Atropia (2025) Movie Script
1
[music playing]
[wind blowing]
[flute playing]
[non-english speech]
[fast footsteps]
[flute playing]
Come on.
Drop, drop.
Drop. Drop! Drop.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
[non-english speech]
It's empty.
The truck is empty.
All right, let's
play a little game.
Who's truck is this?
I know you know.
I'm talking to you.
Whose fucking truck is this?
Relax.
-Calm down.
-Fuck!
Hey, fuck, man.
Put the fucking gun down.
Where is the owner
of this truck?
If you want to know so
bad, then clear the truck.
Clear the fucking truck, dude.
[non-english speech]
Oh, fuck!
[spits]
[engine rumbling]
[non-english speech]
[explosion]
[commotion]
[crying]
Get out of here!
Go! Go, go, go!
[gunfire]
[honking]
-Now what?
-Attention!
Halt all activity.
One of our IEDs
did not detonate.
Clear this area.
We will be running a test.
Bravo, Hollywood.
Bye.
You are good.
You have to get out of here.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
Yeah, what fuck?
What the fuck?
I can't work like this.
This is bullshit,
and you know it.
You fucking know it.
I mean, you got one
over here--
-That one went off?
-Yes.
So the fuck what?
This was the fucking plan.
Fucking donkey!
Feel good?
No, I'm not good.
I'm pissed off!
Control confirmed.
What's up with the
donkey bomb?
I don't know.
I pressed it.
Let's run a test.
All right, everybody.
Let's reset and try it again.
[sheep bleating]
[dog barking]
[music playing]
Testing donkey bomb in 3, 2--
[click]
Hee-haw!
OK.
[music playing]
Welcome to the world's most
sophisticated urban warfare
simulation, Fort Irwin.
Or, as we like to
call it, The Box.
In the ongoing mission to
keep America strong and free,
The Box was designed to give our
brave men and women the tools
to fight and win
anytime, anywhere.
[explosion]
Here you will be
tested in a vast,
immersive training area spanning
600,000 acres of the California
desert.
What sets us apart
is our proximity
to Hollywood, which means we've
got the best in the business.
TV and movie special
effects artists
create realistic
battlefield scenarios
like the ones you
will experience
when deployed to Iraq.
Smoke, sound, and smell add
the highest level of realism
to simulate the fog of war.
And the towns have
been populated
with civilian role players,
some of whom are even Iraqi.
So get ready.
You are about to be
deployed to Atropia.
Your area of
operation will be--
When you enter the box, you will
be in a 24/7 live play scenario.
These enemies have
embraced a cult of death.
We must go on the offense,
stay on the offense,
and take the fight to them.
If you're successful
here, you'll
be better equipped to win
the war on terror over there.
And one important
message before you go--
[whirring]
While in Atropia, you may come
across the endangered California
desert tortoise.
Do not touch, move, or
approach the desert tortoise.
All activity will halt until the
tortoise can be properly moved
by a wildlife expert.
If you do not follow the
protocol, you will be penalized.
Good luck out there,
and God bless America.
[music fading out]
[applause]
All electronics in
the bucket--
precious cell
phones, MP3 players.
For the next three weeks,
you will be incommunicado.
The thing about
California is she can play
any part you want her to play.
Tomorrow, she will
be playing Iraq.
It will take us two
hours to enter The Box
and to reach the
town of Medina Wasl.
But it will feel like a
world away from anything
you have ever known.
When you arrive in the
town, the villagers
will be neutral
about your presence.
The more you screw
up, the more difficult
they will be to control.
There will be a gang of
insurgents wreaking havoc
on the area.
These guys are your enemy.
And just a little reminder
that these insurgents
will be played by some of
our best vets, most of them
freshly back from
tours in Iraq.
So they will know first
hand all the fucked up
ways you will be
tested when deployed.
This is your last stop
before heading out to Iraq.
So train like you fight.
Embrace the suck.
Gear up.
Full battle rattle.
Oorah!
Oorah!
-Excuse me.
-Oh, Nancy.
This is Nancy, our
mock journalist.
[whistling]
And you are absolute
Neanderthals.
Nancy is here to
play your embed.
She can sleep in bed with me.
[laughter]
Nancy is here to
help you learn what
it's like to be traveling
with a journalist.
You will see to
her safety, but be
careful not to disclose
any information
that you would not want to
see on the nightly news.
-Any questions?
-[clinking]
Ho-ho-ho!
Gentlemen, say hello
to Private iPod.
[rustling]
H. My name is Fayruz Abbas.
I'm 5' 4" and a half, and I'm
based in Barstow, California.
I will be reading
for the role of Reem.
Hassan, can you hear that?
Gunshots!
I--
[rustling]
[music playing]
Look at these fucking Fobbits.
They really put the
"infant" in "infantry."
You should see the
squad coming in.
Half of them haven't
graduated high school.
And they're all pissing hot.
They need them
all for the surge.
Warm bodies.
That's all W wants
now, warm bodies.
You see the new
head of insurgents?
He's going full Alibaba.
Holy shit.
Holy shit.
All right, guys, I got
new character assignments
that need to be delivered
to the role players, stat.
[beeping]
Pyro is on the move to
assess donkey situation.
What does your new
role sheet say?
What?
It says "Atropian DVD seller who
is desperate to be liberated
by the Americans."
Mine says "anti-American
mustard gas chemist."
It's because I take
this seriously.
I mean, how many times
do we talk about this?
You really need to get
into your backstory.
Well, it's our job to
make this place authentic.
I mean, just think about the
work I've done with Gloria.
Gloria, hey.
Come here.
Let's show Noor what we've
been working on, huh?
Do you remember the memory?
[deeply breathes] Ooh.
Think about your dad.
I--
Think about him lying there
in that pool of blood.
-Ay, papi.
-Oh, papi.
-Papacito.
-[sobbing]
Oh, papacito.
Ay, papi!
(CRYING) Ay, papacito.
No, no, no!
Yes, yes.
OK, easy does it.
Easy, easy.
Now, go.
Go. Go.
-[clapping]
-I'm sorry.
Gloria, that was beautiful.
-Beautiful?
-So good.
But you're a
professional, right?
-I'm a professional.
-Shake it off.
Just let it go.
There you go, huh?
I promise you, it works.
I mean, all you have to do is
think about the trauma that
animates you the most.
Gloria's father was murdered
in the Sandinista rebellion.
Maybe we just need
an audience.
Jerry said, tomorrow,
a tour is coming.
What kind of tour?
Guys?
What kind of tour?
Attention, Medina Wasl.
Tomorrow, we will be performing
the mustard gas exercise.
There will be visiting
spectators in attendance,
so remember the following.
If you do not speak
Arabic or Kurdish,
you do not speak
during the exercise.
If your role
requires blood bags,
you are responsible for
making sure they are full.
If you've been assigned
a fake husband,
walk 10 paces behind him.
Let's give these
soldiers their worst day
here so it doesn't
happen over there.
This is how we save lives.
Good luck out there.
All right.
We used this one before.
It's a little big.
Anyway, we could try this one.
This might be a
little feminine.
Oh, how about this
guy right here?
This is muscular--
like, athletic.
You just have to color it.
What do you think?
I don't know.
Are we going to get
out for Thanksgiving?
No.
You'll have it in The Box.
You got a problem with that?
No, sir.
So How'd you lose your limbs?
Motorcycle.
Cool.
How about you?
I lost mine in Iraq.
Wrong answer.
No, that's not going
to work, unfortunately.
No.
We can't hire you
due to protocol.
We can't risk
retraumatizing you.
A drunken motorcycle
accident, fine.
But IED?
No, sirree.
Thanks for coming in, though.
Have you heard anything
about this tour tomorrow?
What are you going to give me?
What am I going to give you?
I'm giving you a haircut.
Oh, fuck off, Rose.
I have one hand.
Fine.
What do you want?
Cigarettes.
A whole pack.
Is it worth a pack?
Fine.
OK. But don't tell
anyone I told you.
Why?
Because you get weird when
the movie people come.
Movie people?
I do not.
Movie-movie or TV movie?
Hello?
Hey, where are those DVDs
you're selling tomorrow?
I noticed some are in
Farsi, and I want to fix it.
Who cares?
It's been bothering me.
They're outside.
You can't send them out there.
They have their whole
lives ahead of them.
They are just boys.
These men, you say, they
are willing to die for you.
Don't you think they at
least deserve to know why?
Hi.
My name is Fayruz Abbas.
I'm 5' 4" and a half, and I'm
based in Barstow, California.
I will be reading
for the role of Reem.
[clacking]
[spraying]
What do you know?
Very little.
But I hear a big
actor's coming.
Oh, fuck.
What?
You have a great part today.
Mustard gas chemist
is a great part.
Yeah, only if the
soldiers find me.
I mean, think about it, Jerry.
I could be stuck
twiddling my thumbs
in my little bomb making room
while my entire future
passes me by.
[knocking]
Yeah?
I was told to pick up
some blood bags from you.
Well, wait outside
till I'm done.
(WHISPERING) Jerry,
let him in.
Let him in.
Come on in, son.
You can see how
the magic is made.
Woof!
Fayruz, you're all done.
Second floor.
Can you believe it?
They're putting me
on the second floor.
I mean, I keep
telling Coco, she's
got to get those stairs fixed
because they are treacherous.
[music playing]
It is a big day in Atropia.
A movie star is
here to do research
for a role about the
Battle of Fallujah.
He will make the
trek to Medina Wasl
to have the full urban
warfare experience.
Keep your eyes peeled.
[chaotic music]
[trilling lips]
Ahh, ooh, ahh, ooh.
I'm OK.
Relax that jaw.
[breathing deeply]
Bring up those hands.
[groaning] Let it go.
[engines humming]
[thudding]
Can you guys stop
turtle fucking in here?
The noise is killing me.
Use your core, for God's sake!
Better yet, let's
drown it out.
Private iPod, play.
(SINGING) We can
drive around this town
And let the cops
chase us around
Past is gone, but
something might be found
Next!
(SINGING) And if
you get the chance
To sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
[vocalizing]
OK.
Feeling good?
Mm-hmm.
So today is different than
every other day in Atropia
because today is the one
day of the rotation where we
get to perform for
an audience.
Look alive out there, people,
or dead, if you have to.
Merde!
Merde!
(SINGING) I got a feeling
I'm not the only one
All I want to do
Is have some fun
Until the sun comes up
Over Santa Monica Boulevard!
Can we please focus?
Whoa!
Please!
All right, ass snorkeler.
Being a soldier is
a joyless pursuit.
And if you can't find the fun
in mercilessly humiliating
your compatriots,
then you are never
going to make it out of here!
Oh, you want to work, huh?
You want to get your
head in the game?
Well, that's just fine because I
hear that there is a mustard gas
chemist operating
in this town.
And your new personal
problem is to capture
said chemist without cover.
And if you fail in
your mission, well, I
am sure that you have a
beautiful singing voice.
Play!
[pensive music]
[sighing]
[vehicle approaching]
[suspenseful music]
Movie, movie.
This is what I'm
fucking talking about.
[laughs] Whoa.
Whoo!
Whoo!
Welcome to Atropia.
Soldiers will be
along any minute.
[breathing deeply]
Yeah, that's real dirt.
So what's with the
Atropia, Chief?
It's military policy to use
a mock country for immersion
training.
Great.
We use Atropia as a stand-in
for whatever country
we're planning to invade.
[gas hissing]
What the fuck is that?
What do you smell?
What do I--
[sniffs] Christmas?
Close.
We spray the air with
a light chai scent
for sensory
inundation purposes.
Huh.
They can make it smell like
anything-- sewage, gunpowder,
burning flesh.
Think we could get
off the chai?
Maybe get on a
little burning flesh?
Sure.
-Just to get-- you know.
-Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
-To get us into it a little bit.
-Yeah.
What are you doing?
All right, so where do
you want to watch from?
It's safest over there.
[laughs] Really?
What?
No, I got to be in it.
It's really, really important
-to me to get it right.
-All right.
Keep moving.
Take your place.
Let's do that.
The soldiers are coming.
Attention, Medina Wasl.
[lips trilling]
Soldiers are five miles out.
I'm going to put these on you.
