Better Nate Than Ever (2022) Movie Script

They say the neon lights
Are bright on Broadway
They say there's always magic in the air
But when you're walkin' down that street
And you ain't had enough to eat
The glitter rubs right off
And you're nowhere
Bro. It's like 7:00 a.m.
They say that I won't last too long
On Broadway
I'll catch a Greyhound bus for home
They all say
But they're dead wrong, I know they are
'Cause I can play this here guitar
I won't quit till I'm a star on Broadway
Hi. Hello. I couldn't sleep.
Could you sleep? 'Cause I couldn't sleep.
And good morning to you, Nate.
Slept like a baby.
Today is very low stakes for me.
I'll just be happy
if I get cast in the chorus.
You should have auditioned for a big part.
We should be, like,
nervous about this together.
Yeah, no thanks.
I don't really do rejection.
Anyway, I was just calling
to say "good luck" or "break a leg."
You deserve the lead this year.
You really think so?
I mean, should Wicked
have beaten Avenue Q
at the 2004 Tony Awards?
I rest my case.
Hey. You're up early.
Today is the day, Ma.
Is this sweater trying too hard?
I want my look to say,
"I am honored to have been cast
as the lead role,
"but I wasn't expecting it."
They're posting the cast list
for the school play today.
- Musical.
- Sorry?
Musical. Not play.
Anthony, please.
Track bag in the clean laundry. Really?
No cup?
What am I, six?
All right, you two.
Nate, please get going,
the bus is gonna be here any minute.
- Are you wearing lipstick?
- No.
Bro, you're wearing lipstick.
It's lip gloss. Clinical strength.
The pediatrician said
my lip skin is unusually sensitive.
- Did the pediatrician actually say that?
- Work with me here, Ma.
All right, just wait for my truck
to pull out before you leave.
And untuck your sweater.
You're trying too hard.
Ignore Anthony.
Good day, guv'nor.
Tough crowd.
No more girls in this row.
Ha-ha. Super original.
Go on. Ladies first.
Don't touch my rabbit foot.
Oh, my gosh! I'm so sorry.
Can I have my rabbit foot back?
Sit down, boys.
Better watch your back
in the hall today, loser.
Good news.
Wow, this is an honor.
Wow, I can't believe it.
I'm the lead.
Please, please, please, please.
Better luck next time, Nate.
Congratulations on getting the role
of Abraham Lincoln
in Lincoln: The Unauthorized Rock Musical.
You're gonna be amazing.
Nathan. Did you see the list?
I just...
It's a big role.
The title role.
It's a lot for someone who's never had
a leading role before.
It's hard to get a leading role
when no one will give you a chance. So...
If you'll excuse me,
I need to have a word with my associate.
"Good news"? You texted that
you had "Good news."
Libby, I wasn't even cast
as Lincoln's understudy.
I didn't even get his son. Who's dead.
And, yes, we will have fun
in the chorus together,
but I was cast as a tree, Libby. A tree.
Do you realize
what this says about me, right?
That my parents are right.
I should just give up on my dreams now.
Can I talk yet,
or are you still yelling?
I'm still yelling!
Okay, you can talk now.
Name the best animated movie of all time.
I don't know. Pre-Moana or post-Moana?
Lilo & Stitch, Natey. Lilo & Stitch.
Sorry, I thought we were alone.
- You guys are so weird.
- We know.
Okay. Lilo & Stitch. Cult classic.
I'm intrigued. Go on.
I've got some breaking news
about this weekend.
Whatever it is, it better not involve
any more glitter lip gloss. I'm serious.
Manhattan Island, baby.
It's an open audition.
Ever since we were little,
we've been like,
"We should take a road trip
to New York someday."
Just you and me.
So, I had this crazy idea.
They're making Lilo & Stitch
into a Broadway musical?
Nate Foster, yes?
Absolutely yes!
Welcome to the first audition
of the rest of your life!
You really think you're going
to drive to New York in a cab?
How would we even get to New York?
Would Stitch pick us up in his spaceship?
Okay, first of all, tone.
Second, no.
We'll sneak away on an overnight bus.
Libby, my mom doesn't even
let me go to Rite Aid alone.
Come on, Foster.
Live a little.
I'd hate to not be your date
to the Tony Awards.
And the Tony Award
for Best Actor of All Time goes to...
Where would you even sleep in New York?
Where would we even sleep?
Hello, what about your aunt?
Oh, good point. Nightmare scenario.
Oh, wow, love her that much, huh?
I thought she was some
big Broadway actress.
She is. And she would report me
to my mom immediately.
They have very antagonistic
Glinda versus Elphaba, act one energy.
You think we're going
to arrive in New York City
and run into your aunt?
In a city of 17 billion people?
With my luck? Yes.
Nate. You didn't even get cast
as Lincoln's dead son.
You don't have luck.
Yo, Natey the lady!
Watch your back.
You know what? Forget New York.
I'm just trying to survive seventh grade.
Well, Nate, that's... Okay.
When we go to West Virginia...
Hello. Hi.
Oh, my gosh! Are we... Did we get evicted?
- What? No.
- Not yet.
Okay, he's home. Will you guys just spill?
- What's goin' on?
- Boys...
Daddy is taking me away for the weekend.
Somewhere fancy in West Virginia
for our big anniversary!
We can afford "fancy?"
That's why God invented credit cards.
And your mom's been working double shifts.
And so she's earned it.
Daddy had
a really good job interview today.
He's going to land on his feet soon.
But the sitter is tied up, so...
Oh, I'm not watching him this weekend.
No way.
Don't you have an away game tomorrow?
It's not a game, it's a meet.
