Band Aid (2017) Movie Script

- It's one dish.
- One dish?
Okay, are you blind or
just legally retarded?
- There is one dish in
that sink that I put there.
- Really, Ben?
- And you're,
happen to be quite the
dish Nazi, I might add.
When did you, everything is like,
this is not clean enough.
There's smudges on this plate.
- Don't do that.
Stop doing that.
For sure, stop doing that.
It's super offensive.
'Cause I come from a long
line of Holocaust survivors.
- How could there be a long
line of Holocaust survivors?
There's only one or two generations
that were in the Holocaust.
- You're gonna tell me
that there's one dish...
- Did you call me...
- In this sink?
- Legally retarded before?
It's so insensitive, it's so insensitive.
- I'm not doing this.
- Could you imagine if my aunt was here?
For someone that has
claimed to be offended
by conversation recently...
- Grow up.
- The word retarded
- I can't...
- Is so offensive.
- Fucking deal with you.
- Yeah, the are more...
- Honestly, Ben.
- There's more than one dish...
- Grow the fuck up.
- This time.
- But you did say retarded.
- Like, seriously?
- And that is so hard to hear.
- How many years, Ben?
How many years, no.
- Particularly in the last 10
have people really started
to take offense to that word.
- How many years have I been
asking you to do the fucking dishes?
And it just still has to be
this cat and mouse game...
- Well, how many years...
- Where you force me...
- Have I been asking you...
- To be the nag?
- To give me
a blowjob every once in awhile?
I can't even remember
the last time.
- A blowjob?
- Would it kill you?
- Okay, how about this.
I've got a solution.
I'll do the dishes, and you
can go suck your own dick.
- Fuck you.
- Fuck me?
- Seriously, just fuck you.
- Fuck you.
- It's so...
- Fuck you.
Fuck you, fuck you.
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you
- Oh shit, I gotta call my mom.
- No.
Please, please, please.
- I have to call her back.
- I literally...
- She's called me...
- I will throw my body...
- Three times this week...
- Out of this car.
- And I have not
called her back.
I have to call her back.
- I'll do anything.
Tell me, tell me, a blowjob.
Hang up, blowjob.
I swear to you.
Blowjob right now.
- Don't fuck me up.
- Don't fuck me up.
- Right now, right...
- Hello?
- Hi mom.
- Hi sweetie, how are ya?
- I'm good, I'm driving.
- Sherry Orlofski's son was driving
holding a cellphone, got hit by a bus.
He's paralyzed from the waist down.
He shits in a bag now.
- I don't know who Sherry Orlofski is.
I don't know why this is like,
what's going on?
- She's in my book club.
Are you with Anna?
- Yes.
No, no, I mean I'm
spiritually always with Anna,
but no, I am not with Anna.
- Okay, 'cause if she's not there,
there's something I need
to talk to you about.
- Uh, is everything okay?
- Honey, you gotta make me a baby.
- Mom.
- All my friends
have grandkids, Benny.
Everyone at book club's passing
out photos like it's 9-11.
- That is such a weird analogy to use.
- Yeah, but just gimme
a little grandbaby, honey.
I know it's scary.
I know it is.
- Okay.
- But you think I was ready for you?
I pooped you out like a dog in summer,
and I never regretted it.
All right, I gotta go.
I got a client.
Love you so much, all right.
Okay, okay?
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Love you.
- Did you not tell her?
- No.
I mean.
- No, you didn't tell her?
- No, I did, 1...
- You told me a year
ago when I told my parents,
you said that you told her.
- Look, you know my mom is crazy, right?
You know that, okay.
And if I had told her what happened...
- So you lied?
- I didn't lie, I just,
my mom gives me so much anxiety.
About my life and my job, and you.
- About me?
Why does she give you anxiety about me?
- You know, 'cause you're older.
- I'm older?
- Well, I mean...
- Older?
- Well...
- What the...
- Well, I think she should say it.
- I'm not saying it.
- Well, I'm not saying it.
Does it even need to be said
or is it just kind of
a thing that's like...
- Yes, you should say sorry.
- Why?
I mean, you should say sorry to me.
- What would I say sorry for?
- For calling me a liar.
- You lied.
- You know what, I did,
whatever I did, I did for you.
- Oh my god,
What are we, in a Bryan Adams song?
- Oh my, that is so,
you can't even talk to someone
when they're just like...
- Okay, can I give you
a piece of advice?
- Yeah, I mean, that's what you're...
- That is the arrangement.
- That's why we're here.
- You're both clearly in a lot of pain.
Your frustrations with your
own lives, your careers,
your frustrations with each other.
And though these issues may seem trivial,
they need to be addressed.
Because, oddly, they may be the gateway
to processing your grief.
What I'm looking for is a
way to address these things
without the two of you
getting into the same fight
over and over again.
Well, time's up.
And um, I'm moving to Canada.
- I mean.
- I mean.
- Can we thank your godmother for coming?
Say thank you.
- Yeah, that's close.
- That's what we're gonna get.
- That was close.
- That's what we're gonna get.
- Happy birthday, Theo.
- Go play with your friends.
- Cute.
- How are you doin'?
' Yep, I'm good.
- On a scale of one to Snoop Lion,
how high are you right now?
- Um.
Like 100.
- Very good.
Well, even in that state,
I'm very happy that you could be here.
- Only in this state could I be here.
I'm sorry.
No, I'm so happy to be here.
- Yeah, she wanted a music party.
It's for the children.
You know, so the children
could play music.
- It's really nice.
- Yeah, no, it's great.
It's good for them to express themselves.
Yeah, no, he's
my best friend.
- You guys seem really connected.
- You know, but if the whole thing
becomes a little much for you,
why don't we come up with a safe word.
- Okay.
Cup of noodles.
- Is that a request
or is that the...
- Oh, computer planet.
- How about something
less like a creepy robot?
Just use, like a word...
- Okay.
- That would make sense...
- Like a human word.
- At a Party-
- Okay-
- Like pizza.
- Pizza.
- Pizza.
- And this is our daughter Isis.
- Yeah.
- What, I'm sorry?
- Yeah, we get it.
- Yeah, it's, um.
Before the...
- She was named
after the Egyptian goddess of magic.
It was before the...
- Yeah, before the cell
of the international jihadi terror thing.
- But I didn't hear you guys
wrong, her name is Isis?
- Yeah, Isis Ellen Greenburg.
- Isis Ellen Greenburg.
- Isn't that beautiful?
- First Jew in Isis.
- There's absolutely no way
that I am having another baby.
Meanwhile, Candice is
on baby number three.
- I know, look at her.
- She loves motherhood so much,
she should fuckin' marry it.
- Congratulations on your TV show.
- Thank you.
I'm pretty psyched about it.
I wasn't really looking to run a show,
and it just kind of happened.
And it's really cool.
- Yeah.
- You hungry?
Do you want the milks?
- The milks?
- You want the milks?
Oh yeah, you do, look
at you reachin' for it.
- Okay.
- This guy is just dry as a desert today.
- Oh my god.
- It's just nice getting
paid doing something you love
for a living, you know?
It's great.
- Uh-huh.
- I just saw Ben.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
You guys are so cute.
- Thanks.
- When are you guys gonna
make one of these things?