Now, you will hear gunshots.
Don't worry.
They are blanks.
Got it.
Think of this as like a really
expensive game of laser tag.
When your vest starts
beeping, it means you're dead.
OK.
[exhales]
Dude, dude, look who it is.
-Yeah, I know.
-Don't be weird.
-I'm not being weird.
-Don't look at him.
[tense music]
[people shouting]
Get away.
[non-english speech]
Come on, take it.
Take it.
No, this isn't mine.
Take it.
Take it.
[groans]
What's that about?
Sniper promise.
I'm not playing a
sniper again.
[footsteps running]
Oh, my god.
I am so happy to see you!
-You are?
-OK.
Tie me up.
What?
Let's go! Now!
Tie me up.
Drag me into the town square,
and then throw me to the ground.
I'm supposed to keep you
here and call in backup.
I will make it worth
your fucking while.
You smoke, I got cigarettes.
Now!
[tense music]
-$2.
-I don't have $2.
$2?
Yeah!
Come on, take me.
Lead me.
Lead me up.
We're going to finish this, and
I'm going to come back, OK?
Yeah. No, save that
one for me.
Save it.
[background chatter]
[gunshots]
[beeping]
-You're beeping. You're out.
-Uh--
-You're out. You're dead.
-No, no.
-No, you're beeping.
-No, I'm not beeping.
Dude, get on the ground.
You're dead.
-No, I think you're dead, man.
-Actually, you're both dead.
[beeping continues]
[grunts loudly]
Oh.
Shoot!
[gasping, grunting]
[groaning loudly]
-OK, ready?
-Yeah.
Right there. Right there.
Go, go!
[moaning, coughing]
Hit me!
Come on.
Ahh!
Ah!
[crying]
Ave Maria!
Ave Maria!
Ave Maria!
[wailing]
[shouting]
I don't know what the hell
is going on down there.
We need to release
the mustard gas.
[wailing continues]
Mustard gas.
Go, go, go.
[coughing]
Oh, shit.
No.
Freeburn, what the fuck?
That's my mission.
Get the fuck out of here, man!
What the--
I said, get the
fuck out of here!
Calm down, lady.
-Gloria.
-Calm down.
-Calm down!
-[screaming]
All right, come on.
Get off the car.
[screaming]
[crying]
All right. All right, boys. Come
on, let's get out of here.
[wails]
Come on, move your ass!
Come on, man.
[woman screaming]
I mean, are you kidding me?
[crying]
[clapping]
You--
Bravo.
It's a true honor.
It's a true honor.
Muah.
I mean--
Bravo.
--where did you study?
-Bravo.
-You were magnificent.
-She's not even Iraqi!
[door slams]
Who's your effects guy?
That's incredible.
Look, she's still in it.
Get her number.
Get her number for me.
She's incredible.
OK, yeah.
Uh, hi.
Can I get your number?
I'm actually bleeding,
you fucking idiot!
We need to have a
serious discussion
about what happened today.
Gloria going to be OK, but
she was very badly injured.
Boo-hoo.
She's probably had a hot
shower, a steak dinner,
and is halfway to LA by now.
I know some of you
have met the new leader
of our local
insurgent, Abu Dice.
[heroic music]
Salam alaikum.
Wa-alaikum-salaam.
Look, I'm impressed by what
you guys have created here.
It really transports me back.
But we can't have incidents
like what happened today.
So my first question,
the mustard gas lab.
Always in the same location?
-Yes.
-No.
What?
Not always.
Why do you ask?
They were able to
find you very quickly.
So either there's a mole
here or one of the soldiers
that have been here
before tipped him off.
Well, not very quickly.
And I wasn't
captured, so I'm not
really sure what the issue is.
Well, in my experience,
based off my time in Iraq,
the mustard gas chemists
were extremely mobile
and moved their operation
often so as not to get caught.
Hmm, well, I think I would know
because my uncle actually is
a mustard gas chemist in Iraq.
Jesus.
I heard you're an asset.
I just didn't know what kind.
OK, OK.
We will try to find the mole and
consider changing the location.
Good.
Noor, since Gloria
lives in your hutch,
the soldiers are coming to
make their amends to you.
I will let you decide whether
the money worth the price
for your daughter's life.
My daughter?
[scoffs]
And the bread is plastic,
Noor.
I don't make the rules.
Are we safe?
Can I do my news piece?
Please continue.
[non-english muttering]
(CHANTING) No blood for oil!
No blood for oil!
No blood for oil!
No blood for oil!
No blood for oil!
Clearly, the Atropians
are not happy
and have left
ominous warning signs
to the Americans who decide
to invade their towns.
And that's just the way it is.
Abu Ray, Al Jazeera, Al--
Abu Ray, Al Jazzer
Atropia, signing off.
Marhabaa.
Shako maku.
After you.
[chuckles] Is this a trick?
Are you going to
waterboard me to find out
who's leaking information?
[water pouring]
Well, as long as you're wet.
What did you just say?
Oh, shit!
[faucet squeaking]
I am going to teach you perhaps
the most important lesson
you will learn in the box.
You can create compliance by
inventing a problem that only
you can solve.
Cool.
Maybe try discreetly
destroying their power
grid, not something permanent.
[dog barking]
Hey, boss, I need
some Atropian currency
for the boys in the box.
They're already making
condolence payments.
Then, on with the mayor, perhaps
at night, by candlelight.
Are you attached to
that plant?
[plane engine
rumbling overhead]
Yes!
Oh, fuck me, yeah.
[interlapping speech]
What on God's green Earth?
Attention!
[light music]
I don't ever think I've had a
more pathetic gaggle of mouth
breathing losers.
But there is one
soldier that I would
like to single out for his
extraordinary failing abilities.
Private Harris, step forward.
Not only does he hate
joy, music, and laughter,
but he is also a
dog shit soldier
and severely injured a
role player in real life.
So to commemorate the precious
oxygen wasted on his breath,
he will replace it
by keeping this plant
alive during the entirety
of his time in the box.
Don't ever let me
catch you without it!
Jesus Christ.
OK, OK, OK.
Hey, where's that cash?
It's expensive, right?
Fuck if I know.
[background chatter]
[knocking]
[door opens]
We are here to, uh,
offer our condolences.
Money?
You think money will bring
back the life of my daughter?
American swine.
You think you can just buy your
way out of anything, don't you?
It's a lot of money, so.
Do you know what it
feels like for a mother
to bury her own daughter?
Do you?
No one followed you, right?
Come on.
You want one cigarette?
Here.
Just one.
Rudy, I think I
found the mole.
She's making a deal right now.
Oh, shit!
For what?
Smokes.
I don't want your
money or sympathy.
But I will take the plant.
OK, yeah.
No.
No, man.
What?
No, I can't give you this.
Give her the plant, bro.
He's going to
fucking kill me, man.
It's for her daughter.
Fuck this, man.
What are you doing?
Oh, not the Arabic.
Get out.
Get out.
Come on!
[dramatic music]
Hurry!
Thanks!
[shouting]
[screaming]
Your mother is a whore!
How do you like
that backstory?
[swishing, gargling]
[door banging open]
[gasps]
What do you have to
say for yourself?
Crossing enemy lines?
Who are you?
How dare you talk
to me this way?
-Ah!
-What was the deal?
What deal?
I won't have a rat like you
put me and my men in danger.
OK, OK.
Enough!
-You understand?
-Enough! Drop the shtick, man.
Jesus!
Oh!
I know you're the mole.
I didn't realize my
fetish was interrogation.
Oh, is this funny to you?
Making deals with soldiers?
There are rules here.
You're not supposed to even be
in my hooch, let alone touch
an Atropian woman.
Yeah, you know full well
you lose those privileges
once you become a traitor.
What was the deal?
Do you want me to scream?
Because I will.
And then the CO
will come in here,
and we'll both lose our jobs.
What was the deal?
[screams]
[muffled grunts]
It doesn't have to
be difficult.
[strains]
Ow!
[panting] Mm.
Get the fuck off me!
Don't ever do that again.
What?
Don't fuck with me.
[laughs]
Oh, this is a game to you,
huh?
It's all a game.
A game?
This is my life.
Do you know what I've
given up to be here?
My passions, my career.
Hell, half of my family
won't even speak to me
because of what I do here.
But do you know why
I stay and suffer
through everyone taunting me
for taking this too seriously?
Because I believe
in the cause.
Because I go out there
every day trying to save
the lives of people like you.
When I first saw you, I
thought I saw that same spark.
But now you come in here and
accuse me of being a traitor?
If you really wanted to
know if I was the mole,
all you had to do was ask.
Are you the mole?
Yes.
But I can explain!
The enemies you
confront will come
to know your skill
and bravery.
The people you
liberate will witness
the honorable and decent spirit
of the American military.
Our nation enters this
conflict reluctantly.
Pay attention.
[music playing]
When asked why their
country invaded Atropia,
none could answer.
Why has America
invaded Atropia?
Don't ask me.
[chuckles]
Excuse me, sir.
Why has America
invaded Atropia?
-Freedom.
-Freedom?
But freedom from who?
[chuckles]
Unbelievable.
[music playing]
Will you be joining us for
dinner tonight, monsieur?
I hope so.
I still have to drop off
the MREs of the jihadis.
That's all they're eating?
Meal rejected by everyone.
There's no refrigerator
in the cave.
Why do you still have
them in that cave?
It's very Taliban.
The insurgents in Iraq
just live in town.
They like it?
Tell them we'll bring
them dinner tonight.
[gasps] [arabic]
Who's cooking?
Are you cooking?
[crickets chirping]
[non-english speech]
Noor, thank you.
It's delicious.
[non-english speech]
That's good.
Mr. Middle East, I don't
see you digging in.
What do you mean?
Yeah, let's see it.
I got this.
[non-english speech]
-That goes with it.
-Try it.
Try it.
-Dice.
-Dice.
Dice, dice, dice, dice, dice,
dice, dice, dice, dice, dice,
dice, dice, dice, dice, dice.
I got it. I got it.
That's a lot.
[laughs]
[laughs] How are you feeling?
[laughter]
-OK?
-[coughing]
-You OK?
-[laughter]
Get some water.
Some water, please.
[coughing]
[laughter]
Jesus Christ.
Even your eyes are sweating.
So, Abu Dice, when
were you in Iraq?
I was there in 2004 with
this man right here.
And we were out in the sticks,
and then mostly Sadr City.
He's eating this food right now,
but he only ate Burger King
the entire time we were there.
What I saw what men
do to goats out there,
I kind of lost my appetite.
-Ooh.
-What about you?
You ever kill anybody?
[chuckles] Me?
Yeah.
Well, you don't
ask a lady her age.
You know what I mean?
[laughter]
But we didn't have all
this fancy training
before we were deployed.
We had to learn
boots-on-the-ground.
You like playing insurgents?
Oh, it's great.
See, you never have to shave.
What other job do you know where
you get paid to wreak havoc?
[laughter]
[music playing]
It's the least I can do.
[sighs]
Whenever I'm on
dish duty, I always
get jealous of the dishes.
Why?
Well, I get so
little water here.
I get jealous.
[chuckles]
I wish I was a dirty dish so I
could get dunked and scrubbed,
wiped clean, put
back where I belong.
Whenever I'm in the box, I
always have dreams about water.
It's too long to go
without a shower.
You look clean enough.
[non-english singing]
You know what happened
between us can't happen again.
It was a mistake.
I need to get back to Iraq,
can't let anything get in
the way of that happening.
You know Abu means
father of, right?
So in your case, you should
have a kid named Dice.
I know what it means.
You know what?
I can handle this.
[sniffs] You do stink.
[non-english singing]
Pay attention.
Watch, watch.
[non-english] OK?
Come on.
Come on.
Do it.
Come on, let's do it.
No homo, man.
Exactly.
No homo.
This is not indication
of being gay.
This is how men greet each
other where I came from.
All right, now let's touch.
It doesn't have to be slow-mo.
Just get in there.
Come on.
You could do that.
Say, [non-english].
What, he smells bad?
Mwah.
They're really afraid to
touch each other, these guys.
Look, we fucking get it.
OK, OK, OK.
All right.
Take it easy.
[non-english]
You never hugged anyone?
