Bad Girl (1931) Movie Script

I'm 'most frightened to death.
Sure, after you've done it eight or nine times,
you won't even give it a thought.
- Gee, Dot, you look swell.
- Am I all right?
Well, there goes
the maiden's prayer.
I wonder how I'll act.
It's like diving overboard-you never know
how the water's going to be till you hit it.
- I'm so nervous.
- Say...
if I could look like you
in a wedding gown, I'd be a bigamist.
Come on.
I say, isn't that girl
in the bride's outfit a new model?
Why, yes. She's a salesgirl downstairs.
We're trying her out.
She's got my okay.
These guys usually make wisecracks.
Don't let it bother you.
I know all the answers-
men have been insulting me for years.
Say, beautiful.
Doing anything tonight?
I'm taking my two
pet fish out for a drive.
There'll be room for another
if you'd care to go.
Don't talk back to them.
You'll get fired.
When they deliver baloney at my door,
I always give them a receipt.
Honestly, if I ever met a fella...
that didn't try to date me up right off
the bat, I think I'd fall on his neck.
He'd probably be too weak to hold you up.
Oh, men are all alike.
Rich or poor-
when it comes to women,
they've only got one idea in their head.
Take those fellas out there today-
When they didn't try to date you up...
you could tell what they were thinking
by the way they looked at ya.
And it isn't only those
swell society guys either.
Ridin' the subways during the rush hour,
fellas brushin' up against you-you know what.
Or sit in the theater.
Right away some stranger...
takes a seat next to you
and that knee business starts.
- You said it.
- Don't I know it?
- Well, I'm off. Good night.
- Good night.
After all, I guess
nature made men that way.
It's their great weakness.
And how we women
encourage that weakness.
- Well, I don't.
- Oh, no. I know you don't, Dot.
- Oh, Mlss Haley.
- Yes, Mr. Thompson.
- Good night, Dot. Good night.
- So long.
I just wanted to tell you
how awfully well you did this afternoon.
- Oh, thank you so much, Mr. Thompson.
- You were marvelous.
It's been such a hot day-
I thought you might like to take a drive.
Oh, I'd just love to,
Mr. Thompson, but, you see...
- my husband's a prizefighter.
- Oh.
Yes. And he heard about a fella here in
the store who tried to make a date with me...
and he's waiting downstairs
now to beat him up.
- Well- Oh.
- Yes.
Well, you know, when I asked you to take
the ride, I had nothing wrong in mind.
Oh, no, Mr. Thompson.
You see, I never think of things like that.
Well, good night.
Gee, Dot, that husband prizefighter
gag's a pip.
I'm gonna use that one too.
- Don't men ever think of anything else?
- Well, hardly ever.
What are you looking at the river for, baby?
You ain't expecting anybody, are ya?
Yeah, my grandfather's
swimming in from Europe tonight.
I got ya. Well...
when the old guy gets here,
give him my best regards.
You think you can spare any?
Hey, Dot.
- Hey, Dot. Come on. I've got something to show ya.
- What?
- There's a fella over here who won't flirt.
- There ain't no such animal.
- On the level.
- His wife must be watching him.
No, he's all alone.
A girl can't get a tumble.
A girl can't get a tumble?
Wanna bet a quarter?
- That you can make him speak to you?
- Yeah!
- All right. A quarter.
- The bet's on. Where is he?
Come on.
d You want a little sweet
Come, come, say pretty please d
d Come on, baby
and beg for it d
d You want a little kiss
So pucker up like this d
d Coax me
nice and gentle, baby d
- d Maybe I'll fall dd
- Hey. Do you have to do that?
- I'm singin'.
- I had an aunt once who used to make noises like that.
She called it neuraliga. "
Neuralgia must run in your family.
Yeah? Well, listen, kid.
If you want to prove that something
runs in your family, this is the spot.
You got a clear deck.
- I don't know whether I won or not.
- I'll ask him.
Hey, mister. I bet her a quarter
she couldn't get you to talk to her.
- Which one of us wins?
- Oh.
So you're a couple of
them smart janes, huh?
No, we're not. But almost
every fella we meet makes a pass at us.
When my girlfriend here said you
wouldn't flirt, I just couldn't believe it.
I suppose you think
when you pass by...
guys just naturally drop dead.
- No, I don't.
- If you don't want them to flirt with you...
what do you dress like that for?
You wear those clothes for what?
To show off the curves of your body.
Look at the waist.
What's that so low for?
Yeah. So some guy can get an eyeful.
And your dress is deliberately made
for the wind to blow up over your knees.
Listen, sister. If you don't want guys
to salute ya, take down your flag.
You're like all other janes.
If a guy makes a pass at ya,
you wanna call out the police.
And if he don't,
you wanna call the army.
- You don't seem to like me.
- I think you're a pain in the neck.
Well, my name is Dorothy Haley.
You ain't kiddin' me a bit.
You're like all the other fellas.
You just have a new line. That's all.
- You'll be making a pass at us yet.
- We'd make a great team-
with my- and your conceit.
- Oh, hello, Edna.
- Hello there,Jane. How are you?
- Hey. My sister's over here. Come over, will ya?
- Okay.
- d Come on, baby d
- Hey. Hey.
- d You want to dd
- Please. Please, will ya?
My nerves.
Hey. Ain't there any other tune
you can almost sing?
You ain't told me your name.
- Joe.
- I used to know a fella named Joe.
He drove a Ford.
Did you ever meet him?
Well, I might've, at that.
No. No.
The guy I knew drove a Chevrolet,
and his name was Fred.
No. It couldn't have
been the same guy.
- Oh, you're quite a kidder.
- Yeah, you're pretty fresh yourself.
Just fresh enough.
Say, what makes you such a grouch?
Janes like you.
You work all day in some store...
and then you rush home to sleep
at night in some stuffy tenement.
And you'll be content to do it
for the rest of your life...
because you're just a good-time girl.
This is where you wanna be,
with a lot of saps like that...
yellin' their heads off and thinkin'
they're enjoying themselves.
You ain't got brains
enough to realize...
that now is the time
you oughta be saving your money...
and trying to make something
better of yourself.
- Well, you're here, ain't ya?
- I'm here to get fresh air.
But you notice I ain't spendin'
any dough on you, don't ya?
Not even an ice cream soda.
Say, listen, you big stiff.
If you think I'm worried...
about you buying me an ice cream soda,
you're crazy.
I wouldn't be found dead with ya.
Thanks for bringing me home.
I had a swell time.
Well, do you want to see me again?
Oh, I should say not.
But accidents will happen.
Well, I gotta go.
I gotta go upstairs now.
You see, my mother's dead,
and my brother's boss of the house.
He gets sore when I stay out late.
You know, he's careful for me.
But as Edna says,
you can't watch a girl hard enough...
to keep her good
if she don't want to be.
Get 10 cents'worth of potato salad too.
Don't brlng Llmburger.
I don't want the flat all smelled up agaln.
Oh, I know what to get.
Gee, I wish she wouldn't holler
down the stairs that way.
It don't give the house no class.
My mother always used to
holler down the stairs.
She did?
So's my old man. He sold his coat
for a drink and caught pneumonia.
He was a terrible lush.
Gee. My old lady was nice though.
- Hello, Dot.
- Hello, Paula.
Geez. Everything
lives in this house.
Nobody'll speak to her
anymore but me.
It makes my brother sore when I do.
But as Edna says, nobody knows whether a person's
good or bad but the person themselves.
And they won't tell.
