Awful Nice (2013) Movie Script

Can I borrow that for a second?
[Breaking glass]
Sup stupid?
So dad...
Like, dad, dad?
Like our- like our dad?
Who else's dad would I
be talking to you about?
That's nuts.
When's the funeral?
In Kansas City, which
means we have to leave...
Wait, did you say tomorrow?
- Yeah.
Oh, I can't go to that, dude.
What do you mean? Yeah you can.
No I can't. I have a lot
of shit going on here.
I can't just leave
everything, ok?
Ten minutes ago you were
passed out in a wigwam.
Yeah, well... no
it wasn't a wigwam.
Name one thing that
you have to do.
Like tomorrow?
Well tomorrow is kind
of more of a setup day.
But I've got a lot
of things to...
If I named it, you wouldn't
understand it because...
It would- they're so
long-range that you wouldn't
understand how they work.
Just name one thing. One thing.
I'm getting a bird tomorrow.
I'm getting a bird. I can't
have the guy drop the bird
off tomorrow and me not be there
Yeah, I'm being
extremely serious, dude.
It sounds like it's
not a big thing...
That doesn't count, Dave.
That's not...
Dude, I appreciate this
whole thing about you
And don't think it doesn't
touch me right here, dude.
But... bottom line,
I just can't go.
I'll give you a hundred
and fifty dollars if you
get in my car right now.
Let's go.
Hey dude, get dressed.
We got to meet mom and
Michelle at the steak-
get out of my room!
It's my room too, Dave.
You left and now
it's my room, ok?
Yeah, that's not how it works.
That's kind of exactly
how it works. It's called
the case of finders versus
keepers, and you're not involved
what are you looking for?
I'm looking for my Alonzo
mourning rookie card.
And please get out, because
I'm trying to find it and
your gonna screw up my
whole process.
But that's not why I want the
card. The card's worth like-
where the hell are my avs
You're avs posters are gone.
I took those down.
Why'd you take down
my avalanche posters?
Because the
avalanche suck, dude. Ok?
Redwings are where it was at.
I don't want any
losers on my walls.
Well where'd you put 'em?
I don't- I don't want people
thinking I'm a chelio's fan.
Nobody's gonna mistake
you for a chelios fan, ok.
Dude's a fucking warrior.
You're definitely more
of a forsberg guy.
I think people can tell that.
Please, get out of my room!
I'm trying to help you.
You're trying to bother me
when I'm trying to work.
If I wasn't so scared about
tombstome pile driving you on
top of the card I'm looking for
and breaking it, your ass would
be on the ground right now. Ok?
Dude, an Alonzo mourning card
is not worth a lot of money.
It's gotta be worth at least
ten grand by right now.
I bet you ten grand that
it's not worth ten grand.
I'll be you ten grand that
if you hit me with that
umbrella again, I'm gonna
knock your teeth out.
Oww! Fuck, stop doing that!
So you wanna shove that whole
garbage bag behind the toilet
for like... two weeks, right?
Pop a straw in it, make
sure it doesn't blow up.
There you go, you have
a big bag of wine.
You know it's free, right?
What? Yeah. Just uh...
Saving this for later.
Jeez is that ok?
My dad's dead, and this guy's
being a fucking asshole.
Yeah, last time I saw
Devin he looked horrible.
Devin? Who's that?
Shut up, you don't know 'em.
His hair's falling out.
- Gross.
He's super fat.
- Woof.
Looks like he has a
sunburn all the time.
My two boys!
Oh mom, you found the wine.
Hi mom.
It's so good to see the
two of you together again.
I'm just glad we could
get this guy down here.
I just wish your
father was here to see
how handsome you both look.
He always was so...
It made him so happy to
see his two boys together.
Oh, I'm sorry honey.
I... I'm going to go grab
some of nonna's biscotti.
Can I bring either of
you anything?
I'm good.
- It's fine, thank you.
Bye mom.
Ok, here we go.
I'll tell you what,she's right
though. We do look pretty fly.
You look like an idiot.
You're wearing a
tuxedo to a funeral.
You look like a valet.
It's what you wear to a funeral.
You don't wear a sweater
and like a sweater tie,
or whatever that is, ok?
A sweater tie?
- You wear black.
Hey, you know what time it is?
You're wearing a watch
which is what's fucked up.
Hey, what are you doing?
Hey, what's up?
What's that?
Uh... our inheritance.
Oh, nice. We rich, man?
Not quite. We did get
the lake house though.
Awesome, what else?
Uh, that's it.
Yeah, but apparently
it's worth a fortune.
Great. So I need
you to sign here.
Then I'm going to go down
to branson, talk to dad's
business partner charbineau.
He's gonna sell it for us,
we'll get big checks,
I'll give you yours,
I'll get mine...
Because I need to get
changed before we go.
I'm definitely coming with-
you're not going by yourself.
Dude, you're not coming with me.
You're- I know what
you're trying to do.
Dude, there's no deal. It's
all laid out in the will.
It's simple. We sign it over.
not gonna know what to get,
and what I need, ok?
Oh, all my fucking basketball-
- of value.
All my fucking baseball cards.
- Of value.
My Alonzo mourning rookie card.
I have a game worn belford
Jersey, three or four Simon
games, I don't think you
can even buy anymore.
I don't even think Milton
Bradley makes those anymore.
Six month's later, everything
seems to be ok, right?
No he didn't say I could borrow
the car, but I knew he was gonna
be passed out all day, so
the next thing I know,
I'm getting pulled over.
Whatever. I gotta
couple fake ids.
What's in the trunk? Case of
Antonio menderes cologne.
Stolen. Hot.
Malik told me it fell
off a truck later, I
don't believe that
anyway, I get called in, become
a guest of the state for a
couple months, and uh...
- Stop! Did you see that?
I didn't do anything.
It's an umbrella.
- It's an umbrella.
Bad luck, illegal.
Not- shouldn't be
doing it at dinner.
Why would you do that?
- Are you twelve?
Anyway, what were
we talkin' about?
Horsemilk? You said horsemilk.
I like chocolate milk.
That's why that whole
story came out of that.
Speaking of horsemilk,
where's Matt?
His name's Max.
He's asleep.
He's tired.
He's sleeping?
Does he- is he austistic?
- Why would you say that?
No, he doesn't have autism.
He's four, dude. Little
kids sleep all the time.
It's like they get tired.
They get real tired.
So Dave, where are
you living now?
Because we keep sending you
Christmas cards and you never
why I'm not getting
those. But uh...
In regards to where I live,
I've been kind of on the road.
I've been kind of in and out of
places the last couple of years.
Lot of private security things
that I've been puttin' together.
Yeah, he worked at uh- he worked
at pranks for eight months,
until he accidentally
pepper sprayed himself.
And his partner.
What? No that's a fuckin' lie.
Who told you that?
Hey, watch your mouth.
Alright everyone, I'd like to
propose a toast to Ben brulet.
Not just my brother but
my best friend as well.
I... I don't think there's
anyone at this table who's
life wasn't changed for the
better because of him.
He was a great man.
A great father, and
a great brother.
To the colonel.
What are you doing?
What is that?
Come on.
Are you joking?
Are you crazy?
What are you doing?
Stop that.
What are you trying to prove?
Jim, stop it!
You're humiliating me.
Stop it!
Come on, baby.
You're a fucking snake and
I'm gonna expose you to
the entire family.
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.
You know what you didn't
take into account?
You're humiliating me right now.
Stop it!
I'm crazy.
That's my card!
Give me the card!
No, no!
[All yelling]
Baby, stop it.
Stop doing this!
Oh my God.
Stop! Honey, stop it.
