Back on the Strip (2023) Movie Script

[soft music]
[Verna]: Magic.
It has been a part
of my son's life
for as long as I can remember.
I swear, he just could never
get enough of that stuff.
He was always setting
shit on fire,
cutting things in half.
When he was ten, he had
my tired ass driving him
to every novelty shop
and garage sale
to find whatever
little thingamajig
that he could use for a trick.
He even had me buy him
a damn rabbit.
Where I come from, we eat them.
Can anyone say rabbit stew?
When he was 15,
he decided to become a magician.
'Cause there's only two things
in life he's crazy about.
One is magic and
the other, Robin.
- Presto!
- Stop messing around, Merlin.
- I'm not messing around.
I'm stuck.
Can you help me out, please?
The key's beside Poof.
Just here, over there.
- Why do trick handcuffs
need a key?
- Ouch! Okay, okay,
I got it. Okay.
You better figure it out.
You don't want to blow it
in the show.
- I'm so not ready for this.
- Don't say that.
You've wanted this
since we were kids.
You always said one day
you'd performed in Vegas.
- Okay. Let's see.
Am I ready for this?
I guess you're right.
This really never does lie.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Let me check.
Will Robin marry Merlin one day?
- Okay, no, no. Okay, I doubt
that that will happen now
because you're literally
going away to college.
- Julliard is not just college.
If I'm going to be a dancer,
it's where I need to be.
- The only time I'll see you
is what?
Holidays and summer breaks.
You'll forget about me.
You just... You just...
You just...
You put your lips on my...
Why'd you do that?
- I could never forget you,
Now you got something good
to think about.
And try not to lose
that key again.
- Wait. You got...
You got something on your...
on your...
on your...
- How did you do that?
[Verna]: Hope you're ready,
Time to go.
- That's my mom! Go!
You gotta hide.
You know how she is.
She's crazy.
- Whatchu doing, Son?
Lord, I hope you ain't in there
jerking your johnson.
- No!
- Come on. We'll be late.
We got... I don't
want to be late.
- What?
- What is that?
Robin, is that you
on your knees over there?
Get up!
- Hi...
Yes, ma'am.
- Your little narrow ass hiding
behind the bed. What the hell?
- How did you know?
- 'Cause it smells like
Now and Laters
and ProStyle in here.
Smell like hood rat pudding.
- I mean, we weren't doing
nothing. I swear.
- Oh, honey, I know.
He wouldn't know what to do
with a girl anyways,
unless she was in a catalog.
Victoria may have its secrets,
but Merlin, he ain't got none.
- Mom!
- Now, look, we got to go.
- Okay.
- I don't want to be late.
- Okay. Okay. I'm coming.
- What's that she said
about jerking?
[Verna]: Get your little
fresh ass out of my house!
[Merlin]: You gotta go.
You gotta go.
[Verna]: See,
everywhere Merlin went,
Robin went too.
They were ride or die
from day one.
So when my son decided
to enter the talent show,
there was no doubt who
his assistant would be.
- Just try to relax, Merlin.
Nothing to worry about.
Except the routine.
- Routine. The routine.
- Yeah.
The routine...
The routine!
Oh, I forgot my extra boxers
for the endless ribbon trick.
And that's a whole punch line.
- Okay. Wait. Wait.
How about you just use
the ones that you have on?
No one will be able
to tell the difference.
- You really don't think so?
- No.
- You're all set.
And you guys are going on last
because you had
the best audition.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Best audition?
Must be talking about us, right?
Ghetto Gangstas in da house!
We ain't just rappers.
We gangstas!
Alright, we about that life.
We come from the streets.
- The streets of Beverly Hills.
That's what it must be.
Because there's no ghetto
gangsters here honestly.
You guys are straight
out of the cul-de-sac.
- Wait a second.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
That's definitely Armani.
- Is that Armani?
- Yeah, my dad has the same...
- Ah, y'all got tricks!
- Man, we oughta smoke
this fake-ass clown!
- I'm not a clown.
Okay, I'm a magician.
- And you ain't smoking nobody,
- Oh, whatchu gonna do
about it, old lady?
Pour some hot coffee on me?
Bitch, please.
- Oh!
Oh well, since you asked nicely.
Sit your ass down somewhere!
Talking to me crazy like that.
Y'all, come on. Go on.
Look here, baby.
You forget about them dumbasses,
You either go big
or you go home, Merlin.
Got that?
- Yes, ma'am.
- Go knock them out.
- I got you.
- All right.
Y'all thirsty?
You obviously like
your coffee black.
- Behold, just an ordinary
deck of cards.
Now, watch closely,
very intently.
- That's my baby.
- This is gonna be
the most remarkable thing
you've ever seen
in your entire life.
Now, I can make them turn
into something
that's kind of big, like that.
- There's no way he's gonna win.
[Verna]: And with Robin
by his side on that stage,
he finally found his passion.
- Oh! Oh my God!
- I was so proud of him,
I damn near pissed myself.
Okay, I did, but I had an extra
pair of panties in my purse.
[upbeat music]
Anyway, he had everyone inside
that gym feeling the magic,
except for a few stupid
ass haters.
- For my last trick, I will be
escaping these handcuffs here
before this candle
burns this rope
and drops this water balloon
over my amazing assistant.
As you guys can see,
she is a black woman
who just got her hair done.
So if I screw this up,
I'm screwed.
Alrighty, let's get this show
on the road.
And... we're lit.
Can you guys actually help me
get this on?
- Yeah.
- Give it up for
the Ghetto Gangsters.
They from the streets.
They know what's going on.
They know about some handcuffs.
It's on there, right?
It's on there.
- Oh, it's on there.
- So I know what y'all thinking.
These are impossible
to get out of.
- I guarantee, he ain't
getting out of that.
- But that is why they call me
the Amazing Merlin!
And, oh, presto!
Presto! Prest...
- Merlin!
[Verna]: Them fools
was so salty
about losing to a magician,
they decided to let
the rabbit out of the hat.
Except for my son,
it was more like a snake.
It's a good thing
Robin had her blindfold on
because some tricks
ain't for kids.
- Oh, Lord have mercy!
That boy is blessed!
[Robin]: Merlin!
- What do you want, Robin?
- What's going on?
- I have a situation.
I literally have a situation.
- Y'all stop!
- Oh my God!
- That's a freak show, man.
Not a magic show.
It's a clown.
- I told you, I am not a clown!
[circus music]
- Really? You need
to tell your face!
[high-pitched voice]:
Very funny, little girl.
But I can assure you all,
I am not a clown.
I'm a magician. Now watch.
You see this ball here?
Alright, so I'm gonna put it
in this hand.
Where'd it go?
Where did the ball go?
[few applause]
Yeah, yeah, thank you!
- It's in the other hand, dummy!
Now, shut up and
make a balloon animal.
- A orangutan basically
snuck me.
Do you guys know about
me and orangutan?
No? Baby, you ever talk
about me and orangutan?
Turn her on.
- Haha, stupid clown.
- Stupid?
Why would you...
- So, when he get me
in the chokehold,
I can't breathe.
I basically took
the orangutan here, right?
Dropped down this left leg.
Right? I drop it down.
Took that like that.
When I dropped to here,
I pivoted.
Orangutan on his back.
I showed him mercy.
Orangutan obviously
didn't want no more.
You guys do know I'm...
What is it?
Second degree black belt, baby?
Second degree.
You got to be kidding me.
Hey, man.
Get yo ass down!
Get down off of that, man!
What are you doing?
- The wig is...
- I don't want to hear it.
Tell me, who did I hire?
'Cause you must be confused.
Did I hire Trixie the Clown
or Dixie the Clown?
'Cause right now you got
your dick all on display.
- I'm not actually a clown.
I'm a magician.
- Okay. Let me try to find
some give a fuck.
'Cause I don't care.
I don't care what you are
or who you are.
All this flipping and flopping
and your goddamn elephant trunk
You can't do that here, man.
If I wanted my daughter
to see that,
I'll take her to the zoo.
But instead she got
to look at this now.
Now I turn around, she crying.
Now you got my sweet daughter
- She's actually not that sweet.
- What? Boy...
If I take off this watch,
you gonna know it's time.
Time to whoop your ass.
Is that what you want?
- No, I don't...
- You want it off?
- Alright, brother,
I really apologize.
But I mean, you know how it is.
I mean,
it's not a big deal, right?
We all got one. Right?
- That's your shot at me?
That's a shot at me and
my personal situation?
We don't all have one, brother.
Some of us got skipped.
Me, my dad, Earl, Rob.
None of us have it.
If I had one, you think
I'd be in his house?
You think I spent this type
of money on a house
for my goddamn wife?
A Tesla?
If I had a dick that big,
you think I'd have to do this?
I'm obviously overcompensating.
So this little thing that
you're talking about,
that you bragging about,
it's something that you have.
With that being said,
you're done. You're done.
Get your ass up out of here.
- I really need this gig.
- I said get up out of here!
Now! It's coming off.
Get your dick dragging ass
up out of here.
Honey, if you don't pick
your eyes up,
I'll put them down.
God damn!
[Merlin]: I'm done with this.
Time to hang up
my bag of tricks.
- What? You can't quit.
I thought you were gonna
take the act to Vegas.
- Does it look like
I'm ready for Vegas?
Look at me, man.
God, it's just time
to give up on the dream.
Bubbles, FX, do you mind?
Like I'm serious. Okay?
Ever since I was a kid, there's
only one thing in this world
I love more than magic.
And her plane is landing
right now.
[soft music]
So I'm gonna go clean up
and I'm gonna tell her
how I feel.
Alright. Alright.
Ladies and gentlemen, sounds
like we got true love here.
Alright. Alright.
Let's get Trixie
to go see his girl!
Go on. Pick all this stuff up.
Close the door. Let's go.
[Verna]: So Merlin was ready
to give up one passion
to chase after another one.
And after not seeing Robin
in years,
he finally planned
to speak his truth.
Funny thing about plans.
They don't always go as planned.
Just like I never planned
on being pregnant at 23,
but I'm allergic
to condoms, y'all.
- Okay. I'm gonna get out.
I'm gonna change.
- Okay. Alright. Alright.
- I'll be right back.
I just gotta get something
out of the car.
- Robin?
- Merlin?
Is that you?
- Do you still believe in magic?
- Oh my God!
- Oh my God! I was trying
to surprise you,
but you beat me here!
I was going to change but, yo,
I got something big to tell you.
- Well, I have
a big surprise too.
- What's up, babe? Oh.
Who's this clown?
- Don't let the clown makeup
fool you.
