Big Top Pee-wee (1988) Movie Script

PEE-WEE: The sweetest
thing that's ever
Blown in with the breeze
And if you see her
WOMAN: I love you!
Tell her that
I'm in love with her
She's the girl
on the flying trapeze
The girl on
the flying trapeze
When I close my eyes
I see her there
Swinging through my dreams
And I want so
bad to tell her
How I really feel
She's the girl
On the flying trapeze
It's Abraham Lincoln!
Can I have your
autograph, Mr. Lincoln?
Oh, thank you so much.
I'm such a big fan
of yours, Abraham.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
It's Pee-wee!
right back after this.
WOMAN 1: Tell me, would you
buy a tractor from a pig?
WOMAN 2: No way!
WOMAN 1: Would you buy
a plow from a cow?
MAN: No, ma'am.
WOMAN 1: Well, then...
WOMAN ON RADIO: You're back
with Bob and Betty.
Vance, wake up.
You'll be late for school.
Come on.
Come on.
Pee-wee Herman had a farm
With a... (GRUNTING)
And a... (GRUNTING)
Here a... (GRUNTING)
There a... (GRUNTING)
Everywhere a... (GRUNTING)
Pee-wee Herman had a farm
Come on, everybody. Wake up.
Rise and shine!
Come, Sparky,
get out of bed.
Sparky, come on.
Sparky, I feel the same way,
but I got out of bed.
Good morning, Clyde.
Give me five.
Make your beds.
Haven't you been
fed yet? (CHUCKLES)
Mmm! Chocolaty.
Mmm! Yummy.
PEE-WEE: Come and get it!
Come and get it!
Come and get it!
Good manners.
Here you are, Vance.
There you go.
Here you are.
Hey, use your own plate.
Vance, how nice
of you to share.
All right,
everyone may be excused.
Good morning, everybody.
My, don't we look
lush this morning!
Look, Vance,
the calla lilies
are in bloom again.
Let's see how
this formula works.
Okay, Pee-wee.
Splendid. I'm very satisfied
with these results, Pee-wee.
Me too, Vance.
If we keep going
at this rate,
people will only have
to buy one tomato a year.
We do not want to end up
with a low potassium level.
Duh, Vance, you'd think
I never went to
agricultural junior college.
Sorry. Boy, I'm hungry.
What are we doing for lunch?
Hmm. Let me check
my datebook.
I'm starving.
Lunch with Winnie.
MAN: Out of the way!
Hey, Joe.
What do you know?
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Hey, what's the matter,
That Joe sure can
talk your ear off. Huh?
VANCE: I love that story.
Hey, Pee-wee, let's race.
On your mark,
get set!
Excuse me.
VANCE: I win. I win.
I let you win.
Besides, you cheated.
You have more
legs than me.
Hello, Pee-wee.
Hello, Winnie.
Am I late?
Of course
you're late, Pee-wee.
But I forgive you.
Oh, Winnie.
WINNIE: Oh, the children!
The children!
Why don't you
take a picture.
It'll last longer.
Oh, Pee-wee, really.
Now, children.
Mr. Herman and I
would like to have
a quiet lunch.
Why don't you
play with Vance.
ALL: Yes, Miss Johnson.
Alone at last.
I made your favorite.
Mmm. Fried chicken.
No, your favorite,
Cheese sandwich!
I know.
Turkey a la king.
Vegetarian plate?
Shepherd's pie?
Olive loaf.
I can't think of
anything else. I give up.
It's egg salad, darling.
Egg salad.
My favorite!
Egg salady.
That was delicious, Winnie.
Oh, thank you, Pee-wee.
Would you care for another?
Oh, no, now.
Thanks, I'm full.
Boy, you sure do have
beautiful hair, Winnie.
Oh. Thank you, Pee-wee.
May I?
Yes, you may, Pee-wee.
Oh, that feels good.
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow, ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Boy, the clouds sure do look
beautiful, don't they, Winnie?
Look, that cloud right there
looks like an Indian
riding a buffalo.
Which one?
That one right there.
That one right there
looks like a train
going into a tunnel.
You can see that,
can't you?
No, not really.
Now, how about
some dessert?
Goodness, where does
the time go? (LAUGHS)
Children! Children!
Come on, get her! Get her!
Get her! Get her!
Get her! Get her!
Vance was just teaching
us to mud wrestle.
Well, thank you, Vance.
