Barbaque (2021) Movie Script

44 euros, Mrs. Coignard.
- This is for the wait.
- How kind! Thank you.
You're in for a treat.
I'm sure.
- Do you have the receipt?
- Yes.
- Thank you.
- Have a good day.
For the wait!
I always massage my meat.
Why change now?
Nothing ever changes around here.
If you gave me as much TLC
as your meat...
or your dog.
My life is black and white.
Do something!
V Power!
The bank refused our loan.
We're screwed.
Look on the bright side, sweetie.
You can't spend your life
chained to a cash register.
I feel so much better
since I quit at the hospital.
Then again,
Marc makes 12K a month,
plus perks and benefits,
but still...
Hey, come on, Sosso.
You know I like Vincent,
but you deserve a man
who treats you right.
When did he last get you a gift?
The cost is irrelevant, OK?
Marc gave me
this little raw silk number.
400 euros.
But you can get
some cute cotton t-shirts.
Saint Tropez?
More like Nowheresville!
270 euros the meal for two.
But we don't regret it.
Moroccan cuisine is delish.
And Moroccans are so kind.
Not like the ones who come over here.
The poverty is dire though.
Marc gave 50 euros
to a glue-sniffing street urchin.
Enough to keep him
"locked tight" for days!
Oh, the super glue...
We're thinking of buying there.
You can get a fab house with a pool
for 300,000 euros.
And staff are dirt cheap.
But we may have to open
a fourth butcher shop.
We get through two tons
of meat a month.
Per store.
Oh, honey!
This month
I made over 100K.
He's absolutely exhausted.
This is for you, Vincent.
What is it?
Open it.
Marc got the top model.
4,000, wasn't it?
but I don't have a permit.
I don't have a permit!
I'll give you permission.
This takes out hogs at 30m.
They're heftier than vegans too!
Check this out.
Don't be a pain, Marc.
Hey, don't be such a faggot!
We work like niggers.
And those damn hipsters
are shitting on us.
They should go suck a carrot!
Good job, honey!
No more quacking outta Quacker!
Take it.
To think Marc is planning
to buy a fourth store.
Yeah, to sell more shitty
hormone-filled meat!
Even Chubster refuses to eat it.
Well, I'd happily sell shitty meat.
Because they have a beautiful home,
they get to go on vacations,
they have sex...
They have sex, Vincent!
Sorry, but my mind's made up,
I want us to separate.
I need a man who thrills me.
Do you hear me?
Are you nuts?
That's the vegan who trashed our store.
I'm going to bust Rusty's ass!
He's gonna be sorry.
Is he dead?
If he'd eaten meat,
he'd have been tougher.
What now?
Don't ask me!
I didn't reverse like a maniac.
I guess...
I'll tell the cops it was an accident.
When you're over the limit
and have a gun in the trunk?
They'll work out he trashed our store.
You'll get life!
Use your brain.
What do you suggest?
We copy Michel Franois.
Michel Franois?
Who's Michel Franois?
Michel Franois,
the Dissector of Charleroi.
For some ten years,
this lowly city hall worker
dissected his victims
and left them in garbage bags
all over the city,
striking fear into the hearts
of all Belgian residents.
Jean-Paul Emile,
the Gravedigger of Vaucluse.
Diagnosed with leukemia as a child,
Jean-Paul developed
a loathing of hospital clowns
and ended up killing 34.
You're still awake?
I can't sleep.
It's natural after what happened.
Nothing happened, Vincent.
Forget it.
- But about that vegan...
- I said forget it.
It didn't happen.
He even fed the circus lions
with the corpse
of famous clown Rachid Pinder.
What are you doing?
Getting into bed.
But Vincent...
We're separated,
we sleep separately.
I won't touch you.
Just like always...
Where do I sleep, then?
Time to get up!
I didn't sleep, I'm dead.
- Where is it?
- What?
Our leg of ham.
On the slicer.
You could have asked!
You only just got up.
- Sell any?
- What are you doing?
I asked if you sold any.
That ham of yours,
I've never tasted anything like it.
I'll have 10 slices.
See? I did right.
How about andouillette instead?
It's fresh in and tasty.
If Mrs. Coignard wants ham,
give her ham.
It's always good, but today...
Have you changed supplier?
- No.
- Yes.
We have?
You could have told me.
Give me a bit to try.
Sure you want to try it?
Yes, but I can always help myself.
- No, I...
- Thank you.
- I'm on it.
- Great.
- I'm on it.
- OK, and I'm waiting.
That's a tiny bit!
Could I please have a bigger bit?
How are the children?
Very well, thank you.
