Best Worst Movie (2009) Movie Script

Want me to come pick you up?
Oh, that's what they tell me.
Ok, all right.
Hey, merry.
Yeah, I'll come pick her up.
This is the best protein
drink ever right here.
Gotta stay lean and fit.
Omega-3s, omega-6s, and a little
bit of saturated fat.
But it's good fat.
Ah, maybe I'll cut a mango up.
Let's just try that one today.
Oh, man, that's a raw...
That's a pretty old mango.
This is what it's like when
you're a bachelor.
You have old, raw stuff.
It... it doesn't need
to go in there.
Oh, I almost forgot...
Forgot my, uh, coffee.
I've done that before.
But we're about to go pick up
my daughter right now, which
is great because Lily
lives close to me.
And it's wonderful.
But she lives with me half
the time or with
mom half the time.
We have a good relationship.
Hey, sweetie.
There you go.
Lily, are you...
Are you already texting
this morning?
Oh, my gosh.
How many texts do you
think you do a day?
-Oh, you don't do 1,000.
But you do a lot, don't you?
Are you... a day?
See you about 2:00.
Are you excited about
coming today?
It's going to be fun, isn't it?
What are we do today?
Are we going to do two
fillings today?
I think we are, aren't we?
Can I ask... can I ask
you another... can
I ask another question?
Just one more question,
just one.
I'm not going to ask
two questions.
Can I ask three questions?
Can I ask
you just like... can I ask five
questions or one?
All right.
Question number five.
You ready?
-Dr. Hardy's office.
This is Tina.
-If you was another age... if
you were another age, would
you like to be seven or eight?
If you... could you...
Which would you like to...
Can I ask you another question?
-Dr. Hardy as a boss is just
like he is as a friend.
I mean, we to him just
like he's one of us.
We talk to him about anything.
-Not long after George set up
his practice, we had some
students who had major dental
work that needed to be done.
And George, after one phone
call, took that on, basically
transformed the lives of a
couple of kids by doing their
dental work totally free.
Didn't have to do that, but did
it because he know that's
what those kids needed.
And it's change their lives.
-Which one do you like?
Which one do you like, sweetie?
-George Hardy is the most
authentic, alive person.
A lot of people, as they get
older, they get set in their
ways, and they get bored
with their life.
Or they just get settled.
Somebody like George...
He's not settled.
You know?
He's alive.
-Will you kill me
if I tell them?
-No, tell them.
Tell them.
-The reason that the home town
folks love George is because
George dresses up like a roller
blading tooth fairy in
the Christmas parade every year.
I'm trying to think
of somebody that
might not like George.
I can't think of one person who
doesn't like George Hardy.
I mean if his ex-wife likes
him as much as I like him,
then, you know, I think it'd be
pretty hard for anybody to
not like George.
-He has always been one of the
most fun people that I know.
I don't think I've ever seen
George when he wasn't smiling.
-Hey, Barbara.
-Hey, George.
How are you?
-Good, how about you?
-I'm fine.
Good to see you too.
He loves people, and he likes
the reaction that
he gets from people.
-How you been?
You always answer the
phone so great here.
I just...
-Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
-Really, honestly, every
time I call down here.
Hey, how you doing?
-He is one of the... the kindest
and finest people that
I have ever seen in my life,
even though he's my son.
He's just... he's just
fun to be around.
What did you think of your son's
performance in "troll 2?"
-Oh, my gosh.
Let's say, he's...
He's not very grand.
-So where's that damn mirror?
-Well, I left in about the
middle of the movie.
I just couldn't take it anymore.
And I thought, what is he doing?
-It's got to be your
imagination or a
Are you still smoking
dope, Holly?
-I've known George for years.
And he came in the store one
day, and I asked him.
I said, you know, George, were
you ever in a movie?
And he said, uh, yes.
And I said, well, I
think I saw it.
I said, I saw this movie "troll
2." And it was just
crazy because nobody in the
community even knew that
George was in a film.
-We don't speak too much about
it, but he did make his movie
about 17 years ago.
We didn't know whether to tell
people about it or kind of
keep it quiet.
-I walked up to the counter,
and I said to the fella...
I said, I'm here to pick up a
movie that you've got on hold
called "troll 2." And this guy
that's standing next to me at
the counter... he was getting
another movie too.
And he looked at me, and
he said, oh, my gosh.
He said, that's the worst
movie I've ever seen.
-Wait till you get home
and watch the movie.
And he was right.
-It was so bad.
And he was so...
His accent and his acting...
It was just so...
Just the strangest
thing to watch.
-It was so not him.
You know?
Knowing the real person
in seeing him doing...
Using the word acting loosely.
It was just hilarious.
-Do you see this writing?
Do you know what it means?
And you can't piss
on hospitality.
I won't allow it!
-What are you going to
do to me, daddy?
-Tightening my belt
by one loop so I
don't feel hunger pains.
Ok, pause it.
He's right there.
That's me, Michael
Paul stephenson.
And 18 years ago, I got the lead
role in my first movie.
It's goblin spelled backwards!
At that
time, the movie was titled
"goblin." it was directed by
Italian filmmaker Claudio
fragasso and written by his
wife, rosella drudi.
We filmed the movie over the
course of three weeks in
small-town Utah in the
summer of 1989.
It was hard work.
It was... it was tough work.
But it was a small price
to pay for stardom.
See, as a child actor, this was
the big break that I was
waiting for.
I thought that I was
going to be famous.
I couldn't wait to see my
movie on the big screen.
But my movie never made
it to the big screen.
In fact, the first time that
I saw my movie was one year
later on Christmas morning.
I unwrapped my last present to
reveal a vhs copy of my movie.
I was so excited to see
this for the first
time with my family.
I grabbed the tape, and
I stuck it in the VCR.
And then I pressed play.
-90 minutes later, my childhood
dreams went up in flames.
I hated this movie.
I ran from "troll 2," and I
wanted nothing to do with it.
But that was before I realized
that there was more to this
movie than I understood.
And this is my movie
about that movie.
-Tightening my belt
by one loop so I
don't feel hunger pains.
And your sister and mother
will have to do likewise.
-I was practicing dentistry
in salt lake
city, Utah at the time.
I think it was about 1989.
And on a whim, I auditioned
for this movie.
And I did a few...
Did dentistry about two or
three days or four days.
And then I'd go back and shoot
and then go back and do
dentistry and go back and shoot.
I remember doing that
a few times.
The way I first found out that
the movie was released was by
one of my patients.
My patient goes, I seen you
in that movie, Dr. Hardy.
I seen you in that movie.
I go, what movie?
And he goes, "troll 2."
And I go, what?
What is the name?
Within a day or two, I got a
copy of "troll 2" on vhs.
And I remember taking that
thing and putting it and
watching my first scene with
margo on the couch.
-I'm worried about Joshua.
He's still seeing grandpa Seth.
-When I was a kid, I had an
imaginary playmate too.
-But it wasn't your
dead grandfather.
-And I thought, oh, man.
This is... this is bad.
This is really, really bad.
-Who are the goblins?
-The goblins?
Oh, when it first started
showing up on hbo and all
that, people would call
me from all over
the freaking place.
