Au poste! (2018) Movie Script

- I am going out for dinner.
- What?
I am going out for dinner.
You're interested?
Yes, that's interesting.
No, I can't this Saturday.
I will visit my parents.
And did you know that they're deaf.
No, both of them. Completely deaf.
With a notebook. If I have something
to tell, I'll write a note.
It's a nightmare. It's a no for Saturday.
Sunday is perfect.
Ah crap, you can't...
Monday, I am busy too.
Tuesday! Tuesday seems good...
Wait a minute, I have an other call.
Yes, what is it for? I am busy. No, no,
no, I am in a middle of an interrogation.
I don't know. Ask Champolin.
I don't know, sorry.
I can't help. Figure it out by yourself.
I can't help, sorry.
Sorry Michel. I was
wrong about Tuesday...
Excuse me...?
I have an appointment with the dentist.
Wait... What do you want?
I didn't mean to interrupt but I
am really hungry. I feel dizzy.
Do you know when we'll
finish the interrogation?
So I can go to the
restaurant later?
What about Wednesday?
Oh, come on. Can you cancel it?
Thursday? Let me take a look.
Thursday seems really tight for me.
It will be very difficult to...
- What now? It's not good?
Yes, but I was more talking about a snack.
Like a real dinner meal. More substantial.
Thursday, I can't. It will be too tight.
And next week, it's gonna be the same.
The whole next week, I am busy.
Sunday was perfect for me.
- Let's forget it.
- Ask about Friday.
- What?
- I said you should ask about Friday.
And Friday? Perfect! Great, great.
Let's do it this way.
Why didn't we think of that before? Ok,
Friday at 3:00 p.m. Say Hi to Nadine. Bye.
You were listening.
No, it's because I'm here.
I can hear it...
- But I didn't know what it was about.
- No. So, where were we?
It's too late to go
for a dinner, right?
Oh yes, tonight is going
to be a long night.
Yeah, I am tired of this shit too, Fugain.
I don't this for pleasure, okay?
Bla, bla... I quote:
"And it was at this moment that
I saw the body of Mister Chevalet."
"Then, I search in his pockets to find
his I.D. Then I call the police."
"And I went back to my apartment."
Yes, that's what happened.
I have nothing to add.
Yeah, but something bothers me.
It's the chronology of the events:
First, you search for his wallet.
Then you call the police.
It's not logic. Give
me more details.
Logic... I don't know. It seems obvious.
Well, I was in shock of seeing a
body for the first time ever.
So I acted in the wrong order.
I should have called the cops first.
And searched his I.D. later, but I was...
Yeah, yeah. Okay.
"I was probably in shock."
"...of seeing a dead body..."
So I acted in an irrational way."
Yes, that's it.
But how could you know
that Chevalet was dead
if you haven't seen
a dead body before?
Well I see lots of living people.
So I could make a comparison.
No, be serious please. So
we can finish early, okay?
How did you know
that he was dead?
There was blood all around him. Like in
a police novel, when someone is killed.
Well, it was the same here. So I
didn't think that he was sleeping.
He looked like a
dead body to me.
- So you saw a dead body before, hm?
- Only in books. Never in real life.
"The body..."
"...was surrounded by blood..."
"In reality,
I've never seen a real dead body..."
" my entire life."
"except in books."
This summary is kind of
lame, written like that.
No, I don't think so.
So... The testimony of your neighbour.
- Oh no... Again?!
- Yes, again. It's an investigation.
Shit... Excuse me, I have
an important meeting
with my family, I
nearly forgot about.
Can we can move the
interrogation to tomorrow?
I already told you to stop
listening with your headphones.
You can't hear outside.
Come here!
I can't right now. I am really focused
about something else, that's why.
Okay, but come here.
Well, I have to finish
this letter first.
I've been working on it
for an hour, that's why.
And I hate to work on
this type of document.
So I really need to focus
on this And I am not
used to be concentrated
like this, that's why.
Just talking to you, I am
not concentrate anymore.
I understand, but come here.
I will have to throw away one hour of work
if I come, chief.
Moreover, it's an important doc.
Champonin told me
to do it. That's why I
want to finish it first.
I would already get up to see you.
But I can
come later when I'll
finish this, that's why.
