Beastmaster 2: Through the Portal of Time (1991) Movie Script
The man named Dar
has been found guilty
of complicity with the rebels
to overthrow the holy
power of Lord Arklon.
The accused has also exhibited
knowledge of witchcraft
in his ability to control
the beasts of the field.
The sentence...
is death.
So this is the Beastmaster.
The one who defeated
our high priest Maox
and now challenges my authority.
Did you actually believe that
you and your flock of peasants
could over throw my kindgom?
Did you?
Now... where are these rebels?
Speak!
No?
Then die.
In the name of Lord Arklon,
I hereby condemn you
to eternal damnation.
May the vultures feast upon his flesh.
[ roar ]
Aah!
Seize him!
Death to all if he escapes!
Ha ha ha ha!
Master of the beast.
Ha ha!
The vultures shall have
their feast after all.
Perhaps you're right.
[ imitates eagle ]
Come on, my friends.
Let us depart...
before somebody really gets hurt.
[ imitates tiger ]
I don't like it.
Bring the witch.
The leader wishes to
speak with you, Witch.
Move it!
Witch, speak.
Where is Arklon's army?
Lord Arklon rests in the
Foothills of Analos,
some two days' journey from here.
Take care you speak the truth, Witch.
One act of betrayal
and I'll cleave your
black heart from your bosom.
Surely such a valiant
warrior such as you
can think of a better use for my bosom.
Away with her!
Well, I guess he got the point.
Guards!
[ shouting ]
Behold the key of Magog.
Death to Arklon!
You have won this battle, Arklon.
But the flames of freedom
will not be extinguished so easily.
They'll be coming,
more and more, from all over the land.
And we both know, Arklon,
the power of the key is not eternal.
Whore...
who are you to address me by name?
Who am I?
Honey, I'm the best thing
that's happened to you
since you donned that
great-looking mask.
And why should I...
Lord Arklon...
maximum ruler of Arok...
be any concern of yours?
Chill out, lord dude.
You know, you're a hard man
to take a meeting with.
That's why I arranged this
scene with the rebels.
What is this strange tongue
in which you speak?
It's all part of what I want to show you,
for it is I, the beautiful,
sensuous, Mysterious Lyranna,
who can make you the most
powerful man on Earth.
My dear, I am the most
powerful man on Earth.
Not for long...
unless you allow me to
make your power eternal.
You... you are but a witch.
Maybe...
but a very uncommon one, my liege.
Silence!
You don't wish to hear my secret?
You want to know what will
make you equal to the gods?
The ultimate power awaits you, my lord.
Then I shall let you live...
only until I witness such sorcery.
But you hear me well,
if you try to deceive me--
I know.
You shall cleave my black heart
from my bosom, hmm?
Take her.
So... you think he likes me?
Split up.
Aah!
Aah! Aah!
Aah!
[ caw ]
Go... back.
Rrawr!
[ gasp ] You... are Dar, son of Zed.
You are of my blood.
I was sister to your father Zed.
In my youth,
I practiced the forbidden rituals...
and eventually evolved
into this wretched creature
that stands before you.
Yes... come closer.
I have seen... the past and the future,
and I must tell you before I expire.
In years past, the evil high priest Maox
ordered King Zed's unborn child
withdrawn from its mother's womb
and transplanted inside
a beast of burden.
That child possesses the ability
to communicate with all creatures
from the fields and the skies.
They call him...
the Beastmaster.
But this was not the
only child taken from him.
Zed's firstborn was stolen
by Zhun priests,
and the grief from losing two sons
eventually eroded his great mind.
You say I have an older brother?
He is evil, Dar!
If you do not find Zed's firstborn
by the time of the autumn equinox,
life in this world shall cease to exist.
If you do find him...
and destroy him...
peace and justice shall prevail.
I must kill my brother?
Dar...
the fate of the world
rests on your shoulders.
Now, begone.
I do not want you to see me die.
Wait...
how will I know him?
Where will I find him?
Search the western region.
The western region...
What sorcery is this?
A dimensional portal.
The doorway to your
ulitmate triumph, my lord.
A world that exists on a
parallel plane with our own.
And what do they call this place?
The natives call it LA.
Al ay?
I've been studying their ways.
Oh... what marvels they possess.
Indeed.
And one in particular
should interest you.
It is housed at one of
their military fortresses.
Their men of science call it
a neutron detonator.
It's compact enough to carry,
yet powerful enough to destroy all life
in an area the size of a continent.
With the threat of such a weapon,
I could rule unstopposed.
Exactly.
Exactly.
Their political structure
is based on such weapons.
They refer to it as the balance of terror.
What a brilliantly barbarous concept.
Ah...
Why do you show me such things?
These are nothing but
illusions and pictures.
Have her drawn and quartered.
Ha ha ha ha!
Fool! Fool!
Laugh in the face of death?
I laugh at any fool
who would throw away
the key to ultimate power.
We are made for each other.
The key of Magog and I--
together, and only together--
can we come and go
through the portal at will
and make these pictures reality.
The neutron detonator will be yours.
You'll rule the world.
With me at your side.
Really?
You...
the mother of beauty...
would be at my side?
You...
the queen of radiance,
would grace my lonely existence?
You...
would cast your sparkling eyes
upon this tattered face
and shine your aura upon my throne?
Ohh...
Burn her!
Ha ha ha ha!
Arklon, you need me!
The key will get you in,
but only I can get you out.
Arklon, read my lips--
only I can get you out!
Let haste not be the ruler,
lest we forget the purpose.
Come...
let us discover more
about this place you call...
LA.
Al ay.
[ honk honk ]
Hello?
Hi, Daddy, this is Jackie!
My daughter?
Yes, your daughter.
I've been searching
the entire pacific coast--
Stop yelling, Daddy.
You'll have another asthma attack.
Unit baker 5-0, high-speed pursuit.
Request assistance.
Roger, baker 5-0. 86 responding.
[ siren ]
Can you give me a make on that vehicle?
A red porsche.
Senator Trent's daughter.
The crazy one.
I was at this great party in Ensenada.
How long?
Five or six days.
it's really hard to remember.
I'm on the 5 heading
north towards downtown.
I hope you're not speeding.
Of course I'm not speeding, Daddy.
You only have 20--
I know Pam's getting
married in 20 minutes.
I'm not going to miss
my own sister's wedding.
You missed your brother's bar mitzvah.
What?
[ sirens ]
You're going to have to speak up,
there's a lot of noise.
Sounds like a police siren.
It does. Let me check.
It is a siren, Daddy.
I'll call you back.
Are these any problems?
No, there won't be any problems.
I'll see you at the church, OK?
Ciao, Daddy. I love you.
# You're such an expensive girl #
# Ooh, so hard to please #
# Livin' in such a crazy world #
# Just move over and gimme the keys #
Uh-oh.
# Another night #
# You kiss the mornin' #
# Slip away without a trace #
Whoo! I am so cool.
# Without a warning #
# You got me, girl, between
a rock and a hard place #
# Rapture #
# Heartbreak #
# You're a reckless little girl #
# But that's all right #
# Satisfaction guaranteed tonight #
# Keep on, keep on rockin' me #
# Keep on, keep on rockin' me #
# Keep on, keep on rockin' me #
# All night long #
# All night long #
# Every time I see you, babe #
# It breaks my heart with pain #
# Like a sultry summer day #
# Holding on, brave the rain #
[ gasp ] Oh, shit!
Oh... aah!
Well, this is nice.
This is very, very nice.
You write the report this time.
I'm not doing the--
So, uh, where's the camera?
Yo, Darth Vader, what is
this, some kind of movie set?
OK, drop your weapons.
You're under arrest!
You have the right to remain silent.
You shall remain silent.
Shit!
I want them alive!
Since when did the governor
pardon mental patients?
Exeter, Zavic!
Unit 86 to headquarters--
officers under fire.
Immediate assistance requested.
A 10-28 at the intersection of...
Where the hell are we?
How should I know?
This isn't my neighborhood.
It's going to blow!
- Aah!
- Aah!
Marcellus, are we dreaming?
If we were dreaming,
we couldn't have to
explain to the captain
what happened to our patrol cars.
Get her!
These guys don't give warning shots.
Oh... oh, come on.
Ohh!
Exeter, bring me the outsider.
Yes, my lord.
Alive!
Yes, my lord.
Now!
Get the outsider!
What an incredible
instrument of destruction
this beast would make.
I could roll over the entire armies.
It's called a car.
A dar.
A car.
A car.
Let's cross over to the other world now.
I know many other
wonders of their world.
Put yourselves in the hand
of your future queen.
So, my little dove,
you wish to be my queen.
I certainly don't wish to be your maid.