Now I won't have to
cover that topic
this afternoon.
Come on, let's get
you cleaned up.
Bye, Winnie.
Will I see you
for lunch tomorrow,
Let me consult
my datebook.
Yes, you will.
Till then.
PEE-WEE: Come on, Vance.
Now, give me
that dirty hand.
VANCE: So how was lunch?
Great. Come on,
let's get something
to eat.
VANCE: Yeah.
On your mark,
get set, go!
VANCE: Thank you.
Hey! If I told you once,
I told you 100 times.
I don't want you running
around my store,
Pee-wee Herman.
Sorry, Mr. Ryan.
I'm just so hungry,
and I guess I couldn't
wait to sample
one of those delicious
cheese sandwiches of yours.
Would you mind
making me one?
We were here first,
weren't we, Mr. Ryan?
I'm afraid you'll
just have to wait.
And I'm sure Mr. Ryan
isn't going to
serve you at all
as long as you've got
that pig in here. Isn't
that right, Mr. Ryan?
That's right, Nadine.
No pigs allowed.
Good afternoon, Mrs. Dill.
Good afternoon, Mrs. Haynes.
I'm so awfully hungry.
I'm sure you two
beautiful ladies wouldn't mind
letting me go ahead of you.
Well, we certainly
would mind.
I should say so.
First come, first served.
Isn't that
the way you've always
heard it, Mr. Ryan?
Sure is. First come,
first served.
All right! All right!
I'll wait.
MR. RYAN: I hope you're
planning to buy that
magazine, Pee-wee.
This ain't no library.
Now, let me see.
Have you got any of that
lovely Korean lace?
Just come in.
Oh, this is pretty.
Mmm. Mmm.
This would make
a nice doily,
don't you think, Mae?
Oh, what about this
for the china cabinet?
Mmm. Maybe.
All I wanted was
a measly sandwich!
I very nicely explained
that I was starving.
I'm starving! Please!
I'm sorry, ladies.
I guess you'll
just have to wait.
You remember, no one is
as important in this community
as Pee-wee Herman.
All you other shoppers
will just have
to play second
fiddle to Pee-wee.
I guess, that's just
the way things
are around here.
My whole purpose in life
is to serve Pee-wee Herman,
and everything
else comes second.
There's your sandwich.
Is there anything else
I can do for you, Pee-wee?
Well, I would like a pickle
if it's not too much trouble.
No! No trouble
at all, Pee-wee.
Sorry, Otis.
Sorry, Deke.
Game's over.
Pee-wee Herman
wants a pickle.
Here. Here's your
darn pickle. Are you
happy now?
Listen up, everybody.
What's up, Sheriff?
I just got a call
from Porterville.
There's a big storm
heading this way.
You folks better get
on home. Smiley, you start
boarding up the store.
Otis, can you give
me and Vance a ride?
OTIS: Ain't got no room.
Deke! Deke, can you give
me and Vance a ride?
PEE-WEE: Hurry, Vance!
I'm hurrying!
Get the animals
into the storm shelter.
But what about you?
Don't worry about me, Vance.
I'll be okay.
Women and chickens first!
VANCE: Watch your step.
Single file.
Come on, now,
There's nothing
to be scared of.
It's only a storm.
We're safe down here.
Come on.
Let's dance.
Sounds like
the storm's over.
MAN: Sudan!
MAN: Sudan.
MAN: Sudan!
Where are you, Sudan?
MAN: Sudan.
Hey! Don't just
stand there.
Help! Come on!
MAN: Sudan!
You okay, boss?
Well, my shins are
banged up pretty bad.
I think my ribs
are broke.
And it feels like
I punctured a major
organ, Andy.
But I'm circus.
Come on, get me
out of here.
Right, boss.
Otto, grab a couple
of roustabouts and set
these wagons straight.
Yeah, boss.
You get over to the
cookhouse and see that
everybody's all right.
ANDY: Right, boss.
Is this your farm, kid?
Yep. I'm Pee-wee Herman.
Mace Montana, manager
of the Cabrini Circus.
Nice to meet
you, Mr. Montana.
Mace! You got to do
something. I can't get
to the first-aid supplies,
and people are hurt,
and the animals
are loose everywhere,
and the equipment...
Pull yourself
together, Snowball.
I've got a first-aid kit
in my house, Mr. Montana.
Get going, kid.
Pull! Pull!
