Birdeater (2023) Movie Script

1
[growling string ensemble]
[romantic flute theme]
[propulsive, romantic score]
Chicken or catch of the day?
What if it's a bad day?
What if they only
catch like... eels?
[Louie laughs]
Uh, well, no, I don't think so.
I think we're working
off different numbers.
I'm gonna go see Dad tonight.
Oh, okay.
Should I come?
[romantic score continues]
Sorry, I'll be quick.
IRENE: No, take your time.
He's your Dad.
He's your dad soon.
Love you.
[romantic score builds]
[moaning]
Adult.
Spectator.
That's not funny. No. No.
[Irene scream-laughs]
Hey, I've got to go to the
office tonight. Fire training.
Even when you're
not in the office?
I still need to know how to get
out if a fire happens, apparently.
[romantic score builds]
[romantic score crescendos]
LOUIE: I dunno, name
cards. Kinda naff, right?
Boy, girl, boy, girl.
Irene, I'm not supposed to
be dragging you through this.
No, I know. It, it's not
that. I'm, I'm excited.
It, it's really exciting.
I'm just feeling a bit...
I dunno, like...
like overwhelmed.
Maybe?
Never might let, let's
talk about this later.
Okay.
Did you say,
were you going to say you
needed to be somewhere tonight?
Oh, um, I left some
stuff at Dad's but
I don't have to go tonight.
Okay.
[slow-tempo dance music]
Watch this. Watch this.
Look...
The music lines
right... up... here.
[bassline begins]
She's dancing to it.
Wanna be a member?
Wanna be a member?
Um, Murph?
Look, I had an
idea. It's for Irene.
Something, something special.
But I just need a mate on the inside
and you were the first person I thought of.
- Me?
- Mm.
Bucks party. Next weekend.
Sound good?
[vaping]
Wanna be a member?
Wanna be a member?
Can you stay?
[pill popped]
I didn't mean to upset you
about the wedding the other day.
You didn't. You
shouldn't be on your feet.
I'll be quick.
I just want you to
be happy, you know?
Me too.
Hey, um, listen...
I've been thinking about what
we talked about the other day,
and you were right.
It's a lot. It's too much.
Everything's just too much.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, yeah.
But listen, I, I had an idea.
I want you to come
to my bucks party.
What, you want me to
come to your bucks party?
Yeah, I think it'll be
really great if you're there.
I can invite Grace,
so you're not alone.
It'll be super modern, you know.
It'll be, it'll be fun.
But should, should
we really be doing that?
I mean, shouldn't, should
we just stop now and,
and think about how we
want to do things, you know,
before we go any
further, right, like...
I think it's getting to us.
The planning, the
headache, you know?
I think we need something
to take our minds away from it.
Something to, you know, remind us
why we're doing this in the first place.
Let's have some fun and
then, uh, clear our minds,
and then, hey, when we come back,
we can figure out what to do together.
Hey, when I told the boys you
were coming, they got so excited.
You need me to stay?
[soft whimper]
What are you doing?
I'm not going anywhere.
["Love is a Jungle"
by Peter Ivers plays]
Don't struggle.
Don't struggle.
Don't struggle
if love is a jungle
Don't struggle
if love is a jungle
Love is jungle Ooh
the passion's on
["Love is a Jungle" continues]
[car drives on dirt road]
[intriguing saxophone melody]
Am I supposed to go in
for the hug or the kiss?
Just talk to her like a
normal person, all right.
Don't bring anything up.
Don't get, you know, digging.
Girl stuff.
Exactly. Just normal
stuff. I don't know.
Ask about her
dress or something.
Yeah right. Just anything
except her actual relationship.
Even though that's exactly
what we're here to celebrate.
Look, I'm just asking you
to keep it down, all right?
I'd appreciate it if you two could
pass the Bechdel test tonight.
It's hard enough bringing
a girl to a guy's thing.
It's fine.
I don't need your
supervision, just...
don't abandon me, all right?
I wouldn't do that.
Is that...?
[intriguing saxophone returns]
No.
[very loud horn]
- Oh my God!
[more intriguing saxophone]
CHARLIE: You shouldn't do that.
It's bad for you.
What?
I'm just saying.
I'm just saying
it's bad for you.
Why have you always got to
make things so awkward, mate?
- I'm not.
- Yeah you are.
- No, I'm not.
- You insist on it.
I don't.
I'm just sitting here, aren't I?
Having a quiet moment.
- Something wrong with that?
- No.
- Something weird about that to you?
- No.
Then why are you
getting so wound up for?
I'm not wound up.
Yeah. You're being very agro.
- I'm not even saying anything
- Is he like this with you, Grace?
I'm not even saying anything.
You're getting very
flustered right now.
- I'm not getting flustered.
- We're lost.
And you're getting flustered.
Don't take it out on me.
I'm not lost. You're lost.
I'm not lost, mate.
Dart and a cup of
coffee. Just let me enjoy it.
You don't have a coffee.
Where'd you get a coffee from?
Where would I get a
cup of coffee from, mate?!
Look around us!
We're lost. I'm
lost. You're lost.
Look at this, there's a
fucking dead end down there.
Where are we gonna get a
cup of coffee around here?
Well...
Where are we gonna get a
cup of coffee around here?
I'm just asking
where you've got...
Where are we gonna get a
cup of coffee around here?
Mate.
You're, you're tripping
me out a little bit.
- I just...
- Stop yelling.
I just dunno why you'd say you have
a coffee when you didn't have one.
I was painting a story, mate.
- I was creating an image of a moment.
- It's a weird thing to do.
- You're so tense.
- I just don't know why you'd...
Relax.
Just relax, okay?
He makes things
awkward, doesn't he?
You have a habit of that.
- Well...
- Hey!
It's so crazy to see you.
What?
It's a nice
surprise, that's all.
When did you get back?
Where are you living?
