Best Pancakes in the County (2026) Movie Script
1
Hey, all due respect
to your expertise...
However?
Any way you could
expedite the process?
Five minutes,
checking for tripwires now
saves us a lot of problems
five minutes from now.
Huh. Okay.
Well, that ship has
probably already sailed.
You said not to worry.
Yeah, 'cause I didn't
want you to worry.
So how many alarms
have we tripped already?
Come on, man. Let's not make
a big deal out of this, yeah?
Just blow the safe,
fill the bag,
and let's get outta here.
Come on, nice and easy.
If it's that simple,
what'd you need me for?
Because
this is a two-person job, buddy.
One for the safe
and one to shoot
the first responders.
"First responders?"
Yup.
The first to respond
to the alarms we tripped.
Come on.
Alarms you didn't disable!
Uh, let's not dwell
on the past, buddy.
But those aren't cops, right?
Well, technically, they're...
Come on, come on.
Okay. Come on. Come on.
Okay.
This is not $11 million.
Really? Fuck!
Coke, coke.
Bundle of cash.
A tiny bit of cash.
-The fuck is this?
-I don't know, but come on.
Can we fucking talk
about this in the car?
-Let's go!
-You don't know?
I mean, shit.
There's almost
a hundred thousand here.
Sixty-five isn't "almost."
You told me
it was a stash house.
It was.
An FBI stash house.
Thoroughly corrupt FBI agents.
That ever made a difference?
What, so you're telling me
you won't steal from cops,
dirty or otherwise,
not even for $11 million?
An academic question,
since there isn't $11 million.
And no way, if you'd told me
we had to shoot six Feds...
Uh, six thoroughly corrupt...
I don't shoot
any kind of six people.
And certainly not for 65,000!
All right. Well, in my defense,
I assumed there'd be more
in the safe.
Yeah! $11 million!
Well, well, kinda pulled
that number out of my ass.
What's on the hard drive?
Nothing.
Some personal shit.
Personal?
Uh-hmm.
-What, peeved?
-You wouldn't be?
You know what? Fuck it.
You keep the money. All of it.
-Oh.
-Merry Christmas.
-All yours.
-The whole 65.
Listen, buddy.
I'm trying to do
the right thing here.
-The right thing?
-For you.
Trying to do
the right thing.
Denny. Okay.
You're keeping the whole stash.
That's-- All right, fine.
You want to fuck.
It's not like you're gonna
kill me over this.
Oh, buddy.
Oh, come on. Come on, man.
If it turns
into that kind of thing,
you shoot me, I shoot you.
-I, I wanna get some ice cream.
-I'm--
-What?
-Yeah.
-Now?
-Uh, yeah.
No. No, no.
We should stay on this road
for a few more hours.
I mean, I don't think
they're gonna report it
to the local cops necessarily,
but we should...
No. I wanna get some ice cream.
I'm hungry. I know a place.
Are you outta
your mind? No.
I'm not. No. Ice cream.
Where the fuck are we
gonna get ice cream right now?
I said I know a place.
Ice cream, you scream.
We all scream for ice cream.
Come on.
Come on, it'll feel good.
All right.
Ice cream it is.
So you own a diner?
I had a problem
with some Albanians
a few years back.
- Yeah. And?
- It's a long story.
The short version is I had
to surgically remove
my fingerprints,
but I kept the diner.
There's a lot missing
from that version, buddy.
All right. Diner.
Denny, what's on the hard drive?
Let it go, man.
It's nothing
that could be monetized.
Everything can be monetized.
Trust me, man.
It is one of those cases
where the less you know,
the better off you are.
Trust you?
I get it, yeah.
You're right.
Ironic choice of words.
No, not ironic.
I like irony.
I don't like this.
Yeah. You know what?
It's been fun, buddy,
but I think I'm gonna go
before things escalate,
before things get said
that can't be taken back...
- Oh, nonsense.
- ...your feelings get hurt.
You like sprinkles?
Because I'm trying to find my...
-Forget the sprinkles.
-...rainbow sprinkles,
-the confetti sprinkles.
-Listen, buddy.
Where did I put the-- Oh,
- here they are.
- Listen. The money.
Oh. Sweet.
Creamy,
suddenly floral, aromatic.
You know, um,
dying over $11 million
would have made some sense.
Had some dignity.
So I hope, for both of our sake,
that whatever's on this,
I can weave
into a little bit of gold.
Son of a bitch.
So good.
Mm. Mm.
-Got any bars?
-What bar?
Bars.
Oh. Uh, you know,
sometimes when it rains,
the tower goes out.
It ain't rainin'.
Well, maybe it's raining
somewhere else.
Good one.
All right.
Okay.
Can I get y'all anything else?
-Decaf?
-No.
Sorry.
Oh. Uh, yeah, just sit anywhere.
Mm-mm. Mm.
Come on.
Oh. Uh, here.
Do you want a coffee
or anything?
- It's just all...
- Hey, uh...
-Excuse me?
-I'm gonna need you to stay
-right there for a second.
-Oh, really?
It's for your own safety.
Now, I would tell you
to put your hands
where I could see them,
but if I was in your place,
I sure as hell wouldn't.
Listen,
we are open to a scenario
where we walk out, drive away,
and just continue to drive.
Yeah. No, I don't doubt it.
-But?
-Yeah. But.
Way to cover the door.
-We're looking at the door?
-If you weren't so busy
shoveling food in your face,
you would've seen them pull up.
You didn't see 'em.
You've always been
a shit partner.
Covered you for eight years.
Still can't believe
I fucked you.
You fucked me?
I fucked you.
- Not so I noticed.
- Classy.
Last minutes on earth,
you go for a dick joke?
Oh, more like seconds, actually.
Look, we actually have
a lot to get done.
Do you guys wanna go down
as victims or Vikings?
So...
Dolly.
Who's here?
Just me and Cookie.
The cook.
Is Cookie still breathing?
- Yeah.
- Uh-huh.
Cookie, you got a mop
and a bucket?
Yeah.
In the storage room out back.
Get a broom and a dustpan, too.
And get some duct tape to cover
the bullet holes in the booths.
If he ends up dead
or incapacitated,
you're gonna be doing
the sweeping and mopping.
I heard you loud and clear
on the last one.
Yet it bears repeating.
You run marathons?
- Huh?
- Do you run marathons?
-No.
-I can barely feel your pulse.
Guess I've seen worse.
Wow.
I'd like to hear that story.
I'll take that coffee now.
You paying?
So, uh, what happened
last time?
Unclench.
I'm not a homicidal maniac,
if that's what you're asking.
Wow.
You sure made it sound that way.
The fucking guy's never heard
of positive reinforcement.
How about,
"Nice headshot, French?"
"Good shot discipline, French."
Anyway, what's the story
with the waitress?
Thinking about
asking her out on a date?
You're kind of a smart-ass for
a guy with a gun to his head.
I'm sorry, sir.
Sometimes
my mouth gets ahead of me.
Ah, ah, ah. Easy.
Easy.
I'm getting the duct tape.
This should, uh,
cover breakfast for everyone.
Plus a substantial tip.
What kind of civilian traffic
can I expect
over the next few hours?
-It's pretty dead until lunch.
-How big's the lunch rush?
Well, you pretty much
just killed
the entire breakfast rush.
Phone.
Phone.
Purse.
Coffee?
Please.
Gimme the keys.
Hey, hold on a second. Yours?
Uh, that's my Charger,
it's her Hyundai.
Slash the tires.
It's not a fucking trick.
I already said
I'm not gonna hurt you.
So did everyone
who's ever hurt anyone ever.
What the actual fuck?
Pair of pros.
Fifties, sixties.
Husband-wife vibes.
For a moment there,
I wondered
if maybe they were yours.
Hmm. Before or after
you killed them?
Were they regulars?
I've only been here a few weeks.
Sir, you've seen him before?
I've been here,
like, six months.
I, I never seen him.
Okay.
Not yours, not ours,
must have been CIA.
CIA?
Yeah.
Sonofabitch didn't tell you?
He doesn't tell us shit.
We're security,
not co-conspirators.
Do you think
you can convince him
-to press pause?
-I don't think so.
The time it would take
to agree on someplace new,
not to mention, black out
three square miles of comms?
See you on Arbor Day.
Well...
guess we put a shine
on this turd.
Let's go.
Hey.
Number three,
wheat toast, bacon.
Heard that, Cookie?
Hey, Otto,
you're out there, okay?
I've already got a guy there.
Okay.
There.
And the sun
will be at his back.
So?
My long gun
can't see your long gun,
what do you think
is gonna happen?
Okay. How about there?
North-south,
line of sight on each other?
- That's good.
- Good.
Ike, Duke, on the side,
you inside.
-Uh-hmm.
-You need two in there.
Why?
Got a guy in the kitchen
watching the cook.
Why does the cook need to be
in the kitchen?
I paid for breakfast.
Our breakfast.
And why do we have to be
matchy-matchy?
These guys aren't one-for-one.
Everyone can see
what everyone else is doing?
You know we will come back
to eight dead bodies.
-Okay.
-Okay.
Duke, inside.
Keep an eye on the waitress.
You good? We matchy-matchy?
See you in an hour.
-What a dick.
-Hmm.
So, you're buying breakfast
or what?
What for? You've got guns.
"Best Pancakes in the County."
What?
They were reviewed somewhere?
Food Network or something?
She says they're the best,
that is good enough for me.
I'm not saying it. Menu says it.
Yeah, but how are they, though?
-I don't eat pancakes.
-What do you eat, Dolly?
That ever work with anyone,
anywhere?