Oh my God.
- Bigorre ham?
- No, this isn't Bigorre ham.
I don't know what it is
but it's delicious. What is it?
It's pork from... Iran.
Iranian pork?
Because after the revolution,
the ayatollahs,
in the 1970s,
said no to pork.
They slaughtered all the pigs,
but a few illegal farms remained.
And a French farmer managed
to get hold of some pigs
from Iran.
Well I never!
Thank you.
- Thank you, Mrs. Coignard.
- Goodbye.
These new labels are good.
Nice color.
Iranian pork?
Who's the farmer?
- Martin.
- Martin?
Like hell it is!
We owe him money.
What's this pork, Vincent?
I tried telling you last night.
I didn't copy Franois Michel.
Michel Franois.
I figured it was best
to turn him into meat
and throw it out
with the out-of-date stuff.
Little by little.
You gave me human flesh?
They're herbivores.
And Mrs. Coignard too.
I'll get rid of it.
No, Vincent, wait!
It's so tasty.
- Are you nuts?
- Try it.
You were happy for me to eat it.
You didn't know.
A meat eater like you
shouldn't miss out.
Try it.
Go on.
A tiny little bit.
It's that good?
I'm dying for more.
No, I'm throwing it out.
Vincent, wait,
it would be a shame to waste it.
Don't you see?
It's a perfect crime.
There's no corpse.
No need to bury or burn a body.
It'll be shat out!
It's cannibalism.
Don't exaggerate!
For 2,000 years,
we've eaten Christ's body.
And no one objects.
Sorry, we're not halal.
I'm here for your ham.
It's Iranian pork, right?
Mrs. Coignard gave me some.
It tastes great.
I'll have three slices.
Iraqi pork, please.
- It's Iranian.
- Same thing.
Some Iranian pork, please.
- 3 kg of Iranian pork.
- Two pork chops.
- Iranian ham.
- Some Iranian ribs.
Iranian pork.
- I hear it's fabulous.
- It isn't that good.
Pretty ordinary in fact.
I want to try it.
Give me 10 servings of ribs.
At the weekend I made
a pork roast with melted cheese.
Now I want to try out a recipe for ribs
with a peanut and cheese marinade.
How about this?
Shall I slice it?
I meant to say,
we're still investigating
but we'll make mincemeat
of those thugs.
You'll get us caught.
Go on, get out!
Oh, fuck!
What did I tell you?
I saw you pinch the last bit earlier.
It was just to try it.
I'll finish it, if you don't want it.
Don't look at me like that.
You've tried it too.
It's amazing how much
the grapevine sells.
Even at 40 euros,
it would fly out the door.
It wouldn't surprise me.
I've never tasted anything like it.
But it was the last bit.
Imagine if we started a vegan farm.
Yeah, right!
I'd take them out to pasture.
You could milk them.
How about hunting them?
With glue?
Imagine a vegan getting stuck
with his bag of veggies!
We could save the store.
What do you do?
I study at Sup Biotech,
a college of agronomy
and biotechnology.
Agrology and biotechnology.
That's great.
A man with ambitions.
- Ready for lunch?
- Yes.
Come on.
Lucas, which bit would you like?
Lucas was worried
you'd feel uncomfortable,
he's vegan.
These things happen...
Just so things are clear,
I know your store got trashed,
and I condemn such acts.
Not all of us are extremists.
For me, it's a personal decision.
I don't force it on others.
That's good.
Right, Vincent?
Sure. Well put.
Right, honey,
do you want a leg as usual?
I've given up meat.
Out of respect for Lucas.
But it's his personal decision.
- That's right.
- Precisely!
What if she kisses me
after eating meat?
She's forcing her decision on me.
- How about some mushrooms?
- Absolutely not.
She can't have mushrooms either.
They've been in contact
with the chicken.
I'm sorry.
She'd be forcing...
her decision on you.
You've got it!
How about some wine?
No thanks, I only drink vegan wine.
Vegan wine?
With traditional wine,
when the grapes are crushed,
thousands of little insects die.
Red wine is the blood of mosquitoes,
gnats, slugs and snails.
- Poor things.
- That's right.
What you call
Chteau Saint-Emilion,
I call Chteau Auschwitz.
It's a free world,
but cheese is a crime against humanity.
When you were nursing Chlo,
imagine if a farmer
had milked you by force.
It's out and out slavery.
Cakes contain eggs.
Think what you like,
but hens are attached to them.
What if someone took
your ova every morning?
I'm menopausal.
Thanks, I'd noticed!
What do you think happens
to old cows like you?
You butcher them.
Take care, honey.
