Baghead (2008) Movie Script
Baby, come down here right
now and talk to me. I love you.
I love you!
You're full of shit.
I love you.
You know that thing
I said I would never do?
I'm gonna do it right now.
Right now, I'm gonna do it!
I don't believe you.
Why?
What's different this time?
I'll show you what's
different this time.
Sweet.
Shut up.
Yeah.
Hi, everybody. Thank you for
coming. I'm Kristin Thompson.
I'm the director of the Los
Angeles Underground Film Festival.
We are very lucky today
to have the filmmaker.
I'd like to welcome Jett Garner
to come down for a few questions.
Thank you very much.
Testing. Yes. Questions?
Yes, sir?
What was your budget?
I actually shot it
slightly under $1000, and...
Well, it's actually
about twice as much...
as I wanted to
shoot it for, so...
Yes?
How did you
do it so cheap?
Well, I used my parents' camera.
They had a mini DV camera,
and mini DV tapes
aren't that expensive.
And I shot it in my town,
and shot it with real light.
You know, Hollywood has us
convinced than it takes $100 million
to make a quality piece of art,
and that's a
piece-of-crap statement.
I think you just saw that, right?
So, any other questions or comments?
Yes?
Was there any improvisation?
Well, that's an
interesting question,
and I guess I would come
back with another question.
When you wake up in the
morning, do you think about
what you're going to say
to everyone during the day?
No. So why do that in film?
In fact, a lot of those
scenes are completely real.
The people in the scenes had
no idea that they were on film.
You know, we had kind of..
Well, I don't want to give away
all my secrets, but we had some...
What's the word? Camouflage going on,
so some of the people you see in there
didn't even know they were
in a movie until I showed them
a few weeks ago back in my hometown.
Any other questions or comments?
Great. Thank you so much.
Thank you, Jett Garner. And also,
I just want to remind everybody
that the afterparty is at Arts on Real,
so we'll see you there.
No, I was not, Chad.
So, what's the deal?
All right, so, here's the
deal. We need to be on the list,
or we need to have
one of those little badges.
Okay.
I really want to
go to this party.
- Yeah, we'll get in.
- All right.
It will be really fun.
There's a back door,
right on the left hand side.
There's gotta be a way
we can get in, all right?
Look, it's Jett Garner.
Honey, you know him. Go talk to him.
He's not going to remember me.
- Hey.
- Hey, Jett Garner.
Hi.
Dude. Matt, I thought that was you.
- Hey, man.
- What's up, man?
- What's up, man? How are yo u?
- I'm all right. How are you?
Congratulations.
Your film was awesome.
I'm glad you liked it.
I was so blown away, man.
Good. Good.
It was amazing.
I'd love to talk
to you about it more.
Definitely. Can I get your
digits, so we can hook up?
Yeah, yeah, man.
- Cool.
- Give me a call.
Thanks, brother.
You should call me.
- Jett, let's go.
- Thanks, Dave.
- I gotta get inside.
- So, you guys are coming in?
Yeah. We're definitely coming in.
You gotta look me up.
I'll come in and find you. Okay.
Congratulations.
Thank you so much.
Hey, guys. Thanks, man.
Congratulations.
- Good seeing you.
- Bye, Jett Garner.
Bye.
Did you just say his film was awesome?
So is he getting us in?
I didn't ask him.
You didn't get the badge?
No, I can't. That's...
Why didn't you ask him for it?
'Cause it seemed desperate.
- You can't just ask somebody...
- Yes, you can.
You were just talking to him,
and you're friends with
him. You pussed out, dude.
He's got his parents. He's got
his friends. You can't do that.
You guys, you guys, I got it.
Just watch me.
What is she doing?
She's amazing.
If she gets in, I'll shit.
She's not gonna get in.
Look at that girl go.
She just got in.
She just got in.
I'm going, too.
Fuck.
Chad.
Excuse me.
Hey. Hi. Hi.
Mr. Wallet-phone,
are you on the list?
Yeah. Jett Garner.
Is there a problem here?
That's not your name.
Just do me a favor and walk away.
Do yourself a favor and walk away.
I'm not gonna deal with this.
Okay.
Matty, your face looks sad.
Is it okay if I call you Matty?
You can call me Matty. I'm just bored.
Really?
You bored?
You want me to call someone
for you on your phone?
Yeah, no. The afterparty
was horrible, so we left.
and we decided to come to
O'Sullivan's and have some cocktails.
That's funny. It's
really off the hook here.
Yeah, that's very funny, Chad.
It was a good idea.
It was a good idea.
It was inventive.
I have to go
to the bathroom.
Michelle, would you
like to come with me?
Yeah.
Okay, boys.
See you in a second.
Bye.
I was noticing some illegal
contact in the movie theater.
What are you talking about?
Catherine had her
hand on your back.
Dude, it's fine.
Chad, don't worry about it.
Catherine and I are over.
Okay.
So, I don't know if this is
sensitive or whatever, but I was...
Do you... Have you and Matt dated?
Let's see. We've gone out on
and off for about 11 years.
It's like...
You guys are
going out right now?
We've gotten to the poin t where
we don't need to label anything.
You know, we're
definitely soul mates.
He's definitely the love of my life.
That's cool.
I really like your necklace
a lo t. It's really pretty.
Thank you. Actually,
my agent gave me this.
I don't have an agent.
You don't?
No, but...
Aw...
I'm gonna get one.
Yeah.
When was the last time one of us
had a major role in a feature film?
It's been a long time.
Never. We've never had
a role in a big film.
So, you write a part for Michelle. Right?
Mmm-hmm.
We write a part for
you. Write a part for me.
Write a part for Catherine.
Yeah, I... This will jump
start our career, dude.
It'll launch our
career if we just do it.
I mean, if Jett Garner
can do it, we can do it.
I don't know. We gotta do this!
Right now, I'm hanging
out with Michelle.
Things are going
good between me and her.
I think things are clicking.
I feel like something's really
going to happen between me and her.
So, how long have you known Chad?
About three months or so.
Wow, and are...
Do you like him?
Yeah.
Good.
But not... Friend-like.
Oh. Oh. Oh.
Does he know that?
We'll spend a whole weekend.
We'll just create together.
We'll spend a weekend together.
That's what
I'm talking about.
It's brilliant.
Hey.
Hey, ladies.
Hi.
Girls, we have
a brilliant idea.
It's a genius idea.
We're going to write
a movie this weekend.
My uncle has
a cabin on Big Bear.
We drive up
there this weekend.
We hole up. We write a
feature film that stars us.
There's gonna be parts
for all of us, right?
We're gonna write
things that are suited...
So we're
gonna be in this movie?
Right. Like Jett Garner
did, but his movie sucked.
Jett Garner's movie sucked,
but. Sucked butt, right?
Yeah, that's great. Good. This'll be...
I think
it's a great idea.
Awesome.
- When are we going?
- Yeah, when?
I think we should go tonight.
Cool.
Wow.
So this is it, you know?
This is really nice.
The kitchen area. The
living area, over there.
We can eat there.
Bathroom and bedroom upstairs.
and the two bedrooms next door.
This is awesome.
I'm just not sure
where I should put my...
Where should we put
our luggage now, Chad?
We don't have any motherfucking ideas?
This movie ain't gonna happen?
But I do know that Michelle is fine?
She's blowing, blowing my mind Michelle?
That's me?
That's you?
That's me?
That's them?
That's you?
Oh, God.
Let's do this, all right?
One time we're going to get
the plot down, that's it.
All right, before we go to sleep,
we'll all come up with the plot.
We'll come up
with at least...
All right,
we have four characters.
There's four people. There's four actors.
What happens?
Come on, Chad. What happens?
What do you want to happen?
Love.
I want love to happen.
All right. Love.
Who's in love?
The main character
is in love with someone.
Or two people.
- Sorry.
- It's okay.
Someone's a little bit buzzed.
That was cute.
There's that, and there's
some other guy who is like
snorting cocaine off
the back of the toilet.
There's a guy
taking a shit.
There's, like, all the se people
just hanging ou t in the bathroom.
And then they get stuck.
They get stuck in the bathroom,
and nobody can leave, right?
So they're all
in the bathroom.
And they're just like...
- That's like...
- They're stuck in the bathroom.
Michelle?
- Yes?
- Let's go back to the apartment thing.
Can you hear me whispering?
- Yes.
- Chad.
- You guys, listen.
- Where's my beer?
- Yoo-hoo.
- I moved it, so it didn't spill.
- Chad.
- Chad.
Listen, Matt's asking you something.
All right. Come on.
Let's just keep it simple, Chad. Chad.
I'm pooped.