I'm a serious magician.
Not a clown.
- You having trouble
over there, Trix?
[horn honks]
- Um...
I don't know them.
- Oh. Yeah.
- Anyways, I'm a Merlin.
Grew up with Robin.
She'd been my girl
since back in the day.
- Oh, well, I'm Blaze.
And while you were
at circus school,
Robin got a new boyfriend.
So she's kind of my girl now.
- Surprise!
- Hold still.
[shutter clicks]
[rubber chicken squeaks]
- Can I get everybody's
Thank you everyone so much
for coming out to see me
and meet Blaze.
Though some of you know him
already from his viral videos.
"You just got blazed!"
- And now I can finally
share the secret
of why I've come back to LA.
I'm a mentor dancer
on Hollywood and Grind.
We're so excited. It's a black
Dancing with the Stars.
And Blaze is my celebrity
dance partner.
Please, everybody
go vote for us.
Hi, Verna. How are you?
- Excuse me?
- Miss Owen.
- Thank you.
- Hope you're doing great.
- You still smell like Now and
Laters and ProStyle, huh?
- Hey, girl!
- Hey!
- Wow, he looks amazing.
- See, I told you
everyone would love him.
You really hit the jackpot.
First with the great job
and then the hot boyfriend.
- Yeah, all 'cause my friend
took me to her audition.
- Yeah.
- I still can't believe this.
- Yeah, you and me both. Yeah.
Remind me why I did that again?
It was crazy.
You know I'm just
playing with you.
[hesitant laughing]
Anyway, he's really
fine and funny.
And making bank.
Who wouldn't love that?
- Well...
I can think of one person.
- That old Humpty Dumpty
over there?
Okay, forget the nerdy neighbor
and go dance with your star.
Okay, because if you don't,
I will.
- Okay. I'm gonna go talk
to Merlin.
- Yeah. Okay.
- Hey, everybody. Y'all okay?
- Hey!
- Oh my God,
what a wonderful surprise!
Sorry, I didn't tell you
about the show, Merlin.
But they wanted me
to keep it a secret.
You know, spending all
that time with Blaze,
rehearsing and dancing closely,
sometimes stuff
just sort of happens.
- Yeah, I just don't get
what you see in him.
All his jokes are put downs
and insults.
I've seen his videos.
- That's just an act.
- Really?
Well, he's not that good
an actor.
- Wow.
- Alright. I'm sorry.
I didn't mean that, okay?
And I never even told you that
I was proud of you for the show.
That's so amazing.
I couldn't imagine dancing
in front of all those folks.
- You never know.
- Yo, look who it is!
It's the magic man.
It's magic. He's goofy.
Hey. Doesn't he look goofy?
I bet you when you take the
rabbit out your hat,
the rabbit's like,
"Put me back in!"
- Stop. Blaze.
- I'm just clowning.
Nah, I'm gonna stop.
I'm not gonna clown you anymore
because you already clowned
Guys, look at this picture.
- Stop!
- Do you see it?
- Stop.
[intertwined chatting]
Blaze. Blaze. Stop.
- Okay.
- Merlin is so much
more than that.
What was that big news you were
gonna tell me out front?
- Yeah, yeah, drop that scoop,
- I'm going to Vegas
for a magic gig.
- Las Vegas?
Merlin, that's terrific!
Oh my God,
this is so unbelievable!
So much to celebrate.
- Yeah.
- Who wants to see us dance?
- Yeah, let's dance.
- Come on, let's make
some space, everybody.
- You're gonna want to see this.
[Verna]: Now, I knew
my boy was lying.
But I also knew that every lie
hides a little truth.
- Why are they cheering?
Is it over?
- No. It's only just beginning.
- What are you doing?
Oh my God.
- I just want to keep dancing,
So with your family watching,
all your friends watching
and these cameras watching,
I want to know;
will you marry me?
- What?
- Yeah?
- Okay. Okay, yes!
[Verna]: And I knew the truth
was if he lost Robin,
he'd have to find a way
to get the magic back.
- The Amazing Merlin!
And presto!
Is it too late for me and Robin?
[soft music]
[approaching footsteps]
- I figured you'd be here.
Back where it all started.
My baby's first performance.
I'll never forget it.
- That day didn't end well
for me.
- No.
You got a chance to do it over.
- You know, mom, it's fine.
Okay, don't worry about me.
It's cool.
- Boy, I'm worried about me.
When you moving out?
You 24 years old.
I am tired of sneaking men in
late at night.
The last one I had there
was so loud,
when I let him come
in my back door,
I was scared he was gonna
wake you up.
- We ain't got no back door.
- Hmm!
Anyways, it's time
for you to move on.
Okay? Follow your dreams.
- Okay, no, I get that.
But if I leave,
Robin will forget all about me.
And I've always imagined us
being together.
- Boy, I always thought
me and your daddy
would end up being together.
But ta-da!
That didn't happen.
I opened up my Expedia app
and I got you something
you needed.
[upbeat music]
- Wait, seriously?
Mom, thanks, but it's
a one-way ticket though.
- Exactly.
'Cause there's only one way
you're going to do this, Merlin.
Your way.
So he made his flight
and I made his room
into a rec room.
'Cause Lord knows
I had a few men
I've been waiting to wreck.
Meanwhile, I told Merlin to go
find Rita at the Hotel Moxie.
- Hey, are you sure
this is Hotel Moxie?
This place is supposed
to be history.
- It is. Ancient history.
[Verna]: Rita is my homegirl
from back when I used
to work in Vegas
inside The Cookie Club.
The hottest spot on the strip.
Sadly, it has seen better days
and so had Rita.
- Only way I leave here is
with a fat check or a pine box.
You can tell those vultures
they can kiss
Rita's big white juicy ass.
[hangs up]
For my glaucoma.
Welcome to the Vagrant Inn,
Las Vegas.
How many nights you need?
- You know,
I'm actually not sure
how long I'll be here.
- Well, that makes
two of us, honey.
- Well, I'm Jason Owens,
but everybody
just calls me Merlin.
I'm Verna's son.
I guess she used
to work for you years ago.
- I'll be damned!
She was one terrific lady
and a great waitress.
She stood by me through
some tough times
after my daddy passed.
If you are Verna's child,
I got a room for you
and it overlooks the pool.
It ain't much to look at now,
but once upon a time,
it sure was something.
This was my daddy's pride
and joy
and I ran it
for a good 28 years.
Billionaire owners are trying
to just take Rita's ass
for less to nothing.
Motherfucker bloodsuckers.
But we do have happy hour
every day at six
in the Cookie Club out back.
[opens door]
[Merlin]: It's not called
the Hotel Moxie anymore.
It's called The Vagina?
Wait, that's...
[Verna]: That sounds cozy.
Is it moist in there?
- Okay, Mama, don't.
- Are the people there nice,
or is it mostly dicks?
You tell me.
Does it smell funny in there?
- Mom! Really?
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry, baby.
That was a little too much.
- Yeah, whatever. I mean,
I got some auditions tomorrow,
which is kind of cool,
but I don't know.
I feel like I'm wasting my time.
- Boy, you been wanting this
since you was in diapers,
watching Merlin the Magician
Now I know you was
full of shit then.
You have to ask yourself;
are you full of shit now?
- You right.
It's now or never.
- Now, never call me with
this bullshit again.
You ready for round two?
- Uhn-uhn! Uhn-uhn!
- Oh, no, you ready
for round two.
Stop crying! Stop crying!
Shut up.
[upbeat jazz music]
- This is my first audition.
I'm really excited.
Just get right into it then.
[soft music]
[Verna]: So Merlin took
his first step
to becoming a real
Las Vegas magician.
his first audition
kind of was like
the first time I had sex.
Y'all know what I mean.
Awkward, messy,
a little painful.
And for some reason,
there was glitter in my ass.
But I digress.
[alarm ringing]
And just like bad sex,
the only way to get good at it
is to keep trying
and trying and trying.
And Merlin, well,
he wasn't ready to give up yet.
[upbeat music]
- No, no! Shit!
- Jesus.
It's for my arthritis.
- Don't you mean glaucoma?
- What, are you my doctor now?
- No, but...
- You're a little early
for happy hour.
- Yeah, well, I just bombed
my audition,
so it's gonna take a lot longer
than an hour to get me happy.
- Yeah, well, you ain't
the only one unhappy.
Look at this.
It's my busiest night
and this damn karaoke machine
broke down.
Can I get you anything?
- Yeah. Uh, what's the hardest
stuff you got?
- My private stash.
I get it from the local Paiutes.
It's straight firewater.
- Okay.
- You ain't ready for that.
But we do have some
Crown Royal apple.
How about that?
- Crown Royal apple.
- Oh, yeah.
- Miss Rita, I am kind
of tight for money.
So you know,
I got a deck of cards,
so how about you draw for it?
But if you win, I owe you.
But if I win, you owe me.
So pick a card, Miss Rita.
- This is so dumb.
- Hmm!
That's a good card.
I know it is.
I know it is a good card.
Oh, I can't look at it.
I can't look at it.
- No, you cannot look it.
- Go ahead. Put that thing back
in the deck. Anywhere.
That is beautiful, Miss Rita.
That's so good, Miss Rita.
That's so lovely.
- Testing. Testing.
Was this your card?
This had to be your card, right?
- No, it's not my card.
- All right, um...
Was that your card?
This had to have been.
- No. I don't have time
for this.
I have a whole group
of single ladies coming in.
It's their busiest night
in town.
And with no karaoke to keep
them eating my wings
and drinking my liquor...
- Yeah.
- what am I gonna do
for entertainment?
Will you stop playing?
I need to make some dough, kid.
Have any ideas? What?
Jesus, what is that?
- That's your card, right?
That's your card, right?
- Wow.
These ladies ain't
the magic show type.
But if you keep the bar flowing,
I'll pay you 50 bucks.
- Cool. This is a nice place
you got here.
- Nice place?
The Cookie Club was famous.
We used to pack the house.
Believe it. Once upon a time,
we had the finest male
dancing troupe in town.
The Chocolate Chips.
Look, Mr. Face, Mr. Body,
Mr. Slim Sexy, Dr. X.
And the one and only Mr. Big.
It was a goddamn goldmine.
- So what happened?
Why'd it stop?
- Egos. Too much success.
They argued all the time.
And then they just split up.
They talked about
going back together,
but Mr. Big suffered
a big depression
and crashed his car,
almost lost his leg.
The Cookie Club was over
just like that.
We lost our biggest draw.
And when I say big I mean big.
Now why don't you just go
get ready?