No, has not.
Do you want pancakes?
-Just give me a second.
-She's intrigued.
Tell me,
are you intrigued, Dolly?
You don't know
if she even likes guys.
You like guys,
don't you, Dolly?
Nope. Only men.
So, these pancakes,
they, they never won
an award or anything?
People seem to like them.
So that's just some shit
y'all put on the menu.
You want me to ask Cookie?
Man.
I'm gonna get the burger medium,
Swiss and bacon,
onion rings and fries,
chocolate milkshake.
Seriously, after all that?
I'm not a breakfast person.
I'll take the pancakes,
turkey bacon, grapefruit juice.
And, uh, don't forget
Blondie's order.
Yes. Oh, uh, the number three...
-Uh-huh.
-...white toast, bacon.
Uh, wheat toast.
-Do you want something?
-County's best pancakes, bacon.
Head out and see what Ike wants.
-What about Otto?
-What travels?
-BLT?
-He's vegan.
They can pick out the bacon.
Like a LT?
- Yeah.
- No, that's not a thing.
Do you have any vegan options?
Oh. We've got, um...
It's got a hummus
and avocado wrap.
Hummus and avocado wrap.
Uh-hmm. Yeah, let's do that.
Oh, man.
Man, she's got a mouth on her.
Makes me wanna,
like, just pursue
what I think she's playing.
Hey, man.
-Giving me attitude?
-No, just making a milkshake.
- Uh-hmm.
- I'm trying to.
Don't look at me like that.
I'm not even looking at you.
Look at me like,
like I'm an asshole.
Yeah?
You sure it wasn't like, uh,
"This is twice as many orders
as I've ever had to fill
at once?"
The two of you,
the way you're handling this?
-Something ain't right.
-Oh, yeah?
You guys take over
a lot of diners, do you?
- Too calm.
- Don't kid yourself.
As soon as I get
these orders out,
I'm gonna go in the bathroom
and have myself a real good cry.
Ryder, where are you?
We're taking fire.
They seemed too old
to be shooters.
Hmm.
Subcontractors.
CIA hires 'em
in all shapes and sizes
for the stateside fuckery of it.
I ordered turkey bacon.
Oh.
I'll just swap them out.
-All right. There we go.
-Thank you.
Either way,
spooks will never admit that
anything ever happened here.
Now, if they did,
they would just have to explain
what the hell
The Sonofabitch was selling.
What?
Waiting on you
to try those pancakes.
So what's up, K? How are they?
They're fine.
Nothing special, though, right?
Jesus Christ.
Do you wanna try them?
No.
Maybe a little bit.
Order your own.
It's on me. All right?
-Another order of pancakes.
-Yup.
Do you still
want the burger?
No, I don't.
Yeah, I do.
Okay.
You're late.
These don't look like CIA.
Aryan Nation.
Wait, what did you do to them?
I don't remember.
Did you-- All right.
Well, I'm gonna--
We'll get someone
to clean this up.
Ryder, why'd you think CIA?
The Feds, they, uh, they said
that they had something
to do with this.
They had a--
They had a whole crew
waiting to ambush you
back at the diner.
And?
That's, that's why you pay me
the big bucks.
Site is sterile, there's, uh,
five FBI, five of my guys,
no comms.
But, uh, seeing as it seems
everyone knows you're back,
I mean, I gotta ask.
It's so much work sneaking in
and out of the country.
You always have to factor in
just a little bit of mayhem.
Did you get what I want?
Um, yeah.
It's in the back seat there.
Good.
Over easy, rye bread, ham.
At least it wasn't the eggs.
We're not a drive-through.
I need silverware too.
Right.
-Here you go.
-Can I get coffee?
Uh, milk or sugar?
Cream.
You need silverware too,
don't you?
-Okay.
-Yeah.
Coffee for me too.
I need a side
of, um, ham and toast.
White, wheat, or rye?
Uh...
- I'll just make one of each.
- Thank you.
All right.
For the guys
across the road.
Yeah, no, I gotta make
a pot of coffee.
Well...
You want me--
You want me to take it?
Yeah, sure. Go ahead.
I'll put the toast in.
Can you-- Can you just
make sure they don't burn?
Uh-hmm.
Whoa, whoa, hey, hey.
Hold on, hold on.
Why, why, why
are you asking him?
Asking him what?
Permission to go outside.
I, I don't know.
Who am I supposed to ask?
So, what? You wanna take a vote?
Let me get something straight,
you're not the goddamned
Alpha here.
Hey, sweetie.
Go ahead.
Uh, you're not
the Alpha, either.
You know who definitely
isn't the Alpha?
Incel who shits his pants,
whining about who's the Alpha.
Our sniper's over there,
about 300 yards.
Yeah. Ours is right over there,
about 250.
I'm not going with him.
- Guess you told me.
- Yeah.
That's some serious
Alpha male mojo for you, huh?
Just get out of here, man.
Don't shoot.
Shit.
Don't shoot.
Hey, I don't think
coffee or silverware
is coming any time soon.
What do you say
to a Christmas Truce?
What's that?
The Germans and British
in World War I,
they came out of the trenches,
played soccer,
sang Christmas carols.
So you wanna sing
Christmas carols?
I wanna go inside
and eat like a human being.
Got some food here.
All right. What we got here?
What we got?
- There you go.
- Thank you, sir.
-Thank you, sir.
-Thank you, sir.
Okay. Oh, whoa.
What, what, what,
what the fuck is this?
It's a-- It's a hummus wrap.
-Or hummus, I...
-Hum...
-Hummus or hummus.
-Hum...
-Hmm?
-Oh, okay.
Now, now, tell me about
the decision-making process
that went into giving me...
this?
We, we, we have limited
vegan options, sir, so...
Vegan? Who told you I was vegan?
Uh, the, the person who's,
uh, like, kind of a small...
Okay. It was a seven-day detox.
Now see, this is the problem
with being the long gun.
You're always on the outside,
people are thinking you're,
you're vegan and...
I, I--with all due respect, sir.
I, I don't care.
I, I can go
make you something else.
What's that?
It's a cheeseburger and fries.
It's, it's, for the other,
um, uh, long, long, uh...
Hummus wrap is for her.
-Thank you.
-Okay.
All right.
Vegan.
The fuck are you doing inside?
Eating my cold food.
Guess you're up, stud.
Goddamn. Come on, man.
I just got
a little food left, man.
Can I just finish that?
French.
Ain't this a bitch.
-What?
-You're just sitting there.
Why don't you go out back?
Fine.
C'mon, Dolly. Keep me company.
Fucking hell, French.
What the hell
is the matter with you?
Nothing.
I'm 100% operational male.
All right, scumbag.
I'm going out.
Uh, nope. Uh-uh.
You wanna shoot
the whole place up
- over a waitress, huh?
- I think
the question is, are any of you
gonna shoot the place up
over Dolly?
Hmm?
-Is this how he usually is?
-No.
- Not typically.
- Jesus Christ.
Ryder's gonna have
something to say about this.
Oh. Another stern talking-to?
- Oh, no.
- Hey.
- Uh-uh.
- Ah.
It's disgusting.
He's a piece of shit.
But you know
we can't let you do that.
This turns into the O.K. Corral,
you know I'm with you.
But we both know
what the boss is gonna say.
I'm sorry.
For what?
Come on, Dolly.
Just got some--
got some food here.
It's just some food.
What the fuck is this?
It's a-- It's a hummus wrap.
I, uh, I can make you
something else if you want.
Uh-hmm. French do this?
His idea of a joke?
Well?
That's my hamburger?
Yeah, but I, I guess
there was, like, a mistake
with his order so...
So he took mine?
-Maybe he figured...
-I'm a female,
so I eat bird food?
Well, not, like,
actual bird food
but maybe just lighter.
Forget it. I'm not hungry.
I can make you
another burger.
-It's no problem. I'll...
-Oh, yeah?
...be back here
in 10, 15 minutes.
Forget it.
All right. All right.
Sorry about that.
Come on.
Hey, Dolly.
-Where's Dolly?
-She's out back.
- Out back?
- Uh-hmm.
Where's the...
You're very calm.
I'm calm because I know
you're not gonna rape me.
You're right.
I'm not gonna rape you.
I am gonna seduce
the living shit out of you.
You know, this day and age,
you can't say what you want,
but you still want it.
You're okay with this?
Huh? You're okay with that?
Huh?
Fuck is wrong with you people?
We're armed cutthroats
and paid killers.
Something to keep in mind,
my friend.
Right. I'm sorry. All right?
Where you going?
To make a goddamn
cheeseburger deluxe
because turns out
the armed cutthroat out there
isn't a vegan.
She's just
a pissed off carnivore.
Otto isn't a vegan?
Uh, no.
No, he's, um, no,
he's just on a cleanse.
What do you want?
Smack me around
and pull me by my hair?
Caveman style?
No, that is not my go-to, no.
If you're gonna shoot me,
he wants it medium rare
with Swiss.
I'm looking out
for you, big dog.
But if you try to be a hero,
I'm gonna have to put you down.
I look like a hero to you?
See, you're...
more like a classy
kind of gal, right?
Yeah, something more like
from the 1940s.
Pancakes were good.
Best in the county, though?
It's a small county.
Some crazy shit to put in print
though, don't you think?
Don't take this
the wrong way,
but you're lucky I didn't
hock a loogie in them.
Hey, hey, hey.
Better watch
how you talk to me now.
Or what, rape gets a pass
with a bad attitude?
That's frowned upon?
I'll be Bogie,
you be Bacall, hmm?