This Edna jane does most of
your thinking, don't she?
Edna's swell. She's got a kid almost seven.
She's a widow.
Jerome 7...
Her mother's been awful sick.
Hello? Esther?
You better come over.
Now, Esther...
you gotta control yourself.
I had just looked at the clock.
You better stop in at Mr. Levant's.
Esther, you gotta get
ahold of yourself.
There's things to be done.
Your mother, Mrs. Gardner?
- Yes.
- Oh, I'm so sorry for you.
Thanks, Miss Haley.
Still stays hot out, don't it?
Do you want me to
go up with you, ma'am?
Thank you very kindly.
I'm all right.
I'm just a little tired, I guess.
Good night.
- Good night.
- Good nlght.
You know, a tenement house
like this is awful funny.
Here her mother's dead
on the fifth floor.
And only this morning...
on the second floor...
Mrs. Mills had a new baby.
Yeah? Well, she didn't do
that kid no favor.
- What do you mean?
- I mean bringing it into the world...
where she ain't got money enough
to take care of it.
Oh,Joe, that's
a terrible thing to say.
What's the kid
got to look forward to?
Starvin' himself to death
in some tenement.
Born on the second floor and...
probably die on the fifth.
His whole life spent in climbin'
three flights of stairs.
- Oh,Joe, you're terrible hard.
- Yeah?
Well, here's one guy's
gonna beat this game, see?
No poverty, no pinchin',
no scrimpin' for me.
I got $580 saved up, see?
In a couple of months,
I'm gonna have my own radio shop.
Yeah. Gee, there are a lot of things
in life besides just money.
Yeah. Sure there's a lot of things
in life beside money.
But you gotta have money
to find them.
I gotta go now.
My brother will
lay me out in lavender.
I went to Coney Island once
and didn't get in till midnight.
Was he sore.
He hit me in the eye.
- He did?
- Yeah.
- Say, do you want me to go up with you?
- Oh, no.
- That'd only make it worse.
- Yeah?
Well, no guy's gonna hit any jane
I go out with, brother or no brother.
Oh, he just wants to see
that I keep straight.
- But as Edna says-
- Ah, who cares what Edna says?
I gotta go now.
I told you not to
brlng any Llmburger cheese In here.
I won't have the flat
all stunk up!
Well, It don't smell after It's eaten.
There's a tenement for ya.
A woman dies, a baby's born...
and a guy's wife
won't let him eat Limburger.
Gee, you're a funny fella,Joe.
In fact, you're the first guy I ever went
out with that didn't try to get fresh.
Well, I gotta go now.
Say,Joe, you know,
I like you an awful lot.
You'll probably be just nutty enough
to call me up at the shop.
The number's Schuyler 4...
Four, 65, 83.
That's the way I always remember numbers.
Well, good night.
So long.
Hey. Walt a mlnute.
My name ain'tJoe.
It's Eddie Collins.
Just a moment.
Oh, Eddie.
Oh, Eddie, uh, will you have this gentleman's
set finished by tomorrow morning?
Yes, sir. I'll work on it tonight.
You've got a great set.
- Mmm. Your wife will enjoy that.
- Oh, I haven't any wife.
- Oh.
- That's why I'm able to pay $300 for a radio.
Well, there's something to that. Of course,
if you keep your radio turned on all the time...
you have the effect
of a wife anyway.
- Yes.
- Oh, that's good.
Ah, you hear?
That fella's got the right idea.
Eddie, now, you take
a lesson from him.
Don't get married.
Not a Chinaman's chance.
He's been getting a lot of telephone
calls lately, Mr. Lathrop.
- Ah.
- Well, I'd hate to see you making any mistake, Eddie.
Why, you can have your own
little place in six months.
- But not if you let a woman get a hold on ya.
- Oh.
I never even think about it.
That's the danger. Do you suppose any man
would ever marry if he thought of it?
Why, I can't even talk to a girl.
You know, it's funny
about me that way.
I'd like to be nice to women.
You know, say nice things to them,
like fellas can.
I can't though.
I think of nice things to say.
But when it comes to putting 'em into words-
I only say something
sarcastic and mean.
- Hello?
- But me get married?
- That's a laugh.
- Well, I hope so.
Yeah. Hey, sheikh.
Hello, stupid.
How are ya?
Sure, it's me.
Yeah. The same place.
In front of Loft's candy store.
Listen, unconscious.
Be on time.
I ain't waitin' for any dizzy janes
on a street corner, see?
Waiting for me, baby?
- I'm waiting for my husband. He's the cop on this beat.
- Excuse me.
- I was just going.
- Well, ain't that swell.
Say, you got a lot of nerve letting me stand
out there in the pouring rain.
Gee, I didn't know it was so late.
I got to foolin' around with this thing.
Ain't it a pip?
It'll bring in anything from KGO to L20.
- No kidding.
- Yeah. Sweet job, huh?
Come here, and I'll show you
what I had to do with it.
What do I care what you had to
do with it? I'm not Marconi...
or Edison or whoever
invented the thing.
- I'm standing out there-
- All right. My mistake.
Radio's my job.
I'm gonna have my own store soon.
- I thought you were interested in my work.
- I am interested, Eddie.
But, gee, I got a right to be sore,
standing out in the rain like that.
Well, after all,
you can't saw sawdust.
What kind of a crack is that?
You can't saw sawdust. "
I mean it's done.
All I can do is say that I'm sorry.
- Do you forgive me?
- Well, I got a right to be sore.
All right. You're sore.
What are you kicking about?
- Well, I got a right.
- All right.
- Well?
- Well?
Aw, come on.
Say you forgive me.
Aw, come on. Come on.
Come on. Say it.
Come on. Come on.
How'd you ever find the place?
I remember you said it was
on the third floor in the front.
Come on. Take your coat off
and stay a while.
Oh, no, Eddie.
Let's go to a movie, huh?
Ah, look. It's raining
cats and dogs out.
- Well, I can't stay here.
- What's the matter with this?
My brother would rip me apart if he knew
I was alone with a fella in his room.
Suppose your landlady found me.
Gee, she'd think I was a tramp or something.
Ah, they don't expect
nothing raw here.
This ain't no $12-a-day hotel.
Ah, let's wait downstairs then.
It might rain for an hour yet. Let's stay
here where they have ashtrays and things.
I gotta go. Besides, it ain't right,
my being alone here in the room with you.
- Did I ever get fresh with ya?
- No.
But I ain't that kind of a girl.
I don't go to fellas' rooms.
Listen. I got other things
to think about, see?
I'm gonna have my own store soon.
I was talking to the boss about it only today.
Oh, gee, Eddie.
That'll be swell.
None of that mushy stuff for me.
- Give us a kiss, will ya?
- Oh. None of that mushy stuff, huh?
Ah, well, a little
of it's all right.
- Come on. Take off your coat and stay a while.
- Oh, no. I can't. Oh, no.
- Eddie, now-
- Come on. Take it off. Come on.
- Take that hat off.
- Stay- Oh, no.
- Eddie, I'm not gonna take my hat off.
- Come on.
- Oh, now you're-
- Take it off.
Oh, gee. I didn't know
it was as late as that.
- Ah, it's early yet.
- Well, I gotta go.
Stopped raining.
Hey, lookit. There's a fella
trying to kiss a girl.
- Here.
- Oh, Eddie.
Oh, Eddie, please don't.
I gotta go.
Aw, gee.
You can't be with me two minutes
but you gotta pull that I gotta go" gag.
