Authors Anonymous (2014) Movie Script

Action. Sun goes down.
Sun, go down.
I'm sorry.
What's my motivation?
Oh, you good boy.
Oh, you good-
we thought this was going
to be a reality show.
Yeah, like the Kardashians.
I love that show.
You know that I love that show.
I wanted to do a show like that.
A documentary?
What's that?
So... so this is going
to be a documentary
about our writing group?
I thought... I thought it was
gonna be just about us.
Just... I mean not that it
should be just about us,
'cuz you know, there's
more people...
But I mean we are the main
people in the group, honey.
I thought-?
Yeah, I mean I guess this is
going to be like that thing
that we watched on cable
the other night.
The holocaust.
Yeah, the holocaust...
That was-
long, right?
That was very long,
but, I mean...
It was, it was...
Yeah. Heavy.
But, I mean...
We-we love documentaries.
Yeah, we love 'em.
We do.
We love them.
Don't we, Winston?
Does the red light mean
that the camera's on?
So all of this was?
Maria! Can you come
get Winston, please?
Winston, you gotta go.
Hold on. I gotta find Maria.
We can't, we can't.
Well, welcome to
our humble abode.
We moved here a couple
of years ago-
It's kind of a dream,
dream house for us.
You know what, maybe?
We should...
I'm not dressed.
Can we just start over?
Our writing group meets
every Tuesday night.
Mostly at Alan and Colette's.
Sometimes we rotate.
That's me with
the dorky glasses.
I love coming to the group.
Everyone has such
constructive feedback.
Natasha the Russian peasant
dressed oh so slowly.
Consumed totally, completely,
absolutely, definitely
by endless thoughts of Yuri
fondling her breast.
His other hand groping her
womanhood, knowing any second
that she might explode.
Her chastity spraying
across the ceiling
like passionate grafitti.
Natasha never thought such
a moment possible.
Have I satisfied you, Natasha?
Yuri had inquired after
their fourth round of
vodka soaked love making.
Niet. Not yet, Natasha stated.
Exhausted, but greatful.
I have to say I love the
way that Yuri is developing.
You do?
Colette, I love the character.
If you ask John k butzin,
you're gonna have to explain
why this woman would
go awol on her husband.
That's so iffy to me.
I was a little
bothered by that too.
Why would Natasha betray a
reliable, dependable husband
for a washed up young punk?
I've been rewriting and
rewriting and rewriting
and I don't know.
Poodles, it's ok.
It's not ok, Alan. It's not.
I mean I can't find the
motivation for Natasha
like everybody else can.
So I can't, I'm not a writer.
Woah, time out, ok.
The dude is good in bed.
That is all the
motivation she needs.
Listen, I would torpedo
chapter 2, and just pull
all the focus back onto
this nijinski dame.
Yeah. I-I agree with
John and William.
That's exactly what
I was gonna say.
I think just make it more
clear that Natasha wants
to be closer to Yuri.
Writing can be such a solitary
existence, so it's great
to have this outlet where
you can exchange ideas
with other writers.
I mean with this group, it
really is all for one
and one for all.
I work two jobs.
Delivering pizzas
and cleaning carpets.
Which are good jobs for a
writer 'cuz you meet
lots of interesting people.
My whole life I dreamed
about playing football
for the fighting illini.
And uh, I got to go to the
university of Illinois
on a full ride college
football scholarship.
But, right at the beginning
of my freshman year,
I blew my knee out.
And that ended that dream.
And that same fall,
I took English 101.
Dr. buchannon.
He introduced me to steinbeck
and Hemingway and Fitzgerald
and he encouraged me to write.
It just set me off on a whole
new creative journey.
Hi, I'm originally
from Prescott, Arizona.
I followed my mom out
here about four years ago.
There she is back there.
My parents are divorced.
Not fault.
So I moved here and, um, got
into a few writing classes
I just loved it.
24/7 total dedication.
The writing always comes first.
That's my mantra.
She even had it sewn
onto a pillow for me.
Everything that John k. Butzin
has learned about writing
comes down to two simple words.
Tom Clancy.
That's write my friends.
The man is a genius.
Does his research.
All of those nitty
gritty details.
Now that is writing.
Why'd I come to LA?
Because I knew you were
here and you'd lend me
a hundred bucks if
I asked ya, right?
Right? C'mon.
Thank you, babe.
I already got her number.
Maybe I'll text her.
Maybe I won't.
I don't know.
I'm an optometrist in glendale.
Yes he is.
And I am a full time writer.
Yes, you are, honey.
And our last name is mooney.
So you can call us moonies.
We get that joke all the time.
Yes, everybody says it.
It's very funny. It's uh...
Right now I have two unpublished
novels and I'm working
on a third that I'm
really excited about.
It's called pizza to go.
It's about a guy named
Scott who meets all these
interesting characters.
Um, I'm pretty happy with
what I've got so far.
But it's only a hundred
pages long right now.
And I'm stuck.
I haven't written in two weeks.
Hannah keeps teasing me
about my writers block.
I think about her a lot.
She's all I think about.
I really want to ask her out.
My latest project is called
sleeping on the moon.
It is about pain and rejection.
And, oh...
It's not about a moon.
It's confusing.
But actually the moon
part is more of a...
You know? It's not
really what it is.
It's not an actual...
No one's sleeping on the moon.
But there's a word for that.
It's a um...
You know? Um, um.
That was actually crawling out
of my mouth, metaphor, so...
Thanks, ma.
John k butzin has one agent
that is very interested in
roaring lion and there's a
publisher up in oxnard
who's reading it as we speak.
Plus, there's a certain cousin
who has a best friend who has
a neighbor that has an in
with Mr. Clint Eastwood,
so it looks like roaring lion
will be roaring at the
I'm just not sure how the other
members of the writing group
are going to handle so much
success by one person.
I just hope they don't all turn
out to be a bunch of pussies.
I am here because of bukowski.
Charles bukowski.
Greatest writer ever.
LA is his town, man.
I mean, if I'm going to be
a writer then I need to
walk in bukowski's shoes.
You know?
Capture and experience the
plight of the working class.
Colette here is the real writer.
No, honey, you are.
No, you are, you are.
You are.
I am, I am.
You're right.
