Bellman and True (1987) Movie Script

What shall we call ourselves tonight?
Okay. Mr J Hawkins. Remember that?
Well, I'll say good night, then.
Not much, is it?
Not what you'd call much, exactly.
It'll do.
Not after the hotel
in Torquay. That was fine.
Well, I'm not having you ringing down
for Cokes in the middle of the night.
There's no bell here.
- I'm hungry.
- Well, you did the shopping.
You want some?
Er... no.
Think I'll go and wash.
Every bloody night!
'Course it's them.
They came in at six,
and they haven't been out.
Yeah, in the morning,
when they leave.
I'm eating.
Tell me a story.
Don't know any stories.
Yes, you do.
Er... cowboy stories?
What about Pissoff the Peon?
Shot people in the back,
mostly in the stomach.
Not that one.
- What one, then?
- Our one. You know.
You Just Can't Win?
That's it.
All right, then.
Where had we got to?
This place with the sign outside.
The place called Lulu-land.
Oh, yeah.
Short Life beer, fourpence a pint,
all cheques accepted.
And a jukebox that played
nothing but Wagner.
- And who was there?
- Oh, the usual crowd.
And the Princess?
Yeah, she was there.
The Princess who
smoked French cigarettes,
and was beautiful
when she wasn't looking.
That's the one.
And was I there, too?
'Course you were.
We were all there.
We played Skittles and Brittles
and One Jump Ginger.
And we had a dog
that ate nothing but income tax men.
What else did we do?
We'd light the fire with coal bills.
We drank our pints out of quart mugs,
so they didn't spill
while we were driving.
It was good there.
We only had one rule.
We didn't let anyone in
who had a Rover 2000 S.
A Rover what?
2000 S.
2000 Smegma.
Because people with
Rover 2000 Smegmas
live in four-bedroomed
fake Georgian houses.
They might have St Bernard dogs
called Darling,
and they have nasty little kids
in green jumpsuits,
who come in through the window
on a wire, and say "Gosh!"
and all that sort of thing.
but, someone like that,
we'd never have let them in.
Princess wouldn't have
liked them at all.
No, she wouldn't.
Yeah, it's them.
Both of them.
They just walked past me,
heading back your way.
Well, I dunno.
I've been here since six!
Thank you.
Don't look very happy about it.
None of them are smiling.
Now, listen.
Listen to me carefully.
You go down the end here,
and you turn left,
and you go to the main road,
and you turn right, and you go down,
you cross over at the crossing.
Wait for the lights to change.
And then you go in
the Underground station,
then you buy two 50p tickets,
and you wait for me
inside the barrier by the lifts.
By the lifts,
and you don't move.
Now go on.
- Look".
- Ssh.
Right, over there.
Put your hands on your head.
- Listen to me...
- Quite still.
Hands on head.
Stand forward.
Up on your toes.
- Look, you don't want to hurt me.
- Up on your toes, like he said.
No, wait!
Up. Up.
No, don't!
No, stop!
That's a good boy.
Get him a clean shirt.
We want him presentable.
I think the blue, sir.
Come on, shirt, shirt.
Just hang on.
Herne Hill, mate, ta.
Straight on.
Wait here.
Mr Hiller?
Nice to see you again.
Where's the boy?
And, er...
At the moment, pretty sound.
Sorry about the mess.
Got a touch behind
with the refurbishments.
Trouble is getting the
Board of Directors to sign a cheque.
Never can find people
when you want them, can you?
Going to be something
rather special when it's done.
When it's done.
- Okay?
- 'Course.
- Look what he bought me.
- I bought him an Ackshee Bubber.
Very butch, with the
scar on his cheek and all.
Yeah, and it's the one
with the rocket launcher...
That's it, babe. Not now.
Your daddy and I are
going upstairs to talk business.
Long words. Very boring.
Why don't you stay here
and play?
See if you can break something.
Nothing worth breaking here.
I won't be long.
- If it's the money, I...
- If it's the money.
Isn't that sweet?
I gave this guy
one thousand pounds
to borrow a file named "Champers"
from the place where he worked.
There was to be another one thousand
when he delivered.
But he didn't show.
He got frighted.
And all I got through my letterbox
was a spool of computer tape.
Now, I couldn't read that
in the bath, could I?
Then, he did a stupid thing.
He went away.
Ts k-ts k-ts k-ts k-ts k-tsk.
Do you know where the rest
of my one thousand pounds went?
A nice little holiday
in the West Country.
Cream teas,
and we only had
three days of rain.
But, dear heart,
the money had to run out some time,
and you came back
to the big city.
My, my, right on our doorstep.
Didn't you know that?
Didn't you know
we kept open house?
I see we had a little
ugly this morning.
Now, what I want you to do,
is go back to that place
where you work,
and finish the job.
I want a print-out of that tape
I can read.
I can't.
They fired me.
You'll just have to think
of a way round that, dear heart.
Won't he, Gorty?
He will.
Because we don't want to
have a very ugly, do we?
Someone's been here.
Somebody recent.
French cigarettes.
Anybody else got a key?
Get out.
Get out!
Who, for Christ's sake, told you
you could come in here? Get out!
I didn't walk out on you, dear heart.
I didn't come back
to pick up my clothes.
We'll need a video recorder
from downstairs.
Sod off.
Come on.
We've got work to do.
We'll need the computer.
And the printer.