Aw, no. But you don't understand.
I must go.
You'd think I was
poison or something.
- Oh, no, but it's getting late, and I can't stay any longer.
- I know. You gotta go.
Aw, Eddie. Don't get mad.
I'm not mad.
But you're always talking about I gotta go. "
Well, I do have to go.
It's only about 4:00.
Yeah, but I've never been out
later than 12:00 in my life.
Oh, my brother will kill me.
Aw, gee, kid.
Please don't do that.
If I could only find Edna.
Aw, can't you do anything
without Edna's help?
My brother's stuck on her.
If she was there,
he wouldn't be sore at me.
At least he wouldn't holler.
He's got a terrible temper.
Well, you want to go over
and try Edna's house again?
No. If she was there,
she'd open the door.
She must be sleeping at her aunt's.
- Come on.
- What are you gonna do?
I'm goin' up and tell your brother
you were with me.
No. You can't go up.
There'd only be a fight.
Aw, there wouldn't be any fight.
He'd make one crack, I'd hang that in his jaw,
and the fight would be all over.
Oh, gee, Eddie.
I like you a terrible lot.
- Okay.
- Oh, don't just say...
- Okay. "
- Aw, gee, kid.
I ain't much, and...
well, you-you know...
words don't seem to-
- Aw, what are you bawling for?
- Oh, Eddie.
Aw, gee, kid.
I'm sorry.
It's all my fault.
Me staying out till 4:00 in the morning.
What'll I do?
I tell ya. You can say we were
gonna get married.
- Oh, he'd find out we weren't.
- How?
When we didn't.
Well, we would.
- We would?
- Would ya?
You mean you're-
you're asking me to marry you?
Oh. Oh, sure I will, Eddie.
I'll love to marry you, Eddie. You'll never
be sorry or anything, honest you won't.
- But I never thought you meant we'd really get married.
- Neither did I.
- Oh, well, Eddie, if you want to back out, I won't-
- Oh.
- So you want to make an argument out of it, huh?
- No.
Listen. I never back out ever, see?
And let me tell you something.
You ain't puttin' nothin' over on me neither.
- I don't-
- Not a thing. If I didn't think...
you were the swellest jane in the world,
I never would have given you a tumble.
For me, nothing but the best, see?
So if you've got any idea
in your nut that I'm the kind of guy...
runs around asking any jane
to marry him, you're crazy.
Oh, gee, Eddie, you're a scream.
Why, you can-you can even make a fight
out of a proposal of marriage.
But you ain't kiddin' me.
You try to make out
you're hard-boiled...
but you're not really.
Why, you've got a heart as big as anything.
- And you're square too.
- Hooey.
The kind of a fella
a girl can depend on.
I was in love with you
almost the first time we met.
Oh, you're fine and decent
and tenderhearted.
Oh, Eddie. You're just the sweetest guy
in all the world.
- Okay.
- And we can be happy.
Lots of people
are married and happy.
I'm slck and tlred of It.
...whlle you stay out tlll 4.00 In the mornlng-
I sald enough Is enough! Get out,you plg!
That'll never happen to us.
- I should say not.
- Well?
- Do you want me to go up with you?
- No.
I'm not afraid now.
I'm not afraid of anything now.
You know...
it's sort of like
not being alone anymore.
Yeah. It is like that, ain't it?
When'll we be married?
In the morning.
And I'll take the day off.
I'm kind of happy about it.
Well, what do you know about that?
Oh, Eddie.
Good night, kid.
Good night, darling.
- Eddie.
- What?
Hey, cab.
Hello, Edna.
What are you doing here?
Jim come over to my house about
an hour ago to see if you were there.
He was worried about you,
so I came back here with him.
I, um- I couldn't remember
the name of that hospital...
you said you were going to
to visit that girl.
She must be worse, huh?
Your staying there until almost 4:00.
You mean well, Edna,
but that's a lot of hooey.
- Where were ya?
- Where do you think, Edna?
- I'm gonna get married.
- No.
So, it's as bad as that, huh?
What do you mean
it's as bad as that?
I thought girls brought their fellas around
and showed them off first to their families.
They do in families where
they ain't treated like prisoners.
Yeah? Well, not that you'd have
brains enough to know it...
but I've been a pretty good
brother to you, see?
I've been a father and a mother to ya.
I'm supporting this house.
And you've got some nerve
comin' in at 4:00 in the morning...
tellin' me that
you're gonna get married.
Why do you object?
You don't even know the fella.
No, but I'm going to.
Bring him around. Let him meet your family,
like any decent fella would want to do.
And after a while,
if I think he's all right...
you can marry him.
- After a while?
- Oh, that gets a rise out of you, does it?
I thought it would.
One of them rush marriages.
- What do you mean?
- You know what I mean.
- You don't know that I did anything wrong.
- I can put two and two together.
- Oh,Jim, you're rotten.
- You can prove that you're not.
You tell me that you'll wait, or I'll know
that you gotta marry this guy.
And if that's the case,
I don't want you in the house.
- Now, what do you think about that?
- Where'll I go?
Go back where you come from,
you little tramp.
And get out now.
You won't take any clothes with you either.
I paid for every rag
you got on your back.
Go on. Get out.
You deserve everything
you're gettin'.
Sure does.
A girl brought up under the influence
of a fine brother like you got.
You'll probably end up in the streets.
That's what you got in your mind, ain't it,Jim?
And I won't be sorry for her either.
No, I don't expect you to be sorry for her,Jim.
But let her have her clothes.
- I paid for 'em.
- Yeah, but don't be cheap.
Let her find out there ain't another man
who'll treat her as white as her own brother did.
Go on.
Let her have her clothes.
All rlght. Get 'em, and get out.
Hey, Dot.
- Where you goin'?
- With the kid, you big bully.
You called her a tramp, didn't ya?
Just because she stayed out until 4:00
in the morning and you suspect where she was.
Well, I stayed out until 4:00 in the morning,
and you knew where I was.
So I got a pretty good idea
what you think of me.
I'll see you in the cemetery.
Go on, Dot.
Wake up, Dotty. Wake up.
Hello, Floyd.
Ma just hollered
across the air shaft...
and said that she was
makin' breakfast for a new bride.
Are you a new bride?
Yes, darling.
I'm going to be today.
- What's an old one?
- Oh, you monkey, you.
Come on. Run along and play now.
Aw, I wanna see Dotty
get out of bed.
You get out of here.
I wanna see Dotty get out of bed.
And at his age.
- What time is it?
- Almost 11:00.
- I phoned the store and said we were both sick.
- Has Eddie come yet?
- Nope.
- He hasn't?
- Not yet.
- I wonder why he doesn't come.
- Maybe it's 'cause he doesn't know I'm here.
- That'd be a good reason.
He certainly wouldn't
come to see me.
Oh, he doesn't
really dlsllke you, Edna.
No, not dislike.
He hates me.
And it isn't just an average, everyday,
amateur kind of hatred either.
I'll bet that guy spends hours
practicing hating me.
Aw, that's just his way.
You know, he's kind of funny.
That would be great.
He'll hand you a lot of laughs.
Oh, gee, Edna, it was swell the way
you came through for me last night.
- I'm awful grateful to ya.
- And I'm grateful toJim.
- He saved my life.
- How?
Just suppose he didn't turn out
to be a heel last night.
I'd have been married to him in three months,
and after being nicely cemented...
with a wedding ring,
the church service and everything...
I'd have found out
what he really is.
Yes, sir.