First we interrogate the outsider...
my witch.
[ engine dies ]
[ engine won't start ]
Damn!
Where's the auto club
when you need them?
Well, there's got to be a main road
around here somewhere.
You know that middle of nowhere
you always heard about...
I'm here.
Hello...
hello...
PJ, close the blinds.
PJ, go away.
Your breath smells worse
than a dead iguana.
PJ, that's disgusting.
Uh-oh.
Nice-- nice kitty.
Nice-- nice baby.
That's right. That-that's good.
Isn't there maybe a ball of string
you'd like to go play with?
Mommy will get you
a nice can of 9 lives.
Who is this PJ?
There is no cause to be alarmed.
I don't know about you,
but I'd rather eat breakfast
than be breakfast.
The beast is my friend.
I see through his eyes.
He sees through mine.
Enough, enough.
I know his thoughts. He knows mine.
Sounds like you have a great,
meaningful relationship,
but just make him go away.
Ruh... over.
Feel better now?
Not really.
Hey, are you one of
those crazed bikers,
you know, with the crossbows...
Do you have any idea where we are?
The western region.
Oh. Well, that's enlightening.
Would you mind being a
little bit more specific?
Look, is there a telephone
around that I could use
or-- or a 7-eleven even?
Something like that?
7-eleven?
[ squealing ]
Whoa. Your bag's full of rats.
No. These are my ferrets.
This is Kodo and Podo.
They still look like rats to me.
Oh. How was the trip?
Hey, I get it now.
You're with the circus.
We're on a quest.
Sure.
Right.
Well, you know, hey,
I'm on a quest, too.
For gas.
See, my porsche ran out
of gas 10 miles back.
I know Daddy would pay a lot of money
if you'd just help me get back to LA.
You are welcome to join us
on our journey westward.
Perhaps there you will
find the land you seek.
Well, all right.
It's the best offer I've gotten all day.
Hey, is that cat going to come with us?
His name is Ruh.
We travel everywhere together.
Must make it really difficult
checking into a hotel.
Wait a minute.
Hey, wait up, Hercules.
I'm coming.
Hey, if you're not with the circus,
maybe a zoo?
Zoo?
You know, where they keep animals.
The animals are free.
This is their land.
I'm their friend.
OK, OK. Not again.
[ caw ]
[ caw ]
By the way, I'm Jackie Trent.
And you?
Dar.
Dar what?
Dar, do you understand
anything I say to you?
No.
Just like Daddy.
Roots.
Euell Gibbon in a Lioncloth.
Delicious.
It will keep us alive.
No, thanks.
I'll just stick with the salad bar.
You know, that vulture's
been circling above us
for about an hour.
That's no vulture.
That's my eagle.
Magnificent bird.
Sharak!
[ caw ]
A boy and his bird.
How touching.
I send him to scout for me.
He is my eyes.
A seeing-eye bird.
You know, this isn't half
bad when it's cooked.
You really do all right for yourself.
You live off the land,
you get along great with animals.
Totally self-sufficient.
Look, Dar, I have to ask--
were you raiser by wolves or what?
So, Dar, tell me,
what's with you and these animals?
They're the only family I have.
They sure do love you.
What are their names again?
This one's Kodo, and this one's Podo.
Can I hold them?
They're squirmy.
Wait. Which one's Kodo
and which one's Podo?
Guess.
I can't tell the difference.
They're adorable.
Do not be decieved by appearances.
They are both very shrewd thieves.
Thieves?
Mmm. They have cunning
to get me out of very rocky situations.
It looks like they love you, too.
[ growling ]
More of your friends?
Those are the lost hounds.
That's bad, right?
They stalk the night
searching for souls to
drag down into the abyss.
Sounds like a couple of guys
I met in Tijuana last night.
Wait.
Where are you going?
To stand guard with Ruh.
Don't worry. Kodo and Podo
will stay with you.
You will be safe.
I promise.
You'll take care of me, won't you?
Sleep.
I don't know what that
cat has that I don't.
Strange, this newcomer, huh?
What do you think?
Well...
[ squeaking ]
[ squeaking ]
Take the outsider.
The Beastmaster.
Who are those geeks?
[ coughing ]
I can't breathe.
Get him.
We encountered the Beastmaster.
And you let him escape?
Idiot!
Two of my best man are
fast upon his heels, my lord.
Appealing little thing...
in a plain sort of way.
Dar?
Where's Dar?
He rots with his beast.
Do you know where you are?
The Twilight Zone.
Where's rod serling?
You are in a parallel world.
Lord Arklon opened
the dimensional portal
that you came through.
Way rad!
So, uh, listen...
Leatherface...
how do you supposed I get
back through this, uh, portal?
Ha ha ha.
"Leatherface."
I shall be happy to take you
in exchange for certain information.
Information?
Yes.
Hell, I'm loaded with information.
I watch Jeopardy! Every night.
I seek a weapon known as
the neutron detonator.
Neutron detonator.
Yes.
Right.
Well, once we're back in Los Angeles,
I'll get one for you at K-Mart.
Beware of treachery, my lord.
Look, Daddy's good friends
with Admiral Benz.
He's the chief of pacific operations.
I'm sure he probably has a warehouse
full of neutron detonators...
somewhere.
[ caw ]
Few people have been foolish enough
to betray me, little one.
Girl scout's honor.
We'll just hop back
through that rabbit hole
and grab a neutron detonator,
and you'll be back by lunch.
Promise.
We go.
The Beastmaster.
No.
I shall kill him with my own hand.
No. Come on. You can kill him
anytime. Our time is limited.
Arklon...
Zavic, Exeter, if you wish
to live, he must die.
Yes, my lord.
Ruh!
Arklon!
Arklon, not now. Time is fleeting.
Brother?
You are the one.
I should have known.
Till death do us part.
Not now, Arklon!
You creep, you're breaking my arm.
You killed your own brother.
No. Not yet.
I merely detained him until
a more propitious moment,
althrough I understand
why he's so hard to kill.
He's from my own blood.
Well, I bet your mom
always liked him best.
You know, I've got friends in this town.
You'll never get away with this.
Lord Arklon can get away with anything.
My sweet little child,
if you value your health,
you'll lead us to the
neutron detonator now.
OK, OK. Lighten up.
Good.
Whoa.
Check out the radical rags, man.
Hey, wow...
Whoa, whoa.
Why are they looking at me like this?
They're digging your royal attire, sire.
Of course.
You got to get yourself
some fresh threads.
See, apparently the suspects
have fired some gas lines.
The guys down here took care of that,
but this jerk won't come out of the alley.
We've tried talking to the guy.
He won't say a thing.
What?
What the hell is that doing here?
Good question.
There are many of them...
and few of us.
We called the zoo biologist.
He has tranquilizer darts.
Did he bring one for Mr. Loincloth?
That's why God invented taser guns.
You know how I feel about tasers.
Look, you try rushing him.
OK, go ahead.
Holy shit...
Aah!
Fire the taser!
Well, there you have it, chief.
No muss, no fuss.
What about tabby back there?
The zoo's keeping him.
They're sure he's not
one of theirs, though.
Find out everything you
can about the weirdo.
Have somebody run a query
on all Loincloth freaks.
There can't be that many.
Have the whole thing on
my desk tomorrow morning.
Whoa, uh, chief. Tomorrow's Sunday.
You think this can wait
till Monday, Bendowski?
I hear you.
I thought you would.
Loincloths...
And what can we do to you?
My associates, they're looking
for a more corporate look.
I should say.
Cultural exchange students.
Of course.
Marian?
Yes, Mr. Miller.
Would you help this lady?
Arklon, we must go now.
Today, darling.
Look. Just in from Paris.
It's the rage.
I-- I think we've got
a couple of minutes...
or so.
And, sir, if you will follow me...
Ow!
Where are you going?
I was going to try it on, too.
Can I go look at the skirts?
No.
Can I go to the bath--
Quiet.
room?
Now, sir,
here is something just
screams your name, hmm?
No.
Uh...
Sir--
haven't you anything
more befitting my station?
Sir, I assure you this is
the Finest Virgin Wool.
Virgins.
My dear boy,
from where I come from,
the only thing a virgin is good for
is sacrifice.
Well, I have sacrificed
a few in my time, too.
Ah.
If you were in my kingdom,
I would slit you open
and disembowel you.
You know,
you should really meet
my stress management therapist.
He's done wonders for me.
Um, sir...
if... if--
Uh.
Now, uh, sir...
if you'll just try this on,
I'm sure you'll be quite pleased.
We've had three oil sheiks
and one ethiopian potentate
purchase this exact suit.
Uh, please. Come this
way if you will, please.
This way.
You will stay.
The neutron detonator
itself couldn't move me.