- What was the word?
I forgot the word.
- Pizza.
- Pizza, pizza.
- Yeah.
- Pizza?
- We heard the pizza guy just came.
- Oh, okay.
- So we're just gonna go
grab the pizza.
- Okay, cool.
- Okay.
- All right.
- Come on.
- It was so crazy.
She just took her boob out.
Right there.
It's fucked up.
'Cause I'm not supposed to
think about your friends' boobs.
But now everyone's got kids
and they're breastfeeding.
It's like...
- It's so culty.
- Hello, how you doing?
I'm Anna's friend's boob.
Nice to meet ya.
You Okay?
'Cause I really didn't
see much of her boob.
- Okay, I know.
- If that's why I'm making you upset.
I mean, it was big, but it was not,
you know, it had clearly been
I knew we shouldn't have come.
- I know.
Like, I have to come to these things.
Like, what am I gonna do?
She's my best friend.
Like, I can't just not come
to my godson's first
birthday party 'cause I...
I just, it always makes me think.
Like, were we crazy?
'Cause look at us.
- What's that supposed to mean?
What, I mean, we have
shitty jobs to pay the rent.
Because that's what you
do when you're an adult.
And it's shitty.
- I had a book deal.
- I know.
- I was the star of my class.
And Candice was a shit writer in college.
- Don't compare yourself...
- I mean, she was
a fucking joke.
- Well, now Candice with
the boobs is a show runner.
She's being paid to do
something she loves.
That's more than you
could say about me or you.
- You were an artist.
- Well, art...
- You know, you...
- Anna.
- Like, you...
- You know...
- Had dreams, too.
- What I've come to realize?
Art is bullshit.
That's what I've, that's my big takeaway.
Can I have a lighter, please?
- Art is bullshit?
- Art is bullshit.
- Wow, that's a choice philosophy.
You know who else
thought art was bullshit?
- Why does it always have to
come back to the Holocaust?
- Because we should never forget.
- We will never, trust me,
we will never forget.
- No, we will never forget.
- No, we won't.
- Because I bring it up
to remind us.
- All the time.
- Really?
One second.
Should we open a window or something?
- No, it's fine, they know.
They actually have a lot
of good instruments here.
- I can't find a bass, though.
- Well, yeah, no kid wants
to grow up to play bass.
They just end up playing bass.
- Why?
- Because it's like.
- I play bass.
- Look at this cool little kid guitar.
That sounds pretty good.
- One, two, three, four.
- Did she just count us in?
- Mm-hmm.
- Who is that?
- I don't know.
I think it's Isis.
- What is it?
- Her name is Isis.
- Oh.
- She's a real firecracker.
- Hmm.
You and I
I, I, I, I, I
- I like that.
- Yeah?
- Okay.
We can fight
Fight, fight, fight, fight
- Hey, I think you
got your first groupie.
- Yeah.
Try, we must
Try, try, try, try, try
To find the light
Light, light, light
Now bridge.
- Okay.
Find the fight
Day and night
We find the fight
Oh shit, I gotta get tambo on it.
- And you gotta stop cursing
in front of the kids.
Really good job.
Really good job.
- You, too, up high.
- Really good job.
- Hmm?
- Where, um...
Where do you think we go from here?
- I don't know.
- I think I thought that
having a kid would just, like,
fix everything.
Like, I just wanna create something
with some kind of meaning, you know.
Like, I just wanna find fucking
meaning in something.
- Well,
I don't know what to tell you.
It feels like we're both just stuck.
And that leads to anger, and
then that leads to fighting.
- Yeah, I know.
I know.
And then we just fight.
- We fight so much.
- All the fuckin' time.
It's such a bummer.
- Yesterday was good.
- It was, yeah.
I felt kind of bad that we, um...
- Stole that kid's thunder.
- We hijacked
that kid's party.
- Yeah, that will fuck
him up for a long time.
But at least we weren't fighting.
- It was fun singing there though.
What if we turned all
our fights into songs?
- Okay.
- No, I'm serious.
Let's start a band.
fl Hey, hey, hey, hey
- There's so many
yarmulkes from our wedding.
- I know.
- Did anyone even wear a yarmulke?
- Everyone wore a yarmulke.
- We have so many left over.
What is this?
- Oh, that's my Armageddon suitcase.
Oh yeah, big time.
There's a lot in there.
There's a couple bottles of Xanax.
There's $1,000 hard cash.
And then, yeah, Bed Bath
& Beyond coupons for days.
- I love that in your mind,
the zombie apocalypse still
focuses around Bed Bath.
- Yeah, that's the epicenter.
- And we're gonna need to get 20% off.
- No, but, oh my god, you're so literal.
You're not using them as coupons.
You're using them as currency.
You know, to barter.
You trade for weapons,
Brita filters.
- Yeah, I was being
really literal.
- Body pillows, whatever.
Whatever you need.
- It's my fault.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, look what I found.
' Oh!
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
- I have not played
this since high school.
- She pretty.
- Yeah, she fine.
Check her out.
- Whoa.
I don't want you to hurt your neck.
- Sounds great, neighbor.
- Hey Dave.
- Hi Dave.
- Is that John Mayer over there?
- Aw, heck no.
- No.
I just found my old guitar
from high school.
- Yeah.
- Are you John Mayer?
- Right, yeah.
Second time's a charm.
- Second time, yeah.
- What are you doing?
- We're cleanin' out the garage
to make it a rehearsal space.
We're starting a band.
- For a band?
- Yeah.
- I used to play drums in high school.
- Cool.
- Yeah.
- Really?
- I was in a band myself.
- Oh yeah, what was it called?
- The band was called Myself.
It was a sort of solo percussive group.
You know, djembe and the rumba.
Conga, bongo, timbale.
You know, just like, yeah.
- And you played all of those yourself?
- I played all of them myself.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
The Big Fork Daily called
it really, very weird.
- Oh.
- Wow.
- That's great.
- Yeah, well...
- Congrats, man.
That sounds great.
- Yeah, congratulations.
- Okay.
- Cool, Dave.
We'll see ya.
- Yeah.
- See ya around the neighbs.
- Thanks, Dave.
- I'll see you very soon.
Okay, so, we have to move.
- You can't, I know.
- We have to move.
'Cause of that interaction alone.
- Oh, he's 100% gonna murder us.
- Hey Rob.
All right, so here it
is, here's the lowdown.
She was good from far, but far from good.
She's a little curvy for my taste,
but she still fucked like a champ.
- The only, yeah, the only,
no, I definitely could have
used some Instagram filters
in-between the sheets.
That's such a good idea, though.
Restaurants with the lighting
as Instagram filters.
So you can just say like,
oh, I'll meet you at Valencia at eight,
and then we'll have drinks
afterwards at Hudson.
Well, yeah, that may be a
little saturated, but.
- HEY-
- Hi.
- Were you gonna?
- Was I gonna what?
- I thought, because
you were standing there,
you were gonna open the-
- Oh, get the door?
Oh no, I'm sorry, I don't do that.
- Would have been a nice gesture.
- How long have
you been an Uber driver?
- Like a year.
- Oh, that's crazy.
That's crazy.
- Mm-hmm, yeah.
- Yeah.
