Bark Ranger (2015) Movie Script

Welcome to McKenzie Lake Park...
A beautiful family campground
way up north
in the middle of nowhere.
Really. No, seriously.
There's nothing around here
except for wide open nature
and deep woods,
which is really cool
if you like bugs and mosquitoes
and hears and snakes and...
Well, you get the idea.
I can't knock it too much, though.
It's got its perks.
Besides this is where I live
with my best friend, Jack.
This is where a really awesome
adventure took place one summer.
What's a great adventure
without a super good-looking hero?
Uh, guys?
I'm down here.
Keep going.
No, keep going-
There I am.
See what I mean about
good looking? Am I right?
Our story really gets going
the day Jack and I got into town.
Oh yeah.
Something so satisfying
about sticking your head
out the window.
There he is.
There's my best bud, Jack.
That's Jack's dad Blake.
He's a park ranger, which also happens
to be my name-Rangen.
Nice to meet you. I don't know why
they named me after the guy's job.
Just glad he's not a barber
or a guy who installs toilets.
That would sound stupid
when you called me at the park...
"Hey, Guy-Who-installs-Toilets,
get over here?"
Anyway, Jack and I
were best friends.
In fact, I was probably
Jack's only friend around here.
See, he was pretty lonely
at the park, so...
so coming into town
was a big deal for us.
There were new things to smell
and Jack got to hang out
with other humans and stuft.
Okay, I want you and Ranger
back in the truck in half an hour.
Can we make it an hour?
We hardly ever get to come into town.
No, pal. I'm sorry.
I got a quick meeting
at the town council
and then I got to get back.
They cut the budget,
so I got a lot of work to do.
All right, 45 minutes
and not a minute more, okay?
- Thank you.
- Don't get into trouble,
- not like last time.
- All right.
Come on, Ranger, let's go!
Come on!
This is awesome!
There's not much to do at the park,
so when we came to town,
we lived it up!
'Cause Jack's dad
was the park ranger,
well, we had some perks
that came along with that!
Oh my gosh, delicious!
Hey, let me ask you,
is there any greater meat in the world
than hot dog?
Yep, I'd say our little town parties
were always amazing!
Well, almost always amazing.
Well, well, well.
If it isn't Park Boy.
Hey, Frank. Ollie.
Guys, I just want
to eat my ice cream.
- I don't want to get in any trouble.
- No! Not the ice cream.
Nobody messes
with my best friend, buddy.
You just crossed a line.
Oh, I get it. You're still mad
because you got caught
trying to hand in
my book report.
Two against one
isn't really fair, guys.
Oh don't worry.
We'll take turns.
Okay, but there's one thing
you guys gotta remember.
- What's that?
- Ya gotta catch me first.
Let's get him.
This ain't over, Keller!
Okay, I have a confession to make.
I love the taste of rubber!
Here's the thing, though,
what's a really good
adventure story
without a couple
of really bad guys?
You think those bullies
were had,
we", they're nothing
compared to these bozos.
These guys are dan-ger-ous!
- Let's do this.
- Yeah.
- You clear on the plan?
- Oh yeah.
We go in and burgle the safe.
What's with
the fancy words, Carl?
Technically, what we're doing
is burglary not "roblary."
Carl, technically,
we're robbing the joint.
Carl, don't forget
your disguise!
- Gt it?
- Yeah, wait till you see!
All right.
- Hello!
- Can I help you?
Just came to set up
for the party
him u.
- You're not in the book.
- Hmm?
Oh, huh, that's because
it's a surprise party.
Yes. Shh.
Don't tell anybody.
It's a secret, you know?
If you're setting up for the party,
what's with the clown costume?
That is a fine, fine question,
my fine, fine friend.
And I think that that can
best be answered in two parts,
the first of which may...
Helium mixed with knock-out gas.
No. Heard it from other
hardened criminals like us.
Come on.
Hey, remember when I said
these guys were dangerous?
Yeah, well, I meant
they were dangerous to themselves.
You know, 'cause they're dumb!
Carl, there she is!
Okay, I'll have this safe open
in two to seven hours.
Hey Carl, snap out of it!
You must have inhaled some gas.
- What's that for?
- This is the dolly.
You put the safe on the dolly,
and you wheel it up to the van.
You got it?
Yeah, I'll meet you out there.
- Good job, bro.
- Thank you, sir.
Carl, what are you doing? Move it!
Man, this is heavy!
You know that's on wheels, right?
Yeah I know!
For the ramp.
Oh, right.
- Recess?
- No, Carl, the jig is up!
Move it!
- Ooh, wait a second.
- Carl!
Hey, hey, hev!
Good job, little bro.
Thanks, big bro!
Uh, Cafl?
Yes, Larry?
You wanna go a little faster?
Maybe step on it, ace?
- It's not me. Must be the safe.
- A little faster.
- It's heavier than we thought.
- A little faster!
- The engine can't take it!
- Yo.
- Parking brake's on!
- Oh.
N Fez'.!
I can't see!
I can't see! I can't see!
Carl, get the balloons
out of the car!
- I like them!
- Get rid of 'em!
- Fine!
- Not in the car!
Carl, not in the car!
- I'm gonna turn down here.
- No, keep going straight.
Oh, okay.
So while those two geniuses
were pulling ofl'
that mega heist,
I was at home with Jack,
and yeah,
he was feelin' pretty low.
