Bad Asses (2014) Movie Script

- Stand up, asshole.
- I don't want any trouble. Leave me alone.
I can kick your ass while you're
sitting down or standing up. It's your call.
- Fuck his shit up, Raymond.
- Yeah.
You might
remember him as Bad Ass,
the bearded hero who
stood up for an elderly
gentleman on an S.C.
Transit bus...
and became an overnight
Internet sensation.
Because of his heroic
efforts, Vega was made
an honorary police
officer this morning.
Mmm. Mmm.
Oh, God, you're better than
an alarm clock, Baxter.
Mmm. Good boy. Good boy.
Good boy. Okay,
okay, okay, okay.
Enough kisses.
Ay, yi, yi, yi, yi!
Hey, okay!
Cut the crap out, boy.
No need to get your nuts in my face.
You know what? There's a
pharmacy two doors down.
They started selling hearing aids.
You oughta get yourself some.
Having a sale this
week on Depends.
Your chance to stock up so
you don't crap yourself.
Wow, Bernie. That's the nicest thing
you've said to me in three years.
Yeah. You goddamn welcome. Shit.
Stay in the middle.
That's it.
Watch it. There we go.
Right there.
Defense! Defense! That's it.
That's it.
Stay up there. That's it.
That's it.
Let's go. Let's go to the body now.
Come on.
Do some body work.
Do some body work.
Let's go! Body!
Body. That's it. That's it.
That's it.
That's it. Okay.
All right, Manny. Two jabs and a right
hand. Two jabs and a right hand.
Oh! Oh, shit.
Damn, Manny.
You tore his head off.
Jesus Christ, Frank. I'm sorry.
Come on.
Come on, Raymond. Hey!
Is he all right? Yeah, yeah.
He's okay.
Come on, Raymond. You all right?
Come on.
I think I'm gonna
stick with Ping-Pong.
No, you'll
be all right.
- Round one begins.
- Now, check this out.
Look. Look right there.
Look. See?
See how he favors his right?
He does it every time.
You gotta make him use his left.
That'll open him up.
That's what she said.
Aw, come on, Frank. We watched
this, like, 23 times.
I got this.
Alvarez doesn't have a
chance on Saturday.
But remember, you can...
never be too prepared.
I know.
I got something for you.
Oh, Manny, you didn't
have to get me anything.
Just wanna say thank you
for helping me get here.
I never thought I'd have
a chance to turn pro.
Hmm. It's wrapped and
everything, huh?
Shut up.
Just open it.
Oh, man.
Now, what the hell am
I gonna do with this?
Well, I don't know.
How about everything?
It's time you joined
the rest of the world.
Hey. I'm 68 years old.
I've gotten along without
one of these up until now.
Besides, this must've
cost you a bundle.
How did you afford it?
Just saved up for it.
I gotta jump.
You got a date?
Something like that.
Um, I forgot.
I put something
on there for you.
Just turn it on there
and-and tap the screen.
I'll see you tomorrow. All right.
Get some sleep.
Hey, Frank. Pretty nice, huh?
Now you won't have to freak out anymore
when you can't find a pay phone.
So I just wanted...
to say thank you for
being there for me...
and for believing in me
when nobody else would.
I don't know where I'd
be if it wasn't for you.
You've been like a
second dad to me.
And I love you.
I love you too, Mihijo.
Manny! Hey!
Adolfo. Purvis. Drake.
What's up, brothers?
I just got your text.
Got here as quick as I could.
Came from across town.
Oh. Muchas gracias.
I really appreciate that.
So, uh,
maybe you could
help me out here,
but I'm a little confused
about something.
Um, have we not
taken care of you?
Yes, of course. Oh.
So why do you take from me?
What are you talking about?
Come on. Don't insult Adolfo.
Look, I'd rather you stick a
needle in my eye than insult me.
So I'm gonna give you one more
chance to answer correctly.
And you'll feel liberated, which is
a wonderful thing to feel, Manny,
before you die.
It's just you and me now.
Oh, goddamn it. Miro la
concha de tu hermana.
My bad.
Let's get the hell out of here.
Don't just leave him there.
Pick him up!
What the hell are you thinking?
Hey, Malark. Come by for a beer?
Frank, I'm sorry.
It's Manny.
They were two peas in a pod.
I'm sorry?
Manny and his dad.
They were inseparable.
Once his dad passed away,
his world shattered.
And then you came along.
You changed his world.
He was a great kid.
Will you play Barbies with me?
Oh, honey.
Not now, okay? Maybe later.
Hey, you know, I've played
a few Barbies in my day.
Can I play?
Okay, I'll be the purple one?
Okay. Come on.
Is this like Mermaid Barbie?
Uh-huh. You want anything?
1, 2,
3, 4,
5, 6,
7, 8-
Don't peek! Don't peek!
Okay. My eyes are closed tight.
9, 10.
Here I come, ready or not.
Where's Julia?