Is that it, then, dear heart?
Come on!
If you say one word to the boy
about his mother leaving...
Scout's honor.
Is it going to work?
I've only got to do
what ten people
with three million pounds'
worth of hardware
can usually manage in a
couple of months. You tell me.
Only asking.
The sooner you finish,
the sooner you can leave.
Dear heart, I told you
this had to be something I could read.
I remember.
Well, this is just jumbled-up stuff.
Figures and letters.
Alphanumeric machine code.
Well, what's that, then?
All right.
This "Champers" file.
It was programmed in the data division
of the firm where I worked,
but I didn't program it.
I don't know if it's hex
or straight decimal.
I don't know the form of it.
I don't know the seeds, the algorithms,
the field, the boundaries...
Keep it simple!
To get a read-out on that printer,
I have to do a lot of work
on that computer.
I have to use that
to get into the mind of the man
who originally encrypted it.
It's going to take
a hell of a long time,
and isn't going to happen at all
unless you key me in
with a few things.
I mean, words and headings
that might repeat a lot.
I suggest you keep an eye out
for the following:
and "Bank".
Leave it alone, you prat.
I'm watching!
- All right, Shirley.
- Don't call me Shirley.
You wanna go out?
Out to the toilet
for the 57th time?
- No.
- No, what?
No, arseholes.
No, what?
No, what?!
Nowhere. Nobody.
No. No, thank you!
Ow, you bloody idiot!
- What about your toys?
- I'm bored of 'em!
- What about those comics I bought you?
- Bored of them!
All right! I let you stay up last night,
didn't I, to watch the boxing on the telly!
Doesn't seem to
like television anymore.
Little bugger.
I'll cut your bleedin' head off!
- Gort!
- Let go of my arm! Come here!
- Gort! Gort, wait!
- All right, all right!
Shut up! Shut up!
He's gone down the cellars.
- I'll get him.
- No! No!
- Leave him, Gort!
- I'll find him. Leave it to me.
- Please.
- Get off!
Gread and gutter.
Gread and gutter.
I'll kill that man.
Now you mustn't
say things like that.
I was saying things like that
before you were born.
I won't be responsible.
Not any more.
Waah, you fancy Tony!
Don't worry.
The boy'll like her.
- Hello, Brian!
- Hello, love.
- Long time!
- How are you? All right?
- Look, love, we, er...
- got a bit of a problem.
Pauline, I don't get it.
I mean, there was
this milkman, right?
And then there was this tart
all covered in yoghurt...
Well, what about it?
Her looking after your kid.
Listen, it's not really my style,
dragging round looking for babysitters.
And what about her?
That one? Anna?
I wouldn't.
If a woman won't play,
you're all the same, you men.
Oh, bloody bulbs...
GORP She was on the game.
What you'd call the big game.
South Africa and the Bahamas.
Knocked that on the head, though.
Just helps out here sometimes,
serving drinks.
And she's got this five-year-old.
Besotted with her.
Lovely kid, mind.
Do you think she'd come in
and look after the boy?
She's always strapped for cash.
She might.
Cyril, don't do that.
Good of you to turn out
at such short notice.
Your accommodation is on the right.
If you need anything, Mr Gort seems
to have adopted the role of housekeeper.
We'll manage.
What is that?
Why you got your
coat on indoors?
- You made me jump.
- Why have you?
Well, erm... I think you have to
wear a coat every now and again,
in case you forget how.
It's very early.
Shouldn't you still be in bed?
- I came down for a chap.
- A chap?
Well, then, what shall we
"chap" about?
Mo? Mo?
It's all right, it's all right.
She's down here with me.
She came down for a chap.
I was rather flattered.
Yes, well, she gets her chats
and her chaps a bit mixed up.
Seems to like both.
Good morning.
Not disturbing anything, am I?
Sorry I spoke.
I hope you haven't got out of bed
on the wrong side, Hiller.
I haven't been to bed.
Oh, I see.
- Why are you wearing your coat?
- Excuse me.
Pop the kettle on, would you?
There's a dear.
If it's Stephenson, he uses
the names of cars and that.
If it's Parry, it's
breeds of dogs and that.
The seed words.
The release words.
The words that put
all the code strings together.
Programmers need to be able
to remember them easily.
And they all have their own quirks.
Handy hints, words that are illogical to
everybody else but are handy for them.
I mean, Hawkins, for example, uses
the names of all the women
in his life that he hates, starting...
It's Hawkins.
Found something?
- What do you think?
- He's only gone and bloody done it.
Sanger, that's the name of the
company that makes locks, isn't it?
And the big security systems.
Impress your mates,
will it, Gorty?
Bloody better!
Jesus, it's only the works,
the whole thing.
How much money they
got in the bank.
And here's details of
all the locks and the alarms!
So, what do you think, then?
Time to start phoning?
Why not? Why not?
Get the phone in here, will you?
We don't want to miss the show, do we?
When can the boy and I leave?
You've got what you wanted.
When it's over.
When everything's over.
Two, maybe three weeks.
- Listen, you said...
- No, I didn't.
Who first, then?
The Peterman? The Bellman?
No, the Guvnors first. He's your
top man. The others will follow.
- Gort-Can I speak to Samson?
- Yeah, okay. I'll tell him.
- Hello, Mr Samson?
- Yeah?
Brian Gort speaking.
- W ho?
- Johnny Gort"s son.
From Harlesden?