He saved my life-
'cause they send you to the chair
these days for killing your husband.
In the name of goodness,
what are you doing?
- I'm trying something, but it won't work.
- What won't?
I put some black ink
in the white milk...
and the white milk turned black.
But when I put the white milk in the black ink,
the black won't turn white.
Put that ink away
and clean up that mess.
- All right.
- Oh, Edna, what tlme Is It now?
It's a little after 11:00.
- Where'd you put my stockings?
- Why, I put 'em, uh-
Is this Mrs. Cook's boardinghouse?
Well, is Mr. Collins there?
Collins. Eddie Collins.
He what?
He moved away?
Well-Well, he lived
there last night.
He moved away
this morning? Well-
Well, did he say
where he was moving to?
What's the matter?
- He's walked out on me.
- Don't be a goof.
He has.
I wish I was dead.
We all get that wish someday.
Call up his store.
Do you know the number?
Schuyler 4-6583.
Schuyler 4-6583.
And hurry it up, deary.
There's a fire.
Hello, Lathrop Radio Shop?
Well, can I speak
to Mr. Collins, please?
Eddie Collins.
Never mind the wisecracks.
He's there, I wanna speak to him.
This is the girl he's engaged
to be married to.
Fresh guy trying to flirt with me.
He what?
He was fired?
What for?
He said he was fired
for robbin' the cash register.
Well, you're all right then.
If he's lost his job, it's a cinch
he'll be here to marry ya.
I can't tell whether the fella was kiddin' or not.
There he is now. See?
All of your troubles for nothing.
Oh, gee, and I'm not
dressed or anything.
Oh, give me those stockings.
I don't wanna subscribe
to any magazines.
I don't care if you're working your way
through the penitentiary.
- Was that him, Edna?
- No. A book agent.
What am I gonna do?
Now, stop worrying.
If Eddie is only half the guy
I think he is, he won't let you down.
That's the trouble with us women.
If we'd only realize that-
Something's burning.
Oh, what are you doing now?
- I'm cookin' it for ya.
- A whole pound of butter.
I told you a piece of butter,
not a pound of butter.
A pound's a piece.
I'll go, Edna.
Oh, darling,
you're driving me crazy.
Get out into the hall. You've done
all the damage in here that you can.
See if you can ruin the wallpaper.
- Shall I do it with a knife?
- Get out of here!
- Wasn't him, huh?
- No. A man selling-
For goodness' sake,
take that long face off.
This is your wedding day,
not your funeral.
He'll be here.
There's a mistake somewhere. That's all.
Yeah, last night-
that was the mistake.
Don't be silly.
He'll be here.
Oh, but I love him so much.
Well, you can still love him and have a cup
of coffee in your stomach too.
I don't want any coffee.
I never want to eat anything again.
- Fine. Then have a glass of milk.
- I don't want any milk.
Oh, come on. Have a glass of milk.
It'll do you good.
You know, the first thing
that you have to learn is-
I'm getting hysterical.
Open the door, Floyd.
And if it's a man selling coffins,
tell him we'll take two.
Who's dead?
Oh, Eddie!
- What's the matter?
- Nothing.
Say, listen.
You're going to be a married man.
The first thing you have to learn is to
get accustomed to your wife's tears.
I was over to your house,
and they said you wasn't there.
So I took a chance and come here.
I called up your house,
and your landlady said that you'd moved.
I got a bigger room
across the street.
My landlady was sore. That's why
she wouldn't tell you where I went.
And they said at the store that
you'd been bounced for stealing.
They were kiddin' ya.
Oh, Eddie, I'm so happy.
- Okay.
- Now maybe you can eat some breakfast.
We'll eat downtown.
We gotta get goin'.
Go get your things.
Her master's voice.
- Do you know how to get there?
- I'll find out.
- I'll tell ya. You take the subway to City Hall.
- Yeah?
When you get out of the train, you walk
straight ahead and turn to the right.
There are two exits there.
You take the one to the left. Understand?
- Yeah.
- Then when you get up on the street...
- you walk stralght ahead-
- I'm gonna take a cab.
I'll tell you which cab to take.
Hey. Whose wedding
is this, yours or mine?
Oh, Edna's just trying
to help us, Eddie.
You wasn't on the other side
when they had the war, were ya?
- No. What's the answer?
- I was wondering how they ever got along without you.
I phoned my orders over.
Won't you come down
and see us get married?
I hate those things-
deaths and funerals and things like that.
Oh, gee, Edna.
I can never thank you enough
for all you've done for me.
Oh, that's all right, kid.
I only hope you're
gonna be awful happy.
If she ain't, you'll hear from me,
you big stiff.
- Good luck.
- So long.
Oh, darling!
Night, now.
- Hello, darling.
- Hello.
- What's this?
- Oh. Just a couple of hunks of candy.
Oh, gee, Eddie.
- You know why?
- Sure. Because you love me, don't ya?
- Oh, say it.
- What?
Say I love you, darling. "
Right out in all the light?
- Oh, Eddie.
- This is our anniversary.
Ten weeks ago today we got hitched.
Aw, gee, it was sweet of you
to bring me the candy.
And I got news for ya.
I found a store.
The boss is gonna lend me
a hundred bucks...
and with the 650 I got saved up,
I can swing the deal.
He'll let me have
all the radlos I want on tlme.
- What do you know about that, huh?
- That'll be swell.
Of course, we may have to
pinch nickels for a while but...
in the end, it'll all be jake.
- Gee whiz, I'm a happy guy.
- Are you, Eddie?
Yeah. I been thinkin' about having
my own store for over two years now.
And while I ain't much
on tossin' this baloney...
and all that mush stuff...
a guy could have
a worse wife than you.
- Ya little squirt.
- Oh, Eddie.
- I love you so, darling.
- Okay.
Hey. Put your hat and coat on,
and I'll take you over and show you the place.
- Oh, I can't now.
- Why not?
I'm waitin' for Edna.
She phoned she'll be up in a little while.
- Ah, what does she want?
- Well, I wanted to ask her advice about something.
- About what?
- About-
Well, about the store,
see what she thinks of it.
Oh, gee. It'll be tough
if she don't like it.
Oh, Eddie, that's not a nice thing to say.
Here she is. Now, please don't
be mean to her. Come in.
- Hello, Dot.
- HI, Edna.
How's the grouch?
I thought they sent you
down to Washington...
so you could tell the president
how to run the country.
Ooh. They sent
the president up to see me.
Oh, don't mind him, Edna.
- He's happy as the devil today.
- Yeah, he looks it.
- He's gonna open his own store soon.
- Hmm!
I heard Wanamaker's
were going out of business.
They probably figured the competition
would be too much for 'em.
I'm going down to the corner
and get a paper.
Come on. Sit down.
I've got so much to tell you.
- Still in love with him?
- Oh, I'm just crazy about him.
Edna, I'm going to have a baby.
Oh, Dot.
- I'm afraid.
- Oh, don't be silly.
- My mother had eight of'em.
- Yeah. My mother died having me.
Yes, but things are different now.
You know, the hospitals are better,
and the doctors and things.
No girl minds it anymore.
- What does Eddie say?
- He doesn't know.
Well, why don't you tell him?
Well, his heart's so set
on having that store.
It'll take every nickel he's got.
Oh, I don't know what to do.
Edna, I'm so worried. You know, if the store's
gonna make Eddie happy, I want him to have it.
- Sure.