I gotta go to bed.
Don't go to sleep. Come on.
Good night.
The idea that you had was great.
I gotta go to sleep.
No. Come on.
I gotta go.
I gotta go to sleep.
- Michelle.
- Good night.
Michelle, wait, wait
Come on. Michelle. Michelle.
Wait a second, Michelle.
Good night.
You guys get good ideas.
Chad.
Chad, let's do this. Come on.
I'm going to bed.
Dude, yo u can't go to bed.
Yes. It's so early. Come on.
I am sacking out.
Chad. We love you.
I'm out. Later, dawg.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Hi.
Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Okay.
You just seemed sort of,
I don't know, upset.
You walked out.
I thought maybe
something was wrong.
No, I'm fine.
That's good.
It's pretty clear that the
movie thing is not working out.
I don't think that's true.
Come on,
it was a pretty stupid idea.
No, it's not stupid at all.
To think that we're
all gonna come up here
and actually do
something for once.
I think it's a great idea.
How many times have we said that,
that we're gonna do something?
And then we start, and
then we never finish it.
But we are gonna finish
it, and that's the point.
Yeah?
Hi.
Hey.
What's going on?
Nothing. How are you?
I am doing...
Pretty, pretty, pretty good.
Pretty, pretty, pretty good.
That's good.
That's really good.
I...
I just wanted
to tell you...
Mmm-hmm?
That I think you're amazing.
I think you're amazing, too.
Chad, you're so amazing.
No, but I really think that
you are probably the most
sweet and innocent and pure
people that I think I've ever met.
That's what's
so great about you.
You're like...
You're like...
You're like my best friend,
but also like my brother.
I don't have brothers, but I feel
like that's what they would do.
That's what you do.
You're everything.
Chadworth.
You're everything to me.
You're, like,
family and friend.
You headbutted me.
Yeah.
Hey, you got my
clips in your hair.
I do. I do.
I got a whole bunch of them.
Yeah.
Okay. Okay.
I...
You look funny.
- I do?
- Yeah.
e?
What do I look lik
Yeah. You look like...
Do I look like a clown?
You look like
a little toddler.
Oh, God.
Thanks so much
for talking to me.
Yeah.
I really...
I care about you.
Yeah.
And I'm so happy that you care
about me, 'cause I don't know
what I would have
done in LA without you.
Yeah.
All right.
- Well, good night.
- Good night.
All right.
Good night.
Wait, you left one.
There's one more?
- Okay.
- Yeah.
I need them.
All right, well, good night.
Good night.
See you tomorrow.
You know I'm gonna take that
strip class when I get back to LA?
Oh, my God. Everybody's doing it,
and I want to get that S,
that curve thing going on.
The pole class?
I told you that.
You've got a great ass.
Why are you taking a pole
dancing class? That's stupid.
On a scale of 1-to-10,
what is my ass?
Get up. Let me see.
It's better when
you're bent over.
Girls' butts always look best
if they're on their knees.
Get up and bend over.
I mean, that's what
I think. I don't know.
Let me see. Shut up. You've seen it.
Let me see
your butt right now.
No, you've seen it.
You've seen it.
All right, from memory?
I'd say an 8.3.
What? No frickin' way.
8.3?
Nobody...
You don't say that.
It's a 10. Plus.
No, you're right.
It's a 10.
That doesn't convince me.
There is no scale from
1- to-10 with your ass.
It's definitely an 11.
That's my boy.
You have an 11 ass, 11 ass, 11 ass.
I'm cold.
You know what sucks?
What?
What?
Ever since we broke up,
I'm not getting any.
What? Well,
you can get some...
if you play
your cards right.
Guys?
He had this sack over his face.
Hey.
- Hey!
- Hi.
And it was the scariest thing
I've ever dreamt in my life.
What are you talking about?
I had this dream.
I don't even know.
What are you smiling about?
- That's it!
- What?
What?
What?
A guy running around in the
woods with a bag over his head.
He's killing people.
What are you talking about?
That's our fucking movie.
That's it. Note cards! Note cards!
What? Wait a minute. Matt.
What is going on? What
are you guy s talking about?
I just had this dream about a
guy with a bag over his face,
and Matt thinks it's
gonna be a good movie.
- A bag over his face?
- Yeah.
Well, we talked last night.
We had a great conversation
about doing a relationship movie,
which I think would be great.
It'd be more effective, don't you?
You all conversed last night
Yeah, we totally brainstormed
and came up with some great shit.
- You and Matt?
- Yeah.
Yeah, and we came up with
some really good ideas.
I don't know about this bag thing.
I mean, I didn't hear the
first part of your dream, but...
Jesus Christ.
- Dude, that's not scary?
- Come on.
Fucking dick!
Let's make a movie.
It's so good, Matt.
Matt, that's not funny.
It's not supposed to be funny.
It's supposed to be scary.
And it is.
Yeah, I know that,
but I...
Can you come in and finish
the sausages, please?
Catherine, can you give me some
paper towels? I just shat on myself.
Michelle.
I don't think it's goo
d. It's just...
Come on!
Because you're more
loud than anything, Matt.
It's not 'cause of the bag over
your head. If you come screaming
and put yourself in a
window, we're gonna scream.
No, it's because
of the bag over the head.
Look.
Right. Now what we need to
do is come up with scenes.
All right, this is the next
step. We've gotta go into scenes.
Okay, okay, wait. Before
we get to the next step,
let's celebrate
what we have so far,
and let's make some
new drinks for the ladies.
I can deal with that.
- I agree.
- That's a great idea.
- Want me to help you guys?
- I can help you.
No, no, no. Just sit pretty.
Right here.
Helping you right now.
Look, I'm helping.
Thanks, Chad.
Go get the cocktails.
I actually need
your mixing expertise.
Chad, want to see me helping you?
Chad, watch. I'm helping.
Chaddy and Matty,
can you guys make me
something sweet?
Thank you.
Is that funny?
That's funny?
Yes, that's hilarious.
You're not laughing.
He's not laughing.
I'm laughing on the
inside. He's funny, usually.
He's not that funny tonight.
He's not that funny.
Who's not funny?
Chad. He's funny, normally.
He's very funny.
What?
Do you think Michelle and I can play
boyfriend and girlfriend in the movie?
Totally, dude.
- Really?
- Of course.
When we go back inside,
you gotta tell them,
because you're
leading the charge here.
Right. I will.
Awesome.
You fucking rock.
Okay
That was excessive,
wasn't it?
It was a little much.
All right, here we go.
Somebody has a guilty conscience.
I don't.
I think we should
have some shots.
Some shots.
I agree, but I want...
I am not gonna mix this.
I have the wine.
I don't want to get sick.
You're gonna do it with me.
Yeah, I need a new cup.
Can you go get me a
new cup, Chaddy? Please?
- Thank you.
- Okay, new cup?
Fuck the cup. Let's just
go right from the bottle.
No, I can't do that.
- Why?
- Okay, fine.
All right, here. Hold on.
Okay, pour it in
my mouth, like this.
Go ahead. Ready?
Hello. This isn't...
All right, I'm with you. Hold on. Ready?
Okay.
Whatever.
This is weird.
Matty, I'm having some good ideas.
Excuse me.
I think we should sit down
and work on some note cards.
All right, hold on.
Let me put that down.
Matty.
Well, he looks like a Matty.
He's Matt, actually.
He looks like a Matty.
He's my Matty, which is cute.
Thank you.
I don't even need it anymore.
You don't need it?
Yeah, we just did it.
He poured it in my mouth.
Isn't that romantic, Chad?
You want to pour it
in my mouth, Chad?
Come here.
Uh...
I've been doing a
little thinking. Sorry.
The Chad character and
the Michelle character,
I think we've kind of created a problem,
'cause we're losing a
romance angle between them,
so I think that it would work better
if they're not brother
and sister anymore,
and they're
boyfriend and girlfriend
That's awesome.
We're boyfriend and girlfriend.
Just because we have more places to go.
We have more places to go.
That is such a good idea.
Come here and give me hug.
Hug. Hug on that one
And you and I, we're just gonna...
We're gonna be.
We're just gonna be friends.
With a sexual undercurrent.
Right.
All right, I remember now.
This is it.
This is what
we're going to do.
- See these note cards?
- Yeah.
These note cards, what we're gonna
do is we're gonna write down..
Let's write down something.
We're gonna write down an idea.
You write down the scene idea,
and then you're gonna
pass it to the next person,
and the next person
is gonna look at that idea,
and they're gonna go on that idea
with their own ideas and add to it.
Then you just keep
passing it around.
Okay.
All right, you guys almost done Hold on.
- No, you can't look at it.