ANDY: Give me a hand.
Oh, scusi.
Hey, you got
a hose around here?
Over here.
WOMAN: Somebody,
help! Water!
MAN: Hang on, Judy.
Here you go, Judy.
Hello, kitty.
That's a nice kitty.
We've rounded up
all the animals,
except for Sudan.
Can't find him anywhere.
Oh, my God.
Yes, you are
a pretty kitty.
Who's that fluffy kitty?
I'll take him
from here. Sudan!
Sudan, come on, kitty.
Come on. Up you go.
You like me, don't you?
Hey, you're
all right, kid.
You've got sawdust
in your veins.
I do?
Hey, Mace!
Where is Midge?
Isn't she in the wagon?
I haven't seen her.
Has anybody
seen my wife?
WOMAN: No, Mace.
Oh, my God. Come on.
Fan out, everybody.
I want you to cover
every inch of this farm
until you find her.
Get moving.
Mace! Over here!
I found her!
MACE: Thank God you're
all right, darling.
Oh, I'm all right.
What a blow!
Hey, Pee-wee,
come here.
Pee-wee, this is
my wife, Midge.
Midge, this is
Pee-wee Herman.
He runs this place.
He's been helping us out.
No big deal.
I mean, uh, I used to know
someone named Midge
when I was little.
Small world.
(LAUGHS) It's all right,
kid. Relax. It's nice
to meet you.
Likewise, Midge.
There you go, baby.
MACE: Okay,
everybody, listen up.
We had a bad day.
Lost a couple of wagons.
Tent's banged up
pretty bad, and
so are some of us.
But we've had bad
days before, right?
ALL: Right.
We're going to get
through this one.
Look, Mace, you can stay
here if you need a couple
of weeks to get ready.
A couple of weeks, Pee-wee?
Our show goes on tonight.
Can you jerry-rig
some of that rigging?
I think so, Mace.
Ellen, how's that leg?
Can you go on?
I'm okay, Mace,
but I don't think
Jimmy's up to it.
I know the act, Mace.
I'll go on for Jimmy.
That's the spirit, Duke.
Oscar, how are the animals?
They will be all right
once they settle down, boss.
My truck's got
a busted axle.
You can use my tractor.
Thank you.
All right, then, everybody,
what are we going to do?
ALL: We're going
to put on a show!
MACE: That's right.
Because we're part of the
greatest show-business
tradition in the world.
And what's that?
ALL: The circus!
All right,
let's move it!
What's all this racket?
What do you people
want around here?
We don't want
anything, sir.
Mace Montana,
manager of the
Cabrini Circus.
Well, I never.
We're here to give
you the best darn
show you ever seen.
Well, we don't want it.
WOMAN: That's right.
Now, please, everybody.
We've worked awful hard
to get this show ready
for you nice folks.
Save your smooth talking,
Mr. Wyoming.
We told you,
we don't want
no circus here.
And you show folk ain't
welcome in this town.
Are they?
WOMAN: That's right.
MAN 1: No!
MAN 2: No!
Listen to me.
You are getting
very sleepy.
Your eyelids are
getting very heavy.
You will enjoy the circus.
You will enjoy the circus.
We don't want
no trouble, mister.
Come on, everybody.
Let's get these
wagons turned around.
I don't know what
to make of it, kid.
What do you
mean, Mace?
Well, Pee-wee,
when people don't
want a circus,
the world just doesn't
make much sense.
What do you
mean, Mace?
You know, I'm a guy
who spent most of his life
taking the world's
frown and trying to
turn it into a smile.
What do you mean, Mace?
It's funny. For the
first time, I wonder
if that's worth doing.
What do you
mean, Mace?
Hey, boss. Everybody wants
to know where we're heading.
Are we, uh,
moving on tonight?
I don't know,
Big John.
You got to tell
them something, Mace.
Hey, I got an idea.
Why don't you all stay
on my farm for a little while.
Sounds like you
could use a vacation.
A vacation?
Big John, tell everybody
we're going on vacation.
There's a line here.
Come on, get out
of there, Lucille.
ZELDA: I love you, Daisy.
You help Zelda
with her beard.
I love you.
Good friend to Zelda.
VANCE: It's like
a zoo in there.
MAN: Heads up.
Morning, Mace.
Morning, Pee-wee.
Quite a place
you've got here.
I hope we're not
putting you out.
"Putting me out"?