Okay. Where is-I
hear something.
Uh-oh. I hear something.
Where is she?
Where is she?
Ah! There she is. No fair.
I wouldn't have found you
if you had a secret door.
I want a secret door. Please!
Well, we'll have to
talk to your mom.
Talk to your mom about what?
A secret door, Mommy.
It's great for hide-and-go-seek.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, I was the hit of the neighborhood.
Well, that sounds like fun.
Thank you, Mommy!
That's the first time I've seen
her smile since it happened.
That's a wonderful little girl.
You're gonna find the animals
who killed my baby, aren't you?
- The police are doing everything they.
- No, they're not.
Mrs. Parkes-I know who you are,
Mr. Vega.
What happened to you on that
bus wasn't an accident.
You were meant to do good in a
city that desperately needs it.
You know, I-I've got to go.
I have to-I have to go.
Good night, Mrs. Parkes.
Hey, Bernie, you all right?
You all right?
Don't you got enough
to worry about...
than to come in here and
meddle in my business, huh?
You know,
they got medication for
that problem of yours.
Boy, what you know
about my problem?
I know that you haven't been out of
this place since I've lived here.
They call that agoraphobia.
I know. I-I googled it.
So all of a sudden you a doctor.
Where you study-Tijuana Tech?
Why don't you just get yourself
out of here and don't come back.
Go find yourself another store.
Hands up!
Hey, get the hell out of my store
before I blast all of you!
Feisty old bastard, huh?
We ain't got no money.
Just get out of here.
We'll forget the whole thing
ever happened. Or what?
You're gonna run me
over with your walker?
Open the damn register, Morgan Freeman.
Screw you!
You wanna be a hero, too, gramps?
Oh, no.
All right, back the fuck up then.
I got you. Okay, okay. Sorry.
Bernie! Bernie, you all right?
I didn't need your help.
Aw, you could've fooled me.
All good. Thank you.
What is it with you
and liquor stores?
It's just not a good mix.
This one wasn't worth it, is it?
- Grumpy old son of a bitch.
- If you damn fools would patrol the neighborhood...
instead of stuff in' your faces
with pastry every now and then,
this crap wouldn't happen!
You heard anything about Manny?
No. But we know it
was drug related.
No way. Not Manny.
Not drug related.
Frank, we found 300 Hapacol pills on
his body the night that he was killed.
That's 5 grand street value.
I'm sorry.
But it looks like he
was a major seller.
All right, everybody, listen up!
Hey, everybody!
Get in here.
What's up, man? Come on.
Listen up!
If I catch anybody here...
making, selling or using drugs,
I will personally break both your
legs and use your arms as crutches.
Now, do you hear me?
- Now, do you hear me?
- Yes!
Drugs are for losers.
Only winners come in here.
Don't make me say it again.
Tucson, come on.
Sit down.
All right, let's have it. What?
Don't bullshit me.
How long was Manny dealing?
I swear, Coach. I have no idea
what you're talking about.
Manny would've never got involved in
any of that stuff. You know that.
You better not be lying to me.
I'm not lying.
Go on. Get out of here.
Yes, sir.
Yeah? Ginobli.
Expecting a cold?
Look-Coach, I can explain, man.
Please don't break my legs.
Please don't break my legs.
How long was Manny selling?
I don't know.
I'm running
real thin on patience.
How long was he selling? Okay, okay.
A few months.
But he was only doing it
to support his family.
He was gonna quit once he
turned pro this weekend.
Man, he didn't want you to know.
He knew how
disappointed you'd be.
And what about you?
Come on.
Where we going?
To see your friends.
Wait, wait. No. No, I can't, man.
They'll kill me.
Uh, no, they won't. Why not?
Because if you don't take me
to 'em, I will kill you first.
Now come on.
You sure I need to
be here for this?
Step back.
Oh, shit!
Hey, hey, we're pacifists.
And vegans.
No, no.
All right, listen up, gentlemen.
Anybody in here tries
to get in touch...
with my friend, Mr. Tucson...
either by phone, text,
e-mail or Instagram...
or any other form
of communication...
I'll kill you.
Now, do we understand
each other?
Okay. I'll take that as a "Yes, Mr.
Vega, we understand."
Come on, Tucson. Let's go.
Well, no.
Not exactly to that extent.
But what I can tell you is that
we are making great strides...
implementing safety and law
enforcement measures to-.
How should I say it?
Preserve peace and
extend the lives...
of the citizens of
our great country.
Ah, hijo mio, Adolfo.
I want you to meet the senator and
his lovely wife, Mrs. Raskin.
- This is my son, Adolfo.
- It's a pleasure to meet you, Senator. Mrs. Raskin.
I'm sorry to interrupt, but I
need to speak to you in private.
Es importante. Of course.
Please excuse me for
just one moment.
I do apologize.
Shut up!
You've given
me a place to go...
and a reason to get up in the morning.
You've been like a second dad to me.