- Yeah, that's right.
- How's your mum?
- Fine. Yourself?
- Surviving. How can I help?
Good, good, pleased to hear it.
Look, somethings come up.
A bit manageable.
- Worth my time, is it?
- Yeah, I think it is.
Who's it with? Family?
No, not directly. He's...
well, a friend of mine.
Look, do you think
you could meet him?
Right, thanks.
He'll see you in the morning.
Do you think
we've hooked him, Gorty?
He'll come when he
sees this stuff.
Do I sweeten it for him, Gorty?
What does this guy like?
White meat? Black meat?
Three in a bed?
What's the matter?
This guy's old style,
is that it?
He's not going to like
the new style, like me?
He's not going to like
amateurs like you.
Like when you use words like
"Bellman" and "Peterman",
like you learned them off
the Open University.
We can't all be born within
the sound of Bow Bells.
Remember, Gorty, I pay you.
Yeah, and I don't know
how long I'll be taking your money.
Not when men like Samson get in.
He's taken the file. Gort, come on!
Bastard! I'll have you!
Mummy! Mummy!
You'll lose it all!
I want to leave now.
With the boy.
Sure you do.
If you're leaving...
we'd better give his face
a little scrub as well.
What do you think, Hiller?
Sod's law, dear heart.
Look, er... we may have to
stay on here a bit. All right?
It's a pity we didn't
bring more toys for you.
I suppose I could make you a toy.
Like the snake?
The snake with all the lights and stuff
that lit up when you shout at it.
Something like that, yeah.
We'd, er...
we'd need a chassis.
We'd find something to...
where are you going?
To get some batteries.
I'll nick 'em from Mo's torch.
- Whose torch?
- Mo. That manky little kid.
What's it
supposed to be? A tortoise?
Yes. Why?
Doesn't look much like a tortoise.
Well, I think it does.
It's good, huh?
Watch this.
Go and get it.
- It's getting cross.
- Yes.
It'll get crosser in a minute.
You see the way it
went for that...
that candle?
Now, watch what happens
now there's two candles.
What it is, it's a...
it's a cell.
A light-seeking cell.
And just watch.
See? It's confused.
It's a selenium cell,
and it'll go to the
strongest point of light.
But because both candles
are the same...
We cracked it, Gorty.
I met the Guv'nor.
We're putting together
a syndicate, no less.
- All the schmeer.
- Why? What's wrong.
Group of businessmen, Gorty.
Front money.
Raise the equity.
Futures. Our futures.
I tell you, Gorty,
there's certain people in this town
will be very impressed with what
our friend here's got for us.
Very impressed indeed.
Right, then, let's get
settled in round the phone.
Give the Bellman a bell.
Come on, bed.
- I'm not tired.
- Bed! I'll read you something...
Oh, I'm sorry.
Why be sorry?
Thank you.
Your boy, he's quiet.
Quiet, yes.
When I first knew him,
he only said four words.
"Me", "more", "mine", "stuck".
And "bugger".
No, thanks.
Anyway, he's not my son.
I married his mother.
- It didn't work out.
- Oh.
But the boy, why isn't he
with her now?
It isn't convenient at the moment.
Although I haven't told him that,
of course.
He's always idolised her.
He still does.
Well, she's his mother.
Hiller, baby.
Hiller, baby.
Excuse me.
Business calls.
Would you mind stepping into
the office for a moment, dear heart?
Now, I've just been talking
to the Bellman.
The Bellman's the guy who
specializes in alarms.
He says we may have a spot of bother
with an alarm called a VSU. Know it?
- Volume Signature Unit.
- Right.
He says it may be very tricky.
Of course it is.
It was invented to keep
silly buggers like you out of banks.
The trouble seems to be
with a wire leading to the alarm.
Something about a
Status Detector System?
Am I right?
- I don't know.
- You sure?
- Yes. Look, I'm very tired.
- It's okay.
Well, dear heart,
if you do get any ideas
about this VSU thingy,
I'm offering money.
Real money.
Not just that one thousand pounds
we were talking about earlier.
Lots of noughts.
A bit grey, your life at the moment,
wouldn't you say?
A bit on the drab side?
Leave it!
I like it like that.
My toy.
Look, maybe we should, er...
switch it off for a while.
Maybe the motor's running hot.
Not yet.
Go on, give it a rest.
Go and do something else
for a couple of minutes.
Go and listen to the
bedtime story with Mo.
Tell us our story.
Go on.
Tell us about the Princess.
The Princess who smoked
French cigarettes,
and was beautiful,
when she wasn't looking.
She went away with a gentleman.
She went away?
I didn't say that.
Yes, you did.
All right, I did.
I didn't mean it.
Something about a gentleman.
Tell me.
Gentlemen can do anything.
lift the sea.
What's important
is the Princess.
I mean, why she went away.
You see,
she wasn't just a princess.
She was a secret agent, too.
I knew it. I knew it.
And she was on our side,
against them.
- The gentlemen?
- Right.
A question of world domination.
- Lifting the sea.
- Lifting the sea, yes.
You see, they were
going to flood London.
They were gonna pull
the plug out on the Central Line,
between Theydon Bois and Ongar.
- What's an ongar?
- I don't know.
Nobody's sure.
You see,
nobody who's ever been there
has ever come back.
I see.
So how was the Princess
mixed up in all this?
Well, she was the one
who found the vital clue.