I mean, no one likes
getting bullied, right?
There's a whole big world
outside this old park.
And I'm not gonna see any of it
'cause I'm stuck here.
And nothing exciting
ever happens around here.
You don't really care, do you?
You don't have these problems.
Well, my only real problem
is that my best bud's
feeling so low all the time.
"We", that was all
about to change.
Pretty soon, Jack would have
all the adventure he could handle.
No, really.
It's gonna happen.
I promise!
- Hey.
- Hey! Any more news today?
The council's gonna keep
the campground open
for the time being.
That's good news, isn't it?
Yeah, but if we don't get
a huge injection of cash soon,
they're gonna close the park
We're gonna have to move.
Although, you know, maybe he could
use a change of scenery.
You think so?
I loved growing up here.
You know my best friend
was practically a woodchuck.
Yeah, but when you
were growing up,
there were a ton
of new kids coming in all the time.
And now, not so much.
H u.
Yeah, maybe you're right.
gonna be okay, baby.
What was his name, anyway?
- Whose name?
- The woodchuck.
- I called him Sir Chews-a-Lot.
- Oh my gosh.
I was kind of a weird kid.
Don't shoot!
Man, that does work every time, no?
I told you.
Once again you've made
a fine mess of things.
Do you see any cops around?
You see any civilization around?
Once we get through these hills,
we're gonna be on easy street.
Population, us!
So population of two.
You know it!
Not a problem.
I have a spare.
Well, that's not too...
Yeah, you know, this is my bad.
I accept that.
- Carl.
- What?
- There she is.
- Our baby!
Our baby.
Oh yeah.
It's safe!
Wow, you never kissed me before,
but you'll kiss the...
- Smarten up, huh?
- Okay.
- Cabin.
- Well, I mean a cabin.
[B more luxurious,
- No, you... Yeah.
- No, I'll go.
- Nice.
- Carl!
- What's wrong?
- Get it off of me!
- Larry!
- Get it off of me!
I can't see!
Well, this is it, Chloe.
A new start for us.
- Isn't it exciting?
- Sure thing, Mom.
Uh-oh! Ls somebody getting
a bit low blood sugar?
Here, have some
wheatgrass juice.
Oh, I've tried.
Hi! Welcome to
McKenzie Lake!
Are you passing through
or will you be
staying with us for a while?
Just absorbing
the vibe of this place.
There's a real green aura
to this land.
Because of the trees, maybe?
Of course, yes.
We are planning to stay awhile.
I'm Lisa.
This my charming daughter Chloe.
Hello, Chloe.
I'm Sharon. Nice to meet you.
She's quite a reader. I want her
to spend more time outdoors...
Get in touch with nature.
I want her to drink in
the spirit of this place
and be reborn anew
like a mighty phoenix!
Phoenix speech again.
Oh boy!
Well, if it's nature
that you want,
- we have that in spades.
- Well, fantastic.
We will set up camp,
we'll do some yoga,
maybe some Tai Chi,
and then I will make you
a pot of chai tea!
Tai Chi, chai tea!
Say that three times fast!
Uh, say Chloe, I have a son Jack
who's about your age.
Oh look, there he is now!
Hey, Jack, come meet Chloe.
I was thinking maybe you could
show her around the park?
You could take her
to the fishing spot?
Uh, sure.
That would be great,
won't it, Chloe?
Welcome to my shack, Larry.
Knock it off!
This place is perfect.
Nobody's been here for years.
We lay low a couple of days,
and we steal a truck
and it's "Hello, Tahiti."
Hey, me and Bonesy here
have the exact same shoe size.
We hunt, we fish, we live
off the land like our ancestors did.
Our ancestors
from the slums of Philly?
No, from my imagination, Carl.
Oh, like my imaginary friend Keith.
- Hey, Keith.
- He's actually over there.
- What do ya got there, Carl?
- Hmm, sorry?
Just playing with
my pocket lint as usual.
- Let me see what you got there.
- No, come on.
Just a trifle really.
Okay, but only three a day,
just until I fashion
some sort of a hunting spear.
I agree with that plan 100%.
What have you done?
- Why would you do that, Carl?
- I regret nothing.
- What else have you got?
- No, I got nothing.
Show me.
What's this? What's this?
I have another bag.
- No! No!
- Carl!
So, you like your books, huh?
I was in the library club
at school... my old school.
What's it like
living up in the big city?
We actually live in the suburbs.
I didn't get
to go into the city much.
Man, I'd love to go see
a pro baseball game.
- You ever go?
- No. I'm not really into sports.
Psst Jack, say something!
What about one of those
monster truck jams?
Like they have
in the big stadiums?
Aw, not that.
This is embarrassing.
- Me to the rescue!
- Hey, who's this?
Oh, that's my dog, Ranger.
- He's so cute!
- That's me.
The world's greatest wingman...
Er, wing-dog.
Do you want to give it a try?
Well played, Jack!
Can you eat these fish
if you catch them?
Yeah, we fry 'em up in a pan.
They're really good.
I haven't eaten
anything with a face
since my Mom went
crazy vegan after the divorce.
- Guess that kind of sucked.
- Yeah.
- So can I give it a go?
- Sure.
Okay, so with your left hand,
you use your finger
to pull this string.
