Bad Psychiatrist (2025) Movie Script
1
[FILM PROJECTOR REVS]
[TYPEWRITER TYPING]
[MUSIC]
[CHAIN-LINK FENCE RATTLES]
Brian, right?
- Yeah.
- Hello. Hi, um, a pleasure!
- Doctor...
- Nauberger.
Nauberger.
Hey, come into my
office and, uh,
- take a seat.
- This... this is your office?
Yeah. It's only for
temporary, but, you know.
- Well, I mean it...
- Come on, take a seat.
Looked a lot different
on the website.
I really wouldn't worry
about that, Brian,
because you're
here to talk to me
so you just close your eyes.
Take some deep breaths
and tell me about it.
Well, I mean, I guess, uh,
it all stems from my father.
Uh-huh.
You know what, go ahead
and tell me about that.
What... what is that smell?
It's just the dumpster.
It's, it's normal.
Go ahead and continue where, um,
you left off. Now
close your eyes.
Um, like I said, my,
my dad and my sister...
Uh-huh. Tell me about them.
Everyone always listens to them.
And, and for me, it's... nobody,
nobody gives me
my chance to speak
and I have so much to say
and so much to give, and,
and nobody wants to
listen to me. And, Yeah.
And I just need
someone to, uh, listen.
- Yeah.
- And, uh... Hmm.
And are you, are
you listening to me?
Well, of course I'm listening.
Perhaps, um, [FLY BUZZING]
perhaps it's your id.
Don't worry about the little
flies. It's part of nature.
Do you know what the id is?
The id is a manifestation
of your subconscious desire,
so I think that you
should listen to the id,
Brian. Okay. You understand?
I, I, what is, what is
that sound? Who is that?
[SKATEBOARD ROLLING]
Oh, don't worry about
him. That's Bobby,
my son. Hi, Bobby!
Hey, dad!
BRIAN: Your son?
Yeah, but we have to
keep it quiet here
because he's learning
how to skateboard Now?
Well, I want to keep him here,
so where I can watch him.
Okay? So please just continue
from where you left off.
Yeah, I think our,
our time's up, right?
No, no, no, no. We
have 30 minutes.
A good 30 minutes
left. So you go ahead.
No, you know what, I got,
I got somewhere I gotta be.
No, no. Just, just...
So you liked your free trial
and you, I'll see you next week?
Yeah. You know what?
I, I gotta be honest.
The dumpster of
the Chinese food,
your kid, the, the emails
that you constantly send
me, I, I, I can't do it.
I can't...
The, the trash everywhere.
Listen, the Groupon deal was...
Was extremely reasonable,
I know, and you're welcome.
Listen, I, I, I think I
realized what the problem is.
- I don't stand...
- Yeah. Good work.
Don't stand up
for myself enough.
Excellent.
Yeah. But stop
with the, the texts
and the calls and the emails...
You're making progress.
No, I gotta say no.
Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait. You need help. Please.
Let me help you. Okay. Okay.
Oh, wait, wait. I
have, I have something.
Hold on.
[SIGHS] What?
[PLASTIC UNWRAPPING]
You will soon create a
favorable impression on someone.
[SIGHS]
Hey, that's great news!
No, no.
Hey, this kind of stuff
is worth a fortune.
So I'll see you next
week, okay, bud?
[CHAIN-LINK FENCE RATTLING]
Hey, that was great success.
Great with the
Groupons there, Bobby.
Marketing genius!
- Really?
- So, yeah... You make old Pop proud,
but you show the old popster
a pop shove-off, man.
Yay! Wow.
You're a natural, dude.
Try again.
Never give up.
Daddy loves you.
[SKATEBOARD ROLLING]
[MUSIC]
Great session.
Sorry to hear your father
and sister hate you,
but maybe they will listen
if you open your heart.
[DOOR OPENING]
Dig deep next week
and tag...
and...
post!
Hey, I-I'm looking
for a Dr. Nauberger.
I have an appointment.
- If you can help me?
- Oh!
Craig, right? Yes?
- Oh. Oh.
- Hey!
Dr. Nauberger at your service.
- All right.
- The power of now.
- Oh, okay.
- Yeah, yeah.
No, h-hey, have a seat.
[TELEPHONE CHATTER]
Lay back. Put your feet up.
Did you find the place okay?
Yeah.
Lay back. Put your feet up.
Yeah.
[EXHALES]
There you go.
So did you have a hard
time finding the place?
No.
Yeah. Where are you coming from?
Oh, I live way, way, way down
in the middle of nowhere.
- Really? Where?
- In Los Angeles.
Los Angeles, like the
city of Los Angeles?
Yeah.
Well, that's uh,
it's not that far.
No, I live pretty far.
Took me 15 minutes to get here.
15 minutes. Oh, interesting.
[PRINTER PRINTING]
Wh-what... what are you doing?
[CAMERA SHUTTERS]
Oh, no, don't, don't
worry about it.
It's just for social.
Well, let's get started.
Would you tell me a bit
about your practice first?
Practice? I don't need
practice. I know what I'm doing.
No, like, would you tell
me your methodology?
Like, is it the
psychoanalytic approach?
Is it cognitive
behavioral therapy,
- or is it...
- Oh, that one.
Uh-huh.
And where'd you go to school?
Trident?
Oh, no, no, no, thanks.
I don't like gum.
Oh, no, no. Trident University.
It's a school my
son Bobby found.
[LAUGHS]
B-Bobby?
Bobby? Yeah. He's my son.
You'll meet him. Yeah.
He is at the skate park though.
Right.
Before we start, I just
wanted you to know,
due to the new offices,
there's gonna be a slight,
very slight upcharge.
Oh, but the Groupon said it
was $178 for the session.
Yeah, but, hm... due
to the new offices,
it's gonna be
additional 100. So 278.
Oh, no.
[LAUGHING] No, I dunno.
I'm not giving you 2...
Okay. Okay. So we
can do the 178.
Yeah, that...
that's what I paid.
Or 25% off.
Hey, look, I'm not going
any more than 50% off, okay?
MAN: Excuse me?
This is a private office.
Uh, well, I mean,
the door was open,
so I thought it was
a public lob-lobby
for public use, you know.
No, no. I'm sorry. You're
gonna have to leave.
[TELEPHONE CHATTER]
Come on, Craig. Let's go.
[PHONE RINGING]
So you don't have an office?
Not exactly.
And who was that?
I don't know. It doesn't matter.
Hey, have you been
a psychiatrist long?
Listen, we're here
to talk about you.
This is only gonna work
if we're open here.
Okay? So tell me, like,
where do you live?
Exactly.
Okay. You know what
I'm sensing from you?
I'm sensing that you
have some sort of issues
of where you live
and you're gonna have
to be open about it.
Okay?
Well, I used to have
this nice apartment.
Well, that does sound nice.
I got evicted when they
told me I had to pay rent.
Oh.
Yeah. That really blindsided me.
You know, that
happened to me too?
Ah, perfect.
Can you, uh, help
me with the couch?
Oh, this is nice.
[LAUGHING] - Hmm.
I like what you
did with the place.
Uh-huh.
Now, uh, there's a reason
why you paid for the Groupon,
and that's because
you need help.
All right?
And I'm paying
you for this, huh?
Time is money. Money is time.
Okay, here we go.
All right, have a seat.
Have a seat. Lie down.
Let's begin.
Okay.
Oh.
[EXHALES]
So... what's the problem?
Well, I mean,
it's... social media.
Mm-hm.
I don't know if my
friends are trying to
separate themselves from me.
I get online and I, I
comment on their pictures.
I leave stuff on their wall.
I send them messages
and they never respond.
Hmm.
I don't, I don't
know what to do.
You know, Bobby's a
genius at this stuff.
And what he tells me to do is
to direct message
them or DM them.
What's that?
Well, that's when
you, um, put up a post
or something, and then you
send them a message like,
"Hey, did you like my post?
Why aren't you
responding 'like'?"
or something like that.
That's the weird thing.
- I'll text them...
- Uh-huh.
And they'll say, yeah,
sure, let's meet up,
but they never say
anything online.
Ah.
I put them in my top eight, man.
- Top eight?
- Top eight!
My only friend left is Tom.
It's just me and
Tom on there now.
He's the only person
online with me.
Sad.
So I might as well delete
my MySpace because,
- Well, - well,
what's the point?
Maybe MySpace isn't for you.
How many Instagram
followers do you have?
What are you talking about?
Instagram? You don't
know Instagram?
- What's that?
- Oh my goodness.
Instagram is absolutely
wonderful! Let me show you.
Okay, here's what I posted
yesterday. See this photo?
It's of a session, and
I put a little recap of
what we discussed,
and then I go ahead
and I share it with everybody,
and it really helps my business.
That doesn't really seem
appropriate for a psychiatrist.
Haven't you heard of
doctor-client confidentiality?
No. That's only for crime.
There's no crime committed
here, so it's fine.
[LAUGHING] I don't know
about that because... Oh.
- Speaking of, um...
- Uh-huh.
[LAUGHS] oh man,
I didn't think I was gonna
talk about this, but...
- I was having...
- Go deep go dark.
No, I was having lunch
with this young lady...
A virtual lunch, and?
No, no, no, no, no. Just,
just a regular lunch.
Oh, oh... lay down.
I was having lunch
with this young lady,
and I thought like,
oh, she might be nice,
- Mm-hm.
- You know?
I'm gonna get somewhere.
She was a standup comic, - and I thought...
- Mm-hm.
Hm, hm.
And I thought,
you know, she might
be really funny,
and she was!
- Mm-hm.
But she was just
so into her salad.
I couldn't get a word
out of her. You know?
I, I didn't know if it was
me, if it was the salad.
Should I wear more green?
What does that have
to do with anything?
I know. I'm just saying as far
as like, where my life is going.
What do you think I
should do? I mean, you,
your honest opinion doc.
Like, what do I need?
Like what should I do?
Well, I, I have some
medication that'll
help you in the short term.
Take two of these.
No, take three,
because you're a special case
and it'll help you
relax for a while.
What is it?
Oh, it doesn't
matter. Just take it.
Looks like Advil.
Well, it does, but just take
it, chew it up in your mouth,
get it all over your
tongue, into the crevices
of your receding gums.
And I'll see you in a
week, and you come back
and you tell me all
about your experiences.
Oh.
If you need
instructions, call me.
Next week.
[PEZ DISPENSER SNAPS]
[MUSIC]
Ah!
[GRUNTING]
[EXHALES]
Hi, Craig?
It's you! It's us!
Hi, um... no my name
is Greg. Do I know you?
- No, Craig right?
- It's Greg with a "G".
But you look so familiar.
We had a therapy session
last summer, didn't we?
- I don't remember that.
- You know what?
I know what it is! You have
that Michael Jackson thing,
you know, where you
turn white, right?
I really have to be
going. I'm sorry.
- Hey, hey, hey!
- I'll see you later.
You in need of psychiatric care?
The power of now. It does work.
Okay. Um, yeah. See you.
- No, no, Craig.
- See ya.
Hey, come back, Craig!
- Craig, come back!
- Jeez!
Ow!
Well, you got a pretty
good arm, there.
Thank you. I'm, I'm
sorry about that,
but you don't mind if I can
have my yoga brick back?
Those aren't cheap, you know?
Will you do a therapy
session with me?
I'm not interested in therapy.
But you'll do a
free psych session.
[SIGHS]
I, maybe, I don't, I don't...
- Please?
[SIGHING]
- Okay. Okay. Okay.
- Ah!
Okay!
- All right.
- Wow, really?
I don't know. Now I'm not,
now I'm not that interested.
But you just said you would.
I, I mean, is it, will
it take long? Is it...
You know, maybe a couple months.
It really depends how
screwed up you are.
And do you wanna do
it now or later, or?
No, don't worry about it. Yeah.
- Later.
- Yeah.
- Later is good. Okay, cool.
- Hey, hey, hey!
No, no, no, no.
Wait, wait, wait!
I just forgot, I have
something on my schedule.
- Yeah.
- So go ahead
and put your contact
information in here
and, and I'll reach
you, man. Okay?
- Okay.
- Thanks.
It's locked.
Oh, I, I'm so sorry. Oh, okay.
There you go.
Okay.
- Okay.
- I really gotta go. Come on.
I'm sorry. No pressure, but...
- Oh, okay. You can...
- Okay, cool. Hey!