In this case, the fingerprints
on Leroy's trouser press.
- I don't get it.
- No, right. Well...
There was a gentleman,
a gentleman called Leroy.
Number one world dominator.
And it's true he started out small,
dominating dogs and old ladies,
but he soon got into
bigger things, like
dominating the Egham by-pass.
And then, it was to be the works.
The whole world.
And the Princess went after him.
And that's why she had to leave.
She got a signal from Headquarters
to move out.
What was the signal?
A gold cigarette lighter,
with her initials on it.
A lighter?
Where did she go?
To a house.
What house?
What was the house?
A house...
a house like a bloody jukebox,
where a hundred guitars
full of hobo juice
were playing 'Ape-Real Love'.
A house with a
boring little swimming pool,
treble garage,
and aubergine portico.
Maybe it wasn't like that.
It wasn't like that.
I got it wrong.
Do you want me to go on?
Not tomorrow either?
Last night, you were
asking me about the VSU.
Well, I've been thinking about it.
You said you were offering money.
Real money.
I'm taking you up on that.
I want a third of
what you're paying the Bellman,
which is 35,000.
You are full of surprises,
dear heart.
Large Bell's, please.
No, small Bell's.
- How's it going, Gorty?
- As ever.
Hello, Salto.
- Is this the one, then?
- That's him.
Now follow him.
I'm the Guv'nor.
He's the Bellman.
He's the one you gotta talk to.
That's all you need to know.
Now, we've never met before, so
let's ease into this gently, shall we?
Step by Step-
Okay, there's the bank,
and there's the security company,
where they've got their screens,
and their alarm-watchers.
Bank, security,
and running between them,
of course, are the cables
that we've got to worry about.
Now, let's start with
something simple.
The TV cable, the cable
for the closed-circuit TV.
How do you take care of that?
Well, you'd break
into it somewhere.
Well, you'd have to be careful.
It's, er... it's a screened cable.
In this case, urn... a coax
screened with a high-frequency pulse.
Well, you'd use an oscilloscope
and a signal generator.
Let's try something more difficult.
The other cables
coming out from the bank,
the alarm cables,
in particular the cable
for the Volume Signature Unit.
Oh, well, that's another matter.
That cable's got, erm...
a status detector system
with a built-in callsign.
- You can't get round that.
- Why not?
Well, there's no knowing
what the callsign is.
It changes, all the time.
I mean, when...
when the bank manager
locks up for the night, he...
keys in a...
a new number.
So how would you
break into the cable?
Well, I wouldn't.
No, I'd go for the alarm itself.
But that's impossible.
No, VSUs operate on the principle
that any room has a signature.
Any movement in the room
changes the signature.
Erm... anything larger than a cat
would set off the alarms.
But why be so afraid
of setting off the alarms?
In a way, it would be better
if the alarms were set off
all the time.
That way, they wouldn't
be guarding anything.
What's he on about?
What I mean is that
any machine can go wrong.
Yeah, but I don't see...
You're talking about
jamming the system.
- Yes.
- How?
I'd build a device,
with remote control,
that would trigger the alarms on cue.
When are we leaving here?
Soon. That's either
"probably" or "we'll see".
What's this you're making?
- Another toy for me?
- No.
But it is a toy?
Yes, it's a toy.
Now just go in there and do a check.
And your other business.
And try not to behave
like Michael Caine.
Act natural.
- Can I help you?
- Yes, I'd like to cash a cheque, please.
Thank you.
- How would you like it?
- Fives, please.
Sir? Your money.
- Your money.
- Oh, thank you.
Listen, that's an AAA graded bank.
That's the highest grade there is.
It's a holding bank
for the airport, isn't it?
Get away!
Well, it's not possible.
You're crazy! It's just not possible.
Well, you're going to
make it possible, aren't you, Hiller?
That's why you're here.
That's why you're coming.
What? No. No!
Look, you can't...
Look, I'd have to come
inside with you.
I'd have to go inside the bank!
What about your man?
The... the Bellman?
The Bellman isn't coming.
He said you'd done his job
when you fixed the alarms.
He said what's the point
of him coming,
just to take care of the
closed-circuit TV?
He said anyone could do that.
Even you.
All right.
All right, now usually
you can break into the cables
from outside the building.
But with this one,
there's a second TV,
right inside the bank.
Right inside the strongroom complex.
You can't expect me to go in there,
because I'm...
Pull over!
Get out!
Come on!
Through there!
In there!
All I said I'd do
was solve the alarm. I didn't...
Lie down! There's a
couple of things I should make clear.
Now listen.
I know three other people
that'll come in that bank
and do that TV job for me.
Three of 'em!
And the first one,
I don't like, see?
And the second one is inside.
And the third one is away
in Spain, spending money.
Now, I could wait
for him to come back,
but I don't wanna do that, see?
I wanna open that bank while
it's still full of Christmas monies.
Get it?
Now that leaves you, doesn't it?
If you can do a TV job outside
the bank, you can do one inside.
I keep being told
how simple it is.
Now say no. Go on.
Say bloody no!
All right.
Can I come in?
Just a minute.
All right.
You dirtied your trousers.
There must be
a hundred pound there.
That boy said
you were getting money.
He said you were buying him
a big toy boat.
He said it was his best.
What's your best?
It's a trike.
A red and blue trike.
It's got a basket on the front.
And it's in a shop.