Okay. What is this letter that needs
all your concentration about?
- It's confidential sir, that's why.
- Can I see it? I'm curious.
Okay, no problem.
Champonin told me to do it
and to don't talk about
it. That's why it's
confidential, that's why.
Can you stop with your: "that's why"
every seconds? It's irritating me.
Sorry, it's because of my wife.
She always says that.
Excuse me but what did
you do with your eye?
I am born like
this, that's why.
- Does it hurt?
- That's a stupid question.
Are you kidding me? You are writing a
cover letter to enter in the Police.
No, Champonin told me to do it
and to keep my mouth shut, that's why.
It was an order. I can't say no
to an order from someone above me.
I thought it was weird too. Why would I
do this if I am already in the police?
But I didn't ask,
because it was an order.
Of course...
If I told you to shoot
yourself in the head.
Would you do it because
I am your superior?
Depends on the context... If for example
I have a deadly contagious disease...
- Then I think I would...
- Okay.
Got it. Can you keep an eye on him
for 20 minutes?
- Me?
- Yes, can you do it? You, for 20 minutes.
So we don't report it for tomorrow?
No, we don't report it.
We will continue tonight, okay?
What do I have to do exactly, sir?
What do you mean by "keep an eye"?
You watch him, so he
doesn't try to escape.
I just look at him?
Okay, that's easy.
- Look at me. Can I trust you?
- Yes, understood.
I watch him and
I do nothing else, stay focus.
This is a rational order.
And you have to do it.
It has nothing to do
with this shitty letter.
Ok, got it. I see clear now. I can tell
the difference with an irrational order.
Well, I am innocent. So I
will not try to escape.
We will continue when I'll come back!
- Hey son!
- Hey dad.
- You're ready for a dinner?
- No, I already eat with a friend.
- I brought you a hot dog.
- Oh, that's nice of you.
So, what's up?
Well, I wanted to kill
myself a week ago. But
I was too scared to
do it, so I gave up.
I wanted to jump out of a window
but I watched a TV show instead.
Now I hate suicide and I want to
stay alive. What about you daddy?
- What about you daddy?
- Nothing much, just the routine.
How long have you been
working at the police?
You try to create a friendship
with me, so you can escape?
No, I am just
asking a question.
I know I look dumb with my
eye, but don't mess with me...
No, I don't think you're an idiot at all.
On the contrary.
I don't judge people based
on their handicap.
No, I-I mean people that don't
seem intelligent
are the most intelligent ones.
Yeah, I agree. Good analysis.
What was your question?
Nothing, I was just asking how long have
you been here. Just making conversation.
I am here since 6 months. I
should have been refused
because I fucked up the
whole test for entrance.
But a guy changed my
results at the last
minute to help me to enter.
So I was accepted.
You're lucky! Good for you.
Who changed your results?
- My dad, that's why.
- Your dad, right.
It's funny, because you
always say "that's why".
I didn't say it.
- Yeah, just now, two times.
- No, I know that I didn't say it.
You think I didn't notice your plans?
- Excuse me?
You're trying to make
the conversation. But
you're looking at this square.
Am I right?
I didn't even see there
was a square here. Why
would I look for this?
It's for mathematics.
Yes, you can make diagram with it.
Of course.
You can also make some 80 angle
if you want, that's why.
But you can also use it for
another purpose. For example...
- Am I wrong?
- I don't get it...
Sorry, but I don't understand.
Well, it can be really useful.
Think about it for a second.
If you kill me, then nobody can keep an
eye on you. You can leave, that's why.
You are crazy. I don't want to kill you.
I am innocent!
How can you imagine all
this with just a square?
You know, we have to
think about all the
situations possible when you're a cop.
That's why.
Like scanners.
Always calculating the environment.
Bam! A sharp square. I directly think
about the different possible scenarios.
Same for, I don't know...
Hot coffee.
...I think "watch out Philippe!
This guy can put hot coffee in your eye!"
This big folder...
Okay, I understood the scanner idea.
But your story doesn't hold up.
I am innocent. I will not escape, okay?
I will not try to kill you.
You're too scared of leaving
fingerprints on the square, right?
I know a technique to hide your
fingerprints. Do you want me to explain?
- No!