Come on, come on. Get up,
get over here.
Are you boys done?
- I'm done.
Are you boys done?
I'm fine. I'm cool
as a cucumber.
You're bleeding.
You're both bleeding.
You're father would be
in splits right now
if he saw you like this.
What the fuck? What the
hell are ya...?
Did you say something?
Because if you said something,
I wouldn't be able to hear it.
Somebody, like, just
broke my eardrum.
You have to talk pretty loud.
I can't believe you're
married with a kid, dude.
That is so fucked up.
I know.
It's not even like a tiny
person. That's what it is.
If you fuck up showing
him how to be a person,
he turns really fucked up.
That's a lot of responsiblity.
I think about this stuff
all the time, Dave.
Me too, dude, believe it or not.
Yeah, if you would've
hung out with me more...
You know, recently, you
would know stuff like that.
Can we- have a...
Have a sweat lodge sesh?
Uh ok, well that was
called a vision quest.
Totally different thing.
Oh yeah?
I had some deep shit going on.
Because it looked like you were
passed out naked-
That wouldn't have been such a
shock to you, if you had maybe
hung out with me more and
kinda known what I was into.
What the fuck are you
talking about right now?
I'm talking about that
you never fucking...
Had- gave two shits enough to
go find me until you had to.
I don't- I don't feel bad, dude.
I went to college, I got a job.
I'm starting to build a life.
If you want to be part of that,
you can be part of it, man.
But I'm not gonna chase you
down to be your brother.
Well I'm just saying...
Maybe give me a
call once in awhile.
You know, I hate fucking talk
radio though, so we gotta...
I gotta lot of mix tapes
I can bring, but...
You think you're coming
with me to branson?
You really- you honestly think-
I know I'm coming with you.
Like, that? That display
convinced you take you with me?
I'm not trying to convince you.
I don't have to convince
you of anything.
You saw the fucking protocol
that Uncle Mitch gave us.
Half that house is mine.
I'm pretty sure even more
than half after that
arm wrestling display.
I think legally that's
like a binding thing.
You're way more interested in
the law than I thought you were.
I've been around it a lot.
We ruined our dad's funeral.
That's why we gotta
fix this, dude.
This is the perfect
chance to do it.
I don't want the next funeral
we show up to, you to pull
a piece on me or something.
Or a blade.
I have a blade on me.
So dad's dead, huh?
Yeah, dude, dad's dead.
That sucks.
It really- like
it fucking sucks.
It's the worst.
When was the last
time you saw him?
Can we not talk about this?
So this is it, huh?
Yep, two years of my life, man.
Two years.
Gives you that much.
You didn't do any bullshit
double sp- oh yeah.
I don't wanna be a weirdo...
But could you maybe put
your pants back on?
While we're in the car?
Oh I never wear
pants on the road.
You should try it,
man, I'm telling you.
Real freedom of
movement down here.
If you weren't in here, I
wouldn't even have boxers on.
And the car wouldn't be moving.
Good news is I got
a lot of tapes.
I picked up a lot a-
couple of mixed tapes.
Couple of classics I just
brought along anyways.
What the fuck are you doing?
You're- you're ruining
my car with my books.
How am I ruining it?
No, I want you put them
in a bag or something.
Where do you want me to do it?
In your hand. I don't know.
[Mockingly]In your hand.
Haven't you ever eaten
peanuts before?
We'll just do- well...
Do we even have a tape deck?
I don't know if it's the
frequency of the radio, or the
lines running together, I
just get like hypnotized.
full-time passenger for
the rest of the trip.
Oh my God. What are you doing?
What? I'm eating these donuts.
You're eating out
of the garbage?
So, that's disgusting.
What's wrong with you?
They're not touching anything.
They were just on top.
Everything in that bin is dirty.
So it doesn't get all the rest
of this clean stuff dirty.
You ever think that maybe
I'm the way I am because
you made me this way?
You literally have a mouthfull
of trash right now, and
somehow this is my fault?
You know what they
say, one man's trash...
Another man's treasure.
Another man's treasure.
Perfect example.
Hope you get hepatitis.
No way. Iron stomach.
Not a rumble.
Are these hotdog cheeseburgers
more cheeseburgery or hotdogy?
Check it out.
The gal said nobody bought
one in like a week.
Gonna throw them all out.
Total score, huh?
Please get rid of those.
You don't have to tell
me twice, brother.
Mm mm mm.
She wasn't kidding.
I don't know about a week.
C'mon, man! Jesus Christ.
Looks like dad's watch.
Where'd you get that?
It is dad's watch.
He gave it to me.
He gave- like after he
died you stole it from him?
He gave it to me two years
ago when I graduated college?
- Yeah.
Let me see it.
No. It's the only thing I have.
I don't even want a watch.
It's a road trip dude,
we need some tunage, ok?
That's half the
fun of road trips.
A. Taking your pants off.
B. Listening to tight tunes
with your brother.
[Playing recorder]
So you got a kid, you wrote
a book, what else is new?
See summer slam?
It's a roadtrip, we need music.
What are you doing?
I want to listen
to the twins game.
Well I don't, ok?
Well, I don't care.
You're really fucking harshin'
the buzz on this roadtrip.
At least let me buy a discman
and some fireworks over here.
Let me get some
inexpensive headphones.
Your fucking stereo is fucking
sucking up all the juice.
Well, don't wear so many
fucking layers.
I'll wear whatever I want.
It's my car.
I can't listen to music
on my own discman?
I can't do all these
rules anymore, man.
There wouldn't be any rules
if I didn't have to
Just like act like a normal
person for once in your life.
And you're just fucking
laying these rules on me.
I'm trying to be
patient with you.
It's like goddamn Nazi Germany.
You're not allowed to say that.
My wife's Jewish.
Give me the watch.
Dude, you're dreaming.
- I want the watch.
There's no way you're ever
going to get this watch.
Well, I'll take it if I want.
I'm asking you first.
I dare you, I fucking dare you.
Don't touch me, man.
Dude, I'm driving. Come on, man.
Give me the hat.
- Give me my hat back.
Don't fuckin' hit
me again, dude.
Do not fucking hit me again.
Or what? What are you
going to do?
You're breaking like
four rules here.
Let go. Don't fucking...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my
cards are down here, and I know
I had doubles of the zoa card so
you better hope I can find it.
And definitely all
my karate trophies.
I don't remember you
being any good at karate.
I remember kicking
your ass a bunch.
I will give you one percent
of my half of the house
No. You're not getting
the watch, Dave.
Jesus. Look at all this trash.
Maybe there's
squatters living here.
Were you partying
down here, Dave?
Fuck, it's locked.
Uncle Mitch didn't
give you a key?
No, he didn't give me a key.
I bet I can handle this.
[Glass breaking]
Got it.
Now this one's not even
locked I don't think.
[Keys jangling]
Spare key.
Well open the fucking door, man.
Move, dude, I have to
go to the bathroom.
And don't touch my
cards if you find 'em.
Were mom and dad, like,
secret party animals?
I think we have a hole in the
roof or some kind of
water leak up here.
Ah cripes.
This place is trashed.
What are you doing down here?
We have a problem.
I'm trying to turn
the power back on.
I think we have some
pretty serious wasps.
We gotta fuckin' huge skunk
I just saw in the bathroom.
Now to lure it out, we're gonna
usually- we'll usually drill a
hole in the central part of the
house, try and find one of its
young. If it's the mother,
it will follow it out.
Get it right there, ok?
Garbage bag, shovel, smash it,
burn it, eat it,
whatever ya want.
If it's the father, then we got
a whole other set of problems.
Now the skunks are the worst.