Good.
- Hey, thank you.
- Okay.
Namaste!
- Is that what you say?
- Yes.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Hey, take care, Greg-Craig.
All right, bye-bye.
[MUSIC]
[LAUGHTER]
[PHONE RINGING]
[SIGHS]
Hello?
Hi, Craig.
It's Nauberger,
your psycho analyst.
Okay. Can I help you?
Yeah. Are you ready
to do the deep dive?
I... the what?
Your free psych session.
Um... Hey, listen,
I, uh, I really...
can't, I'm very busy.
This is more important.
Clear your schedule.
Uh-huh.
Hey, look, I don't have an
office, but you know what?
In your case, maybe this time
I'll, I'll do a house call.
Where do you live?
[INHALING]
Since, since you
put it that way.
Well... [LAUGHS]
- Yeah, gimme a second
here, - NAUBERGER: Mm-hm.
Doctor.
Um... Okay, let,
let's, okay. Yeah.
I live on South Fairfax...
Street, at Stocker.
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
What?
[MUSIC]
NAUBERGER: Hey, Craig! Hey...
Yeah, it's a, it's
a big beautiful day
for therapy, my friend.
Um, I don't see any addresses,
but we're at 5,000 Fairfax,
but hey, uh, I don't
know where I am.
I think I'm lost. Call me?
Please?
Okay.
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
Hey, Craig! Come back!
You forgot your mat, you
forgot your yoga blocks.
Thanks.
Are you avoiding me?
You missed your therapy session.
I mean, you left
me hangin', dawg.
[SIGHS]
I forgot. I should
really be getting
- back to yoga, though.
- No, no. Come on.
You promised.
Come on, sit down
on the soft grass.
- Yeah?
- Come on, you owe me.
Wait! Wait, wait.
Allow me, okay, lemme
get this for you, okay.
- All right. Now, sit down.
- All right.
Sit, sit, sit, sit.
Okay.
[GRUNTS]
Okay. Now!
Forget about yoga.
Let us begin. Let me fix you.
Oh, I'm not interested
in therapy for myself.
Look, I've helped
so many clients,
so many wonderful people,
you know, I'd be willing
to drop all of them just
to help you full-time.
I don't need that.
I, you know, this isn't really
a, a way to practice therapy
at all, or I don't even if, you
know if you are
a real therapist.
Well then, why
don't we just hang?
[SIGHING]
You don't, you don't have
anybody to talk to, do you?
Hm.
Well, I guess we could all
use someone to talk to...
every once in a while.
Well, you can talk to me.
No, but I mean,
like a real friend.
Well, I am your real friend.
Ah, but...
someone, someone you could
really vibe with, you know?
Well, you know, I'm your friend
who you're vibing
with right now.
No, I don't know about that.
I mean, someone who's funny,
someone who can make me laugh.
I can make you laugh.
You know, there
once was this guy
and he was crossing the road
and there was a, a chicken.
And, you know, I'm
really bad at this.
If, if Craig was here, he would
know something funny to say.
Who is Craig?
Well, Craig was
my second patient,
and he was um, he was great.
We all miss him.
Tell me more.
Well, he had so much potential
natural talent, and he
was also naturally funny.
And he, he was always joking.
And you never knew what
was true and what wasn't.
And that's what made
him so fascinating.
Then he started flaking.
He missed a session, and
then he stopped returning my
texts and phone calls.
How long has it been
since he's stopped
returning your texts and calls?
Well, it's only
been a year, so...
Oh, have you considered that
maybe since he
doesn't return texts
or calls, maybe he
doesn't wanna talk to you?
Oh, I think he's just confused.
Look, there's a,
there's a little concept
I wanna tell you about
called reciprocity.
- Reciprocity.
- Uh-huh.
Now, I don't mean
that every relationship
has to be transactional,
but say you invite someone
to lunch, but they're busy,
but then they invite
you to something else
that's being reciprocal.
- Craig did that.
- Yeah?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I said, "See you later."
And he said, "Okay."
It's not, it's not
really... it, you know,
maybe he was just trying to
hurt, not hurt your feelings.
Or he, maybe things have
changed for Craig since then.
No, I just don't think
he's getting my texts.
How does it make you feel when
you invite Craig to therapy
and he doesn't respond?
Bad.
Yeah. Maybe you should
try for something new.
Do you have any other patients?
Well, I had Brian, but...
he disappeared too.
And then there was Craig,
and I really thought
he was the one.
That's putting a lot of
emotional pressure on Craig
to be so focused on him.
Yeah. I guess it's...
How do you think
it made him feel?
Yeah, too much. Too much. Yeah.
Yeah. Does that make sense?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
You're really good at this.
I think maybe you should
be a psychologist.
Yeah...
That's kind of what I do.
Or, I go to school for it.
Oh!
You could teach me.
It's not how it works.
I can't, I can't teach you.
But you know what?
I think you're
really helping me.
Can we do another session?
I can't, I haven't graduated.
I can refer you to a licensed
psychologist who would
love to help you,
but I, I can't.
You know, I, I don't
have any money.
Please? You help me.
[SIGHS] All right.
All right. I'll try to help you.
Just don't tell anyone. Keep
it on the down low. Okay?
- All right, all right.
- All right.
Okay.
[MUSIC]
Craig! Dr. Nauberger.
Hey, what do you call a
ghost on a haunted ship?
A buoy!
Yeah.
Hey, um, you wanna do
another therapy session?
Gimme a call.
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
Where's Greg?
Am I too fat?
Is it my B.O.?
Hey, Greg!
Hey, hey, hey!
Hi, over here!
- Over here, over here!
- Ah!
Hey.
Hey, doc.
Hi.
You know, I've been
trying to reach you.
Where have you been?
Oh, I've just been working.
So, hey, how was your
week? Any highs? Any lows?
Huh? Well, oh!
- [PATTING SHOULDER]
- Okay.
Well, I'm not interested in
therapy for me, remember?
I brought you these box of
tissues for you to cry in.
I will consider it a
personal failure of mine
if you don't cry by the
end of this session.
Do you need one of these?
Thank you.
[SNORTS]
[LAUGHING]
What's going on?
I can't get my practice going.
No clients are
interested in therapy.
No office, no money for school.
No Craig.
Well, do you have any family?
Yeah, I mean, I
have my son Bobby.
Yeah. He got married, and
he knocked up his wife,
- but, you know...
- [GASPS] Oh.
Yeah. And then he
doesn't have any time
for his old pop's
trick tips anymore.
Hm.
Then there's my daughter Allie,
and she won't speak to me, no.
Hm.
Why won't your
daughter speak to you?
Ah, nothing. All I did was try
to psychoanalyze
her for my book.
Oh.
Then we got in a fight over it
and we haven't talked for years.
Well, maybe since it's
been years, maybe it's time
to reach out to her to maybe
try to talk to her again.
I don't know how to talk to her.
Well, tell me more about that.
Well, I mean, ever since it
happened, I get really nervous
and the thought of talking
to her just terrifies me.
You know, I had the
same exact issue.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Now, I don't usually
speak about myself
when I'm conducting therapy,
but sometimes it can
be instructional,
but please don't share
this with anyone.
...don't share this with anyone.
...share this with anyone.
So, when I was talking
in front of groups,
like therapy group, public
speaking, I had the same fear,
but you know what happened?
I realized that if I
- imagined the audience
naked, - Uh-huh.
Then I could speak perfectly.
- Wow.
The whole thing went away.
That's great.
Hold on just a second.
Okay. Big smile.
[CAMERA SHUTTERS]
Heh!
Thank you, man. That's
for my social media.
- Oh.
- Yeah!
Help me get clients. I'll
build up my business.
- No, don't do that.
- Oh.
Yeah. Go to school.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, school.
- No money, but, yeah...
- All right. Yeah.
- All right,
well, - Okay, hey!
- Gotta get back.
- Hey, thanks man!
- Okay. Thank you.
- Okay.
Yep.
I didn't imagine you
naked. I wouldn't do that.
- [LAUGHS] - Oh, - Thanks for the advice.
- Thank you.
I feel comfortable with you.
- Yeah. All right.
- Thanks a lot, man.
- Yeah.
- Appreciate it.
- Bye.
- See you soon!
- Yeah.
- Have a good jog!
Yup.
Take care!
Miss you!
[DOORBELL RINGS]
[KNOCKING]
Hi Allie.
Hi, dad.
Look, I'm really
sorry for how I acted.
Okay. Thanks? Look, I gotta go.
No, I... can you forgive me?
It's just pretty
messed up what you did.
Yeah, I-I was
wrong. I can change.
What do you want?
I just want to be in your life.
Why? Haven't you
already done enough?
Because I love you.
But you're just gonna try
to psychoanalyze me again
and then put it on Instagram.
- I promise...
- You never listen!
I promise not to
psychoanalyze you.
I, I, I promise to listen to
you. I want to listen to you.
Okay? I can change.
Okay!
Okay.
All right.
You wanna get a coffee sometime?
Yeah. Okay.
When you're not busy,
of course. Okay.
Um... Well, kiddo. Great.
Thank... [SNIFFS]
Oh, dad. Bye dad.
I am the captain
of the Pinafore
and a right good captain too
I'm very, very good
and be it understood
I command a right good crew
GREG: He's very, very good
And be it understood
He commands a
right good crew
NAUBERGER: Hm hm-hm-hm-hm-hm
Ha ha-ha-ha-ha-ha
Hm hm hm hm hm hm
[MUSIC]
[PIGEONS COOING]
[MUSIC]
NAUBERGER: Thank
you @gregrusso23
for another great session.
Though some may think it weird
when you imagine your therapy
group buck-naked on
account of being nervous.
I think it is
endearing. See you soon.
NAUBERGER: The power of
now. The power of now...
[PHONE VIBRATING]
...now, the power
of now, the pow...
Hey, Greg. What's up?
GREG: Hi, Dr. Nauberger?
Yeah. Hi.
We need to talk.
About what?
Well, I saw your
Instagram post about me.
Oh, yeah. No, it
was a good one. Huh?
You deliberately did what
I told you not to do.
What?
Yeah. You shared that
con... story I told you in
- complete confidence.
- No, I'm, look...
- And you...
- I-I-I'm...
You embarrassed me in
front of my therapy
group. I'm totally embarrassed.
I'm so sorry!
- I... I, I'm, - I...
- I can't trust you any more.
- Please, no, I,
I'm sorry.
I, hey, hey, hey. It
won't happen again.
I, well, we certainly can't
continue our sessions.
Well, why not?
- Please?
- Well... I don't, I don't think we have
enough in common to be friends.
No, come on. That's not true.
So, I'm sorry. I
hope you understand.
No! We both love psychology.
We both love the great
outdoors. I mean, Greg...
[PHONE BEEPING]
Greg!
[SIGHS]
[MUSIC]
[PHONE PINGS]
Greg, you came!
Hey. Hey, doc.
Hey. I am really
sorry about that post.
I, I deleted it
and uh, you know, I, I
just can't get the hang
of all this texting and
Instagraming and stuff.
- Yeah.
- I got rid of the app.
It's all right.
Don't worry about it.
So you forgive me?
Yeah. It's not a big deal.
Why did you decide
to talk to me again?
Well, it would've been
easier to send you out
to the oil field or um... - What?
- You know... What?
You did that on purpose?
[LAUGHS] - Oh, you rascal!
[LAUGHING]
I'm sorry.
- Yeah.
- Trickster.
But yeah, no, I wanted
to give you this.
I, I got it previously,
but, you know... Wow!
It's a bloodstone. It
comes from Australia
and it, it helps people
who have been bullied
or abandoned to regain
a sense of self-worth.
Wow. Thank you.
Yeah. So, so this signifies
that our therapy
sessions from me to you,
or both ways, is now complete.
Oh. So, then you're leaving?
There was one other thing.
You know, you can call
and text like a
lot. A lot, a lot.
Yeah. I'm, I'm sorry.
I'll, I'll cut back.
So probably just daytime
hours would be a start.
And, and maybe, maybe
like once a week,
once every couple of weeks.
Yeah, that'd be all right.
So are we friends still?
Well, you know... [LAUGHING]
now that you put it that way.
[LAUGHING]
Yeah. I mean, call me
a week after Friday
or text me or
whatever and... Okay.
And um, yeah, we could
figure something out.
You know, go on a
hike or something.