Of course you're
not putting me out.
Well, everybody's fed
and watered except you.
Midge made a little
something for you.
Mmm! Boy, I guess
I better not go swimming
for an hour, huh?
That's Daisy.
These are the
Piccolapupula Brothers.
The greatest
acrobats in the world.
Hey, over here!
You're a natural,
Thanks, Mace.
Excuse me.
Come on, Pee-wee.
I want you to meet Gina.
Our star attraction.
Hey, Gina. Come on
down here. I want you
to meet somebody.
Hey. Are you okay?
Are you all right?
You okay?
We meet again, no?
No. I mean,
yes. I...
Well, hello.
Gina, Pee-wee.
Pee-wee, Gina.
Nice to meet you.
I like it very
much around here.
It's very beautiful.
So are you.
Thank you.
You are so sweet.
I know you are,
but what am I?
(LAUGHS) Pee-wee.
Say it, don't spray it!
Stop it.
Make me.
GINA: Stop it.
My face hurts.
It's killing me.
That's my name, Mace.
Don't wear it out.
Come on, Pee-wee.
Ciao, bella.
Oh, thank you.
MACE: Pee-wee.
Mamma mia.
Hey, looks like
Zsa Zsa took a shine
to your pig, Pee-wee.
VANCE: Help! Help!
MAN: Hey, Mace.
Watch your back.
Bombs away, Andy.
Wow, that looks
like a fun job.
Being a human cannonball
is more than a job,
Pee-wee. It's a career.
I'm on my way
to a career
in agriculture.
I hope to be the next
George Washington Carver.
Do you know who
George Washington
Carver was, Mace?
Yes, I do.
The first president
of the United States.
He was a scientist.
His research as an
agricultural chemist
revolutionized farming.
He was the father
of the peanut.
He discovered over
300 uses for it.
Instant coffee,
soap and ink,
to name just a few.
And don't forget
he chopped down
that cherry tree.
Come on in, Mace.
I want to show
you something.
Planty, huh, Mace?
What is all this?
The future.
The experiments I'm doing
here today will hopefully make
the world of tomorrow
a better place to live.
A world where no
one will go hungry.
And people will
live together in peace.
A world full of
giant cantaloupes, huh?
I'd like to show you
something else, Mace,
but it's top secret.
You have to give me your
word that this is just
between you and me.
All right.
Then repeat after me.
I, Mace Montana...
"I, Mace Montana..." solemnly swear...
" solemnly swear..."
...that I will
never tell anyone...
"...that I'll
never tell anyone..."
...what I'm about to see.
"...what I'm about to see..."
...what I am about to see.
"...what I'm about to see."
I call this
the hot-dog tree.
Because, well,
it's a hot-dog tree.
See that space
right there, Mace?
That's where
my Nobel Prize
is going to go.
I've never seen
anything like it.
You've got ideas
in here that nobody's
ever had before, Pee-wee.
Really big ideas.
I need one of those.
Help yourself, Mace.
Not a hot dog.
I need an idea.
Something brand-new.
An idea so big
and so new,
it'll knock people
right off their feet.
And bring a spark back
to the Cabrini Circus.
I've got some
thinking to do.
Thanks, Pee-wee.
Lunch with Winnie.
Thank you.
Thank you. No.
Do you want to
walk with me and Flora?
May I?
Yes. Come on, Flora.
Steady, Flora.
Look, Pee-wee.
Hootla. Hootla.
Miss! Miss!
MAN: What will it be?
The usual?
Miss, please,
we're starving
over here.
Excuse me.
We were here
before them.
What do we have to do
to get served over here?
I'm gonna take a bite out of
that broad's bazoo if she
doesn't get over here now.
Down, Duke. Don't work
yourself into a lather.
Back still bothering
you, Herman?
Well, long as
I can still get around.
He will not go
to the doctor.
Come on, everyone,
let's get out of here.
Hey, stop that.
Well, pick them up,
pick them up.
We need some supplies.
Oh, you do, do you?
Twenty-five pounds
of oatmeal.
We don't have any oatmeal.
Forty yards of twine.
We're all out of twine.
Thirty cans
of tomato soup.
We don't carry soup.
What's all that?
Sorry, we're closed.
Come on. Get.
Get. Don't you
people speak English?
Easy, Antonio. Come on.
Guys, andiamos.
Let's go.
Well, how'd
you make out?