He grabs her like this
and then he forced to kiss her
and then she fights him off
and then she kisses him back.
Yeah?
The guy's a piece of shit, okay?
What you want us to do?
Shoot each other over it?
You're right.
Yeah?
Like this.
I like it rough.
How's that feel, huh?
Do you like it?
Okay.
Hey, it's me. It's me. Jesus.
What the hell
happened to you?
Oh, you know, just
a fight to the death
to defend your virtue.
-It's intact. Come on.
-Oh, yeah, I can see that.
- Watch the knife.
- Watch that gun.
- Okay.
- Okay.
-Is he dead?
-Very.
That's crazy. Okay.
Please have car keys.
Please have car keys.
Shit.
It's gross.
Fuck! Okay.
Um, look,
you better give me the gun.
Bullshit. It's my gun now.
You know how to shoot?
Try and take it
and you will find out.
Just because--
Look, I can stall them
while you make a run for it.
- Stall them?
- Yeah.
Are you gonna dance,
recite poetry?
Okay. You don't know me,
but I've--
Don't know how to say this.
I got-- I got some skills, okay?
Honestly, I really hope so
because cooking
ain't one of 'em.
Oh. Ha-ha, well,
maybe we can fill out
peer performance cards
because I've got some
observations about
the rate of food
that was sent back...
-Shh. Okay.
-...to me because you don't know
-how to place an order.
-All right.
While you stall them,
what am I doing?
Running?
That sounds like a good
option, yes, running.
Terrain is flat
in four directions,
two snipers across the road
with maybe a half-a-mile range,
and a field of fire that covers
pretty much everywhere
except for where
we're standing right now.
So, how far
do you figure I'll get?
Field of fire? Jesus, what--
You wanna run?
I'll distract them.
Look, I took this off
the one I killed in the kitchen.
-FBI.
-Yeah. And seriously bent,
which is the worst
of both worlds.
Nothing good is gonna
happen to us if we stay here,
and it's gonna happen
very freaking fast.
I really wish
you'd give me the gun.
-Come on.
-Are you that good?
Probably.
Okay. I don't fuck
with probably.
Wait, wait, wait.
Dolly, come here!
Fuck.
Oh, shit.
Nega-fucking-tive, man.
Postprandial smoke is
a time-honored ritual.
Not indoors,
not in this century.
Fuck that tyranny.
That would be our long gun,
taking exception
to your bad manners.
And that would be ours.
I think it might be a good time
for you to get back
in the car anyway.
Fuck that.
Duke can take a shift.
Duke!
Watch the back for me.
Duke!
What the hell is going on?
Why are you looking at me?
'Cause your guy went outside
and now our guy
is not answering up.
More than one explanation
for that.
-Any of 'em good?
-All right, look, guys.
We all need to be very careful,
all right?
One bad move,
those long guns
are gonna respond, right?
And that's a train
none of us can get off.
-Okay?
-I'm gonna check the kitchen.
And leave me here
two on one?
Yeah.
I bet you've been there before.
You want this
to end in bloodshed?
All right. One of ours,
one of yours, okay?
Get.
Blondie, what's up?
The waitress shot me.
The waitress?
She knows what she's doing.
That Fed is splattered.
Truce, all right?
We still gotta figure out
the waitress.
Kinda hard to put it out of
my head that you just shot me.
Yeah.
Well, you just shot me, too.
I'm already over it.
How do we tell
the snipers to stand down?
Uh, God, Jesus.
Uh, body language?
Uh, all right.
Look, we'll come up slow.
Now the comm's been blacked out
and we're both bleeding.
I mean, we can't just sit here
and wait for more things
to happen to us.
Come on.
Fuck.
Okay. Okay.
Look, I'll go first.
-Okay?
-Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Where's the red?
Where'd you get that?
Duck! Duck!
Sniper!
Duck! Of course,
you're not a waitress!
Are you here
to kill the Sonofabitch, too?
Ha! Actually,
kinda the opposite.
-Then we have a problem.
-Oh, yeah?
What'd he do to you?
Nothing. It's a money job.
That's-- Okay.
Then in that case, hear me out.
Nope.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Just listen, listen!
I promise you,
he's worth a lot more
if you don't shoot him
right away.
I'm dealing
with a glass ceiling,
so if I flake out,
I'll never work again.
Okay. Then we--
We're friends, right?
We know each other.
I bailed you
out of countless orders.
Just listen to me.
A year ago,
Sonofabitch hit a stash house
for 11 million.
Cops found his partner dead,
in this diner,
at the same night.
And? Obviously, he killed him
and got away with the money.
Yeah. But then
why would he come back here?
Hire all this muscle,
doesn't make sense.
Do you know how much space
$11 million takes up?
If you haven't found it here
in six months--
It's in Bitcoin,
on a hard drive, boomer.
It's like the size of a phone.
Fuck!
Bitcoin.
Now this just gets even better.
Okay. I've waited three weeks
to kill the Sonofabitch.
When he shows up,
that is exactly
what I'm gonna do.
You probably
don't wanna be here,
and you definitely
don't wanna be in my way.
Look,
either the Sonofabitch
hid the drive
-or Denny hid the key.
-I'm gonna shoot you now.
No, don't do that.
That would've served you right!
They're gonna shoot you, too,
you know.
Not "they."
"She."
There's no red one anymore.
I think
when the shit popped off,
the one sniper shot the other.
-Why?
-I don't know.
It could've been panic,
could've been part of the plan,
but I'm pretty sure
it had something to do
with the hummus wrap.
Okay. Listen. If you cover me,
I'll go up there,
I'll take her out.
Cover you is to get my head
shot off.
I know where she is
and I'm fast.
I'm fast, too.
Okay. Well, then give me
the machine gun,
I'll cover you.
You're really that stupid?
If I shoot you,
who's gonna cover me?
Use your head.
All right.
I'll cover you. You go.
All right. Thank you.
So, um, she's about 300 yards
to the north
other side of the road
right across from the fence
by the access road.
- Okay. Got it.
- Okay.
Three-round burst, walk it up.
I know how to lay down
cover fire.
Okay. Well, excuse me.
You don't know how to take
a basic breakfast orders,
so just playing catch up.
Fuck!
Oh!
Fuck! Fuck!
Fuck!
Fuck!
Oh, like a paperboy.
Okay. Oh, yeah.
Okay. You fuck!
You motherfucker!
Ten minutes!
Give me ten minutes with him!
Fuck you!
Five! Five!
- Fuck you!
- I can--
I take him alive,
or I scare him away! Okay?
You're not gonna scare him away!
Oh, you are so... fuck!
I--I'm not gonna let you
kill him!
Oh. Yeah, you got incoming.
What's it gonna be?
Hey. Hey, hey, hey.
Fuck it, forget it.
We're good.
-I'm over it.
-Okay.
Oh, you! Motherfucker.
Motherfuck-- You shit!
Oh, that's cute.
You think I won't?
This isn't right.
Maybe a little more mayhem
than I was expecting.
Waitress?
God damn you, Cookie!
Where's that middle finger now,
tough guy.
And who's Cookie?
The cook.
They both appear handy
with a gun.
Very handy.
Could be useful.
-What do you...
-Hi, there.
Just a word before you shoot me?
Blow you up,
and nope.
Okay.
Oh, shit.
Hello, again. CIA?
Subcontractor.
And you? FBI?
Interested third party.
Everybody else dead?
-Theirs and mine?
-It's just us.
Okay. But the two of you
don't seem to be
on the same page,
vis a vis me.
Not so's it'll work
in your favor.
Well, it seems like
I'm the only one
the FBI drone is interested
in not shooting.
Can you see the value in that?
So, what do you say
we all step inside
and figure out how not to die?
Fuck!
Son of a bitch.
Okay.
-Yeah. That'll confound them.
-These are, uh, steel
and Kevlar composite.
Won't keep 'em out forever,
but we don't have forever.
I'll ask. What's in the box?
Could be just about anything.
Kevlar and steel.
How did I not notice this?
Why would you?
Oh, he's been
on a scavenger hunt.
He thinks you hid an 11 million
Bitcoin key in the cushions.
Bitcoin? I'm too old
to learn a new hustle.
Yeah. But Denny Marco wasn't.
Two of you close?
We shared a cell
for a while.
But were you close?
I'm not here for you,
just the drive.
For what?
There's no Bitcoin on it.
- I swear.
- Oh, you swear?
Okay. That's a relief.
Cross your heart, hope to die?
Can you stand back?
That's why I spent
a little extra
for the lithium thionyl chloride
batteries.
They're here.
Okay.
When I say don't shoot,
trust me, do not shoot.
I'll talk to them.
I put down a 50%
non-refundable deposit
on all that security.
Should have checked
their Yelp review.
All I wanna do is open
the goddamn box.
Yeah. No shit.
You do it.
-That's funny.
-You scared?
Yeah.
They call him the Sonofabitch
for a reason.
Besides, it's a Christian name,
you know.
Now, are you
gonna be a grownup about this
or am I gonna have to shoot off
your kneecaps?
You wanna renegotiate?
Not for something
you stole from us
-in the first place.
-Fed mentality is the worst.
Any excuse to avoid
paying fair market value.
Hmm. Kneecaps it is.
About nine years ago...
...the Albanian Mafia
was irked at me
for something else I'd done.
So I bought this diner
with the idea
that when they came for me,
I'd blow 'em up
and fake my own death.
But the Albanians turned out
to be surprisingly reasonable,
which left me with a diner
filled with undetonated
gelignite,
which I have just primed.
Wiring is booby-trapped
and the charges
are very sensitive to impact.
For instance,
any bullets you might send
in this direction...