Oh dinosaur museum
plus haunted house.
That sounds spooky.
Just one more second.
Have you got some
patience in your pocket?
Could we get a
double for tonight?
Oh a double, let me look
on the computer and
see if we got one for ya.
Yeah, looks like
we're all booked up.
Yeah, convention
in town, I guess.
Really? 'Cuz there's nobody
in the parking lot...
Yeah, I guess the only thing
available is the guesthouse,
but that's where I'm staying.
Yeah so if you guys
wanna come over.
I bet we can all
squeeze in there.
Just you on top of
me on top of him. Right?
It's a joke. I'm jokin' with ya.
I'm jokin' with ya, buddy.
I'm jokin' with ya.
It's fine, it's fine.
Yeah, you can just get any
single possible room in the
We can get ya the honeymoon
suite and that's got a
a built in jacuzzi.
And we got some
champagne on ice for ya.
We got a two foot pyramid of
flavored condoms that we put
I like that, that
sounds pretty good.
No we just want a regular-
the thing about this jacuzzi is
it's an old jacuzzi.
'Cuz I hate these new jacuzzis.
I hate having to break one in.
There's no television.
And there's one bed.
So you guys will have to
cuddle up with each other.
What about the guest house thing
you were mentioning earlier?
I've got four beds, but
I push them all together.
So don't worry though, I
think we can all squeeze
in there if we like.
Can I talk to you
outside for a second?
Do you need help getting
your bags outta your car?
'Cuz I'm a...
...I'm a helpful little helper.
Always a bridesmaid I guess.
That guy was kind of weird huh?
I don't see us beating that
honeymoon sweet deal though.
There's no way that
we're staying here.
You're going back to the
house with the skunks?
I wouldn't suggest it.
Alright, what do you want to do?
[Car speeding past]
Yeah, the guy with the
wonder years haircut.
Sir, may I see your
room key please?
Yeah, sure.
You know what, I think
I left it in my room.
Just tell me your room
number and I'd be happy
to go to the front desk and
make you a new one.
I don't have a room number.
Because I don't
have a room here.
I'm stealing this breakfast.
Sir, I'm going to
have to ask you leave.
Ah fuck.
What are you doing?
What the fuck are you doing?
- What are you doing?
I woke up, you were gone.
You were trying to
fuckin' leave me.
I got you a fucking
breakfast, dude.
Get in the car.
Fuck you.
[Honks] Get in the car.
[Hiss of airbag inflating]
What the fuck?
How did this place get so messy?
I don't know what you're
talking about man.
It looks the same to me.
What, are you blind?
Mom and dad were neat freaks.
This looks like homeless
people lived here.
Well if they were living here,
then they wouldn't be homeless.
Well, I don't know... you're
living here and you're homeless.
Well, you're here...
You're brain stopped
working there for a second.
Oh, check it out, dude.
Found dad's old bowlng ball.
Think it still works?
Um, I'd assume so.
Alright, all this stuff can come
out of my half of the house.
Alright. But just wait until I
get out of the way before you-
- What the fuck dude?
You gotta give me the watch
now because I got it first try.
Those are the rules.
- I didn't agree to that.
Gravity test, heads up.
This is how you spot a dude who
just bought a jet ski, alright.
He's sitting like this.
He's sitting like this, alright?
You want your center of
gravity all the way back.
You want your butt
almost in the water.
This is for cigarrettes,
whatever, kegger, anything.
That's what you
wanted to show me?
Come on man, we're
gonna be late.
Let's go meet charbineau.
You know him too. You've met
him like fifteen times.
I don't know this guy. I've
never met this guy before.
He's been dad's business
partner your whole life.
You've met him like
twenty-five fuckin' times.
No, that's not true.
Yeah, it is.
Unless... wait, is he?
He's not like a big, giant
puerto rican guy, is he?
Ok, I thought it
was somebody else.
Who was that guy dad
used to hang out with?
That puerto rican guy.
That's not this
guy, are you sure?
I don't think you're
thinking of dad.
Well I know what dad looks like.
Do you?
I think you want to
go mezzanine first.
Do mezzanine level first.
- Can you just stop?
Do mezzanine level first,
then check in,
and then, were gonna...
- Stop, Dave.
Did you hit it?
We'll check in and then we'll...
That was a cheap shot, man.
Fuck you.
Buggy, it's me.
I... I want early bird and
elmo mo mo in the third.
Ten large. No ten large.
Each. Alright, bye bye.
Well, well, well.
You had me worried you two.
Your little tussle
the other night.
Look at ya. Look at ya.
Just a little
brotherly competition.
Ah good.
- Which I won by the way.
What business do we have
here today, gentleman?
We're just signing some papers
and picking up some cash
I think.
Slow down there chief.
Not quite that simple.
Now I'm not sure if you've
seen, but it's not exactly
in it's best condition.
It needs to go through a
little restoration process.
It's... let's see
what we got here.
Yep, alright. There you go.
Roof damage. A couple of
walls need retouching,
new furnace, switchboard,
uh pest control.
It shouldn't be a
problem to take care of.
Just a couple weeks
worth of work.
We were sort of under the
impression that we'd show up,
sign it over to you, get
some checks today possibly.
Uh, I could try to sell
it for you the way it is.
The bigger problem, is that
the off season just started,
so noone's looking to
develop right now. But uh...
We know you have nowhere
to go, but I have a job.
Do we have a plan b?
Well, the contractor can get
this baby looking brand new.
Couple weeks worth of work.
Uh, that might be your best
bet unless you want to, uh,
ride it out until spring.
Two months doesn't
sound too bad.
You need to stop talking.
We're not going to do that.
Sounds like to me hiring
up a crew is the next step.
Now I can make recommendations.
Or I could put the whole
thing together for you.
Alright, alright, what kind
of rip do you get on that?
We use your goons, you
get a kick back of what?
20 percent?
That's the scam? Ok...
That might work on these
yokels here, asshole.
But I've been rolled
enough to see it coming.
I see you coming, and I
see right through you.
I think what my dumb brother's
trying to say is we appreciate
your help, we're not really
in the position to bring
What's this? What
are you doing here?
What, you give me a hundred,
I give you two hundred?
Is this the cup in the ball?
I don't know what's
going on here.
Jim, can I talk to you
outside for a second?
Yeah. Come here. I have
to talk to you outside.
Me and you, fixing
the house together.
No. Absolutely not.
Alright, listen. Hear me out.
Listen, listen!
I know how to do all the stuff.
I'll do all the floorplans.
I'll write- I'll make
the blueprints myself.
Dude, we don't know how
to fix a fucking house.
I know how to fix houses. I
fixed houses for two years.
Oh, when did you fix
houses for two years?
Tulsa? You mean when you
were working at a zoo?
Yeah, I worked at a zoo,
building animal-
You were a groundskeeper. You
were a groundskeeper at a zoo.
You picked up dog shit
and fed mice to snakes.
Why would there
be dogs at a zoo?
The whole point of a zoo is
you get to see animals that you
That's your first point?
That's your first point?
Maybe the forty fucking houses
I built after hurricane Katrina
where I volunteered,
because I had to.
Let's assume that you did
know what you were doing.
I don't have time to watch
you dick around trying to
fix a house. I gotta get
back to my life.
My kid and my lady.
You're picking them over me.
I'm not picking
anybody over anybody.
Sounds like your new family
is a little more important
Dude, come on. I don't have an
old family or a new family.
I have a family.
But they need me now.
If you won't do it
for me, do it for dad.
That's not cool.
Don't fucking say
shit like that.
If you're not doing it
for dad, do it for me.
Well John, Dave and I were
talking outside and I think...