What's the
matter with you?
Where's the stuff?
What happened? What?
Looks like you boys
got the welcome-wagon
treatment, too.
I don't believe this.
Don't bother, lady.
They are closed.
Closed at 3:15?
Closed to us, anyway.
Are you folks
with the circus?
MIDGE: Lucky guess, cutie.
Looks like we got a regular
Einstein on our hands.
You shouldn't be
so hard to the
beautiful lady, Midge.
I'm sorry,
I guess I shouldn't take
it out on you, honey.
Oh, that's okay.
Here, why don't you
give me your shopping list,
and then I'll go in for you?
Gee, that'd be swell.
Come on, let's
get out of sight.
MAN: Okay. Okay.
All right. Let's go.
Let's go wait in the alley
so they don't see us.
ZELDA: I'm so hungry.
Well, that ought
to do it for today.
Thank you, Mr. Ryan.
My, what an appetite
on that girl.
And such a bitsy figure.
It's like they all got up
on the wrong side of the bed.
Here she comes.
Oh, gee, thanks
a million, honey.
Say, what's your
name anyway, cookie?
Oh, Winnie.
Winnie Johnson.
Well, it's nice to
meet you, Winnie.
I'm Midge Montana.
And that's Zelda.
Snowball, Clownie, Duke...
How do you do?
MIDGE: And the
Piccolapupula Brothers.
I'm Paolo.
I'm Giancarlo.
I'm Dino.
I'm Antonio.
it's very nice to meet
all of you, I'm sure.
Perhaps our paths
will cross again.
We are staying at
Pee-wee Herman's farm.
You are? (LAUGHS)
Well, what a coincidence.
I was just on my
way over to Pee-wee's.
He missed our lunch today,
and I wanted to bring him
his egg-salad sandwich.
ALL: Mmm! Our favorite.
Say, why don't you hop
onboard and hitch a ride
with us, girly-girl.
Oh, well,
thank you very much.
WINNIE: Oh, my.
MEN: Ally-up!
Ah, si, Good.
Goodness, there's
so many of you.
There's still one
more Piccolapupula
to meet. Our sister, Gina.
Pee-wee, look
at those clouds.
Look. That one looks
like a camel lounging
under a palm tree.
Can you see it?
Yeah. Yeah!
Let's see...
That one looks like, um,
an automobile. Yeah?
Yeah, look, it's pulling
right into a gas station.
What about that one?
What does it look like to you?
It looks like
a man and a woman.
(SCREAMING) Pee-wee!
Winnie! Wait!
Who was that?
Who? Her? Oh. Uh.
She's my fiancee.
That was good.
Mind if I sit here?
No, not at all.
Gina, I have
something to say.
Oh, really?
Hey, everybody. Listen.
Pee-wee has something
he'd like to say.
I'll tell everybody later.
Oh, uh, this must be
the Piccolapupula table.
My mistake.
Women. Can't live with them,
can't live without them.
Tell me about it.
MACE: All right,
everybody, listen up.
I've got an
announcement to make.
MAN: What's up, Mace?
Are we moving out?
Are we packing it in?
You're not thinking
of cutting the season
short, are you, Mace?
Quiet down, everybody.
Let him talk.
Go ahead, honeybunch.
We've been
putting this show on
for a long time now.
Well, that's all over.
We're putting on
a brand-new show!
What kind of show, boss?
I'll tell you
what kind of snow,
Showball. Snowball.
A show that'll stand
the world on its ear.
A show that'll make them
all stand up and cheer.
A show that will knock them
all down on their rear!
Quiet down, Snowball.
Mace is sincere.
That's right.
What I've got is
a brand-new idear.
It came to me today
like a bolt of lightning.
And we got Pee-wee Herman
to thank for the whole thing.
You're welcome, everybody.
What's the idea, Mace?
To put together
a show with a theme.
There it was,
right under my nose.
First thing tomorrow,
we start working on it.
The Cabrini Circus presents...
The American Farm!
What do you
think, boss?
Great, Nikko.
Looking good, Birdie.
Could I try
that, Mace?
It's not as easy as
it looks, Pee-wee.
Let me think about it.
Hey, Mace, what do you
think? It's a little bit
circus and a little bit farm.
Great, Ruby.
Don't be afraid
to use gingham.
Leave it
to me, Mace.
Mace! Mace, I'd look great
in a costume like this.
Can you picture it?