What'd you do before that?
Before you were an Uber
driver, what'd you do?
- I was a writer.
- Oh, crazy.
I'm single.
' Hmm?
- I'm single.
- That's crazy.
- Hi.
- HEY-
How was work?
- It was good.
Somebody left their iPad in the back seat.
- Score.
You gonna return it?
- Well, I couldn't really get in it.
It's password protected.
But I don't know.
I was thinking maybe you could keep it,
walk around with it and make
it look like you have a job.
Oh my god, this fuckin' drip.
- I have a job.
- Yeah, no, I know.
I just meant one where, you know,
you might have to wear pants.
- Fair enough.
- Hey, did you finish your logo?
- Yeah, all done.
- Really?
- And I was thinking,
maybe to celebrate...
- Oh, do you wanna?
- Fuck? No.
No, I was thinking maybe
we could order Papa Johns,
maybe jam out Jem and the Holograms style.
- Oh okay, yeah.
Oh yeah.
I just, I wasn't really
in the mood to fuck.
- The sensation I get from sex
and the sensation I get from eating pizza,
it's like, interchangeable
for me at this point.
- WOW, okay'
Okay, let's just,
can we just take the
pressure off a little bit?
- Can I have some ranch?
- Okay.
- Yeah, there we go.
- Oh ho-ho-ho.
That's a sweet bite.
- That's the Tom Petty bite.
- Yeah.
I was gonna say, what if
we take the pressure off
of not having to write a fight song,
and just do like, whatever.
- Okay.
- Whatever comes to mind.
- Let's start with just like two chords.
- Okay.
- Just playing two chords
back and forth.
- Okay, okay.
- And then you can kind of...
- Oh wow, you've really done it.
- Figure out the melody.
- Yeah.
- Okay?
- Okay, all right.
- You sure?
I like that.
Kind of like some doo-wop action.
- Okay, doo-woppy-
Do-do do do
Do-do do-do do do
Do do do-do
- I like that rhythm.
Do-do do-do do do
Night's creepin' in
I'm feelin' low
Do-do do do
Do-do do-do
No money, no friends
Got nowhere to go
- So, we've done two bars.
- Yeah, we're in deep.
A rumble in my belly
My throat is parched
- Parched.
Okay, okay, I'm gonna get it.
Yeah, I got one.
I'm searchin' for the light
In the endless dark
- I think we have to change it.
- Is it feeling repetitive?
- A little bit.
- Okay.
- We're only two songs into it,
but it's repetitive.
- Let's do it.
Let's do like a...
- So, I would go to this.
Ah, I found it.
Do-do do
Do-do do-do do
All right?
Do-do do
Of green and red
- Oh.
Fl An 18 inch
That's where I can rest my head
You're my sunrise slice
To welcome the dawn
Oh yeah.
You're my sunrise slice
To welcome the dawn
My papa
My Papa John
My papa
My Papa John
- Bring it home.
My papa
My Papa John
- Wow.
- Whoa.
- That was really nice.
- Oh my god, that was so cool.
I feel like it was almost like,
almost like a...
- Simon and Garfunkel?
- Almost like a solo
Simon, too, I was feeling.
- Yeah, totally.
- Like "The Rhythm of
the Saints", like.
- Uh-huh.
And this is working great for me.
I am so shocked
that the guy from Blues
Traveler never did this.
How fun is this?
- This is so fun.
Okay, let's make a list
of our top 10 fights of all-time.
- Of all-time?
- Why, does that,
that's not good?
TOP 12?
"TOP 12?
That's only two more.
- I don't know.
- I don't know.
Let's start with, we'll start with 12.
- Top 12 fights, all-time.
Dishes is big, obviously.
- That is big.
- That's a big one.
- You seem to have a general,
a problem with my grooming.
- Yeah.
For sure, that's spot-on.
- An issue.
- Yeah.
But I feel like grooming and
dishes can kind of go together.
- Okay.
- So maybe we just,
like a cleanliness thing.
- Okay.
I don't wanna point any fingers here,
but I think you can be
a little judgemental.
- Okay, okay-
Sure, I can see that.
I will see your judgemental,
and I will raise you a you being lazy.
- Okay, you're uptight-
- You're distracted.
- Sure, yeah, you know.
You have emotions coming out of your ass.
- You have no emotions.
- Okay, you're obsessed
with the way you look.
- Right.
- You're constantly asking me
how you look, it's super annoying.
- Right, well, a lot of
that has to do with the fact
that you just like never
give me a compliment.
- I give you compliments all the time.
- Whenever you give me a compliment,
it's only when I ask for a compliment.
And even then, it's like, you
do that thing where it's like,
something happens where you go away
for like 30 to 45 seconds,
and then you come back,
and you're like, oh,
uh, you look good.
- That's a compliment.
- Hey, where's my sneakers.
- That's a compliment.
And have you seen those sneakers?
No, you didn't even look.
You know what, if we're living
in this post-feminist society
where I have to do the dishes
and you don't have to blow me, like ever,
I would say it's probably pretty fair
that you would start
giving me more compliments.
- Oh wow, okay.
- I'm serious.
- Sure, yeah.
- I would love to feel complimented.
- Okay, you're a regular Gloria Steinem.
- I am, I'm Gary Steinem.
I'm fighting the fight for man's rights.
- Very good.
- Oh.
That is a drum roll.
- Who cares?
- Shit.
- Yeah.
- You know what we need?
- A drummer.
- I don't know if he's home.
- I'm sure he's just tending to women
he keeps in his basement.
- You don't think he
keeps 'em in the walls?
- No, it's definitely more
of a lotion in the basket vibe to me.
- See, I think it...
- Hi.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Hey neighbors.
What are you doing?
- Um.
If it's a bad time, we can come back.
- Yeah.
- What?
No, don't be a couple of billy goats.
Come on in.
- Okay.
- Don't wanna be a billy goat.
- Have a seat.
- Wow, it's...
- You can sit on the left,
and then you can sit on the right.
- Okay.
- That's very specific.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- It's very cozy in here.
- Mm-hmm.
- Such an honor to have you in my home.
- Yeah, it's nice to be
- Do you want anything?
Do you want some cocoa?
- I'm okay.
- I would take a cocoa.
- Okay.
- Sure.
- Cassandra Diabla, cocoas, please.
We have guests.
- I don't know who she is.
- Extra cocoas.
- Hi.
- This is my best
friend, Cassandra Diabla.
- It's nice to meet you.
- Hi.
- Hi, Cassandra Diabla?
- Tonight's cocoa night.
Careful, it's a little ouchie.
How can I be of service
to the both of you?
I mean, is there something you want?
- David.
We're out of cocoa.
- What?
- Yeah.
- We're out of cocoa.
- Totally out.
- There's none left?
- There's no more.
- You're kidding me.
You have mine, I insist.
Otherwise Cocoa Tuesdays will
have to be No Cocoa Tuesdays.
You know what I mean?
- 1 do.
- This is my best friend.
- Hi, Crystal Vichycoisse.
- Hi.
- Your friends are so nice.
- Thank you very much.
- Are you here of your own will?
- That's a joke, you
don't have to answer that.
- What was the joke?
- Mm, no, nothing.
- It was just something rude
that she said...
- I didn't...
