to be a singer.
You've also got to be the comedian.
What are you playing now?
Snow white and the seven dwarves?
That's the fella in the picture
that she carries around with her.
Alright! You've tracked me down!
Now what?
You're wrong, baby.
I never tried tracking you down.
Our old friend, Dolan,
reported seeing an uncharted island.
My business here is to chart it.
My men are out there working at it now.
I suppose I should have my head examined
but I'm going to give you one more chance.
Go and pack you're things
and be down at the beach in 15 minutes.
- What for?
- I suppose you want to be rescued, don't you?
Not by you!
Lieutenant! Come right away!
We've found something!
OK.
I'll be right with you.
This is your last chance.
Are you coming?
No!
We'd better keep an eye on that guy.
He looks like a man who would steal our island.
It's uranium!
The place is loaded with it.
Uranium?
Which one of you, fellas,
happened to land first on this island?
Let me handle this, fellas.
Why do you ask that?
Because it will determine
which nation owns the island.
We all own it.
Of course, of course...
You own the island.
You're the real proprietors but
some country has got to claim sovereignty.
International law specifies that
an island belongs to the country
whose citizen
was first to set foot on it.
- So some country can take our island?
- That's right.
And if that country has immigration laws?
- You'll have to abide by those laws.
- Even income tax laws?
Income tax laws,
inheritance taxes and sales taxes.
You know what they are trying to do?
They're trying to take our geraniums.
- That's it, exactly!
- Pardon us for just one moment!
Let's tell him that we all landed
on the island at the same time.
We can't tell a lie.
Antoine was the first to land.
- It was a terrible night and...
- Alright, alright.
Here's how it is.
I was the first man to set foot on this island.
- OK. What's your name?
- Antoine.
- Antoine what?
- Antoine Master of Cooking.
- Nationality?
- I haven't any!
You see, he is what as known as a stateless man.
Or in other words a misplaced person.
You see,
he's lost and he can't find himself.
Listen,
you've got to have a nationality.
I explained that in every port
where I wanted to land.
But no country wanted to have me.
Every country now
will want to have you!
I'll go and radio the authorities
and dump it in somebody's lap.
So long, gentlemen.
- Bye, bye...
- So long, Lieutenant.
Every hour, on the hour this station
is giving you up to the minute reports...
- about difficults...
- of the great states...
in the metter of...
the recent discovery in the Pacific...
of an island that will be known
hence forth as Atoll H.
I beg your pardon.
As Atoll K.
After a fortnight of conferences...
The great powers
in a joint statement issued today,
announced the appointment
of an international commission...
to decide which nation
will be awarded sovereignty rights...
over the island that emerged
from the ocean only a short time a go
and will be known as Atoll K.
This statement was welcomed
with relief in the world capitals.
Now it has become
only a question of time
before some government
raises it's flag over Atoll K.
Some government's flag, they say.
Do you hear that?
Well...
Why don't we make a government of our own?
Chrie's right!
I'll write a constitution
like has never been written before.
Sharpen this!
This will have to be a short constitution.
Now...
We...
the people of...
Of?
Crusoeland...
In order to save our island,
do hereby form a government.
Now, what kind of government
do we want?
Very little government
would be good, I think.
- Without too many laws.
- And no passports.
No passports.
- And no prisons.
- No prisons.
What?
- No taxes.
- No taxes.
This is getting to be
a perfect government.
And I will add...
No laws and no money.
And that's all we have room for.
Now, the next thing is to hold an election.
I vote for myself as President.
- And Stanley seconds the motion.
- But I'm the discoverer of our island!
I vote for me!
You vote for me too, don't you?
No, no.
Giovanni, votes only for Giovanni!
Electioneering is over!
Chrie.
Count the votes.
One vote for Giovanni.
One vote for Antoine.
One, two, three...
Three votes for Oliver Crusoe.
The President is elected
by a comfortable majority.
As President of Crusoeland,
I will now choose my cabinet.
- Chrie, you are my Vice President.
- Thank you, Mr. President.
Antoine,
you are my foreign minister.
I am very proud.
Giovanni, you are
the minister of construction.
You couldn't have made
a better choice.
Well, that's that!
- What about me?
- Stanley, you are the people!
I don't want to be the people.
What do you mean,
you don't want to be the people?
There are more of you
than there are of us!
- You mean, there's a lot of me?
- Certainly!
Oh, well! Why didn't you tell me?
I didn't know.
Mr. President,
but now we will have to have a flag.
Giovanni's right.
We can't have a government without a flag.
- Can't we use this as a flag?
- That will be perfect!
- Yes, but we will need an emblem.
- Wait a second. I have an idea.
It's impossible
to keep this house clean.
Look at that.
Terrible.
See?
The dust did that.
- Stan, Ollie!
- What happened?
Looks like we're being invaded.
What happened?
Take a look at the beach.
Under the principle of self determination,
the constitution proposed by the government,
has been ratified by unanimous vote.
We have no alternative but to recognise
this new sovereign state, the Crusoeland.
Pardon me.
- Waiter, waiter!
- Antoine, more bouillabaisse.
- Poor Antoine.
- Poor Antoine's right.
- What are you having?
- You!
Let me go.
You can't do that.
They said it's a free country here.
As President of this island
I demand that you desist.
Do that again!
You keep out of this, nitwit!
I'll have you thrown off
of this island for that!
Yes.
We'll have you imported!