And I love you.
Hey, come on! Open up!
I- I wanna buy a case!
Aw, sh-Hey!
Come on! Are you in there?
I'll take my business
somewhere else!
Bitch. Damn.
One, two, three, four
assholes in front of me.
Five, six-I'd better
find a big stick.
This smart-ass is him.
Hey. Didn't I beat your
ass, like, a few days ago?
You made a big mistake
by coming over.
Next time I'll bring a dessert.
Smart-ass old bastard.
Hell of a way to go out.
You know, your boy Manny, he went
out crying like a little bitch.
Get up!
Clear out, guys.
It's time to meet
your maker, old man.
You okay, Vega?
I didn't need your help.
You could've fooled me.
Come on.
Yeah, here we go.
You broke my fucking ribs.
Okay, who killed Manny?
Fuck you.
Fuck me?
Who killed Manny?
You're a little sensitive there.
All right, now,
who killed Manny?
Okay, okay. It was Adolfo.
It was Adolfo.
He ordered the hit.
Where can I find Adolfo?
Fuck you.
Oh, God.
I don't know.
I don't know, man. I don't know.
I guess he couldn't
take the ribbing.
There were two things I
was good at growing up.
Hockey and fighting.
Yeah, hockey, fool.
You have a problem with that?
No. I mean, I just never seen-.
A black man play hockey? I had to
deal with that shit my whole life.
Nobody wanted to see it,
so I had to fight my way all the
way up to the minor leagues.
Had at least two
fights a night...
with some honky...
who didn't like colored
folks on the ice.
And then the day I
dreamed of finally came.
I was gonna get called up
to-to the big leagues.
I was gonna be the first
to play in the N.H.L.
And just like that,
It was over.
In my final minor league game,
with the Quebec Mounties,
the Cracker brothers blindside
checked me into the boards...
and blew out my knee.
I never played again.
My life was never the same.
At least you walked
away with your health.
Well, I don't-I don't
have that either.
Yeah, I've got some rare liver
disease that no one ever heard of.
Doctors are confused.
I'm too old to be on a donor
list for a transplant.
And, uh-So I got
6 months tops.
I'm sorry, Bernie.
What you sorry about?
It wasn't your fault.
I'll be fine. Yeah.
The way you going, you'll
be dead before me anyhow.
Why'd you help me?
I owed you one.
Now-Now we're even.
I sure appreciate it.
And I'm impressed.
You finally got out
of your place.
Yeah, well, it's about
time I changed my life.
Yeah, I figure, what do
I got to lose, right?
Manny was a good kid.
Don't see that a lot.
So, you gonna find this Adolfo?
Oh, yeah.
Need a hand?
Could always use an extra one.
So let's go get those
son of a bitches.
Boy, what the hell you got on?
You look like a Guatemalan tourist.
Well, rather that than a
walking billboard for 7UP.
And what you got in that packet?
Oranges and Chiclets?
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Here. I got a fanny
pack for you too.
Not me. You keep that for yourself.
I ain't putting that on.
Whose is this?
It's mine. Who the
hell you think it is?
"Whose is this?"
I would've thought D.M.V.
took away your license by now.
They did.
Come on, baby.
Well, what you expect?
It's been 25 years since I
been down in this shithole.
I've forgotten how uncomfortable
the damn city bus is.
Damn hemorrhoids is flaring up.
Come on. Come on.
Just walk it off.
Now what, Kojak?
We get 'em to let us in.
What's next?
Oh. Here.
Damn. Age before beauty.
What now?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
No need to always get violent.
Ah. Looks like they
knew you were coming.
What's the next move, Columbo?
Listen, Carmen.
You're gonna help me.
I can't do it, Frank.
The last time I helped you,
it almost cost me my job.
And as of today,
I have 17 years,
62 days, 14 hours,
32 minutes and 55 seconds...
before I retire and receive my
extraordinarily fat pension.
You will not mess that up.
Carmen, sweetheart, look,
you will help me because...
You're never gonna find
Someone who wants you
Like I do
Franklin, don't start
nothing you can't finish.
You know this booty can go two or three
rounds before I really get started.
And if you're good, you
can bring your friend.
I like threesomes.
He was like a son to me.
He was gonna do big things.
They took his life.
I can't let 'em get
away with that.
And neither would you.
I mean it, Frank. You cannot take
any of this stuff out of here.
Don't do like you did last time.
Do not take this
stuff out of here.
God, I love you, Carmen.
Well, I'll leave my door
open this evening...
so you can show me just
how much you love me.
And bring Green
Machine with you.
I told you about that outfit.
Look. He's got a pickup
from some guy named Hammer.
Yeah, I see.
And here's his address.
Holy shit. Hey, fellas, this
is E.B.M., not A.A.R.P.
We're looking for Hammer.
He's busy right now.
Well, you best tell
us where he is...
before I put my
foot up your ass.
I thought you said there
was no need for violence.
Different situation,
different measures.