Just not a great bunch.
Nah.
Unbelievable.
Just walking through
the Medina, you know?
Smile. Smile.
You'll be OK.
[laughs]
Look at me.
Hey.
Never retract your hand
when an Iraqi greeting you.
I am the mayor.
I could make your life very
difficult if you disrespect me.
You need me to like you,
right?
Yes.
Let's try this again.
Come on.
[non-english speech]
[non-english speech], my boy.
How are you doing?
Good.
And how is your health?
Fine.
And how is your mother?
I miss her.
I bet you do.
Peace be with you.
Look at me.
Good, good.
[phone ringing]
We don't want any--
No, Khaled.
It's me.
What's up?
Hey, I was just.
I wanted to know if you
had heard from casting
about that tape that I sent.
Because I can't get
calls here.
Everyone else is making
money off this war.
I mean, next year they
can invade somewhere else,
and then they won't be casting
roles that I'm perfect for.
OK.
I'm sorry.
I didn't realize that you were
saving lives selling jacuzzis.
Can I talk to her, please?
Can you put her on the phone?
Hello?
Bebe.
Hi.
It's me.
It's Fayruz.
Fayruz.
I'm working, Bebe.
[phone crackles]
Hello?
Bebe?
[non-english speech]
Control, this is Bravo 6.
I have a unit reporting some
sounds coming from a Medina Wasl
utility closet.
Bravo 6, they can stand down.
Looks like someone turned
on the Afghan villagers.
Over.
[non-english speech]
[non-english singing]
[gasps]
[music playing]
[gasps]
[gasps, heavy breathing]
Huh?
Don't be scared.
Don't be scared.
Don't be scared.
[heavy breathing] What?
No, I'm not scared!
[huffs] I'm just doing
my emotional prep in case
this is part of the exercise.
[heavy breathing] What
the hell's going on?
Hey, just relax!
Relax, OK?
Relax?
[heavy breathing] Last night,
you told me I was a mistake.
Now you kidnap me and you drag
me to the middle of nowhere?
What the hell else am
I supposed to think?
OK, OK, look, you're right.
I'm just so confused
right now, and--
come over here.
No.
It's not what you think.
It's a gift.
I'm going to wash you
like a dirty dish.
[crickets chirping]
[owl hooting]
[music playing]
[wolf howling]
Is that a problem?
No.
I had a feeling.
[sighs]
[music playing]
Give me your other hand.
[camera whines,
shutter clicks]
What the fuck are they doing?
Is that some Muslim shit?
I don't know.
I know what you were
talking about when
you were talking about water.
They had us out in the dust
for months, clearing fields,
hunting hajjis
that didn't exist.
And we got back to Baghdad
just before July 4.
They took us to Uday Hussein's
palace for barbecuing.
And they were grilling
hot dogs, and they
let us swim in the pool.
And everyone was
just going wild.
I don't know.
It was the first time
in months I felt clean.
Listen, nobody knows.
I've been trying to hide it
because if they find out--
stop!
[crow cawing]
What is it?
Do I move it?
Not unless you want to spend
a whole year in prison.
I've never seen one before.
Don't touch it.
Don't touch it.
[laughs] It's a rock.
No, no, no!
No!
[grunts]
[music playing]
[grunts] [sighs] [grunts]
[knocking]
You'd better not be scrawling
on my pristine walls in there,
or there will be hell to pay.
[walking noises]
Nancy?
I want to shower!
Cheer up!
It's almost Thanksgiving!
[music playing]
[screams]
Dude!
You're not supposed
to touch the women!
Sorry.
Maybe there'll be
some asparagus, too,
just to make this
for the presentation.
What kind of gravy, beef
gravy or turkey gravy?
Shit.
You got them.
It's a valid question,
though, right?
You know what?
I love this type of gravy.
OK.
OK.
Let's taste this,
split this whole thing.
Just a little graze of
the toe is all it takes.
Why?
[sighs] I don't even
know how to tell you.
[laughs]
[chuckles]
[whistles] iPod.
Play.
(SINGING) Row, row, row your
boat gently down the stream
[sighs] And when I
got back from Iraq,
[sighs] I had a lot of
trouble getting hard
because the only moments
that I had alone,
they were in porta johns.
And I got so accustomed
to smelling hot shit
while I jerked off that--
Repeat!
(SINGING) Row, row, row your
boat gently down the stream
Merrily, merrily--
Yeah, when I got
back, it was real bad.
I would get a little hard if I
smelled sewage or someone was
picking up after their dog.
-I thought about--
-Hey!
No touching.
I think I got something
in my eye, dude.
You good?
Yeah.
I'm like, I'm crying.
I'm just playing.
Fuck are you crying for?
I think I got some
sand in my eye.
You've got to get
that shit out, man.
You've got to stop doing
things with your hand.
Gets in your eyes, bro.
Who's the dad?
[sighs] He's back in Iraq.
Oh, shit.
Is he Iraqi?
Yep, born and raised.
He wanted to go back and
make a life out there,
raise the kid with the sights
and smells that we grew up with.
My family has a big
compound out there.
They're Ba'athists.
They're Ba'athists?
Yeah.
Six bedrooms, six baths.
[chuckles]
Where's the compound?
Sadr City.
I miss it so much, the
food and the people,
the reflection of the
light on the Tigris.
[sighs] But I knew it
wouldn't be the same place
that I once knew.
Besides, I can't be
8,000 miles
away when Hollywood
finally calls.
[chuckles]
Yeah.
[music playing]
Attention, Medina Wasl.
Tomorrow evening at 1,700
hours, there will be a special
Thanksgiving
celebration in the souk.
We hope you enjoy
the festivities,
but please remember that
you are still in a 24/7
live-play scenario.
Vegetarian and halal
options will be served.
[sighs]
You want it?
Hey, can I ask you something?
You seem like you learned a
lot while you were out there.
What's it going
to be like for me?
You want to know?
Give me one of
those lung darts.
Don't get lazy.
Learn the language.
Eat the food.
Get out the gate.
They're menthols.
You know, the
language is crazy.
But if you get into it,
it's poetic as hell.
How so?
Well, when we say, "how
are you," we say, [arabic],
which means,
"what's your color?"
Do you answer with the color?
Not unless you're
a dorky American.
Wait.
If you're so smart, why'd
you fall for my shitty rock
tortoise?
[helicopter rumbling]
Still nervous.
[chuckle]
Don't be.
I just want to go to college.
How about one more song
to put us to sleep, huh?
Your nicest one.
(SINGING) We've
been on the run
Driving in the sun
Looking out for number one
California, here we come
Right back where we
started from
Posers grab your guns
Shadow weighs a ton
Driving down the 101
California, here we come
Right back where we
started from
California
Here we come
Hey.
Get up.
You know, she says she's
got a sleepwalking problem.
He found her out in
the desert.
She was all covered in the
sand, severely dehydrated.
So he dumped water on her.
Well, I think we should send
a medic to check her out,
make sure she's OK.
Hey.
Act dehydrated.
Say you haven't peed all day.
Can't sweat.
No tears.
Slightly delirious.
But don't overdo it.
Take something off of her.
We need to get out of here.
Hello.
[arabic]
How are you feeling?
OK.
Yeah.
When is the last
time you urinated?
Last time you urinated?
Last time you urinated?
[murmuring]
No urination?
-[murmurs]
-OK. Sit down.
[murmurs]
OK.
[background chatter]
-Relax.
-She could have killed me.
I am nice.
No.
No.
You are dehydrated.
OK?
I'm going to give
you some Gatorade.
[speaking arabic]
Yes, sir.
Shut the fuck up, please.
Can you do this?
What's up?
I want an interview
with the POWs.
Well, that is against
the law, Nancy.
Why?
Because we are supposed
to protect them
from public curiosity.
I got you something.
You did?
Oh, I did.
I have to pee.
Have fun in the jack shack.
Don't forget to wipe your
ass, you filthy fuck.
[screams]
(WHISPERING) Go with it.
Freeburn, Freeburn!
There's a fucking
tortoise in here, man.
No.
No fucking way.
Hey, put your gun down.
Don't shoot it.
[grunting]
[dramatic music]
Savage.
Yeah.
You're going to show them.
That's right.
I've never gotten
to shoot one before.
It'll be fine.
It will.
-You're going to fuck them up.
-OK.
-Are you ready?
-Yeah.
-Are you sure?
-Yeah.
-Let's go kill some Americans.
-OK.
[shouting]
[dramatic music]
[indistinct chatter]
Heavenly Father, we
thank thee for food
and remember the hungry;
thank thee for health,
remember the sick; we
thank thee for friends,
remember the friendless; and
we thank thee for freedom
and remember the enslaved.
[stomach growls]
May these remembrances stir us
to service that thy gifts unto
us may be used to help others.
Amen.
Amen.
All right.
Turkey brains.
Over the lips and
through the gums.
Look out, stomach.
Here it comes.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Happy Thanksgiving.
[dramatic music]
[gunfire rattling]
Holy moly.
If your vest is going off,
you know what that means.
You're dead.
Lay down on the
fucking ground.
If your vest is not going off,
then you got to find the target.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Get down on the floor
now, motherfucker.
Down.
Down.
Get the fuck down.
You're dead...
Oh, yeah.
You're dead!
Hey, hey.
Don't fucking move.
Stop fucking moving.
Stop fucking moving.
[speaking arabic]
Thank you, sir.
Get comfortable down there.
[shrieking]
-Hey, let's go.
-OK.
Help me down.
Forget acting,
you should enlist.
Press.
Press, press.
I am press.
I am press.
I'm not wearing my vest.
I'm sorry.
You better get your camera.
It's not a pretty
scene over there.
Oh. Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you, Thank you, thank
you, thank you, thank you.
Thank you, thank you, thank
you. Thank you.
All right.
Wait, wait, wait.
I gotta pee really quick.
Ugh.
Dice?
Yeah?
I think I hurt myself.
You did?
Could you help me?
Yeah.
Hey, you OK?
You OK?
[soft music]
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
You trying to have twins?
On one of America's
most important holidays,
there is not a lot
to be thankful for.
I am on the scene
of what is now being
referred to as the
Thanksgiving Day Massacre.
The battalion was praying before
their special holiday meal, when
two armed insurgents
sprayed a torrent of bullets
in their direction.
The insurgents,
just yesterday, were
POWs in the
military's custody.
Don't mention that.
Why not?
It makes us look bad.
Oh, OK.
The insurgents were
terrorists.
[western music]
Warning.
If you're with children,
these images are gruesome.
[whispering]
You look pretty
when you're dead.
[snickering]
it Just kind of looks
like they're napping.
Do you have any fake blood?
[western music]
What's your color?
[honking]
Woo-hoo!
Come on.
Hey.
Hey!
We've escaped!
It's Fayruz!
Daddy!
Hey.
What are you doing here, huh?
You stink.
Wait, what's going on?
Who are all these people?
Oh, they invited the families
for Thanksgiving dinner,
but they dressed them up to
avoid disrupting authenticity.
Is my family here?
No.
Oh. I got you something.
[gasps]
Fayruz?
How?
[speaking arabic]
[muffled music]
Can I take this thing off now?
-Yes.
-OK.
Ah.
I was starting to
like it under there.
Do you want to go
look over there?
All right.
Let's go.
It's so pretty here.
Yeah.
Ah.
Can you watch him
for a second?
I just have to get
myself in order.
Thank you.
It's been months since I've
had a second to myself.
How do I look?
You look-- great.
Nothing else.
So does this really
feel like Iraq?
The only thing Tanner ever
talks about is going back.
Yeah.
We try to make it as
much like Iraq as we can.
You know?
We can make it smell like
fresh bread or burning flesh.
Everything.
Can I ask you guys a
really stupid question?
Yeah.
Dice, go find your dad.
So this is amazing.
Don't get me wrong.
But I guess I'm just, like--
why Iraq?
Because none of the 9/11
hijackers were even Iraqi.
Right?
So, like--
Mommy.
-What?
-Mommy.
Do you want to show Daddy
what we got for the potluck?
Well, I liked where
that was going.
What'd you make me, huh?
Open it up.
Daddy, your favorite.
It is my favorite.
You gotta be
fucking kidding me.