Nice to meet you.
The coffee was great!
- Right!
- Goodbye.
What a nightmare.
- We're going out.
- Where?
To make a personal decision.
What about the waiter?
Too lean.
There's no meat on him.
For well-marbled meat,
we need a fatty.
Cell phone.
But he's perfect!
He's young and fat.
He fits the bill.
He hasn't said a word to his wife.
They're not a happy couple.
The man is stressed.
And stress makes meat tough.
He doesn't fuck enough to be eaten.
You're safe, then.
Right, well, tofu sausage.
Your marbled meat just walked in!
No way will I attack a woman.
Why not a kid while you're at it?
I love veal.
You're sick.
A transsexual would be ideal.
Don't talk crap!
It's obvious:
beef comes from castrated bulls.
There's nothing better.
Do transsexual vegans exist?
Why not?
They cut their dick off
but don't eat it!
If we need a chilled and vaccinated
transsexual vegan,
just as well shut up shop.
Have you chosen?
You're too skinny.
Sorry. I'll have...
the quinoa steak.
I'll try your tofu sausage.
I have a question.
How come vegan restaurants
always serve zucchini kebabs
and tofu sausages?
If you go to a meat restaurant,
you won't find mutton carrots
or beef chicory.
I don't know,
I'll have to ask the boss.
Hello, Stphane.
- Nice place.
- Thanks.
We're definitely in for a treat.
- I don't feel up to it.
- Vincent, don't you start!
The guy's everything you wanted.
He's white, fat and marbled.
He seems like a nice guy.
Like the vegans who trashed our store?
Or the guy who's screwing Chlo?
Do you want us to survive or not?
- Yes or no?
- I'll do it. OK.
I'll go get the car.
- Aren't you coming?
- No.
Allahu Akbar!
Get going!
Why are you yelling "Allahu Akbar"?
So people think it's an Islamist attack
and don't make the connection.
What happened?
I did exactly as you said.
I followed him,
I went into the lobby
and ran at him with my meat...
he dodged like this.
He must do martial arts,
krav maga or something.
And then...
I tried attacking him again
but a neighbor came down
get her mail.
And so...
I decided to forget it.
I figured I could get him later.
You chickened out.
No, I...
You know what the problem is?
You don't have a modus operandi.
- A what?
- A modus operandi. A plan.
Every serial killer has their MO.
I'm not a serial killer.
To save the store,
you'll have to kill several.
Remember the Jigsaw Man of Carcassonne?
His modus operandi was simple.
He'd go out very late at night
to walk his dog
in the hope of running into women
doing the same.
Why wasn't he dubbed the Dog Walker?
Because he used his victims' limbs
to create the perfect woman.
That's what he told the cops.
"I had nothing against them,
I was trying to complete my jigsaw.
"That's why."
Adolphe Pierre Michel,
aka the Trekker
of the Cvennes.
A very simple modus operandi.
He invited female students
to take part in eco-actions
and lured them into the woods.
- No to animal cruelty!
- Stop animal genocide.
- No to vivisection.
- No to animal cruelty!
Frigging vegans!
French gastronomy
is Salers beef, foie gras,
Lyon-style sweetbread,
a good Normandy veal chop!
Do you know the stats, sir?
3 million animals
are killed per day here.
60 billion each year worldwide.
Often in appalling conditions.
Not to mention the environmental damage
of overconsumption and factory farming.
You're complicit in genocide!
Move to another country
if you don't like our culture.
Go graze in Vegania!
Piss off, you dickhead!
Flesh eater!
Corpse muncher!
Thanks for what you're doing.
The world needs whistleblowers like you.
we're planning to liberate...
Those poor lab animals.
It's a scandal.
Yes, that's why...
Not to mention factory farming.
- Terrible.
- And abattoirs!
That's why we're planning...
Never mind the cruelty
to circus animals.
Tigers are turned into kittens
for kids who clap and cry,
"Wow, that's nature!"
It's a disgrace!
- That's why we're planning...
- It's pathetic.
And bullfighting!
Cabrel's Corrida is balm for the ears.
And what are zoos?
They're like Alcatraz.
No more, no less. They are too!
Only less humiliating.
No one throws you peanuts
through the bars!
- Learn the facts.
- We share your anger.
Horse riding is the same.
What is it?
Modern slavery.
It's been going on for 2,000 years.
It's like hunting.
Fucking fox hunting!
With jerks in red
blowing their trumpets
at their hounds.
Those dogs do all the work!
They're castrated so they work harder.
Would you castrate a coworker
to make him more efficient?
I don't think so, ma'am!