- Right, I'd like that.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- That'd be cool.
Cool.
My name's Holm, by the way.
Holm.
Yeah.
That's nice.
Thank you.
[MUSIC]
GREG: So you heard
about the old one
about the guy who
crossed the road
with the chicken
or, or the duck?
NAUBERGER: Oh, you trying
to get me with that?
[LAUGHS]
What is the end to
that? I don't know.
Yeah, I don't know.
- I don't think anyone knows.
- Okay.
Yeah, it was a, it
was um, some animal,
I just can't really remember.
Uh-huh.
- A fowl? Or was a cat?
- [LAUGHING] Yeah.
I dunno. A dog?
[MUSIC]
Everything
Oh, everything
is going my way
And it's all because of me
No worries, so happy
Everything's going my way
It's all because of me
I was lonely, so lonely
But then I found a way
And it's all because of me
YOGA TEACHER: Palms on the mat.
Fingers spread wide, heart
melting towards the earth.
Raise your right leg high,
soaring like an eagle.
And take that leg
and step it through.
[GRUNTS] - Runner's lunge.
Bring your back foot in.
Reach your hands above!
Virabhadrasana, Warrior I.
[PANTING]
[MUSIC]
GREG: Hey, it's Greg.
Leave a message, and I'll
get right back to you.
[PHONE BEEPS]
Namaste.
It's Dr. Nauberger.
Give me a call.
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
Dr. Nauberger?
Oh, Greg. Hi.
Hey. What's up, doc?
Nothing, just waiting
for you to text.
Nothing. I mean, I'm
waiting for the bus.
Well, good seeing you.
You might want to, you
know, sit on the bench.
It'll be more
comfortable, but, uh,
- all right.
- No, no, wait, wait, wait!
My car was towed. Take
me to the tow place?
Uh... Well, I mean, if
it's not too inconvenient.
Well, where is it?
I don't know. I mean,
it could be this way.
It could be this way.
Could be any which way,
really, when you think about it.
- Okay. Well, see you later.
- Wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
It's just down the block.
It'll take a second.
Uh, I'm getting in!
Ah!
Yes!
So, uh, where's your car?
You mean my Ferrari?
What? Your Ferrari?
- Just kidding!
- What?
I don't have a Ferrari,
but wait, wait!
Quick, quick! Pull
over, pull over!
What? Why?
Uh, ah!
I, I need to visualize a
Ferrari so I can have one.
Okay.
[EXHALES]
I need to concentrate
because if you visualize that
you have a Ferrari already,
then you will have one.
Mm!
Mm-mm-mm.
Hm. I hope that
works out for you.
[SIGHS]
Yeah. Me too.
Uh...
Yeah. Okay, cool. We can go.
Okay.
All right. So, uh, where,
which way should I take you?
- Um...
- Where's your car?
Uh...
Your car?
You don't, you don't
have a car, do you?
Eh...
You know, I used to have a
car, but I had an incident.
What happened?
Yeah, I don't want
to talk about it.
Okay.
You know, I'm bipolar
and maybe a ADHD too.
Oh, huh.
Yeah. That's why I have
troubles with, you know,
jobs and stuff.
Oh, right.
Hey, you want to go on a hike?
I can't. I have, uh,
class in like 10 minutes.
Oh, come on. You can skip it.
No, I can't.
Come on, live a little.
Haven't you ever played hooky?
Actually, never.
Oh, but you've always
wanted to, right?
Kind of.
Yeah. Well, you don't
wanna be sitting inside.
Yeah.
You know, it's the things that
you don't do that you regret.
Yeah! Okay. All right.
Cool.
All right.
Let's do it.
[MUSIC]
- Greg?
- Yeah.
Um, when can you be
my real therapist?
[LAUGHS]
Um... I guess, when
I graduate. Maybe.
- Oh.
- Maybe.
Okay, um, come on!
Let's do a session.
Look, there's a nice
little log I can lay on.
And there's rock there
that you can sit on.
Wait, wait. What's this?
Come on. It'll be
just like old times...
Wait, let, look, look!
- What?
- There's a bear right there.
[SCOFFS]
- Oh, is it...
- Can you see it?
Wait, is it a black
bear or brown bear?
I don't think that
matters right now.
[SNARLING]
To me it looks
like a black bear.
But you know, it
has brown spots,
so it could be a brown bear.
Look, I think we need
to slowly back away.
No, should we pet it?
No! I think we
should get a rock.
Get two rocks and hit
it together. And, and,
- maintain eye contact.
- No!
Shh, shh, shh, warrior pose.
Wait, it's not a time for yoga.
Warrior pose!
It'll scare him off!
- Stop! Just...
- Yeah.
Oh, hey, hey, hey.
Avert!
Avert your eyes.
Don't look at it.
Downward dog!
[GROWLING]
- No, downward dog!
- This is not a time for yoga!
Hey! Get off my friend!
[SHARP EXHALE]
Greg, I am so sorry
you got mauled.
It's just a little bear bite.
[SIGHING]
They're gonna fix it right up.
[INHALES SHARPLY]
[MUSIC]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[MUSIC]
Hi, Allie, over here!
Hey!
[LAUGHING]
Hi, dad!
Isn't this great?
Hanging with the Al-gal
just like old times.
[EXHALES]
Yeah.
[LAUGHS]
Oh, um, do you want a coffee?
I got it. Don't worry about it.
Um, black okay?
No, I think it was
brown, actually.
What?
Oh, right. No,
I... black. Black.
[LAUGHS]
I got you a bear claw.
Ew!
Are you okay?
You know, I'm just not
hungry I, I, I guess, uh...
Yeah. I, you look great.
Thanks! You, you look...
great!
Where are you staying?
Well, you know, here,
there, everywhere.
[SIGHS]
So, I've thought about it
and you could stay
with me if you want.
No, I don't know. I, I
don't want to impose.
No, it'd be fine. Really!
I, I have an extra bedroom and
we could get you cleaned up.
Maybe help you with
the job search.
- Oh, I have a job.
- You do?
Yeah. I'm a clinical
psychiatrist. But, you know that.
You're never going to
be a real psychiatrist.
Look, I talk to people.
I listen to people.
I prescribe medication.
You don't even have a license.
Psychiatrists need a
license to practice.
- Oh, that's dumb.
- Is not.
- Is too.
- Is not.
Is too, times a million.
- Is not times a billion.
- Trillion...
- Gazillion - Infinity.
Infinity plus one.
Ooh!
Well, if I'm not a
real psychiatrist,
then I must not have a session
with a very important
client in 5, 4, [MUSIC]
3...
Wait, I do.
Later.
Hey!
What's up?
Dr. Nauberger.
- Yeah.
- Hey.
W-what's up?
Nothing, what's,
uh, what's going on?
[EXHALES] Just here.
What are you doing?
Um, just taking a jog.
Jogging's bad for your
knees. Don't you know that?
- I guess.
- Well then why do you do it?
I guess you can once in a while.
Oh!
[SHARP INHALE] You want
to be my writing partner?
- Uh, no, thanks.
- Why not?
Well, I just prefer
writing alone.
Hmm. What are you writing about?
It's a case study
about two patients.
I don't see how that's gonna
make you a hundred million.
[LAUGHS]
I don't think that's
really the point.
You wanna know what
my book's about?
Uh, what?
Two best friends and
mental health issues.
Nice, nice.
You know, I joined
Toastmasters Improv Masters.
[LAUGHING] What's that?
Well, it's a place
where you give speeches.
You wanna hear my speech?
- Okay, um, - Um, okay.
- I guess...
- Yeah. So... off to your place!
So you gonna offer me any water?
Oh, yeah. Um, is,
uh, filtered okay?
Um, tap. And you don't
have to use your best cup.
[LAUGHING] Okay.
NAUBERGER: So there was this
girl, her name was Goldilocks,
and she was out for
a walk in the forest.
There were three
bowls of porridge...
...and she tried
the first one and...
...the second one
is like, ouch...
...ooh, that's too soft.
She tried the third one...
...really, really mad.
And then she woke up...
...and she ran out the door.
The end.
So we gonna watch TV now?
Yeah. I guess I could
turn something on.
Okay.
[REMOTE CLICKS] -
[TV PROGRAM STARTS]
So you single? Married?
Lookin'?
Um... single.
Hm.
You're looking for
someone hot, like, uh...
Taylor Swift.
[LAUGHING] I guess.
Someone young, like 18 or 20?
I don't know. I think
probably someone
closer to my own age.
Me, I'm looking for Craig
or someone exactly like him.
Hmm.
Well you, uh, done
with your water?
Uh... why you want me
to leave, or something?
No, no, no.
I just, um, I have some
work that I need to do.
Oh, but you know what? I
still need mental help.
I mean, you know, these days
Craig is so hard to read,
especially when I
don't know where he is
or what he's doing.
Well, you know, have you
tried meeting new people?
EHarmony is something
you could, maybe...
No, I prefer to meet
some Craig in person.
[MUSIC]
Uh-huh.
Well, okay, here is some
homework you can try.
Maybe try talking to five
new people in real life.
And one non-confrontational
way you could meet someone is
just to ask for the time.
Hmm.
Okay.
So you're kicking me out now.
I'm kicking out now.
Okay.
Later.
- All right.
- Thanks for the water.
Yeah, no worries.
Mmm.
Unfiltered's the best!
[MUSIC]
- Hi.
- Hi.
Hey, uh, do you know
what time it is?
Um...
- 11:35.
- Thank you.
Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry. Do
you know what time it is?
Do I look like a clock to you?
Nu-uh.
Hi.
Nope.
Hi! Excuse me. Do you
know what time it is?
NAUBERGER: Do you
know what time it is?
[LAUGHS] Dr. Nauberger.
Hey, what's up?
What are you doing?
Nothing. I'm just studying.
I have a big test coming up.
Oh. Do you have
a girlfriend yet?
No.
So maybe you're the shy guy.
But you know, I
have a game for you.
I learned it at
Toastmasters Improv Masters.
Your game was way too boring.
It's called Dr. Know-it-all.
Come on, follow me. Come on.
- There?
- Yeah.
Hi!
We're Dr. Know-it-all.
Ask us any question
and we will give you the answer.
Ask us anything at all.
Like, who will win that
important ball game?
Or when will the
universe expand?
Uh, improv. I don't
have time for this.
Okay... um, any, any
question? Come on.
Just a word. We're
Dr. Know-it-all.
[SIGHING] Okay.
Where is my sanity?
Sanity... okay,
so you say any word, but
you just keep it going.
Sanity - bubble is
Fi-fishing for the disaster
area of Life.
[LAUGHING] Yeah. Sorry.
[MUSIC]
Hi!
We're Dr. Know-it-all,
ask us any question
and we will give you the answer.
But - there - is
cheese - in - your - teeth!
[LAUGHS]
[FEET SHUFFLING]
Hi, we're Dr. Know-it-all.
Ask us any question
and we will give you the answer.
Poof!
MAN: Excuse me.
I'm the manager and we've
been getting some complaints.
- And your question is, sir?
- No question,
but I request that you
don't bother our customers.
Please, sirs.
Yeah, we were just
on our way out.
No, no, no. You
don't understand.
We're Dr. Know-it-all.
Ask us any question!
Will you kindly stop this and
leave our customers alone?
We - will - stop - a -
MANAGER: Okay, - session...
You! You both are
banned. For life.
What?
But I like this place.
[CAMERA SHUTTERS]
Hey, listen up!
If you see these two very bad
men here, don't serve them.
They're going up on the wall.
Wait, no, this is my
favorite coffee shop.
You go on the wall of shame.
[CAMERA SHUTTERS] -
Shame on you, sirs.
Now out.
Out! Get out!
Come on, Greg.
[SIGHING]
I am so sorry
you got banned from your
favorite coffee shop, Greg.
Me, too.
I gotta go.
Oh, okay. Later?
[MUSIC]
[PHONE RINGING]
[SIGHS]
Hello.
Hey, what's up?
Nothing. What's up?
Are you a Christian?
Uh, yeah.
What are you doing Sunday?
You wanna go to church with me?
I'm not that into going
to churches right now.
It's a really good one.
[SIGHING] Uh... Hey,
there's girls there too.
And there's someone I
wanna introduce you to.
All right. I, uh,
I guess I could go.
And don't forget your Bible.
Okay.
And you can drive me, right?
So did you bring your Bible?
Oh, I forgot.