You're gonna win it.
One of these days, you're gonna
get that full ride to college.
Don't jinx me, Dad.
You always win!
He always wins.
I could...
I could stay at Libby's
mom's place tonight.
Could you? Would that be too much trouble?
What? You would never let me
stay the night at a girl's house.
You're not Nate.
Nate's different.
Okay. Let's go over the checklist.
Did you take a series
of selfies at your house
to post on Instagram
at strategic intervals?
Yes, I have over 200 options.
- Did you triple-feed your dog?
- Check.
What do you say if the casting director
asked for our parents' phone numbers?
We give them each other's,
and I pretend to be your dad
if the casting people call.
Correct. But you should probably
pretend to be my mom.
Your voice hasn't changed yet.
Did you pack your headshot?
Nate, that's a wallet-sized school photo
from when you had your worst haircut.
My dad doesn't have a job, Libby.
We don't just have glossy
eight-by-tens ready to go.
Okay. Lyft to the bus station
is almost here.
What is happening right now?
I've always wanted to climb out a window.
Like the Tonight duet, on the fire escape,
in West Side Story.
You want to break your ankle
before we get to this audition?
Hey, Lib?
Why are you doing all this for me?
Because, it damages my clout,
when my best friend isn't even cast
as Abraham Lincoln's understudy.
And I figured you could use the mood lift.
Plus, my love language
is quality time, so...
Did you just say you love me?
The Lyft's going to be here
in, like, 12 seconds. Go.
This is probably good practice
for the New York City transit system.
Yeah, it is.
How much were the bus tickets?
I'll Venmo you.
You can pay me back
when you're a big Broadway star.
Okay, folks...
Also, I'm using your shoulder as a pillow
and you're dealing with it.
My name is Elliot
and I will be your driver
on route to New York City.
- So, when we get there...
- Mmm-hmm.
I know you kind of think of Times Square
as the 1950s Guys and Dolls fantasia,
but people don't actually dance
in the street. They mug you.
We may be small, but...
But what?
I'm trying to think of something.
Okay. Good evening, folks.
Once again, my name is Elliot...
Goodbye, Pittsburgh.
New York City
will be the last stop tonight.
So, sit back and please enjoy your ride.
New York coming, people. Last stop.
Last stop. Last stop. Last stop...
I got my ticket in my pocket
I got my heart here on my sleeve
Don't worry 'bout me 'cause I got this
They're gonna regret doubting me
The lights are bright, people are crazy
I see it all through my window
Buildings are tall, it doesn't faze me
Don't gotta worry 'cause
I know, I know, I know that
This is where I'm supposed to be
I might be young, but I'm mighty
So let the talkers talk
They can say what they say
They're gonna see my name in lights up
On the marquee one day
I'm a do what I do
Make the city mine
I might be small, but I'm
I'm headed to the big time
I'm headed to the big time
Ooh yeah
People are staring as I walk by
Walk by
They wonder if I've gone insane
You crazy
But I'll brush off every side eye
Walk with a smile on my face
'Cause I know, I know that
This is where I'm supposed to be
I might be young, but I'm mighty
So let the talkers talk
They can say what they say
They're gonna see my name in lights up
On the marquee one day
I'm a do what I do
Make the city mine
I might be small, but I'm
I'm headed to the big time
Headed to the big time
I'm headed to the big time
Headed to the big time
I'll make you proud of me
I swear I'm working hard
I'm almost there
And if I prove my worth
And prove everyone wrong
Well, maybe then
I'll finally feel like I actually belong
'Cause if I make it big
I won't get left behind
So, yeah, I'm small, but I'm
This is where I'm supposed to be
I might be young, but I'm mighty
So let the talkers talk
They can say what they say
I'm gonna see my name in lights
Up on the marquee one day
I'm a do what I do
Make the city mine
I might be small, but I'm
I'm headed to the big time
I'm headed to the big time
Nate. Nate.
- Nate!
- Big time.
You were drooling and singing.
It was incredible.
It's great.
It's glorious.
Operation Broadway, step two.
Oh! Post that one.
Where you're clipping your dog's nails
in your kitchen.
You look especially innocent.
Thank you!
Oh, no!
Come on!
Maybe we should just turn around.
My hair doesn't do wet.
We just got here. Live a little.
Oh, look at you quoting me. I'll allow it.
Hello. We are here to audition
for Lilo & Stitch.
The musical. The Broadway musical.
First time in New York.
- Yeah, how could you...
- That wasn't a question.
Go on.
And what do we say
if they ask how old we are?
I say, "However old the character
Lilo is in the script."
And then I wink.
The casting director!
This is so cool!
Let's cast a musical.
We are expecting 1,000 kids
in the next 24 hours,
so, I need the first 25 kids
to look at their numbers
and line themselves up against
this mirrored wall in ascending order.
I didn't realize
there'd be math on this test.
And just a reminder.
You must indicate in the application
if you are allergic to macadamia nuts,
Hawaii. Big subplot.
And most important,
if you are under 18,
I need you to sign in
with a physically present parent
or guardian today,
or you will not be auditioning.
No "ifs," "ands," or "buts."
You ready to set some records, bro?
Yeah. For sure.
You good?
I feel like I'm missing something.
Whatever, let's bounce.
How's Gibby doing?
Actually don't tell me.
You have a cell phone down here?
You're not supposed to have
a cell phone here.
Look what Natey just posted.
He's clipping the dog's nails.
There you go.
Our boys can survive
for one weekend without us.
Now let's please try to relax...
It's the tricep again, ma'am.
You gotta lay off the triceps.
Don't forget to breathe.