- Let me explain.
This guy told me this story in jail.
It's really simple.
You just have to use a lighter and warm up
your fingers for a few minutes.
Like burning your skin, but
without putting yourself on fire.
I don't want to know it.
And it's horrible!
It doesn't hurt. I tried and I felt
nothing. The skin is getting softer.
It erases the little draws
you have here. That's
why you don't have finger
print, that's why.
Okay. I'll repeat again:
I don't commit crimes.
- I don't need to know this technique.
- Hey, relax. Relax.
I am not accusing you for anything.
I was just chatting, that's why.
You want to see
my Police badge?
Yes, totally. Let's
change the subject, please.
I am really proud of it! Now that we introduced
each other, I can show you my badge.
Yes, it's much more interesting.
Don't move. Let me take this.
Just in case...
Where did I put it? That's an other problem.
The badge. The badge. The baaaadge.
Shit, it's not here.
I love this thing so much
that I always hide it
so no one try to steal
it from me, that's why.
- Not here neither.
- Hey.
Shit, it's not here.
You can tell to your boss that I didn't
try to kill you. It can convince him.
I know, I moved it somewhere
here last time. There it is!
Ah! I am so fucking proud of it!
Let me show it to you.
Are you alright, sir?
(whispers) what an idiot.
Are you okay?
You don't feel okay... Sir?
Hey! Holy shit...
Fuck this...
Fuck this shit...
- Sir, can I talk to you for a minute?
- What?
It's about the Tourcher-gate,
The body found in parts in a cement mixer.
No, not now, I am busy.
I am working on another case.
You just have to look at an image.
I need your opinion on it.
Ask Champonin. Why
are you asking me?
He doesn't have the
same ideas than yours.
You're right. Okay, let
me take a look quickly.
Thank you.
A picture of a wall.
A beautiful picture of a beautiful wall.
- Yes, it's a wall.
- What about this?
Something in front of a wall.
I don't know...
- It's a toe.
- What?
- I would say it's a little penis.
- It's a toe. We analysed it.
- Why are you asking if you analysed it?
- Let me explain!
The wall was built the night before the
murder, 20 km away from the murder.
- And?
- You're kidding, right?
- No. What does it mean?
- It's evident!
No, it's not. You're
showing me a picture of
a wall with a toe that
looks like a penis.
Stupid bitch!
It's going to be a long night.
It's going to be a long night, Fugain.
I don't sleep a lot.
It irritates me sometimes.
Maybe we can move the interrogation
to tomorrow?
It's getting late, you're tired. You asked
questions that are not really relevant.
No, because nobody is waiting
for me at home. If I stay
here, it will be the same.
I am listening to you now.
Can I go to pee first?
What an idiot! Shit, shit, shit...
Fucking idiot with his missing eye.
- Hey sir, do you want an oyster?
- An oyster? To eat?
Yeah, an oyster. I was at the restaurant,
I ordered for 12, they gave me 13 oysters.
- I don't want to put it in the trash.
- Yes, you're right. Well, thank you.
We are going to the theatre to
watch "King Kong". You're in?
No, I don't like Chinese films.
I have lots of works to do first.
Okay, I'll not insist then...
- Thanks!
- See ya!
I am ready.
So, let's continue where we stopped.
Where were we?
You wanted to talk about the testimony
of my neighbour and I said "again?"
That's correct. According to your
neighbour's testimony, miss Lustri.
- Lustrain. Carine Lustrain.
- Yes, sorry.
She said she saw you getting
in and out of your home
exactly seven times between
midnight and 5 a.m.
Can you explain?
She always watches what's happening
on the floor. She's a bit... Crazy
At any sound, she opens the door. When the
elevator is here, she opens the door.
For any sound... Excuse me,
it's kind of surprising but
there is smoke getting out of your body.
Is it normal?
Yes, I have a hole.
Stay focus.
- A hole? I don't understand...
- I have a hole in my chest.
- It's gross!
- No, I don't really suffer...
Continue! You get out of your room
SEVEN times. That's a lot, Fugain.
- Explain, I am trying to understand...
- Yes, I have nothing to hide.
First time was around midnight.
My wife screamed
because there was a
cockroach in the kitchen.
- So she asked me to go buy insecticide.