Listen, Social Security.
This is a fraternity rush party
for freshman students...
in the year 2014, not 1932.
So if I were you, I would get
the hell off my property...
before I put my
foot up your ass.
Where's Hammer?
Okay, okay, okay. He's, uh-He's-He's-.
Upstairs, third floor, room five.
Room five!
See? It wasn't
that hard, was it?
This here's a hip-hop anthem
Everybody in this
motherfucker stand up
Ladies in the place
put your hands up
Fellas, make a loud
noise like a handgun
Fuck off! I'm busy!
I'm here for a pickup!
Screw you!
What the hell?
- You Hammer?
- Get the hell out of here!
Hey, little lady.
What's your major?
Where can I find Adolfo?
Fuck you.
Didn't anybody teach you
to respect your elders?
Let's take a little off the top.
Where can I find Adolfo?
So I'll probably score a double
major and graduate in five.
I mean, what's the rush, right?
The real world's not
going anywhere.
I couldn't agree with you more.
I'd do the same thing.
Don't! Help!
Okay, okay, okay.
He has a beach-He has a
beach house in Malibu.
- Okay. Where in Malibu?
- I don't know!
No! It's called.
It's called Villa
Costa or some shit.
But he's only there on weekends.
Just stop!
Nice cut. Mazeltov.
Give me that.
Hey, Bernie!
I like you, Bernie.
I like you in that "I've
never had a father figure",
so now I'm trying to
"by getting with an older
man" type of way.
Bernie, let's go!
I'm sorry.
I gotta run, Jessica.
Oh, so soon?
Well, Facebook me!
We got big issues.
You're interrupting Adolfo
during his me time.
Not in the mood for
issues, Big Black.
And you know I wouldn't if it wasn't
important, but this shit's important.
Okay. Come on. Out with it.
Looks like one of our highest profiting
distributors just shut down today.
That old dude came in and kicked
the shit out of everybody.
What old dude? You know.
The old dude. Bad Ass.
I thought we had eliminated him.
We almost did.
Then some other old
dude came in and-.
What? Came in and what?
Came in and kind of
kicked all our asses.
Excuse me? You're saying a couple of old
dudes beat the shit out of our guys?
Yeah. But they're not
your typical old guys.
Trust me.
They're more like bad asses.
I don't fucking
care who they are!
Okay, well, this is simple.
If you can't take out a
couple of geriatrics,
then I'll bring in
someone else who will.
And then I'll have
them kill you.
That sound fair? Huh?
Now, you're cutting into
my seaweed-wrap hour,
so get the fuck out of my face.
Hey. Did somebody call
for a secret door?
So I put all
your apps in their own personal folder.
- What's that?
- The family tracker app.
I linked it with
my mom's phone...
so you can always know
that we're safe and sound.
My brother used to
do that with us.
Look, your brother
really loved you,
and just because you can't see
him doesn't mean he's not here.
So you got to remember...
that no matter what you
do or where you go,
he'll always be
watching over you.
Knock, knock.
Hey there.
I thought you two might be thirsty.
So, how's it coming along?
We're ready for the
big unveiling.
Come on. Ooh!
Voila! Oh, wow!
It's so cool! I love it.
I exactly know where I'm
gonna put my Barbie jumper,
my American Girl and
my Blue's Clues!
So cool.
Okay, you've got a
broken head gasket,
three dead spark plugs, a
busted radiator and no gas.
- And what about this gun?
- Boy, put that back.
I'm not even sure that
thing even works anymore.
Yeah, that's what she said.
Okay, so besides
everything you said,
what kind of shape's it in?
Look, Coach, it's a lot of work.
It's gonna take some time.
Well, get to it.
Yeah. Get to it.
I guess I'll get to it.
Yeah, I don't get it.
What's that?
not a child.
I mean, why you putting
that dog in a day care?
Well, Baxter's more
than just a dog.
He's my best friend.
Best friend, my ass. In Korea,
they'd be eatin' him right now.
listen to him, Baxter.
He's got emotional issues.
Yeah, that's for sure.
Aw, shit.
You all right?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Lasts a
couple of minutes,
then... I'm good as new.
You know, they got people all
over that'll... donate like a...
kidney or lung or
something, man.
Man, I'll give you a
piece of my liver.
Who you-You kidding?
Yeah, you think I
want a 69-year-old...
tequila-soaked organ of yours?
And forget about 6 months.
I'll be dying in 6 weeks.
- You okay?
- What?
If it's any consolation,
mine looks worse.
This is all that's left.
Drink up.
I'm assuming you got some
good insurance coverage.
I got insurance.
I don't know how good.
What are you doin', Frank?
I'm not in the mood for a Malark
lecture right now. All right?
Oh, yeah?
Well, the people you're dealing
with are extremely dangerous.
You're lucky you weren't
here when it happened.
Not to mention those kids.
It's a sign, Frank.
Leave it alone and let
Homicide deal with it.