Uh-huh.
Why do you think
I insisted on meeting here?
For the pancakes?
Fuck.
Fuck.
Well, I gotta tell you,
it inspires a lot of confidence
that you have relied
on a giant suicide bomb
twice now.
Oh. You're funny.
You guys hungry?
I'm hungry.
I like to cook. It relaxes me.
Plus, I make the best pancakes
in the county.
Says so on the menu.
Was that batter?
Trick is not
to overbeat the batter.
Hey. What did you guys take?
$65,000. However--
The FBI's
not here for $65,000.
However, there was a hard drive.
Dirt on the CIA,
a nine-figure black money fund,
plus all the heinous shit
you'd imagine,
plus a few fun surprises.
Then you have to rest it.
At least, uh...
15, 20 minutes
for the flour to hydrate.
And the baking powder
needs a chance
to permeate the batter.
That's what makes
those little air bubbles.
A good pancake
is all about carbon dioxide.
- Can we back up to the CIA?
- Oh, no, no.
I'd like to hear more
about pancakes.
The Feeb outside put together
a pretty good case.
Then she took a second look
at the numbers involved.
Figured the CIA could afford
to pay her to keep her quiet.
You got it.
Isn't it interesting
when public servants go bad?
Denny's name was in there.
What's on the hard drive?
Some personal shit.
Yeah.
CIA was setting him up.
And the FBI,
they were sitting on proof
he was innocent.
Denny was CIA?
Denny was-- No.
But yeah,
Denny is, uh, CIA adjacent.
Oh. I thought
he was your cellmate.
He was my cellmate.
In a redacted country,
we did 39 months eating rats,
getting creatively abused
before someone brought us back
for a couple of used terrorists.
Eating rats?
So anyway, I uploaded the files
and trashed the drive,
gave the Feebs some motivation
to keep me alive.
While you extorted them.
But the-- But the CIA figured
once the evidence dies with you,
-once Dolly's dead,
they get to--
-Ooh, wait a minute.
-Why do I have to die?
-Outside contractors,
they make the best scapegoats.
Story ends when you get killed
in the crossfire.
The old geezers
with the machine guns.
Ding, ding, ding.
Oh, those cheap CIA fucks
weren't even gonna pay me.
That's what
you're taking away from this?
I told you, the glass ceiling.
Do not shoot in here!
That would be the FBI's
new offer.
-What offer?
-Very intrigued
to hear it myself.
Let them in.
Christ, what a fiasco.
Unless they started printing
million dollar bills,
you're considerably light!
It's not for you. It's for them.
500,000 to walk out the door.
You could split it.
One of you could shoot the other
and keep it all.
I really don't care.
What am I doing
while this is going on?
Right.
You're gonna have to get
the detonator away from him.
Shoot his hand off,
break his arms, his legs.
Your call.
As long as he can still talk.
No clock on the offer?
They're surrounded by guns,
sitting on top of a bomb.
Don't think
it's gonna take that long.
Well, since I don't like
the idea of being tortured,
my best option
is blowing all of us up.
You're kind of fucked
any way you look at it.
Any chance you just let us
walk out first?
Nah. The second we do,
they're gonna shoot us anyway,
take the money back.
Does sound a lot more likely,
given their shameful behavior
thus far.
Hey. They might want us alive
in case he told you
something useful.
- Which he didn't.
- I know.
It's not gonna stop them
from torturing
the shit out of us.
Just to be sure.
So, since I'm the only thing
keeping the two of you alive,
what do you say
we become a team?
Soup's on.
Hmm. Goddamn.
These are great.
These are great!
Hmm. It's only cake.
Don't talk to him.
The wily fucker had us figured
for his plan B
the whole goddamned time.
Boxed us in.
You were gonna kill him,
I was gonna rob him,
so...
we're not exactly victims here.
Why are you so chipper?
You spent six months
scraping grease for nothing.
All the more reason
for me to enjoy
this delicious pancake
in front of me.
That someone else prepared.
Oh, wait. Are you done?
- It's all yours.
- Really?
Do mind if I don't.
Parting gift.
Thinking about killing me?
-You are, aren't you?
-I don't know.
For 500,000?
I was planning on killing him
for a lot less.
Then I really better enjoy
this pancake.
Hmm.
Why didn't you kill me?
-Yeah, why would I?
-You can shoot,
and you had your angle
more than once.
And you went out of your way
not to kill me.
I'm not a professional killer.
Okay. A pretty talented amateur.
I know you.
I mean,
I don't, obviously, but...
we spent three weeks
alone together, ten hours a day.
-No, no, no, don't.
-I don't--
- Don't do that.
- Calm down.
-I don't mean that romantically.
-Good.
-Or even sexually.
-Great.
I guess I couldn't separate
the Dolly in my crosshairs
from the one
who bitched about tips
or shoving ketchup packets
in her purse
and hoarding them for later.
Don't think I didn't notice.
I knew you, I know you,
whatever.
What is-- I don't know.
Why--
Why didn't you kill me?
Because I didn't have
a clear shot.
Wait, where are you going?
I'm not gonna die
looking at more dirty dishes
you forgot to bus.
I didn't forget.
You're one strange Cookie.
You know my name
isn't Cookie, right?
So? My name isn't Dolly.
Yeah. Well, Dolly's the name
on your shirt.
And you call me Cookie
because you never bothered
to ask my name.
First day I walked in, you said,
- "Call me Cookie."
- Yeah,
that was three weeks ago.
It never occurred to you
to ask me since?
Fine. What's your name?
Yeah, it's too late now.
Okay.
So, what do you wanna do?
This is assuming you're not
gonna kill me and take the 500.
Yes. This is assuming that.
Front door is no good.
I don't like
the back door either.
- It's no good in here.
- You know,
-I kind of like it in here.
-In here?
-With the bombs?
-The bombs keep them
from shooting us.
Keep us
from shooting them.
Okay. Two of us hand to hand
against we don't know how many.
How many more crooked Feds
could there possibly be?
I mean, that are involved
in this one thing.
She's not gonna wait forever.
I don't think
she is waiting.
She knows
she can't use guns or charges
because of the bombs,
so I think, as we speak,
they are tooling up
whatever weapons
they can get their hands on.
No guns, no crossfire.
They're gonna hit us
from both sides
at the same time.
Except, we have a secret weapon.
That?
No, not this,
but this did turn out
pretty cool, huh?
Now...
Yeah. Right.
It's gonna take some convincing.
-Let me do the talking.
-Uh-hmm.
Okay. So we made a plan.
- Yeah.
- Does it involve using me
as a human shield?
Uh, we are open to other ideas.
No, that was my only one.
Oh. Okay.
Great.
Well, that was a lot easier
than I thought it'd be.
You're gonna cut me off
a little piece of that?
Partner?
I'll tell you what,
I'll give you 100,000
for the trigger,
-partner.
-Touch.
Okay, that was fast.
Okay.
Time to stab our way to freedom.
I wanna get-- Shit!
I can't find my thumb.
-Your thumb?
-I can't find my thumb.
Enough already.
I can't find my thumb.
I can't find my thumb.
I'm sure
it's around here somewhere.
-I can't find my thumb.
-All right.
Here, wrap it up.
You wanna stop the bleeding
before you get too lightheaded.
Did you forget
I was still inside?
I knew, yeah.
You two have earned even thirds.
A third of what?
The Who-Gives-a-Fuck files
no one wants to pay for?
We can run a bidding war.
Feds versus CIA.
Even if that wasn't
as crazy as it sounds,
I can't do it.
I owe my friend, I owe Denny.
For what?
Eating rats?
For saying no when he asked me
to help him
break into an FBI stash house.
You spent the last six months
slinging hash out of guilt?
Of guilt, yeah, probably.
But mostly I did it
so I could get those files
to every reporter
and internet crank
with an email address
or Twitter account.
-For free?
-It wasn't free.
It's far from free.
It cost Denny's life.
It cost me six months of mine.
How many more figures
is it gonna cost you,
-you son of a bitch.
-You're just gonna let him
take all the fucking money?
Why did you feed me
all that bullshit about Bitcoin?
Oh, come on.
You were shooting at me.
I didn't think
"I let down an old friend"
would make you stop.
No. It wouldn't have.
Shoot him.
Shoot him.
Yeah, you get half.
You get half.
You didn't take the shot
when you could've.
That's gotta count
for something.
All right. Get in the car.
Get in the fucking car!
Get your mangled thumb
and mangled face.
Let's go for a ride.
Hey.
Hey, hey, hey.
What about the 250?
Yours or mine?
- I'm not gonna give you mine.
- Okay.
But what I was thinking
is you should give me yours.
I would've but you just said
you couldn't shoot me.
No, I didn't say couldn't,
exactly.
-Oh, come on.
-Besides, good guys,
they don't take dirty money.
I'm not a good guy.
I'm just a guy
trying to do a good thing.
Fuck.
Turns out, I don't have a head
for the business part
of this business.
Hey, hey,
what is your name, by the way?
Good night.
Well, let's close this diner.
Here we go.
Oh, I'm not doing it.
You should do the honors.
-Go for it.
-It's a good diner.
Good diner?
Wow.
Oven burners go out
at least twice a day,
the fuse box has gotta be
30 years out of date,
and, uh, there are about
two dozen dead bodies inside.
- So...
- You...
-...I would put it down.
-...owe me a thumb.
Okay. Wait. What do you figure
your thumb's worth?
We negotiate.
Okay. Okay.
Ooh!
Bye-bye.
You're squeezing it out.
Don't push it too hard.
You got another one.
You want some pancakes?