- I'm not ready.
- Done.
- Are we good?
- Are you good?
- Yep.
What the hell is this?
Quarterback of the Chicago Bears.
Da Bears.
What does it say?
Jim Harbaugh. Jim
Harbaugh, how's it going?
What the fuck is that?
Once upon a time,
he asked me out.
I don't want to get
Matt jealous, but...
Are we good? So, are
we writing a second one?
You ready?
Aren't you going to say
whether or not you liked mine?
Yours was... It was great.
He liked it.
- It was awesome, Michelle.
- Yeah?
You did an A-okay job.
No peeking.
Okay. Now I'm done.
You look mad at me.
Cut it out, Catherine.
What? What?
Just take that and look.
Should we just quit working
and just get fucked up?
Bad time, Jesus?
What is this?
You guys, I'm getting so tired again.
I think I'm gonna go to bed.
So, I'm gonna brainstorm while I
sleep, so I'll see you guys later.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Good night, movie girlfriend
Good night.
God damn.
Good night, movie extra.
Movie extra.
I'm just kidding, guys.
I know she's
your little starlet.
Little starlet.
Little, little starlet.
Little, little,
little, little...
Little, little,
little, little...
She just has a glo
w. She glows.
She has this set of ample bosom
that... She's just younger.
...that hits me where
I don't know. Hello.
Oh, my God. You're being really scary.
Come in.
Oh, my God. You've
got a bag on your head.
Matt, that's really scary.
Is this a game?
Okay.
Matt?
Matt?
That was you, right?
You scared the shit out of me.
Someone just came into my
room with a bag over their head
and your clothes on.
Tell me that was you.
They're fucking with us.
Who?
- This is not gonna be good.
- What?
Catherine's gonna kill me.
Catherine!
It was fucking Catherine?
How do you know
that Catherine did this?
Chad can't fit
into my clothes.
That fucking bitch.
I'm going to...
No, wait.
We have to have a plan.
Michelle. Michelle,
come on, please.
Shit.
Not so funny now, is it?
Why did you do that?
Because you did it to me.
What are you talking
about? I did it to you?
You came in my
room with a bag
on your head,
and you scared me.
No, I didn't, Michelle.
I've been sleeping
here the whole night
Why did you just do that.
No, you weren't!
Yes, I was!
You're a fucking liar.
You're a fucking liar.
What are you talking about?
Wait, wait a second, guys.
Michelle, what happened?
Catherine came into my room
with a bag over her head
and scared the shit out
of me, so I got her back.
Catherine, did you go into
her room and scare her?
No, no, I didn't.
Michelle,
I swear to God, I didn't.
Don't fuck with me, Catherine!
I know that you did it.
I didn't. I swear to God.
You swear on your
mother you didn't do it?
Yes, I didn't do it.
Then somebody saw me naked.
This just gets
better and better.
They saw you naked.
They saw you naked?
Does this seem
weird to you, Chad?
What's that? What is it?
Fuck.
Guys, it's an animal. Relax.
There's nothing out
here. This is ridiculous.
Matt?
Matt?
What?
Did you fuck her?
Did you fuck her already?
Dude, I did not fuck her.
Come on.
Shit
Jesus, dude.
You fucked her.
I didn't fuck her.
You are the biggest fucking
cock in the whole world.
You just hit me.
You just hit me.
I just can't deal with
it if you sleep with her
Oh, my God. I'm not
gonna sleep with her.
Swear on your left gonad that you
will not have sex with Michelle.
I swear I am
not gonna fuck her.
Fuck who?
See, you're already trying...
You're like Bill Clinton,
trying to get out of it.
I swear I am not going to fuck Michelle.
Okay.
Okay, that's good.
You happy?
Yes, I'm pleased.
Wow, you're pathetic
Why? I'm just...
Don't let anyo ne see you do that.
I gotta fight.
I gotta fight, man.
You just aren't that big
You get all the fucking
chicks. You've got Elvis hair.
I mean, look at me,
dude. I've got nothing.
You're like Michael Jordan.
I'm like Bill Laimbeer.
I've got no game.
No, you have game.
You got shitty self-esteem, dude.
You're the funniest
fucking person I know.
- Yeah, funny-looking.
- No.
You're cute, and you're funny
I am?
You totally are.
- Say it.
- What?
I'm cute
I'm cute.
And I'm funny.
And I'm funny.
Yeah, you are.
What is that
So, naked?
Wow. That must be some party.
That's awesome. You're good.
No, I like the sho
w. I like it.
You know, I do get it.
I get it. I totally...
I was you.
I played that game,
and I understand it.
But Matt means
everything to me.
So if you don't mind...
There's my actual vomit, so the
chances are that there's a guy...
There's nobody in the woods
with a bag over his head.
Yes, there are!
It's something we made up.
If one of you is messing with
us, you better fess up right now.
I don't really fucking care
whether it was one of you guys
messing with me, or if
there's a guy in the woods.
This situation is fucked, and
I want out! Okay, everybody.
Matt, I have no
other way to get home!
We need to regroup
You have to
take me home!
Michelle, relax.
No! I'm not going to relax.
A baghead didn't
come into your room.
There's no baghead.
Fuck you guys.
Fuck all of you.
I'm gonna go call a fucking
cab if you won't help me.
There's a
landline upstairs.
Wait a second.
What?
What?
Catherine did it.
What? How do you know that?
Found it in her purse.
I'll take you home in the morning.
I don't want
to sleep alone.
Wake up. Wake up.
Wake up. Matt, wake up.
Guys, it's late.
It's almost noon
I can't find Catherine
I looked in
all the bedrooms
I looked around
outside for a bit.
She's nowhere to be found.
She's just fucking with us.
Why would she be fucking with us?
'Cause she's mad.
She didn't look mad to me.
What is she mad about?
'Cause I said...
I don't know.
Come on, what? Spit it out.
Okay, so, I wrote these notes to Matt.
You wrote notes to Matt?
I wrote a note to Matt,
which Catherine found,
and she's probably just mad.
What kind of note?
It just was...
You know,
Catherine's just jealous.
Okay. What did the note say?
I was just joking.
She was just fucking around.
And the note said...
And the note said... It just
said, "Come to my room. "
But it was, like, a joke.
And then Catherine found it,
and that's why she came to my
room with a bag on her head.
So your note to Matt, which was
a joke, said, "Come into my room"?
Basically, yeah.
Got you.
It was a really dumb joke.
I'm really sorry. It was a joke.
It was a joke.
She was just kidding, Chad.
Where are you going?
Fuck you guys.
This sucks. We're always in trouble,
and we didn't even do anything.
It's not like we didn't do anything.
We kind of deserve it.
What was that?
What's that?
His shirt.
It's Chad's shirt.
Chad?
Chad.
You gotta be cold
without your shirt, honey.
This is pathetic.
He even did
a mini piece down here.
So well thought out.
Look at this.
That's scary, Chad.
Jeez. Pathetic.
Guys, we're real scared here.
Come on, dude,
bring out the chainsaw.
Let's do it.
All right. I got the keys, and
we're leaving in five minutes.
Really immature, guys.
Not cool.
What is it?
This little bitch.
What did they do?
Is it broken?
He took my battery.
What did he do with it?
That little bitch.
Chad!
Chad!
Chad, I'm gonna kill you.
They're probably getting
eaten by a bear right now.
I'm bored.
You want a beer?
Do I look sexy?
Yeah. Do I look sexy? Like this?
No?
You look pretty sexy.
What do you want to
do with that cigarette?
Just put it in your mouth.
You want me to light it?
No. Where's the lighter?
Give it to me. Give me the lighter.
You can't light it
inside the house.
I can, too. I can, too.
I'm a bad girl.
Smack me again.
No. Oh, God, I'm gonna
spill beer. I'm pretty sure.
Hold on.
Let your neck go.
I love you.
Here.
Nice feet.
I just kissed you.
Hold on.
Matt.
I gotta make sure
your feet are dry.
You're gonna get a cold.
I'm feeling rejected
I promised Chad.
Fine. I need m y sunglasses bac k, then.
You suck!
Shit. Where's Michelle?
Fuck.
Catherine?
Is that you guys?
Whoa.
You guys are back?
What the hell just happened?
Nothing.
What is going on?
Nothing. We just... Nothing.
Hey, Matt?
This isn't good.
We thought that we were going
to catch you all in the act
Why would you think that
we would be doing it?
Well, we saw you making
out in the living room.
Hi.
What are you doing out here?
Just outside, breathing the air.
Can I sit with you?
Yeah, pull up a chair.
I...
I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.
You were just having fun
I guess so.
Really, it's no big deal
- Really? You're okay?
