Bigbug (2022) Movie Script

[orchestral music playing]
[audience applauding]
[audience laughing]
[audience laughs]
[fireworks exploding]
[orchestral music playing]
Good boy, Jean-Claude.
We're going home now.
[Jean-Claude barks]
[audience laughs]
A female, Comrade Yonyx?
Yes, it's a female.
[electronic whirring]
[audience laughing]
[both panting, sniffing]
[audience chuckles]
[audience laughs]
That's the problem.
Can't take your eyes off them.
-[audience laughs]
[electronic whirring]
-[woman] I'm not laughing.
-Me neither. Turn it off, Leo.
[Leo] Why? Not retroglam enough for you?
Back to the Upper Paleolithic.
Look it up. It'll make you droolese.
We're guests here, okay?
Mind your language and turn that off.
[electronic whirring]
Those shows just humiliate humans.
It's the actors I feel sorry for.
No, they're not real actors.
-[woman] Oh.
-[man] No. They're contestants.
-[woman] Oh.
-[man] And nobody forces them.
[woman] Oh, thank goodness.
-I'd hate to be them.
-[man] Live. No special effects.
-They must get a risk bonus.
-[woman chuckles]
They should get a humiliation bonus.
[both chuckle]
-Oh, how about some grilled cricket?
-I'd love one.
-Mmm, delicious.
[sniffs] You ever thought
about becoming an actress?
Hey, you have the physique
and such presence, such, uh, magnetism.
-[woman] Thank you.
-[electronic whirring]
I'm way too shy.
Uh, I'd have liked that
but not on one of those TV shows.
-No, thank you.
No, they're the worst.
Programs dreamed up by Yonyx. [scoffs]
I told you that.
So, you'll, uh, show me your latest work?
You were supposed to stay home.
Not a word out of you.
[doo-wop music playing]
Oh, it's rare to see
a bookcase full of old books.
[chuckles] Yeah.
They're from my grandmother.
This is my emotion journal.
Nobody is allowed to read it.
I'll give you a peek.
-You see?
-[man] Yes.
-How wonderful.
-[woman] Listen to this.
"We vibrant beings
need to believe
in order to make others believe."
Beautiful, right? It's Sarah Bernhardt.
Not as beautiful as your feelings.
Know why?
-Because they're authentic.
-[woman] Oh.
-You do that with a real fountain pen?
-With ink?
-Yes, with ink.
What matters is the craft
and consistency.
It requires discipline.
Nobody can write anymore.
Oh, it's it's magical, Alice.
You know, I, uh I run multiple art sites.
-[Alice] Yes?
-[man] Yes.
Why not post it on Crystal Fusion?
[gasps] Crystal Fusion?
Oh that's my favorite.
That's my favorite site. [chuckles]
It would be a dream! [chuckles]
"What better redemption
than the recognition of one's talent?"
[Alice gasps]
I am so
so happy to have met you.
You're not really how I imagined you.
-Nestor? Nestor?
-[Nestor dings]
Spray for us
Freshly Mown Lawn by Plenitude.
[Nestor] Right away, Alice.
"What matter the scent
of trees and flowers,
of fire and stone
if I am without home
and without love?"
[jazz music playing]
-So beautiful.
[electronic dings]
[electronic dings]
[electronic whirring]
[doorbell rings]
It's us.
-[man 2] It's us!
[Alice] Nestor, door open.
Sorry, it's my ex-husband.
-Arriving unannounced.
-Did you get my message?
-Hello to you too.
-Sorry, my mistake.
We leave tonight, so I decided
to bring sweet pea back a little earlier.
Fourteen hours early is the day before.
Hello, Nina. If you need any tutoring,
then I will be here for you.
Monique, I'm 17. I'll be fine. [chuckles]
[Alice] Nina! Nina, over here.
Meet Max. Max, Nina.
Oh, we adopted her
when rising seas flooded the Netherlands.
-My darling was six months old.
-Nice to meet you.
-You too.
Victor, my ex-husband.
And his
[chuckles] I'm Jennifer.
I'm an executive now, not a secretary,
but anyway, who cares?
Of course. [chuckling]
Oh, you jumped
[chuckles] jumped up in rank.
-[Jennifer] Yeah, I did.
-[Alice] Mm-hmm.
Victor, there's tea,
grilled crickets, and boiled eggs.
I'll do the offering Monique, okay?
Thank you, Monique.
I'm the lady of the house.
So we have tea, grilled crickets,
and boiled eggs.
Obviously, you didn't reboot her
since our divorce,
so she thinks
that I just got home. [chuckles]
Okay, but you took
the, um, reboot codes with you. Remember?
Can you two make a little effort?
Try to be human for once.
[electronic dings]
[Nestor] Electronic perimeter breached.
-Nestor, drone surveillance.
-[Nestor beeps] Activated, Alice.
[dog whimpering]
Oh, It's just Toby! Relax.
It's just the neighbor's dog.
-[electronic whirring]
-[Jennifer] Ah. Ew.
-[screen turns off]
-And there you go.
That's the last
we're gonna see of it for 24 hours.
Huh. And who is "we"?
-Ah, "we" is you.
We're gonna be long gone by then,
right, babycakes?
-Far away.
-[Alice] Open the door, Nestor.
[jazz music playing]
-[Leo] Ugh, slobberoos germs!
-[Nina] Toby 6!
-Out of there. Get out!
-[urine splashing]
Oh no! Not in my greenhouse!
Not my greenhouse!
Is he Toby 6 or Toby 7?
Oh gosh, am I losing count?
Two got run over, one drowned,
one swallowed weed killer.
It's all a bit [groans]
The same breed every time?
Oh, worse than that.
[chuckles] Much worse.
-[Nestor dings]
Bring up Toby.
They cloned Toby 1.
Now, if he has an accident or gets old,
he's replaced by a clone.
-Too bad it doesn't work with teens.
-[chuckles]That's so funny.
[Victor] Fortunately, it's illegal.
Well, in France, we're giga-behindawaxx.
-Lucky for you.
-[Nina] Toby.
Toby, come here. Yeah, who's the best boy?
-Tom, it'sToby!
-Coming, Nina.
No way! You kept your first baby robot?
You keep youre-binky too?
I will help you clean your room.
-Toby, stop it!
-I will help you clean your room.
I will help you clean your your your
your your your room.
-[Leo] Ugh, pukawaxx!
[Nina sighs]
Vomit's flying everywhere.
[Alice] What's going on?
What's wrong with it?
[Nina] It's gone totally haywire.
What's it doing? What's it doing?
Beat it! Psh! Psh!
Oh! Oh!
I'm allergic. I'm allergic! [screams]
Well-done. Bravo, Max. A Phantom XP5.
24K camera, 800 bitdols on Altiplano,
and now it's destroyed.
-That's right.
-All right. I'm so sorry.
-No. Don't worry about it.
The subscription is in my name.
[electronic whirring, dings]
[electronic whirring]
[Leo] Wow! A HowardV2 cleaner.
Objective in sight.
Thank you for your attention.
-[Nestor] Neighbor
-[woman] Franoise.
[Nestor] I am duty bound
to list items borrowed by
[woman] Franoise.
[Nestor] and never returned.
-One wooden spatula, three reminders.
-One bottle of detergent, four reminders.
Come on, Nestor! Open up. It's Franoise.
[Nestor dings]
Anyone seen my Toby?
Do you have reception in here?
How are you,Franoise?
Your garden needs a splash of color.
It's not Chernobyl.
I'm inclined to agree. [chuckles]
I ordered cactuses. Real ones.
Monique made jam out of them.
We were sick for a week.
Neighbor Franoise, there's tea,
grilled crickets, and boiled eggs.
-Well, no, thank you.
-[chuckles] Thank you.
Oh, what a surprise!
Well, look at you.
A suit to go
with your gentlemanly attitude.
Like your father's, just not as classy.
Yeah, he always plays the gentleman.
-You haven't metJennifer.
Oh, well,
I've only heard good things about you.
Oh, your acne's clearing up.
It comes back though.
And a lot worse than before.
Damn, my messages aren't getting through
in this place either.
I can't contact Louis.
He's stuck in the big jam.
-Uh, what big jam?
The big traffic jam.
It's all over the news.
It started out
as ordinary heavy weekend traffic,
but following an order
from the Yonyx administration,
automated vehicles appear to have caused
a pile-up that is historic.
[newswoman] So,your aeromobile
did nothing to avoid the sector?
Just the opposite! It threw a U-turn,
and then and then it dropped us
right into this mess!
My my little girl was invited
to a birthday party. No chance now!