What? Well, you can borrow mine.
Thanks.
[LAUGHS]
PASTOR: Those who know me
know I love two things.
I love the Dodgers... [CHEERING]
All right, now.
And I love our
Lord Jesus Christ.
Now yes, I was at the
game last night...
and I get hyped up, man!
When Justin Turner hit that
home run. Wow! I went crazy.
But that's how we
should feel about Jesus
and the Bible, which are
100% true, literally.
PASTOR: All of it.
It's God's truth.
Now what does it teach us?
NAUBERGER: So what'd you think?
Pretty good.
I want you to meet some people.
Follow me.
Hi.
Here's my friend, Greg.
Hi, I'm Greg.
Hi.
This is my friend Greg.
Hey, nice to meet you.
[LAUGHS]
Hi!
Here's my friend, Greg.
Hey, how's it going?
Good.
Hey, you want something
from the snack table?
How about a cookie?
Um...
yeah, actually I, um, I'm kind
of vegan. I don't really...
You're a vegetable?
[GASPS]
No.
[LAUGHS]
Um, it's over here.
Okay.
Uh-hoh!
They don't have any bananas.
- Oh.
- Wait right here,
I want to, uh, introduce
you to somebody.
Okay.
Greg, this is Lacey.
Hi, I'm Greg.
Hi, nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
Um, you've been coming
here a long time?
Yeah, about a year.
Okay, nice. Um,
first time for me.
So... are you from
LA originally?
Uh, from Long Beach originally.
Okay, um, nice. I'm
from New Jersey.
- Oh, nice.
- Yeah. Um, what do you do?
Well, I work in HR
at Logos Logistics.
Uh, one of those
companies down there.
- Oh!
- Culver City.
Oh, Culver, okay. Yeah. Nice.
What do you do?
Um, I am a student.
Uh, I'm a, I study psychology.
Oh, nice.
Well, uh, it was
nice meeting you.
You too.
[LAUGHS]
[CONGREGATION CHATTERS]
Did you get her number?
Uh... no.
I don't even know
what she looks like.
Yo, I'm tryin' to
hook you up, dawg.
Ah, no, I'm not
even really looking
for a girlfriend right now.
Oh, okay. Well we can go.
Well... thanks for the invite.
Oh, no problem.
Um, wanna go grab lunch?
I can't, uh, I've a
lot of chores to do,
- Oh.
- Laundry.
But, uh, I need help.
Maybe we can do a quick session
or I can psychoanalyze
you if you want.
Um... how about this?
Here's some homework
for you, for next time.
You can choose five
people who inspire you
and make a board, like a collage
and just choose five inspiring
people from the area of work,
family, creativity,
leadership and spirituality.
- Hm.
- Yeah?
Cool.
Well, do you live...
Are you getting out?
Oh yeah. Right. Yeah.
[LAUGHING] - Okay.
- Okay.
- Uh, later.
- Yeah. See you.
- Bye, bye.
[MUSIC]
[GLASS CRACKING]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[PHONE RINGING]
[PHONE RINGING]
[SIGHS]
Hello?
Hey, what are you doing?
Hey, not much. What's going on?
Ah, you busy Saturday?
'Cause there's an improv group
event in the park. It's free.
You wanna go?
[INHALES]
TEACHER: So the first partner
starts the scene with an action
and then the second partner
tries to discern what
that action is and
then joins with a line.
Okay? So, who's up?
- Oh, me! Me! Pick me!
- Anyone at all?
- Come on, Greg.
- Ah, okay.
Come on!
Okay, so just, uh,
start the scene.
Calm, calm.
Take your fists,
squeeze, release.
Curl your toes, and release.
Now you're back in my office...
in the safety of my office.
So you lie down, lie
down, lie down, down,
lie down, down, down, down.
Okay. So tell me,
how was your week?
Any highs? Any lows?
TEACHER: Great. Uh, I'm
gonna stop you right there.
So we really want to try and
determine what the action is.
So... what about
what he was doing
suggested therapy session?
Well, it's obvious he was
having a psychotic episode
'cause when someone
does something like this
they're having anxiety
and they need help,
so I can help him.
Okay. Yeah. I, I see that.
Why don't we try
swapping places?
Okay.
And Holm, you can start the,
you start the action this time
- and then Greg, you
join in - Uh-huh.
[EXHALES]
with a line...
Okay. That's... you're
not doing an action, Holm.
That's, you're making
him lie down. Okay.
I guess we're just
gonna do this scene.
Well, that was interesting.
Yeah. I find it a little weird
that they wouldn't let me do
the scene that I wanted to do.
Well, you can't really force
a scene in improv, you know?
Well, I guess.
GREG: You want to
try this place?
NAUBERGER: Oh, no,
it looks too crowded.
How about the counter?
No, I just had
In-N-Out the other day.
Oh, you know, I'm
thinking, I'm probably
gonna move to New Jersey soon.
What? Uh, won't you miss LA?
Maybe a little.
Well then, why would you move?
Uh, just to be closer
to family. And,
all my classes are
online now, so... yeah.
It's better.
You'll be close to New York.
Pretty close.
I'll visit you, right?
Ah-hm... yeah, you could visit.
You know, 'cause I used
to have some friends
and then they weren't. I
had a, a friend, he moved
to New York and then I
never heard from him again.
- Oh, that sucks.
- Yeah.
Yeah. People can be
kind of flaky sometimes.
Mm-hm.
Well, do you wanna
just walk around
and maybe we'll find a place?
Okay.
[NAUBERGER HUMMING]
Whoa! Stop the car.
The bakery, the bake shop!
I'm not stopping the car.
No, they have really
good stuff there.
[CHEERING]
Woo hoo! Par-tay!
Looks fun, looks like
my kind of scene!
[LAUGHING]
All right, well that was
fun. Thanks for the invite.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Uh, tomorrow I'm writing...
and, oh, I have a session
with my therapist.
Wait, what?
Yeah, my therapist.
I, I have a session.
Why?
[LAUGHING]
Well, you know, even
therapists have therapists.
Oh... yeah. Later.
[DOOR OPENING]
[DOOR SLAMS SHUT]
You seem uneasy.
Really?
Yes. I'm noticing a tick.
I'm going to tell you this
only so you're aware of it.
You're scratching the
back of your head.
Oh, well maybe it's
because you were late.
[SIGHS]
I do apologize for that.
Perhaps one of our
calming techniques can
put you more at ease.
Okay. Um, yeah... How
about the, the list...
maybe the listing
of the five senses?
Okay. If that's what
you choose to do.
Okay.
[INHALES] Okay.
Things I can smell...
[SNIFFING]
Um... the musty smell
of the old room. Uh...
dust, maybe.
Uh...
things I can see...
a chair,
a plant, Dr. Nauberger?
What's up?
[MUSIC]
W-what are you doing here?
Well, I just wanted
to see a therapy
session. A real one.
Hi, I'm Dr. Nauberger,
at your service.
Dr. Nauberger?
[LAUGHING]
This is the guy I was
telling you about.
Oh.
Dr. Nauberger at your service.
Dr. Nauberger, this is a
confidential therapy session.
Oh, but it's only for
educational purposes,
so it is okay.
If you would please
leave us now,
so Greg and I can resume.
But I'm Greg's therapy patient,
and therefore we have
doctor client privileges
and it's okay.
I'm very confused.
Yeah, me too. Why
you being mean?
[DOOR OPENING]
[DOOR SLAMMING]
Look, that was weird, Holm.
You can't just
follow people around
and spy on them like that.
Yeah, but I just didn't
want to feel left out.
No spying!
Okay. You wanna go to lunch?
No. I, I gotta go.
See ya.
[POLICE SIREN]
[BOTTLE ROLLING]
[DISTANT SHOUTING]
[DOG BARKING]
[GRUNTING]
Brian?
Doctor...
Dr. Nauberger?
Yeah.
Dr. Nauberger!
[LAUGHS] I've been
looking for you.
I've been to every dumpster.
I found my id.
[WHIMPERING]
I found my id!
[GLASS SHATTERING]
Look at me, Dr. Nauberger!
Look what you've done!
The Groupon!
[CAR HONKING]
- Look where it's gotten me!
- [DUMP TRUCK EXHAUST]
[ELECTRICAL BUZZ]
[EXHALES]
[PHONE RINGING]
GREG: Hey, it's Greg.
Leave a message,
and I'll get right back to you.
[BEEPS]
Hi Greg, i-it's Holm. Call me.
[DEEP EXHALE]
[MUSIC]
[WIND BLOWING]
[MUSIC]
[AIRPLANE ENGINE HUMS]
[MUSIC]
[PHONE BEEPING]
WOMAN: We're sorry. You
have reached a number
that has been disconnected
or is no longer in service.
[SIGHS]
[HEARTSTONE CLINKS]
[SIGHING]
Gah!
[GRUNTS]
[SIGHS]
[EXHALES]
Ah!
Come on!
Were's my tent?
God, can Greg be my friend?
Please?
Please, let Greg be my friend.
Please.
[MUSIC]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[KNOCKING]
[DOORBELL RINGS]
- Dad?
- Hi Allie.
What's up?
Well, I kind of
moved out of my place
and I was wondering if I could
take you up on your offer.
I, I kind of need
a place to stay.
I have a job lined up.
I can do psychiatry on the side
and I'm gonna go
to school for it.
But I thought you said
having a license was dumb.
Well it is kind of dumb,
but I'll put up with it.
[LAUGHS]
[MUSIC]
Let me show you your room.
What a beautiful
place you have here.
Here it is.
Wow.
You're probably gonna
need another pillow.
Maybe an extra blanket. Hold on.
[PHONE PINGS]
[MUSIC]
[SIGHS]
[TYPING]
[PHONE PINGS]
[SIGHING]
GREG: Hello?
What's up?
Hey, not much.
Just um, reading the
paper. Eating breakfast.
You changed your number.
Yeah, I've, uh, kind of
been getting a lot of
spam calls recently.
Where are you?
I'm in New Jersey.
Who's your governor?
I don't know, uh,
Murphy, something.
Governor Eddie Murphy?
[LAUGHING] No.
You know I'm joking, right?
Yeah.
Guess where I am?
I don't know, where?
Come on, guess!
You're at the... park?
Can you hear that? I...
see... animals, and...
Uh, you're at the zoo!
No. I see, ah, big
animals with whiskers.
They're big and fat and wet
and they're by the water.
- Oh, the beach?
- Yes!
Ah, yeah, I think I know
where that beach is.
Hm. So when are you
gonna move back to LA?
Um...
I don't know. I, I don't think
anytime soon or anything.
Oh.
Tell me a joke.
It's a little early in the
morning for me to think of one.
Okay, I'll tell you one.
There was this guy and
this chicken and a duck
or maybe it was a
fowl, and, um...
GREG: Oh yeah, right, the foul.
Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
So there was a fowl
and a guy and everybody
and they wanted to
cross the road, but why?
Well, to go into the bar.
So they go into the bar
and of course there
was a priest there
and the bartender says to
the horse, why the long face?
You get it?
- Nice. Yeah.
- But did you get it?
Uh, yeah. Yeah. That's
pretty funny actually.
Alright. 'Kay.
So is there anything
you want to say to me
before we say goodbye?
No, I think that's it.
Okay.
Well, you're a good guy, Greg.
Thanks. You too.
Listen, if you ever
get bored, call me.
Okay.
Later.
Later.
[EXHALES]
[MUSIC]
Greg! What are you
doing down there?
Dr. Nauberger?
What's up!
Wha-what is this? Rolls-Royce?
Yeah! Well, what were
you expecting? A Ferrari?
[CLICKS TONGUE]
And how?
Oh, it doesn't matter.
But... uh... Let's just
call it the power of now.
Come on, get in!
Ah, come on, you trickster!
Feeling
it's never going up again
Like piloting
without a wing
I twist this up
inside my head
I turn it off
won't let you in
So let's pretend
we know the end
Then you
pull me through
And it feels new
To be with you
To be with you
To be with you
I can't
let it all break down again
Fast-forward it
to see the end
Trying hard to let you in
And replay
everything you said
Can we pretend
we're over this
Then you
pull me through
And it feels new
I'll stay
and throw away
Everything I knew
To be with you
To be with you
To be with you
To be with you
To be with you
To be with you
To be with you
Then you
pull me through
And it feels new
I'll stay
and throw away
Everything I knew
To be with you
[FILM PROJECTOR REVS]
[TYPEWRITER TYPING]
[MUSIC]
[CHAIN-LINK FENCE RATTLES]
Brian, right?