Actually, Officer,
it was my fault.
Excuse me?
Uh, yeah. You see,
it was my idea.
And my man Frank here, he was
just along for the ride.
Are you kidding me? You're teaming
up with the grumpy old man?
I'm not that grumpy.
He's gotten less grumpy. Okay.
Just lay off the case.
You hear me?
I don't wanna hear about you guys stepping
anywhere near it. You understand?
You fellas need a place to stay?
No. No, we're all right.
It's okay.
Iay, Dios mio!
Are you okay? Yeah.
He's Bernie. Bernie.
Hey. Rosaria.
- You okay?
- Yeah.
All right. There you go.
I'm gonna bring in some extra blankets
'cause it gets colder in this room.
A bunk bed? You gotta be sh-.
You know what? This is great.
Thank you so much for bringing us in.
Are you kidding?
It'll be nice to have a
little company around here.
Not to mention how much I
appreciate what you both are doing.
All right. Looks like
I'll take the top bunk
'cause I don't want your
butt falling on me.
Make sure they use
the gate for safety.
Don't need a gate.
Slept in a bunk
or two in my day.
They had bunk beds back then?
All right, little lady.
So that's how it's
gonna be, huh?
Hey, Bernie. You up?
You know, I can keep doing this thing.
You don't have to-.
Boy, you better shut your mouth
before I coldcock your ass.
Good night, John-boy.
Shut up.
Rise and shine, boys.
Jules, honey, don't.
Let them sleep.
I'm so sorry.
Bernie, how'd you end up there?
I don't know.
I must have fell.
Told ya you needed the gate.
Okay, honey. Come on.
Sorry, guys.
You all right? Doesn't that
liver ever give you a break?
It's not my liver.
I had some of Rosaria's
leftovers this morning...
and I've been pissin'
out my ass ever since.
I don't know if I'll be able to do
that beach house thing with ya.
I gotta get to a bathroom,
and I'm gonna be there
for a long time.
We'll find you a bathroom.
Just don't do it here. Don't do it here.
You all right? Yeah.
Can I help you?
Oh, hey.
Yeah, I was supposed to meet my friend
here. Guess he hasn't made it home yet.
Resident's name?
Uh, Adolfo Herrera.
You look familiar.
Yeah, I been here
a couple times.
No, no, no. From someplace else.
TV or somethin'.
Are you an actor? Who, me?
Are you kiddin'? Wish I was.
Those guys make all the dough, huh?
Tell me about it.
I've got a cousin, he shot one of those
insurance commercials. Took in five figures.
He worked one day.
Can you believe that shit?
Meanwhile, I'm driving around in this
piece of crap for 10 bucks an hour.
Sucks balls.
Anyway, if no one's
comin' to let you in,
I'm gonna have to
ask you to leave.
He told me to wait
for him out front.
I'm sorry.
It's homeowners' rules.
Well, rules were
made to be broken.
Shh. I'm not gonna hurt you.
Who the fuck are you?
I told you I didn't want to fight.
Bad Ass!
What do you want?
You killed my friend
Manny Parkes.
How do you want to
die, motherfucker?
Oh, finally...
I get the pleasure to make
your acquaintance, Senor Vega.
I didn't order the hit.
- Who did?
- I don't know.
Back away, Vega.
I'm really sorry to barge in here, Mr.
Herrera. The side door was open.
You done good, Steven.
Really? 'Cause I was
hoping for a raise.
Hey, hey! Hey!
Don't push it.
as for you, Senor Vega...
I don't appreciate you barging
into my place of residence.
I'm a-I'm a recluse, you know.
I'm not big on visitors.
But you can relate. Right?
So, my friend,
I'm gonna have to say good-bye.
If I were you, asshole,
I'd step the hell back.
Actually, I think you
better step the hell back.
You motherfucker! Oh,
you motherfucker!
Now, where were we?
Who made the hit?
My father, you fuckin' asshole!
My father. Okay, good.
Now that we're seein' eye to
eye, where can we find him?
The consulate!
- What consulate?
- The fuckin' Argentinean consulate!
A lot of security at
them consulates, Frank.
My uncle used to work at
the Uganda consulate.
They ran that joint
like Fort Knox.
Where else can we find him?
I don't know.
Well, then text him!
Are you fucking insane? You want
me to set up my own father?
Text him now.
Oh, shit!
Buenos tardes, senores.
Care to sit?
If I wasn't an
officer of the law,
I would kill you right now.
Well, that never stopped
the rest of the L.A.P.D.
You have the right
to remain silent.
Anything you say can be held
against you in a court of law.
It's never going to
stick, gentlemen.
You have the right
to an attorney.
Leave a nice tip.
We got him.
Thank you.
Can we go to Chuck E. Cheese?
Can we go to Chuck E. Cheese?
Please? Please?
Sure. Of course we can. Sure.
Thanks, Uncle Frank.
That was so much fun.