I think we're gonna take this
renovations on ourselves.
Is that a fact?
Sure is.
Well, I'm not gonna
try and stop you.
But... if I was a
betting man, and I am.
I'd bet my balls that you don't
get passed the front door.
Oh is that so? Well I
got news for you, John.
I fixed that door last
night actually, so...
And that's a fact.
I can fix that. I can fix that.
Fix that real quick.
Nothing wrong.
Probably fine.
You know what, we'll
put that on my tab.
We'll get a tab going.
We'll put that on the tab.
Boy you two, you remind
me exactly of your father.
Ah now he's trying
to get into our head.
That's it, that's it.
You boys go do what
you need to do.
I'll be here if you need me.
How does that sound?
In the meantime...
Your father had me put together
a little nest egg for you.
There's a lot of
money here, man.
He planned well for a rainy day.
This is for the door.
Well played kemosabe,
well played.
Dude, I guarentee that guys
crew is the Russian mafia.
He was talking about a
construction crew, dummy.
Russian mafia, dude. That's
what I'm telling you.
They shang hai 'em by the dozen.
They ship them in by
the boatload, man.
We do not want to get
mixed up with that shit.
Plus, we're gonna save
a shitload of money.
It's an awesome brother project
to do together which is like
the reason we're down here.
the car. I'll get the supplies
right now and come back.
- Why? Just killing two birds-
I'm not going to let
you drive my car.
- 'Cuz you're a crazy person.
No, I'm not. I know what to-
do you wanna go?
No. I gotta-
you download your blogcast and
I'll go do the real work.
Dude, this is a
pretty involved thing.
I feel like we should-
- I've walked around.
Shouldn't we like
talk to a guy or something?
Yeah, we're the guys.
That's the best part.
Just me and you. We
get to figure it out.
So I'll bring it back and
then we'll get started.
Be careful with my car.
Dude, you gotta learn
how to trust me, alright?
Alright, you stay here.
Go play minesweeper or
something and I'll be right back
Come on, be careful!
So I think we're gonna
stay down here and
I thought you were just supposed
to go down there and
get the deed and then...
Come home?
Yeah, that's what I thought
too, but this place is
actually kinda trashed, and I
think Dave wants to do it
Yeah, I know, but I haven't seen
him for awhile and we spent a
lot time down here growin' up.
I don't know, I just-
I can't explain it.
You... can't fix a house, Jim.
I'm sorry. You couldn't
even fix a drain when it was
just clogged with hair.
Yeah, I know. But this place
means a lot to me.
I want to do this we got
all our old stuff here.
It should only be a couple days.
Why don't you just hire
somebody to do that...?
Dave won't sign the
deed unless we do this.
Plus, this is like the last
thing I'll ever do for my dad,
so I want to do it right.
Dave, you were gone for three
hours and you bought beer
instead of supplies.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Dude, I got a shitload
of supplies in the car.
Check it out, man.
What is all this shit?
Party pad.
No, that shirt- that is the
ugliest shirt I've ever seen.
I found them outside some
like old folks' home, so...
Look, we're not here
to make a party pad.
We're here to fix what's broken
and get the fuck out of here.
I've been working all day.
Getting all this stuff.
I need this money, David.
You want a cowboy hat?
No, I want this money.
I'm down to fix the house too.
Why can't we have
a little fun too?
I see what you're lookin' at.
Guess how much that was.
I don't want to.
- Guess.
I don't want to.
- Nine hundred bucks.
You paid nine hundred dollars-?
For virtual cop.
- Yeah, virtual cop two.
There's a certain level of
professionalism that
we expect from everyone here.
And that includes our
associate professors.
Now, I'm sorry about your father
but it's been over a week-
Jim, Jim, Jim.
I'm gonna call you back.
What do you want? What?
They got pretty much
everything we need in there,ok?
I definitely shoulda came here
first. That one's on me.
Awesome. Let's go.
But uh... bad news is they are
closed for some reason.
I thought they closed
at seven, dude?
Maybe... is it like president's
day or something?
Old timey photo place
down the street.
I say we head down there, get
cowboyed up a little bit,
maybe get some tombstone
pics, and have fun.
This whole trips supposed to be
a little bit of renaissance for
a us both, right? Correct?
No, not at all.
I don't see why we
can't do both, alright?
Fix the house but also have
some decent brother time.
Now I say, we take these
envelopes we got from
charbineau. They're full of
coupons and shit for amazing
attractions around town,
have some fun today.
Then we start fixing the house.
No. You can't get
any work done.
The hardware store's closed.
We don't have any supplies.
Work for my job, dummy.
I'm already behind on like
seven different things.
We're doing this together.
No we're not, Dave.
I'm going back to the house.
Give me my keys.
Now I'm thinking...
What I was saying before...
What if you're like Wyatt earp's
like wife who's addicted to
cough syrup. Because I feel
like you're kinda in that
mode right now anyway where
you're kinda being a bitch,
and I feel like I'm gonna
go a little bit more
of a bill Paxton route.
I feel like you're
getting angry right now.
Don't let my jacket
touch the ground.
Alright, now we're talking.
Oh, Jim, check this out.
Glug, glug, glub.
Easy there buckaroo.
I'm gonna need to see some ID
now before I let you go
drinking up all my swill.
I'm just kidding of course.
My name's grant.
How you doin' grant?
Well grant, we both grew up
in Minneapolis matter of fact.
We're brothers.
Ahh, Great Lakes up there.
My son and I drowned
a cat up there once.
You don't say?
- That's right.
are looking to get a couple
pictures taken.
And I'm thinkin' like
third act tombstone.
You came to the
right place, sir.
Let's get you set up.
They better be heavy.
Yum yum, drink up.
We payed ninety bucks for 'em.
These are ninety dollar drinks?
A piece, yeah.
But I mean, they're for
like eighteen people.
So, have you guys had a
chance to look at the menu?
We need like another
minute to-
I think we're good.
I'm gonna do...
Let's do two chicken
almond dings.
Um... three of those
window specials.
I saw a guy eating lo mein
tacos, but I didn't
Yeah, they're on our
very special menu.
For very special costumers.
She's already hooking us up.
I like this already.
For drink wise...
Other then these, just three
Tequila shots,
three orange whips, three beers.
That's it, for right now.
And you?
Oh no, it's for both of us.
We're brothers.
This is my brother.
Oh hi.
I'm Dave by the way.
I forgot to- so rude.
Oh these are beautiful rings.
Are those mood rings?
I can tell because you
look so happy.
And you are?
You have really nice hands.
I'm actually married so, uh...
Oh, me too.
Hey me too. We're all married.
No you're not.
I'm gonna get your food order
and deal with some other
costumers. I will be back.
Enjoy these drinks.
See you soon.
Thank you, bye.
Dude, what the fuck
was that all about?
You talking about
being married and shit?
Like she doesn't wanna know-
she didn't ask you that.
She doesn't care about that, ok?
Me and her had a thing going.
You jumped in and tried to
get in on it too,
Ok, first off, she was
flirting with both of us.
No, first off, she was
being polite to you.
We had a flirt going, and you,
you kind of snuck in and she
felt kind of obligated because
this is like her job to like
make the costumers happy.
You know that girl's a hooker,
Sorry. That was inappropriate.
That just shows what
my feelings are.
You talk about a guy's
girl like that...
I just had no idea that you
had such a thing for hookers.
She comes to this country from
Russia to try to make a living
for herself and you are
belittling her-
she's totally British.
She's not... I know what
Russian girls sound like.
You are the dumbest
person I've ever met.
She's Russian doing
a British accent.
You think she's a Russian
non-hooker, and
she's a British whore.