And hummingbirds!
They're fast and cute.
Feather dusters!
Where's our decency?
- We're...
- And lemon on oysters!
Imagine that in your eyes!
Those poor oysters.
It's an outrage.
What about whelks?
They're like gaskets,
all squishy and gross.
Yet we eat them.
And sea urchins!
And my pussy!
Want to see my pussy?
I love what you're doing.
We said we'd bag a noble beast,
a lovely, highly marbled Iranian pig.
But we're going after
an anorexic gutter punk.
Got a better idea?
See it as a practice run.
You're learning.
Don't chicken out this time.
I know what I have to do.
When his back's turned...
I know what I have to do, OK?
Hi, buddies.
Meet Hmra and Camille.
This wasn't the plan.
I thought we'd be three.
We don't do this sort of thing.
When a calf is torn from its mom
and led to the abattoir,
that's life's plan, is it?
No, but that isn't the point.
- Hmra?
- I screwed a guy yesterday.
His dad's a butcher.
I pinched the keys to his store!
Good luck to you!
C'mon, hon.
We don't get to raid
a meat-processing plant every day!
Trust us.
A meat-processing plant?
Yeah, you know,
there's carcass after carcass...
- Sure.
- No!
Well, I...
No to animal genocide?
Ride with us.
We stick together.
V Power.
V Power.
Do we know each other?
No, I don't think so.
We've never met?
No. Have you seen him before?
I don't think so.
In our business,
we never forget a face so...
What business?
We take care of...
everything to do with flowers.
- Floral?
- Floral arrangements.
Want to swap?
I'd love to.
If my wife doesn't mind.
Not that.
Your chicken mask for my pig mask.
Sure, no problem.
That pig reminds me of my past.
I worked in a pig abattoir.
Murdered thousands.
Joshua says to be forgiven,
I have to kill farmers,
hunters and butchers.
- We can't do this.
- What else can we do?
Do you want that madman
to give us a hard time?
We've no choice.
Come on, let's go.
- Coming?
- No. It doesn't feel right.
- Sure?
- Yes.
We can't make her.
She can be look-out.
Yes, I'll be look-out.
She'll be look-out.
OK, be look-out.
V Power!
Who's the boss now, huh?
How could you do that
to Marc and Stphanie?
They're our friends.
I have a moral problem with it.
They're your friends.
And it did me good.
In that case...
Out of the vegans and them,
who's hurting us most?
And it was your idea
to pretend to be vegans,
with your modus operandi!
I thought you were hungry.
So did I.
But it isn't Iranian pork.
No, it isn't Iranian pork.
If you want some,
get your ass in gear.
I don't plan to eat any.
I tried it once,
to not die ignorant.
But I'm not a cannibal.
If you want to eat it that badly,
go hunting yourself.
Know what your problem is?
When the going gets tough,
you lean on me.
And I'm sick of it.
You have no balls.
And definitely no spunk.
I should eat you.
Say that again,
and you'll be sorry!
Go on, Vincent Pascal.
You hit women now?
You're dumped.
I dumped you first.
Have a good night with your dog!
And you have a good night with...
the Dissector of Choisy-le-Roi.
The Dissector of Charleroi!
Whatever, you crazy bitch!
- Michel Franois.
- Sorry?
The Dissector of Charleroi
is Michel Franois.
Are you a fan
of serial killer shows?
I don't go out of my way
to watch them.
Last night I saw Guy Fabrice.
The Butcher of Brest.
Now he...
My favorite is Ccile Denis.
Ccile Denis?
You haven't heard of her?
- I haven't, no.
- She's good.
Ccile Denis...
It's a great story.
She's a nurse's aide in Dijon
but is on sick leave for depression.
She takes loads of meds.
This is it.
And here you are!
- Thank you.
- Don't mention it.
Hang on, I'll help you.
It's a bit fiddly.
You live in a butcher's shop?
No, we only work there.
What's so funny?
It's just that I gave a butcher
a ride home,
and I'm vegan.
You're vegan?
But you work in a meat restaurant.
I was broke.
I took the first job that came along.
I should have left you in the lot.
Course not.
I'm for the well-being
of all living things,
especially pretty women.
- Oh, come on.
- What?
- I'm a mess.
- You're not, you're gorgeous.
You are!
You'll have no problem
finding a new man.
And if you don't...
you know where to find me.
What's wrong?
I'm married.
To that gentleman
who left you on the lot?
You're entitled to some fun.
Aren't you?
Don't you want to?
Are you crazy?
- I'm sorry.
- You really are a butcher.
I don't know what got into me.
Here, use this.