I'm more of an idea guy.
You know, I get
these great ideas...
But I don't always
follow through. You know?
In a lot of things.
Not just writing.
I'll show you. I'll show you.
Idea for romantic novel.
Make that idea for
romantic e-book.
It's just... you know,
the times.
They couldn't be friends.
They couldn't be lovers.
So they became frovers.
Oh my God.
That just, right now
that came to you?
It did. It just did.
I know. I love you.
I'm so...
It's just the idea that they
couldn't, if they couldn't be
this one or this one, but
then you take that word,
those two words and make it one.
Well I didn't know we were
going to do like questions.
Um, I've never
thought about that. Wow.
Favorite writer.
Wow, that's a tough one.
You know I've studied
more composition
over actual literature.
But Ms. Maureen over here,
I know she loves a writer
by the name of...
Jane, um...
It's on the tip of my tongue.
Austen. Jane Austen.
That's the one.
I hear she's good, so...
Go Jane, keep it up.
Meet someone very special here
with us today all the way from-
Ah, that accent.
I love it. It drives me crazy.
It's so world war ii.
I found her at a hardware store.
Went in to buy a drill bit and
came out with a prime candidate
for Mrs. John k
butzin the fourth.
This my wall of America.
And in the center, of course,
is the man I admire
most in America.
My special guy, John butzin.
Soon to become very rich.
Very famous.
Already very sexy.
Then maybe sigrid hagenguth
becomes Mrs. John k butzin. Ya?
Yeah. The people in the
group are great.
They're ok.
They can't write for shit.
I do pencil and paper.
Just old school-
She does, yeah.
Just I write down my ideas.
I mean I have a lot of things.
I'm juggling a lot
of stories right now.
One is-is about-one I
can't because I'm afraid of
like copyright infringement.
Yeah, that's a worry
that we have that if we
say our material-
If we say our ideas
yeah, is that
gonna be a problem?
Oh man, that's...
That's Richard broadwell.
Yeah, he's a fantastic writer.
He's, uh, written seven novels.
I gotta a couple of them here.
Yeah, right on top.
Babylon express is one.
Um, there's a couple
more in there somewhere.
Um, he's like Fitzgerald of
his generation, you know?
That prolific.
I'm the leader,
the group leader.
After all, getting
together was my idea.
They were all my patients.
That's how we met.
First one published
gets a free eye exam.
This is where I come
for inspiration.
I believe that every writer
needs to have a place
where they can have some
tranquility and peace
And solitude.
This is my place.
I'll come here and meditate.
I'll come here and
write in my journal.
This is where the
magic happens for me.
This is where I plan my
creative path for the day.
This is my walden pond.
Why did I form the group?
I wanted to help Colette.
Oh, I certainly enjoy the
creative process I do.
But Colette?
Writing is her dream.
And I'd do anything
for her because...
Because she's my dream.
My favorite author would
have to be Josie dediem.
Her writing sends shivers
down my spine sometimes.
Although, Joyce Carol oates
has been known to
bring me to actual orgasm.
Possible names for
future characters.
Anthony gilmore.
No, wait.
Anthony t. Gilmore.
Much better.
Fiona fox.
Slate McCoy. Fletcher peck.
And a man known simply as banjo.
That? Oh that's a picture of me.
Yes, thank you for noticing.
Yes, this a picture of me.
Me inspires I and
I inspires I...
I me.
"You only fail if
you stop writing."
Ray Brad... bury.
Tonight's the night
I'm asking Hannah out.
Yeah, I'm doing it.
I'm doing it. It's time.
I really like her, you know?
And she likes me.
I think.
I'm getting that vibe.
So, I'm doing it.
It's-it's time to
take action, so...
I'm gonna ask her out.
Hey meathead, how come we never
chow down at your quarters?
This is my quarters.
Close to the working people.
Hey, has anybody seen Hannah?
Time to get started.
Nope, ready to read people.
Let's go.
William's right. We'll start,
she'll show up.
William, sweetheart, aren't
these the same three pages that
you read last time, honey?
Nope. They're different.
No. They're different.
I changed a word.
One word?
Writing is rewriting, Colette.
Bukowski said it.
You write five words,
you rewrite seven.
No, um...
Dorothy Parker said that-
who gives a shit who said it?
One word, Jesus h Christ.
It's my creative vision, John.
It's how I work.
Which we are here to support.
This is William's decision.
Just read it. Just read it.
And tell me if you can
figure out the word.
And then tell me if you think
it's better or worse.
One goddamn word.
Oh, I got it.
It was "this" last
week and it's "the."
Is it a noun?
Oh ooh.
No, that's the same.
If I had a bayonet,
I'd stab myself.
Thank you.
You're welcome exciting stuff.
You guys, I wonder what
happened to Hannah.
It's not like her to miss.
Guys, I'm so sorry. I'm so
sorry I missed the meeting.
What happened, honey?
Did your car break down?
Did you oversleep?
Is Maureen ok?
You haven't met a guy?
Look at her, look at that glow.
Actually I-I did meet a guy.
Told ya.
His name is Bryan.
Get ready.
He's my new agent.
Of sleeping on the moon,
and I guess my teacher really
liked it, so he gave it
to his friend Bryan,
who happened to be an agent.
He called me.
He wants to sign me.
I bet Bryan wants
more than that.
That is so fantastic.
That is wonderful young lady.
I solute you.
Thank you!
That's fantastic.
Where's he located?
Beverly hills.
Is he gay?
No. No.
Excuse me, could you
take a picture of us?
Thank you so much.
Everybody smile.
That was cute that
you said that.
Why didn't anybody say agent?
I thought it was a good idea.
To Hannah.
To Hannah!
To Hannah.
Thanks guys.
Look, we are all
in this together.
Ok? I'd be nowhere
without this group.
All for one.
One for all.
I'm merely the first one to get
an agent, but we're all gonna
get signed eventually.
Well, as a matter of fact..
There is an agent in
Santa Monica who is
very, very interested
in John k. Butzin.
He's reading my
manuscript as we speak.
Hey bro, you got ten
bucks I can borrow?
Uh... Yeah, sure.
Thanks, bro.
You're the best.
K, guys-
congratulations again, hannnah.
Way to go, Hannah.