Hey, that was so much fun
we're gonna do it again.
I want you to have this.
Oh, wait. You won that.
That's yours.
I know. That's why I want you to have it.
It can keep you safe and sound.
Oh, it's beautiful.
I'll never take it off.
It was so sudden.
He had been complaining of chest
pains earlier in the day,
and then three hours later
he had a heart attack.
I'm so sorry. He was so young.
It was toughest on the kids.
Thank goodness for work.
Kept my mind off things.
What exactly do you do?
Residential real estate. I can
help you buy your next home.
Boy, I'm sure in the
market for one.
What about you?
What did you do before all this?
I owned a hot dog cart.
A hot dog cart? Really?
Yeah. Yeah.
Same location for
almost 40 years.
And then Baxter got cancer,
and I sold the house to
pay for his treatments.
With the money left over,
I bought the center.
Well, the kids absolutely
adore you there.
Well, they're great kids.
Manny was the closest thing I
ever came to having a son.
I know, Frank.
There was a strong connection.
Same with Julia.
You have a wonderful
little girl there.
Oh, man. She is a pistol, right?
And she's only five.
I can't imagine her at 16.
Boys don't
stand a chance.
You're a very special
man, Frank Vega.
You have a genuine spirit.
People gravitate to it.
Me included.
Well, you know, I just-I
try to do the right thing.
Well, then the right thing
would be to kiss me.
Never mind me. I'm just
lookin' for some fro-yo.
So you are covered-water damage,
fire damage and electrical.
And we'll also cover the expenses
of a temporary new space...
until the renovation
is complete.
So I won't have to pay a thing?
No, you're covered.
- Vega, you got a minute?
- Yeah. Excuse me.
I don't have to pay a dime.
Fully covered.
Hey, that's great, Frank.
But listen, Frank.
They let Herrera go.
- What?
- He's an untouchable.
He's got diplomatic immunity.
You mean he can murder somebody,
deal drugs in our neighborhood,
and they let him go?
You got any real proof?
Yeah. I saw it with my own eyes.
How could you let him go?
I've made my peace that you're
gonna do whatever you want.
God knows you're not
gonna listen to me.
But this thing-Unless you have
undeniable concrete proof,
this guy's never
gonna go to jail.
It's a no-win.
You hear what I'm sayin', Frank?
It's a no-win.
Looks like your boy brought
himself some protection.
Follow that Escalade.
You bring your wallet?
Good. 'Cause I think this
shit's gonna be expensive.
Meat packing?
What the hell is
Herrera doing here?
We're gonna find out.
But first pay the man.
- What do I owe you?
- 83.85.
Jesus Christ!
Wait here. Okay.
Thank you.
Bring it over here.
No, you gotta pick 'em up...
You gotta pick 'em up.
What the hell we doing, man?
Oh, shit. Wait.
What's wrong?
Nothin'. Just-Just keep goin'.
Boy, we ain't got no time
for checkin' inventory.
Check this out.
They were importing the
stuff through the meat.
Straight from Argentina
into our neighborhood.
Has a bill, has a-.
What, uh-What are you doing?
Uh, good day, gentlemen.
I'm Agent Black, this
is Agent Brown...
- from the F.D.A.
- C.D.A. Health Commission.
We've been here all
of 15 minutes...
and we've discovered two
severe health code violations.
You wanna tell me how
you got in here?
Boy, don't worry
about how we got in.
If I were you, I'd worry about how
we shut this toxic shithole down.
Now go get your
supervisor for me.
And if I were you, I'd
show me a fuckin' badge.
Mr. Brown, show him the badge.
Just show it to him.
Badges? We don't need
no stinkin' badges.
What the hell type of answer was that?
I didn't know what to say!
It's called improvising. You'd better learn
how to do it 'fore you get us both killed.
You'd better learn
to shut your mouth!
Is that the kind of respect I get for
helpin' your ass? I don't need your help!
We give up!
So what time is
dinner being served?
I can't imagine it's
gonna be chicken.
Why have chicken...
when you Americans
love my fresh meat?
You gentlemen just
don't give up, do you?
That's commendable.
But I told you it
wouldn't stick.
Yeah, it's gonna stick.
Oh, you see, that's where
you are wrong, Mr. Vega.
I am what you might
call untouchable.
I can do whatever I want
in your pathetic country.
If I want to go 120 down
P.C.H., I can do that.
If I want to sell drugs to the
neighborhood, I can do that.
If I want to kill...
one of my dealers who's
stealing from me,
you know I can do that.
So what you're saying...
is that you're just a
low-life drug dealer.
I'm an entrepreneur.
I'm building an
empire for my family,
just like your beloved Kennedys.
They made their millions
bootlegging alcohol.
I'm doing the same
thing, but with drugs.
Es lo mismo.
The only difference
is I'm above the law.
You see? Untouchable.
you and I have a little
score to settle.
Replace the inventory
you destroyed,
or pay me one-quarter
million dollars in damages.