- Because she got nervous.
- I was joking.
- And it's just a joke.
- Am I here on my own free will?
- Oh, so she looked at
you and she was like,
are you here on your own free will?
- That was what she said, I think.
- You're like a Paula Poundstone.
- Yeah.
- Yes, very much so.
- I do get that a lot.
- Very much so.
- Yeah.
- We actually met at
a Todd Rundgren event.
- A Todd Rundgren event.
- Yes.
- Okay.
- There was, it was a
record release party.
I'm kidding.
- You should have seen your faces.
- No, we met at a cocoa convention.
- Yeah, that one
is very clearly a joke.
We get it.
- Well, is it?
Is it, though?
- Yeah, she gets her sense of humor
from her Great Uncle Avram.
- Yeah.
- He was a star in the
Yiddish vaudeville circuit.
- Right, okay.
- He was a star in the
Yiddish vaudeville circuit.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- No, he toured the Ukraine
after escaping the pogroms.
- Uh, okay-
So, how did you guys actually meet?
- We met in the program.
- What program?
- The program?
- Well,
We're recovering sex addicts.
- I think we should...
- Okay.
- Probably go, because remember, we...
- And I'm their sponsor.
And also their best friend.
And they're my best friends.
- That's very sweet.
- I know this is gonna seem crazy.
We were strippers.
- What, no.
- You don't say.
- Yeah, she was, and then she was.
- Yeah.
- Also, we love to fuck.
- Dave, you should join our band.
- So, Vichycoisse, is that how you say it?
- Vichycoisse.
- Vichycoisse.
- That's what she said.
- Okay, soup is made of blended potatoes
and a heavy cream.
- Wow.
- That sounds amazing.
- Wow.
- So Weird Dave is in your band?
- Weird Dave's in the band.
- Wow.
- Yeah, I know.
But you know, the truth
is we needed a drummer,
and his only time commitments
seem to be Cocoa Tuesdays
and sex addict meetings, so.
- Oh, oh, sweet schedule, Weird Dave.
- Yeah, yeah, Dave's got it figured out.
- Yeah, he's not makin' mistakes at all.
- No, at all.
- At all.
- Great.
- What?
- Single Sheena, Single Sheena.
- She's the last one of us left.
- I know.
- Exciting.
- Such a rare occurrence.
It's like, it feels...
- Hi.
- Hi, Sheena.
- Hi.
- How are you?
- Hey.
- Oh my god,
you look so pretty.
- Just gorgeous.
- What's happening?
- Flawless.
- Are you going somewhere?
Are you coming from something?
- Oh no, I'm headed home.
I spent the night at some guy's house.
- Oh, there it is.
- I would love to hear
about that.
- Details, details,
not just a magazine, honey.
- Yes, please.
- Um, I don't know.
I mean, he was super hot.
- Yeah, sure.
- He has like a ton of money.
- Makes the world go 'round.
- Go and get yours.
- And he went down on me for
like an hour, so that was fun.
- That's a...
- Long time.
- Whole episode of Scandal.
I mean...
- A long time.
- So, I don't know.
I might see him again, might not.
But anyways, I gotta run,
gotta shower before I teach.
Good to see you, though.
- Sure, bye.
- She is a teacher?
- Well, she teaches Pilates.
- Oh, I'll get over it then.
An hour.
- One hour.
- That is gonna get me
through sex with my husband
for like a good week.
A week.
- I'm riled up.
I'm riled up.
- Oh, it is Niagara Falls
down there.
- It's like a burning,
burning fire.
- Yeah, yeah.
I need to air that out now.
' Babe?
- Yeah.
' Hi.
- What's up, Boomer?
- I was thinking, do you want to...
You know what I mean?
You wanna fuck?
You wanna fuck this pussy?
- Right now?
- Yeah.
You wanna fuck?
- Yeah, I'll fuck.
- You wanna fuck this pussy?
- Aw yeah.
- Get it, get it, get it, get it.
- Let's do it.
- Oh, were you just,
you weren't even going?
- No, I just like to sit on the toilet
and let my butt-hole be free.
Makes me more productive.
Let's go.
- That's good.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Maybe, what if we,
what if you just reposition for,
or like...
- I'll reposition.
- Just get that angle a little bit.
- Your face, the face that you're,
can you just not make that face?
- I'm sorry, no, no, no.
- 'Cause it's just like,
It looks like you're in pain.
- I'm not in pain.
I'm just trying to figure,
I'm trying to figure it out.
I'm sorry.
I don't know what happened.
I was just like, I was so horny before.
And then suddenly it's like,
I don't know, it's like the
fuckin' shop just closed.
- The shop closed?
- Yeah.
Like the
door's locked, gate's down.
Like, the whole situation.
I don't know how to
contact the shop keeper.
You know what I mean?
It might be a situation where
it's like there's a sign on the door,
and they're like, back in five.
- This analogy is super long.
- Yeah.
I'm sorry.
Do you want me to give you a hand-job?
- What? No.
I didn't even wanna have
sex in the first place.
I only did it because you wanted to.
- Right, I know.
One, two, three, four.
Marriage is a sacred bond
Of you and it I am so fond
Friendship, care, the ties that bind
You're loving, caring, always kind
But when we lay in bed at night
Our bodies bathed in the moonlight
To have, to hold forever, oh dear
Please don't bring your body near
'Cause I
I love you
But I don't wanna fuck
you, fuck you, fuck you
I don't wanna fuck you
Our, our love is true
But I don't wanna fuck
you, fuck you, fuck you
I don't wanna fuck you
I love you
- That was rad.
- Dave?
- What's happening?
Is he, so you think he's okay?
- You're asking me?
- Dave.
- Unreal.
I loved it.
- There it is.
- Wow.
- Okay.
Great, thank you.
- Cool.
- That was very beautiful,
beginning to end.
- Thanks.
- You know, I can't relate
to the lyrics at all.
- Right.
- On account of the fact
that I wanna fuck
everything and everybody.
- Yeah, that's your thing.
- Right, that's the addiction.
- I mean, except of course
Crystal and Cassandra.
- You never wanna fuck them?
- No.
- No.
- Never.
But that's a love song for the ages.
- Thank you.
- It's a standing ovation.
- Thank you, Dave.
- Thank you so much, man.
- I'm gonna go and eat.
- Okay.
- Okay.
That sounds human.
- And I'll see you very soon.
- All right.
- All right, thanks.
- Take it easy, man.
- Thanks.
We'll see you next rehearsal, okay.
' Okay.
- Man, I like
writing songs with you.
- I like writing songs with you.
- We're never
done it in the garage.
- I know, it's so hot.
- Let's do it in more weird places.
- It's not that
weird, we own this garage.
- Oh my god.
Oh fuck.
Oh my god.
- Shit.
- I know, it feels so fucking good.
- No, no, I'm stuck in a rat trap.
- What?
- My foot is stuck in
one of the glue traps
like a mouse.
- Like a rat trap?
- Yeah.
- It's okay.
Can you push through?
Use your body.
Please keep fucking me.
It feels so fucking good.
Oh my god, oh my god.
My foot is going numb.
- Oh my god, that feels so good.
- The whole left side of
my body is going numb.
I'm coming.
Ow, ow.