- Size of the cockroach?
- I don't know...
- According to your wife's reaction,
Little, medium, big?
I don't know... Little.
She said: "Honey, there
is a cockroach in the
kitchen, kill it now!"
Is the size of the cockroach
really important?
I say what's important for
the investigation, Fugain.
- So you bought insecticide?
- Yes.
First time, I went out too fast.
I forgot my wallet.
It happens.
Good evening.
I noticed it before going
out of the building.
So I went back to my apartment.
So that's the first round trip, right?
That's the first
round trip, right?
Yes, for nothing, because
I forgot my wallet.
- I prefer "back and forth".
- Why?
You said that my neighbours saw me doing
seven "back and forth".
We should continue with this as a measurement.
Or we will get lost in the story.
No, I prefer round trip.
I took my wallet and I went
straight to the elevator.
What was doing your
wife during this time?
Watching TV.
At the grocery store, I don't know
why, but I wanted to buy chips.
And because I couldn't
find a real insecticide. I
bought a mosquito spray. It
costed me around 10 bucks.
Okay. Did you wander in the streets or
did you get back to your appartement?
I get back home. I don't like to walk in the
streets and I had to kill the cockroach.
- Continue!
- I am leaving, I finished my day.
You're lucky. I am just at the
beginning. See you tomorrow!
No, I am pregnant, that's why.
I have an appointment with
doctors tomorrow, that's why.
Holy shit... He said nothing about it!
This is crazy!
We wanted to keep it as
a surprise, that's why.
But I don't like to keep
secrets, that's why.
- Where is he? Can I kiss him?
- Sure.
Where is he?
- Your coworker with one...?
- Yes, Philippe.
- He's my husband, that's why.
- Okay. He was watching me.
Very well, he was doing a great job.
We talked a bit. A nice person.
- Congratulations for the kid!
- We don't care. Where is he?
Well, he was feeling very sick.
Like pain in the stomach.
- Shit, I think it was the sushis.
- Yes, exactly. He was saying:
- "Must be the sushis, that's why."
- It's my fault.
The sushi place next to here? I
never got food sick with them.
No I did sushis
myself, that's why.
Oh, shit.
I created my own recipes based
on one on Internet, that's why.
- So?
- He left. He left really fast.
I couldn't ask a question.
I don't know where he goes.
He must be home, that's why.
I am going, that's why. Thanks!
Am I crazy or everybody in this building
is saying "that's why" every seconds?
- No, I noticed too.
- Where does it come from?
- Must be a trend...
- A trend? Cause it's irritating.
It doesn't mean anything.
"that's why, that's why..."
So, you get back home
with your purchases.
Yes, I went back
with my groceries.
My wife was sleeping with the TV on.
The show was
interesting so I watched
it while eating chips.
- Does she do that a lot?
- Yes, almost every night.
Usually, I put her in the bed, but
this time I wanted to eat some chips.
Hey, look what you done.
Are you proud of it?
Excuse me?
That's your fault, you fall like an idiot!
It's your fault. I wanted to
show you my badge. That's why!
I don't give a fuck of your damn badge!
If I was alone in this office,
I would not have shown you my
badge. So it's your fault if I died!
You'll pay for this!
- I'll not pay for anything!
- Who are you talking to?
Nobody, sweetie. The TV
is talking by itself.
It's weird. I'll call
the repairman tomorrow.
Go back to sleep.
Then, I put bug spray everywhere
in the kitchen. I thought
that it would be clever to
put more to kill cockroach.
Seems legit. What time was it?
I don't know. Maybe 1 hour after I
bought the chips. I don't remember.
- Then?
- The spray was stuck I don't know why.
- What do you mean?
- I couldn't stop it.
- The nozzle was stuck.
- Okay.
I opened the windows to refresh the room.
And I push accidentally a plant pot.
- And it falls 5 floors below.
- What a boring story!
- Why?
- You just talk about shitty boring stuff.
The plant pot, the TV, the cockroach,
your wife sleeping...
- the insecticide, the chips...
- But I am telling you the truth.
You want me to lie so the
story gets more interesting?
No, of course not.
But I've never felt so bored in
an interrogation until this one.
- Continue.
- Okay, that's not a nice thing to say.