Reach into my fanny pack
and get my checkbook.
Miabuelo had an old saying-.
"Un testiculo por un testiculo."
I know it's similar to the
"eye for an eye" thing,
but it's more graphic,
more relatable.
And besides, I just
like it better.
in exchange for you
taking something from me,
I'm going to take
something from you.
Sound fair?
My people on the inside...
tell me you've become pretty
close with Manny Parkes' mom.
I find that very sweet.
I don't know what
you're talking about.
Oh, but you know exactly
what I'm talking about.
Leave her out of this.
She's got nothing to do with it.
She has everything
to do with this.
Just like clockwork.
Unfortunately, I must leave.
But I'm sure you'll find you're in
good hands with these two gentlemen.
Let's make it real
cozy for them, guys.
Drop it down to three degrees.
I bid you adios.
"I love to hear the
wind, Patty says."
"And I love how things look beautiful
in the rain, says Alice."
"Well, I love snowflakes, says Jasmine."
"When I watch them float
around, I want to dance."
Did you just read that?
Yes, I did.
You, mi chica,
continue to amaze me.
Uh, stay here, honey. Okay?
Get the fuck up and check
the rest of the house!
Shit don't look good.
There's gotta be a way outta here.
Not until we freeze over and they slide
our asses out in one big ice cube.
Yeah, that c-c-cold
hurts, don't it?
I cut myself.
With what?
With Julia's bracelet.
Th-Th-The charms are
as sharp as razors.
Hey. Hey.
You've made progress,
but still not enough.
You still want it?
Damn Mexican MacGyver!
Hang on, buddy. Hang on.
Hurry up, man.
My left nut is frostbit. Shit.
Okay, guy. Ready?
Oh, shit.
All right, man.
You got it. You got it.
Oh, shit. You all right?
Okay-Oh, sh...
It's just my fake hip.
I gotta realign it.
Yeah. All right. I'm okay.
All right, let's go.
Out cold, bitches.
Yeah. Come on. Let's go.
You made him wait? You a clever
Mexican, man!
Yeah, and you're
gonna pay, bitch.
Hey, hey, you-you
taco-eatin' motherf...
I'm really sorry things ended up
the way they did, Senora Parkes.
Especially with your son.
But it's time for a new
chapter in your life.
I think you'll make somebody
very happy in Argentina.
Or the Middle East. I hear they
go crazy for Latinas. Who knew?
Julia! Julia!
Rosaria! Julia!
Julia! Julia!
Help! Help! Help! Help!
Ooh. Oh, baby.
Oh-oh! Okay, okay. Okay, okay.
It's all right.
It's all right. It's okay.
It's okay.
I heard a few different voices.
They made a lot of
scary noises...
and took Mommy with them.
Don't worry, sweetheart.
We're gonna find your mommy.
They could be anywhere
by now, Frank.
You can always find
her on your phone.
What? Remember? Let me show you.
That's right!
You're a good neighbor, Diane.
It's okay. Don't worry, Mr.
She's in good hands.
Yeah, I know. Thank you so much.
You'll be all right.
Okay, sweetheart?
Please bring back my mommy.
I promise.
Come on.
Hey-hey! Hey!
What happened to the cab?
Are you kiddin'?
That was a $90 fare.
I couldn't afford to
keep it here any longer.
How we supposed to get there now?
I didn't see you-.
Someone call for a Bronco?
They're heading towards
the mountains.
Doesn't this thing
go any faster?
You're lucky this
thing even runs.
We fuckin' hired the
dumbest people.
Oh, you stupid motherfucker.
Vega and his fuckin'
buddy got away.
We need to find them
before they find us,
and we gotta figure out what the
fuck we're gonna do with her.
Put Drake in the sky.
We getting close?
I can't tell.
There's three dots on the screen.
- I don't know which is which.
- Just pick one.
There they are!
Stay on their tail!
What the hell?
They got a
ghetto bird after us!
- Damn!
- Hold on.
I knew the four-wheel drive
would come in handy one day.
Shit! Where'd those
old bastards go?
D.M.V. don't know shit!
This boy's got mad skills!
Hold on, baby. We're goin' suicide!
Oh, shit!
Ain't no 20-year-old got
reflexes like that.
All right, let's see 'em follow
us through this. Oh, yeah.
Yeah! I think
we lost those assholes!
Oh, shit!
We gotta shake 'em off!
Where the hell you get that?
Parting gift from
The Expendables.
Ah! Take that!
How you like us now, bitch?
Did I ever tell you I really
like that fanny pack?
Mama always said, no driving like a
maniac 30 minutes after you eat.
- Here.
- Okay.
You all right?
I don't how much longer I got,
but if I'm gonna go out,
I'm gonna go out in style.
There they are.
I think they're on us. What?
Goddamn it!
This motherfucker won't stop!
Pull up next to him!
Come on! Go, go, go!
Shoot him!