Let's just drop it.
She's a whore.
I'll do one for my
wife and one for me.
I love facial hair.
Facial hair is so sexy.
Let's do one before I go.
I'd grind you up and
turn you into a hotdog.
To your wife.
I feel like we're really putting
this in progress tonight.
Ebony and ivory go together...
Who am I?
Stevie wonder.
Ray Charles.
I don't smell like an idiot?
This is Louie ck, man.
Well. Good shit.
Haha, look at these guys.
What, this guy ever make
out with a girl before?
Look at him.
He's fumbling around.
Yeah, that's a joke.
She's not that hot.
Yeah, get it buddy.
Grab her ass.
Grab her ass. Finish.
business in an alley way.
What the fuck?
How did a Latino bean and
broccoli turtle
end up in branson?
What happened to you?
I just got my ass kicked.
I told you that
girl was trouble.
It wasn't her.
It was these guys.
Those guys?
Well I guess we should get rid
of your karate trophies 'cuz...
Me and my brother need
to tell you a secret.
Come here real quick.
We just want to
bury the hatchet.
What are you doing, Dave?
Jim, we'll figure it out.
We always do.
No, we never do.
Now, what I don't understand
is, if these two guys
are from Cleveland,
then where are you-
You boys gonna be
here a long time.
See that?
That's me.
Flying this ship.
Now pick 'em up.
What? No.
That's alright.
The point I'm trying to
make is, I'm in charge.
You understand?
I'm the boss!
Well, well, well.
I see you met my killer.
Y'all be careful, because
I say the word, he attacks.
What's the word?
Did you say it?
Or were you just
telling 'em the word?
I was telling 'em
the word, Bruce.
Alright, 'cuz I just
wanted that word.
He's anxious.
He's hungry to kill.
I want the word.
Just like I'm
hungry for a snack.
He's hungry.
Do you want like a spoon?
That you can eat with?
We got spoons here.
I happen to enjoy
it oyster style.
Are we actually being
charged with anything?
'Cuz legally if you're gonna
charge me with something,
you need to present me
with a police report.
Mm, yeah we got one.
Gonna print out two
copies right now.
Oh I don't actually have it.
Well, y'all don't go nowhere.
Bruce and I'll be right back.
Donna, can you print out
them a police reports?
Smart shit with that
police report, dude.
Not really. I made it up.
It sounded real. Do you
think they know that?
I don't know, but we gotta get
out of here as soon as possible,
because you've already
cost us a day on the house.
Fuck you, give me a
fucking break, dude.
Everything I do is
just so fucking stupid.
And you have, like, so much more
important shit you have to do.
Yeah, I agree.
At least I'm there
when people need me.
Oh, come on.
I had to drive halfway across
the country to take you to your
Oh, now you're the fucking
hero of the family.
You can do whatever
the fuck you want.
Call everbody shitheads.
That's all I'm saying.
Yeah right.
I'm there and you're not.
When have I not been there?
A ton of times, like...
That time I went to rehab.
Remember? Remember that?
I was- I was like- I was having
some problems and you know mom
and dad were there, and a couple
of other people were there,
You know, everyone
was there but you. You know?
You had some- you had some kind
of desimination you had to do.
Yeah, and that's like a
book report kind of thing.
It sounds like a really
important book report.
Yeah I've got a fucking
book report to do. Whatever.
The time I got arrested.
Remember when I got arrested?
Mom and dad were in Europe.
Boy, I got real comfy
in that jail cell.
Nobody came and bailed me out.
Nobody showed up.
I was on a writer's fellowship.
I'm- I'm just being
such a shithead. I should
have known that you were on
some writer's fellowship...
I'm sorry I missed all your
fucking fork in the road
moments, Dave, but it looks
like there's gonna be a
milion more... [banter]
Well, well, well.
It ain't looking too good, boys.
It turns out one of you's
got a warrant in Springfield.
The other hasn't payed
taxes in years, so...
I, I put a call in to the
governor to see if I could get
you extradited, maybe you could
face these charges in the state
without the death penalty...
My hands are tied.
There ain't much more I can do.
You know-
alright, y'all are free
to go. So, uh...
Bruce, I thought we were gonna
sweat 'em out a little bit more.
Yeah, you guys are-
you guys are...
Yeah, ok. It's too late Bruce.
Nonetheless though.
You've each been implanted with
a micro chip so I'm gonna be
monitoring you from here on out.
What are you doing
in dad's office?
Quit dicking around.
No, you're counting change.
You're stealing change.
I'm not stealing change.
Half of that change is mine.
I don't want all the nickles. I
want most of the quarters.
You don't get to have
all the quarters.
Come on, we have to go
figure out where to start.
I know, I know
what we need to do.
I got this list from charbineau.
It's got everything we need
to do to the house on it.
You got a list from charbineau?
Half this shit we can do today.
Well you seemed like you knew
everything that was going on
earlier, so...
We got work to do.
[Breaking glass]
You almost hit me in the
face with a hockey puck.
If I wanted to hit you
in the face, I would've
hit you in the face.
Dude, you and me both know the
best work I do is in the crease.
That's not true. You
weren't ever any good.
Well, if I wasn't any good, why
don't you try and score on me.
So, if I score on you, you have
to go clean the dock right now.
Alright, dude, but if I shut
you down, you've gotta
give me that watch.
Also if you get in my
crease, I will take you down.
Ok? I'm not gonna
apologize for that.
That's just an
instinct, alright?
From years of goal tending.
Number two, do not
aim for my throat.
Oww, I'm not ready yet. Stop!
I'm not ready. I'm not.
I gotta get set you fuckin' wad.
'Cuz I just fucking scored, bro.
Now I'm ready. Try again.
Let's go. This is the
one that counts.
Nice work, dipshit.
Ok, that one's coming
out of my half.
They're open, dude. Don't worry.
This guy's selling churros. I
might try and check that out.
But uh, yeah...
Hey where're you going?
Welcome to the store.
May I help you?
Uh yeah.
Do you have wasp spray?
All of our insecticides
are on aisle five.
Cool, thanks.
You guys still close at three?
Seven to seven every
day, rain or shine.
What about yesterday?
Rain or shine. Seven to seven.
Every day.
Alright, thanks man.
What's up, what's up?
What are you all
mother fucker's doing?
Ah, I'm just playing. I'm
just playing. What's up?
Wow, divorce?
Yeah, yuck.
Actually it's not bad 'cuz
I'm not miserable now, so...
You, you have a baby.
I know, right?
Wow. I'm so happy for you.
Jim, you're not going
to believe this shit.
Next door, laser tag place?
Looking for supplies
for the house.
Ended up getting jumped by a
bunch of construction workers.
Can you believe that shit?
Yes, actually I believe it.
Lauren Kennedy, do you
remember my brother, Dave.
Hey. What's up?
- Hi.
We went to camp together. Her
parents had a trampoline.
You guys used to bone
down, didn't you?
We used to date, yeah.
You did- you took her virginity.
That's fucked up, dude.
Actually I took his.
For the record.
Wait, what happened to you?
You got jumped outside?
I got like, just got hit
by a motorcycle actually.
It was pretty crazy
but I'm totally fine.
I'm good.
Out front, yeah. It just clipped
me. But... everbody's ok.
Oh my God.
He's an idiot.
Where are your shoes?
Oh, lost 'em in the crash.
That's crazy.
Pop right off.
You didn't go pick 'em up?
I'm fine though.
I'm cool, I'm cool.
He might be kinda fucked up.
How long are you guys here for?
A couple days.
Ok, well if you want to
catch up more, or whatever...
Great yeah.
Nice to see you.