Oh, whoo!
Hey, all due respect
to your expertise...
However?
Any way you could
expedite the process?
Five minutes,
checking for tripwires now
saves us a lot of problems
five minutes from now.
Huh. Okay.
Well, that ship has
probably already sailed.
You said not to worry.
Yeah, 'cause I didn't
want you to worry.
So how many alarms
have we tripped already?
Come on, man. Let's not make
a big deal out of this, yeah?
Just blow the safe,
fill the bag,
and let's get outta here.
Come on, nice and easy.
If it's that simple,
what'd you need me for?
Because
this is a two-person job, buddy.
One for the safe
and one to shoot
the first responders.
"First responders?"
Yup.
The first to respond
to the alarms we tripped.
Come on.
Alarms you didn't disable!
Uh, let's not dwell
on the past, buddy.
But those aren't cops, right?
Well, technically, they're...
Come on, come on.
Okay. Come on. Come on.
Okay.
This is not $11 million.
Really? Fuck!
Coke, coke.
Bundle of cash.
A tiny bit of cash.
-The fuck is this?
-I don't know, but come on.
Can we fucking talk
about this in the car?
-Let's go!
-You don't know?
I mean, shit.
There's almost
a hundred thousand here.
Sixty-five isn't "almost."
You told me
it was a stash house.
It was.
An FBI stash house.
Thoroughly corrupt FBI agents.
That ever made a difference?
What, so you're telling me
you won't steal from cops,
dirty or otherwise,
not even for $11 million?
An academic question,
since there isn't $11 million.
And no way, if you'd told me
we had to shoot six Feds...
Uh, six thoroughly corrupt...
I don't shoot
any kind of six people.
And certainly not for 65,000!
All right. Well, in my defense,
I assumed there'd be more
in the safe.
Yeah! $11 million!
Well, well, kinda pulled
that number out of my ass.
What's on the hard drive?
Nothing.
Some personal shit.
Personal?
Uh-hmm.
-What, peeved?
-You wouldn't be?
You know what? Fuck it.
You keep the money. All of it.
-Oh.
-Merry Christmas.
-All yours.
-The whole 65.
Listen, buddy.
I'm trying to do
the right thing here.
-The right thing?
-For you.
Trying to do
the right thing.
Denny. Okay.
You're keeping the whole stash.
That's-- All right, fine.
You want to fuck.
It's not like you're gonna
kill me over this.
Oh, buddy.
Oh, come on. Come on, man.
If it turns
into that kind of thing,
you shoot me, I shoot you.
-I, I wanna get some ice cream.
-I'm--
-What?
-Yeah.
-Now?
-Uh, yeah.
No. No, no.
We should stay on this road
for a few more hours.
I mean, I don't think
they're gonna report it
to the local cops necessarily,
but we should...
No. I wanna get some ice cream.
I'm hungry. I know a place.
Are you outta
your mind? No.
I'm not. No. Ice cream.
Where the fuck are we
gonna get ice cream right now?
I said I know a place.
Ice cream, you scream.
We all scream for ice cream.
Come on.
Come on, it'll feel good.
All right.
Ice cream it is.
So you own a diner?
I had a problem
with some Albanians
a few years back.
- Yeah. And?
- It's a long story.
The short version is I had
to surgically remove
my fingerprints,
but I kept the diner.
There's a lot missing
from that version, buddy.
All right. Diner.
Denny, what's on the hard drive?
Let it go, man.
It's nothing
that could be monetized.
Everything can be monetized.
Trust me, man.
It is one of those cases
where the less you know,
the better off you are.
Trust you?
I get it, yeah.
You're right.
Ironic choice of words.
No, not ironic.
I like irony.
I don't like this.
Yeah. You know what?
It's been fun, buddy,
but I think I'm gonna go
before things escalate,
before things get said
that can't be taken back...
- Oh, nonsense.
- ...your feelings get hurt.
You like sprinkles?
Because I'm trying to find my...
-Forget the sprinkles.
-...rainbow sprinkles,
-the confetti sprinkles.
-Listen, buddy.
Where did I put the-- Oh,
- here they are.
- Listen. The money.
Oh. Sweet.
Creamy,
suddenly floral, aromatic.
You know, um,
dying over $11 million
would have made some sense.
Had some dignity.
So I hope, for both of our sake,
that whatever's on this,
I can weave
into a little bit of gold.
Son of a bitch.
So good.
Mm. Mm.
-Got any bars?
-What bar?
Bars.
Oh. Uh, you know,
sometimes when it rains,
the tower goes out.
It ain't rainin'.
Well, maybe it's raining
somewhere else.
Good one.
All right.
Okay.
Can I get y'all anything else?
-Decaf?
-No.
Sorry.
Oh. Uh, yeah, just sit anywhere.
Mm-mm. Mm.
Come on.
Oh. Uh, here.
Do you want a coffee
or anything?
- It's just all...
- Hey, uh...
-Excuse me?
-I'm gonna need you to stay
-right there for a second.
-Oh, really?
It's for your own safety.
Now, I would tell you
to put your hands
where I could see them,
but if I was in your place,
I sure as hell wouldn't.
Listen,
we are open to a scenario
where we walk out, drive away,
and just continue to drive.
Yeah. No, I don't doubt it.
-But?
-Yeah. But.
Way to cover the door.
-We're looking at the door?
-If you weren't so busy
shoveling food in your face,
you would've seen them pull up.
You didn't see 'em.
You've always been
a shit partner.
Covered you for eight years.
Still can't believe
I fucked you.
You fucked me?
I fucked you.
- Not so I noticed.
- Classy.
Last minutes on earth,
you go for a dick joke?
Oh, more like seconds, actually.
Look, we actually have
a lot to get done.
Do you guys wanna go down
as victims or Vikings?
So...
Dolly.
Who's here?
Just me and Cookie.
The cook.
Is Cookie still breathing?
- Yeah.
- Uh-huh.
Cookie, you got a mop
and a bucket?
Yeah.
In the storage room out back.
Get a broom and a dustpan, too.
And get some duct tape to cover
the bullet holes in the booths.
If he ends up dead
or incapacitated,
you're gonna be doing
the sweeping and mopping.
I heard you loud and clear
on the last one.
Yet it bears repeating.
You run marathons?
- Huh?
- Do you run marathons?
-No.
-I can barely feel your pulse.
Guess I've seen worse.
Wow.
I'd like to hear that story.
I'll take that coffee now.
You paying?
So, uh, what happened
last time?
Unclench.
I'm not a homicidal maniac,
if that's what you're asking.
Wow.
You sure made it sound that way.
The fucking guy's never heard
of positive reinforcement.
How about,
"Nice headshot, French?"
"Good shot discipline, French."
Anyway, what's the story
with the waitress?
Thinking about
asking her out on a date?
You're kind of a smart-ass for
a guy with a gun to his head.
I'm sorry, sir.
Sometimes
my mouth gets ahead of me.
Ah, ah, ah. Easy.
Easy.
I'm getting the duct tape.
This should, uh,
cover breakfast for everyone.
Plus a substantial tip.
What kind of civilian traffic
can I expect
over the next few hours?
-It's pretty dead until lunch.
-How big's the lunch rush?
Well, you pretty much
just killed
the entire breakfast rush.
Phone.
Phone.
Purse.
Coffee?
Please.
Gimme the keys.
Hey, hold on a second. Yours?
Uh, that's my Charger,
it's her Hyundai.
Slash the tires.
It's not a fucking trick.
I already said
I'm not gonna hurt you.
So did everyone
who's ever hurt anyone ever.
What the actual fuck?
Pair of pros.
Fifties, sixties.
Husband-wife vibes.
For a moment there,
I wondered
if maybe they were yours.
Hmm. Before or after
you killed them?
Were they regulars?
I've only been here a few weeks.
Sir, you've seen him before?
I've been here,
like, six months.
I, I never seen him.
Okay.
Not yours, not ours,
must have been CIA.
CIA?
Yeah.
Sonofabitch didn't tell you?
He doesn't tell us shit.
We're security,
not co-conspirators.
Do you think
you can convince him
-to press pause?
-I don't think so.
The time it would take
to agree on someplace new,
not to mention, black out
three square miles of comms?
See you on Arbor Day.
Well...
guess we put a shine
on this turd.
Let's go.
Hey.
Number three,
wheat toast, bacon.
Heard that, Cookie?
Hey, Otto,
you're out there, okay?
I've already got a guy there.
Okay.
There.
And the sun
will be at his back.
So?
My long gun
can't see your long gun,
what do you think
is gonna happen?
Okay. How about there?
North-south,
line of sight on each other?
- That's good.
- Good.
Ike, Duke, on the side,
you inside.
-Uh-hmm.
-You need two in there.
Why?
Got a guy in the kitchen
watching the cook.
Why does the cook need to be
in the kitchen?
I paid for breakfast.
Our breakfast.
And why do we have to be
matchy-matchy?
These guys aren't one-for-one.
Everyone can see
what everyone else is doing?
You know we will come back
to eight dead bodies.
-Okay.
-Okay.
Duke, inside.
Keep an eye on the waitress.
You good? We matchy-matchy?
See you in an hour.
-What a dick.
-Hmm.
So, you're buying breakfast
or what?
What for? You've got guns.
"Best Pancakes in the County."
What?
They were reviewed somewhere?
Food Network or something?
She says they're the best,
that is good enough for me.
I'm not saying it. Menu says it.
Yeah, but how are they, though?
-I don't eat pancakes.
-What do you eat, Dolly?
That ever work with anyone,
anywhere?
No, has not.