George, you're on TV!
I'd just go, I know.
I know.
I know I've been on it.
Just stop watching it right now.
It gets worse.
-I went on a mission for my
church, and I was in Spain.
And all of a sudden, one
day I get this letter.
And it says, your movie's out.
And it's
- called "troll 2."
- Damn.
There's no milk.
There's no coffee.
There's nothing.
Guys, didn't anyone remember
to bring supplies?
-And the first time that I saw
it, it was embarrassing.
I've got to admit, it was
embarrassing because m acting
was horrible.
And I think I maybe hoped it
wouldn't be as bad as it was.
But it was.
I'd like to dance
with you, honey.
I'd like to have romance.
I was in a crappy movie.
And I'm a crappy actor.
And that's ok because it's
not my thing that I do.
I do music.
I don't need to run
from this film.
But I can understand like Darren
and Connie and maybe
some of the other ones that do
acting and are trying to make
a career of acting, how they,
for a time, would try to just
kind of brush this away.
Who wants to put "troll 2" on
their resume, you know?
If someone pulls it out
and watches it, you're
not getting the part.
-Oh, I think I recognize you.
Did you do a movie about goblins
or trolls or something?
And there's that part of
you that wants to lie.
It's not on my resume.
You know?
But then you're like, oh, I
shouldn't lie, because I he'll
just look me up.
And so you go, uh-huh, and
leaving knowing I'm not
getting hired because of that.
-Release your instincts
in the bathroom!
-Are you nuts?
Are you trying to turn
me into a homo?
-It wouldn't be too hard.
If my father discovers you here,
he'd cut off your little
nuts and eat them.
He can't stand you.
-I was horrible in it.
And I knew I was horrible in it.
And I was, like, devastated as a
little kid who's just like...
You know?
Well, I was a pre-teen,
even worse.
And I was just thinking,
oh, my gosh.
I suck.
I looked it up on...
On imdb, and it was like one of
those slow motion moments
when you look down and you
see, like, the ratings.
And it says, worst
movie ever made.
And then I clicked on comments.
That was a bad move.
They're not just saying, that's
a horrible movie.
They're saying, you are a
horrible actor in the movie.
So it's not just the movie.
It's you too.
So it is personal.
From the moment I saw it the
first time on hbo, from that
very moment, I was like, oh,
I just want it to go away.
I just want it to go away.
We can do Holly's scene with the
boyfriend coming in the window.
-I don't know that one.
Are you Holly?
-I could be Holly.
-Release your instincts
in the bathroom!
-Are you trying to turn
me into a homo?
Are you crazy?
-It wouldn't be too hard.
If my father discovers you
here, he'll cut off your
little nuts and eat them.
He can't stand you.
This is an
atkins research program.
We're a marketing research
We do focus groups and
also mock trials
for the general public.
Today, we are throwing
a "troll 2" party.
We hold this annually.
And we're very proud
of what we do.
-I first saw the movie
when my friend Chris
introduced it to me.
We were at my house.
And he said, there's this
movie you've got to see.
I've watched it a million
times on vhs.
The most awful, worn,
used, dated copy.
But we popped it in, and it
was pure genius and joy.
We watched it a second
time right away.
-The movie came right to video.
And my dad knew I loved
horror films.
So he rented it for me,
and he came over.
We would hang out every day.
And this was back in Detroit,
where we're both from.
And we watched the movie, and
then I showed it to my cousin.
And my cousin made fun of it.
He's like, it's the worst movie
ever, ever made. (High
(pitched) Nilbog.
It's goblin spelled backwards.
We just
started watching it over and
over and over again.
Every time we watched it,
we brought a new person.
Before you knew it, we
had groups of 10, and
then groups of 15.
And then we said, you know,
we've got to do this annually.
-Well, this is our fifth party.
-Because we...
Last year, we had two.
And it gets bigger every
single time.
It does.
-Who hasn't seen the movie?
Who has not seen the movie?
You've seen the movie.
So we're putting these
on everybody who are
virgins to the movie.
-I'm flowered.
-I've seen the movie.
-Have you seen it?
Aw, I'm so sorry, sweetie.
-I don't know anything about
the movie other than I've
heard it's not the horror film
it's supposed to be, which is
good because I don't
like horror films.
-It came after "troll," which
has nothing to do with "troll
2." there's not even trolls
in the movie.
It's like, I'm going to go for
a run and get some milk.
There's two guys shirtless
in the bed.
And then the grandpa.
The sister dance.
It's so funny that there's
no way you're going
to hate this movie.
-I have tried to explain
"troll 2" to people who
haven't seen it.
But words don't really
do it justice.
You really do just have
to see the movie.
Because I can tell you, well,
it's about a boy who goes on
vacation with his family.
And it turns out that everyone
there wants to turn them into
plants to eat them.
And his grandfather, who's dead,
is helping him on this
quest to rescue his family.
-Um, it just doesn't sound very
compelling to most people.
And then they're kind of like,
oh, I'm really glad you're
excited about that movie.
It sounds great.
But if you were actually
to see the
film, I mean, you just...
I feel like you wouldn't... you'd
have to, like, not have
a heart or something
to not like it.
-Oh, my god.
You didn't see it?
-You haven't seen "troll 2?"
-Put it in now.
No matter what you're doing,
you drop what you're doing.
You go, oh, you haven't
seen "troll 2?"
We're watching it now.
-I'll watch it with you, and
I watched it yesterday.
And I'm excited it to
watch it today.
-I watched it twice this
morning, but I'll watch it
again with you right now.
-I'll watch it again with you
because I know that you're
going to love it.
-Thank you all for coming tot
he fifth annual Los Angeles
"troll 2" party.
-I mean, I've heard people say
"troll 2" is a religion.
And that makes complete sense
to me because in a religion,
what you're doing is you're
passing your religion on to
other people.
You're sharing what it is about
this that helps you and
that, you know... and that
moves you through life.
And that's what people
do with this movie.
They pass the DVD around
like it's the Bible.
-All right.
We're going to start.
-By every conceivable measure,
this is a bad film.
By every conceivable measure
that you've ever learned in
film school, if you've seen five
movies in your lifetime.
But again, it's all fun.
I mean, you know, bad food is
bad, and bad books are bad.
But bad movies are
not always bad.
-You guys have, uh, "troll 2?"
-That is in the holy fucking
shit section.
-The holy fucking shit section.
-Yeah, just right over here.
-Both are on here.
But it's pointing to
"troll 2," right?
-That's the one that deserves
the holy fucking shit.
When I heard rumblings of "troll
2" becoming more like a
cult film and more popular, I
thought to myself, hey, there
must be something to this.
It says, hey, George, thank
you for adding me.
I just wanted to let you know
that "troll 2" is one of my
favorite films of all time.
Thank you for being a part
of cinematic history.
You are a lucky man to have
acted in such a magical movie.
Do you have 11 pages
of messages?
-Well, I do.
And I've been on MySpace enough
time that you have.
I said, is this really true?
Is it really a cult phenomenon?
You know, I just found it
hard to believe that...
That it really was that popular.
-We were supposed to do like a
routine here at ucb for a show
called the it sucked awards.