- Yeah.
- Hello. Hi, um, a pleasure!
- Doctor...
- Nauberger.
Nauberger.
Hey, come into my
office and, uh,
- take a seat.
- This... this is your office?
Yeah. It's only for
temporary, but, you know.
- Well, I mean it...
- Come on, take a seat.
Looked a lot different
on the website.
I really wouldn't worry
about that, Brian,
because you're
here to talk to me
so you just close your eyes.
Take some deep breaths
and tell me about it.
Well, I mean, I guess, uh,
it all stems from my father.
Uh-huh.
You know what, go ahead
and tell me about that.
What... what is that smell?
It's just the dumpster.
It's, it's normal.
Go ahead and continue where, um,
you left off. Now
close your eyes.
Um, like I said, my,
my dad and my sister...
Uh-huh. Tell me about them.
Everyone always listens to them.
And, and for me, it's... nobody,
nobody gives me
my chance to speak
and I have so much to say
and so much to give, and,
and nobody wants to
listen to me. And, Yeah.
And I just need
someone to, uh, listen.
- Yeah.
- And, uh... Hmm.
And are you, are
you listening to me?
Well, of course I'm listening.
Perhaps, um, [FLY BUZZING]
perhaps it's your id.
Don't worry about the little
flies. It's part of nature.
Do you know what the id is?
The id is a manifestation
of your subconscious desire,
so I think that you
should listen to the id,
Brian. Okay. You understand?
I, I, what is, what is
that sound? Who is that?
[SKATEBOARD ROLLING]
Oh, don't worry about
him. That's Bobby,
my son. Hi, Bobby!
Hey, dad!
BRIAN: Your son?
Yeah, but we have to
keep it quiet here
because he's learning
how to skateboard Now?
Well, I want to keep him here,
so where I can watch him.
Okay? So please just continue
from where you left off.
Yeah, I think our,
our time's up, right?
No, no, no, no. We
have 30 minutes.
A good 30 minutes
left. So you go ahead.
No, you know what, I got,
I got somewhere I gotta be.
No, no. Just, just...
So you liked your free trial
and you, I'll see you next week?
Yeah. You know what?
I, I gotta be honest.
The dumpster of
the Chinese food,
your kid, the, the emails
that you constantly send
me, I, I, I can't do it.
I can't...
The, the trash everywhere.
Listen, the Groupon deal was...
Was extremely reasonable,
I know, and you're welcome.
Listen, I, I, I think I
realized what the problem is.
- I don't stand...
- Yeah. Good work.
Don't stand up
for myself enough.
Excellent.
Yeah. But stop
with the, the texts
and the calls and the emails...
You're making progress.
No, I gotta say no.
Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait. You need help. Please.
Let me help you. Okay. Okay.
Oh, wait, wait. I
have, I have something.
Hold on.
[SIGHS] What?
[PLASTIC UNWRAPPING]
You will soon create a
favorable impression on someone.
[SIGHS]
Hey, that's great news!
No, no.
Hey, this kind of stuff
is worth a fortune.
So I'll see you next
week, okay, bud?
[CHAIN-LINK FENCE RATTLING]
Hey, that was great success.
Great with the
Groupons there, Bobby.
Marketing genius!
- Really?
- So, yeah... You make old Pop proud,
but you show the old popster
a pop shove-off, man.
Yay! Wow.
You're a natural, dude.
Try again.
Never give up.
Daddy loves you.
[SKATEBOARD ROLLING]
[MUSIC]
Great session.
Sorry to hear your father
and sister hate you,
but maybe they will listen
if you open your heart.
[DOOR OPENING]
Dig deep next week
and tag...
and...
post!
Hey, I-I'm looking
for a Dr. Nauberger.
I have an appointment.
- If you can help me?
- Oh!
Craig, right? Yes?
- Oh. Oh.
- Hey!
Dr. Nauberger at your service.
- All right.
- The power of now.
- Oh, okay.
- Yeah, yeah.
No, h-hey, have a seat.
[TELEPHONE CHATTER]
Lay back. Put your feet up.
Did you find the place okay?
Yeah.
Lay back. Put your feet up.
Yeah.
[EXHALES]
There you go.
So did you have a hard
time finding the place?
No.
Yeah. Where are you coming from?
Oh, I live way, way, way down
in the middle of nowhere.
- Really? Where?
- In Los Angeles.
Los Angeles, like the
city of Los Angeles?
Yeah.
Well, that's uh,
it's not that far.
No, I live pretty far.
Took me 15 minutes to get here.
15 minutes. Oh, interesting.
[PRINTER PRINTING]
Wh-what... what are you doing?
[CAMERA SHUTTERS]
Oh, no, don't, don't
worry about it.
It's just for social.
Well, let's get started.
Would you tell me a bit
about your practice first?
Practice? I don't need
practice. I know what I'm doing.
No, like, would you tell
me your methodology?
Like, is it the
psychoanalytic approach?
Is it cognitive
behavioral therapy,
- or is it...
- Oh, that one.
Uh-huh.
And where'd you go to school?
Trident?
Oh, no, no, no, thanks.
I don't like gum.
Oh, no, no. Trident University.
It's a school my
son Bobby found.
[LAUGHS]
B-Bobby?
Bobby? Yeah. He's my son.
You'll meet him. Yeah.
He is at the skate park though.
Right.
Before we start, I just
wanted you to know,
due to the new offices,
there's gonna be a slight,
very slight upcharge.
Oh, but the Groupon said it
was $178 for the session.
Yeah, but, hm... due
to the new offices,
it's gonna be
additional 100. So 278.
Oh, no.
[LAUGHING] No, I dunno.
I'm not giving you 2...
Okay. Okay. So we
can do the 178.
Yeah, that...
that's what I paid.
Or 25% off.
Hey, look, I'm not going
any more than 50% off, okay?
MAN: Excuse me?
This is a private office.
Uh, well, I mean,
the door was open,
so I thought it was
a public lob-lobby
for public use, you know.
No, no. I'm sorry. You're
gonna have to leave.
[TELEPHONE CHATTER]
Come on, Craig. Let's go.
[PHONE RINGING]
So you don't have an office?
Not exactly.
And who was that?
I don't know. It doesn't matter.
Hey, have you been
a psychiatrist long?
Listen, we're here
to talk about you.
This is only gonna work
if we're open here.
Okay? So tell me, like,
where do you live?
Exactly.
Okay. You know what
I'm sensing from you?
I'm sensing that you
have some sort of issues
of where you live
and you're gonna have
to be open about it.
Okay?
Well, I used to have
this nice apartment.
Well, that does sound nice.
I got evicted when they
told me I had to pay rent.
Oh.
Yeah. That really blindsided me.
You know, that
happened to me too?
Ah, perfect.
Can you, uh, help
me with the couch?
Oh, this is nice.
[LAUGHING] - Hmm.
I like what you
did with the place.
Uh-huh.
Now, uh, there's a reason
why you paid for the Groupon,
and that's because
you need help.
All right?
And I'm paying
you for this, huh?
Time is money. Money is time.
Okay, here we go.
All right, have a seat.
Have a seat. Lie down.
Let's begin.
Okay.
Oh.
[EXHALES]
So... what's the problem?
Well, I mean,
it's... social media.
Mm-hm.
I don't know if my
friends are trying to
separate themselves from me.
I get online and I, I
comment on their pictures.
I leave stuff on their wall.
I send them messages
and they never respond.
Hmm.
I don't, I don't
know what to do.
You know, Bobby's a
genius at this stuff.
And what he tells me to do is
to direct message
them or DM them.
What's that?
Well, that's when
you, um, put up a post
or something, and then you
send them a message like,
"Hey, did you like my post?
Why aren't you
responding 'like'?"
or something like that.
That's the weird thing.
- I'll text them...
- Uh-huh.
And they'll say, yeah,
sure, let's meet up,
but they never say
anything online.
Ah.
I put them in my top eight, man.
- Top eight?
- Top eight!
My only friend left is Tom.
It's just me and
Tom on there now.
He's the only person
online with me.
Sad.
So I might as well delete
my MySpace because,
- Well, - well,
what's the point?
Maybe MySpace isn't for you.
How many Instagram
followers do you have?
What are you talking about?
Instagram? You don't
know Instagram?
- What's that?
- Oh my goodness.
Instagram is absolutely
wonderful! Let me show you.
Okay, here's what I posted
yesterday. See this photo?
It's of a session, and
I put a little recap of
what we discussed,
and then I go ahead
and I share it with everybody,
and it really helps my business.
That doesn't really seem
appropriate for a psychiatrist.
Haven't you heard of
doctor-client confidentiality?
No. That's only for crime.
There's no crime committed
here, so it's fine.
[LAUGHING] I don't know
about that because... Oh.
- Speaking of, um...
- Uh-huh.
[LAUGHS] oh man,
I didn't think I was gonna
talk about this, but...
- I was having...
- Go deep go dark.
No, I was having lunch
with this young lady...
A virtual lunch, and?
No, no, no, no, no. Just,
just a regular lunch.
Oh, oh... lay down.
I was having lunch
with this young lady,
and I thought like,
oh, she might be nice,
- Mm-hm.
- You know?
I'm gonna get somewhere.
She was a standup comic, - and I thought...
- Mm-hm.
Hm, hm.
And I thought,
you know, she might
be really funny,
and she was!
- Mm-hm.
But she was just
so into her salad.
I couldn't get a word
out of her. You know?
I, I didn't know if it was
me, if it was the salad.
Should I wear more green?
What does that have
to do with anything?
I know. I'm just saying as far
as like, where my life is going.
What do you think I
should do? I mean, you,
your honest opinion doc.
Like, what do I need?
Like what should I do?
Well, I, I have some
medication that'll
help you in the short term.
Take two of these.
No, take three,
because you're a special case
and it'll help you
relax for a while.
What is it?
Oh, it doesn't
matter. Just take it.
Looks like Advil.
Well, it does, but just take
it, chew it up in your mouth,
get it all over your
tongue, into the crevices
of your receding gums.
And I'll see you in a
week, and you come back
and you tell me all
about your experiences.
Oh.
If you need
instructions, call me.
Next week.
[PEZ DISPENSER SNAPS]
[MUSIC]
Ah!
[GRUNTING]
[EXHALES]
Hi, Craig?
It's you! It's us!
Hi, um... no my name
is Greg. Do I know you?
- No, Craig right?
- It's Greg with a "G".
But you look so familiar.
We had a therapy session
last summer, didn't we?
- I don't remember that.
- You know what?
I know what it is! You have
that Michael Jackson thing,
you know, where you
turn white, right?
I really have to be
going. I'm sorry.
- Hey, hey, hey!
- I'll see you later.
You in need of psychiatric care?
The power of now. It does work.
Okay. Um, yeah. See you.
- No, no, Craig.
- See ya.
Hey, come back, Craig!
- Craig, come back!
- Jeez!
Ow!
Well, you got a pretty
good arm, there.
Thank you. I'm, I'm
sorry about that,
but you don't mind if I can
have my yoga brick back?
Those aren't cheap, you know?
Will you do a therapy
session with me?
I'm not interested in therapy.
But you'll do a
free psych session.
[SIGHS]
I, maybe, I don't, I don't...
- Please?
[SIGHING]
- Okay. Okay. Okay.
- Ah!
Okay!
- All right.
- Wow, really?
I don't know. Now I'm not,
now I'm not that interested.
But you just said you would.
I, I mean, is it, will
it take long? Is it...
You know, maybe a couple months.
It really depends how
screwed up you are.
And do you wanna do
it now or later, or?
No, don't worry about it. Yeah.
- Later.
- Yeah.
- Later is good. Okay, cool.
- Hey, hey, hey!
No, no, no, no.
Wait, wait, wait!
I just forgot, I have
something on my schedule.
- Yeah.
- So go ahead
and put your contact
information in here
and, and I'll reach
you, man. Okay?
- Okay.
- Thanks.
It's locked.
Oh, I, I'm so sorry. Oh, okay.
There you go.
Okay.
- Okay.
- I really gotta go. Come on.
I'm sorry. No pressure, but...
- Oh, okay. You can...
- Okay, cool. Hey!
Good.