Left... left a bit...
No, get off!
Come on, Mo.
There's something
I want to ask you.
I need to borrow
your boat for a while.
What for?
I just need to.
When will I get it back?
I don't know.
All right.
Is this apparatus ready?
I hope it works.
All right, dear heart.
Make a name for yourself.
It's found it.
That's all it is?
I don't want to sound pessimistic,
but we are going to rob a bank.
You know, if I wanted to go
to Disneyland, I'd buy a plane ticket.
- I mean, what is this...
- Listen!
There's only two people
who know what it all means.
There's him...
and there's him.
Yeah, and he's got some
bleedin' sense, as he's not coming.
Well, will it work?
Yes, it'll work.
And it'll get you in.
I don't like it.
Look, there are four
alarm lines, right?
That's four false alarms triggered off
by Mr Hiller's little device there.
That's four times
when the security men
come to the bank in their motor
and go home again.
Only when all the alarm lines
are triggered,
they have to stay there.
But by that time we'll be
inside the bank, inside the vault,
inside the security men.
You expect them to be sitting upstairs
twiddling their thumbs
while we're down below
knocking shit out of the whole place?
How will they know we're there?
They can't tell nothing
from the alarms,
they can't see us once
we've fixed the TV,
and they can't hear us
through three inches of steel.
I don't know.
I'm used to armed robbery, but this...
this thing, that's an affront.
Ritchie, how long
will each trip take?
Six minutes, Guv.
Four times six,
that's 24 minutes in all.
Time enough, Nob?
Back door, two bolts, two locks.
The locks are Sangers, Magno jobs,
installed August '85.
That gives them
a serial number between, er...
2350 and 2368.
So they virtually put the keys
under the mat, then?
So when's it going to be, then?
I'm going to surprise you, Nob.
I'm going to say Thursday the 16th.
Day after tomorrow?
We're ready.
This is ready.
- Isn't it?
- Yes.
Well, that's wrapped it up, then.
There are too many
people on the payroll.
Small people, bits and pieces.
Someone'll start blabbing
if we don't get a move on soon.
How much money they got in the bank
the day after tomorrow, Nob?
Thursday 16th December?
Bank holding...
Do me.
Manufacturer's seal of approval?
Money back if not
completely satisfied, I take it?
Don't stay up all night chatting now.
Big day tomorrow.
Both sound asleep.
He's nice, your boy, isn't he?
Once you get to know him.
I don't know how you work
stoked up on that stuff.
It's not the Scotch.
I haven't needed to while I've
had all that to concentrate on.
It's just my hands...
they won't keep still.
And it's tomorrow.
Tomorrow we're going
to do this thing.
We're going?
Stupid bastard.
You're terrified of them.
No, I could have got out at any time
if it wasn't for the boy.
And it was all right.
Except now,
it's tomorrow.
And how am I going to
do it with these?
You going to bed?
I'll help you.
The way I know.
I don't like to ask you this...
What is it?
About the boy.
He's not going back to his mother.
She doesn't want him, never did.
If I don't come back tomorrow...
- You'll come back.
- But if I don't.
I wouldn't want anything too, er...
what, sudden, to happen to him.
It won't.
Do you mean that?
I was thinking about a school.
A good boarding school, maybe.
What about the money?
Well, that's one thing I will have
after tomorrow.
I thought, half for the boy,
and, en"
half for you and Mo, maybe.
This time tomorrow,
you'll be back here
working out how to spend it.
No, I'm serious.
So what time must you leave?
They're getting the device into the bank
just before closing time.
When we know it's in, they go.
Right, out!
Let's get on with it.
Get the heavy gear inside.
I'll do the fence.
Shut it!
Be nice for my reputation
if we at least got into the bank
before we got caught.
I'm sorry.
Come on, let's get on with it.
Just remember, we aren't
actually meant to be here.
Any trouble?
No problems, Guv.
They were where you said they were.
Right, thanks, lads.
If you hurry you might just
catch the last tube.
Cheers, Guv.
How's he doing?
All right.
I hope.
It's done.
Remote, please.
Just tell me when you're ready.
Right, let's give it a whirl.
Well, when's it supposed to happen?
Two alarms have to go off.
They're linked in pairs.
When, for Christ's sake?
- Probably fallen over.
- Shut up!
- Dos...
- Here they come!
Four in a bed, four in a bed.
Two minutes.
Shouldn't we get that
video switched over?
They want to see those men
back at the headquarters.
Two plus two.
They're coming mob-handed.
GORP Like headless chickens.
With any luck,
that's the last we'll see of John Law.
They get very moody
about false alarms.
Enjoyed that.
So what time's the second show?
That's it.
We've got four minutes twenty.
Inside. Three minutes fifty.
It's there.
We've got three minutes.
Two forty.
Clean up, let's go.
Come on, hurry.
Seconds out. Round three.
Anyone who hasn't been to the
National General Bank yet,
now's your chance.
Blue seventeen!
Blue seventeen.
- Got it.
- Got it.
And turn.
Four minutes ten.
Blue fourteen.
- Got it.
- Right.
And turn.
Blue fifteen.
Got it.
And turn.
Jesus Christ!
Two minutes twenty.
What's happening?
It's all right. I've got it.
Green eleven.
- Got it.
- Right.
And turn.
Green twelve.
And turn.
It's one minute 42.
We ought to be out of here!
Just a minute.