It's like a yearly roundup
of t things that sucked.
And that George saw that a copy
of the "New York times"
with the little write up of,
and John gemberling showed
clips from "troll 2," which
won, like, the it
sucked movie category.
-And I said, hey, my name
is George Hardy.
I'm from the movie "troll 2."
And all of a sudden, I hear in
the background, oh, my god.
You guys, it's... it's George
Hardy on the phone.
-This is the most surreal
fucking thing I've ever
experienced in my life.
This is the dad from "troll 2."
First time in New York.
Have you been here before?
-I haven't.
What time does the thing start?
Uh, 9:00.
-I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know what to expect.
-I hear they sold out.
I hear that the may even have
standing room only.
I hear there may be people
turned away.
-I put up one post on MySpace,
one, saying,
we're having this screening.
And within two days, I had
over 100 respondents.
We didn't do anything.
We really did nothing.
- I - mean, we can't...
The thing sold itself.
We cannot take credit.
-I came from la.
-Cape Cod.
-New Jersey.
-This guy right here came all
the way from north Carolina.
-We would've walked here for
this from West Virginia, man.
-Just numbers wise, there were
the most people here that, up
to that point, had ever...
Ever squeezed into the room.
-The energy inside that place
was just amazing.
- "Troll 2" is the best movie
in the world, the world.
-It's unmatched by any movie.
I've gone from movie store to
movie store to try and find
another movie that even comes
close. "Troll 2" just blows
them out of the water.
-All these guys just
go, you rock, man.
You rock.
You're my hero.
-I'm smitten right now.
I'm speechless.
-You would have thought that,
like, Robert De Niro had come
into the building.
They want our autographs.
They're shaking when
they see us.
And I'm looking around,
just going, wow.
This is bizarre.
-It's just a new thing for me
to be signing autographs,
signing girls' t-shirts, you
know, to be taking pictures
with people.
And in the back of my mind, I'd
be like going, I'm just in
this crappy movie.
-I think of the, you know,
shot composition,
cinematography, acting,
directing, writing.
Few movies fucked each of those
up completely and still
retained their eminent
-There's not even
a movie screen.
It's like a projector screen.
There's a column,
terribly placed.
-It's a horrible place
to watch a movie
-in eye line.
-It is like one of the
worst places to
try to watch a movie.
But people loved it.
Don't tell my father, but he's
coming with us tomorrow.
-It's really hard to fathom that
this film, that was shot
for a couple $100,000, 17 years
later is being played to
300 adoring fans.
My heart is beating,
like, 100 miles a minute.
People clapping and people
cheering and throwing their
arms up and yelling.
And I just thought,
you know what?
Just go out there and
have fun with these
folks, you know, tonight.
-Let's see, um, ok.
You can't piss on...
Come on!
Come on!
Tighten that belt!
-I can't really tighten my belt.
-You can't piss on hospitality!
I won't allow it!
These people were going nuts.
They were applauding.
They were going crazy.
I don't feel that kind
of feeling when
I'm drilling a cavity.
It's when you're walking on
stage, and you've got 300
adoring fans go crazy over you.
It was ama...
I was amazed.
I had no clue.
And then I knew it was...
There was something to this.
It was a cult phenomenon.
-Two decades after it was made,
"troll 2" is finally
finding an audience.
And the fans are not necessarily
all completely crazy.
-I'd always wanted to see "troll
2" in a theater, but
I'd never thought
it would happen.
We had really hoped that
it would sell out.
But it actually ended up being
about over 100 people that
couldn't even make it
into the theater.
-I have never seen a line that
far around the alamo.
It's crazy.
-It is sold out for tonight.
-This is unbelievable.
-This film is like aliens saw
what movies were like from our
transmissions, and then they
tried to make a film
themselves that earthlings
would like.
-We'd all found "troll
2" on our own.
We'd watch it every
single weekend.
-I saw it at least seven times
in the first week after being
introduced to it.
-Everyone had to become
obsessed with it.
We'd brainwashed them into it.
-My friends and I thought we
were like the only people in
the world who knew about this.
-Oh, my god.
-Getting to meet some of these
guys was really a pleasure.
And George Hardy, I think
I'll probably
stalk for several months.
- "Troll 2," ladies
and gentlemen.
-Enjoy it.
Hey, nice to meet you.
-I love you.
-If you're unhappy, just
watch "troll 2."
"Troll 2," "troll 2," "troll 2."
-You're so awesome.
I brought the vhs, the original,
because I am a
goblin in disguise.
-I love "troll 2!"
-It's time to watch the movie.
Come on in.
-And you can't piss
on hospitality.
I won't allow it!
-I won't allow it!
-You just never realize that it
reached as many people as
it did.
-Nice to meet you.
Oh, my god.
-It's the happiest
night of my life.
-Your friend and mine, the rich
man's Craig t Nelson,
George Hardy!
-Mr. George Hardy!
- What's weird though... and it...
- And it's the reason the
movie's great.
You guys are so genuine.
-He's so sincere.
He's so genuine.
He's exactly why we
love "troll 2."
-I'm sure George Hardy is a
great dentist, but I respect
him as an actor.
-You know the trouble with
being psychologically
disturbed is that
no matter how...
How you get out of it and get
back to normalcy, as soon as
you tell people you had mental
problems, they still treat you
like you're nutty.
I walked in ever decreasing
concentric circles until I
found my head up my ass.
I was sitting in my house on
13th east, and I couldn't
decide whether to have
a hard boiled egg, a
scrambled egg, or eggs.
I couldn't make that decision.
I was there, stuck.
And a friend said, let me take
you to the hospital.
And they took me right in.
You know, I like to drive
without a seat belt.
I really like the feeling of
driving without a seat belt.
I was in the mental hospital at
the university of Utah, and
they gave me days off to go out.
I called my agent.
She said, they're shooting a
movie out in park city, an
Italian film company.
And you go out there.
I won't charge you if
you get the part.
I went there.
They said, come back again.
And when I came back, they
said, the person who was
supposed to do it
didn't show up.
So you can do it.
-Can I help you?
-There's no coffee
here in nilbog.
It's the devil's drink.
-You know, this is me.
This is who I am.
You know, it's... you know a lot
about people by the... by
the toys they have.
These are my people.
These are my people.
If they were to run for office,
I'd vote for them.
I smoked an enormous amount
of pot then to stay sane.
And when I got on the set, I had
no idea what it all meant
or what I was doing or
what I was saying.
I don't know where we
went or what we did.
And I have no idea of what
the total movie was.
And I didn't see it until
20 years later.
And I was amazed how
creepy I looked.
I looked at that person,
who looked like this.
And I realized I was
really troubled.
I wasn't acting, I could
tell you that.
I wasn't acting.
That was a troubled
person talking.
It was a terrible experience,
making that movie.
It was always cold.
It was always remote.
And I remember there was a
little kid there, a little
mormon kid who was really
a pain in the ass.
And he was the star, and
I wanted to kill him.
And I was in the scene with him
where I said, try this.
You'll like it.
And I really wanted to feed
him that green stuff.
I wanted to grab his head
and put it in it.
I just couldn't stand him.
The dentist, the one who played
the father was the
southern accent, called me.