- I'm bleeding!
- You need to wash your mouth.
Just come up for a minute.
Your husband's there!
We'll say you hurt yourself
when you braked.
- This is insane!
- Come on.
Trust me.
Come clean yourself up.
Hello, Chubster.
The bathroom's down the hall.
You're taking the piss.
Bringing men home now?
He isn't a man,
he's an Iranian pig.
- Just get rid of him!
- But he's bleeding.
Because when we kissed,
don't ask me why,
I bit his tongue.
He can clean up his mouth, right?
You two kissed?
That's what happens
when you abandon your wife.
You said, "You're dumped."
So I figured I was single.
And if I am,
if we've no plans together,
no Iranian pork,
I'll do what I want.
I like him too.
He's a great kisser.
When I felt his tongue in my mouth,
it had been ages
since I'd felt anything like it.
I'm gonna get him!
When he comes out, you strike.
Don't you worry.
I'm going to fix him.
I'll give him a carotid slap,
slit the pig's throat,
and he'll drown in his own blood.
Then I'll turn him into a sausage.
A big fat sausage.
What's wrong?
Maybe it isn't a good idea.
Hey, I'm not chickening out.
But if I go for him,
it might stress the meat.
And that isn't good.
What's the world's best beef?
- Kobe beef?
- Japanese beef.
Because the cows are so relaxed.
That's what we need.
A Kobe vegan.
You're good at this.
I always do it to my meat.
Oh yes.
That feels great.
Oh yes.
Don't move,
I'll get a basin for your feet.
I'm not going anywhere.
What are you doing?
I'm sorry, Sophie, I can't do it.
I should've been called Vincent Yellow.
And I should've kept my maiden name.
I'll stay with Marc and Stphanie
until you find an apartment.
What am I going to do?
Not my problem, Vincent.
Deal with it.
If you loved me,
you wouldn't hesitate.
If you wanted us to survive...
You know what?
There's no point even talking.
We're done.
Just get him out of the lounge.
So how do you want me
to take your wife?
Oh, come on!
You fake an argument,
she bites my tongue, massages me.
Just going to watch?
Or will you join in?
Why's he butt naked?
Is that your modus operandi?
Don't bring weirdos home again.
OK, honey.
The guy's a psychopath.
I hear you, honey.
What's up?
Hi, honey.
Lucas and I had a fight.
He thinks I eat meat in secret.
- Do you?
- No!
He says I'm a butcher's daughter
and it's in my blood.
He'd rather screw
a mortician's daughter!
That's mean.
That isn't nice.
He says even cavemen
never ate meat by choice.
- Are we fucking cavemen?
- Of course not.
You know what?
This old flesh eater
wants some ribs
and a bed for the night.
- No!
- What?
- I can sleep on the couch.
- No.
Go back to your boyfriend.
He's a great guy with great ideas.
He's the future.
And apologize for eating meat.
- I didn't eat any.
- You reek of it! Meat is evil.
It's too late for us.
But thanks to that boy,
you can cleanse our honor, OK?
A butcher's girl and a vegan
is like Romeo and Juliet,
an Israeli and a Palestinian,
a Rom and a...
We love you, honey.
Kiss your boyfriend for us.
3am, 30 firemen...
It's gutted.
100,000 euros damage.
We came as fast as possible.
- I know how you feel.
- Thanks, sweetie.
It isn't a small store like yours.
There's 100,000 euros damage.
I'm glad you're here.
We viewed the footage.
The same gang ransacked your store.
It's a good job I installed CCTV!
8,000 euros it cost us.
It's your job to protect us.
- I pay enough taxes.
- 80,000 euros last year.
What is it you want?
A sweetener?
Hey, our best friend is black.
The investigation is progressing, sir.
Thanks to these prints,
we identified the man
whose mask you removed.
Timothe Maitrat, aged 23.
Previously convicted
for freeing guinea fowl.
Previously convicted!
Do you recognize him?
It all happened so fast,
it's hard to say.
Have you arrested him?
We're actively seeking him.
That's all very well,
but it's our butcher's shop!
Look at the footage.
I don't want to.
Come on, look!
- It could help us.
- Look at the bastards.
Look at that swine in a pig mask!
- He must be the boss.
- Maybe.
- It's a disgrace.
- I'm speechless.
And I'm sorry,
but look at that!
That's unacceptable.
Hitler was vegetarian.
That didn't stop him
butchering millions!
Not now, Marc.
If you lot don't do your job,
I'll do it for you.
And way more effectively too!
We can afford to hire
some Yugo or Romanian heavies.
10,000 euros the hit.
Who's the cheapest?