- I am just telling you the truth.
- Yes, chill, Fuguain.
- I am not mad.
- Yes, you are.
You shouldn't be ashamed of your life.
Now continue.
I went out to clean the broken
plant pot.
With a hand brush and
a shovel, I suppose?
Yes, sorry if these
are normal objects.
But there isn't other objects
to clean a broken plant pot.
You're wrong.
There is some little vacuum...
Okay, continue please.
It's not important.
How long will I be
stuck in the cupboard?
Philippe! No one
cares, you're dead.
- I care, that's why.
- It's not interesting.
- So, it's two round trip.
- No, three.
Yes, you're right. Sorry.
I am a bit tired, that's
why. So I sometimes don't
follow your story.
I can't stay focus with the tiredness
and your shitty boring story.
That's why I need to drink something.
It's time for a coffee, that's why.
- You said "that's why" 3 times in a row.
- Yes, I heard. Coffee? No?
- Can I get up of my chair?
- Sure.
Hey Guy, can you bring some coffee please?
I am in the middle of an interrogation.
Yeah, I know.
Philippe is not here, he is sick.
After 8 p.m. I normally expect to talk to
Muriel. Can you bring some coffee please?
Okay, forget it.
So you did two round trip, right?
- No, three. I said earlier it was three.
- Three out of seven.
Let me guess. You forgot
the shovel and the brush?
Not at all.
- I went back to put my wife in bed.
- What time was it?
I don't remember. Maybe one hour and
half after I bought the insecticide.
I don't know.
So after I put my wife in bed,
I went outside to breath.
To breath?
Because of the insecticide.
I was feeling dizzy.
So I went outside to
breath some fresh air.
Just for your culture, we don't say to
"breath some fresh air in this case.
You say that when you climb a mountain or
you go to the beach for example.
I wouldn't try to climb a
mountain in the middle of the
night. I just went outside
to breath some fresh air.
No! You went out because of the
insecticide. You just went out to breath.
That's what I said. I went out to breath.
There is something else
that bothers me. You
said you didn't like to
wander in the street.
- But that's what you are doing now!
- I went out to breath, not to wander.
Okay. So that's when you see
Chevalet's dead body?
No, not yet.
I remember that the street was really
calm. There was some noise far away.
I guessed it was a party in an apartment.
There was steam getting out
of my mouth because it was
cold outside. So I was
imitate smoking cigarettes.
- Why?
- It's funny.
- You don't do that?
- Yes, when I was 2 and a half.
Well I am not ashamed,
I still continue now.
I never said you should be ashamed.
Why should you be, Fugain?
Excuse me, can I borrow you a cigarette?
A cigarette?
- You're the one eye guy's wife, right?
- You know Philippe?
- Yes, he's my husband. how do you know?
- Well, yeah I know him.
Hum... I know him but not yet. Just
forget it. You'll never understand.
If you explain to me,
I might understand.
I will meet your
husband in the future.
Not really in the future but...
How can I explain it?
You will meet my husband in the future.
So far, I understand.
Yes, but no. Because it's
not really the future.
We are in the past but not really.
In my memories.
And I will meet him in a
pretty bad situation...
Really? How?
So, in which kind of bad situation
will you meet my husband? Tell me.
How can I explain... Well, I am
accused of murder. Not right now.
In 3 days.
That's when I will meet your husband.
You could come say hi!
I work at the police too, that's why.
Yeah, we will meet too.
Who did you kill?
Nobody. I just found a
dead guy in the street.
Well, later tonight, I will
find someone with blood all around him.
Since I will be the first to call the
cops, I will be the main suspect.
Don't call the cops then so
you will not be suspected.
Yes, good idea.
But it already happened,
I can't change the past.
I don't understand...
You say that it will be in the future. Then
it already happened. It's complicated!
- You were absent.
- Yes, sorry for that.
You were saying that
you were fake smoking.
Yes, right. I
was fake smoking.
There were nobody in
the streets, so I came
back home because my
breasts were frizzing.
Sorry to interrupt again.
But you made a mistake.
The breasts are on women only.
- You meant your balls were frizzing.
- No, my breasts were really frizzing.
All here. That's what I meant.
- My testicules were ok.
- Okay.
- We're now at four round trip?