That's how I found out about it.
I was in the audience.
I didn't want to go
up on the stage.
-Don packard showed up and was
sitting in the audience.
He wasn't even, like,
necessarily wanting to be part
of the q&a.
-We had to, like,
go and ask him.
And he was like, oh, you want
me to... oh, uh, ok.
-Like, you flew to New York
just to watch this?
-And the woman sitting next to
me said, you were great.
She kept saying, you were great.
I was won over.
-This is pretty incredible.
I'm pretty giddy about it.
Would the owner of the
general store...
-And I...
I just...
I went like this, and
everybody applauded.
I was thrilled.
I went like this.
They all applauded
when I came out.
And somehow, I was freed.
I wasn't self conscious.
It was really a golden
experience for me.
I never felt that good in
all my life, really.
I never was thrilled at being
who I was until that moment
in... in Manhattan.
-Hello, my name is Mr. K. I'm
somewhere here in Austria in
the middle of the woods.
I'm not just cold, I'm freezing.
And I'm a troll.
What else?
I'm going to eat you.
-My name is kacper radecki I'm
a "troll 2" fan, and I live
here in Austria.
My desk in school is
full of "troll 2."
-I'm so excited that a movie can
mean that much to people
without being pushed into it.
The... the audiences of
"troll 2" had to have
found it on their own.
They had to be probably a
certain type of person who
would rent videos that they've
never heard of and someone who
watches movies more than once.
- "Troll 2" is something
very special.
It's a movie you can watch
1,000 times, and
it won't get boring.
It's just so perfectly bad.
-I realized there's nothing more
intelligent that I could
do as a 31-year-old man than
get a "troll 2" tattoo.
-I can't stand tattoos.
It's so interactive.
You, um, personalize the film.
And you take some sort
of ownership.
-We bought a kit to make
actually like a profession
latex mask.
-Yeah, we like...
-It's the first time, you know.
We'd never sculpted anything.
-We'd never done it.
I've never sculpted
any Clay before.
-It took about six weeks
to complete.
We didn't know how it was going
to turn out, you know,
being the first time we
made these costumes.
-It turned out really well.
-If I could get everyone's
attention, we're going to
start the trollympic game.
So any... everyone who wants to
participate, just come over
-I would always invite
people over to watch
"troll 2" with me.
So I don't know if that would
count as a party.
But actual, like, official
"troll 2" parties...
This is my third.
-Hi, my name's Adam kourelis.
I'm the one that brought
"troll 2" to Iraq.
-What I learned from this movie
is that whenever someone
goes like this towards me, I...
I won't eat whatever
they give me.
-I basically made the
"troll 2" video game
because I love the movie.
And I just...
I wanted to make a good game.
All right.
We're at nilbog.
I'm shooting double
Decker baloney
sandwiches at the goblins.
These are the strong ones.
-My friend Steve, also
a venue artist here...
I showed him "troll 2" probably
about like a year and
a half ago, right around the
time we were starting "guitar"
"hero ii." And he made, you know,
one of his levels the
high school gym.
And he called it nilbog high.
You know, and we... we all
that thought was great.
-I actually wrote the, uh,
sequel, "troll 2, monstrous"
"beings." this is a
close figure on
the side of the road.
Michael gets on the cb.
And he says, hey,
son, to Elliott.
Elliott says, yes, dad.
I hate...
I hate to see...
-If this movie is resonating so
strongly with all of these
people, what is beneath the
surface that is this kind of
unconscious thing that is
getting under our skin?
-I don't think it's the
worst film ever made.
I have seen worse
films than this.
But it's...
It's not necessarily
that it's bad.
It's odd.
It's really odd.
It doesn't make sense.
And it's like, a lot of bad
movies, you get the impression
that people that make them
just didn't know
how to make a film.
This is like the people knew
how to make a film but had
suffered quite a heavy
blow to the head.
-When the time comes,
you light the wick
and throw the bottle.
I'll create some confusion
with this.
It's genuine.
There's no irony going on, a
film that genuinely expresses
a story, a totally whacked
story too.
-There's sandwiches for
tonight in here.
It will go easier
if you eat them.
-The best bad movies are not
deliberately bad, always.
You know, like, the most fondly
remembered stinkers are
the movies that people went all
out, and they tried their
best and totally failed,
but gloriously.
-What we want from a film
is honesty and...
And sincerity.
We want to feel like these
people really care about what
they're making, even if
it is really awful.
That's why ed wood is still so
highly regarded, because ed
wood wasn't just making trash.
He really believed in
what he was making.
And that makes a big difference.
You know, I see some
of these films.
And I think, these are people
who have just thrown this
together cynically.
But there isn't a cynicism
in "troll 2."
But there isn't a cynicism
in "troll 2."
-Oh, boy.
What attention, what suspense.
-It's Claudio.
Scott, I want to introduce you.
Scott, Claudio.
-How are you?
Nice to meet you.
How are you?
-It's an honor.
I'm a huge fan, huge fan.
I saw this movie when I was 15.
Now, um, I produce
horror movies.
So it's amazing.
-Yes, absolutely.
-So good to see you again.
-I remember.
-Oh, of course.
Of course.
Yes, you yelled at me a lot.
-Oh, Chris.
-Do you remember me?
-So we're all here.
It's pretty great.
-In la, yeah?
-Yeah, right here
in Los Angeles.
-That's it, yeah.
You're right in it.
You're right here.
This is
pretty good, pretty good.
-Hello, how are you?
-How you doing?
-Have you seen this
movie before?
-What you think about it?
-What was that?
-What do you think about it?
-Oh, we have a great time
watching this movie.
Oh, yeah.
Bye, bye.
- "Troll 2." Yeah.
-Did you see the movie?
-Yeah, it was awesome.
-What do you think about it?
It's amazing.
-It's amazing?
-It's a miracle.
I love it. "Troll 2." Woo!
-Grandpa Seth has been gone for
more than six months now.
You were at the funeral,
and I know it was very
difficult for you.
It was also very difficult
for your father and for
Holly and for me...
-Every single bad movie out
there wants to be this film.
It wants to be "troll 2." Most
bad movies only have, like,
two redeeming qualities or a
couple of scenes you share
with your friends.
The thing with "troll
2," it delivers
through the entire film.
-Um, we have about 90%, I
believe, of the cast here.
-We have the director.
Why is
the movie called "troll 2"
when there are zero trolls
in the movie?
-I don't understand it.
-Why is the movie called "troll
2," and there are no
trolls in the film?
How does
it feel that you were the
director of the worst
movie ever made?
-I feel I didn't do
the worst movie.
I did a very good movie.
If they all say, worst
movie, ah, them
problem, not my problem.
My problem is to shoot
a lot of movies.
I want to shoot a lot of movies.
I can't...
I can't stop.
-The old house is pretty much
the same thing, except it's
run down a lot more.
But it was run down
quite a bit then.
-They picked the right house.
-I guarantee you, there's some
mental insanity here, some
mental insanity.
So this is really the perfect
spot for "troll 2." I
remember, I come out like this.
How are you doing?
-And I come out and kind
of go, oh, god.
And then I go...
And for some reason...
-Ok, ok.