Green eleven.
Jesus, we've already done that!
Just do it!
I'm turning first.
- And now.
- She's there!
Come on, let's go.
What comes after close?
Just the one, Mr Hiller.
Poltergeist bloody IV.
In for a penny, in for a pound.
That's a big lump, Nob.
What do you reckon?
Three, maybe four hours.
there she is.
That's down to you.
Up there.
All right? Open it.
I think they've got
this alarm set up all wrong.
- What do you mean?
- It only warns you if the place is empty.
Right, that's us in
for the night, then.
Control Mobile Alpha Charlie.
It's official.
It's a fuck-up.
- Now, the bag.
- All right, help me up.
That's it.
Right, watch it.
You got it?
Okay, do you want to go
first or second?
Go on.
Go carefully.
Take your time.
Go on.
That's no different from
the last one, is it?
Right, take your time.
Do this next bit right,
and you're done.
Okay, haul up.
Did you know that seven out often
requests for a personal loan
are granted in
less than twenty minutes?
No, I'd no idea.
Hmm. It says here, if you have
adequate col... colat... colat...
Oh, there's something about
the light in Torremolinos.
It's magic.
It's absolute magic.
Mind you, they've knocked shit out of
the place in the past couple of years.
Supermercados and motorways
running up and down the front.
It's criminal.
Absolutely criminal.
He's almost finished.
You'd better go down.
Yeah, all right.
Who's making the tea, then?
Well, I made it last year...
very funny.
Didn't you get the
Duke of Edinburgh's Award, Hazlitt?
Make the tea, then!
Why is it always me who
makes the bloody tea?
What do you want? Earl Grey
or Lap Sang Sou something?
What's going on up there?
- Jesus!
- What the hell is going on?
What's happening up there?
Throw me the rope!
Send the bloody rope down!
Send it down!
Shall I serve the tea
on the veranda, sir?
No, thank you, Jenkins.
It's a little cold tonight
for my mother 'ere.
Must be the overdraft.
He's dying.
'Course he's bloody dying.
Go on, take it.
Get on with it.
That's down in the vaults
and leads to the strongroom.
Your job is to sit here
and watch.
Well, there's nothing to watch.
And that's exactly how it should be.
So, if you see anything
out of the ordinary,
like people moving about,
you come and tell me.
All right?
All right, Sarge.
You should pay particular attention
to anyone wearing
little black masks over their eyes,
and sacks marked "Swag".
Right, Sarge.
You've killed him.
No, but I will.
Just bloody do it!
Right. Now you've
gotta switch over.
Okay. Now the video.
Come on, let's go.
- Nob?
- Yeah?
Okay, he's done it.
It's all right to go through.
DONKEY". Right.
I don't see any
bloody great pile of stuff.
Well, it's gone now,
but it was there.
I think I saw this bloke.
Perhaps he moved it.
Perhaps you're a dickhead.
- Nothing moving here.
- Right.
Looks like we got away with it.
You'd better go down
and join the others.
I've got some tidying up to do.
Hiller, before you come here,
put that on.
How much longer are
you going to be tied up?
Oh, a couple of days, no more.
Are you going to
come out of this okay?
Either he comes back,
and I get half the money,
or he doesn't,
and I cop the lot.
You've really fallen
on your feet this time.
How d'you manage it?
Well, it wasn't hard.
Blow hot, blow cold.
He's the kind of bloke that's always
going to get kicked around by women.
There's a kid too, isn't there?
What's with him if his dad
doesn't get back?
He's not my problem, is he?
It was his mother who ran off.
She doesn't want anything
to do with him.
Never did, apparently.
How long have you
been listening?
Your dad, he might come back
tomorrow, and he might not.
If he does come back,
I don't want you to tell him
anything you've heard.
Do you understand?
Do you want to touch me?
You see now why we can't tell
your dad anything, don't you?
Twelve million, eight hundred
and seventy-five thousand pounds.
Moving out in five minutes.
Five. Five.
I'm listening.
Here you are, boy.
Here you go. Go on.
Don't you even think about it!
Any Oscar units
in vicinity of South Perimeter Road?
NP Over.
Oscar Two Zero.
Queen's Drive. Over.
Thank you Two Zero.
Motorist broken down on junction of Gunnersbury
Gardens and Mill Hill Road. NP Over.
All units, all units,
proceed National General Bank,
Great West Road.
- Armed intrusion...
- Ritchie?
Bastards. They're up early.
Suspects, bronze Jaguar.
Believed armed.
Received Lima Delta. Oscar over.
Intercept Great West Road,
junction Southall Road.
Getting a bit close.
Request assistance other units.
I used to live round here.
Hold tight.
Look out for
the bloody fence. Jesus Christ!
Where are we going?
There's no road! Where is it?
There's no road!
These weren't here last year!
No. Well, they're here now!
What are you doing, Ritchie?
Trying to get us out of here.
It won't work.
Can we get out?
That's what I'm trying to do!
No. Out and walk!
Look, do you not understand
the basic laws of physics?
The hole is too small!
Have you any idea
where you're going?
You only went ten minutes ago.
We'll be there in a minute.
Drop back, you...
Come on, you bastard.
Get back, you stupid bastard!
You're gonna crash!
I'm getting too old
for this bloody game.
Come on, Hiller,
you'll like this bit.
We're off home.
Sorry about the last bit, Guv.
Bit untoward.