Well, my sisters not using her room
anymore so it makes sense that I move in.
Kind of a genius move.
She left her TV, so
got a free TV.
Can watch whatever I want.
I didn't know you had a sister.
Yeah, hey, maybe
Irene invited her too?
Mate.
Are you nervous?
CHARLIE: Why
would she be nervous?
Well because girls
don't go to buck's parties.
I think it's very modern.
What, tell me it doesn't feel like fucking
Yoko Ono is organising this get together?
I think it's nice. I think she
just wanted to be involved.
You think this was Irene's idea?
To have the girls around?
Well he has had that
type of effect on girls.
It's true, they tend to
be a bit, uh... invested.
Clingy is what he's saying.
I remember Irene trying pretty hard to
break up with Louie not that long ago
if that's what you
mean by clingy.
Yeah, but that was before
the whole like, you know?
Oh yeah. No, I heard about that.
Heavy stuff.
It's a miracle Louie's alive.
Mm.
Wait, you do know
what happened, right?
Hey, I'm gonna ride with
Dylan. He knows the way.
- What?
- Follow us.
CHARLIE: Just
relax man. It's fine.
DYLAN: I don't fucking
know about that mate,
I don't fucking know
about that at all.
- He's completely fine.
- What the fuck!
You were there!
What fucking happened, man?
I don't fucking get that!
I don't understand!
Yeah, I do now.
Fucking easy! Sweet.
["Bushfire" by
Johnny Ashcroft plays]
There'll be many a heavy heart
tonight before this night grows old
And many a soul will weep
tonight before his story's told
For the southern skies alight with
flames there's a bushfire running free
- You smell nice.
- Do I?
Yeah, what are you wearing?
Hello, mate.
Did you ever see a big man cry?
Have you ever seen a strong man die?
Good to see ya.
Yeah, you too mate.
That's very pretty.
Fuck off.
Bucks!
["Bushfire" continues]
I'll take you inside.
Oh, ah, Grace. Not
that one. You guys are...
- Oh, sorry!
- That's OK.
Back here. You alright?
Yeah.
Settle down big guy.
I'm excited.
[checking lock]
Shalom, brother.
Ah.
Name's Murph.
Looks like we're
shacking up here together.
Not that I mind.
Come on then, mate.
Give us a hand.
[song ends]
Go on then. How was Mexico?
Pretty fuck-eyed.
You should come with me next
time, make a honeymoon out of it.
Yeah, Irene would love that.
Mate, I was walking around, with a
semi poking out the bottom of my boardies
like, like it needed
air, mate. Like it was,
"Hey!"
Yeah, please go see a doctor.
I did. Look what he gave me.
This is technology, mate.
It's in pills now.
Thought I'd give my
nose a break. Sick, right?
Special K.
Huh?
First letter, K.
For ketamine.
Studs, right?
Dude.
Dude, no.
What? Irene's here, mate.
The girls are here. We can't.
No Dylan. No. No, no.
No this, okay? No nothing.
No funny business. All right. It's
not the type of night tonight, okay?
It's your first and
your last warning.
Yeah?
[mysterious flute]
[playful clarinet]
- Get your tomies on this.
- Hey shush. What are you doing?
Hey, we're all set to go. I printed
off the words and everything.
Hey, come on.
So it's all, it's all legit.
Yeah, as far as the eyes of
the law are concerned, bro,
I'm as certified as they come.
You just let me know
when you want me to do it,
- and I'll drop the hammer.
- When do you reckon? Dinner?
Before dinner.
An aperitif. Fine choice, sir.
God, I'm so nervous.
It's okay.
Okay, before dinner.
That's when we'll do it.
Remember, okay. Alright.
Before dinner.
[more mysterious flute]
LOUIE: You doing okay?
IRENE: Doing okay.
LOUIE: You know if you wanted
me to send everyone home, I would.
Wouldn't even be a big
deal. Want me to do that?
IRENE: No. No, this will be fun.
I'm excited.
LOUIE: Feeling good?
IRENE: Feeling good.
Look how small it gets.
It's not that small.
Oh, hey, hey.
- Hi.
- Hi.
So long...
- Hey.
- Hi Murph.
- Hi.
- LOUIE: G'day.
Oh, um, I thought you
wanted him to be here.
- Hi.
- SAM: Hey!
Hi!
- Hi.
- Hi.
Um, uh, you all know Sam?
- Hi.
- CHARLIE: Nice to meet you.
Oh, no, we've met.
Youve just forgotten.
Oh, no, of course.
At the, uh, at the, the...
SAM: Tiki Night.
Yeah, the, the Tiki Night.
DYLAN: Fellas! Wooo!
Here we go.
- Cheers.
- Cheers!
Uh, fire's not
gonna light itself.
[intriguing jazz]
[whisper] Hey, pst.
Go talk to her, you loser.
DYLAN: Grace! Grace!
No.
- Grace, Grace, Grace...
- Absolutely not.
Absolutely not.
- Come on.
- No.
What would Jesus do?
I love your dress.
Oh, thank you.
[jazz picks up pace]
Ah, delicious. Okay.
LOUIE: They've known
each other for ages.
They went travelling
when Irene first arrived.
MURPH: I can see
you're worried about it.
LOUIE: I'm not
worried. I invited him.
I knew this guy once.
Met him at a convention.
He reckons he knew
how to, you know, tell,
just by looking at two people
in the same space together.
Whether they've had sex, I mean.
What, um, convention?
He reckons people can be
trained how to see pheromones.
Learn how to see them in the
air. Do you know pheromones?
Like, energies. Sexual energies.
Yeah, yeah.
They're everywhere.
He reckons, if two
people had sex,
their pheromones would join
up and party, like old friends.
And if you look closely...
closely...
Like hot air, rising
off a long road,
you can see them...
yeah...
yeah...
and...
nup!
I don't see it.