Come on, Fayruz.
You ate my chorizo last week.
That came out wrong.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
[background chatter]
You know, we take
great pains here
to keep this place authentic.
And while this meal might be
acceptable in your culture,
in our culture, this
is actually forbidden.
-Haram?
-Haram.
Oh, my god.
I am so, so, so so sorry.
I wasn't even
thinking about it.
But maybe we could just
make an exception tonight?
I mean, those burkas
that you had us in--
they're Afghan, right?
They're not even Iraqi.
So--
This is our home, so you
will live by our rules.
I'm sorry.
That's just what we
have to do.
The rules are strict here.
I don't know.
Yeah.
Hey, let's play nice.
It's Thanksgiving.
No, Coco.
I'm sick of it.
The soldiers get treated
completely differently here.
I mean, I just pulled
off a massacre for you,
and I'm not even in OP4.
Hell, the amputees make
three times what I make here.
I give you my best performances,
and no one will ever see them.
Give me the ham.
No.
Fayruz.
[crickets chirping]
Desert tortoise activity
reported on the road to Razish.
Reminder, if you
encounter a tortoise,
send the six-digit GPS grid
coordinates on the FOX mic
and your CO will advise
on how to proceed.
By protecting the tortoise,
we are ensuring our access
to the land for years to come.
Have you ever actually
seen one out here?
Yeah, I've seen them.
I used to see them more, but
they airlifted them out of here
so they can expand
the training facility
and build a replica Fallujah.
They donated $70 million
to the tortoises.
It's just a land grab.
I see the biologist
out here sometimes.
She says they're not doing
well in their new habitat.
A lot of them are
dead or dying.
Males aren't
fucking the females.
-Hello, Jerry.
-Hey, brother.
[speaking spanish]
Fayruz.
Firstly, I wanted to apologize
for my family's transgression.
Hey, you don't have
to be sorry.
They want us to do an
after-action review.
Oh, no.
That's above my
pay grade, Tanner.
Give us a moment, Jerry?
Yeah, yeah.
Just don't touch my meat.
It's wet.
You OK?
Hey, hey.
You named your son Dice?
I was 19.
When were you going
to tell me?
I don't know if I was.
[grunting]
She smelled different to me.
She didn't understand anything
that I was going through.
And what I was doing
in Iraq was dangerous.
And I liked it.
And I wanted to keep
feeling that way, you know?
And I know it's not
a nice thing to say,
but I thought of her
life as sad and quaint.
And we lost some
guys out there.
It was on my watch.
And that's a lot to ask
anyone to understand,
but I feel like you do.
I feel like you understand.
Well, you still lied to me.
Fayruz.
Fayruz, you've been
lying to everyone.
What?
Your Arabic is spotty.
And Sadr City, where
you said you're from?
That's one of the
worst slums in Baghdad.
So I've never been.
Well, don't worry.
There won't even be
an Iraq to go back to
once you guys are
done with it.
Get out of here.
This may or may not
be of interest to you,
but Abu Saif asked me
to be the groom tonight.
They need us to put on a
wedding so the soldiers can
practice identifying targets.
[dramatic music]
Well, I'm not the
bride this week.
It's Maria's turn.
[knocking at door]
Hey, Maria.
Hey.
I was just curious
if you were married
to the idea of being
the bride tonight.
Why?
I was just wondering
if you would
be open to taking
my spot next week.
I was really looking
forward to it, actually.
This is my last rotation.
You always say that.
I know.
But I mean it this time.
What are you going to give me?
What do you want?
I mean, baby wipes,
cigarettes, ramen?
What?
I want everything
in your trunk,
except for that weird
acting reel.
Everything?
OK.
I don't want to go
too over the top.
Let me know what you think.
Wow.
I love it.
[laughter]
Oh.
Oh, Fayruz.
I almost forgot.
Guess what just came in?
What?
The baby powder suicide vest.
No. Are you kidding?
How many?
Just one.
But I told him you're
dying to try it.
A military funeral was held for
the victims of the Thanksgiving
Day massacre in the lower
Java region of Atropia.
This is a tragic day
that we'll never forget.
Let the loss of our
brothers be a lesson to us.
Terrorists don't
observe holidays.
They observe weakness.
The terrorist mastermind has
been identified as Abu Dice.
We gotta get him
out of the box.
All right?
We're wasting his talent here.
We can be mercing
hajis over there.
You want to call it up?
Let's get him out there.
This squadron's sole
objective, to capture and kill
the perpetrator.
We have the weight of the
White House behind us.
Salam alaikum.
Alaikum Salaam.
Let's get this show
on the road.
[speaking arabic] Follow me.
[music playing]
Where do you want me?
Yeah.
Come over here.
-Here?
-Yeah.
[music playing]
[sighing]
Where's Maria?
[music]
OK.
Fayruz, you're going to accept
the marriage three times.
Abu Dice, you're going to
accept the marriage once.
Rudy?
[speaking arabic]
[speaking arabic]
All right, you two,
it's haji hunting time.
You two are our only hope.
We'll go find that fucker.
And just remember, he
killed all your brothers.
[music playing]
What's your color?
Green, baby, green.
You guys are married now.
(WHISPERING) Fuck
I think he saw us.
(WHISPERING) Let's go around.
[arabic music]
[cheering]
[machine gun fire]
[machine gun fire]
[arabic music]
All right, gang, fun's over.
Gotta get back to the cave
before we get ambushed.
[arabic music]
[cheering]
Now, you're really Iraqi.
With two wives.
[laughter]
[eerie music]
Rudy, Rudy!
Forgot my gun.
Damn it.
I'm going to go back for it.
All right.
I'll swing back
around and get you.
Hey, and you be careful.
They're looking for you.
[eerie music]
(WHISPERING) There he is.
Right there.
(WHISPERING) Where
is he going?
(WHISPERING) I
got seven minutes.
Seven minutes.
Pants.
[laughter]
-Oh, my God.
-Yeah.
Wait, wait, wait.
Wait, wait.
What?
I gotta piss.
I gotta piss.
What?
I can't come if I gotta piss.
No, don't go out there.
Just stay right here.
Stay right here.
OK.
[crickets chirping]
[urinating]
[eerie music]
(WHISPERING) [speaking
arabic], motherfucker.
(WHISPERING) Fuck.
[music playing]
Hello?
Ray, she's here.
Hey, Rudy.
Hey, Ray's just gone to
get the camera real quick.
Oh, for what?
We gotta record your
suicide bomber video, stat.
They need to send
it over this morning
so they can play it
right as you detonate.
Um, where's my, uh, husband?
He got captured last night while
he was trying to take a leak.
It's embarrassing.
Yeah.
Well, last night was fun.
So are they sending him
back in as a new character?
-Or--
-No.
No, he's getting deployed.
Going straight back to Iraq.
Yolo!
Wait.
Sorry, wait.
Do I say my name first?
I don't actually
know how these go.
I just want you to
be menacing.
-OK.
-OK?
Can you do that for me?
-OK.
-OK.
They already put
the bomb on you?
-Yeah.
-OK.
-Yeah.
-All right.
All right.
Action.
If you are watching this,
President Bush, I am dead.
[eerie music]
This is in retaliation
for the innocent blood
of Atropian civilians you
have spilled on our streets.
I will come find
you, dirty dish!
Dirty dish, dirty dish!
[chanting]
Dirty dish, dirty dish!
Dirty dish, dirty dish!
[speaking arabic]
[beeping sounds]
No, man.
Are you serious?
Yeah, I'm beeping.
You're on your knees.
There you go.
Oh.
Hey.
Settle down, folks.
[grunting]
Help, help.
They will fix you
up right away.
There's something
I need to tell you.
Shoot.
I've never actually
been to Iraq.
Get out of the car.
Huh?
Get out.
I'm serious.
Get out.
Wait, wait.
You think I didn't know?
You knew?
Of course.
They do a background
check on everyone.
It doesn't matter.
We're helping a
group of teenagers
to invade our Homeland
in a gentler way.
Isn't there something else
you wanted to tell me?
Um--
Fayruz, you are like
a daughter to me.
I know you love this place.
You need to go home.
Take some time off.
You are preparing for the most
important role of your life.
[music playing]
[background chatter]
That was good for me.
Abu Dice.
[background chatter]
Abu?
I heard you're
going back to Iraq.
Yeah, tomorrow.
[music playing]
So where do you want to go?
I got 6 hours.
Somewhere beautiful?
[pop music]
It doesn't hurt?
No, it feels better now.
You're nuts, you know that?
Well, it's worth it.
People are looking
at you weird.
Come here.
[electronic music]
Hey.
Can I ask you something?
Mm-hmm.
What do you say to
people when they ask--
when they ask what
we're doing over there?
Well, depends who's asking.
No, no.
You know, I-- in the
beginning, I felt like I knew,
but now I don't
know if I know.
Well, there are known knowns.
There are things
we know we know.
We also know there
are known unknowns.
That is to say, we know there
are some things we do not know.
There are also
unknown unknowns.
The ones we don't
know we don't know.
But I want to know.
I mean, help me.
Come on.
You're Iraqi.
What do I say?
[electronic music continues]
Well, I mean, I've
never even been there.
You've seen it.
[music stops]
[electronic music continues]
[slurping]
Cocktails, table 2.
Cocktails, table 2.
[engine humming]
[pensive whimsical music]
Mike Stone.
Mike Stone?
That's his name.
If you see him out
there, you could tell him
he's going to be a dad.
So he's one of me.
[laughs] Goodbye, dirty dish.
I hope you get put
back where you belong.
[clock tolls]
[background chatter]
Hey!
Hey.
Let me help you with that.
-Oh, thank you.
-Yeah.
[chuckles]
[dog barks]
Oh, what's this terrorist
doing in my office?
Oh, I'm just here to help.
[chuckles]
[clears throat]
Oh, wow.
There's sushi in Barstow?
No, we fly it in from Vegas.
Yeah.
Gotta spend the money
in the budget somehow.
We come in under budget, we
can't ask for the same amount
next year.
You understand how that works?
Right.
[sighs]
You need something, hon?
I don't want to
speak out of turn,
but those boys you have in there
right now, they're not ready.
And on top of that,
they don't even
know why we're in Iraq
in the first place.
These men are willing
to die for you.
Don't you think they
deserve to know why?
They are not in the
business of why.
They didn't sign up for why.
Well, the least you could
do is help them not die.
I mean, that ambush
was humiliating.
It would be negligent on
your part to deploy them
in their current condition.
And the only person who
could properly prepare them
is the mastermind behind
that ambush, Abu Dice.
And I know you want to
send him out there ASAP,
but I implore you to let
him finish his rotation.
[heroic music building]
This is how we save lives.
[music stops]
[clapping]
I gotta say, I gotta
say, I'm moved.
I mean, you're right.
We got a little
ahead of ourselves.
Peanut, let's call it up and
get Tanner a new character
and get him back in.
Thank you.
You won't regret it.
You do know we have
cameras everywhere, right?
We know where he was
when he was caught.
We know the state
that he was in.
We'll send him back in.
But if you look
at him even once,
we'll fire the both of you--
or maybe only you.
Understood.
Shukran.
Shukran.
[exhales] What do we got?
What do we got?
You're not going to put them
back in the box, are you?
These boys will
never be ready.
Shit.
[spits]
[heroic music]
[vehicles rumbling past]
[bright music]
[dramatic organ music]
[yells] Tortoise!
[bird calling]
[baby crying]
[background chatter]
[donkey braying]
Salaam.
Salaam.
Allahu Akbar.
(DISTORTED) Allahu Akbar.
Allahu Akbar!
Allahu Ak--
[audio distorting]
[curious music]
[baby crying]
[helicopter engine
roaring overhead]
[water dripping]
[guitar strumming]
[non-english singing]
[applause]
[exhales]
[water dripping]
[laughter]
[guitar strumming]
[cheering]
Amazing!
That was amazing.
[applause]
That was a great one.
[orchestral music]
[music playing on video]
Can you hear that?
Gunshots.
You can't send them out there.
They have their whole
lives ahead of them.
They are just boys.
These men, you say, they
are willing to die for you.
Don't you think they at
least deserve to know why--
[audio distorting]
Not bad.
Out, damned spot.