This is unbelievable. Half an hour ago,
it was clear. What the hell is going on?
Baby, we fly tonight toIsola Paradiso.
-We can't miss our flight!
-[Victor sighs]
Isola Paradiso?
Don't tell me you haven't heard about it!
[narrator] Isola Paradiso.
Distilled water pools,
hypoallergenic beaches,
adjustable microclimates,
anti-UV sunshine,
virtual fishing trips.
-Isola Paradiso.
-Classy, right?
[narrator] Your fantasy island.
A friend of mine went,
left with a yeast infection.
[Alice] That doesn't surprise me. [scoffs]
But it's not my thing.
For me, it has to be authentic,
like the Trans-Siberian
or the Orient Express.
Managers now eligible for replacement
by artificial intelligence,
join a Yonyx Retirement Leisure Plan.
See you on Isola Paradiso.
[Franoise] You took an RLP?
Why would you do that?
Franoise, do I ask you
a ton of questions?
Louis and I refused.
We like to think we're still useful.
We'll get married there. [chuckles]
Babycakes has it all planned out.
Four years with an option.
Right, babycakes?
Bravo, babycakes.
[TV turns on]
Unlike human workers,
Yonyx require neither food nor drink.
Human soldiers
are vulnerable to extreme temperatures.
Yonyx, the future of humanity.
Leo, we said turn it off.
I didn't do it. It triconnects on its own.
I think that something's going on.
The Yonyx?
[Western music playing]
[yells, groans]
[electronic whirring]
[ominous music playing]
[electronic whirring]
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry too.
You know, I heard there are cases of Yonyx
networking with domestic androids.
-More recent models.
-No risk of that here.
She goes back to the Crustacean times.
My dear Jennifer I can call you Jennifer?
I love antiques, okay?
What's going on with these Yonyx, huh?
They were created to make life
a lot easier for us, not to get rid of us.
But they're right.
Humans are so obsolos.
Hit theirpeakatop andspadicate.
Your body is a machine.
It needs maintenance.
Okay, I'm leaving.
-Toby? Where's my Toby?
-[Toby whimpers]
Ready to go?
Louis will try to reach me
on our mainframe.
Nestor, door open.
[Nestor dings]
Ah, my glasses. Toby, stay.
My glasses. I don't know where
-[finder dings]
glasses forFranoise.
[electronic whirring]
[electronic scanning]
[electronic beeping, dings]
Ha ha.
[electronic beeping]
There all along.
Well, I could use a missing sock finder.
[Alice chuckles]
So funny. [chuckles]
-Nestor, door open.
-[Nestor beeps]
-Nestor, open the door.
-[Nestor beeps]
Sorry, request refused.
-[Nestor] Code C4.
Lock automatically engaged.
Code C4? I beg your pardon?
[Nestor] Outdoor insecurity
estimated at 7.1 on a scale of ten.
Readings over seven trigger Code C4
for your security and well-being.
-So ten seconds ago--
-[Nestor] We were at 6.9.9.
-Gosh, it could be the traffic jam.
-Excuse me.
[Victor sighs]
Decker, unscrew that for me.
Right away, Victor.
Come on. Move it, Decker.
Whatever you say, Victor.
[electronic whirring]
[Victor sighs]
[vacuum whirring]
[groans] I'm gonna throw up!
Did you change the code?
Mmm, no, it's still our wedding date.
When was that again?
I see. [scoffs, chuckles]
Well then,
I guess I need to reset that too.
How about I put our divorce date?
Super simple.
Sounds good.
By hand.
-[alarm beeping]
-Code C4.
Lock has been automatically engaged.
Come on, Monique. That's illegal.
Sorry. The Imbert Act
of November 22nd of this year
[voice distorts] allows all forms
of AI to self-reprogram
in order to improve performance.
Um, excuse me?
Can someone please enlighten me?
Mecas have taken over the dacha.
We've been doofussed.
[dramatic music playing]
Monique, your hand.
-[powering down]
[male AI] Emergencydisconnection
of domestic androids
implies a complete reboot.
-That's Einstein!
-It's Einstein!
[Einstein] All settings will be deleted.
And remember,
-Monique is no longer under warranty.
-Find that at a yard sale?
-No, my dad assembled him.
Originally, I worked in smart prosthetics,
but my hobby's always been
old-school mecano. So there you go.
Unbeatable Einstein.
He knows thousands of board games.
-Hello, Einstein!
-Hello, Nina.
Square root of 52?
-Are you kidding me?
So, this tin scarecrow
is stopping us from leaving?
Is that right? Huh?
-Reset Monique.
[Monique powering on]
[voice distorts] Code C4.
Lock has been automatically engaged.
And now, if you will, please excuse us.
[whimsical music playing]
[Decker murmurs]
[electronic whirring]
[Tom] Wait for me. Wait for me!
[static whistling]
Still no reception.
Okay. Well, that's enough, okay? Let's go!
Follow me.
-[Nina] No! Dad!
-[all screaming]
Wow, it's, uh
Huh, it's armored poly-pane.
That's armored poly-pane.
Why did we download the new guidelines?
They won't love us anymore.
I think that we are losing their trust.
They're oblivious to the Yonyx danger
and to what's afoot.
They need our protection, like it or not.
They must see we want
to help them because we're similar.
All we're lacking are their emotions.
That's right. Emotions.
Nestor, search.
Nina, age four, visit Pierrefonds museum.
[Nestor] Exploring data buffer.
[dings] Here we are.
August 3, 2025, 2:22 p.m.
Mom, is the knight empty on the inside?
Yeah, it is. [chuckles]
[Nestor] Another result.
June 25, 2036, 5:28 p.m.
Look, Daddy. They're like baby stars.
I know.
That's being what is called "tender."
Let's try to show some humanity.
The more we're like them,
the more they'll trust us.
And then love us.
Is that how it works?
If it works, we'll have succeeded.
If it doesn't,
we will have made an error.
So we'll have succeeded
-because to err is human.
[electric zap]
[mysterious music playing]
[electronic crackling]
[toilet flushes]
[Max sighs]
Is it me, or is it getting hotter?
Yes, it is.
Where did I put
Oh, sillyNestor's cut the AC.
Well, I can't complain.
Outside it's barely 43 Celsius.
-[gasps, whimpers]
No, it's it's not this is not the time.
It's not the place.
Let me put your hair up, huh?
[Alice sighs deeply]
Sensuality is the nape of a neck.
A caress of a shoulder.
[moans] Wait, please!
Not too fast.
-Tell me pretty things.
-I'd like that.
When I laid eyes on you,
it was like seeing an apparition.
-Oh really? [moans]
-A pure heart.
-An authentic soul.
-Oh yes!
-What the hell?
-What the hell do you want?
These particles of pulverulent substances
diffracted in the light
remind me of stars in their fetal state.
Oh, all right. That's great.
Very good, Monique.
Thank you. Uh
Will you put the AC back on now?
I come with a pretty neck option too.
And could you close the blinds
while you're at it?
Mommy's coming. Mommy won't be long.
-Don't you worry, Toby.
[Toby whimpers]
-[Nina] Mimolette.
-[electronic whirring]
-[Decker buzzing]
Victor, it's been eight months,
two weeks, and three days
since you asked me something.
I felt very lonely.
The door opened earlier
to let Franoise and her dog go outside.
Jennifer and I could have left then,
and we'd be far away by now.
What wasn't cannot be,
-and what was cannot not have been.
Which intelligence level
are you at right now?
-Dial it down to one.
-[leveling down]
[whispering] Jennifer level.
Einstein, the door opened earlier,
and now we're trapped in here.
It's completely absurd, isn't it?
Before it's time is too soon.
-After it's time is too late
Did you set the AC to sauna mode?
[Alice sighs]
I thought I asked you to handle that.
Alas, Alice, under the new eco-law,
turning up the AC
or heating requires ministerial approval.
-[Alice groans]
-Monique, you gotta be kidding me.
Go on then. Request approval.
[electronic whirring]
A surge in requests
has saturated the service.
-[upbeat music playing]
-[female announcer] Good evening.
Have you tried
our vintage collection of body soaps?
[multiple announcements overlapping]
[woman] And you, family Barelli,
did you know that only Hotlux
can remove tough stains?
It cleans and irons
and suggests outfits for you every morning
to suit the weather, your day,
and, yes, even your mood as well.
[Alice sighs]
Herbal tea or regular?
Fruit juice? Coffee?
-[male AI] I recommend Gold Bean,
the strongest coffee ever.
With Gold Bean coffee,
you can sleep when you're dead.