Thank you.
Hannah's got an agent.
Yeah, she must have
slept with him.
Of course she did.
That really is cool, Hannah.
Oh thank you.
You're time will come, Henry.
You're a better
writer than I am.
A much better writer.
You went to college.
Great, amazing
writer Henry obert.
I knew him when.
Listen, I was thinking maybe
some afternoon we could um...
I don't know, go for a drive,
or see the sights, I guess.
Yeah, that would be great.
You know, I've been
out here four years
and I still haven't seen...
Oh my God.
It's just been four years
since I moved out here, and I
just got an agent.
Number four-that's
my lucky number.
I should have known
this was gonna happen.
There's nobody more deserving.
I'm going to dedicate
my novel to you.
Good night, Henry obert.
Idea for a novel.
A us senator is also a vampire.
Y novel is called niet, not yet
by Colette mooney.
It's about a Russian
woman, her story,
her search for love
in this country.
It's inspired by a story
that I heard from a massage
client of mine named Yuri.
Favorite author?
Oh, that question again.
I still don't have an answer.
There are so many.
Who would of thought that
I used to do massage?
I know. No, it's true.
In fact that's how I met
Alan for the first time.
Although don't let him tell
you any differently because
I know that he will try.
It's absolutely not true that
I gave him the kind of massage
that he really wanted.
'Cuz I didn't.
I did not give him...
At least not the
first time I didn't.
Absolutely. I have
morals and values.
Bottom line is if Hannah
can get an agent, so can I.
So yeah, I am superstitious.
I know, I'm guilty.
I'm very drawn
to the number four.
I was born on 4:04
pm on April fourth.
Yeah, four four four four.
I mean, that is not an accident.
No way.
Things I like to avoid.
Well, black cats, broken irrors,
and the number thirteen.
Yes, I do not like
the number thirteen.
And everbody that knows
me knows that I do not
like the number thirteen.
Even though three
plus one is four.
And I do like four.
So it's a fine line.
Everybody has a technique.
And this is mine.
A writer has to hear everything.
On the streets.
In the restaurants.
My dialogue has to be so
real, that I'm everywhere.
Standing behind you at
the check out stand.
Peeing next to
you at the urinal.
Oh yeah.
I watch.
I listen.
Writing down scraps
of conversation.
You're writing what
we're saying.
That's right.
I eavesdrop.
Gotta love it.
That's me.
An artist.
These are my rejection letters.
Rejected by agents.
Rejected by publishers.
When I think about it,
it's kind of depressing
how many ways people
can reject you.
This is-this is probably a
rejection letter, you know?
I can't do this today.
I can't open this letter.
I take rejection so personally.
I'll bet it's good news.
You think?
I think.
It could be.
I think it could be too.
Because today is the day.
That's the spirit.
Can you read it?
Sorry not interested.
That's what it says, right?
Yeah. Yeah.
Well remember the pink one?
It was way smaller
than this one was.
Yes, it was. It was a lot
A lot smaller.
I think that because it's
getting bigger, it could be...
That's right.
I'll save this one.
I'm gonna save this one.
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
I don't know who that could be.
It's ok.
Hi Maureen how are you?
Hello everyone.
Colette's here!
Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry.
I didn't know they were here.
Hi guys.
You look so dressed up.
Oh thank you.
You look fantastic too.
I thought I'd bring something
I picked up for my
new favorite author.
There's a note.
"Poodles, now may we have
sex again?" Love Alan.
What mom?
That is amazing.
You're welcome.
Oh gosh, I know what it was.
Really quick I just wanted to
ask about your new agent honey.
Oh, mmhmm?
Is he taking on new clients?
Oh, you know what, I don't know.
Could you ask?
'Cuz you know?
I mean if he is...
You know?
Yeah, maybe I could-
could probably do that.
Ok good.
Maybe we can talk about
this at the meeting?
You're right.
Absoultely. Absoultely.
Oh, I guess I should go.
It's time.
Thanks Maureen.
This is so sweet.
You're welcome.
Everything is gluten free,
because you know at our age,
honey, it's time to start
being healthy, right?
You know?
When you're young.
You should start young.
Ok, muah.
Congratulations, sweet pea.
Thank you.
Bye guys, see you!
Careful there.
I've not been drinking.
Too much.
Oh my goodness. Colette mooney.
She really is something.
Colette mooney.
That girl, she...
That's thirteen letters.
Out it goes.
It's ok.
I'm not-Colette...
She's not scary, so...
Henry. How are you?
Oh, thank you for
seeing me Alan.
Of course.
No problemo.
Let's get you some new eyewear.
I need something that
makes me look smart.
You're already smart Hannah.
This will be perfect.
Why don't you try these?
Excuse me one sec.
Name for character.
Alexander brown.
Wears brown colored glasses.
Well of course he would.
You know this great idea for a
novel came to me this morning.
It's called woof.
It's about...
It's about a dog who becomes
human for 24 hours in order to
rescue his kidnapped owner.
Hannah, I love this idea.
Could be a winner.
Yeah, you think so?
Do you like these?
You look great.
Do you think you're agent might
be interested in this idea?
Does he have a dog?
Or a cat. It could be a cat.
We could call it meow.
Just think about
mentioning it to him, ok?
Dog or cat becomes human.
I brought you out here because
I would like you to meet
someone who is super duper
important to me.
He is my spiritual advisor.
Dr. xiroman has taken a
year's vow of silence
to protest climate change.
It's just amazing.
He's here today to cleanse
the air of this icky, icky
negative rejection energy air.
So please.
Mm mm.
There's a lot more air,
so you can keep going.
That's it?
Oh hi!
It's Bryan.
Yes, I'm sitting down.
Oh my God.
Oh my God, oh my God.
Are you serious?
He sold my novel.
Shhhh. Oh my God,
I'm here, yes.
How much?
Wow, ok great.
Ok, ok, we'll talk tomorrow.
Ok, thanks Bryan.
Wow, Hannah.
Well, we gotta tell the group.
Oh no, no, no. I
don't want to do that.
It'll sound like I'm bragging.
And I already got the agent.
Why don't you let me tell them?
Yeah, yeah, you know, they'll
hear it from me first,
and it won't be a thing.
Thank you, Henry.