Oh man, fishing is so boring!
And then you flip this over.
Then release.
Catch me one of those,
why don't you?
Just reel it in slowly.
- You'll get a hit soon enough.
- A hit?
- A fish on the line.
- Oh.
I think I got one!
Is it a goose?
- That's it!
- What now?
keep the rod tip up.
Let the fish take
the line out if it wants to.
- I think it wants to!
- You caught a big one!
Aw, it's just a fish.
I'll still have some!
Okay, let's get cracking.
Cracking the safe.
How's the safe-cracking going?
Oh, bees.
- Carl!
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Carl, give me a sledgehammer.
Hey, Larry.
Larry, are you alive?
Just a few more minutes, Ma.
I know I'm your favorite.
What are ya doin'?
I'm waking you up... gently.
- Did I get it open?
- Absolutely not.
Now watch closely.
They're not gonna give me any.
Holy cow, that's good.
- Oh, sorry.
- Oh yeah, so the vegan gets fish,
and I'm sit-tin' here starvin'?
How does that make any sense?
Hey, I ever tell you the story
of my Great Uncle Philo's secret gold?
Only about a hundred times.
- No, I wanna hear this.
- Okay.
Well, Philu,
he was a crazy old coot.
He spent years
tromping through these woods
looking for gold
in every nook, cranny,
and crevice he could find.
One day he came into town
with a bagful of gold nuggets.
He said he found a cave
lined with gold.
So everyone came out into the bush
with gold fever,
but they didn't find even a speck.
They said Philo is faking.
- Was he?
- No idea.
Well, Philo got
a team of horses?
And he came down
and tried to haul out
as much gold as he could carry.
Now a couple weeks later,
horses came back.
No Philo.
What do you think
happened to him?
Probably [mm.
Great story. I've only heard it
about a gazillion times!
Now about that fish.
I guess I have
told that story a few times.
It's okay, Dad.
Keep on going.
Okay. Well, they say Philo
built a cabin somewhere.
Nobody mm;
You know what we need?
That'll open
this thing right up!
Yeah! Dynamite.
We blow this sucker!
No! It's liable to damage
the stuff inside.
No, the stuff inside'll be fine.
The dynamite won't damage it.
- It was open the whole time?
- I guess so.
I must have loosened it
with the sledgehammer!
- Gold.
- G0ld.
- Carl?
- Yeah?
When you cased the joint, you said
there was five million in bills.
Well, I just thought
that, you know,
"bullion" was like
another nickname for money.
Like, uh, dinero, cashola,
coin, shekels,
rubles, bullion.
Who knew?
Everyone in the world
knew but you, that's who.
I could'a hired anybody
for this job.
Everybody wanted in.
Lefty Leroux.
"Oh yeah," I said,
"Hey, Lefty, take a walk!"
Mickey "The Shank" Muldoon,
"Slippery" Jim McFie,
his brother Spiffy,
they all wanted... I said, "No,
you don't get between brothers."
That's me and Carl...
That's you!
The colossal bonehead!
I always liked Lefty Leroux.
- He tried to kill you!
- I mean, other than that.
He has kind eyes.
- You know what he ain't got?
- What?
Five million in gold bullion!
- We're rich!
- We're rich!
We got five million
in gold bullion!
We got five million
Go! Go!
Go, Carl! Go, Carl!
I'm going to go find Jack.
Negativity, Chloe.
Blocking mama,
Weird smells.
I love it!
- Hey, Jack.
- Oh, hey, Chloe.
- What are you doing?
- Just some of my chores.
- Do you need some help?
- It's all right. I got it.
What is this place?
Just my old family shed.
There's a lot
of old junk in here.
Where'd all this stuff
come from?
[53]] over.
Some of it belonged to that crazy
old great, great uncle of mine.
- The one in the story your Dad told?
- Yeah.
Don't eat anything
you find, Ranger.
Mom doesn't wanna clean
the carpets again.
What? A guy eats
one expired doggy treat and...
Ooh, hey, what's that?
Doggy treats?
What's in it?
- I can't eat that!
- Whoa.
This belonged
to Philo T. Keller.
That's your uncle!
Says here that there's supposed to be
a map somewhere to his gold claim.
Let me see.
What the heck does this mean?
"Two-step from one"?
"Beware the Sands of Thyme"?
"Follow the wrong path"?
Maybe Uncle Philo
was crazier than we thought.
Still, that old jacket
might clean up pretty nice.
Are you kidding? This is
an adventure waiting to happen!
- An adventure?
- Yes, an adventure!
C'mon, I can't spend
the whole summer cooped up
in that tiny RV
with my Mom doing yoga poses
and drinking
wheatgrass juice! Yuck.
I guess it beats doing chores.
Do you know how much fun
this could be?
- Pretty fun. Yeah.
- And there might be gold!
Do you know what
we could buy with gold?
We'd be rich!
Are you in?
- Partners!
- Oh, gimme one sec!
Ranger, keep it down, would you?
He's ready to get
this show on the road!
- Always.
- I'm in meetings most of the day.
I'm guessing you guys
are good with that?
- Yeah.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Oh yeah. Back here at 4:00, okay?
- All right.
- Let's get to the library.
- Okay.
They've gotta have some info
on old Uncle Philo.
- It's just a couple blocks away.
- Okay.
Looks like Park Boy's
got himself a girlfriend.