Fancy seeing you here.
Hectic, isn't it?
Yeah, it kinda is, though.
I'm surprised he invited you.
I'm even more surprised
you actually came.
So this is some kind of
immersion therapy approach?
I'm kidding.
I mean no one really
remembers that stuff anyway.
It's like...
recent history.
MURPH: So what's the deal?
Are you planning on
heading home anytime soon?
Louie hates London.
Too many people. Too social.
I love it here.
Easier to stay
when you're married,
But you know
that. if you didn't...
your visa would be
running up soon, no?
Come here. Come
here. I got stamina.
That was a waste.
[squeal] REEEEEEEEE!!!
Put it, no! Put it down!
So is this the game?
Squealies.
You look at the squealer,
finish your beer,
you got the squeal.
Oh, so now you've
got the squeal.
[squeal] AAAHHH!!
DYLAN: Hey Charlie, catch!
Kill the dill with the pill!
DYLAN: I'm gonna
get ya! I'm gonna...
CHARLIE: I got a broken arm!
[scream] Aaahh!
Play, um, yeah, yeah, that
band with the four blokes
and it goes like, um,
[poor singing]
The Beatles.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[mumbled singing]
Oh, hang on.
Nah, yeah, play, uh,
play something.
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
No, no, no, no.
CHARLIE: This is what happens
when you don't do an apex.
IRENE: Hi.
DYLAN: I'm gonna get more shots.
I'm coming back!
DYLAN: This mezcal
doesn't come back up.
Dylan, Dylan...
DYLAN: Oh man, science.
I love fucking science.
- I need to get more shots.
- I think you're okay.
Woo!
I got to get more...
[discordant marimba]
No, that was it. You had
the E right. That was...
I think we're gonna need
to stick together tonight.
Why is that? Something planned?
No, I just wouldn't be
surprised, you know.
Why? What, what's happening?
I mean, I don't know.
I mean, haven't you
seen them talking?
I don't really understand.
Can you just tell me?
Well, I just, like,
I'm just saying I
don't really, um...
I don't know for sure.
Non-negotiable.
No.
It was expensive.
It wasn't expensive.
You're wearing it. Relax.
What would the girls think?
DYLAN: It's funny as, who cares?
There's nothing more, mate.
It's just this,
it's a bit of fun.
For us?
[kiss]
Everything alright?
Bit much to drink?
No. No, I'm fine.
[laugh]
Oh, yeah, this, um...
It's Dylan's idea.
If I just, uh, leave it on the rest of
the night, though, it'll keep him happy.
He's easy to please.
Oh, um, let's just
sit for a minute.
Yeah, feel free. I'm
gonna head back.
Oh, please.
It's just, um...
Do you mind not waving
those pills around?
I just don't want
to concern anyone.
I won't be waving them around.
- Okay.
- It's fine.
Okay.
Did you, did you take more?
It's fine. Don't worry.
It has nothing to do with you.
I just don't want anyone
getting concerned, you know?
They won't know about it.
I promise.
["Bird's Lament"
by Moondog plays]
[tribal chanting]
[laughing]
[chanting continues]
[saxophone intensifies]
[slurred chanting]
MEN: Boys! Boys! Boys! Boys!
[laughing]
[squeals] EEEE! REEE! AAHH!
GRACE: Charlie!
DYLAN: Massive
hits, massive hits.
[painful thud] Oooh!
[chanting continues]
- GRACE: Get off him.
- DYLAN: Suck!
Suck big butts!
["Bird's Lament"
slows to a stop]
CHARLIE: Oh, Jesus! No,
no, no, back it up! Back it up!
LOUIE: Alright, I think we've
got enough firewood, everyone.
CHARLIE: Look at us.
MURPH: Bottoms up!
- Cheers.
- Cheers!
[very quiet chatter]
[squeal] REEEEEEE!!
[odd laughter]
Come on, mate.
Gotcha.
Nah, mate. I'm good. Thank you.
Oh, sorry.
Oink, oink, oink, oink!
[squeal] REEE! RE-RE-REEE!
Oink, oink, oink, oink, oink!
[snorting]
I'm a piggy!
[snorting]
Oink.
You look a fucking idiot, Dylan.
Yeah, but it's the game. It's
Squealies. Come on. You got a drink.
Nah, I'm good thanks
mate. I don't need a beer.
Nah, you gotta catch up.
I'm good.
Nah, come on, beer mate.
Dylan?
Drink the beer.
Do you fucking hear me, mate?
Can you hear me? What
are you doing? It's your bucks.
Mate. if I wanted a beer,
I'd get myself a beer, okay?
I got you one.
Yeah, and I don't want it.
What do you mean?
What are you doing?
What do you mean
what am I doing?
Why are you making a
thing outta this, Dylan?
Just piss off, mate.
Stop embarrassing yourself
in front of actual adults.
Fuck.
CHARLIE AND MURPH:
Three, Two, One.
Hi.
- Hey.
- Hi.
You know you don't
have to sneak around.
No, I know that.
I'm not. I'm just...
super worried about
him, you know?
I mean, if he's
gonna do that, fine.
It's a safe space. At
least I can look after him.
Yeah. It looks like fun.
Yeah. I mean, whatever.
It's not really my
sort of thing, so...
Oh...
No, no, no. I'm not doing any.
I'm not doing anything.
Taking, I'm not. I'm
not taking anything, so...
What, what was it?
I saw you take it. What was it?
What? Ketamine?
I heard people talking
about ketamine earlier.
No.
- No, no, no, no..
- I saw you take something.
Charlie, I don't care.
I probably
would've tried it too.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, what's going on here?
I just told you I
didn't take anything.
Why are you telling me that I
did something that I didn't do?
Huh?
Okay, you know what?
This whole situation is
making me feel uncomfortable.
Okay?
It's all making me feel
super, super uncomfortable.
What?