What would I do without you?
Her and her little
book deal and all.
But it just so happens that
John k butzin has some
news of his own to announce.
I have just inked a deal
with "u r the publisher".
A reputable firm based in...
Well it's overseas.
But they publish
5,000 titles a year.
I'm going to give them $250.
They're gonna format and publish
my novel roaring lion.
Next step, Hollywood.
Hannah's just lucky. That's all.
Guys, here she comes.
Here she comes.
Get ready, get ready.
Ohh! So sweet! Really?
Oh that's so sweet,
you guys. Thanks.
First one published
gets a free eye exam.
Thank you so much.
Wait to go, miss
published author.
Thank you.
Big hug there.
We're all jealous Hannah.
Just teasing you.
No seriously, we're all jealous.
Look, you guys are making
way too much of this.
So when does the book come out?
A year. They said about a year.
How much you get?
Don't ask her that.
Why not?
How much do you get?
Uh, actually I did ok.
Yeah, just leave it at that.
But hey, I owe all of
this to you guys.
I'd be so lost with
out this group.
I don't know if anybody heard,
but "u r the publisher"
has decided to publish roaring
lion by John k butzin.
"U r the publisher"?
That's right.
Self publishing.
They print on demand.
Yes, that's right. That's
exactly what they do.
And I'll have my
book in two weeks.
None of this waiting
around crapola.
John k butzin will be
a published author.
And he'll be published first.
John, congratulations.
Right back at ya, kid.
Two published
authors in the group.
The rest of us are
gonna have to catch up.
gunner stared out over
the bleak horizon
seeing one dead Vietcong
after another.
They scattered on
the bloody hillside.
He had won this time.
But gunner knew that Charlie
would be back in the morning.
And by God, he would be ready.
And so would his m60
general purpose machine gun,
and mark 2 fragmentation
hand rifle grenade.
God, that's good stuff.
That's beautiful.
Nicely done, John.
Let's get some feedback.
Ok, well I think in
terms of characters, John-
hold on a minute.
I want to hear from her.
No I don't wanna
hear from everyone.
I want to hear from Hannah.
She has a book coming out.
John k butzin has
a book coming out.
I want to hear from Hannah.
Author to author.
Screw you. Really?
This is really against the
spirit of the group, John.
Everyone's opinion is valid.
Hers is more valid.
What do you say, Hannah?
Um... I...
I'm going outside.
I should probably
go check on him.
Make sure that he is ok.
Let's take a fifteen
minute break, shall we?
I'm just gonna go
to the restroom.
You guys need anything else?
Idea for Michael
crichton - type novel.
Members of antarctic
research station attacked
by mutant penguins.
Wait a minute, what was that?
Uh, just an idea
I was working on.
Just uh-
who was that author?
Michael crichton.
Michael chrichton.
Pretty well known author.
Just members of a research team
attacked by mutant penguins.
We have one rule in this house.
Whatever Colette
wants, Colette gets.
Aw thank you, honey.
If she wants an
audi s4, no problem.
I did, I did.
Credit cards? How many?
Her own business? Done.
An agent?
Call it serendipity,
karma, whatever.
But it just so happens
that very well known
literary agent David kelleher-
so known. He is so known.
I just-
And guess who's coming in
tomorrow to see doctor
Alan mooney for an eye
exam and new glasses?
It's not me.
It's Donald.
Callahan-no, David?
David kelleher.
David kelleher.
Anyway what am I
supposed to say to her?
Oh Christ, he says
it's pedantic.
Dr. Alan mooney.
I'll call you back.
I'll call you back.
I know. Big fan. Big fan.
Come with me, please.
They're doing a little
documentary about
my writing group.
Just act natural.
So David, what brings
you hear today?
Near sighted, far sighted.
I do need a prescription
on the reading.
Ok focus on the
"e" for me there.
Obviously you read a lot.
I know that.
You've been getting
any headaches?
Let's see here. Let's see here.
Ok let's do a basic
eye examination.
Read that first line
for me please, David.
But anyone can identify
simple letter and numbers.
Let's see how you do reading
a more challenging text.
Natasha the Russian peasant
dressed oh so slowly.
Consumed totally,
completely, absolutely
by endless thoughts of Yuri.
Isn't that great writing?
My wife collete wrote that.
The patients just
love reading it.
It's from her new
novel niet, not yet.
I wonder who that could be.
Hi honey.
Oh my goodness.
I'm so sorry to intrude.
Oh gee Colette.
This is a huge coincidence.
We were just talking about
you and here you are.
Where are my manners?
Colette, David kelleher.
David, Colette
mooney, the writer.
Oh my goodness, it is
such a pleasure, David.
Actually Colette is the one
who wrote this beautiful prose
you've been reading.
Honey, I can't believe
this coincidence.
Yes, I was just dropping the-
oh yes, thank you. Thank you for
dropping that buy.
Say honey, David has just been
reading the first page of yours.
You wouldn't happen to
have any more of that
opening chapter would you?
We're in luck because I think-
say, how 'bout that?
How 'bout that?
Woah that went very well.
Yes, poodles very.
Although he did seem in a
hurry to leave, didn't he?
The sooner he can begin reading.
I'm holding a copy of my book
that you people sent me,
and there seems to be
some kind of a mistake.
Well, you put a dog on the front
cover, instead of a lion
like we agreed upon.
Right. And let me tell ya
something else.
The back page is in Chinese.
Yes, it's Chinese.
I know Chinese when I see it,
A Chinese assault rifle almost
cost me an eye at hamburger hill
so I know Chinese when I
see it, alright mister?
This is good, Henry.
This is so good.
Yeah, you think so?
Oh yeah.
Do you think it's
ready for the group?
I can't wait to hear what
happens with Scott and kristy.
Those are such great
characters oh thanks.
Thanks. Yeah, I can't wait to
see what happens with them too.
Oh Henry, you'll figure it out.
Hey, uh... you want to take that
drive we talked about?
I um...
I could use some inspiration.
And what in the h-e-double
hockeysticks is chapter eight?
I mean, this-this is about
hormone replacements for women,
and yeast infections, and
braziere sizes
and feminine washes...
How the hell am I supposed to
show this to Mr. Clint Eastwood?