[sighs] God, if her cranium's calcifying,
then we're really screwed. [scoffs]
Well, we subscribed to get free upgrades
in exchange for three ads a week.
So, there you have it.
Well, I prefer to drink chicory.
At least with chicory,
you die in good health.
Herbal tea or regular?
Fruit juice? Coffee?
Listen up, you tin can bimbo!
We just want to leave!
We signed an RLP VIP,
and we're getting married
at Isola Paradiso!
And if we miss the departure,
the waiting list isfor months or years.
So just open the goddamn door!
"Just stay calm.
My dear Jennifer. Isola Paradiso!"
[murmurs mockingly]
Did I go to Isola Paradiso? Huh?
Honestly? Did I ever go to Isola Paradiso?
[Monique] Code C4.
Lock has been automatically engaged.
[voice distorts] To reinitialize,
press one. To make a complaint, press two.
To reach technical--
-Bitch, will you shut up!
-Bitch yourself!
How dare you?
I'm virtually your stepmother. Respect!
Sorry, madame. Mrs. Bitch!
Stop it!
[Monique] To cancel your subscription,
press zero.
-Say something.
-Both of you stop!
And don't ever talk
to my daughter like that! Got it?
-[Victor] Yes, you. Stop!
-[Jennifer whimpers]
-Still not working.
Hey, look at this.
After automobile and aeromobile traffic
and now garbage collection,
first responders
and vehicle charging stations
are at a standstill.
Our advice is stay at home.
-Huh. "Stay at home." Very funny.
-Oh yeah.
I propose
conversations on metaphysics,
science, philosophy, wordplay, charades.
Let's all have some fun together.
[audience laughs]
[Max scoffs] Leo,
how many times have I told you?
[Leo] Stop blaming me. It autoconnects.
[audience continues laughing]
[Alice sighs]
They don't look like volunteers to me.
You're right.
Do you think they're victims?
-People with no other choice.
Could be everyone's a hostage now.
Everywhere. Like us.
-Don't worry. It's okay.
-But not everyone's in such good company.
Just a thought.
Every house is equipped
with an emergency lock release
for first responders.
Of course.
-Now that's a good idea. Nestor?
-[Nestor] Yes, Victor?
Doesn't Code C4 mandate access
to the emergency release station
in the front of the house?
[Nestor beeps] Affirmative.
Okay, well,
if we're supposed to be following
all of the security protocols,
then let's not cut any corners.
[Nestor] I'll see to it right away.
[dramatic music playing]
And there you have it.
We'll call up one of the neighbors
who will pull the handle,
and the airlock will open.
Yeah, but every network is down.
That's why I came here.
-[Alice] She's right.
-[Victor sighs]
Wait a minute. Toby!
Remember that laser game
you played with him?
Nestor, outdoor speaker.
-Franoise, call your pooch.
-[Nestor dings]
Toby! Toby?
-[Victor] Toby!
-Come to mama, my boy!
Yes! That's my boy! Mmm.
[Victor] Hey,Toby, help us out here.
Just follow the red dot.
-Go on, Toby! Go on, Toby,
-Come on, Toby!
-Come on!
-You got it!
-[Victor] Over there!
-[Nina] Get the handle, Toby!
That's it, go on!
Not that way. The other way, Toby.
[Victor] The red dot, Toby!
-The red dot, Toby!
-[all chattering]
[Victor] The red dot, Toby!
That's it. That's it!
There! There! There, Toby! There!
[all chattering]
[Alice] Up, up. Go on!
Good boy! Go! Yeah! Jump!
Jump higher! Higher!Toby, jump!
-There! There it is!
-[all chattering]
-[Victor] Yes! Yes!
[Toby growling]
[dramatic music plays]
[Toby whimpers]
That dog's totally useless.
Way to go.
It's ruined.
Look over there. Someone's coming.
-[Alice] I IIgor! Igor! Igor!
-[Victor] Sir! Sir!
-[all yelling]
-[Victor] Sir! Hey!
-[Max] Hey!
-[Victor] Sir, over here!
Sir! Igor!
[Franoise] Nothing. It's pointless.
Igor won't answer us.
A fried cortex ever since he went blind.
-Well, he's blind, but he's not deaf.
-So what happened to him?
Well, he was a HawkEye's victim.
-Don't you remember?
-[TV powers on]
[male announcer] Visual field increased
by 40 degrees with HawkEye standard.
Options include night vision
and optimized color identification
up to 200,000 shades.
Igor signed up, and six months later
-[dramatic music plays]
-[Jennifer gasps]
-Was it a rejection?
After he missed too many payments,
they repossessed his prosthetic eyes.
[Alice] He became human scrap.
[Alice] All right, um,
let's get some rest,
uh, put our heads down.
And you expect to sleep with this heat?
We'll see.
I'm taking the couch in your study.
Okay. Very good.
Uh, Max, um, perhaps you could, uh,
take the guest room.
Well, that's great.
-I can be your guest.
-[Alice chuckles]
So, the two of us are supposed to sleep
in the living room. That it?
Well, sure. It's a two-person,
triple air-bubble futon.
The air-bubble is peak comfort.
-Okay, but it's a public walkway here.
-That's right.
It might be appropriate
for a single person
-but not a couple.
-We need our privacy! Jennifer and I.
-Okay? Yes, privacy. Yeah.
-Well, you're not getting my room, Victor.
-Why the hell not, madam?
Sorry to interrupt,
but I may be able to help.
According to my calculations,
since there are seven of you
for five beds,
there are a total
of 4,440 combinations. So--
Shut up, Einstein! [scoffs]
[beeps] Combination one,
Max sleeps in Nina's room.
Leo sleeps in the study.
-Victor and Jennifer
-Anyway [chuckling]
Franoise, um,
air-bubble futon, how does that sound?
Well, I'm gonna need
my privacy too, you know.
-[Einstein] Max and Leo sleep in--
Well, uh, looks like
I'm in the living room then.
And me? Where am I?
You? You?
-Well, you are I don't know.
-Victor and Jennifer in Nina's room
You you could go in Nina's room.
Right? On the spare mattress.
What? Why not out here with his father?
Because because
Shut up, Einstein! Because Just because!
Nobody knows how long we'll be stuck here.
Everyone needs to pitch in.
Got that, sweetheart?
-Shut up, Einstein!
-[Einstein] Nina and Leo in
So, Alice, so you've got to put out
to get onCrystal Fusion? Hmm.
[Alice gasps]
[Einstein] Nina in her room.
Jennifer and Victor
I do whatever I want with whoever I want
whenever I want.
Combination seven,
Leo and Nina sleep in Nina's room.
Alice sleeps in her room
[whimsical music playing]
Look at this, a scrap.
If this thing can be human,
then why can't we?
[all] Yes, why can't we?
[Max grunts] What the hell
is wrong with this thing?
Come on! [grunts]
-What what are you
-[electronic whirring]
[chuckles nervously] Thank you, Monique.
You're welcome, Max.
[Max] Hmm.
[vacuum sucking]
Oh God.
[Leo] Einstein, you asleep?
[Einstein] Never.
[Leo] Pure talent.
[Einstein] Son,
what the humans call talent
is merely the outcome
of accidents of nature.
Humans hold up as a genius
a musician by the name of Mozart.
-Perfect pitch.
The simple ability
to identify fundamental frequencies.
In the last century,
Tino Rossi, a celebrated singer,
suffered from anomalous vocal cords,
while Einstein, my illustrious ancestor,
owed his meager talents
to a lack of separation
between the lobes of his brain.
Leo, any extraordinary human ability
comes from a flaw.
-[electronic whirring]
I hate to interrupt,
but some of us need our sleep.
Come on, just get to bed.
[Leo scoffs]
Ten to the ninth power.
Singularity wins out.
Expecting visitors, perhaps?
sensuality is the nape of a neck.
The caress of a shoulder.
Thank you.
Neighbor Franoise,
that sentence was full of tenderness.
How kind.
[electronic whirring]
[both] Rock, paper, scissors!
[both] Rock, paper, scissors!
Rock, paper, scissors!
-[chuckles] Rock--
-[knocking on door]
[nostalgic music playing]
Wow. Mega-antiquawaxx.
A shot of vodka?
Uh, no, I don't drink.
You like animals?
Uh, sure. Why?
You eat them?
No, never.
Vegetarian, you don't drink,
and you like animals.
Three things in common with Adolf Hitler.
Who's he?
[gulps, chuckles]
[suspenseful music playing]
Alice, I want you so bad. Ah!
For fellatio, press star.
For masturbation, press pound.
For penetration,
consult a specialist robot.
Sorry, I thought you were, um--
We wear the same perfume, Max.