- When I think of what happened to my mother-
Unless I had everything
of the best-
you know, the best doctors
and everything-
- I'd be frightened.
- You poor kid.
Now listen.
This fella you're
married to is all right.
He's 100/o. I know what's
the matter with him.
He's one of those sensitive eggs.
Of course, he may not like me, but what the heck.
Napolon had a couple of enemies too.
Now you tell Eddie tonight.
And if I know anything about men...
he'll be stopping strangers on the street
tomorrow, bragging about it.
- Do you really think so?
- Oh, sure. All men are alike.
They puff themselves up.
You'd think they'd done something.
- Oh, I hope he'll really be like that.
- He wlll be.
I don't know though.
He's always yelling about living in a tenement...
and what a sin it is to have children
if you can't afford to give 'em everything.
I don't think I read anything in the papers
about him being born in the White House.
He was awful poor.
That's why he thinks like that about it.
Here he is.
Don't say anything.
- You still here?
- No.
Dld you get your paper, Eddle?
I got down there,
and I didn't have any change.
You can get one next week. They'll have
a dozen new murders for you by then.
Here, let me fix that tie.
- It looks like a unbent pretzel.
- The tie is-
You only wear it.
Other people have to look at it.
I don't know how you ever
picked this jane out for a friend.
- She's the dizziest dame I ever seen.
- Hold up your chin.
Look what I got, Eddie.
Look what I got! Look what I got!
- Where'd you get all this stuff?
- Eddie give us 60 cents to buy it.
Aw, he's crazy.
It was- Sixty-
Oh, what did you wanna
come up here for anyway?
Go on outside and play. Go on.
Go on.
Go on now.
Get out of here.
Thanks a lot, Eddie!
Gimme a slice of that cone down there.
Poor kids.
I found 'em downstairs in that dark hallway
tryin' to play games.
They ain't got a chance in life.
Eddie, did you give him
the 60 cents?
Listen, I got better things
to do with my money...
than throw it away on a lot of kids.
Say, you're a swell egg.
What are you gonna sell
in your radio store?
Never mind. The way you run
people's business for them...
if you start buttin' in, I'll probably
end up ownin' a butcher shop.
Well, I'm going.
- Remember now. Tell him.
- Tell him what?
Oh, nothing, Eddie.
She's got a secret for ya.
Oh, she's got a secret for me,
but you know it.
Geez, you're runnin' my house
for me, too, I see.
- Sure. Bye, darlin'.
- See you tomorrow.
- Bye, grouch.
- So long, dizzy.
- What's the big secret?
- I don't know whether you'll like it or not.
Hey, llsten, kld.
I'm so happy about the store,
I'd llke anythlng.
Well? What is it?
Eddie, I'm going back to work.
- Back to work?
- Yeah.
Hey, listen. No wife of mine
is goin' to work.
- What'd be the harm?
- I'll do all the work that's to be done in this family.
- What do you wanna go to work for?
- Well-
Well, it gets kind of lonesome
stayin' here all day all alone.
Can't you go to picture shows
and things?
You just said
we'd have to pinch nickels.
Yeah, but I dldn't mean
we'd have to plnch 'em that hard.
- You don't like livin' in just one room. Is that it?
- Oh, it's all right.
But I wish we had a flat of our own or
something-you know, our own furniture.
Can't you see, Eddie? If I went to work,
you could have your store just the same.
And with the money I make,
we could-
Do you think I'd take money
you worked for?
- Oh, it'd be all right.
- Not with me, it wouldn't.
My idea of a husband is a guy that looks
after his wife and takes care of her...
and sees that
she don't want for nothin'.
If I can't do that,
I won't be a husband.
Me take your money-
you work all day-
or let you use it for something
that I ought to be payin' for.
Listen. They got a name
for guys like that.
Oh, Eddie, I didn't mean
to make you sore.
I ain't sore.
But I ain't as happy as I was.
You can lay that on a line.
It was our 10 weeks anniversary.
And I had the store
all picked out and everything.
And, say, when I come in here tonight,
I was walkin' on air.
This kinda crumbs it all up.
Gee, I didn't know
you wasn't satisfied.
Oh, Eddie, I am satisfied.
It's all right.
Let's not talk about it.
- I'll bet that Edna jane put that idea in your nut.
- No, she didn't.
Let's not say any more about it.
You're crazy to have the store,
and it'll make you happy.
Well, that's all I care about-
making you happy.
Listen. I'm the husband,
and it's my job to make you happy.
If a husband ain't for that,
he ain't for nothin'.
Gee, I told the real estate guy
I'd meet him tonight.
I can't make up my mind
about that sign.
Eddie Collins" or Edward Collins"?
Course, Eddie Collins" is all right
for a saloon or somethin' like that.
Nope, it ain't got class enough
for a radio store.
I'll be back in 15 or 20 minutes.
And I still think that Edna jane
put that idea in your nut.
I was afraid you wasn't comin'.
What's the idea of phonin' me
to meet you here?
- Dot and me are movin' here.
- You're movin' here?
Sure. I got new furniture
and everything.
That's why I asked you to come.
I thought maybe you'd help me
put 'em in the right places.
You'd be buttin' in anyway, so I figured
out you might as well do it in the beginning.
You're moving here?
Yeah. Dot told me that secret.
What's that got to do with your moving
and spending your money?
She wanted to go to work.
- You mean that's the secret she told you?
- Yeah.
So I put two and two together
and figured out why.
She wanted a home
with nice furnishings and things.
- Say, how much did all this cost you?
- I shot the bankroll.
- Oh, no.
- Yeah.
- All you'd saved?
- Sure. This is a swell joint.
The furniture man is takin' charge.
I bought everything new-
from soup to nuts.
When it's finished, it'll look just like a home
that somebody's lived in for a long time.
Some surprise for the kid, huh?
Yeah, but what about your store?
Well, I figured, why let her
starve to death...
while I'm tryin'
to build up a business?
I might've made a flop
of the store anyhow.
Not that I would've.
I'd have made a success of it.
Don't get that idea in your nut.
And you spent all your savings?
Sure. She's worth it.
She's a great kid.
You'll have me crying
in a minute, Eddie.
What for?
You wouldn't know.
Come on. You never saw anything
sweller than that parlor set I bought.
Come on.
Wait till you get a load of the bedroom.
It's got sheets and pillowcases
and beds and everything in it.
And the kitchen-
We got a lot of pots and pans.
It's gonna be like a party.
See, I'm gonna tell Dot that Pat and Sue
have got a new flat...
and are havin' a housewarming
and we're invited.
I asked a lot of the gang,
and they're in on it too.
It's gonna be like, you know,
one of those surprise parties.
And the big payoff
comes when I say...
Well, kid, how do you like
your new home?"
What do you think of the idea?
- I don't know.
- You didn't think it up. That's why.
Hey, wait a minute. Don't put that
great big chair over there by the divan.
- That's where the chair belongs.
- No, it isn't. It belongs over on this side.
Haven't you got
any sense of balance?
- You would get your mouth in it
some way or another.
Hey, hey. Wait until they get here.
Aw, have a heart.
I haven't had any supper.
And don't drink up all the punch.
Here they are.
Listen, Pat. Remember, this is supposed
to be your home. You're the host.
- Right. I'll take off my coat and collar.
- That ain't funny.
- It always gets a laugh.
- You open the door. Go on.
I didn't even know that Pat
had moved from 92nd Street.
Sure. They got a swell place here.
- Hello, Dot. How are you?
- Hello, Sue.
- Hello, Eddie.