And I want to know what the hell
you are gonna do about it, ok?
Because you sir are dealing
with a decorated veteran.
A decorated combat vet-
yes, I'll hold.
I have to iron out of
a few things.
Very common in the
publishing world.
What really matters here is
that John k butzin is
finally a published author.
Long overdue and well deserved.
butzin. John k butzin.
So who lives here?
Richard broadwell.
Oh, the writer you like.
Reading Richard broadwell makes
me want to be a better writer.
He's that good.
I haven't really read any of
this stuff, but nice house.
Well here we are.
North Hayworth Avenue,
Hollywood California.
Ok, big clue time.
Sheilah Graham.
Oh yeah.
Sheila Graham.
Who was Fitzgerald's lover.
And Fitzgerald died right
here on December 21st, 1940.
Wait, wait wait. Fitgerald?
He's the one who
shot himself, right?
F. Scott Fitzgerald.
He wrote the great gatsby.
Come on, you know.
Gatsby. He believed in
the green life.
The orgiastic future.
The year by year-
I didn't read it.
Come on.
Can we just, like, turn
these off for a second?
Why? What's wrong?
I just...
I have never read
the great gatsby.
Henry, I didn't
go to college, ok?
I mean, I've heard of Hemingway
and twain, somewhere, but I
don't have the smarts and
the education that you do.
I haven't read all
these incredible novels.
My stories, they just
come from my heart.
So tell me about this book.
Gatsby is about social position.
It's about the American dream.
How um...
Actually it's really simple.
Boy meets girl.
Boy loses girl.
And boy tries to move heaven
and earth to win girl back.
And it's your favorite?
So how does it end?
Does boy get girl?
I'll give you my copy.
You can find out for yourself.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Great book.
Oh my gosh.
I really needed this break.
Thank you, Henry.
Oh no problem, no problem.
It was a lot of fun.
I'm beginning to feel
a lot of pressure.
There's a lot riding
on this first book.
You know, riding, not writing.
There's obviously writing.
There's a lot of
words I have to write.
Hannah, the book's
going to be great.
Sleeping on the moon is
going to be a huge hit.
You're going to be the toast
of the literary world,
and I will come to your big
mansion in Beverly hills
and deliver you pizza.
Beverly hills, I wish.
It's gonna happen.
You're sweet.
It was such a fun day.
Yeah, it was really fun.
And this is awesome.
You're going to enjoy that.
I promise.
You're the best, Henry.
No distractions.
Writing comes first, ok?
It was the best day.
See ya.
Alright, who's
turn is it to read?
Oh um no...
Thanks, I don't have
anything new tonight.
So somebody else can go ahead.
I changed them again and uh,
I'm just not ready, so...
But Henry honey it's been weeks.
I know guys, and
I'm really sorry.
I just can't seem to get
it focused and on the page.
Come on obert, don't
be such a tool.
Get to writing.
John, he has writer's block.
What's so hard, bro?
You've got two characters.
Scott and kristy.
Well that's kind of the problem.
I think the story is changing.
How so?
Lately I've been feeling like
there's something much richer
and deeper there, like um...
Scott and kristy
becoming closer.
Henry, kristy is a wealthy,
beautiful Beverly hills author,
I mean how much closer
can they get, honey?
Ok... but uh follow me,
if you guys can.
Let's just say
something happens.
And it forces kristy into
an epiphany where she
realizes that her feelings run
much deeper now for Scott
than she first realized.
Nah, don't buy it.
Is this Scott who is wanting
this relationship to go farther?
Because I honestly...
Maybe it's just me...
But I can't see kristy
being the one to...
Hannah hon, I mean, girls point
of view, what do you think?
Wow, I guess I never
thought of them that way.
I think it's always
been a friendship, so...
Nothing more.
I'll, uh, try to have something
new on paper for next time.
Wait, what?
I had some extra.
Ok wait, how much?
See ya.
Bye John!
Five hundred?
Ok, but if I loaned you that
money, than I wouldn't have it.
I just thought since you got
that big advance, you know, you
could help a fellow writer out.
I'm good for it,
Hannah, of course.
I know, it's just...
It's bad luck to loan money.
So than just give it to me.
Thank you so much, Hannah.
Thanks, Colette.
Thanks for coming.
Absolutely ok, we'll
see you next week.
How much do you need William?
Five thousand.
Thanks for, uh, everything.
Today is a big day in my life.
Roaring lion is being
posted on Amazon. Com.
Now all books, your
fiction, your nonfiction,
they're all ranked by sales.
Obviously everybody
wants to be number one.
But they say that a book is
selling well on Amazon if
it's in the top five thousand.
Sigrid honey, it's time
to run it up the flagpole.
Two million, four hundred,
seventy two thousand,
eight hundred, and ninety-nine.
Tom Clancy.
How am I doing?
I'm ok, I guess.
There's a lot of interest
for the movie rights for
sleeping on the moon, so yay!
Oh no, I don't dare
tell the group.
If they find out about the
movie deal, I don't know.
I'm just sensing a little
jealousy already,
so it could be kind of awkward
if they found out.
Please come home, Michael.
Why would you want
to marry me, kyra?
I barely graduated high school.
Michael, I don't care about
some silly college degree.
You are the most intelligent
person I've ever known.
You are my shining star.
Ok, uh...
Come on guys. I really
value your opinions.
I mean we're all in
this together, right?
So, Colette, did the
new scene work for you?
The new scene?
It um...
Uh, well gee...
This is being published.
This is gonna be published.
Well my editor needs rewrites,
so am I on the right track, or?
Of course you are, Hannah.
Of course you're
on the right track.
I mean, you got the
deal, you got the check.
You're the first one
to be published so...
You know, I think what I'm
hearing from the group
is that you're fine.
We love it.
There's just nothing
to critque here.
You don't need us...
Oh yes I do.
I mean you need us,
but in terms of...
I'm just not sure how
we would make it better.
Oh um...
A little quiet over there.
What do you think of it?
Actually I think that
it's really good.
It's great.
Um, there are a couple things
that I would point out.
Little things, like
for instance-
holy Douglas mccarther.
John, Henry was talking.
Hollywood decides to go
sleeping on the moon.
First time scribe Hannah
rinaldi prepped by soho
has just thanked a
six figure movie deal.