-How... question.
I can remember sitting down with
Michael and Connie and
margo, and we would
take the script.
And we would try to decipher
what it meant.
We would sit there for hours,
looking at this script and try
to do, you know, an analysis
on the scenes.
And we couldn't do it.
How did I know that there was
a fire extinguisher right
there the whole time?
-And I thought, well,
this guy's famous.
He knows what the
hell he's doing.
And I mean, I was
just, whatever.
You know?
-We sat out here on this curb
in front of the house...
Connie and I... during our break.
And we were looking
at this script.
And she said, I'm really
with the nuts line.
We came up with something that
was, uh, we thought, more pg.
Then we tracked down Claudio,
and we said, Claudio, we
really think this will
work better.
It's a little more pg.
This is how American
teenagers talk.
And he said, I know how American
teenagers talk.
This is how American
teenagers talk.
-That's not how you do that.
That's not American.
And he would always
say that to me.
I don't know if he said
that to you a lot.
But he would always tell
me what was American.
-There was a lot of times I've
seen they were trying to add
something or trying to make
it seem a little bit
more natural to us.
But it... it...
He had a real... you know, had
a real vision of what he
wanted to see.
-Michael, who are the goblins?
No, no, I say...
-Who are the goblins?
-I say...
I say like, Michael...
You can... you are an actor.
You cannot laugh.
I will not.
I will not.
-You must be serious.
-All right.
-Say, who are the goblins?
-The goblins?
-That was nice.
-For the goblins, they weren't
looking for talent.
You know, we didn't even have
to match the brilliant level
of acting that was going on
in the rest of the film.
They just...
They were just looking
at heights.
-I remember them putting this...
Almost like a burlap
bag shirt on us.
And they put gloves on us.
And the gloves were way
longer than my hands.
And so they kind of would tape
them on to the burlap bag.
I had no clue what the
movie was about.
-It was kind of hard to get a
straight answer as to exactly
what the nature of
the project was.
But we were excited.
We were told it was low budget.
But, you know, we... we know that
low budget is kind of a
relative term.
After a few days, we
realized this was
really, really low budget.
And by, I think it was probably
three days into
shooting that we kind of...
-You will remember the director.
Oh, Claudio.
-How are you?
-As we started shooting more
and more, it started to get
more confusing rather than less.
And it was like each day we were
on the set, we knew less
about what this movie was
actually supposed to be.
-And action.
-You see this writing?
Come on, say the line!
-You know what it means?
And you can't piss
on hospitality.
I won't allow it!
-What are you going to
do to me, daddy?
-Ok, Joshua.
You want to know what it feels
like to have hunger pains?
Well, I'm tightening my belt
buckle by one notch so I don't
feel hunger pains.
-No, no.
Be serious.
-There was a recurring problem
on the set that was this
language barrier that we
all had to deal with.
-One of the Italian ads...
Said, if you would all please
to be following me
upstairs now.
And we were out there in the
middle of the canyon.
There was no...
There were no stairs
or anything.
I mean, just going
up this slope.
-When I call you, and I say
action, you come, and you do.
You go around.
Go around, and after,
you come up.
We start with one
with the other.
Oh, eat.
Oh, finally, we can eat.
Oh, ok.
Blah, blah, blah.
speaks a lot better English
than he did 18 years ago.
I mean, there was no way we
could understand things like
that last time he
worked with us.
I really couldn't understand
what they wanted me to do.
-Open, open, open.
Come on, come on.
Open and say the line.
Say the line.
Say the line.
-The Italians did kind
of annoy me.
They're really intense.
They were really intense
people, very bossy.
I feel about as confused as I
did when we were doing it.
-Come on.
Don't talk with me.
There is a camera.
Don't laugh.
Stay serious.
-I had a yellow shirt, and
it had a logo on it and
a logo on the back.
But halfway through filming,
they lost my shirt.
And we'd already filmed like
half of my scenes.
And so they're like,
oh, that's fine.
Go buy a yellow shirt.
And I was just like, you want
me to buy the yellow shirt?
I'm like, isn't there
like someone to go
buy the yellow shirt?
Isn't there someone in wardrobe?
They're like, no.
Go buy a yellow shirt.
-They took my shoes...
Mind you, my shoes, not
theirs, my black
converse high tops.
And they screwed them into the
base of the pot, where I stood
for almost 14 hours in make up.
-We really were trying
to make a good movie.
We really were.
Um, it just didn't turn
out that way.
-I've always loved bad movies.
And I always thought,
god, it'd be great
to be in a bad movie.
But I had no idea when I was
making it that I was making
that bad a movie.
So it's wonderful to find out
that yeah, I made a bad movie,
a really bad movie that
got to be famous.
This is very familiar.
You go up here and take a right,
go off to the right.
I remember when I filmed "troll
2," I would go pick up
margo and take her to the set.
And so I kind of remember a
little bit of where she lives.
It says, no trespassing except
for us mail, no dogs, no
Do not ring the bell except
by documented
request by the owner.
Violators will be prosecuted.
Oh, god.
This is crazy.
What in the world?
What are we doing?
-What's the worst thing
that could happen?
-That she comes to the door
with a gun, or she shoots
through the door with a gun.
I mean, she could have
mental issues.
A bullet comes through the door.
-George, don't say that.
-Well, that's the worst
that can happen.
You want to do it?
-Yeah, it's like pulling
a tooth.
Let's just go ahead and do it.
Who is it?
- It's Michael and...
- And George Hardy.
Is it you, margo?
-Hey, margo.
It's George.
I was in "troll 2" with you.
It's margo.
-Hey, margo.
Oh, hi.
What are you doing here?
We are...
We came...
George actually came in front.
I'm Michael.
I played your son in the movie.
-Do you remember Michael?
-Do you remember?
And I... do you remember me?
Yeah, I do.
-How are you?
I'm good.
How are you?
You just came to say hi?
We did.
-I don't know...
I know, it is crazy.
I don't know if you've known...
-We've been trying to find you.
You're the last one of all of
our cast members to find.
We couldn't...
Of the major cast members.
We couldn't find you.
So now, are you working now?
Or are you... are you doing
auditions for anything now?
-Well, I haven't been
auditioning in
the last, like, year.
I don't really have an
agent right now.
I did have one.
You know, I'm just kind of
like edging into it.
I'm waiting for things in my
life to kind of settle down a
little bit.
-Because I just... it's
complicated now for me to do
-Sure, yeah.
-It's just complicated.
It's just complicated.
I learn all the time new
things about acting.
Even though I may not be acting
every single day or
doing parts every single day,
I watch movies, and I take
mental notes about what I
liked about what those
characters are doing.
And very often, I write it down
on a piece of paper and
stick it on my mirror
in my bedroom.
And then I look at it,
you know, until it
sinks into my head.
Hold on.
Let me get a drink of water.
Let me get you some water.
There's some warm water.
That will help you
out a little bit.
Taking care of my
mother is easy.
She's easy.
I feel sad for her having
to not be able to
use one of her legs.
I feel sad for her because she's
always been acting her
whole entire life.
You doing ok?
We're going to have dinner
pretty soon.
They're almost done.
This has lasted quite a lot
longer than I thought.