- Yeah.
Here, you want some trail mix?
Yeah.
Sorry.
That was mean.
I'm sorry.
But hilarious.
Go ahead. Try again.
No, now I'm going
to be ready for it.
Do you trust me?
- Yeah.
- Okay, go ahead.
See, you can trust me.
- I can trust you?
- Yep.
You know that you will be mine
Yeah?
You're going to fall
for me. It's inevitable.
I almost feel sorry for you.
You're here with a bag over your head.
That's my favorite.
I think that's just adorable.
That was cute.
I can't believe you
guys were taking pictures.
Hey, Matt!
Here, he had the
battery. It was so heavy.
Come down here and
have a drink with us.
Yeah, come down.
He'll keep talking to
himself for hours up there.
He always does that.
Matt!
I'm working.
Don't be anti-social.
Come down.
He's working?
What is he working on?
What are you working on?
I'm working
on the script.
If any of you care
to join me, you're
more than welcome. If
not, I'll do it myself.
Are we still making a movie
I'm sorry we busted you masturbating,
dude. I didn't mean to laugh.
I don't care about that. None
of you take this seriously.
You guys want to be
extras for the rest
of your life, go ahead.
Be my guest.
Matt, face it, we don't
know what we're doing.
Jesus, God. Chad, you
know, that's such bullshit
You're gonna insult me about
that now, after all this...
Shit!
Get away from the window!
Did you see that, Chad?
Yes, I saw it!
Come on, you guys.
There's someone outside.
I swear I saw it.
How many times do
we have to do this?
Shut up!
Michelle,
there was someone outside.
Shut up!
Shut up!
My God!
If one of you is playing a fucking
trick, you better fess up right now
Calm down, Matt.
What the hell?
Right now!
I'm not. I saw him.
Are you
playing a joke?
What? No. What are you doing?
Chad?
I saw him outside.
There's someone outside.
I'm going to go outside
and bash his fucking head in
If it's one of your friends,
you better tell me right now
No. You're...
All right, that's it.
I'm going out.
All right,
I got your back.
Well,
wait, don't leave us.
You all, come on.
I gotta get my shoes.
There's nothing out here.
We're scaring each other.
This is stupid.
Will you shu
t the fuck up?
Oh, my God.
What is that?
That's him. That's him.
Let's go back inside
I agree.
Matt. No.
Hey, man, what do you want?
You're on private
property. You better leave.
We're gonna bash your fucking
head in, man. You better go.
No, I think we
should just call...
I don't think you should do
that. He's not backing up.
Come on,
let's go call the police
He's not backing up.
I'm going to bash his fucking head in.
If this is a joke, you guys
have to tell me right now.
Let's just go back
inside, and call the police.
We're gonna scare him off.
Let's just scare him off.
Okay, okay. I got your back.
What?
What are you...
- Let's just scare him off.
- No!
I got your back.
Thanks. Let's do it.
One.
Let's just go back inside.
Two!
No, you guys.
Don't do it.
Three!
Matt! Chad!
He's got a knife!
Chad! Run!
Run! Chad! Run!
Get inside,
get inside!
Get in!
Lock the door.
I'm calling the police.
Get the other door!
Get the windows.
Make sure the
windows are locked.
Go! Go! Go!
Make sure the windows are...
Who the fuck is that?
I tried. The phone is fucking dead
Chad!
What, the phone's dead
The phone is dead.
Matt, what
are we gonna do?
Matt, what are we gonna do?
I don't know.
Matt!
Get away. Get away
from ther e. Okay, all right.
Come on, Matt. Get over here.
Get over here, get over here.
All right. Okay.
What was that?
Is that the car?
Sounds like the car.
Oh, my God.
Is he fucking stealing the car?
What are you doing?
Chad, don't.
Chad. Chad. Chad.
- Shit.
- What?
He fucked up the car.
- Got it?
- Yeah.
Somebody's
gotta help me get this.
Get the white chair.
How about that white chair?
What are we gonna do?
Move this one
Just get it in the window,
please, please.
Hurry up. Come on.
Move the couch?
Can you get out?
Yeah, I got it
Fuck. What else?
We gotta do something,
because I'm gonna fall asleep.
- Okay.
- Is it safe?
I think so.
Put your shoes on.
Ready?
How far have we got to walk?
It's 11 miles.
To what?
To the highway.
How much further
do you think, Chad?
I don't know. I thought
we'd be there by now.
I don't remember this.
Matt, did we drive over this?
We definitely
didn't drive over this.
No. No way.
Fuck.
Should we
turn around and go back?
Hey, what's that?
- What?
- Right there.
Right there.
What the...
Holy shit.
Hey, can you see anything?
Is anybody in there?
I don't know.
You guys, you can
just walk on this road.
Wait. We'll find out
if someone's in there.
Chad, you hot wire it?
I can try.
Why don't we wait and
see if somebody's in it?
I'm going to
smash the window.
- Chad.
- Yeah?
Walk away. Come here.
What's going on?
Just walk away, Chad.
Run!
Run!
Come on! Come on, Chad
Chad!
No! No! No!
Run! Run!
Oh, my God!
Hey!
Hey! Hey!
Hey! Help!
Help! Help!
Hey! Hey!
Help! Please
Hey! Stop!
Chad!
Are you okay?
Chad! Oh, my God, Chad!
Chad. Oh, my God.
Chad, are you okay?
We gotta roll him over.
Yeah. Be careful. Be careful
Watch his back.
Watch his back.
He's gonna scream.
Chad. Chad.
Please
be careful with him.
Get the fuck away from us! Get the
fuck out of here! Don't you touch us!
Don't you touch us!
Matt, get over here.
Get the fuck away from us!
It's okay. It's okay.
It was a joke.
Is he all right?
Don't you touch us!
It's okay! Don't touch him!
Get the fuck away from us.
No, it's okay.
It's me, Jett Garner.
This wasn't
supposed to happen.
Matt?
Look at me.
Look at me, Chad.
We gotta move him. We gotta
get him to a hospital now.
We need to brace his head.
Grab his feet.
Grab his feet.
Be careful with him.
Easy. Easy. Easy. Easy. Fuck.
Watch his head.
Watch his head.
Careful.
Careful. Careful.
I got him.
I got him. He's okay.
Be careful with his neck
I got him, I got him.
Bring him back. Shit. Fuck.
Don't go.
Hold on. Okay.
Go.
Hey.
How are you feeling?
You got hit by...
There was a car.
You broke your leg.
Matt's dead.
No.
Huh?
He's fine.
He...
He tricked us.
Do you remember when he was
upstairs working on the script?
Well, he called
that filmmaker guy
and told him to
come over and scare us.
They staged the whole thing.
They filmed it.
se Jett Garner was wearing one of tho
miniature camera
s on his clothes.
I saw him get stabbed.
That was fake.
It was all fake.
Where's Matt?
He's outside
Go get him.
How you doing?
Shitty.
I'm so sorry.
I didn't want
this to happen.
This is not what
I planned to happen.
I want to see the footage.
Dude, I don't give a shit about the
footage. I can get rid of the footage.
I'm the one in a hospital bed right now.
I get whatever the fuck I want.
Let me see the footage.
Run! Chad! Run!
Chad, run!
Jesus Christ.
Chad, run!
Come on, Chad!
Oh, my God. My fucking face!
Oh, Jesus.
You are sick, man.
This footage is amazing.
Well, I mean, fuck it.
No, no, no, no.
We take this.
We get it edited
We enter it into film
festivals, and that's it.
That's history.
I didn't want you
to get hurt, you know?
Of course you didn't
I wish it was me that got hurt.
I wish I got hit by the car.
I didn't want that to happen.
I know you didn't want me to get hurt.
- You sure?
- Yeah
It was an accident.
Of course you didn't, man.
I mean, it would...
It was my fault, you know.
It's all good now, dude.
It's all good.
I'm sorry, you guys.
I'm sorry.
Catherine?
I thought you were dead.
- I thought you were dead.
- God.
I thought you were dead.
I'm such a fucking idiot.
You are an idiot, but it's okay.
Now go get me
some ice cream.
What flavor do you want?
I don't want bullshit ice
cream. I want Haagen-Dazs.
I love you, man.
I love you, too.
How are you doing?
I would have let it rip.
I would have gone all out
if I had been in your position.
He was already beating
himself up so much.
I didn't have it in me
to torture him anymore.
Thanks for being here for me.
Thanks for letting me be here.
I'm glad you woke up.
I'm a little tired.
Well, why don't you rest
your head right here?
I'll put it right here.
Yeah, scoot up.
Here we go.
I'll just go like this.