[melancholy saxophone melody]
Everything alright?
You ever been skydiving, Louie?
I've been skydiving in Mexico.
It was fun, but I
didn't know that
the planes that they take you up in,
they don't have any seat belts. Um...
So you can go up
in them, but you...
you can't come back down.
So when you're up there at 15,000
feet, it's the only way your going out.
Kicking, screaming,
shitting, spewing...
cumming.
They'll fucking choke you
cold and throw you overboard.
It's too late. Like
tonight we own you.
The boys own you.
And the harder you kick, the
worse it's all gonna go down.
Fuck off, Dylan.
Do you not see what this is?
Wake up to yourself, mate.
Do you have any emotional
intelligence whatsoever?
You're here on ceremonial
fucking purposes, mate.
You're here as my
cheerleader. And...
that means, mate, I'll tell
you what it fucking means.
It means you do whatever
I want you to do, okay?
Tonight, you do
whatever I want you to do.
And I want you
to drink the beer.
Drink to your
heart's content, mate.
Maybe, maybe smile a
little, have some nibbles,
and then shut up!
Or...
FUCK OFF!
I don't need any more input from
you regarding any of this, okay?
[laughing]
You fucking dog cunt.
[intriguing flute]
[romantic violin]
What?
Nothing.
I'm just excited.
For what?
For us.
[pensive score]
- Tell me when you feel it.
- Shut up, come on man.
Irene, thank you,
this is amazing.
Alright, everyone dig in.
Right on. Salad?
[indistinct table chatter]
[underwater sounds]
GRACE: Irene's made
a really lovely salad.
[indistinct table
chatter continues]
Ah, what can I get you?
Salad.
MURPH: And I literally
stopped just before the crossing
and he yelled at me.
He said the C word.
- What did you say?
- CHARLIE: The C word.
MURPH: Yeah. You'd think
the guy would say sorry, right?
CHARLIE: Right.
Mm.
[glass clinking]
I didn't wanna do this,
but I was asked to, so...
Louie and Irene.
- Cheers.
- Thanks Dylan.
Thank you, mate.
I love Louie.
We all love Louie, yeah?
And, um...
we are gathered here
tonight to memorialise, to...
adios, as they say, to the
man we once knew.
A passionate low
grade sportsman,
only solo, never in a team.
He didn't wanna rely on others when
he could just fuck things up for himself.
Academically, he was
notorious for being unremarkable.
Louie couldn't say he
was smart, you know,
he wasn't dumb
either. He's just...
Youre just fucking
there, aren't ya?
He didn't get invited
to many parties either.
But when he did, he would enjoy
laughing at jokes
he didn't hear.
Fucking stealing people's
beers just to pick at the label.
And then he'd just leave without
saying goodbye to the boys.
Uh, but, you know,
against all odds,
he wasn't embarrassed
to be this way, you know.
That's how, uh, that's
how Louie wanted things.
He wanted to
hide in plain sight.
He had a very moderate
sized porn collection.
Wait a minute. I'm joking.
Louie doesn't watch any porn.
[awkward laughter]
LOUIE: Good one Dylan.
You know, as it was,
everyone knew Louie like they
knew they knew me and Charlie.
We came as three. Even
when we weren't together.
Nah, Charlie was the smart one.
I was the funny one.
And, um, Louie was the...
the nice one.
Together we made
one interesting person.
So, uh, that was that.
I, um...
I like to think Louie and I really came
together on two separate occasions.
The first time being on year
10 camp. You know, we...
- We went back to the cabin...
- LOUIE: Dylan, we're not gonna...
We're not gonna do that story,
mate. We can't do that story.
Yeah. You're right.
Too silly, Louie.
Too silly for dinner.
- The second time was at
my house, - LOUIE: Dylan.
- And we went on...
- Mate. Dylan. Dylan. Dylan.
Let's just, let's just
speed this up, hey?
Okay. Okay.
Okay, Louie. Okay.
Okey dokey.
What should we talk about then?
You know
sometimes in life, um...
a man's lucky enough to get
something that he really wants.
You know, like, really get it.
And...
if he doesn't, the next best thing
is seeing his best mate get it, so...
- Here we are.
- CHARLIE: Yep, here we are.
- I man of his word.
- CHARLIE: His word indeed.
LOUIE: Thank you, Dylan.
Thank you very much, mate.
I'm gonna fuck that girl by the
end of the night. I promise you both.
MURPH: What?
That's what Louie said to
us the first time he saw Irene.
Johann's birthday.
Party at the beach.
Really scenic.
Waves.
Sand.
Seagulls.
It was beautiful.
Oh, and Louie, he didn't
even know who she was.
But he wanted her.
- CHARLIE: Dylan.
- He didn't even know who she was there with,
if she was available,
but old Louie wanted her.
- CHARLIE: Dylan.
- And then Irene got drunk, like really drunk.
And Louie was sober.
In fact, a clever onlooker
might have been able to tell you
that old Louie over here
was a bit more generous
when pouring the drinks
for his new best friend Irene
than he was when he was
pouring those
drinks for himself.
And in the end, hey!
That was the first
time Louie fucked Irene.
Hey?
Or shouldn't I have said that?
Is that true?
IRENE: Of course not.
Johann's was months before
we even started seeing each other.
I had no idea who he
was, he was just, like...
super all awkward
with me the entire night.
Really?
Gotta tell ya, the boys had a very
different kind kind of story on the night.
But hey! Wow.
In light of this recent
news, I take it all back.
False alarm, everyone.
Turns out Louie actually
is a really good guy.
It's just a joke, guys.
[muffled laughs]
Okay.
[laughing continues]
[indistinct chatter]
[more laughter]
Okay. I don't
like that. I don't...
Grace, how many bucks
parties have you gone to?
Does it matter?
He's right.
Listen, I get it.
You haven't been
to many of these.