Don't worry, Ritchie.
Anyone else, we'd still be
modifying greenhouses.
Be lucky, son!
Come on, let's get this
bloody show on the road.
Get in, Hiller.
- What about the driver?
- He's parking the Jag.
We've only gone and
copped the bastard.
- Looks like it.
- Looks like it.
You miserable old trout.
'Course we bloody have.
Cheer up, Hiller.
Might never happen.
All right, Hiller.
Was introduced by Edward Jarrow,
and came from our Midland studios.
Now here is the seven o'clock news.
I bet you a pound to a
pinch of shit we'll be the headline.
Armed raiders last night got away with
one of the biggest cash hauls
in the country's history.
The Heathrow branch of the
National General Bank
was the scene of a violent attack
in the early hours of this morning,
when three security men who were
guarding the premises overnight
due to an alarm fault,
were immobilised by CS gas.
A report has just come in
that the dog handler,
named as Sergeant Leonard Hughes,
has since died.
Get off the motorway.
Get the hell away from London!
Killing coppers just isn't allowed.
Look, I haven't got time
to give you the ins and outs
of how the criminal fraternity
handle its affairs.
Believe me, names will be given.
Our bloody names.
All right, so what do you
want me to do?
That number I gave you.
Ring it and keep ringing it
till you get a reply.
What if I don't?
When you get through,
you want to speak to Monty.
Tell him I'm doing a bit of
cod fishing.
He'll understand. Tell him to
see his travel agent
and sort out a holiday package
for half a dozen people,
somewhere sunny.
- Get it?
- Yeah, then what?
Don't worry.
After you've spoken to Monty, you
won't be sitting on your arse for long.
- Here.
- Thanks.
We've got to take the cups back.
All right. Ta.
I assume I won't be around to hear
the Queen's Speech this year?
You assume right.
Who the hell is going to
point the finger at us?
We're clean men.
You're forgetting we had a
guest appearance
from our Mr Hiller.
Before, you were just a problem,
old son.
Now, you're a ruddy nuisance.
What sort of accommodation is that?
It's only for tonight.
Monty'll have us set tomorrow.
Jesus! Will you look at that thing!
See, now that's the reality
of your nuclear debate.
You're telling me!
It's ruined the fishing.
- You brought it with you?
- Yes.
Thirteen million quid?
I had to.
- Nobody would touch it.
- What about Monty?
What about Monty?
He's the one who told me
to bring it down here.
- Mo, come back.
- Well, that's different.
- What did he say?
- He said he wants half.
Half the thirteen million, to get
you and it out of the country.
And he's a friend of yours?
It's not all for him.
- Okay?
- 'Course.
Where's the transmitter?
I haven't got it.
I'm sorry.
It's all right.
Probably too rough anyway.
Mo, don't go too near the sea!
I'm really sorry you got
caught up in all this.
You're sorry.
You and your bloody
self-righteous attitude.
I don't give a toss what
you're sorry about.
I just want to get away
from these people.
Why do you have to come?
Because of that
bloody kid of yours.
I don't understand.
I can look after him now.
You've really got no idea,
have you?
He's agreed. The plane'll be here
in a couple of hours.
You and the kids should be
ready to leave in an hour.
Why not make a start?
Give the kids a bite to eat.
Kids! Tea!
- Right! Corning!
- Bit of a problem, dear heart.
They're not too keen on you as a
long-term traveling companion.
So you're staying behind with me.
Be like old times.
What about the boy?
He goes, I'm afraid.
Not to worry, though. She'll
look after him till you catch up.
- And when might that be, exactly?
- Hard to say.
- Well, bloody try!
- Okay.
They think that,
with the boy in tow,
sooner or later,
and probably sooner,
you walk down any street in Europe,
and you'll get picked up.
It won't be hard,
not even for the police,
to make the connection between
a drunk systems engineer
who's borrowed
a confidential bank file,
and the same bank with a shortage
of thirteen million quid.
Go on.
The idea is that we arrange
to rearrange some of
your more prominent features,
and then fit you up
with a new history.
That all takes time.
This has just occurred to you,
has it?
You didn't seem
too concerned before.
Hadn't gone rancid then,
had it, dear heart?
How much longer
before I have to go?
Just under half an hour.
Tell us a story.
I thought, erm...
thought you didn't like
my stories anymore.
Tell us about the good times.
When the Princess wore
a giraffe-skin coat,
and drank wine that
tasted like a frosty day.
Frosty morning.
Began with the postman
coming up the path, didn't it?
- With this magic card.
- Mmm.
The Mighty Magic Excess Card.
There was all those pretty pictures
with it, weren't there?
Farmers getting shiny tractors,
and insurance men getting
speedboats and televisions,
and go-go girls of their choice.
That's it.
And who was it
who sent it to us?
The man who was a Mason,
and an elk and a mongoose.
And who managed the Midland Bank
in his spare time.
He told us we were
"valued and selected customers"
and would we please go out
and spend eight hundred pounds.
- And did we?
- Mmm.
Did we go out and spend all that?
We did, in one weekend.
And the wine that
tasted like a frosty morning?
You were the one who
let me have that, weren't you?
No, that was the Princess.
It wasn't, It was you.
She said it would be wasted on me.
She wouldn't take me
to the cinemas, either.
You took me there.
It was always you.
You were the one who
told me the stories in bed.
You were the one who let me
listen to Mahler Five
when I couldn't sleep.