- Hey, thank you.
- Okay.
Namaste!
- Is that what you say?
- Yes.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Hey, take care, Greg-Craig.
All right, bye-bye.
[MUSIC]
[LAUGHTER]
[PHONE RINGING]
[SIGHS]
Hello?
Hi, Craig.
It's Nauberger,
your psycho analyst.
Okay. Can I help you?
Yeah. Are you ready
to do the deep dive?
I... the what?
Your free psych session.
Um... Hey, listen,
I, uh, I really...
can't, I'm very busy.
This is more important.
Clear your schedule.
Uh-huh.
Hey, look, I don't have an
office, but you know what?
In your case, maybe this time
I'll, I'll do a house call.
Where do you live?
[INHALING]
Since, since you
put it that way.
Well... [LAUGHS]
- Yeah, gimme a second
here, - NAUBERGER: Mm-hm.
Doctor.
Um... Okay, let,
let's, okay. Yeah.
I live on South Fairfax...
Street, at Stocker.
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
What?
[MUSIC]
NAUBERGER: Hey, Craig! Hey...
Yeah, it's a, it's
a big beautiful day
for therapy, my friend.
Um, I don't see any addresses,
but we're at 5,000 Fairfax,
but hey, uh, I don't
know where I am.
I think I'm lost. Call me?
Please?
Okay.
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
Hey, Craig! Come back!
You forgot your mat, you
forgot your yoga blocks.
Thanks.
Are you avoiding me?
You missed your therapy session.
I mean, you left
me hangin', dawg.
[SIGHS]
I forgot. I should
really be getting
- back to yoga, though.
- No, no. Come on.
You promised.
Come on, sit down
on the soft grass.
- Yeah?
- Come on, you owe me.
Wait! Wait, wait.
Allow me, okay, lemme
get this for you, okay.
- All right. Now, sit down.
- All right.
Sit, sit, sit, sit.
Okay.
[GRUNTS]
Okay. Now!
Forget about yoga.
Let us begin. Let me fix you.
Oh, I'm not interested
in therapy for myself.
Look, I've helped
so many clients,
so many wonderful people,
you know, I'd be willing
to drop all of them just
to help you full-time.
I don't need that.
I, you know, this isn't really
a, a way to practice therapy
at all, or I don't even if, you
know if you are
a real therapist.
Well then, why
don't we just hang?
[SIGHING]
You don't, you don't have
anybody to talk to, do you?
Hm.
Well, I guess we could all
use someone to talk to...
every once in a while.
Well, you can talk to me.
No, but I mean,
like a real friend.
Well, I am your real friend.
Ah, but...
someone, someone you could
really vibe with, you know?
Well, you know, I'm your friend
who you're vibing
with right now.
No, I don't know about that.
I mean, someone who's funny,
someone who can make me laugh.
I can make you laugh.
You know, there
once was this guy
and he was crossing the road
and there was a, a chicken.
And, you know, I'm
really bad at this.
If, if Craig was here, he would
know something funny to say.
Who is Craig?
Well, Craig was
my second patient,
and he was um, he was great.
We all miss him.
Tell me more.
Well, he had so much potential
natural talent, and he
was also naturally funny.
And he, he was always joking.
And you never knew what
was true and what wasn't.
And that's what made
him so fascinating.
Then he started flaking.
He missed a session, and
then he stopped returning my
texts and phone calls.
How long has it been
since he's stopped
returning your texts and calls?
Well, it's only
been a year, so...
Oh, have you considered that
maybe since he
doesn't return texts
or calls, maybe he
doesn't wanna talk to you?
Oh, I think he's just confused.
Look, there's a,
there's a little concept
I wanna tell you about
called reciprocity.
- Reciprocity.
- Uh-huh.
Now, I don't mean
that every relationship
has to be transactional,
but say you invite someone
to lunch, but they're busy,
but then they invite
you to something else
that's being reciprocal.
- Craig did that.
- Yeah?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I said, "See you later."
And he said, "Okay."
It's not, it's not
really... it, you know,
maybe he was just trying to
hurt, not hurt your feelings.
Or he, maybe things have
changed for Craig since then.
No, I just don't think
he's getting my texts.
How does it make you feel when
you invite Craig to therapy
and he doesn't respond?
Bad.
Yeah. Maybe you should
try for something new.
Do you have any other patients?
Well, I had Brian, but...
he disappeared too.
And then there was Craig,
and I really thought
he was the one.
That's putting a lot of
emotional pressure on Craig
to be so focused on him.
Yeah. I guess it's...
How do you think
it made him feel?
Yeah, too much. Too much. Yeah.
Yeah. Does that make sense?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
You're really good at this.
I think maybe you should
be a psychologist.
Yeah...
That's kind of what I do.
Or, I go to school for it.
Oh!
You could teach me.
It's not how it works.
I can't, I can't teach you.
But you know what?
I think you're
really helping me.
Can we do another session?
I can't, I haven't graduated.
I can refer you to a licensed
psychologist who would
love to help you,
but I, I can't.
You know, I, I don't
have any money.
Please? You help me.
[SIGHS] All right.
All right. I'll try to help you.
Just don't tell anyone. Keep
it on the down low. Okay?
- All right, all right.
- All right.
Okay.
[MUSIC]
Craig! Dr. Nauberger.
Hey, what do you call a
ghost on a haunted ship?
A buoy!
Yeah.
Hey, um, you wanna do
another therapy session?
Gimme a call.
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
Where's Greg?
Am I too fat?
Is it my B.O.?
Hey, Greg!
Hey, hey, hey!
Hi, over here!
- Over here, over here!
- Ah!
Hey.
Hey, doc.
Hi.
You know, I've been
trying to reach you.
Where have you been?
Oh, I've just been working.
So, hey, how was your
week? Any highs? Any lows?
Huh? Well, oh!
- [PATTING SHOULDER]
- Okay.
Well, I'm not interested in
therapy for me, remember?
I brought you these box of
tissues for you to cry in.
I will consider it a
personal failure of mine
if you don't cry by the
end of this session.
Do you need one of these?
Thank you.
[SNORTS]
[LAUGHING]
What's going on?
I can't get my practice going.
No clients are
interested in therapy.
No office, no money for school.
No Craig.
Well, do you have any family?
Yeah, I mean, I
have my son Bobby.
Yeah. He got married, and
he knocked up his wife,
- but, you know...
- [GASPS] Oh.
Yeah. And then he
doesn't have any time
for his old pop's
trick tips anymore.
Hm.
Then there's my daughter Allie,
and she won't speak to me, no.
Hm.
Why won't your
daughter speak to you?
Ah, nothing. All I did was try
to psychoanalyze
her for my book.
Oh.
Then we got in a fight over it
and we haven't talked for years.
Well, maybe since it's
been years, maybe it's time
to reach out to her to maybe
try to talk to her again.
I don't know how to talk to her.
Well, tell me more about that.
Well, I mean, ever since it
happened, I get really nervous
and the thought of talking
to her just terrifies me.
You know, I had the
same exact issue.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Now, I don't usually
speak about myself
when I'm conducting therapy,
but sometimes it can
be instructional,
but please don't share
this with anyone.
...don't share this with anyone.
...share this with anyone.
So, when I was talking
in front of groups,
like therapy group, public
speaking, I had the same fear,
but you know what happened?
I realized that if I
- imagined the audience
naked, - Uh-huh.
Then I could speak perfectly.
- Wow.
The whole thing went away.
That's great.
Hold on just a second.
Okay. Big smile.
[CAMERA SHUTTERS]
Heh!
Thank you, man. That's
for my social media.
- Oh.
- Yeah!
Help me get clients. I'll
build up my business.
- No, don't do that.
- Oh.
Yeah. Go to school.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, school.
- No money, but, yeah...
- All right. Yeah.
- All right,
well, - Okay, hey!
- Gotta get back.
- Hey, thanks man!
- Okay. Thank you.
- Okay.
Yep.
I didn't imagine you
naked. I wouldn't do that.
- [LAUGHS] - Oh, - Thanks for the advice.
- Thank you.
I feel comfortable with you.
- Yeah. All right.
- Thanks a lot, man.
- Yeah.
- Appreciate it.
- Bye.
- See you soon!
- Yeah.
- Have a good jog!
Yup.
Take care!
Miss you!
[DOORBELL RINGS]
[KNOCKING]
Hi Allie.
Hi, dad.
Look, I'm really
sorry for how I acted.
Okay. Thanks? Look, I gotta go.
No, I... can you forgive me?
It's just pretty
messed up what you did.
Yeah, I-I was
wrong. I can change.
What do you want?
I just want to be in your life.
Why? Haven't you
already done enough?
Because I love you.
But you're just gonna try
to psychoanalyze me again
and then put it on Instagram.
- I promise...
- You never listen!
I promise not to
psychoanalyze you.
I, I, I promise to listen to
you. I want to listen to you.
Okay? I can change.
Okay!
Okay.
All right.
You wanna get a coffee sometime?
Yeah. Okay.
When you're not busy,
of course. Okay.
Um... Well, kiddo. Great.
Thank... [SNIFFS]
Oh, dad. Bye dad.
I am the captain
of the Pinafore
and a right good captain too
I'm very, very good
and be it understood
I command a right good crew
GREG: He's very, very good
And be it understood
He commands a
right good crew
NAUBERGER: Hm hm-hm-hm-hm-hm
Ha ha-ha-ha-ha-ha
Hm hm hm hm hm hm
[MUSIC]
[PIGEONS COOING]
[MUSIC]
NAUBERGER: Thank
you @gregrusso23
for another great session.
Though some may think it weird
when you imagine your therapy
group buck-naked on
account of being nervous.
I think it is
endearing. See you soon.
NAUBERGER: The power of
now. The power of now...
[PHONE VIBRATING]
...now, the power
of now, the pow...
Hey, Greg. What's up?
GREG: Hi, Dr. Nauberger?
Yeah. Hi.
We need to talk.
About what?
Well, I saw your
Instagram post about me.
Oh, yeah. No, it
was a good one. Huh?
You deliberately did what
I told you not to do.
What?
Yeah. You shared that
con... story I told you in
- complete confidence.
- No, I'm, look...
- And you...
- I-I-I'm...
You embarrassed me in
front of my therapy
group. I'm totally embarrassed.
I'm so sorry!
- I... I, I'm, - I...
- I can't trust you any more.
- Please, no, I,
I'm sorry.
I, hey, hey, hey. It
won't happen again.
I, well, we certainly can't
continue our sessions.
Well, why not?
- Please?
- Well... I don't, I don't think we have
enough in common to be friends.
No, come on. That's not true.
So, I'm sorry. I
hope you understand.
No! We both love psychology.
We both love the great
outdoors. I mean, Greg...
[PHONE BEEPING]
Greg!
[SIGHS]
[MUSIC]
[PHONE PINGS]
Greg, you came!
Hey. Hey, doc.
Hey. I am really
sorry about that post.
I, I deleted it
and uh, you know, I, I
just can't get the hang
of all this texting and
Instagraming and stuff.
- Yeah.
- I got rid of the app.
It's all right.
Don't worry about it.
So you forgive me?
Yeah. It's not a big deal.
Why did you decide
to talk to me again?
Well, it would've been
easier to send you out
to the oil field or um... - What?
- You know... What?
You did that on purpose?
[LAUGHS] - Oh, you rascal!
[LAUGHING]
I'm sorry.
- Yeah.
- Trickster.
But yeah, no, I wanted
to give you this.
I, I got it previously,
but, you know... Wow!
It's a bloodstone. It
comes from Australia
and it, it helps people
who have been bullied
or abandoned to regain
a sense of self-worth.
Wow. Thank you.
Yeah. So, so this signifies
that our therapy
sessions from me to you,
or both ways, is now complete.
Oh. So, then you're leaving?
There was one other thing.
You know, you can call
and text like a
lot. A lot, a lot.
Yeah. I'm, I'm sorry.
I'll, I'll cut back.
So probably just daytime
hours would be a start.
And, and maybe, maybe
like once a week,
once every couple of weeks.
Yeah, that'd be all right.
So are we friends still?
Well, you know... [LAUGHING]
now that you put it that way.
[LAUGHING]
Yeah. I mean, call me
a week after Friday
or text me or
whatever and... Okay.
And um, yeah, we could
figure something out.
You know, go on a
hike or something.
- Right, I'd like that.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- That'd be cool.