I wish I had a girlfriend.
We're gonna make him look
like a loser
right in front of her.
So, those are the guys
that pulled off that
massive gold heist?
They look like
a couple of dorks.
- May I help you?
- Uh, yeah.
Do you keep
the old town records here?
Urn... we're looking
for information?
On my great, great uncle.
Well, your mutt's going to
have to wait outside.
Hang on.
Who's she calling a mutt?
Oh no, he's fine. He'll curl up
in a corner and probably go to sleep.
Uh, wait.
I'm not tired.
If we could just access your
computer database, please?
I think we'll be good to go.
Here's our database.
Knock you rselves out.
Excuse me, should I be napping?
I'll take that as a yes.
Don't give up, GUYS-
Hey, wait a second! I've seen
a dog like that before in town.
I've got an idea!
Maybe they're related.
Maybe that's a lead!
Okay, you guys
keep shuffling papers.
- I'll be right back.
- Ranger, where are you going?
Jack! Jack, come take
a look at this article!
"And his trusty dog Eric
cash in some gold
"from a secret gold claim"!
So the story about Uncle Philo
wasn't just
some crazy old legend!
The gold claim's
gotta be in here somewhere!
Yo! Get away from my house,
ya stinkin' mutt,
or I'm gonna bite ya in half!
Easy, sailor!
Listen, I got questions.
I got no time for questions!
Any of your relatives ever have
a human named Philo Keller?
Yeah, maybe they did,
maybe they didn't.
Now look, my buddy's looking
for something
that belongs to him,
and I saw this dog in a picture
that really looked like you.
Yeah, yeah,
that would probably be
- my great, great, great, great...
- Come on, get to it!
Hold on.
Too many greats there.
That was my grand-pappy you saw.
He left us somethin' to take care of.
Been handed down
paw-to-paw for generations.
- Well, can I see it?
- I don't know.
- What's in it for me?
- How about I don't step on your head?
If you dig up a bone,
the deal is off.
It's not a bone.
It's around here somewhere.
Wait, I got it!
I'm gonna find it!
Ah, It's like watching
small, fuzzy paint dry.
How 'bout less wise-crackin'
and more helpin'?
Just wake me up
when you're done, okay?
Hey, Chloe!
It's Uncle Philo's gold claim!
It's still valid, too!
One problem though.
The longitude and latitude
have been torn
from the original document.
Uncle Philo
must've taken it with him
to keep the location a secret.
So if anyone tried
to jump his claim,
he could reattach it
to prove it was his.
Sneaky old dude, wasn't he?
So there's no way
of knowing where it is.
- It could be anywhere in the state.
- I guess so.
Come on.
There you are, boy.
[fin-Gym u.
What's up?
What do you got there, boy?
Open it and find out.
And then get ready
to shower me with rewards!
What is that?
Whoa! Is that the map
we read about in the journal?
How did you find this, boy?
A little something
I call being awesome!
And there's my rewards.
- Delicious!
- I can't believe we found the map!
Uh, sorry.
Just excited
about finding the map.
Yeah. Me too.
Come on, bud.
Where'd you get that?
It was just sitting there.
I'm surprised you didn't...
You can't eat
80-year-old beans!
Sure I can.
I'm eating them now.
- They'll make you sick.
- No, they won't.
Yes, Carl?
My tummy hurts.
[Gamma aiming]?
Okay, come on!
Let me enjoy my squirrel!
You and your girlfriend
tryin' on dresses, Park Boy?
Friends of yours, Jack?
Not really.
Then it's none of their business
what we're doing.
One of your campers, Park Boy?
One of my friends, Ollie.
What is it?
Your parents don't
give you enough attention?
Or do you have
self-esteem issues?
- What?
- So is there a reason you're a bully?
Or are you just a big doofus?
- You're lucky you're a girl.
- I know.
- So, nice weather we're having.
- Yes.
Yeah, it's good.
It's good.
Wait till
school starts, Park Boy.
- Looking forward to it.
- Are they keeping you back a grade?
- You know what? I should...
- What? Fight a girl?
Well, this girl has
a brown belt in Tai Chi.
I think the little one
just pooped his pants!
A brown belt in Tai Chi?
Well, I own a belt
that happens to be brown,
and I figured those guys wouldn't
even know what Tai Chi was, anyway.
- Thanks, Chloe.
- What are friends for?
Right around this time,
Jack's dad got some really bad news
from the town council,
and it was going
to change everything.
We knew this could happen, right?
I just didn't think
it was gonna happen so soon.
I know.
I just wonder
how Jack's going to take this news.
Take what news?
Well, Jack finally got his wish.
They were gonna close the park.
But that's not so had,
'cause now we can finally go exploring
the world like he wants to.
Not now, Ranger.
Okay, fine!
I'll go get the ball
and give you some space.
Hey, Jack.
That was kind of mean.
He'll get over it.
WEEKS wrong?
I don't want to talk about it.
Okay. Do you want to
talk about the map?
- No.
- What about the gold?
Shouldn't we get started to plan our...
I don't care
about the gold either.
It's all just one dumb old story
my stupid Dad told.
Why don't you go read some books?
Do some yoga.
You know, I don't know
what's going on with you...
I guess it's something
pretty bad...
But you don't have
to be so mean about it.
- I thought we were friends.