Try not to hyperventilate.
We'll figure something out.
You don't have
your lucky rabbit foot.
Jimmy Madison took it.
I hope karma hits him
in the form of a bus.
I mean, a metaphorical bus,
obviously, I'm against violence
at a core level, but...
You're distracting my kid.
She needs to concentrate.
His blood sugar's low, show some respect.
Have you done character work before?
Have I... I'm sorry, what?
Have you done
costume character work before?
I played a snow-man in a full body suit
in the Radio City Christmas Spectacular.
I turned it down the third year,
so I wouldn't be pigeon-holed
as not having a face.
That's incredible.
Yes. Yes, it is.
Good luck!
You're supposed to say, "break a leg."
Are you here for the audition?
Funny you should ask that, madam.
You bet! We drove all night to be here.
I mean, we didn't drive. My mom did.
We're children.
I mean, if you needed us
to learn to drive a car for the show
for any reason, we're very fast learners.
Because the competition
seems to think you're flying solo.
First group of kids are on deck.
One sec.
Uh, listen up, everybody.
Unless you have a parent
or guardian with you,
please do not waste your time, or ours.
Aunt Heidi.
It is you. Okay. Okay.
We're with her.
This is incredible.
I was this close
to not even coming to this audition today.
And then something in me was like,
"Do it, Heidi,"
and then, this.
- It's like, you're a sign.
- Thank you.
I've been called many names in my life,
but "sign" is a first.
Wait. You're auditioning
for Lilo & Stitch too?
Oh, no. Oh, no.
I'm... No, I'm two doors down.
Yeah. Did you see all those ladies
trying to still pass for mid-thirties?
Yeah, we're all up for the same play.
It's called A Solitary Woman.
Perfect for it.
Yeah. So, where is your mom?
Is she in the bathroom or?
All these years
of her judging me for following my dreams
and being the black sheep,
and she's bringing you to an audition?
Ah! Love it.
And I love that you're still acting.
I'm not surprised. I'm not.
Because you were the only toddler
whose first word was "Me."
Isn't that funny? Is this your girlfriend?
- No!
- We haven't chosen a label
- at this point in our relationship.
- Okay.
I'm just so happy to see you.
Mom's not here.
- Nate!
- What?
It was bound to come out
in three minutes.
Wait! So... But okay.
What do you mean she's not here?
So who brought you? Your dad?
No! He thinks Broadway
is a four letter word.
Okay, wait.
- So you're telling me...
- We ran away from home, lady.
Right, okay.
All right, so, yeah,
responsible adult mode.
My greatest acting role yet.
Um... Whoo!
"Hi, Sherrie, it's your sister.
"I know, it's been a couple years.
"Okay, ten, I guess..."
Why don't I have your mom's cell?
'Cause it's been a while
since you've spoken.
Heidi didn't show up
to my parents' wedding.
She was the maid of honor and everything.
Wow, that's deep.
Yeah, well...
And I just missed my audition,
so, that's awesome.
I can't believe
you still have to audition for things.
You've been on Broadway.
You have no idea, kid.
All right, What's your mom's cell?
Spill it.
It's 4-1-2-5-5-5-8-7-2-0.
Zero. Okay.
Your call has been forwarded
to an automatic voice message system.
At the tone, please record your message.
Hi, Sherrie. I'm with my nephew.
Your son, Nathan.
- Nate.
- Nate.
He is alive.
Well, he's 12 seconds away
from being murdered by his aunt.
But, you know, he's fine.
He is fine and I'm gonna get him
on the next airplane...
- Bus. We can't afford an airplane.
- ...home.
And, you know, maybe someday,
we can all laugh at this.
If there is a world
where we ever speak again.
Okay, bye-bye, now.
Incredible work.
Excuse me?
I truly believed you cared about her.
I'm with Nate, I can't believe
you have to audition for things.
Okay, first group
of kids for Lilo! Let's do this.
All right, let's get outta here.
- Oh! Oh!
- What's this?
It's his pee dance. It's a thing.
Okay, well, just go fast, okay?
- That's not good for your bladder.
- Go!
- Is he always like this?
- Hilarious? Yes.
Takes after me.
Do I have everybody?
Where's number 13?
Where's the bathroom?
- Back in the left.
- Cool.
Today, we're not looking for people
to act opposite a puppet.
The role of Stitch
will require a versatile child
whose performance will need
to read through a full bodysuit.
We are seeking both a Lilo and a Stitch.
If you can dance in either of these roles,
all the better.
And you cannot be afraid of heights,
I should add.
There will be a big, power ballad moment
that takes place
literally above the audience's head,
where Stitch pilots the plane
through the mountains of Honolulu.
Yeah, thank you.
- You don't want something to eat, do you?
- I'm good.
- Good. Okay.
- Yeah.
Let's try that again.
Imagine you're seeing
a blue dog-like alien
for the first time in your life
and it makes you scream.
Yeah... No. For sure. Hard agree.
Before I make the first cut,
does anyone have a special skill
they'd like to demonstrate?
"Make the first cut."
All we did was scream.
I am an award winning tumbler.
Is that so, number six?
Yes. I'm the reigning
Junior Mister Northeast Flipper.
Fine. Any other Mary Lou Rettons
in the room?
Oh, uh, Garret.
I can sorta dance.
I mean, not like that,
that was ridiculous.
But I can do knee crawls.
Knee crawls?
Yeah, like Fiddler on the Roof style
knee crawls.
I was a bottle dancer
in an off-off Broadway production.
In my friend's basement.
In Pittsburgh.
I'm going to shut up now.
Give him a chance.
this, I have to see.