But what you gotta understand
about a bucks party is that
whatever happens,
it's all just for a laugh.
- Oh.
- Nothing's ever serious.
Nothing's ever real.
- Youre just supposed to...
- Let the boys play.
I get it.
So, Sam. How's your sex life?
- Modest.
- Special someone?
- SAM: I already told you.
- GRACE: Right. Yes.
Special someones.
- DYLAN: Oh.
- CHARLIE: What?
DYLAN: That's dangerous, mate.
What?
How many?
Not many. Couple
girlfriends, couple boyfriends.
Well, who's better?
I don't have a preference.
That's my preference.
I prefer the best parts
of being with lots of people.
Fair enough. You're like
that little experiment rat
pressing the cum button over
and over again until he dies.
The what?
It's a real experiment.
I'm not trying to rally you up,
mate. I'm just curious how it works.
Well, I've never been happier about
myself than when I've been alone.
That's what I think. if
you really want to know.
Well, you wanna
know what I think?
- No.
- I think it's a phase.
Okay.
I think you're looking for a reason
to be selfish, to sleep around,
which is totally fine.
I just wish you wouldn't
make such a big deal out of it.
I hear that a lot
from people like you.
People like me?
People who are a
bit green. No offence.
So who says I
have no experience?
You're a Christian
girl in your twenties
engaged to a Christian
guy in his twenties.
Oi, can you tell?
- Tell what?
- Shhhhhh.
It's a party trick. He
learnt it at a convention.
Well, yeah.
- We're virgins, if that's what this is about.
- Oh my god.
I don't see what that's got
to do with anything though.
Even you would admit there's
more than that to a relationship.
SAM: Even me? Yeah, I would.
You bring up a
good point though.
You don't really know what
you'd be getting, do you?
DYLAN: Oohh, spoilers, Grace.
He's packing absolute
razorback down there.
- It's a fucking hog.
- Shut the heck up, man.
Oh no, sorry.
I'm lying. It's not.
Eight billion little puzzle
pieces across the world
and you've just stumbled across
the only one that will ever fit.
You're telling me you've never
met anyone like Charlie before?
I have never met
anyone like Charlie.
Oh yeah?
MURPH: Tell me when you feel it.
[horse neighing]
It's like you're just ignoring the
entire concept of commitment.
Yeah. The most toxic idea that
monogamy has taught the world is
that we all deserve to
be loved unconditionally.
I believe in conditions.
GRACE: Things
can't always be good.
SAM: But that's my point.
They can always be good.
GRACE: No, no, that's my point.
The best type of love is
not a high, it's not a feeling.
It's a daily decision.
I choose my life
with you again today.
Even when it's bad.
Even when they fuck up.
Even when I might not necessarily
be in love here in this moment.
I mean, that's the good
stuff. That's the juice, really.
I try to have faith in
the people that I love.
[Louie clears throat]
- MURPH: I'm alright.
- You done?
You don't need to do that.
They're still eating.
Um, anyway, I also
have a lot of questions.
- I feel like I've said enough.
- How do we fit...
into your equation?
We?
Yeah.
Me and Louie.
How does that work?
I feel like our type of
relationship doesn't even
make sense with
what you're saying.
I don't really know
your type of relationship.
- Irene.
- You seem to think
nobody really needs one person.
Right? You think there's a lot of
people that could just work for anyone?
Well, that hasn't really been
my experience because...
I need Louie.
Right? I need only Louie.
I mean, I can't even
be away from him.
We've figured out it's actually
some type of separation anxiety,
'cause the only way I don't
get it is when I'm with him.
Nobody else will work, so...
in our mind, there is no other
choice in the world for me.
Louie is all there is.
I wonder how that sounds
to someone like you.
So what happens
when you're alone?
I take a pill.
Puts me to sleep,
and I wake up and
by then he's back.
Sedatives?
Yeah, something called
Trixopan. I take it almost every day.
I'm actually on it right now.
And this is the way
you've been living?
Not the entire time.
Started about a year ago.
At Tiki Night?
Well, yeah. Louie says so.
Louie says so? This
is Louie's theory?
Well, he says maybe it's, you
know, I feel guilty about what I did
and this is my body's
way of processing that.
A trade off.
Right?
We use trixopan to
sedate the cats at the zoo.
DYLAN: Like street cats?
No, like lions. Except
we shoot ours from a gun.
I didn't even realize
you could get it as a pill.
You're getting this
from a doctor, Irene?
I think her doctor
is at the table.
Um, I look after her if
that's how you mean.
She can't even drive.
- She doesn't even have a phone.
- Why can't she have a phone?
Because he says it'll only
make my anxiety worse.
It does only make
your anxiety worse.
Listen, um, I think we're all just,
kind of, seeing this from the middle.
Yeah? Um, no one here is
asking for an intervention.
No one asks for an
intervention. That's the point.
It's not an intervention,
okay. We're just concerned.
No, we're not concerned.
We're not concerned.
Stone him!
GRACE: It's heavy stuff!
Well, what's he supposed to do, Be a
gentleman and knock her out himself?
She's unwell,
right? You're unwell.
SAM: it might be worth
seeing a professional.
Ah, I think she really has
enough opinions. Thank you, Sam.
No, it sounds like
she's full of opinions.
We're just having a
conversation, Louie.
Maybe now is not the time to
have that conversation, Grace.
Look, I...
I see nothing wrong.
Sometimes when, when we,
when we see things
laid out like this,
it might not sound
or seem, um, quite...
right.
But maybe. Maybe it's,
it's, it's kind of different to,
to to to all that, I mean.
God, it's not like you
you know.
I don't know. It's
different, right?
Like it's, um, you know.
It's different.
You know how it is, right?
Right?
[dreamy marimba]
SAM: Your legs
feel so nice though.
[Irene laughs]
[dreamy marimba continues]
This isn't at all how I
wanted everything to go.