- I'm outta here.
Hey, Chloe, what's up?
Where's Jack?
You mean the grumpiest
boy in the world?
So we've had a bit of bad news.
It seems the campground
has to close
at the end of the summer
'cause the town
doesn't have enough money
to keep it running,
and Jack is taking it
kind of hard.
Mam Mm.
So where are you guys
going to live?
Where are we gonna live?
Um, that's a really
good question.
Jack and I have lived here
our whole lives.
- This is not good.
- I don't know yet.
We haven't figured it out.
This place was our dream.
Hey, at least we got to live it
for a while, right?
Anyway, what are you doing?
- Can you help me in the garden?
- Sure.
Great. Come with me!
You thirsty?
- A little bit.
- Let's get some lemonade.
- It's one of those lemonade days.
- Yeah.
Oh, I'm going to miss this place.
Jack and I grew up here.
So many good times and memories.
Oh hey, there's those geese!
What was I saying?
Oh, yeah, right. Things are
never really as bad as they seem.
That's why you never
hear dogs complain.
We know that no matter
how bad things get,
they can always get worse.
I mean better!
They get better!
I always thought
I wanted out of here.
Live in the big city.
But now that it's happening...
it's not making so good.
If only there was some way
to save the campground.
Oh! There is a way for you
to save the campground!
But I'm just a kid.
What can I do?
The answer's right
in your pocket, Jack.
I just feel so helpless, Ranger.
Well, let me spell it out for you.
Oh wait, I can't spell.
Ranger, what do you
want in there?
- This?
- You're welcome!
Are you getting me a treat?
Oh yeah, it's the other map.
Holy cow!
Ranger, you're a genius!
Tell me something I don't know!
We can find the gold and use the money
to save the campground!
I gotta tell Chloe
the good news.
You better apologize
to her first,
and then get me a treat.
I should probably
say I'm sorry first.
And get Ranger a treat!
That's the important part here.
- Let's go!
- Oh right, the apology then the treat!
Larry, I'm really hungry.
Meanwhile, the rocket scientists were
still in the woods
trying to find food
that wasn't rancid garbage.
- You thinking what I'm thinking?
- Mm-hm.
[Totally ma]
No, Carl.
The car.
We're totally
gonna steal the car?
- So we can get the gold out of here.
- Right.
I thought you
could hotwire a car.
- Hotwire it!
- I don't know how!
How could you not know
how to hotwire a car?
You were arrested for car theft!
Yeah, but they left
the keys in the one I stole!
Come on, just hotwire it!
- What's the matter?
- Don't hit me like that.
- Come on, the wires.
- I don't like it.
- Quit it!
- The wires.
Binggg Bangg!
- Bye, Mom!
- Don't forget your snack.
Looks like somebody's
feeling better.
- Jack, why don't you join us?
- Thanks. I will.
It's a great stress reliever!
I can do Tai Chi. I just
choose not to because it looks silly
and I have dignity.
Breathe, Jack.
Be in the now.
Is someone gonna karate chop something
or something? Huh?
Yesterday [HEEL-m
Chloe, I'm really sorry.
You should be.
I thought we were friends.
It's just... my life got kind of
turned upside down
and I took it out on you.
- You're not the only one withproblems.
- I know.
Can I just be really, really sorry,
so we can be friends again?
That was a great workout, kids.
I think.
Ooh, Ranger!
- I found the key to the map.
- Really?
If we find the gold,
we can save the park.
The save [HM home.
I guess
if I don't help you stay,
I won't know anyone when
school starts besides Frank and Ollie.
- Yeah, slim pickings there.
- No kidding.
So the trail starts here.
That's way deep in the woods.
How do we get there?
There's trails and old paths
all through the woods.
- We can just take our bikes.
- That's a long way.
We can get there
by late afternoon easy.
I'll stay here, hold the fort.
,, m:
you're coming too.
- There's one problem.
- What?
Promise you won't laugh?
- Sure.
- I don't know how to ride a bike.
Oh, wait a second.
Neither do I.
- You said you wouldn't laugh.
- I'm not laughing.
It's just a tiny smile.
Yeah, Jack, that's mean!
- It's not funny!
- Hey!
Okay, so you don't know
how to ride a bike. Big deal.
There's not a lot of athletes
in the library club!
So we can just get
extra bikes at the park.
Do you want me to teach you
to ride a bike or not?
I'll get the first aid kit.
I can't believe I'm saying this,
but it's a little like Tai Chi.
Yeah, and not falling
on your butt.
Don't-don't pedaling.
Just focus on your braking.
Ready? G9!
That's great!
Nice. Nice.
My butt!
Why doesn't anybody
ever listen to me?
- Not so hot, huh?
- Mm.
Let's try it again.
- All rig ht, ready?
- O kay.
Keep going.
You're doing good.
- So better? The same?
- Let's try again.
I think it was better.
Go. Go. Go.
Oh, I can't even look.
So you wanna show me
how to use the gears now?
So, what groceries
did she leave for us?
Cookies? Chips?
Oh! Those little
cocktail wieners?
I can't wait to eat those.
Wig [E a toothbrush.
Are you trying
to tell me something?
- What have we got there?
- Dog food.
"Veggie with real meat chunks"?
- That's pretty good.
- For real?
Yeah, it's better
than that stuff we got in prison.
- Let me have some.