Okay, pretend I have a bottle on my head.
- Got it.
- And a beard.
Mazel tov!
- Oh, my gosh! My pants!
- Your pants?
Yeah, I got caught in the rain
and I think my pants shrunk
and now they're way too tight for me
to do my knee crawl things.
Does anybody have any extra shorts?
That won't be necessary.
For the record, I have a ton of phobias,
but heights isn't one of them.
I think we can make the cut.
- Good try.
- Thanks, number 12.
Okay, I'm gonna say this one more time.
This is not personal.
And you're all sensational.
It's like I'm looking at
Juilliard Drama class of 2027.
All right. If I don't read your number,
I will see you on...
The next one.
Like there will even be a next one.
Cut at my first and last
Broadway audition.
That's going to be
the name of my memoir title.
Hey. At least you got to audition, right?
Yeah. By breaking into the audition
and lying to your aunt, by the way.
Okay, it is so weird to me
that your mom's only response
to my voicemail is a thumbs up emoji.
That's not so weird.
And it's an African-American
thumbs up emoji.
Her hand must have slipped.
Good afternoon.
2:00 p.m. to Pittsburgh now boarding.
2:00 p.m. to Pittsburgh.
Well, I may have missed my audition,
but I refuse to miss the most
well-paying Bar Mitzvah in U.S. history,
so I should go.
Wait, you're a rabbi now?
Ha. Ignoring that.
No, I have to be at the Natural
History Museum in 20 minutes.
Ah. Yes, dinosaurs.
Well, I'm just catering.
So, don't be jealous.
I would trade my entire life
with you right now,
if I could be a caterer in New York.
One day, Nate, I have complete confidence
that you'll be a caterer in New York.
In the meantime,
middle school is calling your name.
- For the record...
- Yeah?
I totally understand why
you missed the wedding.
You had your first-ever Broadway callback.
I would have done the same thing.
I... Uh...
I gotta go. What am I doing? All right.
You two...
You take care of each other, right?
Yes, good. Good.
Final boarding 2:00 p.m.
Port Authority to Pittsburgh.
Final boarding.
So if I'm reading the room,
Kalea is our top contender for Lilo.
Adore her energy.
She is already on vocal rest.
So, this is that afternoon
callback group then.
Hold on!
Where's the kid?
Which kid? These are all kids.
The weird funny one.
The Fiddler on the Roof bottle dance boy?
You liked that kid?
He was like my favorite kid.
He referred to Pittsburgh
as "off-off Broadway."
He was spunky.
I don't think we even
got his contact info. So...
Not true! His friend left this with me.
Phone number's on the back.
That is the worst haircut
I've seen in 32 years of casting.
Well, today could have been better.
Today could have been worse.
Driver, stop the bus!
What are you doing?
I got a callback.
I have to be there in like 20 minutes.
You got a... Wait, what?
Hello? Someone getting off?
This wasn't a part of the plan.
But we do everything together!
Which is exactly my point!
If I'm gone any longer,
and my parents figure it out,
they're going to ground me. For life!
Are you...
Libby, are you mad
that I auditioned without you?
No. I...
Nate, I love the theater.
But I don't really love being onstage.
I'm still trying to find my thing.
And I kind of only do the school shows
to be with...
You know?
With you.
Make a decision, kids.
Libby, you know how much
you mean to me,
but I'm not like that.
Honey, let him go.
I'll explain to you on the ride home.
Are you stayin' on,
or are you gettin' off?
I'm really sorry, Lib.
No, I...
I've been there, sweetheart.
And I married the guy!
The rabbit foot worked!
Nate! You still at Libby's?
I'm home!
Hey, do we have any Ace bandages
in dad's medicine cabinet?
"Hanging with Lib.
"Congrats on probably
getting first place."
First place. Yeah.
- Dude. Party tonight.
- Dude,
- I can barely walk.
- That's why we're coming to you.
We want to cheer you up
for biffing out there today.
Aren't your parents away
on their woo-woo retreat thing?
- Dude, I don't know.
- Dude...
Can I come make your boo-boo better?
Yeah, okay, it's on.
All right, later.
Let the storm rage on!
The cold never bothered me anyway
I've never had a boy sing Let It Go,
I'll give you that.
Thank you so much.
Crazy question, Nate,
but did you happen to bring
a monologue with you today?
- Monologue?
- Yeah, like a short speech.
Emphasis on "short."
Oh, no, I know what a monologue is.
I just didn't...
Okay, no problem. That's all we need.
Wait. I have something. I do.
"The night the lights
went out in Georgia."
Can't say I've heard of that one,
but if you wanna give it a try...
"You probably didn't know, Marjorie,
"that Suzanne was the only contestant
in Georgia pageant history
"to sweep every category
except congeniality,
"and that is not something
the women in my family aspire to anyway.
"Or that when she walked down
the runway in her swimsuit,
"five contestants quit on the spot.
"Or that when she emerged
from the isolation booth
"to answer the question,
'What would you do to prevent war?'
"she spoke so eloquently of patriotism,
"battlefields, and diamond tiaras,
grown men wept."
"And you probably didn't know,
"Marjorie, that Suzanne
was not just any Miss Georgia.
"She was the Miss Georgia.
"She didn't just twirl a baton,
"that baton was on fire!
"And when she threw that baton
into the air, it flew higher,
"further, faster than any baton
has ever flown before,
"hitting a transformer and showering
the darkened arena with sparks.
"And when it finally
did come down, Marjorie,
"my sister caught that baton
"as 12,000 people jumped to their feet
"for 16 and one-half minutes
of uninterrupted, thunderous ovation
"as flames illuminated
her tear-stained face.