Hey, Mace.
I'm teaching them
how to square-dance.
That's the idea, Oscar.
PEE-WEE: Watch this, Mace.
Dosey-do and
around and around
Dosey-do and around and around
That's great, Pee-wee.
Dosey-do and around and...
Morning, Gina.
I had the most
wonderful idea about
the new farm theme.
Hi, Gina.
But suddenly, I feel
so sick to my stomach
that I can't even talk.
Can I talk to you
for a minute, Mace?
Sure thing, kid.
I have this friend
who has a bit of a problem.
It wouldn't be a romantic
problem, would it?
As a matter of fact,
Mace, it would.
You see, my friend was
engaged to this girl who he
thought he was in love with.
But then he met this other
girl who, it turned out,
he really was in love with.
Look, Pee-wee,
love's a crazy thing.
But when it hits you,
you know it.
When I met Midge,
I knew she was the girl
I wanted right away.
But everybody said
it wouldn't work.
We knew it would
because we were
following our hearts.
I guess I'd tell this
friend of yours to do
the same thing.
Follow his heart.
Isn't that right, baby?
MIDGE: You said it,
honey pie.
Hello, Winnie.
I wasn't expecting
you for lunch today.
Yeah, I know, but,
I wanted to talk to
you about yesterday.
I'm really sorry, Winnie.
Well, I must admit,
I was a little stunned.
But it had to
happen sooner or later.
You're a man.
She's Italian.
Gosh, you're taking this
really great, Winnie.
I thought you'd never
speak to me again.
Of course I'll speak to you,
but our engagement is off.
Gee, Winnie.
Of course,
you're free to see
whoever you want.
Really? Well, if you
think that's best.
I do, Pee-wee.
Buongiorno, Winnie.
Well, hello there, boys!
Oh, uh, you'll have
to excuse me.
My lunch dates
have arrived.
WINNIE: Five egg-salad
sandwiches, please. (LAUGHS)
How stupid
can one person be?
Winnie certainly
seemed broken up
about the whole thing.
"Excuse me, Pee-wee.
My lunch dates have arrived."
Well, it took four
guys to replace you.
And what am I supposed
to do about Gina?
She won't even talk to me.
You're lucky.
Zsa Zsa won't
leave me alone.
You know, it's kind of
ironic, Pee-wee.
A couple of
good-looking bachelors
like you and me
having so much
girl trouble.
Got to be some way
I can tell Gina how I feel.
You know what
babes can't resist?
The romantic approach.
Here we go again.
VANCE: Later, Pee-wee!
The romantic approach.
GINA: I can't believe this!
You have to go!
Shut up! Shut up!
You have to shut up.
You understand English?
Shut up! Shut up!
Just shut up and
get out of here!
Stupid song.
Please, Gina,
I'm too young to die.
You know what you are?
I know how you must feel.
I'll tell you what you are.
You're the lowest of the low.
Even lower than that.
I know I deserve
this, okay?
I'll tell you
what you deserve,
Mr. Lover-Boy.
Okay, look, Gina. I can't
blame you if you never want to
speak to me again, okay?
You? Blame me?
It's so funny
I forgot to laugh.
I should've told
you about Winnie,
but when I was with
you, I never even
thought about her.
Oh, yeah?
And what about today?
When you were with her,
you were thinking of me?
Yes, I was, Gina. I went
to see Winnie to break off
our engagement. I...
I... I...
What are you saying?
I love you.
What's going on, Gina?
I promised Pee-wee
I'd help him find an act.
He wants to be
in the circus
so badly, Mace.
Doesn't look like
he's found his niche yet.
Hey, you're falling
for this kid.
He makes me laugh.
If laughs were all you
wanted, you'd have
fallen for Snowball.
Snowball is a clown, Mace.
Clowns aren't funny.
Pee-wee's not like
anyone I ever met.
MAE: Oh, my good Lord.
Look, Nadine.
It's Pee-wee Herman,
and he's covered
with monkeys.
Oh, Mr. Ryan!
You naughty boy.
Oh, my gosh.
Don't look now, Mae,
but the biggest pig
I've ever seen is making
friends with your bloomers.
Pee-wee, where are you?
Hootla, Daisy, hootla!
Good girl.
Pee-wee, I leave you alone
for a second and look at you.
Pretty good, though,
huh, Gina? I taught
Daisy how to sit.