- The Albanians.
- That's it.
May I have a word?
To help with the inquiry?
I've made a marinade
with six-spice powder,
honey and banana cream.
It's to die for!
I need the best for it.
Do you have any Iranian pork?
- Yes.
- Sure!
You do?
- 600g of Iranian pork, please.
- Sorry.
I just sold the last bit.
We've had a run on it.
We're all out of Iranian pork!
When will you have more?
Sure. We'll ask the farmer.
- Tomorrow.
- I'll come by tomorrow then.
- Goodbye.
- Have a nice day.
There's plenty here.
Look at this.
Do we have to cut him up in here?
It'll go everywhere otherwise.
Use your brain.
We can't mess up his home.
He looks like a real nice guy.
You're too sensitive, honey.
Did I ever tell you about Thumper?
- Thumper?
- I never told you about him?
When I was little,
I had a little bunny rabbit
called Thumper.
I did everything with him.
He slept with me.
He was my best buddy.
Then one day,
for my kid brother's christening,
my dad cooked Thumper.
He made Thumper stew
and I had to eat it.
Although I loved Thumper more
than anything in the world,
I loved him even more as stew.
I've never forgotten him.
He's here.
I guess it's a bit like celebrating Eid.
If you say so.
Eid Mubarak!
Happy holiday, honey.
Will you make potato gratin tonight?
Sure, it's been ages.
We'll need to get some garlic.
You added something delicious last time.
What was it?
I substituted the crme frache
with raw cream.
Well I loved it!
But the secret to a good gratin is...
Hey, don't interrupt!
The secret to a good gratin is...
He's a fine beast.
- Really?
- Yes.
- Where'd you find him?
- A vegan barber shop.
- Hello.
- Hi.
Winnie, this is Vincent.
Nice to meet you.
Why are you laughing?
Don't worry.
We're exhausted at the moment,
so we laugh at the slightest thing.
It's Winnie's first action.
I've never dared to before.
But I'm out to save the planet now.
- That's great.
- V Power.
V Power.
What a beaut!
Stop it.
You'll need a mask.
It's better for the raid.
But we don't have a bear mask.
What's that?
- Just kidding.
- Ignore him.
- Are you making fun of me?
- No.
I was teased at school
because of my name.
Winnie's a nice name.
- You think so?
- I love it.
I have a buddy called Tigger.
- You're teasing me now.
- Not at all!
Cut it out.
Give me your helmet
and pick a mask.
Take any one you like.
Do you have a panda mask?
- You OK, honey?
- Go after him!
Wait, Winnie!
It's a misunderstanding!
Come back, Winnie.
We can talk!
Winnie, wait!
- Winnie?
- Where the fuck is he?
I think we've lost him.
- This is how Kader Robert got caught.
- Who?
The Fontainebleau Werewolf,
Kader Robert.
One of his victims got away.
She created a photofit.
He was screwed.
Did you hear that?
Hang on.
He must have had a heart attack.
It often happens during hunts.
Poor little guy.
He's perfect.
All pink and chubby.
Like a gammon.
Thank you.
They should've called him Piglet.
What do you think?
- I must say...
- It's good.
this Iranian pork isn't bad at all.
How much is it?
- 60 euros a kilo.
- 60 euros?
Give me some wine.
60 euros?
That'll boost your bank account.
- For sure.
- We're not complaining.
He was so cute.
The pig.
We got to visit the farmer
and he showed us the pig.
We felt bad.
He was so cute,
all chubby and pink.
He looked like you!
What the fuck is that?
What do they feed them?
I almost broke my tooth.
What is it?
It's a pacemaker!
No way.
It is too.
- That?
- Yes.
Show me.
No, it's...
a microchip.
To improve livestock traceability.
I worked in a hospital,
it's a pacemaker!
Sure it is. So what?
It's a rare breed.
Why not fit a pacemaker
if a pig has a heart condition?
It's 60 euros a kilo.
So who's the farmer, then?
Don't insist!
You know I won't tell you.
We're just getting our head above water.
Why tip off the competition?
Vincent, what are you on about?
What did we make last year?
- 900K after tax.
- The competition!
For all our stores.
It was a bad year too.
- We're hardly...
- Sorry.
in the same league!
You've got a point.
We sell meat after all.
What are you implying?
You don't give a shit about quality.
It could be a sex shop chain.
A cow, a vibrator,
as long as it brings money in.
Hey, what's got into you?
Bullshit, honey.
Thanks, Sosso!
You can pleasure yourself
with a vibrator.
Fuck you!
You're so vulgar.
Let's leave these assholes.