Do you want pancakes?
-Just give me a second.
-She's intrigued.
Tell me,
are you intrigued, Dolly?
You don't know
if she even likes guys.
You like guys,
don't you, Dolly?
Nope. Only men.
So, these pancakes,
they, they never won
an award or anything?
People seem to like them.
So that's just some shit
y'all put on the menu.
You want me to ask Cookie?
Man.
I'm gonna get the burger medium,
Swiss and bacon,
onion rings and fries,
chocolate milkshake.
Seriously, after all that?
I'm not a breakfast person.
I'll take the pancakes,
turkey bacon, grapefruit juice.
And, uh, don't forget
Blondie's order.
Yes. Oh, uh, the number three...
-Uh-huh.
-...white toast, bacon.
Uh, wheat toast.
-Do you want something?
-County's best pancakes, bacon.
Head out and see what Ike wants.
-What about Otto?
-What travels?
-BLT?
-He's vegan.
They can pick out the bacon.
Like a LT?
- Yeah.
- No, that's not a thing.
Do you have any vegan options?
Oh. We've got, um...
It's got a hummus
and avocado wrap.
Hummus and avocado wrap.
Uh-hmm. Yeah, let's do that.
Oh, man.
Man, she's got a mouth on her.
Makes me wanna,
like, just pursue
what I think she's playing.
Hey, man.
-Giving me attitude?
-No, just making a milkshake.
- Uh-hmm.
- I'm trying to.
Don't look at me like that.
I'm not even looking at you.
Look at me like,
like I'm an asshole.
Yeah?
You sure it wasn't like, uh,
"This is twice as many orders
as I've ever had to fill
at once?"
The two of you,
the way you're handling this?
-Something ain't right.
-Oh, yeah?
You guys take over
a lot of diners, do you?
- Too calm.
- Don't kid yourself.
As soon as I get
these orders out,
I'm gonna go in the bathroom
and have myself a real good cry.
Ryder, where are you?
We're taking fire.
They seemed too old
to be shooters.
Hmm.
Subcontractors.
CIA hires 'em
in all shapes and sizes
for the stateside fuckery of it.
I ordered turkey bacon.
Oh.
I'll just swap them out.
-All right. There we go.
-Thank you.
Either way,
spooks will never admit that
anything ever happened here.
Now, if they did,
they would just have to explain
what the hell
The Sonofabitch was selling.
What?
Waiting on you
to try those pancakes.
So what's up, K? How are they?
They're fine.
Nothing special, though, right?
Jesus Christ.
Do you wanna try them?
No.
Maybe a little bit.
Order your own.
It's on me. All right?
-Another order of pancakes.
-Yup.
Do you still
want the burger?
No, I don't.
Yeah, I do.
Okay.
You're late.
These don't look like CIA.
Aryan Nation.
Wait, what did you do to them?
I don't remember.
Did you-- All right.
Well, I'm gonna--
We'll get someone
to clean this up.
Ryder, why'd you think CIA?
The Feds, they, uh, they said
that they had something
to do with this.
They had a--
They had a whole crew
waiting to ambush you
back at the diner.
And?
That's, that's why you pay me
the big bucks.
Site is sterile, there's, uh,
five FBI, five of my guys,
no comms.
But, uh, seeing as it seems
everyone knows you're back,
I mean, I gotta ask.
It's so much work sneaking in
and out of the country.
You always have to factor in
just a little bit of mayhem.
Did you get what I want?
Um, yeah.
It's in the back seat there.
Good.
Over easy, rye bread, ham.
At least it wasn't the eggs.
We're not a drive-through.
I need silverware too.
Right.
-Here you go.
-Can I get coffee?
Uh, milk or sugar?
Cream.
You need silverware too,
don't you?
-Okay.
-Yeah.
Coffee for me too.
I need a side
of, um, ham and toast.
White, wheat, or rye?
Uh...
- I'll just make one of each.
- Thank you.
All right.
For the guys
across the road.
Yeah, no, I gotta make
a pot of coffee.
Well...
You want me--
You want me to take it?
Yeah, sure. Go ahead.
I'll put the toast in.
Can you-- Can you just
make sure they don't burn?
Uh-hmm.
Whoa, whoa, hey, hey.
Hold on, hold on.
Why, why, why
are you asking him?
Asking him what?
Permission to go outside.
I, I don't know.
Who am I supposed to ask?
So, what? You wanna take a vote?
Let me get something straight,
you're not the goddamned
Alpha here.
Hey, sweetie.
Go ahead.
Uh, you're not
the Alpha, either.
You know who definitely
isn't the Alpha?
Incel who shits his pants,
whining about who's the Alpha.
Our sniper's over there,
about 300 yards.
Yeah. Ours is right over there,
about 250.
I'm not going with him.
- Guess you told me.
- Yeah.
That's some serious
Alpha male mojo for you, huh?
Just get out of here, man.
Don't shoot.
Shit.
Don't shoot.
Hey, I don't think
coffee or silverware
is coming any time soon.
What do you say
to a Christmas Truce?
What's that?
The Germans and British
in World War I,
they came out of the trenches,
played soccer,
sang Christmas carols.
So you wanna sing
Christmas carols?
I wanna go inside
and eat like a human being.
Got some food here.
All right. What we got here?
What we got?
- There you go.
- Thank you, sir.
-Thank you, sir.
-Thank you, sir.
Okay. Oh, whoa.
What, what, what,
what the fuck is this?
It's a-- It's a hummus wrap.
-Or hummus, I...
-Hum...
-Hummus or hummus.
-Hum...
-Hmm?
-Oh, okay.
Now, now, tell me about
the decision-making process
that went into giving me...
this?
We, we, we have limited
vegan options, sir, so...
Vegan? Who told you I was vegan?
Uh, the, the person who's,
uh, like, kind of a small...
Okay. It was a seven-day detox.
Now see, this is the problem
with being the long gun.
You're always on the outside,
people are thinking you're,
you're vegan and...
I, I--with all due respect, sir.
I, I don't care.
I, I can go
make you something else.
What's that?
It's a cheeseburger and fries.
It's, it's, for the other,
um, uh, long, long, uh...
Hummus wrap is for her.
-Thank you.
-Okay.
All right.
Vegan.
The fuck are you doing inside?
Eating my cold food.
Guess you're up, stud.
Goddamn. Come on, man.
I just got
a little food left, man.
Can I just finish that?
French.
Ain't this a bitch.
-What?
-You're just sitting there.
Why don't you go out back?
Fine.
C'mon, Dolly. Keep me company.
Fucking hell, French.
What the hell
is the matter with you?
Nothing.
I'm 100% operational male.
All right, scumbag.
I'm going out.
Uh, nope. Uh-uh.
You wanna shoot
the whole place up
- over a waitress, huh?
- I think
the question is, are any of you
gonna shoot the place up
over Dolly?
Hmm?
-Is this how he usually is?
-No.
- Not typically.
- Jesus Christ.
Ryder's gonna have
something to say about this.
Oh. Another stern talking-to?
- Oh, no.
- Hey.
- Uh-uh.
- Ah.
It's disgusting.
He's a piece of shit.
But you know
we can't let you do that.
This turns into the O.K. Corral,
you know I'm with you.
But we both know
what the boss is gonna say.
I'm sorry.
For what?
Come on, Dolly.
Just got some--
got some food here.
It's just some food.
What the fuck is this?
It's a-- It's a hummus wrap.
I, uh, I can make you
something else if you want.
Uh-hmm. French do this?
His idea of a joke?
Well?
That's my hamburger?
Yeah, but I, I guess
there was, like, a mistake
with his order so...
So he took mine?
-Maybe he figured...
-I'm a female,
so I eat bird food?
Well, not, like,
actual bird food
but maybe just lighter.
Forget it. I'm not hungry.
I can make you
another burger.
-It's no problem. I'll...
-Oh, yeah?
...be back here
in 10, 15 minutes.
Forget it.
All right. All right.
Sorry about that.
Come on.
Hey, Dolly.
-Where's Dolly?
-She's out back.
- Out back?
- Uh-hmm.
Where's the...
You're very calm.
I'm calm because I know
you're not gonna rape me.
You're right.
I'm not gonna rape you.
I am gonna seduce
the living shit out of you.
You know, this day and age,
you can't say what you want,
but you still want it.
You're okay with this?
Huh? You're okay with that?
Huh?
Fuck is wrong with you people?
We're armed cutthroats
and paid killers.
Something to keep in mind,
my friend.
Right. I'm sorry. All right?
Where you going?
To make a goddamn
cheeseburger deluxe
because turns out
the armed cutthroat out there
isn't a vegan.
She's just
a pissed off carnivore.
Otto isn't a vegan?
Uh, no.
No, he's, um, no,
he's just on a cleanse.
What do you want?
Smack me around
and pull me by my hair?
Caveman style?
No, that is not my go-to, no.
If you're gonna shoot me,
he wants it medium rare
with Swiss.
I'm looking out
for you, big dog.
But if you try to be a hero,
I'm gonna have to put you down.
I look like a hero to you?
See, you're...
more like a classy
kind of gal, right?
Yeah, something more like
from the 1940s.
Pancakes were good.
Best in the county, though?
It's a small county.
Some crazy shit to put in print
though, don't you think?
Don't take this
the wrong way,
but you're lucky I didn't
hock a loogie in them.
Hey, hey, hey.
Better watch
how you talk to me now.
Or what, rape gets a pass
with a bad attitude?
That's frowned upon?
I'll be Bogie,
you be Bacall, hmm?
He grabs her like this
and then he forced to kiss her
and then she fights him off
and then she kisses him back.