Good night, movie girlfriend.
Good night.
now and talk to me. I love you.
I love you!
You're full of shit.
I love you.
You know that thing
I said I would never do?
I'm gonna do it right now.
Right now, I'm gonna do it!
I don't believe you.
Why?
What's different this time?
I'll show you what's
different this time.
Sweet.
Shut up.
Yeah.
Hi, everybody. Thank you for
coming. I'm Kristin Thompson.
I'm the director of the Los
Angeles Underground Film Festival.
We are very lucky today
to have the filmmaker.
I'd like to welcome Jett Garner
to come down for a few questions.
Thank you very much.
Testing. Yes. Questions?
Yes, sir?
What was your budget?
I actually shot it
slightly under $1000, and...
Well, it's actually
about twice as much...
as I wanted to
shoot it for, so...
Yes?
How did you
do it so cheap?
Well, I used my parents' camera.
They had a mini DV camera,
and mini DV tapes
aren't that expensive.
And I shot it in my town,
and shot it with real light.
You know, Hollywood has us
convinced than it takes $100 million
to make a quality piece of art,
and that's a
piece-of-crap statement.
I think you just saw that, right?
So, any other questions or comments?
Yes?
Was there any improvisation?
Well, that's an
interesting question,
and I guess I would come
back with another question.
When you wake up in the
morning, do you think about
what you're going to say
to everyone during the day?
No. So why do that in film?
In fact, a lot of those
scenes are completely real.
The people in the scenes had
no idea that they were on film.
You know, we had kind of..
Well, I don't want to give away
all my secrets, but we had some...
What's the word? Camouflage going on,
so some of the people you see in there
didn't even know they were
in a movie until I showed them
a few weeks ago back in my hometown.
Any other questions or comments?
Great. Thank you so much.
Thank you, Jett Garner. And also,
I just want to remind everybody
that the afterparty is at Arts on Real,
so we'll see you there.
No, I was not, Chad.
So, what's the deal?
All right, so, here's the
deal. We need to be on the list,
or we need to have
one of those little badges.
Okay.
I really want to
go to this party.
- Yeah, we'll get in.
- All right.
It will be really fun.
There's a back door,
right on the left hand side.
There's gotta be a way
we can get in, all right?
Look, it's Jett Garner.
Honey, you know him. Go talk to him.
He's not going to remember me.
- Hey.
- Hey, Jett Garner.
Hi.
Dude. Matt, I thought that was you.
- Hey, man.
- What's up, man?
- What's up, man? How are yo u?
- I'm all right. How are you?
Congratulations.
Your film was awesome.
I'm glad you liked it.
I was so blown away, man.
Good. Good.
It was amazing.
I'd love to talk
to you about it more.
Definitely. Can I get your
digits, so we can hook up?
Yeah, yeah, man.
- Cool.
- Give me a call.
Thanks, brother.
You should call me.
- Jett, let's go.
- Thanks, Dave.
- I gotta get inside.
- So, you guys are coming in?
Yeah. We're definitely coming in.
You gotta look me up.
I'll come in and find you. Okay.
Congratulations.
Thank you so much.
Hey, guys. Thanks, man.
Congratulations.
- Good seeing you.
- Bye, Jett Garner.
Bye.
Did you just say his film was awesome?
So is he getting us in?
I didn't ask him.
You didn't get the badge?
No, I can't. That's...
Why didn't you ask him for it?
'Cause it seemed desperate.
- You can't just ask somebody...
- Yes, you can.
You were just talking to him,
and you're friends with
him. You pussed out, dude.
He's got his parents. He's got
his friends. You can't do that.
You guys, you guys, I got it.
Just watch me.
What is she doing?
She's amazing.
If she gets in, I'll shit.
She's not gonna get in.
Look at that girl go.
She just got in.
She just got in.
I'm going, too.
Fuck.
Chad.
Excuse me.
Hey. Hi. Hi.
Mr. Wallet-phone,
are you on the list?
Yeah. Jett Garner.
Is there a problem here?
That's not your name.
Just do me a favor and walk away.
Do yourself a favor and walk away.
I'm not gonna deal with this.
Okay.
Matty, your face looks sad.
Is it okay if I call you Matty?
You can call me Matty. I'm just bored.
Really?
You bored?
You want me to call someone
for you on your phone?
Yeah, no. The afterparty
was horrible, so we left.
and we decided to come to
O'Sullivan's and have some cocktails.
That's funny. It's
really off the hook here.
Yeah, that's very funny, Chad.
It was a good idea.
It was a good idea.
It was inventive.
I have to go
to the bathroom.
Michelle, would you
like to come with me?
Yeah.
Okay, boys.
See you in a second.
Bye.
I was noticing some illegal
contact in the movie theater.
What are you talking about?
Catherine had her
hand on your back.
Dude, it's fine.
Chad, don't worry about it.
Catherine and I are over.
Okay.
So, I don't know if this is
sensitive or whatever, but I was...
Do you... Have you and Matt dated?
Let's see. We've gone out on
and off for about 11 years.
It's like...
You guys are
going out right now?
We've gotten to the poin t where
we don't need to label anything.
You know, we're
definitely soul mates.
He's definitely the love of my life.
That's cool.
I really like your necklace
a lo t. It's really pretty.
Thank you. Actually,
my agent gave me this.
I don't have an agent.
You don't?
No, but...
Aw...
I'm gonna get one.
Yeah.
When was the last time one of us
had a major role in a feature film?
It's been a long time.
Never. We've never had
a role in a big film.
So, you write a part for Michelle. Right?
Mmm-hmm.
We write a part for
you. Write a part for me.
Write a part for Catherine.
Yeah, I... This will jump
start our career, dude.
It'll launch our
career if we just do it.
I mean, if Jett Garner
can do it, we can do it.
I don't know. We gotta do this!
Right now, I'm hanging
out with Michelle.
Things are going
good between me and her.
I think things are clicking.
I feel like something's really
going to happen between me and her.
So, how long have you known Chad?
About three months or so.
Wow, and are...
Do you like him?
Yeah.
Good.
But not... Friend-like.
Oh. Oh. Oh.
Does he know that?
We'll spend a whole weekend.
We'll just create together.
We'll spend a weekend together.
That's what
I'm talking about.
It's brilliant.
Hey.
Hey, ladies.
Hi.
Girls, we have
a brilliant idea.
It's a genius idea.
We're going to write
a movie this weekend.
My uncle has
a cabin on Big Bear.
We drive up
there this weekend.
We hole up. We write a
feature film that stars us.
There's gonna be parts
for all of us, right?
We're gonna write
things that are suited...
So we're
gonna be in this movie?
Right. Like Jett Garner
did, but his movie sucked.
Jett Garner's movie sucked,
but. Sucked butt, right?
Yeah, that's great. Good. This'll be...
I think
it's a great idea.
Awesome.
- When are we going?
- Yeah, when?
I think we should go tonight.
Cool.
Wow.
So this is it, you know?
This is really nice.
The kitchen area. The
living area, over there.
We can eat there.
Bathroom and bedroom upstairs.
and the two bedrooms next door.
This is awesome.
I'm just not sure
where I should put my...
Where should we put
our luggage now, Chad?
We don't have any motherfucking ideas?
This movie ain't gonna happen?
But I do know that Michelle is fine?
She's blowing, blowing my mind Michelle?
That's me?
That's you?
That's me?
That's them?
That's you?
Oh, God.
Let's do this, all right?
One time we're going to get
the plot down, that's it.
All right, before we go to sleep,
we'll all come up with the plot.
We'll come up
with at least...
All right,
we have four characters.
There's four people. There's four actors.
What happens?
Come on, Chad. What happens?
What do you want to happen?
Love.
I want love to happen.
All right. Love.
Who's in love?
The main character
is in love with someone.
Or two people.
- Sorry.
- It's okay.
Someone's a little bit buzzed.
That was cute.
There's that, and there's
some other guy who is like
snorting cocaine off
the back of the toilet.
There's a guy
taking a shit.
There's, like, all the se people
just hanging ou t in the bathroom.
And then they get stuck.
They get stuck in the bathroom,
and nobody can leave, right?
So they're all
in the bathroom.
And they're just like...
- That's like...
- They're stuck in the bathroom.
Michelle?
- Yes?
- Let's go back to the apartment thing.
Can you hear me whispering?
- Yes.
- Chad.
- You guys, listen.
- Where's my beer?
- Yoo-hoo.
- I moved it, so it didn't spill.
- Chad.
- Chad.
Listen, Matt's asking you something.
All right. Come on.
Let's just keep it simple, Chad. Chad.
I'm pooped.
I gotta go to bed.