- Yeah.
- Huh?
- Mmm, good.
U Wonderful.
Come here, come here.
One for you and two for me.
Get that off your face.
Chug, chug, chug!
This is the best day ever!
All right, so we got apples,
granola bars and some water.
And doggy treats
or I'm not going!
Then what's in this for me?
So we head...
that way.
Can I at least chew
on that dialy thingy?
- What's that?
- It's a compass.
We don't need that.
I have GPS on my phone.
Good luck getting
a signal out there.
Trust me, this is
the thing to use.
That's my boy!
Raised in the woods using a compass.
He's gut it gain' on'.!
The paths are gonna get rough.
- Are you sure you can take it?
- You bet.
Let's roll.
- Larry, are we there yet?
- Almost.
- Larry, are we there yet?
- Don't ask me that again, please.
Are we lost, Larry?
Just let me concentrate
for a second!
Would you like me
to pull out the map
- of the hidden shack in the woods?
- Yeah, you do that.
- Show me the map!
- I don't have one.
We didn't create one.
Why would you bring it up then?
Don't answer that.
Hang on a sec,
that tree looks so familiar.
So we're heading the right way.
Attaboy. Hustle it.
Hustle it up!
- You gotta work out more.
- You could help me.
I am! I opened
the back of the thing.
Now I'm going to close it.
Listen up, you fine folks
from the Cedar Creek area,
we got reports
of two fugitives on the loose...
One with some kind
of a silly, striped shirt,
and the other
with a velvet leisure suit.
Please report any signs of them
to the authorities.
Now back to our music.
- We better get going.
- No, not until nightfall.
And we get rid of the other van.
Someone could find it!
Way out here?
Not likely.
Did you hear that?
I'm gonna go pee!
What is this doing way out here?
I don't know.
There you are.
So how far have we come
since we left the main path?
I think we're about...
right here.
This isn't right.
According to this, the path
to the gold claim starts below here.
- So?
- So the path we're on winds down.
- This doesn't wind.
- Let me see.
Then it starts...
down there.
- Oh yeah.
- I think.
Did you hear that?
We gotta follow them.
Are you nuts?
Let's get outta here.
- We'll make a run for the border.
- Which border?
Whichever one we hit first.
I hope it's Hawaii.
If they find out and report
that we're driving
a stolen truck
- full of stolen gold to the...
- Cops.
You know what that could mean?
They'd get an award
from City Hall?
No, you giant numbskull!
It means we lose everything!
I did not eat charred squirrel,
sleep on the floor,
and wipe my butt
with itchy leaves
to walk away with nothing!
Those leaves were pretty itchy.
I say we follow them,
steal this gold
they're talking about.
But wait, we already have gold.
This way we get more!
Isn't that just greedy?
We're criminals, Carl!
Is there any kind other than greedy?
- Let's make a move!
- Yeah.
Go! Carl!
Blake, it's Hank
over at the Sheriff's office.
Hey, what's up, Hank?
We got a positive print ID
on the Festrunk brothers.
They still in the area?
Looks like it.
We got all available units on this,
but not enough
to cover your area.
Want me to keep an eye on it?
It's a long shot,
but you never know.
Yeah, my boy and his friend are
in these woods. I'm on it!
"Hey, if you see the Festrunks,
ca" it in.
Do not approach.
Copy that.
Can't promise you that, Hank.
Remember when we had
to take school in prison?
Whoa, man!
Don't remind me.
That teacher was mean!
Yeah, they were hard on ya,
but firm but fair, you know.
Yeah, but the multiplication...
Wait a minute!
I smell something!
Something dangerous...
and stupid.
I think someone's following us.
And they're not being
very smart about it.
Wait a minute.
What if that van
belonged to the guys
who stole that gold?
Yeah, you're right.
We better get outta here!
Larry, don't move a muscle.
It's just a retriever.
A a.
What's it gonna do?
Lick us to death?
- Head for the cabin!
- You made him mad!
Move your feet, little brother!
Run, Carl!
Target acquired!
I'll never get that taste
out of my mouth!
No, wait!
- Stupid dog!
- Uh-oh!
No, n0. no, no, no'.!
That was a gunshot.
What if they hurt Ranger?
Firing an antique firearm
without thoroughly checking
the barrel for obstructions?
Was a poor decision on my part
and for that, I apologize.
My bad.
Apology accepted.
Now we shall never
speak of this again, Carl.
Let's go get those kids!
Sure, I could go for some squid.
Wait, did you hear that?
What's that sound?
- Ranger!
- You didn't think they got me, did ya?
Am I ever glad to see you, boy!
Hang on!
Your jacket smells
like that shack
those guys ran into.
We should go!
He wants us to go back there?
- Ranger, the bad guys are over there.
- I think they went that way.
How do you know
they're this way?
- How do you know they're not?
- Larry...
Quick, follow me!
Ranger, wait up!
Ranger, why'd you want us
to come in here?
Oh, that's it!
Skeletor here smells like the jacket!
Not to mention old farts, yuck!
Is that who I think it is?
Van {fife
I think it's Uncle Philo.
I was right!
My nose rocks!
What's that?
Wait a sec.
It fits!
Can I see the map?
Yeah, sure.
See? We're at
the starting point.
This is where the gold claim is.
Quick, let's head out the back!