If you will...
What?
Why did she do that?
Oh! What's up?
What did I tell you, sir?
A perfect fit.
And if I may say,
the Phantom of the Opera look
is quite chic.
Where is she?
To whom are you referring, sir?
Where is she?
If you're referring to a woman
whom you arrived with,
I believe she stepped outside.
Shall I wrap this, or would
you like to wear it home?
Aah!
Yes. I think I'm beginning
to like this... LA.
Hey, hey!
Wait a min--
What's going on?
Preston, come back here.
He who defies Arklon
shall be destroyed by Arklon!
Yaa!
Arklon...
you're as subtle as a rabid rhino.
Wendel...
Daddy...
Ah, welcome here, Miss Jackie.
I missed you, too, Wendel.
You were gone so long,
we considered renting out your room.
Oh, Wendel, it's a long story.
For your sake, I hope it's a best-seller.
Your father mentioned something
about disinheriting you.
Then he leaved without even paying.
So we come down and investigate.
Anyway, th-this guy aims
this, um, laser thing
at the front of the store--
you know how that can happen?
And then before we know it,
everything's destroyed.
What you're trying to
tell me, Bendowski,
is that there's some
stranger running around
with a laser beam blowing
brassieres off mannequins.
Yeah, I-- I mean, I can see your point.
I-- I hear you.
Well, I'm out of here.
Yeah.
No, I-- I know what you mean.
OK. Back to square one.
What's your name?
You Tarzan...
Me Coberly.
Get it?
Your name.
What is with you people?
Haven't you seen Tarzan before?
Get back to work!
OK. Let's continue.
Arklon.
I must find him.
That's one bad dude.
He's evil.
Uh-huh. Sit down.
Sit.
Well, your pal here
busted up a clothing store,
and the owner is pretty pissed.
Mr. Melwyn, the city
cannot reimburse you.
You know what I don't understand?
How come a clean-cut
jungle boy like you
is hanging out with a creep like this?
[ squeaking ]
OK, but your little friends and
you are going to stay here
until you tell me what I want to know.
Sergeant!
I know how traumatic a
broken window can be.
How do I know?
Sarge!
Get him!
Trust me. I know.
[ honking ]
Come on! Get in!
I don't believe this!
It's your fault, Bendowski!
Me?
Yes, you! Go get him.
Slap leg irons on him.
People, get back to work... now!
I found you!
I can't believe it.
You're safe?
We're not safe
until I do something with you.
Where's Arklon?
Probably on the cover of GQ by now.
Who knows?
He's dangerous. We must find him.
Where are we?
Dar, we're in my world.
From what I can tell,
it's a parallel world to yours,
only we have more smog.
This is Los Angeles--
LA.
LA?
Largest city in California.
Most awesome place in the universe.
This carriage--
it moves without horsepower.
I told Daddy to get this tuned up.
He never listens to me.
[ tires screech ]
Asshole!
Asshole?
Asshole.
Asshole!
[ radio plays ]
Whoo!
That's rock 'n' roll, baby.
Rock 'n' roll.
# What ya doin'... #
It does remind me of an earthquake.
That's right.
It shakes you right
out of your boredom.
# You haven't, haven't
even heard a word #
# My mouth is so dry,
I can hardly speak #
# My head is spinning,
and my knees are weak #
# Ooh, and there's that
look in your eyes #
# Oh, I feel like I'm fallin' #
# Fallin' in love #
# Oh, feels like the first time #
# And I can't get enough #
# Oh, I feel like I'm fallin'... #
Yes, my friends.
Quite barbaric.
# Fallin' in love #
# Hey, boy, what ya doing'
what ya doin' #
# In my world? #
# Ooh, do you think I could ever #
# Ever be your girl? #
# It's some kind of voodoo #
[ horn honks ]
That's the horn.
# I'm fallin' under your spell #
# Ooh, there's that look
in your eyes #
# Oh, feels like I'm fallin' #
# Fallin' in love... #
Your world,
my world.
Just as crazy.
Yeah. You have the smog,
whatever that is.
Just don't breathe too deeply, OK?
# Oh, fallin' in love #
Ooh!
Ah!
Oh, those were nice girls,
weren't they?
Sure.
Ah, you're a pretty good sort.
So are you, my friend.
What's with the hair?
Ha ha ha!
Aah!
I am entering your mind.
I shall feed on your memories
and know all that you know.
You shall tell me
how to get to your military base
and what skills I need
to survive your world,
and when you're finished,
your mind shall be blank,
and all that you know
shall cease to be.
Hi, Wendel!
Hmm. No visible dents.
Thank you.
Have you heard from Daddy yet?
Yes.
Oh, good.
Uh, he says you're not to move
until he returns tomorrow.
Tomorrow? Wendel, I told you.
It can't wait.
Well, he can't be reached.
He's in a meeting there's no telephone.
Oh, Wendel.
I swear, Miss Jackie.
Sure, Wendel.
Well, is there anything to eat?
We're totally famished.
For you, Miss Jackie,
always.
Dar, in here.
Let's eat.
Mmm.
Does it speak?
Usually to animals.
This is Dar.
He's my friend.
Not another surfer?
No. I'd say he's more
of an animal trainer.
Oh. Ohh.
Your father will be overjoyed.
Is this to eat or to look upon?
Good question.
Eat.
Mmm!
What?
I haven't eaten anything but roots
for the last few days, OK?
Another of your exotic diets?
Is he housebroken?
Caw!
Miss Jackie,
I think this may be going too far.
Don't worry, Wendel.
This is Sharak, Kodo, and Podo.
They won't hurt you.
My God...
he is an animal trainer.
Your food...
very colorful.
Well, colorants and preservatives
are our main source of nutrition.
Shorten life, but...
mmm...
they taste good.
Miss Jackie, this has gone far enough.
Uh, I'm calling your father.
Good, because, Wendel,
we really need to talk to him.
Arklon-- we must find him.
Come on, Dar.
Let's watch the 6:00 news.
Uh, is Senator Trent there?
Yes, I know he's in a meeting.
But this is an emergency.
Tell him I will not be responsible.
For what?
For a-- a pterodactyl
and a bunch of rats
loose in the house.
Where's the remote control?
What are these images?
These are pictures.
See, that's one of Daddy and me,
and this is Daddy and my mom.
She's not with us any longer.
She is...
away on a journey?
No. She died a couple of years ago.
You must miss her.
I do.
Come on. Let's watch the news.
Oh, Harry.
Harry.
Gloria.
Harry, Harry!
Gloria.
Harry.
Gloria.
What is this?
This is television, Dar.
Pictures of our world.
Doctors say that Former
President Reagan
will be able to dress himself again
in no time.
Nobody admits that they watch it,
but everybody has at least two of them.
...is about to test a nuclear device
known as the neutron detonator.
What are you doing here?
I'm singing.
I study music.
See, it's real important to me
to convey emotion.
You know, like laughs or tears.
According to an article
in the National Enquirer,
this weapon is capable...
Arklon.
within a 1000-miles radius.
The government has
given no official word
of its existence.
Neutron detonator.
This geek's really trying to get the bomb!
Naval research center at Long Beach.
Can you find him?
My pedal is already to the metal.
We can't go dressed like this.
Daddy's thing will fit you.
Go, birdie, please.
Go away. Fly away home.
Here. Put this on.
Yee-ha!
You look great.
Let's get out of here.
Wendel, tell Daddy that I'm going
to stop World War III.
Come on.
Uh, don't forget your bird!
Go, go!
Ah!
Bye-bye, birdie.
Pardon me, sir.
I'll be your liaison here on the base,
Lieutenant Colonel.
You again.
At your service.
[ chuckling ]
Somehow I expected to
find you here, Lyranna.
Great minds think alike.
I suppose you know
where the neutron detonator is located?
Well, of course.
I even have the security badges
to get us inside.
Badges? I don't need badges!
I'm sorry, sir,
but I cannot allow you inside.
Would you care to explain that, Sergeant?
Your papers are correct,
but your badges only give
you E-2 clearance.
This is an E-1 security area.
You want me to tell General Binns
that we were refused entry
because security made some error
and gave us the wrong badges?
That won't be necessary
I'll call security.
I'm sure we can clear this up immediately.
OK.
That should do it.
Does it check out?
Yeah.
Got to disarm this thing.
Now cease all resistance.
You can't take that!
[ alarm sounds ]
Red alert!
Red alert! Sector "B".
Red alert, Sector "B".
Don't you hate when that happens?
One of my former partners
had the same problem.
No! Wait!
The detonator's armed!
We've got to stop him.
[ alarm sounds ]
- Oh!
- Uhh!
Hey, stop!
Let's go. Move it.
Go, go, go go!