If I were you, my fine friends,
I wouldn't be too sure.
See you later.
Gentlemen.
I'll have him thrown off
this island if it's the last thing I do.
- That's not possible.
- Why not?
- Because we have no such laws.
- Yes. That would be pretty difficult.
We'd be forced
to change the constitution.
If you want my advice Mr. President,
call a meeting of the cabinet.
That's a good idea.
Come on.
We'll attend to that right now!
Enjoy yourself, folks.
We'll be right back.
It sure is quiet out there.
That's because I showed a firm hand
with our proclamation.
Now I'll make a tour round the island
and test the public's reaction.
You don't have to.
They're coming to visit you.
They're coming to apologise.
I knew that would bring them
to their senses.
- Who wrote that?
- He did!
- I now put you under arrest!
- But he's the President.
He certainly is.
- Why don't you hang him?
- You have just given me an excellent idea.
You will confess everything and then
you will be hanged like gentlemen, at sunrise.
Thank you very much.
- What'd he say?
- Why don't you keep your big mouth shut?
- Are you going to hang her too?
- Of course not.
- What can I say, but thank you.
- I can't believe my ears.
Well, if you can't believe those ears,
you can't believe anything.
Put some guards around the house.
I'll immediately go and start
a crew building a gallows.
Oh, by the way... Now that I'm going
to be President, I'll need that outfit.
- Will you accompany me, my dear?
- But of course.
- I still can't believe my...
- Oh, shut up!
See if the guards are still out there.
He missed me!
Attention!
Attention!
Commander in chief, geographic station Tahiti.
calling Lieutenant Frazer.
Report your position.
8:30 AM, wavelength 15 metres... Over.
Lucky I was hired to come here
as a radio operator.
Without Alecto I'd be sunk.
That reminds me.
He was just looking for you, Alecto.
- Where is he?
- Oh, over there.
Hello. Lieutenant Frazer.
Lieutenant Frazer!
Lieutenant...
For you.
Sounds like a dame.
Lieutenant Frazer.
Lieutenant Frazer!
Hello, snow white.
Don't tell me the dwarves are annoying you.
Hello, Jack. Listen to me.
You've got to come straight away.
They've started a revolution...
They're building a gallows...
They're going to hang everyone.
I need you! Do you hear me?
Change your course,
20 points to starboard.
One, two, three, four...
Let's go!
- Get away! Quick!
- Is this another one of your tricks?
- What do you mean, tricks?
- Sure, she's full of them.
- We go outside and the guards shoot us.
- You're wrong!
I just got rid of the guards outside.
I put a stone in my purse.
I went with Alecto only because one of us
had to remain free to save the others.
- What are we waiting for?
- Come on!
- No. I'm staying here.
- But we can't leave you here!
I've got to stay here
and send them in the other direction.
- Thank you very much, miss.
- Now hurry up! Hurry up!
- How did it happen?
- I haven't got time to explain!
You've got to run
and try and catch those brutes.
Did you notice which way they went?
- That way!
- Follow me!
There they are!
Follow me!
Hurry up!
They went this way!
Hey, look at that!
I think we're safe here.
Don't you?
He must have fainted.
What happened?
Chrie!
It's Chrie!
Stan, answer me.
Forgive me.
I didn't know it was you.
Please, look at me.
- How did you catch them?
- But I...
The girl is absolutely wonderful.
She has a stone in her bag!
Quick!
Get them out of here!
We're going to give the signal
for the show to begin.
As a token of thanks for your help,
without which I would never have succeeded,
I am giving you the honour of pulling the lever
that will drop these traitors into eternity.
Alecto! Alecto!
This girl is in cahoots with the traitors!
- Look where he's standing.
- What are you talking about?
She overpowered us
and let them escape!
I don't get it.
I've just been checking.
We're exactly on the position
where the island stood.
- Oh, no!
- What do you mean, no?
- I don't want to be rescued by him!
- Why not?
He was too long getting here!
This world of ours
is definitely no fair place
but people go on living just the same.
Chrie Lamour is finally
marrying her Lieutenant
And they look forward to many years
of happily married life.
Do you take for your wedded wife
Miss Chrie Lamour?
OK, OK!
- I now pronounce you man and wife.
- You jilted me.
I jilted you, you say?
Giovanni has gone back
to his native Italy.
Instead of building marble palaces,
he'll go on forever building fences.
Antoine has been brought back
to the boat from which he ran away.
Still anxious to give up this life of wandering,
he tries once more his usual means of escape.
But this time he's gotten
into the wrong sort of cage.
As for our two heroes,
after all their mishaps,
they've finally gotten their inheritance.
Their own south sea island and there
far away from all the cares of the world,
they settle down
to a well earned rest.
That was sure was nice of Frazer and Chrie
to land us here on our own real island.
Give us all this food and everything...
- Just like a fresh start in life.
- It certainly is.
And they're going to send us
new supplies every six months.
At last,
all of our troubles are over.
Yes, sir. Nothing to do from now on
but eat and sleep.
And nobody to tell us
what to do.
- What are you doing here?
- What are we doing here?
This is our island!
There must be some mistake.
This island has been taken over by the government
for insufficient payment of inheritance taxes.
Moreover,
you've also been fined for the delay.
It's my duty to seize
your supplies and food.
Take it away!
Well, here's another nice mess
you've gotten me into!
Well, I couldn't help it.
You're always blaming me for everything...