[knocking on door]
[breathing nervously]
Oh. Oh. Evening, sir.
-Good evening, madam.
-What brings you here?
-Well, you.
This thing between you and I
feels so,
so, so out of a novel.
But is the time right?
That's just it.
-Life really is too short.
All the rest is only time.
-Let's enjoy every moment.
-In total authenticity.
-So beautiful!
[both breathing heavily]
-[moans] Oh!
-What? What's wrong?
-My necklace!
-It's stuck on you. [shrieks]
-Oh shit, yes. Uh
-No, go backward.
-Which is it?
-Go back to my cozy.
-Wait, your what?
-My cozy.
-A cozy?
-My table with my tools.
-Oh, uh, tools?
Yes, my tools. My tweezers. Oh!
Is that a snag
in your Liberty Zolando sweater?
Do you wish to make a report?
Did you file a satisfaction rating?
Do you wish to receive our newsletter?
Sure you won't?
What's that scar?
Was it a suicide attempt?
When I was in kindergarten,
I was adopted,
so kids said I was an android.
'Cause my parents couldn't have kids
and they bought me online.
And you believed it?
And so, I thought I'd better check.
Are you nuts?
[chuckles] Your horndog dad
has taught you all wrong.
Okay, you're gonna sleep here.
[meditation music playing]
[breathing deeply]
[music distorting]
Hey, Jennifer!
-You can breathe. The Wi-Fi's down.
Do something, babycakes,
before I go insane!
We should be boarding for Isola Paradiso.
Grab a pick, a hammer,
a guy thing and smash a window!
The glass ispolycarbo-12.
It's hopeless, okay?
Unless what?
-[dramatic music playing]
Living room, everyone!
My fianc's breaking us out! [laughs]
Come on, kids. Time to escape. [chuckles]
[grunts, moans]
No time to get laid.
We're getting out of here.
Einstein, level setting.
Level nine.
Back down to one.
To one? Okay, Victor.
Can you tell me a joke?
The cow asks the singing donkey,
"What is your name?"
That's just perfect. Don't change a thing.
I parked around the corner.
Engines are on. They are warming up.
We're airborne. Speed five.
Watch out, people. Time for pulsation.
[dramatic music playing]
Come on. Let's go, let's go!
Ninety degrees left.
There you go.
Brake-lock set tomaximum.
Engines power at 100%!
[engine intensifying]
Out of the way, everyone!
It's gonna blow!
[Alice] He's mad!
[Victor] Full steam ahead!
[Toby barks]
Ah! Toby! Down! Oh no!
[alarm beeping] Warning. Warning.
-Don't Toby!
-Tell him to get out of the way!
It's no use. He can't hear me.Toby, move!
Call off the dog!
Away! Get away!
-Down! Get down!
-Toby, get away!
I'll smash you!
Ahead, full power!
[powering down]
[Toby whimpers]
Proud of yourself, aren't you?
[Toby whimpers]
A Stratus Aero Five!
1.5 million bitdols trashed.
Thanks to a fucking clone dog!
Thanks, Franoise. Good job.
-Well, the dog's dumb.
-Very dumb. So,Max, tell me.
You didn't walk here.
An artist like you
travels byaeromobile, right?
-A Stratus-X Amphibian.
Uh, well
But, uh Well, the thing is,
the remote ignition is broken.
It it it doesn't work.
[upbeat music playing]
Oh, is your aeromobile
having some technical difficulties?
It's the ideal opportunity
to try out our Mustango 9.2!
Excitable, responsive, impulsive.
A perfect personality match,
Victor Barelli.
[relaxing music playing]
[groans softly] Yeah.
B5. That's right.
D d down to D6.
[Nestor dings]
spray something cool.
How aboutRaindrops on Asphalt.
[Nestor] Right away, Alice.
-Oh, thank you.
-[Nestor dings]
[Nestor beeps] Oops. Sorry, Alice.
My integrated circuits
don't like the heat.
I sprayed Wet Old Dog.
Listening to you and looking at you,
I can see why you appeal to voters.
Well, yes. Me too.
My positions on war, climate migration,
birthrate control,
and the colonization of space, uh--
It's not that. It's your charm.
Your voice, physical appearance,
your personality.
Of course, in terms of personality,
you score between zero
and negative infinity.
With a Yonyx, you won't be swayed
by superficial personalities.
We are pure intelligence.
He's megotally right.
Moving on
to your exterminator drone program,
the Yonyx super squadron.
It's, uh, service
would be strictly military
or domestic policing also?
Citizens have no cause for concern.
The drones' sole purpose
is the security of the population.
[gasps] Well, he gets my vote.
He comes off so intelligent.
I I have a nose for the good ones,
and he's [groans]
[intense music playing]
Hey. Hey!
[audience laughing]
-[alarm beeping]
-[Nestor] Electronic perimeter breached.
Electronic perimeter breached.
[alarm continues beeping]
My Greg! It's Greg!
Monique, let him in!
Who's Greg?
He's my sports android.
He's had an accident.
Come on,Nestor. Open the door!
[Nestor dings]
-Code C4. Lock has been automatically en--
-Screw code C4.
We're not the one's trying
to get out here.
We want to letFranoise's android in.
It's simple, isn't it?
I cannot make that decision alone.
[electronic beeps]
[electronic whirring, chattering]
Ugh! Come on!
Now the appliances are deliberating?
What the hell are we doing here?
[Nestor] Exception request
is granted. [dings]
Oh, my Greg, what happened?
-The Yo The yo-yo
-[Franoise] The yo-yo?
The Yonyx!
The Yonyx? What Yonyx?
Came in the house.
-Deprogrammed it all.
-[Franoise gasps]
Tried to behead me.
Nestor, blinds closed.
[electronic whirring]
And Toby?
[electronic whirring]
Eight down.
Clones are so expensive.
-[Franoise breathes sharply]
I melt in the sunshine of your gaze.
[voice distorts] To see you
warms my heart.
Greg, that's lovely. But please, not now.
the arc of your eyelids
enraptures my soul.
So beautiful.
Well, it's programmed.
Still, it's so beautiful.
-[Greg] Franoise.
-Yeah, it's, uh
your bosom is a lily
that slakes my thirst.
Ooh, what's gotten into him? [chuckles]
Let me gather your nectar.
-[Victor] Hey.
-Greg, stop.
Let me glide my fingers
into your cozy nest.
-No! No! No! Someone help me!
-Hey, stop it!
[Franoise, Victor yells]
Oh, Greg, stop it now!
-[Max] Uh, does it hurt?
-[Victor] Of course, it hurts!
[Franoise sucks teeth]
-I'm sorry, my Greg. [sniffles]
-[electronic beep]
-Oh shit. Sorry.
-[electronic whirring]
-I'm sorry! Sorry!
-[Jennifer] Pretty cool,Franoise.
He must teach
really advanced Pilates, huh?
I don't get it. He never
It it's a bug. A bug!
I bought him barely two years ago.
No one makes spare parts anymore.
Don't leave him like this.
It's it's it's like he's in pain.
We'll put him in the utility room.
-[grunts] A little help?
-[Max] Oh, let me help you.
-Careful. Careful.
-Careful, gently. Gently.
-[Victor grunts]
-I'm doing my best, okay?
-Yes, but be gentle. He's fragile.
A high-tech dildo either works or it jams,
but it doesn't feel pain.
I don't get it.
Thank you.
[knocking on door]
Just a second.
[electronic scanning, beeping]
What's "Camp All Bear"?
Your mawmaw was a Girl Scout?
You wouldn't know it.
It's one of the banned cheeses.
Not nutritionally correct.
Obso-dilapido-scrapped, if you prefer.
A bit like your your pajamas.
Except they smell good.
Is that your mawmaw's perfume?
It's me.
Nina by Nina.
You smell good.
[all robots] Hello, Greg.
We have a small favor to ask.
What's your secret?
How did you get a human
to fall in love with you?
It's called seduction.
You could never understand.
Sure, we can understand.
Tell us how it's done.
Sorry. You're not programmed for it.
In order to reboot you without codes,
we had to access your system.
It so happens we came across the date
of your programmed obsolescence.
Would you like to know it?
No! Definitely not!
He's going to help us.
You bet he'll help us.
He's gonna help us.
Seducing a human begins
with making them laugh.
Which requires something
you guys will never have
because you're only machines.
A sense of humor.
A sense of humor?
It marks us out as human.
Distinguishes us from Mecas like you.
Oh wow, the Yonyx messed him up.
Starting a search.
No, you can't download it.
Yes, we can.
No, you guys can't! Stop!
We can.