Arklon, hurry!
Hurry!
Aah!
All that you know shall be mine.
Get out of my brain!
Oh, yes.
Oh, yes.
Yes!
Yes!
So, my lovely lovely.
You intended to kill me
so you could rule my kingdom by yourself?
No! You need me to get out!
Uhh!
[ chuckling ]
The portal opens only on a full moon.
And that's tonight.
Bye-bye.
[ gears grind ]
Arklon! Scum of the swamp!
May tarantulas grow in your mouth!
[ gunshots ]
Cursed witch!
Yes, sir.
This is a red alert.
Yes, sir!
Red alert.
Right.
Is that clear?
This is a red alert!
I know what a red alert is.
Hi.
We're here to see General Binns.
My father's senator--
Senator or not, lady,
nobody's getting in during a red alert.
This is absolutely ridiculous.
Aah!
Arklon!
Stop! Stop!
Don't you know the vulcan death grip
or something a little less violent?
What, you again?
At your service.
Get out of my car!
What do you wish me to do, fly?
You are a witch, aren't you?
Now, get out!
You need me to help you find him.
I thought you were on Arklon's side.
I'm on my side, kid.
In your world, I'd be an arbitrage.
Arklon is going to the portal.
That alley that we came through.
He has two hours after
sundown to pass through,
or it closes on him.
It'll take us that long to get there.
You better be telling the truth, Witch, or--
I know.
You've cleave my black heart
from my bosom.
Why does everyone want
to cleave my bosom?
If you ask me,
it cleaves just fine by itself.
We lost the jeep. Inform headquarters.
Get General Binns
to coordinate with the police.
Head back to base.
Victory!
[ telephone rings ]
If you hadn't let him go
in the first place...
Yeah? I know you lost him.
Well, we're here with General Binns now
working out a plan.
Uh-huh.
Right?
Huh? Oh! Yeah.
I'd say, uh...
oh, about a half hour,
and the whole world, kablooey.
Oh, boy. OK, General.
OK, the point is,
will you be able to stop the damn thing
once we find it?
Yeah. Yeah.
Half an hour...
and then, kablooey.
Ohh, jeez.
Look, chief, we're checking the alley
where we found him.
What are you doing here?
Get down there.
Move!
Jeez.
Kablooey.
[ beeping ]
You again.
In the name of our father King Zed,
leave this weapon,
and return to our world with me.
All this evil must cease.
Oh, my dearest brother.
Brother!
The things I could have taught you.
Things.
Unfortunately, I don't have the time.
I have to get back with this device
and without you.
You must pass me first.
Really?
Well, that's nothing
but a minor inconvenience,
isn't it, little brother?
[ siren ]
Don't you just love this town?
The music, the lights.
If he thinks I'm going back
to the dusty old desert,
he's brain dead.
Lyranna, do me a favor, OK?
You have to reach my father Senator Trent.
Ooh, a senator.
Not a world ruler, but it's a start.
I have to help Dar.
Hey, you be careful.
OK?
I tell you the truth.
I would rather have been
an only child.
Aah!
OK, everyone,
pledge of allegiance time.
Hands over your heads!
Get that guy!
Grab him! He's getting away!
Somebody grab him.
I can't see a thing!
Give me some more light over here!
All right! I want you, you!
Come with me.
Son of a bitch! Look at that.
Open fire! Open fire!
Stop firing!
Stop! Stop it!
Goddman it!
You guys--
up the fire escape. Now! Go!
Take him alive!
Do not use your weapons.
Take him alive!
Do not use your weapons.
I repeat! Do not use your weapons.
I repeat.
Do not use your weapons.
Go, go, go!
No need to panic.
It's just another car.
A giant porsche.
Going down.
Go.
Going down.
Ohh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Uh!
Podo, we must be in the land of Lunatics.
Hi.
What did I tell you?
Hope you've enjoyed
flying Jackie airlines.
Who taught you to operate this thing?
Me.
We lost him.
I want all available choppers
to the north side.
This is a code six. I repeat. Code six.
Let's get out of here. Come on!
Now...
let us make haste.
Arklon must not be allowed to escape.
That's easier said than done.
[ screeching ]
He's traveling through...
a leafy green area.
Brick buildings.
Sounds like Griffith Park to me.
We're on our way.
[ rawk ]
[ birds chirping ]
Wait a minute.
Something's happening.
Animals.
[ grrr ]
Bingo! It's the zoo.
Oh, Gods of War and Thunder!
Show me the way to my kingdom!
My kingdom!
[ thunder ]
You've been spying on
me again, haven't you?
You and I have a score
to settle, little beast.
Oh, yes.
Look at these scars you gave me.
Look!
Sharak was my true brother.
You've followed me for
too long, little brother.
I think it's time we separate.
He was my friend.
Ha ha ha!
Stay here!
Now it's time to learn
the real power of Arklon, brother.
Sword to sword, man to man,
for the possession of the device.
A flair for the dramatics,
I like that.
Uh!
Uhh!
You realize this key
still has enough power
to ignite the weapon.
Then we both die.
Yes.
How glorious.
What a glorious death.
Think of the multitudes of souls
who we will take to hell with us.
Uh!
It's good to see you again, friend.
I'd feel better if you'd hold that.
Now...
shall we continue?
Kodo, Podo.
[ drum roll ]
Ladies and gentlemen!
Boys and girls.
Presenting the two great
beasts of the jungle--
the noblie lion and
the tasmanian hedgehog.
Mortal enemies in the wild,
but here at adventure island,
living in complete harmony.
It's the most exciting live animal act
west of the serengeti.
Our trainers have worked
long and hard
to overcome their natural animosity.
See how they...
Aah!
One of us must die.
It's such a pity it must be you.
We're of the same blood.
Ah, my little brother.
Watch them crawling together
in the center ring.
Adventure island's most engaging couple.
Let's see if we can get them to kiss.
I cannot believe we come
from the same blood!
Aah!
The hedgehog hasn't had dinner yet.
I was separated from Zed at birth.
You were kidnapped by the terrible Zhuns.
I am a Zhun.
I have no brother, only enemies!
Aah!
All my enemies have perished.
Dar!
Now you join them.
Look down and cast your eyes
upon death itself.
Uh!
For the father of death
opens his arms
and beckons for you to--
Aah!
Aah!
What poetry.
Perhaps you'd like to recite it again.
Aah!
A little higher this time?
Aah!
It's not too late to make peace.
Peace is for the weak!
Aah!
Aah!
Crawl back with your beasts
into the depths of hell!
Don't get--
Aah!
The world is mine!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Asshole.
Dar.
Follow me. Let's go.
Move, move, move.
Got a pretty big cloud forming.
Check for toxicity.
The bomb.
You worried me, friend.
Halt!
General Binns,
the detonator is here.
We have to hurry.
Take care of those animals.
Watch where you step.
Come on. Come on.
Yeah. Uh-huh.
See? 30 seconds.
The whole world...
kablooey.
I remember...
Aw.
I remember this.
What are these?
Which one?
Oh...
I remember.
He remembers.
I think.
He thinks.
He thinks he remembers.
It's, uh...
ah!
[ beeper ]
Do something!
Not a sound.
Oh.
[ beeper stops ]
Yep.
See?
Stopped it.
Thank you.
You ought to learn a little patience.
I knew this weekend
would turn out like this.
Dar?
Dar?
Bendowski!
Dar?
You have to go back to your world?
This is a great responsibility.
It's time someone used it
for the benefit of my people.
Thank you...
for being my friend.
More than that.
I almost forgot to give
you your little thieves.
Oh.
No. I want them to stay with you.
Somebody to keep you out of trouble.
Oh, come on. Me get into trouble?
I guess they don't look
much like rats after all.
And you.
You're just a big pussycat, aren't you?
Say goodbye.
Bye, Sharak.
- I--
- You--
Will you...
I mean, after you
straighten things out
in your world,
think you might come back sometime?
I would like that very much.
And...
I have the key.
Wait!
Oh, Kodo and Podo!
Talk about your wild weekends.
This one goes down in the record book.
A sword fight to the death,
thermonuclear destruction,
time travel to a land
that doesn't have gas stations.
I mean, how much fun can a girl take?
I know.
I'm going to miss him, too.
He was really something special.
Good day, brother.
It seems you've
travelled a long distance.
You'll never know.
What brings you to this forsaken desert?
My brothers and I are on a pilgrimage.
We've come to worship the
sacred object left by the gods.
No one knows what it is
or how it works,
but everyone wants to possess it.
[ rock 'n' roll plays ]
Rock 'n' roll.
Rock 'n' roll.
Rock 'n' roll.
Rock 'n' roll.
- Rock 'n' roll.
- Rock 'n' roll.