I did not get jumped.
Bye, nice to see you.
Hope you feel better.
How many times have you been
beat up the last few days?
You got her number. Help
you get over your wife.
Uh, I don't need to get
over my wife, dummy.
Don't you hate her
though, or something?
I'm probably thinking
of somebody else.
Man, it's fun being
back down here, right?
Did you lie to me about the
hardware store being closed?
The guy at the counter said that
they were open the other day.
Well maybe that dude was lying,
you ever think about that?
Dad was always our coach, man.
Football, baseball,
hockey, karate.
anybody else teaching his kids
how to do anything.
Yeah, we gotta find these
karate uniforms, dude.
You really think your old
gi's gonna fit you smart guy?
No, I bet dad's will
though, you fucking moron.
Uh, you might want to call your
karate association, 'cuz they
might not be cool with
you upgrading like that.
Check this out.
Mystery safe.
Super cool.
I bet this thing is full
of bear bonds, dude.
A bear bond- it's like in world
war ii, bears were really rare,
and then like, uh, you
could buy like bonds.
I don't think
that's what that is.
I can open this sucker
up, dude. Easy.
See if he can give
us a locksmith.
Dude, then we gotta
cut him in, man.
Actually... I'm not
really used to these.
Alright, that can
come out of my half.
Did you freeze all my shirts?
What are you doing?
Get out of here.
Is that wild things?
Yeah, get outta here!
Are you still going?
Go away. Now!
Are you still going?
Yes, I'm still going. Go away!
Fucking pervert.
I just feel like, I feel like
you're gonna break that window.
I'm not gonna break
that window, ok?
It's a tennis ball, ok?
Don't worry about it.
You throw the ball up.
I hit the ball, hits the
wasp nest, wasp nest falls.
We run, lock
ourselves in the car.
Pull around, run over the
wasp nest with the car.
Killing the wasps, k?
This seems like a
really shitty plan.
It's not a shitty plan, ok?
I've done this four times, dude.
You've done this four times?
Did it work?
Yeah, it worked.
Three times.
What happened the fourth time?
Ball guy fucked up.
Don't screw this up.
Get ready to run, 'cuz these
guys are going to be pissed.
[Glass breaking]
That's coming out of your half.
Fuckin' bat had like pine
tar on it, or something.
You did?
That's awesome.
Hold on, hold on.
What are you...? Stop, stop.
Dude, all I'm saying is- like
irregardless of whether it's a
good idea or not, you
can bet on wrestlemania.
It's just like paying
attention to the characters.
Well, they're not characters.
They're athletes.
Oh, score dude.
Check it out. Surge alert.
Take a rip, dude.
I'll race ya.
You're gonna get sick.
That's like fifteen years old,
and surge is gross anyway.
These are worth a ton. I
shouldn't of fucking drank that.
You didn't open yours. That was
smart, dude. Profit.
You totally overestimate
the collectables market.
Dude, shit is worth
a lot of money.
No, it's not. It's really not.
Oh, shit dude.
This might be a little
more your speed.
Oh dude. Super Jack pot.
What's that?
Party pills.
These are like tranquilizers.
Let's get this
party started, dude.
Dude, these are for Steve
when he got heartworms.
Yeah, they're tranqs dude.
They're like xanaxs.
You just gotta take like...
You gotta get the ratio
of like dog to person.
So like if he needed two,
I'll have like twelve.
It's not rocket science, dude.
Yeah, you're right. It's
like actual science.
You alright, man?
You look fucked up.
I just chugged that
surge too fast.
Shit's like fifteen cups of
coffee straight to the dong.
I'm pretty sure it's
those dog pills.
Want me to take you to the vet?
Iron stomache man, I told you.
Oh hey, I got it.
Check it out. I'm gonna kill
so many fucking wasps.
I'm gonna go kill some,
like, churros real quick.
I'll be right back.
[Cell ringing]
[Home phone ringing]
Jim, what is taking so long?
We're fixing a house.
This isn't easy.
Didn't you say that your dad's
business partner had some
crew that he could hire?
That's gonna cost like
thousands of dollars,
and Dave and I are doing this.
It's like a brother thing...
This isn't an excuse for you to
go run off and, like, live out
your childhood
with your brother.
I'm not reliving my childhood.
I'm doing the best that I can.
I need you do something, Jim.
I need you to take action.
Like what? What do
you want me to do?
Hire the guys, get the
money, and come home.
Yeah, it's right
off seventy-five.
What's up, big brother?
Go on a little nature hike?
Yeah I wanted to
walk around the lake.
You look like you've
had a productive day.
You fix that screen door.
I stole a bunch of this screen
door stuff from this
country club down the street.
He was like... he said he paid
for all this shit that we broke
But I don't know what
he's talking about there.
He also said he wanted to
take us out to dinner tonight.
And I was like, I
don't know about that.
Sounds kinda weird.
They were giving them away.
Can you believe that?
Just like some kind of
jacket giveaway or something.
There was just like a whole room
of 'em just like racked up,
and I'm like, oh awesome.
I took like five.
Did you rob a coat room?
Rob a? No man.
Oh dude, check this out.
That's badass.
I did a bunch while you were
gone doing whatever,
but we got like a ton of work.
I gotta big list.
Is this mine?
That's yours.
This is awesome.
We got two.
It's like Batman and Robin.
Suit up.
We gotta lot of work today.
What the fuck is that?
Hold on, we got intruders.
Hey, asshole.
I'm giving you ten seconds to
get out of my fucking driveway.
Chill out. Chill out, chill out.
I'm giving you ten seconds to
get your piece of shit truck
out of my driveway, ok?
This is my property.
I was over there. I could
not hear you well.
Get your fuckin' goon
squad out of my property.
What is this? What?
He's just joking.
You are very funny.
No, I'm not joking.
Are you Jim?
I'm javier. This is my
associate, Trevor.
I am Ivan.
Why are you, why do
you know these guys?
Because I hired 'em.
For what?
To fix the fucking house.
We don't need any help
with the fuckin' house.
We need so much help!
There's nothing wrong with it.
We have no idea what
we're doing.
We just gotta- branches.
It's not branches.
We don't need four guys...
You should put
him in a birdcage.
So he can keep chirping
to his heart's delite.
I got two chirps for you, ok?
One of them's gonna
be me hitting you.
The other chirp's gonna be
me kicking him in the dick.
What about me.
I'm still here.
Nah, it's not worth it.
Not even worth it, slim.
You want to hit me?
He doesn't want to hit you.
Get the fuck out of here.
Get in the fucking truck-
how 'bout I slap your face?
How 'bout you fucking try it?
Listen, we're doing you a favor.
Woah, hey.
Can I talk to you
inside for a second?
Charbineau got this guy to
give us a hell of a deal
I'm so fucking sick of your
cut and run bullshit, dude.
You're taking something that's
so awesome and special and
you're just fucking ruining
it and I don't know why.
I'm ruining it?
on purpose. Ok?
This guy on the other hand,
can have us home within a week,
checks in hand.
I don't care about that.
I don't trust this guy.
I don't trust charbineau.
You know what, you're on the
chopping block too, buddy.
Why do you have to make
things so much more difficult?
Oh here comes Tim
the tool man Taylor now.
You come to chirp with
us, my little bird?
You got iced out.
Ooh, I feel bad.
What the fuck is going on, man?
Look at him in his
piece of shit car.
That's my car.
It's a piece of shit.
Woah, come on. Watch it.
Hey, do you know where Petra is?
I'm sorry, what?
Do you where Petra is?
I understand English.
Are your pants on backwards?
No, my pants aren't... oh,
maybe, yeah. I drove here.