Don't go to sleep. Come on.
Good night.
The idea that you had was great.
I gotta go to sleep.
No. Come on.
I gotta go.
I gotta go to sleep.
- Michelle.
- Good night.
Michelle, wait, wait
Come on. Michelle. Michelle.
Wait a second, Michelle.
Good night.
You guys get good ideas.
Chad.
Chad, let's do this. Come on.
I'm going to bed.
Dude, yo u can't go to bed.
Yes. It's so early. Come on.
I am sacking out.
Chad. We love you.
I'm out. Later, dawg.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Hi.
Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Okay.
You just seemed sort of,
I don't know, upset.
You walked out.
I thought maybe
something was wrong.
No, I'm fine.
That's good.
It's pretty clear that the
movie thing is not working out.
I don't think that's true.
Come on,
it was a pretty stupid idea.
No, it's not stupid at all.
To think that we're
all gonna come up here
and actually do
something for once.
I think it's a great idea.
How many times have we said that,
that we're gonna do something?
And then we start, and
then we never finish it.
But we are gonna finish
it, and that's the point.
Yeah?
Hi.
Hey.
What's going on?
Nothing. How are you?
I am doing...
Pretty, pretty, pretty good.
Pretty, pretty, pretty good.
That's good.
That's really good.
I...
I just wanted
to tell you...
Mmm-hmm?
That I think you're amazing.
I think you're amazing, too.
Chad, you're so amazing.
No, but I really think that
you are probably the most
sweet and innocent and pure
people that I think I've ever met.
That's what's
so great about you.
You're like...
You're like...
You're like my best friend,
but also like my brother.
I don't have brothers, but I feel
like that's what they would do.
That's what you do.
You're everything.
Chadworth.
You're everything to me.
You're, like,
family and friend.
You headbutted me.
Yeah.
Hey, you got my
clips in your hair.
I do. I do.
I got a whole bunch of them.
Yeah.
Okay. Okay.
I...
You look funny.
- I do?
- Yeah.
e?
What do I look lik
Yeah. You look like...
Do I look like a clown?
You look like
a little toddler.
Oh, God.
Thanks so much
for talking to me.
Yeah.
I really...
I care about you.
Yeah.
And I'm so happy that you care
about me, 'cause I don't know
what I would have
done in LA without you.
Yeah.
All right.
- Well, good night.
- Good night.
All right.
Good night.
Wait, you left one.
There's one more?
- Okay.
- Yeah.
I need them.
All right, well, good night.
Good night.
See you tomorrow.
You know I'm gonna take that
strip class when I get back to LA?
Oh, my God. Everybody's doing it,
and I want to get that S,
that curve thing going on.
The pole class?
I told you that.
You've got a great ass.
Why are you taking a pole
dancing class? That's stupid.
On a scale of 1-to-10,
what is my ass?
Get up. Let me see.
It's better when
you're bent over.
Girls' butts always look best
if they're on their knees.
Get up and bend over.
I mean, that's what
I think. I don't know.
Let me see. Shut up. You've seen it.
Let me see
your butt right now.
No, you've seen it.
You've seen it.
All right, from memory?
I'd say an 8.3.
What? No frickin' way.
8.3?
Nobody...
You don't say that.
It's a 10. Plus.
No, you're right.
It's a 10.
That doesn't convince me.
There is no scale from
1- to-10 with your ass.
It's definitely an 11.
That's my boy.
You have an 11 ass, 11 ass, 11 ass.
I'm cold.
You know what sucks?
What?
What?
Ever since we broke up,
I'm not getting any.
What? Well,
you can get some...
if you play
your cards right.
Guys?
He had this sack over his face.
Hey.
- Hey!
- Hi.
And it was the scariest thing
I've ever dreamt in my life.
What are you talking about?
I had this dream.
I don't even know.
What are you smiling about?
- That's it!
- What?
What?
What?
A guy running around in the
woods with a bag over his head.
He's killing people.
What are you talking about?
That's our fucking movie.
That's it. Note cards! Note cards!
What? Wait a minute. Matt.
What is going on? What
are you guy s talking about?
I just had this dream about a
guy with a bag over his face,
and Matt thinks it's
gonna be a good movie.
- A bag over his face?
- Yeah.
Well, we talked last night.
We had a great conversation
about doing a relationship movie,
which I think would be great.
It'd be more effective, don't you?
You all conversed last night
Yeah, we totally brainstormed
and came up with some great shit.
- You and Matt?
- Yeah.
Yeah, and we came up with
some really good ideas.
I don't know about this bag thing.
I mean, I didn't hear the
first part of your dream, but...
Jesus Christ.
- Dude, that's not scary?
- Come on.
Fucking dick!
Let's make a movie.
It's so good, Matt.
Matt, that's not funny.
It's not supposed to be funny.
It's supposed to be scary.
And it is.
Yeah, I know that,
but I...
Can you come in and finish
the sausages, please?
Catherine, can you give me some
paper towels? I just shat on myself.
Michelle.
I don't think it's goo
d. It's just...
Come on!
Because you're more
loud than anything, Matt.
It's not 'cause of the bag over
your head. If you come screaming
and put yourself in a
window, we're gonna scream.
No, it's because
of the bag over the head.
Look.
Right. Now what we need to
do is come up with scenes.
All right, this is the next
step. We've gotta go into scenes.
Okay, okay, wait. Before
we get to the next step,
let's celebrate
what we have so far,
and let's make some
new drinks for the ladies.
I can deal with that.
- I agree.
- That's a great idea.
- Want me to help you guys?
- I can help you.
No, no, no. Just sit pretty.
Right here.
Helping you right now.
Look, I'm helping.
Thanks, Chad.
Go get the cocktails.
I actually need
your mixing expertise.
Chad, want to see me helping you?
Chad, watch. I'm helping.
Chaddy and Matty,
can you guys make me
something sweet?
Thank you.
Is that funny?
That's funny?
Yes, that's hilarious.
You're not laughing.
He's not laughing.
I'm laughing on the
inside. He's funny, usually.
He's not that funny tonight.
He's not that funny.
Who's not funny?
Chad. He's funny, normally.
He's very funny.
What?
Do you think Michelle and I can play
boyfriend and girlfriend in the movie?
Totally, dude.
- Really?
- Of course.
When we go back inside,
you gotta tell them,
because you're
leading the charge here.
Right. I will.
Awesome.
You fucking rock.
Okay
That was excessive,
wasn't it?
It was a little much.
All right, here we go.
Somebody has a guilty conscience.
I don't.
I think we should
have some shots.
Some shots.
I agree, but I want...
I am not gonna mix this.
I have the wine.
I don't want to get sick.
You're gonna do it with me.
Yeah, I need a new cup.
Can you go get me a
new cup, Chaddy? Please?
- Thank you.
- Okay, new cup?
Fuck the cup. Let's just
go right from the bottle.
No, I can't do that.
- Why?
- Okay, fine.
All right, here. Hold on.
Okay, pour it in
my mouth, like this.
Go ahead. Ready?
Hello. This isn't...
All right, I'm with you. Hold on. Ready?
Okay.
Whatever.
This is weird.
Matty, I'm having some good ideas.
Excuse me.
I think we should sit down
and work on some note cards.
All right, hold on.
Let me put that down.
Matty.
Well, he looks like a Matty.
He's Matt, actually.
He looks like a Matty.
He's my Matty, which is cute.
Thank you.
I don't even need it anymore.
You don't need it?
Yeah, we just did it.
He poured it in my mouth.
Isn't that romantic, Chad?
You want to pour it
in my mouth, Chad?
Come here.
Uh...
I've been doing a
little thinking. Sorry.
The Chad character and
the Michelle character,
I think we've kind of created a problem,
'cause we're losing a
romance angle between them,
so I think that it would work better
if they're not brother
and sister anymore,
and they're
boyfriend and girlfriend
That's awesome.
We're boyfriend and girlfriend.
Just because we have more places to go.
We have more places to go.
That is such a good idea.
Come here and give me hug.
Hug. Hug on that one
And you and I, we're just gonna...
We're gonna be.
We're just gonna be friends.
With a sexual undercurrent.
Right.
All right, I remember now.
This is it.
This is what
we're going to do.
- See these note cards?
- Yeah.
These note cards, what we're gonna
do is we're gonna write down..
Let's write down something.
We're gonna write down an idea.
You write down the scene idea,
and then you're gonna
pass it to the next person,
and the next person
is gonna look at that idea,
and they're gonna go on that idea
with their own ideas and add to it.
Then you just keep
passing it around.
Okay.
All right, you guys almost done Hold on.
- No, you can't look at it.
- I'm not ready.