- We buy kale.
The kale sits in our fridge for a week.
We throw out the kale.
And then we buy that kale again.
- It's all very exciting.
- It's a real...
- It's the kale diaries.
- Look, our people.
- You think they're Jews?
- No, I just mean musicians.
Should we go over there?
- You wanna get into a drum circle
by the farmer's market.
- I don't know.
We should get inspired.
- Okay.
- They look friendly.
- Yeah, all drum circles look friendly.
That's how people end up in them.
- Hi.
- Hi, what's up?
- Nice jam.
- Welcome, hi.
Would you like to take part in
some of our love light today?
- We were just talking about...
- What?
No, we weren't.
- Lover's light.
Yes, we were.
- Why don't you have a seat.
- Okay.
- Join us.
- Okay.
- Okay, you guys'll pick
up the words in no time.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Ikea, Ikea
- I feel like they're just saying Ikea
over and over again.
- Will you please.
Ikea, Ikea
- You don't hear the word Ikea?
- Thank you.
- That was beautiful.
- Oh, you're welcome.
- What language was that?
- Yeah, was that Sanskrit?
- No, I devised that language myself,
it's called Tuna-Tuna,
while I was studying abroad.
- Tuna-Tuna.
- Tuna-Tuna is the name of the language
that you devised.
- Was that
in India, or?
- No, no, close.
Barstow Community College.
- I'm sorry.
He was just...
- Jesus.
- What do you want me to do?
- I've never,
I haven't seen you like that.
- I mean, I got hot and bothered.
- Yeah, I was bothered.
- I know, you were less hot.
Wait, oh my god.
Look, it's a sign.
- Like, from the universe,
it's a sign or like a...
- Well, I was saying it is,
it's also a literal sign.
But it is, that's a sign.
- Should we play that show?
' Okay.
- Here goes nothin'.
You ready for it?
- Am I ready for it?
- Yeah.
- I can't believe you're askin' me that.
Since when have you been
afraid of doing mushrooms?
- I'm not afraid of doing
mushrooms, I've just,
I've never done them with a task at hand.
- I mean, I just think it's gonna help us
with our creative process.
- Yeah, you think so?
- We gotta get some songs out.
- Okay.
- Okay, ready.
- Terrible.
- They're mellow, though.
- Oh good.
- These ones are mellow.
- Good.
I got an idea.
Where's my notebook?
- What?
- I have a song idea,
I wanna write it down.
- Okay.
- Hurry up, I don't want it
to pop out of my head.
- Okay, okay, okay.
- Anna.
- What?
- Where's my notebook?
Hurry up, I'm losin' the melody.
- Here's your notebook.
It's just so crazy
how the birds just love my chips.
- Get right up next
to them, they whisper.
And I also love chips,
but I never just go eat the chips.
And that's why I love you birds.
Because you just go whenever you want it.
And you get it.
- I just wrote the most beautiful song.
I can't remember the lyrics.
Do you remember the first line?
- I didn't write it.
- I know, but we came up with it together.
- You came up with it.
' It...
- I don't know the lyrics.
- Babe, you remember, it was
about something like a dog?
- Maybe you wrote it down somewhere.
- Um, yeah, he did.
He actually did.
He recorded it telepathically
onto a sandwich.
- The lyrics are in my blood.
- Which he then ate.
No, the drugs are in
your blood, the lyrics
are like.
- You wanted to take drugs.
- Oh my god, that's so classic,
to turn this around on me.
- I'm turning it around?
- Yeah.
- You're turning it around on me.
You wanted to take drugs,
it didn't work out,
and now you're acting
like a bitch.
- It didn't work out?
Did you just call me a bitch?
- No, I said you're acting like a bitch.
- What kind of man calls
their wife a bitch?
- Why do you have
to question my manhood?
And what's...
- Because what kind of man
calls a woman a bitch.
- You call me a dick
all the time,
why can't I call you a bitch?
- Oh my god.
That's so lame.
- Why is that lame?
- Um, I'm gonna go for now.
- No.
- No.
- Just sit down for a second.
- Dave, sit down, please.
Just give us one minute.
- Why don't I give you some privacy,
and I can...
- That's definitely
not what we want.
- We don't need any privacy.
This is not a private matter.
- No.
You leave, this gets real, so let's just,
we're gonna just push through.
- Can I get some air?
- No, you can't get air when...
- Air?
- There's open air everywhere.
- We're in a garage!
- What more air do you need?
- Great, I'll just.
- Dave, please.
- Why?
- Just give us a second.
- We need to finish
this for one second.
- Why?
Because I'm being held hostage,
so I'm just gonna play.
- Dave, come on, man.
- That's so annoying.
- Just play something then.
I'm not stopping.
' Play a song.
I'm in no mood for your mood
I'm in no mood for your mood
So take your attitude
Is this what it means to be a dude
That you could ever speak so lewd
You're fuckin' lazy and you're crude
You better change your attitude
Is this what comes with havin' boobs
Always obsessin' over food
You get so hangry and so rude
You better change your attitude
Up here.
And then we fight, fight
Fight, fight, fight, fight
And then we fight about the fight, fight
Fight, fight, fight fight
I'm acting calm and you're uptight
You're the dark and I'm the light
You're so wrong and I'm so right
I'm so right
Well, now my head is fucking spinning
But I can't give up on winning
- Well, we owe you a big thank you, Dave.
- Yeah, big ups to Dave.
- Big ups to Dave.
Bless up, Dave.
- All right, let's
do this open mic, dogs.
- Hey, we gotta leave
in like seven minutes.
- I know, I'm hustling.
I just gotta,
- What?
- Nothing.
- It's not good?
- No, it's great.
You look
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
- You don't look too bad yourself.
You think, though, it's
too heteronormative?
It's so gendered, it's like,
should we swap outfits?
- God no.
- Especially in this clay and age,
you don't wanna be like, well...
- I don't wanna wear a dress.
- I'm the man,
and I'm the woman.
- Don't make me wear a dress
tonight, please.
- Okay.
- Do you think it's too on-the-nose
that we're making Dave dress like a baby?
- I don't think that's the problem.
No, I think that drives it home.
It's very, I think it's subtle.
Okay, it's go time.
Do you have everything?
- I have picks and...
- Your wallet?
- My wallet and keys.
Coming, Dave.
Hey buddy.
- What, where's your onesie?
- I thought you were
Dave the Baby Drummer.
- I'm turning over my sticks.
- What?
What is this?
- I can't make it to the open mic tonight.
Or, really, any night.
I have to quit the band.
- Why?
What are you talking about?
- What?
- I thought it would be really great
to get to know you guys,
and for you guys to get to know me.
You wouldn't think this,
but aside from Crystal and Cassandra,
I don't have too many friends.
- Right.
- Really?
- Yeah, that is surprising.
- When my parents got divorced,
it was really hard on me as a kid.
And I think that's where my
sexual addiction started.
- Do you understand what I'm saying?
So, I'm reliving it.
Day after day.
You can't stop fighting.
I mean, I spent my whole childhood trying
to save my parents' marriage.
I don't wanna spend my
adulthood trying to save yours.
I'm really sorry.
I can't do the show.
I'm sorry.
It's gonna be a great show anyway.