You got a tough crowd
waiting for you.
- Miss Rita, you talking
about the lonely bunch
of happy hour ladies?
They do not scare me.
Bet you didn't expect flowers!
[Verna]: Now my baby
was fearless for sure,
but sometimes, fear is good.
There are things
you should be afraid of.
- Give him a chance.
- This guy sucks!
We want karaoke!
- You want karaoke?
- Yeah.
- You want karaoke? Well, have
y'all heard of that one song
about the guy who liked
chicken wings with two thumbs
because you know who wrote that?
- No.
- Who wrote it? It was me!
I wrote it 'cause it's me.
[Verna]: Like doing magic
for some thirsty hoes
who'd rather be getting drunk
or getting laid.
- You real feisty. Now you been
giving me problems all night.
What you sipping on?
'Cause I'm trying to get loose.
- Oh, I'm drinking
on that firewater, baby.
- Oh, that firewater?
- Yeah.
- Firewater? She's sipping
on that firewater.
Y'all want to see some
entertainment, right?
- Give me some firewater.
Jesus Christ
- Y'all want to see some
entertainment? Y'all want it?
We're gonna get some
entertainment in the house!
We're gonna get some
entertainment! Okay?
- This is a disaster.
- Mm-hmm! Mm-hmm!
[Verna]: Or like trying
his fire-breathing trick
for the first time
in front of the Cookie Club's
biggest star of all time.
Luther "Mr. Big" Ellis.
- Goddamn.
- Oh, my god!
- Oh, my god, no!
I don't know how to...
[upbeat music]
It's on my shirt too!
It's on my leg! It's on my leg!
- Oh, wait! Wait! Yes!
- Um...
- Shake that magic rod, yes!
That's my kind of trick!
- Oh!
- Good Lord.
- Luther, are you seeing
what I'm seeing?
- We back in business.
- Man!
[phone ringing]
[Robin]: Hey, Merlin.
- Robin. Oh, hey, Robin!
- You left without saying
goodbye the other day.
Is everything okay with you?
- Yeah, yeah, it's amazing.
It's great. It's great.
In fact, I just had
my first Vegas gig
and I got a standing ovation.
- Wow! Sounds like it
was a hot show!
- Yep, it was fire, but not
as surprising as the party was.
- Yeah, I had no idea
he was going to propose.
- Yeah, um...
I guess you and Blaze
will be dancing together
for a long time.
- Yeah.
[Rita]: Merlin, there's someone
out here I want you to meet.
- I actually got to go.
- Me too.
[connection ends]
- Wait, so you want me
to be a stripper?
- A stripper? No, a Chip.
- But I can't dance.
I'm a magician.
- Can't, can't, can't.
Ain't no can't in Vegas.
Boy, Vegas, you got to be
whatever you got to be
to survive.
Them women gave you more tips
than you ever made
doing all of
that magic bullshit.
- That's right. And after
you jiggled your jewels tonight,
those horny bitches ran out
my highest bar tab in weeks.
- You see? Everybody wins.
Rita gets to pay her bills
and you get more cash
for your stash.
- Okay, so you want me
to go out there alone
and shake my ass for money
every night?
- Of course not.
You've got Sundays off.
- Boy, you ain't gonna be alone.
- So, what, you gonna hire
more dancers?
- Fuck no, we ain't got
no money for that.
No, you and The Chips.
- The Chips? You haven't talked
to The Chips in years.
How are you going to find them?
[upbeat music]
[Verna]: So my son left LA
looking for magic,
but now the one and only
Mr. Big
was about to teach him
some new tricks.
[Merlin]: God dang, man,
I just hope you got AC
up in this place.
I'm sweating my balls off
out here in this heat.
[Mr. Big]: Ain't no hotter than
you lighting your ass on fire.
You're lucky
you still got balls.
- Yeah.
- How a young kid like you
get into magic anyway?
- My mom let me try a bunch
of different things
and magic was just
the best path for me.
- Well, every path has a detour.
Thank God.
- Yeah, no kidding.
I mean, I'm already lying
to Robin about my magic working.
Now I gotta fool her about me
being a stripper too.
- Who is that, Robin?
Robin, who is that,
your girlfriend?
- No, she's...
she's a girl, and...
Okay, well, she's a girl
and she's like a friend.
She would be my girlfriend too,
but she's got this
stupid fianc so I'm...
- Oh, she got a fianc?
- Yeah.
- Your girl got a fianc?
- Hm-hmm.
- Well, it seems to me the only
person that you're fooling
is yourself.
- Whatever, man.
- Glad you got a big ding-ding,
[upbeat music]
All right.
Des. Look at that body.
Still in shape!
- Baby, I need...
No, two more 255 on seven!
- Oh, so, I guess the shape
you meant was round.
- Des?
- Luther Ellis? Oh, man!
It's been like 20 years, baby!
You still look good,
look at you!
- You sure as hell don't!
- Oh, I gained a little weight.
I mean, look, just a smidge.
- Des!
- What, baby?
This is good living, baby.
And the shirt's too small.
Who's your compadre right here?
- I'm Merlin.
- Did you say breakfast?
Who said pancakes?
Well, shit, let's go.
Let me wash up.
Shit, you're looking good, baby!
Grits, you a grits guy.
I know you like grits.
So, you thinking about putting
the band back together, huh?
- Do you think he'd be here
if he wasn't?
- Who the fuck is you?
And are you eating
this right here?
- Nah.
- What about your leg?
- My dancing days
is over, buddy.
But I got a ringer.
- So, Luther done found himself
a new Mr. Big, huh?
- Yeah, yeah, I guess.
- Oh, the boy's talented.
So talented.
- Well, we had fun back then,
- Didn't we?
- I don't think that group
would work out now.
- It ain't the group
that needs to work out, Des.
- Listen, I'm still
the same body
underneath all of this, baby.
- Well, stop acting like
you don't miss it.
I mean, the women, the cheers.
The tips! The tips?
- I do. But look, business
is booming, baby.
Did you know that Pahrump,
the place you in right now,
is the number one city
to kill yourself?
Get me out of here, man.
I'm so God damned bored.
I got you.
Where's the party?
Where's the party?
Where's the party at, uh!
- That's right!
- I'm in.
- All right. Good.
You know where to find
the rest of the guys?
- Hell no, especially
that crotch-stuffing,
no-talking Dr. X.
And you know I don't talk
to Slim!
After he took my girl.
- Get over it, baby!
- Well, I might have
Face's number.
He came here last year
wanting me
to customize his car
for his girls.
- My man Tyriq, huh?
Still pampering the ladies?
- He's pampering, all right.
- Quadruplets?
A lot has changed since
the last time I saw you
with four girls in one bed,
but this right here?
I never pictured you
settling down.
- Does it look like I settled?
- No!
- He got you there, Luther.
I mean, yo,
your home is beautiful.
- It's not mine, it's my lady's.
When the Chips closed, I applied
for every type of job.
I got nothing.
So, I went back to stripping.
I actually did a party here
for this rich chick.
Next thing I know,
spent the night,
she said I could spend
another day, a week,
a month, a year.
Then she just woke up
one morning and she said,
"You can stay here as long
as you want if we have a baby."
And we started using
fertility drugs
and, as you can see, it worked!
- No shit!
[Merlin]: So, you finally
got them to sleep?
Oh, that's a nice pic of you
and your girls, man.
Check you out, flexing the guns!
- Those are not mine,
those are my lady's.
She's a top ranked
mixed martial arts fighter.
While she's out there
kicking ass,
I'm stuck up in here wiping ass.
- Damn, Face,
your girl is jacked!
- Two-time champ,
and she'd put me
in a four-legged oomoplata
if she knew I was two-timing her
with the Chips.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You ain't cheating, now.
You dancing.
And it looks like she spends
a lot of time out of town,
- True.
- Well, how she going to know?
- You think you guys could hook
me up with some daycare
or something?
- Brother!
- Oh, baby, come on!
- Don't wake up the babies.
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
I'm sorry.
Look, do you got any idea
how the hell we could find
the rest of the guys?
- Dr. X is a mystery to me.
I don't know what happened
to his flat ass.
But I do know how
you can get to Slim.
And he's a long way from hell.
[soft music]
- I see today we got
a lot of empty pews
in this church of God.
- Oh, you've got
to be shitting me.
- Because people spent the night
partying in the club.
I see a few people
missing right now!
Where is Joseph?
Where is Corinne?
I don't see Bernadette.
Where's Jimmy? Jimmy!
But couldn't find it
in their will or in their soul
or in their presence
to get up and make their way
to church
to praise the Lord.
- Man, I thought you said
he was the sexy one.
- That ain't the Slim
I used to know.
- Church ain't popping!
You mean to tell me
the Lord ain't popping?
You think church can't turn up?
Well, they say the Lord
will help you find the way...
but you got to meet
the Lord halfway.
Can I get an amen?
- Amen!
- What's happening
in them clubs?
You know what they doing
in the club?
Bumping and grinding
all over each other!
They're in that club last night.
They're shaking, they bumping
and they grinding
all over each other.
Hey, what's going on in here?
This ain't for us!
They teabagging!
They teabagging!
You don't get no tea.
The Lord ain't in them!
- Boom, bang, boom,
pow, boom, pow!
- Do the washing machine!
- Damn, he's still got it!
[upbeat music]
- Bumping and grinding,
bumping and grinding,
bumping and grinding
all over each other!
So, you fools are really
thinking about
putting the Chips back together?
- Here you go, dear.
- Thank you, sweetie.
- It's so nice to see you all.
Have a blessed day.
- Thank you, sweetie.
Are you out of
your God damn mind?
Excuse me, Lord.
But that's got to be
the stupidest motherfucking idea
I ever heard in my life!
- Oh, it's stupid, is it?
It's stupid?
Man, I just saw you do
half your old dance moves.
You had these church ladies
about to make it rain, baby.
- I'm just using my calling
to excite these ladies
about the gospel.
That is all.
And also release some
pent-up tension I got going on.
- Yeah, no offense, Pastor,
but if you get them
any more excited,
your church is going
to need a champagne room.
- Well, if it's sexual tension
you mean,
then maybe I need
to talk to your wife.
- Hey, don't you go near
my wife!
Don't you go near my wife.
I done told you about
that before.
I done told you!
Leave my wife alone.
- I need some sugar.
There's some sugar.
- Desmond?
- Eve!
- Oh my goodness!
- Oh, wow!
- Um...
- Whoa!
- You look...
- I grew a beard.
It's a little different for me.
But you look lovely as ever.
- Oh, thank you.
So, how are you?