Captioned by Grantman Brown
has been found guilty
of complicity with the rebels
to overthrow the holy
power of Lord Arklon.
The accused has also exhibited
knowledge of witchcraft
in his ability to control
the beasts of the field.
The sentence...
is death.
So this is the Beastmaster.
The one who defeated
our high priest Maox
and now challenges my authority.
Did you actually believe that
you and your flock of peasants
could over throw my kindgom?
Did you?
Now... where are these rebels?
Speak!
No?
Then die.
In the name of Lord Arklon,
I hereby condemn you
to eternal damnation.
May the vultures feast upon his flesh.
[ roar ]
Aah!
Seize him!
Death to all if he escapes!
Ha ha ha ha!
Master of the beast.
Ha ha!
The vultures shall have
their feast after all.
Perhaps you're right.
[ imitates eagle ]
Come on, my friends.
Let us depart...
before somebody really gets hurt.
[ imitates tiger ]
I don't like it.
Bring the witch.
The leader wishes to
speak with you, Witch.
Move it!
Witch, speak.
Where is Arklon's army?
Lord Arklon rests in the
Foothills of Analos,
some two days' journey from here.
Take care you speak the truth, Witch.
One act of betrayal
and I'll cleave your
black heart from your bosom.
Surely such a valiant
warrior such as you
can think of a better use for my bosom.
Away with her!
Well, I guess he got the point.
Guards!
[ shouting ]
Behold the key of Magog.
Death to Arklon!
You have won this battle, Arklon.
But the flames of freedom
will not be extinguished so easily.
They'll be coming,
more and more, from all over the land.
And we both know, Arklon,
the power of the key is not eternal.
Whore...
who are you to address me by name?
Who am I?
Honey, I'm the best thing
that's happened to you
since you donned that
great-looking mask.
And why should I...
Lord Arklon...
maximum ruler of Arok...
be any concern of yours?
Chill out, lord dude.
You know, you're a hard man
to take a meeting with.
That's why I arranged this
scene with the rebels.
What is this strange tongue
in which you speak?
It's all part of what I want to show you,
for it is I, the beautiful,
sensuous, Mysterious Lyranna,
who can make you the most
powerful man on Earth.
My dear, I am the most
powerful man on Earth.
Not for long...
unless you allow me to
make your power eternal.
You... you are but a witch.
Maybe...
but a very uncommon one, my liege.
Silence!
You don't wish to hear my secret?
You want to know what will
make you equal to the gods?
The ultimate power awaits you, my lord.
Then I shall let you live...
only until I witness such sorcery.
But you hear me well,
if you try to deceive me--
I know.
You shall cleave my black heart
from my bosom, hmm?
Take her.
So... you think he likes me?
Split up.
Aah!
Aah! Aah!
Aah!
[ caw ]
Go... back.
Rrawr!
[ gasp ] You... are Dar, son of Zed.
You are of my blood.
I was sister to your father Zed.
In my youth,
I practiced the forbidden rituals...
and eventually evolved
into this wretched creature
that stands before you.
Yes... come closer.
I have seen... the past and the future,
and I must tell you before I expire.
In years past, the evil high priest Maox
ordered King Zed's unborn child
withdrawn from its mother's womb
and transplanted inside
a beast of burden.
That child possesses the ability
to communicate with all creatures
from the fields and the skies.
They call him...
the Beastmaster.
But this was not the
only child taken from him.
Zed's firstborn was stolen
by Zhun priests,
and the grief from losing two sons
eventually eroded his great mind.
You say I have an older brother?
He is evil, Dar!
If you do not find Zed's firstborn
by the time of the autumn equinox,
life in this world shall cease to exist.
If you do find him...
and destroy him...
peace and justice shall prevail.
I must kill my brother?
Dar...
the fate of the world
rests on your shoulders.
Now, begone.
I do not want you to see me die.
Wait...
how will I know him?
Where will I find him?
Search the western region.
The western region...
What sorcery is this?
A dimensional portal.
The doorway to your
ulitmate triumph, my lord.
A world that exists on a
parallel plane with our own.
And what do they call this place?
The natives call it LA.
Al ay?
I've been studying their ways.
Oh... what marvels they possess.
Indeed.
And one in particular
should interest you.
It is housed at one of
their military fortresses.
Their men of science call it
a neutron detonator.
It's compact enough to carry,
yet powerful enough to destroy all life
in an area the size of a continent.
With the threat of such a weapon,
I could rule unstopposed.
Exactly.
Exactly.
Their political structure
is based on such weapons.
They refer to it as the balance of terror.
What a brilliantly barbarous concept.
Ah...
Why do you show me such things?
These are nothing but
illusions and pictures.
Have her drawn and quartered.
Ha ha ha ha!
Fool! Fool!
Laugh in the face of death?
I laugh at any fool
who would throw away
the key to ultimate power.
We are made for each other.
The key of Magog and I--
together, and only together--
can we come and go
through the portal at will
and make these pictures reality.
The neutron detonator will be yours.
You'll rule the world.
With me at your side.
Really?
You...
the mother of beauty...
would be at my side?
You...
the queen of radiance,
would grace my lonely existence?
You...
would cast your sparkling eyes
upon this tattered face
and shine your aura upon my throne?
Ohh...
Burn her!
Ha ha ha ha!
Arklon, you need me!
The key will get you in,
but only I can get you out.
Arklon, read my lips--
only I can get you out!
Let haste not be the ruler,
lest we forget the purpose.
Come...
let us discover more
about this place you call...
LA.
Al ay.
[ honk honk ]
Hello?
Hi, Daddy, this is Jackie!
My daughter?
Yes, your daughter.
I've been searching
the entire pacific coast--
Stop yelling, Daddy.
You'll have another asthma attack.
Unit baker 5-0, high-speed pursuit.
Request assistance.
Roger, baker 5-0. 86 responding.
[ siren ]
Can you give me a make on that vehicle?
A red porsche.
Senator Trent's daughter.
The crazy one.
I was at this great party in Ensenada.
How long?
Five or six days.
it's really hard to remember.
I'm on the 5 heading
north towards downtown.
I hope you're not speeding.
Of course I'm not speeding, Daddy.
You only have 20--
I know Pam's getting
married in 20 minutes.
I'm not going to miss
my own sister's wedding.
You missed your brother's bar mitzvah.
What?
[ sirens ]
You're going to have to speak up,
there's a lot of noise.
Sounds like a police siren.
It does. Let me check.
It is a siren, Daddy.
I'll call you back.
Are these any problems?
No, there won't be any problems.
I'll see you at the church, OK?
Ciao, Daddy. I love you.
# You're such an expensive girl #
# Ooh, so hard to please #
# Livin' in such a crazy world #
# Just move over and gimme the keys #
Uh-oh.
# Another night #
# You kiss the mornin' #
# Slip away without a trace #
Whoo! I am so cool.
# Without a warning #
# You got me, girl, between
a rock and a hard place #
# Rapture #
# Heartbreak #
# You're a reckless little girl #
# But that's all right #
# Satisfaction guaranteed tonight #
# Keep on, keep on rockin' me #
# Keep on, keep on rockin' me #
# Keep on, keep on rockin' me #
# All night long #
# All night long #
# Every time I see you, babe #
# It breaks my heart with pain #
# Like a sultry summer day #
# Holding on, brave the rain #
[ gasp ] Oh, shit!
Oh... aah!
Well, this is nice.
This is very, very nice.
You write the report this time.
I'm not doing the--
So, uh, where's the camera?
Yo, Darth Vader, what is
this, some kind of movie set?
OK, drop your weapons.
You're under arrest!
You have the right to remain silent.
You shall remain silent.
Shit!
I want them alive!
Since when did the governor
pardon mental patients?
Exeter, Zavic!
Unit 86 to headquarters--
officers under fire.
Immediate assistance requested.
A 10-28 at the intersection of...
Where the hell are we?
How should I know?
This isn't my neighborhood.
It's going to blow!
- Aah!
- Aah!
Marcellus, are we dreaming?
If we were dreaming,
we couldn't have to
explain to the captain
what happened to our patrol cars.
Get her!
These guys don't give warning shots.
Oh... oh, come on.
Ohh!
Exeter, bring me the outsider.
Yes, my lord.
Alive!
Yes, my lord.
Now!
Get the outsider!
What an incredible
instrument of destruction
this beast would make.
I could roll over the entire armies.
It's called a car.
A dar.
A car.
A car.
Let's cross over to the other world now.
I know many other
wonders of their world.
Put yourselves in the hand
of your future queen.
So, my little dove,
you wish to be my queen.
I certainly don't wish to be your maid.
First we interrogate the outsider...
my witch.