- Done.
- Are we good?
- Are you good?
- Yep.
What the hell is this?
Quarterback of the Chicago Bears.
Da Bears.
What does it say?
Jim Harbaugh. Jim
Harbaugh, how's it going?
What the fuck is that?
Once upon a time,
he asked me out.
I don't want to get
Matt jealous, but...
Are we good? So, are
we writing a second one?
You ready?
Aren't you going to say
whether or not you liked mine?
Yours was... It was great.
He liked it.
- It was awesome, Michelle.
- Yeah?
You did an A-okay job.
No peeking.
Okay. Now I'm done.
You look mad at me.
Cut it out, Catherine.
What? What?
Just take that and look.
Should we just quit working
and just get fucked up?
Bad time, Jesus?
What is this?
You guys, I'm getting so tired again.
I think I'm gonna go to bed.
So, I'm gonna brainstorm while I
sleep, so I'll see you guys later.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Good night, movie girlfriend
Good night.
God damn.
Good night, movie extra.
Movie extra.
I'm just kidding, guys.
I know she's
your little starlet.
Little starlet.
Little, little starlet.
Little, little,
little, little...
Little, little,
little, little...
She just has a glo
w. She glows.
She has this set of ample bosom
that... She's just younger.
...that hits me where
I don't know. Hello.
Oh, my God. You're being really scary.
Come in.
Oh, my God. You've
got a bag on your head.
Matt, that's really scary.
Is this a game?
Okay.
Matt?
Matt?
That was you, right?
You scared the shit out of me.
Someone just came into my
room with a bag over their head
and your clothes on.
Tell me that was you.
They're fucking with us.
Who?
- This is not gonna be good.
- What?
Catherine's gonna kill me.
Catherine!
It was fucking Catherine?
How do you know
that Catherine did this?
Chad can't fit
into my clothes.
That fucking bitch.
I'm going to...
No, wait.
We have to have a plan.
Michelle. Michelle,
come on, please.
Shit.
Not so funny now, is it?
Why did you do that?
Because you did it to me.
What are you talking
about? I did it to you?
You came in my
room with a bag
on your head,
and you scared me.
No, I didn't, Michelle.
I've been sleeping
here the whole night
Why did you just do that.
No, you weren't!
Yes, I was!
You're a fucking liar.
You're a fucking liar.
What are you talking about?
Wait, wait a second, guys.
Michelle, what happened?
Catherine came into my room
with a bag over her head
and scared the shit out
of me, so I got her back.
Catherine, did you go into
her room and scare her?
No, no, I didn't.
Michelle,
I swear to God, I didn't.
Don't fuck with me, Catherine!
I know that you did it.
I didn't. I swear to God.
You swear on your
mother you didn't do it?
Yes, I didn't do it.
Then somebody saw me naked.
This just gets
better and better.
They saw you naked.
They saw you naked?
Does this seem
weird to you, Chad?
What's that? What is it?
Fuck.
Guys, it's an animal. Relax.
There's nothing out
here. This is ridiculous.
Matt?
Matt?
What?
Did you fuck her?
Did you fuck her already?
Dude, I did not fuck her.
Come on.
Shit
Jesus, dude.
You fucked her.
I didn't fuck her.
You are the biggest fucking
cock in the whole world.
You just hit me.
You just hit me.
I just can't deal with
it if you sleep with her
Oh, my God. I'm not
gonna sleep with her.
Swear on your left gonad that you
will not have sex with Michelle.
I swear I am
not gonna fuck her.
Fuck who?
See, you're already trying...
You're like Bill Clinton,
trying to get out of it.
I swear I am not going to fuck Michelle.
Okay.
Okay, that's good.
You happy?
Yes, I'm pleased.
Wow, you're pathetic
Why? I'm just...
Don't let anyo ne see you do that.
I gotta fight.
I gotta fight, man.
You just aren't that big
You get all the fucking
chicks. You've got Elvis hair.
I mean, look at me,
dude. I've got nothing.
You're like Michael Jordan.
I'm like Bill Laimbeer.
I've got no game.
No, you have game.
You got shitty self-esteem, dude.
You're the funniest
fucking person I know.
- Yeah, funny-looking.
- No.
You're cute, and you're funny
I am?
You totally are.
- Say it.
- What?
I'm cute
I'm cute.
And I'm funny.
And I'm funny.
Yeah, you are.
What is that
So, naked?
Wow. That must be some party.
That's awesome. You're good.
No, I like the sho
w. I like it.
You know, I do get it.
I get it. I totally...
I was you.
I played that game,
and I understand it.
But Matt means
everything to me.
So if you don't mind...
There's my actual vomit, so the
chances are that there's a guy...
There's nobody in the woods
with a bag over his head.
Yes, there are!
It's something we made up.
If one of you is messing with
us, you better fess up right now.
I don't really fucking care
whether it was one of you guys
messing with me, or if
there's a guy in the woods.
This situation is fucked, and
I want out! Okay, everybody.
Matt, I have no
other way to get home!
We need to regroup
You have to
take me home!
Michelle, relax.
No! I'm not going to relax.
A baghead didn't
come into your room.
There's no baghead.
Fuck you guys.
Fuck all of you.
I'm gonna go call a fucking
cab if you won't help me.
There's a
landline upstairs.
Wait a second.
What?
What?
Catherine did it.
What? How do you know that?
Found it in her purse.
I'll take you home in the morning.
I don't want
to sleep alone.
Wake up. Wake up.
Wake up. Matt, wake up.
Guys, it's late.
It's almost noon
I can't find Catherine
I looked in
all the bedrooms
I looked around
outside for a bit.
She's nowhere to be found.
She's just fucking with us.
Why would she be fucking with us?
'Cause she's mad.
She didn't look mad to me.
What is she mad about?
'Cause I said...
I don't know.
Come on, what? Spit it out.
Okay, so, I wrote these notes to Matt.
You wrote notes to Matt?
I wrote a note to Matt,
which Catherine found,
and she's probably just mad.
What kind of note?
It just was...
You know,
Catherine's just jealous.
Okay. What did the note say?
I was just joking.
She was just fucking around.
And the note said...
And the note said... It just
said, "Come to my room. "
But it was, like, a joke.
And then Catherine found it,
and that's why she came to my
room with a bag on her head.
So your note to Matt, which was
a joke, said, "Come into my room"?
Basically, yeah.
Got you.
It was a really dumb joke.
I'm really sorry. It was a joke.
It was a joke.
She was just kidding, Chad.
Where are you going?
Fuck you guys.
This sucks. We're always in trouble,
and we didn't even do anything.
It's not like we didn't do anything.
We kind of deserve it.
What was that?
What's that?
His shirt.
It's Chad's shirt.
Chad?
Chad.
You gotta be cold
without your shirt, honey.
This is pathetic.
He even did
a mini piece down here.
So well thought out.
Look at this.
That's scary, Chad.
Jeez. Pathetic.
Guys, we're real scared here.
Come on, dude,
bring out the chainsaw.
Let's do it.
All right. I got the keys, and
we're leaving in five minutes.
Really immature, guys.
Not cool.
What is it?
This little bitch.
What did they do?
Is it broken?
He took my battery.
What did he do with it?
That little bitch.
Chad!
Chad!
Chad, I'm gonna kill you.
They're probably getting
eaten by a bear right now.
I'm bored.
You want a beer?
Do I look sexy?
Yeah. Do I look sexy? Like this?
No?
You look pretty sexy.
What do you want to
do with that cigarette?
Just put it in your mouth.
You want me to light it?
No. Where's the lighter?
Give it to me. Give me the lighter.
You can't light it
inside the house.
I can, too. I can, too.
I'm a bad girl.
Smack me again.
No. Oh, God, I'm gonna
spill beer. I'm pretty sure.
Hold on.
Let your neck go.
I love you.
Here.
Nice feet.
I just kissed you.
Hold on.
Matt.
I gotta make sure
your feet are dry.
You're gonna get a cold.
I'm feeling rejected
I promised Chad.
Fine. I need m y sunglasses bac k, then.
You suck!
Shit. Where's Michelle?
Fuck.
Catherine?
Is that you guys?
Whoa.
You guys are back?
What the hell just happened?
Nothing.
What is going on?
Nothing. We just... Nothing.
Hey, Matt?
This isn't good.
We thought that we were going
to catch you all in the act
Why would you think that
we would be doing it?
Well, we saw you making
out in the living room.
Hi.
What are you doing out here?
Just outside, breathing the air.
Can I sit with you?
Yeah, pull up a chair.
I...
I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.
You were just having fun
I guess so.
Really, it's no big deal
- Really? You're okay?
- Yeah.