"And that..."
"Marjorie, just so you will know
"and your children will someday know,
"is the night the lights
went out in Georgia!"
And scene.
Sorry, my Southern accent
was a little wobbly. Weird.
Was that Edward Albee?
Close. Designing Women.
Nate, are you local?
Are you already spending the night
in New York? I mean...
Look, can you be back tomorrow?
I think the director should meet you.
Can you run out
and give his mother the info?
You can just tell me.
Mom's probably wandering the halls,
or something, looking for celebrities.
- You can remember all the details?
- Of course.
I have a pornographic memory.
Tomorrow at the New Amsterdam Theatre
on West 41st Street.
Come to the stage door
at 10:30 a.m. sharp, okay?
That's where The Lion King opened.
Is that a question?
Sorry, do you mind
if I exit out the window?
The West Side Story balcony scene
is on my bucket list.
We're on the fourth floor
and there's no fire escape.
Oh, yeah, that makes sense.
Send in the next kid.
Where are you, Mom?
Yes, yes, yes!
"You'll never believe..."
I don't believe this.
Next in line!
Would you like to make a donation
to help children with leukemia?
No, thank you. Would you
like to make a donation to children
who don't have a place to sleep tonight?
You're short.
- Excuse me?
- You're a dollar short.
Look, I really need to buy
a phone charger.
Next in line!
I'm not the praying kind
but I'm gonna pray for you, ma'am.
On Broadway
They say there's always magic in the air
But when you're walking down that street
And you ain't had enough to eat
One thin dime won't even shine your shoes
Hey, now, keep up the good work, kid.
You're sounding good.
They say that I won't last too long
on Broadway
I'll catch a Greyhound bus for home
They all say
Hey! But they dead wrong
I know they are
'Cause I can play this here guitar
And I won't quit till I'm a star
On Broadway
Play it, fellas!
On Broadway!
On Broadway!
I'm happy to take requests.
Do you know anything from
Fiddler on the Roof?
Do I?
Mazel tov!
Next in line!
Funds have been raised.
I will be paying for this,
with quarters and dimes.
I will also be purchasing this coat.
- Get away from her.
- No.
What did you say?
O'hana means "family."
- "Family" means nobody...
- Nobody gets left behind.
- Hi.
- Hi!
- Hi.
- Hi.
So, about what went down on the bus...
What is all that noise?
Where in the name of
Stephen Joshua Sondheim are you?
New York City.
Still. Libby, I got a final callback,
for tomorrow,
and it's at the New Amsterdam Theatre.
But that's only
if I don't get killed first.
I called Aunt Heidi,
it went right to voicemail
and I don't know where she lives,
and I have no idea where
I'm going to sleep tonight.
Nate, Nate, stop spinning.
Your aunt's probably still at the museum
doing that bar mitzvah thing.
Just find her there.
Okay, see...
This is why I love you.
I really do. And just, look,
you've had my back from day one,
and even if you don't like
being on stage, Lib,
you're still a star.
I still need you.
And when you find the thing that you love,
I'll be cheering for you.
Lib, you're being really quiet.
Are we still best friends?
Excuse me, would you gentlemen
happen to know
how to get to the Natural History Museum?
- The dinosaurs.
- Yeah, the cute little dinos...
Welcome to the museum.
Are you here for the bar...
Mitzvah. Yes, I would never miss
a museum bar mitzvah.
Terrific. Name?
How about this? This is going to be fun.
You read out who hasn't checked in yet.
And I'll tell you which one I am.
You look a little under-dressed
for a party.
Shall I escort you to the exit?
Or would you...
Hi, I was calling to know
if you guys open today...
As I said 20 minutes ago,
we are closed...
Who knew 13 year-olds could eat
so much in one night?
I don't even like steak tartare
and I'm 25.
Oh, crap! I forgot the asparagus.
- Keep it parked. I'll go get 'em.
- Okay.
What a night!
You never realize how much you dislike
13 year-olds
till you work a party for them,
huh, Heidi?
Aw, they're not all so bad.
I wish, I wish I were as unjaded
as my hilariously bold nephew.
Is this the kid
you were talking about in the kitchen?
- Yeah.
- Way you were going on about him,
- I thought he was your son.
- Ha! Yeah, I should be so lucky.
No. Okay.
I spent 15 minutes with the kid today,
and he is around 100 times
funnier and quicker than I am.
He's if, like, Nathan Lane
and the Tasmanian Devil had a baby.
You gettin' off?
Yeah, I got to get the cake
out of the kitchen.
Um, pardon me. Hello.
I'm lost and I need to get to the kitchen.
- Do I know you?
- Huh?
What's your name?
- Huh?
- I said, what's your name?
It's just a lot of pressure, you know,
and it's like
I'm never allowed to screw up.
I'm never allowed to lose or anything.
It's like I'm my parents' only hope
at a future, if that makes any sense?
Yeah, that's cool. Should we kiss, or?
Anthony, my stepsister
just sent me this TikTok...
I'm kinda in the middle of something.
Don't need to see memes right now.
Look, this is in New York.
I'll catch a Greyhound bus for home
They all say
Oh, my gosh!
But they're dead wrong
I know they are
Are we cousins?
Okay, kids! We're about to do
the candle-lighting ceremony.
Well, well, well.
Do you want to tell me why
my idiot little brother
is in New York City,
going viral on TikTok?
Do I want to tell you,
or do I have to tell you?
Why is my aunt calling you?
She thinks I'm your mom.
It's kind of a long story.
Get out your umbrellas. We're expecting
spring showers all day tomorrow
in Northern West Virginia.
Of course. It figures.