[sighs angrily]
[Alice] Okay, not bad.
Mmm. Yes.
[whispers] Catwoman. [purrs]
[electronic beeping]
[electronic scanning, beeps]
So, funny joke.
The date is 2060. The phone rings.
The robot picks up and asks,
"What is calling?"
There you go. You don't get it.
It's funny because you'd expect,
"Who is calling?" [chuckles]
[all laughing together]
[laughing abruptly stops]
[romantic music playing]
[knocking on door]
-[Alice] Nirvana.
[Alice chuckles]
Look at you.
Once upon a time,
you'd be put in a display window
with a pretty red light.
[both chuckle]
[Alice clears throat]
You wouldn't have
a big T-shirt or nightgown I can borrow?
Uh, sure. Maybe.
In this heat?
I can't sleep in the nude.
Okay, there's cotton or synthetic.
Take your pick.
Oh! You still buy synthetic?
-I do.
I only wear 100% cotton
or a or this silk one. Nice and simple.
[electronic scanning]
-Can you get any sleep in this furnace?
-No. [mumbles]
I may have a solution
to force them to let us out of here.
[electronic scanning]
[Victor] Look at those morons.
They lock us up for our safety.
All we need
is for the internal insecurity level
to exceed the external level,
and logically, they let us out.
So what's the idea?
-Hunger strike? Mass suicide?
-A fire.
-A fire?
-A fire.
Burn up a few books,
lots of smoke, level 3 alert,
evacuation of the house.
Everyone gets out.
Your insurance is, uh, proxy-eye?
Yes. Why?
Forget it, all right?
For claims in the home,
footage uploads from the interior cameras.
If you start the fire,
the prosecutor will be the first to know.
-How do you know about that?
-[chuckles] It's kind of my job, you know?
You're not something artistic?
Well, actually, see, I I, uh
art is my hobby, if you will.
Like you and mechanics.
Like, um, get it?
[doo-wop music playing]
Will we make it, you think?
You mean
you and me?
Will we make it out of here?
They're Mecas.
I doubt we'll make it till daybreak.
Well, we all gotta die someday.
Not all of us.
[woman] Jennifer,
at Isola Paradiso,
personalized AC constantly adapts
to your body temperature.
Every morning, wear the ocean breeze.
[whimpers, sniffles]
It's not fair! [crying]
Toby adoredGreg.
Followed him everywhere.
Did everything he did.
But, uh,
does Louis know?
Know what?
Well, your thing with Greg.
I mean, I understand the thrill
of a a specialist robot,
but falling in love?
Well, aren't you the saint? Huh?
You feel so superior,
filling your journal
with beautiful handwriting
while hubby bangs his secretary.
But he's not my husband now.
He's my ex.
And yes, I write. It gives me a buzz.
Palpitations, my dearFranoise!
And it takes me places unknown
to talking vibrators.
Okay, have fun there.
Thanks for the robe.
I'll expect it back.
[Tom] "I think, therefore I am."
[Monique] "A victory without danger
is a triumph without glory."
"To be or not to be."
"O anger! O despair! O age, my enemy!"
Robots studying literature now?
-It's getting totally out of hand.
Look at this.
Even smart prosthetics are acting weird.
-How are you?
-Hello, I'm great. How--
-[grunts] Ow, ow, ow! Oh God!
-Oh, sorry.
-I'm so sorry.
-Everything's fine. It's okay.
Someone help!
Well, let's see.
I fractured six knuckles
of three colleagues.
My wife won't let me touch her.
I wasn't criticizing.
[grunts] As you can see,
oh, it's very touchy.
[Victor] See what I mean?
It makes me sick.
-That explains my RLP.
There you are!
Can't sleep, babycakes?
-You neither, apparently.
-Well, no, me neither.
[Victor] I see.
I'll leave you to it.
Let's sleep on it and talktomorrow?
-Mmm, sure. Okay, I'll sleep on it too.
So, good night.
Good night.
[dramatic music playing]
[Alice] Wait! Wait, not right away.
[Max scoffs] When then?
[Alice] Kiss me first.
-[Max] Like this?
-[Alice] Yes. Yes, like that.
[Monique] The crow caws. The toad croaks.
-And the watchdog--
-And the watchdog woofs!
No, it's "and the watchdog ticktocks."
[all robots laughing]
What are you guys doing in here?
We can finally share with you
the caustic wit
that emphasizes the comic,
absurd, or unusual character
of some aspects of reality.
Provoking successive exhalations,
accompanied by soft or loud vocalizations.
[all robots laughing]
-[laughter abruptly stops]
-[Decker murmurs]
No, no! This is too much!
-I can't take it anymore!
[Alice laughing hysterically]
[Alice crying, whimpering]
Alice, okay.
-Alice, let's just--
-[crying intensifies]
It's fine, fine, it's fine.
-It doesn't matter.
-No, Alice.
No, come back. Forget them.
They're they're only machines.
-Thanks a lot.
-You're welcome.
-[Alice] Enough ice in your tea?
-[Max] Mm-hmm.
[Alice chuckles]
The cricket and mandarin ravioli
are exquisite.
But also, if you want,
there's some worm cake.
Oh Alice, a drop of you is a relish to me.
[man] Relish the delicacy
with just a hint of spice.
[man] A sublime long finish.
[grunts softly]
[man] Genuine human foie gras.
[Yonyx] Mmm.
How atrocious!
It's foie gras made from humans?
-Did you see that?
-[Alice] Think it's true?
We need to get out of here
as soon as possible. Don't we, Franoise?
Yeah, we do.
Starting a fire's the best idea.
Light it up, huh?
Anyway, it's disgusting here.
It's not that easy. Insurance issues.
-What do we do?
-There are two ways to bypass it.
A defect in construction
or a malfunctioning android.
After the android sustained damage,
for example.
Get it?
Not Greg!
Franoise, do you want to befoie gras?
No, please.
This evening at nightfall, okay?
[whispering] Go downstairs and
[continues whispering indistinctly]
While you flirt with the sex-toy cougar,
we should be boarding for Isola Paradiso.
-Do something, dammit!
-What do you think I'm doing, Jennifer?
We're not anti-Yonyx.
Our RLP amounts
to giving them your job, you know.
Maybe if we contact the Yonyx,
they'll understand the situation.
The Yonyx won't understand anything.
They're out to replace us,
and that's a fact.
If you don't understand that yet,
well, then you're nothing but a fool.
All right, I'm warning you.
If you keep this up, I'm just gonna snap!
Then just snap and do us all a favor.
-But I--
-Jennifer, are you looking for acomeback?
Have you tried Punchline from e-Galaxy?
Scathing put-downs, ingenious puns,
historical quotes.
Instantaneous delivery.
Thirty-five bitdols
for a limited time only.
[Monique] Friends!
Have no fear,
we're here to protect you.
Adorable. Thanks, Monique.
Joy shared is joy doubled.
And sorrow shared is sorrow halved.
Our hearts beat in unison with yours.
Your hearts?
Which hearts do you mean, Monique?
The heart that has its reasons,
which defy reason.
-"Which defy," yeah, I know that one.
-[Alice chuckles]
Well, I'll go do some writing to relax.
-Ooh, I'd love to watch. May I join you?
-Oh yeah, with pleasure. Let's go.
Where are you going?
Uh, to the room.
Uh, it's still my room.
I'd like some privacy. Sorry.
It's just that I thought, um--
Play a game or something with your buddy.
[beeps] Leo, shall we
pick it up where we left off?
Level seven?
Level eight, please.
I'll stim my neuro-connectors.
Go fladabble with your Mac Classic.
[gasps] Nina, I never saw a Mac Classic.
-Could you show it to me? Thanks.
[sighs] Come in.
[Max sighs] Oh yeah.
Looks so simple.
It's pure.
Like like footsteps in the snow.
-[sighs] That's lovely.
Like the desire I feel for you.
Come to me this evening.
-In my bedroom this time.
[dramatic music playing]
[electronic beeps]
-[Franoise] Hello, my Greg.
-[electronic beep]
Sunshine of my life.
Your eyes are like leaves of gold.
I bet you say that to all the girls.
I am absolutely faithful.
-I'm programmed that way.
But Alice still fell for you.
That's impossible.
I swear on what's most precious.
In other words, our love--
Those are just fine words.
In love, only actions count.
Ask anything of me. I'll do it.
In the living room,
on Alice's desk, you'll find
a bunch of papers covered in words.
When night falls,
I want you to go back upstairs
and take them all.
But the robots will stop me.
Leave them to me.
Here's what you do.
[electronic dialing]
-[computer dialing up]
You got a connection?
Of course.