[ engine dies ]
[ engine won't start ]
Damn!
Where's the auto club
when you need them?
Well, there's got to be a main road
around here somewhere.
You know that middle of nowhere
you always heard about...
I'm here.
Hello...
hello...
PJ, close the blinds.
PJ, go away.
Your breath smells worse
than a dead iguana.
PJ, that's disgusting.
Uh-oh.
Nice-- nice kitty.
Nice-- nice baby.
That's right. That-that's good.
Isn't there maybe a ball of string
you'd like to go play with?
Mommy will get you
a nice can of 9 lives.
Who is this PJ?
There is no cause to be alarmed.
I don't know about you,
but I'd rather eat breakfast
than be breakfast.
The beast is my friend.
I see through his eyes.
He sees through mine.
Enough, enough.
I know his thoughts. He knows mine.
Sounds like you have a great,
meaningful relationship,
but just make him go away.
Ruh... over.
Feel better now?
Not really.
Hey, are you one of
those crazed bikers,
you know, with the crossbows...
Do you have any idea where we are?
The western region.
Oh. Well, that's enlightening.
Would you mind being a
little bit more specific?
Look, is there a telephone
around that I could use
or-- or a 7-eleven even?
Something like that?
7-eleven?
[ squealing ]
Whoa. Your bag's full of rats.
No. These are my ferrets.
This is Kodo and Podo.
They still look like rats to me.
Oh. How was the trip?
Hey, I get it now.
You're with the circus.
We're on a quest.
Sure.
Right.
Well, you know, hey,
I'm on a quest, too.
For gas.
See, my porsche ran out
of gas 10 miles back.
I know Daddy would pay a lot of money
if you'd just help me get back to LA.
You are welcome to join us
on our journey westward.
Perhaps there you will
find the land you seek.
Well, all right.
It's the best offer I've gotten all day.
Hey, is that cat going to come with us?
His name is Ruh.
We travel everywhere together.
Must make it really difficult
checking into a hotel.
Wait a minute.
Hey, wait up, Hercules.
I'm coming.
Hey, if you're not with the circus,
maybe a zoo?
Zoo?
You know, where they keep animals.
The animals are free.
This is their land.
I'm their friend.
OK, OK. Not again.
[ caw ]
[ caw ]
By the way, I'm Jackie Trent.
And you?
Dar.
Dar what?
Dar, do you understand
anything I say to you?
No.
Just like Daddy.
Roots.
Euell Gibbon in a Lioncloth.
Delicious.
It will keep us alive.
No, thanks.
I'll just stick with the salad bar.
You know, that vulture's
been circling above us
for about an hour.
That's no vulture.
That's my eagle.
Magnificent bird.
Sharak!
[ caw ]
A boy and his bird.
How touching.
I send him to scout for me.
He is my eyes.
A seeing-eye bird.
You know, this isn't half
bad when it's cooked.
You really do all right for yourself.
You live off the land,
you get along great with animals.
Totally self-sufficient.
Look, Dar, I have to ask--
were you raiser by wolves or what?
So, Dar, tell me,
what's with you and these animals?
They're the only family I have.
They sure do love you.
What are their names again?
This one's Kodo, and this one's Podo.
Can I hold them?
They're squirmy.
Wait. Which one's Kodo
and which one's Podo?
Guess.
I can't tell the difference.
They're adorable.
Do not be decieved by appearances.
They are both very shrewd thieves.
Thieves?
Mmm. They have cunning
to get me out of very rocky situations.
It looks like they love you, too.
[ growling ]
More of your friends?
Those are the lost hounds.
That's bad, right?
They stalk the night
searching for souls to
drag down into the abyss.
Sounds like a couple of guys
I met in Tijuana last night.
Wait.
Where are you going?
To stand guard with Ruh.
Don't worry. Kodo and Podo
will stay with you.
You will be safe.
I promise.
You'll take care of me, won't you?
Sleep.
I don't know what that
cat has that I don't.
Strange, this newcomer, huh?
What do you think?
Well...
[ squeaking ]
[ squeaking ]
Take the outsider.
The Beastmaster.
Who are those geeks?
[ coughing ]
I can't breathe.
Get him.
We encountered the Beastmaster.
And you let him escape?
Idiot!
Two of my best man are
fast upon his heels, my lord.
Appealing little thing...
in a plain sort of way.
Dar?
Where's Dar?
He rots with his beast.
Do you know where you are?
The Twilight Zone.
Where's rod serling?
You are in a parallel world.
Lord Arklon opened
the dimensional portal
that you came through.
Way rad!
So, uh, listen...
Leatherface...
how do you supposed I get
back through this, uh, portal?
Ha ha ha.
"Leatherface."
I shall be happy to take you
in exchange for certain information.
Information?
Yes.
Hell, I'm loaded with information.
I watch Jeopardy! Every night.
I seek a weapon known as
the neutron detonator.
Neutron detonator.
Yes.
Right.
Well, once we're back in Los Angeles,
I'll get one for you at K-Mart.
Beware of treachery, my lord.
Look, Daddy's good friends
with Admiral Benz.
He's the chief of pacific operations.
I'm sure he probably has a warehouse
full of neutron detonators...
somewhere.
[ caw ]
Few people have been foolish enough
to betray me, little one.
Girl scout's honor.
We'll just hop back
through that rabbit hole
and grab a neutron detonator,
and you'll be back by lunch.
Promise.
We go.
The Beastmaster.
No.
I shall kill him with my own hand.
No. Come on. You can kill him
anytime. Our time is limited.
Arklon...
Zavic, Exeter, if you wish
to live, he must die.
Yes, my lord.
Ruh!
Arklon!
Arklon, not now. Time is fleeting.
Brother?
You are the one.
I should have known.
Till death do us part.
Not now, Arklon!
You creep, you're breaking my arm.
You killed your own brother.
No. Not yet.
I merely detained him until
a more propitious moment,
althrough I understand
why he's so hard to kill.
He's from my own blood.
Well, I bet your mom
always liked him best.
You know, I've got friends in this town.
You'll never get away with this.
Lord Arklon can get away with anything.
My sweet little child,
if you value your health,
you'll lead us to the
neutron detonator now.
OK, OK. Lighten up.
Good.
Whoa.
Check out the radical rags, man.
Hey, wow...
Whoa, whoa.
Why are they looking at me like this?
They're digging your royal attire, sire.
Of course.
You got to get yourself
some fresh threads.
See, apparently the suspects
have fired some gas lines.
The guys down here took care of that,
but this jerk won't come out of the alley.
We've tried talking to the guy.
He won't say a thing.
What?
What the hell is that doing here?
Good question.
There are many of them...
and few of us.
We called the zoo biologist.
He has tranquilizer darts.
Did he bring one for Mr. Loincloth?
That's why God invented taser guns.
You know how I feel about tasers.
Look, you try rushing him.
OK, go ahead.
Holy shit...
Aah!
Fire the taser!
Well, there you have it, chief.
No muss, no fuss.
What about tabby back there?
The zoo's keeping him.
They're sure he's not
one of theirs, though.
Find out everything you
can about the weirdo.
Have somebody run a query
on all Loincloth freaks.
There can't be that many.
Have the whole thing on
my desk tomorrow morning.
Whoa, uh, chief. Tomorrow's Sunday.
You think this can wait
till Monday, Bendowski?
I hear you.
I thought you would.
Loincloths...
And what can we do to you?
My associates, they're looking
for a more corporate look.
I should say.
Cultural exchange students.
Of course.
Marian?
Yes, Mr. Miller.
Would you help this lady?
Arklon, we must go now.
Today, darling.
Look. Just in from Paris.
It's the rage.
I-- I think we've got
a couple of minutes...
or so.
And, sir, if you will follow me...
Ow!
Where are you going?
I was going to try it on, too.
Can I go look at the skirts?
No.
Can I go to the bath--
Quiet.
room?
Now, sir,
here is something just
screams your name, hmm?
No.
Uh...
Sir--
haven't you anything
more befitting my station?
Sir, I assure you this is
the Finest Virgin Wool.
Virgins.
My dear boy,
from where I come from,
the only thing a virgin is good for
is sacrifice.
Well, I have sacrificed
a few in my time, too.
Ah.
If you were in my kingdom,
I would slit you open
and disembowel you.
You know,
you should really meet
my stress management therapist.
He's done wonders for me.
Um, sir...
if... if--
Uh.
Now, uh, sir...
if you'll just try this on,
I'm sure you'll be quite pleased.
We've had three oil sheiks
and one ethiopian potentate
purchase this exact suit.
Uh, please. Come this
way if you will, please.
This way.
You will stay.
The neutron detonator
itself couldn't move me.
If you will...
What?
Why did she do that?