Meant to tell you
that today, so...
Just forgot.
Thanks John.
Six figures.
Idea for novel.
Perhaps screenplay.
The amazing doctor ecklebert.
Eye doctor turned crime fighter.
Ladies man.
Alan, hey.
I just stopped by to read
some of Colette's pages.
Swing time, baby-
hi poodles, what are you
doing home?
William, what are
you doing here?
Alan, baby, it's just research.
Hannah's been avoiding me.
She's not responding to
emails or voice messages.
She's always really
busy these days.
Always has an excuse.
Things have definitely
changed between us.
Though I did get to go over
to her house for dinner.
She was in New York with her
publisher, but Maureen
and I had a lovely time.
Yes, you noticed I
replaced my photo.
I may be replacing
other things here soon.
I was simply using
William for research.
I mean, you saw... you know...
And speaking of rejection
three more letters saying niet.
Niet. Niet. Niet.
Oh, including one from
David kelleher.
David kelleher.
I knew I should have
given him a massage.
Once again I was wrong.
What a surprise. Huh?
Rejection sucks.
It sucks!
This is a big day for
John k. Butzin.
Yes. It's my first
official book signing.
Of course it would've been
better if it was held
at an actual bookstore,
but let's face it,
they're dropping faster
than Charlie at dak to.
Since sigrid works at a
hardware store, they're gonna
let her favorite author
sign a few books.
More than a few books.
Many, many books ya?
Ya strudel.
Many, many books.
Attention shoppers.
Famous author Mr. John k butzin
signing new best seller
at front of store.
John k butzin.
Also special today in
plumbing department.
Ballcocks, two for one.
All customers guaranteed for
to be satisfied, ya.
Oh, sorry.
Sorry, strudel.
Looks like John k butzin
is shooting blanks today.
Author, author!
There he is!
Look at this. The
cavalry has arrived.
Thank you.
John, we would never
miss your signing.
Congratulations, John.
Book signing!
Thank you. What a nice
surprise this is.
Where's the, uh,
bukowski wanna be?
I think he's gonna... he
said he'd meet us later.
Kids a big turd anyway.
Never cared for him.
Maybe he is. Maybe
I should go check.
Maybe you should.
This is in Chinese.
Oh, the international
edition, ya.
Yeah. It's uh...
We're breaking with that first.
Oh wow.
Is this a dog?
Because it's a lion
in the title...
You see in the particular
province in China
where we're breaking...
The dog replaces the lion.
Oh, of course.
Alan, open the champagne.
Come on. You can
open it any day now.
Yep. I'm right on that honey.
That hardware store
manager told me that today
was their most successful
book signing ever.
I don't know how many other
book signings they've had,
but he says mine was
the most successful.
One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight,
nine, ten.
Eleven books-
She used one to
prop open the door.
Ten books.
Ten books. That means
there's ten families in
California who have books
written by melville,
Hemingway, Clancy, and butzin.
It's a humbling thought.
I've made an important
decision as group leader.
I've decided to ask
William to leave the group.
Now it has absolutely
nothing to do with
that incident at our house.
I believe Colette.
I believe William.
It has nothing to do with
the fact that I'm now
sleeping in my guest room.
Let's face it.
The kid's a slacker.
No contribution to the group.
Zero. Zip. Nada.
I'm sure he'll be fine with it.
There's no need to be so upset.
I was gonna quit anyway,
ya bunch of losers.
With your stupid recorder,
and your stupid ideas,
and your stupid character names.
And you.
Gi Joe over here.
With your self
published piece of crap.
When are you gonna realize
nobody's gonna make a movie
out of roaring lion?
Just ignore him.
And you know what...
The great Henry o.
Man, you got the gift bro.
The only problem is you've got
your head so far up your ass
over sweet, successful
Hannah here...
Lucky Hannah.
I'm just as good a
writer as you are.
But you sure do look good
in a mini skirt, don't ya?
Hey, that's enough.
I don't need any of you.
I don't need any more of your
pitiful pedestrian feedback.
You've got three goddamn pages.
And they are great
three goddamn pages.
You just don't
appreciate my dedication.
You are a pretend
writer, William.
She's right.
You act the part.
You hit on women, and
you quote bukowski.
But people like bukowski
do the work do the work.
They write. Every day
they write.
And that's your problem.
You don't do the work.
I don't do the work?
Man, that sounds fricking
hilarious coming from you.
When was the last time
you wrote anything?
Hey guys.
Not the sign!
Angry young man.
Oh, Alan.
Ok, uh...
Moving on. Next item.
Richard broadwell is
going to be doing a
book signing next Saturday.
Who wants to go?
I'll go.
Idea for novel.
Jealous husband murders tramp
of a wife and buries her
chopped up body in the backyard.
Mr. broadwell, I just...
Wanna say that.
Mr. broadwell, you've
inspired my writing.
Hi, I'm Henry.
I just think you're
the greatest-
Henry. Henry, let me tell
you something. Ok?
One day, I'm going to have a
book signing just like this.
No, I will not be going to that
book signing for Richard
whatever his name is, ok?
John k butzin, author,
doesn't stand in lines.
No. This-
this soon to be best-selling
author, is spending every
minute, every nickel that
he has on promoting his
own book, roaring lion.
Thank you.
Strudel, would you check
my sales ranking, please?
One million, six hundred,
and forty-four thousand,
nine hundred and seventy-three.
That's great. I mean look at how
far I've moved up already.
Tom Clancy.
Next please.
What's your name?
Sir, your name?
What? Absolutely not.
I'll sue the bastard first.
Thank you.
Yeah, are you kidding me?
Sir, come on, we've got to
keep the lining moving.
Sir, move the line along.
Thank you, sir.
I'm Alan mooney.
Thank you.
You completely cut me in line.
What's your name?
Hi, my name's Colette.
No, you're done, thank you.
Next please.
No, no, no! Damnit, you don't-
I've got to call you back.
I'm actually a writer.
Ahh I knew that.
You did?
How did you? Is it the
glasses? 'Cuz they're new.
It was also, you're giving
off a very creative energy.
You know my pen
began to vibrate.
I think that was part of it.
That's so sweet.
What'd he say?