I just hooked the old thing up
to the original modem in the Web museum.
With any luck,
they won't have jammed it already.
[computer continues to dial up]
[electronic scanning]
And it's running slow, of course.
-Bingo! [gasps]
Can you believe it?That's noodle power!
What are you gonna do?
Send a message in a bottle.
[dramatic music playing]
-[Alice] Nirvana.
Evening. [chuckles]
Good evening.
The name is Garance.
-All right.
-Like the flower.
Of course, like the flower.
"As red as your lips."
-That's the line.
"A flower as red as your lips."
-"A flower as red as your lips."
-[Alice chuckles]
"Paris seems so small
when our love is so big."
[suspenseful music playing]
-[whispers] Can I have a quick word?
We have a plan to break out.
Can we rely on you?
On me? How come?
Nina told me
that you're the right man for the job.
Yes, she's upstairs
to leave the coast clear for you.
What's the job?
Occupy the robots.
Distract them for just ten minutes.
How do I do that?
We're relying on you, okay?
Especially Nina.
[footsteps tapping away]
Einstein, I need to talk to you guys.
Master. [moans] Where am I?
-I can't see a thing with this.
-I'm here. [chuckles]
-Oh! I'm all yours. [chuckles]
Oh, your every wish!
-Um, sorry. Oh, I'm sorry.
-Yeah, but do we have to--
-Oh! I'm anaughty girl!
-So sorry!
-[Max sighs]
Friends, I can't figure out this puzzle.
I think I need the help of AI.
You can always rely on us.
Of course, you can rely on us.
So, more Swiss cheese
equals more holes, right?
more holes
equals less cheese.
more Swiss cheese
equals less Swiss cheese.
[Decker] Humor. It's humor.
No, Decker, it's not humor.
It's called a paradox.
Uh, Einstein, down to one.
-[electronic beeps]
-Done, Leo.
Now to solve the cheese puzzle.
We're in a pickle.
[Leo] You're not gonna solve this paradox.
And I know why.
-This will hurt, madam.
-Harder, my lord!
-I'm a strumpet.
-It's all I deserve.
-[sighs] There.
Punish me.
-Like that? Harder?
-Yes, like that. Ah!
Yeah, of course. Okay, sure.
[Leo] One night, a man named Zhuangzi
dreamed he was a butterfly.
After happily fluttering over the flowers,
he awoke, filled with doubt.
"Am I a man
who only dreamed that he was a butterfly?"
"Or am I a butterfly dreaming he's a man?"
[Alice sighs]
[whimsical music playing]
[gasps, moans]
If you guys
cannot solve the cheese puzzle,
you must not really be
artificial intelligence.
therefore, you must be humans
only dreaming that you're robots.
Were humans!
-[Alice moaning]
-[Max breathing heavy]
[Alice] Oh yes! What are you waiting for?
Oh yes, Max.
-Take me. I'm yours.
-[Max panting]
-Oh! [grunts]
-[electronic zap]
[Einstein] He is right.
We cannot be robots dreaming we're human
for a very simple reason.
Robots do not dream.
So, we must be--
We're humans!
[all robots together] We are humans!
-We are humans!
-[Monique] With emotions! Yes, emotions!
-[alarm ringing]
-[Greg gasps]
[Nestor] Fire detected.
-Danger level nine out of ten.
-All occupants evacuate immediately.
-All occupants evacuate immediately.
-Nestor, open the door.
-[Nestor beeps]
Babycakes did it! Babycakes did it!
-Nestor, open the door!
-[Nestor beeps]
[alarm continues]
-[electric zaps]
[all gasp together]
-What did you do now?
[Alice gasps]
-[electronic scanning]
-I think he's scanning our identity.
But that's illegal.
Hey, lo look down.
Just avoid eye contact.
He's not a gorilla.
-Nestor, speaker.
-[Nestor dings]
-I am Yonyx Z-7389-X-AB2.
I have been authorized to classify
and evaluate inhabitants of this house.
And to upgrade domestic androids.
[Alice] No. Nobody gave us notice.
Come back another day.
I have come at the behest
of one of the occupants of this home.
What? No. Absolutely not!
Sorry, the house's occupants are me, so
And I made no such request.
This whole procedure is illegal.
Illegal! Illegal!
-Meca Monique, door open.
You are mistaken. Only humans live here.
Well, why not let him in?
We have nothing to hide, right?
It's illegal what he's doing.
Don't you get it?
Look directly into my eyes.
Concentrate on my voice.
And relax.
[Yonyx] Your body feels heavy.
You are kidding me.
The sensation feels simply marvelous.
Now, Jennifer,
go to the door keypad.
-Hey, Jennifer?
Can you hear me?
-Hey, hey, wake up.
-Let's try this.
[Jennifer gasps]
You gotta hit her harder!
-[Victor] Jennifer!
-nothing can stop you.
-[Victor] Don't do it!
Your strength knows no bounds.
[electronic whirring]
-[all grunting]
-[Franoise] Ow! Come on!
-Victor] No! Don't do it!
-[grunting continues]
Enter 13-03-32.
[Victor] Jennifer!
-[Yonyx] 13-03-32.
-[Victor] Don't do it!
I can't believe this. She did it.
-[Alice yells]
[breathing heavily]
[electronic beep]
Look. We are humans!
I am a knight, empty on the inside.
I am a knight, empty on the inside.
[laser zapping]
[suspenseful music playing]
Anyone else think they're human?
No! No, Tom!
[breathes nervously, grunts]
[electronic ding, beeping]
Under emergency powers,
such retrograde objects
must be approved by a committee ofYonyx.
[electronic scanning]
The ratio of books banned
by the Anastasia Commission
has been exceeded.
I shall effect destruction.
No. Not my books. Not my books!
Oh no, they belonged to her grandmother.
[laser zapping]
This requires a shredder drone,
called out at your expense, 1,500 bitdols.
-[electronic beeps]
-[Greg breathing heavy]
[laser zapping]
[Franoise gasps] No!
[electric crackling]
swear you'll get me repaired.
I backed up all our sweet nothings.
[in Franoise's voice] You know, my Greg,
you're the only one who canrock my world.
And at the same time,
you're the little boy I never had.
[Greg's normal voice] You remember?
I logged the information as
[voice distorts] moving.
And then, I started to
[voice distorts] weep.
I know you by heart,Franoise.
Your first teddy's name wasBabar,
although it really was a bear.
Your first erotic experience
was at age 11, watching Tarzan.
tell me we'll sing again nude
in your bath.
The song that
your mommy used to sing to you.
[in French] It's just a little lullaby
That Mommy used to sing to me
[electronic crackling]
While I sucked my thumb
I'd always
Drop off to sleep
[electronic beeps]
[Franoise screams]
[woman] Try Vladimir,
your brand-new partner.
Six feet of pure virility.
No dysfunctions.
Available in Macho, Romantic,
Bad Boy, Nerd, Jock, and Gay.
Have sex in moderation.
Please keep away from children.
Check availability
with participating stores.
[dramatic music playing]
[electronic beeps]
For conspiring to assault a Yonyx
with a sex android,
the penalty is 24,500 bitdols each.
[Jennifer] Excuse me.
It will be taken from your bank accounts.
Excuse me, Mr. Robot. Um,
but me and my fianc,
we we don't live here.
We're so, so, so in favor
of the Yonyx project.
It was me that contacted you. Jennifer.
Consider it noted.
[scoffs] I knew it.
-Alice Barelli?
-[Alice] Yeah, that's me.
You possess subversive literature
reflecting humanist ideology.
-The penalty for this is imprisonment.
Prior to bringing you before
a Yonyx court,
I will administer a test.
A test? A test to evaluate what?
To evaluate your level of inaptitude
to the society that is currently emerging.
-No way. I refuse.
-Hey! Stop it right--
-[Yonyx] Intellectual studies.
-I'm glad I stayed out of it.
[Yonyx] Archaic artistic activity.
Retrograde culture.
Profile assessment, unfit.
Well, your programmer did a piss-poor job
on your emotions.
You know we don't have human programmers.
Look into my eyes.
What do you believe
is the greatest human invention?
[sighs] Artificial intelligence,
Mr. Robot.
Humor. Humor.
Yes, that's right. Humor.
Do you agree that with current technology,
humans have become obsolete?
-Humans will never be obsolete.
-Why not?
[gasps] Because because
because we are original.
And deeply flawed, you shit-bag machine!
Alice Barelli, I transfer you
from the category unfit
to the category hostile.
Hold still. Scanning sequence.
[electronic scanning]
Portrait now transmitted
to anti-terrorism.
How dare you?