Why do you drive with
pants on backwards?
I don't drive with my
pants on backwards.
I drive with no pants.
It's this thing
my dad taught me.
You wouldn't understand.
Do you work here?
Yes, but I just got off.
Yes, but why do you
want her and not me.
What are you talking-
why would I want-?
Listen, I just met you.
Is that a joint?
Can you get a joint?
All I'm saying is if you're
gonna hire a bunch of guys
Talk to me about it first, ok?
Why's that so hard.
I'm a grown up.
If you got a problem,
let's talk about it.
Why don't you just apologize to
him and tell him all the things
you're telling me?
It's not that easy, lady.
Why not?
Is it because you're a man?
No, it's because we're brothers
and we're super competitive.
We've been fighting
our whole lives.
I'm smarter than he is and I
think he's starting to realize
that, and that's pissing
him off real bad.
You wouldn't understand.
Why would I not understand?
Wait, is Petra one
of your sisters?
What- what is this
with you and Petra?
You know, I can do whatever it
is that you like that she does.
Don't worry about it.
Just, where is Petra?
I don't know. In Mr.
charbineau's restaurant.
Is that Mr. charbineau?
Hey, that guy is
supposed to be our guy.
You get worked up very easily.
Does everybody in this
fucking town know each other?
Everybody knows Mr.
charbineau, you know?
You said he's at a restaurant?
Oh, you're on time.
Alright, lay down eight
times on the redskins.
Gotta call, bye.
So, what's up?
You look sad.
I got a lot to be sad about.
Do you?
You know, when I
feel that way...
Two things you have to remember.
Know how to party.
Know how to forgive.
Honestly, John, that's the worst
advice anyone's ever given me.
That's what I thought when
your father told it to me.
Now I have a surprise for you.
I want you to meet
your dad's old gang.
Not like I'm gonna pop a cap
in your ass, it's more like
legitimate business associates.
Ah, alright.
The guy cheating at cards,
that's Jimmy two tone.
Nicky mo, and this is
Mr. ballbuster himself.
Who is this?
Who is this? Who is this?
No, who is this?
Look at the face.
Right, right.
And the apple is the bread.
And that is how you
make a fruit sandwich.
Him I think you know. Ivan!
Gustovia, huh.
Remember, party, forgiveness.
Pretty good. Hey Ivan, I just
want to apologize for
Oh no, no, no.
No apologies necessary.
No, no, no.
You are in the clear, my friend.
Here's to my new
best friend, Jim.
Happy Birthday, Jim!
Happy Birthday.
It's not my birthday.
That's my brother.
Is it your birthday?
I don't know.
I recently saw that movie
Alice in wonderland, and they
celebrate every day it is
not their birthday.
I see that movie and I say that
is going to be my life now,
How do I do it compared to you?
I can do- I can do any voice.
Name a celebrity. Name one.
Let's get a bottle of
renyaki for my friends here.
I'd love to stay for a drink.
So stay.
American style.
Let's tear down the walls.
Let's tear down the walls, Jim.
I've never shotgunned
a beer before.
I've shotgunned other things.
Other things.
Like a fucking person.
I've never killed anyone.
Dave, can I talk to you
outside for a second?
I'll go outside with you,
but I'm going back in, ok?
I'll be right back, alright?
Yes, yes, yes.
You'll be write back.
Get the renyakis going.
You better be ready
when I get back.
We're shotgunning
beers when I come back.
You come back or I'll
fucking kill you.
I'm not joking, I'm not joking.
If he doesn't come
back, we kill him.
Yeah, for sure.
Petra's friend brought
me to meet with charbineau.
Fucking charbineau brought me.
He brought- oh ok, sent
me a letter, brings you. Ok.
He set this up. I got it.
Very cool, very cool.
Let's head back in.
Wait, wait, wait.
I just want to say, uh, I'm
sorry for, uh, going behind your
back and hiring those guys.
Like, we said it was going
to be like a brother project.
I should've consulted with you.
plan's not going as smoothly
as I kinda talked it up to be.
And maybe tomorrow I'll get some
fresh eyes on those blueprints.
Maybe skim them, cut the-
trim the fat a little bit.
I really think we should
consider hiring these guys.
You want to hire these guys?
They know less about building
houses than me or you, k?
I don't think that's possible.
Dude, I got an idea.
Me and you head back in
there, brother style.
We pull some charbineau CIA
mindgame shit on them, let them
bring their guard down, maybe
we cut a deal with them...
Dave, I think if we're gonna
accomplish this goal, like you
and I need to be like
super responsible.
I agree.
Extremely responsible.
So let's get in there
and butter 'em up.
I'm not going in there.
You know what, this
is a good idea.
You go home, guard the house.
I'm gonna go in here,
pull a little covert op.
Get them real drunk and then we
really find out what they're-
you know, see their whole hand.
You've got a secondary
initiative going. I like it.
I'm not going to do
anything dumb, ok?
Uh, really?
I'm- I'm gonna do good cop.
Lobster time!
U.S.A. U.S.A. U.S.A.
Dave worked there for
twenty-four hours then it
burned down. Total
coincidence he swears.
Seems like he's doing ok
with everything, though?
Uh, I don't know.
Sometimes I feel like he doesn't
care about anything, and then
every once in awhile
I think he's...
There's like a- there's like
a thread of, like, normal.
And then it's like, it's as if
he catches me noticing that,
and he goes right back to
being a weird robot asshole.
It's probably a
defense mechanism.
But, like, that's a
stupid thing to do.
Like, at first it's like, oh
yeah, you know let's help him
out, but then it just gets
fucking old after awhile.
But what about you and your dad?
Why didn't you guys stay close?
Did Dave like tear apart
your family or something?
That's one of the only
things Dave didn't ruin.
If anything he kept us closer.
You know half this
house is mine?
Half of this arcade
machine is mine, too.
I like this arcade machine.
I like it too.
Hey Ivan.
Are you just talking to her,
or are you talking to me too?
I was talking to her, but
if you want to hang out...
Well I'm not here?
No, you're here.
Course you're here.
Uh, guys.
Hey, hey, no, not.
On my party porch, you kiss me.
And that's how it is, ok?
What? I kiss you the
fuck I like.
You know what, I'll kiss
whoever the fuck I want too.
Mm. Mmm.
How do you like that?
Break the fucking thing up.
You don't kiss anyone, ok?
Oh oh oh.
You kiss me. That is it.
Hold on miss commi salami.
I'm the only one around
here- what is that?
I'm the only one allowed
to have a gun around here.
[Gun shots]
Hey Bruce, you got any
bullet proof vests we can
fuck around with?
[Breaking glass]
We're under attack.
I think it's that Russian guy.
He's gonna tear down the
whole fucking house, man.
He's trying to tear
down the house.
He's got a bulldozer.
They're not tearing it down.
They're fixing it up, dude.
I got Ivan to fucking hook us
up with his crew last night, ok?
It's all taken care of.
It's all cool.
Are you sure?
Yeah, I'm sure.
Can we talk about waking
somebody up by smashing, like,
a fucking boat next to
them or whatever you did?
Is she breathing?
I don't know.
Check her pulse?
No, you check her pulse.
She's your fucking girlfriend.
She say that?
Alright, I'll do it.
You up?
Wake up.
Baby, wake up.
Get up!
C'mon babe.
There she is. See, she's fine.
Turn it off, turn
it off, turn it off.
You man, sparky, come here.
Get this fucking
chain and throw it.
If you're doing, like, the
fucking thing where it's like a
different state so it doesn't
count, that only works if you
went down on her.
Oh we got company.
Hey John.
What are you doin' here?