But we're going to have
dinner pretty soon.
And then we'll... we'll get
ready to go to bed.
I just made it me.
I just did it the way I would
do it because I felt that we
were just like one
person, you know?
And I could just take the words
and let them come out of
my mouth just the way
I would do it.
And so it became a really
simple thing.
-Joshua, start singing.
Come on.
Sing that song I like so much.
-I don't feel like singing, mom.
-Just sing.
Row, row, row your
boat, gently down the stream.
Merrily, merrily,
merrily, merrily,
life is but a dream.
-I remember you crying out in
that voice that just sent
shudders through my spine.
Mom, mom.
-They're eating my mom.
-And I really believed that
you had lost your mother.
It was great.
I don't really feel sad that
I never had children.
It's not that I don't
like children.
I like children.
But I really don't think that
I could be a real life mom.
Joshua, sing that song
I like so much.
-But mom, I don't feel
like singing.
-Come on, sing.
Row, row, row
your boat, gently...
-Why can't... are you laughing
at my voice?
-No, I'm laughing
at me because...
-I know.
That's what the choir
instructor did.
-I just never imagined
we'd be doing this.
You ready?
Let's do it again.
-After I watched the movie, and
I saw it, and it was over,
and I turned off the TV,
I just sat back.
And I said, wow, this is great.
This is really great.
It was really good.
It's a simple, elegant, down
to earth, real, natural,
actor, actor movie.
You know, most of the movies
that are around now are fast
paced and car chases and car
crashes and explosions and
fires and murders and blood
and Gore and killing.
But you compare our movie to a
Katharine hepburn and Humphrey
bogart movie, and it fits in
because our movie was all
about people and the experiences
those people were
experiencing, just as
"Casablanca" and those movies
are about people and the
experiences they're
Well, I was ready to go.
I was ready to get the heck out.
And so I kept putting
my jacket on.
And the old grandmother goes,
it ain't going
to do you any good to
put the jacket on.
That ain't going to make
them leave any earlier.
It was just a strange day.
So I don't want to
ever do it again.
Hey, how you doing?
I'm Dr. Hardy.
How you been?
You don't know who I...
-Oh, yeah.
You're the troll.
-That's right.
You know it.
Have you seen the movie?
-You hadn't seen it?
-Well, you need to
come tomorrow.
I mean...
-Probably will.
Have you heard about it?
-I read it in the paper.
-Did you read it in the paper?
You think you might come?
-Yeah, I might.
-Oh, great.
Well, this is a little
flyer about it.
We're going around the
neighborhood, just telling
folks about it.
-I was talking to George's
sister Mollie, who teaches in
our school system, and I said,
you know, with all of this
hype about "troll 2," why in the
world don't we try to do
something here as a fundraiser
for the school?
And of course, George being the
put the cameras on me sort
of fella, you know, the
thoughts of that...
He jumped on that
and ran with it.
-They're going to come.
I know they're going to come.
These folks will see that,
and there's no question.
How many does that seat
again in there?
Oh, great.
Did you say you're getting
some people interested?
-Yeah, some.
I guess you...
You told some people.
-Oh, I have, yeah.
We're putting out flyers because
I was in a movie back
in 1990... oh, that's
your address.
It's the worst film ever
made of all time.
-All right, then.
-But this is a movie that I
was in back in the '90s.
-Yeah, mm-hmm.
-You want me to hang
this up for you?
-Yeah, would you hang it up?
-I don't mind.
-Now you had told me that
it had a pretty big cult
-Out, you know.
-All over the world.
We've got fans in england,
Honestly, I'm like a cult
luminary when I go to these
It's just hilarious, Barbara.
I would never have dreamed.
But it's been a lot...
-George has told me that
it has spread.
The interest has spread
or cult, I guess
you would call it.
Yeah, I teach Sunday
school class.
I got about 50 in my Sunday
school class.
So Sunday morning, I'm
going to issue an
invitation for all of them.
-Lily, can you put some of
these up at the school?
-These are?
-You don't want to?
You see that poster right there?
- "Troll 2."
-Do you know anything about it?
-You don't?
Are you serious?
Oh, my gosh.
-It's a movie or something?
-Yeah, it's a movie.
Well, I was in that movie.
-I thought I remembered seeing
that in the paper.
-Right, right, right, right.
-Yeah, mm-hmm.
-I must do it.
I must do it.
I must do it.
And he goes,
like that.
And he... and he's going to
pee all over the table.
So then the next scene is
just me going upstairs.
And I go, you can't piss
on hospitality!
I won't allow it!
And I was, you know,
doing that too.
It's a crazy, movie.
-It sounds like it's
a good movie.
-You need to come
see this thing.
-I'm going to try, I promise.
-You got any plans Sunday?
-No, just going to church.
-Well, good.
That'd be a great, fun
thing to do after
church, come see this.
But anyway, we'll go over your
treatment plan in just a
-I think George was
born an actor.
I think dentistry is just
a stage he's on.
I really do.
I think he missed his calling
when this was not his lifelong
I mean, anybody who's known
George early on, teenage
years, college years...
Everything he's done has been
something that could have led
him to this.
Being a cheerleader at Austin,
he was in front of thousands
and thousands of people
at a time.
He was just a natural.
-George always wanted
to be a movie star.
I think that was what
was in his heart.
He was always an entertainer.
He was, um...
He was...
Always liked to be in
the limelight and be
in the middle of...
The center of attention of
anything that he did.
-I was in a movie back in 1989.
It's called "troll 2," and it's
become known as the worst
movie of all time.
-So you're in for a treat today.
Ain't she, Rachael?
Can't wait to hear what you
have to say about this.
-What'll happen is you'll
just let your head up.
And this is just going to go
around your hair in the back.
-And I just put it on.
And you should be able
to look out.
-So it's pretty cool.
Now, if you want to stop
me and ask me any
questions, just stop.
Raise your hand and
stop and ask, ok?
-I would hate to be in his
dental chair right now because
I know his focus is not on what
he's doing in terms of
dental work.
It's getting ready for this
weekend and the "troll 2"
premier in Alex city.
-You know that movie, "troll
2," Dr. Hardy was in?
I just read about it.
-Did you read the paper
this morning?
Male speaker: Mm-hmm.
At 5:00 on Sunday afternoon?
-Yeah, at playhouse cinemas.
Are you going to come?
Male speaker: Uh-huh.
-Hey, um, we were calling
You know George was in that
movie, "troll 2?"
Male speaker: Mm-hmm.
-Have you heard?
They're having like a...
Female speaker: Hello?
-Mrs. Roxanna.
Female speaker: Mm-hmm.
-Hey, this is micki.
Dr. Hardy... you know he was
in the movie "troll 2?"
Female speaker:
-We're earning our money today.
-We're showing it this Sunday
in Alex city because we've
shown it on different
screenings all
over the United States.
I don't tell too many people
about them... about it.
Because it's the worst film
ever made of all time.
Anyway, today, we'll get started
with you in just a few
-All right.
Thank you for coming to this.
-I'm so excited.
-You're all going to
enjoy this thing.
Thanks for coming.
I know.
-You're the star of the movie.
-Thank you.