Here, you want some trail mix?
Yeah.
Sorry.
That was mean.
I'm sorry.
But hilarious.
Go ahead. Try again.
No, now I'm going
to be ready for it.
Do you trust me?
- Yeah.
- Okay, go ahead.
See, you can trust me.
- I can trust you?
- Yep.
You know that you will be mine
Yeah?
You're going to fall
for me. It's inevitable.
I almost feel sorry for you.
You're here with a bag over your head.
That's my favorite.
I think that's just adorable.
That was cute.
I can't believe you
guys were taking pictures.
Hey, Matt!
Here, he had the
battery. It was so heavy.
Come down here and
have a drink with us.
Yeah, come down.
He'll keep talking to
himself for hours up there.
He always does that.
Matt!
I'm working.
Don't be anti-social.
Come down.
He's working?
What is he working on?
What are you working on?
I'm working
on the script.
If any of you care
to join me, you're
more than welcome. If
not, I'll do it myself.
Are we still making a movie
I'm sorry we busted you masturbating,
dude. I didn't mean to laugh.
I don't care about that. None
of you take this seriously.
You guys want to be
extras for the rest
of your life, go ahead.
Be my guest.
Matt, face it, we don't
know what we're doing.
Jesus, God. Chad, you
know, that's such bullshit
You're gonna insult me about
that now, after all this...
Shit!
Get away from the window!
Did you see that, Chad?
Yes, I saw it!
Come on, you guys.
There's someone outside.
I swear I saw it.
How many times do
we have to do this?
Shut up!
Michelle,
there was someone outside.
Shut up!
Shut up!
My God!
If one of you is playing a fucking
trick, you better fess up right now
Calm down, Matt.
What the hell?
Right now!
I'm not. I saw him.
Are you
playing a joke?
What? No. What are you doing?
Chad?
I saw him outside.
There's someone outside.
I'm going to go outside
and bash his fucking head in
If it's one of your friends,
you better tell me right now
No. You're...
All right, that's it.
I'm going out.
All right,
I got your back.
Well,
wait, don't leave us.
You all, come on.
I gotta get my shoes.
There's nothing out here.
We're scaring each other.
This is stupid.
Will you shu
t the fuck up?
Oh, my God.
What is that?
That's him. That's him.
Let's go back inside
I agree.
Matt. No.
Hey, man, what do you want?
You're on private
property. You better leave.
We're gonna bash your fucking
head in, man. You better go.
No, I think we
should just call...
I don't think you should do
that. He's not backing up.
Come on,
let's go call the police
He's not backing up.
I'm going to bash his fucking head in.
If this is a joke, you guys
have to tell me right now.
Let's just go back
inside, and call the police.
We're gonna scare him off.
Let's just scare him off.
Okay, okay. I got your back.
What?
What are you...
- Let's just scare him off.
- No!
I got your back.
Thanks. Let's do it.
One.
Let's just go back inside.
Two!
No, you guys.
Don't do it.
Three!
Matt! Chad!
He's got a knife!
Chad! Run!
Run! Chad! Run!
Get inside,
get inside!
Get in!
Lock the door.
I'm calling the police.
Get the other door!
Get the windows.
Make sure the
windows are locked.
Go! Go! Go!
Make sure the windows are...
Who the fuck is that?
I tried. The phone is fucking dead
Chad!
What, the phone's dead
The phone is dead.
Matt, what
are we gonna do?
Matt, what are we gonna do?
I don't know.
Matt!
Get away. Get away
from ther e. Okay, all right.
Come on, Matt. Get over here.
Get over here, get over here.
All right. Okay.
What was that?
Is that the car?
Sounds like the car.
Oh, my God.
Is he fucking stealing the car?
What are you doing?
Chad, don't.
Chad. Chad. Chad.
- Shit.
- What?
He fucked up the car.
- Got it?
- Yeah.
Somebody's
gotta help me get this.
Get the white chair.
How about that white chair?
What are we gonna do?
Move this one
Just get it in the window,
please, please.
Hurry up. Come on.
Move the couch?
Can you get out?
Yeah, I got it
Fuck. What else?
We gotta do something,
because I'm gonna fall asleep.
- Okay.
- Is it safe?
I think so.
Put your shoes on.
Ready?
How far have we got to walk?
It's 11 miles.
To what?
To the highway.
How much further
do you think, Chad?
I don't know. I thought
we'd be there by now.
I don't remember this.
Matt, did we drive over this?
We definitely
didn't drive over this.
No. No way.
Fuck.
Should we
turn around and go back?
Hey, what's that?
- What?
- Right there.
Right there.
What the...
Holy shit.
Hey, can you see anything?
Is anybody in there?
I don't know.
You guys, you can
just walk on this road.
Wait. We'll find out
if someone's in there.
Chad, you hot wire it?
I can try.
Why don't we wait and
see if somebody's in it?
I'm going to
smash the window.
- Chad.
- Yeah?
Walk away. Come here.
What's going on?
Just walk away, Chad.
Run!
Run!
Come on! Come on, Chad
Chad!
No! No! No!
Run! Run!
Oh, my God!
Hey!
Hey! Hey!
Hey! Help!
Help! Help!
Hey! Hey!
Help! Please
Hey! Stop!
Chad!
Are you okay?
Chad! Oh, my God, Chad!
Chad. Oh, my God.
Chad, are you okay?
We gotta roll him over.
Yeah. Be careful. Be careful
Watch his back.
Watch his back.
He's gonna scream.
Chad. Chad.
Please
be careful with him.
Get the fuck away from us! Get the
fuck out of here! Don't you touch us!
Don't you touch us!
Matt, get over here.
Get the fuck away from us!
It's okay. It's okay.
It was a joke.
Is he all right?
Don't you touch us!
It's okay! Don't touch him!
Get the fuck away from us.
No, it's okay.
It's me, Jett Garner.
This wasn't
supposed to happen.
Matt?
Look at me.
Look at me, Chad.
We gotta move him. We gotta
get him to a hospital now.
We need to brace his head.
Grab his feet.
Grab his feet.
Be careful with him.
Easy. Easy. Easy. Easy. Fuck.
Watch his head.
Watch his head.
Careful.
Careful. Careful.
I got him.
I got him. He's okay.
Be careful with his neck
I got him, I got him.
Bring him back. Shit. Fuck.
Don't go.
Hold on. Okay.
Go.
Hey.
How are you feeling?
You got hit by...
There was a car.
You broke your leg.
Matt's dead.
No.
Huh?
He's fine.
He...
He tricked us.
Do you remember when he was
upstairs working on the script?
Well, he called
that filmmaker guy
and told him to
come over and scare us.
They staged the whole thing.
They filmed it.
se Jett Garner was wearing one of tho
miniature camera
s on his clothes.
I saw him get stabbed.
That was fake.
It was all fake.
Where's Matt?
He's outside
Go get him.
How you doing?
Shitty.
I'm so sorry.
I didn't want
this to happen.
This is not what
I planned to happen.
I want to see the footage.
Dude, I don't give a shit about the
footage. I can get rid of the footage.
I'm the one in a hospital bed right now.
I get whatever the fuck I want.
Let me see the footage.
Run! Chad! Run!
Chad, run!
Jesus Christ.
Chad, run!
Come on, Chad!
Oh, my God. My fucking face!
Oh, Jesus.
You are sick, man.
This footage is amazing.
Well, I mean, fuck it.
No, no, no, no.
We take this.
We get it edited
We enter it into film
festivals, and that's it.
That's history.
I didn't want you
to get hurt, you know?
Of course you didn't
I wish it was me that got hurt.
I wish I got hit by the car.
I didn't want that to happen.
I know you didn't want me to get hurt.
- You sure?
- Yeah
It was an accident.
Of course you didn't, man.
I mean, it would...
It was my fault, you know.
It's all good now, dude.
It's all good.
I'm sorry, you guys.
I'm sorry.
Catherine?
I thought you were dead.
- I thought you were dead.
- God.
I thought you were dead.
I'm such a fucking idiot.
You are an idiot, but it's okay.
Now go get me
some ice cream.
What flavor do you want?
I don't want bullshit ice
cream. I want Haagen-Dazs.
I love you, man.
I love you, too.
How are you doing?
I would have let it rip.
I would have gone all out
if I had been in your position.
He was already beating
himself up so much.
I didn't have it in me
to torture him anymore.
Thanks for being here for me.
Thanks for letting me be here.
I'm glad you woke up.
I'm a little tired.
Well, why don't you rest
your head right here?
I'll put it right here.
Yeah, scoot up.
Here we go.
I'll just go like this.
Good night, movie girlfriend.
Good night.