I love Irene.
More than anything.
Sure, we've been on a bit of
a journey over the last year.
Couple of months ago,
I didn't even know if I'd
be standing here at all.
So I figured, um...
Why not make the most of the
opportunity with you all here?
Our nearest and our dearest.
Honey, I had a thought.
Why wait?
You're all we need.
Honey, Irene, can
you stand up for me?
Honey, can you just stand up?
No, it's okay.
I'm really lucky to have one of
my longest friends here, Murph,
who's willing to unite us
tonight, me and my wife.
He's a certified marriage
celebrant, so it's all for real!
Louie, no, no, we
don't need to do that.
Let's just go right now!
No, no, that's OK. No,
we don't need to do...
Louie, hey, we don't need to...
[Dylan laughs]
What the fuck?
We have come together tonight
to witness the marriage of...
[animated objections]
SAM: Stop, stop, stop, stop!
LOUIE: What the fuck are
you doing, you little snake?
Don't touch her!
[choking]
[others groaning]
[more groans]
CHARLIE: Oh, heaven!
LOUIE: Shit, someone help him.
[dry heaving]
[eery ambiance]
Hey, is every...
ls everything alright?
Do you wanna go?
- Hey, hey, how's...
- I'm sorry.
Oh, no, don't say sorry. Don't.
No, it's fine. It's fine.
Oh, no, I'm sorry. I
just, I wanted to make...
I'm just gonna steal
your girl for a sec, okay?
Grace, I'm really
sorry. I just...
Um, just wait, wait. Okay.
Okay, so, what was that?
What I, I'm so sorry.
- I think I misspoke. I..
- What?
- Oh my god, are they watching?
- What?
- Oh fuck, are they?
- Oh my god. No.
Don't worry about them.
- I made such a scene!
- Hey, shhh! Shhh!
That's not about them. Okay?
Look, no, Grace, I misspoke.
I really love Louie. I do.
- Ive just got, I've just got a lot going on, you know?
- Yeah. Yeah.
Look, I need to
talk to you, okay?
About what you said at dinner.
- I mean, none of that...
- Yo, yo. ls everything all right?
Not now, Charlie.
No, no. It's chill.
I just wanted to...
CHARLIE!
Go away!
- Hey...
- Was this the secret?
What?
You said...
Was this the plan?
Oh my god, you, you...
you knew this was going
to happen tonight and...
Why didn't you tell me?
Grace, why didn't you tell me?
I don't, um...
[sultry saxophone]
[sultry saxophone continues]
Oi.
What the heck was that?
- Huh?!
- Ease up, wasn't my idea.
I mean, it was kind of
nice, in a romantic sense.
Fucking retarded though. I personally
wouldn't have done it that way.
Congratulations.
Hope I didn't ruin anything.
No, I liked it.
You're like, um,
you're like my Shrek.
Shut the fuck up.
No, I like him.
Are you even an
actual celebrant?
Yep, I'm an actual celebrant.
What? Louie made
you do the course?
No, you can just buy it online.
I'm fine. I just had
a moment. That's all.
You call that a moment?
Look, forget about it.
It had nothing to do with you.
Yeah, it does. You invite
me here out of the blue
and then you tell
me your fianc is like
fucking with you
historically or whatever.
I'm saying, I'm here to help
and you're telling me no?
Right, so you broke the
law. That's so cool, dude.
Oh, who cares? No
one cares. It's all for love.
You could've really effed
things up for Louie back there.
I think he might've done
that for himself, just quietly.
He'll be right. You
can't blame Louie.
Can't ya?
And this business with the
pills? Separation anxiety?
That can't be a
healthy situation for her.
Ah, I think it's none of our
business. No one's taking sides here.
Sure, but don't you
think it's a bit grubby?
It's a bit, I don't know.
It just feels a bit, it's a bit,
it's a bit rapey. It's a bit like...
What?!
I mean, that's what it's
like, right? It's a bit rapey.
It's almost like a three
year long date rape.
Stop! You can't
just say that word.
Exactly. Right?
It's like a marriage rape.
Oi.
You reckon you have
fucks her on those pills?
Stop!
I'm only wondering..
What? Are you a
marriage counselor now?
No, I'm not certified for that.
You think everything Irene
said back there was true?
She's clearly
emotional and on drugs.
It doesn't matter.
She doesn't have to have a reason
to not be with Louie, she can just not.
She never said she was unhappy
with the situation, she was just saying
I'm getting a
different impression.
There's nothing illegal about
what's going on here, okay?
Oh, nice. I'm gonna write
that one into the vows.
Look, I know for a fact
that Louie is a good guy.
So...
And anyway, that's her decision.
It's not up to us as men
to decide what she needs.
It's pretty old fashioned thinking
if you actually think about it.
And anyway, even
if she did want out,
that's pretty rich
coming from a guy
that just sprang a prize wed---
Okay, but I didn't say
any of those things, did I?
And I didn't invite you.
Of course you did.
Don't you think you
owe me an explanation?
Sam, this is
Louie's bucks night.
I didn't invite you.
Look, I'm sorry, but I
don't need you to be here.
Come with me.
What?
De facto.
I'll put you up. You
can get your visa.
It doesn't have to be like this.
It doesn't have to be like romantic
or anything. It can just be like before.
It makes so much sense.
But it doesn't, at all.
But why, Irene? Why choose this?
What, instead of you?
I mean, instead of anything.
Because... I understand it.
Everything is simple with
Louie. Everything is defined.
Okay, define 'fucked'.
I say yes to everything.
Sure, then you're an addict.
You take sedatives every
day. You're an addict.
I'm not doing this for fun.
I just wish you would
tell me how I could help.
Yeah, but you wouldn't
know how, would you?
God, none of you people realise
what it's like to be completely
responsible for someone else's happiness.
I do.
I owe Louie happiness.
For what?
So you're punishing yourself?