- Is this for real.
- Dave, these are your sticks.
I feel it
It feels so good to be home
- Fuck man, I cannot believe it.
- I know, it's so crazy.
- We need Dave.
We can't do this.
- Whoa, tiger.
Slow down.
- Ah Shit.
Grace gave me some
sort of muscle relaxants,
but I don't feel them at all.
Like, they are not working.
- Muscle, what are you doing
taking muscle relaxants?
- I don't know.
- You barely have any muscles.
- I needed to calm down.
- Look, this is just you and
me in our garage, jammin'.
There's no difference.
I mean, yeah,
it's room full of young,
judgemental 20-somethings,
staring at our every breath.
But besides that, it's the same thing.
- Looks like you two are up.
- Okay, great.
- L'chaim.
- Oh my god, I'm gonna hurl.
- No hurling, no hurling, come on.
- Hold on.
- Let's just go up there,
and show these young fuckin'
dickheads what we're made of.
- Okay-
- All right, hi.
All right.
One, two, a one, two, three, four.
- Hold on, I gotta adjust
my mic for one second.
- She's just adjusting her mic, sorry.
Whoa, what are you doing?
- I can't, I gotta adjust it.
- What is wrong with you?
What's happening?
- Hold on, I think I just
want it out of the stand.
- You can't have it
out of the stand.
- Yeah,
'cause I wanna be able to...
- How can you play with
having it out of the stand?
- I need to be able to move.
- You're a bass player,
you don't need to move.
Oh god.
Did that hurt?
- Fuck.
Yes, it hurt.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine, just
put it back on and let's...
- Okay, but hold on.
But lookit, I wanna do one trick.
Can you look at the audience?
- What sort of trick?
- Look at the audience for one sec.
Watch, watch.
- What are you doing?
Okay, please just.
- It was like the balls
were on your forehead,
but it was the mic.
- Are you ready?
- Go ahead.
- Are you ready to play?
- Hold on.
Hold on, yeah.
- Sorry about that.
One, two, a one...
- Oh.
Oh! oh! oh, Oh, Oh.
I can fit this whole thing in my mouth.
- Do you wanna play the song?
- Huh?
Oh, oh, ow.
- You're embarrassing me.
- I'm embarrassing you?
You should be proud.
That's what every husband
wishes their wife would do.
- Oh my god.
- Who are you winking at?
- That was,
that was a click suck joke, guys.
But it's actually not a,
if you wanna be honest,
it's not a talent of mine.
- Go home.
' Oh god.
- I wouldn't stress about it.
It was just a minor setback.
- I'm such an idiot.
Just, the second I decide to commit
to something I'm passionate about,
I always seem to just fuck it up.
- Can you do me a favor,
and can we not talk about
your failed book deal
while we're dealing with
stuff about us?
- What?
- Can you not talk about
your failed book deal
when we're dealing with stuff
that's about us?
- What are you talking about?
I didn't even mention my book deal.
- Come on.
That's where you always go.
- Jesus.
What are you...
- It doesn't seem...
- So angry about?
- Like an outlandish request.
It's just seems like
something totally normal.
- Where is this coming from?
- It's not coming from anywhere.
I just don't wanna talk
about the fucking book deal.
- Well, I got it.
You already fucking said that.
Fuckin' Aggro Man.
- You know what.
- Mr. Aggro,
fucking flying in...
- We don't...
- Just ruining relationships.
- We don't have to do this
like this anymore.
- Do what, what, do what?
- Fight like this.
If we're gonna fight,
why don't we sing our feelings?
- I don't know, I'm not singing.
- Why?
- I'm sorry.
- Don't patronize it.
- No, I just can't.
- It's just, we know what happens
when we have a regular fight.
We've done this.
- I'm not, I'm not doing that though.
Please don't bring up the book deal
- Oh god.
You know this isn't about the book deal
- Really, why not?
I mean, it's
clearly the cross I bear.
It's why I'm...
- I don't hear anything...
- So fucking paralyzed.
- Unless you sing it.
You have to sing it.
- This is so stupid, dude.
I'm not singing.
- You hang on to that fuckin'
book deal for dear life.
And you and I both know that that
is not the thing that is paralyzing you.
- Really?
Okay, well.
That was my fault, too, so.
- Sing it.
- I'm not singing about that, Ben.
I don't even wanna talk
about it.
- I don't wanna talk
about it either.
You had a miscarriage.
That does not make you a failure.
- Does it make me a success?
- Sing.
- I'm not singing about it.
- Sing about your miscarriage.
- Is this a joke to you?
- This is the furthest thing...
- Please, I...
- From a joke to me.
It's the one thing that
we don't talk about.
And so I don't know how else to...
I failed as a woman
What happened is totally human
Let's see this through.
You're out of your own
way when you're up there.
It's exciting.
It's exciting for me to watch you.
It's exciting for you to do.
And we have something to share.
We're doing it together.
- No, I know, I like that.
- So, it's a small hiccup.
We go, we fuck up, we
try it again, we learn.
- Yeah, I know, but I don't like that.
The middle part, the...
- It's all part
of the process.
- The fuck up.
- It's part of the process.
- I know.
But it's just that, the
failing makes you a failure.
- I don't think so.
Failing makes you an artist.
- Okay.
' Hey.
- Hey Dave.
- Hi guys.
- Look, we heard everything
you said the other night.
- Yeah, and we're gonna
change, we promise.
- We need you in our band.
- No more fighting?
- No more fighting.
- Except in our songs.
- Which are all fights.
- To avoid really fighting.
- Yeah.
- Do I still have to dress like a baby?
- No.
- No.
- No, in fact, I actually,
I think this look works.
- Yeah.
- You like this?
- I love this.
- Yeah.
- I don't know what, where it came from.
But it's great.
- It's just my cozies.
- Like...
- That's so interesting.
- They're like pajamas?
- Yeah.
- That's very interesting.
- Very interesting.
- Thanks.
Well, I'm ready to gig if you guys are.
- So are we.
- Let's do it.
- Okay.
What is the order?
- It's just, I think
it's just a celebration.
- Okay, cool.
- All right.
One more thing.
- Yeah.
- If we're gonna be a real
band, we need a band name.
- A little of this.
- Hi, we're The Dirty Dishes.
One, two, three, four.
Please do not ask me
if you've gained weight
Especially when we're
goin' out on a date
I have no idea if you've
gained a pound of two
And even if I did I would not tell you
- That's okay.
I hate my body
That's obvious 'cause I'm a woman
I'm also always hungry
Did I mention that I'm a woman
Eating is my only
source of true happiness
Pardon me if I wanna kill myself
When I don't fit in my dress
You want me to lie, lie, lie
You want me to lie, lie, lie
I want to eat pie, pie, pie
But just look at my
thighs, thighs, thighs
Is love
Is love
Is love
Is lying
Oh love and lies
- Thank you.
Do you like my jacket?
- I love it.
- I got it at Party City.
- No, you didn't.
- Yes, I did.
- They don't have clothing.
- Hey.
So listen, I talked to
Crystal Vichycoisse.
- Yeah.
- And she had a pretty rough night.
- Oh.
- She acted out.
She ended up having compulsive
sex with this 37-year-old.
- Oh no.