Oh! What's up?
What did I tell you, sir?
A perfect fit.
And if I may say,
the Phantom of the Opera look
is quite chic.
Where is she?
To whom are you referring, sir?
Where is she?
If you're referring to a woman
whom you arrived with,
I believe she stepped outside.
Shall I wrap this, or would
you like to wear it home?
Aah!
Yes. I think I'm beginning
to like this... LA.
Hey, hey!
Wait a min--
What's going on?
Preston, come back here.
He who defies Arklon
shall be destroyed by Arklon!
Yaa!
Arklon...
you're as subtle as a rabid rhino.
Wendel...
Daddy...
Ah, welcome here, Miss Jackie.
I missed you, too, Wendel.
You were gone so long,
we considered renting out your room.
Oh, Wendel, it's a long story.
For your sake, I hope it's a best-seller.
Your father mentioned something
about disinheriting you.
Then he leaved without even paying.
So we come down and investigate.
Anyway, th-this guy aims
this, um, laser thing
at the front of the store--
you know how that can happen?
And then before we know it,
everything's destroyed.
What you're trying to
tell me, Bendowski,
is that there's some
stranger running around
with a laser beam blowing
brassieres off mannequins.
Yeah, I-- I mean, I can see your point.
I-- I hear you.
Well, I'm out of here.
Yeah.
No, I-- I know what you mean.
OK. Back to square one.
What's your name?
You Tarzan...
Me Coberly.
Get it?
Your name.
What is with you people?
Haven't you seen Tarzan before?
Get back to work!
OK. Let's continue.
Arklon.
I must find him.
That's one bad dude.
He's evil.
Uh-huh. Sit down.
Sit.
Well, your pal here
busted up a clothing store,
and the owner is pretty pissed.
Mr. Melwyn, the city
cannot reimburse you.
You know what I don't understand?
How come a clean-cut
jungle boy like you
is hanging out with a creep like this?
[ squeaking ]
OK, but your little friends and
you are going to stay here
until you tell me what I want to know.
Sergeant!
I know how traumatic a
broken window can be.
How do I know?
Sarge!
Get him!
Trust me. I know.
[ honking ]
Come on! Get in!
I don't believe this!
It's your fault, Bendowski!
Me?
Yes, you! Go get him.
Slap leg irons on him.
People, get back to work... now!
I found you!
I can't believe it.
You're safe?
We're not safe
until I do something with you.
Where's Arklon?
Probably on the cover of GQ by now.
Who knows?
He's dangerous. We must find him.
Where are we?
Dar, we're in my world.
From what I can tell,
it's a parallel world to yours,
only we have more smog.
This is Los Angeles--
LA.
LA?
Largest city in California.
Most awesome place in the universe.
This carriage--
it moves without horsepower.
I told Daddy to get this tuned up.
He never listens to me.
[ tires screech ]
Asshole!
Asshole?
Asshole.
Asshole!
[ radio plays ]
Whoo!
That's rock 'n' roll, baby.
Rock 'n' roll.
# What ya doin'... #
It does remind me of an earthquake.
That's right.
It shakes you right
out of your boredom.
# You haven't, haven't
even heard a word #
# My mouth is so dry,
I can hardly speak #
# My head is spinning,
and my knees are weak #
# Ooh, and there's that
look in your eyes #
# Oh, I feel like I'm fallin' #
# Fallin' in love #
# Oh, feels like the first time #
# And I can't get enough #
# Oh, I feel like I'm fallin'... #
Yes, my friends.
Quite barbaric.
# Fallin' in love #
# Hey, boy, what ya doing'
what ya doin' #
# In my world? #
# Ooh, do you think I could ever #
# Ever be your girl? #
# It's some kind of voodoo #
[ horn honks ]
That's the horn.
# I'm fallin' under your spell #
# Ooh, there's that look
in your eyes #
# Oh, feels like I'm fallin' #
# Fallin' in love... #
Your world,
my world.
Just as crazy.
Yeah. You have the smog,
whatever that is.
Just don't breathe too deeply, OK?
# Oh, fallin' in love #
Ooh!
Ah!
Oh, those were nice girls,
weren't they?
Sure.
Ah, you're a pretty good sort.
So are you, my friend.
What's with the hair?
Ha ha ha!
Aah!
I am entering your mind.
I shall feed on your memories
and know all that you know.
You shall tell me
how to get to your military base
and what skills I need
to survive your world,
and when you're finished,
your mind shall be blank,
and all that you know
shall cease to be.
Hi, Wendel!
Hmm. No visible dents.
Thank you.
Have you heard from Daddy yet?
Yes.
Oh, good.
Uh, he says you're not to move
until he returns tomorrow.
Tomorrow? Wendel, I told you.
It can't wait.
Well, he can't be reached.
He's in a meeting there's no telephone.
Oh, Wendel.
I swear, Miss Jackie.
Sure, Wendel.
Well, is there anything to eat?
We're totally famished.
For you, Miss Jackie,
always.
Dar, in here.
Let's eat.
Mmm.
Does it speak?
Usually to animals.
This is Dar.
He's my friend.
Not another surfer?
No. I'd say he's more
of an animal trainer.
Oh. Ohh.
Your father will be overjoyed.
Is this to eat or to look upon?
Good question.
Eat.
Mmm!
What?
I haven't eaten anything but roots
for the last few days, OK?
Another of your exotic diets?
Is he housebroken?
Caw!
Miss Jackie,
I think this may be going too far.
Don't worry, Wendel.
This is Sharak, Kodo, and Podo.
They won't hurt you.
My God...
he is an animal trainer.
Your food...
very colorful.
Well, colorants and preservatives
are our main source of nutrition.
Shorten life, but...
mmm...
they taste good.
Miss Jackie, this has gone far enough.
Uh, I'm calling your father.
Good, because, Wendel,
we really need to talk to him.
Arklon-- we must find him.
Come on, Dar.
Let's watch the 6:00 news.
Uh, is Senator Trent there?
Yes, I know he's in a meeting.
But this is an emergency.
Tell him I will not be responsible.
For what?
For a-- a pterodactyl
and a bunch of rats
loose in the house.
Where's the remote control?
What are these images?
These are pictures.
See, that's one of Daddy and me,
and this is Daddy and my mom.
She's not with us any longer.
She is...
away on a journey?
No. She died a couple of years ago.
You must miss her.
I do.
Come on. Let's watch the news.
Oh, Harry.
Harry.
Gloria.
Harry, Harry!
Gloria.
Harry.
Gloria.
What is this?
This is television, Dar.
Pictures of our world.
Doctors say that Former
President Reagan
will be able to dress himself again
in no time.
Nobody admits that they watch it,
but everybody has at least two of them.
...is about to test a nuclear device
known as the neutron detonator.
What are you doing here?
I'm singing.
I study music.
See, it's real important to me
to convey emotion.
You know, like laughs or tears.
According to an article
in the National Enquirer,
this weapon is capable...
Arklon.
within a 1000-miles radius.
The government has
given no official word
of its existence.
Neutron detonator.
This geek's really trying to get the bomb!
Naval research center at Long Beach.
Can you find him?
My pedal is already to the metal.
We can't go dressed like this.
Daddy's thing will fit you.
Go, birdie, please.
Go away. Fly away home.
Here. Put this on.
Yee-ha!
You look great.
Let's get out of here.
Wendel, tell Daddy that I'm going
to stop World War III.
Come on.
Uh, don't forget your bird!
Go, go!
Ah!
Bye-bye, birdie.
Pardon me, sir.
I'll be your liaison here on the base,
Lieutenant Colonel.
You again.
At your service.
[ chuckling ]
Somehow I expected to
find you here, Lyranna.
Great minds think alike.
I suppose you know
where the neutron detonator is located?
Well, of course.
I even have the security badges
to get us inside.
Badges? I don't need badges!
I'm sorry, sir,
but I cannot allow you inside.
Would you care to explain that, Sergeant?
Your papers are correct,
but your badges only give
you E-2 clearance.
This is an E-1 security area.
You want me to tell General Binns
that we were refused entry
because security made some error
and gave us the wrong badges?
That won't be necessary
I'll call security.
I'm sure we can clear this up immediately.
OK.
That should do it.
Does it check out?
Yeah.
Got to disarm this thing.
Now cease all resistance.
You can't take that!
[ alarm sounds ]
Red alert!
Red alert! Sector "B".
Red alert, Sector "B".
Don't you hate when that happens?
One of my former partners
had the same problem.
No! Wait!
The detonator's armed!
We've got to stop him.
[ alarm sounds ]
- Oh!
- Uhh!
Hey, stop!
Let's go. Move it.
Go, go, go go!
Arklon, hurry!
Hurry!