Rain on our last day of vacation.
Anthony isn't responding to any
of my texts about the meet.
Do you think the boys miss us?
"Us?" Greatest parents in the world.
Come on.
I just don't want Nate and Anthony
to grow apart like me and Heidi.
You know, I still regret not going to
her opening night thing.
Well, have you thought about
calling her lately, babe?
I don't even know if she'd pick up.
And the crazy thing is,
I'm kind of jealous of her.
You? Come on. Really?
She had a dream. I never had a dream.
This isn't your dream?
A kid from Pennsylvania wowed
a crowd tonight in Times Square.
You think I should call her?
Be the bigger person?
And believe me,
you don't want to miss this kid.
Watch this video...
But right now,
we should celebrate our anniversary.
You made me drop the cake, okay?
That pays the rent.
I'm not talking to you.
Oh, okay, sorry.
Yeah, I am putting you
on the first bus out because, you know,
it's the right thing to do.
That's all.
Lilo & Stitch will still be running
in a year, okay?
If your mom decides you can audition,
then you can audition.
What's this?
Your last five birthday cards.
You remembered my birthday?
Yeah, every year.
I didn't know
if you'd want to hear from me.
But, no matter what, we're family. So...
But you yelled at me
in front of all those bar mitzvah kids,
and made me feel like
I was back in middle school.
I'm the only boy in seventh grade who
knows every lyric to Corner of the Sky.
There's no justice.
Well, "Everything has its season,
everything has its time..."
I guarantee you are not the only boy
who knows every lyric to Pippin.
Some just aren't comfortable yet
letting everyone know it.
You're not going to cry, are you?
No, no.
I just... You know, you just...
You remind me of, like, me.
That's a compliment?
You think that's a compliment?
That's amazing.
Of course, it's a compliment.
You're literally all I want to be
when I grow up.
Three weeks on Broadway,
an apartment in New York.
Queens, but...
Queens is still New York.
And you're still my hero.
You know what?
You're going to that callback tomorrow.
I mean, your mom knows you're here, right?
- Are you being serious?
- Yes.
But you have to stop shouting
'cause you have to save your voice.
Do you have any audition tips?
Okay, yeah, you know,
so I'm not the best singer,
but there was this trick I used to use
for musicals, okay?
You hold the sheet music, right?
Like, you know,
you haven't really
fully memorized the song.
And then halfway through, just casually,
let it drop to the floor like,
"Wait! Not only do I know this song,
"I'm going to blow you away
in the final verse."
It's surprisingly effective.
- That's amazing.
- Yeah.
And find your light.
Everybody forgets that.
But how are they gonna remember you
if they can't see you?
Yeah. Find your light.
I looked up to her, you know?
Your mom. I really did.
She got the one thing
I couldn't get.
An amazing kid.
I love you!
Well, the callback was a disaster
and you blew it big time, kid.
Back to Pittsburgh for you!
Can I borrow some money for the bus?
Try hitchhiking.
It'll build your character.
- Nathan!
- Crap!
- Where is he?
- Gotta pee! Gotta pee!
Around the corner.
How are you here right now?
Hi, Anthony.
Like a giant. He's like a giant.
Hi, Aunt Heidi.
Long time no everything, I guess.
Don't "Hi, Anthony" me, Nate.
Okay. Bye, Anthony.
And I can live
with Heidi in New York. Perfect.
Yeah, like Mom would ever let that happen.
So, what, then? Are they
waiting downstairs for me with handcuffs?
They don't even know we're here.
Get in my truck right now.
- What? What?
- You didn't tell on me?
No. I'm the one who's supposed to be
watching you, remember?
Get downstairs right now!
Okay. Please, just let me stay for two
more hours, so I can go to my callback.
I know I embarrass you, Anthony.
Every day.
And I know that you hate being my brother,
just please, let me have this one thing.
I've been trying to explain how big
a Broadway callback is for seven hours,
so, good luck.
But, just for the record,
you may have run away,
but Anthony apparently
threw quite a party.
Which I'm sure your parents
wouldn't be happy about.
So, you have some leverage here.
Ooh, you're good.
You should be an agent someday.
Want to be my agent?
Is that a real job?
That's the best job, okay?
You collect ten percent
of an actor's salary
by making phone calls
and going to three lunches a day.
And you don't have to humiliate yourself
in an audition.
And you get to see
what makes people amazing
before they even know about it themselves.
That's what an agent does, too.
Good lord! I'm gonna wring you...
Why are you limping?
Quit changing the subject.
Let me just say
that for your little brother
to have even gotten a callback
is kind of remarkable.
And it says big things
about Nate's talent, Anthony.
It just... It's two hours, two hours.
Oh, no!
My favorite vase.
Oh, no!
Natey! Stop!
He's always wanted to escape out a window.
Gosh, he is a great client.
When I catch this punk...
I know you not about to hop over
that turnstile.
Thank goodness! A subway person.
I'm experiencing an emergency.
"An emergency?" Really?
I need to get to Manhattan.
It's a matter of life, death, and dreams.
Hold up. Wait a minute. Are you...
Yo, Keith, come here!
Don't he look like that kid
that went viral on TikTok?
I did?
Yes! That's me! I'm the kid!
Can I get a selfie for my niece?
Can I get a free ride on the subway?
Let's go! Let's go!
Ooh, he took my trench coat.
- Oh. Yeah. Where is my...
- Keys?
Yeah. Okay. So, we're going to
just find him at the audition studio,
and it's going to be okay.
- Okay. Yeah.
- Let's go.
When this is over, I want to know
how much you pay for this place.
Okay. You'd be surprised.