Yeah, I'll just stay here
and hold 'em off.
Hey, why do I always
have to do the dirty work?
Kids? C'mon out.
We've got ice cream!
- Ice cream?
- I like ice cream.
Open up, kids.
Look, we can explain about
the SUV full of gold.
Carl! They don't know
the SUV is full of gold,
- but now they do.
- Forget what I said
and just come on out
for the ice cream.
They're not going for ice cream!
I got an idea!
Does it involve ice cream?
Come on.
Double knot it!
I know how to tie
two knots, thank you!
Come on, come on, come on!
- Go for launch!
- Going!
Watch this!
Carl! You okay, buddy?
Where'd it get ya?
In the toe!
Up you go, buddy.
Let's walk it off.
Oh no!
And now you're twins!
Oh, those toe-shots really hurt, Carl!
Boy, that sure takes
the will to live
right out of you, does it not?
- Yes they do, little brother.
- Let's go have a lie-down.
Hey, the kids.
It hurts more when you walk.
We can use Philo's map,
and this should help us.
If you weren't from the country,
you wouldn't even know
how to read that map.
I guess you're right.
Wig may.
You know, these two monkeys
just don't know when to give up!
Carl, this way.
I heard them over here.
Larry, if we get in the trees,
we can get a good vantage point.
Carl, I'm stuck.
Carl, watch out!
Why did you throw that rock?
They hear the sound there,
we'll catch them coming around.
But I was there
when you threw it.
I gotta stop these guys
for good this time!
Okay, so it says
"Two step from one".
What does that mean?
Some kind of trick?
I guess Uncle Philo was worried
that someone would follow him
to the gold claim,
so maybe he set traps.
It means two-step,
a dance you do in country music.
So why would we need
to two-step across there?
I don't know.
Shall we?
You're gonna have to lead,
'cause I don't two-step.
Where'd you learn it, city girl?
My mom loves country music.
Turn here.
Now watch out for the bush.
Wait a minute.
There's poison ivy
behind those bushes.
Uncle Philo must have
planted them there
to keep people off his trail.
Let's keep going.
Rivers, hills,
two bumbling bad guys.
I'm gonna need
a vacation after this.
Maybe the South of France!
Hey, that's Jack's dad!
Wait up!
- Ranger?
- Okay, you come to me.
My paws are killing me!
Careful, those kids
may have laid some traps.
Hold it.
Something isn't right.
Why is there
a number one on that tree?
I don't know, but I'll tell ya
I'm pretty happy
there's not a number two on that tree!
It smells like a trap.
Oh no, no, no, no.
It's all me.
Yeah, a while back I stepped
in a big pile of deer doo-doo.
I'm talkin' huge!
Like you wouldn't expect
that much
to come out of such a tiny,
angelic creature like...
How do you know
it was deer duo-duo'?
I saw him leave it there.
- Then you stepped in it?
- I walked over to look at it,
- and then I stepped in it.
- On purpose?
I was curious how it felt.
It felt squishy between my toes.
You took your shoe off, Carl?
Like I said, I was curious.
Okay, we start here
at the number one tree.
What if that's the trap, huh?
They get us to start here and then,
boom, a trap gets us?
Good point.
You got a point.
Why don't I climb into the tree
and look for traps?
Em u.
- Easy, careful, careful.
- Yeah. Yeah.
Hey, Larry?
- Yeah.
- Would you give me a boost?
- You got it, bro.
- Thanks.
- Okay. On three.
- On three. I got you.
- One, two, three, go!
- One, two, three.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I went on three.
Can u
- I got you.
- I don't think you do.
I ain't gotcha!
- What?
- Oh god.
- Don't let go!
- I got you, bro!
I think so.
It was in my mouth!
It burns, Carl!
Help me! My tongue!
What? What language are you speaking?
I can't understand you!
I hate the woods, Carl!
I hate the woods!
It says,
"Follow the wrong path."
Which one of these
is the wrong path?
"This way" or "that way"?
Okay, according to this...
we're supposed to be
going that way.
So the wrong path
is no path at all.
We should go straight.
Your Uncle Philo must
have had a lot of time on his hands
{Em u.
Ranger, keep an eye out.
I'll keep a nose
out for him, thank you.
That works better for me.
And by the way,
why do people always think
they can tell dogs what to do?
What is this, the army?
They can tell dogs what to do?
What is this, the army?
Th-B way?
Thu way?
- Which way?
- Dunno.
What if it's another trap?
- Hmm.
- Let's go that way.
No! Think about it.
Whenever someone
asks you which way you're going,
I always say "this way."
Take the path that says "this way."
No, no, no, no.
That's not right.
Whenever someone
asks me which way I'm going,
I always say
"I'm going that way," not "this way."
- I never say "this way."
- Never?
Hardly never.
That's how they get ya.
They get inside our heads, man!
Next thing you know, boom,
we walk right into another trap.
What if we go around?
Avoid the path altogether.
Good idea.
Wait a sec.
That's exactly what
they want us to think.
Who knows what kind
of traps lay out there beyond?
Yeah, like quicksand
over quicksand.
Carl, quicksand?
- Possibly.
- Snakes and stuff?
Underneath the quicksand.
- You think there's bears?
- Definitely bears.
Here's what we do.
I take this way,
you take that way.
If there's a trap on either one of
these paths, it only gets one of us.