No, I'm listening to myself.
No, you're not!
If you were, you'd realise
this is fucking insane.
None of this makes any sense.
Yes, it does.
Okay, Sam, when
you're in it, it does.
If you're so happy, then
why did you say all that stuff?
Maybe I just wanted to
hear it all out loud for once.
I can be your listener.
Sam, sweetheart.
Look, you have been.
Okay?
But right now, all I'm asking
from you is for you to just
let me figure this
out on my own.
You think you can?
[pensive strings]
What? Why are you thinking?
I'm not thinking.
What, are you saying
you wanna call it off?
No. No fucking way.
Are you sure that's a good idea?
Mate, this is exactly
what we need right now.
[ominous bass clarinet]
Surprise.
Listen, I think maybe we
should just go have a little chat.
Maybe talk a little bit
about what just happened.
Not right now.
Quick one whilst
I've got everyone here
Um...
I know there were some things
said at dinner.
You might have some questions.
That's fine.
It's important to
remember that we've all
had a bit to drink
and some other stuff, too...
Maybe, maybe I got carried away.
I'll put my hand
up. I'm guilty too.
But we've all had
the chance to talk...
and we've, um...
uh, maybe... maybe let's
not talk about it anymore.
Maybe we've talked
enough about it.
Well said.
Maybe, we could play a
game? That could be fun.
- Paranoia.
- Dylan.
Now I'm only explaining this
once, so play, pay attention.
So, we go around the circle
like Asian whispers, yeah.
Except when it's your turn, you're
gonna be hearing a secret question,
whispered in your ear.
And the answer's gonna
be someone in this circle.
So, um...
Most likely to fuck a possum?
- Charlie.
- Oi.
Fine. Sorry mate.
Most likely to be an asexual?
- Charlie.
- No.
Well which is it then?
MURPH: So we tell
everyone the question?
DYLAN: No.
Circles only gonna hear
the answer to the question.
I then flip a coin.
If it's heads,
then we all get to hear
the question, right?
But if it's tails, then nobody
gets to hear the question.
You may be the answer to a
question that you never hear.
That's why it's called...
Paranoia.
You don't have to play.
I want to play.
Everyone's playing!
[door slams]
[jazzy accordion]
[jazzy accordion continues]
Dylan.
Oh.
Heads, dick head.
Which of the boys
I'd most like to root.
You!
CHARLIE: I didn't
say 'boys', dude.
MURPH: Get over here!
I'm gonna get another drink.
Oi.
[tense accordion]
Louie.
Tails.
What? What does that mean?
What was the question?
It's a secret. I don't
have to tell you.
Louie.
Tails again.
Bad luck.
I think it's your turn, honey.
[music crescendos]
Um...
Louie.
Toss it.
Tails.
That's dreadful.
Bad luck.
[chorus of laughing kookaburras]
Charlie.
Heads.
Well, what then?
Most likely to fuck
a mate's sister.
DYLAN: it was a joke.
It was a joke.
- It was a joke.
- This isn't a fucking joke!
This is an attack.
This is a personal
fucking attack.
GRACE: What's going on, Charlie?
- You don't know me.
- No, I don't.
You don't fucking know me.
What are you fucking doing here?
Why are you even here?
Why are you even fucking here?
You fucking cumrat!
MURPH: What's the problem?
You said at dinner you're a virgin.
I am a virgin!
Fuck!
I am a virgin.
Okay? I'm a virgin.
I am a fucking virgin.
[dramatic violin]
I'm a virgin, okay?
Oh fuck.
I'm a fucking
virgin. I am a virgin.
Fuck.
[offbeat percussion]
[Windows XP error sound]
[dramatic violin]
[offbeat percussion]
[quietly laughs]
[dramatic violin]
[violin stops] Huh?
- What the fuck!
- Oh fuck!
- Oh fuck!
- You fucking cunt.
Yeah, big funny fucking prick.
Funny man.
Stop!
Charlie, stop!
Ah!
[bone crack]
CHARLIE: Ow!
[Dylan laughs]
Oh my fucking,
you fucking prick.
- [Dylan laughing]
- You just fucking...
Yeah, yeah. That's what
you get for fucking my sister!
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Ah!
Wet willy!
[Dylan screaming]
- You stupid cunt.
- You stupid cunt.
- You stupid.
- You stupid.
You stupid. You
stupid. You stupid, ah.
Oh, oh, oh yeah.
Oh, ah. Hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey, hey.
Fuck. Hey. I'm sorry.
Okay, let's just, let's
forget about it, yeah?
Let's just, let's just go.
Hey, let's go. Let's go.
Let's fuck him. Let's
go. Let's go right now.
- We'll do it now.
- Let's go.
- We'll just fucking go. Yeah.
- Let's fucking go.
Let's fucking go.
- Let's go.
- Let's go.
Let's go.
[excited laughing]
[heavy breathing]
I think we need to talk.
- Honey.
- Look, I...
[twig snaps]
[Irene screams]
[doom jazz]
[muffled screaming]
[guttural engine roars]
[doom jazz intensifies]
CHARLIE: Prawns! Prawns!
Prawns! Prawns! Prawns!
[maniacal laughter]
- Step on it, Dylan!
- Hey!
A little bit of appreciation
would be nice, alright.
We've a surprise for you!
[monkey sounds]
[Dylan roars]
[Dylan yells]
Farewell and adieu
to you Brisbane ladies
Ladies of Brisbane, for
we've received orders
- to sail for Old England!
- to sail for Old England!
We hope in some
time to see you again!
[singing trails off]
[doom jazz intensifies]
Cut the fucking spack-attack!
It's not happening.
The moment's passed.
- She needs me!
- Shut up, Louie! I'm trying to drive here!
Forget about her.
Here...
DYLAN: Breathe...
Breathe...
Breathe...
[doom jazz crescendo]
[oven timer] Ding!