She's right, you are an asshole.
With an asshole's house,
an asshole's pool.
And how much?
900K of asshole turnover!
And a big bitch of a wife!
Goddamn you!
Vincent! Marc!
They'll hurt each other.
Vincent, stop it!
He bit my fucking ear!
Son of a bitch!
He bit my ear.
You're a sick man, Vincent.
Marc started it.
He's chewing it.
You should eat more veg.
- Chubster, leave it.
- It's revolting.
Stop that.
Ready, honey?
Leopards are fast
but have little staying power.
To get his prey,
Kumba must get as close as possible.
Thanks to its spots,
the leopard is a master
in the art of camouflage.
That business
with the pacemaker sucks.
Not as much as a finger in the pie!
Silly sausage!
- We could've been found out.
- Don't fret, darling.
They won't make the connection.
Tuck into this sausage,
it's the last bit of Winnie.
Little Winnie!
Excuse me,
could you picnic elsewhere?
there's loads of room.
It's a big forest.
This is my favorite sun spot.
You've no respect.
Sorry, it's the beer.
I come here to commune
with the trees, flowers, life itself.
But it reeks of burnt corpses.
What sort of yoga do you do?
Bikram - hot yoga.
We prefer hot dog yoga!
Right, well.
- We'll leave you to it.
- Thank you.
That's sorted then. Great!
- Enjoy your hot dog yoga!
- Hot yoga.
Bikram yoga.
- Cheers! Enjoy your session.
- Thanks.
Yes, make the most of it.
Salute the sun for us.
- Why not?
- I don't like his face.
That's not a valid reason.
You're becoming picky.
We'd better find one fast.
I'm sick of their sunchokes
and rutabaga.
They're forgotten vegetables.
Who's the jerk who remembered them?
- Let's go.
- What?
- We're leaving.
- Why?
- Come on, let's go.
- Look at all this choice!
What are you doing here?
We came to...
listen to the talks
and buy some veg.
Wow, butchers at Veggie Planet!
The fact is,
since our lunch together,
we've asked some searching questions
about the animal condition.
Lots of questions.
But you haven't shut up shop.
We have to earn a living somehow.
We're open-minded butchers!
It's like Hitler observing the Sabbath!
What comparison is that?
That's so borderline!
What about all the vegans
that have recently vanished?
We think it's orchestrated
by the Union of Farmers
or the Butchers' Guild.
The folk who make a killing
by exploiting animals
want to shut us up.
- A big conspiracy, huh?
- Yeah!
And 9/11 was the Bakers' Union!
This is serious, we could be next!
Not you, sweetie.
What's so funny?
I don't visit your trade fairs.
Butchers have no business here!
Let's go, hun.
Shall we go?
Look, she's perfect.
It's too risky after what just happened.
That's what's so exciting, darling.
You know I don't attack women.
A pity.
Black and female,
that's two new flavors.
No way.
It's a misunderstanding.
Come back, Nafissatou!
Everything OK?
Good evening, sir.
I saw the light on.
I thought I'd check in on you.
Everything's fine. It's just...
I've a lot on my plate.
Victim of your success?
Your Iranian pork is totally unique.
It's so delicious,
it makes me wonder
if it really is pork.
I don't know where you find it.
I'm lucky to have great suppliers.
Could I get some now?
The thing is...
we're closed,
and I'm all out of it too.
OK, I understand.
About the case...
We've not found yours,
and 10 other vegans
have been reported missing.
Is something wrong?
Get out!
Sorry, excuse me.
I've had PTSD since the attack.
You should see a shrink.
- You're right.
- It's essential after trauma.
Especially for folk
unaccustomed to violence.
- I guess I should go.
- We'll get over it eventually.
- Thanks for coming by.
- Goodbye.
Iranian pork!
- Have a good evening, sir.
- You too.
He's onto us.
You're totally paranoid, darling.
With no bodies,
they've nothing to go on.
No victims means no culprits.
- I threw out the goods.
- What?
I did what Michel Franois did.
I should have sooner.
I left them in trash cans around town.
Let's stop before we're caught.
You're panicking for nothing.
It'd be a pity to stop now.
We're about to beat
Louis Jean Julien's record.
I don't give a shit!
I'm not competing
with the Seamstress of Bthune
or the Jigsaw Man of Narbonne.
- Carcassonne, honey!
- Same thing.
We wanted to save the store,
and we have.
So we quit now.
We stop before we turn into psychopaths.
Don't exaggerate.
You think I was in my right mind
when I ate Marc's ear?
Or when you ate that guy's tongue?
Even Chubster goes berserk
when he sees a vegan.