Oh, it was Edgar's idea.
Wanted to stretch his paws.
Thought we'd drop by.
My cat.
Oh well.
Well, well, well.
Not too bad, huh?
If your father were alive
he'd be very proud of you.
Very proud of you.
I appreciate that.
Um, it's actually mostly Dave.
Is that a fact?
Surprising, right?
Well played, well played.
Thank you, John.
So I guess the boys will
do the work, and you can
get on with your lives now?
No, no, no. I work with these
boys all the time.
With all due respect, the only
thing that could go wrong
is if you hung around.
I'm just sayin' me and
you have something that we
need to finish here.
- No we don't, Dave.
Jim, can I talk to you
outside for a second?
Dave, we are outside
for a second.
I feel like you're kinda cuttin'
and runnin' here, and you know?
Real quick- real
quick brother session?
Ok. Alright.
What the fuck are you doing?
The house isn't done yet.
Yeah- we came down
to finish the house.
The house is finished for us.
It's not finished until-
we're getting our checks.
We'll put a pin in
this for now, ok?
But I need to finish
talking to you about this.
Arlight, pleasure
during business with ya.
You too.
Hey, John.
Um, I just wanted to thank you
for, uh, for everything that
you've done for us.
Work on your goodbye speech.
Sign the deed, get the checks.
Who wants some
fucking lunch, man?
[Chainsaw hums]
Holy shit.
Dude, what is that thing?
Michelle brought it
back from Africa for me.
Cool, she just brought back one?
Yeah. Just one.
There's like an owl up there
I've been trying to hit
for like a half an hour.
You remember when
we were kids... and uh...
Dad would always just try and
get us to help out
We would always figure out
someway to either get out of it
Yes. Do it wrong.
Destroy it.
He kept askin' though.
I'll fucking give
him that, dude.
He was a tenacious fucking guy.
He just wanted to teach, man.
I remember when he, uh...
We made that rock tumbler
out of the washing machine.
Try to fix it with
the, uh- lawn mower.
Lawn mower, yeah.
He was pissed, but he still
tried to show us how
to put it back together.
Am I just taking you
to the airport, or what?
I don't think so, man.
What are you going to do?
I'm thinkin' about just stayin'.
Staying where?
Uh, here.
Like staying here.
Like in branson?
Like at this house.
We kinda- like we
got a plan, Dave.
We're supposed to go pick up our
checks from charbineau tomorrow
and sign the deeds.
I mean, you can still do that.
I'm just sayin' that...
I'm probably gonna sit that one
out, you know.
I mean I haven't found
my basketball cards.
I haven't found my karate
trophies, you know?
They're not even done
with the house really.
I feel like...
I just feel that you could buy-
you could buy
new versions of those. You could
buy all the basket ball
cards you want. All the- yeah.
You could become a
great karate guy.
I feel like I already did it.
I already got the trophies.
Just find the trophies.
That's all I need.
And I mean, I can buy basketball
cards, but why buy something-
you could buy- you could buy a
lot of stuff I mean, this is-
I mean we're gonna make a lot
of money with this thing.
But it's not the same thing. I
mean this place has got
the memories though, you know?
You can't buy those.
You kinda like go out and meet
new people, make new memories.
And half of it's mine,
so I figured-
yeah, but you can't sell
half a house.
Eh, that kind of sounds
like a Jim problem thing.
I know that's what
it sounds like.
I does sound like it, because
that's what's happening.
But I feel like, you're
kinda fucking me by-
you can't stay in branson the
rest of your life because
you want to fuck some British
hooker. Alright, man?
Dude, she is definitely
fucking British, and she is
definitely a hooker, and you're
definitely acting like
a fucking idiot right now.
I'm not a fucking idiot, man!
Yeah, you are a fucking idiot.
What did I tell you?
Why does it have to be so
difficult all the time?
Because my life is
fucking difficult, Jim.
Why don't you understand that?
The only different is, I don't
cry about it all the time.
I fucking set goals and
follow through with them.
I don't bail at the
fucking last minute.
Go somewhere, Dave.
Fucking do something!
Back to the fucking Indian
reservation where I lived
in a fucking teepee?
Or back to mom's basement, ok?
You have as many
opportunities as everyone else.
You don't fucking know me. You
don't know anything about me.
You don't see these things
because you walk around with
your fucking eyes
closed all the time.
And you just sit and you bitch
and moan and-
I work for that! I worked for
everything I've had.
You don't work.
You don't fucking try, David.
I've worked at a
lot of shit, ok?
And sometimes that shit
doesn't work out, ok?
I knocked my fucking
girlfriend up in college.
So, you know what I did?
I married her.
I manned up and I married her.
And I took a shitty job
that I hate-
oh that sucks. My wife loves me
too much, and I have-
and awesome job and a car and
I write books all the time.
Oh my God, give me
a fucking break.
Our house is on fire.
Oh shit.
- Fuck.
Do something!
Dave, that's not gonna help.
Oh shit, what do we do?!
Dave, we gotta get out of here.
No, this is all I have.
This is all I got.
This is all I got.
I can't bail. Alright?
I'm not bailin'. I'm stayin'.
Fine. Me neither.
You stay, I stay.
I'm not gonna bail on you, Dave.
No, no.
Woah. Cook out gone wrong?
Have you ever had the
chicken parmatorissie?
Oh boy.
Alright, have a seat.
I'm all ears.
Here's what happened.
As far as I can remember,
we were on the deck.
We were playing
with some fireworks.
And uh, I'm gonna go ahead
and admit that we
were drinking some whiskey.
John, we burned the house down.
We burned the whole fucking
house to the ground.
It's fucking- nothing's
there anymore.
And it was an accident.
And if there's anyway we can
salvage any kind of value from
the property, I'd like to
have Jim to have it,
if that's possible.
John, do you understand
what I'm saying?
The house is fucking gone.
There's nothing left.
It's burned to the ground.
We burned the house down.
I know.
I said I know.
You think houses burn
down here all the time?
Ok? Um...
Now what?
Take the checks.
You're on your way.
I'm uh... I'm confused.
You think I didn't take our
insurance policy the minute
you two bozos showed up?
I was gonna demolish
the thing anyway.
Now, you actually got me a
buck with the insurance claim.
John, why did you
have us fix the house?
We almost killed each other,
man. What is wrong with you?
Yeah, well...
I just felt it somethin'
you're dad woulda wanted.
Besides we don't get too much
action around here, so it was
nice to have you about.
You motherfucker!
I'll show you action, John.
I'm cool, I'm cool, I'm cool.
You piece of shit.
I grabbed this stuff
when your dad passed.
I was gonna mail it to you
if you hadn't shown up.
Some cards in there.
Boys, do me a favor.
Don't spend it all in one place.
You already have
everything you need.
You just don't know it yet.
[Door slamming]
So, what's your next move, man?
Thinking about opening up my own
dojo. That'd be cool.
Really? Can you do that
as a green belt?
Yeah, a lot of people don't
know this, in judo, green belt's
actually higher than black.
Really? I've never heard that.
Yeah, it's true.
You gonna be ok, Dave?
Me? Yeah, I'm gonna be fine.
You gonna be ok?
Yeah, I think so.
Oh fuck, check this out.
Ah, dude, are you kidding me?
Where'd you find these?
I was gonna chop them
up with an axe but...
I figured I owed you one.
Oh man, that's an extra
ten grand right there.
Thanks, Jim.
How 'bout that watch, huh?
Alright, ok. See you later.
I'm trying to give you a
hug, you fucking asshole.
No you're not.
Ow, you're fucking dead.
Why don't you use your
karate moves, dude?
Fuck you.