- Amazing.
I have a little auto body place
out in Pahrump, you know.
Still single, though.
Still haven't found anybody
to treat me as well as you did.
- That's very sweet.
Listen, Desmond,
I need to apologize to you.
- Oh, no, no, no.
- No. Please.
For years, I was very judgmental
of your work.
And now, in hindsight,
I see how women may enjoy it.
- Listen, no need to apologize.
As long as you're happy.
- Amos and I are very happy.
- Hmm!
- We are blessed and he always
treats me with the utmost...
- Respect!
I would never do anything
inappropriate to my wife.
- He'd never do anything
inappropriate to me.
But after 25 years,
things can feel a little too...
- Tame! My wife's an angel.
I'm a lucky man to have her.
But sometimes you just want
to get wild!
- so mild. In private,
he's the perfect gentleman.
- Too gentle! I just want
to go crazy!
You know me!
- I'll tell you what's crazy
Slim Sexy is now a preacher.
I can't even look at you.
- I'll tell you what you can't
look at is your feet, big man.
- What about you,
Reverend Gyrate?
I don't know if you born again
or porn again.
- Oh!
- Huh?
- I don't care what you say.
I'm satisfied with who I am.
Are you, big man?
- The question is; is your wife?
- Oh Lord.
- Hold this.
Hey, come on. I done told you
about my wife.
[bones cracking]
- Yo, are you going
to do something?
- I brought him here
to work this shit out.
- Well, it ain't working! Yo!
- Keep on calling!
- All right, all right,
all right.
You all in the Lord's house now.
- Sit your ass down!
- Pushing it!
- Dignified.
You're in the church.
- Luther, I don't care
how you say it, nothing,
I mean, nothing,
is going to change my mind.
I'm good!
- Oh, is that right?
- That's right.
- Hey, Rita, are you there?
[Rita]: Yes, I am.
Are you fuckers going
to help or not?
- Now, look here, The Moxie's in
trouble and it needs money ASAP.
Now, if you ain't going
to do it for us,
then do it for Rita.
Oh, you remember when
she found your homeless ass
on the bus stop
and made you a Chip.
- And Face is already in.
- Come on, man,
what would Jesus do...
if he was an old ass stripper?
- Look, even if I did say yes,
you're still down a Chip.
And no one's seen that
mask-wearing mute
Dr. X
[Rita]: Well, I saw him.
I got lucky and found him
on a medical database.
- You mean, X became
a real doctor?
- Plastic surgeon.
I just called his office.
He's exactly where you'd expect
to find a doctor on a Sunday.
- We do have some special gifts,
and I want to say...
- Rita must have gave us
the wrong address,
because the only brothers
I see here are the waiters.
- And we're going
to go ahead now
and give our final award.
I think you know who
I'm talking about.
Let's give it up
for Dr. Xander Pike.
- I know you Harvard men
really wanted this,
just like you guys want my wife.
I see you looking, she's mine.
- Xander's white?
- Thus the mask.
- And the flat ass.
- And the small dick.
- I'm sure you guys got
a lot of questions.
Um, back in the day,
I was trying to get through
medical school,
and the Chippendales rejected me
because I danced too big.
Saw the Chip auditions.
So, I went to the tanning bed,
shaved my head, got a mask
and, bam, Dr. X!
- And, bam, you lied
about being black.
- Did not lie, I never said
I was black. You just assumed.
You know what they say
when you assume.
- Yeah, you make an ass
out of you
and some dumbass
black strippers.
Doc is out for the reunion.
- Why am I out? That was
the best time of my life.
I loved being black.
Being white is so boring!
Between the food, the music,
the dance and the TV shows.
You ever tried to stay awake
to watch an episode
of The Crown?
- You know what
it was like for me?
I couldn't get a job anywhere
when the Chips broke up.
Now, you, you're a doctor?
- I did get into
a top medical school.
- I'm sure you got in
the top everything.
You know how easy it is
to get in
when your name's Alexander
and not Tyriq?
- I didn't name you that,
blame your parents!
- Could we at least take a vote?
I am an original Chocolate Chip.
- No! You was just
chocolate dipped.
The conditions have changed.
- Okay, you know,
you all changed!
All right, Face, look,
you got four kids.
Amos is a preacher.
- I'm a damn good preacher.
- I know, I know. And Des,
- I gained a smidgen of weight.
- He got a smidgen
of weight, exactly.
- Look, look, look,
it's all or nothing, okay?
You got it?
Look, if you down with us,
meet us at the Cookie Club
at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow night.
- I'll be there 4:45.
- Okay, I guess I'm in.
Now, you said you had daycare,
so who is it?
Oh, come on, man,
you can't expect me
to leave Ella, Della, Bella,
and Stella with Rita!
She can't handle
all these babies!
- Well, let me get
this straight.
After I washed all your mankinis
and then I cleaned all the crabs
out of the champagne room
that I could handle
all you babies,
but I can't handle those babies?
Get the fuck out of here.
- We got it, Luther, we got it.
- It's been a minute.
- Everybody remember
the steps, right?
- Here we go.
Five, six, seven, eight!
[upbeat music]
[Verna]: So,
after two decades,
the Chocolate Chips
were finally back on stage
to show Merlin their routines.
Too bad these old motherfuckers
couldn't remember them!
- What you doing?
- I'm doing...
- I can't move that fast, man!
- Y'all, get this shit right.
- You know how we do this.
Set this mother off.
- Five, six, seven, eight!
[upbeat music]
- Bring it down, bring it down.
- Terrible!
- Come on, man.
- The women...
- This is not a Lil Nas X video!
- Good God!
- Man, do you think
they'll ever get it together?
- Don't know, kid.
Could go either way.
Lot of issues to work through.
- Yeah, tell me about it.
No wonder y'all split up
with all that drama.
I could see why
you're still pissed off
about losing all that money.
I could see why you're
so depressed.
- Rita tell you that?
Rita don't know shit.
Nobody knows what
really went down.
All right!
Let's try it again.
- Work for it! Sexy, let's go!
Go on. You don't want it.
You don't want success.
I can tell you don't want it.
One, to the right.
[electronic music]
To the right, to the left!
Crush again, crush again!
Merlin, I expect more of you.
- Bang-bang,
or bang-bang bang-bang?
The bang's up, you pop
your bangs up too high!
- Yeah, he over-banging.
Push it! Push high, push high!
Roll with it, roll with it.
Suck it up.
Five, six, seven, eight!
Three... four... go!
- Tea bag! Tea bag! Tea bag!
Tea bag! Tea bag! Tea bag!
- Sexy, that's what
you're going to give me?
- Shut up!
- This is how you
make champions, guys!
[aerosol sprays]
[clears throat]
How do you even eat a salad?
- All right, all right.
Now they started looking
like the way it used to. Yeah!
Searching for music.
Picking out costumes.
- And X pretending to be black.
- It's not black, it's caramel.
- Well, it looks
like shit to me.
This is bullshit, Luther.
- Hey, hey, hey,
it's a reunion show.
He's supposed to look
the way he did before.
- What's Des going to do?
Unless you got a time machine,
that ain't going to happen.
- See, that's a fat joke.
I'm getting tired of these
God damned fat jokes!
Matter of fact, you know what?
Give me this piece of pie.
- Hey, don't you touch
that pizza now!
- It's him!
- Yo, yo, guys!
I think I found
my showcase song,
and it's one of my mom's
favorite jams.
[upbeat music]
- Yo.
- Turn it off, kid.
- All right, God damn it,
enough of this.
No more bitching
about X's colour
and no more touching the pizza.
And nobody plays that song!
[clears throat]
- You know what?
I'm going to work
on my wardrobe.
- I'm going to go look
for a gym.
- I almost smacked you with
the black hand side.
Don't ever play that song again!
- That song you just played
was Mr. Big's closing song.
Oh, boy!
[singing]: Help me, Lord! Help!
[upbeat music]
[Verna]: Now, Merlin had
performed for crowds before,
but never like this.
So, he was nervous about
showing his ass, literally.
But with Robin and magic
both out of the picture,
he figured he had
nothing to lose.
And the only person
he could talk to about it
was a man who had
lost everything.
- Oh, wow!
I know what I'm doing here late
trying to fix
this doggone sound system,
but what you doing here so late?
- I'm still trying to figure out
my solo, okay?
I have no idea what it should
be. Luther, I can't do this!
- Here you go with that can't
again. Ain't no can't in Vegas!
Boy, you good,
don't worry about it.
You just have to figure out
what your alter-ego is.
Yeah, your special identity!
Find something that's unique
to you, that makes you unique.
- Okay, well, that's easy
for you to say!
It's not like you have to get
up here and dance anymore.
- Oh, you think I don't want to?
- No!
- I would if I could.
But I can't, so that's
why they got you!
- All right, well, I didn't
mean nothing by that.
I just know you had to stop
dancing because of your leg.
- Well, it wasn't just
my leg that got broke.
But that's, you don't know
nothing about that.
We ain't worried about it.
Tomorrow is a big night!
Been a while since
the Chips danced
in front of a live audience,
so we're going to have
a little preview.
- Back the fuck up.
- Sorry.
- You're a doctor! Why don't you
just create a bigger cock?
- Well, that's why I became one.
Women got a lot of options
for body enhancements
and men, we just don't.
But I plan to change that.
- Like, dick implants?
- Close.
I know one woman who'd like
a little something extra.
I just can't give it to her.
- How did we not know
this dude was white?
[Verna]: And as my baby looked
into the crowd,
he couldn't believe how much
his world had changed.
But what the Chips
didn't realize
was that the world
had changed on them, too.
Oh, shoot!
What's wrong, kid, you nervous?
- Yes, man!
There's so many people
out there!
- It's a small crowd,
just work out!
- Yeah, so if you mess up,
nobody is going to know!
- You about to pop your cherry!
- You old and stuff, but haven't
you all heard of the internet?
They record one mistake,
and it's on there forever.
- He's scared!
- This is DJ St. Aubyn.
It's been a long time,
but guess who's back?
The Chocolate Chips!
- Let's go!
- Let's go!
- Let's go!
- Let's go!
- Let's go!
[upbeat music]
- Ladies and gentlemen,
I present to you
Des The Body,
Dr. X,
Slim Sexy, The Face,
and Merlin.
The Chocolate Chips!
[record scratch]
- We fucking froze, man!
- Ain't nobody said it
was going to be easy.
All right, just shake it off!
- We looked like fools
out there, man!
- But that's what tonight
is for, right?
To work the kinks out.
Face, you up next, baby.
- What?