- I didn't know that you'd moved.
Oh, I've been here a week.
Come in.
Hi, everybody.
- Hello, Chad. How are you?
- Hello, Dot.
- Hello, Pat. How are you?
- Let me take your coat.
- Have a schnapps.
- Oh, no, thanks.
Oh, gee, Sue, this is swell.
Pat must have murdered
a millionaire or something.
Hey, you ain't seen nothin' yet.
Come on out here
and I'll show you the kitchen.
You'd think this was his house.
Come on. Let's eat.
A closet, and it's got
glass in it too.
And a sink and a washtub.
And look at these things
over here- canisters.
That's where you keep your salt
and pepper and spices and things.
In the one marked Salt,"
you keep the salt.
In the one marked Pepper,"
you keep the pepper.
Gee, Eddie, ain't it swell?
Look at that darling table.
The guy said it was
the breakfast nook.
Oh, Eddie, you think
we'll ever have a place like this?
- Would you like to live here, kid?
- Oh, gee, would I?
- Of course, we couldn't afford-
- Why not?
Well, we couldn't afford
the money now.
Well, why now?
- Well, you wanna get your store first.
- Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's right.
Say, wait till you get a load
of the bedroom. Come on!
Say, if Eddie can get Dot a home like this,
why can't you get me one?
I thought that'd crop up.
- Look at this.
- Oh, this is swell.
Listen, kid.
There's a bed.
You can't buy a better bed
than that- 65 bucks.
- But how did you-
- Oh, Pat told me.
Come on. Feel it.
Just feel it.
Ain't this a bed?
Not like that old egg crate we sleep in.
I've never seen you so enthusiastic.
The house has sure
made a hit with you.
Come on. Now I'm gonna
show you somethin'.
Just grand.
There's the bridges over there.
And there's all New York
to pick from.
Ain't the lights great?
And the East River.
And stars.
Aren't they beautiful?
Not phony ones either.
Gee, a roof like this would be
a swell place for... kids to play.
Wouldn't it, Eddie?
You know, they could get
plenty of fresh air...
and their mothers wouldn't have
to worry about streetcars...
and taxis and trucks and things.
You know, rich kids couldn't
have a better place than this.
You like it, don't you, kid?
Oh, I think it's just grand.
I'm awful glad for Pat and Sue.
Okay. We better get back
to the bunch now.
You said it.
Sue, it's the grandest flat
I ever saw.
- I'm awfully glad you like it, Dot.
- Oh, it's sweet for anything.
Dot, sit down.
Here goes.
Well, kid, it's yours.
- Mine? What do you mean, mine?
- Sure. Yours.
This is where you're gonna live.
I bought it for you.
- You bought it for me?
- Sure.
You know that secret
about goin' back to work?
Well, I doped it out that
you wasn't satisfied where you're livin'.
So this is the answer.
- Well, what about your store?
- Thls Is It.
You spent all your money for this?
I shot the works.
- You mean, all of your money?
- We don't owe a nlckel on It.
Well, what do ya say?
I don't know.
Don't seem to make
such a hit with ya now.
Naturally, Eddie.
She's surprised.
You can't get a thing like this
through your head in a minute.
- Did you know he was doing it, Edna?
- Yeah, I helped hlm fix It up.
Why'd you let him
spend all the money?
Well, folks, it looks like a bust.
Oh, no, it isn't, Eddie.
I think it's just great.
I'm tickled to death.
- You're the swellest husband any girl ever had.
- Okay.
Dot's only disappointed
for you, Eddie.
She was so anxious for you
to have the store...
she didn't want you to spend
the money for anything else.
- That's rlght.
- Sure.
That's why, dear.
You know I think it's just swell.
Why'd ya do it?
Well, I figure, a long time dead.
Live while ya can.
That's what I say. When I think of
the way my folks used to live.
They didn't have enough money
to support themselves...
so they go and have nine kids.
My old lady used to scrub floors
in an office building.
4:00 every morning
she went to work-
sick or well, summer or winter.
I can see her goln'out
when It was 20 below zero...
wlth a cough that'd tear
the heart out of ya.
And for what?
To brlng up a couple ofklds
and dle-
dle before they was ever
any comfort to her.
Not for Dot.
Every nlckel I make,
she and I are gonna spend on ourselves.
- My slster dled brlnglng up-
- Oh, stop it! Can't you stop it!
You'd think there was nothin' else
in the world to talk about.
All right. There, there, dear. Shh.
What's wrong?
Dot's going to have a baby.
There's nothlng to worry about, Eddle.
No, she's just a llttle hysterlcal. That's all.
We shouldn't have talked
about those things.
- That's right. I guess we shouldn't.
- Sue told me, but I forgot.
Gee, everybody in New York
seems to know about it...
but the only guy that's interested.
Oh, gee, Eddie,
I wish you'd let me do that.
Don't be crazy, will ya?
You're goin' to the hospital
in a few weeks.
You know the doc told you
not to do any hard work.
I don't think he knows what he's talkin' about.
I don't like him.
- You want me to get you a different one?
- No.
If you can't get the best,
he's as good as any of the others, I guess.
He's all right.
I worry. That's all.
- About what?
- About everything.
You having to do this before you go
to work in the morning...
and pinchin' every nickel
the way you have.
I don't want a baby
any more than you do.
All right, all right.
Now you told me that a thousand times.
Let's not talk about it.
Is there any other doctor
you got in mind?
There was somethin' in the paper
about a society woman.
The doctor's name was Burgess.
His picture was there.
Gee, he was awful kind-lookin'.
Not that we could get him.
He's only for millionaires.
As long as you can't get him,
you might as well pick out the best.
Whoo-ooh! Dot!
Now don't bring her in here.
I don't want her razzin' me.
- Good morning.
- Hello, Edna.
- Hello, Eddie.
- So long.
Floyd made such a racket,
I didn't wait for breakfast.
- Got a cup of coffee?
- Sure.
You got a new washerwoman, I see.
I figured you'd make that crack.
You haven't got enough bluing
in this water.
I knew somethin' would be wrong
with it when you seen it.
- Here.
- Thanks. Got a cigarette?
No, I cut 'em out.
They was puttin' my throat on the bum.
Come on, Edna.
Drink this in the other room.
Yeah, go on. Beat it, will ya?
You give me the willies.
That's good.
- How do you feel?
- Oh, all right.
- How do you feel when you feel bad?
- I worry.
Yeah, and you worry other people too.
You worry him.
Your child'll probably grow up
to be a radio broadcaster.
Gee, It's 10 mlnutes to 8.00.
I gotta blow.
Don't touch those things.
I'll finish 'em when I come home.
- Good-bye, darling.
- So long.
- So long, meddlesome.
- Good-bye, grouch.
Break a leg.
- Swell guy.
- That's what makes me so miserable.
- What?
- He's so square about everything.
Says smoking hurts his throat.
He cut it out so he could
save the money.
It doesn't seem fair that he should
give up all his fun just because of me.
Yeah, it's tough on husbands.
Nobody knows what a husband
suffers when his wife has a baby...
and a big juicy raspberry.
It must be great for a woman
when everything is right-
you know, when she can afford
a doctor like that man Burgess...
and when she knows
her husband wants the baby.
You want it, don't you, Dot?
I'm crazy about it.
That is, I would be...
if it weren't for Eddie
and if I wasn't afraid.
- How do you know he doesn't want it?
- The things he says.
I can feel it, too, in the way he acts.
He doesn't like children.