Yeah?
The guy's a piece of shit, okay?
What you want us to do?
Shoot each other over it?
You're right.
Yeah?
Like this.
I like it rough.
How's that feel, huh?
Do you like it?
Okay.
Hey, it's me. It's me. Jesus.
What the hell
happened to you?
Oh, you know, just
a fight to the death
to defend your virtue.
-It's intact. Come on.
-Oh, yeah, I can see that.
- Watch the knife.
- Watch that gun.
- Okay.
- Okay.
-Is he dead?
-Very.
That's crazy. Okay.
Please have car keys.
Please have car keys.
Shit.
It's gross.
Fuck! Okay.
Um, look,
you better give me the gun.
Bullshit. It's my gun now.
You know how to shoot?
Try and take it
and you will find out.
Just because--
Look, I can stall them
while you make a run for it.
- Stall them?
- Yeah.
Are you gonna dance,
recite poetry?
Okay. You don't know me,
but I've--
Don't know how to say this.
I got-- I got some skills, okay?
Honestly, I really hope so
because cooking
ain't one of 'em.
Oh. Ha-ha, well,
maybe we can fill out
peer performance cards
because I've got some
observations about
the rate of food
that was sent back...
-Shh. Okay.
-...to me because you don't know
-how to place an order.
-All right.
While you stall them,
what am I doing?
Running?
That sounds like a good
option, yes, running.
Terrain is flat
in four directions,
two snipers across the road
with maybe a half-a-mile range,
and a field of fire that covers
pretty much everywhere
except for where
we're standing right now.
So, how far
do you figure I'll get?
Field of fire? Jesus, what--
You wanna run?
I'll distract them.
Look, I took this off
the one I killed in the kitchen.
-FBI.
-Yeah. And seriously bent,
which is the worst
of both worlds.
Nothing good is gonna
happen to us if we stay here,
and it's gonna happen
very freaking fast.
I really wish
you'd give me the gun.
-Come on.
-Are you that good?
Probably.
Okay. I don't fuck
with probably.
Wait, wait, wait.
Dolly, come here!
Fuck.
Oh, shit.
Nega-fucking-tive, man.
Postprandial smoke is
a time-honored ritual.
Not indoors,
not in this century.
Fuck that tyranny.
That would be our long gun,
taking exception
to your bad manners.
And that would be ours.
I think it might be a good time
for you to get back
in the car anyway.
Fuck that.
Duke can take a shift.
Duke!
Watch the back for me.
Duke!
What the hell is going on?
Why are you looking at me?
'Cause your guy went outside
and now our guy
is not answering up.
More than one explanation
for that.
-Any of 'em good?
-All right, look, guys.
We all need to be very careful,
all right?
One bad move,
those long guns
are gonna respond, right?
And that's a train
none of us can get off.
-Okay?
-I'm gonna check the kitchen.
And leave me here
two on one?
Yeah.
I bet you've been there before.
You want this
to end in bloodshed?
All right. One of ours,
one of yours, okay?
Get.
Blondie, what's up?
The waitress shot me.
The waitress?
She knows what she's doing.
That Fed is splattered.
Truce, all right?
We still gotta figure out
the waitress.
Kinda hard to put it out of
my head that you just shot me.
Yeah.
Well, you just shot me, too.
I'm already over it.
How do we tell
the snipers to stand down?
Uh, God, Jesus.
Uh, body language?
Uh, all right.
Look, we'll come up slow.
Now the comm's been blacked out
and we're both bleeding.
I mean, we can't just sit here
and wait for more things
to happen to us.
Come on.
Fuck.
Okay. Okay.
Look, I'll go first.
-Okay?
-Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Where's the red?
Where'd you get that?
Duck! Duck!
Sniper!
Duck! Of course,
you're not a waitress!
Are you here
to kill the Sonofabitch, too?
Ha! Actually,
kinda the opposite.
-Then we have a problem.
-Oh, yeah?
What'd he do to you?
Nothing. It's a money job.
That's-- Okay.
Then in that case, hear me out.
Nope.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Just listen, listen!
I promise you,
he's worth a lot more
if you don't shoot him
right away.
I'm dealing
with a glass ceiling,
so if I flake out,
I'll never work again.
Okay. Then we--
We're friends, right?
We know each other.
I bailed you
out of countless orders.
Just listen to me.
A year ago,
Sonofabitch hit a stash house
for 11 million.
Cops found his partner dead,
in this diner,
at the same night.
And? Obviously, he killed him
and got away with the money.
Yeah. But then
why would he come back here?
Hire all this muscle,
doesn't make sense.
Do you know how much space
$11 million takes up?
If you haven't found it here
in six months--
It's in Bitcoin,
on a hard drive, boomer.
It's like the size of a phone.
Fuck!
Bitcoin.
Now this just gets even better.
Okay. I've waited three weeks
to kill the Sonofabitch.
When he shows up,
that is exactly
what I'm gonna do.
You probably
don't wanna be here,
and you definitely
don't wanna be in my way.
Look,
either the Sonofabitch
hid the drive
-or Denny hid the key.
-I'm gonna shoot you now.
No, don't do that.
That would've served you right!
They're gonna shoot you, too,
you know.
Not "they."
"She."
There's no red one anymore.
I think
when the shit popped off,
the one sniper shot the other.
-Why?
-I don't know.
It could've been panic,
could've been part of the plan,
but I'm pretty sure
it had something to do
with the hummus wrap.
Okay. Listen. If you cover me,
I'll go up there,
I'll take her out.
Cover you is to get my head
shot off.
I know where she is
and I'm fast.
I'm fast, too.
Okay. Well, then give me
the machine gun,
I'll cover you.
You're really that stupid?
If I shoot you,
who's gonna cover me?
Use your head.
All right.
I'll cover you. You go.
All right. Thank you.
So, um, she's about 300 yards
to the north
other side of the road
right across from the fence
by the access road.
- Okay. Got it.
- Okay.
Three-round burst, walk it up.
I know how to lay down
cover fire.
Okay. Well, excuse me.
You don't know how to take
a basic breakfast orders,
so just playing catch up.
Fuck!
Oh!
Fuck! Fuck!
Fuck!
Fuck!
Oh, like a paperboy.
Okay. Oh, yeah.
Okay. You fuck!
You motherfucker!
Ten minutes!
Give me ten minutes with him!
Fuck you!
Five! Five!
- Fuck you!
- I can--
I take him alive,
or I scare him away! Okay?
You're not gonna scare him away!
Oh, you are so... fuck!
I--I'm not gonna let you
kill him!
Oh. Yeah, you got incoming.
What's it gonna be?
Hey. Hey, hey, hey.
Fuck it, forget it.
We're good.
-I'm over it.
-Okay.
Oh, you! Motherfucker.
Motherfuck-- You shit!
Oh, that's cute.
You think I won't?
This isn't right.
Maybe a little more mayhem
than I was expecting.
Waitress?
God damn you, Cookie!
Where's that middle finger now,
tough guy.
And who's Cookie?
The cook.
They both appear handy
with a gun.
Very handy.
Could be useful.
-What do you...
-Hi, there.
Just a word before you shoot me?
Blow you up,
and nope.
Okay.
Oh, shit.
Hello, again. CIA?
Subcontractor.
And you? FBI?
Interested third party.
Everybody else dead?
-Theirs and mine?
-It's just us.
Okay. But the two of you
don't seem to be
on the same page,
vis a vis me.
Not so's it'll work
in your favor.
Well, it seems like
I'm the only one
the FBI drone is interested
in not shooting.
Can you see the value in that?
So, what do you say
we all step inside
and figure out how not to die?
Fuck!
Son of a bitch.
Okay.
-Yeah. That'll confound them.
-These are, uh, steel
and Kevlar composite.
Won't keep 'em out forever,
but we don't have forever.
I'll ask. What's in the box?
Could be just about anything.
Kevlar and steel.
How did I not notice this?
Why would you?
Oh, he's been
on a scavenger hunt.
He thinks you hid an 11 million
Bitcoin key in the cushions.
Bitcoin? I'm too old
to learn a new hustle.
Yeah. But Denny Marco wasn't.
Two of you close?
We shared a cell
for a while.
But were you close?
I'm not here for you,
just the drive.
For what?
There's no Bitcoin on it.
- I swear.
- Oh, you swear?
Okay. That's a relief.
Cross your heart, hope to die?
Can you stand back?
That's why I spent
a little extra
for the lithium thionyl chloride
batteries.
They're here.
Okay.
When I say don't shoot,
trust me, do not shoot.
I'll talk to them.
I put down a 50%
non-refundable deposit
on all that security.
Should have checked
their Yelp review.
All I wanna do is open
the goddamn box.
Yeah. No shit.
You do it.
-That's funny.
-You scared?
Yeah.
They call him the Sonofabitch
for a reason.
Besides, it's a Christian name,
you know.
Now, are you
gonna be a grownup about this
or am I gonna have to shoot off
your kneecaps?
You wanna renegotiate?
Not for something
you stole from us
-in the first place.
-Fed mentality is the worst.
Any excuse to avoid
paying fair market value.
Hmm. Kneecaps it is.
About nine years ago...
...the Albanian Mafia
was irked at me
for something else I'd done.
So I bought this diner
with the idea
that when they came for me,
I'd blow 'em up
and fake my own death.
But the Albanians turned out
to be surprisingly reasonable,
which left me with a diner
filled with undetonated
gelignite,
which I have just primed.
Wiring is booby-trapped
and the charges
are very sensitive to impact.
For instance,
any bullets you might send
in this direction...