And it was you.
Never the Princess.
She didn't really want me.
Who said that?
Tell me. Who said that?
And she doesn't want me, either.
Who doesn't?
Said she'd leave me.
Now you're going away, too.
He's done exactly what we wanted.
Why not leave it like I've told him,
for God's sake?
What do you want?
A happy bloody ending?
Don't be so naive, Salto.
He's coming.
How's the boy taken it?
It's no longer a question
of what you do or don't like.
I'd like my dinner
in my own kitchenette,
not in some nick with
fifteen hundred hairy-arsed men
farting and shouting
over my shoulder.
There must be an alternative.
Oh, there is. Which you are
rapidly becoming a part of.
- Why can't we stay here?
- It's too cold.
I'm going to ask you for your help.
Come at rather a bad me,
dear heart.
I want you to drive Anna and
the children away from here,
whatever happens in
the next few minutes.
- When?
- You'll know when.
Give me something.
I don't know.
Something to keep.
You said I could have the watch
when I'm older.
I'm older now.
Give me your hand.
It's a bit big for you.
I want you to go in the van,
and I want you to stay there
whatever happens.
Stay there.
I love you.
He's got the gun!
Look out!
He's got the gun!
He's not in here.
I'd try the kitchen.
Oh, God.
You're dead meat, Hiller!
Get out of the way!
I'm all right. Get going.
What have you done,
you crazy bastard?
- This is insane!
- I didn't begin this.
You... you just blew up a house.
You just killed three men.
They wanted to kill him, dearie.
Look at Mo!
She's been shot!
Mo's been shot!
No, she hasn't. I have.
Stop the van now.
You're going to bleed to death.
If it's all the same with you,
I'd rather do that in France, dear heart.
It's okay, sweetheart.
Out, quickly.
- Quickly, that's a good girl.
- Where are you going?
Away from this lot!
Well, wait. The plane's
just a few minutes away.
Do you really expect me to stay
after what happened?
God, you must think I'm
as mad as you are.
Come on. Oh, shit!
It's all right, sweetheart.
Just stay there.
Look, leave me alone, will you?
Just fucking leave me alone.
I know about the money and the boy.
Then why? Bloody why?
- I don't know. I just thought...
- You just thought I could change.
Why don't you wake up,
pignoble little shit?
I'm not the fucking whore with
a fucking heart of gold.
It's all right, sweetheart.
It's all right.
We're going to go away from here,
and it's all going to be all right again.
- Here, take some money.
- No.
Now, come on.
For Mo at least.
She's the last present
I'll ever take from any man.
Beach must be over there.
Take his arm.
Right. Can you manage?
It won't wait.
Wait. Wait.
Let's get him in here,
out of the wind.
This wasn't how I planned it.
Get him out of here, please.
Go on.
Go on!
Would you mind holding my hand?
Come on!
Come on, it's the plane!
Sod's law.
What are we going to do now?
I really don't know.
Doesn't matter.
Wasn't a very big plane.
It's a bit cold.
Buy a plane with that lot,
couldn't we?
Couldn't we?
He wouldn't have minded.
Here's yours.
- Here's yours.
- Right.
Isn't Rolf Harris the one who does
those horrible great big paintings?
He's Australian.
That all we're taking?
It's enough.
Anyway, that's all that's due to me.
All right.
One, two, three...
This is the final call
for passengers traveling on
British Airways Flight BA 318 to Paris.
Would any remaining passengers
please come now to gate number 15,
where this flight is closing.
Final call for British Airways
Flight BA 318 to Paris.
This flight is now closing
at gate number 15.
I've allocated you
seats in 2A and 2B. ls that okay, sir?
Has one of them
a window, please, miss?
Well, one of you has.
And I'm sure it will be you.
Can I have it?
Could you please holler
"what's it to me, then", please?
You'll be called for boarding
in about five minutes.
What? Sorry.
You'll be called for boarding
in about five minutes.
- Meeting someone, sir?
- No.
I'll just see what's happened
to the unused tickets.
Funny, doesn't usually
take this long.
I'll go and see what's happened.
Thank you.
Just you and the boy,
is it, sir?
Ah, yes.
Have a good Christmas.
Hello. Good evening, sir.
Your boarding passes? Thank you.
Just up there on
the right-hand side.
Drink, sir?
Orange juice, tomato juice,
or champagne?
Orange juice, please.
There seems to be a
slight delay before take-off.
I wonder if the young man
would like to come up and take a look
at the flight deck, while we're waiting?
- No, that's all right. We'll just sit...
- Oh, can I, please?
- Yes, come on.
- Great, thanks.
It's like a house!
Come on, come on.
Get it over with.
Come on!
Sod's bloody law.
We're off! We're off!
It's great up there.
But really small. The whole
ceiling's covered in switches.
Organ transplants.
Get a lot of those nowadays.
Sorry about the short visit.
On behalf of
Captain Mallory and the crew
we'd like to welcome you aboard
this British Airways flight 245...
Do you think I'll like it in Rio?
And we'll be traveling at
approximately 31,000 feet.
We hope that you will all sit back,
relax and enjoy your flight.
What's wrong?
Just tired, that's all.
Yeah. Been a bit of a day,
hasn't it?
Don't worry, Dad.
We'll manage without the
Princess now, won't we?
Oh, bound to.
Bloody bound to.
Good here, innit?