- Yes, four.
"After fake smoking in the streets, ..."
"...I came back home.
I... Came... Back... Home..."
"...Because my breasts were cold."
"Breasts... Were... Cold..."
The more I look at you,
the more I think you're an idiot.
- Who was at the wrong place and time.
- Really?
I don't picture you killing a poor guy.
Not with an iron.
Thank you, sir. That's the first nice thing
you said since I am here. Thank you.
Watch out! It's just an interrogation
feeling, okay? It doesn't mean anything.
Well you say I might be innocent.
That's not a random thing to say.
No, because every can change, you see?
Where is my lighter?
It was right here.
Did you see it?
Found it! It dropped from you office.
I saw it on the ground, that's why.
Something stinks.
Is that my lighter?
It stinks.
Yeah, it stinks. It stinks!
- It smells like braised pork.
- Braised?
Smell it. I am not the
only one to smell it, right?
No, it smells like a lighter.
Excuse me.
No, I am still on an interrogation.
Don't worry for him.
He must have been to the doctor.
He was filling sick. Don't cry.
No, I'll call you back.
Listen, I'll call you back.
- What happened if I die of hunger?
- You think you're THAT hungry?
Yeah, I think, but I am also
telling it for a while.
There is nothing more beautiful than
a city that sleeps.
That's why I choose that job.
Live the night.
- Oh, come on...
- The lights. It's calm. It's poetic.
Yes, but right now, I can't feel
the poetry. I am not feeling well.
Can we finish this interrogation quick?
Let me tell you a story of mine.
One day, we decided to do a
helicopter travel. Like all
tourists do. But this time,
the helicopter crashed.
The pilot died. My friend too.
And I was alone.
Completely alone. In
the middle of an island.
You didn't have the
hole in your chest yet...
Yes... No... Wait,
how do you know that?
I can see it. You don't
have a hole, that's why.
- Wait. You can see my story?
- Yes, I can see really well.
No... I can't see when you tell
your story.
You wear a blue shirt. You seem tired.
I can see the beach.
Incredible! Yes, all you say it's true.
I look tired because I didn't eat
for 3 days. 3 days looking for food.
Do you know what it feels to survive
3 days without food?
What happened next?
Next, I was found and saved. I ate. And I
went back to France. End of the story.
Just to say that you're not
the only one to be hungry.
Other people were hungry,
And sometimes in worst situations.
Okay, thanks for the lesson.
But this situation also happened to me.
- Not that bad.
- Yes, that bad. Maybe worst.
When I was a kid.
I am listening. You have one minute.
I was spending my holidays at my
uncle's home, in the south of France.
I was around seven. My uncle had
a really cute dog that I loved.
He was always roped.
So one day, I freed him.
I don't know why, but rather than
catching him. I put the collar on me.
I can't see your story.
What did you look like?
Like any normal kid.
When my uncle saw that, he was mad.
He let me there for a week.
Within two days,
I ate the dog's bowl's rest.
Then, I was so hungry
that I began to eat dirt.
So I know what it feels
to be really hungry.
Your story is made up.
You too. A desert island,
that's completely fake.
You're right, I was making fun of you.
As an excuse, here is a gift.
- You're so nice!
- I am not a monster, Fugain.
- You were hungry.
- Can I open it?
Yes, it's for you.
- Yes?
- Can I get my bucket?
- Your bucket?
- I let it here after I finished cleaning.
I hide it in the cupboards.
Can I? It will not take long.
No problem.
We were having a break.
Daniel, have you ever been in your life
very very very hungry?
- Hungry?
- Yes, like really hungry.
I was hungry lots of times.
Yes, sure. But I mean you were so hungry
that you couldn't even do anything?
I don't know.
It's a weird question.
We were telling stories about that.
Don't you have one to tell?
No, nothing come in my mind.
But, I will try to remember one
for next time.
Here it is... See you.
He has Alzheimer. I am testing him
to know if it's getting worse, that's why.
Are you alright? You seem pale.
I just got a heat stroke for a second.
Let's continue. Coffee made me want to
sleep. We paused at four round trips.
I am bleeding. Maybe
because of the oyster.
You don't eat an
oyster like that.
I am not used to eat rock meals.
Okay... Where were we?