Is his age the problem or is it,
no, it's the...
- It's this compulsion.
She can't help it.
- Right.
- She can't help it.
- Right, she relapsed.
- I mean, I don't even
know what they see in her.
You know, I mean, she's just
so unappealing, you know,
in the face, and the body, and everything.
It must be her sense of humor.
Anyway, this guy works for a record label.
- Mm-hmm.
- Uh-huh.
- And she brought him
to the show last night.
- Shut up.
- That's awesome.
- Are you being for real?
- Yeah, and he really liked it.
- Wow.
- Yeah, he was really into it.
- Dave, that's
- That's awesome.
- You look fuckin' hot.
- What?
- Yeah.
- Whoa.
- Like, if I didn't know you,
I'd wanna get to know you.
- Who are you?
Like, how are we gonna
keep writing fight songs
if we never fight about anything anymore?
- Well, we could write love songs.
- Yeah, no.
Let's skip that part.
- It just seems weird.
As soon as I said it...
- Yeah.
- I was like, that is a bad idea.
- Yeah, can we just, I
feel like we gotta get,
just for our creative process, just,
can you be a little bit more
of a dick to me this morning?
- Okay, you want me to leave the room
and come back as a dickhead?
- Yeah.
- Yep, okay.
- Okay, you ready'?
You're gonna go
on your own action.
- Comin' in hot.
' Okay.
- Have you seen my sneakers?
- What do you think?
- About what, my sneakers?
I can't find 'em.
- Do you like my outfit?
- Is this the only option?
- Wow.
That's like Brando or somethin'.
- Was that good?
- That's fuckin' insane
that you can go...
- We're in a fight now,
- Yeah, oh yeah.
We're certainly in a fight.
- Right?
- Yeah, yeah.
I love you.
- I love you, too.
- Oh my god, how long has it been
since we've had a date night?
- I don't know, never?
- Also, I can't believe
that this label dude
is interested in us.
- Hold on, being interested in something
is different than being, you know,
committed to something.
- I know, it was just,
that's so exciting,
like things are finally happening for us.
- TO US.
- Hey, maybe let's
celebrate a different way.
I don't know,
I just feel like being
present for this right now.
- Yeah, no, I wanna be present, too.
I don't, we don't need...
- Yeah.
- To smoke to celebrate.
- Okay.
How's your day going?
- You know when you meet
people, and you're like, oh.
- I have never
seen you two like this.
- I know.
It's so awesome.
- I'm so happy for you.
- Thank you.
- It's amazing.
- Okay, I think that's everything.
- Oh, babe, could you just
grab the spoons for dessert?
- What?
- The dessert spoons, honey.
- Right, yeah.
- For dessert, yeah.
There you go.
- Okay, right, okay.
- All right, thank you.
All right.
Love you.
- So, what happens when
they go away like that?
- I'm not sure.
- Where do they go?
- I don't know,
but sometimes I wish he
would just stay there longer.
You know, it gives me a break, too.
Can you...
- I feel bad.
Tell me what else to do.
- No, no, no.
Just go sit down.
- Are you sure?
- Yes, please.
- Okay.
- Please, go sit down.
- Yes.
Take those off.
Come inside me.
- What?
- Don't pull out this time.
I'm ready.
I'm ready to try again.
- That's like a bigger,
that's like a bigger...
That's like, um.
- What?
What's wrong?
- Nothing, it's just, that's like a,
you know, a bigger conversation.
- Okay.
I mean, I just thought,
what are we...
- Yeah, I know, it's just...
- What are we waiting for at this point?
- You're the one that didn't wanna.
- I know, but that's what I'm saying.
I'm saying that now I feel ready, finally.
And, you know, I feel happy
for the first time in so long.
You feel happy.
Look what's happening for us.
Like, we could get a record deal.
You know?
It's awesome.
- We're not
getting a record deal.
- You don't know that.
- Oh shit.
- What?
- What do you mean, what?
I knew it.
I knew exactly how this was gonna go.
Because I know the way
that you looked at everything.
- Jesus, Ben.
What is wrong with the way
that I looked at everything?
- Like it's some fuckin' life raft.
- Well, what we're doing
is finally making us happy.
- I've been happy.
- Oh please, Ben.
- You've been in some dark depression.
- You've always been happy?
Give me a fucking break.
You were so checked out for so long.
You are like, you lie.
Fucking, is that happy?
- You think you're like
a piece of fuckin' cake?
- I don't wanna do this.
- Do you know what it's been like since,
I mean, since we lost the
baby, you've been a mess.
And I just keep putting up
with it because, I don't know,
I hope one day the old you will come back.
- The old me, Ben?
The old me was young and naive.
- The old you was happy.
- I am happy.
- You're weeping.
- I'm fucking heartbroken.
Am I not allowed to have feelings?
- It's just, it's too, it's crazy.
- What is crazy?
Don't fucking walk away from me
in the middle of a fucking talk.
What is so crazy?
- How do you decide which
feeling you're gonna go with
when they're so close together,
all these feelings...
- So fucking
- That it must be
really difficult...
- You know what, Ben.
- To decide, no, this is...
- Maybe...
- What I'm feeling right now.
- I'm having feelings
for the both of us, since
you don't seem to have any!
Like, where are you?
You haven't cried once
since our miscarriage.
You haven't fucking felt anything with me.
- I know how to handle my feelings.
- Oh, you mean just bury
them and let them fester?
- It's called being realistic.
- Realistic?
You just live in this
fuckin' state of denial.
So yeah, okay, maybe
that's realistic for you.
But to the rest of the world,
it just looks like you're
constantly refusing to deal.
- No, it looks like there goes a person
who knows how to be appropriate
with their emotions.
Not what you've become, which is some,
honestly, sad, sniveling,
whining excuse for a woman.
- What is wrong with you?
- I'm sorry.
It's, this is why I didn't
wanna tell you tonight.
Because I knew that it would be the end.
- The end of what?
- The end of your freedom.
Because for the last
I don't know how long,
you've seemed freedomy for the first time
in a long time.
- I do, I feel that, too.
- That's such bullshit.
- I feel free.
It's not bullshit.
- That is bullshit, Anna.
Because you think this
is about a record deal?
Did you really think we were
gonna get a record deal?
This is about you and me.
- I know.
- Do you?
Because all that I see from here
is someone who has been
walking a tightrope.
And I've never seen a tightrope
walker more excited to fall.
It makes no sense to me.
- I can feel myself changing, Ben.
- Oh, that is so crazy...
- I know that
about myself.
- For you to say.
It's like, you hate change.
Every time someone brings
up change, you shut down.
- Oh please.
That's classic coming from the guy
who sits in his fucking underwear all day,
just creating corporate
bullshit for a paycheck.
Like, where's the old you?
Where's the fuckin' old you,
who used to make shit
that meant something?
- I am trying.
I am trying.
- Define trying.
I mean, you can't keep a job
for more than three months.
- People don't get me.
- Oh please, Ben.
This emo teenager shit
is so fucking tired.
You know what, I think the
thing is everyone gets you,
and that's the fuckin' problem.
- Anna, you're an Uber driver.
You're an Uber driver
with a failed book deal.
We're fuckin' losers.