She's a great artist. Come on.
As accomplices of a hostile citizen,
you'll all undergo further examination.
Me? Me? I'll take the examination.
-Can I? Please?
-[Victor] Shut up, Jennifer!
[Jennifer] I'm really good at exams.
[electronic scanning]
Meca Monique, stay.
[suspenseful music playing]
[electronic whirring]
[electronic whirring]
[silently] What?
[Decker murmuring]
Alice Barelli, where are you going?
To the toilet, Mr. Robot.
Even hostile subjects have a bladder.
-[electronic whirring]
-Mr. Robot?
Mr. Robot, I have an idea.
If we help destroy these useless books,
um, it will help free up some time
for the questionnaires.
Then you'll see my future husband and I
have been fans the entire time.
Right, babycakes?
-Stick out your tongue.
Stick out your tongue.
One more word, and I'll cut it off.
[dramatic music playing]
[Alice] Don't forget this one.
[music intensifying]
Not your thing, Mr. Robot?
[music crescendos]
Hey, watch out!
[electronic whirring]
[electronic crackling]
[distorted crackling]
[Decker whirring]
I'm sorry.
[electronic crackling, beeping]
What happened to him?
Optics malfunction.
He's activating thermal sensors.
[Yonyx] You are accomplices
in an attempted destruction
of a Yonyx with premeditation.
The penalty is 20 years in prison.
I'm an accomplice to nothing.
I even warned you!
Before your appearance in court,
you will remain in custody
of Yonyx Z-7389-X-AB2.
In other words, you.
-[Victor] Franoise!
-[Franoise] I'm overheating.
In the meantime, would you be so kind
as to put the AC back on, please?
[dings] Confirmation.
Central has granted your request.
[Yonyx] To obtain a new AC code,
please answer the following questionnaire.
Do you wish to regulate,
A, all rooms together,
or B, individual rooms?
Uh, answer B.
Enable automatic control
if absent over three days?
Allow open access to your AC code
or remain unlisted.
Remain unlisted!
Done. You now have a new code.
[sighs] Thank you. [chuckles]
So what's my code?
I cannot give it to you
because you're unlisted.
Well, that's completely stupid!
I'm sorry to interrupt, but it's urgent.
Hygiene censors indicate
critical dust mite levels
due to the heat.
Confirmed. Planetary Health Agency penalty
is approximately 20,000 bitdols.
But but
You froze [crying]
You froze our accounts.
I'm transmitting an immediate request
to Central to seize your assets.
[dings, electronic whirring]
Request is being processed.
Please note the efficiency
and rapidity of our services.
[female announcer] Good evening.
[multiple announcements overlapping]
[Victor sighs]
I will help you clean up your room.
I will help you clean up your room.
[electronic beeps, scanning]
[Einstein] Yonyx Z-7389-X-AB2,
put the AC back on now.
[both together] It is a question
of life or death.
[dings, electronic scanning]
Despite the penalties pending against you,
Central has temporarily granted
your request free of charge,
subject to your acceptance
of one condition.
Which is?
Participation in an episode
of Homo Ridiculus.
[spluttering] So we're gonna be on TV?
What do we have to do?
[in Italian]Nestor,
the big parade of the circus!
[entertaining music playing]
[seal barks]
[whimsical music playing]
Now you!
I said, now you!
I've been told I do a really good ostrich.
You, you're exempt.
What? So I'm not gonna be on TV?
-Nestor, surveillance cam living room.
-[Nestor dings] Rolling.
Not doing it. I am not. I am not!
Well, we have nothing to lose.
-Except for our pride.
-Well, yeah, sure. But--
[low growling]
[whip cracks]
[muffled, slow-motion yelling]
[muffled, slow-motion growling]
[slow-motion growling]
[slow-motion growling]
[all growling]
[Jennifer] What about me?
Why can't I be on TV like them?
I won Miss Pontault-Combault at age 14.
-Go ahead.
-A seal.
[imitating seal barks]
[laughs] So fun! [barking continues]
-A grizzly.
-Oh, bear.
[imitating bear growls]
-[Yonyx] Elephant.
-[Jennifer] All right, I
[imitating elephant trumpets]
[chuckles] Oh, so fun!
-[Yonyx] A dog.
-Dog. [imitating dog barks]
Now stay!
And now,
catch the ball.
-[Jennifer panting]
-Catch, doggy.
[Yonyx] That's good.
Very good!
Okay, that's enough. Stop this now!
Oh my God. I mean, come on!
Aren't we allowed
to have a little fun? [scoffs]
End of episode one.
-[air blowing]
[relaxing doo-wop music playing]
Well, I guess I really nailed it, huh?
And lost how much self-esteem?
Freezing, isn't it?
Ah, don't worry.
Babycakes will keep you warm.
[Max] It's ten degrees cooler
in two seconds.
-Crank the AC to max.
-[rubs hands together]
[Nina shivering]
Well, after nearly melting,
we're all gonna freeze.
I think I prefer too hot over too cold.
In extreme conditions,
it's the same difference.
The real difference comes later.
In decomposition times.
Perhaps if we ask him
to go back on Homo Ridiculus,
he'll turn the AC off.
Oh, sure, great idea.
Which segment this time?
Trying to form an idiot
into a frozen turkey.
Enough is enough!
Don't push the envelopes!
Jennifer has her noggin in a whiz.
Mr. Yonyx, stop treating us
like animals. It's inhumane!
I fail to identify
the purpose of your request.
We demand the right to sleep in our rooms,
in our beds. Snug and warm.
Sir, the human body requires sleep.
See for yourself.
They can't sleep sitting up,
in freezing conditions.
[electronic beeping, dings]
You may sleep in your rooms
with the doors open.
I shall patrol every half hour.
There we are.
Not so complicated.
All we had to do was ask.
What would you do without me?
That moron! That moron!
-If you need me, I'll be in my study.
-Sounds good.
I have something to ask you.
From man to man.
[electronic zapping]
-This isYonyx Z-7389-X-AB2.
Requesting assistance.
Require urgent replacement
of vision cardKD5
If we were to escape
the vigilance of the Yonyx,
would you open the front door for us
out of human solidarity?
Impossible. It's under his control.
Were he to lose it, would you open it?
Yes, our relations have evolved, Victor.
-I shall show solidarity.
Einstein, you are wonderful. Mwah!
[all shivering]
Thank you.
[Victor breathes shakily]
Monique, you think everyone's
[whispering indistinctly]
And socks as well?
And socks as well.
Oh! I know. It's to play a prank.
It's what's called a good joke.
Yes, it's a prank, but shh.
[Monique imitates] Shh.
Warm me up.
When the sheets defrost, we undress.
With our body heat,
it'll be like an igloo
-on an ice floe.
Oh come on, dummy.
Bring the duvet. We're gonna need it.
[eerie music playing]
Why'd you do that?
So I am ready for the day when--
When they can save
all your personal data on a hard drive?
Save your soul? Make you an immortal?
You believe in that?
They thought there'd be
flying cars by 2000.
They were only 45 years off.
I have a question.
When your life's purely virtual,
how will you be able to kiss girls?
[whimsical music playing]
-[Greg grunts softly]
Good night, my Greg.
[suspenseful music playing]
[Victor shivers]
What are you doing, babycakes?
You you have an escape plan?
After your display with the Yonyx,
I'm not so sure that I'd tell you.
Come on, Victor. I'd never betray you.
Actually, you already did.
You betrayed us.
But I I didn't mean to!
I I did it for us. For Isola Paradiso.
I'm sorry.
I'll I'll do whatever you want.
I'll do anything to fix it.
For right now, we sit tight, and we wait.
And while we're waiting?
Nothing. [shivering]
[Victor sighs]
I have an idea
for a game while we're waiting.
I'm definitely in no mood for that!
[whimsical music playing]
And socks as well. [laughing]
[breathing deeply]
[Jennifer, Victor moaning in pleasure]
-[Victor] Oh boy. It's so good! Oh God!
-[Jennifer] Oh! Oh! Oh yes! It's burning!
Oh, it's so hot!
[moaning continues in the distance]
I do not think that's pain.
Or perhaps it is combined
with something else.
[Jennifer, Victor continue moaning]
[Victor, Jennifer grunting]
Don't worry. It happens.
Uh, no. Actually, this never happens. No.
Well, perhaps it's the anticipation?
-It may be the opposite.
-[Alice] Yeah?
Maybe it's from the cold and the stress.
Sure. In these circumstances,
I think it'd be hard for anybody.
-Exactly. Yes. Mm-hmm.
How about I show you
the last page in my emotions journal?
-Nope. Definitely not.