I was concerned that not very
many people were coming.
I kept trying to tell myself,
don't have any
expectations around it.
But then when more and more
people showed up, it made me
feel a lot better.
-Get your t-shirts!
Get your t-shirts!
Get your t-shirts!
Dr. George Hardy right
here on a t-shirt.
-This crowd was much more
serious watching the film.
We were cracking up.
But then behind us,
I mean, there was
just like Dr. Vasdela.
She was just like...
She was really trying to
figure it all out.
They know what's about to come,
and they all laugh at
everything beforehand.
-But here, it's just serious.
It's like everybody...
-Well, the hometown reaction.
They're just... they want
to just focus.
Every second that you're in the
movie, they're just trying
to take it all in.
And it's the first time
most of these
people have seen this.
Thank you for coming.
Thanks a lot.
-There were a lot of
patients here.
There were a lot that came.
And I think we'll have
definitely a lot of people
calling us to find out how
he feels, if he's back to
dentistry or acting.
-So, you know, you're the
patch Adams of dentistry
around here.
-Maybe so, yeah.
-No, you are.
-You just make people
feel better.
-But do you miss that, you know,
the feeling you got,
going into that audition and
then getting the part, you
know, that creative outlet?
You're established
in your career.
You've been... you've
been established.
Yeah, that's fine.
-So but would you ever entertain
the thought of...
-Oh, well, yeah.
It's a great thing.
I mean, you know, a lot to me.
It's great.
This is a very stable
situation for
me to be doing this.
And it's a nice income.
What does
your heart say, George?
-Thank you.
-Don't tell me the PR end.
- If I... if I could...
- It would be awfully
hard to leave my dentistry.
It would really be hard.
-I know it would.
And you care about your
staff and your
patients and your family.
-Well, it... it...
It sets up a great
lifestyle for me.
But I really wanted to be
an actor from the start.
And I just felt like it would...
I felt like I would be fun
in front of the camera.
And I just felt I had
a presence that...
That I could... could make
in front of the camera.
But I just...
I was too scared to do it
because I'm in a small
southern town.
And my dad kept telling
me, no, son.
You... that's too risky.
You can't do that kind of thing.
It was a forced thing for me
to... to become a dentist.
And I'd hundreds of thousands
of dollars becoming a
dentist, you know.
And it wasn't practical to
do something like that.
I really kind of wanted to have
another shot at acting or
do another...
I really think I could
have done...
Done more.
-To be an actor, you've
got to be half crazy.
If you're not willing to head
for New York or la and try
there, you're never going
to make any money at it.
But I don't want to live
in la or New York.
I don't like the big cities.
I'd like to be able to make a
living doing acting just in a
smaller town.
And that's just almost
I, uh, started playing old
men right off the bat.
I played firs in "cherry
orchard." I played old ekdal
in "the wild duck." I...
I probably have done
several 100 plays.
This one here is a picture of
the young me when I was a
freshman in college.
I didn't have a beard then.
I used to have hair on
top of my head too.
No children, no...
No grandchildren, no great
grandchildren or
anything like that.
Mostly, I've wasted my life.
I always thought I had kind
of potential, but I
never did use it.
Don't know.
More or less, I have frittered
my life what else is there to
do with a life but
fritter it away?
-The memorabilia thing
is supposed to be
a pretty big deal.
The guy from "heroes" is going
to be there and then John
Schneider from "the Dukes of
Hazzard." And then a lot of
old "star wars" memorabilia
will be out.
I'm glad Claudio's not with us
this trip, actually, just
because, uh, um...
Because I really want the
limelight, and Claudio always
gets the limelight.
For those of you that have not
seen this movie, they call
this the MySpace generation's
"rocky horror picture show."
So like "rocky horror," the
musical, that's just so bad
it's good, there are lines in
the movie that we had to say,
you just kind of go, where
did that come from?
Was that really...
What was that all about?
Did that really happen?
So, um, that's been one of the
funnest parts about this film
for everyone.
-Has anyone got any questions,
any more questions?
-It was a disaster.
I was sure there was going to
be "troll 2" fans there
everywhere, lined up, you know,
and they're going to be
lined up for sure, you know,
like they are at the
And they're going to all
want our autograph.
Have you ever seen "troll 2?"
Aw, you're missing it.
It was the worst film ever made,
worse than any of these
films ever made here.
Have you seen "troll 2?" Do you
like really bad movies?
-Well, that's what this one is.
-Oh, wow.
-It was rated on imdb as the
worst film that's ever...
Of all time.
"Troll 2." I go, you can't
piss on hospitality!
I won't allow it!
I said, you know...
-I'll have to look out for that.
-And when I yell at him like
that, then that becomes a
famous line in the movie.
We've had about between 15 to
20 screenings in the states,
and they've sold out.
-You reckon out here,
you did the same?
-I'm sorry?
Would you reckon that?
-Come again?
Who wants my autograph?
Does anybody want my autograph?
No one's freaking going to come.
We've come 15,000 miles,
and nobody's going to
come to this table.
You got to laugh.
Come on.
You all need to see our
movie that I was in.
I was in a film.
I was in a film called
"troll 2."
-so he's heard of "troll 2."
He's knows about "troll 2."
-Absolutely, no, I love
"troll 2." I love it.
Why not?
-This young man's name is James.
-James all right.
-What I took away from that is,
I mean, you know, "troll"
2" only attracts just that
special group of people that,
you know, know about the movie.
Same thing, same thing with
the horror conventions.
It's a different audience.
Well, this is very interesting.
This is very interesting.
I've never seen anything
like this before.
-Horror fans are unbelievable.
They're so loyal.
And they carry the torch for
years and years and years.
-Yeah, I wonder why
people like that.
I don't...
I don't like horror films.
-You don't?
-I mean, it's not that
I don't like them.
I just don't watch too
many horror films.
But I've started watching them
a little bit more since I was
in this film.
-Yeah, I love them.
I love them.
-It's intriguing.
And so, Erika, you were
in the movie...
-"Nightmare on
- "elm street 5."
- Ok.
I've just been talking to all
the, uh, celebrities from
"nightmare on the elm street"
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6.
-Were you in "troll 1" as well?
-No, "troll 1" and "troll 2"
don't have anything to do with
each other at all.
-Oh, that's interesting.
Have you ever watched "troll 2?"
-Have you seen "troll 2?"
-Have you seen it?
-Oh, you are missing it.
You are totally missing it.
Have you ever seen "night..."
"Nightmare on elm street
3..." five.
-Four, four.
I believe I have.
-Oh, you guys really are famous.
It's interesting because a lot
of the actors from the movie
have never done anything after
"nightmare on elm street,"
just like me.
You know, they've not
done anything else.
I was intrigued by a lot of
these people that were signing
autographs from something they'd
done 20 years back.
Yeah, it's fun to do.
But it's like...
It seemed like their whole life
was around what they did
20, 30 years back.
And so I thought, god,
don't you have
something better to do?
Then I turned around and
thought, don't I have
something better to do?
I do not see how people
like that stuff.
God, almighty, no.
This place gives me the creeps.
I think I'm about to get sick.
I mean, why do people
like this shit?