I don't know if you think there's
some kind of magical thing
that's gonna come and change that for you.
But this is it.
This is fuckin' it.
- If we had been able
to have a baby.
- Don't.
- If we had had that baby.
- Not having that baby was a blessing.
- How could you say that?
I want you to leave.
- Fuck.
- And don't fuckin' come back.
- Hey Dave.
- Hey.
- Do you think I could
spend the night here?
- Yeah, yeah, come on in.
- Thanks.
- Good morning, Benjamin.
- Good morning, Dave.
Good morning.
- Hello.
- Hi.
- This is called snuggle therapy.
The human touch is very healing.
- Well, thank you.
- I used to practice
snuggling with my parents
in the aftermath of their divorce.
Now, the patient's instinct
is to fight the snuggle.
And I assure you, Benjamin, a
snuggle ought not be fought.
- Give snuggles a shot.
- I do, my phone is ringing,
so I do have to get it.
- I'll get it.
- No, it might be Anna.
And I have kind of tight
pockets in these pants.
I'm just gonna get up.
Hi mom.
- Will you get your ass over here
so I can take care of you, please.
- Okay, all right.
I'll be over in a bit.
- Mother love is the deepest
love of all, isn't it?
- Yeah.
- I know I'm not perfect.
But it's like, she's
just moody, demanding.
Obsessive and hypercritical.
- That sounds about right.
' Yeah.
About a year ago, we had a miscarriage.
- What?
Oh honey, I'm so sorry.
- And I don't know, I feel like it's just,
maybe we're just too broken to fix.
- You know I had two miscarriages
before you were born?
- No, I did not know that.
- Yeah, it was horrible.
Really bad.
I mean, I thought I was never
gonna be able to have kids.
And then, of course, you know,
the second your dad and I
stopped trying, we had you.
- Well, how did you guys get through it?
- We fought.
We fought like crazy, like cats and dogs.
For years.
Couples fight, what can I tell you?
You guys have been together for so long,
it's almost impossible not to.
- No, we really fight.
- Yeah.
- And about dumb shit.
It's exhausting.
- Yeah, I know.
You know what?
Let me give you a little
bit of advice about women.
All right?
And I know what I'm talking about.
Okay, so, hormonally,
we are just completely
different creatures.
We might as well be
completely different species.
You see us as overly
emotional, and that's true.
We're constantly juggling a
lot of feeling and anxieties.
We have difficulty separating
ourselves from our problems.
Do you understand?
Like we're constantly looking
for the connective tissue
to find a solution, we obsess.
We search for emotional cues
so that we could figure out the
meaning behind the unspoken.
It's not pretty in there.
Problem is, we expect you to be the same.
Now, you, you could take
pleasure in simple things, right?
A basketball game, a video game.
Really, games of any kind.
- That's true.
- And this ability to have
these simple pleasures,
it allows you to
compartmentalize your feelings
in a very different way.
You could do what women
only dream of doing.
You could shut your mind off.
And when your minds are turned off,
you forget to do things, right?
You forget to do the dishes.
You forget to answer a
question when we ask it.
- Anna calls it the 30 second delay.
- Uh-huh.
And then we come at you
harder and stronger,
'cause we want your respect and attention.
'Cause we don't understand
your need to shut down,
your need to daydream.
To us, it's lazy and selfish.
- And that makes us so angry.
- Mm-hmm, I know, that's the aggression.
That's the testosterone.
And then we get hurt.
That's the estrogen.
- And then we get
divorced, and that's life.
- Not necessarily, Benny.
You know, these are all things
that I really wish I understood better
before your father died.
Couples experience loss all the time
in all different ways.
It's how you understand that loss,
how you navigate it
that makes a difference.
- This feels a little reductive.
- Yeah, I'm making
generalizations, obviously.
But I'm basing them on
my marriage, my clients,
my friends' marriage, yours, it seems.
I can't speak for the gays.
- Or the trans community.
- No, I'd only be basing
that on that show on Amazon.
- So good.
- Yeah.
- It's so good.
- But I will say this.
Even though you think of us
as constantly talking about our feelings,
we're holding so much in.
Our minds never stop.
Always analyzing, worrying.
I think if women could get more physical,
and access our rage that way,
a lot would change.
I'm a cannonball
I'm a grenade unreversible
Burnin' through my head now
Gotta get it out somehow
Get it out
Hey hey hey
Get it out
Yeah, I feel all right
I'm gonna do anything I like
Burnin' through my head now
Get it out, get it out
Three, two, one
One, two, three
- Anna.
- Hi.
My name's Anna.
This is a work in progress.
We talk about it all but constant
The wolf and the wolf's meal
A girl, she grows up with no options
But to trust how her gut feels
When mothers warn, we should be careful
We walk with our thighs pressed
Our bodies learned to be fearful
Every touch a dangerous test
A boy, he learns he must be stoic
To earn his badge of pride
To show his pain is not heroic
So he keeps it bottled up inside
The pressure's much too much to handle
The struggle to provide
But history will not dismantle
The rules by which you must abide
Growing up is all about
Learning how to live without
The baggage of our lesser years
Packed tight with
hurt and rage and tears
You and I, let's trace a map
Where we can bridge this gender gap
The destination's very near
We'll spend one night
in the town of fear
Then drive past guilt, regret, and shame
To a town whose only precious name
Is a rustling in the trees
Under which we'll light a fire
And listen to the wind
- HEY-
- Hi.
- It's a work in progress.
- I know.
- I'm sorry, Anna.
- I'm sorry, too.
I love you.
- I love you, too.
- Okay.
- Writing session.
- Yeah.
- How do you write
a love song that's not like...
- I have no idea...
- The corniest.
- How you do that.
You know.
- It just feels so overdone.
- Yeah, I have so much
respect now for Babyface.
- I know.
- You know.
- I mean, I had a lot of respect
for him before.
- No, no,
he's a great musician.
- Yeah.
- I'm just saying, I have
a whole new level of respect.
- A whole new love, I know.
- I mean, the real question is...
- What does love
mean to you?
There was a time
I couldn't bear to be bare
I was swallowed up
By the unfair
But you came along
My truth serum
To repair
So we could repair
Love is more than a switch
that needs to be flipped
Yeah, love is a drip
One, two, three, four
It's a concrete mission
That certified friction
It takes precision
To avoid collision
Noble is this
We're mister and missus
We'll never dismiss
What it takes to make this
Love from different
planets, but it's good
It's trust no one, but you must trust
It's bendin' down
and grittin' your teeth
It's seein' what you think you've seen
It's putting out the daily fire
It's facing all the welcome desires
It's never shuttin' the bathroom door
Laughing inside, even when you're bored
It's finding new from the every day
It's fuckin' your brains out
Every which way
- One, two, three.
Love is a fight, fight
A fight with you
And that's the only love I know
To be true
I love you
You and I
HI, I, I, I, I, I
We can fight
Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight
Try we might to find the light
Try we might
You and I
I, I, I, I, I, I, I
Get low, get high
High, high, high, high, high
But by the by
Side by side
Still we find
We find the fight
Fight, fight, fight,
fight, fight, fight, fight
We find the fight
Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight
We find the fight
Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight
We find the fight
Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight
We find the fight
OCR by Shovon Khan