- Man, there's somebody's babies
out there, go be they daddy.
- You got it, Face.
- Come on, man, come on, baby!
- Give them the Face!
- Bring it home, Face.
- Ladies, welcome to the stage
your new daddy,
The Face.
[upbeat music]
Face out here trying
to be your father figure.
- Hey, hey, wait, wait, what?
Is the stripper
brushing her hair?
That's kind of weird!
And kind of sexy.
- Oh, hell. Dang it, Face,
I didn't literally mean
be their daddy.
- Looks like someone
needs a spanking.
- Watch out, ladies, he's about
to put you in time-out!
- Shit!
[Verna]: And even though
my son's new path
was drifting away
from one of his passions,
Merlin never let his journey
take him too far away
from the other,
- Quick, turn on your TV!
A Different World marathon
is on right now.
Remember how your mom would let
us watch reruns with her
when we were kids?
- You know I'm watching it
Dwayne Wayne's about
to crash the wedding,
it's about to go down!
I know.
- You do know he's
the bad guy, right?
Byron was going to be like Obama
and Whitley could
have been his Michelle.
- Robin, you can't be serious
right now.
He's literally saving her.
Whitley is Dwayne's true love.
- Yet he waits for
the last second to speak up?
He should have left her
with Olivia Pope's daddy
and sat down.
- Yeah, all right.
All right, it's about
to go down.
- Whitley, I love you,
and if you'll have me,
I want you to be my wife.
- What the hell are you doing?
- Hey, I'm sorry, Byron,
I love her!
- Die! Yes, die!
- Let him go, man!
- Will you have me, Dwayne,
as your lawfully wedded husband
from this day forth,
to have and to hold
in richer, for poorer?
Baby, please? Please?
- I do!
- It's iconic, Robin.
It's iconic!
- It gets me every time.
- See? Dwayne is the true hero.
- Nope, still the bad guy.
- What if somebody
wanted to stop you
from marrying the wrong person?
- I'd hope he'd have
the courage to do it
before my damn wedding day.
This is real life,
not a TV show.
- Yeah...
I guess it is a different world.
- Is anybody
getting married here today?
- Oh, hey, hey!
- Hey, Slim Sexy.
You ready for your big night?
- Look, man, I'm not sure.
Look, yesterday, those ladies
were way more handsy
than even in our day!
- Yes, they were.
- They got me pacing
back and forth
talking to the Lord right now!
Look, look, I want to help Rita,
believe me.
But I love my wife, man.
I can't be in no room
playing grab ass with a room
full of horny women like that!
- Okay, okay!
- I'm missing my birthmark!
- Look, put it in your solo.
All right, just pick a song.
Pick a song that tells them
what to do.
- And, Luther, I'm sorry to
interrupt, I'm sorry Slim,
but I asked you about the name,
but you didn't tell me
if it was cool yet.
Like, it sounded
good in my head,
but I didn't know
if it was too much
or if it was too...
- Look.
- Nah.
I'm a Chip?
- You a Chocolate Chip.
- You have anything mocha-brown
and sugar-sweet?
- Good choice.
It's the best in town.
- Eve!
- So, what are you doing here?
You're not in Pahrump?
Are you doing some body work
here in Vegas?
- Yeah, you could say that.
- Well, I'm happy to see you.
- What are you doing here?
- I always stop in here
after I drop Amos off
at our sister chapel
to teach Bible study.
[upbeat music]
- Hands off, ladies,
Slim's about to take you
to church.
- I hope I didn't give you
the wrong idea
the last time we spoke.
- No!
- Amos and I are fine,
I just think
we've lost that spark.
- Well, you can always
get that back.
You know what they say
about a spark;
it doesn't take much
to turn into a flame.
- Guess that depends on
who's lighting it.
Do you like what you see?
- Yes, Lord.
- I'm talking about
the menu, silly.
- I was talking about the same
thing you were talking about!
It's like we were reading
the same menu.
- Exactly. Pie. Menu.
- It's weird.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- Um! Um!
Forget church, this is heaven.
Come on, a little cheating
ain't so bad. Little bit?
- No, I got to watch what I eat.
[upbeat music]
- Look at that big old handsome
block of chocolate.
Whipped cream,
rainbow sprinkles,
maraschino cherries!
We're going to change your name
from Big Des to Big Diabetes!
Yo, we're going to need some
more money to cover that body.
- Hey, baby.
You all ladies looking good.
You all looking real good
out there.
I'm Mr. Big,
and it has been 25 years
since we've been on this stage.
And I want to say,
it is so good,
it is so good...
to be back on the strip!
All right, well,
without further ado, ladies,
I'm going to give you
what you all been waiting for,
Mr. Black Magic!
[upbeat music]
[Verna]: And abracadabra!
Just like that, my Merlin...
I mean, Black Magic,
made all his fears disappear
and kept his fans coming back
for more. For real!
Them crazy ladies went lining
up every night
hoping to get a look at what
my baby had up his sleeve.
- Shake your booty!
Oh, that's right,
the Chips are back
and they've never been bigger.
[upbeat music]
Hold on just a second.
Yeah, credit card, hold on.
- All right, there you go.
- But I don't want
any threesomes in the bathroom.
The last time you did this,
we needed a spackle knife
to take it off.
[Robin]: Hey, Merlin!
- Hey, Robin, what's up?
- I have something to tell you,
but it sounds super loud there.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, well,
I'm about to do a show.
- Wow, they sure do love magic!
- Magic is really big out here.
[woman]: Show us your dick!
- Wait, what was that?
- They said,
"Show us your tricks!"
I'm a magician.
They're actually
calling me now, Robin,
so I'm sorry!
We can talk later.
- Wait, wait, Merlin...
- Okay. Bye, bye.
- Bye.
[upbeat music]
- I knew this shit would work.
I knew it would work! I knew it.
- What's that new move called?
- I call it the Apple Pie.
- I like that. Yeah.
- That's a nice ride.
You working that white man
privilege stereotype.
- Stereotype?
Look who's talking, dude.
You've got four kids
and a baby momma.
- Says the man
that wears blackface.
- Never painted my face.
- Says the man
that wears black ass!
I only do it for the show,
it's not like I walk around town
like that.
Dude, there's nothing
you could say
to convince me
that I'm privileged!
- Agreed. There's nothing else
to say.
- You ever heard of a place
called Duke's Diner?
I got some of Eve's receipts.
And I call over there,
and they says
she's been having coffee
every week with her husband,
but I've never been there
- Maybe he's a friend.
- If there's a male friend
who has the audacity
to take his ass over there
and sit with my wife
and have coffee every damn week,
he deserves an ass whooping!
- Come on, you're overreacting.
Eve wouldn't do you like that,
she's not that kind of woman!
- I don't know, man.
The romance has cooled.
And it's crazy,
because I'm out here
shaking my ass for strangers,
but I can't do it
with my own damn wife!
I feel like a damn hypocrite!
I may need to practice
what I preach.
- Maybe you should preach
what you practice.
If you like shaking ass in
front of women,
maybe you should do it
in front of your wife.
If you don't,
somebody else will.
And they ain't going to want
no coffee.
That's for damn sure.
They're going
to want that pussy.
[Verna]: So, as the Chips
blew up again,
word started to spread
and Rita got calls
for some big money gigs.
It's going to be worth it.
- So, Rita dug up some
old ass superhero costumes
and booked Merlin and the guys
for a bachelorette party.
[upbeat music]
- All right, everyone!
- And while my baby was
up there bumping and grinding,
they brought in
the bachelorette.
- Night Man!
- And y'all never going
to guess who it was.
Aw, shit, y'all already know!
- Robin? Robin, oh sh...
- Oh my! Oh, it's so big!
[uncomfortable laughing]
I'm sorry, sir.
[deep voice]: It's fine,
it's fine, it's fine.
Look, I'm sorry
to alarm you, ma'am.
- Hey, wait one second,
Night Man.
Come on, Gia! All I asked
for was spa time, massage,
and to hang with my girls.
I mean, what is this?
- But we did all that, sweetie!
Now it's time to hang
with the guys.
When I mean hang, it's like...
Okay, music, thank you!
[R&B music playing]
[uncomfortable laughing]
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Wait, where do I put this?
Oh... Um...
It's not like that...
[uncomfortable laughing]
- Oh my God, I'm so random!
- Wait, what the hell?
Gia, what are you doing?
You need to take these off!
- No, you two need
to get a room.
You guys are
a regular dynamic duo.
Okay? All right,
I'm going to lock you in a room
until you get laid
or we run out of stripper tips,
whoever comes first.
[Merlin]: Um, great.
[clears throat]
- I'm sorry about all that.
So, you have no keys, huh,
do you?
I guess it's time for plan B.
- Oh, uh-uh! Sorry, we are not
having sex, no.
- No, no, no, no.
I just meant for the cuffs.
For the handcuffs.
Do you happen to have
a bobby pin or...
- Oh, no. But I know where
we can find one.
- I just thought you should know
Robin just left
with one of
these stripper brothas.
- Damn, I can't believe
she would do me like that!
- Yeah, Rob's my girl,
but I would hate to see a good,
fine man like you get played.
- Good looking, I'm on it.
- Of course, B, any time!
You know I am here
for you for whatever...
- I'm on it, thank you,
good looking.
- Literally what...
[lost call signal]
- I think we're in
this room right over here.
- I'm Night Man!
- Right here.
- Oh, nice place.
- As soon as Gia said
she was giving me
a bachelorette party,
I booked this room.
I'm not into that kind
of thing. No offense!
I just don't think
it's appropriate
if you already found
the right guy.
- I see. Um...
But are you sure
he's the right guy?
- Huh... Yeah!
I mean, he's handsome.
His career is on fire.
And everyone says I'd be crazy
not to marry him anyway.
So, yeah.
- But are you in love...
with him?
- What? Damn it!
I can't do this.
- Why don't you just
call it off?
- No, the handcuffs.
I can't open them.
- The handcuffs.
Silly Night Man!
- 911? There's an emergency.
There's a young innocent woman
being taken advantage of
by some strippers
in a hotel room.
Did I mention that
they're all...
- Yeah.
- I'll take one of these.
Hold tight, hold tight.
It's not my first time in cuffs.
- Right.
Guess that's part of your job.
Nice work. Thank you.
I want them to think
they got their money's worth.
Can you stay a while
before you go?
- Sure, sure.
- Thanks.
- I can give you a hand.
- Yeah, I think I need that.
- Yeah, okay.
[soft music]
- You think Merlin's
all right, man?
- Oh, he's good, man.
He's probably somewhere butt
naked with the bride-to-be!