Excuse me,
do you know the stop for Broadway?
Which Broadway?
There is a lot of Broadways.
You know, like, the Broadway.
They say the neon lights
Are bright on Broadway
That's the TikTok kid!
As long as he's alive,
everything will be okay.
So I can kill him.
Over his agent's dead body.
All right, nobody's murdering anyone!
You started it.
All right, be respectful.
This is an audition place.
Lilo & Stitch. It was a cartoon.
Can you just please
check the schedule again?
There's no way he made this up.
A hundred percent kidnapped.
Don't... Stop saying that!
There's no Lilo & Stitch
on the schedule today. Promise.
You haven't seen anyone this morning
who looks like me?
Just like, little shorter, kind of gawky?
He's not gawky, he is incredibly castable
and very cuddly.
No matter who he chooses to love.
Okay, okay. Yeah.
- Ma'am!
- I just want...
Wait, "Ma'am?" "Ma'am?" I'm ma'am to you?
We could have gone to college together.
- Hold on.
- My... Okay.
You knew the callback wasn't here,
didn't you?
- Aunt Heidi.
- What?
He's at some place called
the Amsterdam Theatre.
New Amsterdam, Anthony. "New."
Words matter.
- You!
- Me. Hello.
This is the Lilo & Stitch
final callback, right?
I hope so.
Then why did you come dressed
as ponine from Les Miz?
Good luck!
Okay. Let's cast a musical.
Not much time.
Right up the stairs.
Hello, twins. How are you?
Keep it moving. Up, up, up, up.
Thank you. Thank you.
Don't worry, I'm losing the coat.
Come on.
I feel like Elisabeth Shue in
Adventures in Babysitting
when the kid she's watching
gets stabbed in the foot.
What... Okay, I'm 100.
Hi, I'm 100 years old.
Oh, my gosh! Don't look at me. I'm a mess.
You disappeared yesterday.
I hate when good people disappear.
A Solitary Woman is a major play, Heidi.
- Yeah.
- It's been a bear to cast.
I'm sorry. Family emergency.
Look, I just got a last minute no-show
and the director hasn't liked
anybody this week. Can I slot you in?
Is this an out-of-town job,
or straight to Broadway?
All right, that's
a really good question, actually.
Straight to Broadway, baby.
- You're doing this audition.
- Meet us at the Amsterdam Theatre!
Anthony, it's not a famously liberal city
in Europe. It's a Broadway theater.
- Okay, thanks. No, yeah.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
She's not available.
We'll check on her availability.
Okay, whenever you're ready, Nate.
Okay. Sorry. Excuse me. Sorry.
I barely had any time to memorize
these sides, so...
That's not important. Just do your best.
Start with Stitch's entrance
in the first scene.
"How do you plead?"
"Not guilty!
My experiments are only theoretical
"and completely within legal boundaries."
Nate, if you actually want to start over,
and just read Stitch's line...
No worries, I got this!
"We believe you actually
created something."
"Created something? But that would be
irresponsible and unethical."
And then it says Stitch turns around
in the glass jar.
"What is that monstrosity?"
- Told you.
- "'Monstrosity'?
"What you see before you is
the first of a new species.
"I call it Experiment 626."
That's what you get from Pittsburgh.
And then Jumba sings the song
626 is Not Just a Number.
And which is actually getting rewritten
as we sit here. Thank you.
Oh, I'm sorry. Should I not have...
No, no, you were...
That was fine, Nate.
Oh, hi. Were you there the whole time?
The whole time.
Nate, Hi. I'm the director.
Have you learnt the song?
I mean, with the other kids, sure.
Listen, when you get to the part
in the duet where Lilo chimes in,
let that music play in the background.
Just sing Stitch's lyrics, I mean.
You only have to play Stitch today.
Oh, my gosh! I'm such an idiot!
Okay, what's so funny?
How amazing is this kid?
On Broadway
Play it, fellas!
On Broadway!
On Broadway!
Let's go! Let's go!
Okay, whenever you're ready, Nate.
You know you're the only kid here who
didn't show up with a parent today, right?
Good luck!
Okay. Do you have any questions
before you sing?
Just one.
In the movie,
Stitch can't really speak sentences,
so, how does he sing lyrics
in the musical?
Because, you know,
musicals allow us to say things
we can't actually say in real life.
I'll admit
I don't know much about this life
I've spent a long time
On the outside looking in
Never feeling accepted
Thinking that's just the way it was
But something happened
Somehow life brought you to me
And I think that's when
I realized I belonged
My family's been here all along
And boy, it's good to have a friend so...
Maybe I don't always need to
Feel so small
Maybe this planet ain't so bad after all
From here on out...
Thanks, Nate. I think we're good.
You don't embarrass me!
I promise.
You don't embarrass me, Nate.
So from here on out
I'll never let you down
I won't be perfect all the time
But I'm always gonna try, yeah
I don't care where
I'll always be right there
'Cause I've got a family to call mine
And family means no one gets left behind
You bet I'll try
To bring you all the sunny days
And if you cry
I'll be there all the same
So bring the thunder, bring the rain
'Cause you know
From here on out
I'll never let you down
'Cause I've got a family to call mine
And family means no one gets left behind
Yeah, oh
Left behind, yeah
From here on out
I'll never let you down
Can't claim I'll do everything right
Find your light.
But I'll love you all my life
Yeah, I don't care where
I'll always be right there
'Cause I've got a family to call mine
And family means no one gets left behind
Yeah, oh
Left behind
'Cause family means
No one gets left behind
Left behind, yeah
'Cause I've got a family to call mine
And family means no one gets left behind
You don't do that, it's inappropriate.