Okay, Pee-wee,
do what I do.
I think I can manage
just spinning a rope.
It's all in the hips, Pee-wee.
It's all in the hips.
Whoa, Pee-wee.
Stay in one place.
No! Okay.
Stop it, Pee-wee. Stop that.
GINA: One, two, three.
Go, Pee-wee.
Now what?
you're supposed
to let go.
Sorry, Gina.
That's okay, Pee-wee.
We'll try something
else. Okay?
Ready when
you are, Pee-wee.
Wish me luck.
ALL: Good luck.
Be careful.
Go get them, champ.
PEE-WEE: Ready!
What's this
all about, Andy?
MALE VOICE: Human oddities
from around the world.
Zelda the Bearded Lady,
a tragic victim of her
own "hairmones."
Feast your eyes
on the magnificent Eddie.
She's big. She's beautiful.
But don't get too close,
she's hungry.
Ruth and Dot,
the Siamese twins.
Never alone, chained for life,
they share everything.
Their pain, their
pleasure, their pelvis.
What you see before you now
is a hermaphrodite.
Half man, half woman.
Say hello to Shim.
The only creature
on earth who can
legally marry "Shimself."
Get out your
magnifying glasses
to view Midge,
the tiniest
woman in the world.
But please don't
touch the "Midgendise."
That don't go for you, doll.
Don't I know that, baby.
Duke the Dog-Faced Boy.
Will he put his slippers
on or chew them up?
Trisha the Human Pretzel,
so fine, so flexible.
Ooh! Thanks, Trish.
Judy the Mermaid.
Half beautiful woman,
half flounder.
And finally,
a being which
defies description.
That's really it, Gina.
I give up trying
to be in the circus.
Don't try to
talk me out of it.
Come in.
Sit down.
What's this?
Open it.
It belonged to
a great man, Pee-wee.
(SOFTLY) Papa Piccolapupula.
He was the greatest
aerialist that ever lived.
Until one day he performed
the spiral of death.
Well, now he's
the greatest aerialist
that ever died.
I'm sorry, Gina.
But why give
this costume to me?
I don't deserve it.
No, when he gave me this,
he whispered in
my ear and he said,
"One day, my pretty
little Piccolapupula,
"you're going to give this
to the man that you love."
What's going to happen
to us, Pee-wee?
Nothing. Nothing's going
to happen to us.
What do you mean?
I mean that
we'll be moving on.
That's what circuses do.
And when the circus will go,
I'll go with it.
I thought I'd be
going with you.
Pee-wee, I couldn't
let you do that.
You have a wonderful
life here. You have
your work.
What could you
have in the circus?
You're all
I care about, Gina.
No, it wouldn't
work. I know.
You'd come to resent
me for taking you
away from all this.
No, I wouldn't.
Hold me.
Good morning, Vance.
Morning, Pee-wee.
Beautiful day, huh?
It's okay.
My, we are certainly
in a good mood this morning.
That, my dear Vance,
is the understatement
of the year.
Everything seems
completely different
to me today.
The air smells so fresh.
The sky seems
a brand-new
shade of blue.
I don't think
I've ever noticed
the beauty of this leaf.
And, Vance, have you
always been so handsome?
What the...
Who's my handsome
little baby?
Who's my handsome
little baby?
How are you today?
Hungry, eh?
Vance, come here!
What happened?
I don't know.
I must have made
some slight miscalculation.
Hmm. Guess so.
Well, now we have
cocktail wieners.
Wow, what a great act!
Pee-wee, aren't you going to
congratulate Winnie?
She probably wouldn't
want to talk to me.
MAN: Congratulations.
Hi, Pee-wee.
Boy, that was
really spectacular.
Oh, thanks, Pee-wee.
That means a lot to me.
Really? I'm glad
you feel that way.
Well, I'm glad
you feel that way.
Guess we both
still really like
each other, huh?
I still like you,
Pee-wee. (CHUCKLES)
I still like you, too.
Boy, what a day, huh?
Things sure have worked out
great for both of us,
huh, Winnie?
Breaking up with
you is the best thing
that's ever happened to me.
I never felt so alive
since we broke up.
I've never felt
so free, so beautiful,
so sure of myself.
Okay, Winnie,
I get your point.
All right, everybody.
Listen up.
The brand-new Cabrini
Circus opens tonight.
Sheriff? Sheriff. Sheriff.