You know the guy that just held
up the line for five minutes
while he was talking to you.
It was ten. It was
closer to ten.
Oh, no. It was nothing.
We just talked.
He sure seemed to like you.
Look, I told him about my book,
and he started asking questions.
Kind of writer to writer.
Talking to Richard
broadwell was no big deal?
You gave him your phone number.
You guys, look, he reads
more books in a week than
Why would he ever
bother to call me?
Oh my God.
Did she say Richard?
Yeah. Really? Coffee?
I really appreciate the
invitation but it's not
really a great time, so...
Um, yeah you could
call me later.
I will think about it, yes.
Oh my God.
Ok, bye.
That's amzaing.
This is unfair.
This is just... not fair.
First you get an agent,
and then the book deal,
and then the big movie-
please darling-
no, it's not fair.
And now Richard...
What's his name?
Broadwell wants to
have coffee with you.
This happened to
you and only to you.
There's more of us here.
You know, isn't there a way
something, anything...
A cosmic creative crumb
that the rest of us
I don't like what you're
insinuating, Colette.
You know how hard I work
and how devoted I am.
Plus I've been so
supportive of you.
I've encouraged your
writing all along.
But you didn't introduce you
to your agent, do you remember?
I asked him.
He didn't want to meet you.
Hannah has earned her success.
Butt out, Mr. idea man.
You didn't tell me that.
Hannah is a writer, ok?
She devotes herself
%100 to writing.
Not 100% to sleeping
with writers.
Oh dear God, it
was research Alan.
Guys, guys! Come on!
Guys, why don't you
just go on ahead?
I'm just saying
it's not, that's all.
Just, you know, because
there's more of us.
I just simply wanted to say
that I felt that it was unfair.
Let's go, let's go.
Thirteen. Thirteen. Thirteen.
Thirteen. Thirteen.
One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight, nine, ten,
eleven, twelve, thirteen!
I'm a shit for
exploding at Hannah.
I'm really sorry.
Poor sweet, superstitious...
She's so superstitious, I
don't know what that is.
Everybody loves Hannah.
I love Hannah.
She's a good girl.
But you know if Hannah
can do it, then so can I.
You know, we were born
to succeed not to fail.
Who said that? I don't know.
Somebody famous.
Somebody with an agent.
Somebody with an agent,
I'm sure.
And I'll tell you what.
You know, I can't do anything
without an agent, so if
they don't come to me, then
I'm going to go to them.
Your writers block...
It's because you're always
focused on everything else.
You know?
Listen to me, Henry obert.
The writing must come first.
You've got to take all
this passion you have
and put it on the page.
You know?
Forget about everything else.
All you're doing is
wasting your talent.
You know what I mean?
From ze books.
Do you mean that all
of the books at the
hardware store sold?
Ya. Every one.
What did I tell you, strudel?
What did I tell you?
If you write it,
they will read it.
I want you to get some
more books down to that
hardware store right away.
No wait.
Wait a minute strudel.
This is the time
for a book tour.
A big one.
Yeah, strudel. I want you to get
on the phone and I want you
to call every one of those
bookstores and you tell them
that John k butzin,
published author...
Is on his way.
Lock and load, strudel.
Lock and load.
Auf wiedersehen.
Excuse me?
I'm here to see
Lois pepper, please?
Uh yes, no. Unsolicited.
Um, I just need five minutes.
Just one, two, three, four,
five minutes of her time.
If you could just maybe lean
you're head in a little bit, and
say my name is Colette
mooney. M-o-o-n-e-y.
I have a manuscript that
I know she's absolutely,
positively going to want.
I know she is very busy but-
if I have to read one more
vampire novel, I swear I'm going
to drive a stake through
my own goddamn heart.
Harry Potter knockoffs.
People writing about their dogs.
Manuscript, and it has nothing
to do with vampires or dogs-
doctor xiroman, I
can't believe you're here.
How lovely to see you again.
Were you just in
the neighborhood?
He has taken a vow of silence.
Please, please come
in for a second.
My family talks about
you all the time.
You were so helpful
to my sister.
Oh shit.
Can you believe this?
Look at my desk, Dr. xiroman.
Look at it.
It's all crap.
Crap. Crap. Crap.
I hate my job.
I hate my life.
I envy you, Dr. xiroman.
I mean look at your life.
Your work.
You've really helped my sister.
You've helped so many people.
You just have such a positive
message to share.
He does.
Wait a minute.
Positive message to share.
Helping people.
That's it!
Dr. xiroman, you
should write a book.
My novel will have to
wait a while longer.
Niet, Colette, not yet.
But I'll be a co-author.
Well actually I'll be listed
as junior author.
It's not exactly what I
wanted, but at least now I
finally have an agent
and book deal.
Thank you.
You're late pizza boy.
Hey, what's this?
Oh don't worry about them.
They're with me, so...
Your total is $19.65, sir.
There you go.
Hey babe, you got a
single for pizza boy?
Thank you.
No distractions.
Writing comes first.
Henry, I...
He is making me a
much better writer.
I'll bet he his.
And how much better of a writer
could he be making you, Hannah?
Why don't you show us?
Who wrote slaughter house five?
Please don't do this.
This could be educational
for all of us.
How about the native
son, or catch 22.
Why isn't enough
that I'm your friend?
Lord of the flies.
Portnoy's complaint.
Ooh, Harry Potter.
I'll bet you know Harry Potter.
Why isn't it enough that
I believe in your writing?
Sophie's choice.
Who wrote that?
Published in the
English language.
It's just not enough that I've
always believed in you.
You never even read
gatsby. Did you?
Didn't even crack
the book, I bet.
At least I'm not delivering
pizzas for a living.
So you've read all
these fancy novels.
My book's being published.
Is yours?
Sorry I'm late.
What have you got there?
New pages.
I am ready to read.
Way to go Henry.
Have a seat right here.
Hello everyone.
Who is this guy?
I have invited my spiritual
advisor, Dr. xiroman,
to join our writing group.
You must be joking, Colette.
No I'm not joking, Alan.
The doctor and I will
soon be published authors.
We have signed with
the Lois pepper agency.
No, you can't do this.
But why not?
Because.. Since William is gone
there is an open space.
We all have to agree
on new members.
I don't care about
your silly rules.