Out, I say!
[music playing]
[wind blowing]
[flute playing]
[non-english speech]
[fast footsteps]
[flute playing]
Come on.
Drop, drop.
Drop. Drop! Drop.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
[non-english speech]
It's empty.
The truck is empty.
All right, let's
play a little game.
Who's truck is this?
I know you know.
I'm talking to you.
Whose fucking truck is this?
Relax.
-Calm down.
-Fuck!
Hey, fuck, man.
Put the fucking gun down.
Where is the owner
of this truck?
If you want to know so
bad, then clear the truck.
Clear the fucking truck, dude.
[non-english speech]
Oh, fuck!
[spits]
[engine rumbling]
[non-english speech]
[explosion]
[commotion]
[crying]
Get out of here!
Go! Go, go, go!
[gunfire]
[honking]
-Now what?
-Attention!
Halt all activity.
One of our IEDs
did not detonate.
Clear this area.
We will be running a test.
Bravo, Hollywood.
Bye.
You are good.
You have to get out of here.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
Yeah, what fuck?
What the fuck?
I can't work like this.
This is bullshit,
and you know it.
You fucking know it.
I mean, you got one
over here--
-That one went off?
-Yes.
So the fuck what?
This was the fucking plan.
Fucking donkey!
Feel good?
No, I'm not good.
I'm pissed off!
Control confirmed.
What's up with the
donkey bomb?
I don't know.
I pressed it.
Let's run a test.
All right, everybody.
Let's reset and try it again.
[sheep bleating]
[dog barking]
[music playing]
Testing donkey bomb in 3, 2--
[click]
Hee-haw!
OK.
[music playing]
Welcome to the world's most
sophisticated urban warfare
simulation, Fort Irwin.
Or, as we like to
call it, The Box.
In the ongoing mission to
keep America strong and free,
The Box was designed to give our
brave men and women the tools
to fight and win
anytime, anywhere.
[explosion]
Here you will be
tested in a vast,
immersive training area spanning
600,000 acres of the California
desert.
What sets us apart
is our proximity
to Hollywood, which means we've
got the best in the business.
TV and movie special
effects artists
create realistic
battlefield scenarios
like the ones you
will experience
when deployed to Iraq.
Smoke, sound, and smell add
the highest level of realism
to simulate the fog of war.
And the towns have
been populated
with civilian role players,
some of whom are even Iraqi.
So get ready.
You are about to be
deployed to Atropia.
Your area of
operation will be--
When you enter the box, you will
be in a 24/7 live play scenario.
These enemies have
embraced a cult of death.
We must go on the offense,
stay on the offense,
and take the fight to them.
If you're successful
here, you'll
be better equipped to win
the war on terror over there.
And one important
message before you go--
[whirring]
While in Atropia, you may come
across the endangered California
desert tortoise.
Do not touch, move, or
approach the desert tortoise.
All activity will halt until the
tortoise can be properly moved
by a wildlife expert.
If you do not follow the
protocol, you will be penalized.
Good luck out there,
and God bless America.
[music fading out]
[applause]
All electronics in
the bucket--
precious cell
phones, MP3 players.
For the next three weeks,
you will be incommunicado.
The thing about
California is she can play
any part you want her to play.
Tomorrow, she will
be playing Iraq.
It will take us two
hours to enter The Box
and to reach the
town of Medina Wasl.
But it will feel like a
world away from anything
you have ever known.
When you arrive in the
town, the villagers
will be neutral
about your presence.
The more you screw
up, the more difficult
they will be to control.
There will be a gang of
insurgents wreaking havoc
on the area.
These guys are your enemy.
And just a little reminder
that these insurgents
will be played by some of
our best vets, most of them
freshly back from
tours in Iraq.
So they will know first
hand all the fucked up
ways you will be
tested when deployed.
This is your last stop
before heading out to Iraq.
So train like you fight.
Embrace the suck.
Gear up.
Full battle rattle.
Oorah!
Oorah!
-Excuse me.
-Oh, Nancy.
This is Nancy, our
mock journalist.
[whistling]
And you are absolute
Neanderthals.
Nancy is here to
play your embed.
She can sleep in bed with me.
[laughter]
Nancy is here to
help you learn what
it's like to be traveling
with a journalist.
You will see to
her safety, but be
careful not to disclose
any information
that you would not want to
see on the nightly news.
-Any questions?
-[clinking]
Ho-ho-ho!
Gentlemen, say hello
to Private iPod.
[rustling]
H. My name is Fayruz Abbas.
I'm 5' 4" and a half, and I'm
based in Barstow, California.
I will be reading
for the role of Reem.
Hassan, can you hear that?
Gunshots!
I--
[rustling]
[music playing]
Look at these fucking Fobbits.
They really put the
"infant" in "infantry."
You should see the
squad coming in.
Half of them haven't
graduated high school.
And they're all pissing hot.
They need them
all for the surge.
Warm bodies.
That's all W wants
now, warm bodies.
You see the new
head of insurgents?
He's going full Alibaba.
Holy shit.
Holy shit.
All right, guys, I got
new character assignments
that need to be delivered
to the role players, stat.
[beeping]
Pyro is on the move to
assess donkey situation.
What does your new
role sheet say?
What?
It says "Atropian DVD seller who
is desperate to be liberated
by the Americans."
Mine says "anti-American
mustard gas chemist."
It's because I take
this seriously.
I mean, how many times
do we talk about this?
You really need to get
into your backstory.
Well, it's our job to
make this place authentic.
I mean, just think about the
work I've done with Gloria.
Gloria, hey.
Come here.
Let's show Noor what we've
been working on, huh?
Do you remember the memory?
[deeply breathes] Ooh.
Think about your dad.
I--
Think about him lying there
in that pool of blood.
-Ay, papi.
-Oh, papi.
-Papacito.
-[sobbing]
Oh, papacito.
Ay, papi!
(CRYING) Ay, papacito.
No, no, no!
Yes, yes.
OK, easy does it.
Easy, easy.
Now, go.
Go. Go.
-[clapping]
-I'm sorry.
Gloria, that was beautiful.
-Beautiful?
-So good.
But you're a
professional, right?
-I'm a professional.
-Shake it off.
Just let it go.
There you go, huh?
I promise you, it works.
I mean, all you have to do is
think about the trauma that
animates you the most.
Gloria's father was murdered
in the Sandinista rebellion.
Maybe we just need
an audience.
Jerry said, tomorrow,
a tour is coming.
What kind of tour?
Guys?
What kind of tour?
Attention, Medina Wasl.
Tomorrow, we will be performing
the mustard gas exercise.
There will be visiting
spectators in attendance,
so remember the following.
If you do not speak
Arabic or Kurdish,
you do not speak
during the exercise.
If your role
requires blood bags,
you are responsible for
making sure they are full.
If you've been assigned
a fake husband,
walk 10 paces behind him.
Let's give these
soldiers their worst day
here so it doesn't
happen over there.
This is how we save lives.
Good luck out there.
All right.
We used this one before.
It's a little big.
Anyway, we could try this one.
This might be a
little feminine.
Oh, how about this
guy right here?
This is muscular--
like, athletic.
You just have to color it.
What do you think?
I don't know.
Are we going to get
out for Thanksgiving?
No.
You'll have it in The Box.
You got a problem with that?
No, sir.
So How'd you lose your limbs?
Motorcycle.
Cool.
How about you?
I lost mine in Iraq.
Wrong answer.
No, that's not going
to work, unfortunately.
No.
We can't hire you
due to protocol.
We can't risk
retraumatizing you.
A drunken motorcycle
accident, fine.
But IED?
No, sirree.
Thanks for coming in, though.
Have you heard anything
about this tour tomorrow?
What are you going to give me?
What am I going to give you?
I'm giving you a haircut.
Oh, fuck off, Rose.
I have one hand.
Fine.
What do you want?
Cigarettes.
A whole pack.
Is it worth a pack?
Fine.
OK. But don't tell
anyone I told you.
Why?
Because you get weird when
the movie people come.
Movie people?
I do not.
Movie-movie or TV movie?
Hello?
Hey, where are those DVDs
you're selling tomorrow?
I noticed some are in
Farsi, and I want to fix it.
Who cares?
It's been bothering me.
They're outside.
You can't send them out there.
They have their whole
lives ahead of them.
They are just boys.
These men, you say, they
are willing to die for you.
Don't you think they at
least deserve to know why?
Hi.
My name is Fayruz Abbas.
I'm 5' 4" and a half, and I'm
based in Barstow, California.
I will be reading
for the role of Reem.
[clacking]
[spraying]
What do you know?
Very little.
But I hear a big
actor's coming.
Oh, fuck.
What?
You have a great part today.
Mustard gas chemist
is a great part.
Yeah, only if the
soldiers find me.
I mean, think about it, Jerry.
I could be stuck
twiddling my thumbs
in my little bomb making room
while my entire future
passes me by.
[knocking]
Yeah?
I was told to pick up
some blood bags from you.
Well, wait outside
till I'm done.
(WHISPERING) Jerry,
let him in.
Let him in.
Come on in, son.
You can see how
the magic is made.
Woof!
Fayruz, you're all done.
Second floor.
Can you believe it?
They're putting me
on the second floor.
I mean, I keep
telling Coco, she's
got to get those stairs fixed
because they are treacherous.
[music playing]
It is a big day in Atropia.
A movie star is
here to do research
for a role about the
Battle of Fallujah.
He will make the
trek to Medina Wasl
to have the full urban
warfare experience.
Keep your eyes peeled.
[chaotic music]
[trilling lips]
Ahh, ooh, ahh, ooh.
I'm OK.
Relax that jaw.
[breathing deeply]
Bring up those hands.
[groaning] Let it go.
[engines humming]
[thudding]
Can you guys stop
turtle fucking in here?
The noise is killing me.
Use your core, for God's sake!
Better yet, let's
drown it out.
Private iPod, play.
(SINGING) We can
drive around this town
And let the cops
chase us around
Past is gone, but
something might be found
Next!
(SINGING) And if
you get the chance
To sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
[vocalizing]
OK.
Feeling good?
Mm-hmm.
So today is different than
every other day in Atropia
because today is the one
day of the rotation where we
get to perform for
an audience.
Look alive out there, people,
or dead, if you have to.
Merde!
Merde!
(SINGING) I got a feeling
I'm not the only one
All I want to do
Is have some fun
Until the sun comes up
Over Santa Monica Boulevard!
Can we please focus?
Whoa!
Please!
All right, ass snorkeler.
Being a soldier is
a joyless pursuit.
And if you can't find the fun
in mercilessly humiliating
your compatriots,
then you are never
going to make it out of here!
Oh, you want to work, huh?
You want to get your
head in the game?
Well, that's just fine because I
hear that there is a mustard gas
chemist operating
in this town.
And your new personal
problem is to capture
said chemist without cover.
And if you fail in
your mission, well, I
am sure that you have a
beautiful singing voice.
Play!
[pensive music]
[sighing]
[vehicle approaching]
[suspenseful music]
Movie, movie.
This is what I'm
fucking talking about.
[laughs] Whoa.
Whoo!
Whoo!
Welcome to Atropia.
Soldiers will be
along any minute.
[breathing deeply]
Yeah, that's real dirt.
So what's with the
Atropia, Chief?
It's military policy to use
a mock country for immersion
training.
Great.
We use Atropia as a stand-in
for whatever country
we're planning to invade.
[gas hissing]
What the fuck is that?
What do you smell?
What do I--
[sniffs] Christmas?
Close.
We spray the air with
a light chai scent
for sensory
inundation purposes.
Huh.
They can make it smell like
anything-- sewage, gunpowder,
burning flesh.
Think we could get
off the chai?
Maybe get on a
little burning flesh?
Sure.
-Just to get-- you know.
-Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
-To get us into it a little bit.
-Yeah.
What are you doing?
All right, so where do
you want to watch from?
It's safest over there.
[laughs] Really?
What?
No, I got to be in it.
It's really, really important
-to me to get it right.
-All right.
Keep moving.
Take your place.
Let's do that.
The soldiers are coming.
Attention, Medina Wasl.
[lips trilling]
Soldiers are five miles out.
I'm going to put these on you.
Now, you will hear gunshots.