Son of a bitch! Shit.
Come on! Catch him!
- Come on! Catch up to him!
- I ain't gettin' my ass shot at again.
- I said catch 'em!
- You a mean son of a bitch. You know that?
Hey, you fuckin' pussy! I got
a fuckin' ice pick in my eye!
So suck it up and let's
get the hell out of here!
Hey, muchachos.
I call shotgun!
Hey. Hey.
Hey! Hey!
Where is she?
I'm gonna ask you one more time,
and then this finger is
goin' in your good eye.
No, no! Okay! Okay. Okay.
Hola, hijo.
It's me. Vega.
I got your boy.
What do you want?
An even trade.
Rosaria for your son.
Meet me at the Elysian
Park helipad in an hour.
Just you and her.
Bring anybody else,
and you'll never see your
little "mihijo" again.
He's gonna be a no-show.
Would you leave your
kid high and dry?
If he was a scum-sucking
son of a bitch, I would.
Guess he didn't want to miss
out on his Father's Day gift, huh?
You've got bolas, Vega.
I like that.
I might have some opportunities
for you, my friend.
Could be very rewarding.
Where is she?
Wanting to get right
down to business.
I respect that.
Hey! Take it easy!
Your turn.
Had an accident on the way.
You might want to mop him up.
That's embarrassing.
Okay. On three.
One, two, three.
It's gonna be all right.
- Someone's in the back!
- Adios, senor Vega.
Shit still works.
So, what are you
gonna do now, Vega?
You can't put me in jail.
I'll be out within an hour.
And we all know you
can't just shoot me.
I'm a diplomat, for Pete's sake.
But... I do know you can fight.
Just like your boy Manny.
You would've been
so proud of him.
But in the end, he was
no match for my men.
Frank, stop!
Hey! Drop it!
Not bad, Vega,
for un viejo conchudo.
Come on, Vega!
Show me something!
It's my turn now, bitch!
That's for Manny, puto.
please call...
All right, drop your weapons!
Everybody put your hands on your head!
Little late, aren't ya?
Sorry. AT&T.
I didn't get your text until
10 minutes after you sent it.
Don't matter if it's
AT&T or Verizon.
The police don't
show up for shit.
They got their heads so
far up their asses...
worrying about black men
jaywalking in white neighborhoods,
they don't have time to worry
about serious crap like this.
I thought you said
he was less grumpy.
He is.
Frank, where's Julia?
She's safe and sound.
She's with Diane.
Thank you, Frank. Thank you.
He's dead.
Huh. Well, goddamn then!
Looks like I found me a liver.
Hey, fellas, just
don't stand there.
Hurry up and get
that shit on ice!
All right,
honey, time for bed.
Good night, little one.
Good night, big one.
Mommy? Yeah?
How do we work it out for
Frank to stay here forever?
Go to sleep, sweetie. Okay?
Okay. Good night.
You know,
she does have a good point.
What's that?
Living here. What?
Just until the center's ready and
Bernie recovers from surgery.
And if you decide you wanna stay
longer, I'm fine with that too.
I have to tell you, I'm
a terrible roommate.
Really messy.
Perfect. I like to clean.
I go to bed late and
I wake up early.
Hello. I'm a mother.
You know, this could just work out.
I think so.
Don't mind me. I'm just
grabbin' myself some pie.
Well, I think you're in
the wrong room for that.
Bernie's nurse, huh?
Oh, my God!
To Bernie. To Bernie.
Here we are
Dancing to life
Takin' all in our stride
Without a care
Just you and I
We move along with the tide
Making all kinds of plans
For a life A life to share
Yeah, yeah
Then with a kiss that sings
Oh, yeah, that diamond ring
I surrendered all
To you
Cards cut, got an ace
It all falls into place
I can't wait
To say "I do"
(SPEAKING) And then
the man said...
"Do you take this man
to be your man?"
I proudly said
"I do"
Here we stand
One year to the day
When I found my way
My way to you
Now hand in hand
Oh, for the whole
world to see
Two golden bands to
lock two people up
You and me
We said "I do"
We said "I do"
I proudly said
I proudly said "I do"
You married me
I married you
I proudly said
"I do"
Yeah, yeah, uh
Look, it's game time Someone
thrustin' a quarter in me
Ready for victory 'cause
competition was boring me
I got my kicks on
Got my lazy slacks
Settin' up shop as we
comin' down the block
Bad boys on the block
steppin' with my crew
Got my own team I don't
need to mess wit' you
Livin' legends I'm ready
to get to reppin'
Keep throwin' the Hail Mary
I'm ready to intercept it
Ready to ride I see
the fury in your eyes
This sweat suit is
nothin' but a disguise
Ready to ride I'm
takin' over, surprise
When I look at my watch that
lets you know it's my time
Ready for action Yo,
we ready for action
Ready for action Yo,
we ready for action
Ready for action Yo,
we ready for action
Ready for action Yo,
we ready for action