Cool.
My name's Holm, by the way.
Holm.
Yeah.
That's nice.
Thank you.
[MUSIC]
GREG: So you heard
about the old one
about the guy who
crossed the road
with the chicken
or, or the duck?
NAUBERGER: Oh, you trying
to get me with that?
[LAUGHS]
What is the end to
that? I don't know.
Yeah, I don't know.
- I don't think anyone knows.
- Okay.
Yeah, it was a, it
was um, some animal,
I just can't really remember.
Uh-huh.
- A fowl? Or was a cat?
- [LAUGHING] Yeah.
I dunno. A dog?
[MUSIC]
Everything
Oh, everything
is going my way
And it's all because of me
No worries, so happy
Everything's going my way
It's all because of me
I was lonely, so lonely
But then I found a way
And it's all because of me
YOGA TEACHER: Palms on the mat.
Fingers spread wide, heart
melting towards the earth.
Raise your right leg high,
soaring like an eagle.
And take that leg
and step it through.
[GRUNTS] - Runner's lunge.
Bring your back foot in.
Reach your hands above!
Virabhadrasana, Warrior I.
[PANTING]
[MUSIC]
GREG: Hey, it's Greg.
Leave a message, and I'll
get right back to you.
[PHONE BEEPS]
Namaste.
It's Dr. Nauberger.
Give me a call.
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
Dr. Nauberger?
Oh, Greg. Hi.
Hey. What's up, doc?
Nothing, just waiting
for you to text.
Nothing. I mean, I'm
waiting for the bus.
Well, good seeing you.
You might want to, you
know, sit on the bench.
It'll be more
comfortable, but, uh,
- all right.
- No, no, wait, wait, wait!
My car was towed. Take
me to the tow place?
Uh... Well, I mean, if
it's not too inconvenient.
Well, where is it?
I don't know. I mean,
it could be this way.
It could be this way.
Could be any which way,
really, when you think about it.
- Okay. Well, see you later.
- Wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
It's just down the block.
It'll take a second.
Uh, I'm getting in!
Ah!
Yes!
So, uh, where's your car?
You mean my Ferrari?
What? Your Ferrari?
- Just kidding!
- What?
I don't have a Ferrari,
but wait, wait!
Quick, quick! Pull
over, pull over!
What? Why?
Uh, ah!
I, I need to visualize a
Ferrari so I can have one.
Okay.
[EXHALES]
I need to concentrate
because if you visualize that
you have a Ferrari already,
then you will have one.
Mm!
Mm-mm-mm.
Hm. I hope that
works out for you.
[SIGHS]
Yeah. Me too.
Uh...
Yeah. Okay, cool. We can go.
Okay.
All right. So, uh, where,
which way should I take you?
- Um...
- Where's your car?
Uh...
Your car?
You don't, you don't
have a car, do you?
Eh...
You know, I used to have a
car, but I had an incident.
What happened?
Yeah, I don't want
to talk about it.
Okay.
You know, I'm bipolar
and maybe a ADHD too.
Oh, huh.
Yeah. That's why I have
troubles with, you know,
jobs and stuff.
Oh, right.
Hey, you want to go on a hike?
I can't. I have, uh,
class in like 10 minutes.
Oh, come on. You can skip it.
No, I can't.
Come on, live a little.
Haven't you ever played hooky?
Actually, never.
Oh, but you've always
wanted to, right?
Kind of.
Yeah. Well, you don't
wanna be sitting inside.
Yeah.
You know, it's the things that
you don't do that you regret.
Yeah! Okay. All right.
Cool.
All right.
Let's do it.
[MUSIC]
- Greg?
- Yeah.
Um, when can you be
my real therapist?
[LAUGHS]
Um... I guess, when
I graduate. Maybe.
- Oh.
- Maybe.
Okay, um, come on!
Let's do a session.
Look, there's a nice
little log I can lay on.
And there's rock there
that you can sit on.
Wait, wait. What's this?
Come on. It'll be
just like old times...
Wait, let, look, look!
- What?
- There's a bear right there.
[SCOFFS]
- Oh, is it...
- Can you see it?
Wait, is it a black
bear or brown bear?
I don't think that
matters right now.
[SNARLING]
To me it looks
like a black bear.
But you know, it
has brown spots,
so it could be a brown bear.
Look, I think we need
to slowly back away.
No, should we pet it?
No! I think we
should get a rock.
Get two rocks and hit
it together. And, and,
- maintain eye contact.
- No!
Shh, shh, shh, warrior pose.
Wait, it's not a time for yoga.
Warrior pose!
It'll scare him off!
- Stop! Just...
- Yeah.
Oh, hey, hey, hey.
Avert!
Avert your eyes.
Don't look at it.
Downward dog!
[GROWLING]
- No, downward dog!
- This is not a time for yoga!
Hey! Get off my friend!
[SHARP EXHALE]
Greg, I am so sorry
you got mauled.
It's just a little bear bite.
[SIGHING]
They're gonna fix it right up.
[INHALES SHARPLY]
[MUSIC]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[MUSIC]
Hi, Allie, over here!
Hey!
[LAUGHING]
Hi, dad!
Isn't this great?
Hanging with the Al-gal
just like old times.
[EXHALES]
Yeah.
[LAUGHS]
Oh, um, do you want a coffee?
I got it. Don't worry about it.
Um, black okay?
No, I think it was
brown, actually.
What?
Oh, right. No,
I... black. Black.
[LAUGHS]
I got you a bear claw.
Ew!
Are you okay?
You know, I'm just not
hungry I, I, I guess, uh...
Yeah. I, you look great.
Thanks! You, you look...
great!
Where are you staying?
Well, you know, here,
there, everywhere.
[SIGHS]
So, I've thought about it
and you could stay
with me if you want.
No, I don't know. I, I
don't want to impose.
No, it'd be fine. Really!
I, I have an extra bedroom and
we could get you cleaned up.
Maybe help you with
the job search.
- Oh, I have a job.
- You do?
Yeah. I'm a clinical
psychiatrist. But, you know that.
You're never going to
be a real psychiatrist.
Look, I talk to people.
I listen to people.
I prescribe medication.
You don't even have a license.
Psychiatrists need a
license to practice.
- Oh, that's dumb.
- Is not.
- Is too.
- Is not.
Is too, times a million.
- Is not times a billion.
- Trillion...
- Gazillion - Infinity.
Infinity plus one.
Ooh!
Well, if I'm not a
real psychiatrist,
then I must not have a session
with a very important
client in 5, 4, [MUSIC]
3...
Wait, I do.
Later.
Hey!
What's up?
Dr. Nauberger.
- Yeah.
- Hey.
W-what's up?
Nothing, what's,
uh, what's going on?
[EXHALES] Just here.
What are you doing?
Um, just taking a jog.
Jogging's bad for your
knees. Don't you know that?
- I guess.
- Well then why do you do it?
I guess you can once in a while.
Oh!
[SHARP INHALE] You want
to be my writing partner?
- Uh, no, thanks.
- Why not?
Well, I just prefer
writing alone.
Hmm. What are you writing about?
It's a case study
about two patients.
I don't see how that's gonna
make you a hundred million.
[LAUGHS]
I don't think that's
really the point.
You wanna know what
my book's about?
Uh, what?
Two best friends and
mental health issues.
Nice, nice.
You know, I joined
Toastmasters Improv Masters.
[LAUGHING] What's that?
Well, it's a place
where you give speeches.
You wanna hear my speech?
- Okay, um, - Um, okay.
- I guess...
- Yeah. So... off to your place!
So you gonna offer me any water?
Oh, yeah. Um, is,
uh, filtered okay?
Um, tap. And you don't
have to use your best cup.
[LAUGHING] Okay.
NAUBERGER: So there was this
girl, her name was Goldilocks,
and she was out for
a walk in the forest.
There were three
bowls of porridge...
...and she tried
the first one and...
...the second one
is like, ouch...
...ooh, that's too soft.
She tried the third one...
...really, really mad.
And then she woke up...
...and she ran out the door.
The end.
So we gonna watch TV now?
Yeah. I guess I could
turn something on.
Okay.
[REMOTE CLICKS] -
[TV PROGRAM STARTS]
So you single? Married?
Lookin'?
Um... single.
Hm.
You're looking for
someone hot, like, uh...
Taylor Swift.
[LAUGHING] I guess.
Someone young, like 18 or 20?
I don't know. I think
probably someone
closer to my own age.
Me, I'm looking for Craig
or someone exactly like him.
Hmm.
Well you, uh, done
with your water?
Uh... why you want me
to leave, or something?
No, no, no.
I just, um, I have some
work that I need to do.
Oh, but you know what? I
still need mental help.
I mean, you know, these days
Craig is so hard to read,
especially when I
don't know where he is
or what he's doing.
Well, you know, have you
tried meeting new people?
EHarmony is something
you could, maybe...
No, I prefer to meet
some Craig in person.
[MUSIC]
Uh-huh.
Well, okay, here is some
homework you can try.
Maybe try talking to five
new people in real life.
And one non-confrontational
way you could meet someone is
just to ask for the time.
Hmm.
Okay.
So you're kicking me out now.
I'm kicking out now.
Okay.
Later.
- All right.
- Thanks for the water.
Yeah, no worries.
Mmm.
Unfiltered's the best!
[MUSIC]
- Hi.
- Hi.
Hey, uh, do you know
what time it is?
Um...
- 11:35.
- Thank you.
Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry. Do
you know what time it is?
Do I look like a clock to you?
Nu-uh.
Hi.
Nope.
Hi! Excuse me. Do you
know what time it is?
NAUBERGER: Do you
know what time it is?
[LAUGHS] Dr. Nauberger.
Hey, what's up?
What are you doing?
Nothing. I'm just studying.
I have a big test coming up.
Oh. Do you have
a girlfriend yet?
No.
So maybe you're the shy guy.
But you know, I
have a game for you.
I learned it at
Toastmasters Improv Masters.
Your game was way too boring.
It's called Dr. Know-it-all.
Come on, follow me. Come on.
- There?
- Yeah.
Hi!
We're Dr. Know-it-all.
Ask us any question
and we will give you the answer.
Ask us anything at all.
Like, who will win that
important ball game?
Or when will the
universe expand?
Uh, improv. I don't
have time for this.
Okay... um, any, any
question? Come on.
Just a word. We're
Dr. Know-it-all.
[SIGHING] Okay.
Where is my sanity?
Sanity... okay,
so you say any word, but
you just keep it going.
Sanity - bubble is
Fi-fishing for the disaster
area of Life.
[LAUGHING] Yeah. Sorry.
[MUSIC]
Hi!
We're Dr. Know-it-all,
ask us any question
and we will give you the answer.
But - there - is
cheese - in - your - teeth!
[LAUGHS]
[FEET SHUFFLING]
Hi, we're Dr. Know-it-all.
Ask us any question
and we will give you the answer.
Poof!
MAN: Excuse me.
I'm the manager and we've
been getting some complaints.
- And your question is, sir?
- No question,
but I request that you
don't bother our customers.
Please, sirs.
Yeah, we were just
on our way out.
No, no, no. You
don't understand.
We're Dr. Know-it-all.
Ask us any question!
Will you kindly stop this and
leave our customers alone?
We - will - stop - a -
MANAGER: Okay, - session...
You! You both are
banned. For life.
What?
But I like this place.
[CAMERA SHUTTERS]
Hey, listen up!
If you see these two very bad
men here, don't serve them.
They're going up on the wall.
Wait, no, this is my
favorite coffee shop.
You go on the wall of shame.
[CAMERA SHUTTERS] -
Shame on you, sirs.
Now out.
Out! Get out!
Come on, Greg.
[SIGHING]
I am so sorry
you got banned from your
favorite coffee shop, Greg.
Me, too.
I gotta go.
Oh, okay. Later?
[MUSIC]
[PHONE RINGING]
[SIGHS]
Hello.
Hey, what's up?
Nothing. What's up?
Are you a Christian?
Uh, yeah.
What are you doing Sunday?
You wanna go to church with me?
I'm not that into going
to churches right now.
It's a really good one.
[SIGHING] Uh... Hey,
there's girls there too.
And there's someone I
wanna introduce you to.
All right. I, uh,
I guess I could go.
And don't forget your Bible.
Okay.
And you can drive me, right?
So did you bring your Bible?
Oh, I forgot.