Aah!
All that you know shall be mine.
Get out of my brain!
Oh, yes.
Oh, yes.
Yes!
Yes!
So, my lovely lovely.
You intended to kill me
so you could rule my kingdom by yourself?
No! You need me to get out!
Uhh!
[ chuckling ]
The portal opens only on a full moon.
And that's tonight.
Bye-bye.
[ gears grind ]
Arklon! Scum of the swamp!
May tarantulas grow in your mouth!
[ gunshots ]
Cursed witch!
Yes, sir.
This is a red alert.
Yes, sir!
Red alert.
Right.
Is that clear?
This is a red alert!
I know what a red alert is.
Hi.
We're here to see General Binns.
My father's senator--
Senator or not, lady,
nobody's getting in during a red alert.
This is absolutely ridiculous.
Aah!
Arklon!
Stop! Stop!
Don't you know the vulcan death grip
or something a little less violent?
What, you again?
At your service.
Get out of my car!
What do you wish me to do, fly?
You are a witch, aren't you?
Now, get out!
You need me to help you find him.
I thought you were on Arklon's side.
I'm on my side, kid.
In your world, I'd be an arbitrage.
Arklon is going to the portal.
That alley that we came through.
He has two hours after
sundown to pass through,
or it closes on him.
It'll take us that long to get there.
You better be telling the truth, Witch, or--
I know.
You've cleave my black heart
from my bosom.
Why does everyone want
to cleave my bosom?
If you ask me,
it cleaves just fine by itself.
We lost the jeep. Inform headquarters.
Get General Binns
to coordinate with the police.
Head back to base.
Victory!
[ telephone rings ]
If you hadn't let him go
in the first place...
Yeah? I know you lost him.
Well, we're here with General Binns now
working out a plan.
Uh-huh.
Right?
Huh? Oh! Yeah.
I'd say, uh...
oh, about a half hour,
and the whole world, kablooey.
Oh, boy. OK, General.
OK, the point is,
will you be able to stop the damn thing
once we find it?
Yeah. Yeah.
Half an hour...
and then, kablooey.
Ohh, jeez.
Look, chief, we're checking the alley
where we found him.
What are you doing here?
Get down there.
Move!
Jeez.
Kablooey.
[ beeping ]
You again.
In the name of our father King Zed,
leave this weapon,
and return to our world with me.
All this evil must cease.
Oh, my dearest brother.
Brother!
The things I could have taught you.
Things.
Unfortunately, I don't have the time.
I have to get back with this device
and without you.
You must pass me first.
Really?
Well, that's nothing
but a minor inconvenience,
isn't it, little brother?
[ siren ]
Don't you just love this town?
The music, the lights.
If he thinks I'm going back
to the dusty old desert,
he's brain dead.
Lyranna, do me a favor, OK?
You have to reach my father Senator Trent.
Ooh, a senator.
Not a world ruler, but it's a start.
I have to help Dar.
Hey, you be careful.
OK?
I tell you the truth.
I would rather have been
an only child.
Aah!
OK, everyone,
pledge of allegiance time.
Hands over your heads!
Get that guy!
Grab him! He's getting away!
Somebody grab him.
I can't see a thing!
Give me some more light over here!
All right! I want you, you!
Come with me.
Son of a bitch! Look at that.
Open fire! Open fire!
Stop firing!
Stop! Stop it!
Goddman it!
You guys--
up the fire escape. Now! Go!
Take him alive!
Do not use your weapons.
Take him alive!
Do not use your weapons.
I repeat! Do not use your weapons.
I repeat.
Do not use your weapons.
Go, go, go!
No need to panic.
It's just another car.
A giant porsche.
Going down.
Go.
Going down.
Ohh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Uh!
Podo, we must be in the land of Lunatics.
Hi.
What did I tell you?
Hope you've enjoyed
flying Jackie airlines.
Who taught you to operate this thing?
Me.
We lost him.
I want all available choppers
to the north side.
This is a code six. I repeat. Code six.
Let's get out of here. Come on!
Now...
let us make haste.
Arklon must not be allowed to escape.
That's easier said than done.
[ screeching ]
He's traveling through...
a leafy green area.
Brick buildings.
Sounds like Griffith Park to me.
We're on our way.
[ rawk ]
[ birds chirping ]
Wait a minute.
Something's happening.
Animals.
[ grrr ]
Bingo! It's the zoo.
Oh, Gods of War and Thunder!
Show me the way to my kingdom!
My kingdom!
[ thunder ]
You've been spying on
me again, haven't you?
You and I have a score
to settle, little beast.
Oh, yes.
Look at these scars you gave me.
Look!
Sharak was my true brother.
You've followed me for
too long, little brother.
I think it's time we separate.
He was my friend.
Ha ha ha!
Stay here!
Now it's time to learn
the real power of Arklon, brother.
Sword to sword, man to man,
for the possession of the device.
A flair for the dramatics,
I like that.
Uh!
Uhh!
You realize this key
still has enough power
to ignite the weapon.
Then we both die.
Yes.
How glorious.
What a glorious death.
Think of the multitudes of souls
who we will take to hell with us.
Uh!
It's good to see you again, friend.
I'd feel better if you'd hold that.
Now...
shall we continue?
Kodo, Podo.
[ drum roll ]
Ladies and gentlemen!
Boys and girls.
Presenting the two great
beasts of the jungle--
the noblie lion and
the tasmanian hedgehog.
Mortal enemies in the wild,
but here at adventure island,
living in complete harmony.
It's the most exciting live animal act
west of the serengeti.
Our trainers have worked
long and hard
to overcome their natural animosity.
See how they...
Aah!
One of us must die.
It's such a pity it must be you.
We're of the same blood.
Ah, my little brother.
Watch them crawling together
in the center ring.
Adventure island's most engaging couple.
Let's see if we can get them to kiss.
I cannot believe we come
from the same blood!
Aah!
The hedgehog hasn't had dinner yet.
I was separated from Zed at birth.
You were kidnapped by the terrible Zhuns.
I am a Zhun.
I have no brother, only enemies!
Aah!
All my enemies have perished.
Dar!
Now you join them.
Look down and cast your eyes
upon death itself.
Uh!
For the father of death
opens his arms
and beckons for you to--
Aah!
Aah!
What poetry.
Perhaps you'd like to recite it again.
Aah!
A little higher this time?
Aah!
It's not too late to make peace.
Peace is for the weak!
Aah!
Aah!
Crawl back with your beasts
into the depths of hell!
Don't get--
Aah!
The world is mine!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Asshole.
Dar.
Follow me. Let's go.
Move, move, move.
Got a pretty big cloud forming.
Check for toxicity.
The bomb.
You worried me, friend.
Halt!
General Binns,
the detonator is here.
We have to hurry.
Take care of those animals.
Watch where you step.
Come on. Come on.
Yeah. Uh-huh.
See? 30 seconds.
The whole world...
kablooey.
I remember...
Aw.
I remember this.
What are these?
Which one?
Oh...
I remember.
He remembers.
I think.
He thinks.
He thinks he remembers.
It's, uh...
ah!
[ beeper ]
Do something!
Not a sound.
Oh.
[ beeper stops ]
Yep.
See?
Stopped it.
Thank you.
You ought to learn a little patience.
I knew this weekend
would turn out like this.
Dar?
Dar?
Bendowski!
Dar?
You have to go back to your world?
This is a great responsibility.
It's time someone used it
for the benefit of my people.
Thank you...
for being my friend.
More than that.
I almost forgot to give
you your little thieves.
Oh.
No. I want them to stay with you.
Somebody to keep you out of trouble.
Oh, come on. Me get into trouble?
I guess they don't look
much like rats after all.
And you.
You're just a big pussycat, aren't you?
Say goodbye.
Bye, Sharak.
- I--
- You--
Will you...
I mean, after you
straighten things out
in your world,
think you might come back sometime?
I would like that very much.
And...
I have the key.
Wait!
Oh, Kodo and Podo!
Talk about your wild weekends.
This one goes down in the record book.
A sword fight to the death,
thermonuclear destruction,
time travel to a land
that doesn't have gas stations.
I mean, how much fun can a girl take?
I know.
I'm going to miss him, too.
He was really something special.
Good day, brother.
It seems you've
travelled a long distance.
You'll never know.
What brings you to this forsaken desert?
My brothers and I are on a pilgrimage.
We've come to worship the
sacred object left by the gods.
No one knows what it is
or how it works,
but everyone wants to possess it.
[ rock 'n' roll plays ]
Rock 'n' roll.
Rock 'n' roll.
Rock 'n' roll.
Rock 'n' roll.
- Rock 'n' roll.
- Rock 'n' roll.
Captioned by Grantman Brown