When you walk around this
place, you kind of get a
little bit nauseated.
Like, I've gone to the bathroom.
Honestly, I've washed my hands
about four or five times.
God, I feel dirty or something.
I was...
I was, uh...
Met a director of...
Big director back there.
It's just amazing.
He's, like, got a huge film
coming out this Friday, like a
big budget film.
And it's...
-Is it "doomsday?"
-Yeah, "doomsday" is coming out.
-Yeah, Neil Marshall.
-Yeah, Neil Marshall.
I was talking to him.
It's just... it's just
amazing how the...
You just can't make conversation
We were just sitting right
there at the table.
And you can't make conversation
much with people
that are at that level, I guess.
I mean, he must have a lot of
things on his mind all the
time, you know.
But then so do I. I've got
teeth to think about.
You know what I mean?
-Yeah, totally.
-I mean, that's more important
than some computer graphics
guy morphing a movie,
don't you think?
For $30,000 million?
And there's plenty of gingivitis
around here too.
Have you noticed that?
Tons of gingivitis.
Is there?
I never notice that.
-It's really bad.
I guarantee you only about 5%
of these people floss their
teeth on a daily basis.
Oh, my god.
These folks are weird.
I mean, this is not Halloween.
What's they day today?
March 9th?
-March, yeah.
-Freaking weird.
These folks are just...
They've lost it.
I'm just sick of this place.
Let's get out of here.
Let's flip this joint.
You want to?
-Yeah, let's get out of here.
-Let's get out of here.
Let's just clean it up.
I am sick of this.
I will never do this again.
I think I was pretty much burned
out on "troll 2" stuff.
It was fun and something
I did, you know.
But I wouldn't want
to do this again.
You know, it gets old after
saying the piss on hospitality
scene over and over again.
I can't imagine what it must
be like for Celine Dion to
sing, uh, the "Titanic" song.
You know?
I mean...
I mean, she's probably
sung it 5,000 times.
And to sing it again?
You know, how do you
keep doing that?
Poor Celine.
We started
the rolling roadshow about
seven years ago.
It came about as an offshoot
of what we do at the alamo
We've always done a lot of
themed events at the theater.
And we thought, well, one of the
best ways that we can have
the ultimate movie experience
is to have super fans in a
place that's almost like a
trip to mecca for them.
So we started doing nationwide
tours and doing famous in
famous locations.
And when we got involved with
"troll 2," I don't know when
the idea came about or how
the idea came about.
But it just seemed like, yeah,
that's really something that's
got to be done.
-I guess famous movies and
famous locations doesn't
really apply to this screening
either way.
No, it's a not
so famous movie in a not
so famous location.
But it's famous in the minds of
the people that are going
to come here.
-The whole time, I just kept,
in my head, just thinking, I
feel like that if I came and
witnessed first hand, it would
dawn on me, oh.
It's just like...
It's so intriguing to people.
But I couldn't figure it out.
I still can't figure it out.
With everyone I signed, I wanted
to go, are you sure?
-Oh, god.
That's great.
Oh, god.
-I don't know if I have a better
memory of fandom than
this event.
This was pretty strong.
-Where is margo prey?
We love her.
We miss her.
-A lot of the cast members
will be here tomorrow.
I think just about everybody,
except for margo.
Is it impossible?
Is it impossible to get you to
this screening, completely
-It is.
It is.
-Oh, man.
-It is.
-I think you're the only cast
member that won't be there.
-Who's not going to be there?
-I know you want to come.
-I do.
-I can feel it.
I can feel it.
-I just know that I...
I just know that it's
It's just complicated.
And I'd be afraid, and
I'd be nervous.
And I wouldn't know what to do.
-I mean, if you could have
anything to remedy this whole
solution, what would it be?
-To go away somewhere where
no one can find me.
That's the... that's the
solution to it all?
-And up somewhere, anywhere, I
don't care where, in another
house, in another place, in
a normal neighborhood with
normal people.
So they make noise
all night long.
And the noise is so intense
that sometimes
it makes you dizzy.
-What is the sound like?
What kind of noise is it?
-That is...
-Take care.
You're a sweetheart.
-Thank you.
-But I was hoping, starting over
there with you guys, we
could just go through, and
if you gave us one or two
adjectives that describe the
way you felt when you first
saw "troll 2" after being in it.
-Um, well, I saw it actually,
right when it was first
released on hbo.
And I think I tuned
in maybe halfway
through that first time.
Um, I was confused.
And then I was depressed.
-The actors...
Every time, the same.
-We thought we were all making
a bona fide horror film.
And unfortunately, when none
of us got scripts, full
scripts... so we didn't
really know...
-You are wrong!
You are completely wrong.
-Or at least, nobody in our
group got full scripts.
So we didn't know exactly what
the flow of the story was
going to be or what our parts
were going to be.
-Actually, in the script, I was
turned into a plant and
put into a plot.
And Darren and I were right next
to each other, and we had
dialog all the way
through the end.
-You don't remember.
-But they cut it out.
And then when I was done
filming, I was like, what the
hell happened to, like, the end,
my scenes and all that?
And so I didn't know
what happened to me
till I watched it.
And I really still don't know.
-Well, you don't remember
-Yes, we do.
The whole time, we do.
-Ok, now it's my time to...
To say to you.
So are there any outtakes from
"troll 2?"
"Troll 2?"
Claudio's made so many movies.
I want to know what he thinks
about his career because, you
know, John Ford was pumping
out like three
films a year for years.
And he never gave a shit
about his movies.
He just was a filmmaker.
That's just what he did.
-I never see the movie
with the print, the
real print, you know?
That's wonderful for me.
I want to understand what kind
of movie I did 18 years ago.
Now maybe I can understand.
-I hope that he understands,
you know, how
wonderful "troll 2" was.
I don't even want to
call it a bad film.
Like, it's an amazing film.
-It's not a matter of the
production value or
the budget or talent.
It's just whether or not
something entertains.
-A film like this maybe happens
once a generation.
-It's a real magic formula.
The stars aligned.
-How do you make a movie
like "troll 2" then?
-You can't set out to make
a film like this.
The gods of filmmaking were
looking down on you.
-This is our 20th-something...
20-something-th screening.
I was tired of seeing "troll
2" for the 20th time.
Maybe a little few
egg whites too.
That would be good.
Egg whites are terrific.
Half a banana so that
the glycemic
index is nice and high.
Today, I have a great life
here in Alabama, a really
great life.
It's just home.
Alabama's just home.
I love lake Martin.
I mean, it's the Jewel
of the southeast.
And I have a good dental
practice, a
strong, solid practice.
I've got great relationships
with my patients.
And I have four beautiful
women that work with me.
I have a great relationship with
my family, my mom and dad
are still living, which
is really...
I'm very, very thankful
for that.
I love my daughters, and I have
a good relationship with
my ex-wife.
And I have a lot of
good friends.
I guess at this point,
I kind of like
keeping my life simple.
And the simpler, the better.
I'm very fortunate to be a part
of a good story here in
Alexander city.
Would you star in "troll 3" if
Claudio asked you?
I would star in "troll 3." I'd
love to star in "troll 3."
What are you guys talking about?
Of course.