I hope it's you.
No offense.
Good luck, chump.
- See ya, sucka!
- Later!
Carl! Carl!
Wait! Larry!
It's me, Carl.
I'm just covered in a net.
It's all good!
Come on, Larry, wait up!
- What?
- Let me just get out my map.
It says, "Beware
the sands of thyme,"
but it's not T-I-M-E.
- It's like the spice.
- Herb.
- What?
- Thyme is an herb.
And that's important why?
There's a patch of it
right there.
Well, I guess we'll just
avoid this patch
of spice-which-is-
=@fli@~ =11W=
Where have you been?
Don't ever split up again!
Do you hear me?
These woods are dangerous.
Pinky swear?
We gotta find those kids
and get that gold!
- Let's do this!
- On three: Go!
Should be just
around this corner.
- Are you sure?
- I hope so.
This is it!
Wow, this is amazing.
It's gotta be here.
We're getting close
to that gold.
I can smell it!
It's so cool.
- Easy, easy.
- Wild thyme!
Yeah, I'm glad
you're enjoying yourself.
No, no, no.
It's an herb.
Thyme is an herb!
I'm gonna take some of this.
It'll go good with the dog food.
Carlito! Once we catch those kids
and get the rest of the gold,
you can eat anything
you want any night!
- Take the thyme. Knock yourself out.
- Yeah.
- You okay?
- Yeah, I think so.
- What is that?
- Lucky that didn't fall on us, huh?
This is it!
I knew it!
We found it!
Jack? I think you might
want to take a look at this.
"All the shine has been mined."
"Three spins of the round
and it shall be found."
So he mined all the gold?
This is all that's left?
It's not here, but somewhere.
"Three spins of the round
and it shall be found"?
What does that mean?
No idea.
Aha! Gotcha!
Oh, right.
Ha! Ha!
We gotcha!
Yeah. Not so tough without
your dog now, are ya?
Quit hitting me with
that headband light thing!
Oh, you'll see what happens
if you kick me again, kid!
Yeah, we'll see him
kicking you again.
I can't argue with that logic.
Pipe down, the three of yous!
Don't rope me in with them.
I'm on your side!
Awn, Wm.
Oh, you've got to
watch this one.
She's sneaky, Carl.
Now that we have hostages,
we don't need
to wait for nightfall, bro.
Let's get QOiHQ-
Hang on.
I'm a burglar, not a "hostager."
The correct term
is "kidnapperer," Carl.
And we are out of options.
- What?
- Here's an option for ya.
All right?
Dad, he's getting away!
No, he's not going anywhere.
So where we going?
- Huh?
- That was a trick question.
Hold still, ya big baby!
We woulda got away with it
if it wasn't
for those meddling kids.
Yeah, and their dumb dog.
- Whatever.
- Actually, he's pretty smart.
Smarter than you.
- Hey, what's your problem?
- You were gonna leave me!
Oh, I would have broken
you out of jail, eventually.
Well, guys, sorry
you didn't find any gold.
Don't give up!
Where you gOiFIQ?
Something's not right.
If Philo died here,
his gold should still be with him.
Three spins of the round?
One, two, three!
- What is it?
- It's the gold!
You found it!
You're a genius!
You did it!
We did it!
mm 22411.
See, he's with family now.
You did a good job, boy.
I help people.
It's what I do.
Go get it!
Well, guys, looks like you got
two more weeks of fun,
and then it's all over.
What? I thought
we saved the campground!
Yeah. Where are
Mom and I gonna go?
You said they were
keeping it open.
That's the first time
she said "Mom and I"
without wincing in so long.
Thanks to you guys,
they are keeping the campground open,
but school starts in two weeks.
I bet we can have
plenty more adventures in two weeks.
What do you say, partner?
You got it.
Well, Ranger, looks like
we're going to be staying here,
'cause this is
right where we belong.
How about I'll trade ya
this medal
for a bag of doggie treats?
WW gay.
And that's how
I saved the campground
and caught the bad guys!
Wait a sec,
I thought the kids found the gold.
Well, they helped,
but it was mainly me.
I did all that running.
Tell me the part about you biting
those guys on the butt again.
What it is with you
and biting people?
I do not bite people.
Just mailmans.
You're a strange little dog,
you know that?
Are you pickin' a fight with me?
What? No!
Thafd be too easy.
Yeah, yeah.
For me!
Ha! You weigh like an ounce!
I'd crush ya.
Try me, give me a shot, Ranger.
Ooh, now you're just
makin' me nervous.
Good. 'Cause I might
be small, but I'm tough.
Yeah, you're tough
to hang out with,
- !'!! give ya that.
- Do me a favor.
Tell the story again,
- hut leave out the boring parts.
- What boring parts?
The parts with you in it.
Oh. Cute.
I see what you did there.
- Get outta here, will ya?
- I'm goini.
Can't believe I let you
talk me into this.
You're a big boy, Carl.
You can make up your own mind.
Hey, Larry, do you think
we'll get to be
cellmates in prison?
Mailman Manama
- the first chance I get.
- Again?
- Hey, bro?
- Yo, bro.
Do they have school in prison?
- Yes, they do.
- Great.
I'll finally get my grade two!
Do you think the dog will write?
What? Peace.
I got a score set up for us
when we get out of here.
It takes place in a dog kennel!