What? Well, you can borrow mine.
Thanks.
[LAUGHS]
PASTOR: Those who know me
know I love two things.
I love the Dodgers... [CHEERING]
All right, now.
And I love our
Lord Jesus Christ.
Now yes, I was at the
game last night...
and I get hyped up, man!
When Justin Turner hit that
home run. Wow! I went crazy.
But that's how we
should feel about Jesus
and the Bible, which are
100% true, literally.
PASTOR: All of it.
It's God's truth.
Now what does it teach us?
NAUBERGER: So what'd you think?
Pretty good.
I want you to meet some people.
Follow me.
Hi.
Here's my friend, Greg.
Hi, I'm Greg.
Hi.
This is my friend Greg.
Hey, nice to meet you.
[LAUGHS]
Hi!
Here's my friend, Greg.
Hey, how's it going?
Good.
Hey, you want something
from the snack table?
How about a cookie?
Um...
yeah, actually I, um, I'm kind
of vegan. I don't really...
You're a vegetable?
[GASPS]
No.
[LAUGHS]
Um, it's over here.
Okay.
Uh-hoh!
They don't have any bananas.
- Oh.
- Wait right here,
I want to, uh, introduce
you to somebody.
Okay.
Greg, this is Lacey.
Hi, I'm Greg.
Hi, nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
Um, you've been coming
here a long time?
Yeah, about a year.
Okay, nice. Um,
first time for me.
So... are you from
LA originally?
Uh, from Long Beach originally.
Okay, um, nice. I'm
from New Jersey.
- Oh, nice.
- Yeah. Um, what do you do?
Well, I work in HR
at Logos Logistics.
Uh, one of those
companies down there.
- Oh!
- Culver City.
Oh, Culver, okay. Yeah. Nice.
What do you do?
Um, I am a student.
Uh, I'm a, I study psychology.
Oh, nice.
Well, uh, it was
nice meeting you.
You too.
[LAUGHS]
[CONGREGATION CHATTERS]
Did you get her number?
Uh... no.
I don't even know
what she looks like.
Yo, I'm tryin' to
hook you up, dawg.
Ah, no, I'm not
even really looking
for a girlfriend right now.
Oh, okay. Well we can go.
Well... thanks for the invite.
Oh, no problem.
Um, wanna go grab lunch?
I can't, uh, I've a
lot of chores to do,
- Oh.
- Laundry.
But, uh, I need help.
Maybe we can do a quick session
or I can psychoanalyze
you if you want.
Um... how about this?
Here's some homework
for you, for next time.
You can choose five
people who inspire you
and make a board, like a collage
and just choose five inspiring
people from the area of work,
family, creativity,
leadership and spirituality.
- Hm.
- Yeah?
Cool.
Well, do you live...
Are you getting out?
Oh yeah. Right. Yeah.
[LAUGHING] - Okay.
- Okay.
- Uh, later.
- Yeah. See you.
- Bye, bye.
[MUSIC]
[GLASS CRACKING]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[PHONE RINGING]
[PHONE RINGING]
[SIGHS]
Hello?
Hey, what are you doing?
Hey, not much. What's going on?
Ah, you busy Saturday?
'Cause there's an improv group
event in the park. It's free.
You wanna go?
[INHALES]
TEACHER: So the first partner
starts the scene with an action
and then the second partner
tries to discern what
that action is and
then joins with a line.
Okay? So, who's up?
- Oh, me! Me! Pick me!
- Anyone at all?
- Come on, Greg.
- Ah, okay.
Come on!
Okay, so just, uh,
start the scene.
Calm, calm.
Take your fists,
squeeze, release.
Curl your toes, and release.
Now you're back in my office...
in the safety of my office.
So you lie down, lie
down, lie down, down,
lie down, down, down, down.
Okay. So tell me,
how was your week?
Any highs? Any lows?
TEACHER: Great. Uh, I'm
gonna stop you right there.
So we really want to try and
determine what the action is.
So... what about
what he was doing
suggested therapy session?
Well, it's obvious he was
having a psychotic episode
'cause when someone
does something like this
they're having anxiety
and they need help,
so I can help him.
Okay. Yeah. I, I see that.
Why don't we try
swapping places?
Okay.
And Holm, you can start the,
you start the action this time
- and then Greg, you
join in - Uh-huh.
[EXHALES]
with a line...
Okay. That's... you're
not doing an action, Holm.
That's, you're making
him lie down. Okay.
I guess we're just
gonna do this scene.
Well, that was interesting.
Yeah. I find it a little weird
that they wouldn't let me do
the scene that I wanted to do.
Well, you can't really force
a scene in improv, you know?
Well, I guess.
GREG: You want to
try this place?
NAUBERGER: Oh, no,
it looks too crowded.
How about the counter?
No, I just had
In-N-Out the other day.
Oh, you know, I'm
thinking, I'm probably
gonna move to New Jersey soon.
What? Uh, won't you miss LA?
Maybe a little.
Well then, why would you move?
Uh, just to be closer
to family. And,
all my classes are
online now, so... yeah.
It's better.
You'll be close to New York.
Pretty close.
I'll visit you, right?
Ah-hm... yeah, you could visit.
You know, 'cause I used
to have some friends
and then they weren't. I
had a, a friend, he moved
to New York and then I
never heard from him again.
- Oh, that sucks.
- Yeah.
Yeah. People can be
kind of flaky sometimes.
Mm-hm.
Well, do you wanna
just walk around
and maybe we'll find a place?
Okay.
[NAUBERGER HUMMING]
Whoa! Stop the car.
The bakery, the bake shop!
I'm not stopping the car.
No, they have really
good stuff there.
[CHEERING]
Woo hoo! Par-tay!
Looks fun, looks like
my kind of scene!
[LAUGHING]
All right, well that was
fun. Thanks for the invite.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Uh, tomorrow I'm writing...
and, oh, I have a session
with my therapist.
Wait, what?
Yeah, my therapist.
I, I have a session.
Why?
[LAUGHING]
Well, you know, even
therapists have therapists.
Oh... yeah. Later.
[DOOR OPENING]
[DOOR SLAMS SHUT]
You seem uneasy.
Really?
Yes. I'm noticing a tick.
I'm going to tell you this
only so you're aware of it.
You're scratching the
back of your head.
Oh, well maybe it's
because you were late.
[SIGHS]
I do apologize for that.
Perhaps one of our
calming techniques can
put you more at ease.
Okay. Um, yeah... How
about the, the list...
maybe the listing
of the five senses?
Okay. If that's what
you choose to do.
Okay.
[INHALES] Okay.
Things I can smell...
[SNIFFING]
Um... the musty smell
of the old room. Uh...
dust, maybe.
Uh...
things I can see...
a chair,
a plant, Dr. Nauberger?
What's up?
[MUSIC]
W-what are you doing here?
Well, I just wanted
to see a therapy
session. A real one.
Hi, I'm Dr. Nauberger,
at your service.
Dr. Nauberger?
[LAUGHING]
This is the guy I was
telling you about.
Oh.
Dr. Nauberger at your service.
Dr. Nauberger, this is a
confidential therapy session.
Oh, but it's only for
educational purposes,
so it is okay.
If you would please
leave us now,
so Greg and I can resume.
But I'm Greg's therapy patient,
and therefore we have
doctor client privileges
and it's okay.
I'm very confused.
Yeah, me too. Why
you being mean?
[DOOR OPENING]
[DOOR SLAMMING]
Look, that was weird, Holm.
You can't just
follow people around
and spy on them like that.
Yeah, but I just didn't
want to feel left out.
No spying!
Okay. You wanna go to lunch?
No. I, I gotta go.
See ya.
[POLICE SIREN]
[BOTTLE ROLLING]
[DISTANT SHOUTING]
[DOG BARKING]
[GRUNTING]
Brian?
Doctor...
Dr. Nauberger?
Yeah.
Dr. Nauberger!
[LAUGHS] I've been
looking for you.
I've been to every dumpster.
I found my id.
[WHIMPERING]
I found my id!
[GLASS SHATTERING]
Look at me, Dr. Nauberger!
Look what you've done!
The Groupon!
[CAR HONKING]
- Look where it's gotten me!
- [DUMP TRUCK EXHAUST]
[ELECTRICAL BUZZ]
[EXHALES]
[PHONE RINGING]
GREG: Hey, it's Greg.
Leave a message,
and I'll get right back to you.
[BEEPS]
Hi Greg, i-it's Holm. Call me.
[DEEP EXHALE]
[MUSIC]
[WIND BLOWING]
[MUSIC]
[AIRPLANE ENGINE HUMS]
[MUSIC]
[PHONE BEEPING]
WOMAN: We're sorry. You
have reached a number
that has been disconnected
or is no longer in service.
[SIGHS]
[HEARTSTONE CLINKS]
[SIGHING]
Gah!
[GRUNTS]
[SIGHS]
[EXHALES]
Ah!
Come on!
Were's my tent?
God, can Greg be my friend?
Please?
Please, let Greg be my friend.
Please.
[MUSIC]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[KNOCKING]
[DOORBELL RINGS]
- Dad?
- Hi Allie.
What's up?
Well, I kind of
moved out of my place
and I was wondering if I could
take you up on your offer.
I, I kind of need
a place to stay.
I have a job lined up.
I can do psychiatry on the side
and I'm gonna go
to school for it.
But I thought you said
having a license was dumb.
Well it is kind of dumb,
but I'll put up with it.
[LAUGHS]
[MUSIC]
Let me show you your room.
What a beautiful
place you have here.
Here it is.
Wow.
You're probably gonna
need another pillow.
Maybe an extra blanket. Hold on.
[PHONE PINGS]
[MUSIC]
[SIGHS]
[TYPING]
[PHONE PINGS]
[SIGHING]
GREG: Hello?
What's up?
Hey, not much.
Just um, reading the
paper. Eating breakfast.
You changed your number.
Yeah, I've, uh, kind of
been getting a lot of
spam calls recently.
Where are you?
I'm in New Jersey.
Who's your governor?
I don't know, uh,
Murphy, something.
Governor Eddie Murphy?
[LAUGHING] No.
You know I'm joking, right?
Yeah.
Guess where I am?
I don't know, where?
Come on, guess!
You're at the... park?
Can you hear that? I...
see... animals, and...
Uh, you're at the zoo!
No. I see, ah, big
animals with whiskers.
They're big and fat and wet
and they're by the water.
- Oh, the beach?
- Yes!
Ah, yeah, I think I know
where that beach is.
Hm. So when are you
gonna move back to LA?
Um...
I don't know. I, I don't think
anytime soon or anything.
Oh.
Tell me a joke.
It's a little early in the
morning for me to think of one.
Okay, I'll tell you one.
There was this guy and
this chicken and a duck
or maybe it was a
fowl, and, um...
GREG: Oh yeah, right, the foul.
Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
So there was a fowl
and a guy and everybody
and they wanted to
cross the road, but why?
Well, to go into the bar.
So they go into the bar
and of course there
was a priest there
and the bartender says to
the horse, why the long face?
You get it?
- Nice. Yeah.
- But did you get it?
Uh, yeah. Yeah. That's
pretty funny actually.
Alright. 'Kay.
So is there anything
you want to say to me
before we say goodbye?
No, I think that's it.
Okay.
Well, you're a good guy, Greg.
Thanks. You too.
Listen, if you ever
get bored, call me.
Okay.
Later.
Later.
[EXHALES]
[MUSIC]
Greg! What are you
doing down there?
Dr. Nauberger?
What's up!
Wha-what is this? Rolls-Royce?
Yeah! Well, what were
you expecting? A Ferrari?
[CLICKS TONGUE]
And how?
Oh, it doesn't matter.
But... uh... Let's just
call it the power of now.
Come on, get in!
Ah, come on, you trickster!
Feeling
it's never going up again
Like piloting
without a wing
I twist this up
inside my head
I turn it off
won't let you in
So let's pretend
we know the end
Then you
pull me through
And it feels new
To be with you
To be with you
To be with you
I can't
let it all break down again
Fast-forward it
to see the end
Trying hard to let you in
And replay
everything you said
Can we pretend
we're over this
Then you
pull me through
And it feels new
I'll stay
and throw away
Everything I knew
To be with you
To be with you
To be with you
To be with you
To be with you
To be with you
To be with you
Then you
pull me through
And it feels new
I'll stay
and throw away
Everything I knew
To be with you