When I went back, I saw that the door
was opened.
Finally some suspense, Fugain!
Your story gets really interesting now.
- Let me guess. A robbery?
- I thought that too, but it wasn't.
When I saw the bed empty,
I quickly understood.
My wife is a sleepwalker.
She was going out
while I was fake smoking.
It happens sometimes.
I really need to know
what will happened to my
husband. I am getting
stressed, that's why.
Listen, you really need to stop.
It's not okay to talk in my memories.
- But I need to know! I am pregnant!
- You will see it soon.
I put her back in the bed. Without
waking her. And I turned off the lights.
Five round trips. We are getting close.
Your wife. She is a sleepwalker.
Walking in the
night. That's the most
exciting thing so far.
Continue. The sixth roundtrip.
Less interesting. I went
to better park my car.
It was parked on an illegal spot.
So I moved it.
Yes, it is not interesting at all.
Now the seventh. The most important one.
You have my attention, Fugain.
Okay. So I wore a pyjama
and drank some milk.
I brushed my teeth.
And I went to bed.
Don't you think that the toothpaste taste
weird after drinking milk?
- No, not at all.
- Continue.
It was really hot. I couldn't find a good
pose to sleep.
Sorry to interrupt, but you said earlier
that it was so cold you were fake smoking.
- Now it's hot?
- I turned on the heater, that's why.
It might be a stupid question, but I do that
to be sure that your story is coherent.
- And is it coherent to you?
- Yes.
So that's when I heard a scream.
Like an agression.
Yes, it's true. I heard it too.
You heard it? You don't see when I
tell my story but you can hear it?
Well, I am in your memories.
I can hear and see.
- So you see me when I do this?
- Yes. Come on, be serious.
- Okay.
- Continue, Fugain.
- I heard an other scream. More violent.
- Yes, so?
So I went outside to
see what happened. I
took something to defend
myself just in case.
- An iron?
- Yes, I only found that.
- I put a jacket and went outside.
- With the iron?
You go out of your building.
And you find Chevalet's body,
in his blood. In front
of your building. In the
middle of the street.
- Yes, precisely.
- Okay. Continue.
As I said earlier, first I searched
for his I.D. in his wallet.
- Okay.
- I put my hand in his pocket.
I found his wallet.
I found his I.D., name,...
- And then you call the cops?
- Yes.
- Do it.
- Right now, for real?
Yes, well it's not for real, since we're
in your memories. Go ahead.
- It rings.
- What time was it?
I don't rememb...-Hello?
Yes, thank you for answering so fast.
I am calling you because there is a
dead body in front of my building.
Yes, there is blood.
I never saw a dead guy before,
But I can tell you this one is dead.
No, I am innocent.
I have his I.D. if it can help.
I can tell you his name.
Okay. Okay.
- It wasn't the same operator.
- You didn't give the address.
No, because he hang up earlier. But when
it really happened, I said the address.
- Okay, and then you went back to sleep?
- Yes.
I thought: "Should I stay here,
next to the body? Should
I go to sleep?" I was tired
so I went back to sleep.
You called the cops... And you left the
crime scene to go to sleep.
Yes, I was tired.
And he was dead. So I felt unuseful.
My wife could sleepwalk again.
It was getting cold. So I went back.
You were so tired that
you forgot your iron.
Yes, I admit it, it
wasn't clever from me...
In my defence, it's not a thing you take
when you go out. It's normal to forget it.
I understand. But you should admit
that letting an iron next to
a dead body with a broken skull,
it's pretty confusing, right?
Yes. I admit.
So I went back to bed. Next to
my wife who was still sleeping.
Later, I heard the ambulance.
Then I don't remember.
I was sleeping, I guess.
Are you here? Am I speaking alone?
Did you go? Am I alone?
- I am here.
- Sorry.
- I am tired, that's why.
- We are coming to an end!
- Yes. Can I go home now?
- No.
- Why?
- I changed my mind.
About what?
I listened to your story, Fugain.
It's well tied.
But my police instinct says that it's
too well tied. I am not convinced.
"Too well tied"? You're kidding, right?
Moreover, you're using the expression
wrong. We said "tied" about meat.
You're still my main suspect.
Let's do it again.