- He did leave his cape.
- I got it!
- Why are they searching
the cars?
- What?
- Why are they checking
inside the cars?
- Can't be for us, right?
- We the only brothers out here.
- Dr. X, you better drive.
- Why, it's your car?
- You're white.
- We all know the routine.
We all get in the back
and we all hide.
- Yeah, but what
are we hiding for?
We didn't do anything wrong.
Come on, guys, I'm not scared
of the police.
- That's 'cause they're
not looking for you, Exy.
- Right.
- Help us out, X.
Drive the car.
- I'm just saying.
- Son of a bitch!
- What?
- It's you!
You're the one who's been
going out with my wife!
It's you!
- You dropped my fucking
- No, you backstabbing bastard!
- She likes pie!
- Guys, guys, chill out!
- It's him! He needs
to chill out!
Tell that snake ass right there
to chill out!
Somebody going down.
- According to your wife,
it ain't you!
That's all I'm saying.
- What did you say?
- I said, "According
to your wife..."
- God! Jesus Christ, Amos!
- I'm going to snatch your beard
off your fucking face!
- Hello, Officer,
what's the problem?
- Oh, just looking for some
thug male dancers.
You are free to go.
- Um, hold on, why did you
call them thugs?
- Because they fit
the description.
- Really?
- Just some ghetto stripper
- I'll have you know, Officer,
I am one of those
ghetto strippers...
Keystone cop, shit,
you got me fucked...
Sorry, I'm sorry!
My name is Dr. Alexander Pike,
I work at Memorial Health.
I'm sorry, I'm insured!
I give to the Policeman's Ball
every year!
- I guess you feel
pretty black now.
- Hey, man, I never understood
all this shit you guys
go through every day
that I don't have
to worry about.
I'm really sorry.
- Don't be.
You know what, it's just like
you said the first time;
we didn't do anything wrong.
It's just how it is.
- You know what?
I got an idea
to get us out of here.
- All right, do your thing,
Baby Jesus.
- Wait, wait, whoa, whoa,
where are you going?
- We're good!
- What are you doing?
- Officer, excuse me,
can I speak to you for a minute?
- Slim, pray, pray for us, Slim.
We going to jail.
I got a thong on,
we going to jail.
- We going to jail, bro.
- I got a thong...
- Hey, you four are free to go.
- What?
What did you show him
in your phone?
- I showed him a picture
of Bambi,
and then I offered him
a free boob job for his wife.
I got to do it for free,
but now we're free!
- All right, well, hey!
- Oh God, oh God!
- He's talking to you.
- I am privileged! Oh God!
- Well, you got the privilege
of driving now.
- Yeah.
- Least I could do.
[soft music]
[Verna]: Next thing you know,
my son woke up in a strange bed,
unsure where he was,
wearing a mask
and some torn leopard panties.
But we all been there,
am I right?
Oh, just me?
- I'm Night Man. Night Man.
I can't go out there like this.
- A stripper
in a superhero outfit?
I can't believe
you just let them run off.
- I didn't know she
had another room!
- And what's up with security?
When I called, they treated it
like it was some big joke.
- Okay, well, you do have
a prank show, B.
- Hold on!
- Well, look who has
their own room.
- So what? I just needed
to be alone. I mean...
- And... are you?
- What?
Of course I'm alone, I swear!
Why would you ever
think otherwise?
- Good morning, guys,
welcome to Vegas!
- What?
Why is the clown in your room?
- Magician!
- Why are you in my room?
- Well, momma said that
you were out here,
so I asked the maid to let me in
to surprise you!
- Okay, then what's up with
the outfit, Mervin?
- It's Merlin.
And a charity magic show
at the hospital.
The kids love The King,
so I'm Black Elvis.
- You satisfied?
How is this going to work
if we don't have trust, Blaze?
- Not cool, Blaze.
That's really not cool, man.
Anyway, if you don't mind,
I just came to take
my old friend out on the town.
- Yeah, I don't think so,
because we got other plans.
Right, baby? We got other plans.
- No, not anymore.
I think I'd rather go be
with someone who truly knows me.
- Okay, it's like that?
It's like that,
so I should just...
I should leave then, huh?
All right. Let's go.
- Oh, yeah. Okay.
- Let's go.
[door opening]
- He's an asshole sometimes.
- I know. Yeah,
I sense it, I sense it.
[upbeat music]
Hey, man, that's my sign!
Don't worry about the door.
- First room service,
now a limo. How do you do it?
- A magician never reveals
his tricks.
- Hey, man! Hey, man,
that's my suit, that's my car!
- Blelvis has left the building!
Drive, drive, sir, please!
- So, you said
he was the only one
in and out of Robin's room
all night?
Whoa, so the clown
is the stripper?
- Humpty is hung!
And he's playing my girl
for a fool.
I better text her.
- Wait, wait, wait.
I know a better way
you and I could show her
who's the real fool.
[Robin]: So, when can I see
your magic show?
[Merlin]: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, this is actually
my week off.
But this trip isn't about me,
it's about you and
your bachelorette party.
- Not really. This trip
is about Blaze.
We came to see Blaze's
first comedy show.
He's been blowing up ever since
he announced our engagement.
- But are you, um...
Are you ready to marry him?
- I have to be.
He made a deal
to livestream the wedding online
as a big event.
Blaze's dream wedding.
- Wait, you're livestreaming
your wedding?
- Yeah.
- That does not sound like
your dream wedding!
I pictured your wedding
as something smaller,
just people you know
and a little less planned.
More free, like you and...
- Damn, that does sound like me.
But the publicity helps him,
so it's all good.
I just wish he knew me
like you do, you know?
For the wedding, he wants me
to wear my hair straight.
But I don't know,
I'd rather go natural.
He's buying me a Chanel gown,
But I prefer something simple.
He literally wants trap music
for our first dance.
I mean, really?
- Why don't you just
tell him that?
Don't you want him to know?
- I want him to want to know.
You know?
Like I just try to be positive,
one day he will.
- How do you do that?
No, seriously,
ever since we were kids,
I ain't ever seen you mad.
- Why bother?
If I trust you,
I can't be mad at you.
And if I don't trust you,
why are we even together?
[soft music]
[Verna]: But just as
Robin was wondering
if her fianc
really had her back,
turns out it was Merlin
who needed to cover his ass.
- There's my Robin.
- Hey, babe.
- I'm sorry about what happened
this morning. I just...
The thought of you being
with another man,
it just drives me crazy.
- Blaze, don't even trip, man,
we're just friends.
- Yeah, no, no,
I wasn't talking about you,
I was talking about someone
who could be competition.
But listen, my warm-up comic
dropped out of my show tomorrow,
and I need a new act.
- What?
- You want me to be...
Tomorrow, do my magic act?
- Yeah. You don't do
another act, do you?
- No, man, of course not!
- So, you're free?
- I'm all free, man, thank you!
- I appreciate you, bro.
I want to catch up with my girl,
but bring your A-game tomorrow.
- No problem, Mr. Blaze, sir.
I'll be there early, too.
- Congrats. Congrats, Merlin!
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
- Yo, can I get some of
this Bulleit bourbon, please?
Thank you.
- Okay, you heard Merlin.
This is a huge shot for him
that could lead to a lot
of really big things.
- And it could also be
the end of the Chips.
So, I say, fellas,
we go out there tonight,
perform like it's our last show.
- Hey, let's go out
with a bang, guys.
Bang, bang!
- Bang!
- Wait, guys, so...
Where's Luther at?
- Honestly, he wasn't too happy
when he heard
that the Chips might be
breaking up again.
- Oh, look, guys,
let's wrap this up,
because I got a private show
with a lady.
- Oh!
Okay, all right!
- Let me get the room, okay?
- All right, guess we better go.
Mr. X here a lot of time
to put on that spray tan.
- Nope, not anymore.
I threw all that stuff out.
From now on, I'm 100 % me.
- What about
stuffing your crotch?
- Okay, 95 %.
I've got to keep
the schlong, man.
Got to keep a big schlong,
you know?
- Get out of here, man!
- Dr. X!
- Yeah.
- Get them, kid. Oh, man!
[Des]: Put on something sexy,
a little...
Wow, this should
be a good night.
We ought to dim these lights,
give it the right setting.
- Cookie Club!
- Going to miss the guys
being together.
- Cookie Club in pink.
Back at it again.
- Some things never change.
Know what'd be a good
color to put this in?
Black and blue.
- Black and blue?
Yeah, uh-huh.
What's up with that, huh?
You think I'm a bitch
or something?
You think I'm going to sit here
while you seduce my wife?
You think that's going
to happen, Playboy?
- First of all, I wasn't trying
to seduce your wife, okay?
I set up your solo
so she could see you dance.
She... loves you, okay?
Tired, ain't you?
I want you to share
the spirit that you have
with these other women
with your wife, man!
- When I was choking you...
did you feel anything?
- No.
[soft music]
- Desmond, I came as you asked,
but I think you got
the wrong impression.
I love my husband
very, very much.
- And your husband loves you.
- Amos, what...
Do you work here?
- Yeah.
We've been helping Rita out
with the hotel.
But the truth is,
a part of me was gone
and I had to find it.
Look, now, I know you're upset,
but I needed an outlet.
I'm sorry.
- I'm not upset
at what you're doing!
I'm upset at who
you're doing it for.
It should be me.
- I didn't think
that's what you wanted.
You're a virtuous woman, Eve.
- I ain't a nun!
All you had to do was ask.
Whatever it is
you've been looking for,
you can share it with me!
- So...
what do we do now?
- I said,
"Share it with me, damn it!"
- Oh.
- Oh.
- I just happen
to have an opening.
[R&B music]
DJ, how about a little
[DJ]: I got you, Slim!
- Oh...
Come on!
[smacks butt]
Oh, oh!
Pray for me.
- That's a good thing you did,
- Yeah, I guess I'm just
a regular old saint.
- Good looking out for me, too.
I see you called my wife.
- Come on, give me
some big brown sugar!
- I didn't call your wife.
- Listen, it doesn't matter
who she came for.
All that matters is
who she's going home with.
Now, go out there and give her
a reason to want to go home.
- Easy for you guys to say,
you both got brown sugar!
- Come on, this brown sugar,
white sugar, it's just sugar!
- I'm about to put her
in a diabetic coma!
[DJ]: Ladies, I hope you all are
ready for some white chocolate!
[rock music]
Go, white boy, go,
white boy, go!
Guess whose credit score
just went up?
- Uh-uh, girls, put your money
back in your purses.
That there is my man!
- All right, all right,
all right.