This is a great night
for the Cabrini Circus.
I want to thank each and
every one of you
for working so hard
to make it happen.
Mace, Mace, Mace!
WOMAN: People coming, Mace.
Looks like we
got some customers.
Pee-wee Herman,
you're under arrest.
I hope you can
love a convict, Gina.
Uh. Just a minute here.
What are the charges, Sheriff?
Defacing public property.
Permitting and/or propagating
the mingling of wild and
domesticated animals.
Getting groceries
under false pretenses.
And attempted murder.
ALL: "Murder"?
I know you sent that
hippo out to kill me.
Look, Sheriff,
Pee-wee's not to blame.
Perhaps if we all just
sit down and talk
about it for a moment,
I'm sure there's
something we can do.
There is something
you can do.
You can pack up this flea
circus and get out of town.
Right now. And then,
well, maybe I can see my way
clear to dropping the charges.
All right, we'll go.
Good for you.
All right, everybody,
you heard the man.
Let's start packing.
Mace, you can't leave.
We didn't even get
to put on the show.
We'll do the show
somewhere else, Pee-wee.
We can't let you
end up in jail.
That's that.
I'll get them to change
their minds, Mace.
Here's to Mr. Ryan
and the Sheriff.
For getting rid of
those circus people.
ALL: Hip-hip-hooray!
Wish me luck.
Hello, everyone.
What are you doing here?
I just came to join the party.
You were right all along.
From now on,
I'm going to be
just like you.
Swell party.
Anyone care for
some hors d'oeuvres?
What you got there?
Mmm. Cocktail wieners.
Don't mind if I do.
I'll have one, too.
Help yourselves, everyone.
Mmm. Those are the best
wieners I've ever tasted.
Thanks, Vance.
Congratulations to you, too.
Come on, we better
get out to the circus.
Did you say circus?
Why, yes, I did.
I don't suppose any of you'd
like to come along, would you?
ALL: Me!
Come on!
Join with us and march along
Sing our Big
Top Barnyard Song
We're the Barnyard Circus
And we're down on the farm
We'll stay forever
You don't have
to twist our arm
Join with us and march along
Sing our Big
Top Barnyard Song
Everyone come on
And you can each take a bow
And join
the Barnyard Circus now
We all begin as kernels
Dropped into fertile ground
Add sun and rain,
and we become
The best taste treat around
There's nothing
like a circus
For when you're feeling down
Put on a wig, a funny nose
And turn into a clown
Peanuts! Popcorn! Hot dogs!
Everybody's learning how
From the zebra to the cow
And now the elephant's
Perfected a "moo"
Each time
the band strikes up
Join with us and march along
Sing our Big
Top Barnyard Song
Everyone come on
And you can each take a bow
And join the
Barnyard Circus now
Our lives are never boring
We're each of us unique
We're always meeting people
Who consider us quite chic
I sow the seeds and harvest
And that's the farmer's life
I cook and sew
and clean and bake
'Cause I'm the farmer's wife
Don't be afraid
That you're too small
Here's where everybody's
Ten feet tall
Our strength is that
We all have heart
We're all so close
We'll never be apart
A needle in a haystack
Is very hard to find
And I'm so glad
he took the time
'Cause he's so big and kind
I met this little woman
We had an awkward date
But when he got to know me
Well, he chose me for his mate
In this place
we're singing of
Anyone can fall in love
When I first met this hippo
I was really quite rude
Now that we're together
I'm so glad I was pursued
Join with us and march along
Sing our Big
Top Barnyard Song
They're a crazy combination
That we all know
But we're
a Barnyard Circus Show
Each of us is love struck
It's plain as it can be
We all flipped over Winnie's
Egg-salad recipe
Each said he
was the best one
Such choices I abhor
But when I made my mind up
I decided on all four
And if at times
Love gets too hard
Then start a circus
In your own backyard
With you,
I want to harmonize
I feel the same
And now my big surprise
Ladies and gentlemen,
the Cabrini Circus
proudly presents,
for the first time anywhere,
Pee-wee Herman!
Here's the way
we quench our thirst
Quench our thirst,
quench our thirst
Here's the way
we quench our thirst
At the refreshment counter
Now's the time
to yum, yum, yum
Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum
Now's the time
to yum, yum, yum
At the refreshment counter
drinks and candy too
Candy too, candy too
At the refreshment counter
At the refreshment counter
At the refreshment counter