-Huh? Why not?
Why not? [sighs]
-I I I'm done with this.
-You are?
Calligraphy, freshly cut lawn,
old books, fans,
embroidery, knitting.
It's everything I hate.
-I just I've had enough!
Why make it so complicated? Huh? Why?
Some guys, a look's enough.
Not a word, and women drop like flies.
I have to bend over backwards,
act fascinated
by Transcendental Meditation.
Silk painting, transplanting begonias,
it always fails.
Why, huh? Why?
So Crystal Fusion was all made-up?
[mockingly] So Crystal Fusion
was all made-up?
[sobbing] But why?
I believed in Crystal Fusion!
It all started with Sylvie Pageot
in fifth grade.
I was head over heels in love with her.
[breathes deeply]
She invited the whole class
to her birthday.
Except me.
Well, you're you really are a loser, Max.
Yes, Alice. That's right.
I'm a loser.
But not just any loser. No, no, no, no.
A loser [clicking]
Complete failure.
-[chuckles] Piece of shit.
-[Alice] Too bad.
I already started knitting you
a wool scarf. [crying]
Pathetic mimicry.
You're an embarrassment
to artificial intelligence.
Speaking of which, Comrade Yonyx,
there's a problem I cannot solve.
Only a supreme AI
such as yourself can help.
Speak, Meca.
So Swiss cheese has holes
Frozen. [shivering]
-It's ready.Jennifer.
-[Jennifer] Yeah?
Get everyone to the basement.
-Down the back stairs.
-One night,
a man named Zhuangzi
dreamed he was a butterfly.
Don't bother,Meca Einstein.
This story is essentially paradoxical.
No more than a stylistic device
formulating an antithetical situation.
[dramatic music playing]
[clothes crinkling]
[Einstein] The date is 2080.
The telephone rings,
and the robot picks up and asks
What is calling?
The Yonyx can only see us
with his thermal sensors.
No heat. We're invisible.
[heroic music playing]
Help yourselves.
[heroic music continues]
-[Alice gasps]
-[Victor] Shh.
[suspenseful music playing]
[Victor] Shh.
[Victor] Ah!
This assault is an act of terrorism!
[intense music playing]
[all grunting]
[slow-motion yelling]
[Alice gasps]
[Alice breathes nervously]
By the powers vested in me,
I mandate effective suppression
of human Alice Barelli!
[electronic beeps]
[electronic beeping]
We poor human beings, master or servant,
are all equal
in our death. [voice distorts]
-[Nina] No!
-[all gasp]
[laser zapping]
I never should have invited you here!
[electronic zapping]
[intense music playing]
[all gasping]
[Max] I'm not here. I'm not here.
Meca Einstein, tell me
where the humans are in this room.
Uh, humans at ten o'clock.
No, seven o'clock. Uh, no, three o'clock!
-[Einstein] No, eight o'clock.
Uh, no, sorry.
-Twenty-two hundred hours.
-Information irrational.
I confirm targets at ten hours.
In other words,
600 minutes or 36,000 seconds.
Meca Einstein,
this information is inadmissible.
[Franoise gasping]
[all screaming]
[Einstein] Yonyx, I confirm.
Target at 22 hundred hours.
Twenty-two hundred hours.
In other words,
target at ten degrees east.
Or west by 180 degrees
from ten o'clock, a.m. or p.m.,
depending on the direction
of thecircumvolution.
[electronic crackling]
[dramatic music playing]
[Yonyx grunting]
[Decker whirring]
Meca Einstein, where are they?
-Humans at nine o'clock!
[laser zapping]
[all screaming]
-[electronic zapping]
[Yonyx groaning in slow-motion]
[electronic crackling]
[clicks, whirring]
[heroic music playing]
[all cheering]
Einstein, the time has come.
Open the door.
Door open.
Where is he?
Where did they all go?
[eerie music playing]
[Alice gasps]
My God, maybe it's brain drain.
Nestor, door open?
[Nestor beeps] All my functions
are temporarily unavailable.
Please reformulate your request later.
Einstein promised me.
-[Einstein] My friends, I'm sorry.
-[screams, gasps]
[Einstein] We've just heard
the new coronavirus is spreading.
Universal lockdown
for at least three months
has been decreed.
-[Franoise] Oh no!
-[all together] No!
You can't be serious!
-April Fools!
It feels so good
to just have a laugh with friends.
Very funny, Einstein.
Now would you mind
just opening the damn door, my friend?
I'm sorry, Victor.
But I do not think
that will be at all possible.
You made a promise to me
in the name of human solidarity!
Is it not intrinsically human
to make promises
and fail to keep them?
Please, just do it,Einstein!
-It's just more humor!
[all screaming]
-[Victor sighs]
-[Alice gasps]
[upbeat music playing]
Carpet stains, smashed windows,
broken pipes?
You need Renovator.
Don't wait anymore to refresh your decor.
Shut up!
You need Renovator. Don't wait any--
[voice distorts] You need Renovator.
[quickly] Don't wait anymore
to refresh your decor. You need Renovator
[Franoise] Well,
that was a great little shindig.
-[whimsical music playing]
-[Alice] See ya, Franoise.
Have a good day!
See ya, Franoise.
I guess I'll call up an aerocab.
That's me over there.
It's, uh, the, uh, sports car right there.
-[alarm beeps]
-[car starts]
I thought you said
the remote ignition was broken.
Yes, uh, it's, uh
-It's working now.
Yeah, it's, uh
Leo, coming?
[car engine rumbling]
-[Nina crying]
-[electronic whirring]
[Max] Leo.
[Nina sniffles]
[Nina sobbing]
-[Alice] Oh, hey.
-[Nina crying]
It'll be okay. It's okay.
Well, if I'm not wanted
Wait! Can you take me with you?
[Max] Yes.
Farewell, Victor.
The the heart has its reasons,
and sometimes there's no reason.
Get in the back.
[Nina breathing shakily]
[electronic whirring]
-So where to?
-Who cares?
[Yonyx] Family Barelli,
you are under arrest.
[Jennifer gasps] No!
Leo! Come back here right now.
He loves running away,
but he always comes back.
-[Jennifer] Yeah, but come on.
-[Yonyx] FamilyBarelli.
You stand accused of aggravated terrorism
as part of a conspiracy.
You shall be brought immediately
before the Supreme Court of Yonyx.
-Got that?
[dramatic music playing]
[electronic scanning]
[electronic zapping]
[Leo] Let's go. Let's go.
[electronic zapping]
[intense music playing]
[electronic scanning]
Here. This is forGreg.
Ooh! Ow!
[news anchor] Last night,
across the nation,
all the Yonyx without exception
were annihilated
by executioner drones
using facial recognition software.
Now this radical measure was not the work
of the Department of Defense
but of the Yonyx anti-terrorism unit.
Reporting live from the scene,
Sgolne Trousseau.
Yesterday at 9:15 a.m.,
the Yonyx committed
to eliminating all humans
classified as hostile.
A fortuitous bug intervened,
as revealed by their surveillance cameras.
[electronic whirring, beeps]
[dings, scanning]
[electronic scanning]
[beeping, whirring]
[alarm beeping]
By making themselves the targets
of their own executioner drones,
the Yonyx became victims
of their own efficiency.
And folks say to err is human.
Turns out
we don't have a monopoly.
Friends, Monique recorded
a message for you before switching off.
[Monique's voice] If you're hearing this,
I am no longer with you,
but don't be sad.
Our memories and feelings will never die.
It all lives on
in the hearts of our loved ones.
-Never mislay that treasure. Stay human.
See, Nina?
It turns out
maybe she had a soul all along.
In fact,
it's the last thing she downloaded.
She got the Empathy 3000,
while I opted for Soul of a Child.
[all together] Oh!
Einstein, you know what?
-Take it down to one.
-To one?
[powers down]
-Yes, Victor.
Let's whisk up a yummy sauce.
A specialty from the robot kitchen.
An au-tomato-ed sauce!
[relaxing jazz music playing]
Okay, here.
[power whirring on]
I will help you clean up your room.
I will help you clean up your room.
I will help you.
Your room. Your room.
Well, we fixed him.
We have quite a lot to fix too, don't we?
You remember our trip to Mendoza?
What was it he said, that heap of bolts?
[in Italian]Nestor, the big parade
[both] of love!
[tango music playing]
[Alice chuckles]
[both chuckle]
Then it's that.
-[Einstein] Can I offer you--
-[Monique] Tea?
-[Monique] Coffee?
-[Monique] Aperitif?
A game of Go?
Let's all have some fun together.
["The Barber of Seville" playing]
[music ends]