Now a man with something big
in front of him.
No, not that.
I'm talking about his future.
Yes, coming to the stage for
his final performance
with the Chocolate Chips...
- Jesus!
- Mister...
Mr. Black Magic.
[upbeat music]
- Shake those jewels, baby,
the crown jewels!
Oh, God!
Go, Mr. Black Magic, go!
Go, Mr. Black Magic, go!
Go, Mr. Black Magic, go!
[Verna]: So, as my baby gave
his last dance
with the Chocolate Chips,
it was clear that
he had finally learned
how to do things his way.
Like I've been telling him
all his life,
you have to decide if you are
going to go big or go home.
- Shake 'em, shake 'em,
shake 'em!
- And for Merlin,
there was only one choice.
Go big!
[upbeat music]
- Wow!
Haven't been this excited
for your show
since I was your assistant.
- Yo, me too! Man!
God, I just hope
I don't blow it.
- Now, Merlin, stop.
You know what I'm going to say.
- What?
- Clearly you can do this.
You believe me, don't you?
- I do.
- Oh my fucking...
Everything is so unprofessional.
You all, can I have the stage?
- Hey, babe.
- Babe, I do love you,
but I need y'all to leave.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- So that I can rehearse.
- See you.
- Okay, I'll catch you
later, babe.
- Blaze? Sorry, I know
you're kind of busy.
But I just wanted to say thank
you again
for looking out for me.
- Yeah.
- And I just wanted
to return the favor
by looking out for you,
so listen, okay.
So, about that wedding
you're planning.
Robin not feeling it.
- She told you that?
How do you know that?
- I just know her.
And she's not into all the hype,
you know what I mean?
Like, she's all about small
- Small.
- Personal at her wedding.
And, dude, about the designer
gowns and all that stuff?
She's not really into it,
it don't really float her boat.
Go more like, cultural.
- Cultural.
- Cultural. I'm telling you,
it's the move, it's the move.
- That's the move. All right.
- And she really prefers
old school R&B over trap music.
- Yeah, good looking out.
Good looking out,
I'll keep that in mind.
[Verna]: Finally,
my baby's big night.
I even flew my ass in
to see Merlin shine.
And he was ready
to leave stripper life,
but he still had another
big dick to deal with.
- What's up, y'all?
You all know me.
You just got Blazed,
you know me.
- Blazed.
- Welcome to Blaze's house,
And when you're in my house,
it's all about fun, okay?
So, I have a special treat
for you tonight.
A special treat!
I want to introduce you
to start the show off
to my main man,
the Amazing Marlow!
Come out here, Marlow.
- Did he just call him Marlow?
Internet jackass.
- His name is Merlin.
- Hey, what's up, everybody?
- That's my baby.
- Is this thing on?
Okay, so, it's actually
the Amazing Merlin.
I'm actually here
to perform the art
of presta-digitation!
- Hey, whoa, enough with
the big words, buddy, okay?
But you're here, yes?
- Yeah.
- Because you have
an impressive gift, yes?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's quite impressive.
But let me just tell you
a little backstory.
It's always been a big part
of me since I was a kid
and it just kind of kept
growing as I got older.
- Wow, yeah, well,
yeah, yeah, that's crazy.
Well, I'm glad
that you hung in there.
- I've been hanging.
- Yeah, well, yeah, yeah,
'cause it's clear to see
that you are the total package.
- That shit ain't funny.
- Come on, man.
- You're like a natural.
Like me.
Like I consider myself like
the Michael Jordan of comedy.
Whereas with you, I feel like
you're more of a Magic Johnson!
- That's literally
what I've been saying.
I've been saying that
the whole time!
My mom been telling me that,
- Your mom told you that?
Your mom told you that.
Well, look at the screens.
Like, what do the screens
tell you?
That's you, yeah?
That's you, that's you, right?
[sad music]
[crowd laughing]
- Oh my God.
- That's you, right?
It looks like you, so.
You just got Blazed!
Did homie just trip
on his third leg?
Lady and gentleman,
it's time for us
to suit up. Come on!
- Merlin!
You spent that whole night
with me and didn't tell me?
I don't believe this!
- I think he just did that.
I know you're not laughing.
I know you're not laughing,
Mr. Narcos.
You know what? You're kind
of like a knockoff Narcos.
You probably put baking soda
in that shit?
[Verna]: After seeing
that video,
I realized that my son
had a big secret
he was too afraid to tell me.
But it was hard for me
to be mad at him
since I kept a big secret
from him too.
Merlin, you know I would
never judge you.
Why didn't you tell me?
- I was tired
of being a big joke.
I just wanted
to do things my way.
- But you did.
You came to Vegas,
you pursued your dreams...
- Mom, but it's still
just a dream.
Blaze exposed me in front
of everybody
like a kid
at a talent show and...
The point is;
I'm not a magician!
Okay, I'm...
It's just time to wake up.
- No, it's not!
You have to see it if you're
going to achieve it, baby.
Forget about him, he's a hater.
- Well, that's easy for you
to say.
I just lost the girl
and the job of my dreams.
I can't see nothing good
about it.
- Hey, kid, you need to get back
on that stage
before this fool crash and burn.
You can still save
this shit show!
- Wait, for real?
- Yeah, come on!
- Luther! Um!
Good to see you again, baby.
- Verna? God damn, that's you?
- How do y'all two know
each other?
- Well, the truth is me and
Luther used to get it in
back in the day until
he fucked it all up.
- Well, that's because
you ran out on me
when you caught me
with the waitress.
Look, Verna, you had the flu,
it was...
- It wasn't the flu, stupid,
it was morning sickness!
And don't try to blame me
for your cheating ass ways.
Merlin, I have something
I need to tell you.
That's your daddy.
- What?
- Now, I sent you to Rita so
that you could find yourself
and potentially find him,
and you guys could meet
on your own terms.
- This is your son?
This is your boy?
- That's our son.
Happy Father's Day.
- You funny, mom, that's...
You're being serious.
You're being serious?
- Yes. But we don't have time
to talk about this right now.
- We do have time for it!
What the hell?
Can I get a minute
to process this?
I mean, I've been with this man
for a whole month,
I don't even understand why...
- Merlin!
It's time for you to get
on stage
and live out your dream.
Now, go and do it your way.
You can cuss me out later.
- My way.
- Your way.
- Yeah, okay. Okay.
All right.
- And make that magic.
- Okay.
- That's my boy?
- That's your son.
Especially from the waist down.
- Give Drake his jacket back.
- Hey, hey, what's up?
- I know Drake!
- No, no, he doesn't know Drake,
it's fine.
Hey, I'm about to save the show.
I'm going to save the show.
Hey, what's up, guys?
I hope you remember me.
I'm the Amazing Merlin.
And I'm going to perform a trick
that I've never performed
in my entire life,
and Blaze here is
my little assistant, okay?
And basically, I'm going to
make him disappear! All right?
So, I actually need
your guys' help,
and on the count of three.
[together]: Get the fuck out!
- Man...
- Yeah!
- All right, so, now that
that's out the way,
I think it's time
to get some real magic.
What you all think?
You all think that's cool?
All right.
[Verna]: And just like that,
my baby performed
his first Vegas magic show.
Meanwhile, outside,
Blaze was about to get clowned.
- Boim!
[circus music]
- Hey, look, guys,
I don't do free handouts.
- We don't want your money.
We just saw your act.
Let me tell you, it sucked.
I just wanted to come out here
and give you a joke.
What did the bowling pin
say to the balls?
- I don't... I don't know.
- Welcome to the club!
That's clown life, baby!
[upbeat music]
[Verna]: I'm telling you,
my baby was a star.
It was a night
he always dreamed of.
Everybody was feeling the love!
[soft music]
Well, everybody except Merlin.
Because even though
he killed it onstage,
he had lost Robin
and found out who his dad
really was
all in one night.
So, the whole thing
was kind of bittersweet.
And so, by the next morning,
he was just...
- Let me guess;
it's for your migraines?
- No, I'm getting high.
I invited the guys here
to celebrate.
I'm selling the hotel.
When my buyer saw us packing in
that house,
they stopped lowballing me.
I'm going to be
a rich old bitch!
- That's good, Miss Rita.
That's real good.
I'm glad reviving the Chips
worked out for you,
because it sure came back
to bite me in my ass.
- Yeah, I heard what happened.
I'm sorry.
But I heard your magic show
kicked ass.
I also heard about
your little family reunion.
You better go talk to Luther.
You've been around him enough
to know that he's a good man.
- Yeah, he is.
- Everyone deserves
a second chance.
[soft music]
[phone ringing]
[Verna]: Hey, baby,
we need to talk.
I know you're hurting,
so don't shut me out.
Okay, look...
- Don't take it out
on your momma, Son.
- Oh, so, what, it's Son now?
- Okay, whatever
you want it to be, kid.
Listen, I'm just saying don't
take it out on Verna, all right?
I was wild when
we started dancing.
The Chips started blowing
up and blew up quick!
I mean, temptation
was everywhere.
And I fell all in it.
Your momma, she was, you know...
She got hurt and so she left me,
took off to LA
I wanted to find her.
I wanted to say, you know,
"Verna, give me another chance."
- Yeah, sure you did.
- Oh, if I'm lying, I'm dying.
Lookie here.
I even got her a proper ring.
She deserved it,
and I wanted to make up
for my past mistakes.
You know, I wrecked
my car and my leg, and...
it took a lot out of me.
I mean, I was young and dumb.
- Well, age ain't made you
no smarter.
- Okay, I'll take that.
I'll take that.
But who's being
the dumb one now?
I know what a mistake it is
to lose the right woman.
I just don't want that
to happen to you.
- So, you think I should chase
after Robin?
- Well, she ain't chasing
after you.
[Rita]: Merlin, there's a girl
in the Cookie Club
here for you.
- Don't be so sure
about that, Pops.
Hey, hey, hey, guys.
Uh, what's up?
Is there like a girl here
or something, for me?
- Yep, right there.
[clears throat]
- Hi, Merlin.
- Hey, Gia.
- Look, I don't have
a lot of time,
but I wanted to say I'm sorry
about last night.
I took the video,
but I didn't know
what he was up to.
You seem really nice,
and I know you care about Robin,
so I felt like
you should know...
they're getting married today.
Seems Blaze got it in his head
to surprise her
with some resort wedding
away from the strip.
Unless someone wants
to speak up.
- So, what you going to do,
Mr. Magic?
What you going to do?
- I don't know, Luther,
I can't stop a wedding
by myself.
- Can't, can't, boy!