I am the leader of the group.
I am the leader of the group!
And Dr. xiroman is my co-author
and he is joining the group.
He is not.
Yes he is.
Is not.
Is too.
Is not!
Is too!
Stop! Stop!
Um, I just... I have
something I need to say.
Um, I'm leaving this group.
No you can't leave.
Hannah, come on, all for one.
I know, Alan, I'm sorry.
Richard is going to be
mentoring me now, so...
And today is the twenty second,
so, you know, two and two
equals four and you know four is
one of my luckier numbers...
Oh gosh.
I'm quitting this.
I'm sorry, Alan.
You're just doing this to
upstage the fact that
we've landed an agency.
Yes, this is what it's
all about, isn't it?
The spotlight's always on
little miss sunshine over here.
With her agent and her book
deal and her movie deal,
and her new iPad.
Didn't miss that!
I got a news flash
for all of you.
John k butzin is
saying sayonara.
This group has done
nothing but stifle the
creativity of a certain writer.
What's going on with you two?
He thinks your writing's crap.
Oh really?
Oh who cares what this phony
balogna whatever he is says
about anything, alright?
Because there is a certain
Mr. Clint Eastwood.
He's gonna see my writing.
He's gonna see my writing
when I go on the-the tour.
You know what, I'm
done with all of you.
As far as I'm concerned,
you're all a bunch of pussies.
Pussy, pussy, pussy,
pussy, pussies.
Get out.
As the leader of this group,
I've determined your actions are
contrary to our stated purpose.
Get out.
You can not throw me out, Alan.
Then go to your room
and take him with you.
Won't be the first guy.
Well we certainly will
have a lot to talk about
You go by yourself. I am done.
It's just like Alan
to finish first.
I told you it was simply
research, poodles.
I don't understand how all
this could happen. Just...
Idea for novel.
Here, take it.
Maybe you can use some of
my ideas in your novel.
Henry, wait.
Henry, I-I wanna read that.
Henry, do you think we could
talk for just a second?
Henry, wait!
Henry, Henry.
I'm sorry.
Strudel shipped out.
She wanted to stay, but uh...
I just didn't have time
for a relationship...
Especially not now, you know?
With the way my book
is selling, you know?
She uh...
Well she was collateral damage.
Hated it.
Just hated it.
What a dame.
She had the smarts of my first
wife, the body of my second,
and thank God she wasn't
anything like my third wife.
Yeah, I did the right thing.
Yeah I did.
But now, all that matters is
that the roaring lion
book tour is about to begin.
And I can't wait to hit the
road, and meet the good people
of this great nation.
Good American people.
Isn't it exciting? Wah!
I'm so nervous.
It's crazy.
I don't really actually
know half the people here.
Most of them are
Richard's friends.
There he is.
Over there.
Nobody's shown up from
my old writing group.
Not one.
I guess I shouldn't
really be surprised.
I haven't heard from
anyone in months.
Ha. Well you just keep asking
me that, don't ya?
That's funny.
Yeah, no I still
can't think of one.
I'm going to go over there.
Hey you.
Thank you so much for coming.
Thank you.
Ok, hi, how are you?
Thank you so much for coming.
So sweet. Thank you.
Thank you, thank you.
Oh my God.
Oh gosh, thank you.
I can't believe you came.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
You're the only one who
came from the group.
I just can't believe
you came to my signing.
Well it was hard to miss.
With that article
about you in people magazine.
I just wanted to come by and,
you know, see you and
tell you congratulations.
I'm really happy for you.
Thank you.
Hello, how are you?
Hannah, please come back.
Your public.
So, I'll let you get
back to it, huh?
Please stay.
No, Hannah, I can't.
I got a date...
With a flight attendant, so I
shouldn't keep her waiting.
Ok, well I guess you can't stay.
I'm sorry.
Just wait here for one second.
Hold on.
Oh Hannah.
I want you to have this.
Please take it.
Do you want to say
hello to Richard?
Come on Hannah.
Well your public awaits.
You better go greet them?
Come here.
You look beautiful you know.
Hannah, we really do need you.
Oh gosh.
Richard, Henry. Henry, Richard.
Big fan.
Well I did it.
I went to Hannah's book signing
and I congratulated her.
And supported her.
Writer to writer.
She dedicated her
book to me just like
she said she was gonna.
To Henry obert.
My forever friend.
Love Hannah.
It's nice.
This is why I love LA.
True story.
A guy delivers a pizza
to my house one night.
The very next week my wife has
someone in to clean the carpets.
Guess what.
Same guy.
Small world, isn't it?
So we get to talking.
He tells me his name's
Henry, the writer, who
just finished a manuscript.
Offers a discount on the
carpets if I'll read ten pages.
Now I liked his thinking.
So I read ten pages.
Now I want to read ten more.
Before I knew it, I'd
finished the entire book.
Fresh voice, interesting
characters, and that ending.
The washed up impotent
novelist gunned down by the
jealous underemployed
pizza delivery man.
I mean this kid nailed it.
It is on the page.
You know what I mean?
So I want to sign
Mr. Henry obert.
Get pizza to go out there.
I predict a best seller.
Probably a movie too.
I'll call him with
the good news.
Or maybe I'll just
order a pizza.
Oh thank you very much.
You're welcome.
F Scott Fitzgerald.
Love, love, love his stuff.
Yeah. You know Fitzgerald?
"Gatsby believed in
the green light.
The orgiastic future that year
by year recedes before us.
It alluded us then,
but that's no matter.
Tomorrow we will run faster.
Stretch out our arms further."
I love that.
He died here, you know?
December 21st, 1940.
I go by there sometimes.
The place on Hayworth?
Is that weird that I do that?
I don't know,
people think I'm weird.
Do you write?
I'm actually thinking of
joining a writing group.
Imagine that. We
both like Fitzgerald.
So, what is this? Some sort of
reality show or something?
Oh um, it's a documentary.
Wow, that's interesting.
What's it about?
It's about...
Excuse me. Wait, wait, wait!
Hi. One more thing.
Remember that question you were
asking me about my favorite
writer, and I never
had an answer.
Well it turns out
that I do have one.
Henry obert.
He is a great writer.
In fact.
He's a best selling author.
I knew him when.