At Veggie Planet,
there was this 9-year-old boy,
all chubby and forlorn.
I was this close to...
The boy eating an ice cream?
- Yes.
- You saw him too?
Why didn't you say so?
He was better than Nafissatou.
Who's there?
What do you want?
Can I have a word?
Go ahead.
Let him in.
Chlo didn't send me.
I couldn't sleep.
She doesn't know I'm here.
I wanted to apologize
for losing my temper.
Things are complicated.
I'm stressed about the missing vegans.
I'm really on edge.
But I stand firm in my beliefs:
we need to change our relationship
with animals and how we consume them.
You're not to blame, though.
I see two honest storekeepers,
sincere, working with passion
and not harming anyone.
- We try our best.
- We're simple working folk.
And above all,
your daughter's awesome.
I feel lost without her.
But I'm losing her, and I can't bear it.
Don't get so worked up, sunshine.
We're fond of you.
What happened this afternoon
is regrettable, but...
let's forget it, OK?
Things aren't that bad.
Just relax.
Get something to relax him.
It's OK, I'm going.
No, you can't leave in this state.
Get something from the kitchen
to relax him, honey.
No, no one's going to relax.
That's enough.
Get up and say goodbye.
He's going home to look after our girl.
Chlo loves him very much.
Off you go,
thanks for coming, V Power!
You must be mad.
He was our first
home-delivery Iranian pig.
What are you doing?
Why won't you understand?
Understand what?
I don't know.
Winnie, for instance.
The poor kid was teased at school.
He was obese and had a weak heart.
We hunted him down like a hog.
And now you want
to eat your son-in-law.
Or a nine-year-old kid!
But veal is the best of all.
Why did I agree to this madness?
I haven't killed anyone.
Iranian pork is over!
Mamadou Jean-Jean,
aka the Seamstress of Bthune.
This transvestite sociopath
lured young men on the Internet
under the alias Carl the Virgin.
He killed them and made
designer coats out of them.
Until his lover reported him...
Mrs. Coignard?
600g of Iranian pork chops.
We don't have any.
We're out of Iranian pork!
When will you have some?
We've stopped doing it.
The farmer has retired.
But he can't have!
How about some tasty dry-aged beef?
Keep your damn beef!
Don't give me that look.
If you'd done what was needed...
Don't start that again!
You started by losing your balls!
After all I've done for us!
Sorry, darling, I didn't mean it.
- Good evening.
- We're closed.
I'd like ten white roses, please.
Can't you see this is a butcher's...
Get out of here.
I thought you were a florist.
Chubster, come here!
How about you explain your little game?
What are you?
Half butcher, half vegan?
Weren't you against animal cruelty?
And him?
Do you think he was well-treated?
Were you well-treated?
"No, I wasn't at all well-treated."
Did that lady do this to you?
"Yes. That fat bitch."
Hey you, it's rude to swear!
What d'you want us to do to her?
"What she did to me."
What do you mean?
"I want you to turn her into meat."
Did you hear that?
He wants us to turn you into meat.
"Into a big fat sausage."
Well, that won't change much!
It's time for you to pay your debt.
Who's the meat now, huh?
You are!
Keep still.
Sophie and Vincent Pascal,
aka the Butchers of Melun.
For three months,
this friendly-looking couple
got away with slaughtering
and eating thirty vegans
thanks to the failings
of the local police.
Marc and Stphanie Brachard,
good evening.
You were the best friends
of Sophie and Vincent Pascal.
Did you have any reason
to suspect at the time
they would go
on a frenzied killing spree?
Not at all.
- It was inconceivable.
- They were so kind and polite.
They always paid us back,
didn't they, Marc?
We don't understand it.
The investigation was at a standstill.
Then your statement led to their arrest.
But a Black police officer
isn't an obvious choice
for solving a cannibalism case!
If you lose your dog,
you don't ask a Chink to find it!
His posting to the Antilles
will better suit his pace of work.
Getting back
to the Pascals' crimes...
What made you suspicious?
The fact he ate my ear!
It cost us 4,000 euros,
but it's much cuter now.
Joking aside,
it was the pacemaker.
When I bit into it,
I smelled a rat.
So I called a few colleagues
and no one could tell me
where Iranian pork came from.
That's when the penny dropped.
My hubby figured it all out.
Without the pacemaker,
Sophie and Vincent Pascal
would have continued their spree.
And made a killing too!
60 euros for a kilo of vegan!
It cost an arm and a leg!
The pair received a life sentence.
When the judge asked them
at the end of the trial
if they had any regrets,
Sophie Pascal replied...