Don't worry.
They are blanks.
Got it.
Think of this as like a really
expensive game of laser tag.
When your vest starts
beeping, it means you're dead.
OK.
[exhales]
Dude, dude, look who it is.
-Yeah, I know.
-Don't be weird.
-I'm not being weird.
-Don't look at him.
[tense music]
[people shouting]
Get away.
[non-english speech]
Come on, take it.
Take it.
No, this isn't mine.
Take it.
Take it.
[groans]
What's that about?
Sniper promise.
I'm not playing a
sniper again.
[footsteps running]
Oh, my god.
I am so happy to see you!
-You are?
-OK.
Tie me up.
What?
Let's go! Now!
Tie me up.
Drag me into the town square,
and then throw me to the ground.
I'm supposed to keep you
here and call in backup.
I will make it worth
your fucking while.
You smoke, I got cigarettes.
Now!
[tense music]
-$2.
-I don't have $2.
$2?
Yeah!
Come on, take me.
Lead me.
Lead me up.
We're going to finish this, and
I'm going to come back, OK?
Yeah. No, save that
one for me.
Save it.
[background chatter]
[gunshots]
[beeping]
-You're beeping. You're out.
-Uh--
-You're out. You're dead.
-No, no.
-No, you're beeping.
-No, I'm not beeping.
Dude, get on the ground.
You're dead.
-No, I think you're dead, man.
-Actually, you're both dead.
[beeping continues]
[grunts loudly]
Oh.
Shoot!
[gasping, grunting]
[groaning loudly]
-OK, ready?
-Yeah.
Right there. Right there.
Go, go!
[moaning, coughing]
Hit me!
Come on.
Ahh!
Ah!
[crying]
Ave Maria!
Ave Maria!
Ave Maria!
[wailing]
[shouting]
I don't know what the hell
is going on down there.
We need to release
the mustard gas.
[wailing continues]
Mustard gas.
Go, go, go.
[coughing]
Oh, shit.
No.
Freeburn, what the fuck?
That's my mission.
Get the fuck out of here, man!
What the--
I said, get the
fuck out of here!
Calm down, lady.
-Gloria.
-Calm down.
-Calm down!
-[screaming]
All right, come on.
Get off the car.
[screaming]
[crying]
All right. All right, boys. Come
on, let's get out of here.
[wails]
Come on, move your ass!
Come on, man.
[woman screaming]
I mean, are you kidding me?
[crying]
[clapping]
You--
Bravo.
It's a true honor.
It's a true honor.
Muah.
I mean--
Bravo.
--where did you study?
-Bravo.
-You were magnificent.
-She's not even Iraqi!
[door slams]
Who's your effects guy?
That's incredible.
Look, she's still in it.
Get her number.
Get her number for me.
She's incredible.
OK, yeah.
Uh, hi.
Can I get your number?
I'm actually bleeding,
you fucking idiot!
We need to have a
serious discussion
about what happened today.
Gloria going to be OK, but
she was very badly injured.
Boo-hoo.
She's probably had a hot
shower, a steak dinner,
and is halfway to LA by now.
I know some of you
have met the new leader
of our local
insurgent, Abu Dice.
[heroic music]
Salam alaikum.
Wa-alaikum-salaam.
Look, I'm impressed by what
you guys have created here.
It really transports me back.
But we can't have incidents
like what happened today.
So my first question,
the mustard gas lab.
Always in the same location?
-Yes.
-No.
What?
Not always.
Why do you ask?
They were able to
find you very quickly.
So either there's a mole
here or one of the soldiers
that have been here
before tipped him off.
Well, not very quickly.
And I wasn't
captured, so I'm not
really sure what the issue is.
Well, in my experience,
based off my time in Iraq,
the mustard gas chemists
were extremely mobile
and moved their operation
often so as not to get caught.
Hmm, well, I think I would know
because my uncle actually is
a mustard gas chemist in Iraq.
Jesus.
I heard you're an asset.
I just didn't know what kind.
OK, OK.
We will try to find the mole and
consider changing the location.
Good.
Noor, since Gloria
lives in your hutch,
the soldiers are coming to
make their amends to you.
I will let you decide whether
the money worth the price
for your daughter's life.
My daughter?
[scoffs]
And the bread is plastic,
Noor.
I don't make the rules.
Are we safe?
Can I do my news piece?
Please continue.
[non-english muttering]
(CHANTING) No blood for oil!
No blood for oil!
No blood for oil!
No blood for oil!
No blood for oil!
Clearly, the Atropians
are not happy
and have left
ominous warning signs
to the Americans who decide
to invade their towns.
And that's just the way it is.
Abu Ray, Al Jazeera, Al--
Abu Ray, Al Jazzer
Atropia, signing off.
Marhabaa.
Shako maku.
After you.
[chuckles] Is this a trick?
Are you going to
waterboard me to find out
who's leaking information?
[water pouring]
Well, as long as you're wet.
What did you just say?
Oh, shit!
[faucet squeaking]
I am going to teach you perhaps
the most important lesson
you will learn in the box.
You can create compliance by
inventing a problem that only
you can solve.
Cool.
Maybe try discreetly
destroying their power
grid, not something permanent.
[dog barking]
Hey, boss, I need
some Atropian currency
for the boys in the box.
They're already making
condolence payments.
Then, on with the mayor, perhaps
at night, by candlelight.
Are you attached to
that plant?
[plane engine
rumbling overhead]
Yes!
Oh, fuck me, yeah.
[interlapping speech]
What on God's green Earth?
Attention!
[light music]
I don't ever think I've had a
more pathetic gaggle of mouth
breathing losers.
But there is one
soldier that I would
like to single out for his
extraordinary failing abilities.
Private Harris, step forward.
Not only does he hate
joy, music, and laughter,
but he is also a
dog shit soldier
and severely injured a
role player in real life.
So to commemorate the precious
oxygen wasted on his breath,
he will replace it
by keeping this plant
alive during the entirety
of his time in the box.
Don't ever let me
catch you without it!
Jesus Christ.
OK, OK, OK.
Hey, where's that cash?
It's expensive, right?
Fuck if I know.
[background chatter]
[knocking]
[door opens]
We are here to, uh,
offer our condolences.
Money?
You think money will bring
back the life of my daughter?
American swine.
You think you can just buy your
way out of anything, don't you?
It's a lot of money, so.
Do you know what it
feels like for a mother
to bury her own daughter?
Do you?
No one followed you, right?
Come on.
You want one cigarette?
Here.
Just one.
Rudy, I think I
found the mole.
She's making a deal right now.
Oh, shit!
For what?
Smokes.
I don't want your
money or sympathy.
But I will take the plant.
OK, yeah.
No.
No, man.
What?
No, I can't give you this.
Give her the plant, bro.
He's going to
fucking kill me, man.
It's for her daughter.
Fuck this, man.
What are you doing?
Oh, not the Arabic.
Get out.
Get out.
Come on!
[dramatic music]
Hurry!
Thanks!
[shouting]
[screaming]
Your mother is a whore!
How do you like
that backstory?
[swishing, gargling]
[door banging open]
[gasps]
What do you have to
say for yourself?
Crossing enemy lines?
Who are you?
How dare you talk
to me this way?
-Ah!
-What was the deal?
What deal?
I won't have a rat like you
put me and my men in danger.
OK, OK.
Enough!
-You understand?
-Enough! Drop the shtick, man.
Jesus!
Oh!
I know you're the mole.
I didn't realize my
fetish was interrogation.
Oh, is this funny to you?
Making deals with soldiers?
There are rules here.
You're not supposed to even be
in my hooch, let alone touch
an Atropian woman.
Yeah, you know full well
you lose those privileges
once you become a traitor.
What was the deal?
Do you want me to scream?
Because I will.
And then the CO
will come in here,
and we'll both lose our jobs.
What was the deal?
[screams]
[muffled grunts]
It doesn't have to
be difficult.
[strains]
Ow!
[panting] Mm.
Get the fuck off me!
Don't ever do that again.
What?
Don't fuck with me.
[laughs]
Oh, this is a game to you,
huh?
It's all a game.
A game?
This is my life.
Do you know what I've
given up to be here?
My passions, my career.
Hell, half of my family
won't even speak to me
because of what I do here.
But do you know why
I stay and suffer
through everyone taunting me
for taking this too seriously?
Because I believe
in the cause.
Because I go out there
every day trying to save
the lives of people like you.
When I first saw you, I
thought I saw that same spark.
But now you come in here and
accuse me of being a traitor?
If you really wanted to
know if I was the mole,
all you had to do was ask.
Are you the mole?
Yes.
But I can explain!
The enemies you
confront will come
to know your skill
and bravery.
The people you
liberate will witness
the honorable and decent spirit
of the American military.
Our nation enters this
conflict reluctantly.
Pay attention.
[music playing]
When asked why their
country invaded Atropia,
none could answer.
Why has America
invaded Atropia?
Don't ask me.
[chuckles]
Excuse me, sir.
Why has America
invaded Atropia?
-Freedom.
-Freedom?
But freedom from who?
[chuckles]
Unbelievable.
[music playing]
Will you be joining us for
dinner tonight, monsieur?
I hope so.
I still have to drop off
the MREs of the jihadis.
That's all they're eating?
Meal rejected by everyone.
There's no refrigerator
in the cave.
Why do you still have
them in that cave?
It's very Taliban.
The insurgents in Iraq
just live in town.
They like it?
Tell them we'll bring
them dinner tonight.
[gasps] [arabic]
Who's cooking?
Are you cooking?
[crickets chirping]
[non-english speech]
Noor, thank you.
It's delicious.
[non-english speech]
That's good.
Mr. Middle East, I don't
see you digging in.
What do you mean?
Yeah, let's see it.
I got this.
[non-english speech]
-That goes with it.
-Try it.
Try it.
-Dice.
-Dice.
Dice, dice, dice, dice, dice,
dice, dice, dice, dice, dice,
dice, dice, dice, dice, dice.
I got it. I got it.
That's a lot.
[laughs]
[laughs] How are you feeling?
[laughter]
-OK?
-[coughing]
-You OK?
-[laughter]
Get some water.
Some water, please.
[coughing]
[laughter]
Jesus Christ.
Even your eyes are sweating.
So, Abu Dice, when
were you in Iraq?
I was there in 2004 with
this man right here.
And we were out in the sticks,
and then mostly Sadr City.
He's eating this food right now,
but he only ate Burger King
the entire time we were there.
What I saw what men
do to goats out there,
I kind of lost my appetite.
-Ooh.
-What about you?
You ever kill anybody?
[chuckles] Me?
Yeah.
Well, you don't
ask a lady her age.
You know what I mean?
[laughter]
But we didn't have all
this fancy training
before we were deployed.
We had to learn
boots-on-the-ground.
You like playing insurgents?
Oh, it's great.
See, you never have to shave.
What other job do you know where
you get paid to wreak havoc?
[laughter]
[music playing]
It's the least I can do.
[sighs]
Whenever I'm on
dish duty, I always
get jealous of the dishes.
Why?
Well, I get so
little water here.
I get jealous.
[chuckles]
I wish I was a dirty dish so I
could get dunked and scrubbed,
wiped clean, put
back where I belong.
Whenever I'm in the box, I
always have dreams about water.
It's too long to go
without a shower.
You look clean enough.
[non-english singing]
You know what happened
between us can't happen again.
It was a mistake.
I need to get back to Iraq,
can't let anything get in
the way of that happening.
You know Abu means
father of, right?
So in your case, you should
have a kid named Dice.
I know what it means.
You know what?
I can handle this.
[sniffs] You do stink.
[non-english singing]
Pay attention.
Watch, watch.
[non-english] OK?
Come on.
Come on.
Do it.
Come on, let's do it.
No homo, man.
Exactly.
No homo.
This is not indication
of being gay.
This is how men greet each
other where I came from.
All right, now let's touch.
It doesn't have to be slow-mo.
Just get in there.
Come on.
You could do that.
Say, [non-english].
What, he smells bad?
Mwah.
They're really afraid to
touch each other, these guys.
Look, we fucking get it.
OK, OK, OK.
All right.
Take it easy.
[non-english]
You never hugged anyone?
Just not a great bunch.