Coochie-coo. Coochie-coo.
Coochie, coochie, coochie-coo.
- Say, how old is it?
- Only seven months.
Of course, all parents
are proud of their children.
But honestly, even if this
was somebody else's kid...
I'd have to admit it's
the cleverest youngster I ever saw.
- Don't you think so, Mama?
- I honestly do.
Hey, lookit! The little son of a gun's
got ahold of my finger.
That's what I mean. Isn't that clever?
- She's a darllng. Look at her.
- Coochie-coo. Coochie-coo.
Coochie, coochie-coo. Coochie-coo.
Hey, Eddie. Eddie.
- Has Mr. Randall's set been fixed for him?
- Yes, sir.
- Gee, that's a great kid you got.
- We think so.
- Say, Mr. Lathrop?
- Yes?
Do you think that a woman
havin' a baby...
you know, that she hasn't
always wanted...
could-could learn to love it...
you know, as if she'd
always wanted it?
Oh. Your wife, eh?
She's afraid.
Say, there ain't any danger
in these things, is there?
Well, lots of women
manage to have babies...
without calling out the militia.
There's no danger when they
have the proper attention.
She should be made to
have confidence in her doctor.
That's just it.
My wife ain't got any.
That's not right.
- She speaks of a Dr. Burgess.
- Burgess?
You'd have to be a millionaire to have him.
- Goin' to lunch, Eddie?
- Nah, I cut lunches out. I was gettin' too fat.
- This Dr. Burgess is good, huh?
- And expensive.
When a king is born,
they send for him.
I wonder how you could get in
to see a guy like that.
- Mr. Lathrop, will you take a look at this set, please?
- Oh, yes. Certainly.
- Is your brother still matchmaker over at the Empire Club?
- Yeah.
Do you suppose he could get me on
in one of them preliminary fights?
Say, some of those boys
are pretty good.
- What do you wanna take a beatin' for?
- Ten bucks a round.
Four rounds- 40 bucks.
I can use that dough swell.
- I can fix it for ya, but I think you're nutty.
- Okay.
7:00. Say, ain't that job of yours
got any hours?
A guy wanted his radio fixed,
so I did it on the side.
I should think you'd try
gettin' home...
with your wife goin' to the hospital
and everything.
- How is she?
- She's worrying herself sick. That's how she is.
But, gee, she oughtn't to do that.
I don't think she knows that.
You ought to tell her.
- You had any supper?
- I ain't hungry.
Gettin' your beauty sleep, kid?
Gee, Eddie, I don't think it would hurt you
to hang around once in a while.
That okay" does me
a lot of good, don't it?
Gee, kid, you know
I'm for you, don't ya?
Well, it don't look like it.
You haven't spent an evening
in the house for two weeks now.
I don't mean to be a grouch,
Eddie, but... I'm frightened.
Is it the doctor?
Is that what makes you afraid?
Oh, he's all right, I guess.
It's my fault.
You know, you have confidence
in some people, and others you haven't.
There's no reason.
You just have. That's all.
Sure, I know how it is, kid.
Eddie, you're gonna stick around and go to
the hospital with me tonight, ain't ya?
You betcha.
No. Wait a minute.
- I tell ya, I gotta go out-
- Never mind. You don't have to bother.
- Oh, no. Just for a half an hour, kid.
- Can't even stay with me tonight.
I'll be right back.
Honest I will.
Mmm. Your honey is
searching among the bees. "
Yeah, this is his secretary. Mm-hmm.
Who wants to talk to him? Joe?
- There's a Joe wants to talk to you.
- Hello,Joe.
Tonight? Sure I'll be there.
Hey, that's great.
It comes just at the rlght tlme.
Thanks. So long.
I'll be a little longer now,
but I'll be back at 9:00.
I got another fella to see now.
- You pick a swell night to make a date.
- You sure do.
This ain't a date.
Honest it ain't.
- I'll be back as quick as I can.
- Give my love toJenny, will ya?
- WhatJenny?
- WhateverJenny happens to be there.
And-And tonight I'm takin' her
to the hospital.
But I'm sure the doctor
you have is competent.
It ain't that. You see, she's just
a kid herself, and she's frightened.
Her mother died that way.
She read about you
In the paper, Dr. Burgess.
Well, of course, we never thought
we could get ya.
She was sayln'that
It would be swell...
If she could get a guy llke you
to be wlth her.
Did you tell her
you were coming to see me?
No, sir. She and me ain't been
gettin' along very well lately.
I've been workin' nights.
I didn't tell her about it.
She thinks I've been
chiselin' on her, I guess.
I can't tell things like that.
I'm kind of a mug that way.
Of course, I couldn't pay you
what you're worth.
But I tell ya. I make 45 bucks a week,
and pick up 15 workin' nights.
And I'm gettin' 40 bucks
in a fight tonight.
And I got 381 saved up, see?
- Are you a prizefighter?
- No, slr.
But a friend of mine's
gettin' me on...
in the preliminaries
over at the Empire Club.
I get 10 bucks a round, and I don't mind
takin' a beating for 40 bucks.
Llsten, Dr. Burgess-
I always been kinda proud, see?
You know, pay my own way,
take nothin' from nobody.
But I ain't that way now, Doc.
I'm beggin' you.
If she knew she was gonna
have you with her...
everything would be all right.
But as it is...
she's so sick from worry-
I'm afraid maybe she'll die.
Will you do it, Doc?
I'll give you the $381
I got saved up...
and I'll pay you back
dollar for dollar.
Please do it, will ya, Doc?
So help me, God, I'll-
I'll lay down my life for ya.
I'll take the case.
- I guess I'm kinda nervous about this child thing.
- Mm-hmm.
Kinda goofy, huh?
Gee, Doc, I'm sorry I haven't got a cigar
or somethin' to offer ya.
I cut out smokin'.
It was hurtin' my throat.
This is a swell dump you got here.
Oh, I didn't mean-
- He said 9:00.
- Don't worry.
You'd think the least he could do
would be to be with me tonight.
Now, now, now.
Don't get yourself all worked up.
One, two-
Get out. Get out.
Hey, Mike, knock that fella out, will ya?
This ain't a slaughterhouse.
I wanted to give him a break,
but I'll put him away right at the next gong.
Aw, why don't ya quit?
I know what I'm doin'.
I wouldn't take a beatin' like that
for a hundred bucks.
Well, that's the difference
between you and me.
One, two, three, four...
five, six...
seven, elght, nlne-
Uh! Don't knock me out,
will ya, buddy?
I need the cash.
- My wife's gonna have a kid.
- Well, why didn't you tell me?
I guess I can't make it though.
Hold on to me.
Take a deep breath.
Break it up.
Thanks. Good-bye.
I've arranged for the hospital.
The cab will be here at 11:00.
I never thought
Eddie would do this to me.
But, darling,
he's only an hour late.
Some hours are lifetimes.
He's walked out on me.
- When's the kid expected?
- Any-Anytime now.
- I got two of them.
- Yeah?
How long before they get to know ya?
Mine knew me inside of two months.
- But of course, mine was kinda extra bright.
- Yeah.
Oh, gee, kid, I'm sorry to be late.
- It's too bad about you.
- I couldn't help it.
Couldn't spend a couple of minutes
with me, tonight of all nights?
You know how nervous I am.
But you could go to some speakeasy
with a bunch of fellas...
and get your face all battered up
in a drunken brawl.
Is that what ya think?
That's what it looks like to me.
Do you want me to go with ya?