Come on. Since the beginning?!
- Yes.
- Is that because of the iron?
The iron but also other minor details.
- Yes?
We don't see you a lot around here...
I have something for you, that's why.
Autopsy report.
I read all of it.
It took me 2 hours 45 minutes.
It's surprising.
You'll like it.
The body found in shape
in a cement mixer?
No, Chevalet's death.
I am in charge of it.
Why do you read my autopsy report?
Because I like that, that's why.
I found it, I was curious.
I couldn't stop reading.
Listen to me.
I will save you some times.
The clinician is 100% sure:
Chevalet wasn't murdered.
He died from a digestive haemorrhage.
The blood on the floor. He puked it.
The broken skull, it
was due to his fall.
There you go! Thank you!
You see?
Calm down, Fugain.
- a digestive what?
A digestive haemorrhage.
Let me summarise that for you.
Chevalet walks in the streets.
And all of a sudden, his belly explodes.
Everything is destroyed inside!
Pancreas, intestines, liver...
The pressure made it all go up.
Chevalet puked 3 liters (101 fl oz)
of bloods. In a row! Like a fountain.
That's horrible!
Yes, it is. So his puke
is all over the street.
And because he walks,
he slips on his own blood.
Bang! He falls and breaks his skull.
- He dies instantly, end of the story.
- Yes, end of the story.
Holy shit...
You're pranking me, right?!
No, just read it. All
the details are here.
So it means I am free, right?
You should go to sleep, bud.
You need some rest.
- I am free, right?
- Yes, but...
How is it possible to
explode from inside?
Well my story is "tied" now...
- I was trusting my cop instinct. Sorry.
- Hey! Look at that.
- What is it?
- It was on the ground.
- What is it?
- An eye.
- An eye?
- Yes, it looks like Philippe's eyes.
- My Philippe?
- Yes, the same colour.
I am pretty sure it's his.
Same absent look.
- What?
- Interesting, Fugain.
Okay, I can explain...
- Come!
- I am innocent, right?
We don't care. It's a hit!
Come here!
It's a hit!
So the scene begins,
we say our lines-
- And then I see him,
eating for real the hot dog.
That's gross!
And it makes a huge
blank 'cause he's eating.
Must be annoying!
I prefer to eat well.
So I can stay in the character.
Yes, and we all noticed that the only time
you're good, it's when you eat.
You should eat hot dogs
during the whole show.
How would you do it?
Do you imitate?
Yes, because the public
is too far to see it.
People in the front
row can see it well.
No, the public is too
far from the stage.
I have a technique.
I really bite a piece
and I quickly spit it.
And I throw it on the ground.
So people think I'm eating.
It takes the same amount
of time than real eating.
It helps you say your line
with the mouth empty.
And you don't loose time chewing.
You don't break the rhythm.
- Did I break the rhythm?
- I felt less concentrated for a bit.
And there is also the risk of burping.
Yes, if you eat while on stage.
You might burp.
And nobody want to burp on stage.
Bruno Lazare was here tonight.
He liked half of the show.
The Figarock critic? He
is a really big critic.
He hates everything.
I hope he likes the half part
when I am in.
What does he say?
Nothing, "Keep An Eye Out" is half great
while the other half is weak.
What an asshole! Everything is weak and
great in this show. That's why it's great.
How can he cut it in half?
Where is the middle according to him?
Chill out. It's the Figarock. They talk
about us. It'll make the show popular.
He said it's great.
Everybody will remember that.
Great! Let's cheer to that!
- Cheers!
- Cheers to Figarock!
- Cheers to Lazare!
- Cheers!
I just wanted to say that it was
a pleasure for me to be with you tonight.
Even if I was hungry during the
whole show. It wasn't easy...
I didn't know that I was acting.
Now that I am thinking about it,...
I know... I will never forget this moment.
So thank you, because... Thank you.
- See you!
- See you!
See you!
See you.
See you.
Good bye!
- I don't know what to say.
- Then say nothing.
Well... Good bye.
- And thank you. It was amazing.
- No, Fugain, I am sorry but no.
No thank you. Because tomorrow
we will continue. Now,
you should take some rest
at the police station.
- Take him
- What?!
What about the play?
And the comedians?
Take some rest, Fugain!