Nah.
Unbelievable.
Just walking through
the Medina, you know?
Smile. Smile.
You'll be OK.
[laughs]
Look at me.
Hey.
Never retract your hand
when an Iraqi greeting you.
I am the mayor.
I could make your life very
difficult if you disrespect me.
You need me to like you,
right?
Yes.
Let's try this again.
Come on.
[non-english speech]
[non-english speech], my boy.
How are you doing?
Good.
And how is your health?
Fine.
And how is your mother?
I miss her.
I bet you do.
Peace be with you.
Look at me.
Good, good.
[phone ringing]
We don't want any--
No, Khaled.
It's me.
What's up?
Hey, I was just.
I wanted to know if you
had heard from casting
about that tape that I sent.
Because I can't get
calls here.
Everyone else is making
money off this war.
I mean, next year they
can invade somewhere else,
and then they won't be casting
roles that I'm perfect for.
OK.
I'm sorry.
I didn't realize that you were
saving lives selling jacuzzis.
Can I talk to her, please?
Can you put her on the phone?
Hello?
Bebe.
Hi.
It's me.
It's Fayruz.
Fayruz.
I'm working, Bebe.
[phone crackles]
Hello?
Bebe?
[non-english speech]
Control, this is Bravo 6.
I have a unit reporting some
sounds coming from a Medina Wasl
utility closet.
Bravo 6, they can stand down.
Looks like someone turned
on the Afghan villagers.
Over.
[non-english speech]
[non-english singing]
[gasps]
[music playing]
[gasps]
[gasps, heavy breathing]
Huh?
Don't be scared.
Don't be scared.
Don't be scared.
[heavy breathing] What?
No, I'm not scared!
[huffs] I'm just doing
my emotional prep in case
this is part of the exercise.
[heavy breathing] What
the hell's going on?
Hey, just relax!
Relax, OK?
Relax?
[heavy breathing] Last night,
you told me I was a mistake.
Now you kidnap me and you drag
me to the middle of nowhere?
What the hell else am
I supposed to think?
OK, OK, look, you're right.
I'm just so confused
right now, and--
come over here.
No.
It's not what you think.
It's a gift.
I'm going to wash you
like a dirty dish.
[crickets chirping]
[owl hooting]
[music playing]
[wolf howling]
Is that a problem?
No.
I had a feeling.
[sighs]
[music playing]
Give me your other hand.
[camera whines,
shutter clicks]
What the fuck are they doing?
Is that some Muslim shit?
I don't know.
I know what you were
talking about when
you were talking about water.
They had us out in the dust
for months, clearing fields,
hunting hajjis
that didn't exist.
And we got back to Baghdad
just before July 4.
They took us to Uday Hussein's
palace for barbecuing.
And they were grilling
hot dogs, and they
let us swim in the pool.
And everyone was
just going wild.
I don't know.
It was the first time
in months I felt clean.
Listen, nobody knows.
I've been trying to hide it
because if they find out--
stop!
[crow cawing]
What is it?
Do I move it?
Not unless you want to spend
a whole year in prison.
I've never seen one before.
Don't touch it.
Don't touch it.
[laughs] It's a rock.
No, no, no!
No!
[grunts]
[music playing]
[grunts] [sighs] [grunts]
[knocking]
You'd better not be scrawling
on my pristine walls in there,
or there will be hell to pay.
[walking noises]
Nancy?
I want to shower!
Cheer up!
It's almost Thanksgiving!
[music playing]
[screams]
Dude!
You're not supposed
to touch the women!
Sorry.
Maybe there'll be
some asparagus, too,
just to make this
for the presentation.
What kind of gravy, beef
gravy or turkey gravy?
Shit.
You got them.
It's a valid question,
though, right?
You know what?
I love this type of gravy.
OK.
OK.
Let's taste this,
split this whole thing.
Just a little graze of
the toe is all it takes.
Why?
[sighs] I don't even
know how to tell you.
[laughs]
[chuckles]
[whistles] iPod.
Play.
(SINGING) Row, row, row your
boat gently down the stream
[sighs] And when I
got back from Iraq,
[sighs] I had a lot of
trouble getting hard
because the only moments
that I had alone,
they were in porta johns.
And I got so accustomed
to smelling hot shit
while I jerked off that--
Repeat!
(SINGING) Row, row, row your
boat gently down the stream
Merrily, merrily--
Yeah, when I got
back, it was real bad.
I would get a little hard if I
smelled sewage or someone was
picking up after their dog.
-I thought about--
-Hey!
No touching.
I think I got something
in my eye, dude.
You good?
Yeah.
I'm like, I'm crying.
I'm just playing.
Fuck are you crying for?
I think I got some
sand in my eye.
You've got to get
that shit out, man.
You've got to stop doing
things with your hand.
Gets in your eyes, bro.
Who's the dad?
[sighs] He's back in Iraq.
Oh, shit.
Is he Iraqi?
Yep, born and raised.
He wanted to go back and
make a life out there,
raise the kid with the sights
and smells that we grew up with.
My family has a big
compound out there.
They're Ba'athists.
They're Ba'athists?
Yeah.
Six bedrooms, six baths.
[chuckles]
Where's the compound?
Sadr City.
I miss it so much, the
food and the people,
the reflection of the
light on the Tigris.
[sighs] But I knew it
wouldn't be the same place
that I once knew.
Besides, I can't be
8,000 miles
away when Hollywood
finally calls.
[chuckles]
Yeah.
[music playing]
Attention, Medina Wasl.
Tomorrow evening at 1,700
hours, there will be a special
Thanksgiving
celebration in the souk.
We hope you enjoy
the festivities,
but please remember that
you are still in a 24/7
live-play scenario.
Vegetarian and halal
options will be served.
[sighs]
You want it?
Hey, can I ask you something?
You seem like you learned a
lot while you were out there.
What's it going
to be like for me?
You want to know?
Give me one of
those lung darts.
Don't get lazy.
Learn the language.
Eat the food.
Get out the gate.
They're menthols.
You know, the
language is crazy.
But if you get into it,
it's poetic as hell.
How so?
Well, when we say, "how
are you," we say, [arabic],
which means,
"what's your color?"
Do you answer with the color?
Not unless you're
a dorky American.
Wait.
If you're so smart, why'd
you fall for my shitty rock
tortoise?
[helicopter rumbling]
Still nervous.
[chuckle]
Don't be.
I just want to go to college.
How about one more song
to put us to sleep, huh?
Your nicest one.
(SINGING) We've
been on the run
Driving in the sun
Looking out for number one
California, here we come
Right back where we
started from
Posers grab your guns
Shadow weighs a ton
Driving down the 101
California, here we come
Right back where we
started from
California
Here we come
Hey.
Get up.
You know, she says she's
got a sleepwalking problem.
He found her out in
the desert.
She was all covered in the
sand, severely dehydrated.
So he dumped water on her.
Well, I think we should send
a medic to check her out,
make sure she's OK.
Hey.
Act dehydrated.
Say you haven't peed all day.
Can't sweat.
No tears.
Slightly delirious.
But don't overdo it.
Take something off of her.
We need to get out of here.
Hello.
[arabic]
How are you feeling?
OK.
Yeah.
When is the last
time you urinated?
Last time you urinated?
Last time you urinated?
[murmuring]
No urination?
-[murmurs]
-OK. Sit down.
[murmurs]
OK.
[background chatter]
-Relax.
-She could have killed me.
I am nice.
No.
No.
You are dehydrated.
OK?
I'm going to give
you some Gatorade.
[speaking arabic]
Yes, sir.
Shut the fuck up, please.
Can you do this?
What's up?
I want an interview
with the POWs.
Well, that is against
the law, Nancy.
Why?
Because we are supposed
to protect them
from public curiosity.
I got you something.
You did?
Oh, I did.
I have to pee.
Have fun in the jack shack.
Don't forget to wipe your
ass, you filthy fuck.
[screams]
(WHISPERING) Go with it.
Freeburn, Freeburn!
There's a fucking
tortoise in here, man.
No.
No fucking way.
Hey, put your gun down.
Don't shoot it.
[grunting]
[dramatic music]
Savage.
Yeah.
You're going to show them.
That's right.
I've never gotten
to shoot one before.
It'll be fine.
It will.
-You're going to fuck them up.
-OK.
-Are you ready?
-Yeah.
-Are you sure?
-Yeah.
-Let's go kill some Americans.
-OK.
[shouting]
[dramatic music]
[indistinct chatter]
Heavenly Father, we
thank thee for food
and remember the hungry;
thank thee for health,
remember the sick; we
thank thee for friends,
remember the friendless; and
we thank thee for freedom
and remember the enslaved.
[stomach growls]
May these remembrances stir us
to service that thy gifts unto
us may be used to help others.
Amen.
Amen.
All right.
Turkey brains.
Over the lips and
through the gums.
Look out, stomach.
Here it comes.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Happy Thanksgiving.
[dramatic music]
[gunfire rattling]
Holy moly.
If your vest is going off,
you know what that means.
You're dead.
Lay down on the
fucking ground.
If your vest is not going off,
then you got to find the target.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Get down on the floor
now, motherfucker.
Down.
Down.
Get the fuck down.
You're dead...
Oh, yeah.
You're dead!
Hey, hey.
Don't fucking move.
Stop fucking moving.
Stop fucking moving.
[speaking arabic]
Thank you, sir.
Get comfortable down there.
[shrieking]
-Hey, let's go.
-OK.
Help me down.
Forget acting,
you should enlist.
Press.
Press, press.
I am press.
I am press.
I'm not wearing my vest.
I'm sorry.
You better get your camera.
It's not a pretty
scene over there.
Oh. Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you, Thank you, thank
you, thank you, thank you.
Thank you, thank you, thank
you. Thank you.
All right.
Wait, wait, wait.
I gotta pee really quick.
Ugh.
Dice?
Yeah?
I think I hurt myself.
You did?
Could you help me?
Yeah.
Hey, you OK?
You OK?
[soft music]
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
You trying to have twins?
On one of America's
most important holidays,
there is not a lot
to be thankful for.
I am on the scene
of what is now being
referred to as the
Thanksgiving Day Massacre.
The battalion was praying before
their special holiday meal, when
two armed insurgents
sprayed a torrent of bullets
in their direction.
The insurgents,
just yesterday, were
POWs in the
military's custody.
Don't mention that.
Why not?
It makes us look bad.
Oh, OK.
The insurgents were
terrorists.
[western music]
Warning.
If you're with children,
these images are gruesome.
[whispering]
You look pretty
when you're dead.
[snickering]
it Just kind of looks
like they're napping.
Do you have any fake blood?
[western music]
What's your color?
[honking]
Woo-hoo!
Come on.
Hey.
Hey!
We've escaped!
It's Fayruz!
Daddy!
Hey.
What are you doing here, huh?
You stink.
Wait, what's going on?
Who are all these people?
Oh, they invited the families
for Thanksgiving dinner,
but they dressed them up to
avoid disrupting authenticity.
Is my family here?
No.
Oh. I got you something.
[gasps]
Fayruz?
How?
[speaking arabic]
[muffled music]
Can I take this thing off now?
-Yes.
-OK.
Ah.
I was starting to
like it under there.
Do you want to go
look over there?
All right.
Let's go.
It's so pretty here.
Yeah.
Ah.
Can you watch him
for a second?
I just have to get
myself in order.
Thank you.
It's been months since I've
had a second to myself.
How do I look?
You look-- great.
Nothing else.
So does this really
feel like Iraq?
The only thing Tanner ever
talks about is going back.
Yeah.
We try to make it as
much like Iraq as we can.
You know?
We can make it smell like
fresh bread or burning flesh.
Everything.
Can I ask you guys a
really stupid question?
Yeah.
Dice, go find your dad.
So this is amazing.
Don't get me wrong.
But I guess I'm just, like--
why Iraq?
Because none of the 9/11
hijackers were even Iraqi.
Right?
So, like--
Mommy.
-What?
-Mommy.
Do you want to show Daddy
what we got for the potluck?
Well, I liked where
that was going.
What'd you make me, huh?
Open it up.
Daddy, your favorite.
It is my favorite.
You gotta be
fucking kidding me.
Come on, Fayruz.