I told you about
that word can't!
There's no such thing.
- And you're not by yourself.
Your brothers got your back.
- All right, well, thanks, guys,
but it's not like
we got invited.
How are we going to get them
to let us in?
- I wonder;
have they hired a pastor yet?
- Yeah, it wasn't hard in Vegas.
I'm about to confirm one
for Blaze now.
- Ah, ah, ah, baby girl!
You just found one!
- And a security team,
like we used to do
for Luther's old routine.
- But only if Mr. Big is in.
How about it?
Ready to get back on your feet?
- Huh? Well, it has been a long
since I've been out the game,
Hell yeah, I'm in!
Let's go do what we do.
- Please just put that away,
I'm only coming to whatever
this surprise is
because I feel bad you got
jumped by a motorcycle gang.
I'm still mad at you for
what you did to Merlin.
- Hey, it wasn't me who
lied to you, okay?
Now, trust me,
you're going to love this!
Get in. After you. After you,
my love, come on.
She's going to love this.
It's going to be great!
[Merlin]: Mom, hey, hey, mom.
[Verna]: You okay, baby?
I'm riding back to the airport,
but I can turn around
if you need me to.
- No, it's fine. And you know,
I can't even really talk
about that right now.
The guys are waiting
for me outside.
But Robin is getting
married today...
and look, I'm thinking about
trying to stop it.
- What the hell, Merlin?
- Yeah, I know it sounds crazy,
right? I know.
- Ain't nothing crazy
about love.
Hell, I've been feeling
a little crazy
after seeing Luther last night.
We all need a little
crazy sometimes.
Go get your girl.
- I will. Yeah, I will.
I will, mom.
I love you.
I love you, thank you.
- Uh...
[clears throat]
Can you pull over
so I can change clothes?
Close your eyes, though.
You know what?
You ain't got
to close your eyes.
So, Merlin texts me the address
and then got ready
to go get his girl back
while Blaze had other plans.
But just like
I been telling y'all,
plans don't always come true.
Because it was about to pop off!
- Oh my God!
- Mm-hmm!
- Blaze, what is this?
- Yep. Surprise.
It's your dream wedding,
girl, right?
- Oh my God!
- This is a little more you,
you know what I mean?
- Yeah.
- It's, like, intimate.
I even had a gown
made by a local designer
because I wanted to match
your spiritualness...
- Oh my God!
- And your natural beauty.
Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah, it's...
It's the most beautiful thing
I've ever seen.
- Surprise.
- Blaze, I never knew
you knew me this well.
- Oh, I know you.
Hell, yeah.
Now all you gotta do
is get dressed,
and walk down that aisle
and say those two magic words.
There's the dress. Look at that.
- Gia! What are you doing here?
I am absolutely shocked!
- I need to take
a picture of that.
- This is beautiful!
- Oh, girl, you ain't seen
nothing yet.
Let's go, come on.
- Where are we going?
- To go get ready.
- I'm going to see
you later, baby.
- Bye, babe!
- Yeah.
- Where are we going?
- Hey! Where's my suit at?
- You sure I look good?
This look good?
- You look great.
- Okay, um...
I'm going to need some
time alone with Robin,
but I can't get to her
with Blaze around.
So, look, I'm going
to need a distraction.
- Listen, boy, the one thing the
Chips know how to do
is distract people.
- Hell yeah, let's do it!
Look at us!
We got on Luther's old outfits.
And Luther's old music.
- Yeah, but do we get
the old Luther?
- Hell, yeah.
It's showtime, fellas.
- Luther's back!
- Let them through,
please, okay?
This is the Pastor and
the groom's personal security.
Blaze is expecting them.
That's all you have to say.
All right, let's go.
[upbeat music]
- Thank you.
- We back.
- We back.
- You can do this, Robin.
All you have to do is say
those two magic words.
- It's only magic if it's true.
[soft music]
- Merlin?
What are you doing here?
- Look, I'm stopping you
from marrying the wrong guy.
You're about to make
a big mistake, Robin.
- No, the only mistake I made
was believing you.
Here I was doubting Blaze,
but it turns out it's you
I can't trust.
- You can't trust me?
- Meanwhile, Blaze knew me
better all along.
I mean, look at this wedding.
- No, he didn't.
- Where were you,
and why are you so hot?
- I'm cool, I'm cool!
Super cool.
Yeah, but it's about
to get hotter.
- Well, hello. Hello.
Hey, now. Hey, people.
- Who's this guy?
- Hold up. Hello, hello.
- He's the pastor.
- This the person you hired?
- Yes, yeah, no, trust me,
he's huge in Vegas.
- Hello! Girl...
- He does not look
like a Pastor.
- Yeah, hey.
Good people, we came together
today so that we can join
two people who are destined
to be together.
That's a love
that cannot be denied.
It's a beautiful thing,
it's a special thing.
It's a special day.
It's a special day for me,
it's a special day for her.
It's a special day for him.
It's a special day for you!
It's a special day for humans!
- Amen!
- Amen!
- Yeah!
Yeah, because, you know,
make no mistake about it.
I done made some big mistakes,
let me tell you.
Let me tell you,
I lost the woman
that I cared for the most.
It's terrible when
you make a mistake
and you lose your soulmate.
If you got somebody
that you love,
hold on to them tight!
You understand me?
Make sure you...
Make sure you find somebody
that got your back.
Because when the chips are down,
the Chips are never out.
So, listen here, good people.
When you find somebody,
and if you're lucky enough
to find somebody that loves you,
you better jump on it!
Jump on it!
[upbeat music]
- I told him everything,
I told him what you like!
This is me. This wedding is me.
- Wait...
Wait, wait, wait.
So, you're saying
all of this was your idea?
- Yes.
- You told Blaze for me.
- Yes, Robin!
- So, who am I supposed
to marry, you?
- Yeah.
- It's not a damn TV show.
You got to go!
- So, I'm the bad guy now?
- How can I believe
anything you say anymore?
I'm done, like,
I'm done with this. No, don't.
- Robin, come on.
[upbeat music]
- Can you stop?
Can you all stop?
Can you all stop?
Can you stop this?
- Come on, Robin,
let me just talk to you!
- Son of a bitch!
- I don't even mean it
like that!
Well, I did mean it
like that, but just...
- Robin!
- Hey, hey, hey!
Hey, Frank, film this.
I'm about to kick
this motherfucker's ass.
Get me in the shot, come on.
I'm going to kick
this motherfucker's ass
for crashing my wedding!
[upbeat music]
- You know how it is.
You remember?
[breathes shakily]
I got you smiling again.
- Why don't you tell her
who told you what she wanted?
- Man, shut, man, shut up.
Get this. Shut up, okay?
No one's going to believe you,
because he's a clown, okay?
- I'm a clown. Who gives...
Yo, I'm a stripper, too.
Hell, I'm even a liar!
But you know what I'm not?
I'm not a fake!
You don't love her like I do.
- I'm the one she's marrying.
- Boy, you got these cameras
going all the time.
It's all just one big act!
- You about to hear my vows,
- Wedding vows? Let me tell you
the wedding vows that I wrote.
"Do you, Robin,
take me, Merlin...
to be my first kiss?
To make magic with me,
to watch old tv shows together?
To always make each other laugh,
to always have
each other's backs?"
See, because she is my Whitley.
And I'm in love with her.
- I'm in love with you, too,
[Blaze]: Wait,
what did she just say?
[soft music]
- Merlin.
- Did you mean it?
- Of course.
I love you, Merlin, so much.
- Yeah, I know.
And unlike him...
- I was going to Blaze her
ass at the altar, anyway.
- I know you.
You know?
Will Robin marry Merlin?
- I mean, is this what
you want, Merlin?
- I want a different world.
Do you?
- I do.
- Wow, those words
really are magic.
- Well, then...
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
[upbeat music]
[Verna]: See, just like
when I get a massage,
my tale had a happy ending.
Merlin got his girl,
somehow Robin magically
got my damn wedding ring
with that little ass diamond,
Luther finally got to be a dad,
and we buried the hatchet.
And by hatchet,
I mean his dick in my vagina!
We're going to go ahead
and make you a little sister
or brother, okay?
- Momma, really?
- I got about four eggs left.
- I'm going to scramble
- So, husband,
are you retired now?
- From stripping?
Yeah, absolutely.
- What if I want you
to dance for me?
- What you mean, like...
I mean, that can be arranged.
Back in the hotel room, later?
- Uh-uh! Uh-uh!
What if I want it right now?
- Right now?
- DJ!
- Robin, don't do this to me.
- Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like
to bring to the stage right now
Dr. X, Mr. Body, Mr. Face,
Mr. Slim Sexy, Mr. Big,
and the one and only
Mr. Black Magic!
Ladies and gentlemen, I bring
to you the Chocolate Chips!
[upbeat music]
[Verna]: Like I said,
Merlin and Robin
have been crazy about
each other from day one.
So, while we get our dance on,
it's time to let them get to
the best part of the wedding,
the honeymoon!
You all know I meant fucking,
So, come on, here's to love.
Here's to the future.
Here's to magic.
- Raise your hand
if you fought a tiger.
- Bam!
- Hit them with it.
- Bam!
- Double it up.
- Who's talking? Who's talking?
- Well, come on in here.
By the time you get in here,
I'll be on the stage butt naked.
- I heard it.
- Good living and good pussy.
- Stop messing around, Merlin.
- Okay. I'm not messing
around! I'm stuck.
Oh, shit. Robin?
- Help!
- Amen, talk about the Lord!
- Get... wrong way!
- Cut!
- Yo, how do you open this door?
- Use your dick.
- Earl said, "Well, yeah,
I'm not where I should be."
I said, "Don't show me,
but if you could give me
an example."
Well, Earl sent me
a goddamn cup!
Yeah. So Earl's dealing
with a fucking sardine.
- Shake it, shake it,
shake it, shake it.
- Huh! Baby,
talk about the Lord!
- You see these calves?
Ladies love them.
Can't get them at the gym.
Literally you can't.
They're implants.
- Talking, who's talking?
I'm talking.
Who's working?
I'm working.
- It should be two, then slide.
That's what I was trying
to tell...
- See? Perky, right?
- Maybe you need
a second opinion.
- Jesus, Bambi! Stop having guys
put their hands on your tits!
- Took that orangutan! Huh!
- You wanna come back
to the party with me?
- Hell, nah. I got plans.
- Huh? They want to do
all that right there? Huh?
- Get the hell up out
of my back door!
The fuck do you think this is?
- Did we get it right?
- All right, all right,
all right.
Sit your asses down!
- Say it again.