[unsettling ambient score]
Irene!
[unsettling ambient score]
[distorted recording of
"Minnie The Moocher"]
She was a red hot
hoochie-coocher
She was the
roughest, toughest frail
But Minnie had a
heart as big as a whale
Hi-de-hi-de-hi-de-hi
(hi-de-hi-de-hi-de-hi)
- I'm not afraid, are you, Bimbo?
- No.
[creepy swing music]
[distant swing music]
[swing music grand finish]
[ute speeds away]
[ominous ambiance]
[alienesque murmurs]
[slow drum hits]
[slow drum hits continue]
[propulsive doom jazz]
[muffled yelling]
[Dylan voiceover] Ketamine!
It what the K stands for!
Special k-k-k-k-kay!
I don't even remember
what Irene looks like, anyway.
- Shut up, mate!
- Pressed pills; this is spaced-aged shit, boys!
We're going to the moon!
No nangs for me, boys.
I'm designated driver.
FUCK!
[blinker click]
[blinker click becomes bassline]
["Wind it Up" by
Mumbo Jumbo plays]
[dance floor excitement]
Now that fascists
are in control...
Oooohh... just friends!
Well, can you stop being
friends right in front of my friends?
You don't get to be friends
with guys like him anymore, okay.
That's just, that's
just how this works.
Just like I don't get to be friends
with girls who wanna fuck me, huh!
So wind it up! Let it go!
From Sydney Harbour to
the Gulf of Mexico Wind it up!
[laughing]
SAM: I should try waxing mine.
I wonder how that
affects the sweat, like...
IRENE: I guess we're
done, then, Louie.
I think you should leave.
Well...
[jangly keys land]
That's what I'm doing.
- Okay.
- Okay wait, wait, wait, wait.
Let me get this
straight. Okay, I'm...
I'm the villain here
because I see you...
- Stop.
- Find you...
Stop! Stop talking!
What does his
cock taste like, huh?
Was he a good fuck?
- I hope it was fucking worth it!
- STOP TALKING!
["Wind it Up" continues]
I've stopped
listening. I don't care.
I don't care anymore.
God, you're not
interesting to me anymore.
So boring.
You're so boring and
you never were interesting.
I'm done and we're done, okay?
I know that.
I know why you're with me.
I know how much
you love it here.
You'll be fine.
[melancholy cover
of "Wind it Up"]
[distant vocals] From Sydney
Harbour to the Gulf, the Gulf, the Gulf
of Mexico...
[music intensifies]
[Irene screams] AAAAHHHH!!
[bone-crunching impact]
[total silence]
[ephereal "Wind it Up" cover]
[distant vocals] So
wind it up... let it go...
[music intensifies]
[defibrillator charging]
[car horn]
[brief doom jazz]
Honey?!
Irene?!
Honey? Irene?
Honey? Irene.
HONEY!
- [Irene groans]
- Honey.
Hey, hey, hey
honey. Get up. Hey.
Charlie?
[piercing violin chorus]
Charlie, I love you.
Irene!
Honey!
Honey, can you hear me?
[demented kookaburra laughter]
Wanna be a member?
Wanna be a member?
[oven timer ding] No.
[wet surgical sounds]
[birds singing]
There he is.
There you are.
IRENE: Bit much to drink?
Bit much to drink. Yeah.
Where did you go last night?
Where were you?
I could ask you the same thing.
You weren't at the house.
Sam found me.
Brought me back.
Then I went to bed.
Where is he?
He had to leave first thing,
had to get back into town.
Are you okay?
I'm okay.
Don't worry about it.
CHARLIE: So it was real?
What happened
last night, it was real?
You mean the stuff
about Dylan's sister?
I mean, who gives a
shit, mate? It's old news.
I'm not talking about that.
You left before it happened.
It is so much worse.
[door closed]
Don't tell her, Charlie.
She should be leaving me.
Why?
You didn't kill anyone.
You didn't commit a crime.
It was just a bit of fun.
She already knows Louie.
That's why she's being like
this. I don't have a choice.
I'm just sitting here
waiting for it to happen.
Just wait...
til you find out what she knows.
You can make this work
for Charlie in the end.
You can come out on top in
ways you don't even realise
How?
I don't know. Tell
her you love her.
Tell her you'll break the
other arm, if she leaves you.
Tell her you deserve
a second chance.
We all deserve a second chance.
[pensive flute]
Shame it all went the way it
did last night. You're a, um...
you're a good guy
helping Louie out.
Just happy to be involved.
Mates like you can
get used, you know?
You gotta be careful. You
ever, you ever feel that way?
Course. I'm not dumb.
Friends are
temporary though, man.
You know, it might be, might be nice to
try something other than Louie for a while.
I don't know how to do that.
Go.
Just go.
Maybe I could go with ya?
Yeah?
Where do you want to go?
Home.
I wanna go home.
I was asking for a lift.
Yeah.
Too easy.
Cool.
I'll grab my stuff.
Fuck yeah.
[melancholy score]
[melancholy score continues]
I'm glad we did that.
Would you wanna do
something similar, for our thing?
Whatever you want.
I want to make the
decision together.
Can we maybe
stop talking, for a bit?
[melancholy score continues]
I should probably just tell
you exactly what happened.
I know you want to ask, So I
should probably just tell you.
You don't have to do that.
It was before I met you.
It wouldn't have
changed anything.
I never even met his sister.
From now on.
That's all I'm asking.
Forget anything else.
From today.
[melancholy score continues]
[ferry horn]
We'll get the next one.
You wanna go now?
Might be your last
chance for a while.
[seat belt slowly retracted]
[glove box clicks open]
[distant ferry horn]
[ferry horn]
[guttural ferry motor]
[gentle night ambiance]
[guttural ferry motor]
[ferry crossing] Ding!
Ding! Ding! Ding!
[dreamy marimba]