Uh-huh.
Why do you think
I insisted on meeting here?
For the pancakes?
Fuck.
Fuck.
Well, I gotta tell you,
it inspires a lot of confidence
that you have relied
on a giant suicide bomb
twice now.
Oh. You're funny.
You guys hungry?
I'm hungry.
I like to cook. It relaxes me.
Plus, I make the best pancakes
in the county.
Says so on the menu.
Was that batter?
Trick is not
to overbeat the batter.
Hey. What did you guys take?
$65,000. However--
The FBI's
not here for $65,000.
However, there was a hard drive.
Dirt on the CIA,
a nine-figure black money fund,
plus all the heinous shit
you'd imagine,
plus a few fun surprises.
Then you have to rest it.
At least, uh...
15, 20 minutes
for the flour to hydrate.
And the baking powder
needs a chance
to permeate the batter.
That's what makes
those little air bubbles.
A good pancake
is all about carbon dioxide.
- Can we back up to the CIA?
- Oh, no, no.
I'd like to hear more
about pancakes.
The Feeb outside put together
a pretty good case.
Then she took a second look
at the numbers involved.
Figured the CIA could afford
to pay her to keep her quiet.
You got it.
Isn't it interesting
when public servants go bad?
Denny's name was in there.
What's on the hard drive?
Some personal shit.
Yeah.
CIA was setting him up.
And the FBI,
they were sitting on proof
he was innocent.
Denny was CIA?
Denny was-- No.
But yeah,
Denny is, uh, CIA adjacent.
Oh. I thought
he was your cellmate.
He was my cellmate.
In a redacted country,
we did 39 months eating rats,
getting creatively abused
before someone brought us back
for a couple of used terrorists.
Eating rats?
So anyway, I uploaded the files
and trashed the drive,
gave the Feebs some motivation
to keep me alive.
While you extorted them.
But the-- But the CIA figured
once the evidence dies with you,
-once Dolly's dead,
they get to--
-Ooh, wait a minute.
-Why do I have to die?
-Outside contractors,
they make the best scapegoats.
Story ends when you get killed
in the crossfire.
The old geezers
with the machine guns.
Ding, ding, ding.
Oh, those cheap CIA fucks
weren't even gonna pay me.
That's what
you're taking away from this?
I told you, the glass ceiling.
Do not shoot in here!
That would be the FBI's
new offer.
-What offer?
-Very intrigued
to hear it myself.
Let them in.
Christ, what a fiasco.
Unless they started printing
million dollar bills,
you're considerably light!
It's not for you. It's for them.
500,000 to walk out the door.
You could split it.
One of you could shoot the other
and keep it all.
I really don't care.
What am I doing
while this is going on?
Right.
You're gonna have to get
the detonator away from him.
Shoot his hand off,
break his arms, his legs.
Your call.
As long as he can still talk.
No clock on the offer?
They're surrounded by guns,
sitting on top of a bomb.
Don't think
it's gonna take that long.
Well, since I don't like
the idea of being tortured,
my best option
is blowing all of us up.
You're kind of fucked
any way you look at it.
Any chance you just let us
walk out first?
Nah. The second we do,
they're gonna shoot us anyway,
take the money back.
Does sound a lot more likely,
given their shameful behavior
thus far.
Hey. They might want us alive
in case he told you
something useful.
- Which he didn't.
- I know.
It's not gonna stop them
from torturing
the shit out of us.
Just to be sure.
So, since I'm the only thing
keeping the two of you alive,
what do you say
we become a team?
Soup's on.
Hmm. Goddamn.
These are great.
These are great!
Hmm. It's only cake.
Don't talk to him.
The wily fucker had us figured
for his plan B
the whole goddamned time.
Boxed us in.
You were gonna kill him,
I was gonna rob him,
so...
we're not exactly victims here.
Why are you so chipper?
You spent six months
scraping grease for nothing.
All the more reason
for me to enjoy
this delicious pancake
in front of me.
That someone else prepared.
Oh, wait. Are you done?
- It's all yours.
- Really?
Do mind if I don't.
Parting gift.
Thinking about killing me?
-You are, aren't you?
-I don't know.
For 500,000?
I was planning on killing him
for a lot less.
Then I really better enjoy
this pancake.
Hmm.
Why didn't you kill me?
-Yeah, why would I?
-You can shoot,
and you had your angle
more than once.
And you went out of your way
not to kill me.
I'm not a professional killer.
Okay. A pretty talented amateur.
I know you.
I mean,
I don't, obviously, but...
we spent three weeks
alone together, ten hours a day.
-No, no, no, don't.
-I don't--
- Don't do that.
- Calm down.
-I don't mean that romantically.
-Good.
-Or even sexually.
-Great.
I guess I couldn't separate
the Dolly in my crosshairs
from the one
who bitched about tips
or shoving ketchup packets
in her purse
and hoarding them for later.
Don't think I didn't notice.
I knew you, I know you,
whatever.
What is-- I don't know.
Why--
Why didn't you kill me?
Because I didn't have
a clear shot.
Wait, where are you going?
I'm not gonna die
looking at more dirty dishes
you forgot to bus.
I didn't forget.
You're one strange Cookie.
You know my name
isn't Cookie, right?
So? My name isn't Dolly.
Yeah. Well, Dolly's the name
on your shirt.
And you call me Cookie
because you never bothered
to ask my name.
First day I walked in, you said,
- "Call me Cookie."
- Yeah,
that was three weeks ago.
It never occurred to you
to ask me since?
Fine. What's your name?
Yeah, it's too late now.
Okay.
So, what do you wanna do?
This is assuming you're not
gonna kill me and take the 500.
Yes. This is assuming that.
Front door is no good.
I don't like
the back door either.
- It's no good in here.
- You know,
-I kind of like it in here.
-In here?
-With the bombs?
-The bombs keep them
from shooting us.
Keep us
from shooting them.
Okay. Two of us hand to hand
against we don't know how many.
How many more crooked Feds
could there possibly be?
I mean, that are involved
in this one thing.
She's not gonna wait forever.
I don't think
she is waiting.
She knows
she can't use guns or charges
because of the bombs,
so I think, as we speak,
they are tooling up
whatever weapons
they can get their hands on.
No guns, no crossfire.
They're gonna hit us
from both sides
at the same time.
Except, we have a secret weapon.
That?
No, not this,
but this did turn out
pretty cool, huh?
Now...
Yeah. Right.
It's gonna take some convincing.
-Let me do the talking.
-Uh-hmm.
Okay. So we made a plan.
- Yeah.
- Does it involve using me
as a human shield?
Uh, we are open to other ideas.
No, that was my only one.
Oh. Okay.
Great.
Well, that was a lot easier
than I thought it'd be.
You're gonna cut me off
a little piece of that?
Partner?
I'll tell you what,
I'll give you 100,000
for the trigger,
-partner.
-Touch.
Okay, that was fast.
Okay.
Time to stab our way to freedom.
I wanna get-- Shit!
I can't find my thumb.
-Your thumb?
-I can't find my thumb.
Enough already.
I can't find my thumb.
I can't find my thumb.
I'm sure
it's around here somewhere.
-I can't find my thumb.
-All right.
Here, wrap it up.
You wanna stop the bleeding
before you get too lightheaded.
Did you forget
I was still inside?
I knew, yeah.
You two have earned even thirds.
A third of what?
The Who-Gives-a-Fuck files
no one wants to pay for?
We can run a bidding war.
Feds versus CIA.
Even if that wasn't
as crazy as it sounds,
I can't do it.
I owe my friend, I owe Denny.
For what?
Eating rats?
For saying no when he asked me
to help him
break into an FBI stash house.
You spent the last six months
slinging hash out of guilt?
Of guilt, yeah, probably.
But mostly I did it
so I could get those files
to every reporter
and internet crank
with an email address
or Twitter account.
-For free?
-It wasn't free.
It's far from free.
It cost Denny's life.
It cost me six months of mine.
How many more figures
is it gonna cost you,
-you son of a bitch.
-You're just gonna let him
take all the fucking money?
Why did you feed me
all that bullshit about Bitcoin?
Oh, come on.
You were shooting at me.
I didn't think
"I let down an old friend"
would make you stop.
No. It wouldn't have.
Shoot him.
Shoot him.
Yeah, you get half.
You get half.
You didn't take the shot
when you could've.
That's gotta count
for something.
All right. Get in the car.
Get in the fucking car!
Get your mangled thumb
and mangled face.
Let's go for a ride.
Hey.
Hey, hey, hey.
What about the 250?
Yours or mine?
- I'm not gonna give you mine.
- Okay.
But what I was thinking
is you should give me yours.
I would've but you just said
you couldn't shoot me.
No, I didn't say couldn't,
exactly.
-Oh, come on.
-Besides, good guys,
they don't take dirty money.
I'm not a good guy.
I'm just a guy
trying to do a good thing.
Fuck.
Turns out, I don't have a head
for the business part
of this business.
Hey, hey,
what is your name, by the way?
Good night.
Well, let's close this diner.
Here we go.
Oh, I'm not doing it.
You should do the honors.
-Go for it.
-It's a good diner.
Good diner?
Wow.
Oven burners go out
at least twice a day,
the fuse box has gotta be
30 years out of date,
and, uh, there are about
two dozen dead bodies inside.
- So...
- You...
-...I would put it down.
-...owe me a thumb.
Okay. Wait. What do you figure
your thumb's worth?
We negotiate.
Okay. Okay.
Ooh!
Bye-bye.
You're squeezing it out.
Don't push it too hard.
You got another one.
You want some pancakes?
Oh, whoo!