You ate my chorizo last week.
That came out wrong.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
[background chatter]
You know, we take
great pains here
to keep this place authentic.
And while this meal might be
acceptable in your culture,
in our culture, this
is actually forbidden.
-Haram?
-Haram.
Oh, my god.
I am so, so, so so sorry.
I wasn't even
thinking about it.
But maybe we could just
make an exception tonight?
I mean, those burkas
that you had us in--
they're Afghan, right?
They're not even Iraqi.
So--
This is our home, so you
will live by our rules.
I'm sorry.
That's just what we
have to do.
The rules are strict here.
I don't know.
Yeah.
Hey, let's play nice.
It's Thanksgiving.
No, Coco.
I'm sick of it.
The soldiers get treated
completely differently here.
I mean, I just pulled
off a massacre for you,
and I'm not even in OP4.
Hell, the amputees make
three times what I make here.
I give you my best performances,
and no one will ever see them.
Give me the ham.
No.
Fayruz.
[crickets chirping]
Desert tortoise activity
reported on the road to Razish.
Reminder, if you
encounter a tortoise,
send the six-digit GPS grid
coordinates on the FOX mic
and your CO will advise
on how to proceed.
By protecting the tortoise,
we are ensuring our access
to the land for years to come.
Have you ever actually
seen one out here?
Yeah, I've seen them.
I used to see them more, but
they airlifted them out of here
so they can expand
the training facility
and build a replica Fallujah.
They donated $70 million
to the tortoises.
It's just a land grab.
I see the biologist
out here sometimes.
She says they're not doing
well in their new habitat.
A lot of them are
dead or dying.
Males aren't
fucking the females.
-Hello, Jerry.
-Hey, brother.
[speaking spanish]
Fayruz.
Firstly, I wanted to apologize
for my family's transgression.
Hey, you don't have
to be sorry.
They want us to do an
after-action review.
Oh, no.
That's above my
pay grade, Tanner.
Give us a moment, Jerry?
Yeah, yeah.
Just don't touch my meat.
It's wet.
You OK?
Hey, hey.
You named your son Dice?
I was 19.
When were you going
to tell me?
I don't know if I was.
[grunting]
She smelled different to me.
She didn't understand anything
that I was going through.
And what I was doing
in Iraq was dangerous.
And I liked it.
And I wanted to keep
feeling that way, you know?
And I know it's not
a nice thing to say,
but I thought of her
life as sad and quaint.
And we lost some
guys out there.
It was on my watch.
And that's a lot to ask
anyone to understand,
but I feel like you do.
I feel like you understand.
Well, you still lied to me.
Fayruz.
Fayruz, you've been
lying to everyone.
What?
Your Arabic is spotty.
And Sadr City, where
you said you're from?
That's one of the
worst slums in Baghdad.
So I've never been.
Well, don't worry.
There won't even be
an Iraq to go back to
once you guys are
done with it.
Get out of here.
This may or may not
be of interest to you,
but Abu Saif asked me
to be the groom tonight.
They need us to put on a
wedding so the soldiers can
practice identifying targets.
[dramatic music]
Well, I'm not the
bride this week.
It's Maria's turn.
[knocking at door]
Hey, Maria.
Hey.
I was just curious
if you were married
to the idea of being
the bride tonight.
Why?
I was just wondering
if you would
be open to taking
my spot next week.
I was really looking
forward to it, actually.
This is my last rotation.
You always say that.
I know.
But I mean it this time.
What are you going to give me?
What do you want?
I mean, baby wipes,
cigarettes, ramen?
What?
I want everything
in your trunk,
except for that weird
acting reel.
Everything?
OK.
I don't want to go
too over the top.
Let me know what you think.
Wow.
I love it.
[laughter]
Oh.
Oh, Fayruz.
I almost forgot.
Guess what just came in?
What?
The baby powder suicide vest.
No. Are you kidding?
How many?
Just one.
But I told him you're
dying to try it.
A military funeral was held for
the victims of the Thanksgiving
Day massacre in the lower
Java region of Atropia.
This is a tragic day
that we'll never forget.
Let the loss of our
brothers be a lesson to us.
Terrorists don't
observe holidays.
They observe weakness.
The terrorist mastermind has
been identified as Abu Dice.
We gotta get him
out of the box.
All right?
We're wasting his talent here.
We can be mercing
hajis over there.
You want to call it up?
Let's get him out there.
This squadron's sole
objective, to capture and kill
the perpetrator.
We have the weight of the
White House behind us.
Salam alaikum.
Alaikum Salaam.
Let's get this show
on the road.
[speaking arabic] Follow me.
[music playing]
Where do you want me?
Yeah.
Come over here.
-Here?
-Yeah.
[music playing]
[sighing]
Where's Maria?
[music]
OK.
Fayruz, you're going to accept
the marriage three times.
Abu Dice, you're going to
accept the marriage once.
Rudy?
[speaking arabic]
[speaking arabic]
All right, you two,
it's haji hunting time.
You two are our only hope.
We'll go find that fucker.
And just remember, he
killed all your brothers.
[music playing]
What's your color?
Green, baby, green.
You guys are married now.
(WHISPERING) Fuck
I think he saw us.
(WHISPERING) Let's go around.
[arabic music]
[cheering]
[machine gun fire]
[machine gun fire]
[arabic music]
All right, gang, fun's over.
Gotta get back to the cave
before we get ambushed.
[arabic music]
[cheering]
Now, you're really Iraqi.
With two wives.
[laughter]
[eerie music]
Rudy, Rudy!
Forgot my gun.
Damn it.
I'm going to go back for it.
All right.
I'll swing back
around and get you.
Hey, and you be careful.
They're looking for you.
[eerie music]
(WHISPERING) There he is.
Right there.
(WHISPERING) Where
is he going?
(WHISPERING) I
got seven minutes.
Seven minutes.
Pants.
[laughter]
-Oh, my God.
-Yeah.
Wait, wait, wait.
Wait, wait.
What?
I gotta piss.
I gotta piss.
What?
I can't come if I gotta piss.
No, don't go out there.
Just stay right here.
Stay right here.
OK.
[crickets chirping]
[urinating]
[eerie music]
(WHISPERING) [speaking
arabic], motherfucker.
(WHISPERING) Fuck.
[music playing]
Hello?
Ray, she's here.
Hey, Rudy.
Hey, Ray's just gone to
get the camera real quick.
Oh, for what?
We gotta record your
suicide bomber video, stat.
They need to send
it over this morning
so they can play it
right as you detonate.
Um, where's my, uh, husband?
He got captured last night while
he was trying to take a leak.
It's embarrassing.
Yeah.
Well, last night was fun.
So are they sending him
back in as a new character?
-Or--
-No.
No, he's getting deployed.
Going straight back to Iraq.
Yolo!
Wait.
Sorry, wait.
Do I say my name first?
I don't actually
know how these go.
I just want you to
be menacing.
-OK.
-OK?
Can you do that for me?
-OK.
-OK.
They already put
the bomb on you?
-Yeah.
-OK.
-Yeah.
-All right.
All right.
Action.
If you are watching this,
President Bush, I am dead.
[eerie music]
This is in retaliation
for the innocent blood
of Atropian civilians you
have spilled on our streets.
I will come find
you, dirty dish!
Dirty dish, dirty dish!
[chanting]
Dirty dish, dirty dish!
Dirty dish, dirty dish!
[speaking arabic]
[beeping sounds]
No, man.
Are you serious?
Yeah, I'm beeping.
You're on your knees.
There you go.
Oh.
Hey.
Settle down, folks.
[grunting]
Help, help.
They will fix you
up right away.
There's something
I need to tell you.
Shoot.
I've never actually
been to Iraq.
Get out of the car.
Huh?
Get out.
I'm serious.
Get out.
Wait, wait.
You think I didn't know?
You knew?
Of course.
They do a background
check on everyone.
It doesn't matter.
We're helping a
group of teenagers
to invade our Homeland
in a gentler way.
Isn't there something else
you wanted to tell me?
Um--
Fayruz, you are like
a daughter to me.
I know you love this place.
You need to go home.
Take some time off.
You are preparing for the most
important role of your life.
[music playing]
[background chatter]
That was good for me.
Abu Dice.
[background chatter]
Abu?
I heard you're
going back to Iraq.
Yeah, tomorrow.
[music playing]
So where do you want to go?
I got 6 hours.
Somewhere beautiful?
[pop music]
It doesn't hurt?
No, it feels better now.
You're nuts, you know that?
Well, it's worth it.
People are looking
at you weird.
Come here.
[electronic music]
Hey.
Can I ask you something?
Mm-hmm.
What do you say to
people when they ask--
when they ask what
we're doing over there?
Well, depends who's asking.
No, no.
You know, I-- in the
beginning, I felt like I knew,
but now I don't
know if I know.
Well, there are known knowns.
There are things
we know we know.
We also know there
are known unknowns.
That is to say, we know there
are some things we do not know.
There are also
unknown unknowns.
The ones we don't
know we don't know.
But I want to know.
I mean, help me.
Come on.
You're Iraqi.
What do I say?
[electronic music continues]
Well, I mean, I've
never even been there.
You've seen it.
[music stops]
[electronic music continues]
[slurping]
Cocktails, table 2.
Cocktails, table 2.
[engine humming]
[pensive whimsical music]
Mike Stone.
Mike Stone?
That's his name.
If you see him out
there, you could tell him
he's going to be a dad.
So he's one of me.
[laughs] Goodbye, dirty dish.
I hope you get put
back where you belong.
[clock tolls]
[background chatter]
Hey!
Hey.
Let me help you with that.
-Oh, thank you.
-Yeah.
[chuckles]
[dog barks]
Oh, what's this terrorist
doing in my office?
Oh, I'm just here to help.
[chuckles]
[clears throat]
Oh, wow.
There's sushi in Barstow?
No, we fly it in from Vegas.
Yeah.
Gotta spend the money
in the budget somehow.
We come in under budget, we
can't ask for the same amount
next year.
You understand how that works?
Right.
[sighs]
You need something, hon?
I don't want to
speak out of turn,
but those boys you have in there
right now, they're not ready.
And on top of that,
they don't even
know why we're in Iraq
in the first place.
These men are willing
to die for you.
Don't you think they
deserve to know why?
They are not in the
business of why.
They didn't sign up for why.
Well, the least you could
do is help them not die.
I mean, that ambush
was humiliating.
It would be negligent on
your part to deploy them
in their current condition.
And the only person who
could properly prepare them
is the mastermind behind
that ambush, Abu Dice.
And I know you want to
send him out there ASAP,
but I implore you to let
him finish his rotation.
[heroic music building]
This is how we save lives.
[music stops]
[clapping]
I gotta say, I gotta
say, I'm moved.
I mean, you're right.
We got a little
ahead of ourselves.
Peanut, let's call it up and
get Tanner a new character
and get him back in.
Thank you.
You won't regret it.
You do know we have
cameras everywhere, right?
We know where he was
when he was caught.
We know the state
that he was in.
We'll send him back in.
But if you look
at him even once,
we'll fire the both of you--
or maybe only you.
Understood.
Shukran.
Shukran.
[exhales] What do we got?
What do we got?
You're not going to put them
back in the box, are you?
These boys will
never be ready.
Shit.
[spits]
[heroic music]
[vehicles rumbling past]
[bright music]
[dramatic organ music]
[yells] Tortoise!
[bird calling]
[baby crying]
[background chatter]
[donkey braying]
Salaam.
Salaam.
Allahu Akbar.
(DISTORTED) Allahu Akbar.
Allahu Akbar!
Allahu Ak--
[audio distorting]
[curious music]
[baby crying]
[helicopter engine
roaring overhead]
[water dripping]
[guitar strumming]
[non-english singing]
[applause]
[exhales]
[water dripping]
[laughter]
[guitar strumming]
[cheering]
Amazing!
That was amazing.
[applause]
That was a great one.
[orchestral music]
[music playing on video]
Can you hear that?
Gunshots.
You can't send them out there.
They have their whole
lives ahead of them.
They are just boys.
These men, you say, they
are willing to die for you.
Don't you think they at
least deserve to know why--
[audio distorting]
Not bad.
Out, damned spot.
Out, I say!