You don't have to bother about me
anymore at all, Eddie.
I got Burgess for ya!
- How about it, Doctor?
- Congratulations. Twins.
- Twins?
- Twins.
- Boys or girls?
- Both.
- Twins!
- Yes, sir.
The baby business is picking up.
Sometimes I was here,
and I was the only one.
- This your first?
- Yes, and my last.
I wouldn't go through this again
for all the money in the world.
How many kids have you got?
Six or seven.
Maybe eight.
I don't know.
You don't know?
I know I got six.
What's happening upstairs,
I can't tell ya.
Here I am.
You're the father of a fine baby girl,
Mr. Vernon.
- Oh, well.
- Oh!
- Put him over here on the-
- It was too much for him.
- He'll be all rlght.
- What's the matter with him?
- I've got some smelling salts.
- That's fine. Give him some.
- He'll be all right.
- He's as whlte as a sheet.
He'll be all right in a minute.
People kid about fathers,
but they don't realize...
what a guy has to go through
when his wife has a baby.
If he had as many as I got,
he'd stay unconscious.
He's coming to now.
He's fine.
- What happened?
- You just had a baby.
I wouldn't go through this again
for all the money in the world.
- Hold on, or he'll faint again.
- It's all right, Mr. Vernon. You come with me.
- Hold him up.
- Gee, I'm gettin' nervous myself now.
Don't be nervous.
Say, Mr. Linsky,
I wanna ask you a question.
My wife wasn't any too anxious
to- to have this kid.
Say, in two weeks,
she will be crazy about it.
- Is that straight?
- They always are. Be careful.
Don't let her think that you are
more concerned for the baby...
than what you are for her.
Women get jealous
under those conditions.
You know, be interested,
but not anxious.
After all, you've known
your wife for years...
and the baby is practically
a stranger.
Yeah, that's right.
Excuse me.
I gotta phone my partner.
Mr. Collins?
- Yeah?
- A boy.
Your wife will see you
in just a few minutes now.
Hey, what do you know about that?
My kid's 22 hours old already.
They get old very quickly
when they're young.
- Hello, Doctor. How are they?
- Fine.
Say, Doc, I've got 350 bucks here.
- And I'll give ya-
- Yeah, well, I have your bill here.
Now, I have another patient.
I must hurry.
- Good luck to you, my lad.
- Thanks.
Gee, he'll never let me
speak to him about money.
It says paid in full.
And here's a check.
Pay to the order of Mr. Edward Collins's
son- $50."
What does that mean?
He's giving your boy $50
to start a bank account.
And he wouldn't let me
give him anything.
Gee. That's a guy for ya, ain't it?
Oh, they're just grand, Mrs. Linsky.
Every time I have a baby,
my husband gives me a new bracelet.
If I don't stop,
I wouldn't have any more room.
- What do you think of it?
- Oh.
Oh, no, this isn't yours.
This baby's six days old.
She acts like she hates the child.
I guess maybe she didn't want it.
Do parents hate children
they don't want?
I heard of people like that.
How do you like this one?
- Oh, it's darling.
- Oh, no.
This is young Mussolini.
Gee, it's funny when
you think of it, ain't it?
Everybody in the world was once
just a little bundle like that.
- Isn't this one cute?
- Oh, it's lovely.
Just look at those little hands.
Did you ever see
such an adorable nose?
Gee, it's swell.
Don't you want to hold your baby?
Is this mine?
- Honest? Oh.
- Thls Is It.
I wouldn't cry over It,
Mrs. Colllns.
It's not the first time
that a baby was born.
No? Well, it's the first time
this baby was ever born.
You can come in now.
Hello, kid.
- How do you feel?
- All right.
Thanks for sending me the flowers.
- Is that it?
- Yes, that's it, and it's no it. "
Well, I didn't mean it that way.
Let's not talk about it.
- That suits me too, kid.
- I thought it would.
We'll take him back
to the nursery now.
I asked Dr. Burgess how we happened
to get a fine doctor like him.
He just laughed and said
that you'd tell me.
Oh, my boss knew him.
He did it for him.
- He give me a check for the baby's bank too.
- He did?
- Wasn't that swell of him?
- Yeah.
Those big guys do a lot
of work for charity.
So you think of your baby
as charity, do you?
No. I-
Well- Gee, everything I say
seems to be wrong.
Oh, Eddie.
I'd give anything if-
well, if things were different.
Aw, everything's gonna be
all right, kid.
We ain't gonna stop living
just because we got a baby.
You and me is gonna have a good time,
the same as always.
Why, In slx months
we'll have forgotten we got a kld.
Please go now.
I'm tired.
- When'll you be home?
- In about two weeks.
Well, hurry it up.
I'll feel like steppin' out a bit.
- So long, kid.
- So long.
I'll be back every day.
Oh, Mrs. Linsky,
she's getting bigger every day.
What are you going to call her?
I'm calling her Shelly,
after my mother-in-law.
Her name was Esther,
but it's close enough.
Well, how are all the mothers today?
- Hello, Edna.
- Hello.
- Is the cab downstairs?
- Yes. Are you ready?
- Are you leavlng now?
- Yes.
But I heard you tell your husband
that you were golng tomorrow.
- I want to surprise him.
- Oh.
Say, listen, kid.
- Have you thought this thing over?
- Yep.
I couldn't live with a man
that didn't like his own child.
All he thinks about is stepping out.
I couldn't go back to Eddie
for anything.
I'd get to hate him.
Well, it's your funeral, kid.
Well, what are you
going to do with that?
Well, I thought maybe the kid
would like to fool around with it.
What? A two-weeks-old baby?
Well, it's only a little balloon.
The doctor's in the ward.
You'll have to wait a few minutes.
- Dr. Gibson?
- Yes?
Just a minute, please.
- Hurry, Nurse Parson.
- Hurry, Doctor.
- Where?
- The nursery.
My baby.
Something's happened to my baby!
Somethlng's happenlng to my baby.
No, Mrs. Collins.
It's all right.
- I want my baby! I want my baby!
- He's all right.
- I want my baby!
- Please llsten.
I want my baby!
I want my baby!
I want my baby!
- I want my baby!
- What's the matter, kid?
- Something's happened to my baby.
- Where?
In there!
It's not your baby.
There's no danger.
Your husband will get it.
Now, everything is all right.
- It's all right.
- He's all right, kid. Look. Here he is.
- He's all right.
- It was Mrs. Burns's baby.
Nothing serious.
Just a little coughing spell.
Oh, gee, kid.
I didn't know you liked it.
And I thought all along
that you didn't like him.
That's a bright idea
to get in your nut.
The things you said
that night in the flat-
you know, about your mother
and everything.
Well, I thought like that then.
But gee, it's different
when you got your own kid.
Hey, lookit. The little son of a gun's
got ahold of my finger.
- Dr. Burgess said he had a finely shaped head.
- He did?
Hey, look out there, buddy.
You might have the future president
of the United States in this cab.
That's what they all say.
- Oh, yeah?
- Oh, Eddie. Now don't, Eddie.
Hey. Let me hold him, will ya?
- You really want to, Eddie?
- Sure.
Be careful.
Put your arm under his head.
- Okay.
- There you go, baby.
Say, Dr. Burgess was right
about the kid's head.
That's the best-shaped
kid's head I ever saw.
He has a lovely head, hasn't he?
Oh, Eddie, give me the baby.
He's dribbling all over you.
Dribbling? That ain't the half of it.
I'm wet clean through.
But it's okay.