Okay, Nate,
I think that's all we're gonna need.
Good luck!
- Good job!
- He was really good!
I didn't know you could,
like, do all that.
You don't let me sing in the house.
Wow, your comebacks have gotten
sharper in New York.
- Really?
- What? They have.
I dropped the sheet music
like you told me to.
I saw.
Yeah, I actually had...
I had just left my own audition,
and let me just say,
you should be giving me tips.
My mom just sent me
an all-caps text saying,
"Why aren't you at your dad's?
I'm worried."
Perfect timing. I'm double parked.
Let's go.
Oh, Nate. Here.
It's a gift.
I picked it up on my way at some like,
dumb tourist trap in Times Square. So...
Anthony, someone's putting
a ticket on your truck.
Go now. You go now.
My bad, officer!
I got you a gift, too.
I hope it's your size.
Great. Oh, I'm gonna miss this.
You should go, Natey.
I hope I don't see you
at Christmas this year.
Jeez, Nate. That was harsh.
Because I hope you get the part in
the play and you're too busy to come home.
I skipped out on that audition, sweetie.
I just wanted to be here with you.
And I'm so glad that I was.
Not to alarm anyone,
but your mom is on the phone
with your brother now,
and they are leaving the resort,
and Anthony said a lot of words that
I can't really say in front of an adult,
but I believe he'd bleeping like you
to get in the bleeping truck, now.
So, basically, if you two are
going to cry, cry bleeping quick.
Thanks for the audition tips.
Nate, can you just tell your mom...
I don't even remember why we're fighting
and I miss her.
Okay. Okay, I will.
And I'm sorry.
I really meant it last night.
You're my hero.
- I call DJ.
- No show tunes or I drive off the highway.
You really have
learned nothing today, have you?
Uh, baby steps.
I love you.
Well, I'm very proud of the boys.
What happened?
Anthony said Nate couldn't come
to the phone because,
you're not going to believe this,
Nate is teaching him how to sing.
- That's kinda nice. Yeah?
- Yeah.
As long as it's not Wicked.
I can't. I really can't.
So if you care to find me
Look to the western sky!
As someone told me lately
Everyone deserves the chance to fly!
Thanks for making me run away.
It was, you know, very agent-like of you.
I think I found my thing.
- Love you like a sister!
- Love you like a sister, too!
Later, Libby.
Hey, Lib. It's been a week and no news.
Why aren't you in study hall?
I'm spiraling.
Okay, love you, bye.
I've gotta be where my spirit can run free
Gotta find my corner of the sky
If you tell anyone...
Nate Foster
to the principal's office.
Nate Foster to the principal's office.
Your secret is safe with me.
Nate Foster to the principal's office.
Whatever I did, I didn't do it.
What's going on?
Nate, did you take a trip to New York
without telling us?
The subway lady said
I could hop over the turnstile.
No, Nate. It's not that.
Anthony shouldn't get in trouble.
He actually kind of saved me.
And Libby shouldn't be grounded.
If anyone should, it's me.
I'm not. And you're not.
Natey, honey. We got a call.
The initial offer is low but workable.
Wait. Wait.
You mean...
Just getting started
We about to go up
Calling all boss chicks around the world
This is your moment
Own it, sister, woman up!
The world is your oyster
And we are the pearls
We on! We on! We on!
We on! We on! We on!
We on! We on! We on!
But hold up just a second
I'm about to go awf
Before I met Libby, I had no friends.
But now, I have friend.
And because of her,
I will be performing the role of Stitch
at two matinees per week,
and sometimes more often
if the star is sick.
I'm about to go awf
We started from the bottom
Now we're rising to the top
And now you've got her going
And she's never gonna stop!
It pays to have a beastie
That goes this hard!
If you want receipts
Here's my business card!
Dear pearls
Get out of your shells
It's your world
We've got to cheer each other on!
Until Queendom come!
We on! We on! We on!
We on! We on! We on!
We on! We on! We on!
But hold up just a second
I'm about to go awf...
Before Nate came back into my life,
I was a cater waiter with
a rent-controlled apartment, but now...
I'm A Solitary Woman,
with a rent-controlled apartment.
And an amazing family. And agent.
Just getting started
We about to go up
Calling all boss chicks around the world
This is your moment
Own it, sister, woman up!
The world is your oyster
And we are the pearls
We on! We on! We on!
We on! We on! We on!
We on! We on! We on!
But hold up just a second
I'm about to go awf
I'm about to go awf
For the longest time,
I always thought of Libby
as my little brother's
loud, intelligent friend.
But now, I pledge that
if I ever decide to go pro one day,
I will hire Libby as my sports agent.
Is that good?
Let's just say there's a reason
Nate's the actor of the family.
Could I try another take?
Hold on, you need lip gloss.
-I'm a star maker
A mover and shaker
-Only thirteen
-But bringing home the vegan bacon
The hustle's a la carte,
And I don't sell dreams
But if I'm representing,
It'll be a small fee
Dear pearls
Get out of your shells
It's your world
We've got to cheer each other on!
I love you!
Until Queendom come!
Just getting started
We about to go up
That's my brother!
Just getting started
We about to go up
Just getting started
We about to go up!
We on! We on! We on!
We on! We on! We on!
We on! We on! We on!
But hold up just a second
I'm about to go awf
I put me on
I put me on
I put me, put me, put me, put me
I'm about to go awf
I put me on
I put me on
I put me, I put me, I put me, I put me
I'm about to go
Just getting started
We about to go up
Calling all boss chicks around the world
This is your moment
Own it, sister, woman up!
The world is your oyster
And we are the pearls